Watch What Crappens - #3491 Real Housewives Ultimate Girls TripS501: Drunko Bunko

Episode Date: August 10, 2026

Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip comes back to celebrate 20 years of Housewives. There are shenanigans, classic clips, and one really obnoxious lady with a snore button and a screech that will haunt us for the rest of our lives. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, sign up for our free weekly newsletter and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to watch what crappins. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. No, no, no. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Well, I guess I'm not doing as good as I thought because I'm wearing my shirt backwards.

I just realized. Oh, no. I saw myself in the video and was like, wait a minute. Let's just go with it. It's a new style. It's inside out. It's sort of cool. Like it's got some ribbing.

Wow. Welcome to the show everybody today. It's very special because it is the Antoine of the Real Housewives' Ultimate Girls' Trip Season 20, spectacular, with every housewife you've ever seen coming back to your screen. So that's exciting. Also, there was Real Housewives of Atlanta last night, House of the Dragon finale. It was a big TV night over at our house. says our house very action-packed very very action-packed today we've got an amazon live at one 30 pacific time and then we've got a crappy hour which is where we hang out with you for an hour

and talk about bravo headlines that's at 530 p.m you can find that on our patreon page it's for free and you can also find it on our youtube page for free and we sim simulcast it on instagram sometimes that works sometimes it doesn't so go to patreon and youtube Okay, that's where we'll be tonight having fun with you guys. And that's about enough of that. Here we are. What did you think of this ultimate girls trip? Well, you don't really want my opinion, really.

What did you think about it? What else am I here for? What do you think I'm here for to get my pants down? I thought it was boring as fuck. I'm not going to lie. It was cute. It was cute. Of course, I love seeing my housewives.

The flashbacks were very entertaining, but I was kind of like, what are we doing here? It was there was just like no glue holding it together. You know, it's just, I'm sorry, I was not feeling it. But, you know, whatever. I actually really felt it. I liked it. I thought, you know, your worry, which was a valid one, as it turns out, was that this was just going to be a clip show.

And it is that. It's a clip show. But God damn, those clips are still so funny. and I was still saying them back to the TV. And I was thinking it's kind of like Housewives karaoke, you know, like your song comes on and you sing it. But then there's always that awful person who sings the awful song and you just want to go. You know, it's like it ruins the whole karaoke night and it's not fun anymore. And that's Vicky.

I don't want to hear fucking Vicki sing Woohoo. And last week we skipped Real Housewives of Orange County. Sorry about it was family stuff. But we skipped that. And I didn't even get to bitch at Vicki for her whole, who do I got to do I? to whip it up to get a woo-hoo around here, which she kept trying over and over as her new tagline. Just shut up. You're a terrible human being. I can't believe you're on this channel. I can't believe you're on this channel. And on two nights a week, are you, what the fuck are you guys doing over

there? What are you doing? Yeah, Bravo is really kind of gambled and lost so far. I'm bringing Vicky back. I think I've been, I won't say I've been very vocal. It's not like it's something that's top of mind. But I have said in the past, I think Vicky has been pretty strong as a friend of. I think she's worked well as someone who pops in. And I think that's been a really good lane for her. Because I don't think she actually offers up very much on her own. I did like a scene with her and Michael about two weeks ago. I thought that was actually a very emotion, like an honest scene. But like you can see here, she's, I don't know, like she doesn't really connect with the other women in that way. So I do think that she's sort of a weak point. I think that like there's something

flawed about the real house wives old my girls trip as a concept. I think the first one and one or two were really great. But they have such a short timeline that they have to throw everything. They have to have it like they don't have time for things to naturally develop and like drama

to naturally happen. They really have to sort of make it happen with these like fake sort of scenes and parties and like it's fine and everything. But I guess like the issue for me, is that while it's always fun to see our various housewives together, and it's fun to see these clips, I'm not going to say I didn't enjoy that part. I don't know if the novelty of seeing a bunch of housewives together in the same room

hits the same way as it would have eight years ago. When Andy Cohen had his baby shower and all the housewives were in one room, it was like, oh my God. And since then, Bravo Khan has just become more and more prominent. So we've had crossover moments before. We've already had an ultimate girl trip. So, like, I'm actually not totally sure that, like, the selling point of this, like, we're going to see more housewives than ever before.

I don't know if that's, like, really doing much for me at this point. I'm sorry to say. That makes sense. Yeah, I, um, sorry. I just kind of enjoy it for what it is. It's like some silliness. So I, I enjoyed it. I was cracking up.

And all, most of them. are just doing their job. You know, it's like typical Giselle is going to come in here and just make mess over nothing, pretty much, and exaggerate it to start a fight, you know, and everyone kind of knows she's doing that. Like, they all know each other's tricks. So I think what will be fun is watching them lose it anyway, because, like, the first episode, you have Vicky just being disgusting as a human being as usual and annoying and obnoxious and just screaming. and woo-hooing and then judging people.

It's just being a gross human being. And everyone's quiet, but they all already hate Vicky. But they're all like, okay, well, we'll be polite. We don't want to look stupid on the anniversary. We're not going to tell Vicky to go fuck herself. So, but you slowly see them start to lose it. So I'm hoping that they don't just keep it polite and they do eventually lose it. Yeah, I think it's clear that they all don't like the Orange County women.

they just keep on saying, wow, they're so loud. They're really, really loud. Like, they all just dislike them. And I guess, you know what I want for a show. I want interesting interpersonal dynamics. And, like, the little bit that we got was Giselle saying something to Tamara, that, you know, so there's like a little bit of friction between Vicky and Giselle.

And it's not like I need everyone to be fighting. I just need there to be, like, stuff going on between the women. And so, like, just gathering everyone. and having Vicky making a speech while an extension cord dangles in her face is just like not quite enough for me. Like I want there to be dynamic. The first girls trip was so good for me because they talked about the show, but it was also like there were personality clashes and there were issues and people had to kind of like live with each other for a week in this in the paradise. By the way, also that first ultimate girls trip had the best theme song and I don't know why we

never brought it back. Like how so? on the island, baby. Like, what a good theme song. Why are we not playing that every single Girl's Trip? Was that the first one? I thought that was the second one. Yeah.

Has swabs on the Island, baby. So good. Let's get. Bye, yeah. So good. No, but I mean, honestly, not to be the most best music person about the Girl's Trip. But I think that, like, the clips are really fun.

The nostalgia value is fun. It's fun to see people, you know, doing on screen but like I personally was like I just once like the novelty started to sort of fade away for me I just sort of got bored I just was just watching women just be like I don't know like it's like watching someone else's college reunion yeah well maybe it just needs some time to warm it it might we'll see it might usually these shows get good when people really start to get annoyed with each other. It starts all nice. That's why you need to give a housewives usually a season. Unless there's an absolute crazy person starting shit all the time, it usually takes a season to

kind of warm up. So housewives, the girls trips don't really have that luxury, you know, but hopefully by episode three or four. Yeah. Well, usually also they're like, they're just around each other for like all day long and they're like trapped in a house. They lose their minds. But here they're just kind of like drive, they're going to be, they're not going to be in a confined area. So, I mean, what's the point? What's the fun of the zoo if the animals can just walk out the gates, right guys? So we begin, we go on like a, we see like sort of flash forwards or what the season's going to have. We see Andy, you know, saying like, there are 175 million women in America, but there have only been just under 200 real housewife.

lives. Like, this is the most elite status you can get as a woman in America. So all 174 million 990, 800. Women who didn't get to be cast on it. Sorry. I love track of the number. I couldn't do it. Might really end up place to judge the show when I can't even do simple math. There are so many women, but only 200 real housewives. Wow. What a goal. So when we start seeing the women and Teresa's like, Yeah, I've been through lots of hobbies on the show.

Every time I fall down, I just get back on. And, you know, we see all the different housewives talking. and we see her famous moments. No, Annie, I got my mouth shut. It's bitch better. It's bitch better. And Giselle's like, I said that was going to do five years. And I'm going to go back into my life.

But nobody knowing me. And that hasn't happened. And then we see Vicky saying, like, not many people have a diary of the last 20 years of their life. Yes. But unfortunately, we all have a diary of your, 20 last 20 years, which is great for you, maybe. But, like, for us, we now, like, know too much about you, Vicky.

Vicki Guffleson. Yeah. Some people shouldn't have diaries. That's okay. Some things are just better for God. So then that we see, yeah, mm-hmm. That we see Kyle. And she's like, um, the last 15 years in this town have been the craziest ride.

Like, I didn't even get how big this was going to be. I mean, like, when you already have started in, like, Halloween. It's hard to imagine that you could be on a franchise that's even bigger somehow. There are 275 million people in America, and there are only 200 housewives, and there's only one Jamie Lee Curtis, and she's not a housewives. Suck it, Jamie Lee Curtis. The numbers don't lie. Let me see Portia. And she's like, being a housewife is a sisterhood.

No matter where you go, if another person is a housewife, they know your story. Yeah, well, you know what? Being on 20 years and seeing all these cities emerge now, you know, I'm on housewives now. It's like kind of crazy. It's like crazy. I can't even believe I'm here, Lisa Barlow. I know. She's like the newbie.

I love it that she's the newbie on the block. I still think it's so fascinating that they put Lisa on this cast and not Heather Gay. I think that there is more to that story. Uh, I, I think, like, Heather Gay has a full on spin-off show that they were, that Bravo was trying to do for your consideration for the Emmys. Like, they did an Emmy's push for surviving Mormonism. Like, I got the emails from like the WGA or wherever. And so, like, I'm surprised that they didn't choose Heather. And I have to imagine that either a, um, like, they, they didn't, maybe they didn't like the chemistry on the last, girls trip or be like i don't know like is are they like is she not fun to work with like why why was heather not chosen i think lisa barlow is actually a really fun inspired choice because i don't i think that everyone always thinks as have heather is the center of salt lake city and lisa barlow it's sort of like fun that they they were like no we're going to make her the

representative it's like a kooky strange choice i wonder if the rumor was that she was doing the new love hotel. So I'm wondering if that had anything to do with it. But also, you know, it reminded me that I just don't say thank you to the universe enough. And this is a moment I really just need to say thank you. Because we've already got Vicky, who's filming that role of, oh my God, and that's Heather's role. It's like, girls, aren't we having fun? We're on vacation. So thankfully, it's, you know, only one and not the dueling blondes both being there together that would have made my head pop off. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. Either way, I guess I have to also hold out the idea that Heather Gay might not be on the show because she actually has other things going on in her life, which is funny that I did not consider that.

I was like, well, she must be a terrible person to work with. And it's like she could just be busy. But either way, I was surprised that Lisa was chosen for the show, and I'm really happy that she was chosen. I think she's actually a good choice because she's like a newbie, but she's also so self-involved that she's not necessarily kissing people's ass, which I like. She's one of the best ones, I think. I think she's great on here.

I think Portia's great. I think Luann's great. Kyle's even great in the first episode just because it's hilarious watching Kyle react to everybody else, you know? She's such a snot too, but I think she's great. The only one that's killing me is Vicky, but, you know. Yeah.

I think Vicki is, I think on this show and on Orange County, Vicky has come on and is like, I think she's like playing the role of Vicki Gundelson and she's not just being herself. And I think it's, I think it's apparent. and we are not connecting to that. Yeah, I don't need the original of everything to still enjoy it.

You know what I mean? Like Wendy's fries are better now. They just are. Sorry old Wendy's fries. That's exactly what I was going to say. You know, she starts screaming like, I'm the OG. I'm the OG. I don't care.

You know, things are improved upon and we move on. Go back to stay in the past with your family van and all that shit. I don't need her anymore. So here we are. I'm really bitter about Vicky, but you guys, if you watch this show, you understand why, because it's nonstop. It's nonstop with Vicky. Hopefully it's just because it's this one and it's O.C. It's the O.C. theme.

But, yeah, we see Lisa, then we see Luan and, you know, her flashback as you come in in your Herman Monster Shoes, even Louis Vuitton makes mistakes. Luan's voice, the evolution of Luan's voice, you know, our general imitation of hers, Ha ha, boy, we got the yacht. But it's really becoming girls. I love cabaret, and I'm here for cabaret. So, girl, are you sharpening a pencil in your throat? Is Philip Morris having you doing product testing?

What is that? What is happening with poor? I mean, thank God you couldn't sing in the first place because I would be like, lady, you're a singer. Also, we should mention that everything that we're saying right here, we're at Bluestone Manor and all the women are dancing slow-mo in like a room. It's like, it's like housewives prom, but they're all getting their like single shots of them dancing very slowly, which is funny. And then we have Andy saying, you have Dominated pop culture for the last 20 years. Hi, Andy Calvert is here.

Just want to say it's been more like 30, 35 years. A little house temporary Halloween. Okay, get back to your speech. But now you're... Sorry, maybe you never heard of a little show called ER. Er. I was we called it on set. Maybe you never heard of a show about a nanny who gets killed and comes back and haunts the family, but it's a sitcom.

I was on that. So then, what was they called? Here on Earth or Down on Earth? I don't know. I just remember seeing it when I went to Disney World in first grade. I just remember it was on TV and I saw it and I thought it was the best thing I'd ever seen in my life. I was like, this is so funny. It's like a ghost.

She can communicate with the kids and she's dressed like a maid. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Kyle tells us how famous they are. She's like, Academy Award winning actors are fans. Like we have huge fans who are in film and TV. Big film and TV stars are our fans. This is so funny how Kyle brags about.

Like, wow, we're famous. Even real actors love me because I'm a real actor as well. I'm like, I know, she's so basic. I mean, well, I find out, guys, I found out the cousin of Mona from Who's the Boss listens to the show. So, welcome to Crappins. So they're going to celebrate. They're all 20 years, everybody, 20 years. So we start at Atlanta at Portia's.

What we start again. There's a lot of starting. to say, we start here because this show is like, every scene in this show is like, welcome to Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip. And then the next scene is like, it's Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip. And everybody kind of gets their opening now. So we go to Porsches and the chemistry and the charisma that has been missing for years. You really don't know until it's back.

Me and he kind of just came in and dominated again. Yeah. This is a bit on here. Yeah, this was the thing that got the most pressed before the show. And so they start with it. It's Nini making a grand return to Bravo and showing up a Porsches. This is a big deal because obviously there was like some litigation between Nina and the network. I think there was litigation or talk of litigation and accusations.

And it just seemed like they would never get back together. And Nini is back. And it really is great to see Nini back. She is one of the all-time greats. Some would say she is the best housewife there ever was. And so she is here. And she is reuniting with Porsche to send her off on her trip. I'm looking up this.

I'm trying to find this Nini post that I saved. Oh, Reddit. Which was Nini and Porsche fighting over text. I was dying, laughing at this. Where is this? Come on, please say I have it. But it's her just being, oh, why don't you exercise, Porsche?

You are self fat. And they were having this fat fight. And then Portia was like, L.O.L. You're talking about me with those legs. your legs on an ass or something just going back and forth. It's just like an old classic Nini, Portia, just ragging on each other fight over text. Yeah, I can't find it now, but I was laughing about it because Nini comes in.

She's like, what's this back here? And she's grabbing Portia's butt. And Portia's like, oh, I'm just dragging the wagon. She's like, what is that cornbread? Damn, Porsche. Yeah. And Porsche is saying the last time she saw Nini was season 12. And she's like, that was the reunion during the pandemic. And she did the closing of the laptop. I would see a flashback when Nini closed her laptop, the Zoom laptop. Zoom reunion, I should say.

And Nini's like, I heard a lot. We've got to catch up. And Portia's like, yeah. She's like, because you're swimming in the lady pond. Portia, you got to tell me about this. Like, yeah, it's a little bit of a deep dive. You know, just kind of casual texting. And then all of a sudden, there was this event that came up and it's like, hey, you want to go.

And she was like, sure. And then last time I was out and now just like crazy. which is cool. I mean, there's a, I feel like Porsche and Sway, there's a bit of the, what's the, is it a, it's not the male gaze. Obviously, it's not the male gaze in the situation, but like, I feel like we're dwelling on this so much. Like, oh my God, Portia, Portia's dating a woman now. I mean, I'm happy for her if this is, like, I'm happy for her for being happy and she does seem the happy she's ever been. I guess this is more just like a reaction to the, to the Atlanta.

reunion, so I'll save it for that. But I'm like, I just feel like everyone's like, whoa, a woman. Whoa. It's crazy, Portia. Yeah. They talk about that a little while. And then Porsche tells us the plot of the show. So they're going to be going on a trip. They're going to visit all the cities. So there are seven girls, and she names them all. And I like when she's like, then you got Vicky. I don't know her. I don't know her. And. And, And Nini loves Vicky. She's loud, but she's cool. And then Kyle Richards, obviously, Giselle.

Portia says they're really close. There's Luan, of course. And so, you know, it's like, wow, this is going to be amazing. Nini's going to join them in the Atlanta version, the Atlanta week or whatever. And basically, that's it. I really need more Nini, though, because she was hilarious in this scene. Yeah. Um, so then we go to the airport and, um, now we see everyone like doing, shooting little iPhone videos.

And Lisa's like, I'm sitting in five, hey. This is where I belong. First class always. And then everyone is like sort of arriving in Orange County. And Vicki is telling us that this is the first episode aired March 21st, 2006, which is 20 years ago. And she's like, it's like birthing a baby, a big, big baby. And we see, lots of clips of Orange County, and then we see a flashback. Well, the producer was like, you know, and also you got your orange back. And Vicki's like, well, I don't know what they fired me in the first place. I'm pretty relevant, which is hilariously untrue. I'm not a Debbie Dada.

I'm not a Debbie Dada. And then Kyle's like, I can't believe I'm the longest running consecutive housewife in the franchise. Can you believe it? Even though sometimes I feel like, you know, like how much. am I even here? How did I get here? Especially since I'm a working actress, you would think I'd be pulled with all sorts of obligations to Alicia Silverstone and the guy who runs ER. But like, here I am, still working. Crazy. And Portia says, being here means she's reached peak housewivesism. And so we see some of her greatest hits. And Luanne's like, well, you know, my years on housewives are

started married. I got divorced. I got married again. Got divorced again, went to prison, all the while raising my two children. But I don't feel 20 years older and hopefully I don't look 20 years older either. Meanwhile, her voice is 70 years older. Your vocal chords are three lifetimes later. She has the larynx of Dorian Gray. Like she looks the same, but her larynx is like aging somewhere in an attic. So, Vicky is like, I don't have to call you a countess though. She's like, I think we have to call out the countess. Like, you always have that title, right?

She's like, you can just call me Lou or musical icon. Hit it, boys. I sing Cabaret in Orange County. Thank you. Thank you. That's my song called I sing Cabaret in Orange County. It's the only lyrics. I really just Lou from Connecticut.

Just me. It's like J-Lo from, where was it? Where's she from? The hood. Well, still problematic. I don't care about the rocks that you got. I'm still,

I'm still Luan from the line. Line. So, Jazeel's like, I was so excited, honored, humbled to be asked to be here. So many housewives to choose from, but they chose the best one.

Mia! So we see some clips of her. And then, of course, Teresa's like, Yeah, you know, I got the call and I asked Chad GPT, who's the most iconic housewife? And ChatGPT said Teresa Jude Eyes. Even chat GPT knows. Should we put that to the test?

I know people hate the use of AI, but good, it's so much better than Teresa I, you know? I don't think there is, I don't think there is an eye when it comes to Teresa. well i don't think that acronym works out some type tpT is an improvement okay i'm asking who is the most i'm asking seeing what she says who is the most iconic real housewife oh nini leaks it says nini leaks sorry it says nice try teresa the robots say uh well we don't

we don't the robots say it's nini leaks and then of course you know ai's always like but also maybe this and so they said that said different fans will argue for different legends. Teresa Judice, Bethany Frankl, Lisa Vanderpump, Vicki Gunnvelson. Then it says, if you asked 100 Bravo fans to pick

one face of the housewives, the answer would probably be Nini Leaks. So there you go. That's what the robots are saying. Sorry for people who are offended by AI. I feel like that was a good use of it right there because it was a discussion about AI.

And we had to show that Teresa was wrong. Yeah. So let's see. Then Lisa is in the car with her driver and they just show one of those clips where they keep cutting it to make it look like she's talking for 15 hours to her driver. She's like, yeah, you know, I was looking for like a tequila partner for my store opening. Oh my God, are we staring at the Pacific Ocean right now? That's crazy. You know, what if it was made out of tequila?

It would probably be Vita tequila. You know, Vita means life. I love life. I love swimming. You can swim in oceans. You can also swim in pools. I wonder if tequila's ever been swimming. I have 19 lawyers. For me, when I got the call, I was like, oh my gosh, what could be better? Like, these girls are legends. Like, this is going to be a park. And then Lisa is talking to Vicky, and she's like, so, by the way, how do we whoop it up? Like, what do you say? She's like, I'll teach you. I'll teach you. Okay, it's your, let's whip it up. Let's whip it.

let's whip it up. Let's whoop. I don't got it. So Vicki says, she's hosting the ladies here in Orange County because this is where it all began. And they're going to

go on a boat and then they're going to go to the quiet woman. And then they're going to whoop it up the whole way. Okay, back in the day, when somebody's really boring, I would just do this.

I would store. It was hilarious. I made all these store buttons for you. Okay? So here's the store. Take it. Take it. Take it. So she has everybody these little devices, and when they press it, it's Vicki's recorded snore.

But it just keeps going and going, and there's no off button. But it's like Vicky. And they're like, wow, thanks. Your iconic moment is telling everybody they're boring. It's going to be used against you very quickly, man. Each and every one of these cast members are so furious that Bravo did not have Heather DeBrow be the representative, because they're like, we want to get from Heather. We do not want a gift from Vicki Gunblson, our resident insurance agent. And sure enough, the next gift that Giselle, I mean, that Vicki hands out is like life insurance options.

She's like, guess what the next gift? You all have a clipboard. And if you don't have life insurance, just fill this out. Okay. You get life insurance. Something like life insurance. Heather Brough would have gotten them some sort of like, you know, some like little scarf, like an Aramese scarf. like an armes scarf each and every one of them.

But with Vicki, they just get clipboards embroidered or something. Lisa says, I'm just meeting Vicky for the first time. And already she wants my social security number, my full address, my banking information, my height, my weight, my blood type. Yeah. My gift to you is that you now pay me for literally the rest of your life for this policy. That's my gift. They're all doing the snore buttons.

Portia goes, is this your snore? Girl, you need a CPAP. So now they're going to go freshen up because they're going to Newport Beach. Yes. They're like, can we ever turn these buttons off, please? So now they go to the rooms and Giselle and Lou are rooming together. And Giselle's like, three things about Lou. One, you're going to get a song.

She's going to talk about herself. And if there are men around, Lou Ann will be right there. cut to Lua and I love being me Where the hell is the bell hop? Because I want to blow him. Wow, you're really right, Jazeel. I really do all three of those things.

So, by the way, I'm wondering, are they, I do hope that they bring Love Hotel back. I literally love that show. For people who think I don't like new shit on Bravo, I don't know who thinks that. But if just in case I'm being too negative here, I do want to remind everyone I was obsessed with Love Hotel and I hope they bring that back on to the schedule. They should be.

Should be back soon, buddy. So, Giselle is, uh, they're all just joking around and, um, Giselle's saying that she really feels Orange County. It's like, the wind is blowing. The sun is shining on my face. I've seen myself as a Cotto girl. And I was like, yeah, I just really love it here. It's so much more peaceful than L.A. You know, I can like walk around without people like, oh, my God.

God, what's Al Pacino doing? Yeah, it's nice. I mean, yeah, do I get stopped every now and then when I go to Heidelberg Cafe in Laguna Beach and say, Orange of the Grove was in Halloween? And I say, yes, thank you. Thank you very much. Or, oh, my God, aren't you the one who's friends with Jamie Lee Curtis? What is, was it like for her being an Oscar winning actress knowing a real housewife?

And I said, please, privacy, please, please. But generally speaking, Orange County is just so relaxing. We see Teresa Kyle and Vicki in a car, and they're just complimenting the city and how nice it looks. And Teresa goes, oh, this part, this part right here, this reminds me of Jersey. And there's just a really long pause. And Vicki's like, does it? Yeah, that's an interesting comparison. So they arrive at the Marina Village, and there's a boat.

and like there's crowds of people taking photos of these of everyone because the word has gone out that the girl's trip is in town so they everyone's taking photos and Porsche is saying how like they're you know like we're very much involved with the fans because you know they're taking pictures and they're taking photos and Kyle's like yeah so many people have been watching for so many years and are invested in all these people lives oh my god there's Sandra Bullock oh sorry I just assumed she was there

because I know that she's a huge fan she's written me my name DMs so The life of a celebrity, you know. You know what? The Osi is so beautiful. When you look around, you know, you just know that there were like dinosaurs here at one point. Because this looks like paradox land. Like if there weren't gorgeous homes, like all over this insane marina, I could picture it. Like, back like a billion years.

And there'd be like, I don't know, like something out of Ice Age or something. What are you talking about? Oh, you. They're just showing boats everywhere and this beauty. Is it the hills? What is it? It's like, there's a kudoba. She's like, oh, my God, I can totally see a pterodontal here.

Meanwhile, she lives in Utah, like, land of, like, prehistoric rock formations. She's like, yeah, but Orange County, Orange County is like where it's hot. Like, this is where T. Rex used to roam. Is she seeing it, is she seeing, like, the trees and greenery and seeing it as, like, a jungle? What does she sing? It's so. Was this supposed to be, like, a tie-in for the end of Oak Street, which is coming out this week? Is that an NBCU movie?

What is happening? A dinosaur movie? Yeah, I think from what I can gather, the log line is that Anne Hathaway and Eun McGregor are a mother and father of a family and their entire street. Somehow it gets transported back in time to the age of dinosaurs. So when they go out, it's like suburbia, but there's dinosaurs roaming around. I mean, it makes sense. It's actually not unlike this show itself. It's like, well, we're going back in time and we're seeing a lot of dinosaurs.

And everyone has to run for their lives. Commercials. Here comes one right now. So they get on the boat, and they're all talking about how nice it is. And then there are statues, not statues, but those big cardboard cut out things of them, like from Blockbuster Video. And it's their original stances as Housewives. I'm like, oh, my God, nobody needs to be confronted with this. Why?

Yeah. They do not seem thrilled whatsoever. It's like, we've put money. into ourselves to not look like this anymore. And they are not happy, but they have to pretend like they think it's so amusing. And the man's like, wow, look how long, look how young my face looks. Wow. And then let's look at my cardboard cut out, get her girls.

And then she's like, Giselle, you look like Jessica Rabbit. That's... Jessica Rabbit from the hood. Am I right, everyone? Vicki says, I think the one that looks most different is to Teresa. She's like, Huh?

Well, I don't look no different. The only thing I ever had done was, like, the tip of my nose. And everybody just stays quiet. It looks away. But Vicki is really one to say that the one who's most changed is Teresa, especially when she has a whole monologue about the changes that she had to her face later in the episode. It's like, Vicky, let's, you really, you should just take a backseat on this one.

Yeah, I mean, that's, it's interesting because it, Atlanta on the same night, there was a huge fight about plastic surgery and body shaming each other. And then they all body shamed each other anyway. But it was like, how dare you say this to another woman with your leaky ass and you're this and you're that? So it is a very housewives thing. I mean, it's part of housewives culture to be getting plastic surgery and stuff. Yeah. I don't know why anybody's shaming anybody about it.

It's just part of what you do. You know, it's like, do you get mad at teachers for taking pencils to work? That's just what you do. for Christ's sake, don't shame anybody. But I do think it does suck that you have to walk into a party and then like try to enjoy yourself with your before pictures. Yeah, that's rough. And so, uh, and, and there's a camera in your face. Lisa's like, we all look like ventriloquists and not like real people.

I'm assuming she means the dummy, but that's okay. Because like, there's like my least favorite photo I've blown up. Like, okay, I get the sentiment, but like, we could have passed on it. Wow. I look pretty good with short hair, I have to say. I know why Bethany stole it. Now they all sit down to eat, and Vicky is regaling everybody with

stories of the O.C. She's like, okay. Well, we had a, you know, we were dressed like the 80s for this party. And that's what we're going to do tonight. We're going to have season 7th party. We're going back in time. Maybe we'll see some O.Gs for my original franchise, guys. Yeah, and it's going to be, it's going to be for the very, very beginning. Okay? So 20 years, bitches. We're going to do a Bunko party. Yeah. And they're like, great. Yay. And then Vicky is like, then they're like, why we talk about some of our favorite iconic moments of ourselves? So Kyle's like,

let's see, would it be when I showed up with Jamie Lee Curtis, who won an Oscar? And I brought her to lunch. Everyone's like, oh my God, you know an Oscar winner? I was like, yes, I'm an actress. Of course I do. That was pretty iconic. Like, Halloween. Of course, Vicki starts. She's like, oh, I've got several. I've got several. They're like, oh, God, Jesus.

Carl's like, could I get some non-alcoholic rosé? I'm trying to tell my moment. Okay. So everybody just looks at her awkwardly because she's already made everybody uncomfortable with the Teresa slam or the little did she made it, Teresa. So now she's yelling at them, and she's given them insurance things to fill out,

and a snore button. So everybody kind of is hating Vicky at this point. So she was like, well, you know, there was one moment where I was Jugba says college. And he was expected to be there. And then I started crying. And then I did a kegstad. It was so, so funny. Okay, what about Beverly Hills?

And of course, Kyle's iconic moment isn't even about Kyle. It's Lisa Rina and Kim Richards' iconic moment that Kyle Richards is now saying is her iconic moment, which was Lisa Rinnah slamming the glass on the table and breaking it and coming for Kim and being like, you don't ever talk about the husband. And Carl's like, yeah, that was my iconic moment because I ran out of the room. I mean, that was a famous moment for sure. But I think that for Kyle, her, I think she has two iconic moments that are better. And they all, both from season one, first is like, you're such a fucking liar, Camille, which is amazing line.

And of course, it's the, like the fight with Kim in the limo. Like, that's, that for me is like the iconic Kyle. Richard's moment. And then like a good number of splits. And maybe there's a slut pig, which is really more Kim. Maybe there's the point of L going around. Someone else with Kyle. Poor Kyle. She is so bland. There was the, no that. Your husband will never emotionally fulfill you. Know that. But of course, that was the psychic. Yeah. There was goodbye, Kyle. But that was Ken. Yeah. Just crying about Kimosabi's, I don't know. Like, I don't know if Kyle has too many iconic moments on her own, right?

Yeah. That aren't reactions. And then Lisa's like, I think like big moments from like Salt Lake were probably like, my hot mic, I like watched it and I like cried. I cried. I felt so bad. I'd hurt Meredith. So I was just like, I'm just going to take it on the chin at the reunion.

I'm like, yes. When I think of Lisa Barlow, I think this is someone who just takes it on the chin all the time. Me, well, got to Lisa Barrow, be like, no! I don't say that. No, I didn't say that. No, no. Oh, and Portia is saying, you know, we always take it to the next level on Atlanta, and then Kenya and I came on, and it was just constant fighting. And her story is Kenya bringing the megaphone and screaming in her ear. I'm like, that was your iconic moment?

Didn't you get fired for dragging Kenya, literally dragging her across the floor at that reunion? What an odd thing to bring up is your iconic moment. Yeah, I think I feel like I mean that was a big moment. I think like by ashi was a huge moment for her I feel like there's been a ton of like really big Porsche moments. The Underground Railroad. Underground Railroad is number one. Yeah, they did play all these clips of Porsche and they were fucking hilarious. Every single one was fucking hilarious.

But for her to pick this is her iconic moment. It's weird. Yeah. So then yeah, she's talked about that. And I like Porsche saying, that changed the history of bringing props to reunions. As if like this is like a very important timeline that we have to follow the history of props at reunions. Like. Yeah.

And props are still very much at reunions. That's for sure. Yeah. Jaze and Atlanta too, especially this week. So Jazeel, uh, josell's iconic moment was sitting in carrying. spot in the center space at her birthday lunch, which was pretty funny, but also a weird one to pick. And they're with Teresa, they're like, ah, yours is obvious. And it's like, yeah, you know, everybody thinks, you know, like, I'm on TV and it's fun,

but it's not fun, okay? Like, I've gone away. I signed, you know, like a refinance, and my husband told me the sign. So that was really rough. And he used my credit. And never in a million years that I think I was gonna go to jail for that. Yeah, and then they're like,

well, so what happened? Like, it's because of refinancing. And she's like, no, it was mortgage fraud. And he didn't pay taxes. The government came calling. So she's like talking about this. And Vicki interrupts it. I never want to know any of this for me.

I pay my taxes on time all the time. No penalties, no interest, no nothing. You might have to have financial attention less than later sometime this week. Okay, I never are. And everyone's like, what the fuck are you talking about? like, Vicki, like, Teresa's telling her story, and she's telling it, like, in a way that's, like, more open than she normally does.

And Vicki just hijacks the moment. I mean, it is kind of bullshit. You know, Teresa's wording of it. She's very McBee in her wording of it. It's like, well, Daddy just made a couple mistakes on some paperwork, and then the government came to get him. It is kind of like that, but let the woman be delusional. You know, this is a celebration of delusional people. Just let her have her thing.

he starts banging on the table. It's like, pay your taxes! Bit your taxes! I know. So then Vicky is saying, like, what, you're at the product of what happened. But it gets complicated when there's business evolved,

and you always have to fight your taxes. And she's like, yeah, okay, like, whatever. Anyway, if Vicki keeps spoken the beer, who knows, I might be flipping hell off the boat. Like, we don't know. So Luann's is being, in Turks and Caicos and bringing guys back to the room and then getting in a fight with Heather

and being and saying, don't be all be cool. Don't be on. And they're just, everyone just starts marveling at how like the New York, New York, they always had so much fun and, and Lou, I think, well, you know, we're New York City girls. That's what we are. Because Cal's like, oh my God, and all the time on Beverly Hills, like, no one has ever met a guy I'm taking him home ever. I'm like, yeah, we know. We watched the show. No one on your show is adventurous.

And as sassy as Erica like to act, like, yeah, I just like the fucking God. She is not bringing a single person back to any hotel room on any trip ever. She's not even talking to anyone. She's not even bringing back an ice cream. Yeah. And, uh, Jizel is, Jizel just keeps trying to cause mess, which is funny. So like one after the other. She's like, so.

Do you feel like New York kind of took the shine from OC? Vick is like, we're both doing really well. Okay, we both of us were. That's like, we're different women in different places. And, you know, OCs OC, New York's, New York, gives a fuck. And, yeah, Viggy's like, well, everyone loves their franchise. And Lulana's like, no disrespect to the O.C. and Vicky, but, you know, I think New York really put the housewise on the map. And then, then Giselle's like, well, Borsha, you hold.

down in Atlanta and you all put O.C. and New York to shame. Well, I wouldn't go that far. Okay. That's a bit much. Giselle. You wouldn't be here if it weren't for me. None of you would be here. Yeah, but everyone knows. Bors is like, yeah, well, you guys opened the door and we kicked it down. And everyone knows that that's true. I mean, I've always, New York has always been my number one until the reboot, but everyone knows, like, Atlanta is the one that really moved the needle on Housewives. Like that changed everything. And they don't want to ever admit that. Yeah, agreed.

So now they do some more shots. Then they dance. They have a twerk off because it's girls' trip. That's what we do. I have to watch the housewives twerk. So they do that. And Giselle's like, when Portia twerks, everybody moved to the side because A, we can't keep up.

And B, it's unfair. But I love a little Kyle twerk. Kyle has nothing back there. But she can move it. Whatever it is, she can move. move it. It's just Carl's doing the cat scratching its butt up against the post move. Yeah. So then they go back to the hotel. Yeah. And they're getting changed for dinner and everything. And Vicki is putting picture frames in bags. And one of the picture frames is

Gretchen and Slade. She's like, bye, by Gretchen Slade. Hopefully I won't be seeing you guys the near future. And then everyone's getting into glam. There's going to be an 80s party tonight because it's a callback to the 80s Bunko episode. And to Reese, uh, Lisa isn't a Robert Cavali 80s thing, and she's excited about it. And Lisa loves it for her. And she doesn't really have big hair. Lisa kind of is doing Teresa hair. And Teresa's like, well, there's a Jersey saying.

Well, I don't know if it's Jersey, but the higher your head, the closer the guy. So I want my hair to be real high. But she doesn't make her hair really high, right? Maybe I miss it. So then we go to Portia and Kyle. and I'm just sorry, I'm thinking out loud. I don't know. Everybody's just making small talk, getting ready to go.

But Jazele and Lou are talking. And Jaze's like, are you close with Vicky? And she says, no, but you know, she does have a mean streak. And did you see her today with Teresa? I mean, she's pounding her on the fist on the table saying, pay your taxes. I mean, it's a little aggressive, a little aggressive, okay? And then she was talking about Tamara today on the boat. And we just heard this audio.

And Giselle's like, who are you close with Vicky? And is it Tamara? And Vicky is like, well, I love Tamara. But like, I always worry about her, you know, because, and Giselle's like, because you worry what she's going to say, yeah. It's like, yeah, just for the cameras. Oh, I got you. I understand that.

So Giselle's like, got it. Finally, something to hold on to, give the people something interesting to watch. Yeah. And she says, Giselle says Vicky's being a quintessential mean girl. And she's like, and I thought I was going to be the mean girl. I was looking forward to it. But it's Vicki. So she's about to start shooting Orange County again with Tamara.

So if you're saying you don't trust Tamara, then Tamara needs to know. Yep. So they all go downstairs and guess what pulls up to take them to the quiet woman, an old family van. And they're like, what? This is crazy. Like, but it smells like exhaust. But they just pile in. They're like, well, you got to do what you.

you got to do to get to the shoot. So they all climb in and they like can't even all fit in there. We're on ultimate girls trip. This is the first of many humiliations. Just crawl in the van and don't complain about it. Yeah. So Kyle is like, guys, guys,

it's all just a joke. It's a comic set piece. Okay. You guys don't know. I learned this from my favorite friend Jessica Chastain. She talks about comedy to her friends. And I'm one of them. now. So, guys, we're getting

real cars. Don't worry about it. So that is hilarious. All right, let's go to Bucco. It's Bunko. No one can say Bunko. I know. No one will learn how to say Bunko. I know. It's actually such an easy word to say, too. Bunko. So they go to the quiet woman for Bunko

and Tamara's on roller skates. I'm wacky bitch. If I have many cactus and I decided to keep backcups or whatever. Stop my bitch. And Gina Kio is there. Gina, who's 70 years old, like, God bless. And I know she's going through some challenges right now, so we want the best for Gina Kio.

And also, Joe is there. I was hoping, you know, I guess, you know what? I would have liked, like, if they're going to do the nostalgia play, do the nostalgia play. Give us Gina, give us Joe, give us Lori, find Kimberly. like really do it give us quin fry like that's what i want to see give us a lynn give us lin curtain now i know that lynn curtain is and like tammy knickerbocker are going to be on o'c because we've seen them in the trailer but like if you're going to do this like long look back to the past like give us some real

surprises you know bring in everybody they only brought in a few yeah and heather comes in with a cake because someone stole the cake of my bow It's hilarious, remember, guys. She stole the cake off my bow. So this party, they all go around to each other, and they do their best lines for each other. It really is. It does remind me of dinner theater in Jupiter, Florida. When it's like, Robert Goulet, Debbie Reynolds, you know, doing all the greatest hits.

So they're walking around, doing their greatest hits. And I felt so bad for Joe because nobody knows who Joe is. Like, nobody. They're like, who are you? And she's like, I was the first Latina housewife. I'm like, uh-huh. And who was it? She's like, hi, I'm Joe.

Oh, wasn't it Heather? Well, Heather would know who Joe was. I think it was Kyle. Kyle didn't know who she was. Someone just went, oh, Joe, hello. Nice to meet you. Who's Joe? What fuck is that?

And then Gina's like, hi, yeah, I was the very first housewife. Yeah, the show was actually written about my family. I was the one. Yeah. So, okay, sure, I'll talk to you. And I'll talk to you later. Okay, bye.

Hey, I'm Gina Kea. I was the, I was the, I was the base, they based this entire show. You all, you owe everything to me. Okay. No, yeah, you can walk away. That's fine. I'll talk to you later. Bye.

So, Portia is talking about Heather being a baddie. Plastic Surgeon's wife. She used to be a really cool actress. You know, I thought she was going to be stuck up, but I love her. Yeah. And, uh, oh, because Heather's also being, she's like, she's doing, we talk a lot about her claw hand. And we don't we don't give enough credit to her mime in an invisible box hands that she does when she's being friendly with people, which is that she puts her hands out like this.

Like she's a mime against the glass and then she does kisses. She's like, what? M-mm-a-mm-law. Why are you kissing people from within your mine box? She also does that really intense black-eyed smile. Like you're playing a game with your sibling trying to guess what the other one is. thinking like okay can you guess what i'm thinking do it now she's doing she's doing she's she turns into a mentalist yes and it's so so intense just her eyes boring into it's like i don't

know what you're saying think harder i've studied the art of presidigation then well here comes shannon bador wearing i think it was her brett michael's wig which one was Heather said it was her Mrs. Roper wig. Oh, well. They, yeah, she's ham. Guys, this is a newsbreak. Shambador is handing it up for the cameras. And she's like, oh, I got a, I got a cigarette in my, in my, in my, in my, in my, in my, in my, in my cause cancer.

And it's also not a candy cigarette because that could cause calories. So it's actually just a quinoa cigarette. I had to find it and make it specially made. It's fully, fully ancient and grain in the shape of a cigarette. Okay, I'm wacky, wacky. Shannon is dressed like 80s aerobics, and she's got the back of her outfit going up her butt, you know, kind of like a G-string. And Shannon sees it, and she's like, oh, well, oh, Tamara, well, did they even have G-strings back in the 80s?

Hoof! She's like, yeah, warm to work out. Lady never went to aerobics in the 80s? Stupid bitch. I just dumb bitch, Shannon. This is, by the way, this interaction has been hyped up on Orange County because there's been some talk all season long about like, well, something happened at the quiet woman while shooting Ultimate Girl's Trip. That was so terrible. It set Shannon and Tamara back eons, eons, eons and eons and eons.

So now we finally get to see what is going to happen between these two women that will be such a seismic shift that will carry over into the real housewives of Orange County. Yeah, and Vicky wants to get them back together because we're the Trace Amigos. We'll make it work over. So she goes up onto the stage to make an announcement. And Tamara's like, Vagga, why do you look like a drag queen? Lou goes, she looks like Phil Spector. So Vicki's there. And again, for some reason, there's just like a power cord that's dangling by her face.

And she's like, lazy gentlemen, thank you all. coming to the quiet woman. We are not too quiet right now. So 15 years ago, I filed for divorce in 2010 and really, it was a really hard for you for me and I was really insecure. So I was really scared. And so Slade ridiculed me and said I looked like a Muppet doll, Miss Piggy. And in the midst of that, we were filming a bunker party. And Gretchen was all about supporting Slade. And I said, how can you support a man that talks awful to women? I had zero respect for him. And I thought, okay, well, I'm just going to do it. I decided to do the surgery. I'm sure everyone's like, it was a great speech. Thank you, Vicki, for, uh, for regaling us with this warm.

welcome. What a fun party speech. She's like, yeah, it broke me down. And then I changed my face for a man, an evil man. And they're like, uh, that sucks, but also, what the fuck kind of party is this? I know, right? So she tells us this whole story, and they're all appalled, as they should be, as we all are, because Slade sucks. And it sucks for Vicky that she was, that she felt she had to do that. I mean, if she's happy with everything, then, then, then, more power to her, but it sucks that that was rooted in that. And so she's like, oh, so tonight I want to redo Bunko, because we're all dressed like the 80s. And I want to go forward, not backwards. And they're like, yay. And Portia's reflecting that this is like, you know, Orange County, they were the first ones to sacrifice their privacy. And one of the downsides of having a camera in your life is that you open yourself up for everyone's opinions, especially for how you look. Yeah. Yeah. And so like, don't even let it.

get to you, girl. Like, this is silly, you know. More power to you. Fuck that guy. And she just keeps going and going. Like, she keeps on and on with the speech. And like, okay, Vicky, wrap it up. She's like, and I brought two pictures. I brought a picture of Gretchen and Slade. And I'm going to put them on this table with candles so we can all remember how mean they were to me. I just want everybody to remember how mean Gretchen and Slade were to me. And poor, who does it? Lou Anne's like, fuck him. And just breaks a picture. Yeah, she just breaks it Which I feel like that should have been reserved for Joe

They're like, God, could you imagine if anyone actually married this guy? I'd be mortified. Well, thank God we're in a safe space of people who've never fucked Slade Smiley. Like, uh, Joe is right there. Who? Joe, who? Is he hot? Does he like cabaret? Mm-hmm.

So, um, Kyle, they're all like, why the fuck? is this a shrine to Gretchen and Slade? Why are there candles all over the place? Lisa says, This shrine is freaking me out. Like, what is going on here? It looks like we're praying to Slade instead of like burning him at the stake.

So then Tamara starts to tell us. Hey, guys. I want to congratulate Vicki Gammonston for recreating this 80s Bunko Party and Vicki. You got your orange bag so you don't have to worry to it because no one's going to make fun of your looks at Fis Spanko Party.

We'll wait for our show. to do that. And Gina goes, well, I am. That hair sucks. Yeah, the hair is terrible. It is terrible. And there's no need to get plastic surgery, Vickie. You don't have to do that to yourself anymore.

Every day you look at yourself and you go, eh. Still, Vick, just live with it. You know what I mean? You're not got to do nothing now. So now they're looking at Tamara, like, why is she giving an awkward speech? What the fuck is with these terrible speeches in the city? Tamara's like,

Listen, you never have to get plastic surgery ever again. Vicki because you've reached what they caught the point of no return. So enjoy it. Enjoy it. So they all cheers to Vicky and woo-hoo. And it's Bunko time. Okay, can I just do a rule summary for everyone? So we're going to start playing Bunko.

You get three dice. For every one that you roll, you get a point. And when you get three ones, Bunko! Bunko! Oh my God, my God! They start rolling on the ground. then you fall over and go, wow! And then Giselle's like, is it Bunko?

Is it Bucco? I don't play it. I'm a black woman. We don't know what the hell this is. This is not my culture. They're like, we don't know. So they're playing it, and Tamara's like, And then Kyle's like, oh my God, like the OC people are very loud.

You know, it's funny. It's like they must be, they must work on the stage, those of us who like work on screen we're used to just speaking at normal voices we have microphones that pick it up actress talk sorry yeah everybody is everybody from the OC is screaming for every little thing and um the rest of the ladies like okay can we please just get out of OC these people suck uh so they bring in some hot 80s what's that I said they're trying so hard it's like the OC women are trying well I should say the Trace Amiga's are trying really hard to like, we're wacky and fun and cool.

We're hip and young. Yeah. So then they bring in some hot guys. And Lisa just wants to use them to take good pictures of her. She does that. Gina gets a bunko, so everyone starts screaming and yelling. And the other ladies are like, oh, my God, my head. Why my head?

So then, there's also, wait, wait, if you listen closely, you hear a tap on the window. And everyone looks, and there's Gina Kirshenheider and Emily Simpson. be like, we've been here for like 10 years. Can we come in? And then the owner of the quiet woman just slowly lowers the shades on their face. It's just Kelly blowing on the glass on the outside, lowering her big open mouth on the glass. So now, Jazeel is like, okay, well, everybody's screaming and nothing fun is happening. I will start some mess.

So Shannon, two and Tamara hate each other. And she's like, oh, wow, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I didn't see y'all last season. And we're, you all were communicating, right, Tamara? And she's like, I tried, I try so hard with Shannon. You know, I really tried with Shannon to communicate when I'm, like, you're stupid alcoholic, you dumb alcoholic bitch, scrimand a man. I just tried, I don't know why she's not receptive to it. And Shannon's like, well, well, that's her story, and I'm not going to go into it.

And Tamara's, so, so Shannon's like, you know what, I filmed the, you and I let the prior year go of you attacking me every time we filmed, and I move forward with you, and I laugh with you, and I film with you, and we went away together. So to me, that is moving forward, okay? And Tamara's like, yeah, that was, that was one fucking, like, that's like one fucking thing. I'm the one that's got a husband, bitch, okay? I'm the one that's got, that has kids that are going to come, bitch. I'm the one that has everything. I'm not the one that's struggling around that bitch. Jeez. And Santa's like, Tamara, the fact that I filmed with you after you treated me so horribly and called me one night a fucking cut fitness 18 times

at a dinner table. I'm going to walk away. I'm just, I'm walking away. I'm going to go run away Shannon, run back to Lonaville with nobody to last year again. That's what Shannon does. I love Tamara saying. I love Tamara saying. That's what she does. She runs off. Well, maybe if Tamara could have been in the conversation about iconic moments, it would have been Tamara literally running off in the middle Bali or literally running off and winding up in bushes or literally running off in every single scene where she's confronted about anything, literally running off the show last season when she was confronted in New Orleans. Yeah. You'll never see my face again. We actually never saw that face again.

There's a new one next season. Tamara, you are so fucking delusional, but you know what? I don't care. She said, oh, yeah, I'm not the one that swings. That's Shannon. drinking, Shannon is drunk. How dare you. I'm taking this cocktail closer to the bar to complain about you talking about how much I drink.

Can you believe her? So then Shannon just sits down with some other ladies. She's like, I can't. I mean, she's calling me a fucking drunk again. All this shit. Someone get me a martini. So Teresa's like, um, I use okay. He's like, no, no, this is what I deal with every fucking time I am with her.

And they're like, what's going on? I'm like, well, Tamara, Tamara called me a drunk again. I mean, have I had a cocktail tonight? Yes. Was it only one? Yes. Was it possibly two? Perhaps.

Am I on my six? Quite frankly, I am. But I deserve it after she called me a drunk. Did I just drive my car into this bar? I sure did. Sorry, quiet woman. And Tamara's like, well, I was a good friend with her for 10 years, you guys. I was there.

I was talking on the phone with her, taking phone calls in the middle of the night, but she was drunk. Drunk phone calls. Lisa's like, you know, I love Tamara when she's on your side, but you don't want to be on your bad side. Yeah. And then Kyle, Vicky's like, can we just like have some cake? And Kyle's like, yeah, we're supposed to be here celebrating 20 years of me being known for 15 years by Julia Roberts. Okay. So Kyle is like, yeah, the trace amicas are like not really feeling like amegas right now.

I'm starting to feel like the trace enemies. I don't know that word in Spanish, but it's pretty good if you think about it, right? trace enemies. Right. So then, Giselle is like, okay, well,

that wasn't enough mess. So she tells Tamara, she's like, so earlier today, Vicky told us all that, you know, she can't trust you because you like to make things up

and throw her under the bus and she can't confide in you. Okay, that's not what she said, Giselle. That's not even, that's not even a fair way. That's just making shit up.

It's not what she said. You're just making shit up. And thank you. Thank you for doing it. Thank you for your service. It's like, ah, wow. So, Dazel's like, I don't know the dynamic here too much, but I know they're loud and annoying. So maybe if they just all scream with each other in the corner, the rest of us can have some peace and quiet.

So if you're going to talk behind someone's back, do it to their face because that's Potomac 101. It's how, and we do it well. Yeah, so Portia's just trying to make small talk with Joe, but like nobody still knows who Joe is. Are you dating? You married? What's that? She's like, oh yeah, I'm married. I love it. Any cheating? No. Okay, I'm really bored with you.

So Tamara pulls Vicky to the table for the chat. She's like, I talked to Giselle. It's just that she was talking shit about me today, that I make a blouse or something, because I thought we were good, Vigit. I thought we were good. No, no, I never said you makeup lies. I get scared of being around you because of the conflict. Like, my life is so good.

It's like, it's so incredible. And like, I don't want, I just, I don't want conflict in my life at all. I just, I won't, I won't, I won't have it. I don't want to have it. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Uh, so, Vicki's like, you know, I just don't like when you're mad at Shannon, because I love Shannon. And with the trace of me, guys. And so she's like, oh, I'm the peacemaker. Vicki says, I'm the peacemaker. Vicki, you are the meanest person to women on this show that I've ever seen.

The menest. Witness. is Carmela right now who's taking it from you for literally no reason. When Vicki comes on and tries to rewrite history. Like, it's just me, Vicki, the peacemaker, the one who's nice to everybody. You're not developed. So then Luan, meanwhile, was like, God, Osi is loud. The bitches are loud.

And Lisa's like, they're like literally giving me a high hike. So Vicky is just saying like, you know, Tamara, I don't like conflict with you. I'm scared of conflict. You know, I didn't say anything bad about you. I just said I don't like the way you treat as the other women. I've seen it. And she's like, well, because I can't stand out of drinking. It's like, it's not your place.

Let her deal with it herself. Okay, she's our fun, drunk friend, not our fun friend. It's like, okay, fine. Well, that's not a problem between you, not then, okay? She's like, I never said anything negative about you. Okay, I'm just telling you as my friend. If somebody asks me a question and I say something that might be a little different than what, like it comes out of, like, that's not why I'm on this earth.

Okay, that's a poster right there. Wait, seriously, she's a potsterer? I can't get to tell her about it. So she wants to make up, of course, and... I want to be good with you, Vick. I've been done in the show for 20 years. And then you're longer than anything about it. So I'm really upset about Chazelle. You know what? I don't even want Chazelle to be part of my life.

I mean, what's more to doing something like that to somebody? Ding, ding, ding, ding. Hello, gathered fellow women of acclaim. I am television's Heather Debrough, and I'm here to make a speech that will bring us all together. No, Alfredo, no! Anyway, gather around, listen.

What a beautiful night as the kickoff to the 20th anniversary of the Housewives. Do I wish you were at Nobu? Yes. Do I realize none of you can afford that? Also, yes. Would I have paid for all of you? Perhaps.

Would I have really? Only to flaunt my money. So, yes, most likely. Oh, well, anyway, you guys are all the OGs. much like I was the OG of the Anything Goes production of Syracuse University of 1988. The rest of us are just so thankful to all of you for paving the way and giving us this platform for this incredible sisterhood. Cheers to all except Wendy Malick. And for those of you who don't know who I am, I'm the person who is waiting for a Find My Friend's acceptance on my iPhone from Reba McIntyre.

Okay, enjoy the cake. Which has a little bit less bow as a callback to my iconic moment. Terry, get in here. That is the end of the first episode of Real Housewives Ultimate Girls' trips. There we go. We did it. Look at that. Yeah.

Well, everyone, thanks for being here. so much. This was good times. We'll be back with a shit ton of stuff this week. So join us for the rest of the week, and we'll talk to you guys later. Bye. Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Our way is the Amber Way.

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