Watch What Crappens - #3548 Below Deck Med S11E16: Disbrocated with Ryan Bailey

Episode Date: September 22, 2026

A guest dislocates her shoulder while the ex bros have another meltdown and Gen struggles to convey human emotions on this week’s Below Deck Med. Ronnie is joined by Ryan Bailey from So Bad It’s Good to break it all down. Follow Ryan on Insta @sobaditsgoodwithryanbailey and subscribe to It’s So Bad It’s Good With Ryan Bailey wherever you get your pods! To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, sign up for our free weekly newsletter and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on YeoProves. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hi. Little Benoos. Hi. How are you? How's it going? Ben got me sick. Long distance somehow. Yeah. Now it's my turn to be sniffling, coughing, and doing all of that fun stuff. So it's great. I'm doing great. No well, bitch. No. But really glad to be here.

Today is Real Housewives of New York Day to return. The reboot number four of Real Housewives of New York. Man, seriously. It is reboot number four. It is. We sometimes forget that there was an OG reboot back in the day. But yeah, this is reboot number four. Yep, this is number four.

You know who else has to reboot? People who step in shit a lot. That's what we do. Because you reboot yourself. But we're excited to cover that. Check out Ben's new show. What's Your Order on YouTube? It's a YouTube exclusive, and it's fantastic.

He's got a lot of great guests over there, putting things in Bravo or putting Bravo things in order. Very funny, entertaining way. It's killing the internet. Thank you for me. A little bit. Well, thank you, Ronnie. Can I just say thank you to Christine Ariel for Ariel, I'm sorry, for coming onto the

latest episode where we ranked the top five friends of the housewives universe and a programming note um well as ronnie mentioned i was sick and then my guest was sick so uh i had to basically two recording sessions uh had to get postponed and then i'm going to be traveling for basically two or three weeks so uh there will not be a new episode probably for like three weeks of what your order so thank you for your patience and please don't abandon it but the episodes will be back after this week. Okay, perfect. Also, we're going on tour starting October 3rd.

The announcement will be up on our website later this week with ticket links. So check back for that. If you want this recap on video, you get that at Patreon along with bonus episodes. This week, we are going to do a trailer trash for The Real Housewives of Potomac. Let that sneeze, Ronnie. Yeah, I got had to sneeze, Potomac. So that will be up later today, everybody. And today, it's Real Housewives of New York City reboot number four.

What say you, Ben? You know, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. I think, I'm sure everyone was expecting me to be Mr. Sourpants all over again, because I famously hated the original reboot right out of the gate. And this one I enjoyed. I still think, obviously, it's a far cry from classic Roney. We have to mourn those, that's over.

we can't keep on comparing. I get it. I think it's fine. I think it's good. What I will say is that I feel like we have more to have fun with as recappers than we did with the original reboot. I think losing Bryn is a wonderful thing. And I think that the new girls seem to be all right. I'm a little on the fence about Haley Glassman. I'm a little concerned that she's playing the role. of Haley Glassman instead of just being herself.

She seems a little affected. But I also, I don't, meaning that like, she does, she seems like, I don't know, I kind of feel like she's being a little on, you know, where she's like, oh my God, look at me, I'm stoned. But I, it's, it's, she's teetering, she's on the line, but she's okay. She's okay. Like, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, she's my favorite one. Really? I was just like a, I was, yeah, I don't think she's faking anything. I think she's really legitimately, cuckoo and stoned out of her brain all the time i think she's i was definitely cuckoo she's definitely cuckoo yeah i'm just saying it was just like i was it wasn't like brin where right away i was like okay this girl is fake i just was like i had a few moments where she there were a few moments where she was like i mean i was so high i mean i don't even remember i mean i wasn't being i was so high where i was

like um okay it kind of reminded me of like that that friend from you know your friend who like drinks for the first time at 23 or smokes a weed for the first time at like 25 and then they're like talking like, oh my God, look at me. I'm so stoned. And you're like, okay, like, you get it. But it was just something, it was like a minor, it was a minor blip on the radar. Or you give your friend a shot of like punch and you're like, oh, this is, this is alcohol. And they're like, oh, my God, I'm so wasted.

But you know that there was no alcohol in there. Exactly. She's sort of giving me those vibes. But I honestly. He's giving me Marisol on roller skates. She does have the Marisol face. She looked like Marisol and Carol Radzwell. like mushed together on roller skates.

So I, let me just. That's one of my bigger issues with this. Well, it's one of my only issues so far. I mean, it's only episode one. I really enjoyed it.

I did find that they look alike. And I think that that is a housewives problem with city, you know, Salt Lake's not, well, Salt Lake, people couldn't tell Meredith and Lisa apart. I still don't get that one. But they still say that sometimes.

The Rhode Island one. Rhode Island. Like, who are, who's who? You know. I know. So sometimes. that comes out with new housewives shows that happens with new housewives shows where you're like

who who are these people i think daisy and haley look kind of the same but yes they do just a lot of blonde people on this one we'll say or a lot of a lot of blondes so it's hard to pick people out in the crowd yeah the good news is i feel like people have gotten the memo they know what the assignment is So I feel like the show is going in the right direction. You know what? I think actually you mentioned Rhode Island. I think that's a perfect comp. Like the first episode of Rhode Island, I thought was good.

I didn't think it was as amazing as everyone else did. But I feel like the show got stronger and stronger and stronger as it went along. And by the time it was done, I was like, great, great cast, great, great new franchise, great new faces, even though they're all the same. So I feel like, I feel, I feel good about it. I feel, I feel like this is good. By the way, I'm going to Pizzeria Mama on Friday. I just want to point that out. I will be going to, I will be there.

I'm traveling to Providence. You better get the name right before you show up there. Pizza Mama, sorry. Pizza Mama. I love a turkey. I love a pizza. Slip to Turkey, Turkey promotion. Turkey Mama.

Turkey Mama. So here we go. We opened. I liked it. I especially love this opening. It is Carol. a la Carrie Bradshaw sitting crisscross applesauce on her bed. With her MacBook, every great love story begins somewhere.

Mine began with a city called JFK Jr. He just loved me so much. He's on television again right now in his own show. I wonder if he's mentioned me. I couldn't help but wonder about New York City. Is there a world where there's an old York? city and am i the old york well new york is famous for it skyline it's culture and the people who call it home also it's marathon new york city is like one of those dates we are saying sure he might be older and he might

smell like pee but who am i kidding i've never dated anyone older and just Just like that. It's a collection of millions of stories where every street holds a chance to dream bigger, to chase the impossible, to lose everything, and the counter to sit on crisscross applesauce because you're young and hip. You can lose everything in New York City and start all over again. As long as you've got $20,000 a month for a walk up with no air conditioning. countless cities in the world, but there's only one New York. And in New York, there's only one invisible staircase. That's mine. Just in case you didn't remember that I'm young, fresh, and still sexually viable, I'm wearing a happy face costume. Like, oh, Carol. This was the most, Her young and hip thing is so funny that it's still the same from her first go-round on New York. She's like, look at me. I'm Carol.

The only shock here was that it was not Carol on the rollerblades. I really thought it was going to be Carol. I know. That was hilarious. Well, obviously, I think I'm surmising that they added Carol into the show a little bit later. Because I felt like we'd heard that the new cast was filming, and then it was like not long after that that Carol was filming also, and she was a friend of it. and all of a sudden she was housewife. So I think they had to sort of stitch her in here because she probably wasn't part of like,

she wasn't in the orbit. She wasn't the ridge. No, hell, no. She wasn't in the ridge. They filmed a little bit, and then they saw the Epstein files came out and she was in there and they're like, get Carol. Get Carol back.

Someone can give Carol some Epstein files shit. We'll be modern. We'll be on the edge. Yes, exactly. And the other thing, I forgot the other thing I was going to say about Carol. What did you do that? It's not like there's someone interrupting your every thought every 20 seconds. I forget what I was gonna say about Carol.

But- No, it's okay. Smiley face? Was it about smiley faces? It was about, I don't know, but they clearly have sited her in, which is, I just think it's so fun that they did in this like blatant Carrie Bradshaw way. And someone online was mentioning how fun it is that like, The Rooney reboot has Carol pretending to be Carrie Bradshaw, whereas the Golden Life actually has the real-life Carrie Bradshaw in it because Candace Bush knows part of that cast, I guess. Oh, that's true. If that's a good point.

Yeah. I couldn't help but wonder. Who's the real Carrie? So much of our life can be told in a story of shoes. Oh, God. I remember what I was going to say. they you know the cast um the like the title card that they show you know going to commercial or coming back from commercial carroll's right in the center actually which is hilarious but she's in this like little like miniskirt thing that's kind of poofy and she's sort of standing awkwardly and every time i look at it i know this is going to be my my guiding but my guiding light my north star for the season is just like waiting for that card to come up and her just awkwardly sort of swaying in the middle like look at me I'm in a short skirt.

Do you remember when MJ came on Traders and they were talking about her and I think she heard them and she was just in the back of the room standing there like, oh, that's what Carol's pose reminds me of. Or like Lala, people were comparing Lala to the MJ thing when Lala came in to yell at Danny while he was getting his drag makeup done on the valley and she was just standing there like, oh, that's how Carol looks in her opening. It's literally so funny to me. It is like the funniest image. Did you notice that as well? Because every time I came up, I would chuckle. She just standing like, look at me. I'm young and hip.

I went to Banana Republic today. Yeah, because they tell them, I think, make movement. You know, don't just stand still. Make a little movement. So some of them do like a shoulder saying, like Sonia always did like a shoulder. They all have their thing. And she just kind of goes back and forth between each leg. Oh, it's great.

That's great. I just want that on loop. It's her like, but an opening filled with camp, I really like that and kind of poke in front of Carol. A hundred percent. I was like already, I was like, okay, this, the reboot's already in a really good place. Just by having this ridiculous opening with Carol. It's time for a commercial.

It's time for a crappin's commercial. So we open at Daisy's, apartment and my first thought was why this apartment seems small why why are we here is this another gina situation but we find out that daisy is not well i guess she's not as rich as you normally would be to be on these shows but she is martha stewart's hair and makeup lady or just makeup lady i don't know so she comes in and martha's like oh hi it's good to be here you know just wanted to come over and get a little makeup done before i have to go to the ladies thing this afternoon yeah um bravo was like we are going to front load the reboot of the reboot with as much star power as possible so well we have carol first but then

we're like we're not we're gonna we're gonna start you with martha stewart we're not even gonna really start with the housewives we're just gonna put martha stewart first and hope that she can put her juju on this the way she did with bethany and the first time around so it was not choice Honestly, it was good to see Martha, but I love it. Very odd choice because it looks like you're watching a show about a makeup person on these shows, which actually we've said for years would be a great show, like Priv, the show, you know, just show. Priscilla, like the most famous housewives makeup artist ever and all the shit that they must talk, working with all the different housewives.

And we've said for years that would be a great show, you know, just all the makeup people, the glam people, follow them. So this was a little odd that they opened it where it looks like it's kind of about a glam person, but it's... Because Martha did seem like the housewife. I mean, she would have been perfect on here. She would have been. And I think that Bravo needs to really lean into casting more women who are like older than 45 as the housewives. Because like the ones there are 30 is just sometimes they just haven't baked enough. You know?

It's like you've opened the oven a little bit too early. Okay, you let out too much of the steam. They're still dealing with their kids being three. And like sometimes you get wonderful housewives who are in their 30s. But a lot of times you get people who just don't have their personality yet. Like they're not jaded enough or world weary. And so like I would love someone who is Martha Stewart to be a housewife. But the other thing that you touch on is that like, you know, Daisy being a hair makeup person,

she's sort of like a, she's like a, in what I don't know, I'm trying to think of what it would you say she's not service industry. but like the housewives are normally at the top of their like little they're like employment protocols and here we have someone who like works for someone who's wealthier than her and is like at their beck and call and that's a little bit of a strange thing for the housewives. It is because when you're watching housewives and you see the hair and makeup person, their job is to be going, okay Shannon, that is hilarious. What a great story. Tell me more and be fake and just say everything that the customer wants to hear.

And when anybody varies off of that path on Housewise, this is not about you. It's like when the waiter comes to the table and they're like, oh my God, hi everybody. Can I say, Dan? No, this is Housewives. Get the fuck out of here. This is not about you, you know?

And so there's, I think, kind of that natural reaction to be like, why are you talking? Yeah. Why are you talking with Martha Stewart is in the room? You know? Yeah. The show is very much upstairs downstairs, and we really only care about the upstairs on these shows.

So it's weird that downstairs, it's an upside-down house, basically. But, I mean, it sounds like Davey. Downstairs is just where you make Louan sleep to piss her off. There was a spider. Yeah. But that being said, I actually really like Daisy. I think she's my favorite of the three newbies.

So Martha comes over. I like her as well. You know, I'm not. I'm Bravo traumatized in a way, especially from New York. And Bravo's given me my happiest moments in life, but it's also, you know, disappointed as a viewer when it comes to New York. So I'm not going to just jump on the effusive train just yet. But I did like everybody new. I'm just, you know, I'm going into this relationship carefully.

I don't want to be like, I got to love everybody. It's bad. They're cheering. It's a mystery. because I've been hurt. I've been hurt you guys. Okay? And that was me being vulnerable.

Yeah. Your feelings are valid. Yeah. So, uh, Martha, comes in, you know, she's disgusted by this tiny apartment.

And then she's like, um, do you have a piece of bagel for me? Which is, is an interesting, uh, interesting quantity for a bagel. A little,

a little, little piece of a bagel. I'm not a full bagel. I'm not a monster. All right. Just a little piece. All right. Well, I would walk from one end of the house to the other, but I've already done that. All right. Just do what you're going to do. Just make me look gorgeous. I have to go to a women's event later. It's crazy. Have you heard about the John JFK thing? Well, first we hear about Daisy.

So Daisy is like, oh my God, working for Martha. It's fucking nuts. Like one week I'm doing her makeup. The next week, I'm on a camel with her in Dubai. It's crazy. And we see a picture of them on a camel. Yeah, and she's like, I'm like, what the fuck am I doing here? Like, I'm wearing Zara. I'm like, lady, you're supposed to be a real housewife. Just say your way, YSL.

Okay. So then she says, I learned how to do makeup like a hundred years ago working at Scores. Scores was a gentleman's club, and I would go into the dressing room and watch, like, and watch how all the girls would do their makeup. And it's like also where I met Sye. And no, we're not strippers. I know she keeps saying, God, don't worry. We're not strippers.

Why would we care? You're more judgy of being a stripper than I think the audience would be. But I think it's hilarious that Martha, Martha's makeup lady is a scores girl. That shit's hilarious. And just the fact that it's someone who's like, you know what? Do you know where I had the dream of doing makeup when I saw strippers at scores? I was like that. That's it right there.

That's what I'm doing for the rest of my life. Strip of makeup for homemakers. And I would like to apply the lessons of the strippers from scores to the waspiest lady in all of America, Martha Stewart. Please make me look like cinnamon on her Saturday night shift. Thank you. Yeah, so Cy and Daisy are talking in another scene. We see like a flashback. And Cy's like, oh, yeah, we used to work in scores. That was so hilarious. I do you remember that guy? Tried to give me the suck his dick. And she's like, oh, I probably did suck us dick. He's like, oh my God, my God, she's just being in your 20s, working at scores and having guys get you trying to suck their dick.

It's so fun. But we were not strippers, though. We were not strippers. Just want to really, we weren't strippers. Scores was, like, a huge thing. I feel like everybody went to scores. Like, it was a really glamorous nightclub back in the day. I don't know.

Is it still a thing? It might be still a thing. It's still there. I'm pretty sure. there but I don't know if it's still like people go there to be cool like yeah so days days I've been asking that's you have big yeah went there when I was like 20 21 I guess it was fun you're like like this the place where we learn how to etch into stone like no but it's called scores it's like that's like girl strippers are so nice because gay strippers like uh-huh just like hitting you in the

face with their weaner and their jock strap or whatever and just like kind of rolling their eyes taking your money and I feel like the women strippers were just so much nicer and of course I wanted to like go to lunch with everybody and I was trying to have conversations with everybody you know I was I don't know don't take a gay guy to a strip club like what do you like oh my god I love your outfit did you make that next thing you know you're being you're on an overnight odyssey through Coney Island until finally you Sorry, it's a little bit more reference. Erica Jane.

It's smash up a candy. So Martha Stewart is talking about how she, Nora. Erica Jane. My song was in the background of that one. I'm basically an Oscar winner. So Martha Stewart is talking about how she's been watching Love Story lately, which is the, which is the JFK Jr. show.

And Daisy's saying, oh my God. yeah that's interesting i've been reading carroll's book and so martha talks about how like the monday she goes did i ever tell you that i saw jfk the monday before the friday that he died which was sort of a funny way to say it like like normally would be like did i ever tell you i saw jfk just a few days before he died but she's like the monday before the friday the noon before the 3 p.m. when he died and so yeah so i saw him and um you know he really wanted to come talk to me about martha stewart living my magazine at the time because he was having problems with George. That was his magazine. So he asked to pick my brain and I said, sure. So we went to have a lovely dinner. And I told him, please tell me

you're not getting on a plane this weekend and driving it yourself. Do absolutely do not get a co-pilot. I told him that. He didn't listen to me. I also told him, really, he shouldn't be eating that bread out of the basket because I saw one of the busboys put it in there with his bare hands. sure enough, he died with a cold on a plane with no co-pilot. I could just, I could just die. I mean, I told him to listen to me. My magazine is literally called Living. And guess what? He didn't listen.

So, so cruel. Too soon. Not even a week after. Well, listen, in fairness, it's called Martha Stewart Living. I don't make promises to people. And I'm still here. I told him, listen, Junior, you should rename your magazine George Living, all right? And he refused to listen.

Oh, God. So then, Daisy. Is it too soon? It's not too soon, right? It's not too soon. I just know that I'm hopping on a plane in a few days, and I'm like, I shouldn't be making these jokes. I should not be inviting bad karma.

I know we're both about to travel and we're waking plain jokes. But I remember that day, actually. I was in Las Vegas with my family, and my sister and I woke up late, and we missed our plane and watched about him dying on a plane as we were in the airport missing our plane. And I thought, wow, what a day to miss a plane? I mean, it was Southwest Airlines. It was like our private little plane that we flew ourselves. Yeah. Other days.

That was the non-gloublerous days. I was driving back from Montreal. I was up. By my school, sophomore year, you had to spend like a semester in the summer at school. And so I was in New Hampshire. And so we were, my friends and I went to Montreal for like the night or something. And so we just were driving back. And the news hit.

I remember my friend Sarah in the backseat was like sniffling. She was like crying. And I was like, really? But, yeah, I will always remember that. Driving back from Montreal and hearing about JFK Jr. Wow. Yeah. Well, that was a day.

So Martha remembers it too. She's like, you know, I told him, I've thought about it so many times I said, get a co-pilot, change the name of her magazine, don't eat bread that people have touched. I mean, I just could have changed so many, it's like the butterfly effect, you know. And Daisy finishes her makeup. And she's like, oh, my God, Martha being in my house, like, the first time she was here, like, I was so nervous. It's Martha Stewart my fucking house, okay? It's not nice enough. It's a little two bedroom.

It's got popcorn ceilings. Like, whatever, she loves that. My apartment's always Martha Stewart's ready. It's always Martha Stewart ready, you know, because she's coming in. Well, Martha doesn't care. She just wants to be out of her house, I think, because she doesn't seem to mind. You're like her 7-Eleven. Nobody walks into the 7-Eleven and expects it to be perfectly done.

You know, it's a 7-Eleven. She's coming in there for a bit of a bagel and some store-bop pie. I think Martha does. I think you're actually. correct on this I think Martha does expect there to be a certain like level of cleanliness but she still wants more because she goes into the room she comes out in like this yellow outfit and then she's like looking around and she's like oh my god you have store-bought pie this is horrible throw that out right away

and Daisy's like I can't believe I didn't hide that fucking apple pie I mean anything store-bought like that she'll goes nuts and then the moment I've been all been waiting for the moment years And years and years of validation I've been seeking on this. I mean, I got it from you, Ronnie. But from someone like Martha Stewart, she looks over at Daisy's stovetop and there is a McKenzie Childs, a McKenzie Child, whatever it is, tea kettle. And she looks at it, she goes, oh, I don't like that. No, I don't like that.

You should get rid of that. No, I don't like that. I was like, thank you. Thank you, Martha Stewart, fellow hater of McKenzie Childs. Someone said it. Down with the chessboard. Now we've seen it. Down with the chess board.

And Martha, by the way, is very comfortable. She's just walking around this house like, well, I need something to eat. You know, these luncheons are terrible. No one who feeds you anything. Storebop pie. That's disgusting. Oh, God. What a horrible teapot.

Well, this was fun. All right. See you later. Thanks a lot for getting the cameras. Love you. Bye. But Martha kind of needed to be the housewife here. I mean, did Martha work at scores?

No. but I'm okay with that. Yeah. Yeah. God, Bethany must be so mad that she was never able to pull Martha for her home scenes. She's like, well, I mean, I would cook this,

that's fresh, I'd make her cookies, I'd do everything for her. Like, she never would come over. Like, I would ask her so many times she would never come over. But then she goes off to see Daisy. I don't know. There used to be a reckoning,

a Martha reckoning. I was the one on Martha Stewart Apprentice, all right? Like, what the hell? I should have been the one. No wonder if that bother, because that was the one, that she came in second on, right?

Or does she win? No, she lost. The Stewart's apprentice. She was first place in a long line of losers, as they say. Commercials. Here comes one right now. Size apartment. She's got a new apartment. That's great that you're living in the city and stuff.

I know that's important to people. Loved her Brooklyn Place, though. That Brooklyn Place was amazing. This one, I missed the Brooklyn one. Brooklyn Place was great. Yeah, well, it was like a townhouse, and this was just like an apartment, so that's hard. But Jessel shows up. Jusel just told Povitz, like, you have to go pick up the kids for rock climbing.

And they... We don't hear what Pauvet says, but it's probably something like, well, I'm testing out a new Baobun recipe and the air friar. She's like, could you do that later, Povit? Why do you have to do that right now? Your children are hanging on to a rock in a public space. Please go get the children. Please rob it. Jessel's like, hello, so I brought you a candle.

It's pine-scented. She was like, what did you do? Did you just like re-gift this from Christmas? Yes, I probably did. Anyway, hello. It's like, this is definitely from Christmas, Jessel. She shows her a gold, another gold candle or something. And Jessel's one of those people.

She goes, yeah, whenever someone moves into a new space, I like to bring them candles. Thank God. One of those, please. Your fucking candles out of here. What are you telling me, A, that I stink or B, that you want my house to burn down? Like, I don't think candles are a nice thing to give people. I don't know why everybody gives candles all the time. I have, like, a stack of candles in my fucking closet that I have to put out whenever somebody comes over, because they gave me that candle.

And they're always coming in there. And candles last 30 years. And they're always coming in my house. Like, well, where's the candle I got you? you know, how people look around for the gift that they gave you. So I've got a closet full of this shit. They're all re-gifts. And then he went and cared about this candle.

Get out of here. Also, bring me a pizza. Most candles smell wretched too, by the way. Like, I haven't, like, very few candles have I actually enjoyed the scent of. Almost all of them I hate. So anytime someone gives me a candle, I, like, it almost has a direct path to the trash. Scented things in general, I don't appreciate it. gift because I feel like you're telling me I smell and in the case of my niece I

really love my niece and I think that she does think I smell well both of them both my nieces buy me scented shit all the time which at this point you're telling me I smell just tell me a smell which I do sometimes but she gave me this body it's like I guess I shouldn't say that well who cares it's called bum bum or something it's like a body's there's body spray and cream and all this shit and so I I wore it because I was going to see her, and I knew that she would smell me and be like, oh, if Uncle's wearing what I gave him? And so I wore it.

Can I tell you this stuff smelled like nuclear waste? And I had to walk around. I believe it. I believe every ounce of that. I felt like if someone lit a candle, I would start on fire. I was like, what is this chemical crap that you just put all over me? So, yeah, don't buy people scented things. So anyway, Jessel brings side.

assented thing. And Sy's like, wow, so much has changed in the last year. We finally moved to Manhattan. I got an apartment, workers killing it, kids are getting older, and you know what? I got a new best friend. Jessel! Who would have thought? Well, everybody else got fired. I mean, what are you going to do at this point? Yeah, it's either Jessel or Aaron. I mean, like, it's a pretty obvious pick. So Jessel's like, you know, I used to call her cyanide and she did have a notorious resting bitch face. But now I'm starting to maybe see maybe a crack and a smile. I still call her cyanide though because she's deadly boring. But again, it's either her or Erin. So who am I going to pick? Am I right? I forgot that she called her cyanide. That shit's funny. So Sy is like, you know,

in the PS I thought Jess wants to snob. And then I realized it was just a pepper pig, that sense that was really throwing me off. Geez. How dare. But I actually trust her and consider her one of my closest friends. Oh my God, did I actually just say that? It's true. Better than poverty, at least.

And so they're talking about Manhattan and Jessel's like, so does David like it here? And so I'm like, I don't really care how he feels. And so Jess was like, what? Well, it's like, I mean, it's just, we've completely drifted apart. Like, we do nothing together. Like, all I do is work. I get up and I work.

You know, and on top of that, like, carrying the entire house around, like, taking care of a lot of kids and filling out forms and, like, doing clothes, and figuring out things and this and that or whatever, I think, a day, da, da, that. I just, I feel so alone. Yeah, you got a job, but it's not enough. And Jocel's like, but I thought he retired, and that was enough money from selling his business that he could stay home and help and do old, I thought he was rich.

What are you talking about? It's like, surprise! That was all bullshit. So basically, I make the money. David's a fucking loser and sits around and does nothing. But he did open the door that one time, as the editors will show. The editors are like, okay, his name is David, right? He's like, oh.

Yeah. Come on in, you sweet, gorgeous woman. All right, got it. I thought that was fishy that a guy retires from selling a restaurant. So yeah. I know a restaurant. I was like, he worked in hospitality, right?

But I mean, over the past few months, Sai has definitely been dropping breadcrumbs, and of course, Parvets been taking photos of each and every one of them saying it's a new food trend. He's such an idiot. I married a true idiot. But anyway, I knew that they were going through a rough patch.

But before that, she always pretended that she was in a happy marriage. Yeah. And so we see Cy in the past talking about how, I couldn't do any of this with that day. Oh, he's so amazing. David opening the doors and stuff.

So, sigh's like, well, I was keeping it from everybody because I'm trying to protect him. Fuck him now, though. Fuck him now, seriously. She's like, I'm so embarrassed. And she cries. And Jess was like, oh my God, are you kidding me? But he's your husband.

You have kids together. I mean, that means you have to see him, don't you? You can't leave a husband, can you? Wait a minute, can I leave Povett? She's just looking at her like, what? What? I don't understand. Wait, I didn't realize that this was an option. I don't actually have to sit and go to outer burrows and eat fried chicken with poverty anymore.

Wait a second, you're an inspiration, cyanide. So you're telling me that if I wanted to opt out from trying the forest lawn version of five guys just for a TikTok, I'd be able to opt out. Yeah, kill him. What? Kill him. Yeah, I killed David. David's not even here anymore. He's dead.

I've killed him. So, this, all of this is an option. Just Jessel's looking at her like, A whole new world. Wow, this is as liberating as the time I found out that my socially inept child had a school to go to. So, um, Sire's like, I, you know what? I convinced myself that what I was going through was normal. And I was telling myself, I was happy.

every day. And I was sort of like, okay, he's going to come. He's going to get up. He's going to change. But at this point, I'm at my breaking point. I'm like, listen, we understand we were at our breaking point too watching your show. So Jessel is like, well, I knew they were going through a hard time, but like, I just didn't think it was going to be a point of no return. It's so exciting. I can't wait to do this to profit. Yeah, it's like, oh my God, I just want to say, Jessel, I am so sorry for the way that I treated you about your marriage because, you know, you know, I said your marriage sucks. You guys don't have a connection. Your husband's losing.

You're a loser. You're a twat. Your husband's a twat. You know, I shouldn't have said that stuff, you know. Maybe it's because I was going through stuff. You know, I wasn't in a good place. And I'm so sorry that I made you feel bad about being in a terrible relationship just because I'm in a terrible.

But I'm not in a terrible relationship. You are. You are. And I'm so sorry for you. And I'm sorry I said it out loud. You should be allowed to be in a terrible. relationship and silence. You know.

No, it's really hard. I want you to feel comfortable in knowing that you're not alone. Anyone else know what you're going through? And by the way, you are alone. I just want to point that. It's funny because as I started to say the words, you're not alone. It made me realize you're actually alone right now, Sigh.

Think about it. You've left your husband. I want you to feel you're not alone until I leave this room. And then you'll be alone. Very, very alone. Yeah, well, you'll be in a five quire. You'll be in a five guys in Forest Lawn. All right, what's better?

Do you happen to know any super famous waspy, octogenarian media moguls? No. Okay, then you are officially alone. Yes, no one will be coming to your apartment. So, Cyan has told Daisy and Aaron, but she did ask Aaron to not tell anybody. And she's like, oh, well, you already know how I feel about Aaron. And she tells us her and Aaron have had their differences. But they did lose their fathers at the same time, and that really bonds people.

So they bonded over that. But then at the real housewives ultimate girls' trip finale, she heard that Aaron was calling her fake, stupid, and dumb, and all sorts of shit. She doesn't like it. Yeah. And Jessel is not happy. But Jusel says, but don't worry, Sigh, I am a very. vaults. I'm a vault too. And so then they both do the thing with a lip zipped, which never works out. There's never been a vault in the history of housewives that has stayed closed. So now

we go to Haley Glassman and she is rollerblading in a fur coat and a hat in the middle of the street while vaping. And we dissected this scene very intensely on our trailer trash for Roney. And it was nice to see it in its full context. now. Yeah, she does seem kind of like a Carol type. Somebody's like, look at me. I'm, I rollerblade in the street.

I'm so fun and youthful. But she does seem to be enjoying her life. I think she's AI generated. It's like someone said, hey, chat GPT, generate a housewife. Like, well, someone needs, a housewife goes in the middle of street like Kelly Ben-Simone, so it's her.

Like, I have some Carol face. Gotta have the fur. And here we go. And we have created Haley Glassman, your AI generated housewife. Yeah, I couldn't tell how much of this is like, oh, let's do a throwback. Remember Kelly? We'll do a Kelly moment. But with somebody else.

So she goes to Haley's Pietater. And then Aaron comes. And she's talking to Abe on the phone. She's like, oh, my God, Abe. my, like, my mom has our nine-year-old, and, like, she's, like, bitching, and she's like, oh, my God, your daughter's a little fucker. Like, what are we going to do about her? Like, what are you going to do about her behavior?

Like, I don't know, A. I'm, like, what am I supposed to do? She's a kid. Like, she goes to teach my kids not to be assholes. Like, give me a break, Abe. Oh, my God. Abe, hold on one second. I'm delighting America with my return.

Okay, just hold on. So she goes up to Haley's Pieter. And we find out that Haley's, has two apartments. She was like, oh yeah, I've always got to have two apartments. I've always got to have two. Okay, you always got to have two. You know, because like, you know, because of Rubin. And so Rubin is like her, her partner. And Haley says, honestly, I would recommend a Pietater to all women in a long-term relationship. I have been married for 15 years now in the apartment, Rubin and I do share, I do dishes every single day because he won't do it or make a bed. And I feel like a servant, but in my Pietateria, it's like Haley's rules. So guys, that's it. You know, If you want to be in a happier marriage, just buy a whole other piece of real estate for yourself. It's pretty easy to do. Listen, I'm into her lifestyle. I love it.

She has a husband, but she has her own place, so she doesn't have to deal with his ass and his dirty dishes. And she fucks whoever she wants. Like, she goes and brings the places. Like, do you don't even have to hide it? She's just bringing them places. I mean, if that's marriage, I would consider it. I would consider it. Why not?

So she's showing Aaron around and Aaron is like shocked because the fridge is just nothing but Protein bars and like Seltors or something like that. She's like, um, does anyone actually live here? Haley is truly one of a kind. The first time we were planning to meet for drinks, she wanted to meet at 5 p.m. for a cappuccino. That is not my real house. Guys, America, aren't you so glad I'm back? Can you believe it?

5 p.m. for a cappuccino. I'm just going to let that. roll to the back of the room. Guys, Erin, I'm back. Caffeine at night? Not my vibe. But, you know, I ordered a cocktail because that was 5 p.m.

Like a normal person. But, you know, she's like a good person. You can tell, even though she's fucking crazy. Oh, my God. Do you even have food in your fridge? And she's like, yeah, I mean, I got protein shakes and protein boss. Do you want that? That's all I eat.

And look, here's my, here's my draw of sunglasses. It's like, sunglasses are like everything. When you walk around New York City, if you lock eyes with someone, they think that's like a green light to say hi, and I keep my sunglasses on because I'm telling you, don't say hi. So then they sit down to talk, and this is one of my favorite parts of the episode, is that like, Haley has some sort of, like, broken corkscrew or something. And, like, over the duration of the scene, they are trying to open this wine model.

and it like will not open and like first Aaron starts like doing like a sob story about all this rest is in her life and Haley's just sitting there trying to open it like endlessly it's like just twisting it and the thing keeps falling off and Aaron's crying trying to have a scene and you can see Haley's not paying attention we're not paying attention we're all just focused on this wine bottle I was like this was to me actually uh this was sort of like a holdover from old school Roney this is the sort of like gag moment that you would have in old school Roney and so I was like a I was really, really happy that they included it, and they emphasized it, because it's like, this is what we've been wanting, are moments like these. Oh my gosh, just her with that broken corkscrew. It's like, here, give it to me, I'll do it. So, yeah, go ahead.

She's not doing anything. First of all, the cork, the screw part is already in the cork. The other thing is not even on the screw, okay? So there's no way to fix it. So she just keeps kind of tapping the corkscrew with the rest of it. She's like, yeah. Go ahead. Go ahead. What are you talking about? Aaron's like, oh my god, it's like a sound strong phone.

She was really trying to cry, and this woman is staring off into space, just poking the edge of a wine bottle. I know. Like, Aaron is trying to have the emotional scene that Saad just had. She's like, well, it's the beginning of the season. I got to show people I'm going through things. I've got to be more, I've got to be more emotional. I've got to open my heart more for America. So she's like, my daughter's been going through. She's been acting out and being stressful and like, it's just like, there's something speaking of people. And they're just like, uh-huh, uh-huh. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Uh-huh, tap, tap, tap. Yeah. So, Haley's like, I'm in my head, like, what's going on? Because I'm very empathetic, but she didn't take a shoes off and I'm a germapob.

And now she's crying. And like, how do you tell someone to take off their shoes when they're crying? You can't do that. So I'm just sitting here poking a wine bottle. So I think they must have gotten like a new bottle or something. I don't know because next thing we know Haley is at the counter and she's pouring wine. I'd like to know what really happened with that quirk because I was 100% invested in how she was going to fix that. And then they cheers to being good like to Aaron being an amazing mom.

And Haley's like, in all honesty, you're an amazing mom. That's why we just cheered to that. And everyone's like, well, I'm far from it. But thank you. She's like, well, you know what the truth is? All mother-daughter relationships are complicated. I'm just going to say some basic things just to get you to shut up. Listen, I'm really just telling you this so we can stop talking about whatever you're talking about,

and I can show a clip of my mother tap dancing in her very special tap dancing room. Okay? Because I get mothers and daughters hating each other. My mother's a loony tone, and she dances in her house, and she has a whole room just to tap dance. All right, put in the picture now. Put it in. And then we see, Hey, Lee's mom, and she's, like, full on. She's got a full mirror in there, and she's, like, twirling around.

doing her tap dancing. She's just tapping. And then she's like, I love my mom very much, but I've always wanted to appease her. And like, I was in charge of her well-being and her happiness. And I've always had so much guilt. You know, if she was sad and depressed, then I'll give you it. Here's an example. So the reason why I dated John is because he was my mom's friend.

And she was like, oh, he's a great guy. So I dated him. And then it turns out that the John, she's mentioning is John Gosselin. Ew. Which I had forgotten that she was this girl. Like, I had forgotten. I guess I heard a rumor back in the day, or two months ago, that that was going to be the case. But I just, it didn't cross my mind again until she said it.

And I was like, oh, oh. So this is a person who makes very, very bad, bad choices. And also understand, like if you're going to go, well, I don't know if she cheated or not. She's telling us that she didn't. But whether they, I shouldn't say she cheated because she wasn't married. But if she had an affair with someone that was married, why would you choose someone with eight damn kids that's on TLC? And that has the original Karen here who's going to never let up on you for the rest of your life. Are you nuts?

Yeah. It's because he was super famous at the time. I had forgotten about the scandal 100%. And I actually only vaguely remember. So were the Duck Dynasty guys. Do you see anybody falling over themselves to suck their dicks? Yeah, there are probably. I probably would.

Yeah. would. Oh my god, show me your daquessal. Okay, sorry, Ben, go ahead. No, but, like, I had like a vague memory of this, like, that he had this, this mistress. This was like, you know, this was right. It was such an aughts thing. And it was like, the height of like Joel McHale and the soup and all that stuff. And I, like, vaguely remembered her from back. I was like, oh, yeah, Haley Glassman. It does sound familiar.

Am I convincing myself that it sounds familiar? And I looked at the picture. They showed the pictures, and it's like, she looks 1,000% different. Like the only way you can see the original Haley Glassman is when she smiles. When she smiles, you see her original face. But it's like, I was like, beep, beep, bo, beep, bo, who is this? It was crazy.

It was like a trip down memory lane and then like a jolt into the present, trying to figure out how the two storylines connected together. Yeah. Well, it needs her original face. I sure doubt. It needs it. I see pictures of it on Facebook sometimes, and I'm like, well, pass.

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