Watch What Crappens - #441 Southern Charm: The Village Bike Meddler

Episode Date: April 26, 2017

This week on Southern Charm, Shep can’t understand why people assume he’s a slut, Cameran tries to make garsh and Chelsea happen, and everyone says “bro code” a lot. Enjoy! Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Mads with a sexy day. We love you girls. Miss Madonna Hines, MADGE WITH A SIXY TAY! We love you girls. Hello, and welcome to the Watch What Crappings podcast. The podcast about all that crap we'd love to talk about on Yeal Braves. I'm Ronnie Carram from Trash Talk TV, and the Rose Pricks Bachelor podcast, which comes back next month, and I'm with the gorgeous talented and slightly ill- Ben Manlker of the B side vlog and the Banscher Blender podcast. Hi,

Biann. Hi everyone. How yes I'm slightly ill. I have finally concluded that I do not have allergies. I just have a old-fashioned cold. Oh, I don't like when it's just like an old fashion cold. I wish it's something you can get more victim points from. I'll do my best. I'll do my best. Like someone this weekend told me, Mumps is coming back.

It's like the new STD. Oh, yeah. Mumps is back because of all the anti-vaxxers. Yeah, don't we do not have sex with an anti-vaxxer, okay? It's not only safe sex, but it's like anti-vaxxer sex now. Now you have to ask like do you have herpes, do you have warts, do you have anything, you know, do you have mumps, you have to add another thing to your list now guys. Happy effing. Yeah, happy effing to everyone. Out there. So you guys in two weeks from today, watch or crap ends, it's having a live show at the Hollywood Improv.

You all should come if you're in the area. Our special guest is Michelle Collins. We're just going to gab about Bravo. We don't really know what we're going to do just yet, but we'll figure it out because at the very least it'll just be a gab session. Super fun. Every time we do a live show, we have a great time and Michelle is hilarious. Michelle, of course, is the host of Little Talk Live

on Lifetime. And also, the show is on the host of the Bachelor after Paradise Show on ABC last summer. So everyone come out for that. The tickets are finally live. If you come to our Facebook page, Facebook.com, forward slash, watch what happens. We have a link to the event page right there.

So you can go there and find out all the information. We really hope you can make it. We want to sell it out. We want to make watch a crap and the toast of the town. For Tuesday, May 9, 10pm, the Hollywood improv. So go check that out. The toast to the town, baby. My child makes toast.

So here we are with a little southern star, maybe. Maybe my child makes toast. So here we are with a little southern charm, Aiden. Yes, on its proper day, Tuesdays, after spending few weeks in on the Friday purgatory, it is here on Tuesdays where it belongs. Not a band of pump rules is out of the way. That's all I was going to give you another lyric. Love, oh, God. Yeah. Well, it just makes me hurt inside. I mean, look, at least Craig gets to do some fun gardening.

I mean, that's good. I guess that's a happy ending, right? Yeah, we always like that. We always like a little bit of gardening. Um, yeah, it opens up at Thomas' plantation where, plantation where Landon is petting horses and like bossing, bossing the help around. She has like a bunch of groceries in the back of her car. She's like, can you get the rest of the, what's back there?

Thank you. Yeah. Landon's taking over. And she tells us, the most I love about hunting is getting people together. You know, like my family, we would get people together and we would drink and we would eat. And one day I want to get married, not one out of family and I want them to grow up drinking and eating too. What a goal. What a goal. One day I want a family that drinks and eats too land. She just hurt her main goal is to have people who

exist around her. I want my children to be able to breathe air. I just do what I was thinking. And Thomas in his political, you know, I don't think I pointed out the season. How much Thomas uses his political hands when he talks in his, you know, green, green fingers, yeah, like flat in his hands out and like bangs them down.

He's like, Landon knows how to entertain. And it is good in the kitchen, unlike some other women in my life. Yeah. Like how sad is this show? But then they cut to Catherine making man making salmon with man ears on it Which actually probably tastes good, but still

So cut back to Thomas trying to convince us that he's really classy. He's telling someone Classes La Quesson wine glasses You have wine glasses called La Quesson. I don't believe you. He's like, I need a woman who would reflect positively on the Ravenel name, the Ravenel legacy and knows how to behave herself at a polo match, because I can't do any of those three things. Flip of Catherine hiding behind a car at the last polo match.

I don't want to see him. I'm done with Tom and his. Come back to him. Land in East, that whole package. Why? She put out food and drinks. She even put out the gentrubbin from JD. Where?

Where? The hell is JD? I know. He's very non-present this season. We're seeing more of his bourbon than we are seeing JD. Just because he flashes of him. Yeah, I do not approve. JD lost like five pounds and now he's too good for the show. Yeah, get the mask back on the show, JD.

So then we have like the opening montage of people like doing things like getting dressed and stuff. And Chelsea made it into the show JD. So then we have like the opening montage of people like doing things like getting dressed and stuff. And Chelsea made it into the opening montage. She got a mummer where she's fixing her hair. I was like, Chelsea, you're moving right up the ranks on this show. Oh, Cameron and Whitney. Cameron's over there picking up Whitney at the house. And she says, you look like Colonel Sanders. And he's like, Fred chicken. I don't know what Colonel Sanders commercials they have over there. It bothers me when Whitney says anything really.

And it especially bothers me when he's not around his mom. That's the only way I know how to understand him. You can't make Bates Motel without the mom. Yeah, Patricia needs to come back from New York for whatever amorphous business she's doing up there. Yeah, you need to blame the insane mother for causing this in the first place, you know, or it just doesn't make sense.

And Austin is, he's speaking to Chelsea on the phone on speaker and we see that, like her entry in his phone is Dreamgirl, like, shut up Austin. He's got feathered dyed hair. Austin. I think his whole life is feathered. I Can't get behind Austin yet. He talks like with his mouth

His mouth makes like this shape sounds to like he moves his mouth Well, Muppets don't move their mouth like Muppets like move them up and down But he does this thing like you hear what my lips are doing right now When I'm like he does just sing with his lips. I feel like he spits on you when he talks He probably does he probably does So Austin picks up Chelsea and she's like all I know that pilot lows, but I saw him pretty woman Did she say that because I missed that and I was making jokes about how the fact that they were gonna like I was like I kept on saying I wonder when they're going to make a pretty woman reference little did I realize I had probably Thought over that line of my brain was thinking too loudly and I missed it if Jason Alexander tries to put his hand on me one more time

I'm leaving Okay, if Richard Geer calls me a whore then I'm just gonna step on a divot and then leave. I had to step on one divot at the very least, just one. I like that Chelsea is a hairdresser because she has hairdresser face. Like she has a very expressive face that is always ready to go girl no. I was a little surprised. I thought she was going to be more of a socialite than a hairdresser. I thought I was a little surprised. I thought she was like her profession was you know, she's gonna be like either like have like a

a token real estate license or I think your design firm, you know, that really didn't do anything. Yeah, I thought you'd be like Cameron. Well, I think does she own the hair salon because when he goes to it, when she goes to it later, she's sitting at the front desk. So I don't know what's going on there. Well, she is there. She is their celebrity hairdresser as she was on Survivor One World. A celebrity hairdresser.

Is that what she was? Is that how they said it? No, but I'm just saying that she was. She had some sort of fame before. Oh, oh, no. A celebrity hairdresser. Like literally a fantastic Sam. Okay. Okay. She's good. So they start questioning each other in the car like where to grow up, but she's favorite color. And Chelsea, I think, has dated a lot because she's totally bored with all these questions even though she's asking them. He's like what are your thoughts on purple gengum would you like to

see it on me would would how do you feel being out of party later where everyone's gonna wear purple gengum do you like that does that make you feel comfortable. Well you know I'm gotta be so formal about it. He says is there anything going on with you and she says, well, to be honest, we had a time to make that session, but I still think he's an idiot. And he said, I would have to agree. So troubles brewing with the low. Trouble and bro a dice. It's bothering me that everybody keeps calling Austin chefs pro de jay.

Yeah, it really does. How is he is pro de jay at all? He died his hair the same color. Yeah, just because they're they're tall blonde and Freddie essentially, I guess, but that's like everybody there so far. Yeah, so we get the polo match We see some of our favorite people like Where's my team? I've got a Apollo uniform the colors of a watermelon, just like a true lime house wood. We used to be the limes, but we're

taking over about what a melon and cooperated in now. We have fought for them. Chelsea's doing that couple thing where she's just like, I'm going to say something smart, acid, everything. You say to make it seem like we're flirting a lot. And Austin walks in with her and he goes, whoa, look at those horses. They're so majestic. And she goes, did you decide that horses are majestic? Yeah.

Good. That's a, that's a, that's a non improv right there, non improv student, right? She was doing a no, but yeah, she's like moon lighting without a writing staff. So then we see Whitney holding a baby trying to figure out how to get the spinal fluid out. Yeah, I've never heard a little younger. I've never identified so closely with Whitney as that moment when he was holding the baby they didn't want to like why isn't it thing? Why do we have to hold babies? I don't want to hold a baby. Don't give me your baby.

Like it doesn't, the baby doesn't get anything out of it. I sure as hell don't get anything out of it. The only one who gets anything out of it is the mom. And I don't know what she gets out of it. Like I literally don't know what she gets out of it. You know, we're in the, you know, we're in the south and that's where if you break it, you buy it and there's a good chance I will break your baby because I don't have a lot of experience and I'm not buying your broken baby

So don't even hand it to me. Yeah, exactly. You know, like I don't force people to play board games if they don't want to So don't force me to hold your baby Hold Bueller. Do you want a whole Bueller? No people act as if it's like a great honor It's not an honor for me to hold your baby. It really is not. This came out of your... The honor is more for you. Yeah, I don't want to touch this thing. Call me when it learns to stop peeping on people, okay? Yeah. So what knew is like holding it awkwardly, basically doing the classic Ben Mandelker, like,

ha ha ha ha. Okay, you can have this back now. Yeah, and Cameron said, looking at him holding baby, it's like looking at him holding him up. He's never held one before, so it's little awkward. So, see you saying hi to the new couple and everybody's this one's cutting around a lot because there's a ton of people here. Yeah, it's like it's sort of like a montage of people arriving like Craig and Danny arrive and then

Craig's having a keg. Look, you know, this is how you do a keg you like pull it and then you push down and then you pull up Thanks And then you can just you know a plight of the bar and no you can take it to the bar You don't doesn't mean you get to apply to the bar because you tap the keg and he immediately calls landing out because landing comes right up to him And she's like wow Oh look I live for this stuff. There's some huge outback if you like a drink. And he's like, she's fitting right into the Mrs.

Ravannell job description. I think she thinks she's already got the job. Yeah, I wish I knew what that was like. My object. So then Chelsea and Austin take their barbecue up to a little table to have their quote unquote date. And so the two of them are eating there and they're having like some really, you know, the chemistry is off the charts, especially when Chelsea says Austin, look how long my arms are. I could slap your face from here. Is it grossing you out how I'm eating with my mouth open?

He's like, no, it's getting me hot. It's like, oh, good. Hey, this is the way Chef does it. So nice to eat with a man who doesn't have to take out his teeth first. So with the camera and Cameron, the nosiest ass on this show and with me. mean, I guess Whitney too. They approach and he's like, oh, mother. Are you guys enjoying your first day? Stabby through the shower. Stabby through the shower. Sorry. Last night was the baits motel season finale.

And those are the series finale. And I can't stop pretty Whitney and that guy's shoes So cam's like well, yes, this is shady isn't this bro code I wouldn't touch that with the 10 foot pole, which means that she's gonna run around telling everybody for the rest of the episode Yes exactly telling everybody for the rest of the episode. Yeah, exactly. So then, let's see, landed in Austin, go down to visit T-Rav at the tent. There's a little tent. I start like half time.

They go to visit T-Rav at the tent. He's all sweaty, like flopped down in a chair, and then Craig joins them. And Craig immediately is talking, and bullshits like, yeah, I want to try, Polo. I want to try it, because I think it'd be good at it. Plus, I, you know, I have to feel the void of being the only one of my family who can't play sports, you know, the other ball.

Yeah. Like, I want to find it. So then here come two ravs kids who I always think it's hilarious how T. Rav styles his children. So look like they're from like 1927 or maybe even like 1867.67 and they would they come in in the stroller and like wearing bonnets and like really puffy things

So old-fashioned like I'm a block out of the way from one of these kids being on Little Hass on the pair Yes, seriously, so the kids come by and they're like in the straw and they're like, Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy. And he's like, well, I just can't pay attention to everyone. I don't got time for those kids. Move on, Deidre. Yeah, he's like, I'll talk to y'all later. It's half time. And then yeah, Deidre just keeps on going. The thing just is, it's just like a drive by

kid, kid moment. I can't end a day, never but it right now. It's time for me to relax and think about the game. Do you know what? Get the fuck outta here. He tells his friends, get the fuck outta here. Then drama music starts playing, but the camera stays on him, sitting in his chair all alone. And he's like, nah, which way am I gonna hit the ball? Come on.

You're really talking game with yourself now. An important distinction to make though is that before, before all this happened, when the kids came by, Craig, the kids were going daddy, daddy, daddy, Craig goes up to Thomas like, hey man, like, give your kids a kiss, give your kids a kiss, goodbye, like give your kids a kiss. And Thomas like, well, I can't entertain everybody, which is such a dick move. Thomas's crick is so entertaining. Yeah, but then Craig is like very, he's like really shaken by this. I think it like somehow tapped into some childhood nerve of abandonment or whatever.

So he was like, I can't believe Thomas. And he like goes to tell Landon, he's like, I can't believe Thomas would do that. And Landon's like, Craig just doesn't Thomas would do that. And land's like, Craig just doesn't understand social protocol. That's it. He's not one of us. Thomas is Thomas. And Craig says,

yeah, but if that was Catherine, they would have chewed her out. Because he really is a housewife. And he's, he's team Catherine period. And he says, can you imagine if your dad said hi to you, like, can you imagine how you would have ended up if he just didn't even say hi back in line of us? Well, that happened to me a lot actually. I think I'm okay.

I think it's just a North South thing that he doesn't understand. Like he literally doesn't understand direction he thinks north is these um i think though i think regs right i think if it were at work at the end they definitely the women would have totally harped on it but the same time the kids are like two years old let's find they can survive yeah they were like perfectly happy by the way they were just like to do a long they're on like a train ride look like they were having the best time

yeah i mean i think think Thomas is an asshole, and I can't believe he's doing a good job raising children, putting them in a separate home with an Annie, you know, I'm not really falling for any of that, but at the same time, if you're gonna pay for an Annie, why the fuck should you have to see your kids? Like I'm here, someone to see them.

Yeah, exactly. So, maybe it's a Southwest thing. Yeah, so the polo match, like he's furious. And Cameron approaches them because, of course, he's got like the drama detector. And she wants to have something to talk about that doesn't have anything to do with her own damn life. So, she approaches and he does the same thing to her.

And he's like, he's being an asshole. Like he wouldn't even talk to his kid. He said, I can't please everyone. She goes, well, I will say in his defense that he's the one who created a healthy environment for the kids. Okay. No, he had a weird lock. Yes, that he had on a coke fueled condom list bins with some young girl like half his age because she had a decent last name. then refused to marry her ass and Consideres paying her Amazon Prime like giving her her, you know marriage. What do you call that marriage money when you get it?

Alamoney Alamoney. Yeah, marriage money marriage money Well, if there was any upside it's that Brooklyn plantation beat lime house properties And the bowl will match the pillow match and lime house loses. Chelsea's like, it's rigged. So then most important news though, is that when Craig then goes up to Naomi and is like, oh, I'm gonna leave. He's an asshole. We met Naomi's hot friend Josh.

Rar, Rar, that is officially the hottest guy on this show. That guy's amazing. He's hot and he did look great up and down in like a, uh, a gaysway, which, I mean, who can blame him, you know, I was like, please top Craig, please top Craig, please top him. Uh, he's mad and Naomi's like, well, he hates when people metal, but he does it all the time. No one likes a medler.

How many fights do you think that couple is having right now watching this show? Yeah. Well, they're probably like quiet fights. It's probably, she's probably like, I was just saying, he's like, I don't know. He probably, I'm not even talking about it right now, Craig,

because it's unpleasant. I'll talk about it in the backyard that's not technically in the house. He probably just like will mumble something and then staring to gizmo's eyes. I don't know, like you just were saying stuff. So like whatever step and release, gizmo. Hey, gizmo, thanks for not talking to me in the house because like this is a place of peace. It's a safe space.

Hey, gizmo, can you tell me what bourbon is? I still haven't found out. So then we get a commercial break and I only mentioned that because we got a clip of Southern Jones Savannah, old money, new money, blah, blah, blah. And I have to say the guys on Savannah look rough. Yeah, it's yeah, I look dirty and beat up. These guys do not look cute. And I watched the soap opera Savannah I'm the man on the VB. Yeah, I watched that back in the day loved it still love Lacey what's her face who played the main redhead

Yeah, and I was disappointed that these guys are like would shaven huh? Yeah, well, I'm excited for it because our old pal Lisa Timmans, she is from Savannah among, she's from many places, but one of them is Savannah and she's talked a lot about it and I'm excited to visit Savannah through the eyes of this show because that's my version of visiting places watching it on Bravo. Savannah, George, so Patricia's house, Whitney and Shep, or hanging out at it. Shep is back. Yes, chef is wedding. And Whitney, of course, is a bro. So he's like, what did you get into get into last night, mother? And

steps like the Commodore, I'm so troll, gores, I'm having a birthday gars, I'm 37, gars, like, harsh, you know, 40s when you have to get serious. So I still have three years. Gars. So Whitney tells, she has nothing better to do than to gossip because Whitney and Cameron, that's their sole purpose on the show. And before we complain like Cameron,

she needs to get a her own, you know, story line. She's never had a storyline in the history of this show. That's just what she does. She's just a little gossip and it works for me. I'm happy with it. Yeah. She just blatantly judges people, doesn't do shit. And you know, so it's funny. She's funny. She's funny. And pretty. So Whitney, he tells, immediately tells Shepp that Chelsea was hanging out with Austin and shepp is like, shepp, meanwhile, we should mention that Shepp is making grilled cheeses for them and Shepp

is eating this grilled cheese. And when Whitney tells him that that that Austin and Chelsea been hanging out, chef with a full mouth of grilled cheese is like, what are you doing? Gosh, please close your mouth. It was like that the cheese that the sandwiches were like falling out of his mouth. It's like he was a chipmunk. He'd stuff both halves the sandwich in his mouth and then started talking. It's like he was a chipmunk. He'd stuff both halves the sandwich in his mouth and it started talking Yeah, and he's getting super mad and Whitney is a producer on his show and the producers are all doing a really good job of Turning on chef this year. It's hilarious. Like those girls last week. They're like, okay, go in their 20 year old and call him an old man Okay, now the next 20 year old go in there and say that you know There's some real men at the bar just to get him mad leave feeling like he's year old, go in there and say that, you know, there's some real men at the bar.

Just to get him mad, leave feeling like he's an old guy. Go home early. Then this week they said, they said Austin and Chelsea up together. They're evil and it's totally working on shape. He's undone by all this. And Whitney goes, you've got some competition. Browl. Well, and on top of that, they're like, you know, Whitney is totally relishing in it.

And on top of that, Austin is their crosscutting with Austin and I like, yes, I guess like a gay roommate or something like that. So they're like talking. And Austin's, I think Austin was pretty much just ragging about having Chelsea, if I remember correctly. Yeah. And he says, I mean, we hooked up a little, but she made it seem like it's a not big deal, right. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm And then chefs like yeah bro code gosh. Garse bro code gosh.

Garse gosh. I'll be for five days and I come back and look who's sitting in my chair. Yeah. Chelsea is not your chair. No, he means that someone's actually sitting in his chair. Let's screg. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life.

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I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Bro, I thought it was my chair bro. So Whitney's like your jealous and you're getting usurped by your protein. Whitney is so gross to me. I hate a man who's like look I'm making grilled cheeses because I'm just a teenager whose mom is gone. He wasn't even making them. Chef was making them. Whitney isn't even getting both making his own grilled cheeses. I was so jealous. Oh my god, I wanted a grilled cheese. I want one

currently. You know, actually, I called yummy while I was watching this and ordered white bread and cheese, not even realizing that I just got tricked by Southern China. You did. I ordered a, I ordered for during the show, actually. I don't know why. You got tricked by the completely non-Asian people ever on this show. I was like, there's not enough Asian representation. I don't know why I'm intrigued by the completely non-Asian people ever on this show. I was like there's not enough Asian representation. I will fix that by ordering some fun. I actually ate the fun before the show to be honest. So Craig and Catherine are at a restaurant and he's like, how are you? I'm just here to see how you are and totally keep your life drama free.

She's like, well, erm, I don't go out anymore. I'm fine with water waiter. I'm a new person. I don't have the scallops. So she tells them about going to California and asked about the charity event. She says, I wanted to come. It's not that I didn't want to see Thomas. It just didn't seem like the right time and Craig says well I don't I think that not throwing yourself into the pit with all these people with bad energy I mean I'm proud of you because that wouldn't be good for you, you know So now let me tell you about land in trying to take the husband

You suspected from the beginning. Yeah, start a huge war that you're never gonna recover from. I know a cop dealer Yeah, exactly. He like promptly starts tattling on Thomas saying how Thomas wouldn't kiss the kids goodbye. I mean, it sound like this was the midpoint of the pianist as the family's getting torn apart by the Holocaust and Thomas had one last chance to kiss Kinsey on the forehead. And instead he chose to like play polo. No, the kids were just like rolling by having a great stroll. I mean, they were having such a great time, those children. And I, why interrupt a good time, right?

But Craig is making it sound like it was the biggest travesty and the biggest horror. I mean, it was an asshole moment. Let's not take that away. T-Rab was being a total asshole. But it's also what T-Rab is. It's not to excuse it. But at the same time, this was not like,

this was not a huge deal. And Craig is making it to me. Well, Craig is doing the worst thing ever because he's taking someone fresh out a rehab who has all these issues with Thomas being with Landon and he's, and she doesn't have custody. So he's basically like your husband's abusing your children and the woman

that you were calling a slut turns out you're right. She's totally a slut trying to take your life. Hope you're doing great. Yeah, it's, it's a little shady because that's like, it's not just like spreading gossip. It's like getting in the middle of a custody situation. But Catherine is like pretty calm about it. She's like, um, so that won't last because she says, I told you, I've been saying for a long time that she was doing things behind the scenes and then we see the clip of her Telling off landed and landing going what did I get caught doing? I Love I love one people on Bravo have huge fights in strange costumes like the fact that we every time we go back to that clip

We get to see Catherine wearing a red cape is so legendary. I can't even express it. There were tons of good flashbacks in this episode. We also got to see her going across the bridge in that gigantic, great, grandmothers. Yeah. And for her to go. And that was for no reason. That was for no reason because Thomas, he literally said, well, my reputation proceeds,es me everywhere I go. And they just cut to that.

I was like, that has nothing to do with what Thomas said. But I appreciate it. They're like, you know, let's just throw this in. Just for fun. Can we ever have enough of that clip now? Yeah. So now Austin and Chelsea go to get drinks. And by the way, I would like to commend Southern Charm

for being the only show on Bravo, where people get drinks and food at restaurants that are actually crowded. Like, it's the one time you see people and there's noise. It's shocking. I know. How do they do? How do they get away with that? I don't know. So they're sitting there and then the waiter comes up and is asking about drinks and he

goes, you guys want any game changers? I was like, that is so rude to say that to Chelsea. Are you just like trying to throw her face in the fact that she was not invited on to Survivor Game Changers? That is so rude. And actually, I want to point out one of our listeners, you know, when later on on the boat, Shep is dancing with that girl, Bailey, who made the painting last season. And I'm always like, gosh, she looks so familiar. And one of our listeners was sharp enough to say, gosh, Bailey looks so much like cat from survivor one world, which is the same survivor Chelsea was on. It's just a small survival rule.

That's what I've got to say. It's a small world. Well, that shows have like hundreds of contestants at this point. I guess they're bad to start re-showin' it. Yeah. Pretty much. Oh, that was Colleen Landult. Colleen, thank you.

I agree. She does look like Cat from Survivor One World. So Chelsea is basically doing her dry ass date questions. She's like, well, I can get drunk because I rode a bike. I can drink all I want to, which is not true. A friend of mine got a DUI on a bike. Of course, this is one of the biggest wrecks that I know, but still. And then he's like, what's your sign?

Do you want babies? You know what I mean to you? I like you. Yeah, so you just sort of have general pattern. And she's like, well, I can't have too many more drinks. It's 10 p.m. I got wake up early tomorrow morning to cut hair. That was the first time I noticed shoes that hair stylist was like, what?

And he's like, all right, well, wanna come back to my place. I got a lot of purple gengum. Everywhere you look, my bad sheets of purple gengum, small, small gengum, but my comforter's big gengum. Rodgers. Rodgers. When he pulled out that stupid shirt, he goes, roaches.

That's like a little boy's shirt. By the way, full disclosure, I totally have a purple game too. The difference though is that I don't wear my purple game to parties where everyone else is wearing purple game and we look like a giant picnic table. Yeah, but did you ever look at that shirt and be like, Rages, next step Hills Angels. Yes. So the next morning, Chef is going over to Chelsea's. He calls her first. Yeah. And he's like, Oh, God, no, aren't you? She's like, I'm dying. What's the prognosis? I had the bright idea of drinking painkillers.

Wrap-a-for tribal councils. So not smart, I voted off the wrong person. And Chef is trying to hint around. He's saying, well, next time, why don't you text me, Gars. OK, I will. And then he tells us, it's not that I'm competitive, but I hooked up with Chelsea first, so I win. Yeah, it doesn't really work that way.

See, here's Shep's problem. He has game, but his game is hook up game. You know, it's like non-committal, like let me stay in the picture, let me stay, keep you as an option, let me be an option for you, be sort of flirty, and then when the time comes, we'll have sex. But instead of like to have like date game, it's gotta be like, yeah, so let's get dinner.

You know, he doesn't really get to what he wants. He just sort of beats around the bush, no point intended, which is exactly that's hook up game. He does not have date game. That's hook up game. He does not update game. He doesn't I don't think he has any game I mean I haven't seen any I think he does he has game He gets wasted and fucks young girls becaue and they fuck him because he's rich That's not a game. No, that's not a game No, that's called wait until a bitch is drunk and then fuck her which could be considered um not listen Have you seen chef not everyone like it's not a guarantee that he's gonna get some mass at the end of the night, unless he has some game. I'm sorry, he has game. He has like, I'm rich, I'm rich game and I'll buy you some drinks game.

Yeah, that's game. That's game. Um, I don't think he, I mean, I think we'll just have to agree to disagree. And I'm not even on a Shep hate train. I actually like Shep. I just want Shep to get it together. It's not cute to people at this age. Okay. It's not cute being like, oh, just don't quote. Oh, like how about this? He has outdated game. He has outdated game. Outgame that we're like game

that works on your 20s. Yeah. Well, when you're doing that in a frat, you're getting wasted at a bar and like bone in some girl after and like that's frat game. But when you're still like boning the frat, you know, sorority girls and you're like 40. Yeah. Garsh, here's my game. Okay. On the count of three, say what your favorite gustor song is. One, two, three. But then it's the same. It's the same as Whitney and Thomas, you know,

it's just all these old guys who think, you know, well, they don't have to do anything because they've got family money. Yeah. And they just walk around doing nothing. And the only pride they have is in what their grandparents did. And, you know, I guess, nice work if you can get it. But don't give me a boner. So speaking of boners, chef calls Landon to invite her to his birthday. And I think she does, she does not take the call, right?

She's sort of, because she's like still annoyed at him. No, she anger giggles. She's like cooking something and she looks at it and she goes, and like shakes her head while she's giggling angrily. And then for some reason, maybe you can remind me the context.

She starts going on a monologue about like how Chef can't treat her like Craig. And she's like, she's like, I'm not Craig. I've never had a monologue about how she can't treat her like Craig. She's like, I'm not Craig. I've never had a hair-brained idea. I've been very successful at pretty much everything I've done. Except my marriage, workwise, career-wise, I've always crushed it. I'm like, what have you crushed? Unless you're talking about a time when you interned on a vineyard and you literally crushed grips with your feet, I don't think you've ever crushed anything. Yeah, she has never crushed a damn thing. Unless they've just keep cutting it out.

I mean, unless she's had some successful business, but her whole plot line the entire time she's been on the show is that she married some rich dude, Nelae, and got sad because she was always left alone and finally just came home because she wanted some friends. And then she lived on a boat because she had no money of her own and then she tried to make all these terrible business ideas none of which is worked. So yeah, I mean, you have now had a season and a business season in a few episodes of Free Publicity for this website room and it's still not up. It's not even registered. I don't think. No, they changed the name to something else. Oh, really? Yeah, but it doesn't really

do anything. And it's only apparently it's only in the business partners neighborhood that she grew up in. It's like, you want to know what to do in Connecticut? Well, here's a good burger. Thanks. Here's everything you need to do in New Canaan, Connecticut. There's a Talbot's, a Baskin Robbins. You can always go to Tequila, Mockenburg. That's a Mexican place. Would you like to give 10% of your income to Jesus? Because there's a church on every corner. All right. See you there. There's a post office you can use that way. You can send things to anywhere in the wide world. Harding of Garth.

So now we see Naomi and Cameron getting a manny, manny patty. Cameron's gonna get a French or is Naomi calls it a me? Oh, I'm so sorry to do this. I have to though, because Craig says, look landed. Both of our situations with him come down to intent. Does he need to be an asshole or is he like just doing an on accident and trying to help? Okay, Craig, we still don't believe you're a lawyer, so fast forward. Stop saying lawyerly things, okay.

Yeah, stop saying things from different law and order titles. Okay, I'm sorry. Asked you intent intent. Yeah, he's like, was this criminal intent or was it special victims? Like, I want to be a lawyer, but I keep on waiting for the dun dun. What was that one with the jury that lasted like a couple of weeks? It's like, lawn order, the jury. And it just showed it from the jury's point of view.

Yeah, I forget which one that was. Okay. Anyway, I'm sorry. Naomi Naomi and Cam. So they're talking about how crags can be 29 and Cameron's like, Naomi and Naomi and Cam. So they're talking about how Craigs can be 29 and Cameran's like, we'll hey, he'll be 29.

Gosh, he's so unaccomplished for that age. I mean, I know that we're unaccomplished too, but we're rich. I mean, he's just a non-jocke from a jock family. He wants to make a cookbook someday, but can't own up to it. And Naomi. But that's good for him.

Naomi Sadge, he's like, yeah, 29. It's time to pick it up. What, sad. She's like, yeah, 29 is time to pick it up. Wow, that was a little in French. And also, a little fast on. She's like, I'm not saying that in English because normally I say bad things about my boyfriend in French Quisson and Cameron's like, well, you know, last time I talked to him, he was talking about

wanting to build real estate portfolio. And then it cuts to him going, well, I want to do real estate because I'm 28 now and I'm financially, you know, sustaining myself. I just like a state and I like to keep it real. So, you know, what you seem like the best option for me right now. I found a rich girl whose parents will invest in your real estate. Like you are such a wreck, a cute, cute little wreck. But then Cameron's such an ass. She's like, I mean, I assume you know about all this. It may only looks like she's like slowly being crushed today.

I know. I mean, I would hate to blindside you on camera with news of another hair brain scheme that Craig has come up with. You didn't know. Bless your heart. Now I'm sure you know about this already, but Craig doesn't understand why. She's like, oh, you're killing me. Oh, you're tired. You're not taking it in. Are you now, Amy? She's short for cheeks. So she says, why don't you just talk about it with him and they only say oh Let's all She says well everything but the law I mean look I give him a safe space at home because it's unpleasant and Cameron's like You can't avoid something just for the sake of it be an uncomfortable Okay, your husband who's still never been on here because

he's still being uncomfortable and doesn't want to be a part of this life. Yeah, it doesn't exist at all. Yeah. So, um, in other realms of beauty, Shep has gone to Chelsea's hair salon to get his haircut. And I think his way of trying to woo her is to say like that he doesn't have a date for his birthday, but that's because I'm very picky. Gosh. And Chelsea, guys, you're picky. Yeah, she doesn't believe it, not at all. She goes, that's not the ship I know.

Yeah, I'm like, this is not what you call a pursuit ship. Yeah, he says, people think I'm the village bicycle, of course, but it's not that true. It's just the village bicycle course, but it's not that true. It's just that it's just that it two a.m. You know, no one's ugly. Um, you're really proving your point there. So chef, uh, asked about Austin, and he says, well, are you romantically involved? No, we're just hanging that together. Why you care who I'm smoothing? And he says, no, but you have to keep me abreast of what happens in your life. Oh, that go for you too.

Well, I'm not going home with the girl every night. She's like, yeah, right. Yes, you are. Yeah, I'm like, it's on camera. Chef, this is not, this is not, this is not how you like, if you're interested in Chelsea, this is your time to be to say, well, Austin's cool to everything, but why don't I take you on a date? Because I feel like you know, I'm the best Because it's just about winning a stupid game. Yeah, it's just sort of like a looting to it

Yeah, super flattering for every girl and I'm like he doesn't even like me. He just wants to win But there was one point in that scene with Cameron that I have to mention where she goes But there was one point in that scene with Cameron that I have to mention where she goes She's looking at Naomi because Naomi's crying now and Cameron's like oh like she gives that look like disgusting Naomi goes, but all I can do is trust Craig and give him another chance to prove himself wrong Love I love that couple Yes, so now it's time for the party Everybody is getting ready I love I love that couple. Yeah, so now it's time for the party. Everybody's getting ready.

Yes, and Austin says righteous about his kingdom. Yeah, he puts on his games like, righteous. I'll be the only one wearing this pink gingham for sure. And except is wearing some crazy, you know, I was going to say, Bandero. What am I trying to say? Bandero pants. Yeah, whatever they are. They were just bad Goofy cocktail entire guys. I'm like Tom Wolf at his best

I don't want to be from speak you is but I like to be noticed You got to give chef credit for being the first person on Bravo to ever name drop Tom Wolf and one of their comments Yeah, it's pretty it's pretty high level by the way chefs here I gotta give Chepp credit for being the first person on Bravo to ever name drop Tom Wolf in one of their comments. Yeah. It's pretty high level. By the way, Chepp's here. I'm not convinced Chelsea cut an inch off of it. It looked exactly the same. Yeah, it really did.

So Cam comes up and he's like, hey, good looking. She says, what you got cooking? Which is from my child. Not on the day of $1. Yeah, it's from my childhood, so I love to hear that. I just want, I can't wait to hear home, home again home again, Jiggy D. Jig. One of my other favorites. So Chelsea arrives alone in purple in anticipation of the purple game fest that will be

Shep's birthday party. And then Whitney shows up with his, whatever that crazy girl is. And she's like, how have, how did he be a babe? To the bartender, which I mentioned just because we haven't had a chance to do a British accent in a while. And then Whitney, of course, is totally obnoxious. He's like looking at all the girls on the boat. He's like, it's like the SS Tarte.

My shirt up. Oh, good. What do you think, what do you think they all think about you? It's like the SS Cryptkeeper over there. No kidding, adjust your wig. So, Chef is, chef goes at the camera and he's saying, well, not to be a gossip, but I got a haircut from Chelsea today, Garshan. I think she's seeing Austin Gars and came up like, no, she is not. Well, they were hanging out together. Well, I drink with you and it doesn't mean I'm, you know I'd cheat though the other day it doesn't mean I'm gonna marry it cheat toe you love

how pretty you think I am at two I am ship makes me feel special so Austin is totally nervous Austin and Chelsea are totally nervous around shot yeah and very nervous put it in the correct way at least when he says, there's no honor amongst Steve's mother. Just true, you know, because SEP totally would have done that. And then they saw a clip of SEP doing it to Craig when Craig went out with somebody and then SEP fucked up. And Craig's like, dude, you were hooking up

with that girl after I hooked up. And he's like, so what? Garz. Yeah, exactly. SEP totally would have done the same thing. Should we also mention that Craig was the last one hooking up with that girl after I hooked up. And he's like, so what, Gars? Yeah, exactly. Chef Tollywood had done the same thing. Should we also mention that Craig was the last one to board the boat. The boat was like ready to pull away.

And Craig just barely got on to it. Like, where do you go, Craig? This also happens to be the time that I open Twitter because I was watching this live, so commercials were coming on. So I want to say a couple of things. Craig was tweeting all over the place last night, blaming editing basically. Like, bro, I didn't even do that. The editors didn't.

Um, but here's a few fun wins. Craig says, everyone's worried about the kid who bought a house, graduated law school, ran the NYC marathon took the bar hands on and Haiti. What? Hey, what does that mean? He literally grabbed a bar and Haiti. You did not buy a house. Your girlfriend hit your girlfriend's parents did. You there's no proof that you've graduated law school. And who cares if you ran a marathon? You're it. And when did you take the bar? And did you take it hands on and Haiti? Get your hands off the people of Haiti? They've been through an F. Yeah. Another one is I also told Catherine Dennis about the happy conclusion of at Thomas Ravenel and eyes

incident at at Tavarnam table. but you know dot dot dot editing. And then, uh, uh, well, it was the other one. The other one was, I ran up, this isn't a direct quokes. I don't have it here, but he says something like, I was out of town. And that's why I was late to the boat, but whatever. So then we get Thomas Ravannell, I think this is Instagram. He's like, Craigova. Is Colin my parents and skills into question? Is Quatt Rich? Thomas can never write a

proper sentence, by the way, never. Yeah. Considering his bad influence contributed to Catherine losing custody of her kids. We all knew he was ethically challenged. Now we know he's mentally challenged. Oh, he's got my vote for the male bimbo of the year award. Dash dash. There's nothing but tumbleweed blowing around between his ears. He'd do better to advise Naomi on how to pass the MBA program or advise and JD on running a liquor distillery.

Snapper Rooney. Okay, so basically saying it's his bad influence. He's calling Craig a Coke dealer. Mm-hmm. And you went to jail for dealing Coke while you were in office. Could we please get off our high horse, Thomas? Yeah, exactly. Let's not forget that little chestnut there.

Yeah, all right, so we can move away from Twitter now. All right. I officially turned Twitter off after that. I was like, I can't take it. I don't need to hate people, I don't know this much. Yeah, I get it. So So now Cameron is taking on the role of Chris Harrison and She pulls Chelsea aside to get the deal like where did she say I wish which which potential bachelor does she like more and

She's really trying to convince Chelsea to go away from Austin to go towards Shep more. And she's really trying to convince Chelsea to go away from Austin, go towards Shepp. But when Chelsea is essentially saying that she felt more chemistry and more emotion, have you experienced was there a ton of action? Did you French? Who's the better case for Don't Lie? Camerain talks like she's in fifth grade. Yeah. So, so then after that, then, So, so then after that, then then then then allows a Lombhouse is on the boat and she's looking there. Look, they're all on the boat going down going around through whatever river they're on wherever they are. I don't know Charles in geography and and lies a lot of house like that there's my great aunt house and my great uncle's house and there's my cousin's house. And then this guy goes, and I own all the house in between. I was like, I love this show. It's just when they were giving her shit about the bridge.

He's like, well, I have a drawing of the, of the Ravenail Bridge. I put it in the guest's home. I'll show it to you one day. She's like, we have a bridge. And he goes, what is yours? The draw bridge and the Whitney goes, your bridge sucks. I love bridge posturing. That was later in the episode, but I still was a really glorious moment.

It's so funny. So Cameron pulls up a side. She's like, I need to talk with you. I don't know why I need to be this in between person. You don't have to be actually. You actually really don't have to be, but go on. Cause you're avoiding having children or showing your husband. By franched.

And she's like, whoa, I made out with her first. And then he flips the camera, double birds. And she goes, Chef, you need to grow a pair of nets. And just go tell her, you're in love with her, and you want her to have your babies. Well, this girl just told her, she just told Cameron, I'm not into Chef. He's a total whore.

And I can't forget that when I'm trying to date him, you know? Like that's not something I can put out with, put out on my mind that he's like, fucking 20 year olds every night. And some Cameron still goes over to him. She's like, go after her. You know when a girl makes it clear that she didn't want to be with you?

Kate trying to fuck her. So you're trying to get this man thrown in jail for sexual assault or what? Get on me. And so. It's like you're trying to get this man thrown thrown in jail for sexual assault or what? Yeah, and so the camera is like shape. Do you want to be Thomas? Do you want to be 55 and not have shoelaces on? It's like oh man. Look at him. He is alone on wicker Want to be that person and it's just Thomas. He's like well listen here. D. D. D. Percy and and it's just Thomas. He's like, well listen here, D. D. Drah It's like on the phone with his nanny. Yeah, he's on a hot pussy call He's like now just because I'm not wearing shoelaces. Doesn't mean I can't be responsible

I just thought these were velcro. That's all or loafers. Um, so then Then same like the same minute he goes she says that I have she thinks I have a reputation but the reputation's not true and then he says to us he's no then he says to Cameron wouldn't just be easier if I just went after someone who wants to do it like right now. I can't have it both ways do. Yeah. So then um chef goes over to land because he wants to apologize to her for going off on her an episode or two ago. And Landon is there with her hot, like sort of boyfriend Drew. And I love this guy Drew because they have yet to let him say anything. He has not said a word so far.

He only does his sweat and look hot, literally look hot. And the funny thing is that she's there with Drew. And Chef's like, you mind if I grab land and wait for a second and they show Drew and he like opens his mouth to say something and then they just cut away. It's It's so perfect. It's like Maggie Simpson. Uh-huh. It's so sad because she's just using him as a piece of Ask to kind of make everybody think she's not fucking Thomas. And you know what, God bless her. She should. Everyone deserves to have a hot person to have as their cover. Oh, she's an idiot. So, uh, Shep's like, well, um, King Gars, first of all, I'm really sorry that I talked to you like that. She says, well, thank you. Because it really, and he doesn't let her talk. He's like, but I'm also not sorry, because I just

want you to do well. And I'm like trying to help you. And she goes, well, that's a typical chef of all of gene. It's not really a chef of all of you. So you know what? I'm going to say we're not cool, but we're really not cool. And yeah, fucking landed. But then because of her, yeah, big. I was, because, no, because basically he he was like gosh, I'm really sorry, but I would have felt more sorry if I didn't say it. It's like, okay.

So now T-Rav and Whitney are eyeing a woman. They're just sitting there. They're drunk at this point. They're sitting around. We should mention that Whitney is wearing his jumbo's clown room hack because he's so cool with his sears sucker out, you know, pursuit. So to your avis staring at this woman and he's like, she's got cancels. I like good ankles. I don't like the wide and the dark thing. I like a good sturdy, sturdy ankle. You know what I don't like? I don't like a tear-shaped girl. I like playing with its body. Fat girls with a shape like a pair. That's what I don's body. Fat girls with a shape like a pair. That's what I don't like. Fat girls with cancels. I don't want a woman whose legs look like two palm trees, trunks.

I like to see some curvature around those ankles. Something I can get my tongue around. When he's like, well, there's a menu window there. Are you doing it with land in? And he goes, I have not had sexual relations with that woman, which is, you know, the pretty classic way of saying, I just let her blow me when we're wasting. Yeah. I like Landon because she's presentable. I love a presentable woman without pairs and cancels. So then Landon is, you know, saying like, well, you know, I want to be someone

with who's like Thomas, but you know, never work out between us, but we do have the same interest in, you know, horses and architecture and real estate. And Thomas goes, she is OC, our class. If only she had a bridge. She is fucking disgusting and they deserve each other. Yeah, exactly. So this is when they start, this is when he and, and well, he's start talking about his reputation at proceeds and then we see that Catherine flashback for no reason. And then that's when it lies a lime house, they start like, one up in each other with their different various bridges and tunnels. I mean, when we say normally that people are bridge and tunnel people,

we mean that they come through bridge and tunnels, but these people actually own the bridge and tunnels. Yeah, these are actually tunnel people. And they're actually as disgusting as the bridge and tunnel people. They are, but in a really entertaining way. I like, I really appreciate super wealthy assholes. So, Sep is flirting with some girl and Cameron's giving him a dirty look, you know? Yeah. And he's doing it and people he's, he's like flirting with Bailey and flirting with all these people.

He's doing it right in front of Chelsea, so Chelsea's like, alright, fine. I got a new alliance on my Savava and she goes off with Austin. Yeah, Sheff has a lime house sitting on his lap just trying to have some kind of scene, you know And he's like we can have a three-some-night Oh So then Chelsea and Austin Let's see Chelsea's like well, I wonder if Cameron talked to shape Probably did so he's like shit. I guess I better talk to him at some point, you know So Shepin landing wait, what, so Shepin land in wait What is this Shepin land in you care? I won't she de-a tear. What is this? Why don't then why are you talking and ship says?

I don't want to be in a friendship. You got it. Yeah, basically, Shep was talking to Cameron not landing Oh, and he's like gosh, you know what? I don't care about anymore. I don't care and Cameron's like well, you obviously you do care because you're talking to me about it right now. If you didn't care, why talk about it? She's like, no, I'm just saying. I literally don't care so much about her that all I want to do is not care about her anymore.

So that means you do care, don't you, Shep? He's like, gosh, top of the mind games. Oh, you care. Shut up. So then we cut to Chelsea and Austin and he's like, well, I don't want to break bro code. I mean, do you even want to continue hanging out? She's like, I like you. He's like, whoa, let's do it. So he's going to have to have the talk. And then he's shut, come back to chef. He's like, the girls hold all the cords.

Gorgeous. She goes, but if you have a dream of getting married and having babies and you got to make yourself vulnerable, like a bachelor. Come on. Yeah, exactly. It basically turned into the bachelor right there. And I was into it. Yeah.

So if he's not careful, he'll end up alone with a fridge full of beer. I'm like, that sounds like every man's dream kind of. Yeah, exactly. Just throwing the grilled cheese and you got a day. So that's basically it. Cameron's going to try and brainwash Shep into thinking that he wants Chelsea.

And then if he ever gets Chelsea, he's just going to end up ignoring her and cheating. Honor, because he didn't want her in the first place. That's not what love is, you guys. Yeah, exactly. Well, either way, another fun episode on this day, the 15-year anniversary of Lisa Left Eye Lopez dying. Just thought of...

Oh, geez! Start that in there. God! I just saw it on Instagram right now. Speak day. We'd like to donate this new bridge to Lisa Left Eye. Alright, everybody, that brings us to the end of another fun episode. We will be here tomorrow with the real housewives of Beverly Hills!

Finally! Oh my god, the reunion can't wait. We sure love you guys, we'll talk to you then. And check out our bonus episode and also, um, come to our live show. Details on our page. Bye! Bye! Hey, prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download

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