Watch What Crappens - #366 PumpRules: Look Who's Montauk-ing

Episode Date: January 11, 2017

The dueling trips on "Vanderpump Rules" continue this week, and as a special bonus, Stassi et al got to meet the new cast of "Summer House." We cover every thing from the NASCAR races to the Steve Jobs turtlenecks. So, set up a charcuterie platter, grab yourself a turkey sandwich, and be sure to bust out your best black-tie clambake getup. It's Montauk madness! Subscribe at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Support us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders Cupi from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is Who crap is

Who crap is Who crap is Watch what crap is Watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much Who crap is Who crap is Kids what happens when they're so happy? Kids what happens when they're so happy? Kids what happens when they're so happy? To talk to other crapman's listeners about the shows as they air, come over to Facebook.com-watch-watch social media links. And for our bonus episodes and all of our extras, come over and be a premium member over at patreon.com slash watch what

crappens that's patreon.com slash watch what crappens. Hey everyone, welcome to watch what crappens, a podcast about all that crap on bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Madelker from bsideblog.com and the banter blender podcast And joining me, as usual, is the absolutely hilarious and wonderful and just supremely lovely Ronnie Karem from TreshtalkTV.com and also the Rose Fricks Bachelor podcast and also the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills audiobooks. Well, well, man, I love you. Thank you for all of those titles. You're welcome.

You're welcome. Everyone, welcome to the show. Today we are talking about Vanderpump rules. If you're new to watch our crap ends, we are a five day a week podcast. We're basically a radio show, but on your terms, where we talk about Bravo every single day. Mondays we talk about Atlanta and Top Chef.

Tuesdays are Vandipron brules. Wednesdays are Beverly Hills. Thursday ladies of London and starting this week on Fridays, we're starting talking about Summer House. Summer House. Summer House go this way. Summer House go that way. So, but, you know, which is appropriate to mention that

because today's episode of Viband Rules was all about The it was the it was the grand lift off for Summer House and what a lift off it got I thought this was one of the funniest episodes of the season and one of the funniest hours I've seen in quite some time Yeah, I My schedule was a little messed up because we did the roast pricks thing last night. So I had to watch the the bachelor with that's just two hours girl. And so I woke up this morning to watch to watch to Iris Abrabo and you know, because it's morning, I'm like, I'm like, I'm going to make the donuts.

It was amazing. I was dying laughing. I wrote so many damn notes. Me too. And I was like, is this a morning thing? Am I just bitch here at night? And in the morning, I'm like fresher to take these notes. I don't know what was happening, but I was laughing.

Yeah, I was laughing so hard. I think I texted you that. At a certain point, I felt like I was just transcribing the show because I was writing down like every quote, everything. It was so funny. I mean, the Sonoma stuff was amusing too, but really, it was all

about Stasi's crew meeting up with the Summer House crew and the gap between the two of them. Here were four sort of trashy waitresses from LA meeting up with a bunch of wealthy wasp people who were trashing their own way, but they're a wealthy trashy. And I was just dying at every single moment of it. You're an East Coast man, and I lived in New York for a decade. And I remember when I lived there, just the kind of sense of self-worth that people in New York City have. I mean, it's so hard to live in that city. It's expensive. It is definitely a rat race.

There's millions of people in your face. It's up and down stairs. The weather is hard. Like it is not easy. And there is such a pride in just being able to get through a day and not killing yourself for somebody else, you know? Yeah. But there is like such a New York sense of pride.

And whenever you mention LA or whenever LA is mentioned, everyone's like fucking morons. Like I will not, I mean, this place has the worst reputation, probably if any place in the whole country everywhere, but maybe not as bad as Flint, but you know, well, I mean, water aside, I mean, who we to judge, at least they got water. Yeah, that's true.

Our kids are so thirsty. They can't even get cancer. But it's very funny seeing this because the LA girl is going to New York. I was like, oh my god, they're right. Yeah. We're terrible. We're careful. We are terrible. So, I mean, this is just the most amazing episode ever. And it opens up with Stasi and Katie waking up in their hotel room after a long night of drinking green tea shots and stealing grapefruits. And Stasi has full on anchor woman makeup on. Like, it's not just caked on. This is just like a disc of makeup on her face. It's like a like a disc of makeup on her face with whole like it's like a pie

tin of base with. And the Katie, you know, is like sitting with like a literal pie tin inside of her. So it's just like a pie kind of a morning over there. And Stasi goes, I woke up this morning and I felt so fine. And I was like, God, I can't believe I'm not hung over. I'm just like, Chipper, like what? That means you're still drunk. If Stasi wakes up happy, that means girls got a problem. That is not normal.

You know, that's like finding a lump in your love handle or whatever. Wait a minute. Stasi also had a classic Stasi line. She's like, this trip was supposed to be four girls in a serious relationship going on vacation. But now it's like three girls in a serious relationship going on vacation. But now it's like three girls in a serious relationship going on vacation. I'm like the seventh, yeah. It's like, yep, I'm sure you'll find someone

smoking that weed in the morning. Did you notice that she's like clutching onto her weed pen or swinging the morning? Cause like you go girl. I didn't notice that. I was just thinking about how Stasi's comment is kind of like for the worst episode in Sesame Street ever It was for and for right for girls and for for for serious relationship How many sad pieces of shit are left over one. It's me like seriously?

Who does that like what's his name? The Count. I think I would have a slightly different name of Stasi. I'm running that segment on S.S.P.3. I think it would involve a no. Stasi will. But for this episode, the count actually fits because Stasi counts a lot in this episode, which we'll get to later.

So Katie can't open a goddamn beer. I mean, girl, if only were a bottle of ranch, she'd have that thing open in half a second, but beer, if only Brittany were there, it would be off with her teeth in like five seconds. If only she were a waitress, a wait. How are these people waiters?

Yeah. How? How do you not know how to use a bottle opener? And sausage is, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, a sandwich in a can. Girl, I know you can open that. I don't know who you think you fool in. Oh my goodness. By the way, Katie, not to pile on to Katie, but I'll pile on. You know, this poor girl, she doesn't. Why should Rants be the only one.

I'm just concerned about her tattoo situation. I think she needs a new tattoo artist because she has this tattoo on her forearm of a red flower. And it just looks like a giant staff infection. You know, she needs, it needs some help. And then she's got leprosy on her other one. Leopard print. Does that really even friend's restaurant would think that since tacky this was a tough episode for Katie I actually felt bad for her, you know, she all season long like Katie's the worst and this episode

The lingering sadness World around her was just off the charts. I felt bad for packaged carbs They knew they was dying Well at one point, while Stasi is feeling bad for herself or being though, a single girl, Katie says the interview, I really want to help Stasi feel butter. And I'm like, I could swear she said butter, not better. I'm like, that was she might. She might have. She might have. Freudian slip, you know, maybe Stasi could actually use some butter. I mean, anything to make Stasi better,

but some butter on her, maybe a little salt. I mean, something's got him through her because she is not getting better. She has a nice big pad of butter on her head. Makes her more appetizing. So she is, Stasi is like, did you have a drink? Because I'm scared of you. Like I can't go out with you unless I seriously commit to being on the prowl, my drum. Katie's like, I just want you to be happy. Okay, why would you take dating advice from Katie? Yes, I know she has some cubic son or finger.

I get it. I know that she got $18.50, she sent teatails. I get it. But let's not forget that Katie was the girl roommate of horror guys and ended up being like the, well, I'm home. So I guess I'll fuck you. Lay. And then ended up like tying that guy down at the end.

It's not, it's not a good dating life. Like this girl is never going to have like a dating podcast, you know, like fuck your roommate and then brow beat him into marrying you. Yeah, and I feel like I wouldn't trust her pick. Not because I don't trust her judgment. I just, I wouldn't trust her motivations. I could see her being the type that picks out a really shitty person for you so that way she has the best relationship.

Yeah, and she'll pick out the guy that she knows will never propose to you because she wants you to have to like go through everything She had to go through to get proposed to you know, yeah Like she's not gonna buy you a guy who's gonna buy a chalkboard and write blah blah all over you know Right Like you will not have chalkboard paint in your apartment if I have anything to say about it missing so over in Sonoma The Sonoma kids are waking up and the RV is just a total mess.

Beer cans everywhere, shit everywhere, jacks, tank everywhere. And in the midst of this madness while they're sort of trying to clean up, Brittany and Jacks are fighting over folding clothes. How to do it, what were they should do it, where the folding clothes should go. It was really, I'm like Jack Jack, this woman is folding her clothes. Just let her do it. I mean, I'd be so happy if someone wants to fold my clothes. Mother, one of those fools knows how to fold clothes.

You know, they don't. Brittany's rolling up silverware and hers. And Jack just wants to close it. The whole damn suitcase. I like when Brittany wakes up and she's eating Cheetos and Doritos. Yeah, that is so funny Another day another pringle Best things in life coming to Bay

So the guys start fucking with Jackson the shower which So the guys start fucking with Jackson the shower which gives Jackson his favorite thing which is a nude scene. And gives us our most horrifying thing which is a fat jacks bending over naked scene. No one needs that jacks, okay? Glory days. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's the... You said I can't add anything else to that. There's nothing else to add because now the image is in my head.

Now just imagine Jack's bending over fat and sink to yourself. Glory days. I like the idea of him bending over when he exactly moment that he bends over. Brittany eats a pringles. It sounds like he's breaking his back. So girls at the pool. Well, also wait, there was also an issue where Brittany then went into the shower after

Jack's and Jack's used up all the water. And I guess it sounded like she had already put shit in her hair and put soap all over her body and then the water ran out. And so she's like, I heard how much water, Jack's what you do to the pub, Jack's like, we didn't turn off Brittany. Are you sure? I think you got to turn it off. You just like, no, Brittany much water, jacks, what you do to pop jacks. They're like, we didn't turn off Brittany. Are you sure? I think you got to turn it off. You're just like, no, Brittany, we didn't.

So they give her a bunch of used aquafina bottles. They were like, yeah, I'm sure. No, they give her one half drug, tiny aquafina bottle. And she's like, these have already been used. They're like, yeah. Well, so is Jack's. I mean, if you can have Jack's inside of you, you could wash yourself with a goddamn used wet

nap, you know, picked off a picnic ground. Yeah, that's probably an improvement. So yeah, so now we go back to Montauk where Stossis Crew arrives at a pool and Kristen, I mean, Kristen was really having some challenges this episode. She's like, I've heard that Montauk is like wasby, but I have no idea what wasby means. She thinks she's going to an apiary, okay? Kristen is proud. I love that you do that word. I was like, whoa, that threw me off for a minute. I was like, wait, where am I? It's like a B place. I was like, should I wait, let me think about that. Christian.

Kristen is one of the only people that can walk properly with two legs that I would honestly not get mad at for taking a handicap spot. I'd be like, okay, you weren't it idiot. I mean, this girl is dumb. You don't know what wasp means. I think Kristen is kind of doing that thing where she's trying to have like a Saying in every episode she's trying to have like a Kristen T-shirt meme in every episode. I'm like no Kristen Yeah, yeah, I know this much wasp suck Well, I don't like wasp so weren't it so I think that waffles are gonna be sucky also. Like, you know, you're not literally hanging out with insects, right?

You're just like, well, you know, I don't really like ants, so I have a problem with my ant and uncle. Ha, ha, ha. Is there a place that's like, butterfliesy? I like butterflies. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. They don't make me buy them dinner all the time. You know, moths always eat my clothes. So like I won't go see the moth because like,

why would I see a moth? I just need my clothes. But I do like their balls. So my favorite sport is mothball. It's like 60 40. So, um, I just ruined your stupidity. It's not cute anymore. That was my note on Kristen. It's killing the game. So the girls are at the pool and Stasi's like, guys, this party from my birthday, they're throwing a clam bake and Katie's like, what's that?

I'm like, the definition is in the name, clam bake. And Kristen's like, is that like a luau, where they roast a pig in a fire? They have to do go clam cakes. And she reads it, she's like, it's an outdoor gathering for clams or bake. Seriously? Seriously? How do you get the clams high? Seriously? Stas, you're gonna share your weed pen with a clam. I Don't like naming things so on the nose like that. I mean for example like Katie's not wearing a sweatier. She's wearing a sweater like Like Could everyone get off my ass for about five goddamn seconds Like what are they called hidden Valley Ranch because obviously Katie's founder. It's not really hidden

Service down Valley River I love that she know they're talking about the clan bacon sausage. I said she is like I wonder if we don't like clams And they're like and Sosel said she was like, I wonder if we don't like clams. We're gonna be like, uh, want, want, want. She said, I'm sorry, but like, I'm not a seafood person. You have to like, peel it, like, it's like so gross. Get your fingers dirty. I mean, I'm sorry, but like, unless it's a French fry, I'm sorry, like, well, they have prime cocktails. A French fry is not a fish.

Yeah. I know, but I'm just saying I like French food. And I like that stuff. I like French people. I like French fries more than clam bags. I like that Stas's response as she is. BU just a little less of it though. We're just like amazing. So then we go over to NASCAR and everybody's checking the beers at the entrance.

Ariana's like, wow guys, this is amazing, isn't it? Like, look at all these people. This is the thing about NASCAR. Like, you meet people who are like so nice and they're just like all around Moved to Burbank like where do you live? My goodness I didn't you lived in West Hollywood too long. Yeah So we see Austin Dylan who I guess is a big NASCAR person.

And I'm not saying that out of ignorance. I used to do fantasy NASCAR. I just don't know who Austin Dillon is. That is horrifying. I know. That is Katie in the closet with the squeeze jar of mayonnaise right there. It's sad.

So Sandevol asked to have his flat iron sign. And I was like, you know what? This is the scene that America needs. Okay. All this talk about bubbles and rural versus the city and red and blue Look at this Austin Austin Dylan signing a flat iron for a metrosexual man from West Hollywood This if this doesn't give us hope for our country. I don't know what does Yeah, Austin Dylan's like I support y'all's right to get married. He's like, uh, wait a minute, dude. Without with it. I'm a dude. He's like, I loved you in Carnival. That was nothing. I love lesbian. That Alan. I met her one time. What a funny lady.

Dude, I'm not a lesbian. I have to say, one of my favorite team movies of all time was your movie. She's all that. Wow, the way you puke in that toilet. I'm not clear of all, God. Poor Tom. Poor, poor Tom. Poor, poor Tom.

Poor, poor Tom. What you gonna do? How you go? Thomas the Amazing Tender Color Flat Iron. So, I think now is a really good time to mention something about this episode. I really loved the juxtaposition of Stasi in Montauk about to be ultimately rejected in an embarrassing way with this whole NASCAR thing because For those of us who are amazing race

Efficient others. We must all remember that Stasi was eliminated from the amazing race after a NASCAR challenge Yes, she and her family had to go on a party bike and do a lap on the Talladega Speedway. Oh, no, you know, I believe in a sign. Yeah, last season for Stasi. Or at least her turn on neck, bathing suit. Yeah, you already used use that you turn. Yeah. So, yeah, I just thought it was funny that we were revisiting a Stasi NASCAR experience or Stasi and NASCAR in the same episode. And Jackson's there too. It's like all of her failure. Yeah.

One circular, never ending road to nowhere. And the amount of crying and whining that was on that episode when the shroders lost that episode God stossy through a temper tantrum and it was amazing. I remember it to this day That's our girl 12 years later That's our girl so meanwhile Back in Montauk The girls are getting ready for the clan bake and Kristen wants to know if it's a black-tie clan bake My goodness, I hope I need gardens watching

So over in the other room Stassie and Katie are both in white room robes the robes were in ribs over in the other room, Stasi and Katie are both in white rooms, robes. The robes are in reds, over in the other room. And Stasi's like, we're like an old married couple and Katie's like, you're so single. So she talks about how Lisa has been sending her a bunch of text messages. And Stasi's like, that sucks. It's not so bad actually. So she calls Lisa anyway. And Lisa is doing her, look at me. I'm at my restaurant.

Well, hello. Hello. Hello. Is the sugar and sea bass good? Good. Good. I'm a worker. I'm working a managing restaurant restaurant.

Rocko, dispirito. No, Lisa vendor. That's me. I'll never stop working. Hello. What are you saying? Nothing. Is it good? Is it good? Hello? Hello? Hello? Can't just behind her with that puppet dog. I'm sorry, but I'm sorry. So she calls her and Lisa is like, Hello?

So she calls her and Lisa is like, hello. Like for someone who says hello all day, it was the saddest hello I've ever heard. Oh, wouldn't you be sad too if Katie called you? Yes. I will send you the coupon of the back of the gigantic jar of ranch in the walk and fridge Katie. You will win that prize one day, darling. Keep moving forward.

Hello. Is there anything else, darling? Table of three just came in. It's a lot of hellos coming up. Chef Penny has a great new appetizer. Oh, it involves ranch dressing. I'm so sorry, I'm on talk. Chef Penny saved the ranch dressing for lay.

Chef Penny, please fire the hellos for table 10 I'll be right there. Chef Penny please reserve some tuna tartar and ranch sauce for Katie when she gets back. Thank you. Katie hurry up darling this whole conversation is a big empanoda. See what I did there telling us a special special tonight all the flowers just wills So Lisa I don't fuck my house So Lisa gives Katie all sorts of marching orders, which are like all right when you get back I needed a pencil and we need new tissues and I also I have a box that you need to move somewhere.

I want one of those pencils not one in the stick. One of those plastic ones you press a little button and a little tiny pencil comes out. You know what I mean, darling? Oh, you know what I really like. You know what? You know those crazy pencils that are like really thick and they're like rectangles and they're long and wide. But you don't ever write with them but you just come up with them. I like what I'm saying. Thank you. I like when she said, she's like, so darling, how are you? And she's like, um, good. It's a really, it's really relaxing. And she's like, a nice relaxing time with Stasi. Good luck with that.

And she's like, Stasi's sitting right here. She's like, did I ask for a kid to like, all right, I need paints for the VIP lounge purpose and pinks. Like, why are you trusting Kati to buy you paint? Exactly. So you have to ask rabbit. You have to what? I said, don't you have task rabbit? Oh, good. We need a meeting about the dresses. You need you do need one because they've been the same for five years. Change that. Sit and just watch season one by the way. It's all in the bonus episode. Good. Oh, yeah. We should mention that we had a big Vanderpump rules rewind in our bonus this week. So that's fun. I can check it. So that is Dossie of course ends the call. She's okay, when the call ends, Dossie's like, she didn't even tell me happy birthday.

Okay, he goes, really? She goes, yeah. Meanwhile, over in Sonoma, Ariana and Tom have this great moment where Ariana goes, I can't believe we're in NASCAR race. I'm sure, I can't believe we're at a NASCAR race in one country. Like, we can see the race from our RV we're like right there and Tom goes oh yeah we're right there and then they start kissing. Tom and Ariana are trying so hard to make this the best trip ever.

There's one point where they're watching the race and he's like whoa look at that. She's like whoa this is like the best view ever. This is like the best trip of all time. He's like, ah, wow. Okay, really good guys. Yeah, and they were pretending to hump on the Ferris wheel. You know, they're, it actually looked like they were having a great time.

But I was like, this is fun and all, but we need to be back in the Montauk, because. Yeah, I was like, stop trying to make NASCAR happen. Yeah, please don't give us NASCAR in Montauk in the same episode. Okay, we just need one or the other. Thank God we went to the clan bake and this is now when we start to get integration of the summer house people and we see Ashley work us. I think Ashley is one of the twins and she's with the gay Steven and the and Steven goes I wonder if those lobsters are still alive.

I was like, oh my god, this is gonna be amazing. Yeah, this is a really good transition show from Vanderbump Rules because they kind of have the same way of talking but not here. And I really liked that the first thing I heard him say was, this beat just like a man's and it's like oh yes queen it's a squiggy queen yeah I can get behind like a new vote kind of squiggy face but on a semi-cute guy I'm in yeah I'm I'm in with that give it the gay to so the girls show up and Stasi is already

congratulating themselves gradually the group she's like oh my god we're dressed perfectly for that's my cash on oh my god and We're dressed perfectly for that's vacation. Oh My god Yeah, like we're both wearing crop tops. That's crazy like two pieces two pieces for the win Yeah, this is just on my kind of people. I'm surprised she knew wasn't like there's sand in my shoe I don't do pictures. I don't see us in army warning route I don't see a tsunami warning route. I'm sorry, but like I don't do two pieces on my beach because like belly buttons hold

sad. It's just like gross. Like unless it's a friend fry, I'm sorry. I think I stepped on a Hermit crab. Ow, ow. I think I have to go back now. Also, they were, they thought it was so fancy. I mean, look, it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. wedding. This is like the nicest party I've ever been to. It's the best wedding I've ever been to. Like everyone is so fancy and there's like Christmas fights and people are so fancy when they're all wearing the same thing you guys are. Lowie, awkward, patterned, flowered things. But they look like, but the the Montalk people looked wealthier. Like you could see they just were wearing nicer stuff. looked wealthier. Like, you could see they just were wearing nicer stuff. And I was so excited because the way the the way the Montauk people were, the way they were dressed and the way they were looking at Stas's green everything, you immediately could tell there was a class

difference going on and I got so excited. Slash, nervous. To me, it was like watching match point again. You know, it's like the outside are coming in to the wealthy people and trying to make a good impression and will it work out, you know? But there's so them, and especially Stasi, so Stasi, of course, you know, in her brain, she's like, we are so doing them a favor by like leading into their show with our show. And she's gonna try and headbitch it in this and it's just not working, which is so great to see. I love the new cast. Putting the Kabash on Stassi's headbitch and chart.

They, I mean, to say they put the Kabash on it is, I mean, I can't, I was even a mention later in the show, but I could just mention it now, that to me, it was like the freshman getting to hang out with the seniors, you know? Stasi and the girls, they all had that sort of like nervous energy of like just trying to fit in and be like really cool and laying out,

they've been invited to hang out with the seniors, so just be cool and don't mess it up. That's what their entire energy was like and later on when they show up at the house and the house is really big, they just had that look especially Katie. I feel like when I saw Katie, she reverted to being in ninth grade.

And she had this shy kind of nervousness of just trying to fit in with the cool kids. And I loved it. I loved it so much. And I liked that they were nice. I mean, they were actually, they were not like totally bitchy for TV time or anything. And I mean, the new cast, obviously.

But they were so nice like they they very nicely put the kebab on stasi and they very nicely put the kabab in Katie. Yeah, I mean what is Krapitzkut? What a lovely group of people. Well so then we had like a flurry of introductions like hi I'm Christina I'm an entertainment reporter and there's hi I'm Carl I'm a dental sales manager and I'm Kyle I'm an entrepreneur I I wrote a joke here hi I'm I'm a local cook I already made an Inaigurton joke so I kind of killed my own joke I'm sorry um so these are fishy though let's be honest Carl the dental sales manager with brown tea. No, don't buy Kyle the entrepreneur. What does that mean? Yeah, he probably like, I mean, I know what it is. Yeah, but what does it mean? I need to know.

And Stasi's like, well, at least their ball hair isn't gray. So well, I was, I was excited. Christina, she had such a bitchy look on her face. She had this bitchy smile when she met them. And I was like, Oh, I'm going to love this one. I can tell. And really for the like the next 45 minutes or so, all that you would see of Christina, and I'd say 40 minutes, 45 minutes going from this show into the summer house, all you would see was her from afar just like looking at someone and like laughing at them. And she wouldn't even say anything and just go, Christina, entertainment reporter over and over and over again. I was like, oh my God, she's gonna be the biggest bitch. I can't wait, I can't wait.

And sure enough, she totally spasged out on some people, but we'll get to that in the summer house episode. Yeah, there's something about numerology that people are into, you know, like adding up the letters of your name to be whatever your future. I look more at like bone structure in the face and she looks like a bitch.

She just has bitch face. Like a bitch, she lost the Christian wig. Yeah, it's not like resting bitch face where she's giving a bitchy look. She just looks like she was built not to be very nice. Yeah, but in a great way for us. Yes, yes, yes. She'll be nice to us.

She'll be great with the gaze, but you can tell that in this group She has she has simmering issues and she has great to stand for people like Stasi Yes, she is like a sad Amy type from gallery girls, but like older and like fitting in finally kind of but always on the outskirts, you know So now there's general pattern, which I love because again, it's the Elebriol. I'm sorry, but I don't eat fish. Seriously, that was that was Stasi. I mean, she's a Patter. There were no a trace. She doesn't eat fish. She knows Patter was even better. She knows like Monday is my favorite day of the week. But I'm like, oh, these people have to go to work tomorrow. I'm not I'm like like, not a nine to five person, okay?

Like, I mean, good for you for like having all this money, but like, I get to sleep and play Xbox with my fat husband, so it sucks to me, you! Like, I don't get it. Like, nine to five, isn't it? It's supposed to go five to nine, like, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Like, why would it go the other way? Like, seriously?

I don't know, Monday's right? I never got that movie. I don't like art films. Sorry. I don't like foreign films. I can't ever watch the 9-5. I mean, who cares about math, right? So I love Stasi makes a joke about how everyday NLA is like a Saturday. Because by the way, we should mention that there's a lot of sort of casual shade going on, being like, oh, is that a good thing? I mean, I don't like art films. Sorry. I don't like foreign films.

I can never watch the 9-5. I mean, who cares about math, right? So I love Stasi makes a joke about how everyday NLA is like a Saturday. Because, by the way, we should mention that there's a lot of sort of casual shade going So I love that Stasi makes a joke about how every day in LA is like a Saturday because by the way we should mention that there's a lot of sort of casual shade going on being like, oh is that how you do in LA? Oh you guys are so LA, you guys are so LA. And so Stasi makes a joke about how every day in LA is like a Saturday and Kyle, who's

the blonde guy, he just lets out the wasp and slap you just goes, haha, haha, haha. I was like, oh my god, Stasi, you're so out of your league is laughing. He's just like, I was like, oh my god, stuff. You're so out of league right now. Yes, there's a scene in maim. I'm sorry for anybody under 50 years old and not his like, shut up queen. But there's a scene in the musical maim where maim has to go to her nephew's girlfriend's house to meet the parents and it's in Connecticut and everybody talks like this and it's hilarious. And that everybody talks like this. And it's hilarious. And that's what this reminded me of. Everybody's like, oh, so, so you're from Los Angeles.

We have nine to five jobs here. That might be what? Crazy. I actually feel bad for Stasi because I feel like Stasi actually knows how to play the game. I mean, she did go to boarding school. But I feel like Stasi actually watches Barefoot Contessa.

She knows the world as an outsider. She understands what she has to do, and she's brought a bunch of jokers with her, and she's probably mortified every step of the way. Like when they're all eating this gorgeous looking lobster, I mean, I was dying. I literally was like, I'm gonna go find lobster right now, somehow, some way.

It was just beautiful lobster and she is like I don't eat lobster and they the other wastes just cannot believe this and she is like I don't eat food like that I just do not like it she goes I don't eat anything with claws like are you gonna eat a cat you realize that cat claws different from a lobster claw, right? Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest

and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego

in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. I realized there's a huge difference. A huge huge difference. I was just fucking classic. Like they were all classic because sheena, you know what? Sheena, I mean not sheena.

Stasi likes to pretend that she's fancy as all of that. But Stasi was not killing at this party either. No. Oh no, she wasn't. I'm just saying she at least has an idea of like how she has an idea of She knows how to play the game. Even if she doesn't have the tools to play the game with that makes sense. Yeah, it does and she When she's like, yeah, what are you gonna eat a cat? That has claws and Kristen goes, yeah, but I can eat monster But I can't handle muscles

She literally Kristen is looking at the spread goes, are those all the same things? Why do they have different colored shells? And they're like, well, somewhere of clams and some are muscles. I'm like, are you really a waitress? Were you ever a waitress? Did you ever look down to see what was on your tray? I mean, even at Sir, I'm sure there've been muscles and clams. I mean, how? This is a girl who did not know about muscles and clams and she's a waitress. And the other one didn't know how to open a beer bottle. I mean, this is just a sad, sad group.

It was, it was absolutely brilliant. But you know what though? You know what they probably need to do more of Ronnie? I think they need to read more. You know, get more. Bam! I think they need to be more. You know, get more. Bam! I think they need to be more worldly, you know. Maybe read some magazines or something like that.

Yeah, you guys. Magazines are more than just something to flip through in the checkout line at the grocery store. Seriously? They're informative. They're informative, entertaining, and they keep you up to date on the news, social issues,

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like Time Magazine or real simple which is really not a magazine about Kristen. Sports Illustrated, Forbes, Real Simple, Muscles. What are they? Where do they come from? Muscles, how do they work? I love that in St. Clown, Posse song. Muscles and Magnets. One issue magazine for Kristen. Unfortunately that's clone posi song. Muscles and magnets. A one issue magazine for Kristen.

Unfortunately, that's not available on Texture. I don't get this magazine, it's just a page. I think it's actually just a printout from Wikipedia. I can't believe I subscribed to it. Texture has gone beyond delivering just the magazine itself. They've made it easy to find and enjoy the articles you wanna read, with daily recommendations, exclusive interactive features, videos, and more.

Yeah, it's searchable. You can mark what you like, check out the back issues. I don't have any issues in the back. Are you saying I need to go to a car practice? I don't even know what one is. You can look at bonus video content. Normally, texture is actually $9.99 a month, which would get you over 200 magazines. But if you sign up right now at texger.com slash crapins, you get a 14 day free trial. Yeah, why on earth would you subscribe to just a couple of magazines when you could have all the best ones

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texcha.com slash crap ends. Texcha.com slash crap ends. Texcha.com slash crap ends. A free fortnight. Lord, so back on the beach, the gay squeegee guy is hanging out with Shina. And guess what Shina is talking about? Shina's talking about.

Shina's talking about. Shina's talking about. Shina's talking about. Shina's talking about guess what she is talking about Much work Peeling things fish. Oh, it's like sunflower seeds grows I have a crack tooth. I don't need another one sunflower seeds One time I stopped on a glass on my birthday. It's like crazy I'm never feeling like anything again It's like who are you and what kind of sense you try to make, bitch? I mean, why would I eat something that has pedals on it?

Okay, I don't eat bicycles. Who's gonna eat the sun? You're gonna like burn your lips. I'm gonna see a stupid thing. I'm sorry. I don't get it. You know the gay was hanging out with her because he just wanted to get crows that he could go tell the other girls like oh my god, you know what she said next.

She thought a sunflower literally was a flower that was the child of someone like it was a male flower. Oh my god. I'm not eating babies. This isn't the eighties. I don't eat baby boom. Okay. So I'm not going to eat a sunflower. So back over at NASCAR. Wow. Everyone's like, wow, that's amazing. And they sing a save that poop song because they are, I guess,

jacks, I mean, we all know it's jacks, right? Yeah. Jack's way too much. She ate like five sandwiches and pooped it all out in this tiny little Joy, but I don't know if you've ever pooped in an RV bin, but Girl that ain't easy. Yeah, I would I would not imagine it's easy Well, they were saying that Jack's uses like a lot a lot of toilet paper And I kind of the I'm amused by the fact that Jack's this sort of dirty disgusting guy also happens to be OCD because we learned like a week or two ago that he likes his apartment to be

very very very tidy and we saw him flip out about folding clothes to Brittany and now we see that he's really anal no pun intended about wiping his butt so it's a really strange paradox it's just what's one of those things that just makes Jack's Jack's. It's a pooped ox. So they start singing a poop song, which I don't know how it's like, let's go back to the other place. Yeah. But Brittany and Ariana are talking and Ariana is basically telling, I think this is, is this where somehow they're talking about Brittany and Jack's and how Jack needs to respect him more. I don't know if this is talking to Ariana or whoever she's talking to. She's still, she's having one of these moments like, hey, he needs to respect me more.

And she's, my favorite part is that she's telling us this in an interview. And she's wearing a choker that is so huge and metallic. It looks like she's actually been chained up by the neck. I'm like, how can you talk about independence, you know, and self-respect while you look like you're literally tied up to a change to this man. Also, when you don't pay your own bills, I mean, you know, everybody can stand up for Brittany and I get it. And I'm not saying Jack's has a right to be an asshole to Brittany, but girl, get a damn job. You work. Why is he paying all your bills? What kind of relationship? Don't do it. I'm not sure he's really doing that, but we'll get into that a little bit later.

So back in Montauk, everyone's still at dinner table and Carl, the dental sales manager, he tells Stasi that her eyes are incredible, which is okay. But we learn later on, he's just a huge skis. And then the wasp girl, oh, yeah, this is why I'm asking, why am I talking about this? I now I remember. So Carl says, he's like, yeah, oh, this is why I was like, why am I talking about this? I now remember.

So Carl says, he's like, yeah, Stasi, your eyes are incredible. And then one of the wasp girls goes, Carl, you profess yesterday that blondes orange your thing. And I was like, oh, that was just such an amazing passive aggressive wasp cock block. It basically was saying, A, it was cock blocking him and also saying,

Carl, stay away from this trash, you're so much better than that. Yeah, also she's just basically saying, A, it was cock blocking him and also saying, Carl, stay away from this trash. You're so much better than that. Yeah. Also, she's just basically saying, look, yesterday you said you wouldn't fuck my sister. And now you're saying you like a blonde girl. So make up your mind. What is it? Carl?

Because those twins are like anal. They're both monocas, you know, from friends. Yes. They're like two monocles and they talk low in staccato. Is that Carl? Yesterday you said, one's point, your thing. Oh no, girl. Any guy in the car was like, well, I was just saying, you know, I want the carpets to match

the drapes. And they don't, you know, Kastasi is like a bottle job. But Katie goes, well, what if she's got redwood floors? I'm not going to say what? What? What? I'm surprised no one actually took that and made another joke about it. But I was like, oh, well, we're not with the Vanderpump rules cast here, I guess. Yeah, I mean, even the even squeaky the gay guy didn't make a hardwood florist joke. I mean, come on. Come on, gay guy.

I was just imagining how confused Kristen must have been after Carl's after the girl said, Carl professed yesterday that blondes weren't your thing you could just imagine Christmas like with his professor so he knows Gilligan oh I love that show well instead Kristen does something else again another mortified moment for Stasi so everyone's chatting and Chris he goes so has anyone at this table banged and just like it just stops. Sossi's like, oh my God, what a positive idiot. And one of the twins is like, well, I'm married. I'm the only married girl here, so. So, okay.

Well, you can just imagine Christina, the entertainment reporter was like, oh, bitch. And then they're like, well, Stasi, are you dating anyone? Stasi? Stasi? Who are you dating? What are you doing?

Hey, hey, hey, you're dating. Is there a man in your life? These twins. Oh my god. And she's like, um, I had a very recent breakup and I would tell you about it, but I don't like what I cry right now. Carl's like, yeah, I'm gonna fuck her. Yeah. Um, and then, uh, so then Stasi and Katie break away from the group. And they're just like marveling at everything as Tasi goes.

Maybe we should have chosen to have like real legit careers. This is so much about Stasi, how she's in her diary room session. She's just leaned back and put eye drops in her eyes and you know what's a fake bullshit because it's like two, the second they press record whatever, two big streams of tears pop right down the center for eyes. Nobody cries like that girl, okay? Yeah. So this is Stasi and she's like, yeah, but everyone likes Patrick.

Like my parents like Tim. Your parents like Tim because they're shallow fucks and he had a job in an apartment in New York City. Yeah, exactly. And you know, we didn't talk about this because it was during our break, but there was a scene with Stasi's mom recently that was so fake.

Her mom just wants to be on TV as badly as Stasi. Yeah, they're all kind of fame-horry and they just liked him because he was rich and they sick of jack stealing money out of their dress or whatever. Yeah. And that's the only reason she misses him. I haven't heard one time where she's like,

I really love that guy. Maybe this was misses him. I haven't heard one time where she's like, I really love that guy. Maybe this was a mistake, I need him. It's never anything like that. It's like, well, he had a job. And like, my parents even liked him. Like, oh, am I ever gonna find anyone with money again? Yeah, that's exactly right. That's a really good point.

So, she's hopeless. So, based off of that, she's questioning everything in her life and that includes questioning her Crush for the evening because normally she'd go after Carl But her instinct is always bad. She in fact she says she's like you know that thing like we knew like a really bad sense of Navigation you know and you always were the wrong place. I'm gonna go in a different way than what I normally goes like amazing race callback Amazing race callback because they got lost in Louisiana their home state. That's why they got eliminated. Girl, you can change directions, but you still in the same car. Yeah.

Like change your ride, bitch. Yeah. She's, she also gets mad at Carl because she's like, well, I'm daily now because I'm on an app and he's like, whatever happened to high, how are you? It's like so like so like okay 1985 or whatever. And Stasi's like that guy made fun of me for being on an app. So like what am I supposed to do with that? And then Katie's like she's she really needs a good player to win that. Like Katie's trying to make this metaphor about games or something like football or something. I didn't get it.

But she's like, she's like, I mean, who's the best player to take you to a OTPHJ? I'm like, she goes, what's that? That's an over the pants hound job. Okay. That's right. She did say that. Katie. Katie does not realize what a hypocrite she is all the time. Katie is such a hip-hop. Great. And I didn't do that on purpose. Katie is such a hip-hop. Great. And I didn't do that on purpose. I just realized that that wasn't that word. That's like what that's mean. But don't you remember when she got in trouble

because she and her told everybody that she was giving some kind of a hand job to some guy over his pants? Don't you remember that? Yes. It was a huge drama. And she's like, how dare you lie about me, bitch! And it was this huge fight. It's like, I didn't do anything.

We're just like friends. And now she's talking about giving over the pants hand job. Yeah, advice. Yeah, and she even later on was saying how, like, basically, Stasi should follow Sheena's lead. I'm sorry, Lala's lead and, you know, go with a guy with money. So, shut up, Katie.. So shut up, Katie. Shut up, Katie.

So meanwhile, over in Sonoma, everyone is changing for like the 12th time. Like every time we come back to Sonoma, they're always changing clothes. And they go out to dinner and the way they all smell like feet. They all smell like feet. They all smell like feet. And they're ordering things and someone orders a shark, could we play in print? He's like, what's that? What's a Shakoo Dory?

Like it's like a play with me. She's like, what that's crazy. I don't even know you could get cuties from sharks That's scary. Is that got like little piece of Vienna sausages and stuff like that? I like things from Europe I'll tell you one thing, this is not cutery. Sharks. No, they're not cutery. Shakyutery. So then, Jackson, Brittany, start bickering about, well, because basically Tom instigates it and saying, it boils down to Jackson, has to treat Brittany better.

And Jackson is going on this thing again that he pays for everything and he just wants a turkey sandwich once in a while. All he wants is a turkey sandwich. He's like, I pay for everything. I just want a turkey sandwich. I pay for everything. I pay for everything. And she's like, Jay-A-X, but I give you money.

And he's like, oh, he let's not get into our finances. You just did. You're the one who was just boasting about how much you pay for things and then when she actually reveals that she's been paying money, you're like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, we shouldn't be tearing this out from people. Yes, and then Jack's does this thing

where Tom pushes him too far and he squintes eyes at us in the diary room and he's like, listen, let have your fights too. And I'll tell you, if there were relationships, not perfect, I'm like, listen, let him have their fights too. And I'll tell you, if they're really, she ships not perfect. I'm like, oh shit, Jackson's about to spew some lies about Tom. It's like the yearly, they take a trip and then Jack spew some bullshit about Tom or betrays him in some way.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, wait to see what it is. And Jackson will let it go. He's like, yeah, well, if I, you know, if all I had to do laundry all day and all I had to do was like get a sandwich for someone like That's my dream. That's my dream. Like I would do it Yeah, so stupid so but then the big thing that comes out of this is that Ariana reveals that she discovered that

Loller no longer follows her on Twitter and Instagram Yeah, that's pretty I mean that's pretty shady in the teenage world. When you're 40, I guess it's still kinda weird. Yeah, well, Ariana's like, well, I'm gonna be petty and I'm gonna unfollow her. I was like, I get it. I've been there so many times ever single day. And Ariana's saying, I get it. You wanna get petty? I can get real petty la la. Oh shit bring it girl Finally this girl's gonna earn some money on this show. Mm-hmm and speaking of lauler she shows up at sir and

She's proud female song playing in the background as la la passes the dumpsters to enter the back door of sir And she tells us that she kept her fun off all weekend because that's what Lala does when she doesn't want to do something she doesn't do it. I'm like you weren't being forced to do something you were you were invited and you said yes. I love for crazy third person narrative it never ends. She's like when Lala doesn't want to do something Lala doesn't want to do Lala doesn't do it because that's Lala. Are you who are you going to vote for for the Golden Globes? Lala. Lala is voting for Lala because when Lala likes Lala, Lala votes for Lala. Lala. So Lala land, no, just Lala.

Oh my god, I want a Golden Globe. Thank you for letting me take this time off work. So glad all those acting exercises paid off. So let me think here. Okay so she goes and has to talk with Lisa yeah. Yeah and yeah she. And she basically tells Lisa's like, what's going on? Hello. And Lala says she just didn't want to be around Jacks. And so Lisa van der Pum was like, well, then why did you agree in the first place? So Lala starts to get really choked up.

Lisa van der Pum says, say it, Lala. Just say it, Lala. Say it. Now, we know that Lisa vanpump loves a broken hoe. And this is a broken hoe. I mean, this is right up Lisa Vanderpump's alley. She is like the Bordello bottom who just always wants to take care of these broken bitches.

You know, she loves it. And then they end up stabbing her in the back later. So, you know, it's like seeing a ball get teed up. You know, Lisa's like, finally, Lala's coming through. She's broken. And she's like, Lollars coming through. She's broken. And she's like, Lollars, like, yeah, well, it's really hard because like what they're saying about me,

I mean, they're saying I'm a home wrecker and like Jack screamed in front of the whole restaurant and I'm a whore. And Lisa's like, oh, what I didn't know about that part, but you know, we're pods false Lollars. And Lollars like, and she kept putting her hands up to her eyes and I was just like those press-ons. Oh, yeah With those press-ons. Oh my god And the best is she's like as she's like crying and she mentions a guy

She's the same as a guy and then Lisa Vanderpump goes in for the gossip kill. She's like What guy? What guy? She's just trying to cook this juicy. She's trying to sound awesome, pathetic. She has the sad face on her lower lip is frowning down. She just wants the juicy details. Yes, and Lisa says, I hope that I hope that Lala, this information about Lala is false,

not only because I feel for the wife, but because Lala should be better than that, she should have more respect for herself. Unlike, you know, a certain sober actress, I may or may not know who doesn't even live in the city. The show is named after Eileen Davis-Sanda. So then Lala is talking about why she says all these crazy things. She's like, you know, for me, it's an acting exercise. You know, I say this. I say that. He's a band of them was like, um, but then people think they can't trust you.

So then they don't invest in you. And Loller's like, well, I think I should just quit. Then Lisa Vanderbomb actually looks surprised that she was like, oh, uh, and then no. So she's like, Loller, just grow up and do with it. Um, and like you think you're going to be the cutest little piece of Austin Hollywood rising star. No, so she's like, Loller, just grow up and do with it. And- Like you think you're gonna be the cutest little piece of awesome Hollywood, rising star up to the mountains,

and everyone's gonna be nice to you, darling. That's not how it works and this town, do you know how to fold silverware properly into an Ap again Loller I just have to be in charge of my emotions say it again. I'm like is this good will hunting right now It's not your fault Loller. It's not your fault Loller. I saw the equation you wrote on the refrigerator. Two plus two is brilliant. It's not your fault.

Oh, good. And while I says, oh my God, I should have had this conversation with you a long time ago. And Vanderpump goes, you should have had it with your mother or someone like that. So finally, Loller, she's such a bitch Lisa, my God. So then Loller takes back her quitting and she decides she is going to stick around. So he goes, all right, go to that desk and hold your head up high and greet people. As if like being a hosus at Sir is tantamount to you know being a soldier guarding the White House. You lift your head up high and you take people to their table and you do the pride.

And you just tell the world what you want and by world I mean waiter and by you I mean customers who you hand a menu to who actually have a choice. I like you, you stupid slut, get out of my face. And all this like, oh my god, that felt like a hud. Now can you tell me what this request is for a shark cuterie? Brittany sent me an email saying we should add it to the menu. I don't know what a shark is. Sart! She was like, I'm sorry, but like I will not either start like why would I eat a shark I love my Cuban

So over at my vacuum cleaner, that's crazy So back over at Montauk at the summer house we back over at Montauk at the summer house. We have Kyle and they are all... This is at the house the LA girls have not arrived yet. And so Kyle is talking to I think one of the twins and he's like honestly I like the girl who is single I think her name was Sauss. He's also wasted, I should say. This one's like saucy. What is she? Aditi red lobster. She's not saucy.

Her name is saucy. Okay. Are you talking about the girl who keeps drinking ranch dressing? Because that's dressing not saucy. No, that girl is saucy. You like her, right? You like her?

No, I'm not. No. So then saucy and the crew show up. And this is really where I got that vibe that there were freshmen showing up at a part of being held by seniors You know because again Katie's head was like down low like looking bashfully up but trying to be cool All wearing the same thing that Stasi told them to yes first when they were walking in I was like are they in their bathrooms? Because that's kind of funny, you know, but they weren't. They were in those like really long sweater, like drapey sweater things. Yeah. So someone offered Gina and Mark Rita and she's like, do you have a straw? Which I don't know, it just cracked me up. Like everything is like

an issue with her. I was dying. I was, I've been dying about that straw thing all week. I'm like, wow, if you haven't saw my straw, God, stop. How hard is it for a girl to get a straw? I'm like, I ain't going to, right? I think I have one of each of the prime straws. So they were, they were amazed with how big the house is. And Christians like, this is bigger than my apartment complex. What if they have popcorn to you, Link? And they're like, I like, like I'm angry you made her.

Oh, I miss angry Christian. I'm projecting anger on the Christian because I've missed that side of her. Yeah, I really do. I don't like this happy go lucky t shirt Christian. Okay, get out of therapy and fuck somebody on him. Or say these again. Okay, and yeah, please, please. I'm a catch.

Yeah, so Kyle's getting drunk. He's chugging from a blender. And he's like, we need to make sure the fun meter stays high. Like this is the most date rapey house I've ever been. It really is. So a date. You're old with a margarita machine that he won't stop talking about. It's like, oh, shut up. You got a Costco card. Congratulations. Okay. Um, Stasi mentions that someone's like, yeah, by any York, we all live in shoe boxes. Stasi goes, Oh, I know, I had to go to Starbucks to go never to you.

Cause she wouldn't poop in front of her boyfriend. That's right. Love. So meanwhile, I'll speed of going poop in front of your boyfriend. We go back to Sonoma where the guys are outside talking about good times. There's so much fun. And inside the RV, Ariana and Brittany are talking and Ariana is talking about Jack's misogynistic tendencies and Brittany's like, what does misogynistic mean? He gives me misogies. And that's not even a joke that we came up with. That wasn't exactly. That is just poor Brittany and I believe it. You know, some people I'm like, oh, they're faking that stupid sudden thing to get, you know, some Hollywood nuts or whatever. But

she's not a lot. I mean, if she had moved to Hollywood and like, I mean, even skinnier and just like been mean to all the girls to get more scenes and started cheating to get more scenes and but she didn't. She came to Hollywood, she got fatter and she's like totally nesting like she's ready to start popping out babies. I mean the girl didn't even have to move really. Yeah she could have done that at home. I just like the fact that the reason why she's still with Jackson's because she doesn't understand the concept of misogyny yet. It's like, oh, oh, so this is all bad what he's doing. Okay. She's like, it means sexism.

She's like, oh, she doesn't know what that means. Yeah. Yeah. Is that like a lot of sexism? Is that like quirks that happen when you have sex is a little sexism? You know, just before sexism, I just wish she'd take a shower. You know what I mean, Britain? I mean, you know what I mean, Ariana, Ariana.

Ariana. Uh, Kristen is seeing the house in the other area. She's like, oh my God, I would totally have sex in this room. Damn, I'm in the wrong business. Maybe I should be in business. You are action business. You have a t-shirt business, but that's fine. Her next t-shirt is going to be like, I would totally bank someone in this room.

Well, I'm listening to you. So then, yeah, there's a guy. I don't think I'm appreciated. Yeah, so back in snow money, Jackson, bring your talking and he's again talking about the turkey sandwich situation. Apparently the issue is that one time I asked for turkey sandwich and you got a ham sandwich instead and it's now caused this great divide. And I like that she's so good at talking things out. She's like, I just didn't like your tube. You were hollering about my finances. And he's like, well, sometimes I don't feel appreciated. Like I got turkey and I got hand that time.

And look, I think this is being misconstrued. I don't know what that means, but I feel like it has underdo with one of your sexisms. He's like, I pay for everything and you don't do shit. She's like, well, yes, I do. I do everything for you. I'll wait on your hands and put for instance, my big job. I mean, you just tell everybody that you paid for it and it's not about money.

It's that I pay for it. You know, and then you didn't get me a sandwich. And then basically they make up by him going, okay, look, I'll watch myself, I'll try harder. And you can make a turkey sandwich everyone. Wow. Wow. Jesus. Yeah, he really was hammering home the turkey sandwich point. He just really, really wants one. But by the way, one of the easiest things to ever make is a turkey sandwich. No kidding. I think he had is a turkey sandwich. No kidding. I think he had his first turkey sandwich at Quiz News.

He's like, oh my god, it has to go through that oven thing on a long journey. This is how sandwiches are made. So in the indoor hot tub of the summer house, Stasi is wearing a one piece turtle neck suit. Which becomes a plot point because Kyle is wasted. And he's gonna get a boner in the hot tub. And he, first, first he tells Stasi, you look very well put together, which is like not a great line.

And while he's doing that, and Stas is like upstairs to Killikati has arrived as well. And she's just like not even saying anything because she's like to Killikati and good behavior, but she's sort of miming her to Killikati's ends. And she goes over to the birthday cake and takes a piece and smudges it on she has face. And she's like, Oh, I told Shay that was the one thing if you ever do that to me, we're getting an all man.

I like she can be injured by frosting. I like that the gay keeps asking she my things. He's like, so do you like cake? That poor gay, he looks miserable on both of these shows. He is like, in this house with a bunch of basic bitches, no one is interesting enough for me. There's no hot guys for me and all I can do really is talk to she. Yeah, pretty much. She's like, so do you like blenders? Ah, I hate blenders. I don't get it. If I wanted my food pureade, I would just order soup.

Well, how do you think it gets pureade? I don't know. I don't trust tiny eyes. I don't trust slushies. It's like, is it rain? Is it snow? Like, why would I drink both? I don't get it. So Katie gets into the croissants and it's like the best moment I've had all week. Watching Katie eat is become the best part of the season. It is hilarious.

And she is just into it. She's like dancing with herself and like making a huge show out of just damning the croissants. It's amazing. So back in the hot tub Kyle is like, so is this an LA thing? She's like, what? Is wet now, they think?

He's like, I don't know, it's like, composure, like composure that you've got. That's what I'm talking about. So, Sassy's like, Sassy says so as that Kyle is, he's like a bougie blue blooded hot guy. I'm like, darling, you can't be bougie and blue blooded, it's one or the other. Sorry to break it to you. That's so stassy.

The bougie blue blood. Stassy's new store in Southampton. Exactly. He's like, yeah, I can see connecting with her like, where she's in a hot tub. I'm in a hot tub. She's blonde. I'm blonde.

So these, oh, no, no, go ahead. I literally wrote 20 pages of notes for the scene, so you take it. Well, then no, you should take it then, because I have notes, but you probably have more of them. Well, she's like, because... Yeah. Look, I have no idea what is it, is it saucy? She goes, really? Because that's what I do when I meet someone. I just like forget their names or forget how to spell their names. It seems cool. He does say it's cool. And she's more than five. She's just looking and I'm like, and he goes, yeah. And you know,

it's just how I am after five drinks. And yeah, I'm never hung out in the hot tub with someone in the turtle neck It's like Steve Jobs. It was a me what do you Steve Jobs? She goes so let me get this straight You like me and he's like yeah, yeah, I like Steve and she's like okay So you want to be with a female in a turtle neck with Steve Jobsface. And he's like, yeah, that's charming. Well, he says at some point here, he's like, well, you know,

you're basically like, if I had a white turtle neck, became a female and became hot. Because then we get off on the wrong foot and she's like, well, you started on the right foot, but then the left foot fell asleep on the way out. And then she's like, she goes, look, here's how to make girls feel special. Number one, remember their name, number two, listen, number three, don't call them Steve jobs. And his response

I can see your nipple. I love it and he gives there's a high five He goes like and she's like That's rule number four. Don't talk about a girl's nipple when he can't remember her name Stop see the rule number five is a iOS 8 is coming out this fall. Damn, he's right. Rule number seven, I'm gonna have to pay for a new fucking iPhone for team mobile if I want to use messaging properly. Oh my god, I just loved that the white troll net kept

in coming up and it was, what was great was that he was not even trying to insult her, but it was just the most insulting thing for Stasi. And then all you could do was look at her big white turtle neck. Because it was a giant, crazy turtle. She's going to burn that thing. She's never going to wear that again. As she is want to do, Stasi immediately goes outside to the pool and starts telling all the girls.

She's like, that guy, I have never been more turned off by a human being in my life. I mean, that guy was making fun of my turtleneck. And he was nanana, nanana. He told me I looked like Steve Jobs, which by the way, he didn't say she'd look like Steve Jobs. Just the turtleneck reminded him of Steve Jobs, but she was like, he said I look like Steve Jobs.

He was, she goes. I mean, that made me want to call my ex boyfriend. I was like, this is how people act. He told me I look like Steve Jobs. The gay guy goes, I think I figured it out. It's your turtleneck. I love that. The turtleneck shame just keeps coming back I was expecting so funny. I was expecting someone else the other people like oh my god Stasi you love your turl neck on do you want a bikini top?

So when the kitchen Christian goes up to cow and Christian, you know probably blew this guy at some point I'm just trying to get as Christian does. But Christian's like, hey, I just wanted to know what you said to Stasi. And he goes, well, I think she's mad because Steve Jobs were black turtleneck. So that's my bad. I guess my bad. They're laughing as Stasi here. I said, talking about our tur our turtle Mac and she's like, she leaves the kitchen like she's just been bullied. Yeah, Dossi is so mad and then she changes her clothes because now she's done. She has been, she's been basically shamed in front of all the rich people. And it's, and again, it's so brilliant because she is the one telling all the girls how to behave because she wants, she wants to look good and she is the one who gets made fun of the most

sort of accidentally but not really. And I love that now. Stossie's in her dress and she's again, going off on Kyle and she's like, so Kyle, what's my name? What's my name? He's like, uh, stu stu stu stu stu stu stu and she's just like, and she just laughs and then they cut to Christina, the entertainment reporter who's laughing too, but what's great is she's just laughing at stossy like

Yeah, she's like wow, I'm actually cool in someone in this room. Yeah, I'm putting this in the news And then the best cutaway of all was they cut to Katie who's like swaddled in a towel with a champagne bottle or something And she's just sort of twirling around drinking from the bottle in her own little Katie world. Because they're leaving and so Katie hides the bottle under her patch me to distill it. She in her mind she has actually reached the Hidden Valley Ranch. She's like, is this a mantra? She's like, is this a mantra? Okay, Eddie, what a fun episode. How long was that recap?

About an hour and 10, maybe a little bit less. We had an ad and some introductory stuff, but it was a big episode. And so, anyone who watched the show then saw that it then segwayed into Summer House and we will recap Summer House and we will post that on Friday. So stay tuned because we have the entire Summer House premiere to discuss but we're not going to get to it till Friday because we got Beverly Hills on Wednesday and we got ladies of London on Thursday and we can't delay those

Yeah Everyone Thank you for listening. Thank you for knowing the differences between muscles and clams Thank you for everything Thank you for making us feel sexism. Yeah, thank you and If you got turtle necks, where are we prior? Okay. All right.

Bye guys. Bye. Bye. Bye. Hey, prime members. You can listen to Watch Your Crappens, Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today.

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