Watch What Crappens - #41: Stripping is OK Now...

Episode Date: October 17, 2012

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From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everybody, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast dedicated to all things Bravo. My name is Matt Whitfield from Yahoo TV. You can find me at Life on the M-List. And joining me as always are Ben Mandelker from B-Side Blog.

Say hello, Ben. Why, hello. And Ronnie Karam from TVgasm. Ronnie hello, Ben. Why, hello. And Ronnie Karam from TVgasm. Ronnie, say hello. Well, hello. Hello. Wonderful to be here. Thank you for having me.

Well, thank you to all of our listeners out there. If you guys are still tuning in, we just taped a 55-minute episode just discussing Jill Zarin's appearance on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen and the second part of The Real Housewives of New York reunion. And we still have so much to talk about,

so we should probably jump in and get to The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and we will follow that up with The Real Housewives of Mijami. Let's do that. Let's talk about all the housewives. Okay, you guys. That's a lovely idea.

What the hell happened? Oh, by the way, idea. What the hell happened? I'm so sorry. Just doing these voices reminded me that we should say that Million Dollar Decorators featuring Mr. Martin while Laurence Blond is going to be back. Martin Laurence Blond.

So they all have that to look forward to. Did I make the wrong wall? I wonder if I can renovate Kelly Osbourne's vagina. Oh, you know what this house needs? It needs a Sonia Morgan Toast Robin. This needs Chevron. You know, every time I pass a Chevron gas station, I think, how stylish.

It's like when I get the popcorn at Fresh and Easy. It's such a lovely treat. I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm literally just saying words. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. The point is it's the best show ever, and it is coming back very, very soon. I care about that more than the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

There, I said it. Oh, God. You're going to be alone on that boat. This podcast is going to be really disjointed. You're going to bury that at the very end, aren't you? And it's going to be me disjointed. Yeah, we're like... You're going to bury that at the very end, aren't you? And it's going to be me talking by myself to some crickets. It's going to be you being like,

do you remember that part where they talk to that client? And we're just going to say this over and over again. There's that Asian gong. You'll gong me right off. So, Riddle Housewives of New Jersey. Okay, do we really need three parts, people? Really? Do we need this?

No. It was fun. It was a lot of screaming. The guys just strutting their cocks around and everything. More of the same. I think it's ridiculous. It was a lot of good Joe lies. Good juicy good joe lies good juicy joe lies yeah who cares that's some bullshit who cares i don't care what do you care are you gonna go to joe

are you gonna go to jail joe what jail what who knows jail who cares about jail what you think i care about i don't care fuck that andy fuck it i don't care um so if you ever committed a murder murder who cares about murder andy that's bullshit nobody cares i was just happy to see kim d make a rousing appearance and i was shocked that she and andy cohen had never met she must have been so excited that bitch is fighting so hard to get on that show as a permanent cast member it is it is almost as pathetic as jill zarin on watch What Happens Live. She doesn't even need it. She runs with the big boys.

She doesn't need to be on the show. That should have been one of the main questions asked by Andy or one of the viewers. Who, in fact, are these fucking boys you roll with? And where are you running to? Are we talking about Chris and Albie and she's rolling with the Blackwater salesman? I really who are these people she runs with them whoever they are she

runs she can't run in those heels you saw her teetering out like a newborn foal listen her hair fangs are very aerodynamic she can run like the wind. So Kim's explanation for all of this brouhaha was, so Kim, did Teresa know that something was going down? Well, she knew that something was going down, but she didn't know what was going down. So she knew that something was going to go down with Melissa. Well, she knew something was going to go down with Melissa, but she didn't know what it was.

So she knew that some guy was going to come and accuse Melissa Melissa being a stripper and a whore on national TV. Well, she did. She knew that, but she didn't know all of it. Do you guys, do either of you know what's going on relationship-wise between Teresa and Kim at this point? Because she essentially, without directly saying it, trashed. I mean, she didn't trash Teresa, but she exposed the fact that Teresa was in on the entire Melissa setup.

So is Teresa, is she like dead to Teresa now or are they buddies? Teresa's too dumb to understand what happened, I think. Teresa wasn't even listening half the time. She doesn't know what's going on. No, she had that, she had that Judy, or that Gorga rage going on. I mean, that Gorga rage is pretty fucking scary man they both got it

they both broke joe and theresa both broke and they start that hard blink and their faces turn red and their eyes and they squeak they speak a lot yeah you did you told me she was a stripper and the funny thing is you're doing that voice right now, and that sounds also just exactly like Joe Gorka. Yeah, exactly. I actually loved how – it basically was like an hour of Teresa denying that she ever called Melissa a stripper. And then finally at the end of the hour, Teresa slips and says something like, you learned a lot in that strip club. And then Melissa was like, thank you. And she goes, as a bartender, as a bartender. You learned a lot as a bart lot in that strip club. And then Melissa was like, thank you. And she goes, as a bartender.

As a bartender. You learned a lot as a bartender in that strip club. Right. And Melissa just throws her hands up in the air like, okay. There, you just, you know, fucked yourself over again. And Teresa still probably doesn't realize what she did. Ronnie, are you still as much of a hater on Melissa as you were last week? I have softened a little bit in the seven days.

No, I hate Melissa. i think she's fucking horrible and i think we're gonna really see how horrible she is as the next seasons come up because this was just her open you know she's already slipped a couple of times and showed us that she's horrible but just you wait henry higgins i hate her i think she's an opportunist but But granted, I hate her also because she was a hot stripper who got a rich husband, and I was a fat waiter at her age not getting a rich husband. So part of it is just flat-out jealousy. Why lie? Why lie? You know what I want to know more about? I want to know more about this scandal wherein Melissa endorsed a rival posh boutique with the same spelling.

I would like to know what that's all about. And how come no one's ever mentioned that there are dueling poshes? Did you see how angry that got people? Like, these strip mall boutiques apparently are a big fucking deal. You know, there actually is a posh down the street on Sunset, but it has a slightly different spelling. Why aren't we recording out of there right now? You know, they would probably love us. Actually, they went there. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,

they went there one episode. You know where we need to go? Kyle's new boutique just opened. We need to go over there and check that shit out. That's in the Val. I ain't going over there. Yeah. I was very interested to know about this Posh rivalry.

Part of me wonders if the rival Posh is run by Kim G. With quotation marks around the G. She's doing like her little jazz dance in there. Yeah, she ain't going to do nothing. Okay, so back to the husbands for a second. Why do you think Caroline's husband did not show up really? Because he hates all this show up really because he hates all this shit yeah he hates he was fucking some waitress at work in his brownstone apartment

do you not think that he's on the payroll the way caroline and all of her children are so he can afford not to show up i mean jacklyn obviously didn't show up last year but he looks like he barely tolerates any of this yeah every time they go on a vacation he looks like he wants to shoot himself in the head so this is not like i'm not surprised he didn't show up yeah i think he just shows up at all just to keep caroline and her and his kids making money i think you're right he knows they're not going to get a job and he doesn't want to be a failure as a father so just let him slurp up whatever they can doing this you know right i mean lauren has to make some money so she can pay for her next lap band surgery you know it's going to take about three more months before she has it again salad just

don't arrive on your doorstep for free by the way um to get back to the point about theresa's squeaking i just like to say that um on our facebook page that uh caitlin riley lar um equated it to say she said it sounds like an ashtray making love to a dying bird and I oh my god that's genius yeah I just felt like that had to be shared I know we've moved past it but I want to come back because I was just looking right now to see what

people were saying and that was I would really like to see somebody make some artwork out of that visual yes an ashtray dying bird rape situation. Everybody has a fetish. Yes. That is the art project

of the week. And make sure there's a sexy J involved. A sexy J must be part of it. You know, it's funny. Like,

I literally, so I watched the first half of this reunion Sunday night and I passed out halfway through. And then I watched the second half this morning.

And I just, for the life of me, I really can't remember much of what happened. It's just, it was just this repetitive, like, screaming, you know? I mean, there was some talk about the fight between Richie and Joe. Didn't he say something like, yeah, you're lucky I didn't punch the glasses into your face. I just punched them off your face and grabbed your balls or whatever. I mean these straight men really love to grab each other's crotches. Well, did we talk about Joe Gorga being a stripper? Have we even mentioned that?

We haven't talked about that, but you two think he's hot, so why don't you lead that part of the discussion while I go vomit? Okay. Well, yeah, it turns out that little Joe Mid joe is the stripper the whole time he was a chippendale and he wore an elephant on his wiener okay i'm sorry was this like was this like thunder from down under or like some kind of like knock off chippendales because i thought you know the chippendale guys that are on the amazing race right now are like six four buff hotties not bald midget trolls with over steroided arms.

Chip and smells. I think it was probably the Chip and Dells because look, I've seen him naked. I mean, he's got it going on and he's very well waxed. Yeah, I totally believe he loves to show it off.

I think that he should pose for Playgirl Just put it out there. I go even exist. I think it existed online Really? I look it up right now. You could you know you know who posed for Playgirl is Joey from real-world Hollywood He recently died, but he yeah, I girl would he he recently died but he was a playgirl he was a playgirl so did that bristol palin's husband what was that oh levi but levi didn't levi didn't show i think he only showed the booty but joey showed it all oh was it no he's dead he's dead don't talk about his dick i'm just talking about the photo that guy was a dead man walking we had a long time to get used to him being dead when he was still alive.

He was on his way out the minute we met him. Wow. Wow. Well, it's true. I mean, I don't even mean it in a mean way. He was just a very lost, drug-addicted guy. You know? It was a sad case.

Hey, everybody. Tara Reid died. And everyone's going to be like, didn't she die like four years ago? She just died now? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's true. It's so true. like didn't she didn't she die like four years ago she just died now oh my god oh my god it's true some people it's so true some people just look like spotted bananas it's like it's almost time for you to get eaten speaking of rachel zoe's um in a new nbc pilot spotted banana they should hire a spotted banana to wear a beret to star as rachel zoe

i would actually watch that. Exactly. I think that'd be hilarious. Just a banana walking around. Putting on, trying on like skorts and. And furry vests with no arms. And capelets. Talking to like Naomi Campbell.

I would love that. I'm actually looking over the Facebook page. Me too'm like i can't think of anything this is so funny i'll tell you a few more things um so kathy was just sitting on the edge of the couch trying to pretend like she mattered and she doesn't she just kept she sat there the entire time bulging her eyes and giving this look on her face like, man, I'm glad no one smelled that fart, you know? The entire time like, woo, I just let one out but no one notices.

Speaking of Kathy and Richie, Andy did bring up the fact that Richie is disgusting and wouldn't he be embarrassed to talk to, you know, to mention his morning erections in front of his children and then kathy who i thought was a class act was like it's my alarm clock disgusting imagine yeah that was really gross poop first poop first by the way someone someone did mention that uh martha raddatz should be should be moderating

these reunions and i would agree with that. Agreed. Well, I really wish that Andy would come to the reunions more like he did to that Jill Zarin interview. I mean, he wasn't exactly hard-hitting, but he didn't back down from anything, and he smiled the whole time, which was hilarious. Like, he's body-slamming the woman, but still smiling. And I really wish he would show up to the reunions like that because I feel like it's like, oh, you know,

Teresa's a villain this year, or Aviva's a villain this year. So, you know, we'll give it 10 minutes to talk about something else, and then we'll come back and slam Aviva again. And then we'll go 20 minutes and then come back to Aviva again, or in this case, Teresa. I mean, Teresa can't remember what happened 20 minutes ago. That poor woman just looks lost. Yeah, well, you know, I think the reason why Andy was able to ask harder questions on Jill Zarin is because, A, he probably does not love her and personally would like to sort of go at her a little bit.

And also, he knows he doesn't have to deal with her. He can ask whatever questions. He doesn't have to worry about upsetting her and, like, she might leave the franchise or something like that. Yeah, she's no longer on the payroll payroll he was willing to give it to her last night but the others like you know for jersey especially you know they filmed seasons three and four back to back but i don't think that they're even in pre-production right now on the new season of jersey so i don't know who the fuck's coming back i don't think that he wants to piss anybody off right now well the rumor is that they're going to bring people to be on

Teresa's side, whatever that means. Like her hairdresser and I don't even know who else could they think of. An old banana. A banana in big sunglasses. Someone from like the Baskin Robbins in the same strip mall as the Posh.

Which Posh are we talking about here? Because that does make a difference. Franklin Lakes of Downtown. Oh my god, are we going to have to watch Are we going to get a spin-off of Cafes? Oh my god. With Lauren? No. The Egg Salad Chronicles.

The Egg Salad Chronicles and it would be like 30 minutes. Oh my god, my delivery of eggs didn't arrive today. What are we going to do about the egg salad? Every episode would be, so Sherry, what are you having for lunch? I don't know, Lauren. What do you want to have for lunch?

I don't know. Who delivers? Lauren, you know who delivers. We get it delivered every day. Let's look again. Get out the menus. All right, I'll bring the stack. And then they'll just look through menus, and that'll be the whole show every time. Because they have no customers.

Episode one, cannolis. And then Albie will come in and knock something over, and Lauren will get mad. And then Vito, she and Vito will make mozzarella in a sink in the back that's supposed to be used for hair. And then Tabitha Coffee will come in and do a Tabitha takes over episode synergy people there's synergy at work do you know how much i would love tabitha takes over

cafes that would be the it would be it would be perfect for november sweet and then maggie from gallery girl can come in and be an intern and get fired the first day and lizzie i'm gonna be like i hire those guys. I never want to get my heart on here. If they ask me to do anybody's makeup, I'm going to tell my dad and they're going to really regret it. And Chantal will walk in and be like, I really don't think

that you have any idea how to do this. So I'm just going to go to Paris and no, I don't want to know. I don't want to know about cafes or the egg salad. I don't want to know. Could you please tell me which aisle the teeth stick is in? I need coloring for my teeth. The art that we have at cafes literally boggles my mind.

It's in frames that we put up, and there's egg salad in the middle. Oh, my God. it's in frames that we put up and there's egg salad in the middle oh my god okay so what else happened on goddamn jersey jack lost her goddamn mind and was screaming in the middle of you know different storylines and different questions that chris tell them that you didn't meet me in vegas as a stripper tell them you met me at a trade show which is also code for stripper convention yeah yeah i think it's actually worse to meet someone at a trade show than it is right like because you say oh i met i met you at a trade show i would be like that is the most embarrassing thing you could ever tell about yourself okay and for those of you who don't know what trade shows are they're typically girls in bikinis lying on top of like cheesy mid-sized yachts

okay you know who's that you know who's that trade shows patty labelle as we saw earlier this year okay that's the sort of woman you find and i'm not saying i mean everyone loves patty labelle but do you want to marry patty labelle i don't think so uh the tvgasm recapper um um trade show very carefully phrased trade show in chicago which is obviously not a cover for stripping everyone knows it's hookers who work the trade show circuit thank you so true good job good line what what trade show were they was did she want us to believe that she was at anyway like what what? Jacqueline, she was a freaking waitress supposedly. So what waitress was she at?

This picture of her, by the way. A waitress for the show? I know that you guys can't see it, but Jacqueline's surgery, I didn't notice it as much on the old TV. But in still pictures, you really see how freaky she looks. I mean, her whole mouth is new and her whole face is new. Her nose is new and her cheeks are new too. And Teresa kept calling her ass out on it last night. You know what?

She's looking more and more like a trout. I'm sorry. I'm just going to say it. She looks like a fish. She does, but with a weird underbite. It's weird. The whole thing is weird. And if you're going to go to all that trouble on your face, why you still got five rolls on you, girl?

Yeah, it's true. I mean, get that shit taken off. Get some shapewear. rolls on you girl yeah it's true i mean get that shit taken off get some shapewear lord knows you can find one at any fucking well because you know she probably wants to have the lap band but her standard of success with that is probably looking at caroline and lauren and it's not very inspiring no not at all she's like i'm just gonna eat what did you guys think of the part where um theresa she was fighting with Jacqueline, she was like, well, Caroline, you're the one who told me that Jacqueline was a stripper. I'm going to tell you right now. I actually believe what came out of Teresa's mouth.

I do think at certain points Caroline and Jacqueline have been at odds, and I would not be surprised that Caroline was like, yeah, she's married to my brother, and she's a total stripper. And I feel like it was addressed i mean i feel like it was addressed on the show and she admitted that she was a stripper didn't she like when they were in when they were on that cruise ship and she was like stripping on the stripper pole and she looked like she like a fish just got dropped into a bowl of water she was just swimming away and i think she said something like yeah all that hard work paid off or something i don't i don't know i don't remember but listen if i were jacklyn i'd be embracing the fact that that she was once a stripper because it means that at one point in her life she was actually like super hot perhaps yeah like hopefully people can start looking at

her and seeing memories or something i don't know i'm such an asshole I'm such an asshole. I'm such an asshole. I am so catty and mean. Are you hungry? I don't even really think this. You know, actually, I am, Matt. I actually really am. Do we need to go down to Pinkberry and invite MJ and Ashley to come with us? You know what? I have some Chinese leftovers I'm going to eat.

And I was at Costco today and I bought some bao that I'm very excited to make. Oh, my God. I've been trying this raw vegan bullshit. I'm going to kill. I'm going to kill. Like, the mailman came today. I wanted very excited to make. Oh my god, I've been trying this raw vegan bullshit. I'm gonna kill the mailman came today. I wanted him dead. Raw vegan, eating fruits and vegetables is bullshit. You know, I've got, my house

stinks because I've got a dehydrator full of kale. Oh my god, Ronnie, you don't need to eat fruits and vegetables. You just don't have to eat. Yeah, Matt, give me instructions to your diet. Seriously, masturbate five times instructions to your diet. Seriously. Masturbate five times a day.

Drink some protein, and that's all he has to do. And maybe eat some ice for dinner. Well, the thing is, I'm doing really good on it until, I'm going to be honest, it's the green monster that does the trick. Because it's like, the second I have a toke of that, it's like,

pizza! I'm like rosie are you wearing a page boy news cap thing right now are you driving an outdated bmw right now are you dating a blonde girl that only wants to date you because you're on tv right now? Are you dating a blonde girl that only wants to date you because you're on TV right now? Does your sister hate you because you're a lesbian right now? Because she does.

Kathy hates lesbians. There, I said it. Well, you know what? I would believe you, but your mother's a liar, and so is your father. Those liars. You took daddy away from me! You took daddy away from me! You're delusional. So is your mother's a liar and so is your father both liars you took daddy away from you took daddy away from me you're delusional so is your mother um so yeah jersey i kind of hope that jersey starts on fire and everybody dies and they have to start over with melania okay melania if there is ever an arson involved with any of these people, Melania and matches are to blame.

I hope that they do like a real Housewives of England or something. We can have like a really proper, very proper. I heard that you were at the tea party and said something nasty about my mother. You know, a British Housewives. I think we said this on Housewives Hoedown back in the day. A British Housewives would be hilarious. And actually, you know what? There's the real Housewives of Vancouver that people keep saying is...

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Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee.

What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some.

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Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Off the hook. I'm telling you, I'm going to try to ship the shit in for my friends in Canada so that we can secretly do watch what happens about that for the three people that listen to us in Canada. You know what? Because of these here internets, a lot of people have seen that and people were asking for recaps of it all season. And I finally downloaded it and I was just watching them a couple of nights and like one of the housewives sleeps with one of the other housewives

daughter, like her young daughter. And like it, I mean, that one's really bad. These like, I don't know if they make Jersey look classy, but they make the other ones look almost classy. Bravo. Bravo should air that shit. I don't know if they make Jersey look classy, but they make the other ones look almost classy.

Bravo should air that shit. I don't know why... They should. They probably own the rights to it in some way, right? Yeah, they probably will. Oh, they definitely do. But speaking of UK version, I mean, Kat Omni. I need more of her on my screen. And who is our

little buddy on Facebook that keeps posting about, you know, secret, or maybe is it on Twitter about, you know, the cat Omni juice? What?

Ooh, I don't know. Were you guys not interacting with this guy on Twitter slash Facebook? I'm sorry. I'm being rude and I don't know his name right now. But what's it? Who's cat Omri? That's cat from DC.

Oh, that was, oh, that was me. Are we allowed to talk about that because that was a that was like a private was that a private message it's just someone who knows cat oh i was not involved in that message really they didn't really say a lot of dirt they just said they like listening to the show and they work for cat and that she's really funny and she has a baby

now or something and then andy hates her oh yeah andy hates her because she can't like keep her mouth shut. She keeps telling everybody off. But you know what, though? He had her just on the show like a week and a half ago. That's what I said to this guy. I was like, why would she keep getting invited on the show if Andy hates her so much? And I don't really get a straight answer out of him. So if you're listening, we're not going to reveal your real name.

But send us some more private messages and maybe some shirtless photos while you're at it. And if Kat wants to come on to this show, like, we've all – Oh, we are free. We are more than available to bring her on. Because, you know, I mean, she is hilarious. She'll probably call us out. I was going to say that. Don't you have something better to do than sit here and talk shit about women?

You're just like regular Tyra Banks. She's awful, just like you. Yeah, Kat will tell us off. I'm afraid of her. She'll call me fat. I don't want to talk to her. I almost want to be eviscerated by her, because we deserve it. It would kind of turn me on a little too much.

The only housewife I want on this show ever is Kim Richards. Kim Richards. That's the only one I want to talk to. Kim. Yeah, get that big candy cane bow up and then you'll look like her I can't wait for my Kimmy Kim to come home

I could go as the gay bull mastiff you know speaking of gay bull mastiffs why don't we move on to Real Housewives of Miami oh good segue Karen I hate him I hate him so much.

You know, like, I've just been waiting for us to get onto Miami because I love doing the voices. I love doing the voices as much as Karen's mom hates him. I hate him. Okay, so what happened this week on Miami? That was a long-ass time i was here it was thursday it was thursday and like we were saying before the podcast began like once the weekend hits it's like the erase button i don't remember anything all bets off yeah but you know what though here's what i do remember corrent is the worst she is i mean'm telling you, she is up there with, who is one of the, she's up there with.

Well, that's saying a lot. But I was going to say she's up there with people I hate as much as Lisa Wu Hartwell. Oh, I don't hate Lisa Wu Hartwell. Well, you just wanted to get with her man. That's maybe not a lie. But here's the thing with Corrine. I mean, she is awful. I think one thing that happened this episode was they all went to a party.

And this guy, I forgot his name. We actually first met him on Real Housewives of Atlanta. He was Kim's friend that they all stayed with in Miami when they had the big fight and everything. And he's like this German real estate mogul. And so all these women on the cast of Miami are all friends with him. But Corrine really likes to show off that she's friends with him. So she takes this very deliberate photo of her sitting on his lap and everything. And I just wanted to punch her in the face.

I don't condone violence against women. All the women wanted to kill her anyway because she's such a star fucker. And once she saw how popular he was amongst the other girls, she couldn't stop trying to get his attention. And she's sitting all the way across the room from him. So there's all these people in between her. And she's like, oh, you remember what you used to tell my mother about me? Remember what you used to tell mom? And he's like, yeah, that I wanted to fuck your face.

And she's like, yeah, that you loved fuck your face and she's like yeah that you loved me but i said no no it's not like that you remember that he's like yeah i wanted to bone you hard i wanted to put a blindfold on you and choke you with my wiener and she's like oh that was so funny with my mom remember gross meanwhile now no you go you go i was just going to say everything in there is horrible and we can't stop talking about the fact that she does not realize that her boyfriend is cheating on her even when he's sitting there saying he's not cheating

her with a giant herb on his lips he has a herb on his lip and he's saying no I'm not cheating on you and laughing in her face he's like I don't want to talk about these other women, baby. I don't want to talk about it. Don't talk about this anymore to me. And she's like, okay, baby, okay. But these women are so mean to me. We gotta do

something. He's like, no, no, I don't want to hear about these women. It's like Joe. It's like all the men and all the women are all the same no matter where you live. She's such a star fucker that of course she's going to listen to anything her boyfriend says because he's a star and she wants to fuck him. So she's going to do, she's going to put her blinders on and she's such a star fucker that of course she's going to listen to anything her boyfriend says because he's a star and she wants to fuck him. So she's going to do,

she's, she's going to put her blinders on and she's going to ignore the fact that he's making moves on Anna and every other woman and thing on this planet. You know, it'd be amazing if he gave them all the herp and they were all like at the reunion and they were forced to show up and they all have the cover up all around, all around cakes from their mouth. And it's all like the same shape. Yeah. and they all have the cover up all around their mouths.

And it's all like the same shape. It's all like the Mexican Emmy shape. How funny is that? Herpes for everyone! Except Leah. I think it's pretty funny. She would renovate her herpes. She would tear it down.

I went to see a doctor about the herpes. I tore it down! But I didn't voice the a doctor about the herpes i tore it down when i invoiced the doctor i don't even have a mouth anymore i just had him tear it down take off my mouth i don't want herpes on there take it off i don't want the herpes so i just gave it to frida i just walked through this rubber band now make it different shapes so those will come out how fun is that amazing so what happened with leah this week what was her oh leah's big thing this week was she goes up to mary soul and she's like mary soul i heard a rumor that you thought you weren't invited to my my gallop ball i want you to come and then mary's like, okay, okay, Leah, I'll come.

Okay, no. I hope you're not offended, but your husband left you because he was just with you for his green card. How fun is that? Did you guys ever watch Kids in the Hall? Because there was a character on there that Scott Thompson played called the Chicken Lady, and they are fucking doppelgangers. Have I not told you? When I recapped that show last year i called her the chicken lady and every time there was a screenshot of leah it was the chicken lady from kids in the hall i had to find a new sketch every week matt i don't know if you realize

this you just inadvertently did a leah black voice did you hear that i did i have a little bit of a southern twang you went like this you went well that's and i was like oh my god you're inadvertent you're turning into leah a little sing-song yeah how great is that i think it's so funny i think it's so funny that leah did say in the first season with marisol that's she pissed off marisol because they were at dinner and she met the husband and she or the fiance at the time and she's like oh why do you guys like each other? You just need your green card? So she's making a joke now. This is the crazy thing. She says shit like that straight.

Yeah. And she's right by the way. She's 100%. 120% right. There's no doubt. We make fun of her but she gets it. Leah is probably one of the smartest women of all the housewives, you know. And she has the most fun, and she loves stirring the pot, and she doesn't care.

How great is that? What a life to live. She's like the Frida of the housewives. Except she can swim. Well, two things. Leah, for one thing, Leah has, someone's told her about the show because this is all about us, okay? Real Housewives of Miami is all about this podcast.

I've noticed that Leah has started talking lower. She doesn't talk in a voice like that anymore. Yeah, that was more last season, to be honest. Yeah, she really did used to talk like that. She doesn't scream, but she still does. She goes crazy sing-songy.

She always says little things like, I don't know anything about it. I just find it pretty funny. She's a little stuff at the end there. She's trying to write it in, but it sneaks out at the end of the sentence. What's the thing that she has yet to say but it's been all the previews, Ronnie, where she goes like, these women are vicious!

These women are ruthless! That's what it is. Oh my god. I mean, that is going to have to be my ring. I'm going to make that my ringtone right now. It's already my favorite part of the season. It hasn't even happened yet. Oh my god. Well, the second thing about Leah for this year for me

is I love that Leah, no matter what, no matter how much goddamn money this woman has, no matter how much surgery she has, no matter what they stick in her, new body parts she has, bitch cannot get decent hair. It's like, it is always sticking up. She looks like what Debbie Gibson will look like in 30 years. She looks like she stuck her head in Carol Radziwill's vagina. You know what?

She looks like she got the raw end of the hair deal with Frida. She does Frida's braids and Frida does her blowouts it's not working out for either one of them i think she started wearing wigs or something and just can't get the cap on right i mean i don't know what's going on i don't think it's a wig because it's like too it's like if there's a wig yeah it's it's it's wispy yet it's chunky it's like chunky wisps you know it's you know what she's just not made for Miami. She needs to be in Sedona, Arizona or something. The humidity is just not agreeing with her scalp at all.

She doesn't care, though. Whatever. She's got more money than all these women. She's got a silver alligator on her wall. I don't know if you guys saw that. She doesn't care. Yeah, from the gallery. When it comes to aesthetics,

it's really not her real house. And she knows it. Why do you think I live next door to Rosie O'Donnell? You think she's going to make fun of my hair with that ass? How funny is that? I can afford to live with people homelier than me. How funny is that? I got an alligator on my wall.

I'm going to invoice a poacher. I got an alligator on my wall I'm gonna invoice a poacher Now other things We have to talk about Roman Talk about Elsa first Elsa danced That was her big contribution to the episode Was that this week or wasn't it for next week

Or that was this episode The thing is this when Elsa danced She looked like one of those strange Mardi Gras, like, things where, like, three people hold up a giant face like an FAO Schwartz clock and there are other people controlling their hands and it's like six stories high, almost like one of those

Olympic things at the opening ceremonies. That's what she looks like when she dances, like a strange I think she looks like that creepy little mechanical monkey with the symbols. I like to dance. I like to dance. I like to dance. I make a dance. I like the glorious Stefan.

I marry soon. What was she dancing for? What was happening? She was just drunk. It was the same party where Corrent was going crazy. Oh, my God. Correct. She was kissing her boyfriend with their tongues like sticking like touch doing a ton of action oh yeah so then adriana got all mad because uh current wouldn't let her come to the after party with the old lech oh yeah and she's already mad because all of her artists all of her twitter

followers who care about her artist tweets have been deprived of whatever it was with that artist. I feel like she's going to pay for that for the rest of the season. Well, she doesn't stop saying it. The Twitter shit. I mean, that's going to bite her in the ass for the rest of time. I tweet about art, okay? I tweet about art, and they care about the art.

I'm going to have something to say about about art, and they care about the art. And when Karen comes in, she ruins it. I'm going to have something to say about that because she's speeding me to the tweet. What else did she do, that crazy Adriana? I really love her. You know what? She and Leigh are my two faves. Yeah. She just bitched about Karen to Joanna, which gets back to now.

What does Joanna Krupa in the seventh grade? Like, everything that happened, she's like, well, I talked to her, and this is what she said. This is what she said you did, and I don't think you should do that. That's not very nice. Like, shut up. Who are you? Go take off your top. Were you wanting to say shut up, Jill Zarin, but with a different name inserted?

No. Shut up, Joanna. Yeah, no. Joanna does need to shut up, though. No, but Marta needs to shut up even more yeah no joanna just joanna does need to shut up though no but marta needs to shut up even more for crying out loud marta is so abysmal you don't understand like when you're an actor and a singer it's so much harder you can't do groceries um all i want you to do is uh do something because you just lay there i do a lot i do a lot roman it really hurts my feelings that you say i don't because i do a lot roman it really hurts my feelings

that you say i don't because i do a lot oh you know what hurts my feelings no groceries that's what hurts my there's nothing in the refrigerator you don't go to the groceries but you know what like grocery bags hurt my vocal cords and i'm a singer and i can't be doing that you know i work i had jobs when i was 14 well i, I was in the Revolutionary War. I was in the German, with the Germans Wars. And I've gone through a lot in my life. And I have a Ferrari now and a model girlfriend. And you can't even do the groceries.

But you know what? You may have been in a war, but I'm from Poland. And I came over here on an airplane with my sisters, a supermodel. And I had it tough. Yeah, you know what you need to do? Do the groceries. I don't even know what groceries are, so stop telling me to do them. Are those like

plants? I wish you could see me right now hard blinking, making really hard blinks right now. It's Morse code for groceries. I don't want to do groceries. I want to move in with Lisa. Okay, just promise me. Let us finish this conversation.

Just promise me you'll do something, anything. I don't care what it is. Just do anything. I can't do that. I'm an actress and a singer. She should perform Super Bowl halftime show, not Beyonce. She'll probably try and sleep there. Beyonce wants me to live with her.

No, Marta's the worst. Yeah, Marta is the worst. And actually, what really happened in that conversation was he basically said, look, I don't mind you staying with us. It just bugs me that you're lazy, so just go to the grocery store once a week. That's all you need to do. And she's like, okay.

And then she goes home and she's like lisa i'm moving in with you like bitch really you can't go get groceries really by the way speaking of lisa uh how do we think about how we feel about her getting into a bikini and like getting into a bathtub with her dirty ass dog while da Daisy bubbled them up, suds them up. Well, she doesn't want to admit to the crabs on national TV. If she's going to be itching herself, it's best to have a dog down there on the camera first so you can blame him.

So true. Right? I was just impressed that Lisa, for once, did not ask Daisy if she wanted a cocktail. Oh, I forgot you're sober. I keep on forgetting that. I can fill your cup with, I can mix it with some Jesus.

I love that. She's got like a sober maid preacher. Best friend. Who wants to have liposuction. How much do you think that bitch is getting paid? Daisy. Cause she wears, she wears many hat.

The many hats of Daisy. It's a Nutella novella. And she can wear like a novella and then the preview or the opening sequence we heard like a big blossom hat with sunflower i wish i knew spanish otherwise uh los los hats del daisy does anyone know what hat is in spanish anyone anyone at all i took french no that's i, I'm like, Le Chapeau de Désir. Chapeau de Fleur. What happened with Anna this week? Anna looked at

Karen's Facebook page and made fun of all the photos she had with celebrities like Sofia Vergara and I forget who else. Did you just really say sofia vergara well we're we're in miami we must do it makes me angrier than like alex when he like has one um hispanic or not a spanish word like in a sentence and he'll be like

it makes me insane well i i felt the need did i just say hispanic word what is wrong with me i know that was pretty good actually i like that i feel like honey boo boo i'm so sorry you can get some skeddy uh you know what here's the thing these shows rot our brains and make us racist so it's okay matt We're all heading that way. Yeah, we hate pretty much all of humanity. It's just easier to separate them by race. It's true because, you know, color is the first thing you see. We're grasping, right? Yeah, I think there's nothing left. I think we've...

If we've forgotten anything, we'll just mention it next week. Okay, well, why don't we just make this one single podcast then instead of two? No, I say make it two. We can have one that's shorter. That's fine. Should we? Okay. Why not?

Okay, then there's still two. Yay! Now you have to download two things, you guys. Okay, and this week's commercial is for Forks. I really want to thank forks for sponsoring us forks have worked really hard for a long time to get the prongs just right to get your food onto them so when you stab them you can put the food in your mouth and i just wanted to say forks thank you for sponsoring watch what crappens and you guys if you want to help us out, next time you eat something, use a fork. Okay?

Thanks. I'm so confused. I'm trying to visualize people buying ads on our show. So I just figured if I start doing ads, then people might get the idea and be like, oh, my God, I like forks. I'm totally using a fork right now because I heard it on that show. I'm buying an ad for my company. You know, we got to do those forks, though'm totally using a fork right now because I heard it on that show. I'm buying an ad for my company. You know, we gotta do those forks, though. Invoice them!

Hey, those forks came into my food uninvited. I'm invoicing it! Oh my god. You owe me five cents for that bite of salad, buddy! You know, I gotta teach Frida how to use a fork. She doesn't know what to do. All right, everybody. Thank you so much for being with us today.

We'll be back next week. There's going to be, are we going to do you guys? We lost footage for New Jersey to discuss and lost footage, New York. Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

We're going to have to really fish this week for some Bravo shows. I think that little work might start. When does that start? Well, do you guys remember the time over the summer when there was like a one-week gap of content and we were like, well, it'll be a short podcast. It'll be 45 minutes and we went for an hour and a half. Yeah, and I think that none of us even watched Misadvised,

but we talked about it for 10 seconds and then other shit for 49 more minutes. Well, let's take a look at some of the new shows that Life After Top Chef and Lulwork yeah we'll do that we'll just watch some random bravos and show up to talk about that next time

so thanks for being with us alright thanks everyone don't forget to follow us on Twitter at What Crappens don't forget to join the party on Facebook which has been blowing up in recent weeks. We are at Facebook backslash WatchWhatCrapIs. You can also find us on iTunes.

Download us every single week. Leave us some fun comments and five-star reviews. And then in addition to that, don't forget to follow each one of us individually on Twitter. I am Matt Whitfield from Yahoo TV at Life on the M-List. Ben is at B-Side Blog and Ronnie is at TVgasm and we are looking forward to another episode

or possibly two next week. So thank you guys for tuning in and stay classy Mijami. Bye! Bye. both bb i've got a black bm she got a white tt she wanna see what's hiding in my ck briefs i tell her where suspenders and some pvc and then i'll film it all up on my jvc if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet Pay attention! Liza Slicinger. Slicinger. I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza.

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