Watch What Crappens - #411 Dwell Hello Part 2: Live From the Netflix is a Joke Comedy Fest

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

*This is Part 2 of a Two-Parter*This week, Dwell Hello is live for the first time ever at the Netflix is a Joke Comedy Festival in Los Angeles. We cover House Hunters Agents Gone Wild S01E14 “Nudist Newcomers in Florida”, which we found on YouTubeTV. Hold on to your seats. It’s an hour and a half of pasty nudity jokes. Enjoy! Grab tickets for our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensFind bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, everyone. Welcome back. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, we'll go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. Well, so now we finally meet our couple. We've spent a lot of time with April and the community and everything. So we have our literal parade of naked golf carts that have lined up. You know, they're all listening to Jimmy Buffett.

They're like, oh man, play a cheeseburger in paradise again. Rock Shinkgoose. Is that Jimmy Buffett? How many times do you think they play the Pinoquilada song at this place? Oh, my God. So. I think they play, how often do you think they play B-A-N-A-N-A-S? How often do they play A-P-P-L-E-S?

How you like them? How you like them? Last of a good time! Who would you, who from Bravo would you like to see in a nudist colony? Brock. Brock? Brock, yeah, Brock. Brock.

Just Brock. Just Brock. That's all I need. Could you imagine like a zombie apocalypse? It's just this empty, like empty nudist colony. No one's there except Brock walking around naked. Well, I guess I'm the only one here. I'm into it.

12 p.m. time to jerk off on the bush on strawberry line. Strawberry lane. I love him his little budgie smugglers. So handsome. You know, I've got all the way to the door, the front doors of the NFL. and I didn't get in. I was like, well, I've been to a lot of fucking front doors.

Where's my autobiography? Get the fuck out of here. Well, his NFL is like Nacho Friends League or something. Oh, they let me in there. So these people, Nicolette and Dustin, arrive in the golf cart, and they are empty nesters, and they're generally people, I don't even think if they were, I think even if they're closed, you would see them as your neighbors and close your blinds.

Like, oh, God, here they go. April's going to start bitching about the kitchen, and Dustin's going to say something's not his fault. They just have that look on him. Like Dustin's got like, it's not a wig, right? What do you think? Are you allowed to wear a wig of your nudists? Yeah.

On your feet and on your head, you're allowed to cover those things. It's the rest of it. Okay, I just don't know how completionist people are about this concept. So he's got, not the kid hair now, because you know how kids hair now is all pushed forward. They like permit and make it big, and then they push it. it forward. Who here has a kid with that haircut?

At least five. I just heard at least five which is five moms at least who are like I tell him how bullshit that hair is. Our sympathy goes out to you moms.

We know it's a hard job trying to get your kids to have a normal haircut. But he's got kids from like 20 years ago when it was like spiky hair. Everybody was doing the spikey hair.

Like the human brain weighs eight pounds or whatever. And I definitely did not do that whatsoever. You had spiky hair? I tried to do a foothawk in the mid-2000s. Oh, no. Yeah.

Yeah, it's true. But I was too lazy to commit to actually keeping the sides tight. So what happened is the sides would just grow out, and then there'd be just like a little peek. And if you look at photos, I'll put some photos up, but I'm sure you could look some photos. It's like I've got a little triangle of hair on like a generally normal hair. And it looks ridiculous. And I would go out and I would go to nice events with that, thinking I was trendy. I wish I had been your friend then

so I could be like, it looks great. Yeah, that was my life. I had mushroom hair, shaved on the sides, big and huge on the top. It was hot. And then like a little, like a wave, a little something.

Yeah. So we find out that Dustin and Nicolette are actually, they both work in insurance, which is strange. Strange to think of, like, the person who's, like, selling, like, like oh like my auto policy after I get off the phone with them

they're taking off all their clothes but insurance people are like that you know what they're like Vicky I was going to say like Vicky from Orange County she's an insurance person and Vicki's like a swinging cack I mean she tried to even her cancer

when she was pretending her boyfriend had cancer for that season true story for non-Bravo Watchers. Aliens loved that one. That was a great season. That's great for the aliens. That's good.

She faked cancer so people would be nice to her boyfriend. And so also they would bring her casseroles and be kind to her. But it didn't work. But she came up with a pretend cancer charity. And it was called cack. Kill all cancer. Cac. Cac.

So even her cancer charity was cack based. Yeah, it was. So it's an insurance thing, I think. But yeah, he's like, we're, you know, we're empty nesters, and you have never seen kids run as fast as they did out of our house. He wham like you. That nest is going to stay empty on even the holidays. Let me tell you something.

If my parents, as soon as I left to go to college, I found out that they were going down to Florida to be part of a nudist colony, I'd be like, it was a good run. We had a great run. I'm just going to have to. You do the Drew Barrymore, divorce your parents thing. I'm moving on. Yeah, it's funny that your nest is so empty when your bush is so full, Dustin.

You knew there was going to be a bush joke at some point. I just didn't know when. Dad jokes. Okay, so April's like, we've always been so comfortable with being naked, so we thought let's go to this nudist place and check it out. As long as you don't fuck with my kitchen, Dustin. He's like, okay, geez. She's like, we went like most people do really timid at first.

they look at April because April's like fully dressed, you know? April's like, oh, this is just daytime April. You'll get the candy hearts in the mail. I don't. I've got the feeling like April. April was fully dressed this entire episode. She was the only one wearing clothes this entire episode. And you knew she was just like dying to get out of.

Like, ugh. So. Wouldn't you? I wouldn't be still in clothes? Because listen to how judgmental I act. Already I'm like half naked watching this show. And I'm like, why can't I be naked places? If I was walking around this house, I'd be fucking naked too.

I went out with my friends here one time, and they gave me Molly, which I haven't taken since... It would probably have been like six months. I was going to say a teenager, but let's be real. But I hadn't ever taken it on an empty stomach before. So I was more... And I was like, I'm so insecure. I can't believe I'm a gay rave.

I haven't done this and so long. It's so gross. Gay people are so mean to me. Like five minutes later, I was like half naked in the center of the desk. We're like, yeah, want to make out? And they're like, no. No.

I once went to a Korean spa. Like, actually, can I tell you something? You may have heard that I had appendicitis recently. I got it while I was at the Korean spa. My appendix was like, I'm not standing for this. We got to get this guy out of here. It was weird. It was weird.

At first, it was not peaceful. It was like, it was just, What'd you say? No, it was in New Jersey. I was naked in New Jersey among strangers. No wonder why my appendix nearly burst. It was embarrassed.

We're already being mean to naked people. We can't be mean to Jersey people too. Oh my God, if like Bill Aden had walked into that Korean spot, I don't know. Ooh. Whoa. Your appendix isn't the only thing here that's about to burst. It only hurts for a second, big boy.

So April's like, yeah, as soon as we got to this new displace, it was just so inviting and now the kids aren't here. We just, you know, we were coming here once a month, but we just want to be naked all of that time. So then we see the golf cart parade and there are so many golf cart parades in this place. There's a lot. It's like a rump parade all day long with these people. So there's a lot of golf carts. and I'm not really sure about their theme. There was someone with a bubble machine.

Yes. And then there was someone, then there was someone on the side going, extra, extra. Well, the reason why we knew there was a bubble machine was because Dustin is on his golf cart and he rides button and goes, nice bubble machine.

And April. The community is the least of the issues with this place. I'm telling you. And April's like, I was really worried about telling my friends, you know, because of the judgment. you married Dustin if they didn't stop that

you could probably set the fucking city on fire and they'd support it but you know all these people are a different shape and size and they're all walking around really confidently and no one feels uncomfortable at all and not a single person has pointed and laughed at my forest fire tattoo

I'm telling you self-confidence is going to end this world we can't just all walk around self-confidence you need people feeling shitty about themselves enough to go to work every day. Who's going to keep old Navy open? Who's going to keep Weight Watchers' pizza at the stores?

I need diet culture. Everyone just can't quit their jobs and be happy, okay? Happiness is a secret. Only tell people you know how to achieve it. Let the strangers be unhappy and stay clothed and feed us and serve us things and give

us our old Navy cash at the end of the day. So they're right of along in this never-ending golf cart parade. And Dustin goes like, oh, hey, there's our old friend. And it cuts to April who's, like, standing in an intersection. And she's literally doing this. This is no exaggeration. We see a full body shot.

And she's going like this. It was like you just got home from vacation and, like, your pet has come running up to the door. She's like, people, these people for sure know me. They talk to me. They have to talk to me. I'm going to sell them a house. face of the nudist culture. They hate this lady.

Hate her. She's like, hi, everybody, hi, hi, everybody, hi, hi, hi, hi. And there's this lady. She looks like Maxine from shoebox greetings, but naked. And she's standing in a driveway, and she's walking in place like this,

just in place. Not walking anywhere. Not fast, just doing this. And then Dustin passes and goes, Hey, stranger, need a ride? No, she's walking. in place in her driveway. Does it look like she needs...

Even this lady looked at them like, oh, fucking die. Who gave this guy self-confidence? Take it back. So now April sits down and meets with these two. She's so happy. She's like, people are forced to talk to her. So she puts on her best bright blue top

with lots of cutouts and straps and things. You know, I think when you don't wear clothes a lot, it's... You might put them on upside down or something. I was this one. It means. I still do. that. I still can't figure out

the front and the back of a t-shirt. It's like the easiest thing to do. It's tricky. Apparently. So April doesn't really know who she's selling to, so she's like, guys, they're really active nudist

communities. There's nightclubs, there's restaurants, conservation, whale saving, recycling, no, musicals. I'm scared about the nudist colony nightclub. I'm going to be honest.

I feel like it is like a lot of... It's like a lot of... Pinacolada song, let's be honest. And then there'll be like something random like Nelly. And they're like, yeah, this is my jam. Oh, pinocalata song again. Okay, got it. Every single night.

And then we find out because Dustin's like, yeah, we need to be social. karaoke, live music, twister, cornhole. If there's a stage, we're on the dance floor. Okay, Dustin. And then Nicole goes, music is very important to us. Music is what brought us to the nudist comedy. What?

I thought nudity. I thought nudity is what brought you to the nudist comedy. Why is music what brought you to the nudist comedy? And what song was it? I played Taylor Swift for this. Who did this? What song brought? Peter in the pant.

Who's the guy with the little flute? Peter and the flute? Peter. Peter Piper? Peter Piper. No. Peter Piper? Piper.

Pipeper. The original nudist. It just like plays Billy Joel into a flute and homely naked people start walking in a zombie line to Pasco, Florida. You know, every night at 1.43 a.m. As those, like, last call,

they're all singing piano man. naked around the bar. You know it. So, but explain, please. Dustin goes, okay, so right now our home is five bedrooms and 2,700 square feet.

So we're looking to downsize not only square feet, but also bedrooms. Because the only way we're going to get rid of stuff is if we get a smaller house. Throw your shit away, Dustin. What kind of consumer bullshit is that? Not consumer.

Capitalist bullshit. You see how the kids are getting to me? This is why they're banning TikTok. Look what is. doing to middle-aged people. I swear to you, I watched TikTok for two hours the other night in bed, and I woke up like,

down with capitalism. Pigs. But now I'm mad at this guy for having too much stuff. He has to get a smaller house because he can't bear to walk to the fucking dumpster, capitalist pig. I watched TikTok for two hours

and I like woke up the next day with a British accent saying, if you want to make them as beautiful beans, let me show you the tricks. I love that it serves you different shit based on your personality. That's so funny. So Patricia from Southern Charm, I just saw her a couple months ago at BravoCon. And we went and had dinner, and we were talking about TikTok.

And I was saying, for some reason, mine serves me like kid politics, like younger people politics. And black parenting. Like, I love, I guess I just, because there's like really funny skit video. where families play jokes on each other. I'm like, I don't know, I guess that's my thing. And she goes, you know what my thing is? Dancing chickens. Have you seen?

I would love to be in that corner of TikTok. Have you seen the dancing chickens? And I said, no. I said, that's the thing. She goes, oh, yeah, video after video. I've seen that. She whipped out her phone. It's reggaeton, and the chickens are going like this.

The chickens dance. It's like, do, do, du, do. In sync with each other. And she just sits there and she turns it on. She's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Those chickens have millions of views. It's a chicken. It's dancing.

I just got out of North Sea TikTok. Did anyone else get into North Sea TikTok? Where every time you open your phone and go, Yo, ho, all, uh, I'd just be over like an hour. I'd just be watching boats going up and down. I was like, where are the chickens?

Imagine if the chickens were on the boat. Now, that would be a good hybrid. Being like, listen to reggaeton, but like going into the way. Oh, oh, oh. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, do, don't, do, don't, do, don't. So, new this. So, they're talking about what they want. They want something for $5, roughly.

It's going to be smaller than 10,000 square feet, so surely it's cheap, right? And Nicole, Nicole, I forget these people's names. Nicolette. Nicolette. It's like, yeah, $450 all in. And he's like, that's not enough. I want to have good time. I travel a lot for insurance.

And she's like, well, I'm not getting everything I want for that amount. So, okay, April's like, listen, this is your time. This is for you. And you need to concentrate on your own happiness. And he's like, can I have a place with the balcony? And she's like, yeah. And that's where selfishness is. Think about my happiness.

Do you think I want to see you up naked on the balcony when I'm trying to drive into the goddamn neighborhood? Leave me alone. It's bad enough I have to stop at this damn place to pick up my fucking mail without seeing your balls hang over the side. Can I take out my trash for that Dustin's nut sack waving at me?

Dustin, asshole. And insurance is too expensive too. Well, April starts out by showing Dustin and Nicolette a home on the most desirable street in the colony at the corner of, if you like, and pinocaladas. So let's see. We're starting in huge nudist colonies with tons of places in their price point,

including conjoints, apartment, single family homes, whale conservation places, and karaoke clubs. So let's go. So how is, so April's like, what about the amenities in this place? How far is it from karaoke? So they come to this first house. House number one has this like stone exterior and everything. It looks like okay, right, from the outside. Nothing too crazy.

This house has really killed our taste. This place is not okay. Nothing about these places are okay. From the outside? No. I mean, listen, it's a sliding scale with Florida of house hunter episodes. Okay. You watch the European or any of the world house hunters.

And they could be in a shack and a puddle and it's gorgeous. But anywhere in America they go, they can go to the nicest cities. It's all the set of Roseanne in a different year, you know? It's like there's a new shawl on the couch. Yeah. So they walk into this house and it's like gleaming white, but then everywhere it's like April's lapis lazuli blue with like seashells. It's like that Florida thing where it's like everything has to be like a seashell or a star or a starfish and everything is bright blue. And it's like, oh, like now you feel like you're at the beach with these colors that you never find at the beach. Everything looks like a sky vodka bottle.

Yeah, it's very like mom. They're like, it's modern. Everything is white and marble floors and stuff. And they're real close to the neighbors, and the neighbor's blinds are closed. And I just thought, well, that's not going to change. Because you know that they're going to open those one time. We'd be like, oh, my God, we've got new neighbors. Oh, Jesus.

Close them. Close them. Close them, Bernie. Close them. So they walk through. There's actually two living rooms. It's sort of strange. You walk through a first living room, and then you get to a second living room.

And then you go around the corner, and then there's this big kitchen. It's a big kitchen. And everything's kind of like an oak, like a light. pale blonde wood, but then there's like more blue. And you're like, okay, it's a fine kitchen, whatever. And they, Nicolette loves this kitchen.

And in fact, she falls in love with it so hard that at the moment that he's like, well, I'm not sure. She's like, I know you're not going to think of my kitchen. Yeah. That's where she's like, I will not sacrifice on my kitchen. It's like, well, you sacrifice in it, you're terrifying me right now.

And there are these chairs in this house that look like naked people, but like doing a back bend, like insert this. They're the weirdest because they're modern. Yes. Did you see those? Yes. Those were like torture chairs. I don't like that. They were like, they had like tree branches in them.

So Nicolet also by the way has this fantasy that she is going to have like the most rockin social life here. The entire time she's like, this is where I want to spend my time entertaining. Okay. Because you know you cook the food and then people stand around here and they can stand around that island. They can stand over there, looking at the people standing at the island, be like, why can I stand at the island?

They have to wait their turn because it's like such a cool place, the island. We can just like have so much fun here in this kitchen, am I right? Just singing songs. Isn't this too big? And she's like, you sure like eating my food? I was like, yes. I'm into her. I'm starting to really like her.

And then April hears the words she has waited 26 years to hear, which is, wow, you know, everyone in this community is going to love the food. We'll have to have you over April. And she goes, I love it. Oh, I'll be here. Poor bless April's heart. And also, you know the sad thing about this?

And we just have to give a shout out to these people. Please don't listen to this. If you're on this show and you're like, oh, my God, someone's talking about our show. Press stop. I mean, maybe it's too late. Maybe we should edit this part and put it at the beginning. Because this one just came out.

Some of this shit came out like 20 years ago and they still show it. And we're like, let's just pick a random episode. And it's like, 1997. What a year for, you know, shag carpeting. And so we rag on them and they're like, oh my God, what it's, they'll put it on our Instagram. Like, wow, what a time in my life. That was so funny back then. I can see why you're making.

This was last week. Yeah. April's going to be hurt. Sorry, April. Sorry, April. She seems very sweet and lonely. So then they go. So then the lady's Nicolette is like, well, the office is kind of small, but the kitchen's big.

So I can take a small kitchen because I could just work on my laptop. It's fine. I mean, who cares? I'll work on. Well, you're obviously not a Mac user. That shit's aluminum. You can't just have that on your badge. Someone get the woman a couch desk or something.

Don't let this happen to your wife. Yeah, those laptops heat up. So they are also very, they're very obsessed with desks. So they're like, oh, this could be a good office. Could we fit two desks in here? I'm like, you know you're not making a literal office. Like, can we get a cubicle in here? And the rest, the whole episode, they're like,

hmm, but where can we put some desks? You know that Nick's going to be like, okay, so I've got you for home and auto. Yep, no, I'm in the office. I'm in the office. I'm going to be at the fucking karaoke bar balls out. Just like, oh, taking the call, guys. Can we keep it down? So, you know, they go into a bedroom and it's like the guest bedroom, it's like the guest bedroom.

And Dustin goes, you know, I really like it. It just appears we have an opportunity over here to add a small desk. A small office space. The only issue is that if we have a guest over and they're asleep and resting, we're working. I was like, oh, that's the only issue your guests will have. The only issue, okay. You might do a Zoom. You might do a Zoom.

Might be uncomfortable for them. Sure. It's like, there's a lot of positives in this house. I mean, you know, the floors are great and bare. I like my floors I like I like my women and are right. No carpet. I'll take it. I'll take it.

throw a couple of dust in this kitchen, I'll take it. I just want to say also the primary bedroom, you know they're in Florida, because the primary bedroom has one of those, you know those like wooden block signs that you put on the counter? It just says seaside. You know, April was like,

hold on, I have a note for the staging. Let's add a seaside sign in there. I think it's going to really sell the house. So April's like, wow, wait, what am I saying here? I don't even know what this means. Is this when she walks in and goes, I see one, two, three, four, five, six, seven windows.

No, she goes, I see one, two, three, four, five windows. There's eight windows. Look behind you, April. And she goes, Nicolite goes, you know, one of the most exciting things about being in a nudist community is the lack of privacy, which is, this is the most inverted house hunters episode of all time.

It's normally like, well, this beautiful. beautiful, you know, 50,000 square foot house is great, but there's no privacy so we can't take it. Here they're like, we love it. There's no privacy. Everyone can just look at us, boobs flapping left and right, knocking over seaside signs.

Take a look, everyone. And I just love that April is just selling everything so hard. You know, she's like, those blinds are next door are closed now, but wait till they open. That's Rita over there. She's got a third nipple and a fourth belly button. She was the greeter at the Walmart. They had to move her back to the bakery

because of the bottleneck. People just could not stop talking to Rita. You're going to love it here. She can balance a shock glass on each nip. You'll see. You're gonna love that, bitch. Okay, so nudists are relying on April to find them a home in the nudest capital of the world.

Hi, hi! They just keep showing... If you're wondering why we keep saying that, it's every other scene. Every other scene she's waving. April is down the way to sell homes, taking off her bra. Hi, hi.

And then Dustin goes, well, April, you don't know everyone around here. You seem to know everyone. And she's like, yes. And like golf carts goes speeding by like, it's April. And just another example of men being dopes. Dustin's like, can we please see a place with a grill? Stay away from the grill, Dustin. I don't even like you, but I don't want to see you get roasted like that.

Come on, Dust. So April says, you know what? You're not a stranger in this community. you're just stranger not a stranger and she goes people are always waving that was actually the saddest thing that April said when she goes people are always

waving and she waves again yeah she's like this one has a terrorist though Dustin can stand out there and be target practice for the paper boy so let's go to the next one there's a lot of carpet guys there's a lot of open space I mean the jokes just write themselves right

and then April goes in and she goes there's really a lot of room to jam in here. Turn on that Christopher Cross. I'm getting wild tonight. So the kitchen's like ugly. It's like brown and dated, very like 2001. I don't know. I'm talking like I have any idea about design.

Well, no one on this show does. So Nicolette loves it. She literally says, wow, we could have 15 people sitting at the bar doing shots. It's like a peninsula next thing. to your range. I don't know what she's talking but she is obsessed

with this vision of her future. I know. People are feeling sad now for her. They're like, oh, Nicolette. Yeah, they have this kind of office room with like different angles in it. You know, it's like, you know those rooms? I don't know where they come from.

It's like a crucifix, but then also an asterisk if you were looking at shapes. And Dustin's like, oh, I like this room okay, but I like weird shapes. We know Dustin. And you know the first thing he says,

how many dust do you think can fit in here. So enough about how many people can be at the kitchen. We're talking about desks now. So then he's really excited. So the last place did not have any outdoor space. So he is really excited because this one has a balcony.

So go out to the balcony and it's a view of like the shittiest parking lot you've ever seen. And April tries to sell it. She goes, well, you can see the beautiful landscape and the palm tree. The palm tree. There's like a singular palm tree. They're like, have you seen?

the palm tree lately, it's looking great. And the view is actually of the dumpster, the literal dumpster. It's a literal dumpster. And Dustin's like, well, I don't know if I can use this grill when my view is the dumpster. How do you think the dumpster feels? The dumpster's down there just praying,

like, please let this one be okay. Please. And then Nicolette says, you know, I think, you know, I like this terrace. I think it could really extend our entertaining area when we have people over. I'm like, yeah, that's how Terrace's work. Yeah, so they're like, well, I don't know about this terrace.

And April's like, but at the same time, it's at the front of the community. So when anybody drives into the community, we're just sitting there having wine on the terrace and we can look at everybody. I was like, sold. I don't think you're thinking this one through. I want to watch every single person come in and be like, uh-huh, uh-huh. She has daddy issues. He just got fired.

He's a narcissist. he's going to litter there's just a lady walking in place Maxine from shoebox greetings it's just walking in place at the entrance you're going to have to move those feet forward Maxine you want a ride honey

so Nicolette is she basically summarizes this and says you know like Dustin hates the dumpster because he really wants a patio and it's very important to him so to have the patio and the dumpster is just a very bad downside. I was like, I love the dilemma.

Padia were a dumpster. So I was watching this on YouTube TV, and if they don't have enough commercials to fill the slot, they put up like animal imagery. And they play this music that goes, dun, dun, dun, done, done, your program will be right back or whatever.

And so this one was dolphins, like swimming slowly under and over each other. And by this point in the episode, I was like, put on some fucking clothes, you know? The dolphins. So next place. I just want to say one last thing about this place, which is that they're talking about the closets.

And the closets are actually too big for them. They're mad to the closets. There's too much closets. I'm telling you, it's like a bizarreo house hunters. They're like, there's too much privacy, and the closets are too big. So that April. She goes, we don't need this big closets

because we're trying to get rid of stuff. And she goes, oh, actually, you really need big closets in nudist colony. because they have a lot of theme parties. So you have to have a lot of closets for the accessories. Yeah, you don't need pants, but you do need places for your Darth Vader helmet, okay? Just last week they had an everybody hide from April party. It was great.

Bless her heart. Justice for April. Was it the candy hearts? Okay, house number three. We hope this. final place gets Dustin and Nicolette fired up. Yes. And by the way, to introduce the house number three, I had close captioning on to make it easier to take notes. And so as we go to house

number three on the bottom, it says, captivating music playing. I guarantee you, there's nothing captivating going on here. So this one, it looks kind of like a golf course place. There's like a little bridge over a swamp. Because you know in Florida, they're like, look, it's a man-made pond. You want to pay an extra of 50,000? dollars to live here and then alligators crawl up and they just fucking take people, take children. In one of Florida's largest nudist communities, Agent April finds Dustin and Nicolette, a townhouse that's surrounded by nature. And then it cuts April saying it's surrounded by water. My job, bitch,

I describe what it's surrounded by. So she's like, well, you're taking us a little far here. And then they start going over a little rickety bridge. And she's like, well, where are the amenities? Where's the karaoke? She's like, well, the neighbors have all met you now and they requested that we take you further and further back to the edges of the community. Nicolette is obsessed with the nightclub

at this nudist colony, and she's like really distraught that it's like a five-minute golf cart walk away or drive away. So she's very upset with this location. Well, it is really far, but then just thinking of the thing she said because she was like, well, it is kind of far from the amenities. You will need a golf cart here.

And she's so mad. And I'm like, what are you, Nicolette's, like, Nicolette's going to be walking down at three in the morning, just drunk on the gravel. Like, uh, hanging out all over. Take the golf cart.

It's a little scary because in order to get to the house number three, it's literally like a giant, like two giant lakes with this tiny path. You know there's like some drunk news who have fallen into those lakes and never been seen again. That's what I'm saying. And it's like another, when you're getting to another level in Zelda,

you have to like get, you have to like travel to another, like the terrain starts changing. you know, and all the roads. Like, you need a different kind of outfit. Well, not in this case. You need to shed all of your outfits or anything. April's just walking around,

Hyrule, being like, hello, hi. So Dustin's like, whoa, and look at this view. We're more secluded, but it does have good front and rear end views. And Linda's just like, well, that's one of you. So they walk in, this one's a real, is really miserable. It's like a very narrow town home. But they walk in and there's like a living room and then there's like a glass door

and the other side of it there's just like a hot tub in the floor and then another glass door and then it's a patio. It doesn't really make sense. And they just sort of stare at the hot tub. And you know, Nicolet's like, actually this would be a great place for entertaining, am I right? Because she's really into the idea

because now the kitchen's on the second floor but she can at least come down and then people will be in the hot tub and then she could talk to people while they're in the hot tub and she's serving them like pigs in a blanket or one. Like she starts getting really excited about the hot tub. And I think that's how you get them to your house. But once they're at your,

I think they'll meet all these people at the hot tub, like that couple in S&L that's like, Hey, love. Yeah. But then once you actually get them there, they don't want to go back in the hot tub, but you've got to feed the people, you know? It's also just a bizarre hot tub.

It looks like a bun pan that someone literally just put like right here. It's like, imagine walking into a living room and there's just like a bun pan shaped hot tub just like right there by the couch. Yeah, and it's like that marble, that plastic marble. So, okay, let's see. So they don't really love that one as much, but you don't know what they're thinking.

And really every place is tasteless, so it's like which fugly place should we pick at this point? So is it the one we get to be naked then or the one we get to be naked then? What's it going to be, Crystal? patio or a dumpster, am I right? Patio or a dumpster. Okay, so now they have to decide.

Is there anything you wanted to say about that? Last one, sorry. What is it? Oh my God, they were obsessed with the showers. You know, there's been a whole shower saga. They have odd shower taste too, right? Because one of them had an amazing shower that was like a rain shower

and then they went to this ugly shower and like, The shower's amazing. Okay, the first shower they went to was this giant periwinkle shower, which was a little off-brand from the Lapis Lazuli. And they were like, oh, and he goes, I'm a shower guy. I was like, congratulations.

as opposed to so then they it was nice I'm a hose gun myself I used to be hosed down outside like handy wiped guy so then they go to one

and like it's a shower that literally it looks like a prison shower and they're like this is great and they're like and we can sing in this shower that's why I brought you to if you like pinia collada and getting caught in the rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain. That's why we brought you to the edge of town, Dustin.

So what do you think, Ben? Which place would you take? I thought they were going to take house number two because there was a little balcony, even though there was a dumpster. I mean, really, I mean, have you seen all the B-roll footage of this episode? I mean, we can deal with a dumpster. I agree.

I think that the dumpster was the furthest away from the guy on the Cassio keyboard, which is by far the worst thing in this entire episode. So I would have picked that. Also, I would have picked them, because they're like so excited to be, like everyone else is just used to it. They're like, we're naked, who cares, you know?

Like, I'm sawing some wood in the front yard. That's dangerous, sir. But they're like, we're newly naked. So I thought they were gonna take the terrorists so that they could be like, hi, you know, because they learned from April what you do in this neighborhood. Hi, hi, hi.

I figured they would take the fellow terrace. And I want a terrorist to pass judgment on everyone coming in. or the raccoons going into the dumpster. I don't care. Here's the thing with that, though. It's all to be content. They're also judging you as they come in.

I mean, you have to think about that. You've got 30 people in an hour coming through there judging you, and it's not your best angle. They're down there and you're up here. Low angle. It's like these poor people. What are these poor people looking at down there? So which one did you think they were going to take?

I mean, honestly, I would have believed any of it, which says a lot about those two. I was really rooting for Cassio Guy by the end. And I was like, I deserve, that guy deserves another chance. At this point, I literally was in my underwear and had one sock on. That's all I was wearing. I really didn't give a shit. I was so close to being liberated.

I almost saw my own wiener that day. Dare to dream. Well, they wind up choosing house number one, the one with the two living rooms and the nice kitchen. You know, once you saw that kitchen, there was no turning back, as is what happens to many of us. So they chose house number one. And then we have April coming by like three months later being like, hey, so I'd never got that invite to that pot roast you were talking about.

So I thought I'd check in to see you'd make sure we're in any carbon monoxide leaks or anything. And, you know, through a lot of it, I was like, you shouldn't like put bad qualities on people just because they're naked. And especially by this point because I'm a nudist now, right? So I was like, they're good people, you know? Like April, sure, she gets a little mean about kitchens,

but she does cook everything, so I forgive her. But then by the end of this, I was like, she's a predator, and here's why. Let me get, let me tell you. You guys, I watch a lot of CSI, so I know, I know predators. Not literally. Do not look up my... So, she, okay, she serves April of champagne glass, okay? But it doesn't have a base.

It only has a stem. It's a weirdest fucking thing. First of all, it's completely tasteless, right? But it's, no, it's like a green, like artistic, artistic stem and it like points. But it doesn't have a stem. I guess you have to like find a base and put it in the base. But that girl just wants you drunk. She just gives you a glass you can never put down.

Fucking April at the end of the day, I'm telling you. We're going to hear about her on the news. You know there's some sort of like nude glass blowing in this colony. They're like, oh, this came from Renata. She made this the other day. No, that's a class run by men. I could tell you that. They're the idiots, blowing things.

fucking glass with their balls out. So the episode ends with Nicolette very proudly saying I just love the lack of privacy. We don't close our windows at all. We see the neighbors walk by and we walk by completely nude

and they just wave and we wave back at them and then we both ignore April on the side of the road. I know and April's like, do you have a base to put this down? Wait a minute. They wave back at you? and that is the end of house hunters

thank you all so much for coming out to our very first ever house hunters recap guys thank you so much for being here thank you love you guys love you all have a great night love you kate and walter love you Netflix we'll see you guys good night everyone bye I am some guys