Watch What Crappens - #361 PumpRules: Nautical Fruits

Episode Date: January 4, 2017

It’s the annual waiter vacation episode of Vanderpump Rules, and this year there are double the opportunities for the cast to make asses of themselves. But will Jax ever find a shower? Why is Katie hoarding low calorie treats? And why is Stassi begging for birds to poop on her? Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Also, check out Ronnie’s new TrashTalkTV RHOBH Audiobook podcast at tttv.podbean.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crapens add free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchi blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Come over and be a premium member over at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends that's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. What would crappens would like to think it sponsors Mia Hansel, Loha and Christi Doherty? And our special sugar mama premium sponsor, Miss Madonna Hines with a sexy J. Hello and welcome to What What Crappens. This is our Vanderpump Rules episode.

I'm Ronnie from the Rosepricks Bachelor podcast, which we just started recording again today. And the real house was at Beverly Hills Audio Books podcast. You can find that on iTunes. And here I am with the gorgeous, talented Ben Mandelker of 2017's B-side blog and Banta Blender. New year, new look for B-side blog. Just kidding, it looks exactly the same. I don't

post much on it anymore. I spent all my attention and energy on this podcast. As should we. I agree, I agree 100%. I mean, how could it be not? And by the way, you know, this is now very excitingly so. It's become now a new tradition at the top of the month that I thank the listeners. I mean, we both thank the listeners because we once again set a new crap ends record for listens this past month. At the top of December, we were saying,

oh my God, we broke half a million. Well, guess what? For December. Yeah, guess what? December, we went from 500,000 listens to 650,000 listens. Holy mother, that's rad. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's like, we gained 150,000. And honestly, since, I think September, so we've essentially picked up

400,000, no, not 400, that's 300,000, whatever. We picked up hundreds of thousands of new listens, which I believe would be new listeners. So honestly, love it. You guys, thank you so much. Now get over to Patreon and turn those numbers into dollars. Yes, please. Woo!

Don't make me ha la honey boo boo chat. Ronnie and I really need to rent an RV to go to Sonoma. So if you can fundraise this, I mean, we are going to be going on tour this year. So I mean, tours don't drive themselves. Come on, win a big O fund. Win a big O fund. One other thing, Ronnie.

I'm sorry. Oh, it's OK. Don't be sorry. You may notice I'm a little intense right now. I like it. That's because it's you know, it's a Vanderpump rules episode and we're doing a lot of recording today and I'm prepared myself. I not only have Tiago. I have a large Tiago today, which we know when I do the Tiago That's like next level. It's Tiago with Rum Chata. So I read all the heavy guns are out for today's podcast.

You know how many tweets we've gotten about Runchada or things on Facebook? People are buying that Runchada, damn it. We need to get, we need to get in on that. What the hell? No, I know. We said they would never mention it again. They're getting their Runchada passing out on their caspers. Yeah. That's exciting. I went to Starbucks because I was in Texas, so I have like a bunch of stuff on my card. And so I drank my Starbucks. I did the online ordering, which was amazing. Didn't have to talk to a soul. And then, which felt weird. Like they thought I was being snobby. They were like, hi. And I was like, well, I guess I don't have to stay here. So. Well, the sticker prints out.

It's the same as you saying hello. But you get a dirty look from the people who are there. And we did Roseprix this morning as well. So I thought, you know what? Since I'm drug free, I should make some green tea. So there you go. I'm either going to have a heart attack or just get really excited as the show goes on.

Was it a green tea shot or just green tea? Well, it was an honor of Vanderpump rules green tea shots. I want a bar. I want a bar. That's like a bad college mama. I think I'll have one of each of the green tea shots. It figures that Sina's college terrible memories would involve swallowing. Like no one surprised Sina.

So I think her terrible college memories is that she had even went to college. I have a stramer, I want to call her. Made me barf. I majored in Eastern Shots. I majored in crop tops. Like my fan. It's kind of my thing. I did a thesis on crop tops and by thesis

I wanted to do DJ Max. By the way when I was in Arizona last week My dad said is DJ Max a grocery store? Oh Lord your dad needs to learn about bargains We're in Scottsdale now dad. Please be a Maxine Easter. That was you, Jim Maxine. It's like, Link. We are not a grocery store, okay. That was actually someone named Spanky loves it, who is now following us.

Spanky loves it. My pig was named Spanky and now he's gone. Okay, let's not talk about Spanky the Pig. You don't want me crying on green tea. No, no, no, no, no, well, let's get on with this, this dear podcast, shall we? I would love it. Good. We're talking about the rules today. By the way, also just a reminder, if you were tuning in today, and you're like, yeah, it's Tuesday. It's time for watch or crap. And guess what? if you are tuning in today and you're like, yeah, it's Tuesday, it's time for Watch Your Crap and guess what? We're going, we're five days a week now,

so there was already a podcast yesterday. So get to your inbox and listen to that one too. Don't forget. Yeah, you best, you best subscribe. They're like, we know. So, okay, so, so on the Bachelor just kidding. Yes, so,

so, as you may remember from the end of last week's episode, which we know we didn't cover, but it's going to be on our bonus episode this week, we're going to talk about it. There are two trips happening. This mon talk trip is finally happening after like six weeks of Stasi talking about it. And also, Ariana's birthday, she's taken a bunch of people up to, to, uh, Sonoma to go to NASCAR, a wine tasting, et cetera. So the cliffhanger was, where's Lala? Yes. Lala was missing.

Ariana was in the Burbank airport on her Hello Kitty phone, which was awkward. Uh, they flew Southwest, which I love that the producers were like, huh, your flying Southwest, fuckers. And, um, let I love that the producers were like, huh, you're flying Southwest fuckers. And let's see. And Tom was like, does anyone stabs you the way of this birthday? I'm going to be really pissed. And right now I'm asking myself, where the fuck is Lara? I think she's actually specifically not standing in the way of the birthday. She's actually removed herself from it. She's actually helping. I don't think Lala would have fit in properly on this trip anyway. It's like she would have both fit in perfectly and not perfectly at all. You know,

wine tasting, she would have just, she would have taken that spatoon and just poured it down her shirt, you know, and then gone topless at NASCAR. And you'd at the same time she wouldn't have fit in. Yeah. She would have been like, um, summer bodies. Okay. So Tom number two, this opens with Tom number two, dancing with the suitcase. Why did I write that down? I don't know, but I like him. And I hope he dances his weight into my heart. What a cute little guy.

He's so cute. He was just happy. He just happened to see a suitcase that wasn't full of iceberg lettuce. He's like, wow, I actually got to put shirts in this one. Whoa, I didn't have to try and get a bottle of ramps through customs. Wow, I'm so glad you didn't make me smuggle tea towels up to Sonoma. So they get to San Francisco because we didn't get to see the airline, which really sucks. I mean, you're just Southwest.

I want to see, I want to see them do some Southwest comedy. That's my favorite things about a Southwest airline. They're like, hey, guys, you're ready to take off. Get it. Like that wasn't a joke. Steve it. Southwesters back to doing jokes, by the way, I've complained on this podcast before that Southwest got super bitchy the past few years. and they're like all fat and miserable and have dry hair. But the last time I was on Southwest coming home from Texas, they were like hilarious

again. And there was a little guy like cat suji being really mean to everybody and he yelled at me. And I was like, we're back. We're back. Yeah, but they still haven't brought back their backward seats. I miss those backward seats. You know, it was so the backward seats, you always want to sit in them. And then the truth was that they were the worst because when you took off, you would start going forward out of your out of your seat. Yeah. You're like, why did I choose these wretched seats?

Yeah, I can see why they got rid of them, but I would appreciate seats that, look, I'm a big guy, but I'm not domed deliwis for Christ's sake. Like I should be able to sit in a seat without my muffin top spilling over to the next girl, you know? I mean, come on, tell that to Kevin. What's his face? Smith? Yeah. Oh, no, he's super fat. Now that fucker needs to buy. I don't know. I think I think he lost weight, but I could be wrong. What a, what a trader. I just remember how revolutionary it was when Southwest came on the scene and they were all wearing polo shirts.

It's like, whoa, it's so casual in here and they're serving with trays. Where is the cart, man? Hey, guys, we're on our way to Las Vegas. Otherwise known as lost wages. And there's like one mom in the back like, ah, ah, ah, ah on Southwest where it goes from Isleip to Oakland. And we do very little about Southwest policies. And we stopped at like five different cities along the way because they just because it says direct is not me, it's nonstop. I mean, we just took a tour of the entire country. It was just like every five seconds we were landing again. Yes, the bus in the sky, that one.

Yes. It is. And then you get off and then they it's like someone's got a bicycle It's like a bus a Ken van der Pum show that smells like poor people soap in there. Yeah, okay So very comfortable rules guys they arrive they arrive. They're at the rental car place and as a special treat Tom's hand of all Got a RV for everyone. So it was all the typical, you know, Bravo TV, we're in an RV stuff, which is kind of becoming,

quietly it's become one of those tropes along with vagina waxing. It's like, oh gosh, it's so thin in here. Oh my gosh, we're gonna go put my stuff there's a bed. Oh my gosh, okay, gotta drive this thing. Oh no, I scraped something. You know, this has been going on since Lori wearing. Okay. Geederson.

I like that they're always destroying property too. Yeah. Not like bothering to fix it. Yeah. They're telling anybody they didn't even get out to leave it out. They just broke the roof and left. So Ariana has been texting Lala to come. And Lala is just not answering. And it's the big mystery. Where's Lala? Where's Lala? Lala? This is the biggest thing that happens in Laura Palmer. Totally. Her dad did it. Spoiler alert. He wasn't I'm sorry. Guys, he was dreaming with dwarves. He didn't know. I was about to say,

Ariana's gonna have some dreams of dwarves. It'll be like a dwarfly Savannah, pop dancing on a checkerboard floor. It's max. Diana's gonna show up with a log. And so Laura Palmer is going to come back to life and be like, so could take Diana, eat a dick. Natalie's gonna be walking around with an eye patch. Join the wrestling team. So Ariana gets a text from Lawler and it's like, listen girl, sorry it can't be there

at the last minute, but I hope you have the best birthday ever. You're my girl, how'd she end it? She's like, yeah, you're my boo or something. And then like, thanks for being the only person to ever care, like, believe in me, buy, gotta go back into the basement or so I can get chained up. Yeah. Lot of Vanderpump rules, the only place that believing in things doesn't help. Yes.

Thanks for believing in me, gotta go below the fat guy and make my Range Rover payment. Where? Where? It's like the sad truth of Peter Pan. I don't even get that, but I appreciate it. Because you have to believe in yourself, Ben. Or when Tinker Bell is dying, and they're like,

Tinker Bell is dying, everybody clap. And then the kids clap, of course I didn't. I was like, I bet. But every kid was clapping. And then they're like, you're applause brought her back to life. But in real life, it's like, Oh, God, you guys clapped a lot, but she's still giving lap dances to a fat guy in the base. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Timmer Bell is blowing

captain hook to get a Range Rover. And proud of it. As a crocodile watches. And what's his face? Sneer or whatever? Sneer is just starting rumors up in Sonoma. It's his face, Sney or whatever. Sney is just starting rumors up in Sonoma. It's his name, Sney. I love it. I liked it. I'm with you. Rufio? I don't know. Oh, don't say Rufi around Lala. Lord knows, she's probably built up a resistance by now. I need my Wendy. I need my mama. So anyway, she gets his tax in Ariana's like, whoa, my cat just told me that

Ariana called me boo or whatever. And then Jackson's like, I'm getting it. Like I didn't think while I would have you noticed that Jackson's talking fatter and fatter. That's why I'm asking that. I noticed specifically during that moment too, he just the more he gets plastic surgery done to fix his sinuses, quote unquote, the worst sinuses become. I know he needs a live O and illus cheeks because he's getting so facially fat that he's just lost his long legs. And I know, like I get a fatter voice too, you know. So I get it, Jacks. And I would feel for you about your gross. He's one taco away from being burlives So jacks is like I'm getting it. I don't think Lala will ever pooch me anything

But now I learned you can play gone your friends and you just say, sorry, Boo on the text and all this forgiven. Yeah, Jackson, you know what? This is a lot of missing a trip is not the same thing is fucking your best friend's girlfriend on his couch. Wally sleep. Okay. Yeah. And also he did forgive you. You're on you're on this trip. Like who holds Jackson to account for anything? Yeah. Exactly. I'm like, you know that Jack is probably played on so so many things throughout his life. So he needs to sit down. Yeah, he needs to shut up. Even the sunglasses hut forgave him eventually. Yeah, exactly. Even Brittany forgives him. And that's pretty impressive because Jack

commits a lot of crimes against humanity regarding his farting apparently, because Brittany, when they got into RV,'s like my only concern is that Jackson Tom and Tom they far so much Really it drives me nuts. They do Like this girl's probably like this girl is probably from London, you know She's like just some girl who wants to be famous. She's putting it on I mean I get that you're from the South girl, but they do I have to drink half a bucket of moonshine just to get the smell away from my sancies She's got a little banjo um

Meanwhile over in New York City um Unless I missed anything am I okay to go to New York City? Am I allowed to go across the continent? Brick me. I'm no stranger to RVs. Okay, that's all I have to say. She wants to have more from life than having sex with recreational vehicles. She's like, I knew in RV what she used to give me shots on a broken Malay. That's an R&U idiot. Have you noticed that basically Britney is bet midler from big business, like country bet midler, country sady?

I mean, I have expected to see her doing, you lay you in front of a cow. With rhythmic squirts of the cow teet into a bucket. And guys covered like in filth running up to her, asking her to dance. She's like, I don't wanna go on a dance with a man covered in pig fields. Look, Jackson was still there sun glasses. So he wouldn't be hurt by the RV rays.

Those are UV rays written me. Thank you for cancer. Thank you. I'm gonna go put on my pumps and walk around. Faith, I have a new now. So speaking of which, in New York City, the basic bitches arrive, aka Stasi and Kristen and Katie and Shina. Basic bitches.

This is how basic bitches enter everywhere. Like I need a bear like immediately. Like I need the IVF bear. You are so, you are so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so do you are so, you were so, so, so based, so basic. Yes, Dossie's and then of course, Dossie is starting to go on her power trip, which I both hate and love at the same time. She's like, I have not had a birthday trip in Troll Yars.

Yeah, guess what? Because you quit the show and your cheap broke ass ain't going to pay for a birthday trip. The only reason she came back on this show was to have a birthday trip. And you know it. Yeah, exactly. And then she got stuck on this show was to have a birthday trip and you know it Yeah, exactly and then she got stuck with this one. Yeah, she doesn't have the full cast She's like we were invited by the horse face twins. Okay, now this show is very famous for his horse faces Kristen and Katie the models the horse face models. Yeah, and these twins. I mean you know they're gonna be good Yeah, and yet they don't even show up this entire episode, which has really bothered me. We were like, okay, great. The twins. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no of birthdays past or whatever. And it's like the worst version of Christmas Carol you've ever seen.

It's like that motherfucker never learns anything. It's always like act one, you know? Yeah, it's like not even the rattling of chains seems to bother Stasi. She's like, I'll just repeat what I did. I like how that's changed. Make you look fat. Stasi changes to like, and right now I love a blue

and white chain. It makes me match Montauk. Past, present and future are all the same. It's just the shoulder pads that get bigger. Oh my goodness. Yeah, Charles Dickens is rolling around in his grave. My lessons have been falling on deaf ears. Yeah, Stasi so psyched to be in Montauk.

She's like, this is like the perfect place for me. Like get away. Aren't there like bougie types here? My God, I'm doing this real money here. Okay, you're going on a free birthday trip that you flew on Southwest to get to. Yeah. landed in Ron Concomer. Some shit had to take the train.

It's isolated. I think I thought I already established it. It's isolated. You have to take the train and Ron Concoma to get to the city. I used to do it. My dad was like, what? I gave you a plane ticket. I was like, you gave me some goddamn Southwest coupon that I had to fly from Texas to Milwaukee to like get the train. The train to run Concomon and take the little shuttle to the ice of the airport. That was bloody hell. That was like, that was like, that was like biblical traveling, taking camels to trains to buses to whatever. Anyway, I'm, it's, it's like, there's a

Garmin still furious. I know. So, so Stasi and Katie are, you know, getting acquainted in their room and Stasi is saying how she just, she hopes it's not one of those trips where she is like, well, I don't wanna do certain things. Like, well, good luck, because that's what she does. Nothing. I just don't wanna do it. That's like Sina, just blank, just add it in.

I just don't wanna do it. Because she just is a madlib. I like Sina's reaction. They get to this hotel and Sina's like, wow, it's so madical! reaction they get to this hotel and she's like Good call Cena oh my god wait, I have to interrupt or our regular broadcasts whatever we're doing My friend just want a choreography award yay, that's awesome from Yeah, um from Broadway World Austin is 2016 Broadway World Austin Awards

For a girl they change the name of those awards Whatever they're called wow Congratulations. Yeah, congratulations. Dominook. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. I just got the text. I got excited I had to share do you remember the scene? Emergency broadcast system sounds Oh, yeah, I was talking about this on the hangout Every week hangout I think we were talking about it on the hangout last week But yes last week when I was in Phoenix dropping around for some reason I felt compelled to do a sheen of voice by myself

All right, oh, you know what it was because I kept driving over this boulevard and Phoenix called Shay, or some Scottsdale, Shay boulevard, every time I drove over it, I would go, Shay. And then when I did it, I was like, wow, Sheena sort of sounds like the emergency broadcast, alert system. Merch-chay, Shay, Shay.

She says Shay three times, you should know there's a flesh flood. Warning, flesh. One. Well, thankfully we know she is going to have a good trip because she brought her matted stained unicorn puppet things like unicorn stuff down all saying, hold on, I want to come see outside. Let me put my unicorn on my pillow.

I'm seeing that. I mean, I've said this a lot. I've said this a lot today because we were talking about Bachelor earlier, but what did your father do to you? It's actually been the name of your podcast. What did your father do to you? A bachelor podcast. They're like, we have baby vies.

We're like unicorn we have baby rice, red, black unicorns, and all fans. So, Katie and Stasi are sharing a room. The head bitches in charge of nothing are sharing a room. And Stasi's like, so how do you feel about Shana? And Katie's like, look, this is about you. And so, like, this whole weekend, everything's you. and I'm not like harboring anything or bottling anything I'll pick up ranch, but that was done for me. I'm gonna try the local flavors Technically, it's in a packet so it's not really bottled up

Stossy goes yeah, well, that's hope it's not one of those trips where she's being selfish and making everything about her God forbid says that's saucy. Yes. How did you act like, how dare you act like this on my birthday? Oh, so meanwhile, across the country, Tom Tandeval, he's driving the RV and he's He's really in a snit about Lala. He's like a lot of planning went into this a lot and He's just like he's just like about to have like a conemption fit over this I had the sign in for an account at gold start tickets like it was a lot I don't know why I wrote that down It's just funny that they're getting themselves so worked up over Lala, who nobody cares about.

And Ariane is like, yeah, and we had to get those tickets in the name of the person coming. So it's not like we can take somebody else. And I just love the thought that NASCAR is so exclusive. It's like, yeah, it's NASCAR. It's in the White House. It's NASCAR. It's NASCAR. Just pretend you're a Shina. Just we turned into her fingerprints. Just put on a wig from Target, okay, and lose about 130 pounds and just saying, Oh, Shina.

And so everybody basically is like, okay, we can hate Lala openly now because every on is like, I mean, I know she doesn't know it, but she's just basically giving everyone an excuse to hit on her and I'm over it. Yeah. So then, so then Brittany and Sheena decided to FaceTime. And I just for some reason I was like, I'm really cracked up because when they finally connected, Sheena was like, are you guys gonna bow? Oh, you're in a matter home.

I don't know why. I mean, I guess I can understand, you know, she thought they were in the inside of a yacht or something, but like, it's just this. I just love that she knows can give you some motor home for a boat, Especially when she's sitting in a hotel room that looks like a boat. Fuck the media. She's like, we're saying on a boat. You guys, why are you guys selling your boat on a highway? That doesn't make sense.

Brittany's like, I can see you on the telephone. She's like, hi. Happy sailing. Jo, too. Hi! Happy sailing! Do-do! Be careful of wheels! So they basically are just, they're basically, she's like, I love you! They're like, we love you! What did she say that they were laughing at the whole about something like she's like, it's like redneck paradise. They're like, and she, she and us like, I'm really fucked up that, that, that,

la la, like didn't even go on that track because like, she's the reason I didn't go to go. Not that I would have gone because like, I mean, I'm on a boat I'm in a hotel, and then just the little things on this show Kristen's talking to whoever and she's like, yeah, like anything that happens whatever happens in Montauk won't even stay in Montauk because of Snapchat and then there's also a camera crew. And that wasn't a commercial anyway. No one has ever said what happens in Montauk,

space and Montauk. Yeah. These stupid girls, they probably think they're on Blow Deck right now. Sorry. They probably don't even know. I'm not sure which hip captain. It's like just because your hotel is not a cool

theme. Does not mean you're actiony. I've hold on this. Do I have a paper into a swan. So let's see here. Now we go back to West Hollywood where we have some some Lisa Vanderpump and she walks into Sir and asks the person. I got a darling. I got the people in the garden, the friend open the brand up with the people in the garden from the friend and then Ariana calls her to ask about Loller and it turns out that Loller isn't at work and so now

Ariana's mad and LVP is I thought she was with you as what was she said she begs for the night of darling So now it's like a Lisa Vanderpump mystery She's like putting on her big white detectives jacket and just questioning people in front of refrigerators for the rest of the episode. Yes. Oh, hey, have you seen Lala? It's like, no, I'm actually not even a waiter here. I'm a patron. Has anyone had the chance to not be mean to Lala today? And she tells us... Did someone... Someone find Krampus, did he steal La La?

She's like, I'd like to trust La La, but she started our relationship off with a lie about modeling when it turns out she was getting shut upon on a boat, Saudi Arabia. That's why I call her La La. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life, That's why I corner Liler. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting.

Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownal are, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking, oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently?

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Yeah. So Ariana has decided that she's furious now for whatever reason, which, you know, I mean, I'm, look, she's doing something, so that's good. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And meanwhile, speaking of not doing things over in Montauk, the girl that's sitting on the beach, Kristen is confused by the peel of the place. She's like, look, like people in Montauk, they're like, they come from New York because New York, you're like, go, go,

go. Like, finally, it's basement is three stories. It's a lot of stairs. And they come here to decompress, but like, I don't do anything ever. So I don't get the appeals. Just like, you're just laying around in a different place now. So like. Yeah, they were just sitting in four little chairs by a mediocre beach. I wasn't even a beach. It was like a strip of sand in front of the hotel. It was so sad. I'm surprised there weren't like diet coke cans floating by it. Just looks like where they dump shit out, you know, yeah, it definitely was, you know, we've seen the Hamptons and Montalk and scenic outlooks. And this was not one of them. But nevertheless, the party must go on.

So they're all getting together some drinks and Stasi or Kristen, someone I'll offer you know, drink like, do you want to do you want this? He's like, no, I can't. The ice too sensitive for my tea and Stasi's like my straw. So I can't have the, yeah, I can't guys too sensitive for my tea and Stasi's like my straw so I can't have the I can have the drink with the ice in anymore So I love that Stasi's taking straw. She's like you are not using a straw my birthday week I was so mad that this did not turn into a huge fight because if they had a huge fight over a straw and ice That would have been amazing, but it's so coming. It's like the little thing Yeah, you know, it's Stasi to storm my straw, so I would complain because she knows

I've had my teeth stripped eight times this year. No, it's like, Stasi knows what she's doing. She's such a bitch. And I love that Stasi gets caught in these moments where she's a total asshole, but she's acting like she's really cool and she's got her hand behind her head.

And I'm like, bitch, you couldn't even spray tan your armpits. I noticed like this huge strip of white. It's like you are hopeless. Yeah, I didn't notice that. I was like, eee, this big white circle's down there. It was not a good look. And Katie, they're talking about how,

because of course sheenah here is something and immediately repeats it. And she's like, la la didn't got me, baby. And Stasi's like, well, it's better for Brittany, the hassle she would have caused. And Katie goes, yeah, like, okay.

This is a girl who doesn't work underwear to work. Okay. Okay. Okay. Katie is so awful. I mean, listen, Katie, you're a girl who spent $18 on tea towels for your wedding. Yeah, 18 days.

I think that's way worse. Yeah, that is way worse. You're also a girl who spent $18 on tea towels for your wedding. Yeah, 18. I think that's way, I think that's a way worse. Yeah, that is way worse. You're also the girl who stands behind salt and pepper trays to look thinner. Okay, stupid. You're also the girl who binges on ice, burglets and ranch. And people, by the way, keep tweeting at us because apparently there is a story that's tossy told of Katie actually chugging a glass of ranch dressings. For some eating contest, by the way, I mean, that's what they're saying.

Like she entered some eating contest, which is hilarious. And the contest organized by herself, entered only by herself and seen only by herself. You know, it's crazy. I won. I won again. It's like five days in a row of one the chugging ranch competition in the kitchen. She's ranked contestor baiting.

That's just herself. What another contestor baiting. Hidden Valley Rancher baiting. So Tom, back in the RV, Tom is like, all right, guys. We're almost at the wide place So if you're visualizing your outfits that's the time to get them together Like dude without visualizing our outfits, okay, we're wearing this and he's like well, I mean if you do that kind of thing He literally said that with the gravity as of Like the space mission going to save the world in Armageddon.

It's like, all right guys, we have one chance to blow up this asteroid. This was out there. So they go to this seller place and they're making fun of Jack's because he's wearing like the sports brought thing to hold in his new boobs. Yeah, and he's smelly. Yeah, and Tom's like, oh, God, Jack smells like he wore the same jock strap for a year and man, every day, he never washed it, which is just so gross. Yeah, it sounds pretty accurate. Yeah, he looks, he looks at smelly. He has

that grease on his face that's like not showered grease, you know, it's not moisturized or grease because that looks clear. This is like kind of a dirty grease that he's gone through for his face. I'm actually concerned about Brittany's standards. I feel like as someone who lives with Jackson, she should be helping him get clean. At least like give him like a like a one of those sponge baths. Give him a sponge bath while he's sleeping. You won't know. Yeah, I mean, you're basically a feeder at this point, you know? Yeah. I mean, that's the thing. Brittany's like got one of those sponge bathes, you could give them a sponge bath while you're sleeping. You won't know. Yeah, I mean, you're basically a feeder at this point, you know? Yeah. I mean, that's the thing. Brittany's like got one of those sick things that you see about or see on TV.

He's like, I'm a feeder. So I just lay him there and shift sandwiches down his throat until he can't move. Then he'll need me forever. Get me a house. Yeah, she really is a feeder. I mean, at least based on visual evidence. Yeah, she's a literal feeder and they're like jacks She it's not her job. He's like yeah, it is after everything I do for her Blushy you make me now which it's actually like she's not even probably a

Like a natural feeder. He just wants her to be a feeder He keeps holding her for not feeding him enough. Yeah, she's a forced feeder. She's forced to the life of the feeder. So anyway, they start blah, blah, blah, tasting and the wine guys semi-classy. And Tom's like, whoa, this has a really nice semen finish. And Brittany's like, how do you know what that tastes like? It's like a cake at the point.

Bad joke. He was like, yeah, that joke didn't land. I know the feeling. When we get to see Brittany talking about wine, she's like, I ain't a wine drinker. I mean, whiskey or bourbon sauce? I'm your girl. And they're like, okay, well, name some wines.

Okay, this is a girl who's a waitress. At a place that specializes in wines, at least, allegedly. And she's like, Cabernet, Merlet, Mollback, Maybach, Claire Sangre, what did she say, Claire Co? Instead of, instead of the Claire Co, she said, Claire Co.

What's that chanty? Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch Chan Chan Chan Do well sangria. I know it sangria is Sangria. Yeah, that's what we do to walk down the tables right? No, that's Windex. Oh, but they're both blue. No, no Sangria is not blue Okay, what about that peanut? I like that peanut wine. That's Pino I feel bad serving people peanut because there could be one person allergic to it and they die. They even smell it. I like the one that's about saving young people, you know, save young something other than a sub and young lung. Oh, I thought it was a say young people. I thought I was a say young people.

Is that that wine that said young Glover likes? So say say young Glover. He's a basketball player, right? No, Brittany. Oh, he was in lethal weapon. I get it. Hey, how about y'all just make up something and I'll have the kitchen make it for you. What are the specials of the night? Hey, everyone's

special. Didn't you know that? That's why there's a wine called champion. No, it's champagne. Oh, so they do this contest where whoever draws the lowest card has to drink the spit bucket They have to drink a shot out of the spit bucket, which is totally disgusting disgusting Of course, it's Ariana Who has to do it the girls has had to eat an ass steak like two weeks ago Now she's having to drink out the spit bucket and I couldn't help but think that Lala would have taken out like a champ Yeah, yeah, cuz she's she's been around a lot of spits. She's cracked.

See, the here's the thing with her, Ariana. I think, Ariana, you have to know that you were within your rights to say, you know what? No, I don't want to do this. This is a disgusting idea and I don't think any of us should do it. And you would not have lost your cool crit. Because I know that she's very much being like, yeah, I'm just like one of the guys. I'm just like a guy. I'm just like a with boobs okay it's like I know you like to do that thing Ariana but you it's okay you could have drawn a line here and you would not have lost any

your cool girl cred but she did it yeah yeah I would done it I wouldn't have done it fuck that that's disgusting I won't even make out with people anymore in bars because like in LA, you see all these billboards are like, there's a new strain of criminal, you know, like, herpy bug things that are cruel and then they make that they illustrate them with little cartoons. And they're like adorable.

I'm like, whoa, that syphilis is like legit adorable. Where can I adopt one? Yeah, and then there's always like a picture of Blair underwood next to me like get tested fucking poor Blair underwood. Oh my god. Do you remember when we went to Fubar and like this like three years ago went to Fubar and I feel like I made out with someone Just very briefly and then I spent the next three days in bed. I was so sick afterwards. Yeah, you can't do that. It's a dangerous town. I mean, Blair Wood is trying to tell you with his very understanding eyes every

time you walk out of a bar. It's like the Blair Underwood AIDS bus ain't going to take you nowhere. But it's so sexy. Yeah, it'll still save you like, yeah, it is sexy. Yeah, stop trying to give me a boner while you're trying to tell me not to get AIDS at the same time. Conflicting messages. Well, you know who we used to work with. Mr. Henry Hamlin.

So next, Stasi and the girl. Back in Montauk. Back in Montauk. Still seeing the same chairs. There's still on the strip of sand in front of the hotel, like a bunch of The people who work in the hotel are probably like what are those girls doing on the yard? So they know they're just used to sitting in back alleys of serr. They just find the back alle of the hotel like this is our version We want to have a really serious conversation. Where's the dumpster? A bird tries to do what we all want to do which is shit on the girls, but unfortunately

It misses. They're like it was good. They're, that would have been good luck if it shit on you. Stossie's like, yeah, my life sucks. So, they're talking about, what are they talking about? They're talking about relationships or something. Oh, about how Lala, Stossie's like, maybe Lala didn't go because she found out was an RV. I wouldn't go. And Christmas is, yeah, because like close quarters, like close quarters, that's when people fight.

Like even me, I'm in a perfect relationship. And like, we'll argue if we're in the same bathroom or something. What the shut up, Kristen? Yeah. That's that's just, I mean, I get it. People can, if you sometimes people need to space, but don't try to equate it to you being the same bathroom as Carter. And as evidence of close quarters making people fight.

Yeah, especially when you're paying all his bills. Yeah, just 60%. Yeah. Okay. It was basically an excuse for Kristen to just mention that she was in a relationship with Carter. And then that of course leads to a segue to all the girls bragging about the relationships that they're in. And then Stasi, talking about engagement rings

or whatever, and then Stasi rags on Kristen, but like, where's your fake engagement ring? And Kristen's like, you don't even have a boyfriend so shut the fuck up birthday girl. She's like, that was man. It was like really man. And she starts crying. She does. That's great. And then they spent they just keep making fun of her. And Katie's like, hey, don't worry. There's another

bird. Maybe it'll shit on you. And it doesn't. Stasi's like, why would you shit on me? What is wrong with me? You know, you reached a low when you're begging a bird to shoot on you. And here they are making fun of Loller. At least Loller gets shot on by a human. Yeah exactly for a Range Rover. And then Sina is like, yeah well, Stasi was like so popped up, I'm a boyfriend. And then they show Clips to Stasi taking them through her apartment. She's's like, yeah, well, this is where Patrick wants to have a nursery. I'm like, whatever. And then they cut back and she's like, yeah, but I'm not going to laugh about him leaving her

and like her being all alone because I don't hold a grudge. And if I did hold a grudge, now it'll be a good time to go. When she, they're not sensitive for that. And then she does this, she does that thing where she kind of like rolls her head and just looks at us with her crazy Tim Burton smile or whatever. And I'm like, oh, your husband is so sad watching this knowing the shape, like got sober and started seeing clearly and was like, what are you? It's like, I married someone from Coraline.

Did I even say that correctly? Is it Coraline? I don't know. Yeah, it's Coraline. Yeah, Coraline. It's like, no, I don't want one of these printing canvases of just the back of my head and you staring at me. It's creepy.

I like that she knows sometimes Virgis on Yiddith bunker. She's close. I'm not wearing any ring ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring. I'm not wearing any ring do too much eat it the bunker. I could do need it the bunker But I just can't remember that the lyrics the song It would just be a terrible remix because she would just do her dancing and she would be at the piano just want to kill himself

We have to sing a song again. Rob Reiner comes in. So basically everybody gets drunk and in the RV and Tom's like, hey, Ariana, she'll be your butt twizzle. Okay. And so she starts like shaking her ass while she's bending out the window and she can move when she can ask she could have time and stuff. And Britney's out hanging out the other window and she's like, Hey, Ariana, pass me that to Kayla. She passes it and they're drinking to the window. And Britney's like, hi, Ariana, pass me that to Kayla. She passes it and they're drinking through the window. And Brittany's like, this is everything I ever wanted. Like thank God, I stole that iPhone from Kmart

and found Instagram because this is a little girl's dream right now. Hanging out in RV, getting shots passed to me by some girl from TV. It's like the exact inverse of Countess LeWen song, Sheik Selavie. She's like, Ladies and gentlemen, we have arrived. She's like, hi everybody. Six. Cella V. All right. That's a lot. That goes. No. Okay, so so meanwhile, now we have like a breakfulness madness to go back over to Melrose Avenue where DJ James Kennedy is meeting with his friend Arthur. And I feel like Arthur is like the Asian answer to Joseph Gordon.

Love it. That's what a good call. Yeah. and Arthur, and I feel like Arthur is like the Asian answer to Joseph Gordon Levin. Yeah, it's what a good call. Yeah, and so they meet up and I love James, like, how old are you, braw? Hey, braw. Hello, braw. Hello, braw. Do you know that braw that Jackson's wearing

on his massive mantids? So was this guy the manager of the ice cream place? No, no, they were just meaning they were for fun. He used to be the manager at Pom, but now he is the manager at Redbury. But I like that James is looking at the ice cream flavors because his new thing is that instead of drinking, he's having ice cream instead, which is actually a plan I can get behind. But James is there looking, I don't know what, you just cracked me up looking at the edge, you're just like, oh honey lavender, you're a bad girl aren't you having any lavender? Oh chocolate, nasty chocolate, take a good

look at this when you're young and hot, you eat a lot of chocolate, don't you chocolate? Tin rooves Sunday, you want me to swallow you while you don't you tall in Rocky road here, Rocky road girl. You're stupid slut thin mint. You're 10, my throat girl. Oh, almond pray lean. Yes, lot. You're a bad girl. I'm on the clean. I'll get a ski review on time.

I'll lick you all over. So this guy is his mentor, whatever that means. I guess he's good at like pressing play on iTunes or whatever. And so James is like, I've come to him for advice. And he's like, so what did you do James? He's like, well, you know, typical James things. Like once I just talked Katie, she looked pregnant because she was fat, you know, no big deal.

You know, talked about Jack's possibly breastfeeding the bus boy, you know, no big deal, no big deal. And he's about jacks possibly breastfeeding the bus boy. Yeah, no big deal. No big deal And he's like the guy's like, hmm, is it because you were drinking? He's like, yes, because my mommy and my daddy I'm out of each other and I need some alcohol right now. And I like that this guy is just like fucking be a man Yeah, he's like he's like am I a 23 years of age? I can tell you, these should just stop drinking. Yeah. And this basically just turned into James Begging

for another job because this guy has a bar that he can DJ at. Yeah. Which by the way, I think actually being a DJ at Redberry is a little bit more prominent being a DJ at pump. So it actually would be a step up. Yeah. It would be a step up. Yeah, it would be a step up, but, you know,

I think once you've, once you've DJed in front of a pizza oven, serve the DJ James Kennedy behind the decks. That's how you're dressed for. You know, Red Bear, I got plenty of pussy and stuff, but my ass was never tasty. You know, it just wasn't the same thing. I really just wanted DJ at Redberry because my favorite ice cream.

I just wanted to go to the toilet again and smell smoked pepperoni. Never feeling, bra. So over it. I have a gig at Domino's. Oh my god, he wishes. He better not mess with at Domino's oh my god. He wishes he better not mess with my domino's he can ruin every other restaurant in town But Domino's is my bitch So back in the art of like annoyed back in RV town

Ariana's shit faced doing her ass dance all over and the girls are hanging out in the RV and the guys are outside and Inside the girls are talking out in the RV and the guys are outside and inside the girls are talking about fucking and Ariane is like Yeah, but like people think that girls want to talk about Bridget Jones's diary and you know franzia and stuff and Britney's like What? What's that? It's like that we're talking about bone town like fucking which is I'm just like one of the guys. Brittany is like, Franzea, I've always wanted to go see Paris. I hope I'm not allergic to it.

So Brittany is talking about how Jack's likes, Jack's if he had his way, would have her run around the block and then suck her toes, which is gross. Yes. And then they show him doing that, which is gross. And Ariana's like, yeah, don't fuck my boyfriend. So and then outside, Tom's like, let's talk about Oh, no, Jack's was like, I'm drugs. If anybody wants to talk about their feelings, no, time,

no, the time. And so Jack's of course was talking about his feelings. He's like, I'm just sabotaging my own relationship. And Tom's like, I wanna get fucked, man. I'm like, dude. I've been jerking off lately. It's all I have.

It's like, he's acting as if... It's like, he is the father of four, he's a whole family and he's running out of money and he doesn't know what the future holds for his family. Well, they have to move. But instead, it's just about, yes, a jerk off. Yeah. Yeah, you're like forcing me to jerk off.

It's like, I'm not doing it as a choice. It's like, what else am I going to do? Tom, you may want to stop asking your girlfriend, why she ain't fucking you and ask your hair cut because I have a feeling you'll get more answers. If you look at your like clip on lesbian, what's that girl's name play a do-fall? Highlights? Tom, stop wearing French braids. Yeah. Okay. So meanwhile, over in Montac, the girls are headed to the local bar. And by the way, we still have not seen the twins. And so they go and Stasi declares that they're

going to do green tea shots. And she's like, oh, I don't know. I'll be hung over. And Stasi just gets so mad at her. Like, yeah, she's like, there's a cool way to decline a shot. And the one way to not do it is to remind me that I'll be hung over like who does that? I'm the week of my back that How could you be like not doing the cool way to decline a shot like that crazy? That's what she knows like I'm going back on Christine goes yeah, well, they're all bad memories for me, but I just keep going Yeah, well, they're all bad memories for me, but I just keep going

It's good like mantra and Katie's like I'll drink this like pass out So they all do these shots and see they go they may share a brand, but they don't show my workout right? I'm on I was like I'm surprised she knows the word regimen and by the way That's a second time so someone said it regimen that I was surprised at. It was used on marriage medicine also. I was like, look at that toy, I said it. And so did Gina. Look at this. And she also said, she also said,

notacle today. Like something's happening with Gina. I'm not sure whether. Ha ha ha ha. It's concerning. She's possessed. So they get flirted with by all these like creepy guys in Montac. The first one's like, hey

It's like hey reach X from secrets and wives. Yeah, it's a birthday. You want my thumb up to S She's like no, he's like yeah, I'm 44. We're gonna do a shot later right? She's like gray pubes. I can't Okay, yeah, I can't I sure I know there's good bouncy cast, I can really get that thumb right up in there. And then there was a guy and like a terrible straw hat. I mean, it was embarrassing. He's like 40 and he was wearing a sticker. Yeah, and he was wearing a sticker that says love.

And he was wearing those sunglasses on his chest that are like plastic and neon. Oh, it's just so, the struggle to be young among the old men in Montac. It was wonderful. He looked much better than the, at least the other guys that were coming up to the girls. But it was sort of great that they were just in this shitty bar having a shitty time trying to tell themselves

that the green tea shots were so delicious and we're making the entire trip. No. You know the trip is dull when the highlight is walking away with fresh citrus. Yeah, one of the guys was like, welcome to Montauk. I hope you get out alive. What the fuck, dude? I know. That was so weird. So Katie's like, yeah, like Katie's just drunk. So she's doing a embarrassing thing and the guys are all walking off. And stuff. She's like, um, Katie's not a good wing woman. I mean, unless you're talking about actual wings, which she orders all the time, like she's really good at that. Otherwise,

no. So they get up to leave the thing with, oh, no, sorry. The, the, she's like, the thing with Katie is that when she orders wings, she does this weird thing where she orders the wings with a side of ranch and then she says hold the wings. I don't get it. What guy's going to want to stay in our table on the week of my birthday? So they all walk away and you can tell Katie is drunk

because she sees that there's a great fruit on the table for whatever reason and she picks it up to steal it. And then she has a moment where she just straight at the camera like, uh. I just like that she reaches for the biggest such as possible. I mean, she's like, damn, I wish there was a pamello here. I can't wait till next week when we get a Katie Benjing on a great fruit scene. I'd like just one of those people from the walking dead going to town on a brain, you know We didn't ranch rip rip rip rip rip rip rip rip So that's a cool way to see like rip fruit and that's not how you do it

See it's not a nevermind. Okay, so Mac. Why try why so Max, it's like, why try? Why? So Max and James. So James goes over to the restaurant and leases, of course, waiting to shoot in front of a refrigerator. Yes. Which is my favorite set piece of this entire show. So the darling I'm wearing, white and leaning up against the fridge. Let's make this quick.

James comes in and she's like, Max, if you're going out with James, don't let him influence you, don't do anything to my son, James. Yeah, I want Lisa, not drink, God. We're gonna just get some ice cream. And the ice cream, I mean alcohol. So Lisa's like, listen, I have to talk to you,

but this is not about you coming to work here, or being hired by me, or being in here in any way. He's like, all right, well, how's the pizza oven, Lisa? Don't ask me about the pizza oven. Darling. So she's like, have you heard from this Lala? She all right. He's like, well, I think that she's in trouble. I think she's in trouble because no one's met her boyfriend. But when I'm at her home, she closes the blinds in case she's there spying on us. And one time I went like this on the table and she got up to see if he was at the door. I'm like, maybe it's because you were making knocking sounds on her door on the tape. And maybe she closed the blinds because she's just embarrassed that she's invited you over.

Like, I can't let people know I actually hang out with this guy when we're not shooting. Yeah, I don't think that she's the first person to like close the blinds when James comes over. Yeah. Like does sound like Loller is in a not a great situation. And if the reason why she leaves the show, because she's, you know, next week it like she's quitting, and she's been vocal on social media saying that she's moving on because too much negativity, if it's because the boyfriend then fuck him. Well, I mean, she's already doing that, but like, more than the figurative sense.

Especially if it's the one that they keep sowing on the internet, because Stasi apparently said on her podcast who it was, Randall Emmett, I think, is his name. And he is this fat, wonky, eyed fuck. He's cross-eyed. And in all of his pictures on Google Images, he's on the red carpet. I think he's a producer or something.

He's on all these red carpets holding his gorgeous wife's pregnant belly. I mean, what a pig. What a pig. I feel like Loller should be with just like a hot football player as she was rumored to be, but she should be like with a Cam Newton or, you know, like the way that Kim Kardashian was with Reggie Bush 10 years ago, that's what Loller should have. She should have a big flashy boyfriend. That's what I, that's what I want for her. Yeah. I mean, you're gorgeous and young. So fuck up. You know what I mean? Don't fuck that.

The football players have the money. Go and get them into prime. You know, now we have the LA Rams. You have an entire team to choose from. Exactly. Go get you a football player. They go brain dead eventually. And you have to put up with their shit.

Go talk to like a Kenny Brit, someone like that, a Todd Gurley. They're here. Go. I like that name Todd Gurley. That's cute. He's probably been fighting it his whole life. Yeah. Gurley, man, he is very tall. I went to Ram's training camp earlier this year and he is like just like a mountain, just a walking mountain. Lala deserves

to be with a walking mountain. Yeah, you go, girl. Yeah. Biggest salad you've ever tossed. I mean, is there anything more appropriate for Lalla to be with someone who's on a team called the Rams? Come on. Darling, so over back on vacation time, Tom and Katie, Tom and Katie call, they were talking in the phone to chat and they have just honestly a very stupid conversation. But the funny thing that came out of it was Tom, Tom's talking about Loller and he says to Stasi like sort of over the speaker, he's like, he's like, yeah, I think that Loller got, Loller got abducted by Tallgraze. And Tallgraze are basically aliens,

it's a type of alien, or at least according to Stasi. And so they're joking that Lollala was abducted by this alien and Sassy was actually hilarious because she's like I bet Lala is up in a UFO blowing Married tall gray so she can get space ranger overs. I Also love that Tom is so not romantic. He's like, hey, Baba. Wow, look at this It's a conversation where you're not yelling at me or being passive aggressive. This is the kind of relationship I want, Baba. Thanks for calling. Katie's like, that's because I'm finally happy. And then the camera

pans left and there's a Costco size ranch bottle next to her. Who's seen a finally finds out where her straw went. She has to do like a double day or physical challenge to pull it out of the ranch bottle. It's like her entire arm has to go into it. Okay, how the ranch cuz my teeth are just hands in there. So Jack's back in the RV is farting a lot. As usual. Yeah. and Tom's like, well, I hope this trip makes up for that time I went to Vegas with the guys. She's like, okay, he's redeemed himself like I hope so a year later jeez

Then Jack starts again and then the girls at the end in Montac are like where are going swimming naked? Because that's what we do and And she's like, not me, my teeth hurt. Oh, great. Great. Kristen's like, didn't she get the memo? Uh, we can naked every birthday. Every saucy birthday and jump in the water like, go. What the?

There's a cool way to decline a skinny dip. And then there's shunas wise. Seriously, seriously. That's from my friend all the time. People tried to drown me in college. I'm not going in there. I just got my fins removed, okay? So they go in and the light house points at them and they're all mortified.

Like I mean, they're on TV and people at the lighthouse restaurant are all clapping for them. It's like, yeah, it's like the worst first place. Yeah. Yeah. It's like if the little mermaid washed up and then no prince ever found her. Now she's just there with nothing interesting to say. But he can't talk right, laying on a beach.

It's like, can someone help me walk? Nope. That brings us to the end of the Vanda Pumperoo. Well, what a fun episode. Well, thanks everyone for listening. As always, you can support the podcast on by going to Patreon. And that's where you get access to our bonus episode where this week we're talking about all the stuff we missed when we were off on Christmas break.

And we'll also talk about some of the things that we did on Christmas break. And I think we're also going to talk about Luann's wedding. Can you believe it? Just matter right now. Yeah, so go over to Patreon and we love you guys and we will talk to you tomorrow. Bye. Hey, prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.

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