Watch What Crappens - #355: To SUR With Pride (Special Guest Katherine Spiers)

Episode Date: December 14, 2016

Katherine Spiers, food editor of "LA Weekly" and host of the Smart Mouth podcast, joins us to discuss the latest episode of "Top Chef" - from the dishes served to the personalities on display. But first, it's slut shaming and gay pride on "Vanderpump Rules." And then we wrap things up with "Real Housewives of Atlanta." We're sensitive AF, guys. 00:00:00 - Intro 00:08:18 - Vanderpump Rules 00:59:09 - Top Chef with Katherine Spiers of LA Weekly & Smartmouth podcast 01:34:10 - Real Housewives of Atlanta Subscribe at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Support us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens? What happens? What happens?

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Rose Pricks podcast just came back for a three-part preview, so go listen to the Bachelor podcast, Rose Pricks, and my new Real Housewives of Beverly Hills audio books, available wherever podcasts are free. Wow. Thank you.

Yeah, and you're doing very well with those. I saw they were higher than Krappen's this week on the charts. Were they not? They were two times, but that is a new thing because they have a weird way of counting when you're new. They give you a little boost. So don't worry, Ben. Ain't nobody taking over crap.

But it was really rad to see those next to each other on the old iTunes list. We were right next to each other one day. Right next door. What a great sense. I was like, wow, my ego feels amazing. Thank you, iTunes. As it should. So, of course, you can go to watchwhatcrappens.com to find all our social media links and stuff, like Instagram and Twitter, etc., etc., etc.

And facebook.com forward slash watchwhatcrappens, where you can join in on the big, big, big conversation. It's basically like a huge community over there. It's essentially like a forum. There's all sorts of discussion threads where we talk about the shows that are airing that night. We talk about the gossip, talking about this, talking about that. Super fun. And if you wish, you can support the podcast by going to patreon.com forward slash watch where crap ends and when you do that um you get access to all sorts of goodies uh at the very least you get access to a bonus

episode every week uh we just had a fun one where we talked about marriage medicine houston and also dentistry um so that's good and then uh also uh And then also, there's hangouts every month. Then you can write to the Crapman's Mailbag. There's just a lot. So go over there to support us. It's a lot. It's a lot. And then you can subscribe on iTunes

because why not? And that's basically it. We have to, of course, give a shout out to our premium, who we know and love. Name is very familiar in these parts. It's Christy Dougherty. Christy! Christy!

Yo! Love you, bitch. Love you the most, bitch. Christy Dougherty. Christy has been our premium sponsor for months and months. And gosh, we're coming to the end of the year. So by the way, Christy, this is an extra special thank you to you because, you know, we appreciate that. Yeah.

You made 2016 worth living, Ms. Daugherty. Yeah. And it was a tough year. Tough year for a lot of people. So thank you for making it a little easier for us. I think that's all the good stuff, right? Yeah, let's get into our bin. We've got a huge show.

We've got a huge show. So we're not going to do any mailbag or super fight today because we have so much show. That's because we actually have a special guest who's coming on later. That's because we actually have a special guest who's coming on later, Catherine Spires, who is the food editor at LA Weekly and also the host of the Smart Mouth podcast, which is a podcast about food history. And she has all sorts of cool guests like Marcus Samuelson and Mario Batali this week. She is coming on and we're going to talk Top Chef with Catherine Spires. So that's super fun. And, of course, we'll talk about Atlanta. But first, we are going to get involved with some Vanderpump Rules, right?

Aller baller. Oh, yes. And just one quick thing. I wanted to say thank you so much, Beach Spin from All About the Tea. She did an article about our interview with What's Her Buns from Below Deck, Kate and Kelly. Yeah, and it's really good. She sums it up

pretty nicely. So thank you, Beach Spin. She's a good friend of ours on Yield Internet, and we love you. Thanks for the support, Batch. Thanks. That gives me the warm fuzzies. It's almost as if I'm wrapped in my very own holiday sweater. Oh, Ben, are you telling me everything?

Well, this, I think, is a great time to talk about Tipsy Elves before we start talking about the Tipsy Elves of Vanderpump Rules. So, by the way, I have received my Tipsy Elves sweater. I think I actually had it last week, but I wore it twice now this weekend. I wore it on Saturday to a Christmas party and last night to a Christmas party. Excuse you, you got a new one? I got a new one. I got a new sweater.

I didn't get a new one. Why didn't you get a new sweater? Wear my damn sweater. That's, well, that's your... Oh, hell. I thought you got a onesie. You got some pissy trolls. You got a onesie, didn't you?

No, that's what I wanted from last time. I didn know we were supposed to order is it on my email it might be in my email and i didn't order you didn't order a new one i didn't know i was supposed to do they have extra large onesies with the fucking ninjas or whatever i love you better look now you better look i'm looking you better do this read. Well, don't worry, everyone, because I have bought my Tipsy Elves stuff. And by the way, and this is not because they're a sponsor. I honestly am getting tons and tons of compliments on it. Like when I went to this Christmas party last night, which we talked about on the bonus episode, there was definitely a lot of like, look at that sweater in a good way. People liked it.

People really liked it a lot. They love this sweater. And my little menorah. I also have menorah socks now. Well, everybody needs a damn Christmas sweater, okay? An ugly one. The parties are fun and these aren't only ugly, they're hilarious

and they're really well done. I don't even like calling them ugly Christmas sweaters, but they said it in their coffee, so I had to repeat it. Yeah, and by the way, the Christmas party I went to on Saturday night, my friend Evaa was also wearing a tipsy elves sweater so how about that and she was wearing the same one that kate mckinnon was wearing in office christmas party so look it's taking over yes these are not for the faint of heart and there's only sweaters for 2016 so go check them out tipsy elves sweaters are all about fun but are serious on quality and construction

and while you're shopping for your ugly sweater check out the other holiday and collegiate attire for yourself or as a gift like adult onesies, which I am now looking for in my Gmail. Yeah, you better look in your Gmail. You better look. So right now, our listeners get 20% off tipsyelves.com off of anything you order on the site. listeners get 20% off tipsyelves.com off of anything you order on the site. And you really should shop now because it's December 13th and you need to get

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Shop now so you have the best selection. Okay, go to tipsyelves.com. Enter our code CRAPPENS at checkout to get your 20% site-wide discount. That's tipsyelves.com. CRAPPENS is the code. Yeah, it's really good. And people, like, you'll be cool at the party. Because I was.

We love you, Tipsy Alves. We do. Thanks, Tipsy Alves. Okay, so what show do you want to start with today, being there's so many? Well, you know, I take great pride in our podcast. So why don't we talk about some gay pride on our podcasts with vanderpump rules vanderpump rules vanderpump rules man sheena is really just spinning out this year that's becoming i guess sheena's always been an asshole but i just really like sheena so even

when she's like this just being awful it's almost i almost, I don't know, it's like a kid in a high chair. You just want to smack the kid, but you're like, but I love them too. And you can't be the child. I don't know. I feel like that was Sheena. Well, the episode begins with the whole gang meeting up for a meeting. You know, this happens every like two or three times a season. Lisa Vanderpump calls all the kids together into the room and they all sit there and she sits on her stool and she makes decrees and so now everyone's getting ready for gay pride and

Lisa is revealing the new costumes for gay pride, darlings and I was sort of amused because Jax was saying how he was happy that he doesn't have to dress up in angel wings this year and then they show flashbacks to the first season when he and Tom had to wear angel wings. And then he just goes, how embarrassing.

I'm like, oh, is that the line for you? We finally found the line for where you're actually embarrassed about something. Yeah, this is embarrassing. You've still got coke on your nose. And he opened. Everyone's laughing like, oh. While Jax tells a wacky story about how he was so wasted at work he dropped a Patron bottle. Like, you are 40, okay?

You're 40. Like, get some kind of self-respect already. And the guy's face is bloating out of control. He's constantly sweating, even during his little interview part, you know? He's like well at least it's not angel wings hey lisa james isn't allowed right like you're just that shit was probably cute when you were like 20 it's not anymore grow up dude jesus we're past the coke well you can't have it both ways well unfortunately growing up and maturity are not on the menu at sir instead

um it's like these tiny little uh outfits for gay pride which are i don't know how you describe them sort of like retro roller derby clown well you could just describe them like katie i mean katie's face was horrified it's like her invitations went out with went out without 20 pounds of burlap on them. She was mortified. She was like, that looks like a onesie for a baby. Next year, they're just gonna be asking us to serve Cosmo's butt ass naked. A, no, that

will never happen. And with you. And B, Lisa really made an effort to make those go up to the rib cage and be control tops. Lisa really made an effort to make those go up to the rib cage and be control tops. I felt like Lisa was being pretty generous. And Katie did not stay at home because of terrorism. She stayed at home because she did not want to wear that fucking thing.

That is exactly correct. And Ariana models this outfit. And then Jax totally gets horny for her. And he's like, damn, she's got an ass. Wow, if I was going to sleep with any of Tom's girlfriends again, it should have been her. So disgusting. Ariana has such thigh gap, it's as wide as an arm. I noticed that, too.

Literally, she could have been the Colossus of Gibraltar. Yeah. Everyone's like, whoa, look at that ass. That girl. They're like a cast of Survivor seeing two sticks to rub together to make fire. Because who wants, I mean, Ariana's gorgeous and everything. But I just look at that and I'm like, oh, my God. My elbows even feel fat right now.

I know. I'm like oh my god my elbows even feel fat right now i know i'm like eat something um so then uh so then i guess lisa asked lala to put on the outfit and lala's like well i don't have underwear on and i loved it that sheena and katie looked at each other like what a slut i'm like shut up you girls probably aren't wearing underwear either and this is probably the first time you've worn it in five years so shush katie who announces they're not wearing underwear i hope they burn that chair she's sitting in lady you don't work at the four seasons okay yeah do you realize the company that you keep yeah it's like somebody who works at la quinta in being upset when they smell febreze like what are you even talking about it's part

of your job okay now shut up and get the paper towels yeah i i love whenever katie can get it takes a chance to be high and mighty about something it's so unfounded yeah katie is really out of control this entire season like she's usually a bitch maybe three episodes a year this year she's just an evil awful miserable woman with a huge home painted sign that says bubba 20 times above her head it's like the saddest thing i've ever seen she is i think the official villain of the season and the best part is um that she probably thinks that she's the hero like and that's those always make the best villains the people who think that they're the most beloved and then the exact opposite. Yeah, because they don't know till it airs and they were already done shooting.

She's laughable, just like one of our favorite podcast apps that we have to also give a shout out to, Laughable. You can listen to us on Laughable. Sorry. Laughable. So they're getting their drinks. They're getting some drinks ready and Jax is looking at a piece of paper he's like what's a dirty german so sheena comes up i heard him say dirty something and i was like i don't know what he's referring to but no matter what it is it could be turned into a joke about his groin yeah this is a drink but jax has probably still fucked it yeah

so sheena comes up to gossip with tom and jax at the bar and she's like you guys like i don't know if you've heard but like it's crazy lala's such a whore like she's like a whore and like also she sleeps with dudes and it's like does she lie because like i can't even respect her because she's like a whore and like this lady has a cell phone and she looked through pictures and she saw pictures of lala being a whore you guys like if she had a tattoo on her form it would say it's all horning because she's a whore i feel horrible talking about her like this a whore. It's all whoring! I feel horrible talking about her like this.

You see what I did there? I made a pun. It's all happening. I just want to make it clear that whatever I did for Addison Brion was for free. Because I'm like, I wasn't a whore. I was like a gibber. I never asked for a Range Rover from anything.

He wouldn't even pay my Toyota to sell bills. So whatever. I'm totally not a whore. I think that just makes you a bad slut. But, okay. Yeah, you get fired from Slut Apprentice. So Tom is trying to help because he likes La La. So he's like, God, Sheena.

It's like not cool. I she got a rage rover but like look rage rover gives cars away to needy hoes every year okay it's like part of their outreach what is he talking about i don't know like i feel like there were a lot of ways to defend lala in this situation, and that was the worst way. That was the one that made the least amount of sense. Like, God, Sheena. Like, sometimes, you know, Range Rovers literally fall from the sky when they're transporting them by airplane. They fall out, and then you just get to keep it if you find it, Sheena. You know how when you have an eye booger and you just ignore it and it gets bigger and bigger?

That's what she did, and it got so big it was a Range Rover. And so she drove her eye booger and you just ignore it and it gets bigger and bigger? That's what she did. And it got so big it was a Range Rover. And so she drove her eye booger away. What? Guys, guys! It can happen! Did Lala really tell him she won a Range Rover? I don't know what Lala has told him, but it just was strange to me that that was the line of defense.

Instead of, hey, maybe he got it for her as a gift, and that's, like, fine. There's nothing wrong with that. Or maybe there's, I don't know, there's, like, actually many reasonable answers or explanations to the situation. But they just gave me one. Tom, I think, is being a little shady this year because he's acting like he's so stupid he's like what i'm just being nice to james so james robbed the restaurant in the middle of the night big deal he didn't mean it and they're like he robbed the restaurant it's like he's starting shit but acting like he's just being nice and then acting like what what did i say you know i don't

feel like he's really starting shit i just feel like tom is he probably was given marching orders to be nice to james and so he's just trying to do his role at the best of his ability and i think he just didn't really come up with a good good explanation for the range rover on the spot he just sort of stumbled out the stumbled out the gate with that one yeah they're like tom you can't just sit there and twiddle your hair in every single episode you actually have to do something it's like yeah all right just say what you want me to do fight with ariana great yeah i'll do it so then sheena is now like i've heard so many stories about the range rover first was that her mom had got it for her and then it was that that she that the boyfriend was paying off the lease,

and then he gave it to her, and then she just bought it herself. What's the next story? She paid for it herself? Come see me at the comedy store. I'm Azusa. I don't kill games because I'm not like a murderer. But I will be at the comedy center.

Where you can buy my jokes and not my vagina because I'm not a whore like Lala. I think I'll have one of each at the prime comedy jokes. Jax says that he doesn't believe anything that comes out of Lala's mouth, which is hilarious coming from Jax. And that actually makes me think, so does that mean that he actually does believe anything that comes out of Lala's mouth, which is hilarious coming from Jax. And that actually makes me think. So does that mean that he actually does believe everything coming out of her mouth? Look, Lala wouldn't fuck Jax and he will never, ever forget. Yeah. She even went home with him and still didn't fuck him.

She's like, no, like Lala, the woman in press on nails. Like in this episode, she's literally wearing Lee Press on Nails. Five size is too big for her. That girl is too good for you, Jax. Okay? Now, go grovel. I have to say, by the way, macro note, Lala was killing it this episode. She made me laugh so many times.

I feel like she totally won. She won. She won this episode. Yeah, I'm loving Lala's just utter disregard for anybody and anything. She's like, so I'm a whore. So what? What am I supposed to come on TV and call myself a whore? I'm not going to jail.

It's called making money. I make $10 a goddamn hour. If I want to suck dick for a Range Rover, I will. Fuck all of you. Okay? Yeah. And not even Stassi can take her down because Stassi shows up and uh lala is there as the hostess and stassi is like hi yeah i want to sit in kitty section and hopefully that's a section that's conducive

to winter bodies and lala's just like okay like she does not even fall for it whatever and i was like i'm like matrix matrixing that bitch i died because she was like Stassi was coming from her and Lala was just like. But also notice that Lala sat her at a chair with no arms. I did not notice. It's like, OK, fat bitch. Here you go. Here's the fat lady chair. Enjoy your, you know, enjoy your lunch.

We'll give you the menu we give people from the Midwest because you have a winter body. OK, here's some flour, goat cheese, mozzarella, and sour cream empanadas. Okay. Enjoy yourself in your armless chair, bitch. Enjoy leaning to the right or to the left. Oh, wait. You can't. You can only lean into your food, which I'm sure

you'll eat all of. Are you getting fatter, or are your shoulder pads getting smaller? Okay. Here's your table. I'm sorry, we can't fit you in a chair that has arms, so you'll just have to go armless. Hello, Dolly.

No, I really meant, someone please bring a dolly. So Stassi's friends. Lauren Ashley, not to be confused with the store, Laura Ashley. Larashly. Lashly. You're like, our hearts are pattern printed. We've got flower printed hearts.

So they come in. And they literally are doing the scene, the Easter egg at the end of Big Business when the triplets check into the hotel. And they're like, we'd like a room, please, for three. They all say it together. Or whatever. So they're like, who are you here to meet? Stassi i also like that they both had pooches like i ain't even fat shaming but stassi just made this

fat joke and then she's like comes with her friends with pooches and she's like yeah we like met in like new york because like you know how like sometimes like you just like go to a bar and you like click like well that's like what we did like probably because they'd like to like drink as much as me and then her friend i'm like maybe it's because you all say like every other word and i say like a lot me too so for me to be in the wade that's a lot of likes how about the reason why you guys became best friends is because these girls are the type that are able to just like fly off to the hamptons and so you like that and you have some degree of fame

and they like that. So basically you guys don't have any real friendship. And these girls, they talk like really stupid like, but like lower and really staccato. They're like Alexia, but like not Cuban. Yeah, but like with not an accent,

but they're like, our best friend is like getting married and you know, like we start summer in the Hamptons you know like you've been to montauk like yeah like montauk like we don't want to miss it missing the first weekend at the hamptons yeah really staccato and stassi's like oh my god that's like my birthday like trip like and i have this like weird annoying tick and then we get the montage of stassi just being hitler on her trips. They bust out that montage every year, which I think is fantastic.

And by the way, I'd also like to add, I 100% approve of Stassi and the Twins as a new click. I am totally down for it. Well, I don't know if you noticed. Did you watch this live? You probably watched it on your thing. But the commercial for this segment was the new show on bravo summer house which stars these dumb bitches oh really okay i disapprove now oh that's why they're there it's like a that's a new show i guess by the same people uh but then again the last time we were forced into like a spinoff we got this show so

hey this one does look funny i mean everybody in it looks like they're from planet of the apes like they're really weird looking people they they look like not the new planet of the apes where they actually look like apes but the original one where there's just like bad makeup to make people look like kind of apes yeah that's what they look like on that show they're like yeah we're hot and it's a summer house and we're hot so like i'm making out with katie i'm like you're all fug and i cannot i can't wait for that people haven't make out drama yeah i'm like i i have watched um many of the commercials but i did not watch them closely enough to put two and two together literally that these twins are on that show um but that also makes me annoyed that that i got duped. Like, with some Bravo synergy.

I was like, damn it. I thought they were being friends for totally superficial reasons, not because of Bravo synergy. Yeah, I definitely groaned when I saw that they were on the show. But I also laughed because those girls would be so mean to Stassi if she was in Montauk. Like, if they just saw Stassi in Montauk, they would totally judge. she was in montauk well like if they just saw stassi and montauk they would totally judge oh 100 because they are like ostensibly wealthy east east coasters uh who are like probably went to private school and i know stassi went to private school but like you know they probably went to private school like chote you know where stassi went to like miss lady faces school for

ladies in new orleans you know yeah those twins are probably like oh my god that girl is on Vanderpump Rules I mean that's okay but she was on TV like she was on reality shows when they were like ghosts like seriously gross like Amazing Grace ghetto I mean they're totally going to prank Stassi I mean this is I mean I've seen I've only seen two Whit Stillman movies but I get a sense of how these things play out and it's gonna be a big waspy humiliation exercise in the hamptons which i think is great and deserved yes because the east side thinks that uh we're semi-retarded on the west coast and they're kind of right i mean you just

have to watch rules and because they're like you know in their mind they're thinking you know be so great let's invite that stupid bitch Stassi. And let's invite her to Montauk and see what happens. And then when Stassi's like, can I invite my friends Sheena and Katie and Kristen? They're like, oh, my God. This is going to be better than we ever thought. We get the buckets of pig's blood. No wonder they sat us in the fat people chairs.

Sheena and Katie come up to their table with one drink each. It's the Kershaw Drinks, girls. And Sheena's like, hi, I'm Sheena. Hi. And Sheena goes, oh, my God, I've got news. I'm going to do my birthday trip in Montauk Lake. And Sheena goes, where? Is that by Glendora?

There's so many cities here. Is that in your store? What happened to just having one city? Is that in Fashion Island? Oh, is that like Jamaica? Like, hey, man, I'm talking to you. The girls are all mortified. They're like, stutter, stutter.

Like, she doesn't know where Montauk is. Have you never seen secrets and whines so funny or the anything the affair anything and she goes my version of like montauk is it's like this rich beach that new york has got in the summer and you like go to the hamptons you're like so cool we don't have that in theusa, okay? But like, does Montauk have an auntie that makes crud dog pudding dresses? No. I hear that everyone in Montauk has a double

of themselves. Everyone cheats on each other in Montauk. I can't wait to meet my twin in Montauk. I think I'll have one of each of the Montauk cocktails. So you guys are allowed to travel between each other's

worlds? I don't even know what that means. Like they're copies living in alternate reality. Oh my god. I can't believe the space time continuum didn't break apart when future Lauren met past Lauren. Oh my god. I can't believe the space-time continuum didn't break apart when future

Lauren met past Lauren. That's the sir. You guys, which one of you is hotter? Are you guys thinking the same thing? Okay, what's your favorite fish? Say, three, two, one, sea bass! No?

So funny. Chilling. So, Lisa arrives, and Tom, of course, is like, yeah, Stassi's here. She's like, Stassi's here? They're like, yeah, is that Jiggy?

When did he come back to life? She's like, Harrison, darling! Just made out with Harrison. His little winky came out. I gave it a flick. He laughed? She's like, Harrison, darling! Just made out with Harrison. His little winky came out. I gave it a flick. He laughed. They're like, okay, just go say hi to Stassi. So she goes over and she's like,

hello, random twins from some other telly. Stassi's like, um, hi, Lisa. And she goes, we do have food to go, you know. The twins are like, oh my god, that is like classic shade. It's like evening shade. I miss Burt Reynolds. He was at Montauk last week. That show is underrated, like, I know, right?

I'm so glad that we were able to go into our time machine and watch it in 1990. Oh my god, Lonnie Anderson, am I right? Whoa, did you go back to 1980? You should know, because you're a future me. Remember her show Easy Street? Oh my god, me too. Let's go back in time and watch it. It was only on for three episodes. Oh god. let's go back in time and watch it it was only on for three episodes oh god this uh lisa's really distassy which is lovely i love that lisa just never gets nicer to her never ever so then what's the commercial with these stupid twins and next up is tom and ariana yeah so ariana is doing our cocktail book of some sort, which

Tom is a little surprised at, because earlier in the episode, he's like, cocktails are my passion. So now, it was sort of funny. I don't know if you noticed, the photo shoot that they set up in the bar, the photographer was none other than Edmund, the man who

famously put DJ James Kennedy into a headlock. So funny. And then Ariana's brother. He's like, boom. So she's going to put together, Ariana's putting together this book proposal. And so they're making video promos, I guess, for the book proposal, which, I mean, okay. But a book is on a page you shouldn't really need videos and so ariana wears this loose brown shirt which is really weird

and she's like yeah she just makes a drink and tom's like you should be charming you should be like whoa like then i muddle something and then like i don't know mix it and then muddle it again then strain it with something like people love when you whip out that circular strainer they're like whoa never thought of that fits like right in the cup and you're like i know i invented that you want to buy one because i can sell anything yeah and ariana was like no i'm gonna do it my way and here's how i'm gonna do. And she silently makes a drink. Like, doesn't talk, doesn't smile, doesn't do anything, doesn't explain what she's doing. She just makes a drink and then puts, like, a little wedge of lemon in there. I'm like, yep, there she is, this sketch comedy pro.

Look at those improv skills in action. And him. I'm a salesman. I can sell anything. Like, if it's a woman who I'm selling to, I'd just be like this. And he just drops his pants. And Ariana just stares at him and she's like, I'm horrified.

Did somebody say whore? I know, right? She's like, totally horrified this entire restaurant. I love Sheena. Speaking of She sheena after this whole scene where where uh ariana was lighting up the future internet with her cocktail skills um sheena is doing roll-ups with britney and katie and uh sheena invites uh now that's a now that's a coffee table book roll Roll-ups with Brittany. It's every week now. I know. Let's have Brittany sit her ass down and roll some silverware up.

I can roll so fast. Put me on the amazing race and can make me do a challenge. So Sheena invites Brittany to the Hamptons. But here, all of a sudden, controversy. Because Brittany's like, well, I would like to, but Jax and I are going to be doing something for Ariana's birthday. It's going to be like some sort of trip or something. So immediately, Sheena gets butthurt. And she's like, this is literally the first time I've heard about a trip for Ariana's birthday.

Like, literally, I can't. Yeah, just last night we were texting and I was like, did you hear that Lala's a whore? And she's like, ugh. And she never said anything about our birthday. Meanwhile, you know Ariana was like, hey, going on a birthday trip, you want to go? A trip? I know. Like, are we taking a Range Rover? Oh my god, Lala's a whore.

And stupid Cena's like, well, I mean, I'm like totally mortified that i wasn't invited even though i'm already busy like she shows where her her alliance you know where her heart lies or whatever i'm like you know you've been nasty to ariana for about a year now so why would you be invited to this which was also by the way i was gonna say it was going to be a couples trip, but then Lala got the invite. So anyway, speaking of Lala, she shows up and she's like, hi, ladies, as she's standing over all the rolling business. Did I hear someone say the Hamptons? Yeah. And so then she knows. I think it was that she was like, yeah, we're going to go to the to hamptons but i guess you're probably going on

town when it's birthday party whatever something like that and um yeah and she's like well you could make both time for both of them you could go to like one birthday party and then you could take a jet to the other one and katie is just like take a private jet you could take a private jet katie is just about to just shit the floor she is so mad and she's sitting there in this jacket that she thinks looks like a lamb but it looks like like a matted, I don't know, dog that Lisa would adopt. You know, it's like matted, just like straight out the pound. Yeah. I mean, those forks were so tightly wrapped with napkin at that point.

She was so angry. I mean, Lala is so brilliant. She is purely fucking with Katie. She's like, oh, okay, well, I can offer toala is so brilliant. She is purely fucking with Katie. She's like, oh, okay, well, I can offer to get you a jet. Of course Lala can't get her a jet. She cannot. But she knows that by saying it, it's going to make Katie so mad with a combination of jealousy and annoyance. Because, you know, Katie's like, in her mind, Katie's like, you cannot get me a jet.

Like, of course not, Katie. You're such an idiot. But you're mad about it, you know? jet like of course not katie you're such an idiot but but you're mad about it you know and then lala gets them to like talk about how poor they are which is so funny because she's sounds like she's obviously kidding to me she's like yeah i can get you a jet and she was like yeah get us a jet she's like oh yeah i can get you one you know i don't like sharing planes you know how like when you're on a plane you have to share with other people and katie's like what's wrong with sharing planes i mean like

you call it up you call it day before and you're boarding group b i mean at the very least i mean like what's wrong with that like so sharing planes is bad now what a whore yeah she's got sharing planes you guys yeah katie literally goes um i'll fly with the rest of the world like and she's like rolling her eyes like lala's so stupid i'm like no you are bad you fell right into it if you think lala is being serious you are such an idiot and katie tells us sounds like a whore to me she's not even hiding it i'm like yeah that's kind of the point you idiot it's called advertising okay it's called you're dumb you're dumb like yeah yeah you're dumb yeah it's called you're dumb and your answer like yeah yeah you're dumb yeah it's called you're dumb and your answer should be like oh my god you can get me a private jet that's awesome can we do

pictures for my blog the hair is scrunchy on dry hair whatever it's called.com like learn to advertise yourself i mean lala is basically plastering her vagina up there with the price tag and she's working she's currently working so yeah that's the thing if lala actually could get them a jet through her whoredom then you should just accept it yeah and she goes lala leaves all confident she goes okay girls well enjoy rolling your nappies and sheena goes enjoy answering phones! Good one, Sina. Yeah. Good one.

Oh my god, Lala made them look so petty. It was amazing. Through Lala's pettiness, she made them seem even pettier. It was so brilliant. Like, honestly, I don't know. I was literally laughing out loud. I was L-L-O-L-ing. I was L-L-O-L-ing. Like, literally laughing out loud. I was L-L-O-L-ing. I was L-L-O-L-ing,

like literally laughing out loud. Literally laughing. Okay, so now Tom and Ariana are having lunch and fake fighting and Lala comes. Lala is, of course, late and as she walks up, Tom's like, okay, we're gonna do the hot Asian

and Mama's like oh my god I know her she's expensive but worth it sorry to be late guys yeah they're ordering all these like vaguely offensive cocktails named after Asian stereotypes he's like

driving in two lanes on the rocks, please, thanks. AP math. No salt. So they're talking about the parade, and Lala's like, I'm gonna wear a clown hat and some pasties with tassels, just to

piss the other girls off, okay? We also learned that uh ariana so ariana invites lala to this birthday thing and that there's they're gonna go to a nascar race up in sonoma for the birthday which i actually think sounds like fun um so i'm like this is like fancy nascar yeah this is to me a step up from the uh the twee bouncy castle from last year. So I, I support this. But anyway, yeah.

So then they started talking about Sheena and stuff and like all this, all these things about how Sheena keeps calling Lala a whore who sleeps with married men and everything. And I love Lala in the interview. She's like, you know what? She's completely right. Tell your dad

thanks sheena tell your mom i'm sorry she's like oh so now i have an instagram boyfriend wow so i have an instagram boyfriend i have a twitter boyfriend i have a boyfriend just like randomly off the street i mean look it's all true but still like how i mean who cares like shut up sheena and then she goes into her big like lawn order ending where she's like gathered all the evidence she's like where's the evidence tom you know who is this guy like they keep saying it but i haven't heard a name they haven't shown me pictures of him i haven't seen the pictures that his wife saw in the phone where's the phone where's the phone that his wife supposedly saw in the middle of what is a phone anyway what you oh you can like pick up a piece of plastic and talk to anyone across

across the country next year say you'll be able to watch like tv on it i mean come on now the phone ridiculous so she is to me Lala is just obviously lying but I still love it I'm still on her side though I'm like Lala you do you and this is where Tom to me looks like he's being shady

because he's like whoa well who is it she's like if you want to find out then you know you want to go you want to fly to Florida and go do a football game with me and it'll be a surprise. And he's like, oh, God, I don't need a surprise. Like, what does she think I'm going to do, scream and clap my hands? Like, ugh.

Like, I don't even care. It's like she's not telling you because you're just going to go tell everybody else, and they're going to use it against her forever, okay? Well, and also he's like, just tell me. Like, I'm not going to tell anyone. I'm like, you might not tell anyone, but when she tells you, it's it's going across to the country okay so she doesn't want to say it on camera yeah also you're gonna immediately tell jax and then or you're gonna tell tom and then tom's gonna tell jax and jax is gonna tell sheena and she's gonna come over the loudspeaker like a fucking crazy person and be like i told you she was a whore like everybody knows yeah but she by the time he

gets to sheena it's gonna be so distorted as to who the actual guy is that his identity will be protected again. She'll be like, she's dating Don Imus. What? Don Imus. It's going to be such a bad game of telephone that Sheena's going to be like, she's with a telephone. You suck at this game, Sheena.

Sheena would actually be hilarious to play telephone with because she would distort it immediately. Like, you don't even have to have, like, 12 people. You'd be like, all right, so I'm going to say Brad Pitt. And she'd be like, Lala's a whore. So anyway, somehow the conversation turns to the stupid cocktail book and ariana and tom start bickering and ariana basically starts scolding tom for trying to steal attention away from her book and um trying to take attention away from everything and domineering during the photo shoot and they just start bickering which was kind of funny because then tom's like let's be fucking real i'm way more positive than you are in general and i mean yeah i like ariana

like just attempting to refute that because ariana is the most dour person on this show i don't even think she did try to to uh to counter that she's like it's making drinks it doesn't need positivity i like when she was like you are such a whiny little bitch she told him he is a little bitch and he just sat there i thought poor tom can only be with women who can kind of abuse him properly it's like it turns him on you know and you know it was a bad fight because lala was trying to be peacemaker she's like hey now listen no well what he's trying to say is i mean what you're trying to say is i mean we can all be nice like let's just be like habits like this is open communication you're like yeah no no you just can't like we are in public i don't like that tom said literally like jocks sheena like diana guillermo fat peter like literally everybody

came up to me and was like why aren't you doing a cocktail book instead of Ariana? Jeez. And as we all know, those are the most prominent voices in the cocktail industry. Especially Fat Peter. My cousin sent me a text, my cousin Jenna,

and she goes, when did Peter become Andy Garcia? Like, oh oh my god that's another one i can't unsee now thanks a lot jenna that's sad that's harsh very harsh um i mean both hot but still um so um so then we go to commercial and we come back it's like serious times because it's gay pride it's sunday of gay pride which as we all know and as the show reminds us terribly that was you know the more the morning of uh the orlando pulse nightclub shooting which of course was terrible and horrific and to me what was interesting about this episode is that that was such a serious grave terrible, terrible moment that brought the whole nation up in arms.

It was sad. And then here we are watching the Vanderpump Rules interpretation of it. And I felt bad because I chuckled a lot. Yeah, well, it's Vanderpump Rules. And it's also Pride. I mean, I was there marching at Pride, and I hadn't heard about the Orlando thing. I had to be there early in the morning. Well, early for me.

It was like 9. But I had to be there early because I was marching in the gay dads. Not sexual daddies, but, you know, like actual dads because my friend has a baby. So I was, like, marching with him and his baby. And so we got there, and there were all these orlando signs and everyone was crying and people were like should we go home because you know supposedly there's news that they're gonna try and blow up this parade and man i love the gays because it we were in a whole group of children and gay parents and then behind us was uh like the most bored gay person in the world who has

just kept rolling his eyes and flicking his phone and then in front of us was the bisexual float which was cracking us up because it's basically just like chunky girls who just want to fuck anybody it's just like girls like sex dancing and it was just crazy the juxtaposition of the real news happening and then there's like some girl in a cowboy hat trying to ride some guy's face i'm like what the hell is happening here i know um so uh it began this sort of like this half of the episode this this portion of it it begins with lisa vanderpump dressed this crazy frock um because she's gonna be on like the british bus for gay pride.

And, you know, she's understandably very sad. And Katie comes up to her dress, like, you know, she's in freaks and geeks and they're like talking it out and talking about how terrible it is. And I just,

Katie was like, my heart is really heavy today for a lot of reasons. I'm like, listen, don't try to like pull orlando into this we know the real reason you're sad is because tom probably insisted he wanted those centerpieces for the wedding okay we know that's why you're really sad you mad because you're about to have to wear wonder woman bottoms in public okay and your heart is heavy because you drank a whole bottle of ranch

last night worried about it so i don't know who you think you're kidding and then lisa's like but what are we supposed to do should we still march are we going to be strong this is supposed to be the busiest day at bump darling look over there even patsy stone is crying darling patsy stone never cries darling it's like some drag queen dressed like the chick from ab fab i just like what lisa's like i mean do we do we do we give in or we stand to defy these things katie's like i'm gonna give in i'm going home but she's like oh all right then well that didn't work i was like oh okay oh, okay, yo, all right. It's like, Katie doesn't need to stand up for gay pride, okay?

She's marrying a gay guy. Like, she's done enough. She's done enough for gay marriage. So meanwhile, Lala is also not going to work, and she's with her friend. And Lala, I feel like her reasoning was a little bit better, which was i'm not gonna she's like i'm not gonna wear pasties in a clown hat and pretend that orlando didn't happen and it's like like that to me makes more sense because that's like but also she was the one who made up her own outfit with pasties no one was gonna make her wear that that was her own thing i just love that pasties and a clown hat was a potential outfit

in general but it wasn't even it wasn't even just the outfit she's like no way i'm walking around a clown hat pasties for ten dollars an hour i'm a hoe okay so so then um tom shows up at katie and tom schwartz's place and um so this scene was actually it had some very touching moments like legitimately touching but before we got to it being touching um they like they were all sort of like talking and musing about these things and i love tom sandoval's reflections he was like i was looking forward to drinking and celebrating today and i'm just like dude are you fucking kidding me it's like dude we're all just people it's fucking crazy man meanwhile tom number two is staring into the fridge like has anybody seen the ranch hey i just bought a whole new thing of iceberg lettuce man i just bought that foxy stassi comes over and she's like i mean it's so sad i

just like want everyone to like be together i mean except lala and james because like she's a whore and he's a no talent loser we're lisa because i don't like her either but like still like we should all well maybe not diana because like she's really not that nice to me but like we should all be together in the hamptons girls trip um but then this was nice because then tom sandoval was like talking about how awful it was and people like that there were people who were you know dead and and their cell phones were going off and people call him and he just starts to cry and i was like you know he dead, and their cell phones were going off and people would call him, and he just starts to cry. And I was like, you know, he is really sweet. That is, I mean, it was so sweet. I got highlights for this, Pride man.

I know. It really, it actually really was sweet. I had a little tear. I thought it was like... A little tear drop. Well, it's nice, you know, I think, you know, here's this straight guy who was really being, like, very empathetic. And I thought it was really lovely.

Like, say what you will about this show or Tom or whatever, but emotions are emotions. And even though what he was saying before, we were, like, literally 10 seconds ago, we were snickering at it. The truth is, you know, his empathy, I thought, and sympathy was very... Yeah, it was actually... It showed a lot it was actually this whole episode was very sweet and uh seeing everybody really coming out for pride i mean that day was so touching that was probably the most touching pride i mean because of my friend's baby and then the lesbian side of the family came out i mean it was just a really touching pride all around and even on this show that you can even drop drop a tear at this stupid show it was just a really touching pride all around. And even on this show that you can even drop a tear at this stupid show. It was nice.

And I saw Tom that day. He was on his bike riding up the parade rat. And I was like, what's up, brother? And I said hi to him and stuff. But he did look like super upset. Yeah. He was. He totally was.

Now I know. I didn't notice the uh hair though maybe he was wearing a hat well there's there was a lot to take in that day um like hmm let's talk about orlando or what tom was wearing that day anyone so lisa gets on the bus she's like i'm going to stand in utter defiance uh which is good and then um then i've got a hat now show me to the bus darling go girl and then uh what i did love was that ultimately everyone decided that they were going to go to sir like tom decided he's going to go to sir and jacks and britney decided to go to uh I mean basically everyone except for Katie and Lala and Stassi, Stassi didn't go

well she doesn't have to but I was just like for some reason I wasn't mad at Lala but with Katie I'm like fuck you Katie so anyway Tom was he was definitely very pro

I'm going to show up. And he's like, I don't think it's fair to stay home. And let's face it, I got a spray tan. There's not free drinks at home. They just all go get wasted. I mean, they might as well not even be at work. Poor Brittany. I don't know what Lisa was thinking with these outfits this year.

I mean, at least they're usually cute. They were crazy. Clowns? Why were they doing that? They put her in those little, what do you call those? Like just cut off short things going up her butt with clown spots all over them. Oh, good. It was crazy.

And it was kind of funny to me. Again, this is one of those things where like on the one hand it was like a like a thoughtful moving thing but on the other hand it was also ridiculous you know the way they the show is almost painting jacks at britney as like the real heroes of gay pride these people decide to show up and serve jaeger shots for themselves yeah someone's like how much is a fireball shot and he pours one for himself and drinks it he He's like, I don't know, 10 bucks. 11, 10, 11. And Tom was working with Ariana at the bar.

And he's like, after all this has happened, it feels really petty to argue over a cocktail book. Hey, you should strain that with a circular strainer. Remodel it. Do that. It's like, ugh. And then Schwartz shows up. And then they're like, Schwartz, we didn't think you were going to come. He's like, yeah schwartz shows up and then they're like schwartz we didn't think you were gonna come he's like yeah man i have to and when he showed up i was like oh he is in trouble

because the fact that he showed up and then katie didn't it's gonna make her look bad and she's gonna get so mad at him he is in a world of hate tonight good good yeah good i don't care she's stupid i hope he leaves her ass and comes to me. Come on, darling. Come over here to daddy. Daddy loves you, darling. So meanwhile, Lala goes and visits James. And she tells James, she basically asks James if he's going to be going to Ariana's birthday. And he did not get invited.

And they deduce it's because jax is going to be going and then james is like how bad of a person must i be if that bastard is invited to your birthday and what the fuck did i do i'm like well you're james and you're awful so that's probably that's probably why you're not invited he literally can't remember what he did which is so funny he's like why would you do that lolly bring the sadness i was just in here practicing a c chord and it sounded amazing, all right? It would have taken over the world, but you have to bring in your sadness. And she's like, whatever.

Like, you do not want to make me want to slit your throat right now, okay? That'd be great. He's like, oh, really? Really, Lala? You're going to slit my throat? Well, how am I supposed to know you're sad? You haven't texted me about it.

Yeah. By the way, her exact words, I believe, were, hey, I'm sensitive as fuck right now. So if you could not make me want to slit your fucking throat, that would be fucking amazing. Thank you. What if you don't text me about it? How would I know? And he gets all mad. So he starts swiping his phone.

And then she gets mad. So she starts swiping his phone and then she gets mad so she starts swiping her phone and it's just the funniest millennial aggression it's like it's just like randomly swiping their phone at nothing in anger at each other yeah because you know what the truth is they're both sensitive as fuck right now yeah they're both children making minimum wage fighting with old people is some weird place just to be on TV and, you know, press play in front of a pizza oven. And then Lala, she's like, yeah, I'm really upset. There's like this shooting and I'm upset about this and people are calling me a whore. And then there's a breakup.

And he's like, you got broken up with? I said, yeah, I got broken up with. And I'm like, really mad. And he's like, you always get broken up with. No, well, I'm broken up with. Like, he broke up with me. It was just like, it just came out of my face. like it just because those bitches at work are stressing me out he's obviously sick of hearing about it so and he's like all right would you like to make music now she's like fuck yes

fuck yeah fuck yes i'm sensitive as fuck right now but i'm also feeling musical as fuck i'm feeling musical as fuck right now. Was that a D chord? A C? Okay, whatever. Play it. I'm stressed as fuck right now. Let's take it down a third, okay? It's too high as fuck for me right now. Oh, so

basically it ends with Lisa giving a good speech. She basically is like, we won't back down. We will not back down. Except for Katie. She's not here. We stand defiantly in the face of terrorists. Well, Katie's starving, darling.

She deserves a day on the couch with her feet up in the air, wiping the ranch off of her chest. But the rest of us, darling, good for us. Good for us, darling. She deserves a day on the couch with her feet up in the air, wiping the ranch off of her chest. But the rest of us, darling, good for us. Good for us, darling. It's all right. Katie's doing strong work. She's protecting Pinterest from any shooters. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey.

And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just

are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad free on Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th,

or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound

eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Katie is glue-gunning dry roses to name plates on tables for her wedding on a Wednesday. But that said, down with terrorism. Go USA.

Katie is sensitive as fuck right now, so she couldn't join us. Also, she heard there was a sale on iceberg lettuce at Whole Foods, so understandably, priorities are priorities. Oh my God. So Peter seems just coked out of his mind. He's like, ugh! Ugh!

This is like the craziest bride ever. And she's like, I'm glad you came, darling. And then Tom starts crying again. Okay, the first time it was cute. Now I just think you took too much Adderall. No, I thought it was cute the second time too when tom tom was saying that he's she was telling lisa that he was proud of her for like he's like like yeah we are all together we're all scared and you just got up on that bus and you were just like doing your thing you didn't even have a spray tan and i was

like whoa like i just realized i was like brave as, like, I'm proud of you, Lisa. It's like, well, I'm proud of you, too. It's easy to run. Well, not for Katie. Katie. You know, it's just, you know, she's just, her thighs must chafe so much. It's easy to walk extremely slowly around a block. Am I right, Gus?

It's easy to put on a moo-moo and sort of hide a little rascal underneath it and motor away and pretend you're actually power walking. Darling, what's more difficult is swallowing your fear. Unless it's covered in a bottle of ranch dressing, apparently, according to Tom. I'm just so glad my assistant could learn so much of my bravery. Oh, I forgot. She ran away to Whole Foods.

For once, I was actually on a bus and I didn't see the saddest, poorest one of us all. Oh, the irony. And here I thought Katie would relish the chance to run someone over with a bus. Oh, Vanderpump Rules. Keep it classy over there. I love this show. They're having a great season i think every episode this season has been so so good i agree i think it's been hilarious um

i'm i'm really into it and i'm loving that we've had a lot of lala we were really afraid that there was not gonna be any lala this season because she had made that strange tweet saying that she's no longer with the show and i thought it was gonna be like she'd be on for like one or two episodes but she's been on every single episode I'm really happy yeah apparently I guess she gets fired at some point and then probably rehired and then James too because Jax was so excited he was all over Twitter like guess who got fired and uh then you, James was back immediately. Well, we have to show the terrorists that just because they attack some of us, the music will play on. You know, sometimes all they need is a little wiggy wiggy. A wiggy wiggy.

Wiggy wiggy. The wiggy wiggy that turned the world Okay, so my Vanderpump rules for now Okay, let's pivot on to Top Chef Charleston And as you may hear, my voice may sound a little different, a little airier That's because we have ushered in our guest for the episode The one and only editor of LA, well, not the editor, but the food editor of LA Weekly, and also the host of the Smart Mouth podcast, Miss Catherine

Spires. Hello, Catherine. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. Thanks for joining us. You're like a real professional. I'm so professional. Thank you so much for having me. You know, we don't normally have people who like, have like, impressive titles. Yeah, yeah, I know.

The title sounds really good. And it opens a lot of doors. Yeah, I mean, I got you on this podcast. I know, right? I like to think of you editing food. That is what I do. I mean, the good thing about my job is that I professionally call out people. You know what I mean? It's like I don't have to know how to cook. I just tell other people when they're cooking is shitty. Yeah. That's a lot of fun.

That's what we do. And we don't even have the authority to do it the way you do. Yeah, we understand. We're not very good real housewives either. Right. Exactly. You got it. Because I can't cook.

So little known fact, Catherine is an original member of the TVgasm family. That's right. You used to write recaps of Lost, right? Is that where you started? I think Lost and I think House also. House, yeah. And I mean, we have to talk about

the reason why I started writing for you at TVgasm. Yes, there were a lot of grammatical errors, correct? Yeah. So I just sent you an email out of nowhere and I was like, excuse me, you could use some help. And he responded well to it. It was amazing.

Well, I am like a grammar Nazi. And so when people say your grammar is wrong, I don't get mad and be like, fuck you. And I don't think anyone should. I say, oh my God, thank you. And I don't think anyone should. I say, oh my God, thank you. I'm so, I'm embarrassed. Thank you for teaching me. And there our friendship was born. Yeah. In kind of a funny way, but I'm glad it was. Yeah. But we're not here. Ronnie's like, what are you, what's going on over there? We're holding hands. No, I'm not. It's cute. I just have to be quiet because I wrote for TVgasm and my grammar is that of a five-year-old.

I'm stupid. So I'm waiting for you to send me an email any day. Still writing those recaps, lady. Yeah, from the desk of LA Weekly. By the way, also apologies in advance because every time I put my elbows on this table, you'll hear a sound of like, it sounds like someone like whacking an oil drum. So I apologize. I'm trying not to put my elbows on the table, but sometimes I can't resist. Once, you know, once I start to gab, that's like my, that's like my preferred gab position is elbows on the table.

Oh, hon, I didn't mean to make you paranoid. It's okay. It's okay. You know, if I had some proper breeding, I would never put my elbows on the table in the first place. You're such an animal. Every time you do it, you kill an angel, right? You're such a man.

Enough about angels. Let's talk about Top Chef. this is why we have Catherine here because Catherine has Smart Mouth is a food podcast and obviously you're the editor of the food section of LA Weekly so we want to get your expert food opinion on this latest episode

of Top Chef which was the second episode of the season which is still considered part of the first kind of opening, like a sort of sequence, right? Because the first episode was the quick fires. The second episode was the elimination challenges. So to set the stage, the gang was split. The entire group was split into two teams because we're in Charleston.

The entire group was split into two teams because we're in Charleston. And each team was sent to a different family kitchen to learn food, etc. And in one, was it the newbies? The newbies were sent to the biscuit lady, right? Yes. I like that you call her the biscuit lady. That's right. Well, that's what they said her thing was. No, I think that is call her the biscuit lady well that's what they said her thing was no I think that is like her professional

name she's the biscuit lady she makes biscuits are we allowed to jump head in the episode yeah do whatever you want because the tension when that team did not bring biscuits out to the judges table at the end was unbearable

yes oh I see I didn't inspire you to make any biscuits oh yeah yeah that was some like white lady mortification i mean they had like the black guy from the family in africa the gula tribe and then they had the the opposite family was like literally the opposite they were the whitest people in the world she's like look we're making biscuits these are the whitest children in the world and their hands are in the biscuit disgusting i do not want to eat your biscuits get your kids snotty hands out of it i i mean i i was craving a biscuit but i i agree with you that catherine that like

when they made the choice not to make a biscuit when they were doing the planning and the music got really serious i was like this is going to come back to haunt them oh absolutely but i have to say jim the guy who had immunity but he and they wanted yes the alabama the state of alabama's official cook yeah exactly i think he is a delight i think he's a warm and lovely person i really like that he stood his ground yeah i don't care to make biscuits. Yeah. I got sad that the Vanessa Bayer type, that girl, she was pressured into the tomato pie. Like, she was like my favorite, actually. Really? I liked her.

I think because she looked like Vanessa Bayer. She doesn't look that much like Vanessa Bayer. Well, she looked more like Vanessa Bayer than the other ladies. That's true. I think she looks like the girl who gets beat up on the bus every day. And I just, that girl, you know how many times we've had lunch together. We're like, who beat you up today? And then we talk about it.

And then we're like, well, one day we'll be different. And then we grow up and we're not different at all. Like if adults didn't learn manners, we would still get beat up on the bus every day. So I just liked her because I felt like we could trade tuna sandwiches for peanut butter sandwiches, etc. Yeah, I just I get that vibe. She was made fun of a lot. I did, too, but kind of the sad sackness wasn't really helping her. She was like, oh, they won't let me make what I want to make.

Get in there! Yeah, I know. I mean, that's the thing. She should have stood her ground. I mean, it was hard because she was going up against that Uber bitch. I forget her name. But the girl we're talking about. Lena Dunham.

Lena Dunham, the bitch from hell. Emily Hahn, right? Yeah, Emily Hahn. uber bitch i forget her name but the girl we're talking about lena dunham lena dunham the bitch from hell emily hahn right yeah emily hahn so this girl annie annie petri who was who was shamed into a tomato pie you could just tell that you could tell that like she is not made for these competitions like she was she's just too me. And you know she was made fun of. I mean, I'm looking at her name right now. Her last name is spelled P-E-T-T-R-Y, which is basically a misspelling of pretty. And you know she was probably made fun of all the time for that. Like, why aren't you pretty? Why aren't you pretty?

I really like the outfit for her profile pic, though. That yellow dress is lovely. Yeah. Well, so what was it? Misspelling of pretty. You're terrible what was so mean what was what was the dish that she originally wanted to make again uh she wanted to make like a slaw or like everything yeah she ran down the list of all

the things she wanted to make and all the meaner chefs were like no yeah you can't do that no she's like what about what about if i just like? Like, well, that was actually going to be a really important part of my dish. Yes. Yes. Yeah. That poor dear. Now, how did the biscuit drama start? Because they were talking about the biscuits, but somebody forgot to buy a cream or something.

I mean, honestly, I was digging for a blue M&M. I was busy. Jim was explaining that they waited until after they went shopping to panic about the biscuits. Yeah. And he's like, we didn't even get buttermilk, which is true. They didn't have the fat necessary to make the biscuits. Yeah, they would have made a shitty biscuit no matter what. Or at least a limp one.

I feel like they've got cream cheese in that damn fridge. And the white lady was saying, you know, cream cheese was her meemaw's specialty or whatever. Yeah, honestly, if they had just pulled in cream cheese and sour cream and every dairy product they had, they would have made a delicious biscuit. But I respect him. He didn't want to do it. It was funny, because I think it was Emily Hahn who tried to shame Jim into the biscuit. She did.

She's like, well, I think that whoever has immunity should probably make the biscuit. And he's like, no, bitch. Yeah, which I respected so much. I think he might be so friendly that maybe he's an unexpected force he can't be fucked with well if you look that's always who foils the bitch you know and i mean the guy bitch or the girl bitch like she is so mean that girl is the girl who beat up the home you know the not the homely but the meat girl in school absolutely that's the girl you know that's the girl with the baseball bat and it like turns out she was a bully because

her mom was mean or some lame excuse. You're still a bitch. Yeah, totally. You can tell it's all defensive, how she doesn't like being called the rookie team. You know that that's just how they're differentiating the two teams. They're not calling you a rookie chef. They're saying rookie team. Yeah, exactly.

Rookie isn't to the show, Emily, you bitch. I don't know why that made me so mad. It made me mad, too, because there was a certain amount of entitlement that came with that annoyance of like, I'm not a rookie chef. It's like, you just sound like a petulant 12-year-old trying to prove that you're with the big kids now. It's like, shut up. You're a rookie on Top Chef.

And if you were beyond, honestly, if you were farther along in your career, you would be on Top Chef as a judge. So please stop. Yeah, that's the girl who plays Trivial Pursuit and is mad at her pie piece colors. You know? She's like, why did I beat the orange pies? Now I'm purple pie. Who likes that? And meanwhile, Annie's like, why did I get the tomato pie for Trivial Pursuit?

Oh, my God. But, you know, that poor meat girl, every time somebody says my specialty is because didn't she say um i was featured in the wall street journal for my green tomato pie and i was like bye yeah bye now yeah exactly now we have to also talk about the rookie team one thing that happened with them and one reason perhaps why they didn't have buttermilk or cream cheese as a backup is that that one guy, BJ, I believe his name, he got on there and he bought basically an entire cow or a pig. He spent like a third of their budget on pork. And you know what?

What I hate is it's like it's become like a trope on Top Chef. There's always some asshole, usually from Portland, like this guy is, who is so proud of the fact that he can roast a pig. He cooks meat. That's what he does. He loves pork belly. That's what he is. He's got a tattoo of a pig on his chest. That's what he does.

Then he goes and he spends the entire budget on his stupid ham hocks. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. It's performative masculinity. Yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, my God. I'm sick of it I'm sick of it it's performative masculinity yeah oh okay oh my god

we have the editor of LA Weekly here food section in case you didn't know it is and it's funny because these guys were still hanging on

to this like notion that started coming up in like 2004 that if you got tattoos and you had to butcher an animal that you were a real man and it is so trite

and played out at this point thank you it's not authentic and you thank you it's not authentic and katherine i don't shave my nuts exactly yeah you know one thing katherine you may not have realized this but ronnie and i did a cast preview a few weeks ago and we did a deep dive he has foie gras tattooed on his fingers like i saw that yeah it's it's offensive yeah no i agree it's not to the not to the geese but just

to like taste in general it kind of is offensive to the geese i mean if you think about how foie is made they force feed these things until they fatten them up they can barely walk and then they kill them and then they eat their whatever their inside their liver liver right yeah their liver so just imagine that fat fuck with those stupid tattoos it's like i killed your mom tattooed on his you know fingers shoving them down your throat he's a violent person i don't like him on the other hand friend of your podcast marcos loyvanos and i have spent i would say at this point about two hours texting each other about how much we want to fuck bj bj yeah yeah yeah yeah no he doesn't do it for me i think actually i think actually the cute one and two hours texting each other about how much we want to fuck BJ. BJ? Yeah. Yeah.

No, he doesn't do it for me. I think actually, I think actually the cute one, and it's not because I like black guys, but the guy from Haiti, I forget his name. Silva. Silva. He's so cute. Yeah.

He's cute. And I bet he's going to be, he looks like he's the most talented of them all. Oh, he's the rear. You can tell because he hasn't done any talking heads yet. Yeah, and everything he does is sort of like quietly excellent every single time. I mean, look at him. Look how humble he is standing there in his profile picture. Oh, he's so sweet.

You're right. See? Aww. Silva, I think, is a cute one. I'll tell you who I don't think is really that cute, who used to be considered the cutest slash hottest in the Top Chef universe. Yes. Sam Talbot. cute who used to be considered the cutest slash hottest in the top chef universe yes sam talbot he lost a lot of weight and i don't want to give him shit for that because i know he's diabetic so

there could be health issues going on but but something's chicken run yeah he doesn't care what we think because padma is still flirting with him so hard yeah like he's fine there's like i think he got like veneers maybe and he had a weight loss like there's something like something in the equilibrium of his hotness went off he looks like he's in season eight of his real housewives journey like his face is like too botoxed yeah it looks like he slept on his face he's got like that crease down his face like he slept on his face and then got botox and now the crease is stuck forever yeah I don't know. I can't feel bad for making fun of somebody who starts off by saying, I was voted one of the sexiest men on the planet in Time Out magazine or whatever the hell it was. Well, I think he was a little bit self-referential.

But, I mean, his hotness is kind of his currency. Do you know how he got on Top Chef? How? Do you know his backstory? No. His reality TV backstory? I'm making a blowjob face with my tongue right now but you can't hear it.

Appropriate. He was a finalist to be on The Bachelor. I believe the first season. They were scouting potential bachelors and he was one of the last three. He didn't get chosen but the producers gave his profile over to the Top Chef producers and he ended up

on Top Chef instead of the bachelor really so his hotness is a big part of his brand yeah oh god i wish he was on the bachelor because they all have to cry like the bachelorette they make all the guys cry i would love to see sam crying because his big thing like what made him kind of a villain i guess he was so nice and quiet and hot in his first season i mean what was that season two until everything went down with marcel right yes and then he was mean to marcel and then the whole world turned on him and it was hilarious which is weird just weird yeah it was great so douchey yeah but you know that's why people love

him and hate him but it's like he still can'tchey. Yeah. But, you know, that's why people love him and hate him. But it's like he still can't come back from that. He's like, do you know how much I've accomplished in my life? And I'm still getting shit for, you know, messing with that little monkey. You know, Sam said something, and I have to bring it up in my notes here, because it was the only thing I felt compelled to write down about the episode. Because he said something that just made me be like you're just so pretentious right now

he was talking about fried chicken and he's talking about how he loves fried chicken and it's like his thing and he goes he's talking about fried chicken in that hipster way because he has like a fried chicken place in Brooklyn so it's like shut up already like I'm already like obviously fried chicken is delicious and we all love fried chicken unless in Brooklyn so it's like shut up already like I'm already I'm already like

obviously fried chicken is delicious and we all love fried chicken unless you're probably a vegetarian and uh the truth is that like we all welcome fried chicken places but there is a hipster brand of fried chicken that's gotten to me very insufferable like like oh you just discovered fried chicken like oh isn't this clever I'm gonna do my own hipster version of chicken and waffles whatever it's like and there was also these like there are quiet tones of appropriation in there for sure you know i mean like fried chicken's fried chicken but there is like some of the way these hipsters approach it there is i'm sorry well it's interesting because all these uh a lot of these hipster chefs are coming up with these new fried chicken places and they think it's very

cool and very edgy. But fried chicken is actually the fastest growing segment of the fast casual industry as well. Ha! Yeah, exactly. So it's completely middle American and boring to be into fried chicken. Right. But these hipsters are like, woo! And so Sam is like – It's like ironic fried chicken.

And also he's like, oh, I'm opening this fried chicken place in brooklyn but i'm diabetic i have diabetes one so you know it's gluten-free sugar-free yeah dairy-free what are you gonna do dude just throw a fucking cornish ham in a fryer you can't do that and that's exactly what i wrote down that he was bragging about opening a fried chicken place in brooklyn where because he's diabetic there'll be no sugar, so it'll be healthier. I'm like, don't you dare get on this show and talk about healthy fried chicken. There's no such thing. Get your hipster, sugar-free fried chicken off my TV. Right, exactly.

We didn't come here for this. It's Top Chef Charleston. Yes. Like, it has fats and gravies. Yes. Meats. And how much sugar is in fried chicken, by the way? None.

I guess he is talking about the gluten in the batter, maybe? I think it was a little bit of a non-sequitur. Okay. Yeah. I'll grant that. I think he kind of went off. I'll grant that. Well, sugar.

I think there's probably a little sugar, because you put sugar in any breading, don't you? No. I do. Oh, well. I'm from Texas. Do whatever you want. I'm sure there are versions that involve sugar. I'm sure, yeah.

It's funny for him to me to talk about sugar-free fried chicken when it's not a dish that I feel like is known for its high sugar levels. Even if you did add some sugar here and there, it's not like, oh, diabetics have to inherently stay away from fried chicken. Now, of course, I'm speaking as someone who is not very well educated on what diabetics need to stay away from and not stay away from. But I have a podcast. So I, therefore, have the right to talk about anything. That's right. He should just open a sugar-free candy shop. I mean, the worst part about that guy is just his air of douche.

Yes. He's just got a general air of douchiness. I don't like it. Yeah, like even when the veterans were serving their dinner, and I forget who it was, but someone, maybe they liked Sheldon's food or something, his eggplant, and then Sam does this thing with his fingers like, that's all him, bro.

It's all him. I'm like, shut up, Sam. See, I read that totally differently how did you read that i'm not saying sam's not a douche but i had a feeling you know all those like people who come on and talk about the food who aren't a regular part of the show i kind of had a feeling that the woman who was talking might not have known who she was talking about and so he was like pointing to sheldon to be like by the way he's the one whose food you're talking about that you like right now yeah i guess i'm more generous than you i could have been edited out of context but now that we've been

railing on sam for a few minutes i'm like all like yeah i'm all fired up so i'm like ready to just take him down for everything yeah i like how they act all i mean they are famous in their in their ways but the returners or what that's what they call them on brother what are the veterans they um returners is not an actual word just for everyone i know but it's from big brother so it's a word now it's like that word d apostrophe oh don't homer simpson that's in the dictionary now just say it enough times okay um anyway i like how they're all like faux famous but they all act like they won 20 oscars like casey casey acts like she just won an oscar for her starring performance in every version of the hunger games stop impressing yourself please okay when she started crying about how amazing food was i was

like okay you're down a notch she's always been she's oh i've always had i'm not even a love hate i'm like a like a general like hate relationship with her because i still blame her for um ruining carla's chances in the finale a few seasons ago when she was like she pushed a sous vide agenda um and then carla had never done it before and then carla lost and then later on casey went on to blog to be like no everyone's make it seem like it was my fault but like i i had like carla had lots of agency in the situation and i just made a everyone's making it seem like it was my fault. But like, I, I had like, Carla had lots of agency in this situation and I just made a recommendation. They made it seem like it was all my fault.

I'm like, no, Casey, it was your fault. I know. I know. I don't care what the truth is. It's her fault.

I was thinking about it on the way over here and almost ran a red light. Cause that really pissed me off. Yeah. Were you thinking about the sous vide situation? Yeah. About how she lost it for Carla. And then I was like, well,

Carla, I mean, like is super rich now. She's probably fine, but I'm still furious about it. Carla's one of the most successful, well, Carla is super rich now. She's probably fine. But I'm still furious about it. Carla's one of the most successful of the alums. Absolutely. Deservedly so, because everyone loves her.

Can we talk about some of the lady dynamics among the Vets fans? Yeah, of course. Please. Okay, so Shirley always struck me as someone, within the context of the show, who's probably never been at the cool girls table. And she's welcomed among the cool girls of the show who's probably never been at the cool girls table. She's welcomed among the cool girls of the show, Brooke and Casey specifically. She's so out of her mind excited about it that she's making it weird. You know what's interesting?

She's making it weird. She is. They said that the veterans won after judging. Everyone went back into the room. Everyone's bummed out because they talked about the three worst dishes and then shirley starts screaming about at casey like congratulations yeah i was like oh my god read the room oh you are so awkward this

is so uncomfortable it's so funny because i didn't even detect that there were was were cool girls like there was a cool girl oh let me tell you it it's Brooke and Casey. Wow. Because I have always really liked Brooke. I do too. I'm a fan of Brooke and I've, have you been to the Triple ever? I've never been to a restaurant but everyone loves them.

Delicious. Delicious. And she came out to our table and was very nice. So I like her. I wouldn't even get a cool girl vibe but you know what though?

I'm going to keep an eye out. Like now Casey, she famously a few seasons ago declared herself the hot girl. Which, I mean, she's not wrong. She's pretty. But I mean, like... They're all pretty.

But who says that? I kind of wish I had that confidence to just declare it. Well, but she said it in sort of like a humblebrag way. She's like, I mean, I guess I'm just like the hot one with air quotes. Oh, that's annoying. Yeah. But I don't know. Well, but I didn't say mean girl, though.

I said cool girl. Okay, okay. That's a good distinction. But except, I'm going to back up on that a little bit, because when the veterans were in the Gullah guy's house, and they were talking about who was going to do what, and they did the VOs about how they all get along so well, and they're working so well together, they had the men saying that over footage of Brooke mean-girling Amanda so hard. It was unbelievable.

I don't remember what was she doing to Amanda. By the way, Amanda is, if anyone is going to be getting the wrath of mean girls, it's going to be Amanda. Well, she already did, and apparently the guys thought that it was just the girls laughing or whatever. But Amanda was like, I want to do this dish. And Brooke jumps back. And she goes, oh, your energy is really big right now.

That's right. She did say that. Like, wow, you're just much louder than everyone else. Yeah, it was vicious. That makes me like Brooke more, actually. OK. She can do that. Brooke is so lame and boring.

But I like her because she's very talented and stuff. But she's just, she's an asshole. It's like, what are you yelling at somebody else for having too much energy for? You're like a lump on a log. Well, yeah, it scared her. I want to talk about Jamie Lynch, who almost went home this week because he botched vegetables twice in a row. Jamie Lynch like to me he's another example

of that like ultra tatted up chef who is like acting like he went to like through like 12 different wars and I'm just

I'm really over it and I'm like I actually thought he should have gone home for his crappy casserole instead of sweet Annie for her like

so her dough was a little under yeah cause she didn't have enough time is that really like the biggest crime in the world this guy messed up

vegetables twice. I, this was, I mean, I'm not naive about how these shows work and how the voting off works and stuff, but this was one that just screamed

producer involvement to me. Because the judges were like, ew, his food is gross and it keeps being gross. Yeah. Whereas Annie's tart was undercooked. But Annie seemed like

she was going to like sit in the corner and pout the whole rest of the show. I agree. I think that there wasn't a lot of future for her in TV. And so there's no point in keeping this girl on. Because they said that her tomato pie tasted really good. It's just that the dough was undercooked. But they had nothing nice to say about this douchebags vegetable but he's loud and has tattoos and is probably attractive to a lot of

people yeah that guy a burnt broccoli is actually delicious i did it on accident once i agree i'll eat it now and b if you know when you lose something like the knob on your stove you know like something random that's the weird guy in a cardboard box who can sell you that shit. At the end of the road, that guy. He'll be like, which knob is it? The left, the right, the middle left, the middle right? Like, you know, he's got every kind of knob.

He's like some crazy junk man who they just like kind of semi-cleaned up and threw onto the camera, you know? Love it. He's dangerous. I feel like he would would cast a spell if you he would give a curse, put a curse on your house if you

spurned his knob off her. He's like, may your broccoli be burnt forever. Was there any food that looked really good to you guys in the episode that you were like, ooh, I really want to have that? No, we're still at the stage where it's just like flashes. We don't really except for

as much as it pains me to say it emily's shrimp and cucumber pickled shrimp and cucumber oh yeah which basically i mean i don't know a lot about southern food whatever culture has pickling and vinegars and stuff but it was very japanese to me it reminded me of sunomono oh okay so we have a lot of pickling in this i mean i'm from a. Oh, okay. We have a lot of pickling in the South. I mean, I'm from a different South, I guess. But we have a lot of pickling. It just bothers me on this show that they call everything pickling when they have 20 minutes to make it. Like, pickling is actually kind of a long process.

You don't just pour vinegar on something and suddenly it's a pickle. Right. You just totally Vanderpump ruled that. You're like, pickling's kind of a long process. So why don't you seat me where the proper pickles are? Well, do you know, the thing that everyone says now is quick pickle. So I did a quick pickle. Yeah, that's not a thing.

That's called pouring vinegar on something. Wow, I like your take on it. It's true. My mother used to pickle things in the Junior League of El Paso, Texas. So I know a little bit about pickling, okay? Anybody want to talk about jams? It's true. My mother used to pickle things in the Junior League of El Paso, Texas. Oh, my gosh. So I know a little bit about pickling, okay? Anybody want to talk about jams? I'm sensing an LA Weekly think piece on the quick pickle.

Yes. I think this should be happening. I would absolutely publish that. The quick pickle versus the pickle and being like, these days the pickles and quick pickles are being used interchangeably. But if you speak to El Paso native Ronnie Caramo of the Watch What Grapples podcast, he can tell you there is a distinct difference.

Ronnie, what do you think? I'll be like, you wrong, girl. Like the shortest article ever. I love it. Gets linked to on Eater LA. That'd be great. Oh, yeah. It would be linked to on Eater LA.

Kat, we were... I just called you Kat. I know know it was very it was very cool catherine um so what are your thoughts on this season like the location like charleston etc like how do you feel like this is a good food city to be chosen is it like what are your thoughts it is absolutely a good food city to be chosen charleston is so hot right now it's definitely like trying to carve itself out as like the progressive city in that state and they are getting a lot of chefs and they have a lot of talent and southern cuisine i think is being recognized as being more complex i do think it's a little much to tackle within the confines

of top chef as this episode alone showed. Right. Because they went to, I mean, I know that Southerners hate it when Northerners, like, pretend like we're better because we didn't actively have slavery the way they did. But when I do look at, so they went to these two people's houses. One is a white lady who had a beautiful house, and they were like, her family's been here for generations. I was like like i'm uncomfortable

yeah exactly generations and generations yeah yeah and then i don't to have like the explicit counterpoint to that woman be like a guy whose family has also been here for generations but in a very different context and then to just gloss over gullah culture which is actually so fascinating and has like i don't know anything about it actually so it refers to people who were brought over here from west africa and they i know i'm gonna get it all wrong and i don't mean to like be offensive but it's they have been living here since like the 1600s and they speak this language. It's like a mixture of different languages.

Like a pigeon language. Kind of. But then like with elements of French also and like some old English as well. And then they're actually landowners of the certain area that was like, I don't remember the background of it. Yeah. Um, uh, I, I, I've heard about this, that they, um, there's like an part of the state that's like Gullah people live there and they've been landowners ever since emancipation. Yes, I totally read about this like a year ago.

But there's currently shenanigans going on with that where they were told that they had to install a sewer line, whereas they had always been on septic tanks, but they were lied to about how they were going to have to pay for the whole project. So they were being priced out and it's terrible. That's obviously too much to tackle on Top Chef, but in a weird way, it's also kind of like you just totally glossed over something very important to American history. Plus not to like show my own podcast,

but I recently did an episode on pecan pies. So I was looking at old plantations and I was looking at the plantations that are now tourist attractions and they talk about the people who toiled here. They never say slavery, and this show does that too. You know, and Andy Dennard on realityblurred.com also mentioned that, that they keep on saying toiled. Yeah. The people that toiled here.

Yeah. They just won't say the word slavery, and that's probably part of the contract that Top Chef has with the state of South Carolina. Well, two things. One, Gola, they had mayonnaise because that guy made like a shrimp salad with mayonnaise and I was like, that's amazing. I didn't know mayonnaise went back that far. Hell yeah.

What else was I going to say about that guy? Never mind. I just like to number things. Well, I don't have a number. I don't have one. How far does... We haven't really talked about your podcast, but you, I don't have one how far does so you know we haven't

we haven't really talked about your podcast but you Smart Mouth you really do like deep dives on like history history of foods

right like so for instance your pecan pie have you tackled mayonnaise or is it one that you want to no I don't

oh god talking about mayonnaise for an hour might make me ill but I would like it okay that can be your episode.

My episode will be mayonnaise. Yeah, that sounds good. Yeah, I mean, it's just emulsifying eggs in vinegar. So it's pretty simple. Oh, I have a question. This has nothing to do with the Gullah tribe. I don't know why it was my number two. I heard you say pecan pies.

Now, pecan pies. Yes. Corn syrup or no corn syrup? Because that's the classic. You're supposed to make it with corn syrup, but now everybody's like, oh, not good. So we don't make it with corn syrup now.

I have not found one without corn syrup that tastes, and look, I'm no advocate for corn syrup. Right. But do you need corn syrup to make your pecan pie? Yeah, and actually pecan pie is kind of a creation of the Carrow Corn Syrup Company. So we can get all crazy about it, but corn syrup is meant to be

trash food. That's cool. Yeah. There were versions of things that were similar to pecan pies before Carrow, but it's really, it's a company invention. The first recipes were in recipe pamphlets that Carrow put out. You can listen to Smart Mouths to find out more. Actually, I mean, Catherine, we're sitting here, we're like, wow, we have Catherine. You

know who Catherine's next guest is on your episodes coming out tomorrow? Yeah. Her next guest is Mara Batali. Okay. This is a little jealous. What a coincidence. That's our next guest. Awesome. That guy's making the rounds. And by the way, I have to say jealous. What a coincidence. That's our next guest too. Awesome. That guy's making the rounds. And by the way, I have to say something. I think there is a place for the company created recipe. Because, you know, German chocolate cake is a company created recipe. People think German chocolate cake is something that came from Germany. But as I learned from Ina Garten, it came from the German chocolate company that was around like in 1905.

And they created German chocolate cake. I love that. Yeah. There's so much stuff that's like that. Yeah, exactly. Do we have anything else essential that we need to cover on Top Chef or can we relinquish Catherine to the wilds of publishing in Los Angeles?

I'm good. It was really fun talking to you thank you so much for coming on after all these years I know I'm reaching through the microphone to try and touch your hand I've missed you

and if LA Weekly ever wants to do a story about the culinary peaks and lows peaks and valleys of perhaps Sur or Pump, you know, Ronnie and I, I'm sure, would always be up for the task. I'm sure. Yeah. That would be amazing.

Those places seem... The evolution of the goat cheese balls to empanadas. Oh, those places are just monstrous, right? You've been, right? Yeah. Have you ever been to those restaurants? Heavens no. Well, we should have you.

If you ever do go, we should have you come back and we hear your impressions. Oh, that would be funny. Because it's special. I literally don't think I could afford to go to those places. Listen. Maybe I could walk by. You could definitely afford. And breathe the air.

It's not. See, here's the thing. You're falling into the whole mystique. They try to make it look like these places are super fancy. It's not, see, here's the thing, you're falling into the whole mystique. They make it look, they try to make it look like these places are super fancy. They're not.

Not fancy, expensive. In the same way that like Red Lobster is actually really expensive. That's true. The ultimate feast is $30.

Yeah. I know, because that's the only thing I get. Yeah. I went to Red Lobster, I was like, are you kidding me?

They're like, we're fancy now. No, you're not. You're Red Lobster, so get off your high horse and get me They're like, we're fancy now. No, you're not. You're Red Lobster. Outback is awesome. So get me some all-you-can-eat shrimp, please. Yeah. And it adds up at Outback, too.

Like Outback, you're spending, what, like $22 probably for a steak, but then you get the Bloomin' Onion. Of course. The next thing you know, you're spending like $45. Yeah. So, you know, money. These things add up. They do add up. So thank you so much for coming on to our show and talking food and Top Chef with us.

Everyone, you must go check out Catherine's podcast, Smart Mouth, available on iTunes. Yes, on iTunes and anywhere else you want to listen to it. Where Catherine speaks to very famous chefs and other just regular people too. Yep. Interesting people. Interesting people about the history of food. And then, of course, read the food the history of food. And then of course, read the food section of LA Weekly.

And that's what I do. Oh. So thanks for coming on. And it was a blast. Why don't we wrap up this episode with some chatter about Real Housewives of Atlanta? Oh, Atlanta.

Lisa Vanderpump came back. I'm actually, I cannot let her go. I'm actually scrolling through our visitor posts on Facebook because someone posted this great Matt post of going off on Kenya and it is so go ahead and talk for me.

While you look for that, I have to say I was really amused by this episode especially because when Kenya and Matt were fighting at the end and she is screaming at him and he's calling her deceptive and manipulative and just evil and the worst person. lower right hand corner said happy holidays it's like such a shady network here you are presenting the destruction of this romance like she's crying and they're saying the worst things about each other it's like happy holidays from bravo oh um kenya really is a crazy pants i mean look there is never um there is never a reason for a man to be violent. But he hasn't hit her or anything. But still, like throwing stuff around and acting like a jackass.

There's no reason to be doing that. But God, Kenya. Jeez, she really pushes a man. She does. But you know what, though? It's highly documented. And he knew what he was getting into. So there.

It's on the onus. Ultimately ultimately the onus is on him. Yes. All for a couple of extra training clients or whatever the hell he gets out of it. I mean I guess he got to be on TV. He's probably getting as much pussay say as he needs. Yeah, or whatever else he's getting into. But either way, while you find that thing, are you still looking for it or did you find it? Either way, while you find that thing, are you still looking for it or did you find it?

I found a BET article with the title, Damn, Kenya Moore's ex drags her to eternal hell. Okay, so why don't we talk about it when we get to the – Yeah, the Insta is not part of it, so sorry. Well, no, it's fine. So either way, the show opens up with Phaedra returning to her office office and there are like four paparazzi in the hallway and it is so fake it is so it was so pre-arranged first of all i don't think paparazzi are allowed in a building like that isn't that the reason why we always see them outside in the doors they don't hang out in the hallways phaedra is ridiculous she is and she's like she's like no no questions please well okay i'll speak to you. And she brings the one guy who has some sort of notoriety.

She brings him inside, and she starts to describe what really happened. And the guy who came in with the bomb or the grenade, his name was Drama Drama. And he's a client of his. 90s rapper, Drama Drama. Drama Drama. He was a big fan of Entourage. Drama, drama. Drama, drama.

He was a big fan of Entourage. And so basically, he's been a client of hers for years upon years. Good friends. Really good friends. He just said he was going to stop by and deliver some music. And he went to the wrong office. And he said he wanted to drop off some bomb new music. And this seems like another case of racial profiling because he went to an office with people that didn't look like me. That's a stretch.

Yeah. So I don't get the sense that Mr. Drama Drama is the most reputable person, but who knows? that Mr. Drama Drama is the most reputable person, but who knows. But either way, now Phaedra has the Nation of Islam doing security sweeps in her office with their 10,000 fearless men organization. So the whole thing just seemed strange. Yeah, she called the Nation of Islam

to come do sweeps of her office. This was so bizarre. She's got all these guys basically taking their finger and running them over lamps going to toot toot okay we have scanned okay we're like i'm not worried at all he wasn't bringing me a bomb he was bringing bomb music now please scan my office for bombs and let's put bodyguards from the nation of islam right outside my door yeah and they do like some strange like self-defense thing all right when you do this what do you do next it's like the weird like punch

like pseudo krav maga then she has a huge meeting because she's so not worried about security she has a huge meeting of just any celebrity that she's ever met in town she's like would you like to come to my office and so they all come and she's like now latoya you spoke with homeland security now tell us what did they have to say about this and latoya is like well they said he wasn't in the right frame of mind which is why he went to the wrong office. And another guy goes, that's a message to Titan security. What? It's a message to put up better signage. Exactly.

Listen, no one talked to Homeland Security. They just watched old seasons of Homeland. But we learned that he was a prisoner of war. And now we are not sure really where his loyalties lie. Latoya, please tell us what Claire Danes thinks about what happened today.

Can someone please explain the strange jazz I keep hearing? Now, Latoya, can you please explain why F. Murray Abraham is so underutilized? Here to discuss the situation I brought in Mandy Patinkin. Mandy.

I am surprised that you are actually a man named Mandy. Can you explain that? I thought you were that girl who sang Disney songs. He's like, ma'am, that is Mandy Moore. I thought you were that girl who started up that store for discount clothes.

That's Mandy's. I thought you were the young woman who was kicked off American Idol for being too Christian. He's like, that was Mandy's. That was going to be my next one. I thought you were going to be one of those French croissants with almonds in it. That's an almondine, not a mandine. So stupid. Oh, my God. I thought you were going to be Barry Manilow singing a song to me.

No, that's different. I don't know if this is actually something that was said or if it's just in my notes but i wrote we need to teach people how to say they want to drop their album i think that was in the notes i just like that this guy was clearly like crazed doing whatever and you know clearly was a threat but phedra is so desperate not to lose a client that she's willing to, like, save his reputation just so she can maintain someone on her client roster. Yeah, I can't tell what her deal is. It's like, on one hand, she's trying to convince us that no one would ever blow her up. This is just all racial profiling and a huge mistake.

But then she's got all these security people and she's like my life is in danger feel sorry for me I'm like what what you can't have it both ways Phaedra of course you can which is why you're Phaedra and I'm just some dude in a chair yeah so meanwhile Cynthia goes and visits Kenya over at the house and the house looks great I actually

really like more manor a lot and did you notice that there were baseboards everywhere so you can bitch you can bitch it charrette all you want but bitch went to home depot the next damn day and bought some baseboards i don't even know what a baseboard is to be honest they go um they're between the wall and the floor you know it's like that that uh yeah like it's almost like it's like it's sort of like wayne scotting but it's not um i know it's just like the trim it's like the trim you know to to to hide the crack between the floor and the fucking yeah uh well i'm looking at mine right now look at that yeah or a space

i just looked at mine too i was like well you need to be swept so um can you start serving matt's birthday cake which was not you was another great little pass-aggressive move by her. Well, I guess because Matt didn't have it because he didn't come back from L.A., I guess we can have his Gucci birthday cake. Oh, my God. This is why I need to find this Instagram. Okay, I think he erased it because I don't see it anywhere. But basically, I protect them even when I need protection from them oh that's kenya she's such an asshole basically kenya went on this this rant and he was like she's trying to make me look abusive

which i went along with just for a storyline at first which i'm like okay and he says that she bought him the ticket to go visit his sister and then acted like he just left before her birthday to make him look bad and that he was never supposed to be there and didn't even know about it oh guess who canceled my ticket kenya moore i'm tired of this shit i'm tired and the caption he added wasted gas driving down here running through the terminal only to find out that my ticket was canceled last minute by yours truly which means you stupid and then when i break something to yell or act in any aggressive manner y'all wonder why i get upset and y'all say i'm bashing online double question mark hashtag matt jordan hashtag funny style that's what we i think

we talked about this actually on our um uh our tune-in episode right about the ticket that was canceled at the last second you know yeah he had gone on one uh before about her say and i think it was from this episode when he was saying um she tells me to come over and we're gonna have this private talk and i show up and there's cameras everywhere and he was doing it from his car he was like oh jesus this bitch you know and so that's that kind of picked up on where the episode actually was shooting i just want to interrupt this important podcast moment to announce that um the twitter account called hot and hairy hunks has just started to follow me i felt like that was important to share hot and hairy hunks oh my god um either way matt yeah you know what you you got yourself involved with one of the most manipulative

women on reality TV you should just know better you know what next time buy yourself your own plane ticket he's a dumbass though I mean this guy god bless him is just dumb as a brick speaking of dumbasses angry brick

speaking of dumbasses Cynthia starts talking about Petereter um to kenya and then we have a flashback to wendy williams where peter was on as a guest and he's talking about how he was blindsided by cynthia's public declaration of divorce i'm like shut up you asshole he you know peter is so manipulative you know he comes he doesn't respond to the calls but then he she shows up on camera to grant cynthia her wish for divorce and then he's like surprised this this is a woman who is on a reality tv show one of the most popular ones it's gonna get out there and then you're blindsided that she's going and telling people

that they're getting divorced and you go on a tour with wendy williams he is a schmuck i was blood dated shut up she's still paying your rent yeah exactly um i wish that i could care more about cynthia but cynthia is so lame and all she's done is uh follow the most popular girl since she's been here and she married peter so fuck off cynthia like i can't with you yeah i i you made me watch you marry peter like. And then you made me watch you give Peter a handjob. I'm done with you. Done. Done with you and your gas store glasses.

But then Kenya's like, okay, just so you know, this is my scene. So you can't talk about Peter. So she starts to cry. And she's like, she's wondering if she could ever have it all. And the answer is no. You will never have it all. I just want to have it all. And the answer is no, you will never have it. I just want to have it all. Then stop fucking wrecking everything you come near and stop fucking paying

people to be your boyfriends. Okay. Now I finally found it after all of this searching the internet. I know it's been obnoxious and I'm really sorry, but you have to hear this. It's really good. So he's, this is Matt's Instagram.

Again, this is from reality. T I'm reading from this episode. Can you claim Matt flew into a jealous rage, etc., etc. And Matt says, please stop lying! Three exclamation point. The whole abusive boyfriend thing, I let play out, even though I was totally against the whole idea in the first place. I never once mentioned any of this stuff in the photo.

In other words, he never was mad about her stupid photo with Jay-Z. I fucking knew that was bullshit. When you tried to show it to me. Yeah, like exactly. He would have been like, hell yeah, I'm boning someone that Jay-Z knows. He's like, when you tried to show it to me, I didn't even know it was you. And you were horribly offended and started shouting and alluding to relationships you had with someone. Frankly, I just don't care.

That's so stupid sweetie you are 45 years old and single i wanted to be with you i was proud of my queen any of them brothers wanted you they would have had you a long time ago sorry it's just the truth i won't be made out to be jealous or insecure that's never been part of my makeup or my character but now that we're done filming you need to be able to dispose of That's never been part of my makeup or my character. But now that we're done filming, you need to be able to dispose of me properly. So when you're interviewed, you can point to a pic of

HOV, happy birthday brother, from 96, and say I was jealous of a photo I never felt no way about. But conveniently leave out how you messaged my publicist to take down the video of me and Marlo because fans kept saying I looked better with her. Stop it. Insecure. Cursing the production team out so you could block me from

going to Portia's fitness event. Tell the truth about the fake birthday you planned purposely a day before you booked me the flight back to Atlanta so it would look like I just didn't show up since you're the one that asked me to come back. Shame on you. If you want the attention of those brothers in the photo, then contact a publicist. All respect intended, I wish one of them would have married you so it wouldn't be another heartbroken sister out there. Everybody gives you a pass. Even the brother you called gay all last season pulled me aside and told me to stand by you and love you right after I balked on him. So, Chris, I wish you well. I really hope you get what you desire.

I was like, jeez. Jeez, seriously. And then he says, you had a brother that loved you. I'm trying my hardest to be mature, but please don't lie on me. Oh, it ended so nicely. That's craziness yeah so sorry for taking so long and then reading that whole thing but i think it kind of paints pretty i'm even though matt's dumb as hell and he seems like uh a monster when he gets mad uh i kind of on his side with this one sorry yeah yeah that sounds that, that sounds – I believe him.

I believe him. But he still got involved with her. So sorry, Matt. Yeah, exactly. So let's go see the old lady gang, shall we? Yeah. So Todd is, like, bouncing around this decrepit building with a book bag. And he essentially looks like he's a middle schooler um

and like whoa babe look it's almost done in here she's like no not he's like see no liquor license um the place looks terrible uh and it has to pass a building inspection and she seems to be the only one who cares about the fact that there's like a liquor license that has to be done. And then there's a building inspection. And there's X, Y, and Z. And he's like, it's going to get done, baby. It's me. I'm like, yeah, you were a PA on this show.

Why would I ever think this is going to get done? You don't even have a general contractor anymore. Oh, yeah. She's going to have a tasting for the old lady gang food. So they're getting ready for that. And he's like, babe like babe i mean it's not supposed to be done for 45 days and i've set my goal for 30 days that's how wanted i am babe she's like so over at porsche's house he's gonna be like hey babe look 15 days we've already built our farm see See? Now, Todd, what are you talking about? Farm? Farmville, right? No, Todd. It's a restaurant. We're not building a farm

in Farmville. Is that why you sent me an in-ride on the Farmville? See? Nah. Radishes. She puts him in her own spam. So over at Portia's house, she's

looking at houses on Zillow on her iPad. I'm like, okay, Portia. She's like, 19 bedrooms, and then I would like 30 swimming pools. I'm like, good luck with that, Portia. So her mom comes over, and Portia, her mom and sister are over, and Portia goes, Now, I just want you to know that I'm trying to decide if i want to be in the city out of the city when cordell kicked me out it took me forever to get my credit together but now it's back and i want to live outside the city just because i want a baby i'm like don't

you live an hour from the city already like everybody's already complained that you live like miles and miles away from yeah yeah i have no idea where porsche is or what's going on in her life i mean she thinks 45 days is three weeks so i mean what else can you what else can be added to that when she says she wants a family her mom goes do we have a man yeah i dated him at the same time i dated other guys. You probably didn't remember him. Classy Porsche. His last name is Stewart. And so he had a message saying that she had married the wrong Stewart.

I'm just excited for Porsche to marry this new Stewart. So she could be Porsche Williams Stewart Stewart. Yeah. And she goes, I was reluctant to be in this relationship. I'm like, you called the man and asked him to impregnate you that is not reluctant but she has good taste because he's hot so phadra is hanging out with her mom uh and she's cutting like a giant watermelon and her mom's like i heard something i was gonna get my blade and my spray and everything. I'm like, don't think about it and then come down the stairs.

Bring your damn gun with you. Yeah. Too late. Yeah, I don't remember what they talked about in this scene. It was a little scene. It was just a little scene. It intercut, actually. It was intercutting between Phaedra and her mom and then Mama Joyce talking shit about Phaedra.

Because Mama Joyce went to that divorce attorney's office. Yeah, who's like, oh, I've got no one to represent this season, so why don't we just contrive a scene where Mama Joyce comes over dressed like McGruff the crime dog. Yeah, she was wearing a scarf and glasses, like big glasses, a scarf over her head and she's like now lawyer person i have a friend and she's been asking questions about georgia law it's like oh god and he's like well i yeah she's like she loves that movie with jane fonda right isn't Jane Fonda in it with Lindsay Lohan well how am I pulling this out of my head right now oh my god what is it questions about Georgia

I don't know it's probably like a lawyer in Georgia named Georgia played by Jane Fonda and she has a household and this is Georgia's law it's like Vanderpump Rules and the entire case hinges on moral turpitude I wouldn't piss in your mouth

if your guts were on fire oh my god she's disgusting who says that mama joyce mama joyce so joy the lawyer is like well now i can't talk about ongoing cases, so this has to be hypothetical. And she's like, okay, hypothetically, if a man's incarcerated, how long does my fraydrand have to wait until she gets divorced?

Now, she tells us, now, I don't care if she gets divorced or not, but she's coming for my daughter, so I'm coming for her Mama Joyce has just gone off the rails yeah because I don't think that Phaedra is coming for Candy they just kind of had a

falling out they're just not as close as they used to be anymore yes and what is her point like what's her big point so the lawyer says yes then after a couple of years if he's in jail they can get a divorce like what is her point? Like, what's her big point? So the lawyer says yes, then after a couple of years, if he's in jail, they can get a divorce. Like, what is she proving? Like, nothing.

And she goes, so if he's incarcerated, can't they divorce more quickly? And he's like, well, they can do it almost as easily as someone not in jail, which technically means it's harder. Like the way he phrased it. Yeah. And she's like, I know they were slick as Todd unwashed nuts. But I was like, what are you, what is your point?

I know. Okay. She acts like she won something, but she makes no sense. The whole scene actually bothered me because I thought it was all very stupid and very contrived and producer driven. And it's like one of the reasons why Atlanta, this series can annoy me

because I feel like we get more of these scenes than with some of the other shows. Well, you're welcome. You got to just hear it again and it took double the time than the actual scene did. So you're welcome, Ben Hutz. So then we had like a little scene of Kenya driving, calling Matt, saying that she misses him

it's like whatever it was obvious that she's like setting up herself to look like a victim here and then we finally get to the old lady gang tasting um which made me so hungry because that food looked amazing even though i don't have even though i don't have faith that the restaurant will be any good well i have faith in that chef he looked like he knew what he was doing that food looked good and uh candy of course immediately it's like oh like goes straight to the food now the sisters come by bertha and nora why are they so angry like they are pissed off all the time bertha actually walked up she's like he had the cake and like slams the cake down and nora's just giving everybody dirty looks like well here we are here's a cake. And like slams the cake down. And Nora's just giving everybody

dirty looks like, well, here we are. There's a cake. Well, Nora's usually happy. But Bertha's the one who always looks real angry. She always looks bothered. She's like, she doesn't like this restaurant in the first place. She wanted to be home watching a soap opera and she had to get dragged out in the middle of the day to come to this restaurant

and make a cake and watch these fools mess up her recipes. The best part of the whole season was her when they were driving away going, We gonna get paid! I like Bertha when she's talking about Phaedra. She's like, that's her trademark. Men being in jail. And she's right.

They're such dicks. They're all dicks but I love that old lady gang um so mama Joyce is like well I can let Phaedra know about the attorney and she's like mom no okay no no

uh so let me see I wrote so many notes here I'm reading through like a bunch of nonsense okay so the whole everyone starts to show up. And they're all sitting down. They're eating. And Sheree, of course, is always happy to cause some drama. And so she turns to Mama Joyce.

And she's like, I'm like, hey, I caught like in the same way. And Kenya said I had a tired Mama Joyce wig. And then Mama Joyce was like, ha. And Kenya was like, no now i did not say i was saying she couldn't do it as well as you she was trying to knock off your style that don't come from mama joris now you don't want to come from mama like oh no and she's standing up and shaking her arm all over and then oh then sheree is just asking about the menu she's like any any yams on the menu you got yams you got yams you got yams

on the menu gotta have yams on the menu you got potatoes on the menu you got baseboards you need you need baseboards yeah so then phaedra finally shows up and Mama Joyce runs over to her and pulls her aside. And I mean, Mama Joyce is so shady. She's like, Phaedra, I'm so sad to hear about your ongoing divorce. And I just wanted to know about it. And then all of a sudden Candy shows up. She's like, sit down, Mama. Sit down now, Mama. You don't need to be talking about this right in front of Riley's kitchen equipment.

But I didn't get to moral turpitude yet. She's like, sit down and eat, bitch. You sit down, mother. I'm kicking you out. Phaedra's like, Mama Joyce came for me like I owed her some money. So Phaedra starts telling everybody the story

about the CD salesman who went to the wrong building, and Candy's like, a car screeched outside and candy's like oh hell no please do not bring up black lives matter when you got a bodyguard because you were scared of a black man yeah exactly candy's like see now you'll be faking well i spoke with claire danes of homeland security it's like that show ain't even on right now well i like that uh mom and joyce kept on saying well he wanted to come and blow her the fuck up well he said he wanted to blow her the fuck up she's gonna blow him the fuck up she's like mom mom she goes well that's what my phone said it says on my phone

sheree is like no i want to get into the mix here with some inappropriate questions how about block you got block then she turns to porsche so when you were dating him did you talk about riley you talk about riley block talk about riley candy has to be the strongest housewife that has ever been on this show i mean she's lost it before but it really takes a lot to get candy to lose it i mean they just keep coming for her one after the other and she's like yeah that face she makes and i like when porsche says she goes you know when shrey asks her about that porsche goes i'm counting one two three four five six seven eight nine ten stay calm i'm like yeah that's good because you probably cannot count

much higher than that 10 11 12 you're at your limit yeah so now cynthia goes to the divorce attorney a different one yes and she's like well i just wanted to talk about my divorce because apparently i pissed peter off and i don't want this to get expensive and he's like oh no it's okay it should all be okay uh just sign the you know just sign the paper and she goes wait so that'll make it real like do we get a certificate so it's officially over it'll officially be over i haven't spent time realizing that i won't be peter's wife anymore oh get the hook yeah Yeah, shut up. Get rid of her. She couldn't even do a fake cry this time.

I'm like, you can only have so many epiphanies, Cynthia, about Peter before it's just, it's over. It's done. We can't anymore. God, she's such a waste of space. Okay, so next up is the big Kenya fight. Dun, dun, dun. The music is serious.

And we learn that Matt kicked in a window in the garage the night before. I'm like, you know what, Matt? He does love a Kool-Aid man moment. I mean, if there's a door, if there's a window he can knock in or out or over, he'll do it. It's like the weakest Kool-Aid man ever. It's just like he just knocks out one little square at a time. It's like this commercial is supposed to be 30 seconds. Could we pick it up, Kool-Aid man?

Thanks. He loves going bowling just so we can knock over the pins. Cynthia, so Cynthia talks to Kenya on the phone. And Cynthia's basically like, yeah, it's time to move on. And then they get off the phone. And thenya starts talking to the producer of all things and and kenya's like bawling to the producer i'm like speaking of the kool-aid man we are breaking the fourth wall if you know what i'm saying yeah that was that was awkward because she sounded like she was really crying but it's so hard to take kenya seriously because even when she's talking to

cynthia she's like oh he came over drunk to get his stuff and i had taken the remote out of his car so he couldn't get into the garage and so we kicked the window out of the garage and i was like did you tell him to come over though you know what i mean was she like okay come over and get your stuff and then decided that she didn't want him to because he was drunk or whatever reason it's like why was he coming over to get his stuff and then kenya's like crying yeah and she's crying and she's telling the producer about she was like you know i was mean to him in the beginning of our relationship and now he resents me for it and like i she's like i it's just sort of going in and i felt it sounded honest because it was like crying and all that stuff and it was off camera like i don't think she thought this was being put on the show or whatever.

But during this entire time, they just keep showing the two dogs just like sniffing each other's butts. Tumbling around on a shag carpet. It's like we're talking about violence and you're showing these little dogs like tackling each other. So then Matt calls up and he's like, if I may be forgiven, could I be taken back? And she's like, come over here and talk. He's like, okay. And then it's like 30 minutes later and Matt's now mad. And now he's like, this damn bush.

I'm like, well, what did you think was going to happen? She's shooting a reality show. I'm like, you realize you're mic'd up right now. Okay. That didn't happen by accident. Yeah, you knew. Yeah, that's true true he's wearing a mic stupid yeah um and these two are just ridiculous because kenya on one hand is crying and saying

oh he doesn't mean anything by it and then he's like you didn't tell me we were shooting and she's like this is who i am matt okay so you either deal with this and get out of the car and be a man he's like you need to stop treating me like i'm disposable it's like well don't don't bring don't break windows don't don't break things and then you won't be disposable and then kenya tells him i had your back every time i could have called the police or filed reports if I wanted to. I wanted if I wanted to bury you and I didn't. Yeah. What a saint. Yeah.

This is disturbing because you never know like how far it's gone. Like part of if I had if I was seeing Kenya for the first time, I'd be like, oh, it's an abused woman fighting with a guy who's begging for yet another chance. It's like textbook. Yeah. But we know kenya yeah it is interesting because like his side of the story sort of makes sense but then what she's saying is also kind of makes sense you know and she's because she's screaming that like matt is making her look like a crazy person and he's like why why do i make you look like a crazy person and then she's like look at the garage it's broken how does this make me look like look at me like i'm i look crazy because i'm with you you're a person who knocks in garage doors that's why i look crazy so then i was like

yeah kenya's right he's he is crazy he's he makes it and he makes her look crazy but then i'm like oh but it's kenya and there's probably like a lot of stuff that we didn't see that led up to this yeah i don't know. It's disturbing. I don't like to watch it. But I like he goes – he's like, you poke me over and over and over again, and eventually a door gets kicked. I'm like, oh, is that the way it works? And she's like, well, next time that's going to be your excuse.

First it's the garage door. Then it's my ass. You're going to be kicking my ass. And he's like, but I love you. I was like, oh. She needs to get – you know what she needs to get you know she needs to get a stage door you know it's just a freestanding door and a freestanding door frame and every two months he can get really mad and he can kick it and the door will just swing and come back in

it'll be like a just just it's like a a little thing that he could just kick everyone every once or just like a trap door like they have in the stage you know and then whenever he starts getting mad she can just like press a button and then he just goes into the basement. Or just enroll him on a kickball team. Like have him have that have that energy be focused into something productive. And then he goes, Matt goes, I'm a young man. I get upset. I might break something.

I'm like, that's not like the way it goes with young men. That's not just like, oh, as a young man, I have license to get mad and break something. That doesn't happen. Yeah, he's like, well, you wouldn't understand because you're an old lady and I'm young. And this is how young people do it. Whatever. Then he goes, you're manipulative and fundamentally deceptive. I've told you that.

I'm like, yeah, well, you're the one who called up and asked him for a second chance. So that's on you too, Buster. Yeah, I don't feel for either one of you. And then it ultimately ends him going, you know I love you. Shut up, you two. Get out of here. Just fight with

the old lady gang. Just bring them back. Bring them back to give dirty looks while they feed people chocolate cake. That's really all I need. He's like, I'm sensitive as fuck right now. You're a whore. You've always been a whore. This is Kenya doing all of Sheena's lines. But yeah, Kenya has been showing her discontent with the production this year.

I noticed that she had a tweet, I think a couple weeks ago. And she's like, why would you show an old Range Rover and then the interior of a new Range Rover? Hashtag RHOA. Hashtag editing. Okay, you tell them, Kenya. Yeah. You got a new lease. Congratulations.

The entire world was completely impressed. Yeah, you're killing it. Killing it. All right, wrap this bitch up, babe. I just want to say as we wrap it up that there is news that Andrea Bocelli may be performing at the inauguration, which is a nice follow up to our comments about him in Beverly. Last week on Beverly Hills. He just shows up everywhere. last week on Beverly Hills he just shows up everywhere well speaking of him someone posted another article saying that

Gigi has this boyfriend and Yolanda pulled some kind of a intervention on him because he has like issues with being nervous like he has nerve issues he's neurotic and so she had all these like shamans in there

and faith healers and so he broke up with gg was that zane that's why zane and gg broke up because of yolanda no i think it's a different boyfriend oh geez anyway everyone thanks for listening um uh come to watch for crappins.com for social media come to facebook.com forward slash watchforcrappins to join in the conversation. Support us at patreon.com forward slash watchforcrappins just to support us and get access to bonus episodes and other good stuff that's over there. Subscribe to us on iTunes.

Listen to us on Laughable. And really, just have a wonderful day. We will talk to you all on Thursday for Beverly Hills and marriage medicine. And there's something else. Labs of loans. Ladies of London. How could I forget?

All right, everyone. Thank you. Bye. Hey, prime members. You can listen to watch or crap andens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today.

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