Watch What Crappens - #3555 RHOC S20E12: I Will Lei Me Down

Episode Date: September 26, 2026

Single Shannon throws a couples party on The Real Housewives of Orange County and @ronniekaram celebrates by doing a solo episode while Ben is on vacation. Warning: this is more unhinged than usual an...d an elderly couple even shows up at the front door while recording. Possibly to swing. We’re back on tour Oct 3! Get our In the Mix tickets for your city at watchwhatcrappens.com. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, sign up for our free weekly newsletter and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins, a podcast for old crap we love to talk about on Ye Old Broths. It's me, Ronnie. Hello. Ben is away. This is his last day of vacation. So enjoy it, sucker. He'll be back on Monday. So you'll get to hear his sweet little handsome voice over there then.
Starting point is 00:00:42 So just stay tuned, okay? Today it's me because I was supposed to have a substitute co-host. co-host and they crapped out on me okay they were like sorry can't do it you're not cool enough ronie no one wants to be seen with you and to that i say i love you anyway lisa van derpump ah just kidding it wasn't her but anyway couldn't make it and um i know this was an extremely exciting episode of real housewives of orange county and you guys were going to be like oh my god Who am I going to talk about Shannon's Lay Party with? So I just had to get here.
Starting point is 00:01:20 I do it for you. I do it for the people. As usual, if you want this recap on video or you want bonus episodes, you want ad-free listening, anything like that. Go over to patreon.com. This week's bonus episode was a discussion with Hannaferia from Below DeckMed and now her new podcast, Over Share, which comes out Monday. So go check that out wherever you find podcasts. Also, come watch us. Watch what crappins. We're going to be live. We start October 3rd. That is next week. It's next week. We're going to be in Kansas City and then we're going to be in Chicago, October 3rd and 4th.
Starting point is 00:01:58 Then after that, we're in Minneapolis, Detroit, Philadelphia, Washington, Dallas, Austin, Houston, Nashville, Clearwater, Fort Lauderdale, San Francisco, Salt Lake City, Denver, Charleston, Atlanta, Seattle, Vancouver, Portland, Toronto, Boston, Boston, Boston. And then we're going to end with the Golden Crappies in New York City on February 25th. So go get your tickets at watch whatcrapins.com. And we hope to see you there. And I love seeing you right here. I'm looking right inside your ear canal right now. Hmm. What about that?
Starting point is 00:02:31 You could use a wax. Not going to lie. A little hairy in here. But it's so warm and it feels like a nice hug. So let's do this together, guys. Welcome to Real Housewives of Orange County, season two. So 12, lay it on me. But it's spelled L-E-I, like a lay.
Starting point is 00:02:51 You know, like you'd get in Hawaii, not lay on me. I don't mean it like that. I'm not a loose woman. So we open up with Heather. She, I don't know if you've heard, but she's got a new penthouse. It's under our apartment. So she is talking about it a lot. And now we get to see her designing it.
Starting point is 00:03:12 And she goes into this huge warehouse where, like, on the ground, they're projecting the floor plan of the apartment so she can actually walk through the floor plan of the apartment. It's huge. She's there with her son, Ace, who for some reason she keeps calling Drake, which I think is unfair, personally, you know? Let the man live his own life. Oh, Drake, you're going to love your new bedroom. It's got a drum set, a saxophone area, a microphone, so you can sing your little deal. cities. My name is Ace.
Starting point is 00:03:47 We're so proud of you, Drake. Oh, America, I know that you don't understand this. A projected thing on the floor. A celebrity is a sun. Let's walk through my new mansion in the sky. I love putting ridiculous things in my homes. There's a large metal container that holds cool things. It's called a refrigerator.
Starting point is 00:04:11 Apparently, it's where you. you keep all the nutrients like pickles. I love pickles. You see, when you have children, they need things like food and water. And as a mother, it's very important that you provide Alfredo's to bring them food and water. And now, we've landed on not one, not two, but 18 apartments that we're combining into one. wheels are spinning what crazy things can i put in this apartment a couch a vestibule a pool table how about a pool table that you can swim in like a pool but wait who wants to swim in a table how about a table pool or how about a pool pool table table where you can go into the pool while you're playing pool Of course the balls would sink.
Starting point is 00:05:12 I don't know how you'd hit them under the water. Oh, physics. Don't worry, I'm rich enough. Terry, get out the checkbook. We're changing physics. We are going to have a cool home, like cool parents. What kid wouldn't want to hang out with their parents in a cool crib? Look at Little Drake, already filming himself in a music video.
Starting point is 00:05:34 I'm on TikTok, mother, my name's not Drake. You are on TikTok. That's a huge channel. Congratulations. I'm going to tell you the same thing I told good friend Betty White backstage in the green room. Congratulations on your success. But you will never overshadow me. Now we go over to Jen, who is on the phone with her son Harrison.
Starting point is 00:05:58 And Harrison is in Singapore. And he is working on what he calls real humanoid robots. Harrison, hi, Harrison. I've been so much. What are you doing over there? What are you doing right now for your country? Making humanoid robots, mom. They're like robots and also humans. Like human robots. Oh, that's so crazy. I wouldn't even know anything about that. Hello, Harrison. My son, what are you doing for your country today?
Starting point is 00:06:26 Mom, you already said that. Hello, Harrison. It's your mother. What are you doing for your country today? Mom, you okay? Please, press one for Spanish. Two for English. We're no longer giving the zero option for operator, so now you're just going to have to figure it out. Thank you. Thank you so much for calling. Mom. You know, I was driving around this morning getting some milk. Busy morning. It was really busy. And I was thinking to myself, just like all of you probably think to yourself all day, every day. What's Emily doing? Let's see. She's at home with Annabelle in her room. And Annabelle's just eating, looking at her mom like,
Starting point is 00:07:09 What? Hey, Annabel, it's me. It's your mom. Last week I'd put socks in the laundry. Wow, well, God, that's great, mom. Yeah, your dad says I don't do anything, but I do everything around here. Who would even have clean socks if it weren't for me? Actually, my socks are dirty. They weren't your socks, okay?
Starting point is 00:07:29 But they were socks. Maybe you should ask somebody else with clean socks to borrow their socks. What could I? Can't do everything? Call my room, mother. I'm really close with Annabel right now. Like, we weren't close for a while because God! Luke was taking all my time. Stupid Luke.
Starting point is 00:07:47 But I've done everything of my power to spend more wet-on one time with Annabel. She loves it. Mom, get out of my room. No, she loves me being here. Please get out. Do you have any socks? I can have your dad watch them. Get out!
Starting point is 00:07:59 Oh! She threw a cassidia at my head. That's motherhood. Jane, Annabel threw a cassidy on my face. Now it's on the ground. You should probably pick it up before it leaves us. Greece stain. I do everything around here.
Starting point is 00:08:23 There are some, there's an, there's an elderly couple at my door right now. What do you think they want? Can you see them? What do you want? I don't want to go down there and talk to them. They want something, they're up to no good, these two. Look at him. Look at him, she's knocking.
Starting point is 00:08:43 She's like, I saw him coming this door and I'm going to knock on this door until he comes. Well, I'm not coming. What do you think of that? You can't make me. Hello there. Have you heard of Jesus Christ? Yes, I've heard of him. He's hot. By the way, I love this guy's sweater.
Starting point is 00:09:05 He's very fashionable. I think he's got a man purse. He's got a Mers. It's actually very cute. Hello, I just saw you walking in. You were getting your mail. You look pretty handsome. I mean, my husband just wanted to come introduce ourselves and see if you wanted to come join us in our hot tub.
Starting point is 00:09:24 You in there. I see you. I see you out there. You can't get a glass door and expect not to be hit on by your sexy neighbors. My husband has a nurse. Open your door. Open your door! Hooligans.
Starting point is 00:09:39 Should have had them up here to record Real Housewives of Orange County with me. They wouldn't ditch me. He'd have been like, well, here's what I feel about Heather DeBrow. her husband needs a merse that's what i say they're just they're not even trying to spread religion they're they're out here trying to spread mercies all over the neighborhood well it's not working sir although yours looks very handsome point is don't knock on people's doors you don't have the right unless you're like an insta card or something then you should knock on my door and not just leave my groceries in a 110 degree sun without letting me know that you're even here okay because that
Starting point is 00:10:17 has happened to me many times did i order a gallon of milk or did I order a gallon of... What's that disease where things get hot and then they make disease? Soriasis. Salmonella! Okay. Real Housewives of Orange County. Carmela's house. Is it real or is it not real?
Starting point is 00:10:41 Is it an illusion? I don't know. Let's go to Rancho San Rancherito. Carmela's hanging out in the kitchen with her kids. You know, I don't think. think Carmel is a bad mom because, like, her kids want to be like her. Like, they all have her really long, straight hair parted in the middle. And I think that, like, if you don't like your mom, you try and not be like your mom. But they're all like, hello, mother, hello mother, hello, mother. And unison, like her little, her little, the shining twins,
Starting point is 00:11:15 hello, mother. They're talking about what an asshole, Vicky is. That's the national conversation at the moment, am I right? Surprise of beef. War in the Middle East. Vicky's an asshole. Chalk it up to another normal day in America, I'm all right? Carmilla's like, oh my God, let's talk about this granny situation. Granny Vicky.
Starting point is 00:11:38 And they're like, yeah, mom. Vicky's like so gross. Like, the only interaction I had with her when she came over was like, it was like about hot dogs. And she said people in Chicago don't eat ketchup on their hot dogs. And we were like, gross. Like, what are you old? She's like so old.
Starting point is 00:11:54 Mom, she was using her hot dog as like a cane. She was like walking with her hot dog. It's disgusting. She's like, yeah, Vickie's really old, you guys. They're like, yeah, old people are so gross. Yeah, and she kept making this face at us, Mom. It was like this, whir. I mean, I don't know what it.
Starting point is 00:12:11 It was like this. It's because she's old. Yeah, it's just because she's an old gross person. That's what old people do. You'll see, kids. One day you're just bopping along in the beginning. checking out the surf, trying to drown out the sounds of men whistling at you, and the next you're just staring at buses go by, going, it's a circle of life.
Starting point is 00:12:39 But, you know, she really is a jerk. I mean, she comes over to my home. She says there's no TVs on the wall. There's no food in the pantry. It's like she's attacking me. She's attacking my character, kids. Ew, what a granny. I'm like, yeah. I mean, it's not just about the food in the pantry. She's saying I'm a liar She's not taking one single moment to get to know me Okay Carmela Listen I'm on your side because Vicky is a jerk and she's judgmental
Starting point is 00:13:07 And she's a slut shamer and a mom shamer And a shame shamer So she's shame shame shame Like she just shames everything Vicki's an ass, okay? We got that But you can't say somebody's not trying to get to know you I mean she's been Googling you
Starting point is 00:13:21 She went into your pantry to see what was in there Do we do that with people we're not trying to get to know. I mean, that's the best way to get to know somebody. You snoop through their shit. So, you're accurate that Vicky's an asshole, but you're not accurate that she's not trying to get to know you, you know? You can't properly slander somebody until you get to know them. Hugs. Oh, she pretends that she doesn't even know my name. Remember the time she called me Carnilla? I mean, what is that about? You talk about me in every single room I'm in. You know me, bitch. Like, yeah, she knows you all that stupid old person. Hey, Mom, I'm hungry. Can I eat something?
Starting point is 00:14:00 Yeah, honey, go get a Pop-Tart from the pantry. There's nothing in there but empty boxes. Well, eat an empty box. I mean, come on. We're in California. Prop food is still food. Mom, I'm starving. Call Danny. Call Danny. I can't take this. Gina goes over to Shannon's house, and Shannon has, like, party decorations all over the house because she's preparing for the Gina and Travis Mullen engagement party. It's going to be a luau. Very, very exciting.
Starting point is 00:14:34 Very exciting. I'm so happy for you, Tina. And Gina, as grateful as ever, tells us. Oh, yeah, I feel a little bit guilty. Because, like, you know, Shannon's poor now. And, like, she's going to throw us an engagement party. But, like, she's poor.
Starting point is 00:14:50 Like, maybe she should spend that money on, like, I don't know, like, taxes or something like that. But I'm not going to complete a moment. about having a party. I mean, that's nice. One day I want to tell my children, you know what? This engagement was, like, so romantic, and it was thrown by a poor person. It's going to be so nice. Like, we're going to be driving as a married couple with our kids in the backseat of the bus. We've got a lot of kids. And you just imagine us, like, going under a freeway underpass and being like, oh, my God, hi, Shannon. She's the one that threw us our engagement party. Hi. I should have
Starting point is 00:15:28 save your money, stupid. Well, it's not like it's gonna break the bank. I don't think. I'm only spending $97,000 on this. That's nothing. I don't think. How much is $97,000? What am I just going to go have to go a day
Starting point is 00:15:49 without a Starbucks or something? I'm very good at financial planning. Vicki's teaching me. Besides, I have all these decorations anyway. They're a little bit sick of being brought out once every Thursday night with just me. Archie and Troy come out and say, well, happy luau.
Starting point is 00:16:06 Troy, happy luau. And Troy, happy luau. And Troy, each one of my purses. Scream, Troy. Why'd you do? Why would you do this? I cry. I drink some wine and vodka. Wake up the next day and think, ooh, this place is a mess. Was there a luau here? What happened? Yeah, but Shannon, like, you're going to throw a couples event for, like, a couple,
Starting point is 00:16:30 but, like, you're not even in a couple. Like, that's a year. I just want to make sure that, like, my engagement body, people aren't sad because you're, like, so poor and alone. Now, I, I, I, I'm not in a couple, but I, I have a very nice man that I'm going to be hanging out with. He's my friend, Doug. There's nothing physical going on. There's none of this or, no, none of the, no, no, no finger in the hole, or finger on the finger or finger around the finger. There's no, like, oh, there's no, oh, none of that. It's just, okay.
Starting point is 00:17:04 Occasionally, maybe, sometimes. It's a handshake. He's a handshake type of a friend. Oh, oh. Although, one time we did shake a hand, and my hand was tingling after. I thought, oh, God, I put my hand up to my eyes, because I couldn't believe what I was feeling, and then my eyes started to burn. And I started crying.
Starting point is 00:17:25 I said, ah! And he said, sorry, I was just cutting a jalapeno. Maybe I shouldn't have shaken your hand. And I said, oh, dog, you're dead. I can't see. I woke up in a hospital. It was just me. You know, me and the beep, beep, beep,
Starting point is 00:17:41 sound. I texted Doug and I said, Okay, I hope to see you again. Handsome, handsome friend, handsome friend. P.S. not to be judgmental, but maybe wash your hands next time. It's Torit. It's a Torid friendship.
Starting point is 00:18:04 This is so sad. Oh, by the way, Shannon, I know that you're like having to sell all your stuff because you're like poor now, but look, I got a real ring. It's a real ring. And it's actually special because it looks fake, but it's like actually real. I mean, how many girls are lucky enough to say that they've got two hideously ugly rings from the same end? Whoa, what a blinding ring. Are you sure there are not BPAs in that thing? It could be very dangerous going in the sun wearing something that plastic on your ring, you know?
Starting point is 00:18:38 The sun leashes out the BPA, they get in your blood system. Bull cut! It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. Oh, by the way, let's talk about the dueling girls' traps. Like, Emily told me what happened. On your trap. And it sounded man.
Starting point is 00:19:00 It sounded really, really, real, really, yeah. She's like, oh, it was a flipping pest. You know, Vicky. Vicki, you know what she does? She puts her foot in her mouth, and she says things that she absolutely means that are horrible and awful, and she means it. And I think that we should just all surround Vicky and say,
Starting point is 00:19:18 we love you, you horrible, horrible human being. Don't ever change a thing. Yeah, but, like, I think that, like, what you're describing is, like, rudeness. Whoa, blah, yeah. Like, I understand why people are offended by her, because it's rude. Carmel is not very happy about it. Yeah, she's best. And you know what? I told her, oh, you know what? Vicky doesn't think that you live in your house.
Starting point is 00:19:44 And she sent a text message to Danny, and then Danny showed us the pantry. And the pantry has food and it. So like Vicky was just being wrong. Oh gosh, Vicky said, show me the pantry. She insisted on seeing the pantry. What kind of food was in the pantry? What? Crackers? Peanut butter. What kind of bread was there? Talk dirty to me, Gina. Talk dirty to me. Shannon, whoa, back down.
Starting point is 00:20:10 We're talking about Vicky right now. Oh, well, Vicki, yeah. She did say that Danny is raising her children. What? What a horrible thing to see? He's only raising those children Monday through Friday. That is crazy. Yeah, well, I think all she meant by it is that she's a terrible mother and she's not there for her children.
Starting point is 00:20:31 Why would we be mad at that? She said again, Carmel, it's a shit parent. Okay, that's like, like you see. say it once and maybe that's an accident, but like you say it 20 times, I think that means something. You know what, Sheenan, it's your turn to get in there and say something to Vicky. I don't want to kick Vicky while she's down. That's not, that's not fair. Oh yeah? Well, I'm going to tell Carmela. I'm telling her. No, please don't tell Carmela. The things that I just told you in confident. I'm healing Carmela and that's that. Like, she deserves to know.
Starting point is 00:21:03 I'm getting you in trouble at your own couple's body that you're single-eyed. Let's go see what Tamara's doing. It's a family day. Tamara's there with her mom, Sandy, and Sophia, the daughter. And they're making a cake because Tamara's granddaughter, Eva, is 10 and 11. Eva's my granddaughter. She's like grown up so quickly. She's so big now.
Starting point is 00:21:30 I remember when she was really little, and I'll go, oh, so little. And now she's that bigger, and I go, ooh, so big. She's kind of familiar me, but she has a natural belly button. Little bitch. She's sassy. She might even flip you off maybe one time. I can't believe that the daughter of friends started flipping people off at age 11. It's so funny.
Starting point is 00:21:56 Sophia is there with her boyfriend Nico, who seems like a very sweet young man. And she's like, yeah, Nika's like my dream man because, like, he can meet my mom and, like, not run away screaming. and, like, poking his eyes and ears out. So I think he's pretty much a keeper. And then Eddie is saying super sexist things to Nico outside, you know, just, like, super sexist things. I guess dads maybe say to boyfriends, like, wow, Nico, it's, like, so good to have you here. Like, it's like, Sophia's a totally different person.
Starting point is 00:22:29 Like, she's an acceptable person with you around, and it's great. We're glad to have you, you know? She comes her hair. She does womanly things now, you know? Sometimes all a girl needs is the right man, Marai. And Sophia and Tamara are talking about Ryan, who, you know, for a long time watchers of this show, you know that Ryan's kind of a piece of shit, right? And he hasn't been on TV for a long time because he was transphobic. He was doing like a lot of manosphere stuff and like antitranspose and just being a little asshole piece of crap.
Starting point is 00:23:03 And then he was, he got. I'm going to look this up before I say something stupid. Ryan V. The son of Real Housewives of Orange County Star Tamara Judge was arrested for suspected domestic violence in June 2015, following an altercation with his then-fiancee Sarah Rodriguez, though he was never formally charged. In 2019, Rodriguez published screenshots of a volatile text exchange with Ryan regarding their young daughter, Ava. The messages included hostile language and a photo of a bullet sent by Ryan, which led to a tense police. involved custody standoff at Rodriguez's home that was partially broadcast on social media. On June 28, 2015, Ryan was arrested in Rancho Santa Margarita after a dispute with Sarah Rodriguez. Rodriguez called 911, claiming he had struck her and broken her finger.
Starting point is 00:23:53 So I just wanted to remind you guys, because we're going to get a whitewashing scene with Ryan coming up. It's like, oh, Ryan, such a sweet guy. Maybe you did something bad one time. No, Ryan's a piece of shit, and you need to get him the fuck off my TV. This show is bad enough without having to deal with Ryan. No. So now we find out that this is going to be the first time that Tamara has seen Ryan in a long time. Well, he came over for Easter, and that was the first time I saw him in the year. And he came in and he was like, where's the fucking eggs?
Starting point is 00:24:23 I don't want to look for him. Just give him to me, you dumb bitch. I said, you better get out of my house. You better not be mean to the Easter Bunny. And he said, fuck your Easter Bunny! And we got into that. No one ever did find those eggs. Then one day I went out there
Starting point is 00:24:35 I said Eddie, why does it stink out here? And he said, probably because there's rotten eggs all over the yard. Stupid. Yeah. So, Ron also got me upset because I'm just not a very good grandmother. But I'm sorry, I'm famous and I'm busy. I have things to do. And Sophia's like, yeah, but, you know, he was used to like his grandma being there all the time
Starting point is 00:24:56 because, you know, she kind of raised him. Yeah, well, I'm not that kind of grandmother, huh? So sorry. And Tamara's mom, Sandy, is also. there. She's like, oh, wow. That was a pretty good grandmother. But Ryan thinks that that's what grandma's supposed to do to stay home all day and take care of. They're kids. Listen, Ryan, okay? Don't be having kids that you don't want to take care of. I'm going to actually stand up for Tamara on this because I know people are calling the grandparents
Starting point is 00:25:26 all the time for free child care and shit like that. And I'm sorry, but I've already raised you terribly. Why would I need to raise somebody else terribly? I've already done a terrible job. Okay, now it's your turn to do a terrible job. If you can't stand the heat, then stop having babies in the kitchen. That's what I say. He said, you're not the grandma I thought you were going to be. And I said, oh, my God, I can't believe you called me a grandma.
Starting point is 00:25:50 But it's going to be okay now because he's coming over finally. I'm giving his daughter an old, old person. It's very fancy. It's just like me now. And I'm going to do what I could never do with Ryan when he was young. I'm going to buy my grandchild's love. So then we get to see really touching clips of Ryan growing up on our screens when he got a full half-body tattoo that was really ugly. Tamara was like, That is so ugly. Why would you get that tattoo and at least get some taste?
Starting point is 00:26:20 Why would you purposely make your body look like the appealing wallpaper of the Motel 6? And then that really sweet scene of when Ryan got a lip tattoo and flat down his lip to show it off and it said, Nugget. So Ryan comes in with the family, and it's crazy seeing Ava so big. She's so cute. And he's with Sarah as well, for some reason. She's there. And they come in, and you can really, really tell that Ryan has changed.
Starting point is 00:26:49 I mean, it's like, he's like, well, I don't ring the doorbell. I'll just fucking fart into the ring, all right? Get it over here. It's me, Mom, open the fucking door, idiot. It's your terrible grandma's house. I was going here. Hey, Mom, give me a beer. Yeah, now I have to be a stranger in your own house.
Starting point is 00:27:04 He's like, oh, yeah, would a stranger do this? Like, popping off the beer with his teeth, spitting it out. Yeah, yeah, I'll let me, Sophia's boyfriend, pretty many, or man to man. And Sophia's like, Niko. Yeah, my brother's arrived, otherwise known as the ultimate test of whether or not you're going to stay with me through thick and thin, because this one's really a piece of shit. It's like, wow, is this worse than your mom?
Starting point is 00:27:30 Yeah, you'll see. We come in, Ryan's playing like Star-Spangled Banner in his armpits. He's like, Tamara's like, I just want a moment with Ava, because it's a birthday. I want to be alone with Ava. Come on, Ava, we're having a very special scene. She takes her into the hallway, and she's like, Look, this is a family picture. It's me. It's Ophia.
Starting point is 00:27:59 And that's my other daughter, Sidney. Now, Sidney famously just wants Tamara to stop talking about her on TV. TV. That's all. Everything we've known of Sydney is just like, stop fucking talking about me. She came out on Facebook a few years ago. Like, my mother continues to talk about me. This is why I will not have a relationship with her. And she continues to bring me up on television. I don't want to be talked about. And so Tamara is, of course, still respecting her wishes by making a whole scene about her. So she's like, that's such a her. She won't speak to me anymore. Oh, my God. But, you know. And Eva's like, why is her face blurt out?
Starting point is 00:28:40 Well, it's because, you know, you don't talk to your mother, you get your face erased. That's what happens. I just walk into her restaurant and be like, hi, bitch faces for Sydney. And they'll be like, I'm sorry, we don't serve people with no faces. Be nice to your mother. He was like, oh, great. Well, happy 11th birthday to me. I guess I get to be a stand-in prop now for you to cry over and get victim points from.
Starting point is 00:29:06 Okay, well, just go ahead. I'll just be waiting here. Do you have a gift for me? I do have a gift for you. Guess what? It's a purse. It's a Gucci purse. It's a fancy.
Starting point is 00:29:18 If you ever see your aunt, I want you to say, this purse could have been yours. No face. He was like, oh, wow, a Gucci purse. It's what every 11-year-old needs. I think, um, thanks. I mean, Tamara, look, I know this is probably really painful for you with your kid not.
Starting point is 00:29:36 talking to you and stuff, but you're bringing her up again. You do this every single year. Keep her name out your mouth. What is wrong with you? Maybe if you had one season without saying this girl's name, maybe she'd be nicer or something, but you just can't help yourself. Now you've got Sidney not speaking to you and Ryan, I mean, he's a real piece of shit anyway, but Ryan just barely speaking to you after not speaking to you. You know, at some point do you just ever wonder, is it me? Wow, Eva, Grandma gave you a gift? Well, isn't that nice? It would have been nicer if she gave you a free gift of her time, but whatever, I guess you can just enjoy that poochie purse, whatever she can. Thanks, Mom.
Starting point is 00:30:18 Daddy, why do you have a sister with no face? And Sarah, the mom, sees the purse, and she's like, wow, Tamara. Thanks for setting a standard that we can't afford to give her. Oh, Sarah, you had a baby with Ryan. Your standards are already so, so low. You can't expect everybody to meet you. you there. Okay. Even Tamara. So now we go to a bra store and Vicki's hobbling in like, I need a bra for my knee. Does anybody have a bra for my knee? Does anybody have a bra for
Starting point is 00:30:52 my knee? Money is killing me. I have a working day. And Shannon's daughter, Sophie, is in town, so she's there. And Vicki's like, oh, we're getting your mother a bra because your mom does have a bra. She cuts the padding out of what bra? And then she's got what boop kind of hanging out, the other boob up here because she says her boobs are unethethethed. You've got one boob sitting there comfortably, feeling well-loved, and then you've got another boob just flopping out there. Like, what if Carmela's children? Like, where's my mother?
Starting point is 00:31:18 Where's my mother? Then we cut to Shannon in the confessional going, Are my boobs, do my boobs look uneven? Are they, are they uneven? So as they shop, they start gossiping, you know, of course. And they're talking about Carmela. And Shannon's like, oh, Carmela, she's, Sophie, she's a new girl. and she got Emily a birthday gift and it was a purse and there was a vibrator inside.
Starting point is 00:31:45 Ooh, oh, it was a vibrator. And so if he's like, that is an amazing present. Was it USBC or was it like battery? Like was it lithium? Was it one of those ones that you have to unscrew the bottom and put like the big giant batteries? And those are the worst. I mean, God, don't order a vibrator off of Amazon, am I right? Wait a minute.
Starting point is 00:32:05 You use vibrators? Blu-e-blah! That is disgusting. That is disgusting. Women should not pleasure themselves. If a woman needs pleasure, she should find a man that visibly hates her and needs a helicopter on his wiener before he sticks in. That's what a woman needs.
Starting point is 00:32:24 Preferably married, in front of Jesus. It's like, what? Oh, my God, you guys are such prudes. She sounds like, I do not need to hear about my daughter touching herself into lady parts. Well, I'm sure she doesn't need to hear about her mother cutting her. off half of her bra and let her boot flop around because she's insecure about her boobs. But you know what? Here we are. So let's just all accept each other. You know what I mean? But your bob started to get a
Starting point is 00:32:56 finance is in order to think it's to be. So she could afford one bra and nothing for you ever again. Do you understand that? It's like, uh, well, uh, yeah, she's going to get ready. She's going to save enough to buy a house. What do you think of that? What do you think of that? That's what your bob's going to do. It's like, oh, well, that's great, mom. Congratulations. Well, I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm, I'm trying. Um, ma'am, can I try on a bra less than $200,000, please? I'm on a budget. Well, you know, that Sophie applied for a promotion. Good. Then you can afford your own bills, because your mother is not going to pay for your bills anymore,
Starting point is 00:33:34 or your vibrators, young lady. Do you understand me? And Vicki tells us how important it is to teach your kids financial independence. And then we see clips of her getting, bring on a car for her birthday. and then going, oh my God, Brianna, it's a car, you've got a car, and you get to make the payments yourself. Brianna's like, ugh. It's very important that your children are independent. They should not watch your buddy or to be around you at all ever. And that has been your good mother.
Starting point is 00:34:04 And then she tells us, Shedit has saggy elephant booms. Elephant booms. It's a disaster. It's a disaster. I mean, I know she's kidding and stuff, but isn't Vicky the one who's making both of her seeds about how mean Slate's Slaid Smiley was about her looks. How do you think that feels to see somebody call you saggy elephant boobs? I mean, geez.
Starting point is 00:34:27 Even an old elephant would be offended by that. Do your boobs say glow? Do they wobble to a throw? Can you time it or not? Can you time it a bow? Can you put it over your shoulder like something, something, something, something. Do your boobs say glow? So funny.
Starting point is 00:34:41 So funny. And this is Vicky when she's trying to be nice. Well, I just need a sling. I need to put something to put skin in a sling. Okay, that's all I need. Just get me a skin sling. Okay. Sophia's like, yeah, I don't ever want to come visit you guys again.
Starting point is 00:35:02 This has been terrible. Okay. Well, Sophie, I'm talking my boobin. Whoa! Now it's time to go to the luau party. So everybody's getting their glam. And then we go to Billy's at the... beach and I'm really glad it's not Vicki's brother Billy. That guy. Oh yeah, I saw you at a massage. I have your
Starting point is 00:35:24 location. I saw you at a massage place last night, wacky men, going to get had jobs from shady massage places in Mexico. Oh, man. Am I right? Yeah, I can't imagine why a woman would want a vibrator when there are billies out in the world. So Shannon's there getting prepared for her lu-owl. And she's like, oh, these chairs are a little bit low or the tables too high. I need higher chairs or lower tail. Nobody wants their boobs on the table. Okay? Nipples need to be above the table.
Starting point is 00:36:02 All right. Please. So they give her a pillow to sit on. And she sits on the pillow and she puts her boob. And she's like, well, it's not touching my nipples. So, hmm. Well, one of my boobs is touching the table. The other one is up here.
Starting point is 00:36:16 Damn it, these bras. I shouldn't have cut this out. I shouldn't have cut it out. Can we get a table that is on, could you put a shim under one end of this table? So it's a little bit higher than the other one. So my boobs look a little bit more even as I sit at the table. So Emily's at home talking shit about her friends to Shane in front of her kid Luke. Just to remind you when Katie was on this show, Katie said that Emily's kids were talking shit to Katie's daughter while she was babysitting.
Starting point is 00:36:48 And Emily was like, how dare you accuse me of talking shit in front of my kids? Cut to Emily now. Being like, oh, fuck my friends. Right, Luke? Am I right? Yeah. Victoria's going to be there tonight. Oh, I've seen her since I left early.
Starting point is 00:37:04 I've zero expectations for her. Right, Luke, what a bitch. Katie's somewhere in Orange County right now like, see, told you. She's going to record a three-hour podcast about it. Proof. Proof of what I was saying. Never doubt me again, America. Now Shannon's mystery man, Doug, arrives at the luau.
Starting point is 00:37:27 She's like, oh, well, Doug, Doug is not a new romantic interest. He's been a very, very dear friend of mine for years, years. We go on a couple of dates at the beginning, and it's, I mean, it wasn't compatico. Sympatical? Compatical? Empatical? Oh, patical, son? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:37:47 However you say it. We're different people. We're just very, very different. So, you know, now I call him, like a friend would call him. I call him through his front doorbell, and I say things like, Doug, it's me, Shannon, just standing outside on your front porch. Are you going to let me in? Doug? Doug let me in. This is getting embarrassing. I'm just standing out here. Doug. Doug, I know you're there. I know you are in there.
Starting point is 00:38:10 Doug. Doug. Doug. Doug, did you? Doug, the sprinklers are on. Doug, please turn off the sprinklers. I'll go, I'm getting my dog and tell you no, I'm getting pneumonia, I'm getting pneumonia, I'm wet, I will not leave, I need to be taken care of, please say, I'm trying, I'm drowning in the sprinkler stock, come to the tour, just friends. Emily shows up and she has like really wacky, hilarious things to say, which is why she's been on this show for almost a decade. She starts with that line that every, like, the straight married person does when they come to a party like this or go to Hawaii or something and they're like, wow, it's about to. time I got laid. It's hilarious. We all know that we've got a dad who said it. So there is a limbo thing and she, you know, Shannon's like, oh, you need to go under the limbo thing. It's a representation of mine and Doug's relationship. Oh, did I say that? We're just friend Doug. Dog,
Starting point is 00:39:22 friend dog, whoa, fist bump. Whoops. Just got my fist into your mouth. Whoops. That's, that's That was a friend. That was a friend. Doug, where are you going? Doug, come back here. So Emily goes under the little limbo thing, and she's like, wow, we're a little old for limbo, and I'm the young one here. What's she going to have under the limbo thing? Ben gay? So you go under the limbo thing, and then you get some Ben Gay?
Starting point is 00:39:53 Listen, I have been gay for a very long time. And let me speak for all of the people who've been gay. Just say, shut up. Shut up. Gina and Travis arrive and Gina's like, oh my God, this is such a nice party. I thought it was going to be like decorated with like, you know, like thrown out cans and stuff like that. But like it's actually nice for a poor person. And Shannon tells Emily, listen, I just want you to know that I was speaking to Ficky.
Starting point is 00:40:23 It's a very good, horrible person. And, you know, Vicky is expecting an apology from you. She's like, well, I'm not apologizing. So people come in and they're limbo. and I swear to you, nine out of ten husbands, says the Emily line. Like, wow, look at me getting laid finally. You don't get laid once you've been married for a while. Am I right, boys?
Starting point is 00:40:45 I'm like, oh, ha, ha, ha. Terry DeBrow comes in, and he does not want the lay. He's the only one who's like, no. It's like, I'm very rich. This is the, I will not have these kind of fabrics on my, on my suit, okay, or around my neck. Just get this to fuck away from me. me. Okay, you're lucky I'm here. Meanwhile, Gina is talking to Jen and Tamara, and she's like, Becky is saying things behind Carmela's back. And like, you know, now they got to a good
Starting point is 00:41:15 place, but then she said, like, you know, like Danny's raising those kids or whatever, and she shouldn't say things like that. Wait a minute. She said that. Oh, I didn't hear that one. It's going to be so fun. So Carmela comes. Oh, my gosh, it's Carmela. What are we going to do? We see her legs coming out of the car. It's like slow motion. to Camilla, Carmelah, Carmela, Carmela! What are we going to do about Carmela? And Shannon's like, well, oh, hello, Carmela. Hello, good friend. So, how are things going with good person, Vicky? She's like, I'm still a pest. It's been like days, and I'm like literally still pest about it. Well, like, you know, she just, she just says things that sounds like she's a
Starting point is 00:42:00 horrible person because it comes from a place deep inside her. It's a deep while of being a horrible person. So you should apologize. Yeah, but Shannon, it's not right. This stuff that Vicky says. Like, it's not right. Like, you know, like, you know, you just told me, Shannon, that that Vicky said that Danny is raising Carmel's kids. And Carmel is like, what? She said that Danny is raising my children. How dare she? I'll tell you who's raising my children. The public school system and iPads. TikTok is raising my child.
Starting point is 00:42:40 How dare you? I email my children constantly when I'm three hours away. Now we're just all supposed to parent at home? This is the modern world. Commercials. Here comes one right now. And now Carmella is mad. And she's exactly the same way as when she's not mad.
Starting point is 00:43:04 She's just kind of like sitting there blank face. But she's like, I'm mad. And everyone's like, oh, no. Come here this is mad. It's going to be so funny. My heart is like racing right now, you guys. Look at me. I'm just so upset.
Starting point is 00:43:22 I'm just so upset. You said. Be more upset about it. It's like, yeah. It is completely clear now that Vicky's apology in Vegas was disingenement. That's right. I said disingenuous. I know you're all shocked, but you shouldn't be. Don't judge a book by the covers it sings.
Starting point is 00:43:43 I hope Vicky has some reputable life insurance because I'm about to drop kick an OG. Okay, Shannon, sorry, but I'm going to be making a scene at your party. Sorry in advance. Give me a lay, because this girl's come to play. Shanda's like Oh, oh, whoops. Oh, whops. I've sure got myself into a pickle.
Starting point is 00:44:08 Did someone say pickles? Delicious. And so this is a couple's party, so everybody's guy is there. And people are like, hey, Vicky, why isn't your guy here? She's like, oh, I, blah, blah, blah. Here's what to be in TV. It'd be high to get the bathroom. Well, didn't you say he's always hiding the bathroom at home, too?
Starting point is 00:44:25 Well, yeah, but that's because I'm there. I mean, yeah. Mike likes you guys about as, about you see likes to be. Whoa. So Terry and Heather are outside having a drink, you know, where they're like less poor people. And Emily walks up.
Starting point is 00:44:43 And Terry's like, whoa, look at you. Holy molly, you are fit. Wow. God, it is good to see. You looking so different. You look amazing. Congratulations on not looking like Emily anymore. God, I didn't want to say anything before, but I would say, God, who is that coming towards me?
Starting point is 00:45:04 Now I said, whoa, who is that coming towards? Whatever you did, keep it up. Gosh, hopefully we can start doing things like that soon on your brain, you know? Just complete, complete do-over. Am I right? Oh, God, are you wearing a late? That'll give you skin irritation. I'm just warning you right now.
Starting point is 00:45:20 Terry, you know, it would be nice to say cheers to Emily, but I don't have a drink. Oh, well, yeah. Maybe it's because you didn't stop. out by the bar. Right. Jeez. Maybe you should let Alfredo out of the trunk. He could serve you again. I mean, you really have been punishing the guy a long time. All he was trying to do was filter the pool table, which is what you told him to do in the first place. Terry, give me your drink. Oh, right, right. Okay, you ladies have fun. All right, Emily, don't go changing. Oh, come on. Jeez, who is this? Am I right? Okay, well, anyway, Heather, I just wanted to tell you, like, I know you're upset with me,
Starting point is 00:45:56 but. Oh, oh, really, Emily? Why would I be upset with you? Well, I don't know. Like, I just want to be able to have an opinion. Oh, oh. Well, I don't know. Because, of course, Emily is a complete asshole to people, and then comes back and cries and acts like she doesn't know why they're mad at her. Yeah, it's kind of the same thing we've been watching for a long time. Gina told me that you said that being around me a lot irritates you. Everything irritates me. Doesn't mean I don't like you sometimes. This means I don't like you most of the time. And Emily's like, okay, fine, I'll do it.
Starting point is 00:46:33 Heather, you are such an amazing actor. I admire you so much. The other day I was watching Golden Girls and I thought, wow, Betty White, what a hack, am I right? This show really could use more Heather DeBrow. Oh, Emily, that's all I needed to hear. Come here, give me a hug. Ouch, not that close. Not air hugs.
Starting point is 00:46:54 Air hugs. Okay, air hugs. Okay, stand back there. Do you have a pen? Okay, let me just sign a menu for you. I don't have headshots on me. I brought a small purse. But if you give me your email address, I can send you a digital copy of my face. You can go home and tell your children, I've met television's Heather Dubrow. You know, at first I was upset with Emily for being a monster to me for TV time. But really all I need to hear is that I'm admired and that I'm a better actor than Betty White. So I do forgive Emily. And to Betty White, wherever you are. My turn. All right, well, now we can hang out. We can do a date night. Maybe I'll even do something like foofy, like caviar.
Starting point is 00:47:37 Ugh. You are so adorable to think that decent caviar would allow itself to be swallowed by the likes of you. But you're so sweet for saying that. Can we go to a homosexual bar at 4 p.m. on a Monday and get drag queens to be nice to us for television? All right. Oh, goody. Best friends.
Starting point is 00:48:00 Now it's time for everybody to sit down for dinner. And Carmela introduces herself to Travis. And Jen's like, oh, Carmilla, that's Travis. And he has giant balls. She's like, okay, that is a lot of information. Well, look at Shannon over there with that guy. Doug. What's what about with that guy?
Starting point is 00:48:20 Did you guys know that his ex-girlfriend is the girl that came to Heather's party? She had those big boobs. Remember the girl with big boobs? And we see a flashback to this lady looking completely lost next to a limo while Shannon is on the curb going, Whoa, well, this is crazy. One part of the street just goes up suddenly. It's called the curve, Shannon. Oh, right, curbs.
Starting point is 00:48:39 Oh, yes, I remember. I was walking Archie in my car one night, and a curb hit me. It was a thing. It was a thing. It was in the blogs. And we cut back. And Tamara's like, wait a minute. Shannon is hanging out with a good friend's ex-boyfriend.
Starting point is 00:48:57 What had it happened to Girl Code? Oh, Tamara, the Queen of Girl Code. Maybe there's some weird swinger thing going on. I don't know, I'm gonna ask her, Shannon, are you swingers? That guy, you're having sex with that guy, you're a swinger? I am, I, I, I, I, I'm not a swinger. Well, Emily was just saying, is you a friend that she brought to Galantown's party, is his ex-girlfriend. This guy's just like, oh, ho, ho.
Starting point is 00:49:24 But she knows, though. She knows that we're nothing but, but friends. So, actually not swing a shan. Look at Saturday, but I sure's the swinger. No, Doug and I, we are just close friends. There are no sparks. And Doug says, sporadic sparks. He said sporadic sparks.
Starting point is 00:49:48 Oh, we went on one day, one time, one time, we just had a little. little, a little kiss. It was, it, it was like this. Why aren't you opening your mouth? Open your mouth. Let me in there. And then he kept saying, please, please step away. It was, it was, it was romantic. But, you know, we're just friends now. Meanwhile, Carmel is just kind of whispering to Danny. And Danny's like, are you okay? You okay, babe? I would appreciate it if you would stop smacking that waitress on the rear end. What are you talking about? I haven't touched it. I haven't done anything. I'm just here for you. Here we are. I brought you to Paris. Don't you love it? Oh, Mocheer, Mom Frère. Stop lying to me, Danny. Listen, Danny, it's not about your compulsive
Starting point is 00:50:31 lies today, all right? I'm just very upset because Gina just told me that Vicki said that you raised my children. Raise them. Why would she say that? I don't even know your children. You have children. Of course you know my children. You're with them Monday through Friday. Listen, babe, you know, now that we're newly married, if you want to have kids, you just need to say something. We're not married, Danny. Stop lying. Stop lying. Stop lying. Stop You don't have children. Stop gaslighting me. Well, anyway, just yell at this woman. Just tell her she's an asshole. She's trying to say that I'm a terrible mother. Well, how can you even be a terrible mother if you're not a mother? That's what I say. God, nice to meet you. My name is Frederick. No, it's not, Danny. So Jen here is, and she's like, Danny, did you tell Vicky that you were raising the children? Because that's what I heard. I heard it. And listen, don't doubt me, because I've got a brain so sharp that it is being used as a model. for robots in Singapore. What?
Starting point is 00:51:26 Please say that's not true. Alexis, confusing enough. What do you mean? Hey, wait, Kambaa. Before you get too upset, you should ask Vicky if that's what she actually said because you don't even know that.
Starting point is 00:51:37 And they're at dinner with all these people and say you should confront someone at the dinner. Okay, this is called Mama Bird, pushing baby bird out of the nest
Starting point is 00:51:45 and say, get the fuck out of my nest, you little bitch. Then the bird falls to the ground, and then the mama says, where's the bird? Yeah, I'm Mr. Me?
Starting point is 00:51:51 What the bird did me? That bird was so mean to me, baby bird. Then I fly down and I erase the baby bird's face. I erase it. What the hell are you even talking about? Okay, the barn is yellow dicky. Go ahead. Do it.
Starting point is 00:52:07 It's going to be great. Okay, well, I'm going to say something. Ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting. Oh my God. Why are people taking a... What do we take... What do we have to listen to a speech from this idiot now? Hey, everybody.
Starting point is 00:52:19 Come out what I want to say? Tamara, I've got this. I've got this. Okay, Tamara's going to say something. This is going to be so good. Tamara, I've got this. Okay. Tamara, I've got this. Okay. Oh, yeah. Hey, Vicki. Kamala just wants to say, you're a stupid bitch, okay? And how come you said to her boyfriend raised her children? So funny. Oh, can I have some more guacamole egg? Camerlla's like, thank you. Thank you, Tamara, but I can do this on my own. Vicky, did you say that Danny was, yeah, that's even the truth. That's not even the truth. Oh my God, am I ever going to be able to confront anybody on the show without being interrupted? That is not the truth. I, listen, I had a conversation with Danny at your house. Wait, why are you putting quotation marks around how? It's the house. Well,
Starting point is 00:53:05 that place, that possible rental. What are you saying? What? I don't know. I had a conversation with this bad. He said, hi, my name is Danny. And, you know, he's evolved into the kids' life. I did not say he raised the kids. I did not say that that is an absolute lie. Carmela is raising the children, and I don't know how this is getting twisted around. All I said was that Carmela is a wonderful mother who raises children in a house, in a quote-unquote house.
Starting point is 00:53:33 Why are you quoting house? Stop it. Well, I'm just saying that you raise your children. Why are you putting quotation marks around raise? Okay, your children. But they are children. Why are you putting quotation marks around? I'm just saying you're a good brother.
Starting point is 00:53:46 I'm just saying you're a good brother. Wait a minute. I do have to say Shannon was there. Now Shannon, did Vicky say that Danny is raising Carmel's children? Shannon's like, oh, well, I, I'm going to be honest with you. I've only kissed this man one time. Well, I was there and she did say it. Wow. Do not put words on my mouth. You know what? These people, they take things and they twist it. They twist it. They're both raising the kids. There, there you go. Like I said, I was there and you did. did say, Danny is raising the children. Oh my gosh.
Starting point is 00:54:27 Rewaned the tape. Rewaned the tape. They do rewind the tape. And Vicky says, well, it works for that because, you know, Danny's there raising the kids, basically. And then we come back.
Starting point is 00:54:39 It's like, listen, I bet Danny, I bet the children. You're doing a wonderful job raising your children. If I said something that hurt your feelings, like you don't feed your children, there's no food,
Starting point is 00:54:47 your children don't even have a TV to watch, you know, stuff like that. I did not mean it in a bad way. I was just trying to say, you're a slut, you drop babies, you left them alone, but I didn't mean it in a mean way. So I'm sorry. Carmela's like, uh, but that's like the most hurtful thing that you can say to somebody. Well, I think the point is you should apologize to Carmela. Well, I don't even want an apology from Vicky because she apologized the last time and then she's saying it again.
Starting point is 00:55:14 And she called me a shitty mom in Vegas. And then I said, do you mean that you're sorry? And she said yes. And then now she's doing this. Like, I don't even feed me. my children? Like, really? Really? Like, I'm not even a mother. Like, what? She's trying to put holes in my life. She's trying to discredit me. She's trying to say that I don't have a house. No, I said you have a house, a house in quotation marks. That's not a house, though. I have a house
Starting point is 00:55:38 that's not a quotation marks. And Vicki's rolling her eyes and just, like, wanting this to all go away, but she tells us, everybody has seen the red flagged with Carmela. And we cut to Gina saying Oh well you know she's got this grand house But like it's not really furniture Like what's going on with there Haven't your children been using like an empty 2 liter of Diet Coke For a couch for like years
Starting point is 00:56:04 Shut up Gina And Vicki tells us I've not tried to discredit her She used to be that all her little Loadsum She does that little shimmy thing She's like yeah Really got one there
Starting point is 00:56:19 And Jen tells Carmela, oh, this isn't making an excuse because it is bullshit. But, you know, we were in Palm Springs, and she called me low-hanging fruit, and I just got over it, you know, and I said, why do you pick on me? And she said, I just don't like new girls. So Carmela, you know, that's it. You're just new where. And that's just how it goes. Whoops, sorry. Welcome to the group.
Starting point is 00:56:39 You're going to love it. And Vicki's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't like new girls. So there. She goes, yeah, well, you're new this year. So whatever. Oh, excuse me, girl, I am not new this year.
Starting point is 00:56:52 It was 21 years ago, I started this franchise. I started it. Do not do that. Do not do that. I invented this franchise. And Carmela just goes, oh, well, everything has an expiration. And the other goes, oh, and everyone's quieted. Yes, Carmela.
Starting point is 00:57:11 Vicky said it's about to pop off. She's like, who the fuck are you? Well, you can't say things like that about somebody as a mother and then think that they're not gonna dish it back, Vicky. Do not talk to me that way. Before me, there was only Charlie Chaplin. No one even talked on TV. Until I came on TV.
Starting point is 00:57:32 I invented talkies. Do not talk to me that way. Well, I just did, so what are you gonna do about it? Vicky. And Vicki just sits there, moving her lips, like, oh, oh, oh. Good for you, Carmela. Oh, yeah, but if it was anybody who said this to me besides Carmbell, then maybe I would be offended.
Starting point is 00:57:52 But you know what? She said it. So I just look at her and I think, you're so dumb. You are so dumb, Gretchen. You're stupid. To say we all have an expiration date. Yeah, we do. Oh, Vicky.
Starting point is 00:58:08 That's your comeback? Vicki just got body slammed on this show and she doesn't know what to do now. She's just sitting there sputtering like, oh, oh. Okay, well, I guess that's not going to be. upset Vicky too much so Sure they end. Let me ask you a question. I heard about what happened in La Quinta, but you told me one store and everybody
Starting point is 00:58:26 else told me another store. So what's the truth? What happened? Because Vicki said that you owe her an apology, Emily. And she's like, I'm not apologizing. I was not rude. Vicki, we're just trying to get to know you because we're women who care about women. So we were asking you a question. We just want
Starting point is 00:58:46 to know you. Well, it's very hard to be. to talk because I've been hurt. I've been hurt in the past. People leave me. And I don't want to be. I don't want to be left. And so that's why. That's why I didn't want to answer your questions. Oh my God. You guys are so full of shit. Emily, you were not just asking her questions. You were poking at her, trying to get a riot out of her. And you finally got what you asked for. And then you're fucking crying about it. And Vicki, you are left all the time because you're an asshole. And you don't want to talk about it because you just want to come on TV and collect a paycheck while you don't deliver anything. So please. I'm just very, my, my, I just want to talk about my, I'm very irrepersoned. I've got feelings. I've got feelings. Slate, smiling, hurt my feelings 20 years ago.
Starting point is 00:59:32 It's very upsetting to me. Oh, my God. Vicky, Vicki's being vulnerable. So now Vicky has turned this masterfully. And now all the ladies are gathering around Vicky hugging her and kissing her. And being like, we're sisters? And Carmela is sitting there like, What the fuck? This is very hypocritical. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:59:51 Like, we have to worry how Vicky feels. The whole point is that she made me feel like shit. Why is everybody hugging Vicky? Yeah, well, Carmela, I felt like I was drowning. I felt like I was drowning. Okay. You know. She's like, well, but we're women. And when we drown, we help each other up, not push each other down or hold each other's heads under the water. Oh, well.
Starting point is 01:00:12 Yeah, we all do it are different ways. I've been hurt as a woman. and that's why I call another woman a slut and a bad mother. Can't you understand that? Oh my God, poor Vicki. Oh, poor Vicki. So vulnerable. Oh, thank God.
Starting point is 01:00:29 Vicki's finally opening up. I was sitting there. I was in my kitchen and I had pizzas that I paid $80 million for. They were for the store. There was pizza dough. And I even had, I mean, had olives on it. And I was there at 5 in the morning. And I was thinking, oh God, no, I was eating this pizza.
Starting point is 01:00:44 Well, except for Shadden. She was eating the raw pizza dough kind of crying. and holding one of her boobs up. But I thought, this is what it's like to be abandoned. It's like, would people die or the men leave? Ha! And they are all just eating this up. Okay, well, this was fun.
Starting point is 01:01:03 We've just watched Vicky cornered and find her way out of it easily. Sorry, Carmela. Carmela's like, oh, God. But she's old. She's expired. Never mind. Shut up, Carrella, you had your chance. Okay!
Starting point is 01:01:16 Now we're going to play some. something called the coconut game. You put a coconut between the couples and you have to roll the coconut up using only your body. Okay, I'm going to do this with my just friend, this guy, Doug. Okay, Doug, oh God, dog, dog, oh God, here comes the coconut. Oh God, yes, dog, yes, I will marry you, and it's disturbing. So all the couples are rolling like a coconut up each other's body and like humping and man i've seen some crazy shit in restaurants but if i was a waiter at this place i would jump over the ledge i would just jump over carmella is doing it backwards so she's like facing away from danny and he's like kind of butt like kind of butt humping her with the coconut and you know
Starting point is 01:02:03 vicky's like i told you i told you look at her that is not biblical so then most of the ladies surround vicky and hugger and tell her that they're so proud of her for being vulnerable Oh my God, this is crazy. Like, how is Vicky the victim? Like, she's never accountable for anything. What are people crying about? Jen's like, well, she did say sorry. I mean, what do you want from Vicky?
Starting point is 01:02:25 That's a lot for Vicky. Yeah, but she said, she's sorry, but she never said any of those things. And I'm just a, and I'm a dumb slut for saying anything about it. Like, well, but, you know, that's Vicky, so you're lucky. And Gina's like, oh, my God, Vicky's like a mass dietist Jedi mind track. where like you're wrong, everyone knows you're wrong, everyone tells you you're wrong, and then somehow by the end of it, you're like the victim, and we're all consoling you. It's so fucking impressive. It's like amazing.
Starting point is 01:02:58 Well, I would like to thank everybody for coming, literally, all over coconuts. I know I feel better. Whoa! Yes, yes. Sorry, I can smoke inside, right? Hey, Shannon, have you ever touched Doug Zweener? No, I haven't touched his wiener, but he has bragged about it quite a lot. He says it's the size of a Coke can.
Starting point is 01:03:21 And then the episode ends with them walking out and Tamara just turning to the camera like. Oh. And that brings us to the end of Real Housewives of Wounds Count. Thanks so much for being with me, you guys. This has been a great time. Ben will be back on Monday. And we'll talk to you next time. Okay.
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