Watch What Crappens - #405 Top Chef: Sad Tea Flanale

Episode Date: March 6, 2017

Top Chef’s season comes to an end. There will wah wah wahs, droll yays, and of course, Mommy Complex Flan. Enjoy! Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Also, check out Ronnie’s new TrashTalkTV RHOBH Audiobook podcast at tttv.podbean.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crapens add free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. It's a pleasure. It's a pleasure. It's a pleasure. Kids watch. Hackets like this so much that happens. Watch what crappens would like to thank its sponsors, Christy Doherty and Mia Hansen-Loha,

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Rose Pricks. The Rose Prrix Bachelor podcast. Sorry, it took me a second there. I was like, what am I talking about? Where am I? Who am I? Hey, now. And I'm with the gorgeous, talented,

and wonderfully fretted up Ben Mandelker of the B-side blog in the banter blinter. Oh my goodness, I feel like I'm on the verge of a sneeze. I feel like everyone just be prepared because I know I sneez sneeze on a recent episode, and I can only imagine how that sounded to people who were listening in their earbuds. And I feel to quote the weekend,

former lover of the Adoan. I feel it coming on. I feel it coming. I feel it coming. I feel it coming on. And just for a few minutes, that five million times slightly off key and you'll be him and the weekend. I feel like nothing nothing nothing suits the sneeze like the dulcet tones of the weekend. The weekend. Everybody, welcome to Monday's show. This is Monday.

I know. I know. Welcome to Monday. We did it. We're here at Monday. You guys, we made it through this weekend. Lots of drinking. Lots of thinking. Yeah. Lots of thinking. Thinking and drinking. Yeah, not lots of not lots of thinking over here. Lots of drinking. Not lots of thinking. Yeah. I went to the mall in in the valley. Oh my god. The Galaria. No, that's a little too fancy. I went to a fashion square mall right on Riverside Drive off of the Woodman exit on the 101. I Think that might be the mall that Kula shot in. I don't know, but it was a wonderful That's weird because I was just at that

That place where they have the western guy that big western clown thing that liquor store Oh, yeah, of course yes That's I mean Yeah, of course it's circus liquors. That's and I was there just last night you were yeah, oh my god We're like in the same place. Oh my god. We're like doing it. We're doing a Literally in the same place. I know literally in the same place. Oh my God, we're like doing a dancing car. We're like literally in the same place. I know, literally in the same place. Okay, everyone's really fascinated by our geographical proximity.

I know, you guys, this is a weird start because it's Monday. Okay. Monday, is it my right? Monday, guys. Oh wait, actually, I do want to say one thing before we launch in the podcast, that's sort of not podcast-related. One thing I did do this weekend is I went and I voted early in the LA elections and I even have a little,

I voted sticker. So for anyone who is listening to this who is in the Los Angeles area, know that tomorrow there is an election and you should go and you should vote. It's actually really important. And if you want my opinion, which you did not even ask for, vote no on measure S. That's all.

All right. Well, got it in there. Politics. Go on. Top of our politics, guys. Vote for measure. Certainly tomorrow. Yeah, I'll have to say. Yeah, I was hitting too close to home with the top chef finale. Yeah, vote for measure. Oh my god. I was crazy. Can't jump in off tree Trapeller ever rooftop. Yeah, I would vote for that So we start with this is the finale of top chef Top Chef finale episode who aren't aware of what's happening in the world top chef is Ives

It's to its elves and we're down to two ladies. Brooke and Shale. Shirley John come out strong. It's a started. They were having memories and Padden is like, Shirley John came out strong. I changed my career. 28 to become chef. Mom didn't improve. Did you mean to come out so strong that you burst a wall like the Kool-Aid man? Did your mother mean to not improve?

Did your mother mean to not ever say anything just stare at you with a steelie gays across the room for 28 years? Did the Kool-Aid man mean to dump its contents into the gale throat? Did gale mean to drink the coolade even though she should have known it would never actually make her cool? Did gale mean to murder the coolade man? Did you mean to call it the coolade man instead of the gal Simmons angry and red walking through walls man? Bless her heart. Oh my favorite thing in this memory is that Shirley's telling this lovely story about her mom

And then it cuts to a picture with her in a pig's head With her with the big smile on her face. She's so nice until you see her gut in a pig, you know? She probably threw the big off the roof. She's like, when I, when I was child, I don't pick up roof all time. All time. Don't we pick up roof. We call it pick up roof game. This pig is crazy. Never learn his lesson. Yeah. Sometimes when pick is tired, I give it a hell of a pinion to wake up. Yeah.

Sometime one pick is tired. I give a jalapeno to wake up. Which leads us, you know, I love that that becomes a through line in this episode. Shirley's hallipadio. Tom's like, whoop. Yeah. There was only one tiny server. And whoop. I mean, three fish on my hallip my, howl up in you? And two cilantro. So, wow. It's jumping ahead a little bit, but that was my favorite ornery Tom critique.

This is the time he won after someone for serving Coco Van and using a chicken instead of an old, like an old rooster. Oh, it's called a coke. So that's the most rooster. And you serve a chicken. Do you remember that? Yes. And Tom counting the pieces of mint and jalapeno and then repeating it 30 times. He's so impressed that he counted that. He was like a friggin SAT question. You got four pieces of mochi and grudo and you got three

pieces of jalapeno and one piece of mint how many bites to have to take in order to get all three of them in your same mouth. Well, if a train starts 20 miles from here and then it starts going backwards 15 miles ahead on the track and then it makes a U turn how many pieces of mint were on the grudo? That's not bad. Well mint is to grudo as jalapeno is to nothing, apparently, because there's proportion portions are off. So, well, anyway, that's a hell that I just giggled this whole time always. But now that I have this big mic arm thing on my desk, I shake the entire desk when I

giggle, because my legs are like up on the desk and the whole mic shakes and the whole desk Earthquake and every time I'm laughing. Does this mean you've got a return to couch desk because you've been away from from couch desk for like a year now No, but I got as I found a zero gravity chair finally on Craigslist for cheap and so I bought it and that means I can like lay down Kind of almost upside down, you know I bought it and that means I can lay down kind of almost upside down, you know, where my legs are above my head. And so I'm going to get a mic that hooks onto the back of that. And when it's your days to record, hell yeah, I'll be laying the hell back in that thing. I am just imagining, Ronnie, just floating through his apartment like that. Homer Simpson, Homer Simpson does not want famous moment where he's in zero gravity eating potato chips.

I guess I imagine you're talking to a microphone instead. The most disappointing thing about the zero gravity tier is eating. I mean, I've almost choked to death like 20 times. You can eat laying down, but not kind of upside down. It doesn't really work. My throat doesn't know how to do it yet. Practice is a big perfect, guys, but dominant is almost killed me the other night. I don't think I could get onto zero gravity, gravity chair because, hey, I'd probably fall off and be out, probably choke because in my old age,

nowadays, apparently, I have, when I get post nasal drip, it like drips into my lungs. If I'm sitting at a certain angle, like if I'm slouched on a couch, and I'll just be sitting there, and I'll just suddenly start to like choke because post nasal drip fell into my lungs

and I'll be like So basically zero gravity is inviting all the post nasal drip into my lungs and I'm not about to have it I Killed Ben with my zero gravity Taylor So meanwhile, so top chef My first note is that Brooks still feels raw She feels raw from losing four years ago. The trial, some tribulations for Christ's sake. Well, I noticed a couple things that I have to say before that because I want this podcast to be 19 hours long.

Talking about post-nasal drip and chairs. But don't worry, it's not about that. But in this beginning part when Padma is like Narra Padma, pardon me, is narrorating their journey or whatever. She's like, Brooke, renewed now, Brooke has battled her way back into the season. It was one challenge. Let's not make it sound like Brooke climbed a fucking mountain here. And then she's like, and now with the renewed sense of self. What is she like Phoenix is me ashes. What is it? What is it? I got I got it. What is she? What's the map? What's the map? What's the map? What's the map? What's the map?

What's the map? What's the map? What's the map? What's the map? What's the map? What's the map? What's the map? What's the map?

What's the map? What's the map? What's the map? What's the map? What's the map? What's the map? What's the map? What's the map? What's the map? What's the map? So, you know, go on, you're going to Mexico. The math works out. So, you're back. And Brooke's like, I wasn't ready four years ago, but I sure is hella now.

Okay, Brooke, I don't know what she did on her week off, but she came back. I mean, she's always been droll, but Brooke droll, but she's kind of asshole Brooke now. And I have to say, I like asshole Brooke. I like asshole Brooke too. It is funny that she says that for years ago She wasn't ready because the truth is that for years ago she managed to finals without getting booted off So I think she was actually more ready than she realized she just got screwed by a terrible finale format

Yeah, and she had CJ S or Sue chef also went one oh one that CJ the Other thing I never noticed is that he has one that right I don't know why I'm thinking that I think he does Which is fine no tell anybody with one that One that CJ what am I trying to say I never noticed that Padma always says and at stake for the winner I was like oh my god the food pens. I was like, oh my god, the food pens. I'll let go of the beginning now. We're passing. It's okay. I know you have to leave love you love recapping a previously on I get it. I get it. I do. I do. And also just the entire opening because how is the show still only paying people 125 grand

to win? That is so furnished by our friends that hidden Valley Ranch. You see Katie there just the cameras on Katie. Oh, sorry, it's just backs away slowly from Hidden Valley Ranch. Hidden Valley Ranch. Sounds like we know. I'm like, do you have mortified a San Pelegrino that they are partnered with Hidden Valley Ranch for top chef? Come on. They're like, well, at least it's cheap. This is the cheapest season long ad anybody's ever paid for ever. 125 grand. I'm surprised we didn't hear like a million references for a too long to lines this season. Or the flywall, like on

project runway. So this opens with a shot of what I imagine Padma would think is Gail's big stupid face like the statue of like an Aztec face. That's a famous thing. Did you mean to etch Gail into your statue 19,000 years ago? I believe that was an image of the Mayan calendar and I think the reason why I know that is because as I mentioned last week I have a Mayan calendar. And I think the reason why I know that is because as I mentioned last week, I have a Mayan calendar board game. And that image is in the center of the board. That image is secretly Hitler.

The Gale, the Gale Simmons calendar. Well, everybody, let's open this episode at Secret Sakuma. Now this is where we first get to start seeing bitch Brooke, which I just loved like she came full out in this episode. And I was loving it and Brooke is terrified of her. And I never really noticed that until they were alone together. But Brooke is eating extremely aggressively. She's getting a fork full of food and then she's like looking at Shirley deadpan and opening her entire mouth and popping it in there and then staring at Shirley really aggressively as she eats and Shirley looks terrified.

Well, I mean, wouldn't you become a little bit of a of a bitch if you had to carry on the family, the family legacy of flon making. If you had to live in the shadow of your parents being award winning flon makers, wouldn't that stress come out with aggressive chomping for you? Especially when Sue is like, I just, when I first lost top chef, I just coming in second, I was a huge disappointment to my family, my child, my husband, the neighborhood, the post office, my dog, the dog park, the entire dog park was disappointed. The local flan council of Baja, could just imagine mom's bricks mom at flan meeting like, I know. Well, we can't all be winners.

We can lead a brook to water, but you can't teach it to make proper flan? Do we hang the mother when a serial killer is on the loose? Brook is like, well, ever since I lost four years ago, I was really flondering, flondering, oh my goodness, I can't get the fly out of my head. Fadmin was like, watch out. Your flaunt is at stake. At stake, $125,000 furnished by people who have won flaunt competitions, including Brooks on parents. No pressure brick. It's like, well, I don't got all that money, but I do have a couple of nice past me. This honey. Good luck.

Here's just boom. Please don't disappoint us again. Yeah. So Shirley's like, uh, I just take home. I just tried to stay calm and Rick's like, yeah, just stay calm and cook better than Shirley. And then it just shows it cuts to Shirley, not smiling at all. Yeah.

Bitch Shirley came out today also. I just want to add, wasn't just it wasn't just bitch broke. Bits surely came out too, which was great. This is what we want. She did. I never noticed, bitch. Surely. Really? Did you did you miss the entire uh frenemy moment about the pork belly? Well, we'll get to that. Did you mean to miss? Okay. Did you mean to be so positive to Shirley when she was being a bitch to Brooke? So Tom and Padma come out to welcome them. And Tom is in the ever so popular for 50-year-old guys. Tommy Bahama hat. That needs to go away. The Tommy Bahama hat. I'm sick

of it. Flourd shirts on men and Tommy Bahama hats and like loose linen cream pants. I actually feel like the moment for nice headwear for men over 50 has passed. There was a period of time when a man was known for good headwear, a good fedora, top hat, et cetera. But these days, guys over 50, whether they're wearing a Tommy Bahama hat or one of those, what are those called? I always want to call it a Kagel hat, but it's not called a Kagel hat because

obviously Kagel is a caigal. That's the bad thing about the exercise. A Kugel hat, what's that thing that looks like a berab turned backwards? It's like a Kugel like a Russian noodle. It's like a Jewish, yeah, whatever those hats are. The truth is this, unless it's like a baseball cap, these days a lot of men do not look good with a hat if they're over 50. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Look at the guy who presented on the Oscars Mark Reiland. He wore a little, was that a Park Pie, whatever it was, a Walter White hat.

Well, man, I think straight men like the Metra Sexual thing is is finally getting to the older bed and they're like, I want to access rice. Okay I just, yeah. Actually, I'm in a... How was the accessories good? Oh, yeah. Actually, I might dial it back. I might say, it might pertain only to white men too. But, it may be specific to white men. You're fine with minorities and hats. I think I'm fine with minorities and hats,

but I love how you make a stand. I like making a racial stance in the realm of hybrid ashery. I think that I also like when you say hybrid ashery, you're just like hitting all my likes today. People are going to accuse me of reverse racism. Well, you know what?

I don't care. I'm saying it. White guys over 50. A lot of hats don't work for them anymore. So this day and night. That is like I don't know yet. Now I made it 90 seconds into the show. It's like 70 and I'm fine with it actually. I don't need to stress you with your

Haberdashary hats. Haberdashary stances. We should also add that we are recording this on a Saturday. This is coming out on a Monday, but I mean, I'm still kind of exposed all the lives we had talking about our weekend that we had. You just exposed that you just put it all the way out there. Did you did you mean to expose all our lives, Ronnie? I can't lie.

I'm a terrible liar. Well, I can't lie, but then I always always, but no one was even pressing you, Ronnie. No one was saying, wait a second, this doesn't sound like a Monday. No one was even pressing you. You just confessed for no reason. It just feels weird. I don't like being dishonest, especially when I just birthed up vodka from yesterday. I was like, wow, that's Tito's am chips.

But by the way, I did actually vote. I just happened to vote today with Saturday. I voted at the library in North Hills, California. Oh, yeah. I's Tito's amp chips. But by the way, I did actually vote. I just happened to vote today. It was sad. I voted at the library in North Hills, California. Oh, yeah. I'm going to watch them all. Measure Shirley is not a lie. OK. Measure Shirley is fucked.

Like, honestly, like, the only people who are in support of Measure Shirley are the Nimbis in the hills. Let me tell you something. OK. People should vote it down. You should vote, Ronnie. Please go vote, at least vote Measure S down. That's all I ask.

OK, Ben. Thanks. As a vote at least vote measure S down. That's all I ask. Okay, Ben. Thanks As a measure surely hasn't taken enough crap this week So okay, so now Tom comes out with with Padma and they introduced the the final Challenge which is to just cook a progressive four-course meal and I don't remember if Tom did this But I feel like every single season he just clasps his hands goes it's pretty simple just cook a progressive four-course meal. And I don't remember if Tom did this, but I feel like every single season he just clasps his hands, goes, it's pretty simple. Just cook a really good meal. Yep, that's it.

Just, you know, you're a cat, you're mint. Sure, you're a mint. Make sure you're, you got, there's a mint for every homo chipies and a whole video for every mint. And keep it simple. Just make sure you do with the gas texted and add stuff. That would be great. Yeah, and just remember when it comes to Gale, you may need to up your proportions. Just make sure you do with the S texted and add stuff Yeah, and just remember when it comes to Gail you may need to up your proportions

Yeah, it's like you to town you to Tom I think was just getting wasted the whole night before because he showed up in this hat He looked like death and I think he burnt I Think they showed Tom burp. I can't be sure but I was like to Tom just burp. I won't remind he's still working through some of Some of Sheldon's Tamali stuffed melon or whatever was Tommally cheese stick or whatever the fucking made actually he wasn't a judge on that so he just was working through his own shit So they get to pick teams they bring back all of the other dumb dumb shit every single

chef. Yeah, every single one. Yeah, because Lena Dunham hasn't been shit on enough. But they brought her out for another public sitting on. By the way, Pa, as I watched girls for the very first time, you've never watched girls before. I've never seen it before. I watched the most recent episode. Did you like it?

I really did. Yeah. I like girls too. It took like it? I really did, yeah. I like girls too. It took me a long time to get into it and honestly I really do. And it's not like a fat shaming thing or anything like that. I just really don't need to see Lena done and fuck that much. Like, I don't know if they're still doing it, but in the first few seasons it's just,

she's like, look, I'm naked, riding some dude again. I'm like, you know what? I get that you like sex in the city. You, ma'am are no Samantha Please just sit down. Just keep writing funny lines with your clothes on. Thank you. There was she was fully clothed in this episode Although there was a penis so anyway, oh, well, that's good. Yeah, so yeah, so anyway, it's time to pick the sous chefs and They all I think surely gets first choice. They draw knives, surely gets first choice. What does she do? Her very first choice is not sheldon. It's not silver. It's not even

Lena Dunham. She goes for Casey. Okay. I mean, she was in trouble when she did this. Absolutely. I was like, well, surely just lost. Yes. And Casey is famous, you know, unfortunately for her because I know it still makes her cry at night. So sorry, Casey, but Casey is kind of famous for fucking up finalists. I don't even know how many finalists she's fucked up, but I'm imagining it's probably about seven or eight at this point. Yeah. Yeah. And probably seven or eight.

Not only that, but she is like Brooke's best friend. So well, see, Brooke's best friend. So, hmm. Well, see, here's the thing, Shirley thought that she was handicapping Brooke by taking KC. And unfortunately, you can't, Top Chef is not a board game. You can't really game the system in that way.

I mean, you could if you were to put, you know, it can't suit you with John. Okay, maybe there. If you know people are gonna be toxic together together, but you can't don't take someone who won't be as good for you because you think it'll disable someone because it's just not going to work shortly, especially with Casey, just a black widow of Top Chef. Yes, never choose someone for your team that served judges

fried chicken feet on purpose. That was just so wrong. Oh my God. That was that dim sum challenge from a few years ago, right? Yeah. That was just that was I think what she got kicked off that season. Yeah. That was a disaster. I mean, um, don't serve someone. Don't get a sous chef who can't tell that her scallops have gone bad. Don't get a sous chef who can't salt her stuff properly. I'm sure Casey's a very good chef, but on top chef though, she obviously has had problems, although this is the best she's ever done.

Yeah, well, Shirley's lucky that she didn't put dish soap in her food because that's so Casey. Or a forrest SUV machine on her crudo. So Brooke picks next and she takes Sheldon and she's like, well, I love Casey to death, but Sheldon's better anyway. Yeah. So I'm like, Casey needs more reasons to cry watching this show.

Exactly. So then I thought Shirley's next pick, Shirley, no pun intended. Ah! Caught myself there. That was not a joke. But I thought that surely couldn't be serious when she chose Katsugi over someone like Silva, although I guess she probably was a little, a little what's it called traumatized by Silva giving her like a vanilla sugar or something another. It's been all syrup. Yeah, I think Silva's already made his stance

in the sugar the kitchen. Yeah, so but still, Katsuj, I guess you show his Katsuj because you could speak, you know, Mex, Spanish and he knows Mexican culture. Yeah, that was him. It seemed like Katsuj and Kasey felt like bad omens. And Katsuj is like, is it because I'm Mexican? No, it's because you're hot cat suji.

Just get over here. Okay. So Brooke takes Sam because he's so positive. Which just makes me laugh because that's like just happened this season that Sam's like so positive. Yeah, I was surprised that Sam was chosen. Although I guess it ultimately worked out well for her. I thought for sure Brooke was gonna choose Silva. I mean, I just thought Silva was still gonna win somehow.

I feel like Silva's one of those people that like does great, does great, does great, and then he's like, oh my God, it's like the fire in my kitchen and then everything just goes to shit. He just hits the bed the bed over again. Like that guy last year, was it last year? The guy who lost the black guy? He lost, oh no, he lost two years ago to May. Remember? Yeah. No.

He was doing, he was doing really, really well. He was excellent. And then he started to falter at the end. And then May won. And then I don't even remember last year was California. Oh, California was that guy, Jeremy. And we had his Crudo and we were not impressed. Yeah. I don't know. I think Crudo is a balsy thing to make, not because it's so hard, but because it's so not hard. I don't know why people do that. And I hate when they do it all the time. There's like, Curodough, it's the finale. Why are you making a Curodough? Come on. Yeah, I agree.

I feel like... Well, I mean, I understand, too, that if you're doing a proper... If you're just going to do progressive meal in your restaurant, you might actually want to start with a Curodough. But I also agree. I think that was a misstep, I surely wasn't... It wasn't adventurous enough. But I'm glad that she did it because it was fun to see Brooke get bitchy about it.

But we'll get there. So the, the judges are picking the next, the final sous chefs. And it turns out to be the heads of both of their restaurants, chef de cuisine, which was cool. It was, you know, Shirley's and Brooke's chef de cuisine. And Shirley was all excited because she feels like her chef de cuisine is, is like a brother. Um, which I thought was nice. you know Shirley's and Brooks, Chef DeCuisines and Shirley was all excited because she feels like her Chef DeCuisines is like a brother. Which I thought was nice. A very, very quiet brother.

And then we found out from meeting their families later that they are all quiet. Shirley's the only one. I don't know if Shirley just got her ear, her ear poked when she was younger or what. Because the rest of the family is like, oh, hello, hello, hello. She's like, hello hello she's like hello man

yeah maybe they were loud at one point and they just decided it's just better to be quiet and let Shirley Quack away well I think that the that Brooke chef to cuisine is going to have a job for the rest of his life because I mean it's no small feat to look to make brick look energetic. I mean, this guy was like a lump on a log as Mr. Odom from Zach White Elementary would have said, a bump on a log. That's also where my Kim Richards voice comes from. Okay. Thanks, Mr. Odom. She would say the same thing. By the way, we should mention that Catherine Spires who was our guest. I think actually pretty much close to the top of the way, we should mention that Catherine Spires, who was our guest. I think actually pretty much close to the top of the season, maybe like two weeks in.

On her podcast, a smart mouth podcast, she just interviewed Brooke this week. So if people are interested in hearing what Brooke has to say about anything, go check out Catherine's podcast. Oh, rad. Yeah, it's pretty cool. So next step, so they start deciding what they're going to be making for this and surely decides Crudeau, which you know, we talked and then she is. Oh, go ahead. Just say guess what surely is cooking based on memories. Yeah. My first dish is jumping from tree. Just like eggs falling from this guy. I know.

First ish. First ish is jumping from Roof. Roof to Roof. So that thought how much it could all. I liked it. She didn't even come up with like short cute names. She'd like title her dishes running round in circles till I fall over. Take that one few in the Apple album that had that really long title. I really like GOM but sometimes I sure and it gets stuck in my nose crazy right. I'm surprised the first dish wasn't called. This reminds me of the first time I went to restaurant and I went to go get something and I had sushi. And sushi was raw and I said, mom, I can't believe it's raw. She said it's raw and I was like, okay, wow.

So this is called it's raw. That's the entire title, by the way. It's like five lines long. I'm like, wait, why is this menu a phone book? And you still learn nothing about Shirley, except that she jumps off trees. Yeah. Okay. So she's decided she's going to make credo.

I forget the memory there, but there you go. She's making Krito's. Yeah, I think because she loves Red Snapper or something and so it was like she members going to just members Red Snapper. And then the first the first thing I made at eight top ramen at eight. Romani. Yeah, third course is dedicated to my dad suckling pig. I was like, okay, fat Seamer. If I was her dad, I would be crying right now. I'm like, thanks a lot, Shirley. And then sticky rice pudding, no rice. Yes. And then for Brooke, I don't remember her the stories behind her things. I just know that she wants to start off with a bang with an oyster. Well, she at least did come up with stories this time because usually Brooks like, well, I don't like stories.

So I mean, it makes it harder for me. So the story behind this dish is that I don't like stories. Story behind the dishes that I really like oysters. So dot, dot, dot, I couldn't come stories. Story behind the dishes that I really like oysters. So dot, dot, dot. I couldn't come up with a peanut butter crumble parfait story. So please don't kick me off. So they eventually go to the market to go shopping,

which is like the typical market montage, surely yapping away down every aisle and brooking, like, Shirley, yeah, she's like, oh, love, how much does do you have bacon? Yeah, she did say do you have bacon? I noticed that. So like the usual thing, frenetic, like, five more minutes, you know, all that stuff. Shirley, be quiet, you know, my goal stuff. Surely be quiet, you know. My goal is when people, if food, I wanted to trigger memories.

You do not want to trigger an entire room of like sensitive people, okay? Especially chefs. It's going to turn into an AA meeting in here. No triggering. Tom's like, well, I was starting to get triggered, but I didn't have quite enough mint or jalapeno to finish the trigger. So now I have no memory. Patent was like, I don't know why that load of warm bacon grease with an oyster is triggering

me. Did you mean to make me cry? Did you mean to make me think of salmon? Patent was gooey bacon loads. Okay, so back at the hotel, they have ordered their meats from the hotel and they go back to check them. And Brooks isn't there. And I thought it was going to be like, I cannot believe they've handicapped me, but she just forgot.

She forgot to order her pork belly. But luckily, surely has ordered some pork belly as a contingency. Her plan is that if her if her succulent pig doesn't work out, she's gonna make the pork belly. So Brooke, even though she got short rib as a backup, she really wants the pork belly. So she's asking Shirley Oh, can I have that pork belly? And Shirley's like, because you just are like backing up quietly trying to like, disappear into the shadows. Yeah. She's like, oh yeah, no, yeah, no, yeah, no, yeah, yeah, you want putty? No, you can't. Yeah, you can have it. No, no, no, no, no, like, surely you don't have to just say no.

It's fucking good. Yeah. I think it's, and Brooke probably wouldn't give it to her either. Yeah, I think it's pretty balsy to, like if you make a mistake like that, and you've already gotten, if you've already purchased stuff as a contingency plan, I think it's really balsy to ask from your competitor and the finals for that pork belly and then expect it to. And I'm not saying that that broke was really, really expecting it, but that puts Shirley in a very awkward place.

But then in these chefs, they always have these lofty sentiments about being a chef and winning the competition. I'd rather win because I was the best chef and not because you've got an ingredient. I'm like, fuck, I just want to win. Yeah, exactly. Let's see how you feel about the end of this episode, ma'am. But yeah, Brooke does seem kind of like she's just, she's like, yeah, I can have your pork belly, right? Yeah. Can I have your pork belly because you're not really using it it's just a back-up I'm like well you know what because she took the time to to double-check her order so sorry yeah and certainly it's like she goes no break said well there's look by tomorrow there's a 50-50 chance that you know

we're gonna one of us is gonna to win. And Shirley goes, yeah, well, what a 51 because if I don't want to give up my park and see my ass and Brooks, like really, surely, really, well, I've short ribs just in case. And I was like, Oh, yes, bitch, brook. Yeah. Yeah. I really like bitch, brook. Yeah.

Well, I also feel like if you, if you got the short ribs just in case, that means you have another idea of what you could make. So just make it because you messed up, you know? Yeah. So they go out there at home, just kind of chilling. And it's another awkward scene with just the two of them stuck at home. And it looks like, so let's just enjoy the last day together.

And then it cuts to Shirley, like not smiling again. We're certainly not. She was like this bitch won my pop ballet. So Brooke, you want to jump off roof now? It's fun. So dinner, they got a dinner and their husbands are there. Oh, and Brooks kids there too. I thought it was weird that when they walked into dinner, Brooks has been got up and she's like, oh my God. And they're like hugging and the kid is just kind of sitting

in the chair looking at her. He's like, who is this woman? She's like, I remember me. I'm the lady who stole the dinosaur out of your room while you were sleeping. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Got me kicked off the first time, you little fucker. But I'll talk to you now. I also like how Shirley had this monumental, monumental emotional moment when she's like,

you know, I never want, I never want children because, you know, I want to be chef and I it's like, I'm in demands of rest want me, I can't have children, but I see Brooke has a kid. So now I want family now. I'm like, really because they saw a kid you saw a kid now all of a sudden you're gonna change your entire life plan. Brooke show me that you can ignore kid and it's okay no one cares so I do it too. As long as you have your dire saw people think you're good mother. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life but come come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest

and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so- so expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll

feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. If I bring dinosaur, I look like crazy Shirley, there she go, bringing in plastic dinosaur again. Crazy. So in the morning, they're both packing their knives and they're being really quiet.

And the only reason I wrote that down is because I'm just riding over and over again, Shirley's terrified of brick. It was like my favorite running storyline through this whole thing. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, yes, surely was terrified of broke for sure. So we get to the pig and poor, poor Katsujji has to break down the pig and he's the kosher chef.

Did he drop a knife and then start cutting the pig with it? I mean, that's the least of Katsujji's offenses. Let's be honest, but he did drop a knife. They may look like he dropped it five times, but it's probably just from the same angle. But do we know is Ketsuju actually Jewish too. We know that he had that he cooks in a kosher restaurant, but I don't I don't know if he was actually Jewish. Jewish. So because his style of cooking is kosher Mexican, and it's his food truck. So I mean, he really is a mashup, right?

Japanese, Jewish, Mexican. I've never seen anything like that. He's like a mashup between like Squiggy and like zero Mostal. He's like Mauricio meets Mr. Miyagi. I'm just talking purely ethnically, I'm not not looks. It's just that's that's that's the only thing my brain can reference. That's it. I'm like, Ken Watanabe and just anybody to wish.

I'm like and Jackie Mason and and Chensei Fox Green or Sheki Green and I'm just gonna keep saying zero must like even though those are two Woody Allen and Sunni Done drop the mic. She's not Japanese though. Oh For Christ sake I can't even

think I'm like blanking on every Japanese celebrity that's out there I'm just like Ken wasabi and they're at that's it I've reached my limit so you know who didn't reach their limit? Brooke the ports. Okay, Brooke, I'll go with that. I don't know who you go. I just I just guessed. So now is where we just get into the main cooking part. So Brooke is going to make for her first course.

She's going to make an oyster with bacon, vinaigrette. And now she repeats the story 30 times, which is why I said she's really making an effort to come up with stories because usually she doesn't she's like I first had this dinner with my parents in Baja where they live and I just loved it. I was like wow, that's that's a good effort I mean sure repeats the same three lines probably 30 times in this episode I'm like that is so cute that that's a real story like that's you worked on that That's definitely a step up from a few episodes ago when her story was, yeah, I ate a slice of watermelon at the hotel and decide I'd just

go just take it and run with it. Well, you have to hot dog truck too. I mean, you're gonna make that. It's like, can you come up with some deeper reason? She's like, one time my kid was hungry and so we went to McDonald's and so, you know, I'm making a clown steak. Her clown fish. Like, you know, McDonald's old McDonald had a farm farm to table. I thought, okay, great. I'm making a table. I'm making a table. Um, I did like when Brooke said, uh, I said, she, I can't wait to see Pam

the space when she puts a huge oyster in her mouth. Did you mean to make me look like a sloppy American, Brooke? And I'm not sure if this is where she said it or not. I've got so many notes for this show, but she, at one point, she's like, well, I don't know if surely, I mean, just a crudo, like, that's just like so light and boring. And I just prefer to be more interesting for my beginning and I'm like it's an oyster brook. I get that you're pouring something warm on top of it but it's still an oyster. Like, stop acting like you're like walking on the moon. I like brook saying I like her shading surely for that saying I just want to make

something more interesting. Now, excuse me, I have to get to my seminal drama of the episode, My Flon. Well, my flon work. My boiled canned milk condensed milk. Like, OK, Brooke. Nothing is more exciting than Flon drama. Am I right, everyone?

And Brooke is getting so mad at Shirley because she's like, okay, and then yeah, Shirley's just telling a story about everything. She's like, I cleaned the counter because one time I was in my house and my mama spilled a tea on the counter and I cleaned it up. And she said, Shirley, you're so crazy. Brooks, like, please make her fucking stop. Just know what's funny about the ball over there? Is that one time I was looking at a ball

and I was like, how do you say this in English? I saw a B-O-W-L. I thought, well, that's like an owl with a B in front of it. I thought, what would that be? Five is on owl flying with a B-2 and then together to be a ball? That's so funny. She did that the whole time

and it was making Brick crazy. And Bricks like, surely can you keep it down over over there and they just cut to surely always looking like a yoko she's like and she's the happy about everything she's like I put tapioca into my noodle to make it extra chewy because I like that chewy because it makes it feel like romance like when you go to college you have ramen for that person you heat it up and it's like chewy it's like you like with the tapioca and you're like, what's the tapioca in here? Like, Shirley. The best was just the sound effect.

Yeah. So either way, Shirley is making her noodle her noodles. She's had tapioca into it to make it some chew. And her big drama is that she can't stabilize the pasta machine. If she can't get it to work, she won't have noodles and it's like commercial break. And when we come back, Katsuji just holds on the pasta machine and everything is fine. Thank God you are so big. I was making pasta and I had big man hold it down and my mom said, you're so crazy. Then I push him up, roof. And he fell hard. I got to see what he's like, that was John's fault. Because he's going to hold down three pasta machines at once.

So surely ends up using like the entire cast of Babe, like all the all the backup pigs and everything from Babe, just to take the fat off of them. And she's like, okay, you have breast. So she gave the rest to a brook. And she's like, she goes, this is when she's still yapping yapping yapping. And she's like, or Jay is the best sous chef or the best chef to cuisine. In last day, I guess when I worked there, I used to call me kakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakak I know. And then as they're preparing like, it's coming down to the final 10 seconds, surely is yelling at everyone. So, to slap it. Big it up. To slap it. I was like, yeah, John, it's young.

Yeah, Bolita. So, uh, Katzuchi has now stood up and has pasta machine marks on his butt. And now the drama is Brooks, blonde is not working. And the guests start to arrive into the restaurant and their families are there. And um, Brooks freaking out. And she's like, my mom, I cannot

disappoint my mom again. She's the head of the flood committee. She's she has won the flood competition two years in a row. And also I should mention that the flood competitions only have been around competition two years in a row. And also I should mention that the flon competitions only have been around for two years, but still, she won the second annual. She won the second annual. She won the first annual.

She won the first annual. She won the first annual. She won the first annual. She won the first annual. She won the first annual. She won the first annual. She won the first annual. She won the first annual.

She won the first annual. She won the first annual. She won the first annual. She won the first annual. She won the first annual. She won the first annual. She won the first annual. She won the first annual. She won the first annual. Her dad is like Oakley-Docley, neighbor. Oh my goodness. So yeah, so the chefs arrived and there are people like Danielle Balloude and Jonathan Waxman and they're all coming in. This was quite a group of guest judges.

They had one guy who looks like, I don't know, like in an adventure movie where you come across the weird old guy who gives you a clue but he's very eccentric in a bookstore you know with like dust flying around his head. You know what's what I mean? Was that Jonathan Lackford? I have not had it, I have not had it, I'm like this is Germany. Well as Joaquim Spichhal whatever he is a very big chef here in LA. He started off very rude. He's like, no! He's German. What can expect? Yeah, he was like,

spit on snuffloops. He started to think that. I have to interrupt everything. I have to interrupt everything. This is like the moment I've been waiting for. There is a, it appears to be a photo shoot taking place on a roof, like building away with two shirtless

guys. I just have to say, this is the dream right here. And you know what else? That's not the first time that's happened, either. I think this is like the third time we've been recording, and someone's doing a photo shoot on the roof across the street. Yeah. I mean, you know, people love doing amateur photo shoots on Rooms in LA. I mean, did we not see Vanderpump rules

with that pivotal scene that was filmed of The Riven? The Riven. Well, I don't know, we've told. Sorry, I'm looking. You can tell I'm looking, because my voice goes away. I'm like, excuse me while I crane my head. No, it's okay.

I'm sorry. Why are you trying to temper your boner? I'll compliment the lovely Gail Simmons. Gail, thank you for not showing up in a terrible pattern. And you see how it changes everything. Everything. You showed up with this act. We were stunned into silence at the truth of that statement.

It's like let's sit here and silence and think about how everything has changed. Yeah. The confidence, the same. It's like let's sit here in silence and think about how everything has changed. Yeah, the confidence the grace she's like I love that Shirley gave us an intro and her menu everybody Cooking and then she's like cooking for my family unconditional love. I love long titles I was like, you know what? I love your strong opinions gale Simmons welcome. I was like with your solid pants suit And I was like, yeah, that's nice. Welcome. I love it. I love it with your solid pants suit. And Pemma's like, Gail, that's nice.

Do you mind scooting over a little bit? So that way some of the chefs could take a seat here. Thanks so much, Gail. Oh, oh, oh, you know, maybe, maybe Gail could see that table over there with the parents. I don't know. There's a seat over there by the door, Gail. Thumbs, bless your heart.

That table seems to have a bit more room for people who need to put their elbows on it. Gail, there's a plus size chair over there for you if you need it. Gail, do you want this chair? It's a little sturdier. Gail, you might like that table. It's reserved for four. Gail, would you like a four top? We could just put all the chairs together. I've asked them to bring armless chairs for you, Gail Don't want you getting stuck again. It's like wait a second. Yeah, I would you like a lobster bib?

I mean, I know there's no lobster, but you know crumbs do happen. I guess right? So Shirley comes at and sees her mom and sister now I am not surely comes at and sees her mom and sister. Now I am not convinced that her mom is even real because her mom doesn't I don't think her mom moves until the she did not move the entire episode just sat there turned like a three quarter angle light shining on her alabaster skin and just stared awkward. There's not with the smile. Just I thought about me beyond to television to be embarrassed in front of my ancestors If her face had a voice it would be this I could be home watching NCIS

I like that my comment So Surlies freak that starts crying. She's like, I chalk up. I hope she understands my story. I'm like, she'll understand it. It's 10 paragraphs. I don't know. It's a good a couple of sentences. And then I just wrote, yeah, Brick's dad is net flanders. Uh, so Padma's like, hi, Broken Shirley. What did you make us? Brick's like, um, a warm gooey load for you, Padma Man, she's like, great. I'm experienced. And then Shirley's like, my first dish is called, let us take skateboard and

then a bus to the junk. Snap a crudo. It's like, what? Teach me how to grow with you. Kudo. Like, did you just name that after something else on this network? No, I don't succeed a business. I really cool though. Ka Ba Ali and Kudo. The chef, I just wrote down Martha Ortiz looks pissed. They have this chef.

This Mexican chef, Martha Ortiz is beautiful woman. And she has these big eyelashes glued on. And man, when she's not smiling, she looks furious. I was like, what a crudo due to Martha. Can we get stories from the judges, too, please? I need to know what's going on inside Martha Ortiz's mind. You're a pig. Well, this is where Tom had his temper tantrum.

He's like, well, you have three pieces of fish, two pieces of mint, two pieces of chili. You want a piece of mint with everybody. How did you that? No, it was one piece of chili. Oh It was one piece of chili. Oh, I thought it was two pieces of chili Yeah, it was two pieces of mint one piece of chili and three pieces of Yeah, the only reason I know is because he said it like 30 times now is laughing so hard It's like this is the first time Tom has counted anything. He was so proud of himself

It's like three to one contact himself. It's like 321 contact It's like what are you doing? May I Christmas song? You know Three piece of hair is two piece of man one piece of chili. I don't know. I don't get it. Oh progression doesn't mean cooking. I mean it doesn't mean counting. What do we got to count? One two three? What's next? Four? This is nice. Who would do this? I mean, I mean, you gotta be careful. You don't want to have four pieces of mint Cuz then you guys out, but three piece, why not three? The reactions to this were just beautiful all around that weirdo judge from Germany's like Oh, there's so much liquid. It's you shove it down your throat

It was like what and then bricks some hop and take out the bricks parents and she's like the oyster the mom's like Oh the oysters were a surprise in my mouth. I'm a dad's like, that's the best I ever had, neighbor. Brixton, I was like, this oyster is like the my flan of seafood. That's why we all call you Ned Flan. There's honey. Oakley, dokeley, wifey. I'm sure if you could submit this oyster into a competition, it would win.

Just like my flano is wins. No pressure. Then they cut to John who's eating with silver and silver's just staring at a wall. Like I can't believe my restaurant burned down still. And John's like, well, you know, the Crudeau was okay, but Brooks was Suwan Yeh, and then he gave himself a little laugh. He's all proud. Steve, Steve, Steve, so then next, second course, Shirley's ramen versus Brooks octopus. My dish is called when I was eight, I made a ramen with egg and it tasted so good that I made it tonight. I'm surprised I surely made a ramen to be honest and

this is a sentiment that was later echoed at judging but ramen I don't know I think that's I think you should be more elevated and I know you can elevate ramen but I just I did not feel like that was a strong move for Shirley. Yeah. I think both when the first and second course, she suffered some creative lapses. Not a lot of, I would not, but the first course was not hugely original and the second course was not hugely exciting. Well, I think it's difficult because, you know, when she's doing other challenges and she's mixing her Chinese style in with that, it makes it different, you know when she's doing other challenges and she's mixing her Chinese style in with that it makes it different you know they're like oh this

is a mix but when she can do whatever she want and it's just Chinese I mean she could serve cashew chicken beautifully in his Chinese but it's still gonna be cashew chicken right you know right yeah Brooks octopus I mean not the octopus is all that exciting either, but octopus is also required some finesse. So That's the thing to cook excellent octopus. You know, it's not easy. I've you know, it has a very small margin of error and so and I was a little concerned because Sam was on octopus duty, but And I was a little concerned because Sam was on on October duty, but it turned out well. Was this the moment I had the garlic?

Yeah, I think this is the one that had an orange and seafood stew of some kind. I think this is the one, because I think it was, I'm trying to remember, was the, because there was one thing where something was kept simple, but there was garlic all around it. I don't know, I think it was this one because the other one was pork and beans. Quaradino pork beans. So this one was, it was octopus. And then there was like garlic chips and garlic puree and garlic something else.

Oh yeah, there was garlic because the German guy was like, I love how she played with garlic. Yeah. Now to be fair, the garlic stuff was hardcore Sam. So not to take anything away from Brooke, but kind of want to take away something from Brooke. I was impressed that she gave him credit though. That was nice.

That was very nice. And you know, I mean, at the same time, even though Sam did do that, you know, she, she signed off on it. And it was one of the reasons why she brought him on board. So it does go back. It does trace back to Brooke. Yeah. And this unit does, it does count when they they when they help it counts in your favor in a way You know because they're like leading the ship Yeah, and it was nice like it's you know brick being a bitch or not I really like brick and so yeah, I love general and so I'm glad that she You know in the kitchen. She's like sheldon. How long did you cook that octopus? In other words like you kind of fuck that up

How long was it and he's like well, I cook it for 16, but you should do it for 14. She's like, okay, 14 minutes. So she basically cooked it, his style, Sam did the, you know, the surroundings or whatever. And then she did an orange sauce, probably because she ate an orange on the bus earlier, or some shit, you know.

Yeah. And Padma said, this is finale food. So that was a sign of approval. Now, I think new news finale food. I think new new Motam also enjoyed it. People don't quote me on that. Yes, she did, she did not give sour face. That's for sure. And the basic criticism was Tom who I love finale because the judges get so criticism was Tom who I love finale because the judges get so over-angry about things especially Gail but Tom's like you know, ramen, it's had a resurgence, it's become a real 20 food and you can really get an elevated ramen the past 10 years and you know 10 years ago this would have been great but uh

you know now no yeah well he's right I mean that's the danger that surely um that that surely encountered danger that Shirley that that Shirley encountered is that, you know, ramen has become a trendy thing. And if she's gonna try to jump on the ramen train, she's got to do it better than everyone else. And she obviously didn't. They all thought the broth was flat. They were like now. So the third course, Brooks, pork belly, so much. Yes. Oh, and by the way, I just want to say at this point, it was very clear to me that Shirley would not be winning because when Daniel Belude says, I'm not sure if it's a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit Yeah, especially I mean in this they could have caught up she could have caught up if they didn't have to make dessert because dessert just get zero respect. Well actually no, I would actually I would actually argue otherwise. Um, and I'll get you know, I'll circle back to my argument otherwise when one of the time comes. Yeah, I wanted to. Yeah, I knew surely wasn't going to win when she said. Oh, I'm a pork is different. Mine is so perfectly gelatinous. It's like, hmm. I knew she was true as that is. It really doesn't sound good. Yeah, also she picked Casey.

So, um, so next, yeah, Shirley, Shirley's piglet versus Brooks pork belly. So now here, what I was sort of thinking would happen is that, okay, Brooke won round one and round two, obviously. And then if Shirley wins round three and round four, then we, then I'm gonna be Shirley wins round three and round four, then we, then I'll be interesting.

But basically with this dish, everyone loved both dishes. And so they said it was a draw. So I was like, uh, now Shirley can't win because she needed to have a definitive victory with this dish. And the fact that she didn't means that she screwed. Yeah.

This dish is called, Tiapaba, I meant you are shanked poor. You love it, sucking pork called your papa. I meant your a shank poor you love it sucking pork with lentil and Padman's like I kind of love how Shirley served a shank I mean, isn't that great much better than that bitch broke, am I right making me shabby noise through my mouth? It takes guts for her to serve a shank and Mike broke he just served us guts my right guys Could everyone please pass me a bones? We're collecting them for a gale Simmons down on the corner I'm Mike Brooke who just served us guts. Am I right guys?

Could everyone please pass me a bones? We're collecting them for Gail Simmons down in the corner. Gail needs a toothpick. Here we go. We collected some shanks for you. We know how much you love them. Did you mean to chew on all our shanks, Gail? Did you mean to chew the bone right off of that? I would look at Gail. She's got sauce. I thought, look for her mouth. Isn't she just adorable?

This is also the moment where Tom started doing my other favorite thing of the, my other favorite runner of the episode, which was not the, the, the ratio of mint and jalapeno to hamachi, but Tom talking about how much he forgot how he forgot how much he loved wild rice you know what you know this is why we love wild rice it's got a great you I love wild rice I'm just gonna say it I'm click you love wild rice okay I'm gonna call food in one magazine Tom Colliqueo forgot how wild wild parts can be. All right. You know, nearly much of it. Let's, let's do a feature on wild rice.

You're so wild. Wild at heart. We'll call it wild at heart. All right. This is also one of the judges. It's like, do we judge these based on size because one of these is huge and bad because size doesn't matter. Haven't you heard? I was like, oh, I'm in rusty burn. I love a good salmon rusty burn in the finale you go girl she's like she's like yes one of these is clearly larger we call it galing it up my right gal oh no I made her cry again large and gelatinous gale original name. We know something about that, don't we, Gail?

This entire dish was based off of your story, Gail. Does it still count? Don't worry, she can't hear us over the sound of gnawing on the shank bones. Gail, did you mean to insert your huge self into Shirley's story? Gail, did you mean to make such a mess the shank bones over there in the corner? Well I came just walk around her, don't worry. We'll put a sheet over her. So Brooke was serving pork and beans and Brooke's like, well, I made pork and beans.

God, we couldn't be more different. Like get out of here. You're actually exactly the same. You're both serving pork. So the same that you have the same ingredient. Yeah, you have you literally have the same port. Get the fuck out of here. Same pig. It's like babe understudy number three. Get out of here. Yeah. So then it's time for

just like seeing the little day. I've missed the straight gay guy GM. So that is named GM. GM. The audience, he was sitting with somebody and the guy who was sitting with, I forgot who it was. Sorry, guy who was sitting with, he's like, seems like a tie and Jim goes, total tie. Yeah.

Now let's watch Game of Thrones. Doesn't he like Game of Thrones? I feel like he's talking about it. I haven't cried since John Snow died. Spoiler. Yeah, he spoiled it. Not me. Yeah, he did.

So the final dish. He did. Oh, the final dish is called make a rest pudding with coconut snow because I like to snow. The longest title ever. I was really concerned because since Shirley already did elevated, elevated,

what do you call it, comfort food or, or rustic food with a ramen, I thought when she said she's doing rice pudding, I was concerned because also, by the way, I also was concerned for two things. One, that the ramen didn't work out. And two, I feel like in a finale, you can only pull that card twice, right? Elevated simple food, you know. So if you're doing ramen and you're doing rice pudding, I don't know, that doesn't sit well with me.

I was worried that it was rice pudding without rice. That sounds crazy to me. What did she use? I don't know. There was a bunch of different frets in there and stuff. But everyone loved it. So I was shocked. Had me was like, that is my favorite dish of the entire night. She loved it. Because you got to finish the rice because my mom has said to that's byline of title. I think Gail said for I think it was this this Gail was like, I actually ate every single bite of it. And you could just tell Patma was laughing hotly. Like, we know Gail, we know. Let us bring out the shock music. Surely there will be a

Did you mean to embarrass yourself in front of these esteemed chef scale? Look at that. You finished every bite of your rice and the entire bowl. The bus boy would have taken that for you, gal, dear. The bus boy would have taken that for you, Gail, dear. So let's see. So the mom cries. Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,'s too stiff. It needs to be light, it needs to be area, it's dense, and everyone's like, oh, I mean, it's vanilla. It's not a vanilla, it's strange. I don't get it.

I don't get it. Rum, I don't get it. And one of my favorite tastes. I like when the Spanish lady, Monica, whatever her face is, her big eyelashes fluttered, and she's like, one of the most amazing tastes in all of the world is the taste of the camomile. And the camomile flower so strong and beautiful and vibrant not here. Yes, yes.

Meanwhile, her mom was talking to the back and she was like, well, you know, if maybe she listened to me more, she'd make a better flan, but that's not a my business. You know, I just don't understand what it is about book that loves disappointing me. Paul consistency dear, herdly, dearly. Well, I guess not everything can be passed down to the bloodline, huh, like plan making skills.

Camo meal plan, the most Mexican thing I've ever heard of. So the mom, this part was so sweet. Shirley's mom finally moves. I was like, oh my god, so much I changed her battery. Yeah, I'm is. And she she goes, she tells the

sister how I say beautiful Shirley. I proud. And she's like, you say beautiful Shirley. I'm proud. And she's like, oh, and then they cry.

And I was like, okay, I'm crying now crying now and she was surely that and then Shirley started crying with her like really fast crying she was like oh wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow okay we don't know it was like the end of the show. It was like the end of the It's crazy I've been waiting for this moment since the day I told her I wanted to change career from being dental assistant to a banker to person was an electric company to being chef and This this time she finally understood me and not even through words only to cooking she finally understood me and not even through words only to cooking. Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wab Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa Wababa It's like an ang Lee movie and there's the mother who is disapproving of something and then finally comes to

Appreciate something and the mother says at a climatic moment with the music swelling surely You're up you're beautiful surely I'm proud I then everyone is like And the Academy Award goes to That lady really, just stiff lady. Wa-wa land. I would like to make a speech. Wa-wa-wa-wa. Wa-wa-wa-wa. Thank you to everyone.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I've done. So like, you still have 35 seconds left. Oh. Oh, that's a beautiful moment. I have to say. I'm usually had you not cry in Finale's because by the time we get to the finale, I usually don't like anybody that's made it.

It's very rare. And this time I like them both. And I just love Shirley. I mean, beyond being talented, she's just such a sweet lady. I love her. And that is big validation, getting that from your parents. He'd never approved of you cooking and stuff. And she's like, oh my God, people don't pay you for ramen.

Oh, wow, wow, wow. She's like, oh, wow. She's like, wow, wow, wow, wow. Yeah, if there's anyone who could make me root against Brooke, it would have to be Shirley, because I love Brooke. Like I love Brooke. So there's only one person who I could love more, which would be Shirley.

Yeah. And probably Tiffany, maybe Tiffany from Top Chef DC. Well, you know, during this whole thing I was thinking, Brooke is really such a dick. I can't imagine how these sweet people, her parents, would ever say were disappointed or would ever make her feel like that, because they're so sweet.

And then it's just Brooke with her family. And the mom was like, you did so great. Except for the dessert. She's like, it was wonderful. I mean, dessert was okay. She's like, what? And it just comes to commercial. I mean, disappointment flond will never win the community flond championship. But you know what, we have our lane. You know, Brooke, I community. Flon championship. But you know what? We each have our lane. You know, Brooke, I thought it was really admirable that you tried to outflon me, but you can't outflon the flon master. Okay. So stand your only in bitch. Mom, geez.

She's like, I'm so getting another tattoo in a very visible place, mother. And it will be a firm flon. It'll be a firm tattoo that smells like camomail. So we go to the judges table and basically, I mean, I think we've mostly talked about all of this stuff. Although my favorite, one of my favorite things that happen to judging tables when they're talking about the first course, and they're talking about Brooks Oyster, and they're like, yeah, I mean, Brooks oyster was like a slap to the face. I'm like, people get to relax. Yeah. Oyster that bacon on it.

They're like, I mean, that really got started. Woo! What a way to start a meal. I mean, it was like being on a rollercoaster, buckle in, there was a oyster with some bacon on it. Woo! I felt like I have been personally violated by that oyster and I liked it. Yeah, grandma's like, yeah, I don't know. It's a progressive meal. So it was a little bit much out of the gate, full throttle, full throttle coming out with that oyster.

Hit me in the face. I don't know how I liked that. Tom's like, I felt the smack in the face. I'm like, I kind of liked it. And I liked it. Well, someone had taken a pickaxe and whacked it into my back. Yeah, Rick sticks up for herself though. She's like, well, I knew this would come up and I put a lot of thought into it before I did it.

And I still did it. And you're all pussies because it's just an oyster with bacon on it. Yeah. Fool throttle. Brooke. Fool throttle. Brooke, fool throttle. Tonight, Brooke is bring out an oyster

Rams had just explodes like I just bought these white glasses Just like the I'm just imagining like some sort of what do you call them again those like like those car rally things of you know We're like cars jumping over other cars and a big dinosaur car comes out with fire coming out with big wheels, you know, like the one that's like, what do you call those things? Those events? Cars jumping all over each other. You know what I'm talking about those those events? Derbies roller derbies. I don't know. Roller lives being like that. I lost it's like a motor rally, but you know, it's like Saturday, Saturday, Saturday at the Pomona Echoplex

There's going to be a big wheel crushing other little cars and then there's be stunts and fireworks. Yeah, monster truck rallies All truck rally. Thank you. God. Good God. Otherwise known as Gale taking the stairs Full throttle Brook's oyster Yeah, I was like Charlie's Angels full throttle not quite as good as the first, but man didn't hit you in the face. Okay, describe, but it was like to slap down the face full throttle. Other things that slot Graham in the face. His boobs as he runs. That's all I can come up with. And I have boobs. So I'm allowed to say that. Okay, everybody just calm down. Calm down. Calm down. So yeah, I just I just laughed at how

dramatic they were about that oyster. It's just grand. It's like, grand doesn't come up with that much to say, but when he does, like, he's a Jowl shaken mess. Well, he followed Graham though, because Tom was like, well, yep, Phil's slapping the face, I guess. But Graham was the one who was like, whoa, that was not spools right? I'll end the face on my butt around the corner. Whoa, it was a slapping the face, but it surely wasn't the indignity of having Hamachi with only two B. Cementan, one piece of choy.

No, I'm saying, did you count the mint on that plate? Did you mean to make Tom say, did you mean to count the mint on that plate? Did you mean to make Tom say, did you mean to count the mint on the plate? Did you mean to turn Tom into Dennis? I mean, did you mean to turn Tom into rainman? Did you mean to play Ico Ico while Tom walked to Vegas? That's a deep cut because I have the Rainman soundtrack. And I

I feel like I go I go. It's probably Shirley's personal anthem. I go I go I go I go. You're like boy, my like boys in bite the fire. You're like boys at the mindset boy. We're like this base of fire. So I know, you know, you no, I go I go on a Check my feet on a check my feet on a I go

And learn so much from I go oh my god, okay, so brick gives credit to the chips I wrote and then so the the second chorus went to Brooke obviously it was pretty obvious that she got that one. And then the third, she got the tie. And then the dessert, Tom was giving all sorts of camomile snaps. It was hilarious. I'll tell you, one thing this dessert didn't do. Call me down.

Not a good, not a relaxing dessert. No, no. I mean, I think you're sleepy, Jonti. You could have done black tea. Like we're pod movers. So, Brooke, is the story behind this that you used to make Flon with your mother? And she's like, no, actually, she never taught me how to make flons. She would just make it for me. Maybe that's why I lost mother. Brick stories are so non-romantic. I'm like Padme is trying to help you out here okay. Did you mean to turn your flan into a disgusting eggy mess Brooke?

Did you mean to title this flan the disappointment of a mother? Brooke. I'm like crying on the beach. Brooke, maybe you should try to panakata or maybe you would have called it a panic canata. A pamphlet, notta. Brooke, does it bother you that your mother is over there in the corner of smirking because she is.

Brooke, I thought your flat was wonderful. Oh, I'm sorry. This is from your mother. Never mind. So Shirley Padma was obsessed with Shirley's dessert. She and she was really rooting for a Shirley win. You could tell because she said over and over. She's like, but that tapioca was the best dish of the night. And they're like, really? Well, great. Well They would all smile on them just to be fair Padma has been gunning for Brooke for weeks and weeks because every judging She's like, I don't know. I'm kind of on team Sheldon and not team Brooke tonight. I don't know I just feel like Brooke really mess it up without yogurt perfei

Yeah, Brooke really fucked with Padma at some point and even at this part they showed a clip They showed a cut they cut to Brooke because Padma's like, Shirley, your tapioca was amazing and then it cuts to Brooke and she's just giving this like, fuck you, Padma. She's just looking at her like, fuck you bitch. You know Padma was probably like, Brooke, how did it feel to wait four years to finally cook dessert on a top chef finale and only have it be such a huge disappointment and only flan? How does it feel to be so mediocre at a finale? Gale? How does it feel?

Brooke, did you mean to identify with Gale so much with your mediocrity as epitomized by your flan? That's not as good as your mom's flan, which is much better than your flan. Your flan was definitely firmer than Gail's ever been, but... Gail's never been. Brook, I admire you for expressing the firmness of my physique in your flan, but unfortunately, we are looking for something a little more Gail-esque. Gail is like, what the fuck is wrong with all of you? I'm skinny. That's your hard gal.

Gail is like, I do not have a way, brother. She really does. Like she is tiny and skinny. This is when we have to mention that we think Dale is beautiful. We've seen her in person. We love Gail. She's our favorite. But we just pretend that Padma likes to be shady to Gail. Yes. It's one of our

fiction. It's part of our part of our storytelling. Yeah, you got it's part of our fanfic. Yeah, flambick. It's part of our mediocre flambick. Okay. We are actually doing flambiction on the flam. So anyway, despite Brooks mediocre stiff flan worthy of a John or a Minidonum. I'm right down flan fiction.

Because flan fiction, that's a big title of our game. Wow, wow, wow. I can never come up with titles. You're so good at titles. And I'm like, why don't we just call it Fander Prumb Rules number? that's the name of it. That's a good title of our title. I can never come up with titles. You're so good at titles. And I'm like, why don't we just call it Fander Prumb Rules number? To be fair, there are times I will literally spend 30 to 40 minutes trying to come up with a title for our episode. I'm crazy about, oh, can we also talk about, I have to say, Willie Lohman, we said Willie Logan last week.

I'm actually you said Willie Logan and I am too stupid to correct you. And you know what? I do not have good knowledge of plays. So I wouldn't know that, but I do have very good knowledge of soap dish. I have very good knowledge of soap dish and plays. So I'm doubly doubly in excuse for saying Willie Logan. I guess I was caught up in all the excitement for the movie Logan coming out. But no, Willie Logan. Lohman. Lohman.

Lohman. From soap dish. Yeah. Oh, man. Well, it's OK, babe. It'll work, guys. I was impressed how many of our listeners knew that. Well, I'm not an impressed because our listeners are smart. That's actually one of the defining

That's always that's always wet surprises It always impresses me we have actually very smart listeners and I love that this willy-loan thing seems to have been the thing that everyone is tweeting at us about. Like we, I mean, we get things wrong all the time. Our world must pronounce something or say something incorrectly. And this willy-lomin thing, I'm telling you, it is haunting me. Everyone's like, you know, it's really low, man.

You know, it's Arthur Miller, one of America's foremost playwrights, the 20th century, right, Ben Mandelker? I'll be sure to put it in the timestamps, just so people can always search for it and find a political. It's to Willie Logan. No, no, don't be. Don't be a batch, batch. Don't be a batch, batch. So let's see, um, this is when Brooke, bitch Brooke comes out

again and I love it. There she's alone with Shirley in the back while they were waiting the decision. And Brooks, like, well, we should have a drink. And you know what, Shirley, it was an honor to compete against you. And Shirley goes, you took the line right out of my heart. And Brooks, like, Oh, I took the line out of your heart, Shirley. Did I? I took the line out of your heart. She's like, Oh, yeah. And then she just stopped smiling and looks at Brooke, like, geez. And then Brooke just stops smiling and looks at Brooke like geez.

And then Brooke just stares at her in the eye while she drinks without a smile on her face. Oh my god, Brooke! She's so shady. Yeah, super shady. It was great. Nice little touch at the end there for our season. And then eventually it came down to it and Pam and I got to, well, Tom did the thing

that he's been saying for the past four episodes. Well, you know, tonight there are no losers, only winners, but unfortunately, you know, we need to do nots winner and you know, one of you just cooked you better meal than the other. And I'm like, Tom, that's really nice and everything, but there's been a loser every single week of this show. An active loser. Someone has been sent home.

They are an actual loser and they feel like a loser. Even if you say they're not a loser. There are no winners and losers. Only winners and gale. Well, there are no losers, but there are people who can make better fun. That's what Brooks mom said at least. And Brook wins. And so Brook wins and she's she's all happy obviously

I love that her chef to cuisine still won't smile like what the fuck is wrong with that guy? He's like Blank brings like I told her to put the oven up 10 more degrees for the flan and And Vicks like, oh, finally, I feel validated. I finally made my family proud. Well, except for my mother, but I mean, that's a stretch. So it's probably not going to happen. But she's already shown up with new flons that are significantly better than mine. And it's just very insulting to that she would come in on my moment like this. And Gale submits my love for her when she takes a glass of champagne and she goes,

well, I was going to give this to Shirley, but I'm going to drink it. Shirley, you are an incredible woman and you lost nothing tonight. You gained a band. You are the amazing human beings. Can I have that champagne? No. This is meant for Brooke. And Shirley is like, well, at the end of the day, maybe I lost a big prize at the end,

but at least I won my mom, which is more than I can say for Brooke. At least my mom is proud of me. And that was the end of the season. Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, I think because they have like 75 chefs last year. And I never, I never get tired of top chef. I don't mind if they have a million chefs on there. I could watch it all year round. Well, maybe one day, you'll someday, if they ever get a spin off that works. Yeah, but they did. They did have one that worked and then they fucked it up.

Which one? Deserts. Top chef just deserves. Well, season one was amazing. Why did they counsel that? Because that guy was like a child pornographer or some shit. That probably did not help. I probably did not help. Yeah, that probably did not help.

Especially because his whole storyline was about as cute. But I think that season two, it didn't have the buzz because they cast all straight people. It has to be the gay version of Top Chef. I'm sorry. Yeah, we're at Hots. Oh my god, that was amazing. Well, anyway, this has officially

lasted 40 minutes longer than the actual episode. Oh my God, that's crazy. So much fun. Everybody, thanks so much for listening to us. You know the drill, we're to find us. All our links are at watchortcrapons.com. And thanks so much to everybody who supports this podcast, monetarily and non-monetarily.

We just love you. And this has been, I have sound like I'm quitting, I'm not. But this is really a great journey to be on with you guys. I love my life. Thank you. Thank you everyone. Thanks, thanks everyone. Go follow us on Instagram.

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