Watch What Crappens - #3558 Below Deck Med S11E17 Part One: Abbey Rode Hard

Episode Date: September 29, 2026

This is part one of a 2-part recapBelow Deck Med brings on the guy who owns the Abbey and his harem. Gen has finally found her people, but will they find enough protein? We’re back on tour Oct 3! Get our In the Mix tickets for your city at watchwhatcrappens.com. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, sign up for our free weekly newsletter and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins, a podcast for all the crap. We love to talk about on Ye Old Broves. I'm Ronnie. That is the handsome and talented Benoony tunes. Hello, Ben. How are you, baby? I'm great. Today, I come to you from Scenic Hartford, Connecticut.

Never in the same place. Never in the same place twice, you. I know. Well, I will be in the same place. why it's because I'll also be recording from here tomorrow. And then on Friday, I am going to be making my way towards the center of the country because our tour is beginning in Kansas City. Are you afraid?

Yes, we will be in Kansas City, October 3rd, and Chicago on October 4th, Minneapolis on the 17th, and Detroit on the 18th. We're also going to Philadelphia, Washington, Dallas, Austin, Houston, Houston, Nashville, Clearwater, Fort Lauderdale, San Fran, Salt Lake City, Denver, Colorado. Oh, and there's some other stuff on my screenshot cut off. I know that we end in New York City for the Golden Crappies at the end of February. Go get your tickets for all of our dates, but especially the ones coming right up. Saturday, we're going to be where you just said in Kansas City for our opener,

and we are going to be covering Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. then the next night in Chicago, we will be doing Real Housewives of Orange Count. And those are going to be this week's fresh episodes. So, yeah, and if you're listening, if you're not going to be at those shows and you're wondering where other recaps are, they'll just be, you know, just about two days late. So apologies for inconveniencing you, but thank you for your patience. And we're going to have a great time at those live shows, recapping those with all of you there. It'll be so fun. Get your ticket, link, sim.

all that good stuff and information at watch what crapans.com. Also, I want to thank Antonina's gluten-free bakery. They hear me talking about my gluten-free family and sent me a huge box of gluten-free sweets. Muff blueberry. Muffins, chocolate muffins, lemon-struces, chocolate cake, vanilla cake. I've made my way through a lot of it with the girls who are gluten-free, and it is delicious. You can get Antoninas in the bakery freezer at Walmart and in the bakery at Sprout. So people looking for good gluten-free. It is great and chewy. So get it. Wow. That's major. Awesome. So good. All right. So here we are with some below deck med day. So you missed a week of below deck med. What are your thoughts? How are you feeling on the whole

situation? The whole situation. Which situation is that specifically? Because there's a bunch of situations happening. I was like, well, we can just go through. I don't know. Was anything bugging me that you didn't get to talk about last week? You know, I thought, the season's been absolutely tremendous, and I don't know, I don't even remember what happened last episode, except for the fact that it ended with this, with Gail coming out.

The whole Joe and Nathan thing is fascinating to me. You know, watching two straight guys break up as buddies is so interesting because so much on Bravo is a bit. about the women who stop being friends. And so we've seen many different times and iterations of female friendship falling apart. And we sort of know the cadences of it. And so rare that we actually see male friendship falling apart.

And I've been really enjoying it. It's just, it's so funny that we sort of have to, as viewers, kind of take sides with two pieces of shit. You know, it's like, I don't know. Like, yeah, I mean, I don't really want to take a side. I, you know, Nathan is obviously, he's terrible. And every single time he opens his mouth about how much he loves Gail and how special Gail is, he's got to protect Gail.

I'm like, you're a fucking liar. Like, don't even like patronize us with that. But then Joe is passive aggressive. And everything he does is passive aggressive. And when he gets called out on it, he's always like, I was doing nothing wrong. I couldn't even say anything. So I'm like, I don't know. But I think it's wildly fascinating.

What do you think? Well, I was, you know, I talked about it already. I just wanted to give you a chance just in case you missed something, you know, that you're like, damn, but I want to talk about that. I mean, it ended with Gail and Nathan and Joe getting in a fight, which Gail pretty much started. Well, I wouldn't say she started. She started it in the van, but at the restaurant, they were forced to sit by each other and then Joe sat away from them at a 90-degree angle. He's like, what? She can't even see you.

But like also like Joe just like switch spots with someone stop like it's really so It's so passive aggressive to sit there and then turn your side turn away and then not include them It was just it was so awkward like and all he had to do was just ask someone at the other end of the table to swap seeds Yeah, but then you've got Nathan there giving you that stupid like he's got the deadest eye Smirk on him you know he has like a bad guy in a movie like an abusive guy in a movie and I know we know we know now that he's an abusive guy in real life. But he, you know, it's like a movie character abusive where he's just like giving you a dirty look smirking at you the whole time.

Like, I dare you. I dare you to say something to me. I'll knock your block off. And so he's doing that the whole time. So, like, I know Gail was uncomfortable, but you're with the glare face right there as well. So they got back in the car and she's like, you know what, Joe, I don't like this.

And this is so uncomfortable. And he's like, okay. And then he's kind of being a smart ass and just being like, I'm trying to make out with somebody back here. And then she kept going and going and saying, you need to respect my family. And my family is Nathan. And I do respect the effort that you're making. But your man is a piece of shit. And I don't want to hear anybody standing up for Nathan, especially you, of all people.

And I don't know. Sometimes it's just best to just let things go. Are you fighting with Joe? Well, I felt like it was unfortunate because I felt like Nathan probably gassed Gail up all season long. So finally she's just like, she's just heard the worst things about Joe. And so she pops off because she's frustrated with him with this guy. And but then of course, Joe's like, I can't even say anything. I can't do anything.

I just think like the whole thing just felt very unfortunate to me. Also, like Joe can just be an adult. If you're going to be stuck at the end of the table with him, just ask Gail. How is she doing? How's life? What's it like being a mom? I mean, that sucks. You have to ask these questions you don't really care about. But maybe make an effort to be friendly. I don't know. Yeah.

But being in a village, you know, as part of being in a community. You have to ask people shit that you don't want the answers to. How are you? How are your children? How is their school? Like, I don't give a fuck, but of course I'm going to ask, you know, because that's what a decent person does. Just fake it like the rest of us. And also when Gail is kind of, I don't want to say going off on him, but kind of going off on him in her nice, in her niceish way that veered into not as nice.

Just say, listen, I know that we had problems and I'm sorry. I'm not coming for you. I'm trying to be as respectful as possible and just sit back here and be quiet. Like, you don't have to like me and I'll have, you know, whatever. But of course, he's like, really, really. I can't say a thing. Well, it's because you won't just say sorry and shut up. Yeah, and it's also what's so strange is that this is all based off of, you know, sort of sniping from two seasons ago where they just, they had like a tense relationship.

It didn't seem like it was the worst relationship, but it was just sort of tense, not great. They just didn't quite mesh. But like you would think they had some sort of like huge argument in their past. And they really hadn't. It's just more like he didn't really like her. She didn't really like him. I mean, he didn't like her because she called him out on him being a bad worker, which he was. And, um, and, and then just,

how he was treating the women. Yeah, and I think it's sort of, smoldered, and then acting like a victim and making everybody cry. Yeah, and just sort of smoldered over. So it's just sort of funny that it's become this whole thing of like, they hate each other when it, like, the basis was not anything so dramatic. It's just stuff that built up and up and up and up. But, um, yeah, I think they were all.

Yeah, I mean, I see what you mean. But it's also the fact that these two guys were friends and then Joe was jealous because you know, a woman came between them. And then Nathan tried to like change his, you know, personality and reputation for Gail by. So we saw Nathan trying to be just like Joe. And right before he called Gail and begged for her back, he was trying to sleep with Kizzy.

And then Kizzy didn't sleep with him. And then he immediately was like, well, I lost this one again. I lost another one to Joe. So I guess I'll call Gail and try and make that work. So he's such a piece of shit, this guy. And he's such a baker. Yeah, you've been, you know, I think that's a big thing. This has been a point, the Kizzy thing, you brought that up so many times about how, like,

Nathan acts like he's, he's so much more virtuous, he's into something deeper. When he was just as guilty as everyone else who sort of, like, had a go at Kizzy last season. And the truth is that I think that what happened with that situation is that that didn't really work out, whatever, I don't remember the fine details of, like, Nathan and Kizzy. But I do think that he, like, I think he felt. like he needed to rebrand himself and his entire idea of who he is and it's like oh you know what i don't i don't go for these cheap hookups i'm looking for something deeper i want a family so it's not like it's okay that things with me and kizzy didn't work out it's okay that she actually likes someone

else she doesn't like me as much because i want something deeper and then he starts reflecting on gale and then he goes back to gail and he like love bombs her and it's like i'm in love with you because you know, he sees that everything else is falling apart. So he goes after, he goes back to the one thing that seemed to be okay. So he's built this whole, you know, relationship off of that. And now we see, you know, that house of cards all come tumbling down. It's like when someone stops drinking or doing drugs, I've been that person many times. And you're like, well, it's really hard to be around the same people who are still doing that. And so you think you have to like go make a whole new group of friends, which by the way, I didn't. I just kept my old drugs. And they're still great. But when you first go through that, it's like, oh, I have to distance myself or have a different lifestyle. And I think being a horrible person like Nathan and Joe and treating women like pieces of meat, I think that that's addictive to them. That's like their addiction. And this is very much Nathan trying to be like, no, no, I'm not.

I'm a good man. I'm a good man. Because when you say he's trying to have a family, he didn't decide he was going to have a family. You're right. I didn't mean that. And then he decided like, oh. to do this. Yeah. But yeah, anyway, that's a really long deep discussion about below deck, but fuck these guys. The end of the day, fuck both of these people. And I'm not buying Joe's bullshit. Because Joe, you know, Joe does have real stuff going on. But of course, it's like Joe's under a microscope. So now he's going to bring out all the trauma and do the typical reality show thing where it's like, well, but it's, it's my, you know, my mom has, my mom is sick. And my dad is. And it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, it's.

It's not that all that stuff's not true, but you're such an asshole, and I don't want to give you the, like, aw, because I know that you're being manipulated. I know that you're using it to manipulate, and I think it's gross. And I suspect that Nathan's role on the show has been minimized in the recent weeks. Like, I feel like he's not, I sort of was reflecting on this last, this week's episode, and there wasn't a huge amount of Nathan in it. So I'm sure there was a directive to, like, only include Nathan where he really needs to be included. which then gives Joe more of a center stage, which also means that Joe is getting a more complimentary at it. And even if not complimentary, it's more complex.

We see more stuff with Joe, which automatically makes us like him more. So he's really benefiting from this whole situation in a way that I don't think he was earlier in the season. I think earlier in the season, he was just like a full on underminer and we were sort of on Nathan's side. And I think the arc of the season was that Nathan also has emotional. And I feel like probably what it was supposed to be is that Nathan has emotional issues, but by the end of the season, he gets over them and he winds up like growing as a bosun and Joe continues to be whatever. But now it's more just like, look at Joe coming into his own. And he's really benefiting from this like very complimentary edit that I don't think necessarily reflects who he really is. Yeah.

I was hoping they were doing the cut Nathan down thing. But then last week they had the whole, oh, don't look at sweet Nathan. They're going on date nights. So they're going to teach me how to keep the baby. And they had all of that stuff, which was like... It's cringy. I mean, cringy, yeah. I thought, geez, I was kind of hoping you'd give him the Gary edit, but I guess not.

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. Yeah, but you know what, though? I don't like when they do those edits. I actually don't like that. I say, give us the show that you meant to give us. We will, we're, we're all adults. We will base, we will, we will come up with our own conclusions. We will still have our opinions. We can tell, like, a show versus real life. I don't think we need to be coddled. Like, oh, no, this person did something awful, so we can't show them. And I understand it's about, like, not giving a platform to awful people. But it's already been shot. It's already been done. Don't sacrifice your good storytelling. Like, we'll handle it. We'll be okay. We know he's a piece of shit. We'll call him a piece of shit. And we'll reflect. on the irony that we're seeing one thing here and that he's a piece of shit. So I hope that they don't do that. I don't want to be treated with kid gloves.

I mean, yeah, I get that, but I also don't want that. I also don't want them to see rewriting history for Nathan, which is like, oh, look at what his sweet guy Nathan is, because not everybody even follows this stuff. And I don't know that they need to put up a warning on the episode or go that far. And every time they show Nathan, you know, being like, wow, blah, blah, blah, blah, be warned. I don't know that they need to go that far, but giving Nathan this like, oh, he's just a sweet dad,

and all he cares about is his girlfriend and his baby. Like, that's a bit much for me, you know? Yeah, I mean, I don't want to see that anyway. Even if none of this stuff had happened, I don't want to see that. And, I mean, I get it. Like, it's in poor taste if someone has done something terrible to, like, show a cute, sort of charming scene that's like,

oh, wow, look at this guy being funny and sweet. Like, that's just fleaise. You can get rid of fluff, but if there's actual storyline that you're going to change to protect us, that I don't want you to mess up storyline. I want you to give the best possible TV show you can. And it's a good segue because looking in the notes right now, our note taker, she wrote that the opening scene to this episode is odd and not much happens because footage of a much worse argument with Nathan threatening to hit Joe was edited out. and the source is Us Weekly in Reddit. And I did not know that. Did you know that?

No. I didn't know that. So that's interesting that it almost escalated to a physical point. Which, by the way, Nathan should be happy because the rocks, the rocks of Debrunuk took care of it for him. Yeah, I didn't know that. Gosh, I'm on Reddit like every day and then, you know, threads about below deck nonstop. I thought I would have seen this. I'm disappointed in myself.

We opened where we left off, which is this argument in the van between Gail Joe and kind of Nathan. Nathan's just mad dogging the whole time. And Kaylee is telling Joe, like, let her finish and then you speak. But he's like, but she won't let me speak, which is true. But really all you need to say at this point is, I'm sorry. I mean no offense. I'm happy to you kids. It's really easy to be like, you know what, I have no issue with you, Gail. I'm sorry that I know that we had some back and forth when we're working together, but quite frankly, I think you're great.

And, you know, I apologize that my actions, you know, landed that way or whatever. You know, I have no issue. You know, like, it's so easy. It's such an easy thing to get out of, but he won't.

And, like, that also makes me mad. When there's such an easy way out of a stupid argument and people don't take it, I just get upset at that. Yeah. Why? I'm an easing out kind of a man. I'm like,

Sorry. So sorry. Well, that's also, like, one of the fun parts about being gay. Is that, like, I'm like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. That's our right. And really hates gay people. I used to do, like, I used to make my accent thicker when I was waiting tables. And I would mess up.

I'd be like, oh, I'm so sorry, y'all. And usually that worked. People are like, oh, you know, it's like, just a sweet guy, you know, from God knows where in the South. be nice to him everybody but that sure didn't work a couple of times people like got more upset you know yeah so um i definitely like so i definitely exaggerate uh my gay accent if i need to seek apology or i need to speak to a female celebrity because um you know if you go up to a female celebrity and you're like oh my god you are a queen i love you can i take a photo you're like oh my god it's a gay and you're like You get ushered in and welcomed.

You know, you can, like, suckle up there to eat. But, like, if you're like, hey, I... I've seen you do it. Yeah. I've seen you do it with Housewives, especially. Yeah. You're very much like, hi! It's so fun.

Where'd you come from? I love it. I love doing it because it's... Yeah, because it's just, like, it's fun to be like, I have this, like, little... I have this thing in my arsenal that I can pull out, and it's, like, effective, you know? It's a super power.

I remember doing it. I did it years ago with Kyle Richards, believe it or not. That's how I have that photo with Kyle. I went up to a woman. I was like, oh, my God, you are so good on Real House. I just have to get a photo with you. She's like, yes. How are you?

How are you? We go to the other van, and it's Joy Masey. And she's like, do you think it was awkward between Nathan and Joe tonight? What is your point of view for being new person? And he's like, hey, come after the problem. So for me, it's a normal thing between them. Nathan looks like he's acting tough, but to me, my mom's even scarier than Nathan,

so I don't care. And it was funny because such a good way to put it. Like, Nathan's acting so tough. Nobody is afraid of you, Nathan. And you can talk at us with your armpits all you want. He does that later in the episode where he's talking to Joe, and he's like, talk to me armpits. I hate one people.

It's so arrogant. No, I'm not talking. Your armpits don't scare me. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I do love that. Like Massey's Italian mother is actually a tougher, a tougher person than Nathan. And I believe it 100%. Like, let's get her on this boat. Have her run some shit around here, you know? So then we would go back to the argument. Joy says, well, Joe is very sensitive person. No, you're falling for it. And that is Joe. That's Joy's Kryptonite is falling for things that doucheback men tell her, as we've learned right now. Because I love Joy. I don't care what anybody says. But this is for kryptonite. And she is totally. falling for Joe too. Joe is very sensitive only about himself. Whenever you've seen Joe cry or whenever you've seen him throw a big emotional blah, blah, blah, it's always because of himself. It's not because of the other person. He's an arthuracist. Yeah, I mean, I love Joy. I think she is really like up there

and like great below deck chef characters. But, you know, her whole thing is that she has been, you know, hurt and damaged by men but i think we sort of assume that meant that now she's she's older and wiser and what we are now realizing is she's just stuck in the loop and that's what makes her like a little salty which we love but she is ultimately stuck in the loop because she's now you know she's still you know entertaining luke she thinks that joe is sensitive and as far as we know she seems to be with cooper now so it's not good but we love it's nothing against her it's a feature not a flaw so then um So we go back to Van One, and Gail is like, I've done shit things and I've owned him,

and you can either own them, or you can be just like pretend that they never happen and keep on being a sheep person. And he's like, but you're not even allowing me to speak, which I find hilarious. I'm like, well, that's not going to help you. When you, anytime you say you're not allowing me to speak, you're never going to win the argument

because you're now, you're accusing the person of something else, right? So it's just, he's just doing them like, but they are not allowing him to speak. But again, like we said nine times already, all he really has to do is say, sorry, and just let it go. At this point, you're just fighting with someone's girlfriend that has a newborn at home. Just say sorry. Like, my God.

And then Nathan goes, well, I'm glad you find it hilarious. That's very mature of you. And it's like, what are you talking about? Like, you heard the word hilarious. And so now he's just going to latch on to that and make a new argument. Like, you're immature because you think it's hilarious. That's really not allowing you to talk. It's like, that makes literally no sense.

Shut up. Yeah. And so Joe tells us he's created an awkward environment, but it feels to me like I'm just going to be pushed into a corner and beaten down. And so Nathan and Gale stay in the van to go back to the Airbnb. And Jen is like, I'm going to bat. That's like so much trauma. I can't even take it. Like there's not even anybody hot here. It's like crazy. There's like so many non-hot people fighting right now. So then Nathan and Gail would go back to their Airbnb and they pick up the baby from Aisha and then she's like, how was dinner? And Gail's like, he was really nice. And then Nathan and Aisha get back in the car to go back to the yacht. And then she, Asia's like, how was dinner really? Which I like.

She's like, there's no way that went well. Yeah. And he basically bitches. And she's like, it's because she came in between the bromans. That's what happened. That's what happened. And then we got to chose. I love how Nathan can't believe this, by the way.

Nathan, I love how Nathan can't believe this theory. It's like, uh, hello. It's like so blatantly obvious. Yeah. Uh, yeah, because Nathan, Nathan really wants credit for being a good man. He's like, no, I'm not friends with Joe because I'm a good man and he's not a good man. And that's not the truth. You, you, this is all because Kissy wouldn't sleep with you.

So Kaylee and Joe cuddling. in his bunk and she's complimenting his curls. And he talks about how he's Italian. And that's where his eyebrow, his big eyebrows come from. And his dad was Scottish. And she talks to him about his dad. And he talks about how his dad was abusive and his mom had to escape.

And he was walking up the street with his dad when he was 13. And his dad said, show me your hands. And he did. And he's towering above me. And he said, yeah you're not my son and that's the last time I heard from my dad to be fair his dad was a very large octopus that's like what human hands you're not my son I was gonna say where are your tentacles but I like octop I like octopus better his dad was like your

cuticles are out of control but I like it better as a octopus uh well Well, Joe now has his, he has his jewel moment, as in his hands are small, but they're his. It's also a land-locking moment. But yeah, it was actually a very sad story. I don't know why I'm making so much fun of it. I know why I'm doing it because I can't stand these people. But by the way, it is a sad story, but by the way,

I'm not laughing at the sad story. I'm laughing because I'm an asshole, but also because I just think that Joe is being emotionally manipulative with the audience, and I'm not gonna buy it. He just got in trouble with, Gale on the boat, he knows that Gale is usually popular, and now he's going to whip out this story to rub it everybody's heartstrings. That doesn't mean he didn't go through it. It just means that he's using it as a weapon now against us, the audience, and I don't appreciate it.

Yeah, exactly. Another thing I was thinking about just now is that, like, the whole, like, Nathan hating Joe, I mean, I do feel like the real reason Nathan hates Joe is because Gail is like I fucking don't like that guy and I don't like that you're friends with him which I think is perfectly valid That's his lady. She doesn't like him. You got to take your lady's side But what I don't like is I feel like Nathan Really has not been honest about that's why he doesn't like Joe Because he's coming with this high and mighty thing of like I don't like the way that Joe was treating the women last season What like since when do you have this

Like sanctimonious thing I mean we all didn't like it right but you actually were there and then you you did he did he did get annoyed on the season for sure and he did tell him don't do that but to be like all of a sudden like i hate this guy i just don't think it was purely because he was taking a moral stance but the fact that he's sort of hiding behind that i think is kind of you know shitty he's being i don't think he's being as up front as he is saying that he like in the way that he expects some sort of upfront apology from joe are you following what i'm saying it's sort of a weird nuance thing because it's not like i'm yeah i'm not trying to shit on gale here but i just feel like i feel like I feel like it's pretty obvious why Nathan does not like Joe.

And I just feel like I don't appreciate when people have a petty thing and they hide it behind a lofty thing. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and a lot of it, too, is Gail being like, this guy's treating me like shit. Like, how are you supposed to be my partner and not standing up for me against this guy? Like, I guess that he's your best friend, but dude. And so he took it to this level, which is like, well, I won't be with Joe. because he disrespects women.

It's like, oh, for Christ's sake. This is like Joe sucks, but you're also still Nathan. I thought this was interesting here, though, because Joe says, you know, he's still talking about his abusive father, and he says that no matter how angry he gets, he never takes it to that level where he's so aggressive. And Nathan reminds him of his dad, which, listen, if this was any other season, we didn't know what we know, I'd be like, oh, wow, okay, so now you're going to compare somebody to like your abusive parent because you don't like them but look how right he was yeah you know he was

look at that look at that so many layers to this show so it's the next morning and it's 8 a.m. four hours before the charter and people are waking up and um jen jen goes up to joy because the other thing is that last last week um basically what's her face cat was like jen i really you know you're so negative I really can't do it with a negative anymore and like I just don't want to hear it anymore so then Jen got like really upset and now Jen has decided despite everyone she's gonna be really nice and be an effective stew which I love to hurt in her mind this is like aha I got one over you but everyone else is like thank you for finally doing what you're supposed to be doing so as step one of this pretending to be nice like the rest of us exactly it's called being civilized so Jen tried to manipulate cat then that didn't work. So then she turned on Kat and tried to manipulate it against Kat to Asia and be like, oh my God, cat just said the mean of thing. And no one is buying her shit anymore. So she's like, now I'm going to do the biggest trick in the book. I'm going to pretend to be a nice person,

you guys. Which is all that they've wanted from her. They're like, could you please be positive? And she's like, well, guess what? I'm going to be positive. But what they don't know is that secretly I'm not positive. It's like, yeah, that's called being a, human being. That's called going out into the world and talking with people. It's called going to a cocktail party. Yeah. And she's so bad at it too. She's just so insincere. She's like, honestly, Joy, like, just a moment. Like, I know, like, this comes from the bottom of my heart, okay? Like, and my heart is hot. Okay. Like, people would date my heart. So, like, I just want you to know that, like, you're, like, the best chef I've ever worked with, and I've worked on Carnival. And, you know,

like we've had our little like things or whatever but like I respect you it so much like you're such a good person and you know I'm going to take it with me just like how good you are I just hope you know that joy's like uh thank you she's like what the hell is going on here did she get possessed by a zombie I love that the zombies for joy are very polite so Jen is like she's like like you just washed my laundry with all the dirty dishrags and labeled it joy plus dishrags Like yesterday. But you are one of the best chefs. The way you handled me having a psychotic break was so professional.

Thank you. Thank you for being you, Joy. Yeah, I know we've had our little things. Like me throwing all of your clothes in with dirty dishrags, and you had to walk around smelling like trash and armpits all day. But you're the best chef ever. So then Jen tells us, it's so hard to be a team player when everyone fucking hates you. but I have to finish this charter season selfishly

because I want to prove everyone wrong. So I might as well play the little game of being a fake bitch. If you can't beat him, join him. Why not? By the way, like you haven't been a fake bee this whole time. We've seen you.

We've seen you doing it multiple times. Oh my God, by the way. Just so you know, every guy has hurt me. So don't do that to me. Oh, my God. I can't believe it when you told him, but I told me that every guy's hurt. Pardon me.

I can't believe it didn't work. If Bravo does not layer her into the below deck rotation, they have lost the thread. You know, on regular blowdeck, which is coming up next on the below deck rotation, yeah. Rainbow was back. And Rainbow was one of the, it was a hilarious, like, on the edge of losing her mind. And I think if Bravo were smart, they would mix Rainbow. and Jen together and see what happens.

That's what I'm going to advocate for. Now that, Rainbow's whole backstory was, yeah, my dad, me and my sister hated each other. So my dad took us out by a boat to a deserted island and then just made us fight it out to the death. That's her big backstory. Rain Bial. Yeah. Or her getting, I'm so glad she's back.

Yeah, it's really good. and like her getting stressed and frustrated and hyperventilating late at night so good commercials here comes one right now so anyway back to sandy's now talking to asia and she's like hey good morning sunshine how was last night with the baby and she's like oh so good and i heard that nathan gale and jo weren't getting on oh lord um listen okay everyone get together I just heard some fresh tea from Asia and it was it was hot tea the kind that the kind that that that the kind that that the kind that is so piping hot it's the opposite. What are you doing over there?

It's the opposite of Norma's outfits every day. It's the kind of tea that Norma drinks alone because No one wants to have tea with her or do anything with her, you know? But anyway, I'm using gay lingo right now because it turns out that Tristan, who's the CEO of everything gay, literally every single thing gay. If you recently listened to Liza Manali on an album, Tristan controlled that. If you've seen a penis inside a meow butt hole, Tristan is the CEO of it. I'm telling me that. Everything gay.

Every single thing gay. He's the founder of Trist Hotels, which is spelled TRYST. You would think it would be named after him because his name is Tristan, but he put a Y in there. Why? That's why it's spelled that way. Anyway, what are we talking about? It's like Tristan, but it's where people go to or-e-or-e-K people specifically. Okay, he also owns the restaurant and bar you might have heard of.

A lot of people get roofied there. Nobody knows why. Even Ronnie was roofied there 20-something years ago. go why nobody knows but it's called the abbey okay it's a it's a village listen it's a village of roofies that Tristan owns and he also owns a place called fire island yeah so uh if you see if you see her riding by on her scooter say hey you met your boss no you're thinking about abbey lee miller not the abbey oh well she's pretty gay though right I mean, she's a gay icon at the very least, so.

So we don't have to do a pyramid today? Okay, that's fine. The pyramid. We're joining Tristan is his fiancé. I'm a fiancé as well. I'm going to be married soon. I can't believe it. I'll just have a hint.

Asia, stick to the iPad, okay? We've got 30 iPads. Let's make them work. All right. Well, he's got his fiance, Melvin, and his boyfriend. Stephen Lewis, Templo, Vitor and Edie. Rounding up the group is his long-time best friend, Corey, is the only one not getting laid on this entire trip.

He says he only keeps Corey around to remind Corey that he is so hot that he has all these boyfriends and Corey has nothing. So, you know, make sure you do not hook up with Corey. This, I think, wow. It was gross, just some old rich guy, like, I own all these guys. And I would normally say, oh, you know, it's like a poly relationship, who cares? You know, it's like you aren't the first, you aren't the last. It's so gross to me because of how he acts towards the guys.

You know, it's like, oh, yeah, got you. I want you to spin around on my dick for a while. Yeah, I own everything. We'll give you a 401K if you fuck us. He's disgusting. And I don't know why I expected more. from the founder of the Abbey and the CEO of everything gay. But here we are.

Yeah. My question is, does it count as polyamory if everyone looks the same? Isn't it just one guy? Well, they're abbey gays. Holographically, aren't they like holographically just like projected across the boat? But it's just one guy, right? These are not like different people. Are they?

That's how you can feel sometimes in West Hollywood. Oh my God, did you guys come out of a factory? How do you all have the exact same teeth? How? They have the same hair cut. They have the same facial. It's the same body, same face, same hair. It's wild.

And gays do this all the time. Like one of my favorite things. It's like I actually look down on it so much, but I also am so am so am used by it is when gaze date like mirror images of themselves and it happens all the time and it's crazy i'm like i don't know why it upsets me so much i mean whatever but like i just think it's like come on like look at look at look at the look there's so much more to look at you know like i know i know i mean how i haven't married varis from game of thrones is beyond me like i don't know how we haven't met in the mall and just like automatically

falling in love. But yeah, it's like something we make fun of, but it's also something that gays aspire to. You know what I mean? It's like, they all walk on and like, oh my God, you all look the same. How'd you get there? Do you use any workout apps? Is this GLP

ones? Are they implants? What are you guys doing? Tell me how to do it. You're disgusting. It's really, it's really wild. So, okay, so Tristan and the group, are protein heavy and low carb, but they do eat a lot, which they should just, they honestly should just open up a restaurant West Hollywood called Protein Heavy Low Carb.

And they had that calorie counting one for a while right by the Abbey. You remember that one? It was like healthy and they put calorie counts on the menu. And that's where all the gays would go eat, you know, because I lived in West Hollywood for a long time, the gays would go eat there in the day. And then at nighttime, that's when all, you're like, how are these ice cream? shops open in West Hollywood where everybody looks like this and it's ice cream and burritos and bread and pizza that's what's that's the most hilarious part yeah

watching at night everyone's drunk and they finally like give in to the food that they've been wanting to eat all week long girl the best time to be a chunky gay in West Hollywood is 2.30 in the morning it's like suddenly everybody's eating with you and being nice like oh my god look at you two pieces of pizza I'm getting three Like, yes, budge. Can I get along finally. The following, day two, following breakfast, they'd like to explore nearby lagoon for snorkeling and circling up the sun.

And then on night, too, Tristan would love to bring on one of his resident drag queens for a performance on board. And most importantly, Tristan wants the crew to get in on it and do drag themselves. Also, if anyone wants to grow a little beard and a mustache, they can be his boyfriend. Um, yeah, exactly. The winner, the winner of the drag contest gets new teeth. You're going to be getting gay teeth.

Congratulations. So, uh, Kaley and Jen are making beds afterwards. And Jen is like, I think this season has been like a huge learning curve for me. Because like, I know me, Joe and Nathan have all struggled with this, like, the same thing this season. Like putting egos aside, especially when you're like literally such a good stew like I am. It's hard to put that ego aside. And after I spoke to Asia, I was like, I need to put my ego aside and, like, also learn to work with people. But, like, it's something I'm going to try to change around.

Totally fooled her. You just got jend. You got jend. Jen changing for the last two days of a season is fucking hilarious. But good for you. You know? Yeah. Good for you.

Stick to land. So, yeah, and she's telling me this all to Kaylee, which I think you said. And Kaylee is like, oh. Kaylee's looking at her this whole time, like you're looking at someone you don't want to talk to, basically. It's kind of a grinned face. And she's like, well, thank you. That makes so much. I really appreciate this, Jen.

You know, I've always liked you. So I'm grateful that we can have this conversation. Now, what I just did there, that's how you fake it. Okay, take some notes, bitch. All right, now. So then we go to Sandy, calling. everyone for another meeting. It's the last minute crew meeting. Okay. Now listen, this is an episode full of meetings. All right. It's a final charter. I'm so proud of you guys. I'm so proud of you. You know what?

We want to kill it. Mostly like, think of it like this. It's a last charter. We want to do to this charter what Norma does to an average man's penis. We want to kill it. Okay. So most importantly, I want to say, even though I'm not around to talk to you all the time, I pick up on stuff. I do. I'm always looking. I'm always feeling things. Also, Asia just told me that Joe and Nathan are fighting. But still, it was an instinct. And anything you guys have going on, look at out.

Do your food. Listen, I know I'm not around a lot, but I pick up on things. Like, I don't know about you guys. I'm trying to get the sense that Joe's dad is a real octopus, huh? Right? Anyone else get that sense? I don't know. Sometimes Joe just needs to be hugged by.

eight arms okay look if it's a misunderstanding or your feelings are hurt just try to solve that because when you walk away you don't have that like you know it's it's not you're not carrying it with you you know it's like it's like Norma when Norma when she goes the airport with a sheetcake and they say ma'am that you cannot bring that on the plane and she gets upset and I say but Norma aren't she so happy You don't have to carry that throughout all these terminals. She says, I guess so. It's like that.

Listen, guys, forgiveness is freedom, and freedom is elastic. So donate some to Norma before you go. Let's all be good people. Freedom's just another name, another word for nothing left to give. But it's also the name of the lead singer of C&C Music Factory. So everybody danced now. Gonna make you sweat. And if you're sweating, you're working.

and if you're working, you're making a good tip. Okay, everyone, thanks. Hugs. Well, I don't know if Nathan and Joe will ever go back to being close friends like they were, but I do know I'm done with allowing this rivalry to get so heated. That's why I'm going to sit back and hope they resolve it themselves. I won't allow this rivalry to go on one more minute. I'm going back up to the wheelhouse and maybe it'll work out on its own.

Yeah, exactly. I'm going to go up there and stare at the screen until wind comes back on. So now we go to the dock. The guests are here. And you know they're here because they're like, yes. I mean, Jesus, as a people, this is how we are. And you know, we would be the same way coming up this dock. We'd like, oh, my God, yes.

Is that the boat? Oh, my God. It's not as nice as I thought it would be. Oh, I'd be like that 100%. There is such gabby gaze. And I was cracking out. Like, everything that comes out of their mouth is such a just like, kind of fabulous stereotype and these guys are also living their best life i mean yeah they're all

they're all they're like very nice people yeah was it and i said they all seem like very nice people and then they could they come on i remember one of them was like oh my god this boat is so old wow this is ridiculous and uh tristan's like yeah it was probably nice when they first built it back in the late 1900s and so um jen weren't we all weren't we all weren't we weren't we We all great when they first built us, you know. But also you guys are on a subsidized yacht trip on below deck for a reality show. Are you really expecting something from like succession? Your thirsty ass is here on a discount group on boat to be on TV with all of your.

Like I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it from you, Tristan. Like suddenly you have taste. And also all the bitching that they give about the food, girl, I've eaten at the Abbey so many times. And that is some of the shittiest food. the planet. And I still go there. I still go there for my birthday and have happy hour there. It is not good food. And for them to be like, oh my God, what are they even serving us? Have you eaten at your restaurant? First of all, I actually think the food at the abbey is not so bad.

Second of all, I just honestly, when it comes to like muscle gaze, the one thing I don't trust from them is like a culinary review. I just don't think that's their ministry. If they want to tell me, like, what's a good protein shake? They want to tell me, like, what are some good workout routines, what are the best gyms 100% they have total authority but if they're going to complain about like the chicken i'm like i don't i don't trust you it's like oh my god yeah you know it's a great restaurant fresh corn grill i'm like no no ma ma'am no this is not just the dessert case at the abbey by the way is amazing so i will i will rescind that a little bit and also the not those are decent i can mean i do go there every year for my birthday it's basically mission star restaurants

we have to admit it well it's just one of those things where it's people kind of complaining about food and I'm I don't know that it's just not I guess I'm not from John George you know what I mean like you're from the abbey yes well stated I also feel like like when you come on to a boat and you're like all I want is chicken breast give me nothing but chicken breast and like man this is kind of bland it's like well you're the one who decided not to have carbs don't blame the chicken yeah now that all of that being said, joy really falls down on this one. I mean, you've got a group of muscle gays who are telling you, we only want protein.

And then she serves them the biggest fucking sandwiches I've ever seen in mind. She's like, oh, pretzel roll. Oh, are you serving them giant pretzels? Like, what are you doing? No, have you met gays? Do you not have gays where from? She's European. She really does not understand, like, West Hollywood gay dining culture.

Like when it's like high protein doesn't mean like you serve what you normally serve with a higher amount of protein. It means chicken breasts. Chicken breasts and nothing but chicken breasts. Nothing but chicken breast and maybe some steak. Yeah. Yeah. But it's usually just chicken breast. So Jen goes to the guess and she's like, oh my God, you guys are gay.

Well, I'm Jen. Like I'm the awkward girl you would hang out with at lunch, you know, probably make fun of behind her back. They're like, oh, but yeah, hi, so good to see you. Oh, my God, you were always so good with giving me somebody to talk to during prom. Okay, I guess we'll be nice to you. She's like, yeah, I do really great with the games. Yeah, because you're probably carrying their bags and shit, you know? I just like that she's like, hi, I'm from Battery City Park, born and raised New Yorker,

Miss Battery City, 2019. I'm your late night girl. So I'll be up with you guys. I'm an adult too, so I like to keep the party going. I'm like, are you auditioning to be on like blind date or something? It's like an MTV or an afternoon MTV dating show, like the one they got on the bus. You know, it's like, so then Tristan's like, well, these are all my boyfriends, everyone but Corey. We just keep him along.

So that way he can be inspired to someday have someone make out with him. Oh, he's like the norma of the friend group. He really is. And Melvin's like, yeah, Tristan and I are engaged. We met at the Abbey, of course. He owns that. And we met Vitor a year ago in New York. And he's just like, oh, congrats.

He had the newest edition. Look at that. Beto. You know, the life of a sugar baby does actually sound pretty bloody sweet. I mean, you've got this guy paying for everything. And what you're going, you're just going to give him a little bit of sexy body every day and then? If I wasn't getting ready to marry Scott, which, by the way, did you know I'm going to marry Scott?

Maybe I would be a sugar baby. I'll be sugar babing around. Hey everyone, this is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors.

Ain't no thing like Allison King. Our way is the Amber Way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clap. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila.

She's a Daniela. It chills. We never miss her call. It's Diane Call. Big Yay, it's Emily Gotey. Aaron McNacolus. She don't miss no trickleus. Havonigila Weber.

You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. It's no BS. We love Hugo E.S. Jamie, she has no last namey. Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch. She's our paliger. It's Karen Gallagher. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

Kristen the Pistin Anderson. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McKinery. Come again? We're obsessed with Margaret O'Halloram. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg. I love a ya, Olivia Williamson.

She's the lady of the house. It's Rachel Chirouse. She sure is swell. It's Raquel. Yes, sweet, Anna, it's Sedana. Cast a Spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. Darn Skippy, it's Tippy.

And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP. It's Amanda V. Somebody get us 10 Cs of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neill. Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper.

Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. Let's get Savage with Laura Wildman. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Rider Baron.

She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthie. Always killing it. It's Low Alcalani. Roger that. It's Marlis Rogers. The Incredible Edible Matthews Sisters. She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose. She's our princess. It's Rebecca Prince. She's the Queen Bee. It's Sarah Lemmy. We cannot tell a lie. It's Sarah Telfsun. Yes, we can, uh, it's Sedana.

Shannon, out of a canon, Anthony. Please don't stop. It's Solian Pop. Let's take off with Temla plane. Strike a pose. It's Tori Rose. She ain't no shrinking Violet Coutar. We love you guys.