Watch What Crappens - #429 Southern Charm: 4th Time's The Charm

Episode Date: April 7, 2017

"Southern Charm" is back! The cast continues to grow, and even when nothing happens in an episode (like this one), we still find it so, so fun. Come listen to us break down the season 4 premiere. And sorry, we forgot to do Mailbag today! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders Cupi from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is Who crap is

Who crap is Who crap is Watch what crap is Watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much Who crap is Who crap is Kids what happens when they're so happy? Kids what happens when they're so happy? Kids what happens when they're so happy? To talk to other crapman's listeners about the shows as they air,

come over to facebook.com slash watch what crap ends. And to follow us on social media go to watchacrapman.com to find all our social media links. And for our bonus episodes and all of our extras, come over and be a premium member over at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends that's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. Hey everyone, welcome to watch what crap ends a podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on bravo. I'm Ben Mandelker from BSIBLOG.com, and the Banta Blender podcast,

Veil Blond, iTunes. Joining me is the hilarious Mint Jullip Sipping, I hope. Wonderfully, wonderfully charming, Ronnie Carram from Trash Talk TV, and Real House, Husset Beverly Hills, audiobooks, and Rose Pricks Bachelor of Podcasts. Hey, Ronnie. Well, hello, Bane.

I got caught up in my own mid-July referencing and then I lost my way. And I'm Southwestern Charm, okay? Southwestern Charm. You know, I have to thank all our listeners for being patient because it's Friday, which means you've had to wait many more days than you ever should have for the season premiere coverage of Southern Charm, which season is this

season? Yeah, I feel like it's one of those shows. It's one of our favorite shows. It's one of our biggest shows to cover on here. And it sucks to make it wait, but you guys, I mean, Vanderpump Rules reunion was amazing. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Finale week real house was of New York premiere week. I mean, what the hell are we gonna do guys? I know this was season this is the season four premiere of Southern Charm I believe right because season one was

Season one then Landon came season two and landed being on the bitch in season three and now season four We have this so I mean I can't think of it. I mean, season four, landing has Thomas inside of her. I mean, look at how much we've grown, guys. I can't think of a better way to cap off our week of celebrating one million monthly listens then by heading down to South Carolina. Because can I tell you something, Ronnie?

Nothing even, okay, nothing really even happened in this premiere and I was like I love this show I forgot how much I love this show it this is a show that I think actually gets better every season Not that not because it gets more outrageous, but We just though the world of this show just grows bigger and bigger and bigger. It's like the Simpsons You know, we know all these characters and there's always new characters coming in and it just, I was just so happy by the time the hour was over. Well, I don't know how you think nothing happened because I've got about 20 pages of notes.

Well, that's a lot of notes about nothing. But I think I was just so happy to see them again. Last season began with this huge nightmare of a dinner party, like horror music was playing, and Thomas kicked everybody out of his house, and then they were like three months earlier. This time began with an even worse nightmare, and I thought, how are they gonna top off last season's nightmare?

This season, Thomas is fucking landed. No! I don't know, I think they're misleading us. Yeah, this season Thomas is fucking land in I don't know I think they're misleading us. I think that they're misleading us because it starts off with T-Rav He has a flower he brings a flower over to land and she's like Orkets are my favorite for future reference and They go off to it looks like the reflecting pool on DC. I don't know where they have to, it looks like they're the reflecting pool on DC. I don't know where they are. Well, I have to say it began with our line. It began with something we've been pointing out for years,

which has ever seen begins with, I'm in the neighborhood. That was the first line of the season. I'm so excited. Look at that. Well, I was just in the neighborhood. I thought I'd drop by. Neighborhoods. For the future, that. Well, I was just in the house, what will make you happy now? Well, cocaine has never let me down. You got me?

How about white diamonds? These have always brought me luck. These have always brought me luck, the Ravenel name. If there's one thing that's brought the Ravenels and the lime houses together, it's the white diamonds. I've never had an experience where I haven't been happy when I've been wearing white pants. Here they are. It's like Thomas backing his white fucking pants.

Yeah, he's like, did I say White Diamonds? I meant white people. White people always remember like, that's why we only hang out with them. I like my people just like I like my jeans. White. I like my people like I like my drugs. What and up my nose So he says well, I'm just looking for a partner in life. I know it's scary for you

You've got so much going on, but why not give love a chance give it a shot My lantern does not have anything going on first of all. Well, she has a website that's written down on paper. I know you've, you've had to update your word press. Matt was stressful. I know, I know word press is difficult, but let me be your plug-in if you know what I'm saying. You get no use. You've been stressed out, calling your father,

asking him for money, but that's no reason not to try and get a stain on these white jeans. What say you, girl? Uh, hope you say yes, because I hide, Cooper to hide in the bushes and take pictures of this moment. Finally, heterosexuals. There's nothing better than heterosexuals making love by a pool.

I'd like to invite you to my homosexual hanging party. Well no homosexuals are allowed. Holy heteros. Um, I'm so happy you feel relationship that I've bought you this cross to burn in my own yard. Feel free to drown me in this fake reflectin pool. I've rented a pick-up truck for you to drag me around for blocks and blocks to celebrate your love. Feel free to choose a bathroom for me not to go into. Cooper is like the volunteer just married can on the back of a car. like the volunteer just married cans on the back of a car. So we get this horrifying scene, which there have been hints of this all over Instagram, but I did not know they were going to open up like, well, it happened. They're fucking. I think it's like, dude, dude, dude, dude, three months earlier when we still had

So chef is trying to iron he's like what the gosh gosh black and dacker I need a rowenta Landon's feeding feeding her dog. I Hand Patricia is with chon. No First of all, I actually love the name chon-C. I don't know why. I just think it's, I just love the name. And I love that she has, is it a pug? It looks like a pug. Or a pug.

Yeah, it's a little pug. And she's putting on, she's putting on gloves. So she can read the dog's horoscope in the paper. Yeah, she doesn't want to get that ink on her fingers. And I get it. But I was like, I just started cracking up. She's in a caftan in bed reading horoscopes to a pug with white gloves on. A pug named Chauncey. Oh my goodness. So perfect. So Cameron is in her car and chef calls. And

he's driving around to different bars to find his credit card. Gosh, I thought I'd love to know the captain me bar. What's the name of his bar? The great society or something like that. Oh, good. I forget it's called the, the, the, it's called cars. Gosh. Mashafia. It's a great car.

He named his bar after an LBJ program. My bar, MLK. So he's driving around in camera. It's like you are a fucking moron. She's headed to Craig's house because no one's seen Craig. And Steph still hates Craig. Yeah. And we'll see that he's gonna try and bring him down

all season again. Yeah. He hates anyone younger and hotter. And now Craig has fucked his way into some money, which has really got a bug chef. Well, but I think the chef thinks that Craig is not authentic. Well, he actually says that later on. And that has always been one of Craig's problems,

is that he does, it always feels like he's trying to fit in. It's very great Gatsby, Nick, all that stuff. And, you know, people in life don't like, you know, authentic people, and Shep really does not like that out of Craig right now. So I actually, I don't really think that it's only from that, that Shep feels threatened. I think that Shep just feels like,

be yourself, gosh. Well, he doesn't seem to mind when he was faking it, when he was still taking your arm around That that crap that chef feels threatened. I think that chef just feels like yourself gosh Well, he doesn't seem to mind when he was faking it when he was still taking your Iran from bar to bar to get some pussy because Craig was so much younger That he'd have like hot girls around him He just minded it when Craig actually got pussy over him Well, you know like you know like when you have like a friend that's like sort of new like well They're sort of you know, there's there's there's sort of thirsty, but it's cool. He seems cool. But then after three years of like, I'm a little over this. So I'm sorry, but I can't give the thirsty excuse to anybody who hangs out with Whitney.

True. I mean, the thirstiest of the thirsty. Yeah, both thirstiest. Yeah. So they decide that they're going to, you know, they have to talk to Craig again because they're shooting the show. Yeah. So they're making fun of him, you know, lying about the bar exam last year and all that stuff. And then Cameron does the typical Cameron thing where she's like, is it annoying? Is it annoying that, um, wait, is it annoying that Craig lied about taking the bar exam? Yes. Does it make us not trust him?

Yes. Does it make me dislike him? No. Oh, stop asking yourself so many damn questions. Who was the person who was me funn for asking all the rhetorical questions on Bravo? Someone would do that. We was just like a few months ago. Remember? Do I have out of that? Yes. Do I have out of that? Yes. I hate that. Who was oh, so annoying. Who was doing that? I don't do it.

I don't remember. I don't remember who it was, but that's such a reality show thing. And it makes me crazy. And especially with Cameron, because she always has to shoot alone, because her husband won't be on camera. So she's like asking herself questions and answering, just get a husband who will shoot already. Yes. So the list update with Craig is that he is, uh, he's been

big on some hobbies, you know, like song wood and gardening. So he's like really into like DIY shit now. He's like building. He's like, yeah, I'm a professional gardener and carpenter now. And so him that doesn't make you buying tools at home depot does not make you a professional gardener and carpenter now. And so him that doesn't make you buying tools at home depot does not make you a professional gardener. Yeah, they like cut to a picture from standing proudly with like a giant planter he made, which is more than I can do, but still it was kind of funny. He's like, I'm making a deck for the for the back patio, just making a deck for us to

sit on. I wouldn't sit on that thing. You're going to kill your rich girlfriends. He's basically doing a backdoor audition for HTV. And I don't know if it's going to work out. I hope he gets it. It's perfect because all those shows on HTV in Food Network, it's always revealed that whoever's on the show is wildly incompetent, right?

Yeah, exactly. And they're bringing back trading spaces. Oh gosh. It could be the one that like throws the wrench in and you know, fucks everything up in the end and then puts Hildi into a psychotic breakdown. And you know, like Robert Irvine, he was a total con artist. He lied about everything and they still keep him on the air. Doesn't he have like a million show?'t one of his like I will fix your bar Everything is like fix your bar fix your restaurant fix your restaurant bar fix your staircase. That's in your restaurant Fix your cupcake wars. That's on the staircase fix the landing. That's in between the two staircases

Everything is it's like a he's like I'm gonna come in here and I'm gonna change out your blender God you actually cook the Craig tells her instead of going out on the weekend. I build power. I build things or no I buy a new power tool to build things and camera is like he's saying that because He's saying it comes to his mind, but let's be honest. He has shit nothing else going on Which is the truth, you know by the way? projection the Person who is a question always was asking the questions of course a shadow bed or oh do I David David can you remember who I am no do I love that David

just buried me after killing me from cheating no do I want to deck built by Craig from Southern charm? No. No. That was really bothering me. I'm glad you figured it out. Because somehow some where we're talking about fakers made me think of Kelly Dodd and then Kelly I was like oh I think Kelly Dodd has a lot of rhetorical questions and then I remembered no it was Shannon. No.

No. Um so he Craig tells us that his girlfriend Naomi is going to school to get her MBA in finance. And he's going to be studying for the bar while she's there. And studying literally how to build a bar. Yeah, for the dining room. I'm making a wet bar man. I'm really studying hard on it. He didn't even know what bourbon is like he felt that bar exam too. So now we go over to Thomas who's got a new name.

Deirdre who looks like the old one. Yes. And they're living in the guest house with the kids are living in the guest house because they're destructive. And there's too much cocaine and hookas in the main house. Yeah. And you can tell that he's never there, because Deidre is like, okay, I'll stand here calmly at the counter, watching you pretend to bond with your children

when they really want me. Yeah, this is like she won't even go outside for a smoke break, because she knows they'll start crying, you know. This is some real Tennessee Williams shit right here. Like the children in the in the guest house with the teacher of the nanny and then the absentee father who pops in once a day to check in on how the circus, the family

circus is back there. Well, keeping the crazy drug addict mother away. Yeah. He tells us Catherine isn't allowed by the court to see the kids until she passes a drug test. And then they cut to one see the kids until she passes a drug test and then they cut to one of the kids going, mama, mama, while it's playing like with the keychain. It's so sad.

It's actually actively sad and dark. It is. It's a tremendous responsibility to be in charge of two children. And then they show him washing one of his kids in the sink. Like, well, at least you didn't put it in the dishwasher. I'm gonna name this one lamb. I'm gonna name that one house. Now we are the lamb houses. Your laundering will copy right that shit immediately. You will not call it lamb house and... You will not call it Lime House and you cannot take my two story lines She's gonna go after that girl is a Lime House and no He's like the least my least favorite part of this is my concern for my children's future and my own

Mortality which I've never really thought about I'm, you should have started thinking of that when your ball started testing your knees. You're a little old to start thinking about your mortality, dude. I just always assume everyone starts thinking about their mortality when they have their first colonoscopy, right? What's Lord knows he's had? I mean, just going into jail, not like they walk and let you walk in there without a hand up your butt. So over over with Chef, we meet Chef's fat ready friend Austin spelled incorrectly. He is my

favorite new Muppet. He is. So um, yeah, that ready is a Ben Maddleker term and this guy fills it right I See like a fat old guy in a like a polo a Polo what's that Stitching that they have on the pullover polo shirts like itchy stitch the old men wear to golf Like those just gonna call it that itchy stitch. We're talking about the polo like I don't have the golfing polos Which is sort of shiny Well, there's those and then there's the regular polos that have the they're itchy the way that they're

The caught this yes, just the way they're put together is really it's really It's he's he's itchy stitch ready as well as being fat ready. Yeah And he's also maybe shoe ready. I would say shoe ready. As in like not wearing flip flops to work. And I'm wear flip flops as a Elizabeth shoe ready. He's actually ready for Elizabeth shoe. I think we're ready. He's ready to watch leaving Las Vegas this time. He's ready for some adventures and babysitting. He's a purve like chef. So he'd probably jerk off through the whole thing anyway. So chefs like, yeah, from afar, we're just alike. Goers.

And this guy often spelled wrong. I can't with Austin spelled wrong. Yeah. A really. There's not multiple ways to spell Austin. Okay. Yeah. Actually, there is.

He's spelled like Jane Austin, which is even creepier. Well, he has a lot of pride, and I'm sure he has a lot of prejudice. But I'm not sure about his sense and sensibility. Okay, I take it all back. I take back everything I said in this last scene, except for fat red. He just runs around going, Willoughby, Willoughby. He doesn't know why he's so obsessed with British and the Stary can't wait for him to connect those dots. Oh, he just likes what's his face. Mr. Dassy. So there he walks in and of course this guy is another old guy ready to just get fat and settle down that refuses to do so. So he's in there hitting on girls and their names are Carly and Cheyanna and Shep's like,

whoa Cheyanna, like from Italy, she's like, yeah, from Buffalo. So, um, Chef says, if I like to grow, like, I'd be more worried about him than Craig, uh, because like Craig never really closed the deal. Really? Because Craig's the one with the rich girl. You're still the one living off the same old grandma badge, like literally. Yeah. I think you always true. Yeah.

Yeah. Craig is winning. I'm sorry. It bothers you, shit. But Craig is winning so far. Yeah, well, at least until his wide collar's pop out again, and then it might become a draw. So I feel like earned many beats, old money, you know? Always, well, because where did that old money come from?

It was eventually, it was earned at some point. You gotta start old money sometime. So Craig, yeah, but it was earned by somebody else. Well, either way, I still like, I like Shep, sometime. So Craig can't what it was earned by somebody else. Well, either way, I, I, but I still like, I like Shep because I do actually feel like he's intelligent, believe it or not. But yeah, he does, he does have a, and these issues with the Craig, which I find to be what I like about them is they're kind of everything we've been saying. I'm like, no,

it's, you know, he doesn't like Quig in authenticity And you're saying no, he's the right and violence. It's actually all of them. And that's what makes it very interesting and relatable to me because I think that's a very great thing. Also, I think that we're going to see it is and I think that we're going to see this season those patterns repeat themselves with this new guy. Yeah, because we already went over the preview where he's fighting with the new guy over some girl where he made some snarky comment to make the girl not like this new guy. Kelsey Bellard. So she comes back. And you know what I'm saying? Yeah, there was some issue with Austin.

Yeah, so we're going to see those repeats. So we'll see time will tell. We also hear, we also learn that ship and land and basically have not addressed that moment, that really awkward moment last season when land is like maybe like we should be together because maybe I'm in love with you. And he's like well we haven't talked that out but it's a south so we that stuff right under the red garsh.

Speaking of shoving stuff right under the rug, we then it's the next morning and Austin's woken up and some girl is in his bed. Maybe it was a girl from Buffalo. And her name is Jordan. And so she's basically doing a walk of shaming. He's like, so you want some coconut water before you go, oh no, OK, bye.

You live close, right? So it's not a long walk of shame for you. Good spending time with you. Have this coconut water. I think Rihanna likes it. Then he's trying to be, you know, the typical bravo. Well, I'm experiencing the fruits to be in single geno wanted marriage. So I had to break up with her because I'm not ready. And then he does that ever so sexy jack thing of like getting naked for the cameras and to see the cameras close up on his zitty ass I was like these camera men already hate him. I love this. Yeah, I accidentally paused it there because I was like I was running I was running on something that he said so I paused and then I looked up the screen and I was like ah

So his whole thing talk about not old money is uh is he is a beer company rep and you know, Bravo is shady So I wear flip flops all the time, but I I wear them to like the store or whatever He is like going with this beer to various bars or whatever and they do a close-up of his His flip flop He's basically just like going around Hocking this micro-brew talking to people. And he just sounds like a fucking liar with his job because he walks in.

He's like, hi, I'm Austin with red hair. And his hair is blonde. And his dyed blonde, but the beer is called red hair. It's just like, I don't, I already don't trust you, flip-flop-lyre. He's like, I get to do what I love the most. Drink and talk to people. And no, not earn a lot of money. And we also know he's poor because his parents look really

worried, you know, and the rich parents are like, I hope you find love, honey, but poor parents are like, please, please get a job. Yeah, he's like, I can support myself. Like not, we're not talking about hand to mouth. And so then he's talking about, he's like, I've always wanted to open up a business from the ground up because that's what my degree myself to like not we're not talking about hand to mouth and so then he's talking about he's like I've always wanted to open up the business from the ground up because that's what my degree was in I'm like you have a degree in building businesses from the ground up. You should get along well with Craig that's what he's trying to do like literally from the ground. He's literally going to just build a business and then and his dad is in the FBI in DC which I'm watching the Americans right now. So I would really rather see the dad to be honest because I like the dad and I really

liked his mom's like wonky worried face. I like that she was like, I'm worried. She didn't even say anything. She was just like, I'm really scared. And I have a feeling this kid's been so bad that that look has just frozen on her face. Yeah, sort of like a concerned Judith Light look. Yes, that's it. It's like she was imitating Judith Light

and someone slapped her on the back and it just got. Yeah, she froze. So we then cut to Patricia, who is now doing needle point of Chauncey, which is just a chance. I just started it. See how cute it'll be. I'm going to give it a chance.

See we'll see what he says about it. So we come in looking like he's taken an entire hospital floors. comes in looking like he's taken an entire hospital floor's oxy and just injected it into his face. He's like, the little mother, the little mother, face not moving at all. And she's like, well, hello, wait, me, this is my new buzzer instead of the silver bell. Look at it. It's like a little light switch. She's pressing it. Did you hear it? Did you hear it? Did you hear it? Did you hear it?

Did you hear it? It's not working. But Michael comes in anyway and you know takes a drink order. It's so nice to see Michael. And then and then when he's hard to work, Michael. And he's like, the battery's probably won't dam. Worn down battery, I never heard of such a thing. Chancé, how do you feel about this? Chancé me and Walter were like, dying on the floor because that's what he's, he's high frequency noises

that no one can hear. So when you start telling a story about going into loom, he's like, yeah, we decided we're not gonna drink, but like, it's said we decided we're just gonna smoke a lot of weed, you know, cause he's wittin' in, he's cool. Oh, he's struggling so hard. He is struggling so hard.

Like you're 60 dude. You're still trying to like offend your mom by smoking weed. You fucking loser. Get away. It works, like offend your mom by smoking weed. You fucking loser. Get away. It works. She's like, smoke and weed. Do you remember your uncle, Philip?

He started smoking grass and ended up working at Blockbuster Video. I don't even know what that is. It sounds like something for poor people. Can't go to promios. It's harmful physically, mentally, you could lose your family's evidence by someone. We know it's weak enough. How is Catherine? Thank you, Michael for bringing back the silver bell.

Yeah, he brings back good old is like here's old faith, man. So she's like, she just keeps going off about Catherine. I love when she hates somebody just never let's it go. Yeah. Oh, she was. Thomas say she was in rehab. Well, that's public knowledge. Clearly it was needed and I hope she'd earned a life around or be kind rewind. Welcome to blockbuster video. I have an application right here, Catherine, for Blockbuster video. One chain, one store left in the chain.

It's right here in Charleston. That's because I keep it in business. I still have the VCR. They say, Leibards don't change their spots, but I hope that's not correct. Otherwise, I have to redo all my needlepawn to my lepods. So then we get me. Look I'm standing on a surfboard in a lake. My life has been a mess.

So we see Landon saying her last year, she was a mess and they show clips of all her graces hits of her being bitchy and fighting with Catherine and all that stuff, all the stuff I loved. And she's like, no, I have a scarlet letter and it's hard to get rid of. So I escaped and I traveled. I think the lady, the thing is that so sad about this reference is that the lady who had the scarlet letter I believe was actually married, right? That's a friend. Yeah, that's why that right? That's a friend. Yeah, that's why that's why the affair even mattered. You know, poor Landon didn't even get to that point.

Like, you don't even get a Scarlet letter. You just get white jeans. You get a paddleboard. You get a paddleboard in a shallow creek. Enjoy. You get a so Craig get a blockbuster card. I have the Scar the blockbuster card so Craig calls and he's like hey it's Craig there's a pool party Sunday and she's scared because she hasn't spoken with anyone, especially Shep after everything from last year he just shuts down and pretend it's cool

Like what happened you giggled and said maybe he's in love with you and then it kind of ended it wasn't really that big a video Well, it's still pretty. Oh, that's pretty mortifying. I mean she was she said she loved a guy on TV And it's already so awkward to do that. It's like very Progressive to middle school or high school would be like I secretly have a crush on you like maybe we should try I like do you want to it's just really embarrassing and So I understand I understand Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life, but come on Someday's parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest

and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not so expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking, oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world,

listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. We then go over to the plantation for a super wasp moment with T-Raven, Eliza Lamaros playing polo. Eliza Lamaros, she's the daughter of Not Shop Grand Paul.. Hey good ball grandpa last lime house the daughter of chip lime house son chip of course the son of son of chip senior lime house who's the son of

Chucky mother lime house son of Oakland lime house son of Oklahoma Lime House. He was in the sweet, the state legislature. And so they just ride the horses and they're having their shop to their horse shop talk. And she's like, your horse is breathing hard grandpa. Better get walking his name is a guapo. She goes, well, guapo needs a walko grandpa.

See what I did there with the brown people talk? This, this a fast teenage job. A lot of line house. And then he goes, walk in. He goes, guapo mean. Guapo is, because do you mean walking? That's the person. Guapo is the horse. He's like, yes, I mean, guapo. She says, do you mean walking? That's the person guapo is the

horse. He's like, yes, I do this every weekend. I just go through all the Spanish names till someone shows up. As baronza. So they're already talking about Catherine because she's having this pool party as a new cast member, because that's what new cast members do on this show. And she's like, you got as a new cast member because that's what new cast members do on this show. And she's like, you gotta come to my party, grandpa. I heard from Katherine, she texted me a couple of days ago and it seemed like she was drunk in those texts. And you know, my cousin, Shelby had to kick her out

because she said she's sick of babysitting her. And I became, I became, oh wait, it's Shelby, her cousin? I think it's Catherine's cousin. I could be okay God this Shelby's a piece of work to yeah a lot of new characters this episode a lot of new characters in the universe Yes, they're bringing in a lot of horrid people onto this show and so far behind it I'm behind it too and then at the end of this chatter At the end the chatter Eliza's like well, I'm gonna put my helmet on. I have to do spotters in there. And sometimes it's like, I went

more about the spiders. They detest blue blood. Uh-huh. I'm like, you're disgusting. Oh my god, that was amazing. Last last spider that tried to take my blood ended up the same place Catherine's at right now.

Blockbuster video. So chef and cam got to the swim suit store and she's like, you're not getting a speed. I war you. He's like, well, speed was my motor. So I'm around. Uh, so they start talking about this new guy Austin and he's like, that's my new bromance. And she says, say you've replaced Craig and he goes, a cadaver could replace Craig.

No one would notice. Gosh. Gosh. I'm excited to see Chelsea. Gosh. So Craig, I mean, uh, she's has a crush on this girl named Chelsea. We saw briefly last season, but she clearly is gonna play a larger role this time around. Oh, yeah.

And she's gonna steal her. She's kind of Cameron's twin, which is weird that they're friends. Cause to me, they look alike, they talk alike. Um, just, I think he likes Cameron. That's what I'm saying. So Cameron's bringing Chelsea gut feeling. She's like, I have a gut family and that Chelsea is that one mystical unicorn that can get shit to you.

Propose her like to settle down or whatever. Nope, nope, and nope. Yeah, no, no, no. Yeah, you said that every season Cameron. Every season you find me like, I have a feeling that the police woman who hangs out on live house boulevard I think that's gonna be the woman that's got turn shop. It's like no won't do it So set they start talking about Craig and he's like I'm so over it. I'm over it

I gave him a second chance and he blew it He showed up to me to turn he showed up with me to turn in the application for the bar when he couldn't even take it It's humiliating, gosh. Gosh, what was that? A one-year membership to the Jelly of the Month Club? And actually, it probably was. You guys, look, Jelly, there's pectin in this. You have to apply.

Craig just has like a huge wall of smokers that he thought was bourbon. It's bourbon, right? My mom used to make jellies for the junior league. That was like one of their charity things. And I can imagine them being like, okay, we need an application. We didn't, we ain't just given this jalapeno jelly to anybody. Proof that you can be responsible, but that's how we'll paint you jelly. It's like a very, very exclusive club, okay? It's like the skulls.

Hey, anxious everybody making their kids peanut butter and jalapeno jelly sandwiches. If you want his cactus jelly, you gotta earn it. Earn it with some parson jelly, don't grow on trees. Now, you better write an essay about what this, about what this mint what this minjell means to you So chef starts going into his Craig psychology Which I thought was pretty spot on actually well my feeling is it like he comes from a family of dogs and here's Craig You know you wrote a cookbook and he's not like them so we came here and he wants to be like us

You know the popped color, the hair, the pastels. It's like you were describing the doucheous look of all time right now and they're showing Craig in his popped collar and his cheesy, gelled hair and his pastels. It's kind of, I think one of one of a kind. I do think that Shep was on to something. I do think that Craig is eager to fit in. He probably was eager to fill us in. What maybe, maybe there was like a masculinity issue. I do think that Craig is eager to fit in. He probably was eager to fill

some what maybe maybe there was like a masculinity issue. I don't know. Like maybe it was there was something that he wasn't as much of a jock as the rest of his family. Maybe he just feels like he needs to kind of be more of a bro. I mean, I don't know. That's hard for me to say that. But it's I don't think Shep was too far off the mark. I don't know though if it's fair to hold that totally against Craig. You know, I mean, your family's a bunch of jocks doesn't mean you have to be a jock and do everything they do. If you want to move somewhere else and be a lawyer or a cook or whatever the hell he wants to be, I mean, why would he have to wear like baseball caps that are folded at the center just to look like where he came from, it's stupid. Like,

you moved to a new place and I mean, I don't do this, obviously. I moved here and got fat. But like a lot of people moved to West Hollywood and they start going to the gym and get spray tans and wax in their eyebrows, you know? Well, you know, you do try to fit. I know what it's like, because I've spent, you know,

large portions of my life trying to fit in and you know, you just want to be accepted sometimes. But I also get it too, that the times when I tried the most to fit in, with the times when I just felt like I could never bridge that gap. And I think it's because I was not being authentic to myself, you know, like you people in this world do like authentic authenticity, they really do. And so if you're trying too hard for anything, then people are not ever going to fully embrace you. And I think that's all Shepa saying. Shepa is

being like, it's like stop stop saying you wanna be a lawyer, stop trying to like dress like in this certain way. Just be you and if you wanna be a carpenter, that's awesome, be a carpenter. If you wanna like do go into the landscape, if you wanna be a chef, do that. And I think that's what Shepa's saying. But of course he's saying it in a way

that where he's sort of exasperated and be like, gosh, so it's not like you. You really give Shep a lot of credit. I do. I do. Because this is his next line, his next line. Does Naomi know he's a liar? Well, that's the way he's cheating.

Because he couldn't get him, he couldn't get pussy in a whorehouse as a monkey with a sack of bananas over his shoulder. Well, I mean, shut the back. Shep, shut maybe right, but he's also an asshole sometimes. And I think Craig would not have much problem getting pussy. I'm not sure if he's going to be a little bit of a guy. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut maybe right.

But he's also an asshole sometimes. And I think Craig would not have much problem getting pussy. Considering he's gotten most of it on this show. It's true. It's true. So Craig and Naomi are next.

They're on the long has street. He's like, whoa, this street is named after the girl. We're going to go to a pool party. At house. We're going to a pool party at. I heard her house is actually made of lime. Is that crazy? I wonder if I'll go to the house that's on, bitch. Yeah.

Why gene policy at my house, Pathy? How did? Pathy. So Catherine calls. She's like, I guess I mean the neighbor. Oh my goodness. So she tells him they're like awkward Catherine's calling. She's like, yeah, well, I'm back living with my family and my school owner just trying to

make the right choices. It's it's right. It's it. Like for instance, do I want to do Amazon Prime two day delivery? What do I want to do? Same day. So tamden. Why may I? Sometimes I wonder how Naomi's lasted the song in this relationship,

just because Craig says things like this on speaker phone with Catherine. He's like, you know Naomi's real busy, so I think I can hang. Naomi knows that you fucked this girl in a whole U-Dug on a beach on a trip, right? So basically they agreed to get together or whatever and he's like, wow, that's crazy that she called right and we're on our way to land bins. And Naomi's like, Craig, now that is terrible. And I'm not going to say anything because I don't want any part of that. And I think we should just keep our mouths shut. We should not say anything to land them to upset her.

We haven't even seen her in so long. Let's just keep it quiet. Okay Then they cut to coming up next so land in guess who we just boat you Catherine So perfect hilarious so pool party pool party if lamin house and white gene party a deed. Yeah So this is by the way On a show full of a lot of white things. This is probably the whiteest party we've ever seen I mean this could have I mean did he could have thrown this thing it was so white So so chef and Austin show up and chefs, gosh, it's my protege, Austin. And Austin's like, I am not the protege.

I am younger, I have sort of a job. And I'm younger. So, it's not a better looking version. I haven't dropped a better version of his car. So, Craig Naomi Landon House. Landon's like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you know, all I've been, oh, yeah. Okay, so this is at Landon's house. Craig Naomi come over and say, hi guys, well, I've been doing his working zone. I love a fun day.

What have you been working on? There's been no mention of a job. Yeah. Well, I'm just writing my memoirs about being on a paddleboard. For future videos, I started a new chapter on how hard it was, how hard it is for me to bring myself to update WordPress. Did it pisses or hard? I'm writing a book called Not Kidding.

No, no, no, no. I'm reading the book called my kidding. No, no, no, no. I'm reading the scroll letter. It's so great. It's so great. Yes, you just, we got off the phone with Katherine. And she's like, Craig. It's going to be. And she's like, well, it's OK. Well, I'm going to be your friend.

I'm just not interested. No. Now, I've actually always been a little bit of a land and defender because last last season when when she started her bitch Flutter to bloom. I was like, you know what? I understand it. You know Catherine's mess. She brings drama. She's kind of nasty to land in and I understand landed me like I just don't like her. I don't want to be Rounder. I don't want like why should I include her in my life? It's I actually understood that and I felt like she got really painted as a bitch But she doesn't help her case when she says things like

I mean she goes to like She goes to like rehab in Malibu. She's like across the country. It's like the Fancy's rehab in the country. She couldn't even visit her kids if she wants to like We all know who it was her when her her plan and she just wants to meet a rich husband It's like part of her plan. I'm like, okay, you're reading way too much into her going to promises. Yeah, she says she's just there to find her next rich boyfriend, Victor. This is the level of crazy we're dealing with.

I'll have to say to that is you are trying to land her leftovers, bitch. You're basically trying to get yourself into the place where you're raising her children. So I think you're more pathetic than she is. Yeah, I think so. And I kind of like Landon too, actually. But that's, yeah, she's not doing a very good job helping herself here.

So he's like, well, I just hope Thomas stays good. And Landon's like, oh, I just tell Thomas stays good. And mine and it's like, oh, he's a Instagram post. You're so cute. I mean, I can't even go out to lunch with him without someone saying something nasty about us. And Craig's like, well, it doesn't matter if they hooked up because like what hurts more than a physical affair and emotional of the blank, guess what I'm a psychiatrist now I'm building my office as we speak I'm building my deck office

and you take you know the take customers while Naomi is learning things we're gonna do this in the deck heart by built. I thought it would not. So, landing in Craig arrive at the LAMHAS. LAMHAS. And that's where Thomas says, it's one of LAMHAS simple pleasures, being a land and company. Also, been around LAMHAS.

Daughter of Chip LAMHAS. Daughter of Chip Larm House. Daughter of Moth Larm House. Sister of G.G. Larm House. Mimi Larm House. Salsa Dream Larm House. The great cousin no one speaks of. Diet Coke with Larm House. The family was mortified when cousin Larm house married lemon Larm house and they became lemon Larm house

They named their child Sprite House which was awkward because someone wanted in Slice House Someone said what's better Sprite a Slice and then someone named someone else Fanta House Family reunion was planned at Mountain Dew House. None of us went. We all called it. Mountain don't has. Get it. So Naomi is talking about how Landon has this new boyfriend and he arrives.

We get to see this guy and Landon had told us us before oh He's 25 So call me a cooler if you want, but I've had a rough year get me this So this guy arrives. He's sweating from head to toe through the shirt or guy Yeah, it did be to make he just looks like a total douche to me But you know, we don't really get to know much of him, but we get to see him shirtless later. Any of the great bodies, so Yeah, he passes. Yeah, for now, until he speaks really all he said was like, you haven't done babe.

And then we get to see a favorite. JD is lost a lot of weight and Elizabeth is not doing well. Something looks wrong with Elizabeth. I don't know what it is. Time will tell. I will keep watching this season. Well, it's amazing what your face will turn into every time you win when your husband goes, wow.

Oh, god. She's like constantly dropping pots and pans because she's getting startled. Is it Bill's palsy? Oh, she just made a JD phone bar! So the plate of land in here's her struggle. She's like I feel like I can't talk to Tira have people are just whispering behind my back I can't deal with it I can literally hear them whispering B I can literally hear them whispering. Bee! Tira asks for Tira.

He's just drunk. He's just wasted. He's flanged with blondes. When he shows up, he's like, what? Nah. He has blond number one and blond number two and blond number three is somewhere around here. I guess he's everywhere around here because everyone's blond.

And he sees the young guy that land and brings. He's like, well, he doesn't seem like land in his tap. He's strong of arm and odour. So Thomas, good one. So yeah, Whitney, mother fucker. Thomas, so funny. So, Se intro's Whitney to some 24 year old. She wouldn't be like, yeah, I just smoked weed. All through my trip to Mexico. My mom's pissed. You have been to LA. Yeah, Jumbles, clown room, Reno, yeah, I'm in LA. I live in LA sort of. So Chef goes to say hi to land. And she's like, hey Hi maintaining that dad bod huh? Yeah, and she's mad because he hasn't reached out to say sorry for one. It's not clear.

And true Southern tradition. I'm supposed to be sunshine and butterflies. And then it cuts to her like squint smiling, being sunshine and butterflies. Yeah. And then Chelsea shows up. She's sort of her hair is different. She's her hair is blonde now. And that's basically it.

She just shows up. It's just noteworthy that she's here. Who's it? Chelsea. She's the one that Chef wants, but in the preview we see that Austin gets. Oh, okay. Whitney, when he sees Thomas, he's like, Thomas is a flago. I learned that when I was into loom, smoking weed, mother.

Well, you can't be smoking weed and talking Spanish because you don't know what they're going to do to you down there. You might want to work in at L blockbuster. Oh, video. I mean you to be safe with me. Please go to blockbuster and at least written mall cop to take with you next time you go. Whatever you do, don't go to Hollywood video. That's not where you want to be. You want to be a blockbuster video.

Thomas is flanked by all these young girls and he's like, and he's wasted, by the way, he's already wasted. He's like, ah, declared tupless night. It's just house alarm or whatever it's called. Oh, yeah, at the Lama House house. So chef talks to some girl to Cameron's friend, I guess. And they're like, he's like, gosh, still single. She's like, maintain.

That's Chelsea. Well, Chelsea. OK, so he's like, put a pin in it. There's lots of young people here. So he pulls Naomi aside. Yeah. When Craig walks away. And she's like, oh, I'm doing great.

I've been in school and Craig is making shutters. Like, literally, I'm shuddering. Every single time Craig does something. Is this my future? Is this my future is this my future shutter He's making parent shutters He may be a really he made me a tan spots racks already. I'm like honey. This is great that you like working with wood You got to find something else to build now

Making Terry's So chef is like well, you know,ors, I think Craig should be a chef. He's got so much talent. Gors. And she's getting mad because he's obviously pulled her aside to just be a dick about Craig. He's also drunk and sweaty at this point. And he's like, does he even still have knowledge to be able to take the bar? Gors. Like that application for the bar, like where does he even still have knowledge to me to take the bar? Gars like that application for the bar.

Like, where did it even go? And she goes, you know what? I think you should talk to him about this. She's like, you know what? I think the jars of smuckers and our kitchen answer that question. It's like every time I turn it on, to let me feed me bullshit. And I like that she just him, he feeds me bullshit. And I like that she just knows that he's been a complete asshole and doesn't play into

him at all. She's like, you talk to him, you know? And then he tells us, he tells us, he tells us, yeah, well, crunches refuses to show vulnerability. And that's what makes French them feelings, you know, true feelings. Shut up. I don't know. I mean, I'm, I think it was wrong for him to go to Naomi and put her in that position.

But I don't necessarily think that what he was saying was wrong. I'm sorry. I don't. I think going to someone's girlfriend to bad mouth them behind their back is wrong. Yeah. No, I'm saying it doesn't even matter what he was saying. Well, they just need to matter. Well, I don't want to win up to saying. I know, but it doesn't even matter. The point that he even went up to her to fuck with her about Craig is, well, it's correct. I don't think he should have done that at all. I'm just saying that what he was saying,

I don't think is wrong. I don't think what, not, I'm saying in terms of the logic of what he's saying, like the content of what he was saying, he shouldn't have said it to me, he should have said it to Craig, but I don't think that he, I think everything he's saying is correct.

And, and, you know, I could see that. He's just, he's just not very good or diplomatic in how he is sending his message to me. I think it's not a good friend. Like, he doesn't like Craig anymore, which is understandable, but just don't like him. You know, why do you have to like go fuck with his girlfriend or like fuck with him

with his girlfriend? I mean, it's just a dick move, you know? And every time he gets a chance to talk about him, all he does is talk about him, you know, he's just not a very good guy. And I don't even think that he's wrong about Craig. I mean, we've had plenty to say about Craig over the years on this show. It's just, I think that chef acting like this makes him look really bad. I like when chef was just nice and funny and get along go along and was like, you're a mess and I'm going to try and help you. And I am rich so I can live like this.

And you're not because you're poor. And that's just the fact of life. And, you know, like trying to help him. But now he's just like an ass. I think. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, Chef like that.

I like my chef. I think he, well, I mean, he is definitely being more of an ass, but I do think that he's nice. I think that he is in a weird way. I think that chef is hurt. And I think that he is not processing his hurt properly. So it's coming out in this passive aggressive way. And it's been festering for like a few years because I recognize I've seen myself act like that before and I so I can recognize it. But I've

seen other people act like I crag was the one crag was didn't do anything to him. He did things to Craig. He got mad when Craig got Kelsey Valorini. Then he went to Craig's family's house and helped Whitney break him, you know, drag him. What is, what did Craig do to his chef? Exactly. I'm not sure to be honest, but I think I just get the five things. Like we can name probably five things that Chef has done to Craig, but I don't think I could name one thing that Craig has done to Chef. Yeah, I mean, mean, maybe he feels left behind in some way. I'm not trying to make Shep feel like the victim here. I'm just saying that I don't think that what he's saying is really like so off base.

It's not like a ludicrous analysis. I mean, I know what you're saying. I think that I like Shep when he's just like happy-go-lucky-shep. And I think he still is pretty happy-go-lucky, but there's this asshole side that's coming out. I don't know, it doesn't really bother me. It's weird, it just really doesn't. I think it's just adding more dimension to the situation. They definitely have a frenemy thing brewing,

and I love frenemy situations on these shows, so I'm like all for it. I think he should not have approached Naomi. I think that was out of line. And she was good, she did sort of stand up to him. And at the same time Craig was like, okay, I'll talk to Craig about it. I'm sorry, Shep said, I'll talk to Craig about it.

Well, one person I know that we're gonna agree is a terrible human being, is cousin Shelby. It goes in Shelby. Well, you know what I mean? The last girl is terrible. Oh, this girl is awful. She's wearing like her bathing, like her little bikini bottoms and high heels,

and she's got like a butter face, and Craig goes, ugh, I hate her. They both like stretch their arms to move away from her. It's like the most awkward move away ever. I know. Yeah, Shelby comes in and she's like, I am worried about Catherine.

And meanwhile, Eliza and Cameron are like off to the side looking at Shelby's butt hanging out of her bathing suit. And they're like, ew. And Eliza, Eliza Limehouse, so perfectly patronizing. It's like, you know, genuinely in her heart, she's a sweet girl, but she's just a little cray, cray. You know, what would that butt fat hanging out of her bathing suit? I mean, he does they out.

Hasn't been on the public hosting a long time, but she definitely brought in something. They start intercutting with Catherine who's getting ready to go some when getting in her car. And it's like, dun dun. Every time they show her her car drive, it's like, dun dun. That horror music, they always play. I know, and I love that they show her driving across the Ravenel Bridge. It's so mean.

Cause a reminder. You know when they, yeah, that's true. And you know, they really think this is horrible because it's the only time they use music without horns in it. Yeah. It's like, what are we by a lens doing on this show? Oh, it's horror music for Catherine. Catherine's time. So Thomas is telling various women at the party that Catherine has not been taking drugs. She's been avoiding drug tests, you know, because she's

probably been using again, because she's not taking the drug tests in order to be able to visit the kids. because she's not taking the drug test in order to be able to to visit the kids. I'm incredibly worried about her. Yeah, right. Telling Shelby. And Shelby's like, well, I had her in my house. And I had to ask her to leave.

And he's like, well, she completed the program. So that's good. She goes, well, does that even mean she's better, Thomas? I mean, my entire doorway was covered with Amazon prime packages. How could I leave like that? She had to go. You better watch out, bitch, because I'm sure one of those packages has a box cutter in

it. You're about to get slit. You are barking up the wrong cousin tree. Absolutely. So we see this whole thing. Like, Catherine might be comments, like arm, arm, arm, and you and you know Catherine driving and we just know like When Shelby shows up Catherine's showing up soon. I'm like here comes Catherine. Here comes Catherine But no

She shows up at a drug test instead More lend medical she's like I'm Catherine Danny's and I have an appointment for a drug test and I have an appointment for a drug test. Oh. Bump bump bump bump bump. And that's how it ends, but I have to point out that Thomas at one point was telling all these people who were attending the really care about Catherine while they're all dissing her.

He's like, I'm those children's last salvation. If I mess up that go to foster care. Oh, wow. It's like one of the guys who's like I baby set my own children It's not babysitting when they're yours. Yeah, you just saved them their your children Fucking idiot, and I like they're like well, that won't happen We will that will never happen. We'll never let that happen I'm like that is some privilege right there

Thomas gets an award for not being so coke that he's thrown in jail for a season. Yeah. Let's show so good. And ask so good. I cannot wait to see how this all unfolds. Yes. I love when people on these shows try to be a new person and this is going to be gathering here. Look, I'm just normal.

Normal. And not wait. I'm excited to see Sh. Yeah. In not wait. I'm excited to see Shep and Craig's burgeoning front of me feuding. I'm excited to see Craig's newest planter. I'm excited to see Cameron do something. Landon get an orchid. It all makes me happy.

Yeah. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b and Atlanta. Bye! Bye! Hey everyone, thanks for listening to the podcast today. We really appreciate the love and support you guys show us. If you have a minute, go to iTunes and leave a review. And if you don't want to do that, maybe next time you're talking to your friends about Bravo, you mention the podcast. Spritting the word really helps us grow, and it means the world to us. Also, check us out on Instagram and at Twitter. On Instagram, we're at Watchware Crappens.

On Twitter, we're at what crappens. You can also check out me and Ronnie on both platforms. Ronnie is at Ronnie Caram on both Instagram and Twitter, and I'm at B-side blog on Instagram and Twitter. Really, thank you guys so much. We really mean it. We appreciate the support. And even if you do none of those things,

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