Watch What Crappens - #406 VPR: Stop! Or My Boss Will Photo Shoot!

Episode Date: March 8, 2017

It's getting down to the wire for Katie and Tom, and it looks like some encouragement from Lisa Vanderpump will save the day! Or maybe a photo shoot will? One thing's for certain: Brittany sure loves milk! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchi blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Today's episode is sponsored by our premier Patreon subscribers Madonna Hines with a sexy J. Chrissy D'Arty and Mia Hanson Aloha. Thanks. What happens when there's so much that crap ends? What happens?

What happens? What happens when there's so much that crap ends? What happens when there's so much that crap ends? What happens when there's so much that crap ends? What happens when there's so much that crap ends? What happens when there's so much that crap ends? What happens when there's so much that crap ends? to talk to other crap and listeners about the shows as they air come over to Facebook.com slash watch what crap in and to follow us on social media go to watch a crap and dot

com to find all our social media links and for our bonus episodes and all of our extras come over and be a premium member over at patreon dot com slash watch what crap in that's of And joining me is the hilarious and wonderful and oh so lovely, Ronnie Caram from trashtalktv.com And the Rosepricks Bachelor podcast and the real housewives of Beverly Hills audiobooks. Hey Ronnie, what's up? Hello Bean! What's going on? Nothing how you doing. I am so, so great because we just came off of a Monday night of spectacular viewing on Bravo between

between. It was a what an amazing night. Maintain nights are a really long night for me because it's bachelor night and I have to watch it live. So not killing myself through all of those stupid pill commercials. And last night it was three hours. There was three hours of bachelor. And then these two shows.

So it was straight up five hours because all of them had commercials. I was watching live. And it was one of the best nights I've had in a long time. I mean, Bachelor was amazing. And these shows were both stellar, both. So so good. I would actually wager to say that summer House was better than Vanderpump Rules this week. But we, as people know, we recap Summer House on Fridays.

So, you're gonna have to wait until Friday for our Summer House recap, but we haven't even done the recap yet, but I can't imagine that it'll be anything less than just so fun. Because I'm so, so excited to tear into these people on summer house because it was so deeply thoroughly entertaining. Now I am going to be in a little trouble because I just opened my pump rules notes and I did not watch the first seven minutes because my computer internet, bloody blah, whatever, whatever. I couldn't get it streaming on Bravo properly

because I hadn't rigged my new computer yet to do everything I needed to do. So I missed the first seven minutes and I was like, oh, I'll just get up early and download it and watch it and forgot. So I don't know what happened. Well, I started it. Darling, I can't say never, but I can't say now. When Lisa's telling them that she won't or date or wedding unless they get their shit together. So tell me what happened. No problem.

Let me give you a little guided tour over what happened. So the episode opens up with everyone back at work. It's sort of like a big montage. You know, Katie with a drink on her tray and then Gina with another drink on her tray, walking around corners, asking people if they want, you know, sea bass or goat cheese balls, etc. Lots of excitement. Lisa Vanity O'Malley walking around going Mally walking around going. Chilean sea bass. Chilean sea bass.

Chilean sea bass. Chilean sea bass. I think they put Keio Mally back in the Amazon prime box and which from which she arrived and sent her to Northern California distribution plant. They got a full refund on her. So Lisa Vanderpump shows up dressed like an old doll from Miss Aversham's closet. It was like this lacy thing that was buttoned up to the neck with one of those pussy bows on it. So she's there and she's like, oh, back from New Orleans, I see back. And

then she's of course talking to Tom and Jacks because they're the biggest gossips. And they essentially tell her that Katie and Schwartz fought the entire time. She's like course talking to Tom and Jacks, because they're the biggest gossip. And they essentially tell her that Katie and Schwartz fought the entire time. She's like, no, that's crazy. They're getting married in two weeks. How could they be fighting? And they're like, yeah, well, what in the world could he possibly be needing from Katie?

All the man likes to do his sleep and she's obsessed with ranches. It should work out perfectly. No rant. The dressing, darling. Oh no wonder. Did he find her hidden valley? Is she feeling a bit insecure about that? So she's like, oh this is terrible and then she has one of those moments where she's like,

oh I'm on camera, I have to appear like I'm a good boss. So go back, go on, clean that mirror. Wipe that out of just that straw. You know, so it starts bossing around to do little tasks. Now I need this dough knob to be perfectly shined. It's like, okay, Lisa. These flowers, I like that episode when she's like,

look at these flowers here, darling All right, move them over an inch perfect. That's what I mean That's why I have to come to work all the time to move flowers the margarita rim dish needs a little bit more salt darling Um, so then the shade of that iced tea is not pink enough Last vodka more pink substance So then So then I had to then it cuts over to Shina who's talking to Ariana and Shina has a major complaint She's like my hair doesn't like me today

There it is like no, it looks good. She's like Want to spend any time with me anymore? I'm like I don't know so we any time with me anymore. And I'm like, oh, we were across the three yesterday. Yeah. It's not good. So they are talking about Katie and Tom fighting. And so, so then she knows, she's not again once has dumb Alice and Dubois moment, where she's like, I just can't imagine if Shayna

were finding this much before the wedding. It's like, oh, Purushina, poor sweet Shina, not seeing her own divorce coming up. I can't believe they're getting married. And I mean, it's not like he's just gonna like run away and take her money and then end up in some band with like a big popsicle head on a skinny body. That's crazy.

And we're what's next. She's going to start up his own gender profile without me. I don't get it. I can't believe this would be happening six weeks before my wedding if we went back in time right now. So they act like this in the decade of my wedding. So then at least the Vanderpump is now talking to Katie and she's talking to Katie. They're still at the restaurant.

It's all in the same milieu one busy Friday night and they're talking about the upcoming serve photo shoot, you know, because at least Savannah pump is talking about it. Oh, the photo shoot. It's like a ritual. I'm like, what's it a ritual for? I mean, no one sees these photos, but they don't even want to put them on the menu. They're not on the menu, they're not on the website.

What is this? I don't understand the point of the sort of photo shoot. Yeah, I don't either. Is it the publicity shots for the year? Sort of. Maybe I don't know. I think it's just something to base base an episode around, you know?

Yeah, it's like a calendar like I just I don't know. There's something for everybody and there probably are people who are like I wish there was just like a calendar of semi-attractive waiters that I could jerk off to. Yeah, it's like the hot and juicy crawfish calendar, which exists. The women of hot and juicy crawfish. That's a real thing, yeah. Yeah, so this year's theme for the photo shoot is indulgence.

And you can see Brittany was like, what, is that mean? But is that a sandwich? Because I'm not making it. I don't like adult gentlemen. I'm not into Donald Janssen. So I just think it's funny that these shoots actually even have a theme because they all look the same every year. It's all of them semi naked, glowering at the camera, holding some grapes over their

titties. Yeah, except this time they're, they wore clothes, they wore black. Like, what's happening to this? Come on guys, they're like all old Italian widows all the mirrors are covered Remember when you guys were naked in a pool that was more fun. Yeah, exactly Peter, you know became Sad fat Peter remember come on. Let's go back to his happy fat Peter So look happy to me. I mean I saw him in real life

He looked like he wanted to jump off the damn bridge. That's true. And he's not fat. I just like calling him fat because, you know, it's LA. So like, he has one sheath over his six pack and everyone's like, oh my god, Peter got so fat. I thought fat people, okay. I still would love to have Peter's body,

even at Skarn State. So, especially, I'll never have like a, like that is my goal body, like muscles, but then like still a layer over it, you know? That's hot. With like a little bit of a mom haircut. So, at least the Vanderpump is now getting a dirt from Katie, and Katie is saying that they're fine.

And Lisa's like, well, what help do they have in the future, darling? So then we go to, what actually become I think a new van to pump rules landmark because they shoot a lot of scenes here. I'm talking about Solara de Coenca, which is a cafe on Coenca and Franklin here in Los Angeles. And by the way, have you ever been to Solara de Coenca? Oh, many a time, Ben. Well, you know, if you go in the afternoon, as you probably know, it is the most attractive

people. It's like all the out of work actors arrive there in the afternoon to sit in front of computer screens and look pretty. It's amazing. Yeah. So, and so, like, bump their heads to their $500 headphones from Beats. I'm like, how about you get a job? How about that?

They're like, I'm really, I'm riding things with Beats on. Right up a job? How about that? They're like, I'm really I'm writing things with beat song. Uh, right up a job resume. Wait. Meanwhile, I've totally been there with my laptop open. Um, me too. That's why I'd been there. I used to live by there. Yeah. Now that I have sound canceling, no, he's canceling headphones. I'll be just like one of the hot actors. Mm-hmm. But without apps. So, um, so Stasian Kristen meet up to get, they both ordered Gochi salads, which I liked, it was very on brand for them. So Kristen has brought her dog Gibson into this place

and dogs aren't allowed, but she proudly boasts the fact that Gibson's a certified service dog. I basically spent $79 on the internet and I got a little thing that said, he's a service dog. I'm like fuck you Kristen You're the problem with America right now. You're the reason why people bring their dogs Shitting on airplanes on airplanes. That is basically why that law is so short for this world It did that that is not long for this world that law

People like Kristen and by the way, I've totally used it because Bueller will not fit into a crate under the seat. He just won't. And so I used it when I first got him. I couldn't leave him alone. So I got an emotional support thing and people hated me. But he did really good. I don't do it anymore because I feel too guilty. But there are so many girls with little dogs like Chris did that are just shitting all over the place. Yeah. So I have done this rant many times, but this time I was proactive and I found the New Yorker article that I always mention and I've played it on our on our Facebook page. So go to our Facebook page, Facebook slash, watch what happens. The article there, it's a very entertaining article, but it also shows the idiocy of this service animal

Not service animal emotional support animal because there's a difference a service animal would be like a seeing eye dog and because the American and disabilities act You're only allowed to ask two questions Basically, which is like one is what can the animal do? And I forget the other one. And if you ask a question that's more invasive, you could be sued for thousands of dollars. But with emotional support animals, they're blind people must just fucking love all this. They must be like, really?

An emotional support dog, really, bit. Well, that's for a service animal, but for an emotional support animal, the only thing with emotional support animal is that you it's not supposed to I've already forgotten I read the article like why do you have a seeing eye dog, ma'am because I can't see Well, why do you have one man my boyfriend left me? I'm really upset. I need the support of the service Emotional support animal. Yeah, so basically emotional support animals have very limited legal uses. I think it's something about that people can't be denied housing with an emotional support

animal, and I think the airplane thing is another thing. And it's also very clear in the law that you have to bring your emotional support animal to the whole food buffet to get them every once in a while. I'm trying to get my mac and cheese and you're also supposed to have a letter from a therapist or something like that. But either way, read the article because I mean, you should not be getting facts from this podcast. You should be getting the facts from New York or other.

Well, here's a deep question, Ben. Here do you think is more angry? Kristen at bringing a support animal into a restaurant or Kristen's friends for bringing an emotional support Kristen into a restaurant? I think you should pay $79 for the internet to get a special vest for Kristen, which allows her into restaurants and bars. And I mean, I was depressed and I got to see her call a guy a fucking loser and say that her life is everything. And then throw drinks in the space.

She also talked about popping popcorn a lot. I feel so much better. Christian, Christian, the emotional support friend. She's like, I'm just popping some popcorn to watch this. She's my emotional support. She's my emotional support horse face's my emotional support or space. Go fuck yourself. I felt better already. So an ESA and an emotional support animal is defined by the government as an untrained companion of any species

that provides solace to someone with a disability such as anxiety or depression. The rights of anyone who has such an animal are laid out in two laws. The fair housing act says that you and your ESA can live in housing that prohibits pets. The air carrier access act entitles you to fly with your ESA and no extra charge, although airlines typically require the animals stay on your lap or onto the seat. This rules out emotional support rhinoceroses, little New Yorker Zing. Both acts stipulate that you have to have a letter from your health professional. So that's the only place that you can bring in the ESA

or an airplane and into an apartment that otherwise would not allow an animal. That's it. So if you get nervous, that's the way that. Now it's a large Coenga. Bitch. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh.

Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh.

Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. into this museum and she's like, it's an emotional service animal. And then they are all confused and they let her bring a turtle into the museum

and it waddles around the Vermeers. Oh man, I think if anyone needs emotional support in this scene, it's that dog. Do you imagine waking up between Christians legs every day? And being at Solar to Coenca, being overcharged for a bowl of water. He's like, this was a $12 crape that tastes like cardboard. I can't even digest crapes. Why are you doing this? Me. He's a little emotional support turtle, the dog. So anyway, so it's Chris and

InstaCy and InstaCy is going on to okay, but then she's doing that thing, which is like, okay, cube it. Oh my god. Like, I can't believe I'm like filling out an online dating thing. I haven't did I'm a surreal monogamous I'm like I'm like going on to an app with okay, and it's title like nothing begs mediocrity like a title like okay I thought this was a side about identifying your cups. This is so strange Then my fat guys with like minimum wage jobs. Why don't you just call it that with that long name? So it's like, Stasi, we get it. You haven't dated, but the whole, oh my God, online dating,

I can't believe I'm doing an online profile is so 2013. So guys, how could you show up this salar to Kowenga and, you know, like while you're dating people when I'm single? And this is really hard for me. I'm getting extra good teams. By the way, like while you're dating people, when I'm single, this is really hard for me. I'm getting extra good genes. By the way, I just want to remind people that the active going to Solarda Kawanga as a

single person is the equivalent of going on to OkCupid. It's basically you're just putting yourself out there, like, okay, this is how I look. There's another person who's attractive, and hopefully we can start dating over this Go Cheese salad. I would say that Solardekawanga is more akin to a plenty of fish where you're going on there just knowing you're going to be dating somebody ugly with no money who's got some real emotional support issues. Listen, I know Chris is there but there's no need to make commentary about the odors. Plenty of fish. So anyway, so, so, so, so, Stasi's trying to fill out her online,

her online profile. And Kristen's like, you should just write brunch, dogs, wine, ranch. And Stasi's like, well why don't I just write basic bitch stand? And Kristen's like, that's who you are. and sauce is like, well, why don't I just write basic bitch that in Kristen's like, that's who you are. I was like, okay, well, two Shay Kristen, I take it all back. Enjoy your USA and solar to Kalinga. I've never heard of anybody being so proud of being basic because these girls, they're like, I'm your basic batch. I like basic things. Like, what do you have a brand target? What's the basic brand?

There's a brand called basic, right? Up and up. Up and up. That's not words I would use to describe these two. Yeah. They're like, basically, where you're basic up and up, that. But I have to say, I actually appreciate the ownership of it. I feel like I would, I feel like it's the people who are basic bitches who think that they're not. That's the real problem. But I think if you acknowledge, they listen, I like this basic shit. I mean, how can you argue with it? You can't just say, okay, well, and enjoy your yoga pants. You know something else that's coming back in the show, at least, what? A.S. They said that 30 times in the show.

She's like, it's coming back. I think A.S. Everyone in the show said at least one time. It seemed like. Yeah. Those goat cheese balls are like amazing A.S. So ultimately, Stasi wrote her profile. She wrote wine dog, br wine, dogs, brunch,

ghosts, murder, ranch. Oh my God, she just wrote Katie's vows. Well, I like the ideas. I wonder where she put her commas because it could sound like dog brunch, which is a brunch for dogs or brunch made of dogs. Julien, ghost murder ranch, which sounds like is that a place where you go to murder ghosts on a ranch or is it the ghost of a ranch? There's like a lot of word play to be done with Stasi's profile.

I just feel like she doesn't realize how many levels it operates on and it's just I'm feeling Stasi's one of those people who writes like she talks. So it was there were no commas It was periods it was like yeah, Lance period What period dog? She's probably like literally and then a link to seasons one through four of interpump rules Lily just watch literally who does that? I think stossies in trouble now I think she had a racist rant on her podcast Which is not good. Oh my god. With Stephen of all people. I mean leave it in a stasi to get the widest gay ever who gade

On her podcast and then have some rant about people We just got a post about it. I haven't listened to it But apparently it was her saying she's sick of black people complaining about being marginalized. Ooh, Stasi. Oh my god. And you know, Steven was probably like horrified, but also going, uh-huh. And now he's probably getting a lot of shit to him. Yeah, he, we got, he's probably getting dragged into it, but I don't think, I think Steven can get away from it, get away with it, because he could just probably be like,

I don't know, I was just agreeing, I didn't really care, but Stasi, well good luck, Stasi, I'm sure that's gonna be fun for you. Oh yeah, I'm not with that. Then we go over to Villa Rasa, where we had a big old closeup on Hanki and Panky, and not only did we get to look at Hanki and Panky, they got Kairons, it actually said Hanki and Panky on not only did we get to look at Hanky and Panky, they got chirons. It actually said Hanky and Panky on screen. I was like, look at them. They finally

had their moment, you know, back on screen. So at least just pushing that, I think, because there's no accident that Hanky Panky had been showing up so much. And Beverly Hills, they play a prominent role this week too. Well, that's because maybe because she's selling Hanky, Panky stuff, that animals, which I would like to. Oh, that's true maybe because she's selling hanky, hanky stuffed animals, which I would like. Oh, that's true. Yes, hanky bras or whatever the hell that is. I like my doggy laundry shop, darling. It's for the dogs, but I would just have a,

I would be perfectly happy to have my own little hanky stuffed hanky. Um, so, uh, Kadeon, Tom Schwartz, come over and Tom Schwartz is scared of the swans, which is funny. So they got a lot of screen time because Tom Schwartz was like, whoa, blah, blah, blah. I don't think the swans like me. I'm like, that's exactly right. They don't like weak people.

Tom Schwartz. No kidding. They'll chase you and Kyle across that bridge. I love the story that one of the swans tried to attack Kyle's over. That makes me laugh every time I think about it. Hang you, probably like thanks for the tea towel, bitch. Good question. Oh, hey, lunches arrived.

Who got extra soy on their cancels? Oh, geez, Hanky, you're such a bitch. So they come in and they say, like, so, how's it going? Like, well, we're doing pretty well. Except for there's one thing we need to take care of. And then there's like a knock on the door, the doorbell rings. And there's this butler type of guy. He's in tails and you know, all that. And he's like, oh, I am here to request the honor of Lisa van der Pomp or Dane the marriage of Tom and Katie blah blah blah blah blah. I was like this formal invitation. And so, uh,

Lisa van der Pomp is like, oh, okay. And it's just like close to the door in the butler. It was like this formal invitation. And so Lisa Vanderpump was like, oh, okay. And it's just like close the door in the bottle. It was like the singing telegram from Clue. And he's like, can I use your bathroom? No, I'm telling you, sorry. It's one pack of your tag. It's one pack of your tag.

It's one pack of your tag. I missed a lot. How did I miss all this? A lot was packed into that first seven minutes. I know, it was a lot. How did I miss all this? A lot was packed into that first seven minutes. I know. It was a lot. So then, so she's like, well, you know, I, you know, thank you for asking me, but I have great cause for concern. And this is when Lisa starts asking them about, you know, what's going on with them or you guys are fighting. And so then Katie starts to cry. And this is when Lisa starts asking them about, you know, what's going on with them? Or I hear you guys are fighting, and so then Katie starts to cry, and they say, what's wrong, Katee? And she's saying, well, I'm really disappointed in myself. And a Noss, and Tom's like, it's okay, Baba.

Oh, Baba. And so then Lisa says, I want to know that you are really committed to each other before I commit to you. If Katie can pick out one shade of purple that doesn't make me want to vomit, we'll prove that she's capable of the love I know is inside of her. Tom, I'm going to put you into what I call the hanky dome. Two men enter, one man leaves. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court.

I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder e's new podcast, Disantel. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity view, from the buildup, why it happened, and the repercussions. What deserves session with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the

Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. Good luck, prove your love! Now get in that clothes, get in that dome! If the butt-luck comes out looking rosy cheeks, I'll know that you've learned to give a proper blowjob. Blue jobs like well Lisa well Lisa Lisa suddenly is wearing those giant earrings for Mad Max her hair's all teased out we don't need another bus boy we don't need to know the way to sir oh we want is what's beyond the hanky dough the hanky dough. The hanky dough. And roll the donkey say.

I don't feel like Lisa Vanderpump would ever say that though. She would be like, do you know what you need Katie? Another hero. It's like, well, you're ruining the whole movie. What she needs another hero. Don't I'm sorry? Change the lyrics, Tina Turner's. She would probably, uh, she would probably do, do the, do a Thunder Dome, but it would be portraying to Jack's in like a flirtatious, flirtatious,

uh, ribbing. She'd be like, oh, we don't need another bartender, Jacks. We don't need to know the way to your parole officer, Jacks. All we want is a good pump teeny. Oh, man, Jacks, you're so naughty. We want to know what's beyond pump. What's beyond coaches balls. Jeff Penny, take us to beyond the pump a dome. We're chef penny man. If it's not bad enough that she's lost every food competition on TV, like that bitch will will lose cooking a steak on supermarkets week.

And then only have state cooking competitions. I mean, she'll, she'll lose against children. Chef Penny's terrible. And then to turn on this show and see that she's been replaced by Chef Joe. I mean, that must kill her. Yeah, that's, and this is a guy, Chef Joe, who is a guy who served chunky beats and also a cabbage soup. I mean, that's bad. Yeah, Chef Penny. That is really screwed the pooch at that point. Yeah, Chef Penny, fuck somebody over over there. So Lisa is saying, is when Lisa says I can't say never, but I can't say now. It's very serious. So then we get to commercial, which I was very thankful to my internet for fire Bravo live, whatever for finally working right when it was time for commercial typical.

for whatever, for finally working right when it was time for commercial. Typical, but I thought it was funny that I'd miss the first segment of the show. And the first commercial was for Petron. And they're like, we didn't invent tequila to key the Katie. We just perfected it. Perfect commercial. She's the perfect organism. She's the perfect organism. It's not the alien is called um so

So anyway, it's beach day. Yay the whole gang is going to the beach which I always think is funny when they do it on this show It's like I always feel like it's like call back to the 1950s like hey the whole game's going to beach So um said no one can sing on key. Yeah So they go and I love that Tom the beach boys. The beach boys. Yeah, that's that's about right. So so Tom's hand of all called Gina Amal Dugasha and I'm surprised she wasn't like, I'm not gay and I'm not shy of sunset, so I'm sorry. But I like both things, I'm okay with that. Also, I wish she was okay. I also before I was in the car and I was listening

to that song, Black Beatles, you know that song? By Ray Shimmerd? No. But I feel like the idea of a Black Beatles. Yeah, I like that too, to be honest. But I was thinking about the name. I know that their name, Racial Mord, is Drummers, Eer, or Backwards.

But I also think it's just something that Shino would say. Racial Mord. That was my revelation. My other revelation was that when toxic came on next, by Britney Spears, the entire song sort of sounded like an Ashina monologue. Baby, can't you see? I wish I knew the lyrics out hand.

It was much funnier. I know, I'm just waiting. Like wow. It's like dinner theater. I didn't really, will he Logan? No, I'm just kidding. Logan. Logan.

Logan. There are tastes of your lips. I'm on a ride. Good talk, so I'm just being under. Shay. Shay. I mean, it's not like she's going to wear a really terrible band to suit to the beach with our friends.

So I was thinking while I was watching this, that Stasi has very similar upbringing to us because she has a lot of the same things. Like last week, thank you, I called her so tune. Thank you. Called it on my own. But she also did other things that gay boys do when they're younger, like get obsessed with international male catalogues. You remember those and how they would have like those, those shirts, like from Fabio on the cover of a romance novel, that it's, you know, it's open all the way down to the belly button. But then it's strung up with rayon strings to the top.

And you're like, that's so tacky, but I secretly want to own that. That's Dossie's bathing suit basically. I was like, oh my God, she's really just a gay teenager. Do you remember there used to be an international male store in West Hollywood? Do you remember that? This is a wide film. And if I had known that, I would have been there. It's where the Pelley House is now. They're like, we tried to keep an international mail store,

but all these teenagers kept coming in and masturbating under the covers. It was a little weird. We had to close it down. So, Sheena and Stasi started talking about Stasi's date that she had the night before, and Stasi was like, yeah, it was so good, but we were just like kissing the entire time. Like, who does that?

And Sheena was like, there's nothing like a first kiss. I was like, every kiss began with Shay. There's nothing like a first kiss. Like, Shay, it was my 19th. So I know. Meanwhile, Katie's over there in the corner actually eating her shoes. I like Stasi when she's like, yeah, you know that Beyonce song like if you like this thing, you should have put a ring on it. You know what? Don't put a ring on it. Don't put a ring on it. Unless you're like, you have a good job, you're not terrified

of me and you like horror movies. And also, you don't like walking or like cleaning or working. So then Tom Schwartz starts telling everyone about,, Lisa Vanderpump told him in Katie and Katie's like, yeah, it was kind of like a rock bottom for us. I'm like, that was your rock bottom, having Lisa Vanderpump say, what's wrong with you? As opposed to like all the times you had drunken fights in New Orleans. How about the, how about the time you got wasted in New Orleans and your fiance was in drag, telling you to shut the fuck up and drinking water out of beer bottles. And that was just last week.

Or my favorite part of that is it wasn't that was our rock bottom. It was a rock bottom. She's one of those people who's always shocked at how deep the ocean goes. Yes. Okay. I mean, oh my god It's even deeper. Oh my god. It's even deeper. I think that if you've never seen never quite hit the rock bottom I see if she if Katie were drag queen her name would be Marianna's trench. I Think it would just be like rock bottom This is not about a secret just be like rock bottom. Isn't that a bad one?

I'm sure you'd buy it. Ween actually rock bottom. Yeah, I mean, I can't get this world where everybody's dating 20 people at a time. It's good to know what you're getting. Someone who likes rock and they're a bottom. And so then Katie says, so she's like, you know, she's been just so shame by Lisa van to pump. But she's like, I just feel so empty right now. I'm like, somebody get the Foxy lettuce.

Spill her up. Have you heard of kind bars? This was so sad because Tom was like, yeah, guys, you know, I wrote a poem for Lisa. It was like, like proposing to her. And And I was like name one time you've done anything that romantic for Katie. Yeah. I mean Katie would probably shit herself of a butler showed up her house, you know. She has excited. Yeah. So then pieces of iceberg lettuce being fed to her. So then tell me to turn on the window unit, ma'am? That sounds great, Belvedere.

Would you like me to spray paint something on a black canvas? That would be lovely, thank you. Katie brings out the worst in people, though. I think her Butler would probably be like, would you like, I'm not bringing you anything you steep it bitch. Whoa, whoa. The Butler is just like, I was just hoping we'd have more one on one time. That's all.

I just want to be involved. So then Tom and Katie sort of step off to the side and they're being cutesy. And for once they're having a loving moment. And Tom's like, oh, my God, all things. Bob, oh, my God. Let's go home and eat some bad food. And it's like, no, no, no, no, we're getting in shape. And then Katie gives him this look. And he's like, I mean, you're in shape.

I just have to get, I mean, you are in shape. And I was like, this is truly big business. This is truly like, oh, this photo makes me look like a cow. No, it doesn't see. I look thin. I mean, I look thin. I mean, there's a lot of light coming in. There's a window.

He goes, I want to, babe, I just want to like grow really old and be a vegetable with you, you know, and eat vegetables, which, you know, you could use, which we both could use because, you know, we both want to be healthy. Not, not, not just you. It's like, oh, no, you started this with vegetables and ended up falling over yourself, trying to convince her that she's saying. And then she's like, um, were you eating Doritos? It's like, yeah, there's someone on my map. She's too. I'm like good. Yeah, he's like, you want to, you want to lick that off, Bubba? She's like, no, absolutely not. She's like, why did you ask me that on camera? Because,

of course, I would have. She's like, hold on, I got something in my first for that. You think it's a toothpick, but it's a bottle of ranch. And then he's like, oh, look, there's a rabbit, honey, Buh-buh, and he like leans down to touch some fuzzy thing in the sand. And she's like, what if it's a tampon? I'm like, you two just go through yourself in the ocean at this point.

This is too much. You two deserve each other now. Please get off my TV screen. Thank you. So then we cut to a stable somewhere and of course Lisa van der Bump has to show up Ariana because if someone's gonna have an animal storyline it's not gonna be Ariana, it's gonna be Lisa and so we meet her horse. Prince Tadon. The new man in my life is such a sexy beast. I love to get on him and ride him to the morning and it's a horse

named Prince Tardon. It's like oh nice getting an animal fucking joke in there. Yeah, and then Arianna shows up looking gorge in riding gear. I love that you have that in your house. Like who has that? Yeah, well I think I think women look spectacular in writing pants. I always think that's such a sexy look for women. So good for you. In fact, right now I'm looking at my wall. So I'm in New York right now, I'm at home. And so I'm sitting in my desk of my childhood and on my wall there are various things.

And there's a picture of me with El McPherson who I met in 1994. And she was wearing riding pants. And let me tell you something, El McPherson riding pants is probably the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my entire life. Wow, that was, it went to the story.

Yeah, that was an origin story of the riding. You uncorked something there for a moment. It was, you uncorked something that were allowed me to both name drop and provide some perspective on my life. Works are hard. So Arianna's in her stuff and Lisa's going to go riding with her and their horse lady, it cannot be an accident that it's Yolanda Foster, the horse lady. My Caroline, though, Yolanda, the fake Yolanda. Wow. I mean Lisa, you know, Lisa really does have a roundabout way of getting her issues solved. Like, in this week's Beverly Hills, she has a dog that looks like kind of Kyle that

she's like trying to groom and fix. And then in this week's pump rules, she's got a Yolanda who's working for her. So she has to be respectful, you know? Yeah. Well, I think if I can't get it in real life, I'll get a subserv a Yolanda who's working for her so she has to be respectful you know yeah well I think if I can't get it in real life I'll get a subservient Yolanda in the bond darling maybe it goes the other way around maybe this is why I at least I never liked Yolanda because the entire time she's like why is my stable lady acting so rude to me acting inviting me to dinner parties who does she think she is? Go clean that horse shit, your lunder. I had to listen to the stable ladies husband

pronk out a song on the piano tonight. To think that me, Lisa van der Pump has to shoot with my stable lady. What's ridiculousness? What's next, Chef Joe's son's bar mitzvah darling Are we shocked that a woman who works with horses got lime disease? I mean I'm doing three seasons this I mean I can't So So Lisa and Ariana they're like talking about Katie and Tom and then Lisa wants to know if Ariana is gonna marry Tom and and Tom and then Lisa wants to know if Ariana is gonna marry Tom and Ariana is like no, get their gross Who else is going to refill your water darling? Bruce you can't last forever Lisa's also getting some more

Second love Lisa's sex jokes, although also her Wikipedia still says she's like 52 which is hilarious But she's like, can but me my first horse it blew me away Of course I return the Vainver downing Close your mouth did you blow a horse Lisa? So I met your londa we were on Saudi Arabia. The first time we blew a horse together. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah Yeah. Because she had to get them on an uglier horse than Lisa. She's like speaking of inferior horses. So Tom and horse face number two. You know, they've really been saying great things like Katie. I mean, the other day we went to the beach and Katie said things I'd never heard her say.

Like she felt guilty. She felt shameful. I mean, they're on the right path, right? I'm like, it's only been like a day or, you know, but they're all trying to talk Lisa into being the preacher. It's hilarious that Tom and Katie always need some kind of reward Or they're gonna be pissed out of each other. Like what's gonna happen after they get married? They're gonna need to set another reward like maybe ask I don't know Resa from Shazza Sunset to come to their baby shower or something,

like just so they can not beat each other. Oh my god. I really am not looking forward to the Katie baby. It's just going to be a miserable experience. Because the last thing we need is Katie hormonal and pregnant. Well, hopefully she won't still be waiting tables, right? Well, you never know. Well, hopefully she won't still be waiting tables, right? Well, you never know. So yeah, so Lisa makes a funny joke about a baby sand of all and have an Ariana shaving baby sand of all's head and putting in little pink extensions and the baby here, which is funny. And then we went over to Stasi to Kristen's apartment where Stasi showed up to prep for her

date. And she's Stasi announced that she is not wearing underwear because I wanna look skinny AF. What sort of underwear are you wearing? Well, she's wearing three spakes. She's wearing three spakes underneath. I'm wearing like three spinks right now. And then Chris is like, yeah, but like,

what if you're making out and he's like, where did he send and what is where's the underwear and like, what about all that stuff? And you're like, you know, it's your first date and so I say, Christian, you're freaking me out right now. Christian was she's like, oh my God, I have a story. AF. Okay. Like dating like, I remember dating like those guys online, they're disgusting. Like,, like I remember dating, like those guys on mine, they're disgusting.

Like they're so ugly and no one makes any money. Ugh. So you're going on mine right now, how is it? It's like, geez, thanks a lot, Kristen. Yeah, seriously, you know what, if it were me, I would probably get some dating tips from like Cosm Palatin or something or like Cosmo Palatin Latina, if I were Latina,

but I don't actually subscribe to those magazines, but the funny thing is you actually can subscribe to them and more with the texture app. Did you know that Ronnie? I was like, where are you right, Matt? Where am I going with this? I was like, where are you right now? Where am I going with this? I was like, where is this Cosmo Latina coming from? I was just really glad.

Like if I was Latina, it's like Ben's having a weird if moment. Maybe if Stasi were a Black Lady, she would not have such an insensitive rant on her podcast, and she would also appreciate Essence magazine, which she could also subscribe to. She would also have a magazine, she would understand margins better. Maybe if Stasi decided to give up worrying about her spanks and just give into the food, she might appreciate diabetic

living, which is something else she should she can subscribe to on texture. Oh my God. Well, you'll know what she's subscribing to if you have texture because she's all over those magazines. For those of you who don't know what texture is, texture is like a Netflix for magazines, okay? You know, magazines are really expensive. They're like, some of them worth $6 or $7 now. It's ridiculous. They are not worth it.

Let's face it. Let's get all of them. Get all of them. Let's face it. Let's just Netflix. I mean, that's crazy. It's like buying two magazines and having access to all of them.

Yeah, I do agree to get a subscription for one magazine is expensive, but for like very little money per month, what is it? Like it's like $10 a month essentially you get access to over 200 magazines with texture Which is insane because that's I mean first of all 200 magazines you can't bring those all into the bathroom with you friends. Sorry, you can maybe bring in three at most. And that's only a little box. But it's actually the same men's health on the pot for 20 years,

because you two cheap to go buy a new one. Just get a texture. Plus, also, you know, if you have like a little magazine thing in the bathroom, the magazine just sort of stand there and they get cringled from moisture, from the shower, nearby. shower nearby and just get sad and you're just looking at the same cover every single time you're sitting on the toilet. Texture just keeps your bathroom looking minimal and beautiful. And it will get cluttered.

And it will get cluttered. And it will get cluttered. And it will get cluttered. And it will get cluttered. And it will get cluttered. And it will get cluttered. And it will get cluttered. And it will get cluttered.

And it will get cluttered. And it will get cluttered. And it will get cluttered. And it will get cluttered. And it. But if you sign up right now at Texture.com slash crap ends, you get a 14 day free trial. Like why I subscribe to just a couple of magazines when you can have all of your favorites on your smartphone or tablet all the time for like way less. Yes, right now Texture is offering our listeners a 14 day free trial. Just go to Texture.com slash crap ends. That's 14 days to try a texture for free when you go to Texture.com slash crap ends. That's 14 days to try and texture for free when you go to texture.com slash crap ends.

I mean, it's not like about to go to texture.com slash crap ends like by magazines and like be psyched for the rest of your life. You have all these magazines for only one, and then I'm on. That's right. It's at texture.com slash crap ends. And that way you and your husband who you will be together with for many years to come will be able to sit together and read magazine articles. I mean, you don't need a pre-nappest, not like you're going to get a divorce and have to decide you're going to get the talk start.

Yeah, it's not like, you know, all that money is going to prevent you from getting a print of canvas of you and your husband who will be together forever. Textured.com slash. Robo. Ooooo. Hey, I'm so glad that was a segue into a texture ad. You were scaring me for a second. Yeah, I know. That's hard to do. Well, you know, sometimes we like to blind side people with a texture ad once in a while.

Mm-hmm. People really, you should follow that offer because it's a really good app and we both have it and it is quite useful. Anyway, speaking of useful things, you know what else is useful? A spray tan. Oh my god, the spray tan. Yeah, so we do not have a spray tan sponsor by the way, we're going back to the show. Oh, but we will. So next, that's our next goal. So all the guys are getting together to get spray painted in one of their houses or whatever. And, uh, Jackson's like, yeah, I was gonna, I was gonna get a spray tan, but Tom just looks so gay doing it. I just couldn't do it.

Yeah. So they can all that tan is all over the house. I love that Jackson's a neat freak. It's just so against type. It doesn't make sense. No, it doesn't make sense. I'm so sloppy be so neat. Well, you know how buggers are gross, but your bookers aren't gross. Yeah, I feel like that's how Jack is with everything, you know. Yeah, that's true. His apartment is like a big, big periwinkle

booger. Yeah, if someone else pooped in front of him, he'd probably barf. Yeah. But when he does it, it's like it's totally fine, you know. Who hated periwinkle? Oh, it was Catherine Dennis. That's right. Yeah. Perry Winkle. So all the guys are like jerking off to each other, watching each other spray tan. And Tom once flirting with Tom too. And he's like, dude, maybe you should pull down your underwear a little bit. So you don't have like farmer tan on your boxer lines. But dude, maybe you should just take them off. All right, you know what?

Come over here, sit on my face. And then that way you'll be angled properly to get a good tan, bro. Let's like reenact that sex scene from Carnival, we're clear devol, you know, you know, like, I don't think that happened. Oh. Ever that time in American horror stories season two.

When I like totally hooked up with that hot guy, no clay devolves. It's not happy. Okay. You died early. Remember that scene in Ken Hardley, when I went up to that hot guy and just blew him in front of everyone and said, I don't fucking care anymore.

Like, no, that never happened in Ken Hardley. Wait, you just got drunk, Clad devol. But very girl interrupted when you were like totally to edge to lead to Jelemy. No, that never happened in Ken Hardley way. You just got drunk, Clay, out of all. And remember, girl, it's erupted. You were like totally to edge to lead. Did you leave it? You told me I was hot or bro? It's like no, Clay, uh, that never happened either. Well, remember when I got so wasted and threw up all over the toilet.

And then to make me feel better, you just like let me blow you. Like that was she's all that and you never blew anyone. You just threw up in a toilet. Tom T's all, oh yeah, actually, I do remember that one. That was that was the bachelor party. Yeah, that was she's all that and you never blew anyone you just threw up in a toilet. Tom Tuesday's all oh yeah actually I do remember that one. That was that was the bachelor party. Yeah, that was great. That's great. That's great.

Bubba boy. Bubba. Yeah, it was this morning. I couldn't forget that. I felt bad for Peter because Jack shamed him. He's like, oh God Peter you're underwear. So saggy. I was like, oh Peter.

Well, you know, Peter over there is underwear. Oh, you little Peter. So Tom Tuesday's like, well, you know, Peter, everything's on the way. Oh, you know, Peter. So Tom, too, is like, well, you know, it's okay if I, you know, if I have like a, a timeline, because like we're good now, like we even did it, we fucked. And I was like, thanks.

He's like, it was the best sex ever guys, the best sex ever. Like no one is believing this. Jack's is like, just don't lean back on my couch anymore. Thanks. Yeah, he's like, this is a $5,000 couch. So like that means it's plastic. It'll be fine. I know $5,000 is expensive to you, but that's kind of a cheat catch. So you'll be okay. It's nice in my catch. Um, so this is my sort of mind to you in the scheme of

things. Like that's a $5,000 catch. Jack's really, that's like an Ikea special. Please set up. You put that together with an L wrench. So then it's time for Stasi to go on her first day with David who, um, they meet at Figginol of which I think that's a pretty intense place to have a first day. That's like a like a faux fancy restaurant. Yes, and it's so corperty. It feels like not very not romantic. Thankfully, so was Josh Groban. So she shows up and he's terrified. He's like a really scared Josh Groban. And he says, his first thing when he greets her, he's like, oh, good to meet you. So what are you thirsty for?

Passion, success, meaning. I don't know. I'm asking a woman on Van Apart Rool about being thirsty. It's a fool's errand. How long do you have? I knew this guy was curtains when when Stasi went and ordered the wine for both of them. I was like, okay, he's done. Yeah.

So, military drums are playing, which was funny. And she's like, okay, here's what I like. I like to shop, go to lunch. I'm like a basic up and up. Okay. I like to do block sacks that don't properly close. I don't paper towels that don't really clean up anything, you know, up and up.

I don't know what you want out of this date, but I'll take a Pinot Grigio. I love it on me, told her, oh, are you pumped that runions open again? So now we can all go hiking again. She's like, no, I'm not really into physical stuff. Like the more I cannot like move the better. He's like, yes, his entire Instagram is him like scuba diving and jumping off of

cliffs and doing everything physical is known to man. And she loved that. She's like, his insta's amazing. Travel swimming. I mean, I'm not going to do it. I totally sit at home supporting him while he did it. Yeah. And he's like, so I wake up at 7 a.m. and I have a high tech job that pays a lot in a monocoreal track. And she's like, um, sorry. Who does that? She's like, tracks herts, I already told you, not into it. He's like, I automate solutions for technology. He's like, um, do you know how important sleeping is? That's why I'm beautiful.

That's like the lot. So he is actively trying to come up with a solution for this, for this situation. Um, and then she's like, basically, Stasi's like, he is really nice. And in the beginning, I didn't want someone murder me. But now I feel like he's not murder enough. She's like, thanks for being so nice because you could have refeed me and kidnapped me and murdered me, which actually would have been good because I wouldn't have had to walk out to wait for my uva. So he was terrified. Yeah. Basically. Yeah, he was he was terrified and I think you know what, I think it's all for the best.

Yes. And also, Stasi has a really weird baby voice when she's dating, which is uncomfortable, knowing what a terrorist she can be Always be afraid of a girl who comes that you like this at the end And then when she walked away she like you know pumped her hair a little bit I was like oh no, that's a girl who will murder you and you just leave. Do not fall for it. Well, she made a big mistake because she should have worn her Steve Jobs bathing suit because that would have gotten him real excited. He would have turned to a real man then.

Oh, look at that. Look at that. Steve Jobs outfit. This is exciting. My solution to technological issues situation. Yeah, he's like, I will do everything you ever want me to do. If you just tell me if the iPhone 8 is gonna be all glass, do mind it when we have sex. I speak to you in Java. Would you mind explaining Thunderbolt to me again? Because I still don't quite get it. Does it turn you on if I speak in C++ into your ear?

One question. How could you take CD ROM drives? Out of the no I am going to touch your breast now via Bluetooth. Stasi could be like see like you don't understand USB C right now, but it's going to change the world. I mean, come on. Who has a big enough that's disgusting. Who does that? Brush your teeth for once. You have a job. Don't you have insurance? Don't you have dental? So then over in George's apartment and Katie's apartment, Tom comes in with a fake suckling pig, which kind of feels rather routine at this point, you

know. Hey, Baba, time for afternoon snack. He's like, this is haunted and gross, Baba. Can we put something over its eyes? And then it's just a shot of this pig. It's just a shot of a pig sitting on the couch and judging him. Like, well, I don't understand why you're so uncomfortable. And they cover its eyes with one of the tea towels that we always talk about. I was like, okay, they finally found

a good use for that stupid imitation covering the haunted fake suckling pig's eyes. So Katie is sitting there on the couch with gigantic eyelashes. I don't know why that bugs me so much. But I'm like, don't your eyes hurt? They're huge. So she's sitting there on the couch with gigantic eyelashes. I don't know why that bugs me so much, but I'm like, don't your eyes hurt? They're huge. So she's sitting there instead of coloring, you know she's down to business because she's making a list in a notebook. And you know, Katie loves a list.

So she's like, yeah, making a list for the photo shoot. And you know, we need more dudes and like, I mean, I know you don't work there, but like you've not worked there. So you make no sense. So he's like, Bubba, you know you don't work there, but like you've not worked there. You make no sense. So he's like, Baba, you know, I only get out of bed for more than 10 grand to shoot. She's like, yeah, that's why you never get out of bed. Baba, I still have the Dorito on my mouth.

And I'll still die with a lot more money than you, Baba. Thanks, Mom. So then they're talking, wait, someone said to us that his parents, Tom's parents are divorced and ran out of money, so it's been debunked. But that's according to them. We don't really know anything. So anyway, so they're talking about their love for each other and Tom's like,

I don't know if I ever really told you this before, Baba, but I feel really bad. I feel really guilty about being unfaithful to you. And like, I feel really bad about that, Baba. She's like, oh, it's okay. We're just going to move forward, you know, because I just want to put that on the past and just be stronger about it. Like, I got the answers I've needed. And, you know, like, I'm not sure what they were, but whatever, you know. He's like, I-

Yeah, she got no answers at all which is hilarious. He's like I mean to you because you're a bitch blah blah. So let's both stop being stupid bitches. How about that? It sounds great. He's like I just want to get take out and watch polyshore movies with you forever. I'm like is that what she was looking for? Is that what is that the moment that she wanted? Like no no, bio-dome, jury duty. Nope. No, she really did not want these. And that's what cracks me up. Like, she doesn't even know. He's like, that's perfect. That's our perfect life. It's like, that's why she hates you. You know, underneath it all, you're just there. So she's going to keep you. I like when she

after he said all the polyshore movies, she's like, yeah, remember when we had fat sex? Yeah. I guess they just like sit around and eat all day. And then She's like, yeah, remember when we had fat sex. Yeah. I guess they just like sit around and eat all day and then they're like, yeah, let's have sloppy fat sex. I mean, that sounds perfect. They're like, well, we like have fats. We like fat sex because it's lazy sex. And times like, I call bottom. I was like, ooh, it's probably not the first time that's been said. So, but then they also were, we need to remind ourselves why we're doing this in the first place. I was like, when

you come up with an answer, give me one, but I have a feeling it's fat sex. I did like when they both were like, I wonder if we'll ever have abs. I'm not sure we ever will. I was like, I really do guys so much right now. We make fun, but we make fun because we see ourselves in you. Yeah, weird Am I Katie? Yeah, I think I am actually So a show about waiters the next music of course is I'm gonna make it. I'm never gonna stop until I'm on the top of the world It's like no, no one has made it. It's like year five. Okay. These people's faces look crazy and no one is any richer. Yeah. I love that.

The first thing we see as everyone's getting ready for this photo shoot is Brittany and Chino walking up to the restaurant and Brittany is like, I am not a morning person at all. And Chino goes, me either. I was like, no, I don't need to be a typical internet person harping on every small detail. But Chino is saying me either. I've never heard anyone say me either before. I'm written exactly I'm so excited to see that the surf photo she it's like a ride a passage.

Okay, it's basically your first period. You're not that far off. So they walk into the pigs blade out on the table. Fucking Lisa. Yeah. A pig with an apple in its mouth, darling. And dogs. Suckling pig. So Brittany's like, I don't know what to do. What do I do, Skana? And she's like, I'm just fine. Your name on the poster. Make up by Prif.

I love this app. Prif. This proof get into every show now is the, is there a deal? Bravo is that the thing? I don't even know. I didn't even notice them. Well, they just got some advertising. Small, I quit. Nothing free. I'm they just got some re-opertizing. Smaller quit than I can free other

timing for brav. And so anyway, they basically all get there. I'm looking down my notes like, do I really need to write? So Peter comes in like, why do I write that? Like, I know that's not leading to a paragraph. Yeah. So well, so they come in. Sandeval shows up. He brought a million options, of course, because he's, you know, such a model. And then they start taking pictures. And Shino starts doing, I guess we learned her forte as a model is finger and fork mouth shots, sticking something in her mouth and leaving her mouth open just a little bit doing

the quote unquote, sparrow face and just looking at things. Which is also probably how she takes orders at the restaurant. She sticks her finger to mouth. All right. I want you to like to have. She like loves going to dentists. I like the when they're all getting their hair and makeup then Lisa's like, there are so many ingredients to putting together a photo shoot.

Meanwhile, she's trying to get everybody looking all hot and she's literally putting lipstick on a pig. It's like, I wish people could read the science of this show better. Like you could learn so much just from being on your own set. And then Jack walks in and he's like, that pig looks greasy. Oh, speaking of, you guys need to update the website is still Kristen and Stossie. Yeah. Speaking of Kristen and Stossie and speaking

of the pig, Kristen and Stoss are eating lunch somewhere and Shina had apparently sent Kristen a photo of the pig and she had texted Kristen, I'm not okay with this. Be glad you're not here. It's fake but still, not cool. It's fake, Shina. What would you, Even if it was real, Shina, you're in a restaurant. It doesn't have to be cool. You're gonna get offended about being with a dead pig. Do you know how many fucking animals you serve every day,

Shina, idiot? Someone probably told it was a porky crab. I'm not cool with cramps. I've got claws and shells. I hate pigs. I won't mind anything with shells or claws. I want you to think with shells, claws, hoof, skin, or nutrients.

Tom, oh, I know you already went over this part. I'm sorry, but when Tom brought in all his clothes and he's like, yeah, like I'm always prepared, bro. Like, okay, I could wear anything that Johnny Depp would wear. Okay, I could wear his hat from Alice in Wonderland or I could wear his hat from Swiney Todd. Like, which Johnny Depp do you want, bro? Like, he just kept pulling out that same weird hat and different colors. Like, can you do the nick of time, Johnny Depp? bra like he just kept pulling out that same weird hat in different colors.

Like can you do the nick of time Johnny Depp? He's like Piki Blinders, bro. To obscure up. So meanwhile, Chris and you know, Chris and in Stas are still talking. And now Chris is trying to to stir up some shit against Lisa Vanderpum because she's like, you know, Katie and Tom, their only problem is Lisa Vanderpump. And Soss is like, no, Lisa was smart intervening. I kept it if I said that and then horse faces like,

yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, you really took a stand there, Kristen. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait if she really wants to help their marriage, she should like talk about all the people that Tom's fucked. At some kind of a wedding party, like what the hell? Oh, such a fucking dutch. So back at the shoot, she and Katie are talking. And, oh, that's so hot. Uh, that's really warm. Yeah.

I was like, wow, these two seem super close. So they sit down, she like, I wanna talk for a sec. So they sit down and she's like, wow, these two seem super close. So they sit down, she's like, I wanna talk for a sec. So they sit down and she's like, so like, you're a herseld and I'm like, I was thinking, we could talk about that. Katie's like, well, you know, it's just it like, I don't really know how rehearsal dinners work.

So, okay, well then let's get together and we'll make a list and starts doing this with her hands What is that I don't modern dancing with her hands waving around like I will make a list What list is that here's like a fire hose that was unattended flopping around I like a fire hose that was unattended, flopping around. Yeah. She looked like those little things in front of like auto shops. That's good. So she's like, I'm rockator. I'm sure you got my call.

Um, my whole call was about how I don't feel included. She's like, so you left a voice mail for Katie that she didn't return when to make her feel more included Katie. I'm sure Katie was like, no, you're included with every single thing. Anyway, I'll let you know how the rehearsal dinner wedding is. No, but they have like a moment of like fake crime, like fake bonding because she's like, I just want to call her things I feel left on and I just want to be included. That's all I just don't feel included. And Katie's like, Oh, okay,

Baba. Okay, well, I'm clued you. And she's like, I just love you. I love you. And they hug. I'm like, what do you guys love each other? Come on. You guys. Hey, he is trying so hard in the scene to not just say you stupid bitch because she goes when she says, I don't feel like client at Katie goes, oh, I didn't know you wanted to be included. And I was like, okay. And here comes the lit me from from Katie. I mean, you didn't do this and you didn't do that.

And you don't want to pay for the bridal shower So I mean nothing says I want to be included like avoiding everything about my wedding So I was like congratulations on keeping you in. Yeah, I know that it's rough for you and I can hear it about to come out Well, she was suffering some heatstroke from the lights. So you know Thirline's going on in our friendship And a pig that's dead right over there with an apple and Katie is still trying not to be a bitch but not being able to help it hug sir and then she goes don't cry Be productive Like back to work on my wedding bitch. I thought they said I thought she said that was that we were productive

I don't think she said be productive. Oh, well That's right because you know I write shit down all sorts are wrong, but I thought she I don't think she said be productive. But who knows? Oh, well, that was a challenge because you know, I write shit down all sorts are wrong. But I thought she said, don't cry, be productive. No, I thought she was saying that we were productive, but I could be wrong myself. Yeah, we talked about lists. And you know, I love to talk about a list. So inside Tom is, you know, he's, he makes an announcement for everyone. Nobody rush up against me because I got body makeup on. And then he starts giving tips on how to hide a boner when you're modeling,

which is pretty helpful for some people, I suppose. I like when he was in the makeup chair and he's giving all the guys shit. He's like, yeah, I thought I was the one who was really debating, but it's you guys. And the makeup ladies are laughing. And then he's like, hey guys, you think you could just take off all of this face and reapply it all. Just kidding. They're like, we don't even know what we're doing. We're chast grab it.

I love that. I love that no matter how adorable Tom is, he's like 20 times more adorable in his own head. Yes. You're cute. But okay. So Tom and Ariana do their sexy shot on the pig. Oh no, she took her, she took place at the pig. That's flattering. Yeah. She was like, move the pig and put Ariana there telling, splayer out, get the apple in a mouth, suckling Ariana. And Tom's doing push ups and Vanner pumps giving him shit and going, are you sure you need push ups

and goes, uh, Lisa, a bit of bottle for 20 years. She has 20 years is a bit long, don't you think? Yeah. She at least also manages to take credit for fixing Katie and Schwartz at that moment. Look what I've done. I suggested that I was slightly disappointed in them, and have their own fixed. Another Lisa van der Puntmistery sold.

It's like when I fixed the menu at Sir. All they needed was a little reshaping of the goat cheese. Good to go. Just a little garnish on the cabbage soup to make it look sexy. The Tom and Ari honor shoot. They're doing all the sexy shooting and they're underwear on the table. And then she knows head pops through the window and she's like, I, wow, you look great guys. Way to kill the romance, Sina.

I know The afterwards one of my favorite moments was Suddenly we found ourselves with a camera focused on Brittany and she just goes I love milk And then Jack's like you shouldn't drink milk. It's bad for you. It's like what See it's ween it's bad for you. It's like, what? Seeing a swing is milk bad for you. Babies would be dead all over the country if milk was bad for you. It does a body good. Who eats cereal dry jacks?

Don't tell my mom that. She's a very devout Christian. I hear only gays don't like milk jacks, got something to say to my mom. Hmm, they get into a hole, they start bickering about milk. And then somehow it gets to a point where, where it's like she's saying that he's handsome

and he's like, thank you. And she's like, now what about me? And he's like, I already told you look beautiful twice today. I wanna hear it all the time. I'm like, how is this all? How do we get here from the milk comment how did this happen for example the way that I compliment milk of course I've had milk five times a day since I was a little toddler but I still say I love milk the

worst show you show it you love it milk your gorgeous try jacks the worst movie I ever done seeing was milk because not single time an entire movie movie I ever get to see a glass of milk. I mean, sure, you can name a gay guy after milk, but then he goes out and gets shot. I guess more people hate milk than I ever knew. My favorite day of the year is in January when we celebrate milk. No, that's MLK Day. What? Aren't you telling me that that whole street is made out of street and not milk?

I was always afraid to go on it. I thought, how do you drive on milk? I was still hoping to someday be in astronauts that way I can get to the milk you wear myself. I'll tell you this, I'm not losing another car in a ditch full of milk. I don't even understand what that means. I don't, I don't either really. She just won't drive on ML cable over. Oh, I will not sell it. I'm a car.

So now is the group shot. And this was shady because Lisa was like, Lauren, you can go stand next to Santa Valle. And I was like, Oh, the shade, letting, letting dumb horror Lauren get a prime spot in the calendar, just because she did a little backwards, thucking with James. I was surprised because we didn't see any, I feel like this is the first time we saw Lauren all season. I was like, oh, she's back. Lauren. Lauren may want fame, but she wants Eddie Cibriandic more. And that guy is too cute to be cheating on on TV. She's probably like, please keep me off TV so I can date people.

Thank you. Yeah, because that that bar to her boyfriend, Anthony, is so super hot. Like, she made a huge mistake. She's so cute. But then there's also a woman named Naomi. This is like Naomi getting there. I was like, who's Naomi? Sir has always been somewhere that's sexy and fun and the people who work here reflect that. Ken Guillermo Diana. Nina. I was like, okay, just stop. You did not win an Oscar, Lisa. I'm in sexy close upon Guillermo's face.

Yeah. Okay. FF. So then later on after the photo shoot, uh, Lisa sits down with Tom and Katie over at pump. Um, and they're proving how their relationship has been fixed ever since Lisa sat with Tom and Katie over at pump. And they're proving how their relationship has been fixed ever since Lisa sat them down and Katie is like, yeah, we kiss each other goodbye now. And Tom's like, yeah, we look each other in the eye. Oh, I, these are your benchmarks. This is so sad. This is really sad. And Lisa's like, you're welcome. I saved you. I was like a life raft floating on the ocean. And you filled my holes. It's like, okay, but that's been really rough. It's like, we've been married 20 years and we did it all in five years, you know, the yelling, the screaming, the no sex phase, the petty

squabble phase and Katie's like, gross, I'm so glad those phases are over now. Yeah, glad we're in, we're past those phases. Yeah. And she, and he's like, yeah, that ice percolitis phase, she's like, what do you mean phase? Excuse me, sir. That's grown into dominoes. I mean, I don't mean it shouldn't be dominoes. I mean, damn it. So at least it's like, well, since I've saved you and you've been nice to each other for one day,

I shall officiate your wedding. It's, I'll look, my Saturday's open, that works for you. It's a Wednesday wedding. Well, I mean, that's just hopeless then. Good luck. Your dream of having a Bordello madame in drag. I appreciate it, you're wedding. I've come to darlings.

Now, let's get to this woodsy elegant wedding. What was I called? Woo. It's my next restaurant. So we get scenes from next week and we see a Lala and she goes, holy hell, the groves of landed. What did she say?

Holy hell, stone the groves. Lala of landed. What would you say? Holy hell, stone the grows. Lala has landed his back or whatever it was. I'm more excited for Lala coming back than for anything else. Yep.

Be cute because everybody's calm down and you know, Lala's going to walk in like, Hey, that is. I know. I almost you're getting you're getting a maternity wedding dress, hey, baddies. I know. I almost, you're getting, you're getting a maternity wedding dress, huh, Katie? Oh, no.

I, uh, I almost, uh, feel, uh, I almost feel bad for James because since Lala left, they kind of left him in the lurch and he's basically not on the show anymore. I was like, that poor young drunken asshole. Oh, James, look, I mean, only someone that's stupid would get sober to be on a reality. So that's not how it works. Yeah, so we're after.

Exactly, exactly. And that is the episode of Vanderpump Rules, super fun episode. I think we probably only have about two episodes left before the reunions, but that's okay. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm excited. Three both of them, I'm sure. Now, before we wrap up this episode, we have to do something very important. We're going to do a Tuesday edition of the Listener Spotlight.

There's a little ditty, a little ditty right there. Okay, this week's listener spotlight is from Rachel Kranz. We actually have not listened to this yet, so this could be dangerous. We just received it and we uploaded it and we're just going to play it right now. Okay, so everyone listen to what Rachel Kranz has to say. Hi Ben and Ronnie, I'm so excited to say hi to you and all of your other loyal crap and listeners. I'm Rachel Cran's. I live in Denver, Colorado with my boyfriend, Brendan and our two doxxons, Demor and Boulder. You can follow them on Instagram at Colorado Weenies. I have been loving the new crap and Instagram.

You have me cracking up. I am a family law and estate planning attorney here in Denver and have watched Bravo and all of my stories since college as an escape from reality and an opportunity to unwind. I've literally watched every frame of every housewife show ever. My favorite shows are Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, New York and Fandervant Rules. Just like I feel

like all of the crazy Zombravo or my friends, I started listening to crapens about two years ago and really feel like the two of you are two of my closest friends as well. That I get to hang out with in my car, at the gym, in the shower, everywhere I go, the two of you go with me. I also listen to all of your other unrelated podcasts and whenever you are guests on other shows, I listen to those as your other unrelated podcasts and whenever you are guests on other shows, I listen to those as well. It is so much fun to hear the shows from your perspectives and the impersonations have me dying. My favorites are your chinas, all the Melbourne ladies and Ramona, of course. My boyfriend

and I always say, I'm sorry to each other, and everyone wonders what the hell we're talking about. Thank you so much for making me laugh, and getting me through my commute and my workouts every day. On a side note, though, I was one of the innocent victims of your Alexa jokes last week, however, and now have a new playlist of music I did not ask for. So thank you for that. I love you, Bulls.

Please never stop being yourselves, and please come to Denver soon. Thank you so much. Oh, I'm sorry for that. Calliope playlist, but you see, you just did it to everybody else because she said that word and so everybody's came on and like made a new playlist of songs they've never heard before. As podcasters, we have so much power much power and Rachel we are honored to be your friend. Who hangs out with you in the shower? So Rachel that was awesome.

Thank you so much. Yeah that was a good one. Thank you Rachel. Good to put a voice to the name. Yeah go put a go everyone go follow her doxins. That they're little weedogs. That's so cute. Yeah that's adorable.

So guys thank you so much for listening to our episode. This was super fun. Tomorrow we got Beverly Hills. We got Atlanta on Thursday. I haven't watched Landy yet, to be honest, but I hear it's amazing this week, so I'm super excited. And on Friday, we are breaking down all of Summer House. And it's gonna be a full breakdown, enough that I'm sure my voice will be very horse afterwards

Hell yeah, boo. Bye. Bye. Hey everyone. Thanks for listening to the podcast today We really appreciate the love and support you guys show us if you have a minute go to iTunes and leave a review And if you don't want to do that maybe next time you're talking to your friends about Bravo You mentioned the podcast. Spreading the word really helps us grow, and it means the world to us. Also check us out on Instagram and at Twitter. On Instagram, we're at Watch Where Crapins,

on Twitter, we're at What Crapins. You can also check out me and Ronnie on both platforms. Ronnie is at Ronnie Caram on both Instagram and Twitter, and I'm at Beside blog on Instagram and Twitter. Really, thank you guys so much. We really mean it. We appreciate the support. And even if you do none of those things,

we're just happy you're listening. Thanks. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to WaterCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.