Watch What Crappens - #395 Top Chef: Tequila Valley Ranch

Episode Date: February 21, 2017

It’s the Top Chef finals, and there’s lots and lots of tequila! Enjoy! Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Also, check out Ronnie’s new TrashTalkTV RHOBH Audiobook podcast at tttv.podbean.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. To talk to other crapman's listeners about the shows as they air,

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Hills audiobooks on iTunes, and hello Benjaminna! Oh hello! Hello Ben is my little bestie and partner. He's from the B side blog and the banter blender podcast. Yes, I'm recording a new episode today with Lisa Timmans. It's gonna be an old school banter blender with ban and Lisa. What a banter with ban and Lisa is what we used to call up. And now it's the banter blender.

But we are gonna do an episode today. And it's kind of funky. We're gonna be talking about the local Los Angeles election coming up in a few weeks because we're both fired up about a certain measure. I know that sounds fun, right? But you should all listen to everybody's really fired up about whatever measure that is. Let's make a guess. Yeah, don't even go into it here, kids. All that I'm saying in an hour. Not good. So if you're in LA, don't vote for Measure S because they're trying to make it seem like

it's going to be good for an neighborhood to like, say of our neighborhoods. Oh, you know, are they saying it's for the children? Yeah, no, you want to vote it down. Everyone just vote down Measure S. That's one of more information. Keep tuned. Say, go check out the Bantrop Lender when the new episode comes up. Look at that.

I have a feeling I'd say Measure S is for the children because that's what they always do They're like phadera course. Yeah So speaking of phadera we are moving real housewives of Atlanta to our Thursday slot because it's empty for a while And we want to spend as much time as possible talking about it because that shit is hilarious Yeah, and last smile was amazing. Yeah, sorry to tease you with it, but marriage medicine is wrapping up. Ladies and London is done. Thursday has opened up and we don't want to make you wait until Thursday to listen to Top Chefs. But we do have to put, we do have to say one thing about Atlanta right now.

Yeah, and that is they took the To a holy level with I mean I've never heard so much fighting about pussy's in my life. It was amazing Yeah, they took the Vanderpump Rules storyline and then just took it to 10. This is this is how Brittany and Kristen should have been reacting. This is Vanderpump Rules as told by the community theater in Atlanta. Yeah, and the roles are played by Candy and it was I was watching that episode last night and I was candy and it was I was watching that episode last night and I was really exhausted. I was like coming down for like I had gone out to dinner and had cocktails and beers and I was one of those

things I it's I was sober enough that I have said I could drive home because I'm really paranoid about that. I don't drink and drive but I still had like enough of like a very like a teeny buzzed to make me kind of like in a fog the whole episode that I was like recapping was in a fog and then when that happened I was like what is going on? This is amazing. I mean it went from candy and Riley crying and writing like this beautiful song too. Who are you trying to jump over me?

I mean hilarious and I'm glad we're not doing it today because I have a bit of the weekend voice. Not the weekend, but also, but I have weekend for it. So I'm like, You just missed my weekend impersonation. Happy weekend. That's what he does. He just does. He's little a lot. He glutes. Okay, we're gonna piss off everyone listening. He was actually trying to listen to Bravo recaps right now. But by the way, can we give a shout out to the people on Reddit because they are so and

also on Heather McDonald's GC scoop, uh, Secret Group, um, on Facebook because you all are, um, just saying the nicest things about us. It really means a lot. You guys are like going out there and writing about how, like just all this stuff, and it really means a lot to us. So thanks everyone. We paying attention, we hear at any sort of critiques we hear, we're always trying to like make ourselves better,

and that's that. Yeah, thanks you guys. Yeah. You just say so much nicer than me now. I don't know Let's go with your Zalco sign. I'll coast sign. Yeah, I'll sign that at least on your heart Ronnie is like Patrick Suasey and ghost did No, no, you're really trying to get everybody pissed off. You're making me say Russian limbaugh things Did those rush that's a thing they say on the Ruslanbaugh show when people

call they're like, Hey, rush. Ditto's. Which I guess means I agree with you. But you know, can I, that's, you know what? That is for a conservative

right wing talk show. That's probably not, but I don't listen to Ruslanbaugh. I don't know how he feels about Gatoride's. I can't imagine he's like totally pro them. That is like one of the gay

of slow on one hand. He hired Ditto's. He gave Elton John a million dollars to perform at his wedding. On the other hand, he said it's like off the radio. You know what I was. I was trying to keep it. I went in purely romantic, ethereal place with Patrick Suasian Ghost, but if you want to bring it to the Rush Limbaugh, that's fine. Well, fine. You can blame me or you can blame Rush Limbaugh, where the blame really lies. Okay. Xerox, Xerox. Did you mean to bring it over to Rush Limbaugh?

See, that was like my Padma transition into Top Chef, because we're talking about Top Chef today. Top Chef today. Top Chef today, TCT. So we are in the, you know, finals, but Top Chef is Top Chef, who have finals for 10 damn weeks. Yeah, like, well, the finals, guys, well, well, well, here we are at the finals. Well, the finals, well, we're Mexican. Well, I hope you got your passport photo because we're going to, well, let's go. So every time, every time we open with the Top Chef finals,

it's like five weeks of memories, you know? It's like a John's memories of his time on Top Chef. John, did you mean to have memories? Did you mean to have a memory segment right now? John, did you mean to have such simplistic memories? Well, that's what I like to do. I like to be simple, simple, clean memories, plastic memories.

No man needs any of my memories, okay? John is acting on, sitting in. I said said the skin is on like the bread pepper. There's a red pepper call back that like only I got to the skin is on. He's like, it's supposed to be that okay. Supposed to be slightly bitter. That's how we like it. Otherwise, just like a big sloppy memory pile on top of your bread. John is acting like he's been on death row and every episode he's up for parole. I mean this guy every time they get to John

He's like, well, I've overcome so much and so many demons and I've really been working on myself. I found Christ So that's been great. Now that Christ is filling my life. I feel like I should win top chef Like what the hell are you trying to go on parole? Shut up. You were in dick. Who cares? You're a chef. You're supposed to be a dick I wish I had seen the green mile So I could make some jokes about it in reference to John like isn't there some sort of magical Michael Clark Duncan figure in there That John saw at one point that's a gal In padmas eyes your words That's what Padma sees when she looks at gal

I would so the thing is that the Padma sees when she looks at Gail. OK, fix it. You fix it. So the thing is, the Padma Gail jokes, I have actually been doing the Padma bit about, like just always saying the shittiest things about Gail on my blog for years when I used to blog about Top Chef. But I always felt the need to clarify at some point, by the way, this is not how I feel about Gail. This is how I imagine Padma feels about Gail. Because invariably, people will be like, Gail is beautiful and she said,

why do you keep patching her? I don't like how you patching Gail. We're not. We just imagine that Padma does it all the time. I have to do that on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap sometimes, because I always joke about Kyle the same way, but the Kyle's not fat. Like, that's the joke. Kyle's just, Kyle's insecure about it, and I love it. So I'm always making Kyle jokes about, you know, like her back hanging over her bras

because she's always wearing the wrong size bra or whatever. And yeah, I'll occasionally get a new reader who's like, what the hell? That's fat. Oh, Patriarchy. Yeah. It's nice though when Lena Dunham tunes in to listen to us. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

When she's not- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are you- Are when you hear that. I mean, maybe I am with that. That's it. Is this what you hear? Yes, it's terrible. This little, yeah, it's terrible. It's going up through your microphone. Yeah, stop it. I'm gonna kill you. I'm sorry, listeners. Glad we figured that out. Professional is usual. What is that?

God damn it. What were you doing though? I'm curious. I was just happy. I was just like a little fidgety like that. It's all right. Oh my God, don't do it. People see it. I like this show, Ben. This is the people this is the most professional podcast. I'd like to say that we have

I don't know if we still are, but we were number three on iTunes, TV movies list for like a week nestled in between like NPR and ESPN or you must remember this whatever that is. And I like that we're number three, not because it's cool to be number three, but because I know that we are the least professional thing up there. Like just so, so like recording levels all over the place, thumping on the desk. Yeah, I think that at some point they're like, oh, they are number two. No, we cannot put them at number two They're gonna ruin iTunes reputation. Okay, keep them down. I'm coke is like no. I love that we've infiltrated at that level like with our shitty shitty production quality

I know we're actually gonna do Kate Casey's podcast tomorrow We're gonna do a crossover episode with Kate Casey and so we're going to her studio. You know, she has like a studio. And I just find that hilarious. Like a good. I actually had to put down on my list. Wake up, take shower. Never on my list. Okay. We're down to number five, by the way, but still, by the way, awesome. Okay, so top chef. John's memory. So we've gotten past one sentence in my notes. John's memory is death row.

Yes, so they're in Guadalajara, Mexico, for the finals, and they're at a Shiva Stadium. Shiva's, Shiva's, Shiva's. Shiva! Shiva! Shiva! stadium. Shiva's, Shiva's, Shiva's, Shiva's, Shiva's, Shiva's, And it's a big empty stadium and it's, it's the finals. Yeah, so we're going there. We're getting a little of everybody's memories. Surely it's like, I have grown in my confidence. And then we get celldins and he's like, last time I was here, I was eliminated I was in myself, but now I myself I cook for my heart and my heart wants to all the time

Some kind of stew, mushy food. That's what I like stew and doodles So let's see Shiva so surely he's like, oh my god, are we going to cook for 35,000 people? And you know, she really thought they were because she's trying to So Shirley's like, oh my God, are we going to cook for 35,000 people? And you know, she really thought they were because she started. There would have been actually kind of awesome if there had been a challenge at some point where they had to go to a stadium and they had little boxes, they had to pull things out of the box, you know, and toss them down the way, like concession guys at the stadium. That would be a cool challenge.

Oh yeah, but how many things can you make with the popcorn and a hot dog? But I guess what that's what this shows about, you know, yeah, hey, really enjoyed the honey mustard on this hot dog popcorn bite. Well, you know, it's a ball game, you know, that's what we were on ball game. You're going to become one of the greatest chefs ever in history. But, you know, Stu at AT&T Stadium, who knew? Stu. By the way, I think we should mention the guest judge for the quick fire who was like this, um, Burleigh kind of Mexican bearer, uh, and I found him to be oddly very sexy. Yes, because he told like these. He's like, where have gone to Shiva?

This is what I want to a little make shini. I'm like, what? What did you say right now? And why do you look like the guy on the tortilla chips bag? You're hot. He looks like the poncho viaia or whoever the hell they ate. Pancho Via was coffee, wasn't he? I don't know.

There's someone with a big ol' mustache on some chips. Pancho Via was a historical figure. Coffee was, coffee was, you know, when they were playing. Beavis around. Beavis around. You know, we know when the airplane turns around to the commercial from the 80s, they're like, sorry to announce that we have forgotten our coffee and the airplane turns around this guy.

No. I'll look it up. I hate not being able to yes and to be in. You can yes and you can say, Mr. Maxwell House, Linda Ellerby, um, Linda Carter Lintetayna Lintetayna Juan Delt, Juan Juan Beldez Oh, Juan Beldez

Yes But I don't feel like Juan Beldez Talk like this, like this, guess judge It's like welcome to the Shiva Stadium This is where we play the football of the chili of the blah Perro con yo punta quinta Mac what the fuck are you saying and say in my ear you handsome bastard They're like we have chosen this stadium for the challenge because it's also where the latest office of the agency has opened up We still comes out. Hello. Welcome to the agency office. I'm doing so proud

I just started out as just you know on a couch of Kyle and now like now I have an agency. It's really amazing. So I won't have a mug of retail. I think the only thing that would make this better for me is if I could be here with Kyle right now. Kyle, Kyle, she's still looking for hot dogs in the hot dog stand, but she'll be back soon. She's the light of my life. You can sleep wherever you want just choose a room now everyone just don't that your challenge for today is just standing in the Bill and stadium while I do laps with my Lamborghini Can you believe it? I was going 137 miles an hour

That's crazy. No seatbelt down with my daughter in the front seat at a bag full of all our money. Can you believe it? That was not reckless at all So Padmas there with Pancho VN. She's like, welcome to Chivas stadium. Did you mean to come to Chivas stadium? Or did you mean to go get Chivas shoes? I was confused too, guys. So basically, the mascot for the Chivas is as a goat. Is that, is that what Chivas is a goat? I don't know, but we have that as a mascot. And Padma, we're like, we are going to find out who is coming back from the, whatever after the show is called,

where people still keep competing on the internet, WWW, whatever. So now, let us look up towards the sky. And the Megatron comes on and it's just like boring bro She's like hi Remember when I was gone for all of like one minute this season remember when I was eliminated the end of last episode And I was eliminated for all of 90 seconds on this episode and I'm back. Yeah She's like, I know you can't believe it guys, but I'm back back. And my highlights are worse than ever. Like, geez, how did they get so bad? You just got eliminated yesterday.

Well, chefs are not always known for their great hairstyles. Yeah, and there's also been time. Like they all got to go home, I think, and come back, you know? Yeah. It's like when you, if you ever like after watching this, this, this show for a few episodes and you get used to how these chefs look at everything and then you go to the bravo webpage and you you look at their bios and they're all you know made up and and their hair is blown out it looks strange like whoa someone like did their hair nice it doesn't look right. It does and also we just wreck them at the beginning of the season just looking in them on the internet first and we just rip them apart. And then when you go look, it's like, oh my God, that's like their good side. Who knew? Who knew? So Brooke is coming back and they just leave her up on that Megatron so awkwardly.

And she just got to bounce us her ponytail a little bit like, am I on? Tony tell a little bit like, am I on? So Brooke is excited because she, her worst fear is losing and she lost. And so she had to get crushed and get over it and now she's back and she's like, it's losing is the best thing that ever happened to me. I can't wait to win. And if I don't, I'm gonna kill myself

on this Megatron in front of everybody. Well, and then later on during the quickfire, she was actually like, it's kind of like liberating, you know, when you've got nothing left to lose, right? I'm like, yeah, you do have something to lose this competition. You're back in it. Really? That's like, that's going to pay your mortgage for a while, that hundred and fifty thousand dollars furnished by Sam Telegreen owned chips and hidden Valley

ranch. Katie is had a lady boner. It's like hidden Valley rent, just in their meetings. They're like, I think our people are Bravo people. Anything we can do to get on Bravo. Let's just get on every fucking Bravo show. We have given Hidden Valley Ranch so much advertising on this podcast the past few weeks.

They should really, you know, step up to the plate and be official sponsors. Hey, best drink in my life. I love that cocktail. So, Brooke, um, Brooke is psyched to be back, of course, and then Padman's like, this, this, uh, is the challenge that will get you one step closer to your goal. And Tom goes, did you say, go!

And Padman goes, I did. I was like, oh shit, Padman goes, I did. I was like, oh shit, Padman, Tom, or Fightin' in Mexico. They're comic-styleings of Padman, Tom, coming to the Catskills this summer. So they are, they're, they're, they're, well, well, they're challenged for their quickfire challenge is to goat.

The goat. The goat. Because the goat is the mascot of the chevas and and so we're going to cook the goat which is kind of morbid. I think Sheldon was the one who's like um so we're good as the mascot's a runner cook it. It's like cooking Mr. Matt you know yeah you can't do that. It's like eating Ronald McDonald when you got a McDonald's. Well, it's a McDonald challenge and Ronald McDonald's is the mascot of McDonald's. So well, we're going to ask you to kill Ronald McDonald's and serve him up. Next week, we're going to human sacrifice Wendy, whoever can make the best sides for Wendy, wins.

This week we're going to be carving up the early bird. Did you mean to leave the early bird's beacon? Did you mean to over cook early bird's goggles? There's posters all over the street missing Carl Jr. Carl is online. He's like I miss my son. Carl, are you okay? Carl, we see you're missing Carl. So they have to make a so Sheldon is he's like I love God meet as long as it's nice and tender so I'm gonna make the cheeks. I was like God isn't goat gross enough. I don't know I don't think I've had goat before.

Oh, if I have, I don't remember it very well. I think I may have had it at some random food thing. Goats are mean, I'll tell you that. Goats? Oh yeah, they are mean. They're mean little fuckers. It's my aunt, Josie, she's the like big, daiki lesbian in our family. She always had a goat and she's like, go in there, say how to the goat.

Don't be a pussy. I'm like, okay. And then of course it would like ram me down to the ground. I'm like, ah! Ah! Ah! I'm like, cousins, I'll be outside the fence laughing at me.

Stories from your childhood. I mean, yeah, my bull dyke aunt who had a goat. I mean, it's unbelievable. By the way, for those of you who missed it, so we have a Twitter account at what happens. And we tweeted out the fact that we had reached number three or something like that. And then Ronnie's dad tweeted at us and was like, I've always been a Ronnie fan fan all his life and even before. Oh, it was so cute. Ron is that tweeting at us. It was so adorable.

That is so cute. I have a good family. My dad's like, why did you tell me you were on Jenny McCarthy again? I would have woken up and listened to it. I got serious XM just to hear it. Really bad. So embarrassing. I like that.

I mean, for him, not for me. But I'm very lucky in that way. Except, you know, then I have to buy cats who sick goats on me. So it all evens out in the end, guys. Yeah. It all evens out in the end. So for this quick fire challenge, let's see. So Brooke, she made some goat ribs, which I thought was a really fun approach. And then surely she made, she was trying to make like a noodle, like an Asian noodle situation, but she didn't have a, she had to use a tortilla press. So I really enjoyed her novel,

the novelty of her making the noodles in a tortilla press. And then John, he was like, he made a torta with tomato sauce. It looked awful. It looked so bad. And what made it even worse is he's like, well, before coming here, I read a lot about the Guadalajara food scene. And he made like a sandwich from subway.

I was like, yeah, that was not the sort of red that you make a torta out of. Like a torta has special, I I forgot the name of that role is But it was like a big hero role But it's a special role for torta's I went to there's a place downtown I don't know if it's still there called like the torta factory or something like that And I went like two years ago and got a full education on the entire process of making a torta and that's sir It was not a torta that was just a sandwich and on top of that

It was like that the bread was so thick and so tall that when I looked at it, I was like, this is gonna be awful. And sure enough, you got dinged for having a terrible bread to filling ratio. And tomato sauce? Yeah, I was gonna say he made it tomato sauce, it looked like pasta sauce and poured it over it.

Like, what are you doing, dude? Yeah, they did this whole thing. Well, you know, I gotta keep it simple, you know, I got to keep it's I like to keep it simple You know, I'm not a sophisticated man. He was doing the caveman lawyer thing on SNL I mean I'm just a I'm just a caveman. I don't know these fancy things like backs machines and bullets and got you know that whole thing Like I'm just a simple guy simple. Yeah, and he's the one he says like he opens 20 restaurants a year or some shit. Yeah. I don't think all like this. Yeah. I don't mind when a chef is like, listen, I'm not into the fancy shit. I just want it to taste good. I don't mind that. Like the guy, what's his

favorite, the gay guy from season one. I like it. But with someone like John, it's really annoying. Yeah. Well, because it's John, and then he gets so defensive whenever they tell him something, because in judging, they got on him. They're like, that thing is huge. It's like a bloody sandwich or whatever, and his goat was too chewy, like his goat wasn't concerned, right? And then yeah, he goes into self-defense mode.

He's like, well, you know, I personally enjoy chewy goat. Before I'm from. Yeah, he was. His goat is chewy, and that's how we like it. So. I think we're from. Yeah, you are. This goat is Chewy, and that's how we like it. So... When I grew up in Long Island, we always had Chewy Goat after on our scampy nights. That's just why we did it.

Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder e's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us?

We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood, how much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. teen jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative

designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Yeah, there's a difference between simple food and just easy shit that anybody can make. I mean, if it's going to be pouring tomato soup over a goddamn piece of store-bought bread. I could do that. Give me some money. Yeah, seriously. So Brooke made goat ribs, which I guess was risky, because she's like, do those even have meat on them? I don't know, I guess we're gonna find out.

But only Brooke can think of things like goat ribs with chamomile and chili. I thought it looked delicious. It did, that's just so brook. She's like, don't ribs and chamomile. You know, you know, no barbecue is complete without chamomile. So, brook, I was concerned about goat and fruit, but it was amazing in a positive way.

So. goat and fruit, but it was amazing in a positive way. So, uh, certainly. So the only ones who did really well in this one, I think we're surely not surely a Sheldon and, um, Brooke, right? Yeah, they really liked Sheldon's goat cheeks. Yeah. And Sheldon was like, to say I won and she's a stadium against Brooke would be awesome. All right. Congratulations, Brooke. You went 10,000 dollars. Did you mean to shoot yourself in the foot? Selden, did you mean to magnify your loser, Tim?

What's Selden? Did you mean to look so pathetic, losing in the middle of Shiva's stadium and to Brooke of all people? Selden, could you please lose again, but do it on the Megatron? So it's even more awkward and embarrassing for you. So Brook came back and went that. So the next guest is the same man. No.

Did they bring someone out? Yeah. Well, they mentioned that the next guest, the guest judge would be Roy Garcia. Roy or Ray Garcia, I forget. But he is the chef of a restaurant downtown called Broken Spanish, which is so delicious. That restaurant is amazing.

And I'm actually hoping to go there this Friday night. It is sort of like a modern take on classic Mexican dishes. So, so, so good. So he was the guest judge. Oh, okay. So they're, they're, okay. I'm just, honestly, in my mind right now, I'm like a modern interlada. What does that look like exactly? They're like, instead of rolling the interladas, we've unrolled them. Like, oh, this is so modern. It's just one of those things where it's, you know, like,

like, super fresh ingredients. I can't describe it. It's just really, really good. Are you suggesting that Baja fresh does not have super? Oh, by the way, Baja fresh now has tortuces. That's been for a while, but we were talking about them and it has to be announced. Go eat it. It's delicious.

It has to be an ounce. I like Baha fresh. I like Baha fresh more than Chipotle. I'll just put that out there. How about that? Oh a lot better. I don't like Chipotle. Chipotle is flavorless white people. Salty. It's salty. And you know, I'm not someone who claims about salt, but it's salty. I think a Baha fresh chicken, a Baha chicken burrito from Baja fresh. That's all I need. I love that. I actually looked up online how to make chicken, like Baja fresh because their chicken is so good. I can't find it anywhere, by the way. There's no answer, I don't know.

But it's so juicy and delicious. It's so good. I love you, Baja fresh. I feel like they probably use chicken cutlets or something. Like a thinner cut, and then they're able to cook it on the... On the roaster or whatever. On the roaster or whatever. Yeah, I think, and I think also it doesn't dry out as much because I know it's Tiago,

my favorite coffee shop. They have a whole kitchen attached, and they do a... You can get a chicken breast on various salads or breakfast things. And their chicken breast is also really juicy and really flavorful and it's very thin and I feel like they either pound it out or they probably just get chicken cutlets. And I think that maybe that's like it must be really high heat. That's what I think too. Like there must be, it might be even grilled, I don't know. You know what, next time I go into Tiago, I'm going to ask, because also, bossa nova does

a really good chicken breast thing. I mean, I'm not a huge bossa nova. I think it's fine. But if you ever go to bossa nova and you order like one of their sides for $5, the side of chicken breast, it is delicious. And it's again thin. And I think maybe it's grilled or something. It just works.

Yeah, there's something about really high heat. Like I figured out that's why I can't make pizza properly because I don't have a pizza oven. And those go to 800 whatever degrees. You have a stone? I do, but it just doesn't work the same. The pizza won't rise the same in a traditional oven. And I tried for months and couldn't do it.

And finally, someone was like dumbass. It rises like that, because it's cooked so quickly, you know? And then chicken, I think is the same way, because I did a roast to chicken this week, which normally I don't do. But I'm not going to sprouts right now because sprouts is kicking my ass money-wise. Like I spend almost $100 more there than I do

at Trader Joe's. So I started going back to Trader Joe's, but they don't have a roasted chicken. So I do. Oh, that's a treat or chose. So I started going back to Trader Joe's, but they don't have a roasted chicken. So I was like, I guess I'm going to make a roasted chicken again. So I got that and I threw it in on broil. Wow. And I did it that for half the cooking. You roasted it chicken and it was good.

It was very good. You roasted chicken with broil. Oh, yeah, not in the broiler, but I just tried the oven all the way up and I did half the cook time. I did like 30 minutes that way and then 20 minutes on regular 400. And it was delicious. It worked out great. So I think a Thai heat. No, it's like also with salmon. I think I was talking about this a week or two ago about Ina Garton's method of cooking salmon, which she got from Eric Repair. So there is a top chef, Tyian, top chef, masters. And it's now my go to way of making salmon. And again, it involves high heat, which is basically you heat a cast iron skillet on high for

five minutes. You just preheat it. So it's like fully smoking. And you basically, you put, you brush the salmon with olive oil. Because you know, you could, you could either put the oil in a pan first and then steer something in the oil or you can have a dry pan and coat the thing in oil and put it in the dry pan. So this is putting it in the dry pan, which I think is actually a better way.

And what happens is it's so hot, and you put it skin side up first, and I know I mentioned this before, but this is just getting back to the high heat thing you're talking about, but you put it skin side up first and I know I mentioned this before but this is just getting back to the high heat thing you're talking about But you put it skin side up so it's like the top of the salmon is is searing For about three to four minutes and then you turn it over and you and then you take the whole pan You put it in the oven for about eight minutes And so what happens is that skillet is so hot

It's so you've you've seared the, you get a perfect browning on the top, and then while it's in the oven, it continues to cook because the oven, but the skin is now searing on that extremely hot skillet. And what comes out is this like perfectly crispy but super juicy salmon. Well guess what, Ben? Last night I did that very thing,

because you taught me this a couple of weeks ago, yes. And it's delicious, it worked out great. Yeah, it's, it's, you know, I still have a piece. I made two pieces and put one in the fridge. And I was, I've been thinking about it because we're talking about food. So of course I'm like, I have salmon waiting for me. And then you started talking about the Fing salmon again,

and it is delicious. Yeah, the only thing for me that's knowing is that it invariably sets off my fire. My, my smoke alarm because it's very smoky. It does. I actually still have a slab up, but I think I'll throw it out because I made it. I made three pieces on Tuesday and I didn't like what it did to the pink part of the salmon to be honest. I think next time I do it, I'm going to not do it flush side down first at all.

I'm just going to heat the pan, get it really hot. Just do your own and then go into the oven. Yeah, because the top really looked a little mangled because on those cast iron skillets, I mean, you really have to oil something up for it not to stick, but they get so hot that things will stick on there. You know, that fish will stick. Well, actually, actually, that's,, actually, that means that you have a problem with your skillet.

That means you have to season your skillet more. Or like, stuff has built up to on it because if your skillet, if your cat's iron skillet is perfectly, it's not perfectly seasoned, but if it's just like well seasoned, things won't stick to it like that because I never have any issue whatsoever. Nothing gets mangled, it flips over.

Oh, nothing usually does, but salmon does because there's like something sticky or something in that oil. Like when you touch a salmon and then you... I don't have any, I have no, I'm telling you, I have no issues with it whatsoever. So I think I actually think you're maybe a seasoning issue. Okay. Well, Darn, I'll just have to try it again. Well, luckily, Cook's Illustrated has, I can scan this in.

They have a whole thing in the latest issue about how to properly season your cat's arm skill. So, I'll send that to you. Okay, yeah, send it over. Okay, guys, thanks for joining us for Sam and Break 2017. But honestly, there's no one in my life I can talk to about this shit. My friends don't care. They're like, that's gross.

Why would you make salmon? Well, I like, that's what I like about talking about top chef more in depth than we were just even a few weeks ago, because we invariably start discussing stuff we've cooked or eaten in the past week. So it's really fun, because we both really like food and a lot of our listeners like food too. So it's kind of like the food day on watch or crap and yeah, food day. So back to the show. They are their challenge is to go to Patron factory, the Patron Cassi and that. And they're going to throw an employee party over there. And so they have to make a margarita and dish that has all the

elements of a margarita, the sweet sour salty, what's the other thing? Sweet sour salty, sour salty limey, I don't know citrusy, I don't know, there's something down there. Oozzy, oozzy, they're like just broke drunk. Okay, that's all we want to see. Get broke drunk. Oh sweet salty sour and bitter is what it is sour Of course, it's all the flavors of the tongue right yeah, so they're going to So they're gonna be judged on that And they have to make it for a hundred damn people. I'm so them saying I don't know about tequila I only like drinking

beer in the back of my friend's truck. I love you, Selva. So they, it's one of these challenges where it's like you get to pick a sous chef from one of our eliminated chefs. So out walks Casey, Silva, and Emily, also known as Lena Donovan and oh, and also Katsuji of course your favorite yeah Suge Katsu, Kev Spuge, was there was there was there another person? Oh, just those there must have been other people No, there were just four no one no one got their feelings hurt this time. Oh, yeah, because normally they do hurt Someone's feelings. They're like oh, sorry Lena Donovan. No one wanted to work with you normally they do hurt someone's feelings. They're like, oh, sorry, Lina Dunham, no one wanted to work with you. Well, yeah, well, so Brooke, for her advantage for winning the Quickfires that she got to cheese first.

So she chooses Casey, which got me very scared because we know what Casey can do on the final. I mean, Carla, Carla, Carla. Um, she's like, you want me to fry up some chicken feet? And put in the hot one, but I can handle it. I can handle it. You know what you should really do with this steak? Just put it all in a sous vide machine. Let's just put the cauliflower in there. Let's put the steak. Let's put the soup. Can we sous vide the soup? And what can we do? So then, but then Brooke gets to choose sous chefs for everyone else. So she chooses Emily for Sheldon, which means that she thinks that Sheldon is her biggest competition, by the way. She chooses Silva for Shirley, which was, which is, she really likes Shirley, which means she likes Shirley.

And then in a great past, aggressive move, she gives Ketsuji to John. Yeah, I have to say, I really like that she's all about girl power because she helped the girl. She screwed the guys, you know. Yeah. And it was smart. And even John's like, oh, well, you know, she chose wisely, but that's cooking. I'm going to just have to bury the hatchet with Ketsuji. And Tom's like, well, who did he say he's Mexican? Oh, he's like, don't worry, John, he's Mexican. He could be a secret weapon, you know, a lot of people like, I'm trying to think of a Jewish food. A lot of people like Kagels, wait, Kagels is a vagina exercise. What am I trying to say? Kugel, Kugel, Kugel. Oh, there is a Cougal though. So it's a Cougal. Maybe it canishes. Cougal. It's over. I'm not gonna try and make it work

Now I'm thinking about the gin as working out. It feels a fish They all sort of sound vaginal So so Brooke is talking about her thoughts. All right her immediate thoughts about what she wants to make and she's like Well, I had watermelon this morning for breakfast so I want to make something what watermelon because I'm obsessed okay yeah so like it could have been a waffle it could challenge going on a whole different direction yeah I know I'm glad you just didn't pop some gum in your mouth this morning. It could have been awkward. Yeah.

It's like this isn't orbits. Kessadilla. So John is, um, John is making, and let me know if I skipped anything because I don't take heavy notes with top shop. I tend to let it soak in. So let me know if I skip anything. But John is making a, a working man's dish. It's like, uh, that's what I think that's what he calls it a working man's dish. It's like, that's what I think that's what he calls it, a working man's dish. It's a basic dish, a basic working man's dish. I'm like, of course you are. Of course she was doing some basic, you know, like bread

and ham and cheese or whatever you're going to make. Yeah, he's like eggs. He's like eggs for dinner. Delicious. Like working else., this comes parachuting into the stadium. Dry rubbery eggs. Well, it is scale. Did you mean to make a fool of yourself, gal? Is that a hot Arab balloon or is that your outfit? Is that a hot air balloon or is that your outfit? Gail I love how your address doubles as a parachute

Gail's like I'm walking what are you talking about? Don't you love the way the wind catches gail's dress it makes it look like she's one of those hot air balloons You see all over those postcards. Did you mean to act out the finale scene of Ghost Busters? Ah. Ah. Did you mean to recreate the Baruch assault scene from actually not Baruch assault? It's whoever the blue, whatever, the blueberry girl. Some of my favorite parts of this section

was just the John and Kat Suji part because John's trying to be nice because he knows he can totally get fucked over at this point and Kat Suji is still trying to blame John for throwing him under the bus Which still it's not however remember it. Is it how you remember it? No, no, this is one the areas where I was actually on John's side John was trying to help Katsuji. At this point, I believe when they, I feel like they shoot the finale way after they shoot the regular season, right? So at this point, they've sort of, I think they've been able to see some of the season on TV. And I wonder if you'd been able to see Restaurant Wars yet, because John did not throw

Katsuji into the bus. Katsuji was the one who did that. Yeah. But Katsuji did come to a smart place because John's like, well, look, I want you to know I don't have any hard feelings. Of course, you don't because you're still here. So why would your feelings be hard? John's like, look, I'm sorry, a million times, I'm sorry.

And he goes, well, look, I can't fuck you over because if I fuck you, I look like an ass. Yeah, it's like, okay. Well, that's at least smart. But then again, why stop now? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Don't a man can't change his pinstripe suit that quickly. Yeah.

Little cat suji. Brooke, I wasn't really sure what she was doing because she's like, yeah, I love tequila, which is just funny thinking of Brooke being wasted all the time when she gets home. But she's like, I love tequila. So I'm going to make some avocado soup with a watermelon salad. What?

Yeah. I was scared for her. John wanted to, yeah, make his simple thing. And Kat Suji was like, no, no, this is too simple. How about a prickly salsa? Oh, and how about a candy rim for the glass? So he came up with every interesting thing John did. Every interesting.

John's like, okay, here's my idea for signature margarita. Wine juice, tequila, citrus liqueur, and here's where it gets interesting. We put it in a glass. Yeah, what the hell? And he's like, well, you know, I believe in a glass. Yeah, what the hell? And he's like, well, you know, I believe in the true, the true Margarita, it's like whatever. You're like Casey making a goddamn crab sandwich on white bread.

Get out of here. So he's making that brick was going to make some tuna with her salad. Right. Saviche. Yeah. God, Assa. Sav, ceviche. God, awesome. ceviche. So, ceviche.

But you can't find any tuna. This is like after they show like this really disturbing image of someone's thinking their finger and the tuna's eyeball. What the hell is that? How you check for tuna? Like, is that how you check a tuna? That was really gross. It was really gross.

That seemed most directed by Guy Richie. Okay, it was disgusting. Yeah, it was disgusting. It was disgusting. Who does that? Like the content turned Tina to wreck the scene. There were so many end words in the scene flying around. Like that.

That scene was very much. Very much. Very much. Very much. Very much. Very much. Very much. Very much. Very much. Very much. Very much. Very much. Very much. Very much. Very much. Very much. Very much. Very much. Very much. very much like the climax of the boy next door. Anyone who's seen that movie with J-Lo and the hot guy,

they know what I'm talking about. Just imagine. So instead Brooke decides to do a coconuts, VJ, and they set it up like there's gonna be this dramatic thing, like, oh no, she's gonna have to open up a lot of coconuts. It takes a long time to make coconuts and to get this flesh out of coconuts. But there was no coconut drama after that

I have to say yeah coconuts are rough but give bricks and damn tequila shall machete through anything I wonder Coconut are like impossible sometimes I I once tried to do that. I bought a coconut For some matter of jaffrey recipe. I was like I'm gonna make a coconut curry. I was so excited And I was like you know'm gonna make our coconut curry. I was so excited. And I was like, you know what? Instead of getting, you know, desiccated coconut, I'm gonna do, because the recipe says, get a coconut, open it up, pull the flesh out, or you can get the desiccated stuff.

I was like, no, I'm up for this challenge. I wanna get this coconut going. So I got like two coconuts, one is a backup. The first one I opened up, everyone always says, opening is a hard part. opening is not the hard part. You just sort of crack along the edge and it opens up. It was moldy on the inside, so I had to chuck it. So I opened up, coconut number two, opens right up.

I'm like, this is a breeze. It took me like 90 minutes to get that flush out. It was such a pain in the ass. And I was doing all the trick, like lighting it over like the stove to loosen it up. God damn it, nothing worked. Oh, no, I just, I just shredded it, usually. I'm like, I can't even try it.

I can't even try it. Cut it in smaller pieces and shred it. Oh, but I put it in like the, no, you know, just, just like, hold the cheese grater. I'm shredded. And shred it? Yeah, I don't use that much of it though. One time I bought a coconut and couldn't get it open. So I used my drill, you know, like my home drill.

And I just drilled a big, big hole in the end rank out of it. It was done with it. So it's like this. You're supposed to take the back of like a, of a big knife and just whack it along that the, the, the, the, what's it called? The, that equator hemisphere, whatever. Like you go around around and around the circle and eventually breaks in half very easily. Not in Mexico, in Mexico you get machete and you slam it through! So let's just get to the... oh, we forgot to say what Shelvel's kicking.

So, children's making octopus, Filipino ceviche with octopus, and he's putting the octopus in the pressure cooker. Second time he used the pressure cooker, pressure cooker in one episode. Yeah, and he's using coconut and guava for his margarita. And then surely he's like, I'm going to keep him Mexican, I make a char steak. Maybe some scottis. I was very scared when she said that. I was like, no, surely, no, no, no, say in your lane. Yeah, but she seemed to do okay. I was a little worried for Brooke just because on this show, it's risky to not do a protein.

These people hate vegetarians. They hate them. Not as much as Anthony Bourdain, but like they do hate them. But like they do hate them. They really set it up for like something like does that just happen to Brooke. You know she had to sub out tuna for coconut and on top of that coconut's hard to get out. So I was like, oh god, Brooke is going to be she's going to be gone. She's done. But actually, Brooke's dish, the way it turned out looked absolutely amazing. It was one that wanted to have the most. Yeah, Brooke seemed to come out the best. They did a lot of things that could have gone wrong, because Sheldon, his octopus, was all chewy and disgusting.

Well, that's what Sheldon was saying. He was like, he left it into long, he's like, oh, the texture, it's too soft, it's like falling up, the tentacles are falling up, oh, I really messed up. But meanwhile, the judges later on were like, oh, this texture's amazing. Yeah, it's a great, we're not supposed to. It's like shut up, Sheldon.

It's leading us. So we don't get gilped today, unfortunately. We get Richard Blay. So it's huge mouth. I'm sorry to interrupt. There was something that we forgot to mention about Shirley, which is that Silva almost pulled a Casey on Shirley, which is that he bought some sort of vanilla shit instead of

the agave shit. Oh, yeah. You're like, oh, but so did Silva and Silva is so sweet and lovely. I give him a pass. Yeah. What if his restaurant burned down because vanilla cob on fire? And he just can't get over it. He will never be able to watch vanilla sky again.

I am so mad at myself. I'm so mad. I can't believe I bought vanilla instead of agave. I am furious at myself right now. Vanilla sky. That's a movie with Tom Cruise right yeah that opens like this Penelope cruise going open your eyes open your ice open your ice open your rice open your rice open your rice open your rice it's from Padma okay so let's go over to the judging or the event. The event. Yes. So yes. Blaze. Blaze. You know, I don't know if I don't respect Blaze because he was a contestant on the show. And so I feel like, eh, he thinks he's so great, but he gets a judge now.

But I don't feel like that. Even with the biggest douchebags, like the Voltage 2 twin, I didn't feel like that. I mean, he is a douchebag that I still like him. No, because Richard Blaze tries too hard to gain his, get his chef credibility. It's like a new professor, you know, trying, who, who doesn't extra hard tests, to try to get their, like their brownie points with the other professors. You know, be like, no, I may be I may be 27, but I am a legitimate professor. See, look, like how hard I grilled these students. Yeah, it's like you're no Simon cowl.

Or actually, I guess sticking on the Burdane train. You're knowing how to knee Burdane. So just drop it. It's not going to happen. How about just try being a decent person? Maybe you'll become famous for that. He makes me pine for the days of Toby Young being on this show. not gonna happen. How about just try being a decent person? Maybe you'll become famous for that. He makes me pine for the days of Toby Young being on this show.

Well, that guy was at least hilarious. People really attacked him. I think if he came on around this time, people would have been nicer to him because the show's a little older. Yeah, and he also, like, he came on totally miscalibrated. I think he even set that in an interview once where he thought that everyone wanted him to be a Serbian British. And so he came on just guns blazing and everyone was like, whoa.

Yeah. He's like, you didn't quite hit that note, darling. They're like, mmm, that's a food show. Oh, right. Right. Right. It's like you should Jennifer Hudson that one. Like, mmm, no, this is a tuna fish. I'm sorry about that. I would rather listen to a bag with nine cats in it, catawolling, than each another bite of your food. Oh, yeah, that guy, I don't think he was bad as people thought,

but man, that they hate him. They hated him. So the judges all split, you know, divide and conquer, and blaze in the guest judge guy, go over to the next one judges all split, you know, dividing conquer and blazing the guest judge guy go over to Sheldon and Emily first, which I was sad that they didn't let Lena Dunham do more in this episode. I wanted to see her cry or be upset, but she was like, look at me. I'm prepping. He's like, you're doing still great brapping. She's like yeah That was kind of it for her but he his margarita was guava and cocoa coconut and

Richard blazes like is this supposed to look like the bottom of a fish tank Gras Yeah, and then Sheldon pulled the John. He was like yeah supposed to look like that because you know I just like everything in there and I want to eat it all up I'm like well you're learning something from John John that's nice. It did look rather swampy. It was like a not an attractive margarita. It was like a broken lava lamp. Yeah they loved the octopus but the margarita was out of balance. But I was worried for him because you know the biggest criticism the season and probably just because Casey made it that way,

was place that this octopus is missing a little salt. And I was like, dun, dun, dun, dun. I'm surprised Casey just didn't jump in, just on behalf of some, oh, salt, it needs more salt, is that what you're saying? Oh, I see, okay, all right, my salt, all right, my... Are you saying one grain of salt is why I lost top chef? Okay, that's fine, that's fine, you got your lost top chef? Okay, that's on. That's on your opinion. That's my wife red scallop.

So Shirley Tom and Padma had no like, how are you, Shirley? Yeah, so Padma loves Shirley's salsa, but the vanilla, the vanilla ruins everything for everyone with the meat and Tom's life. Yeah, it's like it's like it's like it's chewy. It's chewy. I don't like it. Yeah, it's too chewy. The margarine is...

Padma, I think Padma just smoked a bowl before she did the scene because first she was like, how are you, Shirley? And then she goes, Shirley's talking about her food and she's like, I want to do embrace what's here. So I just wanted to take what's here and to embrace it. And she goes, we want to embrace you. Okay.

All right, Patma. Thanks for stopping in, Eduardo. Yeah. Did you mean to not strand your margarita? Yes, thick. We're going to call this the gal Simmons of margaritas. This is one pattern away from getting a job on this show. I don't know if I could drink this.

It's just too bitty and chunky gal gal. Do you want to? I keep forgetting she's not here. I just every every time I feel a footstep on the ground I just think it's a gal coming over to have more food. I'm carrying around this pale so I could put all of our leftovers together for gal She'll just eat them in one bucket We just put in a Vitamix, you know. You know, it's tough getting in the blender because Gale's always just trying to pop the ingredients before we compete with him up all nice for her.

So let's see, Catsy G and John, Blaze goes over there. God, that ain't compoyo. He's like so chicken salad. Yeah. Yeah, well, what did John make? I don't even remember I mean I think he made like a Diddy no, well I know so I all I remember is the fact that

The they were unimpressed the margarita and they were like well the rim saves it Thank God for that room. That was a really good rim and it's like that that wasn't even John as you mentioned earlier That was all Katsuhji. Yeah And I broke Aldo So I think it was a soup with chicken like chicken soup or something. I don't know So it was too simple. Yeah, they were bored. Brooks Salad and whatever soup. They love it Padma loved it her nipples got so hard. So hard. I could not stop staring at

Padma's nipples. Yeah, it was like two little pinto beans under there. They were, she was fully all nipples erect. Annie. Yeah, she really was. Tom was like, well, well, this nipples taste great. Tom, did you mean to say nipple? What I said, I said, press on my face. Tom, did you mean to say nipple? What I said, I said breast on my face. Tom, did you mean to say breast on my face? No, no, I'm just eating this lovely tipped factory. Tom. Anyway, let me try some areola with that. This perfectly salted areola. Did you mean to say olive oil?

resulted, Areola. Did you mean to say olive oil? Yeah, they love Brooks. And I think I don't think any of the margaritas really knocked it out the park. I feel like, let's say they thought that Shirley's was was too thick. They thought that John's was too basic. They thought Sheldon's was too swampy. And I think they thought that Brooks was too weak, right? Well, Berk was saying that hers was weak. I don't know. I don't remember what they said about it. Because Pabbo was like, is there any alcohol in this, if I remember correctly? But of course, at that time, Pabbo was probably totally blitzed. Yeah, she's just a raging drunk at this point. Can I tell you something? Brooke, you're like my best friends. Did you, did you mean to be my best friend? Did you mean to make our friendship so spicy? We're like the hot ones. She's not hot like us. We're the hot ones. Pam wakes up the next morning like, oh my god, I'm so drunk. I can't believe I told anyone they were hot.

So they, Tom and Padma go over to John station next and here's what cement's my dislike of John. And I don't hate him as much as I feel like he thinks that I hate him and by me, I mean America. Okay. But I don't hate him that much. But I do hate whenever somebody says, well, I'm the underdog of this challenge.

Yeah. You're not the underdog. You have the most experience and the most awards at anybody here, John. You were no underdog. The only reason why you could possibly be conceived of as the underdog is because you've been serving up lackluster food for weeks and weeks and weeks. That doesn't make you the underdog that makes you the underperformer. Yeah, exactly.

You're just you just have a lower rank. You're just not as good. You're probably good. I'm sure like if we went to his restaurants, it's probably good. It's probably very good. Well, he also said, most guys my age, they don't even cook anymore. They just walk around kissing babies and shaking hands like because they're all running for mayor. Like what are you talking about? Why are you having so many mayors, John? Did you mean

to not run for office, John? He's all proud of himself. He's still going to work. Well, maybe you should stop punching the babies. You know, he goes out, it's like fuck your baby. Fuck your stupid baby. Didn't like my food. Your baby's not gonna finish my food. Oh my god, he punched my baby. He's never gonna be mayor, John. Never, never. I'm writing Padman Nipples.

I wrote Padman Nipples about seven times. So if anything else happened in the show, it's up to you to tell me. Okay, well basically, I don't seem to remember anything else, truly significant happening at judging So I think we can go over to the judges table now correct. Yeah, so they start with Brooke and blaze is like so Brooke Cold soup and the finale. Don't you think that's playing it a little safe?

I'm like Being an asshole. Don't you think that's playing a little safe with your blaze? Yeah, which blaze is like look I've been in your shoes before I've you know, I've been in the finals as on my second turn I've been there before it's like what's your point sir? I've been trying to brag and trying to prove yourself to these people sir. I've also been on television How about you shave your fucking face? You look ridiculous, okay? You are no Voltage-y-o brothers, sir. Just please stop trying to look like all trendy. What is that when when people dress like they're from that show Hell on Wheels?

What's that called? Where they're like, I have a pipe now. I don't know Hell on Wheels. Just like old timing like pioneer days. I don't know Helen Meals. Just like old timing, like pioneer days. Oh, pioneer tips. My tips, tips, tips. I always call it farmer, farmer chic. It's like when people from Brooklyn think

that they're farmers and they dress in suspenders and like tweed, like not tweed, like burl at work. But it's like puffy old shirts with toggles. No, no, no, this is where they have like big brass pipes. And like, steam pump, steam in pump. Yeah steam pump. Yeah With that with that beard. I was like, no, please stop it I actually liked his beard. I will give him credit I liked his beard, but what I thought was funny was that Richard came on so strong like don't you think you're playing a little safe

With your cold soup and then everyone else like we love the soup That was the most amazing thing that we had I'm like like, huh Richard blaze. Yeah, you're an idiot He's like you really need to think of how to win and survive at this point. She's like, well I Wanted to make it perfect and that was my goal and they're like it was it was great Don't miss Richard blaze. He doesn't know it reminded me of a child experience that I once had which was the kindergarten production of Snow White. And I was cast as a tree amongst,

there were about five or six of us who were trees because as we all know, Snow White goes running through the woods in search of safety. And the director of this kindergarten production of Snow White told us, you can either be a mean tree and go, ooooh, or you can be a nice tree and go, run Snow White, run. So all the boys, we all decided that we were going to be mean trees and all the girls decided to be nice

trees. And I was like the first tree, the way we were staged, I was the first tree that she encounters. So it's like the day of the play. And Snow White comes running through and I go, woo-ha-ha-ha! And then every single other tree, boy and girl, go, run Snow White, run! So I was like the psychotic tree in the forest who was like, statistically happy to watch Snow White's life crumble around her.

And all the other ones were like, yes, Snow so I was the Richard Blaze before Richard Blaze was Richard Blaze That's hilarious. I'm just proud of you for not going welcome to Brighadun I should have done that Like how does he know he's only in kindergarten? Snow White. Yeah, and Brighadun. She's like, oh shit. I have to go back the castle. Sorry. Oh My god, okay, so Oh, it only went me to Brooke So yes, and Tom was like well, it had so many great textures and you know also good job standing up to place

Richard plays also you told John he was like, you know what? Your Chamoya rim really saved the day. And as far as we could tell, maybe it was edited out. John did not say, well, that was actually Katsuchi who did that. I was like, you are a fucker, John. You just sat there and you didn't let you let people believe you made up that rim and you did not do that rim that was John that's John for you so then he does his standing up for his to keep their like this was literally a

Marcarita and because this was his big excuse which was so I mean this guy really reaches he goes Well a gentleman worker who worked in the field the agave fields Told me hey man thanks for respecting the tequila and not Muddling it up with all those ingredients like the other chefs I'm sure a that was probably like a PA on the show. It's like let's fuck over John It's like thanks for the shot at the key that y'all And

Tom's like well, is that more important than winning making some farm worker happy? Congratulations, you've made a migrant worker happy you lose Sheldon Tom was like nice my fork, but a sloppy cocktail and Yeah, uh, Sheldon, Tom was like nice to my fork, but uh, Slubby cocktail. And Sheldon was like, I did rustic, uh, you know, the dish was so refined. I don't know. They all had kind of weird excuses in this one. Yeah. I mean, Shirley was the only one who, uh, Shirley was, I'm sure it was definitely in

the danger zone with that vanilla situation. Cause she's like, wow, I taste it. And I like it. So I thought it'd be good. I thought it'd be fun. And it'd be like, no, it was terrible. Yeah. She's like, wow, I taste it and I like it. So I thought it'd be good. I thought it'd be fun. And it'd be like, no, it was terrible. Yeah, she's like, it was beautiful accident.

And Padma was like, that accident was ugly. No, sorry, it was some ugly accident. Literally the worst accident. It was like the gale Simmons of accidents. It was like when gale Simmons discovered tights. Yes. Terrible, terrible accident. And Blaze is like, well, Shirley, this salsa was amazing.

All I really needed was a bag of chips and a bubble bath. I was like, get out of here. Who hired you? Yeah. I don't want to see you eating, having a, having a Calgon moment with Shirley's salsa. Yeah, Blaze is the one that come out of a bath with chip crumbs on him. I mean, that is so blaze.

Yeah, enjoy your soapy tortilla chip. Yeah, loser. You can't even enjoy a sip of salsa if you're going to bubble bath because then it's like you got to wipe your hands off from the soap because you don't want to soap in your tortilla chip. And then you're like there and then you're like holding it like above the water awkwardly and suddenly it's all ruined. We've been there.

We've been there. Together. So Brook wins. Yeah. And Brook just lasts deliriously. Like whatever happened to Brook, I don't know if she was MK Ultraid. I don't know what they did to this bitch,

but she came back like, I love life. I'm broke. I love life. I'm broke. I'm just happy to be here. Did they give you a drug habit when you were away? What the hell, Brooke? Brooke. So she won another, she won basically $7,500

because they gave her a crystal bottle of Patreon. Yeah, they gave it to her and then they're like, now that you have this, just, you know, it's $7,500. She's like, whoa, and she like opens up and takes a swig. She's like, that's $1,500. She's just like. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'm like, enjoy checking that in your bag, going home

and watching you get stolen. Or broken. Yeah, enjoy that now. Yeah. So you brought her tiny tube of toothpaste, but she's gonna get caught with that fucking crystal You know she is Too much liquid so table. Let's see so blazes the most angry at the vanilla beef and I wrote no You too, but I'm so sad. I'm so nervous

Thankfully John to Jackass and probably could have saved himself if he didn't have a defensive answer for every mistake he makes. But he didn't. The only thing he had was that Chimoyar Rim, I think, and that was the only thing that they liked. And I think it was also what's a Katsujimade, like little little sort of topping that went on to John's dish and they like that also Yeah, yeah, so of course John he's like I'm upset and confused I didn't think I made the worst dish and drink but I promised myself to take it like a man. So He's like well at least there's last chance kitchen. Like, he shows up in an empty room. Well, I just hope, cook what I do best, some simple food. I'll just

wait here for Tom. Just keep on waiting. We'll be around soon. I'll just hang out. Perold denied. So that brings us to the end. By the way, I have a, I have a theory that they kept him for the finals just that way they could eliminate him without him ever being able to go to last chance kitchen and come back. Yeah, they just saved it, Drac Damit. We're not going to let him pull it out again. Yeah. Um, yeah. So that is the end. That is our top show for episode. I was it. We will be back tomorrow with some van der Promp Rules with the ladies of people's couch, Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard.

Yes, me. And then, we have a big week of guests this week, Ben. We do have a big week of guests. Wednesday, we have Beverly Hills with a special guest who we'll talk about later. And Thursday Thursday we have something else. Oh Friday we're doing our joint podcast with Miss Kate Casey. Hey Casey. Summer house. Well she's not out of summer house. Oh yeah you're talking

to us. We'll be back. Newcast River case KKC. Okay everybody thanks so much for listening. We will talk to you later. Bye everyone! Bye! to add free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen to Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.