Watch What Crappens - #343: Resonating Toilets and Undead Moms

Episode Date: November 3, 2016

This episode is all about the strange turn of events on Below Deck. Did the Captain’s mom die and no one told him? Can Kelly string together a proper metaphor? Do toilets really resonate? Enjoy! Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Timestamps: 00 Crappens Mailbag Below Deck 20:15 Million Dollar Listing Mini 1:45:ish Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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We love you. Batch! Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens Podcast, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Yale Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV and the Rose Pricks Bachelor podcast and I'm here with the gorgeous Ben Mandelker of B-Side Blog and the Banter Blender and Ben. Who else is here? Brian. Brian. No Maria this month because we're at the improv. Did you say we're at the improv yeah today we are doing our monthly stay at the Hollywood Improv up in the Pioneer smoking room for our residency our two-hour residency at the Improv Yeah. That happens every month. It's our time in Westworld. Yeah. With Brian, our robot, our personal sex slave robot.

Yes. You should. I can only imagine the things we've done to him already today. Yeah. Sexually. He'll never know. He's like, could you please get me some coffee? That's all I need.

You cut my toenails. I can't reach. Everybody, welcome. If you want our links to find out everything i'm about to tell you just go to watch what crap and stop calm it's all there come to facebook.com slash watch what crap and to talk in the live feeds with everybody else we do live uh show threads and stuff so people leave some hilarious comments over there and also come over to patreon.com slash watch what crap and that's where you can become a premium subscriber.

And you get access to all our bonus episodes. We do one a week. And ringtones. And a Google Hangout. Lots of really fun stuff. Really fun stuff. In fact, last month on the Google Hangout, the viewers got the privilege of being able to watch me roast some vegetables. I'm sure they were thrilled.

You get to watch Ben eat a salad a day. Come on. While I tap dance. No, those are really fun. Everybody, thank you so much for listening to us. Hollywood Improv. What else do I have to say? That's it, right?

There's nothing left to say in this world except things about Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. So come on, then. Come on. Put on some mailbags. We're going to open up the mailbag, but we were too lazy to plug in the auxiliary cord today, so there's no mailbag music.

Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do I don't have it open, so you tell me what's in there. Okay. Well, we still have a... Yeah, okay. We have still plenty of things in the mailbag. We'll probably have to refill it after this episode. BetsyMD, one of our favorite doctors of all time, says, Two random musings.

I'm 99.9% sure I saw JD at my local Fresh Market store in lovely Cincinnati during Hurricane Matthew picking up some odd gourmet items. He was in a Vineyard Vines getup and scruffy, but I'm sure it was him. Seriously, I was too chicken to go up to him and say hi but gosh it made me wonder how your favorites on southern charm weathered the storm for sure amazon prime delivery was disrupted to katherine and landon probably nervously giggled her way to safety also madison is back as regular on million dollar listing la yes let us all share in the celebration yeah we'll we'll be talking about madison later today don't you worry brian am i blowing out your ears poor guy he's a robot so don't worry

broadway stage yelling and ben's like in npr i know very differently i'm reading this in the most npr voice possible that's because i'm like barely awake it's funny to see you because we don't see each other in real life that much. And I love seeing you with your little headphones and coffee in front of you. And you're very serious. I'm very serious today because I'm tired. I'm very, very tired today. But I'm going to wake up because I'm drinking this iced coffee. And before we answer Betsy and Dee's thing, we should mention that yesterday,

Ronnie and I went on a little field trip to Beverly Hills. Oh, yeah. And we walked by Villa Blanca where we well not really we more like i thought the star jay courtney the star of one of the diehard new diehards was sitting but it wasn't him what's a new diehard well because they're the old ones from the 80s and the early 90s and then there were like new diehards in the past like six or seven years oh was bruce willis still in it okay then it's okay yeah go ahead but then more importantly we went to kyle by eileen too and by we went to we just walked up to it and took a

picture and then left but we did it all on facebook live so you come onto our facebook page you can see the entire the entire exciting from kyle by eileen to have been in the die hard movie yeah both the 80s and the more recent they're used they're used in the later part of the movie when they're all like tattered and bloody and they're just like oh but there's also a lot of those like fake fur collar things you know that all the bad russian ladies wear and die hard and in real life on fairfax boulevard it's something i could really see bonnie badelia in right wasn't she in the first i think bonnie badelia was in every movie from that time she was like everybody's wife like he was kind of suspicious yeah but also

courting japanese businessmen and trying to make a good impression for her career and then discovering that really what matters is family and kyle byline two fashions bonnie badelia taught us so much and then left who knows who knows bonnie badelia i honestly she's probably working in the kyle by aline two fashions bonnie bedelia taught us so much and then left who knows who knows bonnie bedelia i honestly she's probably working in the kyle by aline too yeah maybe she's like she probably lives in one of these bungalows right here by the improv you know faye dunaway lives like literally two blocks away from here i'm convinced faye dunaway is the crazy bitch with the huge trees that she put in pots right on top of the sidewalk and they say like if your dog pees here it will learn a lesson i would like to see faye dunaway in the die hard franchise i'd like to see i can imagine that she probably

auditioned for the bonnie badiglia part i think it's bonnie badiglia who's in that movie i am taking a meeting yes with a japanese businessman surely you cannot be trying to take us all hostage i mean did you see my work in chinatown i was brilliant in it i love that you're i love that yours is luann that's faith i told you no more wire hangers would you believe it i'm getting married to someone from the jay giles band would you believe it i've adopted a child who will eventually turn on me would you believe it i had to kiss marlon barrando late in life and one don one don juan del marco i'm playing out all my fate down the way deep deep references oh my anyway they don't know it goes to that starbucks i've told you that before

i feel like i've said that on here i think we i think every night i think everyone in starbucks is terrified of fate down the way because she walks in in a gigantic sun hat you know those hats yes because she's about to go out to the fields afterwards yes like the lisa vanderpump i do it so i don't have to get too close to people it's like the faye dunaway version and everyone's terrified of her they're like well we better have some almond milk today motherfuckers faye up in here i feel like every nine months we resurrect our faye dunaway stories we just sort of like it's like it's like oral history. Make sure they're never forgotten.

We just tell the same stories over and over again. And I always tell the story about how I went to a frozen yogurt shop, and she got one of those things that was like a quart or whatever, those giant, giant things, and she filled it all the way up with frozen yogurt, and then paid, and then she left in a Toyota Tercel or something. Yeah, that's what I like to think of Faye Dunaway. It all came down to a Toyota Tercel or something. Yeah. It's sad. That's what I like to think of Faye Dunaway. Yeah. It all came down to a Toyota Tercel at the end.

But then the contestant from A&TM showed up in a Mercedes. And I thought, this world is messed up. That Faye Dunaway is in a regular car, a Toyota or a Honda, and an A&TM girl is in a Mercedes. Yes, but that bitch from A&TM is broke. That's true. Faye Dunaway doesn't understand car leases you know this is like a different time where you can just drive a jaguar around and you pay the rent on it you know well fade down away also probably is like well have you seen my car it's actually from japan

yes it's it's called a toyota i learned about these from a japanese businessman Japanese businessman! So the answer is... How does Catherine Dennis fare in the hurricane? What if the mailbag question was, do you guys have any Faye Dunaway stories? I like that we have the same two Faye Dunaway stories. But, you know, we're so lucky

to have Faye Dunaway stories. We are! We are! I actually think that is a profound point. How lucky are we? How lucky are we are i actually think that is a profound point how lucky are we how lucky are we honestly to have fades anyway stories it's not like you just everyone has them but we're lucky that we have them i remember watching mommy dearest with some gays when i was like 15 like older gays who were putting me through gay college you know like showing me all the oldies and stuff and i remember thinking why are these queens laughing at child abuse this is the most

disturbing thing that woman is horrifying and now i saw her in a starbucks erma gird if i had a time machine i would have pooped on that couch yeah she's supposed to be absolutely terrifying okay southern charm so southern charm okay so the question from betsy md uh was how do we think that uh that that catherine the cast Charm, how do you think they dealt with Hurricane Matthew? Well. This is from three weeks ago. Jeez, how long is this crap in mailbag? I'm sorry it's taken so long, everyone.

I was going to say, did they have another story? They're like, if the cast of Southern Charm was there during Hurricane Katrina, we're all complaining about the FEMA response. Thomas! What do you think Catherine from Southern Charm thinks about President Reagan and the Iran-Contra affair? I don't know. I like Iran, but I like the game Contra. I don't know. I like to run, but I don't like to think of the past. Iran, live in the present. I think Catherine is probably hiding in that plexiglass crib she bought from Amazon Prime and never got to use.

Because her child was taken away, which is so horrible to joke about. Sorry, drug-addicted lady that I love on TV. If anyone can fare well in a hurricane it's katherine because the hurricane for her would be a very literary thing sort of like in their eyes we're watching god the big hurricane that comes through it's like this and she just will come through as this like woman of the south who loses everything but her and her hair is swept and her dress is blowing the wind but she clutches her baby or or a box from amazon prime and she looks at destruction around her and she vows to rise again i will never eat tv dinners

again i was gonna say i'll never eat radishes again like gone with the wind but i feel like catherine would totally eat radishes again put some thousand island on it i've never seen gone with the wind so i don't know about this radish reference. Is it radishes? I hope so. Otherwise, it's strange. I think it's radishes. Because she has to dig shit out.

Are we 90-year-old queens in here? We're talking about Faye Dunaway and Gone with the Wind. And Bonnie Bedelia. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry to all the young queens who are horrified about their like... No, we are educating them on things that I've never seen. Just think, to the young queens, like, Miley Cyrus is their Faye Dunaway. Okay, everybody ponder. I think that Patricia from Southern Charm, thankfully, has all those flamingos left over from her flamingo party.

has all those flamingos left over from her flamingo party and i have a feeling that the pre-storm when everybody else was shuttering the windows and like making grilled cheeses to last or whatever or running the grocery store to buy milk you know i think she probably had michael the butler like blowing up fucking flamingos because you know she never bought like an automatic blower up her thing she was probably relaxing on her divan during the entire storm where the martini says well you know when there's a good southern storm you need to have a martini and i know someone who makes an excellent one michael she rings the bell and he's like in a tree yes ma'am i'll be there right one moment sir ma'am when he shows up with his guitar reenop concert here we go it's like what's going on he's trying to get electrocuted just so his face will start working again

um okay um cassandra says i'm following real housewives of auckland and i can't wait for you guys to watch and recap love you guys south african living in south korea well i think this accent might work for you named darlin it's my general every place i don't understand that's not england okay oh i cannot wait for that show we'll cover that in five years when it's finally released in effing america you know real housewives of cheshire is on like season four or something i know i wonder when any i I wonder if Auckland's going to come to Bravo. I assume it would. Because they sent Ramona there for the premiere.

They sent her? Or she just found out on Instagram and showed up? Because that's so Ramona. Let's face it. There's a Zealand coming out, and it's new. Okay? I was just here for the hot opening of the Creighton Barrels. Okay?

It just happened by here. It probably is in the Creighton Barrels. Okay? It just happened by here. It probably is in a Creighton Barrel because you know overseas they love stores like that. They make them seem like they're Saks Fifth Avenue. Well, I heard there was a premiere at a Z Gallery. And you know what? My mother always used to say, if you can't have an A, B, or C Gallery, make sure you have a z gallery because you never want to rely on a man's d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y galleries okay any sam's club that will have me in a mem as a member i don't want to be a part of okay whoa whoa this is crazy whoa being here in new zealand reminds me

of when i was a little girl i went to a supermarket and I was like, hey, can I have a kiwi? And Geraldine Parsons-Smith was like, no, it'll make you fat and you're already too fat as it is. So to this day, I've never had a kiwi, but here I am in New Zealand after all. Whoa, that's crazy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We'll never eat radishes again. Hey,

give me the gas. Let's face it. Let's face it. I'll never be a French girl eating radishes with butter and salt. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But stay class A. Stay class A. Everyone says the Auckland is really juicy and good.

And I love all the overseas, like a radish. From the ground. Straight from the ground. They lick the dirt off first. Welcome to my radish party. They're so hardcore, those hobbits that's their radish charity party yeah um uh benjamin cohen says i've been following caroline fleming and shannon bedore on instagram both of them seem seem to always be in some state of detox

considering their diets what on earth are they doing to toxify themselves in the first place that is a very good question it's called alcohol okay alky hall shannon needs a brita filter put into her throat i mean the amount of vodka that that woman drinks and then needs hospital great air how about you put the franzia down fold up the box and get a bottle of water and caroline fleming is clearly having too much compte when she goes back to the homeland isn't it so lovely they once brought me compte from across town because they didn't have any they know i love it so much i feel like caroline fleming walks around the sidewalks barefoot too much trying to make everyone think she's a hippie and gets like glass in her feet she has to like detox from the poor people and you'll pick it out

later yeah i don't know i like definitely shannon madora she definitely drinks like a fish for sure She has to like detox from the poor people. And you'll pick it out later. Yeah, I don't know. Like definitely Shannon Medora, she definitely drinks like a fish for sure. But Caroline Fleming, I think, you know, I can't imagine what toxins she has. I think it's just the general malaise of just being wealthy and fabulous. It's from her annual Cheeto party. Yeah, I had too many Frito fingers, so I had to detox my fingernails. I did a detox

and orange pee came out. Actually, in a similar vein, our last question of the mailbag. Joseph says, Hi Ben and Ronnie. In the spirit of Ladies of London and Real Houses of Beverly Hills returning soon, would you be able to do a special Clear the Phlegm, but with

Lisa Rinna's Instagram? Her feed is filled with cheesy Facebook mom memes. Love you and thanks. Should we pull up Lisa Rinna's Instagram here? Sure. Oh gosh, this is some prep work now. I know. Okay, now while we're doing this, I think we should talk about

the second act of Gone with the Wind. Okay. Alright, what I've heard about it is doing this i think we should talk about the second act of gone with the wind okay all right what i've heard about it is that atlanta burns down i'm kidding look it up mother effa okay she makes curtains out of clothes um also i wanted to point out kelly from below deck i saw his twitter today hi love you kelly yeah his twitter today is like oh look i'm carving pumpkins on my instagram so of course i was like boner time it was like the first thing i saw so i was like okay i'm gonna so

go get a boner and he's like sitting there with a pumpkin with his arm around some blonde girl what what the hell who do you think you are why would you post that on instagram it's very disappointing yeah kelly your whole brand is pining from afar we can't have you actually get a woman so lisa rena says hey hey own it baby if you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for the rest of your life would you choose hard or soft tacos and that was like the meme and then her caption is a taco so she is a little non-committal on that front well we know the choice she made her first picture is her in like this ball gown and it says my 2016 to 2017 housewife look baby and i'm like wow cream color what a statement

it's all happening everybody in the words of the great Sheena Marie of Vanderpump Rules. It's all happening. In another meme, Lee Serena says, I do not have ducks. I do not have a row. I have squirrels, and they're at a rave. And then emojis of three squirrels laughing so hard you're crying, and then a hug. I feel bad for the people who never go crazy. Scrawled on a wall.

All right. I am a nasty woman, and I vote. Expensive shoes. I like the Yolanda threat ones, where it's like this subtle threat to Yolanda. She's not like, you know, it's not like a tick farm or anything. Right.

But there are pictures of her beautiful blonde daughter that she's like, look at my beautiful supermodel daughter. I'm like, oh my God. I don't even think that girl wants to model. She probably wants to just do musicals. But Lisa Rinna is like, we are fucking with Yolanda.

Yeah. Okay. I think so. So I think that's that's it for the the mailbag we'll put up a new one uh soon for people to to write into uh and remember if you want to um submit to the mailbag or if you want to weigh in our little crap and super fight thing which is our stupid little thing that we do on on tuesdays um you go to patreon and you sign up it's the same it's the same tier. And we like it when people write to us. I'm so sorry. I know it's over.

But this is the reason that no matter what happens, you always got to love Lisa Rinna. One of her memes is, drunk girls in bathrooms are the most empowering and supportive people on the planet. We should all be more like drunk girls in bathrooms. I'm like, yes. On your knees and crying? Just not with tacos. All right, let's close with a mailbag. Ding, dong, dong, dong, dong.

Ding, ding, ding. All right. Today we are going to do a massive Bolo deck cover. Bolo cover. Pull cover. It was actually longer this week. 15 minutes longer. It was 15 minutes longer, which in Watch What Crappens time translate to an hour and a half of podcast. That's right.

Longer. We did not watch Reza's show this week. Sorry. I'm so sorry. So white people forget to watch my show. We can imagine what happened. There was a woman who lives in like Bismarck and then her boyfriend lives 15 minutes away. It's close to his job, but she wants to still be in the city near like restaurants. They have to decide.

So her house, it's too cluttered. There are too many like tchotchkes around from her childhood because she loves collecting little pound puppy dolls. And he, it's just too cold. He's in the financial industry, and he's very cold and has a gay guy looking loft, even in Bismarck.

Because have you noticed all the husbands live in a gay loft? Every one of them has. Well, in the two episodes that we've watched. So Reza is going to show them a tiny apartment in downtown Bismarck, which they'll be like, wow, this is amazing, even though it's the size of a closet. Because even at Bismarck, there's a house in Crunch.

And then he shows them a huge house that's on a farm in like 45 minutes away. And it's huge, but it's super far away. And then Taylor comes in and she to make the girl feel more like she's back in the city with her pound puppies she actually mounts a dog on the wall and puts a facade on the um warehouses across the street the u-haul warehouses across the street so she'll feel more like she's living in westchester yeah and then um to her plays she gets rid of all the pound puppies and and she puts in um she puts in like a slab of concrete to make it seem modern for the guy

and then in the final five minutes of the show they skype in from a from a green screen studio and they're like we loved what you did we couldn't believe res at the places you showed us were amazing when i saw that closet in downtown bismarck i thought this is where i want to be and then when i saw the farmhouse three hours away i thought it's really not that far away and then we decided you know what both are perfect so let's move to south carolina Then it started raining. My wife drowned. Thank you.

And this is her reanimated corpse. And then Reza's like, well, I didn't sell anything. And I didn't design anything. But it looks like everybody's happy. Job well done. The end. The end. Bye.

Okay, so Below Deck. What a weird episode of below deck my god i mean there were all sorts of the halloween episode yeah this is kind of like the end of their recording season i would guess i mean it doesn't have that much longer to go yeah and i think at this point was when they were putting out the ad set in backstage, like, would anybody like to take a cruise? Anybody? Yeah. Anybody want to take a cruise? It's like in the back of the penny saver.

And people are like, oh, hell no. I'm going to get chlamydia or some shit on that boat. I feel like they, I think they just double booked this episode by accident. Like some, some segment producers was like, okay, I got these great psychics. And then Bravo was like, okay, by the way, we need to do some cross synergies. So can you put the people's couch gaze on like uh i guess we could put them all together because they look like a group that hangs out all the time made no sense none of those people well the gays all looked like they hang out obviously and they all talk the same and and one of them

the gays one of them came to our party where there will be like whoa what girl yeah and then everyone's like they said it in gay voice one of them came to our 300th party actually which one um the one that has like that weird hair which one no not scott not scott no i think it's emerson they're very nice um that haircut that's like the little twinks? The one that has the aggressive... That's sort of like the 1970s, early 80s like Pageboy haircut a little bit. Like... Oh, like the monkey's hair?

The guy with the monkey's hair? Yeah, like a one-day-at-a-time sort of hair. Bonnie Franklin hair. Oh my god, he's so cute. I'm mentioning all the Bonnies from the 70s now. Daddy? We even got a laugh from the peanut gallery yeah so the gays were there and they're like look we're rich we have jobs and we're like oh come on yeah how much money you got you want the people scotch i mean it's like us being on there people would be we'd be like oh we brought

ziplocs just be putting all the dinner in the Ziplocs. Although I think all those guys have real jobs doing something fantastic. Kate Chastain tweeted, I think last week, saying how she wishes that we were on the yachts, that we were charter guests. And I was like, wouldn't that be awesome, actually,

if Bravo hit us up and was like, hey, you guys, do you want to go on to Below Deck? And I was like, this could actually happen. And then I saw this episode, and I was like, no. Once again, they chose the pretty gays from People's Couch. We always lose out to the pretty gays. Well, maybe we could. You know, there's fat gay cruises. Well, you're not fat, but I could rep.

Because there's fat gay cruises where my friend Jeremy goes on them. Because he's like a factivist. He's not into facts. I was about to say or facts paper yeah like all these gay big guys go on cruises and they're like yeah and they all like wear little g-string things and he always posts pictures of the factories we can go on the fat below deck and you can be my skinny friend fat deck yeah below fat yeah it's not even a boat it's just people hiding under my stomach while i'm laying down it's just taking a ferry to satin island let's be honest instead of ben there's just like a needs hot dogs

listen the cruise lasts i don don't know, 20 minutes? I'm thinking of making peanut M&M's and hot dogs. Alright. We got soft drinks here and some peanuts. Is this your first snack? Is this your breakfast or is it your lunch? It's just my first snack of the

day. Could you just please tell me what meal this is for you? This is the Fat Cruise, okay? It's a meal all day. It's a brula dinner snack. It's just all one big meal that never ends. Oh, what a life. I love living it. There.

I just answered your Instagram question, Lisa Rinna. There is my choice. Would I rather eat a taco every day or be skinny for the rest of my life your answer is in the mail um so should we start off this as below deck um yes below deck is one of those shows that has so many quick cuts between the scenes they're like look someone's sweeping look someone's swiffering look someone's ironing like so many maids doing things that i keep writing the title of the paragraph down i'm like ben and kelly bunk and then nothing happened yeah i have

that too it's like just a lot of little yeah i was like maybe slow down i will say that i feel like this episode they had more kelly changing his shirt cutaways than they've ever had before it was like every other scene was like kelly's eating cereal. Then it's like montage, 24 montage. It's a pain of him like changing his shirt. And then it's like then it's him like looking out on the sea, looking concerned. And it's like, oh, he's changing his shirt again. And they probably edited these in the focus group. You know, have you ever done a focus group?

You have, right? Like years ago. So you guys, when you do a focus group, you go in there and you sit in these chairs. And in front of you, they have knobs. And you turn them right when you're happy and left when you're not and you're just constantly turning knobs and i feel like people are like oh my god they're emptying mop water again and then kelly takes off his shirt and they're like right to the right to the right whatever happens in this episode someone spills something on kelly's shirt yeah someone you know give him

the wrong shirts on accident so he has to keep taking them off and putting other shirts on to try on new shirts whoever's doing that thank you also do you know what they're obsessed with on this show nico getting out of bed they love nico getting out of bed five times a day have we caught him with a coming out of bed boner the whole thing is nico getting out of bed he time. Yeah, I know. I'm surprised he hasn't complained yet about, like, the process of getting out of sheets and into, like, a non-bed space. And, like, I don't know why they make me do that. Like, I can do it on my own. Why are my sheets faded?

So it starts off with, speaking of bunks, there's awkwardness in the bunks with Ben and Kelly and also Kate and Lauren. Everyone is not talking. with Ben and Kelly and also Kate and Lauren. Everyone is not talking. Kate says that Kate basically wants an apology from Lauren from last episode because Lauren interrupted her when she was doing a safety demonstration. And she's also

unhappy with Nico and I'm like, this is bad, guys. You can't have Kate not liking you because it's just going to get worse. She's not, as is mentioned later in this episode, you don't want kate as your enemy nope and um nico finds that out when he passes kate ironing with her glasses and she's like and then that's it it's like this is the most dramatic ironing scene i've ever seen he's like

he's like it's like oh girl nothing like some passive-aggressive irony. Meanwhile, Ben and Emily are having, like, a very British giggle fest. They're like, oh, scrumpets. You know, they're just, like, just being so thoroughly polite. I mean, it's honestly, like. Did you enjoy the date? Was it fun? She's like, it was fun.

Was it fun for you? It was fun. It was? It was fun? It was fun. Was it fun for you? was fun it was it was fun it was fun was it fun for you it was great fun it's like the secret garden but there's like no secret ever it's just a garden with like two people giggling in the middle you're like why am i still watching that it's

like pbs essentially it's like it's basically like some adrian lynn movie from the 80s, but in a PBS filter. Is one of your wives dead? Like, if we're going to secret garden this, bring out the ghosts. Meanwhile, Kyle is still walking around. He's still mad at Sierra. He's still mugged off. I'm mugged off. I'm mugged off.

I'm mugged off about Sierra. I like that his emotions are all related to, like, a Nescafe sheet. I got a dark roast in my head i'm about to grind it i'm about to grind espresso roast oh shit he's about to blow everybody you don't want to see my crema right now i'm about to put some corn syrup in that bitch. We talked yesterday when we were on our Beverly Hills field trip. We passed this Nescafe store. And Ben's like, look at the coffee store.

I mean, it is so fancy. And I was like, whoa, that's a coffee store? He told me the story of the Nescafe store. It's like super Beverly Hills and fancy. And you have, I mean, I don't know. It's huge. That's why Nescafe is in my head now. I can with that i'm like that's cafe really is it i can't remember if it's nescafe or nespresso i get them confused oh but either way ready to get sued but either way this gigantic

flagship store in beverly hills is two stories tall um like it's just gigantic and fancy and they're shirt and tie i was telling ronnie beforehand then we walked by and ronnie's like oh my god and the thing is it's so fancy it looks like you are about to spend five thousand dollars or maybe you're just gonna like emerge with keys or rolls royce but in the end all you're doing is buying like a ten dollar sleeve of like little pods coffee pods that's all that it is little coffee pods full of kyle anger it's like going to staples and like just trying to buy like a like a ream of paper, but the entire Staples store is just fancy and people in shirt and ties.

It's like, class-based. Would you like to try on this Staples set? No, just put it in a fucking bag. I don't need to see how it staples, fool. It's the sort of place where they point at the merchandise with two fingers together. They do like this. They're like, well, over here. The two finger point.

The two finger point, so it's not as aggressive like well over here we have our dark roast and this is a medium roast it's what we call the french roast and over here is our bellissima and just give me some give me a fucking sleeve of coffee pods already like here's my ten dollars but even worse of the douchebag sitting in the front of the nest cafe like oh so so so meeting meeting meeting meeting oh business business acting acting directing producing i'm like no meeting meeting oh business business acting they're not actually producing i'm like no it's a fucking coffee pod they're not directors and producers there the people that are in there are like the tourists or like it's like there's a huge amount

of like euro trash in beverly hills and they're all right there in the girl we were in the elevator with this persian the size of a mall yesterday he was not happy with anything around him. He was like, his sunglasses cost like $5 million. And I was like, that is how to be rich. He's wearing like $5 million on his face. He's fatter than me when I'm 50 because you know that's going to happen. I'm going to get so fat, you won't be able to pull me out the trailer.

They're going to have to cut me out. That guy's living my dream. He won't be pulled out of a trailer. He will have a room big enough for him and it made me so jealous all right below deck below deck speaking of rooms big enough for people so um so kyle is he's he's all pissed at sierra and but you know what sierra's right she says that kyle expected too much from that date which is funny considering later developments. So then, anyway, Kelly gets called into Captain Lee's office. Oh my gosh, you're going so fast.

Well, I didn't know what else was... There's really important things happening right now in this show. Stop, tell me, tell me. I was just skittering around. I just forgot what I wrote down. Sierra and Emily were taught, she's like, Are you really happy with the day? How was the day? And Emily's like, you really happy with the day how was the day and Emily's like it was wonderful what a gentleman I've just loved him what a conversation it was such a wonderful

date and then they cut to footage of the date and he's like volley view francais and she's like oh that's so romantic and he's like would you like to have a kiss she's like, oh, that's so romantic. And he's like, would you like to have a kiss? She's like, I don't know if I'm ready for it. Not now. Not while we've been discussing Dill. Well, it's like I always say, Dill has a time and a place. And this here is like, well, yesterday Kyle came in and kicked off to kelly and he said he doesn't

talk to birds i guess that's like an english term and emily's like horrified she's like kicked off and you're a bird she's like totally scandalized sierra didn't even know what was happening i I must go play on my pianoforte at the moment. Oh, yeah. So she's basically like, I don't understand why Kyle's acting like a girl. Which is true. She's like, I made it so clear to Kyle that I wasn't interested. And then they show clips of her being like, group fishing date.

And then sitting on the other side of the guts sink on their fishing date. She did. She did make it perfectly clear. And he, I mean, he probably was pressured by the producers to take her on that date that's probably what it was i mean i don't know i don't get it i don't understand why he's so pissed off like she did not send any mixed signals she was pretty did when they were first talking she because he's like oh do you look she like, she couldn't understand him. So in her mind, he was giving like Backstreet Boys lyrics, you know? But in his mind, he was like, I like your edits.

So she thought it was being romantic until she started, people started translating what he was actually saying. And she's like, that guy's a loser. Yeah. So I think then is when Kelly gets called into Captain Lee's office, right? Yeah. Hey, Kelly. I am not happy. So I think then is when Kelly gets called into Captain Lee's office, right? Yeah. Ah! Hey, Kelly.

I am not happy with what happened last night. Because if we all remembered, there was a pizza problem. The pizza trail comes back down. I mean, it's like every 10 minutes, like, Kelly gets called into Captain Lee's office, and he complains about what happened last night. I am looking up a link that was sent to us that is Captain. No, I'm not free. I told you I'm not going to be free today or tomorrow.

Why are you texting me? This is why I have my phone turned upside down at all times. Okay. It's annoying and it's rude. If I say I'm busy, I'm busy. Stop calling me. I don't need to hear about your date every damn day. And we're too old to be talking about boys.

Okay. That's exactly what Captain Lee said. If I say I'm busy, I'm busy. I'm too old to talk about boys right now. I'm actually looking up Captain Lee's blog on bravotv.com. So while you look that up, Captain Lee's big issue was

he's like, now it's been twice that there's been a food. At first there was the sushi that was left out. Then the pizza happens again. You can find everyone downstairs and no one gets to come up from underneath the yacht. I mean, first we're talking about sushi, then there's pizza. That's not only a stomachache,

that's a mess in the toilet. How are you supposed to clean the windows when you've got food on the floor everywhere? You do this again, you're staying in your tin cans. You're not coming out unless it's time to put up the slide or time to clean up someone else's sushi. And Kelly's

like, yes sir, I will handle it. He's like, yeah, you'll handle it, or I'll put a handle on your luggage so you can carry it to the Southwest Airlines section of the airport because we're going to have a plane ticket home! Okay, this... With multiple stops. They don't call it the bus in the sky for no reason, kid.

So this is Captain Lee's blog. It's actually kind of long, so when you get bored of it, just say, you know, text me and ask me if I'm free to talk yet. And then I can rant and start screaming and we'll know what I'm talking about. Okay. Okay. Because it's long, but it is funny. Because I don't really read the Bravo blogs. Well, never regularly regularly but i read them

sometimes during housewives because they're fun but i don't think i've ever read a below deck blog so here we are why captain lee wanted to part ways with ben i don't know where to start off with this first First off, I must say I'm embarrassed by some of the behavior of my crew. I offer my apologies to our guests. They deserve better. No matter what your beliefs about mediums or the hereafter are, or how anyone may or may not communicate with them, your opinion as crew does not matter.

I would never voice my opinions to them, even if I didn't agree with their beliefs. You need to be neutral as charter crew. Anything less, Not acceptable. I found some of my crew's behavior arrogant and condescending. Totally condescending. Go camps. Congratulations to the Cubs. You know what?

You had your fun last night. Back to work today. I don't care how many World Series you won after how many centuries, okay? Back to work today, Cubs. Hey, Cubs, how about for once you grow up and become a bear? Yeah, how about you act like a bear? How about you act like you're a football player? Bears in that city, okay?

How about stop acting like a cub, Cubs? Cubs don't play bills. Cubs don't sweep floors. Cubs don't pick up their sushi. Bears do. How about this? I don't want to hear anything more about the curses, okay? We're running a yacht, Cubs.

We don't need to be cursing like sailors, even, okay? We're running a yacht, Cubs. We don't need to be cursing like sailors even though we're on a boat. Okay, Cubs? So I'll skip some of this. He goes to Lauren. Where in the world do you get off as a junior deckhand making demands on anyone in front of senior staff? The overheated panini maker was a direct result of you demanding a grilled cheese at an hour when... At an hour when you should have

taken your drunken ass to bed. I now call to witness then the panini maker. Panini maker, can you point to the woman who made a direct request for grilled cheese inside of you? If the glove don't fit,

you must put it in the goddamn panini maker at a decent hour. Right? You're gonna burn down the boat. Why don't fit, you must put it in the goddamn panini maker at a decent hour. Right? You're going to burn down the boat. Why don't you eat a goddamn sandwich when you're on dry land, not on the boat? Then you descend on the pizza. And in your drunkenness, you don't realize that you're leaving a trail up to my wheelhouse. And then, in the aftermath, you think that because you didn't know it since you were drunk, you have a what's-the-big-deal attitude.

This behavior is, guess what it is unacceptable so good okay miko in what world would you defend someone who didn't secure a line and let the pool float away and i'm not i'm not talking about Mrs. Pool here. She's a classy lady, so don't bring her into it. I'm talking about the pool. As in the critter pool, the critter-free pool. But you know what, though? If you get in, I think there might be a critter in that pool because you're a real problem, Nico. There's probably some pizza crumbs in it.

Nothing begs for critters like pizza crumbs. Pizza crumbs in the ocean. Not acceptable. Not goddamn acceptable at all. Where do you as junior deckhand get off questioning me? Kelly was not even on board at the time. I stood on the aft bridge deck and watched it all unfold. Lines were not tied properly.

We all knew it. But you wanted to undermine Kelly even though Kyle was at fault. You did well with the panini maker. Well done. But to stand up for Kyle when he clearly messed up is indefensible. Kelly tried to let you know, blah, blah, blah. There's not another unacceptable in there. He's basically auditioning for a judge show, and I would totally watch it.

I would too. Judge Captain Lee. You said you were going to pay her back that $20 and you didn't. I ruled that this is unacceptable. Don't piss on my god and tell me there's not a better place to moor. Don't put a critter on my pool and call it a critter-free pool.

Don't leave a trail of pizza and tell me it's just a pattern of our new rugs. Then he moves on to Kyle. Kyle, I don't really care how many babies you have. Whether you hook up with Sierra, with men, with women, or both, I do care how you do your job and interact with my guests. It's not about you and your history or where you live or lived or your story. Trust me when I tell you, you are not the sole driver in how much tips we get. If you think you are the

sole driver of our tips, you are sadly mistaken. Don't overinflate your self-worth. And then he goes on and on and on. I'll tell you what, you need to overinflate the critter free pool before it floats away forever, Kyle. Now put your shoulder back in and fetch it he ends his kyle with to say the least i'm disappointed and by the way get over sierra she hasn't she isn't into you and it sounds like you already have someone waiting back home so get over yourself jeez i'm loving this man kelly's is basically kelly you haven't had it easy but i'm not quitting on you okay oh that's nice i mean it's a long paragraph, but it's basically that. And then Kate.

Kate, I was not pleased with your confrontation with Ben in the galley. You need to rise above that, as it was not the time nor the place. Has anyone seen The Panini Maker? Get on it, Kate! And I'm not talking about the goddamn George Foreman grill. That's a totally different machine. He basically, I mean, it's a totally different machine um he basically i mean it's a little go off i think just to prove that he's fair and we'll go off on kate as well um and

who is the last one okay ben oh my god so then he unloads and now this is really long but we don't have to do the whole thing but ben what in the world am i ever going to do with you? So he starts like, nice job. What do you do with a problem like Ben? And hey, whatever happened to Maria? What did they do with a problem called Maria, huh? Did somebody ever go to the hills and see what that stupid lady was doing

spinning around up there? God damn it, get back on the yacht. It's not your playtime up in those mills. I don't know Julie Andrews, but I know one thing. The woman's dizzy. All right? Let me tell you what some of my favorite things are. Being acceptable and doing the right thing and not talking to the guests.

Playing countertops. No pizza on the floor. No sushi in the yacht. Nike sneakers with no socks. Rules. Rules. And then rules. Because it rhymes with rules. Also Rules. Rules. And then rules, because it rhymes with rules.

Also rules and rules. These are a few of my favorite rules. Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, bari, lari. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month.

Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August, 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights.

She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world.

Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Grey's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost?

Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Don't worry me if I sold a Rolls Royce. Climb every yacht. Climb every slide. good luck with that the way these idiots blow it up you probably will be able to crevices all over the place least professional slide crew i've ever seen in my life unacceptable these goddamn deckhands put the sliding upside down now you

go up instead of going down it i mean, that's unacceptable. Okay, so Ben. Your job is to prepare exquisite meals for guests that pay a great deal of money to eat them, and you do that so well. Does it really make a difference whether they call it brunch or breakfast? They're eating at different times. It's not easy on anyone, but you seem to be the only one with your nose

out of joint, what it's called. Please stop with the nitpicking. You're a brilliant chef, but your personal life and opinions have no place here, nor do your arrogant, condescending attitudes towards our guests. You may express your opinions to Emily or anyone else in private about our guests. I can't prevent that.

So fun. Is it fun? Oh, I love this monologue. It's really wonderful. It's like I'm about to... Yes, it's fun. Yeah. I can't

prevent that, but to set out to deliberately humiliate a client and embarrass her intentionally was so over the line. Had I been there and witnessed it as soon as the charter was over, you would have received a plane ticket out of there. Totally unacceptable

behavior from a senior crew member who's there to serve at the client's pleasure. Clients who, by the way, pay us at least through an agent or a loan. Or through the network that is producing a TV show that's encouraging guys. So unacceptable. And it's basically this huge paragraph going off on Ben. Like, what do you care about a future with him? I mean, what the heck, Emily? He just goes on and on.

And then he's like, and Emily, why'd you tell him that was acceptable? That wasn't acceptable. And Emily, there is a time and a place for dill, and it's every single day. So get your goddamn head out of your ass and enjoy some dill for once. Why a senior member of the staff is asking his girlfriend about dills beyond me. Listen, next time you decide to run through the rain to Netherfield and you get sick over at Mr. Bingley's place, I hope you think twice about it because now we're one person down, Nemaly. I'm going back to Pride and Prejudice whenever I can.

I read that book. I'm going to make as many references as I can out of it. Hey, Kyle, you can have as many drag queens as you'd like, but drag your ass and you've got a plane ticket home. Unacceptable! That's mostly that. I mean, that was only a quarter of it, you guys, and that was an hour long. We are also only five minutes into the show,

the recap of the show so um so now kate and uh kate and uh ben are bitching about kelly which is fun um and kate is saying how basically she's saying that kelly is self-interested because this is in the wake of that whole fight with sierra and again the entire time i'm typing this what's hard is when i'm writing my notes it's always like sometimes we entire time I'm typing this, what's hard is when I'm writing my notes, it's always like, sometimes we write down things almost on spec of what's going to happen because it's like, oh, Kate is talking to Ben about Kelly.

Oh, they're going to have a fight later on. And they never really did have a fight, but I was very scared for Kelly at that moment, you know, because I was like, again, Kate is like, she's gearing up. She's been too nice all season. And now she's getting mad at people. We're going to get to see the side of kate that we love so dearly yes and it's you know like we said towards the end of shooting

and kelly has not really cried or anything like he hasn't really had too much of a breakdown yet and everyone knows it's coming at some point yeah yeah he does a good breakdown yeah um and then meanwhile nico and lauren are outside on the deck and they're just like laughing about like yeah do you remember how like kate tried to like yell at you last night she's like oh yeah this is ridiculous this is kate you know and they're just like laughing i'm like are you people crazy it's kate she will get you no matter what it's like it's like final destination you can outrun kate as long as you as as as you want, but she will find you and she will get you. I like when Kate said, Kelly is a porcelain angel.

He gets all the girls. He gets all the accolades. But we're in week eight. He has no girls and no accolades. So watch out. So maybe he's not porcelain after all. Maybe he's just like chalk. Actually, so then this is when Kelly comes in.

He interrupts Kate and Ben. And he's like, he basically is like, yeah, sorry about last night. He kisses Kate's ass. And then he tells us, he's like. Kate goes, you want to talk? And Kate goes, about what? And he goes, about last night. And she's like, okay, the captain should not find pizza on the ground

he's like okay yeah she's like do you want to talk about the date you didn't get to go on with emily that ben went on instead is that what you would like to talk about it's gotta suck to work out that much and lose to a short dude with coke nose like a cartoon crow yes and like that much gel in his hair like that can't feel good yeah like he's really holding on to like a cartoon crow. Yes. And like that much gel in his hair. Like that can't feel good. Yeah. Like he's really holding on to like a 2003 look. And it wasn't even good in 2003.

So Kelly, though, he tells us, Kate is an enemy you do not want to have. And I will kiss Kate's ass until the day I leave this boat. See, now that's smart. That's the smartest thing that Kelly's ever done. I think that they had a family meeting like last Christmas. and he's like let's just be nice he's like okay and now they're happy like there's no there's not even another chapter because everybody's just happy it's like the fairy tales yeah and then um then there's like a little awkward moment between ben and kelly because ben's like kelly it comes to my attention you didn't know that i had sent flowers to emily is that true i'm sorry

back kelly he's like no or i wouldn't have gotten involved and uh he's like yeah well you know kelly's not i mean emily's not tied down to anybody you know maybe she's just wants to date ben and wants to date me and then i don't know who knows wants to date the starfish who knows like she's just totally open i haven't lost this one yet i'm like yeah because emily the serial dater emily she would actually prefer to date cereal that's the kind of girl to get to date cereal she's like it's frosted flakes it's quite fun well you know i really love the attitude of mr tony the tiger it's great He thinks everything is great. What a gentleman. I'm not such a fan of Count Chocula.

He's a little aggressive, I think. I wouldn't kiss him for probably three months and I didn't swallow until he proposed. The Coco Pebbles bird is just a bit too aggressive as well. I think his enthusiasm is charming, but not for me. Too risky, that Coco. Speaking of Emily, this is one of my favorite parts of the episode, is when she called home. It was so British. She calls home.

She calls her. And the phone picks up. She goes, Daddy. But instead, it's her brother. And the brother's like, hello, Robert. And she's like, maxi is daddy there and then then the dad comes on and he's like hello rabbit how are you daddy he's like unwacked tell me about you princess's like, I went on a date with the chef on the boat. And he goes, a chef asked you on a date?

Rabbit! You naughty girl, rabbit. I was like, is rabbit the new chicken? Rabbit! You naughty girl, rabbit. Oh, rabbit. Blue collar rabbit. Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit.

She's like, I'm quite mature for my age. Oh my god. But you can call me rabbit, that's rabbit. She's like, I'm quite mature for my age. Oh my god. But you can call me rabbit, that's fine. I like her, she did her, like, flirty giggle with her dad. She's so embarrassed that she went out with a boy. She's like, ooh, diddy. Diddy, I'm quite mature for my age. Most girls are known only as bunny, but I'm rabbit.

Bunny Bedelia. She's like, diddy, I've had a date with a Japanese businessman. Bunny Bedelia Daddy I've had a date with a Japanese businessman Daddy I'm going to a brand new office tower With a Japanese businessman I think everything will be okay You naughty girl rabbit

Afterwards we're going to Delos airport You like Send me pictures Send me pictures rabbit Send me pictures, Rabbit. Send me pictures next time you get a kiss on the cheek, you naughty girl, Rabbit. Now I have a machine gun too. Ho, ho, ho. Oh, Rabbit.

Like, ooh, love you, Diddy. Diddy. Diddy. Maxie, put Diddy on again. Okay, Rabbit. All right! Robert! That was so cute.

Okay, so now's the captain meeting. The guests are going to be a well-known psychic medium. And Kelly's like, Psychics? I don't need a sidekick. Sidekick? God damn it. I always get mad when there's shows when people who don't believe in psychics, they don't get told something true.

Because Kelly was like, Psychics, whatever. And I wanted the psychic to be like, You are cripplingly sad and lonely because your podcaster love is a man, and he's in a different place. And he doesn't care about working out. He has no hair. And all he wants to a different place. And he doesn't care about working out. He has no hair. And all he wants to do is hug.

And Rabbit doesn't like you. So we learn. So it's going to be this psychic named Rebecca, who is a world famous psychic. I didn't bother with her. Oh, a psychic. So she's a nut job then. You know, psychics have a time and a place. They're like, girl, can't have them every day.

If the psychics said Dill one time, I would have been like, she's great. You don't need a perfect record. Imagine she's like, could I have some Dill with this sushi? And Ben would be like, oh, this is not the time and the place for Dill. Which would actually be correct although actually no dill and salmon probably nice anywho so dill goes with salmon but i don't know the sushi it's a different type of salmon it's a different type hey darling so anyway the point is it's this woman rebecca who is a world famous psychic and then i think

i don't know if it's her daughter or it's another psychic and then dr drew pinsky's wife is also on board and then someone else so it's like this random like hodgepodge of ladies yeah and then oh and by the way they're bringing scott blake and emerson from the people's couch what and three astonishingly adorable, ripped gay people. Get it ready. So unicorns. That's basically what you said. Do they like do? It says here they like dee. That was the captain and Ben together.

I saw that. I heard that. It was the captain speak doing his friend voice. Well, I had to get rid of Ben because he was so goddamn inappropriate so I'm pretending to be him now. Unacceptable, darling! Unacceptable, darling!

So, one of the requests, they have all these kooky requests. One of them is to have a spiritual yoga session on the yacht with spirit yoga yeah that's all i wrote down i just thought it was just funny okay now stretch your spirit okay your spirit is doing a great down dog congrats spirit um so then after this then kelly has a powwow with the deckhands and um he's basically like like stop like you gotta like be better and don't leave pizza around and stuff like that and lauren's like oh well i i don't even remember i don't even remember dropping the plates anyway

so i don't see what the problem is which which is what Captain Lee was talking about before, which is unacceptable. Oh, you're saying this is the meeting with Kelly and the guy. Kelly and the guy. That makes more sense. For some reason, I heard Captain in my head. Not drunk. It's like noon. Okay.

But this was so funny because Kelly was giving a speech to his crew. Yeah. And it was so Rudy. Okay. Yeah. He's like, guys guys you are the tripod i stand on okay i was like okay you're my tripod yeah like okay i was like kelly actually i believe that you're the tripod if i remember from the picture what an odd thing to say i know so he's like you guys are my tripod he goes but we need to work on a boat and you just need to shut up and listen to cage like i don't remember while meeting i'm sick of

being picked or whatever that girl and he goes guys the captain is like an eagle chasing a rat okay the third strike we're stuck in quarters so many metaphors happening it's like an eagle it's the bottom of the ninth and there's an eagle coming in to eat a mouse. And the mouse is in the house. And you know what? When the cat's away, the eagle's going to fly by. And the eagle has landed. On my tripod.

And that's when the cookie crumbles. So don't cry over spilled milk on the tripod, because we're standing on on the tripod and we're standing on the shoulders of other tripods. Waste not. Want to take out the trash? Because that's what waste is. And if you don't take it out, the captain's going to eat you like a monkey. You can't have your cake and eat it too, but you better not leave it out either. So then we find out Nico's just over Kelly for whatever reason.

Yeah, all of a sudden Nico, who I've always liked a lot, he's suddenly become a brat. I knew Nico was a little fucker when he got that mad over shading like first but i was on that is that is a tattoo out of a book of like slutty girls from junior high that is a tattoo that people get on their ass it's called a tramp stamp there's a long american tradition the girls get to go to cabo okay you have it on your arm you're gay and and i don't mean it in a gay fun way i mean it in like the straight guy way like that's gay like that way and the shading was gray and then you cried for three days about it you're stupid and i stand i was actually on his side with the tattoo fight but i do think that nico has started so i mean he's become persnickety and as we've mentioned before the joy

of this show is that as the season goes along they get more and more persnickety they're cabin fever and they just get they get bitchier and whinier and more entitled and it's great i feel like i need to announce that nico i still totally want to make out with you okay so nico and lauren are now complaining about kelly and they're like making fun of the way he smokes cigarettes emotions kelly's got like so many emotions he's always making this face yeah like he has so many emotions those are things he can work on like you cried for three days about a tattoo yeah exactly and some people enjoy emotions aka mariah carey all right thank you um so uh so finally the real fun begins when this this group

of people come on board and the psychic rebecca she comes up as she's even approaching the boat she's being she she is actually a ridiculous psychic because we've seen psychics before and they usually are like you know when you ask them to do something psychically they do it but she is just offering the psychic shit all over like any other psycho we've seen on the shows they come in and they're they're actually relatively normal and then they sit down like okay i'll do your reading now but this woman's like okay i want to sell my psychiness so even as she's walking up to the boat she's like i've never been here before but it still has a feeling of being familiar to me i'm like yeah because it's a tv show and you've seen it before

because you've seen seasons one through three of below deck that's why it looks familiar to you also it's a dock i don't know like duh it's like going to a park and being like oh my god i feel like i've seen this before it's a fucking wheel that turns around and it's a slide you've seen this before. It's a fucking wheel that turns around and around. It's a slide. You've seen it before. Okay. So they get on, and she's just already just saying such ridiculous things. I never sleep much being a psychic.

Yeah, exactly. When they look at the bathroom, Kate's like, okay. She didn't even get to do her, like, this is the golden poo. What does she call the bathroom? I don't even know what she calls it. She's like, this is the golden poo. What does she call the bathroom? I don't even know what she calls it. She's like, this is like a Yahoo poo. Yeah, she says something about the bathroom every time. But this time, she didn't even have time to say that because the psychic's like, this bathroom resonates so strong.

Yes, I can smell the turds of a thousand people. The ancestors have taken so many shits here um there is a douglas on the bidet right now just so everybody knows i am getting a vision of a um so but what the funny part is the contrast between her being on the yacht being like this is really resonating with me and then the gays were just like we are so great paul oh my god it's just a great like like oil and water situation and banter and kelly's like hey guys how you doing and of course much as i think we would or i would be you'd be like great you want to take a picture and i'd be like can we make out right now do you brush your teeth how often when was the last time do you floss do you want me to floss for you we can make out i have whitening mouthwash in my backpack will you get it for me um but yeah scott's like much better now hello and kelly goes kelly goes great well we

have toys and i was like oh kelly kelly kelly kelly kelly wrong thing to say kelly's gonna be limping off this boat yep um yeah those guys got right to work sexually harassing kelly as they should have um and I was jealous. I need the slide. That's what he's like. I want the slide. The slide is very important to me. He was really like, all right, I have an agenda.

The gay agenda is a slide. They've definitely seen the show and they're so funny. So then it's like lunchtime and they're all getting served lobster salad. And immediately it's like gay jokes 101. They're like, look at this napkin ring. You know what it's like? It's like a cock ring. Like, oh my God, a cock ring.

He's like, hey, why did I put blow that house up in my butt? I don't know why I put that. I don't know why I put that, you guys. He's like, yeah, for a drink, I'll have a sex on the beach with kelly girl and they're like girl yes everything yeah girl everything step off the curve circle snaps hated it love it this is also part of the podcast where it's a mix of recapping and self-loathing because in like two seconds the gays then re-emerge in like tiny tiny tiny

little bathing suits and i want i was like rolling my eyes yet secretly like you know as anyone who listened to the bonus episode was i want to wear i want to be able to wear slutty clothing so it's really just jealousy literally don't it looks too hard it's actually just because you don't look like that doesn't mean you can't still make love with people who look like that believe it or not just act like a dad just be like hey what are your goals in life they're like're like, oh, my God, I love you. The thing is with guys like this, they're so smooth to the eyes. Like you look at them and you're like, oh, my God, they're Ken dolls. But then you hug them and you get cactus.

Oh, yeah, because the hair is constantly. I mean, unless they've had it all lasered off. People like that, it's like, I'm sorry to say nuts. I'm like, I can't believe they talked about cock rings. I'm like, yeah, but they're nuts are like little those little practices you buy in the grocery store they're like fifth size and they're just like i don't mind the bristle i don't mind bristle girl that hurts it's weird if it does it is a little weird every time i love the one i feel like i'm being exfoliated it's true and it's and if they even if you have a shirt on

the bristles poke through the shirt and so you always feel the bristle no matter what. But I don't mind, especially on a hot guy. I'm pro-bristle. Hair's coming back, you guys. Tell your gays. Tell your gays. So anyway, so now it's like fun time with the people. I wrote swimsuits.

The main difference between our group and theirs. See, we're on the same page. Yeah, because if we were on that boat, if we were the guests, I would be fully in a mood. I would be that fat girl from the Instagram cruise. He was like, guys, I'll take a picture of you in a bikini. That's exactly. You know I would bring my copy of Settlers of Catan onto the boat. And I would be inside playing it.

And it would be one of those episodes where Kate would be like, I can't believe it. It's a beautiful day out. And he's inside wanting to play Settlers of Catan. But it's the easiest cruise I ever had. So it's fine. Kate would help you cheat because she would put stones on the table. And you'd be like, I'm the master of the stones. You'd be like, damn you, Kate.

Kate would be the most amazing Settlers of Catan player. You'd be like, I will offer you 12 sheep for one wood. And she'd look at you and go, no. Next. So now the pool is floating away. Now everyone's playing with their toys. And the Critter free pool floating away. And Captain Lee is watching.

And, of course, he's pissed. Nico, this is completely embarrassing. Why can't we just be a functional dead crew? He's like, that's a very important piece of equipment floating off into the sunset and the gays are like oh my god the pool is floating someone's getting around by the way the gays were having the best time because as much as like we're like cracking jokes about them they were pretty much doing exactly what we would be doing which is like sitting around listening and taking everything and be like what's gonna be on the show what's

gonna be on the show oh my god that's gonna be on the show the pool's gonna wait this is totally gonna be on the show yeah yeah pretty much so while the so the pool is floating away and and um what's the space kyle has to go swimming to like fetch it it's it's just like they have to tie the boat i mean this is like such below deck drama. They're like, I got a pole! It's not a black hole that it's being sucked into. And you have to tie someone's foot to a rope and the whole crew's holding it to make sure they don't get sucked in a black hole. It's like some floaty pool. It's like that scene from Poltergeist. They're trying to pull the girl out of the closet.

Yes. Come to the light. So this is where we start getting the hint of kyle okay kyle it's nighttime now wait wait before before nighttime i have one thing to say oh oh yeah one of my favorite things this girl this daffy woman she's she's extolling the virtues of rebecca the psychic and she goes i actually can't even believe this was said by a human being. It's like the sort of thing that I feel like would be on a sitcom. And she goes, Rebecca predicted that I would lose 23 pounds. And literally within three years, I lost 23 pounds.

Like on the dot. Like A, if it's over three years, that does not count as like a psychic prediction. If it's like within six months and you're like, yes, but three years, does not count as like a psychic prediction if it's like within six months and you're like yes but three years the body's gonna fluctuate and b you the fact that it's 23 pounds on the dot like that's just like you could lose like if you were en route to losing 26 pounds like like the number doesn't make sense you know what i'm saying just did it every day it's like it's like it's like you know you were losing, if you lost 26 pounds, like the on the dot doesn't matter because you're, I can't even express it. Do you know what I'm saying?

Keep going. Don't stop now. Just kidding. I don't even remember what she was like. It's not a feat. Like the fact that she accurately predicted 23. Well, if you're losing anything above 23, you could always say it was 23 on the top. And then I lost another pad.

And then I lost, I gained. And then I ate a baby. I can't even articulate it because it was so ridiculous. It's hilarious. So at night, the gays are like, hey, girl. Oh, my God. Windows. Blowjobs.

And then Kyle comes up. And they're like, Kyle, join us. And Kyle's like like this is great because in england in the north of england well from no kids but y'all can be wherever you want this is my friend's bed um like what is is she saying what is he saying i think he was like yay it doesn't matter if you're gay or straight where I'm from, you don't have to wear Speedos necessarily or shave all of your body hair.

You can still get fucked by a hot guy. And hey, my friends are drag queens and I've been fucked a few times. I think that's what he said. Yeah, I think so. And then the gay was like, yeah, but coming from Texas? It was like this horrifying, dramatic experience for us. It was like this horrifying, dramatic experience for us. You know what?

Rebecca is so amazing because she predicted that I would leave Texas for West Hollywood. And after like six years, I went to West Hollywood for the first time. So she really nailed it. She drank one. Sticker and solid to me. Wait to me wait what so dinner crystal balls yes everyone gets a little okay it's like well here you go here are some little candles oh my god crystal balls girl thank you we're gonna tell that the stones are in the bag if anybody needs them do you want me to put some more stones on the tablescape or are we

good now i can i can go either way we have a lot of flexibility this is sort of my thing here so are we future or are we at rustic are we are we feeling stones are we feeling crystals or do we want seashells because normally seashells are in the morning stones are in the day and crystals are at night but we can change it up just not starfish because i respect the past we're also not putting the rope out that's a one season wonder and we did that last week the rope um so the captain joins this dinner he's all dressed up he's dressed up he is in a tie he has a little sort of like captain's blazer on that's like a little too big so it makes his head look small it's great and he had a look of gotta fart not appropriate the whole time he was sitting

there and these people are such cuckoos and everyone has to listen to this psychic god knows why but everyone's like treating her like she's basically i don't know share it up share it a palm springs you know anniversary party or something they're like listening to every word and she's she's like the captain has a very good aura which is why he's a good captain oh i thought she said purple aura oh i just thought she said very i couldn't tell it was just i like the idea of a good captain. You know, purple, royalty, like captains. What? I can see that your aura looks like grimace, and that's why you grimace so much,

but it actually means you're a very good captain. Inappropriate. I told the girls we're here for a reason. It's not what it seems. It's not like we're just on a boat with a bathroom that resonates. It's a deeper reason. Captain Lee is just staring a boat with a bathroom that resonates. It's a deeper reason. Captain Lee is just staring at her with such an angry look. It's almost as if she said, your aura looks like it's been dirty for three days and no

deckhand has cleaned it. You have dust on your aura. Actually, that would be too accurate. Like nothing she said worked. Nothing this woman said worked. Not one single thing. No. Okay.

She's like, guys, the other side gathers together to help us. Your mother's here, right, Captain? She passed. And he's like, nope. She's like, oh, well, you know, I mean, I said he'd be a heartbeat. But, you know, he's like, listen, the rudest thing is to humiliate your guests. So don't challenge them. Just look at them like they're crazy.

Don't challenge them with your words, but with your face. Say, who the fuck do you think you are, lady? And then she's like, oh, so she's not dead, but did you receive a letter from your mom? Any documentation? None. Can't even read. When he said his mother's still alive, he goes, wait, she passed and he goes, no. And then she goes, I told you guys you'd be hard to read, remember?

Got that one right. Speaking of reading, your mom did send you some documentation, right? She sent you her user manual, right? Nope. A text message? Nope. A card? Nope.

Do you speak to your mother? Nope. A card? Nope. Do you speak to your mother? Nope. I'm getting a feeling that in the past two years, you spoke to your mother. Wow. Yeah. See? She's great. She's great.

She once told me that I was going to talk to my mom, and like 11 months later, my mom called, and I was like, Rebecca does it again. To talk to my mom. And like 11 months later, my mom called. And I was like, Rebecca does it again. Your mother, I don't know why she's here, but she's here. Not bad. Still not bad. She goes, well, she's telling me that you've always been in love with the sea, which is why you became a captain. He's like, nope.

Didn't see it until I was 35. All right. So maybe the C is, you love the letter C. Okay, I'm getting a feeling of the first three letters of the alphabet, C is a top three letter for you. Nope, but I do have a C, a calendar. What a talent. By the way, are you hearing chaos out on the street all of a sudden? Yeah, every time. Whether we do it at our house, whether we do it in a studio, wherever we are, there's a garbage truck, there's someone robbing cars, there's leaf blowers.

We're in a full-on studio, and we can still hear a crunching sound of garbage trucks. She goes, I see that you have many seamen in the family. And the gay was like, that's my joke, girl. Of course. Of course it is. We're napkin cockering. So Kelly and Kyle, Kelly, Kyle's been, you know, flirting with the guys and they're like, what is he saying? And he's like, they want me.

And Kelly says, uh, we need to be less seen. So now Kyle is mad at Kelly because what? You don't want me to be saying who's going to be less seen. So now Kyle is mad at Kelly. Because, what? You don't want me to be sane? Who's going to make a tip? Let's see how it feels when I make us about a million dollars of tips in my bunghole. So now Rebecca wants to give a reading to Kate.

Yes. Right? Did I skip anything? She did. This is one part that she actually got right. Yeah, actually, Kate didn't realize because the psychic was like, I'm seeing that you're going to be getting a little cat or a dog, which is funny because Kate wrote a whole big blog post back like two months ago about how this dog came into her life. And it was like a crazy story.

If you read the blog post, if you Google it it it's not just that she got a dog but there was some crazy coincidence it's a crazy blog post and she also says when you're grounded you'll get a dog and then she got a dog and then she kind of got grounded i mean she was put in jail but the but the dog was being grounded But the dog was the thing that got her... She was depressed because of the whole situation with Roe, getting arrested and all, that whole debacle. And the dog was the thing that helped her. That'll ground you.

It'll ground you. You see, that's the one thing. Don't get too grounded, Batch, by the way. But also, to be fair... You don't say you have to stay grounded. But also, to be fair, to predict that someone's going... When they're feeling grounded, they're going to get a pet, not a wild prediction. At one point in your life, you will have a cat.

Okay, I'm predicting that at some point in your life, you're going to need a change. So you're actually going to get a new set of sheets and a new comforter. Oh, okay. a new set of sheets, and a new comforter. Oh, okay. So Ben is listening to this behind the door, and he's like, Is she saying Kate is the devil?

Is she saying she's satanic? Is she predicting that there's going to be a breakfast or a brunch tomorrow? I need to know. And then she messes up her whole pet streak by being like, I see you with a tall, dark, handsome man. He's like, no. Okay.

He's charming. He's funny. She's like, no, none of those things. I mean, she is tall. And at this point. She wears a lot of eyeliner. At this point, the psychic is just grasping for straws. So she's trying just random specific things, hoping that one will hit.

Because if you get a specific thing, people will love you. So she's like, and this guy, he likes pecans or nuts. It's like, no. She goes, I'm not sure that's true. But first I thought, this lady is just saying Ben because she's seen the show. So she's like, you too. And Ben's getting nervous. Because everyone thinks that she's hinting that it's Ben and kate who need to be together forever plus she says tall

dark and handsome ben is like short pasty and i mean handsome but like she didn't mention the hair but he's like short and pasty it doesn't work so um yeah so basically ben is getting nervous she's like emily he's like no, she can't be saying that. Me and Kate are getting back together because I love you, Ems. I want to go on walks

in the park with you, Ems. I want to write letters to you, to your estate, to your uncle and aunt's estate. That's what I want to do,

Ems. She's like, oh, of course. What would Daddy say? Daddy? She's like, totally believing the psychic,

but they can't even understand everything that the psychic's saying. But now, Emily's all worried that some psychic says that Ben and Kate are going to be together forever, and she's so nervous that she's just like, It's like the opposite

of her giggle. Who's the champ? No, darling, it's not. I've only got eyes for you. Remember when we talked about Dale, darling? So Captain's like, pick up the anchor and get out of here. I've only got eyes for you. Remember when we talked about Dale, darling? Oh, okay. So Captain's like, pick up the anchor and get out of here.

So it's the next morning, and it's windy. Everything's blowing around, and Captain Lee's already in iceberg, straight-ahead territory. He's like, I got 30 fucking knots going on here. We got to get to a different place. Get that anchor out of the goddamn sand yeah now it's all windy windy windy windy blah blah wind drama wind drama and some bottles break and kate goes i wish the deck crew could mop i don't trust sierra around glass and then uh so a lot of the guests starting to to feel sick, and Kate's offering Dramamine and everything, but then she's like, well, at least they're not asking for coffee.

I'd rather have them sick than have them ask for coffee. So basically, it ends. The psychic lady barfs a lot. It was actually kind of cool, because all the things were opening up. It was actually like a haunted house you know the kitchen drawers opening the pressure cooker was like tumbling out of the closet i saw this coming well then why did you talk about the bathroom yeah yeah rebecca the psychic was like having a psychic moment with the porcelain gods well maybe that's why the toilet was resonating actually yeah she probably started barfing on that toilet was like i feel like i've

seen this before you saw it this morning and they put a little ginger ale outside the door okay rebecca it's like it is resonating i told you so the yoga class yeah so now after what they basically move the brunch or lunch fight yeah they, by the way, they moved the boat to a different area and everything was calm. And then Rebecca was able to come out of the closet and drink her ginger ale, etc. They had the spiritual yoga session. And as you said, brunch or breakfast. Is this brunch or breakfast? I don't know.

It's the first time they're eating today. I need to know. I need to have a schedule. I need to to know my plan i need to chart it out breakfast is not lunch lunch is not brunch dinner's not a snack i need specifics oh and ben was ben ben was really flipping out and i just love kate just just it's the first meal of the day it's not my business to walk up to them while they're having a lovely yoga class with the spirits and say, Is this your breakfast or is this your brunch? Someone's spirit is in a tree pose outside.

So their body is unavailable. So if you would like to possibly leave a voicemail for the spirit in heaven. Have we gotten to that part where the psychic talked about her voicemails? Not yet. Not yet. But what we did get to was Captain Lee being like, well, it's 9.30 a.m., I got nothing else to do, so, uh, Kelly, why don't you get into the

goddamn office and I'm gonna yell at you. I'm gonna rip your goddamn head off, because guess what? That pool almost floated away yesterday. You got something to say about that, Kelly? You wanna talk about pizza on the floor, a burning panini maker, or a runaway pool? It's your choice, kid.

So Kelly's like, yes, sir, yes, sir, yes, sir. They all go down the same road, and the golden pot at the end says, unacceptable! So let's see. Captain is like, I'm tired of telling him his deck crew sucks as hard as a hooker in vietnam it's foobar which i thought that was a nice shot shout out because we always talk about the bar foobar here yeah yeah um which is not critter free uh not at all unlike the pool it is not a critter free bar you know it's a gay episode when the captain's like, Foo bar! It's a gay bar.

And the gays are like, Yes, girl! Everything! Yeah, I'm surprised they didn't come running in. Cockpinks! So then, now all of a sudden it's 12.30pm, and Ben is cranky. I just wrote down that he just, Ben just goes,

Every. Fucking. Time. I don't know why I wrote that down. Maybe somebody found a bunch of dill in the pressure cooker that came rolling out. Yeah, they're still fighting. It's so weird. Kate's like, what is your problem right at this moment?

Specifically. Well, it feels like it's lunchtime, but we're making breakfast, and I don't understand anything. And they're just fighting. I've never understood brunch. I don't like when you take two words and make them one. It's a habit I can't get into. I don't understand Americans. The only thing that would make me happy right now would be a fistful of pecans. He's like, oh, no. But meanwhile, while they're like screaming, Emerson and Blake are like sitting right outside on the couch, just sipping martinis, eating it out.

They're like, isn't this funny? We're like two people sitting on a couch observing something happening in front of us um ben and emily so ben starts trying to emily makes a good move here because ben starts his like i'm gonna complain about cake which is so inappropriate daddy i don't feel like much of a rabbit right now ben Which is so inappropriate. Daddy! The chef complained about it. It came to me. I don't feel like much of a rabbit right now, Ben. My ears are flopping down. I feel more like a hare.

He's like, we can't stop farting. I want her to die. I hope she gets run over by a bus, even though we're not on a road. She's like, that makes me think they're in love. Emily's like, as a rabbit, I feel obligated to tell you the tricks of a kid's been. It's a

serial callback. And a rabbit callback. All in one. What you like? Some kicks? All's well that ends well, Ben. Diddy! Life. So now, Scott is going to spread the ashes of dead Aunt Grace, which, look.

I'm not laughing at that. I'm just laughing at what you said. Dead Aunt Grace. Come on, dead Aunt Grace. You can't do better than that. I don't believe that you have a dead Aunt Grace. That is a made-up dead Aunt me. That's like my dead aunt gertrude or like bertha or aunt gardner um another i'm just i'm doing pride and prejudice callbacks wherever i can um

mrs gardner spread her ashes across pemberley pemberton i forget what's called so anyway so uh he's having like a little ceremony this This is awkward. Like, it's private. I mean, it's a burned body. It's a burned body. Like, how's Sierra going to feel? Thank you. Well, we're going to do the best that we can right now. If we get the ant anywhere on the deck, I'll just swiffer her away, okay?

Because when you're a camera on a tripod. You can't have dust in the gate. Strawberry fields for sometimes. You know what I mean? So they do this ceremony. It's very nice. You know, Scott and Nate make a little speech and spread the ashes. The other psychic girl is like,

Oh my god, that went so smooth. I thought there were going to be chunks of bones and stuff in there. My girl, you can't go to the budget like cremation place next to daniel staub's plastic surgeon in the mini mall i like when he's about to do it and he goes you guys i hope this doesn't come back on us but it would be very aunt grace to come back and knock me in the face yeah i was like by the way this is also the hottest ash scattering of all time look at these hot men scattering ashes i've never seen such hot people scatter ashes when he said it's gonna come back and knock me

in the face the psychic goes yes that's how the other side works it's multi-dimensional like he didn't mean literally you dumb dumbass. And he just paused. There's a long pause. And he goes, okay. Here's to Aunt Grace. Just dumps it in the water. He's like, I'm barely tolerating you being on my episode of Below Deck right now. I'm going to make fun of you on my own show now.

He's like, thank you for completely ruining the toilet. It is officially resonating now. I am so mad at the producers for sticking me with this group. Why couldn't I have been with Steve Hoger? So then, guess what? Guess what time it is? Time for Pebbles on the Dinner Table. Pebbles on the Dinner Table.

The Kate Pebbles. The most romantic thing while people are getting dinner ready. The most romantic thing to happen this season. Kyle is in the bathroom, which is by Nico's bunk or whatever. Kyle farts and Nico hears it. And he's like, did you fart? And he's like, you farted. And then he comes into the bunk and then Nico farts.

And they're like, oh, my God, we're like fart romantic. And then Nico's like, yeah, we're on the same fart cycle. And then they bond. It was kind of hot. Literally, it was like a kind of hot fart. It was not. It was a big Dutch oven down there. It smelled like onions and psychic pecans.

Sorry I brought it up. So now it's time for dinner. Sierra wants a reading. Well, for dinner and wants a reading well but yeah sierra wants a reading but this is when rebecca starts waxing uh on about all the things that she has so she's like you know i'm a psychic but i'm a scientist too i know how to connect to heaven heaven has technology and i have absolute scientific proof i have a lot of celebrities. Jim Morrison, Marilyn Monroe, Alfred Hitchcock. He's a little perverted. I mean, a lot perverted. So you're getting psychically sexed by Alfred Hitchcock?

That's terrible. That is the worst psychic ability. I would never want to be psychic if I was getting nasty sexual texts from Alfred Hitchcock. None of that, by the way, says that you're a scientist. Just because you can connect to heaven. She's like, I literally have thousands of voicemails from heaven. My voicemail is full.

And God left me a voicemail and said, you're right. It's like, how did God leave a voicemail on a full system? I have 600 phone calls from heaven on my phone. And so that's why she's a scientist. The only one I won't return is Jack LaLanne. That guy all day long. Push up, push up, push up, push up. Lucille Ball's more boring than she seemed.

Really doesn't have much to say. I'm trying to think of funny guys. Abraham Lincoln, though. What a tiger. He is out of control although grover cleveland no slouch in the heaven bed she's like wow the captain of this ship his voice i'm still here what what are you seeing i know wow i got a great great psychic vibe in heaven from Andy Rooney.

I don't know. But I don't understand why she's a scientist, because she's saying heaven has technology because they have cell phones up there, and that way they can text her on her phone. That doesn't make you a scientist. Just because you get a text message does not mean you work for Dell Laboratories. This woman is so fucking obnoxious if they had technology in heaven if they can get phone calls and make phone calls in heaven then they've got to have call block you know her ass is sent straight to voicemail every time she calls up there listen john candy just sent me a very inappropriate text message i don't want to get into it but i kind of do you know what i'm saying i was just unfriended by albus presley it's true

i was just i can't think of anyone who's dead i was just poked by prince so emily is going to get a reading now and um she's getting it from like the the jv psychic yeah the one who didn't understand that you can get smooth ashes. Is that a bottom act? So she's doing the reading for Emily. And Emily's like really excited, by the way. Do you know someone named Daniel in the living? And Emily's like, oh, rabbit? No, Daniel.

I'd have to look at a different burrow. Just looking around like. i'd have to look at a different burrow you know the only reason why i got into yachting is because i read what a ship down and i thought okay yachting rabbit and then ben comes out in his aggro ben which look i love a short man i love an aggro short man i love it i love it every time i just wanted to hug him kiss him and then like get punched in the face it's so hot but he comes out and he's like so sit down does it look like me and i'm gonna end up together but he's doing it in this weird confrontational way and she's like um like rabbit yeah ems was like oh this feels inappropriate. This feels rather forward. So arrogant, Mr.

Darcy. And Cindy's like, I mean, I don't know everything. I'm a psychic, but it doesn't mean we know everything. He's like, go ahead, Miss Psychics. Miss Psychics. Psychic Psych. Go ahead, tell me.

See, if this woman were Australian, she'd just say, You know what? Get fucked. Get fucked. Is what I say. Fuck yourself. Get fucked in your face. You're an insignificant old man at the end. Let me tell you something. I'm not going to tell you about your relationship or Petty Flea's son's birth certificate.

It's here, but there. Take that. They started having this weird fight where he's like, Come on, say it then. She's like, this is he's like, she's like, this is inappropriate. And then she's like, I'm on the spot. Okay, fine.

You want to know, do you really want to know? No, I was like, we will not end up together. And I was like, good for you, Cindy.

Good for you. I'm like, I don't believe in psychics either, but I also, I'm like, I wouldn't like, I'm, but I also don't believe in making you feel like shit,

especially if I were working for you and waiting for your money. Yeah. But, of course, so Ben's response is, all right, hey, Ems, want to go on a date? And it's so awkward because he's just trying to prove the psychic wrong. Like, okay, now what? You're going to knock this girl up just to prove some girl wrong that you don't even know? And Rabbit is so uncomfortable because now it's like a thoroughly Britishish moment of like you know manners it's like oh heavens down abbey and it's just like everything is wrong it's like it's like that it's like that episode down

abbey when they brought out like soup but like no spoons or something or like the soup was cold or she's just like she just can't believe it she's like the manners that are happening here rabbit i don't know if he's too Americanized for me, Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. The chef asked me on another date, but under different circumstances. I don't know what to do, Daddy. Rabbit.

Rabbit. Did he take a picture of himself and put it on the internet? Too Americanized, Rabbit. Step away, Rabbit. So the psychic goes to bed really uncomfortably and emily's like yeah i'm in a piece of relationship this is going to be great yeah and so then we see um kyle um schmoozing with the gaze some more the next oh it's the next day and kyle schmoozing with the gaze is like oh you got my twitter right it's called go go dancer with dislocated shoulder at go-go dancer with dislocated shoulder and they're like

yes queen he's like that's raw so kate is going over emily had the night shift so kate's in the kitchen and she's looking over the notebook that emily did like the to-do notebook and she goes um emily wrote i feel out of sorts going to bed on the notebook. It really is very Jane Austen. Writing letters. Dear, dear Jane, I write to tell you that things have gone terribly wrong with Ben. He was very aggressive, and I do say that I don't think he's appropriate for me anymore. Sorry, that was just my impersonation of a Jane Austen letter. So she goes, what did you do, Ben?

He's like, I did what Benny does. Okay. You were an asshole, basically. You were an asshole. She's like, you're stupid. And whatever. Okay. Skip.

So Kyle and the boys, blah, blah, blah. Ben and Emily. Ben, last night was weird. Sorry about that. I just hope she'd say yes. That's why I bullied her with my face. She's like, it's okay. Call me rabbit.

Call me rabbit. Call me rabbit. So the psychics are leaving and she's like, I like adventure and drama. Every penny was worth it. I love life. She basically is like, I'm really detecting a lot of love right here between these two and she like points ambiguously and then m's is like oh daddy is it love between me and ben or is it love between ben and kate daddy she's asking sierra like why would you ask sierra anything? She calls Sierra Daddy now.

Daddy? She's like, okay, Rabbit. Rabbit, have my coffee. So now we get Ben calling his brother. Jango. And his brother's like, Ola, did you blow up the galley? And he's like, now I'm just, I'm just here on the creek. I was just wondering, you know, how you all doing?

And he's like, oh, I'm great. I'm running an international corporation. know, how you're doing. He's like, oh, I'm great. I'm running an international corporation. That's how I'm doing. I thought you might like to come to that. He's like, why would you come to that conclusion? My name is Manro Lyon Stanbury. He was kind of like that. He's like, you're calling. Did someone give you a nickel to put into a pay

phone who gave you this number pardon me i have to go to a well-defined brunch meal i bet you don't know what that is i hate tms put together brother cheerio chop chop uh so um now it's time for the tip meeting and so it's everyone gathers around and of course machine pizza pools pools floating away critter free pools almost a yacht free pool also so nico changes this all around in the meeting to being kelly's fault somehow who wasn't even there. Well, because Captain Lee is like, Kyle, you should have tied it on better.

Do you not know how to do a knot? See what I did there? I said knot twice. You better listen up, okay? You know what's not acceptable? Bad knots. Knots landing? Terrible show. Let me tell you who was here last night in presence. Don Knotts was texting our guest, and he said, you know who else terrible sound let me let me tell you who was here last night in presence don knots was texting our guest and he said you know what you need better knots on this yeah and i'm not just talking about me and my ghost form

so and then nico turns it into i was on the bridge deck calling it out but there was just too much conversing going on he said conversating which is my favorite word there was just too much conversing going on. He said conversating, which is my favorite word. I couldn't get through because there was too much conversating. Kelly's like, this is like three legs being put into a tripod. He's like, I don't need to hear it, Kelly. Work on that metaphor in your own time. Someone broke off one of the legs of the tripod

and now we're teetering around. We just sort of look like an upside down tuning fork. So they made $15,000, which is pretty average. Kyle and Nico have their bonding moment and kyle's like you stood up from the mat yeah bart brothers and then now they're anti kelly together which doesn't even make any sense and then meanwhile ben and emily go on did i skip anything no okay so ben and this is what i love how much there is i'm like i'm flipping through

my notes like are you fucking kidding it's like a mini series longer than the actual show i'm into it though so ben and emily they're like you know because ben asked emily on a date aggressively so they're going on a very romantic second date and that very romantic second date is taking place at peg legs they go to a restaurant called peg Legs, and she's like, oh, I rather like peg legs. I think I'm going to have the beer-battered Captain Crunch shrimp tails, please. I'd like a rabbit. Oh, no. No, Ben, no.

How could you do that? No, I'm saying that I would like to have you. Oh. Anyway, I'll have the chicken fingers. See, this is like the most boring white date people ever. The bottom? What? I'm writing you.

It's a note for you. Oh, okay. Yeah, sorry. Ronnie was trying to send me a secret message, but I was like, I was reading a different part. Oh, this is the wrong person. I thought I was texting it on your thread. I'm so stupid. Ronnie was basically sending me a message about something because he didn't want to interrupt the flow.

But he sent me a text message to someone named Eileen. And I'm like, who's Eileen? Is this a reference to Eileen too? Anyway, so they go on their super romantic date at Peg Legs, where they get chicken fingers and onion rings. May I have a pinot grigio? Don't have it. May I have a chardonnay? Don't have it.

I'll just take whatever you have, then. All right, a shot of Fireball. Okay. Seems a little bit aggressive. Oh, no, you're going to like it. Drink up, rabbit. And typical man, he's like, I wanna prove what the psychic said

was blinks. We're gonna have a lovely relationship. Like, oh god, you're gonna be with this girl just to get revenge on some lady you don't even fucking know, weirdo. As we all know, all solid relationships are started at peg legs of the Caribbean. Later, let's get a nightcap

at Harry McTitty Farts. So Kate's on with her girlfriend back on the boat and she's like, let's fuck. And she's like, I'm not having sex on FaceTime, okay? She's like,

why not? I'm horny. She's like, no, babe. She goes, vagina. Vagina. That's her way of saying bye. She's like, babe, I'm really sorry, vagina. Vagina. That's a weird thing. Bye.

She's like, babe, I'm really sorry, but I have to focus on being bitchy to people. And if I have sex with you, I'm going to be too happy. I cannot smile this week. So my smile has almost ruined this trailer. I'm wearing my thick-rimmed glasses and dark dress, so I really need to maintain my bitchiness right now. I've dressed the part. Kelly is basically proof of what happens when you are nice and smiley to the people who work for you.

That's actually very true. Those two are a goddamn mess. A goddamn disappointment unacceptable. So now Emily and Ben are kissing after the day. It was like... Ew, that was such a gross noise. It was like...

I can taste the Yorkshire Puds in between your teeth it was like the weirdest closed mouth it was like you hear his tongue trying to damn her mouth open it's like grit grit grit we're not married yet so then the episode took a strange turn. This is when things got weird. So while Ben and Ems are macking out at Peg Legs, the rest of the gang's sort of like hanging out, cleaning. And Kyle's like, oh, yeah.

They're talking about how Kyle used to be like a street performer. He's like, oh, yeah. There are a bunch of videos of me dancing. And they show this... Well, he said something and Ben goes, Oh yeah, Kyle. Oh, that's right. Ben and Ems are back. Sorry. Kyle is homeless.

He was just some guy juggling on the homeless streets of London with his brother. Eating dill whenever he wants, which is crazy. He's like, that's right. It's videos of me. You won't see videos of me. There's videos of me you won't see videos of me there's videos of me doing stuff dancing in my underwear drag set and they're like what what like what did he just say so they pull up this video of kyle as like a back like one of those like backup dancers is really not a backup dancer more of like a go-go dancer with like a drag and he's like a clean shaven twink and uh he's in these like little shorts that show

every as he's like dancing you see his like dick flopping around and it's like oh okay like he was really like open he was like one of those like straight guys who dances for like drag queens and he's like yeah i came out to my dad to this song everyone's like huh and it's like commercial break it's like was i supposed to know that it was like part of being gay did i fail the test it's like i'm just gonna ignore that and slowly gather up the pebbles i'm gonna pretend i knew this the whole time talk about a psychic falling down i should have known that right a few things why do you choose that song to come out to your dad and why do you choose a song to come out to your dad carl would do it with a youtube video yeah he'd be like okay man here's me in a joke strap and a mandrake like a lady so what happens next is very 2016 we're not going to say it's weird or strange

it's just you know it's of the new era is that how i should do it okay it's like i thought i was the only one who was surprised gay. I don't want to interrupt you. No, no, it was fine. So it turns out that Kyle is bi. He came out as bi. And not only is he bi, he's like really into transgendered women, which is actually really cool. And what happened, in fact, he used to date a transgender woman.

He used to be really into transgender. He kept on saying like well yeah i was into transgender i mean i actually still he's still dating but how he said it like kyle oh my god he's like okay matt is bisexual because i had a transsexual missus at the time and then ben's like what because it means she had a bitch and a floppy she shade of floppy in an insert at the same time you know what i mean i'm like that doesn't make you bisexual weirdo like someone who's not fully trans like being with someone with boobs and well he must have like doesn't make you bisexual just because they have both a penis and boobs but maybe he liked the penis part maybe he liked the penis part a lot maybe he liked

it he said it right after making it sound like bisexual because she had boobs and a wiener well the best part is that like says wiener i've said that like three times today i know i actually wrote down wiener earlier about something else who says that who talks like i think and the best part is that kate and ben are like sharing these little glances like we are so going to unpack this later and talk about this this is gonna be amazing let's just like hold it in because it's too crazy so um so then it's well i hooked up with one when i was in the military all night today and then i realized i quite liked it i found out i was a bit partial to it which is kate's laugh i like when kate because kate

rolling on the ground laughing is doing this. Huh. Yeah. That's what it was. She was very, she was like, okay. Alrighty then. We're going to put this in the back pocket. That was so, so weird and funny.

The girl that he's seeing in England is actually trans. So the entire time I'm thinking like like so what does this say about sierra he's like i'd rather like to see what's under the hood there um kyle not with proper level i don't know what the fuck kyle is talking about even on my notes that's why i'm staring at it and kyle not proper level i've seen for a couple of years piss mother child been good job evolved what does that mean what does any of this mean i don't know but it ends with kate going i knew i liked you that was an epic epic below deck below dick that was the best of the season for sure

and it deserved this five hour treatment five hour treatment so we are skipping our real estate wait but we do have to mention one thing about million dollar listing two two three things because i actually three things were so ridiculous that i actually had to write them down my three points about million dollar listing first of all madison was back and he was like i mean you take well you do the bass and voice but i can't do the massive voice i start doing sheena but he's basically saying like how he really is like you need to take some time for himself so he hired a lifestyle manager and it's a woman who like basically cooks for him and cleans and gives him advice i'm like so she's a maid you hired a maid essentially but you're calling her a lifestyle manager a maid who pretends to love you which that is just not how maids work like you

need i need a glimmer of hatred in my maid's eyes. I need to see disappointment. I need to feel disgusting. Otherwise, why is there someone to clean my shit up? Exactly. And by the way, great example of how people rip off people in Los Angeles. Yeah. I'm a lifestyle manager.

I'll cook for you and I'll pick out clothes for you and I'll clean for you and I'll be a lifestyle manager and you can pay me $10,000 a week. Yeah. She's like my other mother, but i pay her to love me yeah so sad and what do you mean she's like you have to do something for yourself unlike all the other seasons where you're selflessly working for everybody else you've always done everything for yourself yeah exactly cooking it's called get hello fresh dotting um it's called stop doing meth, which Laundrie did. And then he's at one point he's showing a house and he's like, oh, my God, I can't believe this happened. And he like puts down like a toilet seat.

He's like, I'm sorry, it's just my thing. And he goes, my grandmother used to have a thing that was like a needle point over the toilet that said, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be a needy and clean the seedy. I'm like, this is really your life motto right now. And he's like, well, I don't clean the se cd but i do put the seat down which is basically the same thing i'm like no it's actually aggressively not the same thing one means that there's urine on the seat where people are gonna sit the other is you just put the thing down yeah the other is that there's urine on the rim that someone has to wipe up later and how could you even quote if you sprinkle when you tinkle please be a needy and clean the cd without like chuckling or any like how do you quote that in all seriousness and that's

not even the right saying like he's an idiot is it what's the saying it's uh if you sprinkle when you tinkle please be sweet and wipe the seat there's no needy i mean it sounds like you're needy you know please yeah be a needy yeah please be sweet and wipe the seat that's no needy i mean it sounds like you're needy you know please yeah be a needy yeah please be sweet and wipe the seat that's dirt that's pretty universal southern okay yeah yeah like radishes um even from the south no i don't know where he's from i hate that guy so then the other thing i had to remark about was um you know there was all sorts of everything was like fake this episode as usual and the fakest thing going on is Josh Altman and Heather. His name is her name is Heather, right?

Yeah. Heather. They're like planning for the wedding. It's like typical Bravo. Like there's so much to do. And there's a wedding and I have to plan a wedding. I have to make dinner tonight, but I also have to plan a wedding. And so no one cares about.

So they're driving going to get her candy yeah formulated for her stupid wedding no one cares poison yourself yeah so that's that's basically what i was going to say no i just thought it was funny like it was just so insufferable that they were like drive they're like they had to drive down to this candy maker in manhattan beach which for people who don't know los angeles geography manhattan beach is really far away And there's a huge amount of traffic when there was one that was much closer. And she's like, yeah,

but the candy maker down there, she has all the latest candy and we need to get the latest candy for this wedding. I'm like, it's called go to the dollar store and get some M&Ms bitch. So it just was one of those things that like, cause that was a moment that I did not feel was when she said, we need to get the latest candy.

That was not a scripted moment. That was a moment that I did not feel was – when she said we need to get the latest candy, that was not a scripted moment. That was a Los Angeles moment. That was one of those insufferable Bradzilla moments that made me want to never watch this show again. Well, he was showing a house to a couple that kept saying, oh, this is so L.A. This was an episode where I think everybody was saying it. Like someone was looking at a house and she went, in L.A., a pool is a must. In L.A., four minutes in traffic it's 20 minutes oh yeah there was and out there the master bedroom facing the beach is you all tourists shut up yeah and i mean there were so many stupid things racing the guy to the beach under four minutes and he was like that guy does

not need to be in the he's 500 pounds and he's got hair all over his back. No one needs you closer to the beach. Okay, do Santa Monica a service and stay inland. Yeah, exactly. No offense. Yeah, no offense. Just a lot of stupid shit. All right, wrap her up. We could have done a whole episode on that, but you know what?

Below deck. Well, you know what? Million dollar listing. It was fun covering you for this past month but next week it all begins real house house of atlanta oh my god i think married to medicine we have reunions it's everything everything big so so come back then as usual check our watch what crap is.com our website for all of our links go to facebook.com slash watch what crap happens to talk to other listeners. And join us over at patreon.com slash watch what crap happens

for all our bonus episodes, etc. We love you guys. Oh, boy. Bye. Hey Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.