Watch What Crappens - #37: Aviva Berates Ramona

Episode Date: September 27, 2012

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From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. hey everyone welcome to watch what crap is the podcast that's about all that crap on bravo i'm ben mandelker from b-side blog.com and oh i hear some a smattering of applause where is that coming from? that's our studio audience it's just us and by us I mean

Ronnie Karam from tvgasm.com hi Ronnie and it's just the two of us this week because our third compatriot is that even the right use of that word? I don't know Matt Woodfield he has been working Third compatriot. Is that even the right use of that word? I don't know. Matt Woodfield.

He has been working around the clock with the Emmys and stuff like that. And I think he is passed out somewhere. Yeah. Matt is now too thin to be able to stay awake too late. His batteries died. And so. He totally ran out of fuel. He's like, can't eat another calorie, must go to sleep.

Yeah, we, you know, now that he's my neighbor, we should have totally gone, I should have gone up to his apartment and knocked on his door. But we'll let him have his sleep. He's been working hard. Just some housekeeping. You can follow Ronnie at TVgasm on twitter

matt is at life on the m list i'm at b-side blog and this podcast is at what crap ends and by the way you guys should really follow up because we actually have thousands of downloads and not to brag but we have like 300 followers so thanks thanks for not following on what facebook uh both facebook twitter is really you know you know that's our fault we should tweet more it's our fault and facebook more we really don't do anything but you know what we do do is read all the shit you guys post on the facebook page and it's hilarious you guys are honestly some of the funniest people ever i was you guys are like so funny you guys are so funny oh good we're already doing our gallery girls accents but unfortunately you don't know how to run a gallery i decided that i am now going to call

gallery girls gar girls because uh last night during the show, Liz came on and said, like, Previously on Gargoyles. So I just call it Gargoyles now. Gallery Girls. Previously on Gargoyles. Previously on Gargoyles. Previously on Gargoyles, I got some art, and I was like, and I'm like, But we'll get to Gallery Girls a little bit later.

We actually have a lot of stuff to talk about, as usual. And we're going to try to get through it in one episode this time. We have Real Housewives of New York City, which was crazy. We have Real Housewives of New Jersey, which was frantic. Real Housewives of Miami, which I'm really kind of loving this season. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. And then, of course, we have Gargoyles. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good.

And then, of course, we have Gargoyles. Gargoyles. Gargoyles. And then, Ronnie, do you have any gossip for us? No, but I did have a nightmare the other night. I don't even know what it was. But I woke up and I was sweating and I was just muttering, shut up, Jill Zarin. Shut up, Jill Zarin.

I was sweating and I was just muttering, shut up, Jill Zarin. Shut up, Jill Zarin. So I don't know what it was, but I think Jill Zarin came into my dreams and talked or something. So Jill Zarin, stay out of my dreams and please shut up. Was she wearing like a striped sweater and a little fedora? I don't even see, I don't remember the nightmare at all. I just know that I was yelling, shut up, Jill Zarin, when I woke up. Did your parents and all the parents in your town happen to burn her alive in a little building and now she haunts your dreams? Oh, my God.

What do you think of Texas? This is nightmare. We didn't kill Freddy Krueger in Texas. Oh, by the way, I'm in Texas this week. I'm laying in my bed at my mommy's house, yo. Yeah. I'm laying in my bed at my mommy's house, yo. Yee-haw. So when we get to Jersey, I didn't get to record everything my parents were saying as they played Canasta behind me as I watched Jersey. But I did write everything down.

So I'll read that off later when we get to Jersey. And actually, we're doing things a little differently this week. Because on Facebook, we asked what were some of your favorite memories or whatever from the week and a whole bunch of you guys responded and it was great because half the stuff just goes out of my head. So we're going to just sort of like use what you guys said as kind of like a, as like our little outline and we're just going to go off of that from the funny points. And why don't we just start with a real house as of New York City because it it was absolutely crazy i mean it's all about aviva has lost her mind has she not aviva has lost her mind and she's just saying the same things over and over again yeah i mean i feel like

it's now been probably about like four to six months since saint barks and she's still talking about the lack of the banner the lack of the party when will this woman be and she's still talking about the lack of the banner, the lack of the party. When will this woman be satisfied? She's never going to be satisfied. Although, I have to give her credit this week because she did the old improv trick of when you learn improv, the way that you're supposed to do it is you're supposed to say, yes, and.

So if someone says, oh, I got a car wash, yes, and your car looks magnificent for the prom tonight, yes, and my date is kind of a slut, but I'm not going to make out with her so I don't get herpes, yes. And you just keep going so that the conversation never stops. And Aviva totally yes-anded this week and added a you're a drunk and a horrible friend and an enabler to the entire conversation, which thank you. Thank you for adding something to that. Well, you know, it reminds me of like when Alex McCord went off her rocker, you know, like Alex was always so sweet and so nice. And then all of a sudden she became very like screaming at every single thing.

But Alex just sort of seemed like this this sweet woman who was pushed to her brink and she sort of broke and didn't really know how to control herself. Alex was a nerd who was trying to tell off cool girls to keep her job on TV. Yeah. And that was really, that was sad to watch. It made me want to hug Alex, but in a place where no one could see me so they wouldn't judge me, and then I could push her over something, like maybe on a bridge or something.

Oh, you're so diabolical. You want to comfort her and then i could like push her over something like maybe on a bridge or something oh you're so diabolical you want to comfort her and then kill her give me a hug on this train track are you are you from like a like mid-90s sharon stone movie i mean that's what it sounds like i say that only because i've got basic instincts sitting here from netflix because i haven't seen it no spoilers please i've you haven't seen it. No spoilers, please. You haven't seen it? I've made it 20 years without a spoiler. Don't ruin it for me now. It's in my hands. Big Love does it. She's the

murderer. The chick from Big Love. What? Are you serious? Don't even... Okay, don't even... Are you for real giving me a Basic Instinct spoiler when I told you I made it 20 years? I'm sorry, but you know what? You know what happened at the end of The Sixth Sense? Yes. Bruce Willis is dead.

You, Ronnie, I want to hug you and then shove you off a bridge right now. Actually, can I tell you something? What's funny is that I knew that there was, like, a lesbian lady in Basic Instinct, and I always suspected. I was like, I bet she's the killer. I could never take her seriously in Basic Instinct

because I was like, yeah, weren't you that lesbian who was the murderer in Basic Instinct? Or in Big Love, I mean. I'm like, you're not making any more sense, Ronnie. Your batteries are now dying as well. That's the thing that I'm stupid. So anyway, the point is this. Aviva, when Aviva is yelling at Ramona and Sonya,

she does it from such a righteous point of view. Like, Alex usually actually has a point, you know? But she just sort of gets it out in a really flustered way. But Aviva is like... Well, one of the readers made a very good comment. She said... Let's see if I can find... Oh, she goes...

So this is from Maggie Shealy. One of her favorite moments of the week was Aviva accusing Ramona of staying out until 2 a.m. 2 a.m. Oh my god. The craziness of it all. It's like, shut up, Aviva. What are you... You're out of town.

You're staying out until 2 a.m. You're drinking. You're in a bathing suit. You're walking around. You're out a bathing suit. You're walking around. You are out of control. You're in ocean air. I mean, it is disgusting. You are sick.

You have a problem. You are staying up until 2 a.m. You have your two legs crossing your legs like that. Disgusting. You think that for every leg you have is an extra hour you get to stay awake. Well, the best moment, obviously, of the week that we're talking about is

Aviva having lunch with Ramona, or breakfast with Ramona, brunch or whatever. And Ramona shows up to this brunch with her sunglasses, which I fucking love, because there is apparently, I haven't read it, sorry Andy Cohen, I'm not even audibling your fucking book but uh someone tweeted us that andy cohen um has a chapter in his book about uh contract negotiations with ramona and then she sat there with her

sunglasses on the whole time well that's how you do business you need to have a notepad a notepad and some sunglasses and that's how you do it i'm sorry that have a notepad. A notepad and some sunglasses. And that's how you do it. I'm sorry. That's how it happens. So that's all I could think of when I was watching her at this brunch. You are so tough, Ramona. You know, the thing is this. You know, Aviva is a fucking idiot because she made Ramona look like a sympathetic person here.

Because Ramona is not sympathetic. And the truth is that Ramona's problem is that she doesn't listen. Aviva starts to air her grievances for the umpteenth time. And Ramona should have just sat there like she said she's been doing all season and just listened and let Aviva get it out and just been like, I'm sorry, whatever. But instead, Ramona was like, you are not the Aviva that I fell in love with. You are not the same person. Something happened.

I want that Aviva back. And then that sends Aviva crazy. And by the way, so Aviva goes on this whole thing like, I think you have a problem. You have a drinking problem. Da-da-da-da. I've only seen intervention once, but I've seen enough of these sort of after-school specials to know that if you're trying to confront someone about a drinking problem, you don't do it in this accusatory, angry way. Well, you also don't do it in a place that serves alcohol. Not a brunch.

Generally, you call their mom and their husband, people that they'll be humiliated in front of, and then you all humiliate that person so that even if they're not an alcoholic, they believe that they are, and they have to go away for a couple weeks. You don't just go to brunch. That's the wrong way to do it, you guys.

I just would never want to see Aviva as an addiction counselor because she would just berate them. She'd be like Ruth Buzzy on laughing with a little bag and slapping them over the head. Stop the drinking. Stop the drinking. Are you thinking of drinking? Do you remember what you told us that you did to your mother drinking do you remember what you told us that you did to your mother do you remember what you told her shame on you walking around you are a sick woman you remember christmas time you walked around there breathing shame on you at two in the

morning waiting for santa disgusting and you know the other thing about Aviva is that when she tries to confront Ramona, she always sort of sounds like she is like an interrogator at the end of yet another like early 90s movie, you know, like she's like, I bet you thought you looked real good next to her, didn't you? Didn't you? You probably thought you looked real sober next to Sonia. She makes you look good, doesn't she? Well, that brings me to the other point about this fight. Aviva's actually not wrong in what she's telling Ramona. Ramona is a drunk. Yes. She is a horrible friend because Sonia is obviously spiraling downhill, getting drunk, getting fucked up the ass on TV,

like in front of cameramen at least. We didn't see it, thank God. She's acting like a damn fool. And Ramona is handing her more and more booze and pills and whatever the hell else they're doing. Like, she is terrible. Aviva's kind of right. She's just such a horrible human being about it. Yeah, I mean, Aviva, the way the conversation should have been was, listen, Ramona, I have concerns about Sonya.

I think she's in a tough place in her life, and I know you like to have fun with her, but I feel like we're actually enabling a problem with her. That's how you say it. Not like, oh, and she's in a tough place, and you make

her look so bad. I bet you feel good about yourself now, huh? Everybody's calling you an alcoholic, so you find a bigger one to hang out with. Don't you? Don't you? Don't you? I have found the murderer, and it is she. Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

Don't you? That's the only place I can think of when I think, or that's the only thing I can think of when I think of doja now of course the other big thing that happened was that after this whole brunch Ramona had a fundraiser for like

abused women and so Aviva gave all this money for the charity and instead of of mailing it because, quote-unquote, the thought never occurred to her, she sent her pervy dad to deliver the check. Did you think this was a smart idea? Of course not. I mean, what the hell is she thinking is going to happen? I mean, at the very least, he's going to grab someone's tits.

Okay? At the very least. he's going to grab someone's tits. At the very least. She's sending him up to a party of all women knowing he's going to be a lech at a women's abuse party. Before we even get to the father part,

who believes, and I'm so sorry because this is now officially a pattern with me because I don't believe Taylor Armstrong either. Who officially believes that Ramona Singer I do not believe that an abuse victim would be talking like that about abuse i mean she's comparing abuse she's like oh well i can't believe somebody would talk to me like that at my party i was abused as a kid i don't need to be abused now

oh really so some weird old man that you barely even know asking you to apologize to his daughter is the same thing as being beat up as a child. What are you talking about, Ramona? Like, how are you... And as you see, I sound like Aviva now. What are you talking about? Oh, I bet it makes you look like a real abuse victim, doesn't it? You get up there...

You like to hang out with all these women who were abused so you look less bruised. Isn't that it, Ramona? Isn't that it? You are sick. You are sick. You say he's the abuser. You. It's you who's the abuser.

Detective Aviva has figured it out again. Case closed. Well, I was watching this episode the other night here in Texas with my cousin Jenna. And she's like the sweetest little angel ever. She's so nice she never says mean things but man when these housewife comes on she turns into a raging c word and you know during that whole thing she was because ramona kept making these comments like oh everybody can you believe that aviva was so mean to me i was abused like she kept saying i'm abused abuse

victims do not do that, you guys. I don't know if you've ever known one, but they're not fucking assholes like these people on these shows who are just using abuse as their latest way to get airtime. Shut up about being abused. Liars. All of you. Liars! Well, clearly the one who is the most abused, at least emotionally, was Aviva because she's got this pervy ass dad i mean clearly she has these issues with her dad and she's just channeling them onto ramon or whatever

she's like you know her her need to be this miss perfect and prim and you know proper uh is probably a reaction to the fact that her dad is so out of control. I mean, so Erica Peets, our listener Erica Peets said, Aviva's dad said, incest is best. I would put myself up for adoption even at the age of 50 if I were Aviva. I can't imagine. Could you imagine your parent making it... When did he say incest is best? At the beginning

of the episode, he and Aviva were like in a store and he said to Aviva, incest is best. Oh, my God. Now, the other thing he said is that he's got this new girl who he's like, it looks just like you, Aviva, except she's black. And Aviva is like, oh, great dad, real great dad. That's just great.

And she's like, you know, i don't have to hear about like every girl you know i just want to know about the one that matters and in my mind i'm like that is so subtly racist you know like he's like oh yeah i'm dating a black girl oh great dad real great dad she's black i mean that's what that's what the message was that's what she was saying yeah did you see that did you pick up on that no I don't think I saw this scene because I don't remember this. And it sounds delicious. I can't believe I don't know any of this. Incest is best.

I would remember that because I'm Lebanese. And at our family reunion, all the cousins wear the T-shirt that says incest is best because there's so much intermarriage. I would have definitely remembered this scene. Yeah. No, it was, I think, the very first scene. You're lying about this scene, Ramona. You're making it up. You're sick.

You're sick, Ramona. It makes you look better, doesn't it, to make up these scenes? Yeah. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, Ramona. Feels good. The rush. The rush of fooling someone. But I see it.

Put your arm in that chair. Your arm. Another thing we learned about why Aviva is such a horrible, horrible human being is watching how her father goes from person to person trying to stand up for Aviva

and basically deriding people for being mean to his kid. And then, you know, well, she has, all Ramona said, this is Carol, well, from, she has all Ramona said. This is Carol. Well, from what I hear, Ramona was saying that Aviva's phobia was not being with her husband. He's like, well, her phobia is not with her husband.

It's not being able to fly. It's not being able to go upstairs into a building. It's not being able to watch balloon animals being made it's not being able to use public water fountains it's not being able to cross the street without stepping on a crack it's not you know i mean it's like going on listening all her shit like we should all feel so bad for aviva you know what she wouldn't be so fucking neurotic if you weren't such a terrible parent what were you doing the whole time she was growing up well sorry no that's enough i need to learn to stop myself because now i've really paved a road to hell no that was that was my fault because you

were just about to make like a punch line and i interrupted and it's like that worst time to interrupt someone because i killed no it was perfect because it wasn't a punch line it was like a slow descent into hell well you know here's the thing um i kind of liked that george was defending his daughter because they know he's a dad he should defend his daughter but the problem that george has is the same problem that aviva has which is that they make they're ugly as sin god bless them well there's that and then they also make these cockamamie arguments based on shit they never saw aviva going back to that brunch she starts talking about the things, these dancing on the tabletops, da-da-da-da.

And Ramona's like, we all were, oh, it was you. I know, it was you. That's like, what? She's like, you weren't even there. She's like, oh, but I heard it's a small island. Like, what, is Aviva, like, going out, like, gathering all the information?

Like the busboys at the restaurant were telling Aviva shit that they were dancing on tabletops. What was the other thing that Ramona was like, what? What are you talking about? It doesn't even make sense. When Aviva accused them of spooning naked together in bed,

Ramona was like, what? And Aviva's like, I saw you. Well, you know what's funny? I actually believe Aviva on that one. I think Aviva, I think she probably, if she saw them, she saw them. Like, I would believe that Ramona does not remember getting drunk. Yeah, because someone else said that, that they were naked together and they slept together one night. People, someone said that in their diary session or whatever. Why is Aviva getting all high and mighty with these girls when Luann

has sex with Johnny Depp and gets off scot-free in the Aviva book? Well, Luann would get shit, but unfortunately for us, Aviva needs somebody on her side, and Luann is pretty much the only one solidly on her side. The other women are like,

shut up, Aviva, already. Shut up. But Luann's like, oh, really? Oh, well, I have a wonderful fundraiser with lots of microphones. I'd love you to come by. What did Ramona say? It is actually hilarious how transparent Luanne can be when she's trying to get dirt on Ramona.

Oh, what did she say? Oh, you can't let her say that to you. Oh, no. Definitely don't say that. Ooh, tell me more. I'm slowly turning her into Liz from Gallery Girls. I want to talk about her. I want to talk about her. Gallery Girls.

You know, Carol was the only class act, as usual. She's like, let's go to the elevator and get out of here, George. Come on, George. I felt bad for George he's just a horny man by the way listener Katie Evans said can we please talk about the mini

Liza Minnelli that was at the fashion show with Ramona Thurman I know me too someone's going to get hit in the head with a vodka bottle I'm so glad that Katie Evans wrote that because I would have forgotten to mention that, and that was so true. I was like, why is no one talking about Liza Minnelli is here?

She's right there. Again, I was sitting there with Jen and my sweet little cousin, and that woman came on, and both of us at the same time went, whoa! A little horrifying face. And then there's another woman who, I will bet you money, becomes a housewife. Because it was her second time there.

It was that scary-looking blonde woman that was standing next to Ramona that's always on Ramona's side about everything. She's like an extra right now. But I'll bet you she comes on the show. Yeah, I'm sure. Well, any time any women who go to these things, they're all angling to be discovered and be put on the show. That's the truth. Well, we have to talk about Sonia's. Yes.

Okay, this is another scene I missed. So I must have just started this like 10 minutes late. Okay. What was with Sonia? Because I remember from the previews the week before, Sonia having the conversation with her ex-husband trying to get money. What happened with that? It was actually um it was actually it was interesting this was one of those moments where we saw more of a human side of sonia which

i appreciated she came back from the negotiations and she was really looking forward to sitting down face to face with her husband because her ex-husband because obviously she's still in love with him and she thought that they could, start building a friendship again. And she went into this negotiation for the settlement. And they were in separate rooms. And it was, I think, shocking for her. And she finally realized this guy doesn't even want to look at her, doesn't even want to see her. And she was pretty devastated by that. And she didn't get, like, any money.

And, you know, I actually felt bad for her. You know, as much as she is a mess and she's got a toaster that smells like a vagina and a vagina that smells like a toaster at the end of the day she's she's still you know she's still a human being and you can't be mad at the scent of a blt there's just no way that you can dislike that scent. You can't. You know, you can't be mad at the smell of musky tulips, you know? You know, sometimes if you smell a fermented lemon, you just have to have some empathy. Yeah, sometimes

you smell like a butt that sat on a can of Febreze. You just can't be mad. God bless her. Little badgy badge. Toaster badge. Well, okay. This is where I came into the scene. Where she was taking down his picture.

And she called, like, archival specialists. I was like, what are you, putting it in the fucking Smithsonian? It's going to the Louvre. Listen, here's the thing. I get that her ex is a Morgan and everything, and his painting was blurred out, which is kind of funny, but based on the crappy-ass painting of her with Milou,

these paintings are not going to be worth shit. Of course not. I love that his painting is grayed out. He won't even let her look at him in a painting. He's like, get over there. Not even in the light. I don't want her to be able to see me. Just this big blurry thing moving out. And she's crying.

First of all, how pathetic. I hate when people have those giant pictures of themselves in their home. Yeah. My mom got my sister and I painted when we were little kids, and we both looked fucking miserable because we had to sit there. Literally, it was like 1920. They're like, sit here for six hours while we paint you. We looked miserable, and my mom used to make us both have claw bangs.

It was like the 80s. And really bad sweaters. And she still has that shit hung in the house, and it's mortifying. I put blankets over it when I come home. The whole thing of just moving out, all the drama going around getting these paintings out.

And then someone said, Jennifer Vodvarka, listener Jennifer Vodvarka wrote, Sonia clutching onto the Countess while her horrible portraits were removed to go into quote, art storage. Bitch, you know we'll be seeing those paintings again in a future episode of Storage Wars, and that locker will go for

under $300. Yup. The only thing they're going to pay for are those giant frames. The frames. Jennifer, that comment I think may have been the funniest of the day, I have to say. That was and then and then on the same note uh Robert Pesta said I love when they pan up at Sonia's house and you can see all the shit stained carpets I also I also began to question where all these interns come from I feel like she keeps them in a closet under the stairs

somewhere they creep me out they're in the out. They're clearly in a crawl space that's been flooded with Hurricane Irene damage. I just want to find the Craigslist posting that's calling for these interns. What are these people getting in return? What are they learning? You're $20 million in debt. You were dumped by an 80-year-old man

who probably doesn't even have a working penis. Your face doesn't move, and your best friend is one of the most annoying fucking monsters in New York City. What are you supposed to learn from her? You can't even test a fucking belt. That's what I looked on your website. It's a cautionary tale. You learn what not to do.

Sonia's school of not doing things. Like that she does. It's like the psychology kills museum for scientology did you did you see the part ronnie when sonia was saying how like uh she needs she needs to keep she wants to keep this house it's like her child like she wants to keep the house that her children grew up in so that way they could sleep they could sleep well at night you know and i'm sleeping well with shit dripping on there exactly that. It's not mold poisoning from Hurricane Irene. That's exactly what I was going to say.

I was like, I think she'd probably sleep a lot better if she were in at least one bedroom that at least had functioning ceilings. I know. How are the kids going to sleep if they're not worried that the ceiling is going to cave in on them? How are they going to sleep without the fluttering of bats to keep to lull them to bed how are they gonna sleep if they're gonna have to share the bed from that girls from that girl from connecticut that i hired to work for free for a month how are they how are they gonna sleep without like a steady trickle of rusty water on their noses you know once you get used to the sound of flies buzzing around your head at night, it's really hard to sleep without the buzzing.

You know, I find it's just very easy to fall asleep when you're in a room that smells like gym socks and tuna fish. You know, if you're on a bathroom, if you're on the toilet in the bathroom and it'll flush every time, I think they're going to get a little spoiled. Yeah. You know, I personally find it very comforting when the rat comes out of the toilet to say hi then i know my friend is here and i'm not alone i can't continue because i still have smokers lungs when does that go away by the way smokers lungs yeah it's been almost six months and i still have that trailer trashing where if i laugh too hard, I start coughing. When does that stop?

It may take a little longer. I'll talk to a doctor. Oh, God. Fuck doctors. They just keep putting me on Zoloft. That's their answer for everything. I'm like, my hand hurts. He's like, here's some Zoloft.

You taking Zoloft? All right. Well, you're still alive, so that's good. All right. Well, you know, you may be coughing, but you haven't killed yourself. Great, great job. And meanwhile, you're like, oh, I bet you think you're a real medical doctor. You're in a hospital.

I bet you think you look real professional now, don't you? Don't you? I'll bet you want me to take those pills so you can look real smart and sober, don't you? Don't you, doctor? Well, I'm not playing that way doctor turning making her voice sound strange um uh another highlight of the episode which i didn't even think of but maggie shealy said uh she really liked when uh heather asked aviva to walk in a fashion show while luan luan was standing right there totally waiting for an invite. That is so true. Luann was like, well, you know, I do have some modeling

experience behind me. She just didn't ask me because she knows I'm going to be pregnant. So I totally understand. I won't be falling over. So, you know, it's just natural. I wouldn't ask someone with two gorgeous legs either. I wouldn't ask someone with two gorgeous legs either. Dolly, I think it's great. It'll be a great exhibition of showing that you can actually walk places. Even if it's just down a plank.

It's a great way to show that you're just as good as me. No one would ever know that you're totally handicapped. Oh, man. Well, that fight at that art show or that abuse. What was that? What was that fashion show for abuse anyway? Oh, yeah. Let's get together and show off how many bruises we don't have on our arms.

Everything's going to be sleeveless and cotton. What the hell is this? Who does this? These women throw a fashion show together whenever they can. They're just going to the supermarket and they're going to have a fashion show. I kind of miss Alex's little Brooklyn art show or fashion show.

I just miss Alex forcing them all to go really far for no reason at all. She's like, come to my birthday party. Come to my kid's birthday party on Roosevelt Island. She's like, oh, guess what? I'm going to have a house swimming, but we're going to have it in New Rochelle.

For no reason. It won't even be at my house. We're just going to have pictures of our garage. Come. It's artistic. I'm trying to think of anything else that happened. I don't know. I mean, you know, Carol was Carol.

And Heather... You know, Heather's winding up looking alright. The season finale is next week. It looks like it's going to be a total shit show. I'm enthused. I'm ready. I feel like this season is ending on a high note. I think it is, too. And at first I saw that it

was ending soon and I thought, how is this possible? Beverly Hills isn't starting until November. We can't lose Jersey and New York. And then I remember they have like 18 reunions. Yeah, a million reunions. So anyway, why don't we go on to New Jersey? Is there anything else you have to say about

New York? No, but while we're transitioning, because they were showing a commercial for Beverly Hills, I love that they recut that commercial, because the first one they showed last week looks so boring. It's like Lisa Vanderpump being pushed on a swing

by Ken. Yeah. And she's like, oh, darling, this is so fun. It's like literally like a 10-second of lisa on the swing like what the fuck is this season gonna be and then kim doesn't even talk kim richards doesn't even talk she's just like what smoking a smoking a cigarette through her like her broken like nose job yeah not even talking i was like this is to be a miserable failure. And then this preview that they're showing this week is Brandy's losing

it. And then they show Brandy with her Dino from the Flintstones yapping at everybody. And then Adrienne's like, this isn't good. Wrong choice, Paul. So I thought, okay, this is going to be good.

Now I'm finally excited for that shit. Oh, I'm excited. And I kind of actually, I'm really excited by the fact that Brandy is an official housewife. This is the first time that an ancillary character has made it to an actual housewife level. That's really cool. Is that true? Yeah, I don't think there's been any other housewife who's just been a friend of the housewives who's become a housewife. But Brandy is so...

Everyone loves her. And she's so polarizing that you really can't just have her as a side character. Well, I mean, she told off Kyle, who's the little star of the show. And she really let Taylor have it. I mean, wow. It's going to be great. I'm so excited. She's more horrible than I am, which is impressive.

God bless Brandy. Brandy, you should come on the podcast because you would love it. You know what? What they're all saying is that she's a raging alcoholic. I'm sure we can get her. I always see her because I do these catering things and I see her as an employee, so I'm sneaky.

Maybe one day I'll wait until she's drunk and falling down on the ground and snag her. Oh, you totally should. That's the plan. Okay, so let's go on to New Jersey, which finally ended, and it was basically like one long, it was like a one big shit show, and it was all

based on conjecture and assumptions and conspiracy theories. I think we should start with the fact that we've all known about this episode now the entire season. Because this, as they showed us

at the very end of the show, this was what they were all talking about in the last reunion. So this night happened before they taped the last reunion. So how much of this shit even happened after, did the entire season happen after the fashion show? No, I think, no, no.

I think the whole season happened leading up to the fashion show. The whole season was going on while the previous season was airing, which is kind of funky. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat or be eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10,

curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost?

Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History for Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History?

Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others.

Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Yeah, that's fucked up. So they were seeing what each other were saying behind their backs on TV and getting mad about it and then filming the next day. Yeah.

So let's recap on the craziness that happened, which is that they were at the Posh fashion show, which always goes wrong, and this guy who's like the new jersey howie mandel shows up and he's like oh melissa oh nice to see you again you know and and then theresa says oh my god my my heart my heart's beating like this my heart's beating like this it's beating 500 it's beating 500 again so then melissa goes to the bathroom

and melissa's like who is that guy i recognize him but i can't place who he is who is he which is such bullshit because the minute that guy came up and said hey you remember me melissa she didn't she looked disgusted with this guy like matt the guy she didn't look like uh yeah sure she'd look like fuck yo so i don't believe it stripper stripper so uh so then the conversation starts to go in this annoying way where theresa says this guy said that melissa was a stripper but theresa's like but i didn't believe him but i didn't believe him, but I didn't believe him. And then Melissa gets mad and Melissa wants to call Joe. And then Teresa's like, don't bring Joe because then there'll be a fight.

And then to me it's just sort of like a blur of ridiculousness afterwards. And then somehow it became that Teresa was in on this setup. Oh, because the cameras caught the guy admitting that it was a setup, right? And then on top of that... I'm saying it was Teresa and Kim. He said, Teresa and Kim want me to... Well, this girl is a stripper, and Teresa and Kim wanted me to call her out on it or something. So leading up to...

By the way, and up to this point, Melissa was annoyed about this guy, but she was still... Things were still pretty much under control. And then what happened was there was a friend of Caroline and Jacqueline's who started texting them all this stuff. Who we all know from listening to this podcast and reading Stupid Housewives and shit on the internet. That was actually a producer named Kat yeah who has since been fired who was texting them all at the table telling them exactly what to be pissed off at yeah meanwhile kathy was like oh i love this steak kathy was so out of the loop in this episode it was hilarious she had no idea what was going on and she was right there i know even kathy gets ignored by the producers

but she's like the salad was good. She was. She's like, I can't wait to see the cannolis. The cannolis made of cannolis. I can't wait to see my mother's recipes for cannolis that come out here. Oh, my mother's cookies. My mother's cookies. Hey, they're serving my mother's Cuban roast pork.

Hey, what a lovely centerpiece. This is my mother's. This is great. I love all these fashions that they're showing. I love seeing my mother's old fashions. This is great. What a wonderful day. What a wonderful party. I love watching

my mother strip. Oh, sorry. Okay, so... So what happens is Caroline starts getting these texts and rather than just like sputting out as she likes to claim that she does she then shows it to melissa and then that's when melissa starts to flip her shit and that's when melissa starts to be like oh my god i was set up and then it just and then at that point, it was just a thing. Well, Melissa is so stupid.

Okay. Then Melissa starts getting riled up because of Caroline. But then she goes outside. I mean, this went on for the whole hour. This stupid plot went on for the whole hour. And she's outside. And she's saying, well, you know, and then this guy comes up. And then I think it's Jackie who tells her, oh, it was Teresa.

And she says, well, you know, it was a setup, and I know that it was Kim D. I know that Kim D was a setup. And she said, it's a setup. And she said, I know it's a setup. It was Kim D. And she says, no, it was Teresa. And she says, no, I know it was Teresa. She didn't know, but she didn't put two and two together, I guess.

And just started flying off the handle because Jackie told her to. And then Jackie acts like, what? What did I do? I didn't say anything. I just suggested that Teresa set her up this whole time and blah, blah, blah, because one of my friends heard at the bar that this guy said he was going to

go over there and embarrass her. Which we don't know if that's true. We didn't see that part. So stupid. By the way, I really liked that. You keep on referring to her as Jackie, as if you guys are like gal pals.

Jacqueline is three syllables and that bitch does not deserve that extra syllable. She does not. Four seconds of my time. A personal highlight of the episode for me is one that Lauren Carapucci Gordon mentioned on our Facebook page, which is that she loved how Kim D said

that she runs with the big boys. What big boys does Kim D run with? She like hang with Armani or something? She hang with like Bloomberg? She's like, I hang with the big boys. You can't mess with me. I hang with the big boys. You can't mess with me. I hang with the big boys, Joey.

What is she, from a Chaz Palminteri movie? Everything's from the mid-90s for me today. Oh my god. Hey, I run with the big boys. I'm Kim D. I run the Posh Fashion Show. I'm going out to Paris.

Going to Paris Fashion Week, and I'm going to eat a hot dog at a vendor. A hot dog and a croissant. I run with the big boys. And I love stupid midget jokes. This was actually kind of a letdown of a season finale, because we all knew what was coming, and we really,

especially from seeing the previews, we thought there were going to be these huge fireworks. Yeah. And what ended up happening was the bald guy was like, they're going to fucking kill me. So he left. Yeah, he left immediately. He probably just collected his $50 stipend for the day and got the fuck out of there. Yeah.

And so all this stuff that was supposed to center around him, Teresa's like, come on, let's confront him, Melissa, so that he can tell the whole world that you're a stripper. And Melissa was like, I'm not doing that. So Teresa goes out to start yelling at him so she can get her ending. I mean, Teresa's so see-through. So the guy's gone, so that's a big fail. So then Melissa goes out. She calls Joey to come over and get her little midget husband to kick this guy's ass. Joey shows up too late.

This guy's not even there anymore. So Joey's just,'s just pacing back and forth like a little midget ape, huffing and puffing to nobody. Just a bunch of curse words that don't even make sense. It was just all a huge fail. Caroline's waiting by the door of the fashion show for Teresa to come out, and she's

ready to punch her and start screaming at her. Well, Teresa never comes out, so that never happened. Lauren's walking back and forth with her finger up her mom's ass, just saying whatever she wants to do. Teresa never comes. I mean, everybody got just totally stumped in this. And meanwhile, Teresa's in there signing autographs to people who weren't even asking for them, you know? Rebecca Wheeler, she made a good point.

She says, it was pretty classy when Lauren was talking about seeing the models twat. Like, Caroline sure knows how to raise them. And it's true. I mean, that's actually probably worse than anything that Teresa said, was Lauren being like, I can see her twat. I can see her twat. Well, you don't want to know about what we can see on you, Lauren, okay? Okay, well, I think that's actually a perfect segue into what my parents said

as I forced them to watch Jersey. Oh, good. into what my parents said as I forced them to watch Jersey. Oh, good. They're just getting drunk playing canasta at the table behind the chair that I'm watching the show on. And I told them I was taking notes on the show.

Okay, my mom. These people are sluts! That's just the first shot of them around the table. I see your twat. Come on, Ronnie! That's just the first shot of them around the table. I see your twat. Come on, Ronnie. At the part where Melissa was saying, it's not even a strip club. It's a bikini bar.

People wore bikinis. My dad just started laughing his ass off and didn't stop for a good, like, five minutes. Look at that dress she has on. My God. Look at my fake boobs. You like my fake boobs? That was Teresa's horrifying dress that she was wearing in the diary room. These people are real supposedly disgusting.

And then my dad. What's the cameraman doing in the bathroom anyway? I was thinking the same thing. Oh, how does she know his name? Oh, this is when Melissa's saying, oh, I don't even know who that guy was. Who was that guy? And then she's like, I don't even know who Alejandro is. And he never gave the name. So that was a pretty good mystery solved.

Yeah. My dad, did they handpick the ugliest women with the most makeup that they could find? And then Kim D comes on and he went, ah, she looks like a man. My mom, I can't believe people give a rat's ass about this. At least on my show, people kill each

other. That's a great line. Oh, let me see. Some of these I can't read because I was just writing. Oh, I think this was Kim D. She said, that woman looks like a pit bull. And everyone was saying, set up. Oh, she set it up.

She set it up for my dad guys. I don't know if you've all considered this, but you're probably all being set up. That was very wise for someone who never watches it. And then the final line is someone said, I'm about to have a nervous breakdown. And they both at the same time said, we're about to have a nervous breakdown. God bless you guys. Good job. Well done.

And well read. So it's funny. I guess parents just don't understand. They just don't get it. But meanwhile, I had to sit through Law & Order SVU and talk about rape and murder for an hour. Much less fun. Much classier, guys. Much classier TV.

Well, I'm sort of glad I did not see this episode with my mom because my mom would have just... Well, my mom has such low tolerance. I forced her to watch the episode of Real Housewives of New York City. I think it was the one where Aviva got to the island and was like yelling at Ramona and Sonia. And my mom could not have looked more miserable than if she was thrown on a pile of razor blades. She was so unhappy about it all. And she was like, Ben, so this podcast that you do, you watch these shows for the podcast or do you actually enjoy them?

I'm like, I sort of enjoy them. She's like, why do you do this podcast again? Is it paying you anything? Your mom is so classy. My mom is like, you're going to go talk about this with two other people and record it? I'd rather be raped and murdered. Your mom is a class act. My mom just gave a whole lot of disdain and then just sort of passed out.

Mom was like, I would rather go to sleep and just pretend this was all a dream than to know my son is watching these shows. I'm going to go back to dreamland where you're a doctor married to a lovely young lady. Yeah, I'm going to go back to dreamland where you went to a really good school and actually did

something with your life afterwards. Not went to a good school and then watched Real Housewives of New York City. So funny. So the end of New Jersey, basically, you know, the little, the little where are they now things. Basically, still no one's talking to Teresa. Yeah.

And Teresa's a horrible person. And then the next one said, Teresa looks like a monkey. And then the next one said, why is Melissa's hairline all the way in the back of her head now? Melissa has male pattern baldness. She does. Yeah, I know exactly where she can go for some help. It's called ca-face. Fat face.

It's going to be called forehead fixers. Ca-forehead. Well, it didn't say anything about Caroline having a radio show which I thought was promising yeah that's good to know Kathy did sell her cannolis you know I have to say it said she sells

a cannoli kit and I would like to actually purchase that cannoli kit or have it sent to me for free ideally because like I said I'm not doing anything with my life so I don't have money for a cannoli kit. So why not perfect someone's mother's cannoli? Yeah. So I was happy to hear that from Kathy.

Kathy Cannoli. I would like to know more about Caface or Caface to know how it's doing. And also, by the way, we mention how uh at the end of the episode when melissa and joe were driving away how joe was yelling at theresa and melissa was like being like lady mcbeth and being like say shame on you say shame shame say the word shame and i love how he translates that hey fuck you yeah about wife. My wife ain't no stripper. Fuck you and your stupid face. Face, face, dumb face. Stupid whore.

Go sniff another line of coke, you stupid whore. No, say shame. Yeah, she's like, no, just same. Same on you. Same, same. Fuck you, whore. I think we have one final thought on Real Housewives of New Jersey, which also comes from Lauren Carapucci Gordon, who says,

Anyone who thinks that Melissa being a stripper is worse than her being a reality and pop star? Which, she didn't really finish the thought, but the sentiment is yes. A stripper would actually be an improvement on her current state. That's for sure. You know, it's like I said last week. The woman is writhing around on the floor in a bikini and a thong to try and sell a stupid album on iTunes.

So I don't really understand why that's so much better than being a stripper. Just admit that you were a stripper. And Jackie, you admit that you were a stripper too. Well, next week we have the reunion where that stuff all comes up. And on top of that, Teresa...

So what happens is Andy Cohen, this is in the preview clip, Andy Cohen asks Teresa if she thinks that Caroline raised her kids well. And Teresa's like, no, I love the kids. I love the kids.

They're great. But if you look at Caroline, I mean, she's got like like, three rolls of fat. And it's, like, a total, like, nasty non sequitur. And I'm so excited to see this. Well, poor Teresa just forgets her sentences. You know, what she meant to say was, but Caroline's got three rolls of fat and she spent the whole season calling her daughter a pig. Right.

You know, like, finish your sentence, Teresa. Write it down on your hand or something. Poor thing. She has decent points. She just has no brains to make these points. None of them have any brains. The thing that bothers me the most about Teresa at the end of the day is that she truly

doesn't think she's ever done anything wrong. I feel like with the other women, at least there's a minor sense of culpability. None of them think they did wrong, but Teresa really is psychotic. I mean, she just has no... She'll just keep repeating the same thing over and over until people say it's true.

Yeah. So let's move on to Miami, speaking of psychotic. Yay, Miami, Miami. Nice job, guys. They're doing a great job. I hope people are watching it. I get the sense that people are not watching it because the first season was so bad. But really, give it a shot, everyone, because it is good.

We already had our first awkward moment of the season, which was when Adriana forced some sort of confrontation between Ana and Anna and Karen. Oh, my God. Adriana is so crazy. She's crazy. Last year, too. But this year, it's just so funny. It's like, what did you say about the guy? Are you sleeping with the guy?

No, I'm just texting the guy. Oh, he texted it to you? Well, he didn't tell the other. No, he's dating the other girl. Let me bring her. Come here. here come over here someone's lying somewhere she's a crazy bitch and meanwhile this karen which is by the way is care and cunt it's like a hug where someone will stab you yeah she looks like the biggest bitch of them all by the way she's an evil woman behind that smile you can tell she is and i love that her response to that

whole thing is like well you know i don't need to bring that myself down to the level of some slut which is not what she said but yeah she's like a text came through but you know it is very childish and i don't want to talk about it right now. You know, he's going off to the airport. Meanwhile, Leah, by the way, I love when they cut to her. She's like, well, either he was texting her, or she was texting him, or she wasn't texting him, or she wasn't texting her, and I don't know.

I found it all very entertaining. I'll tell you, back when I was young, you would have had to be writing letters to each other, and then you would have had more proof. You could ask the postman. Was he sending posts to her? Was she sending posts to him? I mean, what was going on, postman? You remember postman.

How fun was that? You had to wait for days for someone to find out what you were thinking about him, not just a second. And then World War I happened, and that changed everything. Oh, gosh, stamps are 45 cents now. No wonder no one communicates anymore. You know what I say about the post office? Tear it down. This place stinks.

Why is this place so stinky? The post office, tear it down and put something else up. You've got to stop using horses. You've got to stop with the horses. You've got to take down the post office Here's what you do You build a shack, you put a fax machine inside And then you invoice someone

Now fax machines, those are the future When you're getting something You hear a beep Now that's offensive If someone was making those sounds at your man You'd really have a reason to beat him up. How fun is that? You know what I love to do with my fax machine?

I love to fax orders to artists and have them make giant gold alligators and put them on my wall. How great is that? I love supporting the arts. Did you see the giant gold alligator that's on her wall? No. Look, when she's doing a diary,

when she's doing a confessional, whatever, the interview, if you just look in the background, you'll notice there's a giant gold alligator that's life-size that's hanging on her wall. Her place is where pop art goes to die. It's like, you know when you see the... It was like the opposite of Art Basel. It was like... This was like Art Mazel, see the it was like the opposite of art basel it was like this was like art mazel okay it was just like this is like tchotchkes and like crappy art that you

see in like flea markets that you just hope gets burned on some barge out in the pacific but instead it like makes its way to her home and she's invoiced everyone. How fun is that? Oh my God, you've given me smoker's cough like three times during this podcast. I love Leah so much. I really wish, I wish more people who would watch, you know, then there's also this stupid bitch, Lisa, who's the

Oh wait, let's stay with Leah for a second because my favorite part of the episode was, they're watching, Leah's sitting there with her young son, who, by the way, has already been mortified in a painting. She's already painted him. Do you remember that painting that hung up last season? Oh, that's right. It looked like a creepy little wooden doll.

Same artist as the Sonia Morgan collection, I'm sure. Totally, totally. Like in the 80s. And the kid wasn't even born in the 80s but she's sitting there watching the trial that her husband is is is uh defending john didman who is this really rich guy in miami who was apparently always driving around drunk and finally killed somebody i don't even know the whole story i don't want to get into it because you never know who you could get sued by but um she But they're watching it on TV and he's like,

Mom! What did he ask her? He's like, what did that guy do? Was he drunk? And she's like, Oh no, he just had one drink. It was an accident. And he was so stressed out about it. That's when he had more drinks. My friend

Waffle Boy, who's one of the writers at Team Egasm, was like, isn't that the Joe Giudice defense? Like, that's the same. Did this black person get the defense off of Real Housewives of New Jersey? I know. So that was a great point. That's totally true. Yeah. Well, when she said the thing, she's like, wow, this guy's a very good man.

And it was one time as a night and there was an accident. Someone died. I'm like, you can't just like gloss it over like someone like happened to leave their purse behind or like fell over. Like, no, that's, I'm sorry. Well, he's a very wealthy man here in Miami. Everyone loves him. And, you know, he went out one night now someone's dead and they're trying they're crucifying him now i mean they're crucifying him and i loved her story of um well

you know one time i was on jury duty and uh you know later i started getting letters and you know then i would hear tapping on my window and realized it was morse code and you know it was the lawyer. It was the defense lawyer out there. And I haven't stopped talking since! Oh my god, I love her so much. I'm so excited for the episode later in the season. They showed in the previews

where, what did she say? She said something in her super sing-songy voice. She's like, These women are crazy! Oh, no. These women are ruthless! Ruthless! That's what it is. But she sort of, like, not only does she just, like, jazz hand, she, like, sort of, like, jumps in front of the camera to say, it's just

like the most amazing moment. A little head shake. Like, I love, I feel like Leah would come on here and just talk shit about everyone and just, like, laugh and laugh and laugh. Oh, yeah, she would. And who was saying, oh, I think I talked about this last week, so stop me, because I do inherit a lot from my mother, and one is drunkenly slurring the same things over and over again, even when I'm not drunk. But I saw a couple of the women on Watch What Happens last week, and Anna, the kind of chunky one, was very mean.

Everything that Andy asked, she was like, oh, well, Leah's had plastic surgery. Like, damn, babe. I can't wait to see that. Yeah, that'll come out. Let's be a plastic surgery. So this girl, Lisa,

she didn't really do much this episode. She's trying to have a baby. Good luck with that. Her husband probably just revamped her womb to look like a little matchbox car or something. And by accident, now she can't have babies. Oh, is that the blow-up Mariah Carey? Who calls her that? I think I call her that. Oh, yes.

You put the blow-up dolls of Miami was your hilarious recap. And Candace put on the page, that girl looks like the blow-up version of Mariah Carey. Yeah. No, she does. But so she was talking about, like, she's like, my husband works really late hours. Like, sometimes he doesn't come home until 7 p.m. You're so stupid. And then, of course, I think actually the funniest part of the episode was when Elsa went into Marisol's office to cleanse it.

And all she did was walk around and throw rice at girls. She's like, you want to be married? Yeah, I think so. And then she sprayed them with perfume right in the face. I couldn't help but wonder if this was just an elaborate joke. I mean, it was so... It was, because she was even laughing at one point. She just asked that girl a question and threw rice at her face.

That was hilarious. It was... Hey, you want to give me any? Hey, it's very for positive energy. I want to find you someone who's educated. Rice is for positive energy because it is good under beans.

Doesn't that kill pigeons when they use it at weddings? Yeah, but you know what? Pigeons are dirty. She's cleansing the space from future pigeons. That's true. I forgot what I was going to say. I was going to say something about Elsa,

but it doesn't matter. The point is that Elsa is hilarious, and God, I love her. I love her so much. You know what it was? It was that at the end of last episode, she faints, and it's like, oh my God, what's going to happen to Elsa? And in this episode, they're like, oh yeah, by the way, she's fine.

It's like, oh, okay. by the way, she's fine. It's like, oh, okay. She's like, I am okay. I don't know what happened to me. I was standing up, and then I was laying down on the floor. Marisol. Oh, Napoleon. We're Napoleon. Meanwhile, then Joanna Krupa.

I'm just trying to go through this quickly since we're running out of time. In fact, we're probably over an hour. I wasn't timing it. We're way over, so don't even worry about that. I wasn't even timing. My bad. But then Joanna Krupa didn't do much, but we did get to see her boyfriend shirtless, which was very nice. And she complained about settling down and all that bullshit stuff. And her sister's annoying.

Oh, well, we're going to get to see her lose it, which I am so excited for. Oh, yeah. Well, this podcast will be released probably on Thursday. So tonight, when people are listening. The promos have been making me crack up all week long. What is Joanna saying? I see you! It's at the end of every promo.

It's like a little clip. It's like her having the ultimate tantrum. She just freaks out. I love it. I wanted to say one thing about Elsa. Because, I mean, we don't really talk about her as much as we probably could. Because she doesn't really have drama. She's just really hilarious.

But I can't help but do this all the time like i'm doing it to my little nieces you know because i'm here in town and i was with my meemaw papa yesterday and um i was doing that impression and they're like who is that what are you doing i said oh this is old lady from miami and i and they said oh we don't get those shows those reality shows i said you just have to take that character and put it with something that you like. For example, this forward that you sent me. Because my papa is one of those papas who's always sending forwards. Usually like super conservative forwards.

So I put one up on my phone and I read it to him like Elsa. I had the displeasure of seeing 2016, the movie, yesterday. But not in the way you may think, Marisol. I had the displeasure of seeing 2016, the movie, yesterday. But not in the way you may think, Marisol. You would think that as a former Obama fan, it would have been a right-wing propaganda-ville experience. A waste of my time. It wasn't! It's not about taking over the auto industry or banks or any number of things that Obama administration done.

Some of that may have been needed to fix this mess. Dot, dot, dot. I made him sit there. He's like, alright, okay, that's enough. And I made him sit there and listen to me for 20 fucking minutes to get through this forward.

In other words, papas, stop sending people fucking forwards. We're sick of it. That's your revenge. You're going to read them back in Elsa voice. Yes. And it totally works. He's never going to send me another forward. Thanks, Elsa. Love ya. Marisol.

Marisol. So, yeah, I don't really have any other thoughts on Miami. What else happened? They went to see Adriana's boat and Mariah Carey Um, so, yeah, I mean, I don't really have any other thoughts on Miami. Uh, just that I want more people to watch it. What else happened? They went to see Adriana's boat, and Mariah Carey was like, um, she's not gonna like it. Yeah. That's stupid. Um, what else happened on Miami?

It's okay. We can, let's move on to Gallery Girls real quickly, because, uh, I don't want to, like, force people to be sitting here for three hours. It's not forcing. It's the digital age. They probably already turned it off. That's true. They can turn it off at any time. I don't actually remember. It has to be like Les Miserables every weekend. I don't actually remember anything else happening in Miami.

I watched it twice. It's just that there was that interaction. I don't know. I think it's been fun. I love Corrine. I still don't believe that she's an actual dentist. You see her filling in a tooth or whatever and then she takes off her

lab coat or whatever, her doctor's coat, and then all of a sudden she's wearing this va-va-voom dress. I'm like, no dentist wears that to the office. I'm sorry. I love that someone put on our Facebook, that bitch isn't a high-powered dentist. She parks on the street. I think of that every time I see Corrine.

Yeah, Corrine is going to be one psycho biatch, and I cannot wait to see her blossom into the evil that we know is in that seed. So I actually, I was pretty good even out of town of watching all my Housewives shows but I did not get to see Gallery Girls. I'm really upset so you have to tell me what happened.

Gargoyles. Okay, well previously on Gargoyles previously on Gargoyles they went on to my other they went to our bath hall and I was trying to try to do a pop-up um but they don't have any money for pop-ups so i'm not coming to america man to build a pop-up farm so in case you don't understand what i was saying which is probably all of you um basically

what happened was the end of century girls had a pop-up, and at first it didn't look like it was going to be very good, but then Amy really rallied and got people in there, and they're like, it turned out really well, it was really exciting, but of course they still sold no art. And they got a bill for $200 for a con ed, and Claudia started to cry because they don't have any money and Chantal had skipped out to go to Paris and

you feel bad for Claudia because she seems like a nice girl. Oh, also Liz and Chantal and Claudia became friends and... What? That's huge news. How'd that happen? Yeah, sorry. Well, the tension just kept on building and Liz was like, it's all uncomfortable.

I just can't deal with it anymore. So Liz's friend owns a club called Makai. So she got bottle service and invited the girls to Makai. Makoli? It's called Makai. Makoli? Makai. Makai?

Makai. Makai. It's like my best friend mccoy are you home alone i'm home alone my favorite movie growing up was my star mccoy oh my god guys who's about to act like or comical i can't play my cost is dating she was so good on that so she had a bottle service and invited the two brooklyn girls and yeah and they got they they sort of like, addressed the fact that there was, like, tension. And Liz was just like, yeah, well, I felt like I was always saying hi to you guys, and you guys were mean. And so I stopped trying.

And then the hipsters were like, oh, yeah, I guess we were mean. I guess it was our fault. And then they all were nice to each other. It was actually, like, a very mature resolution. over nice to each other it was actually like a very mature resolution um and then uh but what happened was so liz's friend on this on this club and they got all these free bottles and then um maggie's maggie was there with her boyfriend and her boyfriend's friend brandon and um and basically uh this guy brandon got wasted and they got kicked out of the club, and Ryan was in charge of leaving a tip for all this bottle service because Liz left early, and they didn't tip after all that, too. So Liz was really mad and was going off on this guy Brandon, and Maggie was, at first, they were like, oh, we're really, really sorry. But she kept on going on and on and on about it.

And then Maggie's like, why does she keep saying that about me? And yada, yada, yada. The point is this, Liz and Maggie hate each other now. Oh, okay. That's the news. Yeah, I saw a little bit of that in the preview. And I think that everyone should hate Liz because she's an asshole. But I like her, so I'm glad that she'll get some more screen time

and that we'll really get to see her bloom as an asshole because I saw and watched what happens a little bit better a little more clearly of what an asshole she is. She's really bad, so I can't wait for her to really be exposed and dragged across the coals, darling.

Bloom, little flower, bloom! I don't know. I mean, I kind of feel like she's such a bitch, and she's so, like, up front with being a bitch. Like, she can't really be exposed. She's just a bitch, and I kind of love that about her. Like, I understand why Maggie hates her. Like, I wouldn't want to be friends with her, but as a TV viewer, I love her.

I think she is hilarious. She's hilarious. Hilarious. She's hilarious. She's so hilarious on Goggles. The other news is that Amy's dad sold her apartment

so she's going to have to find her own space and the other thing is that Carrie has to sort of decide between being a high class hooker slash chaperone or being an intern

and yeah, End of Century is is gonna go broke and the season finale is next week so don't miss it oh my gosh i'm so sad that it's almost over okay we have two two more questions that we can close with um these were things that came across on twitter yeah and i'm really sorry but i didn't write the names down. I suck at that. But one of them is, have you been watching Flipping Out? No.

Okay, Jenny is marrying an obviously gay guy. That's what I hear. That's what I hear. Jenny, the guy is completely gay. Like,

he looks so much that he's getting spit on your face when he talks to you. The guy's gay. Okay? The guy couldn't be gayer with the dick sticking

out of his mouth. He's like, Jenny, let's go see god girls yeah he's like for our honeymoon we're gonna go see the book of mormon open in las vegas together the guy is gay jenny gay men love you because you're really funny and we know that you can put up with our psychotic asses because you've put up with jeff for so long the guy is gay. Don't do this to yourself. Don't do this to yourself, girl. And the other thing was, what is going to happen on Jersey next year? Because obviously they cannot keep it the way it is. Something's going to have to change. No one has spoken in a year to Teresa. They can't keep it going with Teresa. So do you think that they're doing to Teresa what they did to Danielle,

which is they all refused to do the show again with Danielle and got her kicked off? Are they doing that with Teresa? I gosh, I can't imagine because Teresa is like too much of a star. I think at this point they would sacrifice people like Caroline and Jacqueline, you know, to keep Teresa and then just keep Kathy and just keep it in the family? Or are the rumors true and is Teresa going to get a spin-off? Because that's a rumor. I have no idea.

I think it clearly presents itself a challenge. But I guess we'll have to wait and find out. Yeah! We'll have to watch what happens. We'll watch what crappens. Yeah, we'll watch what crappens. That was the theme for Divine Design.

Thank you, Candice. I love you. Was it? I was just whistling. I was humming along. I thought we were improvising a song. I was like, oh, my God I thought we were improvising a song. I was like, oh my god, Ronnie, we just made a song.

I had no idea you were actually using someone else's intellectual property. Yeah, that was Candice Olsen. Love you, Candice. You're totally using someone else's intellectual property. Yeah, I can't be creative this much in a row.

This many minutes in a row. Thank you, everybody. Let's thank us. All right. I think this has been like an hour and a half, right? Sorry, everyone, for making it so long. But, you know, you can always pause and resume whenever you want. You don't have to listen to it all in one shot.

For crying out loud, get a life. Yeah, you guys, go to lunch, guys. Go to lunch, everybody. We'll still be here when you come back. Yeah, we'll be here. It's like on P90X. They say, if you're feeling winded, press pause, and then when you're ready, press play, because we'll be right here.

And once you're done with that pizza, press play. We'll just resume. Yes, indeed. So anyway, yes. Thank you very much, listeners. And thank you, Bravo, and thank you Bravo and thank you Academy it's been a really fun time

hopefully Matt will be among the living again next week and I guess we'll see y'all next week yeah see you guys next time follow Ben at B-Side Blog follow me Ronnie at TVgasm and come to our Facebook at facebook.com forward slash TVgasm.

And follow us at Twitter and talk to us by chasing at whatcrapins. Love you guys. Me and Eric. See you next time. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger.

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