Watch What Crappens - #3495 House of the Dragon S03E08: Open a New Window

Episode Date: August 11, 2026

House of the Dragon ends its season with a real nailbiter of a battle. Good guys die, bad guys die, and Rae Rae completely loses the plot and goes full fascist crazy person complete with chainmail habit and a new vertical eyeliner lewk. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, sign up for our free weekly newsletter and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/6958168b6446068fdc3dacffFind bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to watch what crappins. Winter is croppeting, our House of the Dragon podcast. Thank you so much for being here, everybody. It is season finale time. If you want this on video, you can get it on video. Come to our Watch What Crappin's Patreon. That's where you get ad-free listening, bonus episodes, all that good stuff. So join us over there.

Can't believe this was a nail biter of an. episode how did you feel i was yeah i was stressing i was stressing uh we knew everything was going to go wrong i was deeply unhappy with the things that happened but like that's that's just what this universe is right like nothing goes according to plan we always know it's not going to go according to plan we know things are going to get messed up they basically tease that it's going to get messed up. But I am sad to see Ray Ray descend into fascism. That's a real, that's a real sad turn. And we know it was going to happen. I did actually, I should say, coming into the season, I did not know that was going to happen. I thought she was still going to be great Ray,

Ray, and that she was going to just face, you know, various setbacks. And all of her plans was still never come to fruition because of all sorts of other bullshit. What I was not expecting was her to descend into fascism. And I didn't realize that was the plan until I, you know, I started watching the, after the show, you know, little things were the talk about the creators. And they were like, this is the first sign that she's being gripped with paranoia and that everything's going to go badly for her. And I was like, what? What? Why are you doing that?

No, stop it. Stop it. Well, I figured things were going to go badly because I watched that same after show that you did. And, I mean, it's the after, the HBO one. Yeah. And when they said she cut her finger. on the chair and that was you know we know what happened to her father and so i was thinking oh god now we're going to have to watch her rot i don't want to watch another person rot on tv please don't

and especially ray ray i love her i know i was like i felt like it was the first time i really understood the betrayal that people felt in game of thrones when um denaris went and burned down the whole city because you know as i've said many times as you all probably can tell by by the things I say sometimes is that I did not watch Game of Thrones from the beginning the way everyone else did. I binge the whole show leading up to the final season, like the final half of the final season. And so for me, I watched it all at once. And it was a very different experience than spending eight or nine years, you know, watching the show and then spending nine or ten months talking about it, making, you know, getting invested in different characters and yada, yada, yada.

So I think a lot of people who were on that like multi-year journey by the time DeNaris like lost her mind and torched King's Landing, it felt like a huge betrayal. And to me, I was like, that was just another twist in this show. Whereas this time with Ray Ray, I feel the betrayal. I feel the character betrayal. And like there have been people online who are like, yes, we love that she's in her bad bitch era. Yes, she just told her enemies. This is I'm going to do it. But in my mind, I'm like, no.

No, I like what she's good for. No. No. She's in her incompetent era. That's what she's in. Girl, she can't even put on her eyeliner. She does it vertically in between her two eyes. Like a, you know, one of those creepy old clown dolls

or like a joker on a card. Yeah. What are you doing now? Well, that's, Mazaria clearly did her makeup too. She's like, okay, Linda, you do my makeup today. Linda's like, um, okay, do I do it like this? Like, uh, fine. It'll just be my look.

She's got to sell it. Well, they've been giving us Rainier as a terrible leader the whole season, but that's kind of normal on this show because everyone just is like, oh, I want the job. Then they get the job. The job sucks. You know, and then we have to watch them kind of adjust to the job.

And so it was kind of a workplace adjustment type thing. So I was with you. I don't know the end. I haven't looked at the book spoilers and all of that. So I don't know. I mean, I have little clues because people do. oil little things here and there.

But I didn't know that it was going to go this bad and that Ray Ray was going to be fucking at fault. I know. I mean, it's weird. I think that coming into the entire series, I believe we knew that this was going to be showing the downfall of the Targaryans, right? Like, this is what happened to all the Dragons. This is what happened to the Targaryans, where there's so few of them left.

So we knew it's going to, it was going to go down in a bad way. But what I did not anticipate was Ray, Ray, becoming corrupted herself. And I guess for me, the reason why it bothers me is that I guess I just didn't see why. I don't see why she's corrupted. You know, she's been around power her whole life. I know there's this prophecy, but the prophecy was never like a thing that she was so dogmatic before when she was on Dragonstone.

She led at Dragonstone. She was fine leading. I don't know. I feel like she came in to hear her and into Kings Landing and she was like her first instincts were really good. You know, she fed rats to all the rich people. She handed out sandwiches, things like that. And then all of a sudden, she just stopped doing that.

And I guess for me, I'm like, I feel like she pivoted towards the dark side, mainly because the writers were like, we've got to have her pivot towards the dark side. It serves our larger story. And I don't feel like I understand truly why she had to. The only explanation I can come up with is, quite frankly, Damon. I think Damon's a bad influence. I'll just say it. People love Damon.

I don't love Damon. And I think he's a dick. I think he's a bad influence. And I think he is the one who's corrupted her more than the throne. There, I said it. Well, yeah. I mean, well, first, everything has been based on the prophecy. Every move that she's made because she thinks that they're, you know, that's the prophecy.

And she has to do it or the world is going to end or whatever. I like how they explained it in the after show and misery of all people explained it so well. When she was like, she had to make a choice at that point. She finds out Egon is alive. So now all the religions turned against her. And she had to choose between Misaria's advice. Yes. And Damon's advice.

And so she chose Damon. And that's what Damon, you know, if you're going to choose team Damon, it's burn it all of the ground and rule with force. And so she made that. She chose also masculinity. You know, because when she says on the steps, like, I am the prince that was promised. She's basically saying in that moment, like,

when she says, I'm the prince, she really has pushed away femininity, right? Like, that's her lady lover. Misaria is the woman of the council as well. I mean, there's also the other lady. But she basically is leading into masculinity, force, power, and it's a terrible choice. As it often is in life, leading into masculinity leads to terrible things for our world. You know, it's like a leader who just wants to be boss, but they don't really want the job. And she never really had her own identity in it.

Because when she was doing the things that you liked, giving the bread to the people, well, I mean, we all liked, you know, feeding the rats to the rich. That was Misaria's influence, you know? Yes. And then this other stuff is the Damon influence. And so she never really had her own thing. She hasn't known what the fuck to do that whole time. And every time they have a meeting, you know, they're like, here's the problems with the poor people. Here's the problems with the rich people.

Here's the problems with the donkeys. Here's a problem with the rats. She's like, where's egg on? Where's Amund? You know, that's all she thinks about is like fighting with her brothers and sisters and winning that stupid fight. She doesn't really care about all the rest of the governing part, which, man, it's just sucks because we saw Ray Ray Ray since she was a little girl.

And I don't know. It's like you're rooting for it. It's like, girl, no, no, no. Even her own kid. Like she finally spends time with that damn kid. Jeffrey finally wakes up. He's like, I don't even know you. What do you?

I mean, what a way to spend time with your mother for the first time, you know, on a way to kill the Pope and then give a crazy babbling speech to a bunch of people about some prophecy nobody's ever heard of. It's like the biggest language that you've been keeping. Yes, you've been keeping the secret for like ever. And then suddenly you're just blabbing it out to everybody. And then you change into a different language. They don't have captions. No one knows what you're saying.

They don't know. And they're wearing metal. You're wearing chain, like a chain mail habit. Like, what? I know. But I did like that she sort of took action because she has been sort of floundering all season. I actually kind of feel bad for the actress who just really hasn't had anything to do.

She's just been stuck in the small council room. And I love the small council back and forth every season and every show, like Game of Thrones, this one. But she really has just had nothing to do. And she's just been waffling all season. And it's been sort of upsetting because she never waffled. She was always so steadfast and so clear about what her, what to do and what her intentions were. I guess that's where I was, I felt like this part of the story was lacking for me is that like, you know, she believed in the prophecy.

But like, why, why now did she start to waffle so much? Why was she so all of a sudden not a woman of action anymore? And I think it's because they haven't gotten to run. I think she's not known what to do the entire time. Yeah, she's listening to this personally. listening to that person. And she's been dealing with her own personal traumas the whole time that's taken her whole brain. It's like the, you know, we started giving birth.

And then Allison being such a monster to her during that. And then fighting, you know, Allison and the dad and then losing her kids. And then, I mean, she's had a lot to do as an actor. I mean, this whole thing has been grieving. And I mean, to the point where this time it opens with her. bursting and sobbing and being, ah, I was like, for Christ's sake. Yeah. Pull it together.

I mean, I started off the episode like, come on, man. Yeah. I guess it just feels like in the past seasons, she would have some waffling, but then she would have like a clarity of what to do or there'd be like bureaucrats on the small council, being like, you can't do that. You shouldn't do that. And she's like, you know what? Fuck you all.

I'm going to follow my instinct and do this. And she just, she flinched. And I guess they're trying to say, like, well, what's one thing to rule from Dragonstone, but to rule the kingdom is much harder. I'm like, but she was, she's been here before. She grew up around this. She's, I don't know, like, I guess I just wasn't totally sold. Or maybe I just am resistant to her going to the dark side.

But it is the inevitability of it. I accept it. It's not a, it's not a huge issue for me. I just wouldn't like, say, I mourn it. I mourn the Ray, Ray, where you love and trust. And like, all the terrible things. It makes all the DeNaris stuff make a lot more sense to. Yeah.

in context of the history and what happens when you have all that power and you're just like, well, fuck it. Then I'll just burn everybody down. You know, it's like, fuck these people. It's like, oh, on the dragon. Yeah. You know, when he goes bonkers at the end, it's just like, fuck you and fuck you too. That's probably why they gave it to brand at the end. They're like, we'll just give it to brand. He's so boring. Even if it gets corrupted, he's really not going to do much. Let's be honest. Yeah, that ending made a lot more sense as time went on. And you just just kind of look at how politics works, you know. It's like, yeah, sometimes that is the best.

Just because the flassiest, you know, most entertaining don't necessarily lead us down the right roads. You know, sometimes you just need a boring man who can see through the eyes of a wolf. That's right. Well, why don't we get, why do we get into it? So it begins with, or while rushing through the Red Keep with an urgent message, which is pretty much his role on this show is to sort of get places urgently. And he's like, I must see the queen. So he goes in and he's like, you know, Grace. So he is, she wakes her up. And then now

she rushes into Damon's room. And now she's a mess. Oh, my God, he's alive. He's risen. Hey God, sunfire. They're alive. They're alive. They're awake. They're alive. Oh my God. It's terrible. He's like, what are you talking about? Just how Damon is always looking at her. like, come on. He's never raised by anything. And she's like, Agonne burned the host of Rook's rest. And then I don't even know where he is now. And then now everybody's like, all the religious people

think that it's a sign that he's the king. What am I supposed to do? What the fuck am I supposed to do? He's like, oh, for Christ's sake, get it together. We have nuclear weapons. Do you understand? Blow everybody up. We are the blood of old Valeria.

This is good old-fashioned. you know, like blonde supremacy. I mean, they're just these small folk, their minds are just so supple. I mean, they're so bendable. What? Someone dies and their dragon dies. They somehow magically become resurrected. Like, oh, it's a sign of something.

I mean, please. It's like, it's a pretty good sign, I have to say. The resurrection of a dragon that has yet to be explained, I think that's like literally a great sign for who should be. Like, isn't it weird that we're rooting for Agon now? I'm not rooting for Agon either. I mean, that's kind of the thing with this show is it's like watching The Valley on Bravo, where you just can't root for anybody.

They're all terrible. Okay. But I... I think I said this last week. You just have to enjoy it, them being horrible. But I think I said this last week that it is like a reality show, right? Where it's like, oh, Ray Ray-Rae's having a bad edit this season, you know? But, like, Agon is actually, he's, you know, he's always the villain.

But this season, he's had like a good redemption arc, you know, it really, it really, is such a parallel to watching Bravo. Yeah. And he sucked too. I mean, he sucked as a leader too. Like no one, none of these people even got the job for Christ's sake. Look, he kissed, he kissed poop on a shoe. He's grown up.

He's grown up. He just needed some time to rip in. That's it. He was an entitled prick, but now has his dick's been burned off and he's lost his, his good looks. and he's just had to suffer through the woods listening to Laris of all people and had to do manual labor. He's grown up. He's seeing things. He understands. I think he'd be great. He's fucking terrible. He's still terrible. I said, put him back on the throne. Why not? Let's do it.

So then Ray Ray does what most of us do and just start blaming our parents. But anything goes wrong. It's like another stoplight. Thanks all. lot, dad, you know. But she's like, fucking Fasaurus, he put me out. His fucking prophecy has tested me again and again. And then they switch over to High Valerian

because they can. Okay. It's important. They're like, yeah. Barakataka paratan, now you listen to me. He's like, this is your test. Now the moment you rise, the only quality of the realm understands is strength.

You have always known. this and she's like set to watch for agon's dragons and have you take post outside the dragon bit with vermouthor you will proceed with the attack on dumbledin go house to house root out to every high tower the realm is watching do not make a monster on me well weren't they going to do that anyway weren't they going to go house to house i mean like it's cool that you're like telling him to do this but they were going to do that so yeah i thought that was a plan anyway but this was also why it was surprising kind of how this episode unfolded because she's like, okay, I'm pissed, but still keep it peaceful.

Just get them out of there, but still don't burn people down, okay? Don't make a monster of me. Yeah. So, and she's like, yeah, because once Warman and Darren are dead, like, then I'll be able to really go after Agon. But then she'd, like, leave. She's like, I'm mad. And as she's walking at the hallway, Bail is there.

And Bail is like, your grace, have plans. laid for the sea snake's rescue, are you going to save him? Are you got to, we all like him. Can we save him from Tumbledin before you do any of this stuff? And she's like, your father will search Tumbledin for the sea snake once the town has been reclaimed. She's like, this is where Ray Ray just falls off again. Listen, you're going to Tumbleton anyway. That is where her dad or her grandfather is. All you have to say is, yes, I'm sending people to Tumbledin right now to fight. And we're going to get your dad back. Why do you need to be like, your dad's not important enough?

We're going to go sack the town. And maybe if he's alive, we'll bring him back. Like, come on, you're already doing the work to go to that damn tumbled in, lady. Or just lie. Like, you're willing to kill the Pope later. So just tell a little lie. Be like, oh, absolutely. Before we go in there, we're going to send someone in and pluck your father out who actually shouldn't have been in the field in the first place and got himself captured.

But that's okay. I'm not mad about that at all. And bail could have been like, okay, great. And then she could be like, okay. And be like, whatever, I'm not going to do that. But she is very, very honest. And so Rere is like, well, you and Adadam are needed to guard the city if indeed these rumors are true and Sampire was allowed to live. And she's like, but Corlis is your hand. Like, he's your oldest ally. You have to save him.

And she's like, well, I do not wish him ill, but he made his choice and we must now pay its price. Again, you're just, but it's your fault. So badly. You know, it's not. that she's not even trained to be queen. She's not even trained in basic customer service. You know. Yeah. She's not trained in politics, which is to be like, well, you know, our thoughts and prayers are with Bayliss, and if we can help him, we will. And unfortunately, this is more of a mental health issue than anything else. And we just hope for the best to just say something like that. And Bailey could be like, why do you keep on saying thoughts and prayers? Like, because I don't want to

tell you what I really think about the situation, which is I want to let him die. So Bela is like, well, guess what? This is all your fault. And Lord Corlis was out there to be taken because of you. This is you. You brought this all on. She's got some nerve, though, Bella, too. Like, you just locked this woman.

You just locked the queen in her chambers so that she couldn't go fight. And then you went with her son who ended up getting killed in the fight by your sister. Like, are you really going to bitch at me right now? Seriously. I know exactly And she's like You know This is how you've always treated those who serve you

Adidem and I have labored without rest Over countless sorties in search of your enemy Only to be repaid by in your anger She's like, um Yeah my son died and you were complicit in that She's like well This is because your sorters have yielded nothing While my enemies have been allowed to muster their strength

You're on a dragon, you're in the sky And you can't find the biggest dragon in this have you looked at the horizon? Have you looked at the clouds? Do you ever think, oh, that dark cloud is actually a dragon because it's breathing fire? What is wrong with your sorties? And she's like, and my sister, look how you're treating my sister. Poor thing. She's in there depressed because of you. Your sister took sheepstealer and then helped bring about her son's death. Like, Baila, are you, pull the car over. You know, at this point, it's like, just pull the car over. We are having a talk. by the way i'm really glad to see that that bail a love triangle um went nowhere for no like why did they even introduce that they're like oh she made out with ad she made out with uh what's his face and then added him was like i like you oh but you like my brother and then um it's like what will happen and as it turns out the answer is nothing yeah they'll get there next year that was a seed planted for next year i think oh it'll happen not next year but in a decade or 20 years

whenever the next, whenever the final season comes out. They'll be like, It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. So Baila Sass is Raneera, you know, because Reneira is like, I would have been justified in abandoning you after the gun, perhaps like you should be so lucky

that I let you even stand here and talk to me. And she goes, yeah, but you need my dragon. That's why. And so then Raniara is like, ah. So she grabs her face. She goes, incident child, I should not blame you for it. Truly, incidence runs in your blood as your sister lately has reminded us.

Yeah, Renaira. You're not wrong, but you're also pissing off a lot of people with dragons. It's supposed to be on yourself. A lot of people. Come on, Rayda. I mean, Renira. So then we go to Alan, and he is speaking with Corliss's men, and he's like, okay, we have to go secure Kings landing. And they're like, uh, yeah, but then won't Corlis die if we don't go in there and save him?

He's like, well, he brought this on himself. He knew of his risks and his adventures. He'd want us to appraise Valerian honor. And they're like, uh, yeah, who are you to say what Corlis wants? And he's like, how dare you? I am his eldest living son and named successor. I was on a really good sci-fi show before this. Do not mess with me.

I'm your once and future. Lord of the Tides. Oh my God. So you know, Barbara? Can I get an autograph? No, not Prince of Tides. Lord of the Tides. Oh, never mind.

Yeah. I'll tell you, I've never had a stain taken out more easily. I will bow to you. Mount Tide. I think, you know, I think we would have actually been a little bit more motivated if we knew Nick Nolte was involved in this. Okay. All right.

What do you need to hear for me to get you excited? Can you just say, Lowenstein. Lowenstein. Lowenstein. Thank you. Stop calling me Mr. Lowman. So we go to Tumbledon and Gwain Darren.

Gwain. Darren and Ormond are there. And Ormond's like, oh, look at this. Remarkable, right? Well, you must be made a night before you can be crowned king, Neil, Darren, you want to be made a knight right now. Do you promise to never have any stinky things around? to me. Okay, good. Do you also promise that if my pores are full of goo, you will help

squeeze them because we don't have mirrors yet? Um, sure, I swear it. Will you wax my butthole? Um, could I get back to you on that one? Okay, you are a night. That was, that was not in there. That was not in there. It's extra credit. Darren the Daring. Um, so I thought it was funny. that the nighting ceremony is like a British nighting ceremony. I mean, obviously they take a lot of stuff from like British culture,

but I was like that's blatantly just British knighting right there. I feel like since it's a fantasy land, they should have had some other like ritual that's like, I don't know, different. Just a little commentary. It's a bugger from your nose and turn it into a little ball and get it through my two fingers made into a goalie. You can be right.

Yeah, exactly. I actually had to rewind this part and put on the cap. because I'm just a ding-I'm a dingling, but I thought he said, all right, then rise the night, Sir, Darren the Darren. I was like, okay, come on now. Darren, Darren the Darren. Darren, you can do better than that.

But it was Darren the Darren. I had my captions on the whole time because I missed so much. So now Ulf is in a tavern and he's like, all right, everyone, queen of bastards, armies of gates, and leading them to slaughter I would be your uncle. No, her lover, no. lover now her husband it's damon fucking targary oh yeah of course he's got a fucking dragon but he's not gonna use it and like how do you know cause his lady wife the queen won't let him because rayne

has got damon on a short leech like a bitch in a kennel another tear for the dragon lord the rogue prince was seen quake for the mighty and table lord of the wight yeah so he's just it's one of those like, wow, the townspeople just gathered around someone swinging a beer around and laughing at everything. At least it wasn't another song. I know. It took me right back to when they were singing songs and like the Rivermen were singing songs at the beginning of the season. I'm like, ugh. They really don't know how to write these like commoner scenes. They're always like so school playish. Like, all right, everybody. Let gather around for a tear. Cause I'll share out of school of the king and his bitch wife.

I'm like, okay. I feel like the commoners don't talk like this. Yeah, the commenters are always idiots on these shows. You know, they're just like, we're dumb, but we have a beer and someone's telling us to laugh. So we're all going to laugh. You think, God, people aren't really like that. And then you watch a political rally on TV. I know.

I'm like, do you not remember the UFC fight on the White House lawn? I have to say, I did actually think. last season when Ulf was in the tavern and he had his like drinking buddies that that was like I like that felt I like that was like more realistic of like what I imagine you know the small folk at leisure would be doing but like this scene was very much like I felt like he was about to start singing Mary Poppins or something yeah he was like he was doing his roast in the pub like he's just standing and everybody's standing kind of around him just swinging a beer back and forth everybody's like an extra on the ride at Disneyland the Pirates of the Caribbean.

Yes. Or they're just on tracks running around with their arms waving like, ah. It does feel like it's like teeing up like Master of the House or something, like some musical number, you know, about like paper, don't realize the work way put in to make our poise, something like that, you know. Just like, okay. Okay, so now we go back to Kings Landing and Alinda, the, um, Rainier's personal maid lady comes in. And she's like, it's Princess Helena.

She's not taking food. And everyone's worried for her health, especially for the babe in her belly. So she's like, sir, okay, whatever. Someone, sir, Alan, I will have a full escort to the Grand Sept. Also, get whoever recycles diet coat cans and have them make me a finale outfit. Extremely important. But do save one diet co because I just love it.

I love it. Just one and then we can add it to the dress afterwards. I just will need it right before I walk over there. And Linda's like, oh, at once your grace, will that be ours? No. So then we cut to Missouri's private office quarters. And she's just sitting there, you know, just doing Missouri things. I don't know what she does when she's just hanging out there in her room.

And then the guards walk in. She's always like, I imagine that she's always just. steamed a new white outfit because she's got so many like pretty white outfits. So she's just steamed. And then Alinda comes in. She's like, uh, awkward. Yeah. Guys just go ahead, start packing her stapler and her hole puncher into boxes.

Yeah, you've been fired. I'm so sorry. You will be rich. She's going to give you lots of rich. You're going to be taken to wear ESOS, something like that. Pentos. Sorry, got them confused. You're going to have so much money.

You don't have money to offer me. What are you firing me with all your non-gold? Yeah. No, you're going to love it in Pantos. I mean, look, what happens if you add a U and an E to Pentos? Because Penthouse, that is where you will be living. You're just going to love it. Yeah, can you just like get that, you know what, leave the lamp.

She doesn't get to have the lamp. Just whatever trinkets you can find. Just put them in a box. It's just that your role has been eliminated. And we really appreciate your work here. And you'll have a parting gift. And thank you so much. Well, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa, not the coffee mate. Not the coffee mate. You can't just take creamers. Okay, those are property of the castle. I'm so sorry. Unfortunately, those big pens, we will need those back. You can't take those. But customers can even take these pens.

Yeah, you're not a customer. You're fired. Okay, so put the branded pen back down on the branded notepad by your bed. Okay, you are out. And Missouri is like, what, but why? And Linda's like, I don't understand either. I'm just, I don't know what's going on. So then I was so mad.

So then we go to Helena being escorted. She's being brought back in. They're like, you've had your hour in the pen, you know, in the jail yard or whatever. You've got to come back in. She's like putting down her curling weights. She's like, all right. All right. Going back in.

And then as she walks through the entrance courtyard thing, she sees the white horse from her dreams. Yeah. And then she sees Missaria being escorted out. Zara sees her and she goes, do not trust the queen. Egon has returned. His dragon lives. Your unborn child is a hostage, a prize by which she can hold power over his enemies. She will never release you.

Okay, well, awesome trying to get me to your side. But you were on the other side this whole time. Why should I trust you? But Helena knows she's telling the truth. Also, in the last episode, Helena was having visions and we were like, why is she in a field with the two blonde children? And now we know. Yeah.

Well, I think everyone's been anticipating that she's going to, like that she was not going to be on this mortal plane for very much longer. I'm especially after Ray Ray so delicately grabbed her by the wrist and was like, tell me what's going to happen to me. We're like, okay, Helena's out. She's like, I'm done. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm sick of it.

I didn't think that at all. I really didn't. I was like, oh, my God, Helena could win this whole thing. Because there was that part where she was on her dragon, and then her dragon, streamfire, right? Her dragon, gorgeous, first of all, and the purple crown of whatever you call it, horns. And the dragon Dracarist all over everybody. So I was like, oh, there's the ending I'll choose. But then there was also that, like about three or four episodes ago, she was like, I want to go stand by the window, which was at that point.

Everyone was like, wait a second. Keep her away from that window. We know what's going on with that window. That window is bad news. I saw a couple of comments of people being like, I thought she was going to walk right through that window. But I didn't know that that was like a spoiler or anything. So I was actually genuinely surprised.

I did not like. Did not like. So she sees the horse. And in her visions last week, the horse was, I guess, kind of a prelude to heaven. Because she saw that white horse and then she was in heaven. And the gates opened up. Yeah. She saw the horse and it opened up.

Yeah, I don't understand what the dream fire thing is. But maybe the dream, maybe dream fire returning in her dream signified sunfire coming back to life some weird way. Oh. I don't know. It's hard to. I don't know. I took it as like different options, you know, different things that could happen. I would like it if the writers just said what they intended.

Like when it's done, what's done. That's not how dreams work. I know. But when it's done, the writers can be like, okay, we meant this with this. And we meant this with that. And we meant that with that. That's all. Although my dreams are pretty obvious, aren't yours?

I find my dreams are not tricky. It's like I was walking around and I couldn't get anywhere. I couldn't figure out where I was going to go. I mean, it's pretty on the nose. You have no direction. My, yeah, my dreams are very non-metaphorical. It's like, oh, I ran it. It's like I ran into a celebrity at a party.

It's usually something like that. It's like, oh, look, there's kitty corrick or something like that. Like my roommate in college, she'd be like, I had a dream last night that I was flying and I saw the Virgin Mary. His dreams are always so over the top. He was very, he was very Helena-esque. And I was always like, oh, I went to a party and I was eating dip. And that's like my whole dream. Yeah, yeah.

I remember being younger and dreaming I was peeing and then I would wake up and be like, oh, my God, I'm peeing. You know, I'm just a very obvious dreamer. I don't. So she's not. So then we go to Heron Hall and Amon, here's echoes of Egon's voice in his dream. He's like, help me, brother. And Alice is right there. And she's like, oh, God, you're alive. All right, drink this.

Just drink you, dumbass. You'll take any old other drinks. So drink this one. Seriously. Yes, it's abortion tea, but it also has other properties that are very good for your skin. It's like Ozumpic. It's really for diabetes, but they found out it actually works pretty well for other things. So just enjoy it.

You'll enjoy not having food noise. I'll tell you that much. So he's like, why do I, why do you care whether I'm alone, whether I live or die? I'm a kinslayer, Alice. My own brother is dead by my hand. I have been damned for my trespasses and cursed to suffer. You should abandon me lest you bring mine own fate upon yourself. Surely no one in this room is more cursed than I have.

right now and doesn't have a model art to explain why they would be. Wow. So then we get the Alice backstory. I was surprised that we were going to get, that we got all this. I like actually. I feel like this show is so good at not giving us, like making us wait forever. And they actually gave us, they gave it to us. Right on itself for a platter. So she starts crying. She faces away from him. And she says, once upon a time, when the dragon, ballerian burned this place, it was. was the end to Lord Heron's line. But his line was not so ended. There was a survivor, a child, a boy. He was burned terribly.

But alive, his mother would have given anything to save him. So that was her. And so she says she summoned maesters from all across the seven kingdoms. But there was nothing to do. So she turned to older cures and witchery and uncovered, you know, incantations. From crazy books, she started reading tarot cards. She started reading fortune cookies that weren't even pointed at her. She even started talking to the people of the forest.

Don, don't, dong, dong. And then she discovered, but that's when she learned the costs because she discovered that then she was cursed. To live on, to remain within the bounds of the River King's Old, cursed for sharing in herons, avarice, stripped of her name, her title, her castle, and sentenced to serve every have penny lord who came here to rule it and agon's like wow did you ever meet her that's me you idiot it's me i was talking in the third person to be dramatic so it sounds like with all i have questions

okay oh go ahead sorry i was going to say it sounds like when she was doing all her magic she didn't really know what she was doing and she cursed herself by accident right or or the children of the forest were mad at her or something like well here's the thing like if you're going to make deals with the children of the four what was the deal your son still So would you get out of this? Now you're just cursed? That's not fair. You're supposed to be given something in return for, you know, granting the wish or whatever.

Like, I wish something with them here at the terrible costs of that. You've seen wicked. You see how magic goes awry for not doing it properly? Well, that's true. Oh, so you think she like cursed herself with some, like she read a spell along or something? She didn't know what she was doing. She's being foolish. and she she like mixed it up it was like a light like bring him back to life and then she got the lyrics wrong of the evanescent song and then accidentally gave herself like you know eternal life but the kid still died and she's like damn it did it wrong yeah because otherwise those are terrible the forest people like don't trust a forest purse don't make a deal with a forest person that's for sure forest so really fuck yeah is she not allowed to

the castle or is it that like the curse is broken when she gets to control the castle maybe is that what it is i don't know but she's she's cursed to be on the grounds stay there forever and deal with everybody i don't know what she's waiting all what breaks the curse maybe having a baby because she wants to you know be with amand and he wants her or she wants him to be the lord of the hall or whatever so i don't know But then she wouldn't say then stay with me forever because if she broke the curse and she would be able to die or leave or something, right? You know what? She should have just told us to Damon and be like, look, here's my situation. I'm cursed.

I would love Harron Hall because I think it might break my curse. And also like I can I can run it pretty well. She should have said that. I think that would have helped. Yeah. You know, I don't think it's kind of like watching below deck. We just covered an episode of below deck. and we're like, all these men on below deck are the same.

You never trust one of these men. And it sucks to watch people fall into the trap over and over again. Even when they've already fucked them over on the show. And then they're like, well, don't worry. Just keep me secret or something. And then they fall right. They're like, okay, we'll just keep a secret. I'll give him whatever he want.

It's that kind of thing where it's like you just had a blonde skinny guy here who looks just the same as this other one last season. And he just left after you gave him. him everything too and now you're trying with another skinny blonde guy from literally the same family he's gonna fuck you over you know yeah yeah yeah yeah they will the below deck curse that she was visited they visited the below deck curse on the house at heron hall i've been cursed to stay alive on this boat um now we go back to king lankly sandy hall yes seriously uh so ray ray goes in to see helena and she's like you you're

You must eat, sister. Think of the babe. And she's like, you are thinking of him now too? She was like, you're saying it's a boy. Do you know this? Look at me. You cannot think I would harm you. You don't think I would harm you, would you? I wouldn't harm you. She's like, do you think life is nothing more than not being dead? Our father would hate you for this? Sir Ray Reyes does not like that. She goes, and yet he did nothing to prevent it. I strove to honor his philosophy until I saw that it would be the realms of unfurms. Excuse me, but I have something very creepy to tell you for no reason. Okay.

There's a beetle. There's a beetle that emerges on the cusp of the summer. It has lots of colors. Blue, gold, red, yellow, green, brown, scarlet, black, ochre, peach, ruby. All right, you're just doing Joseph in the amazing Technicolor Dreamcast. Get to the point. Right. Well, it looks like a turtle.

Have you ever noticed it? Are we talking about my father again? Please listen. It's beautiful. Are you sure it's not a turtle itself? That is a good point. It could be a turtle. The point is you only find it in King's Landing

and it sustains itself on the waste of other creatures. It's beautiful. Great. Love it. Did you just tell me about a poo-boo-eating bug? You know, I was hoping you would tell me how my rain would go, but learning about a dung beetle is also very exciting. And when someone returns... Go back to Joseph in the amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

Just at least the songs in that. If you eat food, I will pretend to care about the beetle turtle thing. She's like, you don't care about it. You're pretending. All the things you say you care about are ugly. This place is ugly. You yourself, ugly. Damn.

Well, we are sisters. So, she's like, don't poke at the gene pool that you crawled out of, okay, young lady. I don't know.

Martin Lawrence Belard did this room. I think it's actually quite stunning, but that's fine. So she's like, eat, or you will force my hand. She's like,

no, I won't. I'm going to keep making this art on this blanket that no one's going to even notice until I'm dead. And so Ray, Ray has people come in and force feed her like hold her mouth open and pour soup down her throat yeah oh

cheese ray ray just every decision i was surprised that she even cared if she eats what does she care she doesn't want that baby to be born anyway i think is it like a weird i think she wants to get she wants to know about the prophecies i think she wants to use helena she wants to Riemer. Yeah, I think she wants that. And I think on some level, she still feels like she, like, she has a deal with Allison, you know, but, yeah, Ray Ray, just her soft skills are really terrible. She, she proved that last week when she tried to coax information out of Helena.

She just doesn't know how to manipulate. She needs to learn from Allison. So then, yeah, and I get, like depression. I get, you know, I get everything that the character of Helena is going through. but at some point you just need to like question the food too like is this even good i mean that's what i was going to say she's like here's what you're going to eat and then they'd bring her in this terrible like unseasoned like white bean and cauliflower puree it's like could you could you order a pizza you know or like find the beetle bring her some like insects to look at it in like a little

cage or something you know like give her something to give her some what she wants to watch right like she's telling you what she needs she needs a colorful beetle to play with. Yeah. Entertain her at least. Bring her some Beatles she wrote, you know. Let the beetle figure out some mysteries in the town. Maybe you can bring her some music by her favorite band, the Rolling Stones.

Now, what did you think I was going to say to that? Scald of misdirect. Outside, Adam and Alan are hanging out. And Adam is like, brother, will you march on Templeton as well? And Alan is like, no, because I've got to guard the queen. She's totally sane right now. He's like, oh, well, news of Aegon's return has set the queen on a dark path. She has grounded Bela and confined her to the keep.

Did you know this, Alan? And he's like, of course I did. We are making out these this, but I'll pretend like I didn't. So anyway, the point is this. It's dangerous. So don't question her. Okay, just do what she says. It's like, do not question the door to it?

And he's like, oh, really? so our father's awaiting the gallo and Ray Ray rises you up in his place. Wow, can't believe you're sticking up for her. Guess I'm on what's a job. He's like, I have no ambition but to discharge my duty. And then I'll see bailin discharge something else. If you know what I'm saying, high five, high five. Oh, sorry, I forgot you like that.

I'll discharge that booty. Yeah. Ray Ray is leaving the castle and she gets in her little carriage thing with Joffrey. So finally she's gotten Joffrey in a moment where he's not asleep and made him dress up for Sunday school slash war. He's like, great. Can I have an iPad at least? That's going to be a long ride.

Now, Joffrey, unfortunately, this show has spent all of its production budget on a stupid fight that we're about to see. So we cannot pay you a day rate if you have a line. So just sit there and nod and smile at Mummy. Otherwise, we have to pay Saga after more money. Okay. All right. Off to the high septine where nothing terrible will happen, sweet, sweet Joffrey.

So now Tumbledin, everybody's preparing for a battle. And Darren and Gwain, see all the soldiers coming. And Darren's like, oh my God, how are we going to face all of these soldiers? And Gwain's like, bravely and pointlessly, welcome to war. All right, here's what I will do. I'll go out there and I'll say, for those who want peace, drop trow and let me see what I can do for you. Okay, like, no, uncle, no. It's just too many men. He's like, I know,

but I'm up for it. It's like, no, uncle, no, no, no. We can't do this. And then we see Ormond. He's like, all right, if all those who are younger than eight, please stand over here and hold up a shield. I am going to have you on the front lines of this battle. Here you go. I'm like, wow.

If you are not tall enough to ride Thunder Mountain, you are short enough to be on the front lines of this. Yes, chill. Get the innocence in the front. They're doing a great job. He's just a, it's probably, I think he's, I'm going to say he's the best villain this show has had for sure. They've done a great job with him, willingly putting children in the way. That's for sure.

Puts all the children on the front lines. Yeah. Total villain. They're like, yeah, they're like, sir, uh, old hasn't responded. We don't know where oath is. Well, we do. He's drunk somewhere. And this is what you get.

That's your plan. The fucking dumb drunk. Yeah. So Roxen goes to find Ulf. And then Darren and Gwain are sort of watching this from afar. Like something's not right. He has some secret plot afoot. This is not good.

Okay. We got to fix this. And so, and they see all these kids. These kids are crying because they're being used as human shields. It's all fucked up. And so Darren's like, I'm going to get on my dragon.

I'm going to do this. And Gwain's like, no, don't do that. I'm telling you, officers respond very well to blow jobs. Just let me get out there. me do my magic. Yeah, Darren's like, but I have a dragon. I need to fight.

It's my duty. I'm going to fight everybody with my dragon. Your dragon is as big as a fist. Okay, you need to give your dragon a minute. Dragon can't go fight anybody. What the hell, bro? And Gwain tells him that, basically. He's like, okay, so now you're going to become just another body for orment,

you know, among the countless dead. And he's like, what are my choices? I either fight, I flee, or I change hair color. actually, that's actually a different option. I haven't really thought of. Please don't let Ormond go. He's the best at dying. And then they're like, wait a second.

There's another thing we could do. So meanwhile, Carraxies is flying around. And all the guys are like, yes, Aramens, yes, I God, mother. And Ormond is running through the street. It's like, where's off? Where's off? He's so mad.

And down below in the dungeons, Darren and Gwain find Coral. who's just sitting there. And as some people online have noted, there's almost an exact replica of the shot of Ned Stark sitting in the dungeons ahead of his beheading itself. So. No pun intended.

No pun intended. Don't lose your head over it. So they're like, you want to change sides? Uh-huh. You want to change sides? What are you going to do? And Gwen's like, I've got another idea. So he pulls out his sword and takes him.

But we don't know. Oh, no, not another digit. Yeah, seriously. We don't know yet. So then we go to Kings Landing. And Misaria's going to her. She's being escorted to her ships. But then people are like, hey, hubbub, hobob.

Did you hear that great roast that Ulf was doing? It's making it over the pigeons. Everybody's talking about it. So they're all distracted and she runs away. Yeah. Which is like the hubbub is. because Rainera is heading to the sept, the high sept. So, yeah, Missouri runs away, which makes me a little sad because I kind of felt like,

well, might as well take that mansion in Pantos, right? Like, get your money, get your mansion. But she's like, no. So she goes off. Well, she was in for budget meeting. She knows there is no money. She doesn't care about that anyway. She wants the power like everybody else.

Would you say? Yeah, you're totally right. She knows there's no money to be. had. Um, so, uh, meanwhile in that little carriage, Joffrey's there like, I don't know what to do if I'm not in bed. And Ray Ray is like, you are my heir now, Joffrey. And the duty I pass to you is more than simple, a simple rule. This, there is a story that your grandson told me and was told to him by the old king and I pass it on to your brother following mine own assent. I will tell you the story because it's very, very private. I may tell everyone in about five

minutes, but for right now, I'm just telling you. Now, while I tell you this story on a very bumpy road, will you do my eyeliner? So over in Templeton, Damon is making a little speech or he's talking to people and they're like, well, we're going to go in this way and this way and there's a south wall and and yada, yada, yada. And then a guard is like, hey, my lords, a high tower night, as I approaching. And like, so, kill him.

Like, no, he's got Lord Coles. So then, Roderick, my favorite one of this episode, I love that guy. He's like, fuck me, I've seen more on a, more meat on a butter's knife. Good God, can I just kill him? Let me just kill the skinny little bastard. Wayne's like, well, you already know Lord Corlis. And they're like, are you okay? He's like, I'm, across like, I'm fine.

I'm in one finger down, but, you know, all in all, pretty good shape. So Wayne is like, wait and is like, listen, my cousin's crazy. Okay. He's a popery addict. He doesn't even know. He's losing brain cells. Okay. He's crazy.

Let's make a deal. We don't, we don't have to go to war. Let's just make a deal. You guys can have everything. We'll just take this little town over here. We'll be fine. We'll roll over. Just let Darren rule over here.

You guys do everything else. and we'll make a deal. And so they're like, yeah, like, not sure about this. I mean, I guess we could have, like, Darren could be like the county seat. He could be the, do we have a zoning board? He can run the zoning board down there.

Okay, let's have him run the zoning board. Like, no, no, no, no. He's going to be the king, not the zoning board. Like, we can't feel like to be different zoning board. like we can't feel like to be different zoning board. Oh, please, just let me kill this milk southerling cut fitness. So, and Gwain's like, listen, guys, the realm was once seven kingdoms before the conqueror and we were divided, but we were at peace, okay? So, and Quas, like, stop, stop.

You're both annoying me. And Damon's like, all right. Well, I thought the high towers might have cut off your tongue as well. Thanks for weighing in. And this is where Corliss is like, no, no, no. He's not wrong, okay? just give him like a patch of land, let him do his thing or whatever. And it's like, plus, nobody believes that a woman can rule anyway.

So that would take care of that. At least you'd have a man around. And Damon's like, oh, please, it was your wife who was passed over, Colis. Okay. It's like, Ramirez sees the throne. It's like, oh, now, now we're talking about how a woman can't rule. It was fine when you wanted your wife to rule. And he was like, well, people aren't going to take it anyway.

And Corliss says the queen has many dragons, but the great houses hesitate. And people don't feel safe. And Amon and Vagar is still at large. So just give them all to him. Okay, let's call this day. Well, and then Damon breaks the news. Like, by the way, Agon's back and his dragon's back. You didn't know that, right?

So, yeah, it's not as simple as this. So, yeah. So Corliss is like, well, Agon and Aymond would be common. common enemy. We could be all friends together and we could all go against those two and Damon's like, no absolutely not. But Corliss is really trying for peace. He's like,

we should have peace. I think we need to have peace. Otherwise, we're all going to die. And Damon's like, I don't understand that word piece. I am a Targaryen and I'm unhinged. So yeah, we're going to find. Gwain tries to give a little speech. It's like, you would cast away the lives of thousands.

And then Damon grabs him. I thought he stabbed him in the throat. I was like, damn. I thought he was just stabbing him, but he grabbed him by the neck. And he's like, yeah, guess who's going to lead? Ray, Ray, the ordained queen of the and handles, of the first men, of beggars and thieves. And cowards like you even. All of the M&Ms even support Ray, Ray, every single one of them. A new Valeria will rise from the ashes of her usurpah half-brothers.

And he's like, okay, do you want to die here behind the balls? Okay, get the hell out of here. And so he lets go of Gwynne. He runs like hell. Yeah, but they keep Coralus, of course. So Gorlis is now the prisoner. He's like, why is Corlis a prisoner? So I guess it's for being traitorous.

Because he tried to propose peace. So they're like, okay, let's start the fight. Let's let it all happen. Meanwhile, over in Heron Hall, Amy would wakes up from yet another dream. And he hears a dragon. And he's like, my god, vagar, is it vagar? Is it vagar? But it's Agan and Aagon has just arrived on sunfire.

And this is where Agon, he's like, what? And this is where Agon famous. He goes, I'm alive. Impezzal. And he's like, please, I beg your all forgiveness. He's like, what? I should split you in half. What are you going to apologize now? I'm going to burn you. I'm going to make your skin plaster. He's like, you should. I'm a real ass. He's like, God damn it. Why are you taking away the vine? It's supposed to be fine. What did you become so sensitive? So then Alice suddenly shows up. Because Agan's like, get up, we're going to Tumbleton.

And she's like, my prince cannot. His dragon abandoned him. He's like, who are, who is, were you? Some lady who can't even die? She's like, oh, that was actually a really good read. But, uh, no. So Amon's like, listen, you know, I have a thing for older ladies. I've got mommy issues. I have found the oldest lady there is.

Please. Her skin care's amazing. She's my betroth and she's like, oh, well, that's nice. So, Egan's like, do you know what's happening out there? No, Reinera declared me dead. And after you disappeared, that little twat, Darren decided he should be king. So here's what we're going to do. We're going to find Vagar, fly to Tumbleton, and but Darren and that shit hill Ormond in line. And then we're all going to march on Kings Landing under my banner. And maybe when Reneer's head is on a spike and I'm back on the Iron Throne, maybe then I'll forgive you for trying to fucking kill me.

You know, so. By the way, they didn't go to Tumbled. Right down first. Huh? Did you realize he just said their goal was they're going to go to, they're going to find Vagar and go to Tumbledon? But I just assumed that meant that they'd be showing up at the battle this, this episode but they didn't they never did yeah i thought so too because they get places so quickly on

this show you know they don't have to go kill my son hey i'm here to kill my son it's like uh how long how close are you did you guys get subways by the way is anyone else excited that tumbledon is finally destroyed i can't stand this little town it's like all this drama over one small random town yeah well you know when tumbles in the title it's not going to end well it's just It's not good. I know. It's not good, ju-chus. Here comes one right now.

We go back to Tumbleton, and they're doing war plans. And little Oscar Tolly is like, aside from the main gate, there's another way in. And there's a two, you know, we can get there. It's weak over there. So we'll try that bar. And Damon's like, okay, fine. I'll burn the battlements over the main gate. And once the clear of resistance, then we'll come with Caraxis for cover.

strong string bean of a dragon. God, I love that. Long-ass dragon. My dragon is very effective unless there's another dragon that's being a real jerk, in which case my dragon just is nowhere to be found. Yeah, I do love Caraxis. He's like the cutest little string bean. Yeah, but I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I guess you're not just allowed

to go start fighting. Anyway, we'll get there. We'll get there. We'll get there. So, um, He's like, okay, we have to preserve the town of the people for Ray Ray, the realm is watching, the queen's moral standing must remain absolute. Like, you know that you're married to your, you know that you're talking about your niece who you're married to. It's like, the morals in this family. I know.

I started sleeping with Ray Ray when she was like 14 years old. Now, let me tell you, we have very strong morals in this family. So Alice Atten Blackwood is like, sounds boring. and Allison Blackwood, who is the one who murdered Kristen Cole, which is great. She is the great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandmother of Arias Dark, for those who are wondering. So, it's time. It's time that they're like, wait, like, by the way, they put children up there, so just so you know, we have to deal with that now. And they're like, God damn it, what are we going to do now?

And so Damon's like, well, Lord Roderick, are you still prepared to die for a queen? He's like, can't fucking wait. Can't fucking wait. He's like, all right. He's from sons of anarchy. That was he? Left him for a long time. Yeah, he looks great in these kind of roles, you know?

Like, just let him be long-haired and greasy. Yeah, he had a great, this great episode for him. I mean, he's been here all season, but this is really the episode where he's shown. So basically is like, all right, tell your gray beers to go over the walls, overwhelm them, open the gate and then you can die. It's like, got it. Gate open, then die. Yeah. So when we go to Kings Landing, Ray Ray is coming up to the high septent, to the church.

And they're like, whoa, whoa, wow, this is a church. You can't just bring guns in here? Listen, this is like a movie theater in Texas. There is a sign that says no guns in here. here, you know? And she's like, please. The people of King's Landing gather seeking to know who is ordained to lead them. You better tell them that I'm the boss, Pope. And so the high septent's like, well, I have already told you that such is impossible. And now after Egon on his dragon have been resurrected, there could be no clear sign of whom the gods have chosen to rule. Princess. And she's like, religion, smelage. You make me the queen right.

now. And he's like, no. And he says, you may have six dragons, but I have a seven face to God. And I, I'm sorry, but this is not how it works. You don't get the whole conservative community on your side this quickly, okay? You've got to make rounds to churches. You've got to be seen on camera praying and stuff like that. And she's like, no, do it right now. You're a traitor. And she's like, get him, everybody. And Alan's like, uh, you want me to kill the pope? And she's like, do it. You have to do it right now.

You are the blood of old Valeria. You answer to a higher god than this. To them, this house, an empty work of brick and stone. Kill him. And he does. What the hell? Alan does not like this. He just walks up and stabs his ass.

Alan is not happy. Because the guy's like, you are going to go to the deepest of seven hells. Like you're going to hell, hell, hell, hell, hell. And Alan's like, uh, just kills him and yeah murder murder in murder in vatican city is basically what this is like and it's it's great we know it's not to be good it's terrible it's like every single one it's like now you're killing the pope girl you're going to lose the people so ray ray is like okay she's like I got to get ahead of the story so she she steps out of this story so she steps out of this

the sceptin in her black metal outfit with her crown and she's like before his death my father Vassaros the peaceful named me his heir not in secret but in ceremony hundreds of lords traveled hundreds of leagues to swear everyone knows it I am the queen okay so guess what there was a prophecy it began with the doom when fire and hell erupted destroy old Veneria and her people and only the Targaryen survived by the way we're kind of the best we're the only ones who survived and my My family alone was spared because the gods wanted it. And I came back and we were called the protector of the world of men. Well, guess what?

There's a prophecy. It's called the Song of Fire and Ice. Here she goes. She's like, there's a prophecy. My dad knew it. You all better listen to me. And she's trying to be this big inspirational speaker. And they're all looking at her like, cuckoo, the hell.

We don't know what you were talking about. Does anybody have a pigeon recording of Ulf? Because that guy knows how to do it. Okay, and that guy knows how to do it. What is this cuckoo bird talking about? And then she switches into High Valerian. And they're like, what? They're like, yeah, she's doing, she's just like, she basically says, I am the prince that was promised.

They're like, we don't know what she's saying. And I think I may know I was the prince that was promised. Who promised who? What? You can't just like spring a prophecy on us and then say actually not only here's a prophecy that you never knew about. But on top of that, I actually fulfilled that prophecy. It's like, whoa, that's like a lot. You have to first, like, introduce the prophecy, get people to buy in on it.

And then you have to say that you are the culmination of it. Yeah. And you're up there with her, like, crazy eyeliner and her, like, everything she's, everything is just wrong. They're like, a girl, you just killed our religious leader. What? So there's no applause or anything. It's just her looking out of the audience. Like, check please.

So then we go to Tumbledin and now Damon is giving his speech. And he's like, listen up, motherfuckers, whether we live or die today. You'll remember it in histories. If anyone's really alive to write it down after, which, who fucking knows? All right, go get him. Kill them. So Roderick takes the graybeards up and they start, they get ready to go. And the arrows come at them and they fall right in front of them.

And he's like, bring it on your cot fitnesses. Yeah. And then the fight is. the fight is on and, you know, the people of the town are like hiding and cowering, and everyone's coming in and the men are attacking, they go up the walls. And it's a lot of hatchets to the face and arrows and eyeballs. And it's just blood and gore. And they're pouring, like, scalding oil or water down the ladders and getting them.

So you're watching them burn. And meanwhile, Ormond is not leading the battle. He is stomping around the town looking for Ulf. And they're like, we don't know where Ulf is. And they're like, by the way, the battle began. So yeah. And then once someone says, and also, by the way, Damon didn't accept King Darren's terms. And Norman's like, terms, what terms?

So he's now realizing that people are undermining him. Yeah. And he's like, I need my weapon. Where's Alf? And so then we go to Gwain searching for Dan. We don't know where Darren is. Roderick finally makes it over the wall, starts just hatcheting people in the face. And then there's a boy who strikes him on the leg.

And so he thinks about it. And he's like, oh, God, this is just a kid. Well, fuck, I'd hatchet him in the face, too. He just gets that kid right in the face. Episodes, brutal. Oh, my gosh. Everything. I mean, there's a lot of slaughter.

A lot of slaughter. crazy moats are on fire everything is going crazy um and uh damon is meanwhile damon's like where is ulf by the way we don't know where elf is like how do you not know where olf is he has a very large dragon and they're like well we're we're with the dragon but olf's not there he's like oh damn it and so um rodrick and his guys are still fighting they're going for the gate but now they're still fighting they can't get through the gate. So Damon sees Vermethor flying and that's Hugh Hammer's dragon. And it's like, what the fuck is he doing here? He's not supposed to be here either. You guys have to train your employees. My God. And he I think is getting really, he's getting off really easy.

He's getting good at it. No one is, no one is like what the fuck and what's up with Hugh Hammer? Because Ulf really takes the cake for this one. But Hugh Hammer, what the fuck are you doing too? He's not being helpful because while he's, you know, he is, he is, he's messing up. He's messing up in two different ways because he's not protecting the castle, which he'll need to do since Agon is going to head over there. And as, and if he's here at this battle, he's not helping out with this battle, which he is needed to do because he's looking for cat. So he's really kind of like failing in many, it's almost like a worst failure because

Ulf, Ulf can't be, you know, no one has high expectations of Ulf, but Hugh Hammer, I thought was going to be a reliable soul. Yeah, but he's just, I mean, ultimately they all just want fame, you know. He wanted the fame, that's why he did it, then his wife got pissed. And she's like, what? He's like, but why are you pissed? I'm famous. You better come with me.

She's like, no. Like, but I'm famous now. Yeah. So basically there's just more fighting. And then essentially, Damon is, is this where Karaxes burns open the door? Well, they send all the boys and the children outside the gate so that Damon will stop. And Damon's like, well, what are you going to do? So he burns them too and then burns the gate down and crashes through the gate.

Yeah. So then eventually it's like superhero mode where it's like Damon versus 90 people. And he's doing pretty well until a guy that looks like the mountain comes up and starts finding him. That's Ormond's like that's Rockston. And Orman's like right-hand man. And then meanwhile, Orman does finally find Ulf, who is like passed out on a toilet, essentially. So he just grabs Elf and throws him to the ground. He's like, get up, you worthless sot.

All you had to do is sit on your fucking dragon. They're inside the walls. You useless baseball stump. You may have cost us everything. Get back on that piece and do as you've been told. And this is a huge mistake for Ormond because Ulf is now, he's really petulant at this point. And he does not like being spoken to this way. Well, the whole way he got him on his side was being like, oh, Damon hit you.

We would never disrespect you. Take the biggest mansion in town. Like, you got it. You're a king. We're going to kiss your ass. And then he does what Damon did, you know, and beats him and humiliates him in front of everybody. So not great, buddy. I mean, of course, your pants are down by your ankles and you've got poopoo all over you.

And you did fall asleep on the toilet. But God forbid, Ulf ever looks at. himself is the problem, you know? He must have been really wasted. There's a full-on battle happening outside, and he's sleeping through it. So then Damon's still fighting with Roxton. They're exchanging words. They're sword fighting.

And then Ulf now has made it to his dragon. I don't know how he got to his dragon or where his dragon was hiding, but somehow he got from the streets onto his dragon and now is flying over the battlefield. So everyone starts to cheer. Like, Oulf, Oof, yay. It's great. Everyone's so excited and I guess we see that elf goes to bounce his dragon. I forgot.

There was a scene where he goes like up to the hillside and he gets on his dragon. And there's a guy who's like, oh, well, your dragon's right here. And then just that guy gets killed. But anyway, he gets on the dragon. We see Hugh Hammerer's wife too. She's trying to hide, but soldiers come into her home and use her as a human shield against the other soldiers. Exactly. Exactly. So Gwynne finds Darren. Darren's down with his dragon. And Gwain's like, it didn't work. So,

Gwen's like, look, you got to go. The plan failed. Okay. And he's like, so you're going to die now, Darren. And he's like, no, I will not be remembered as a craven. He's like, well, if you stay with your dragon, you're just going to die anyway. I've served with plenty of brave men. One of them was even really good at painting shields. And I really liked him. He was hot, okay? So don't think that you're not going to die. And don't think that you're going to have more glory if you just die out fighting. It's stupid. Don't do it. Please, for warm as vanity, just come with me.

And then the dragon's like, really? You know, Cesarian. He's like, oh, please. Get your dragon off of me. He's like, stay back. And then meanwhile, outside, this is when this is when all flies over the Damon's army. and they're all cheering like, oh, but then old burns them up. He's like, oh, too bad for you.

So he starts burning them up. But Damon's inside and Damon's fighting. So he doesn't really see this, but it's like, I'm like, whoa, what is happening here? Also, like, so Carraxies is just chilling out while this happens. Like, Caraxes doesn't like have any sort of response to this. Like, what's going on? Well, I think they show him. Caraxis is with the army still outside because Caraxis has been told stay.

And so he's like, okay. Correct. And then that dragon's on our side. But then, you know, I mean, I don't know. I don't know. Who knows what's going through a dragon's mind? Yeah. So then, so Ulf is flying around on Silver Wing.

And then Damon and Roxon are fighting. And it's getting really, really bad. And it looks like Roxon is going to actually defeat Damon. but the thing is that well we cut away from that they fight for a very long time we keep cutting back to them and it's just never it's going on for a very very long time

now we go up to Roderick and he's looking for Ormond and they fight and Ormond cuts off his arm and it's like this very campy, gory moment where like Roderick has like he's missing a limb and like blood is just coming out of his arm and he's like

and Ormond's like And now Orman's gagging for like the third time because he was just barfing with with Ulf on the toilet, and now he's here with this bloody, you know, thing coming out of him. And he's like, blah, blah. And then Roderick is able to get him again

and stabs him right in the butthole. And he's like, oh, yeah, that's a proper fucking by the North. But then here comes Silver Wing. And they look up and there's Ulf with Silver Wing. And then Ulf is like, yeah, and fuck you too, bro. So he goes, then he burns them both up. And Roderick's like, yeah.

And Ormond is like, oh. And they both perish in the fire. Jesus. Oh, my God. I was hoping when Ormond attacked Ulf, the Ulf was going to be like, I'm going to go back with the other army. At least he didn't beat me on the toilet. Yeah.

But no, he burns both of them, burns the shit out of both of them. And then we start getting shots of like, isn't look at Darren, because Darren's getting his ass kicked, by the way, until all this goes down. And so Darren has a lot of those moments where everything gets silent and he sees all the kids hurt and all the Damon, yes. And he sees every, you know, all the kids and all the women hurting. And he has that moment of like, wow, is we're really bad? If really never thought about it like this.

It's like, okay. A little late, dude. Exactly. Well, also the creators in the after show were like, we didn't want to glorify battle. We wanted to show that there was real cause. Like, no, putting in like 30 seconds. of, you know, slow-mo and essentially having, what a wonderful world playing.

It's not enough. Like, it's just stupid. It's like a, I was like, this is just such a hammy little moment. Just, it's a battle. We get it. We're not glorifying it. It's all terrible. Just go forward.

Yeah. So, Damon's about, yeah, they're like, wow, look at Damon, feeling things, guys. Too late. And this isn't the first time Damon's been on one of those things burning the shit out of everybody either, you know? Yeah. So not that it was him. It was Ulf this time, but it's like, wow, the damage of dragons. It's really different here on the ground. We should also mention that Damon and say, Ulf saves Damon inadvertently because Ulf's destruction causes like the roof to collapse on an arch. And then it like separates Damon and Roxton. So Damon's able to get out of the way. And so he's having this moment. And then he starts killing people again. And then Coralus finds him and it's like, uh, we got to go. It's over.

Yeah, he's like, we lost. Like the town has lost. leaving and he's just like, I'm gonna I fight. So he drags him out of there. And then we go to Helena's room in King's Landing and she's looking at her tapestry and she's just finished, what was it in the tapestry? Like a building on fire, right? So I think it was this war. Yeah.

Is that right? Is that what she saw? Maybe. And then she starts going towards the window at which point you're like, uh-oh. And then Gwain, he wakes up. He's like in the middle of all the ruins. And he's like, oh, he's like, Darren, he's trying to find Darren. Someone finds Ormond.

And then Hugh Hammer, Hugh Hammer, who is not helpful at all in this situation, he finds cat and she's dead. And he's like, oh, cat. I'm like, honestly, like, enough. Sorry. It makes me crazy in shows like this. And they do it in so many shows. There's a show called Paradise that I watch right now where their main character.

It's like, everybody's dying. It's the end of the world. And when it comes to them, it's like, well, you know, stay strong. That's what it is. Sland of the world. Sorry, sorry can't help you over there. But then when it comes close to you, it's like, oh, oh. Like look what this just happening because you're not doing your fucking job, sir.

Do you realize, like, you could have been on your dragon and you could have torched Ulf? And instead, you took all this time just to get to cat. And why did it take you so long? You know exactly where she lives. I don't know. Yeah. And why were you there so late?

Why did you get there so late? You knew the battle was going to begin. Why did you show up so late and like get to her so late? I don't know. I think that you, he's just, he's just useless. Yeah, he sucks too. So then we go to Ray Ray coming back and the, Alinda is like, oh my God, my queen.

And so she sends her up to Helena's room. And she's been told what happened. We don't know yet. But she walks out to the window and just kind of looks down. And then she notices the blanket, the tapestry or the needle point or whatever that Helena has been working on and looks at it. But she doesn't read the whole thing. I thought she was going to be like, oh, now I'll read it.

You know, but no, Helena's jumped out the window. She's dead. She's on spikes. And she has actually sewn her own death into the tapestry, which I feel like doesn't count as a prophecy. if you're sawing your own fate, like you can just decide to do that, you know. But she also sows that there's a, there's an image of what looks to be Ray Ray on the throne, surrounded by flames and like blood coming out everywhere. So that's not a good sign.

Also, notably, one thing I saw, I spent some time watching the opening credits this week. I noticed that the tapestry in the opening credits catches on fire for the first time this season. And like it all burns up. And there were some other things in there that I hadn't seen before. Well, they included Agon and sunfire in the tapestry this time. And they took out the battle with the triarchy. And I was like, I'm going to pay attention this time around. But yeah, we should have known just by the tapestry burning up in the opening

Cress that this was going to be bad for Helena. So yeah, she's dead there on a spike. And then we see Allison, she's walking through the forest. And then a whole bunch of blue butterflies sort of rise up from nowhere and surround her. And Allison has her standard look, which is like, huh, what, huh? But she sort of feels like, ooh, this is probably a sign. Yeah, something bigs just happened. Dun, don't, done, done.

And then we just end with Ray Ray closing the window. She's like, okay, well, that's done. Just close that window. And that's the end. I thought it was such a great episode and a really good season, but then I got so upset that we have to wait. I'm upset about two things. I'm upset that we'll have to wait like two years.

And I'm also upset that we only get one more season. Like they finally got the show to me in like a really, really, really good place. And I want like two more seasons maybe, you know, like, why not? Let's let's go for it. No. No, I need it to, I need it to end. I need to have an ending to things because I'm, I usually wait and binge things.

I don't watch things week to week, kind of how you watched Game of Thrones when you just bingeed it all at once. It is painful having to wait so many years. I know. And then having to watch it again. Like I, you know, and it's not bad watch. It's a great show, but I watched season two again before this one, because I just don't remember things as well. So I need, you know, I'm going to have to watch it a million times before even the next season.

So, yeah, I'm glad that there's going to be an ending, but this was a lot. I know. I feel like I'm finally truly invested in the show. Like I have true things that I care about, not sort of like passing. Like, you know, in the seasons one and two, I'd watch, you know, I would sort of care about things. And then when the show would be over, I wouldn't think about it. I didn't care about it. I didn't go on social media.

But now things happen and I really care. And I really want to know what's going to happen. And I see all these different things. And I want to like live in this world a bit longer. And so it's upsetting to me that I feel like the show has finally, like, tightened up and gotten to a place that I thought it should have been all this time. And then now we're only going to get like one more seasons worth. So that's, you know.

But whatever, rather than dwelling on what we don't get to have, let's dwell on what we did get to have, which was a great third season, the best so far. Yeah, it was a really good one. All right, everybody. Well, thank you so much for being here with us this season. It's been great times. What a delight. Yes.

Yeah. All right, everybody. Join us over on our regular podcast, Watch What Cropins. We'll talk to you later. Bye. Watch What Crapins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Our way is the Amber Way.

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