Watch What Crappens - #448 RHONY: Little Shop of Election Horrors

Episode Date: May 5, 2017

This week's episode of RHONY is full of surprises, both on a national level (the election) and an international level (Ramona's birthday). We've got it all covered, and as an added bonus, there's even a musical medley mid-show. Sing along with us on this very special Real Housewives of New York episode! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchi blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Today's episode is sponsored by our premier Patreon subscribers Madonna Hines with a sexy J. Chrissy D'Arty and Mia Hanson Aloha. Thanks. What happens when there's so much that crap ends? What happens?

What happens? What happens when there's so much that crap ends? What happens when there's so much that crap ends? What happens when there's so much that crap ends? What happens when there's so much that crap ends? What happens when there's so much that crap ends? What happens when there's so much that crap ends? to talk to other crap and listeners about the shows as they air come over to Facebook.com slash watch what crap in and to follow us on social media go to watch a crap and dot

com to find all our social media links and for our bonus episodes and all of our extras come over and be a premium member over at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends that's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. Hey everyone welcome to watch or crap ends a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just loved to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from beside blog.com and the banter blender podcast Bill Bl iTunes. And joining me is the always hilarious, wonderful, exuberant jazz handy, handy in terms of tools, handy man-ish, just a man with two hands. It's Ron the Carrom from Trash Talk TV

and the Rose Prince Bachelor podcast. Hey, what's going on? You know, every time I think you can't top yourself. Yeah, hands on the man with two hands. I mean, I would do it. You would think that I might like actually prepare something, or I just like give up. I don't always like giving you platitudes, but I can't.

And I love you for it, babe. You're all hands, Ronnie Karen. You guys, this is exciting. It's Thursday and not only are we going to be talking about real houses in New York City today, but next week is our live show at the improv and we have this to say, if you want to go to see us with Michelle Collins at the improv on Tuesday, May 9th at 10pm, you have to act now because as of last night there are only five tickets left. And this is not a lie. This is real guys. If you're on the fence, it's time to get off

the fence y'all because there's five tickets left. And if you're a six person party, it's too late already. It's so exciting, Ben. I know. I can't believe it. I thought for sure I was like, well, I think we'll get like 30 people. I cannot believe we't believe it. I thought for sure as well. I think we'll I think I feel like we'll get like 30 people I cannot believe we only have five they may be sold out by now who knows Who knows crazy different day so tickets are actually running out so get your ticket now or you know You'll just have to cry so on top of that We also we have so today is Real House of New York. Tomorrow, we're going to talk Real House as a Potomac.

And at some point, we also record an interview with Joanna Krupa and producer Darren Bentoncourt. And they are Joanna, as we may remember, as Real House was a Miami. And Darren, as you probably do not remember, because we never talked about it before, He is a producer of this new show called Altered Reality which has a bunch of housewives as cast members. So we talked to them so keep an eye out for that episode. It's entertaining and a very special bonus episode. Yeah, but it's free for the masses. I think I feel like those are all the announcements. I mean, I honestly, I downed my coffee today

because I put rum chato in it, which made it delicious. And when I do that, when I do that, I like super right up and now I'm caffeinated and a little drunk. Girl, I love a lunch drunk. My parents came in town for one night because they're going on a cruise. One night. Yes, and I think that that's our time, you know, My parents came in town for one night because they're going on a cruise Yes, and I think that that's our time, you know like a one night before they're like god he never stops talking

We've had so much fun. I got to their hotel last night and I said where are you guys my dad said? We're in the bar and I'm like okay, so I go into their hotel It's this tiny little booty co-. And there's no bar. And I told the guy, I said, where's the bar? I said, Oh, we don't have a bar here, sir. I'm sorry. And I said, my parents said they're in the bar. And he said, Oh, I think they meant the lobby. And I walk into this tiny little room. It's got a huge flat screen. You know, it's like a waiting room. Not even really a lobby. It's tiny. This big thing blaring the news. And my mom and dad sitting there with their own bottle of vodka Getting wasted on the couch, so I think they're asking

I was like these are my people. This is where I came from okay. I love it goodness One other shout out by the way before I forget is that tonight is the premiere of Second wives club which are a good friend Katie Kazzorla is a cast member of, and she has been a frequent guest on this show. So show her some love and watch that on E and give it good ratings. So excited to go to that. Oh, and also, I would like to give a special, this is just this whole episode is going to be shout out to shout out to you.

I'm fine with that. This is a very special birthday shout out to Mr. Jones Kittridge. Soon to be Jones Sparks, your hot fiance. Hook that up for you. We love you, babe. We love you, Jones Sparks. Yeah, Jones Kittridge Sparks. Yeah, happy birthday. God, I would marry a man if his last name was Sparks. What a way to do. Ronnie Sparks.

Well, why don't you see if you can get with house barks? Oh God. Yeah, I've ruined it for you. There we go. I ruined it for you. Sorry. Well, he has grandchildren or something. Oh, children, children. Children, my name unfortunately. Yeah, I know sparks.

Isn't he really old? How gross am I being right now? He's really, he's really old, right? He's probably like eight years older than us. Oh gosh, never mind. There maybe has a nephew, I mean. I actually know a guy named Spark. Spark?

He has name of Spark and is that made up? That's so L.A. bullshit. And he's like, no, that's really my name. My parents were hippies. Like Sparky Polash tree? Spark. Just Spark. He is a little Spark. Yes, really my name my parents were hippies like sparky palastry spark just spark He is a little spark a positive little spark of fire cracker and I love him. Hey, you know what? Shut up to spark.

Shash spark Oh, I'm and you know what my friend his last name is parks, which is almost like spark It's like spark but then the escotten trouble had to go the back of the word. So to wall a shout out to woe lay parks. Yeah, and shout out also to this opera singer, Aeson, and El Paso, named Melissa Parks. And shout out to the WNBA team. I believe they're the New York Sparks or there's some team called the Sparks. Just shout out to you and you're always welcome to come on the show, okay? Hey, and while we're here, shout out to Park Overall.

Haha. Haha. Shout out to all the parks in the world. All the, like, as in all the Korean people whose last name is Park. And also any park that's in your local neighborhood, as in like a place where you go and sit on a bench. And also the facial lights. And also the facial lights.

Yeah. To, um, valet people who take your car and then they park it. Thank you. Thank you. Shout out to Spark Notes. It's great alternative to Cliff Notes. Who needs Cliff and you got Spark Notes? They're Notes made for Ronnie's Friend Spark.

Oh, Lord, shall we get into this episode? Yes, for the three people still listening, we do have a show to recap. We do. Um, so real housewives of New York, well, this show, this show. So I'm happy to announce that I've been working on my carol impersonation, which means that I'm going to botch it whenever I work on an impersonation, when the show comes, I'm like, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, I'm gonna botch it whenever I work on an impersonation when the show comes I'm like but I realized I was like, you know Ronnie does such a good carol and my carol always sounds so deranged and I realized if I make my voice sound a little bit more like Ronnie's and then go from there to Carol I could probably do a decent carol and I realized the way for me to get to your voice Is to sort of do Erica Jane? So I'm just letting everyone know, this is my method, and we're going to see how it works later on. Well, lucky for us is the first scene of the show.

And I didn't know where I didn't write a whole page on what happened previously, but I didn't catch this line that they've replayed in the previous days. We're Durinda was saying they were talking about the election at that dinner in the Berkshire's in the Hamptons or whatever, and Durinda was saying they were talking about the election at that dinner in the Berkshire's to the Hamptons or whatever and Durinda's telling Carol. I told, I told Hava if Trump would that go strip now because you two could be at the White House. I like the vote of confidence that she has in Hannah, you know, the only way, I, I guess

she's saying you can't strip it doesn't matter like it has a plan of strip now and she's not making it like you could be president she's like you can be the president's wife which you know what a goal for your dot oh i thought it was basically saying uh... listen you can finally fulfill your dream stripping because it's not gonna matter because anyone could be president now even strippers like you Hannah. Either way, or in the year of peach. Yeah, she is a peach. So the episode opens up with Carol and her mother Helen and I was like, oh, Helen looks very young. She almost looks like contemporary, which I don't know what that says about Carol, but

we did learn actually that that Helen had Carol when she was 18 So they sort of have one of those Gilmore girls 18 I mean, I sort of like sisterly mother daughter situations going on Yeah, but New York where all the fun witty stuff is replaced with just flat-out complaining Yeah, why you pressing that button and by the way is strange at Helen Helen has like a full on New York accent and Carol does not have one at all Helen's like, so what was the last time you drove a car? When did you do that last time and Carol's like? Oh, see I've I've actually like driving. It's great. I like it.

When was the last time you even drove a car? Six months ago. Oh, great. That's just great. Driving with someone who doesn't even know how to drive. I know how to drive. I drive voter. It's the Hillary. There's a helicopter landing on my building right now.

I just want everyone to know. They're driving to Bethlehem because Pennsylvania is a swing state, Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania is a swing state Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania. So we're going to do our part to tell people to vote for Hillary. So they're going out there and I thought even Carol's such a kissass that even the town

she goes to has to have Beth and me in the tire. Oh, Christ. You know, I don't know how Carol was playing to win over voters by wearing what looked like the skinned pelts of cookie monster. I mean, that's a beloved childhood figure. Okay. You just got people slamming doors in your face. People can't say Hillary for prison if I look like a mop,

pencil, they know loves mopeds. But, see, see, it's totally, no, I have not fixed my carol impersonation. It is as bad as ever. I get it. I get it. I get it. It's not. It's good. I like it. It's funny because the picture I put up for the live show thread. I said to my we meet Carol's mother and then I put one of my Simpsons sisters because I totally pictured it being like too non-smoking. Hello, did you hang up on me? No, I'm here. How dare you, sir. Wait, why did you wait? are Simpson sisters have their use uh like finally after all these years that I've had enough I've had enough I gave a shout out to Sparky and that's it shows over I've been here I'm done so then Carol they're driving and Carol says look at us spending time together. Politics really brings people together.

Yes, yes. That's totally what it's done. If this election year has taught us anything, it's that we are closer as a nation than ever before. Thank you, Carol. Brick to the face. I'm canvassing for baby. Oh, baby! I'm with baby. I'm with baby. Oh baby, I'm with baby. I'm with baby.

The only wall I want to build is a little one so that my baby doesn't come into the kitchen and get burned when I cook. And I'm going to make baby pay for that wall. Why are you driving like that? What the hell's wrong with you I'm gonna press this button don't press that button I'm gonna press this button don't do it Carol I'm gonna press it and see what it does she presses it I press the button oh good here I am driving with someone who never drives impressive buttons lucky we're not dead now this lady has never driven before because I don't think there's any button. Is this not like an airplane? Okay, there's no button when you're driving.

That's kind of like cause the car to like detonate or something. Like eject, eject. Who's gonna try? So like you tie it to break. Now I'm in a car with someone who's tired and doesn't drive Oh God, what are you doing? Why are you pressing the brake pedal? We don't want to break the car. What are you doing Carol? I loved I fell in love with her mother when Carol goes Every time I go through this tunnel, I think what would happen if we got stuck in here?

You know people people can get stuck in tunnels. And I don't think like that. You know, you can't think negatively. And Carol says, well, I just want to come up with a contingency plan. And the mom goes, there's no exit strategy, Carol. You just drown. Yeah. But what if Silvestre Salonas here, he didn't get us out of here. This isn't daylight, Carol.

So meanwhile, while they're while they're canvassing around in Pennsylvania, Ramona gives us our annual sing with Dr. Sharan Gisi. Sharan Gisi! Sharan Gisi, as you may remember, is Ramona's sort of plastic surgeon, beauty specialist, who has those painted on ionic columns in her or maybe their door at columns whatever but all these you know she has those painted Greek columns in her office which I think that's very like Saul Goodman from Breaking Bad. Yeah it's like you have to

go down here okay. Yeah so she goes in there and she's gonna give Ramona laser treatment for her face which is great I mean it's like finally the day that Ramona gets shot for her face, which is great. I mean, it's like finally the day that Ramona gets shot in the face with a laser. So basically, she lies Ramona down and she smudges her face with this gizz-like substance to protect her from the lasers. And then it's time to poke her in the face with all sorts of novocaine. I mean, she would, they poke her and they prater. They see the stuff going in and then takes out this laser thing. Just like burning off her face.

You see smoke, you see these weird imprints. I was like, I felt like I was watching sneakers getting made. It was just like leathery hides, getting pulled and twisted and molded into place. It was just disgusting. It was considered designed to be the loudest fucking sneakers ever. But these sneakers will never be quiet. Ramona would not shut up. She's like, Sherry?

Sherry and Kisey? Hi! It's me Ramona. I'm taking it up and up because it's my birthday. And I normally don't do places this intensely, but I'm single now. I celebrate for a month for my birthday And usually I do a lunch, but this time I'm thinking I'll do a cocktail party and a lunch And a nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, nap, okay, so I find him, man. I'm loving life. I'm enjoying it. I'm embracing it.

I have more energy than women here at my age. And life is good. Okay, I'm sorry. Life is good. Now hit me with the laser. I do love that Ramona has the same disease I have, which is reverse body dysmorphia. Like, I look at...

I always think I'm very thin. And then I'm surprised, like, when I've had so window, you know? And I'm like, look him I always think I'm very thin and then I'm surprised like when I've passed a window you know I'm like when did I get fat I like I'm so cute in my head and Ramona is the same way she's like I look at girls half my age and I look younger than that well calm it's always good to have confidence this is crazy. These lasers are so big in my face. Whoa, this crazy. This reminds me of this one time when I was a little girl. I was trying to break into this like for this forbidden island and I was there and I got captured and they tied me up to a place and then Jeldin, past Smith, came out to the laser and was gonna slice me in half

and the laser was going up very very slowly and then suddenly I remembered that I could break out of my bonds and so I did it and I escaped and I got off the island in a speedboat into this day. I'm never around lasers okay I'm sorry but I think lasers are day class set. She just keeps yapping and yapping and then they start playing Yiddish dance jig music. See editors are like, what is going on? And then Ramona goes, whoa, look at those needles. Let's face it, those are crazy. What should I belt for the door now? I guess Ramona belt for the door, please.

She's like singing a song at the top of her lungs at the door. I like also how she hates needles apparently. So I like to her meditative exercises to accept the needles. She's like, okay, one, two, three. Ha, one, two, three. Ha, well, I feel like this is boring. I do have ice, I need ice. We're getting used to my ice.

Are you like out baths? I need it now. I need it now. I need it now. I need ice. There are men. Here's a thing. Here's why. Here's why I learned how to get ice because I never want to rely on a man to get me ice when I need it. Okay. I want to be able to get my own ice. I'm soory technician. I'm soory. You're too slow. When time I told my mom what's fit to serve and my dad said shut up. You stupid little ingrated. And then he threw a noodle at my head and if it weren't for ice I would have a little S shape at the top of my head and my name's Ramona it wouldn't even

make any sense like people would come to my birthday and say we're here for Ramona who are you crazy lady whose name probably starts with S? they always thought my name was Samona and I was like no my name is Ramona, okay? Now let's go play laser tag whoa lasers. I didn't realize I had so many lasers in my childhood, okay? I would like to thank ice my old friend for coming to my birthday party ice you saved my life When I was little and I played laser tech I'd always strap a bag of ice to my forehead. That way, it would block the lasers, and I'd always escape and win all the laser tags. Except that time that Geraldine Parsonsmith ripped the ice off my forehead and then batted

with a button that for laser tag gun. That was not nice. Okay, I'm sorry it was rude. It's like laser tag that I'm the only one getting shot. This is a big receipt. So over in Bethany, Bethany, Pennsylvania, Carolyn or mom are having lunch. They've just been cavising paper, it's going door to door.

And they really are just like two old sisters. The mom's like, oh, it's nice in here. I like this. Oh, my hip hurt. Oh, my feet hurt. Oh, this is nice. Yes, nice. Someone if they have low prices at this time, early bird early bird gets the worm, honey. It's the worm running for president. The mom looks like she, she's like, shut up, Carol.

She just keeps giving her these looks because Carol's like, we went over 40 ounces. People assume that just because I married John Kennedy's first cousin that I'm political. And the mom rolls her eyes. She's like, yes, Carol. Quiet, Reds of L. Reds of L. It's like, I know, Carol. She goes, so, you know what, what would be great? Oh, Carol tells a story about her mom. She's like, well, we were growing up. They were going to put subsidized housing next door to our neighborhood and everyone pros tested because they don't want quote unquote, those people in our hood. And so my mom went out there and protested the protesters. She's a fine lady. It is so cute. Yeah, it is. It's very much like we need a hero.

Yeah, what was that HBO show? We need to hear a give me a hero or something like that. Show me a hero. I actually have that show on me computer ready to watch and I just can't bring myself to do it because it just looks like so serious, but I know it's good to be here. It is very serious. I watched the first two hours, everyone's like, it's amazing, and I watched the first two hours, and it was really good, but they put Catherine Keener in this crazy old lady wig,

and I was like, I can't take this show seriously, and I just moved on. The Catherine Keener and the wig did it for you, huh? No, wait till I see her wig. Honestly, it's ridiculous. I'm like, how is this show is so serious right now? It's like, ooh, gripping realities of like like what it's like to live in Yonkers in 1989 and then all of a sudden here comes Katherine Keener in like a local

Community theater production wig and I'm like, what are they doing? Where did they where is? Where is the budget for the wigs? Why and why is this Katherine Keener have to be put in a wig? She's not this old. They're making her look so old Why and why is this Catherine Keener have to be put in a wig she's not this old they're making it look so old How do you think she felt she is like I'm in a community theater wig in yonkers What the fuck happened to my life? I was concerned. I mean thankfully she came back with get out So I was like oh god Catherine Keener back on track the regular Catherine Keener's back She's back baby. No, well, she's back Sonia Morgan. She's on a date with Rocco Black baby, you know, well, this is back, Sonia Morgan. She's on a date with Rocco, who we remember from last season's gripping napkins scene when she explained why that she has

huge napkins, that way people could dab their mouths and then move along the border of the napkins. Huge napkins. I mean, they're like, they're like beach wraps. And they said that clip and she's like, these napkins are a hundred years old Rocco. I mean, it's like, oh, lovely. Oh, these napkins are lovely. It's like, do you know how much spit and spooge those things have taken over a hundred years? Why are people so excited

to use a hundred year old nap? You're going to get like herpes that they don't even hear of anymore. There's not going to be any help in your ass. Yeah. Well then sure they were used to protect computer number three as it gathered dust in the closet. We're missing one because when we wrapped pickles up and had to bury her out in the backyard. Where's pickles? I want pickles. I don't think that pickles is alive until I get some kind of proof of life. The only reason that pickles is alive until I get some kind of proof of life. But the only reason why Ramona's napkins are so big is that way she can use back up. There's plenty of backup napkin parts for future napkins. Just in case one napkin breaks, we can always cut up part of one of the big napkins and sew it onto the old napkin. So, so on just like, um, you were so sweet, you know,

Tinsley is staying with me, which is really great, but here I am, ironing her pillowcases, and I don't even have a birthday card from her. And he's like, oh no, birthday card, this is terrible. When someone is having a birthday, I'd like to fly to their home with opera and their plane and throw a party, balloons'd like to fly to their home with opera and their plane and for a party, balloons, things fall from ceiling. She's like, you have such nice manners.

That's why I'd like you. And he's like, yes, even for your birthday, do you remember? I went on your Instagram and I said, happy birthday. And she's like, oh, yes, I got it. Thank you. He's like, oh, yes, do you remember on your birthday when I sent you one of those crazy Jib jab things from the internet that made it look like John Ketti was singing Justin Bieber to a turtle Well, I'm not sure who jib is, but I'll tell you who's been jabbed me every time Tinsley opens that door And I know she's going out with someone I knew first. I Mean here here I am giving a room and board and I don't even get a card. I was I was plucking feathers from pigeons to stuff her pillows with freshly. I mean I see if she had the nerve to go out with somebody not tell me.

I mean how many shoe boxes do I have to put out before she gets the hint? And he is basically, you know, being as old Flirty self. And then she explains to us that she's also seeing that young Frenchy, dude. Yeah, but she's old Frenchy. It's Rocco versus Frenchy. Can I not to be confused with Frenchy from Greece? Okay. That would be really amazing. That would be really amazing. She's just dating some young French guy and she's boning him but she won't bon Rocco and she says, it's because you have to keep them separate. There's a once you're having sex with and then there's the one that you want to marry. I mean, Jesus lady, poor guy. I guess she knows from being married. Like, you marry an old fucker and they never want to fuck you anyway

So just get the sex one place and the money from another. Yeah, pardon me wants to be proud of her But I just feel so bad for that old guy, you know, I do too He needs the guy can make conversation about napkins. Yeah, I think he should get some puss And he base it was like oh, I was texting you and texting you and texting you and you never responded to me So what's up with that? It's like dude. It's time to move on to a different trick. Yeah, literally. Yeah Yes, they're at the store shopping for I believe Tom's birthday birthday present Laman's like, would you believe it? I got Tom Arolex. Look, you can almost see it through all the cracks on my

iPhone screen. I uh, I dropped my iPhone on the yachts in Palm Beach. We were a little smart enough and it got out of hand. There's a little brown spot here in this crack. I accidentally dropped it in the toilet, the guest toilet. Haven't been been able to get back the point is we got the yacht oh girls we got the yacht oh girls Durand this is one of my favorite sewers you know I love these times I think time I think he's only got these guys right I think I saw him in this bedroom. Just kidding. Just kidding dude. Just kidding, just kidding, wait.

Sheesh, sheesh. Like, I'll give you a pass on that one to render, but don't do it again. Seeing as how you're shooting with me and letting me talk about my Rolex, I'll let that one slide. Can I have this Rolex for free? I know Michelle Obama. Anyone? Would you believe that many ties they have in this store, we came to the right place.

Am I right? Look at that. Purple tie, green tie. Who would have thought they'd have so many ties they have in the store we came to the right place? Am I right? Look at that purple tie green tie. Who would have thought that had so many ties in one place? You're in either tie for that one got a tie him up. Give him what you can see. No, just kidding Just kidding. Oh, that's very funny to me. Not at the tie store, Durinda. Not at the tie store Get it not at the tie store. Oh, I killed me. Where's Tommy tune? I'll be doing a concert here later this month. Ties! I'll have a one of Ties! It's called Ties went on, the Luandos' App Store. Ties! What are we doing with all these ties today? Just you ain't in C-ties! Why can't they be like we were perfect in the past?

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Ties what are we doing with all these ties today just you ain't in sea ties Well, I can't they be like we were perfect in every way. What's the matter with ties today? Carol I mean yeah, the wankin harmonized with herself She's got one of those machines with the foot pedals which she records her voice and it goes on loop behind her. Suddenly bow ties standing beside me. Don't need no clip on those don't need to watch a tutorial on YouTube on how to tie it watch you do you want to hear you joy that the time suddenly both eyes are here to provide me don't don't with sweet accessories

we got the yacht everybody now I decided to take the song in a new new direction poor all my life I've never been poor I keep asking God what are four people for and he tells me gee I'm not sure Fuck that time kid boy

I don't remember the life is an indigent on the street which is why my teeth grow backwards On this yacht don't give head don't eat dead don't get jobs that's why we go Palm Beach where your life's a snow we go Palm Beach or your wife not a whole Palm Beach Where they got yachts from miles every day Down on Palm Beach We borrowed this boat from a good old friend of ours Please say it's a good old friend of ours

If from Mona comes on I'll throw her off of us. Just give me a shot at the sand bar. Palm Beach. I got a sand wedge. Ah, stop rads of it. You ruined my opening number. Sorry, Ties. Store. Little Palm Beach, Little Palm Beach of Tom Dacastino. So stupid. We're all going to go through the entire soundtrack. Somewhere that's Tom Dacastino as in Kisette. Doesn't even make sense. Somewhere that's a pet now, so the wraparound balcony is a little off to Bay Renn for.

And I can still get away to visit my little... Hutt on and the Humpton's on. I'm a main green cow nurse from Outer Heart for Connecticut and I'm mad. So speaking of, that was... Well there is many big puppets. Let's go visit carols. Election party. Well, we should by the way mention that the one thing we didn't talk about this scene was the point of it,

which is that to Rinda made a decoy invitation for Ramona's surprise birthday party and and the whole plan is hopefully no one is going to ruin the surprise for Ramona's birthday party dot dot dot and now and I love and by the way I love how the decoy was that to Rinnichra said yeah I'm just I just told Ramona I invited a whole bunch of the single guys and she's like okay I'm on board it's that easy I told you know I was gonna be some guys gonna be some men who are single and ready to mingle. She said that's my favorite nursery rhyme of the year.

It's coming. I don't know my Ramona, what Ramona's thing. So now it's time for Carol and she is setting up her election day party because she is ready to celebrate the first female president of the United States. Whoever that may be because it's not good. Selling skinny girl. Her whole bar is skinny girl. She's got Bethany to show up at her party. She had a lot to put skinny girl everywhere. Bethany is like, can I bring my own friends to shoot with? I have to talk to you and just make fun of you the whole time and you'll serve

skinny girl. Great. I mean, if you talk about my daughter, I'm out of here. Like seriously, I can't take it walls up. Like literally the walls up like I don't say like build that wall for real. As long as you just don't relate this election to my daughter, then we'll be fine. You know, but if you start if you start making this whole thing about my daughter, like walls up seriously, like seriously, like what like what what's going on? What's going

on? What's the matter? What's my action? So we're at Doce Caminos. And oh, so while Carol's setting up her election party, we then cross cut to Doce Caminos, which is a lovely Mexican place, where Bethany and her friend Marjorie are talking about how old-fashioned voting is and how they had to like circle, use pencils, and I was just imagining Bethany, you know,

she was like, like, what's going on? Like what do you do in the SATs? Like, I'll be back in school again. Like, I don't know what I'm saying. What's a pencil number two pencil? Like, I want the number one pencil. I don't have to have number two. Like, I don't settle for things.

Okay, like, literally, like, if I have to like, if I have to like draw something in a circle and then like, I raise it again, I have to use a scantron one more time. I'm like, yeah, like, I don't want a scantron. Like, multiple choices I don't do. Like, give me an essay, but like, a little, not, not, not, not, not scantron.

Like, Sarah said, I'm voting for number one with the number two. How does that even make sense? Like, give me a number one. Like seriously, you want me to vote? Give me like the number one champion is something and I'll vote with that. Yeah, what I'm saying. Like, what are those circles? I don't even know if it's how, what that is.

Why are they circles? Like, why can't they be squares? What's wrong with triangles? Like circles, seriously. Like, square pack through a circle hole. Like, like, honestly, like, doesn't work. Like, like, honestly, like too many shapes. Like, how about like, no shapes.

How about we just like write something? How about this? How about this? How about we vote for skinny girl I'm running in skinny girl for president Guess what I'm voting for not going to this party because it's gonna be so stupid like seriously Carol is so passionate She's like very passionate like passionate of the Christ passionate, you know like Martin Scorsese making Jesus It's actual bad. It's like it's like why do I want to support Mel Gibson like he's like an anti-Semite and like I'm not Jewish But I actually wish and so like literally like I can't with Mel Gibson like why am I going to Mel Gibson's like an anti-Semite, and I'm not Jewish, but I act Jewish, and so like literally, like I can't with milk up, so like, why am I going to milk up some party? Like, what would be a cross to be like flaying?

Like honestly, a bit of Bobby Flay, I can't even deal with him. Like honestly, like, like, I don't need like this challenge. I don't, Iron Chef, like who wants, I don't, I don't, I have enough iron. I don't have any deficiencies. I'm not like anemic or anything. Like it's just, I can't.

And their friends like, what a historic night. It's the biggest moment of our lives. Like you need to seriously get out more. And then the other one's carrying a pink glitter purse shaped like a cat. It's my purse, pussy purse, because my pussy voted. I was like, well, that explains the hanging chance. No one wants to spend the proper amount of time

in a voting booth with Pussy's voting. Please vote with your hands. You know, I think what was interesting was that Bethany is very careful to not say who she voted for. And that's obviously her right. She doesn't have to say who she voted for but she speaks in a way where she talks very much like carol is obsessed with her clinton i brought a bunch of

people who were like minded with carol and she speaks in a way where it makes me wonder did bethany vote for trump look when people make bill or millions and zillions of dollars vote for Trump? Look, when people make billions or millions and zillions of dollars vote for Republican, they want, you know, they want some kind of tax structure that they can agree with. Hillary, one of the things I remember Hillary saying, and I'm not don't worry, it's not getting political, but I do remember in a debate where she's like, I think that it's time for the richest people in America to be paying 65% and I just was like, well, by

there's all the rich votes. Who the hell is going to be like, yeah, I want to give 65% of my money away, like say, by the rich people. That's what he's like, I just made this money. I'm keeping it like seriously. What did I marry you? Like she wants more than Jason did. Like at least he gave me a baby who we're not going to talk about today or seriously. I'll cut you like I can't even do that. What I wicked and away seriously both like I don't say I just want to be popular so this I just thought it was strange I mean it and she has a right to vote for anyone who wants to and and I may be reading into it but I thought it was weird that she didn't her language was not very much like we are all getting excited to support Hillary

it was very much like Carol is and I'm bringing friends for Carol and she just she stayed out of it she also may have been like I don't want to be political and I've got I've got a brand and I don't want to like be boy-cotted By the left or the right so I'm just gonna stay raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parents life But come on Some days parenting is unbearable. I love my kid But is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownleur, we will be your resident

not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong, what would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen ad free on the Amazon music or Wendry app. So there you go. So either way, we then go back to Carol's election party and guess who showed up? It's a blast from the past. Heather Thompson, I'm so happy to see her. Hi, baby. Hi, mama. Hi, mama. Mama.

Hello. Hello, Rick Clinton. Hello. Hi, everybody. Hillary Clinton. It's a fab, fast, amazing street world. Okay, step off off the curb. Mama.

Hey, mama. So she shows up up and then Bethany I just thought you needed a little urban in your party carol mama's here I am where'd you learn that in prison hey mother fuckers hey wow she is so urban baby face p-dids so then Beth I love this when Beth and he was leaving. DOSKAMENOS were friends to go to Carol's party. And like, I guess some friend joined them. And so Beth and he walked out the restaurant going,

all right, so wait, you just got here? What's going on? I couldn't tell if she was in a situation or naming her three new interns. There's all rights to wait. You just got out here and what's going on? All right, so wait, all right, so wait. All right Alright, so wait, alright, so wait, is that show? Is that show? Why are you just getting girl facing the camera?

You just got your amount. Alright, so wait, you just got here? Alright, get the cap, alright, so wait, get the cap, alright, so wait, get the cap. You just got here? We're going. No matter what the assistant is, you know they're going to be like, Buzzani, glad you made it to the party. You look great. You're beautiful. What's your opinion? It's right, I'll tell you graduated to the party. You look great. You're beautiful.

What's your opinion? It's right. I'll tell you that much, Beth. We also learn around here, because Dorenda shows up to the party and Dorenda says that she knows who we're Clinton personally and then Richard used to work for her and that they've entertained for the house. You know, the first time I found a pile of loose chain

chillery was over and I said, that's Richard. And then Richard ran up off the floor and took Richard home pile of loose change Hillary was over and I said that's Richard. Hillary picked up off the floor and took Richard home in her pocket. Richard's been there ever since. So with Hillary, I'm with her and Richard. To this day, to this day, Hillary's the only person that we put a third layer of the cake on for the three sheet cakes piled up. Can you imagine takes a special lady? Could you imagine if to render ran Hillary's campaign? I think that would have fixed so many things

She just would have that's what that's what Hillary needed. She just needed like to render it get up on the mic like hey hey All right This woman here she's done so much the 30 years and you're talking about emails Let me tell you what you could do with your emails. You can shove them up your fucking ass, okay? Because she does it well. She does it nice. And when people like us with from the bookshed, we go over there with visit, okay? We got change. We got balloon for lightning. It's like under here.

In La Coyola, we got fireworks on the river. We got glass about to fall down from the ceiling like a broken ceiling. And I'm gonna vote for she made a night. You wanna make a night. Thank you very much. And you're in the medley. Hi, you wanna talk about, you must have a, this, want me to talk about sandwiches, okay? You wanna say, you make a sandwich then.

You make a sandwich if you don't want, if you don't want a sandwich, don't make a sandwich. Don't have a sandwich, all right? You take a cares brand. We're gonna take a cares brand. We're gonna take a cares brand. I don't know what's gonna happen. We're gonna take the chaos. I draw what's happening. Hillary Clinton. Now, you listen up.

And she just, she just sits down, opens up her legs, and puts one hand on her knee. You listen up. All right. Anything you gotta say about Hillary, you say it on me. And by the way, if that happened, if, if Dharinda worked on Hillary's campaign, if she was, even if she was the spokesman, it would have been a hands-on victory, like not even close. I stand by that fully.

Oh, D'Aurinda. So then one of the friends, Andrea, shows up, and she's wearing a shirt that says deplorable. And I was like, L-O-L. And someone's like, who told her this? Someone was like, oh, you look great. You look great, Lay. Oh, Bethany. She's like, ah, who told her this? Someone was like, Oh, you look great. You look great. Lay. Oh, Bethany.

She's like, Oh, you look great. Look at that. So you look great. Look at that. She's like, uh, and Carol said, yes, yeah, I have Republican friends. And she goes, you have a gay Republican friends. Okay. Oh, girl.

I don't even know how that holds. That's bold to wear a deplorable shirt into a Hillary election party in New York City. In New York City, bold. So then, yeah, Bethany shows up and she's, you know, she enters in just a typical Bethany way. She's like, hello, hi, hi, hi, hi, are you freaking out? Hi, hi, what you're freaking out? What's going on? What's the matter? Okay, so you just got here? What's going on? What's the matter? All right, so just got here? What's what's going on? What's better? All right So what? Huh? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, that to me. Like, so you're gonna say, I'll start crying. Like, you have a surprise party for me. It's not gonna be a surprise.

Guess what's not gonna surprise you, because I'm bawling and throwing things to your face. Don't ever do it. I'm not gonna go to that. What? What's the impact? I'm not gonna go.

I don't want to. I'm not gonna. Like, I'll say, you know, nice to do in my jack-in-box. I'll just tear open the top. Like, why, why, why even bother wanting it up? Like, it's just gonna, like, surprise me. Like, I don't wanna be surprised by some clown on the coil. Like, just like, open it up and be like,

I surprise you now. Okay, that's what I do. Like, honestly, like, if you're gonna pull jack-in-box I mean, again, like, malls are gonna be up. I don't even wanna, I don't want to be surprised by some clown on a coil like just like open it up and be like I surprise you know Okay, that's what I do like honestly like if you're gonna pull jack in the box I mean again like malls are gonna be up. I don't even want to I don't know 60 six birthday look here's about 60 like 60 like who cares like who's 66? That's one thing But like 60 60 more. I like I like what speed limits aren't even sick like 55 65 like whatever Seriously like what am I supposed to do with the jack in the box, you know like but he's gonna stand a box I'm gonna take him out and he's gonna want to have them everything I own have about our rip him out of the box

And he gets a job and then he can find his own box living He doesn't have to mess up my box. How about that? Yeah, I'm gonna say like my walls are up like I'm in my own jacket box like I'm in my own like I'm in my own But you know what I'm in a box. I'm closing the time. Mm-hmm. Durinda, meanwhile. Hey, boss, candidate, ask me.

He gave me some change back when I skipped him, and I started crying. It's like Richard, she's watching Hill, who yell over again with me. So Durinda, so Durinda's trying to get Bethany to come to Ramona's 60th birthday, and Bethany's like, nah, because she doesn't, you know, she hates Ramona now because she felt like Ramona was trying to embarrass her by using Bryn, which Ramona was doing and Bethany is like,

I'm not going to go, I don't care if it's her 60th birthday, I'm not going to go, I don't like her. Which I think it actually like makes sense, although it's also, it's pretty mean you know ultimately Durinda was right. She's like listen. You're in a fight It's gonna blow over just go because you're gonna wish your bingo 60 happened just once these fights happen You know all the time and Durinda the voice of reason Hey And it's locked and they've been wanting to extend these effort. Hey, why don't you go sit on that traffic cone over there

Direct how the penis is trying to come in and out of your house What is that poor girl eating manure in the back y'all? What even feed you? Your homeless glad we have that talk and really glad I feel better Yeah, it's it's gone now So best friend and then Bethany is like no, why would I go? She didn't even wish me a happy birthday. I'm like, god damn, with these women on this show, between Sonia and Bethany with their cards and their birthday wishes. They really hold a grudge.

So crazy. So then we get a little tiny scene. Adam is on his cell phone standing by Carol who's freaking out because it's like Trump is projected to win this state in that state. And he goes, are you nervous? She says, yeah, but she's gonna win. So you think she's gonna win, right? And he's like, yeah.

And he's just flipping through his iPhone. He's like, he's like, yeah, I just checked in with the Nicaraguan beekeepers and they say things are looking really good for Hillary right now. He's like, I'm talking to this hot chick on the ARP app. So give me some time. ARP. I'll be right with you honey. Yeah.

So then we sort of see a montage of the night as, as reality sinks in and Carol's like, this can't be happening. I can't believe it. And during this like, I'm going to bed. Hopefully when I wake up, it'll be a dream. And the next morning, the first time I think I've ever heard acoustic guitar used on this show for any reason.

It's the next morning, it's like, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. I'm like, whoa, you know they're trying to convey sadness when they whip out anything acoustic on this. It was, it's funny because I obviously was a Hillary supporter and I specifically just did not really want Trump in office for a variety of reasons. And so that it's funny watching it.

It's sort of brought back that sense of dread and like incredulousness that I felt at that night. Incredulity, I don't know. And I was like, oh my god, reliving it all again. But at the same time, I was like, this is still hilarious to watch. It's hilarious to watch like the folly of all of us, you know? Oh, yeah. Carol, Carol calls her mom and her mom's like, what are you tired? Please don't drive. don't drive right now Please tell us what happens you press buttons to press the Trump button on your car now look what happened That button probably talked to everybody in Bethany not to vote for Hillary. I love how to trade

I love to have a trade carol was she's like we lost Pennsylvania even though we can't It's there it's like yeah I'm more than 40 Who would have thought that they would have not listened to me? Carol Radswell and her sister mother. I don't want them to listen to me just because I married the first cousin of John F. Kennedy Jr. I don't even understand. I just don't know why people think that we're elitists. I mean I remember when I'd hang out with Jeff Cage in here in Caroline, and we'd go in this private plane to Martha's Vineyard and talk about how we were

along with the people all the time. So she's talking to her mom and she's crying and she says, I can't put into words how I feel. It's devastating. I wrote a toast. I was gonna give this last night at the party. And she starts reading it and it's like, women everywhere, I'm proven today,

and we will not be bullied. I can't even read the tons of them. I can't even stop them. She's like, she's like, it's okay, mom. I'm just gonna focus on my Lala land speech It's so great that this movie is being recognized at last movie musicals are back. Thank you Academy for awarding this picture best picture it deserves it This picture, best picture it deserves it

She's telling us she's dumbfounded and etc etc and she goes mom on a day drink and her mom goes Yes, there's a good day for that maybe while you're at their practice a little parallel parking seriously Like I've never thought I was gonna die more than I did yesterday and joke talk while you do it gonna die more than I did yesterday. And Joe talk while you do it. She's like, okay, I'll just take inside and listen to Lemonade, which as we all know is going to win best album at the Grammys. That'll at least make me feel better when I see Beyonce win her first best album. Oh well anyway, at least we can have a no-star wars to look forward to starring Carrie Fisher at Hanson and Harrison Ford, right? Hey mom, I just got tickets to the Wham reunion. Oh, fourth big. So Ramona and Carol. Oh Poor thing

So Ramona Carol well this is what I love. It's like oh Election how do we move on Hillary lost we lost and then hey? It's Ramona trying on sexy dresses like well Some things never changed was back. We'll just move forward from that Ramona is like holy shit. Okay. I love this dress. Okay. It's red hot Let's have champagne celebrate my birthday dress and the lady works at the store It's like oh yeah, okay. Oh, go. Oh God look disgusted I'm gonna say you know what looks hot on me this dress. It's like a boot But with the boot part cut off. It's just the top of the boot and now it's a dress. I love it like it's crazy

Because I'm single and when I'm ready to mingle I want people to see zippers on my shoulder and say what if I enzip that right now and saw shoulder. I love it. Acinmetrics zipper. Okay, I've always felt like we should always be allowed to have zippers on any part of our body. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's funny. This reminds me of this one time. I took my zipper agenda to Lancaster, Pennsylvania I'm gonna canvas for zippers and then gelding partners and said hey, this is Amish country They don't believe in zippers. How could you do that? You stupid little bitch and to this day

I've never been back to Pennsylvania. I'm sorry. I'm sorry You're like, can you believe we lost Pennsylvania? Yeah, but at the end of the day there were 40 writings for zippers So I think I went to the right house Carol Zippers for president am I right? We don't need another man in the White House. We just need a zipper So she sees Carol coming in the store and she goes, oh, I got a chain because I want to see her surprise when she sees my dress because I want to see her surprise when she sees my dress. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, like, whoa, freshman. And I'm like, is the zippers? Who's the hot new zipper on the block? It's me. So then Carol walks in and she's like, talking to the owner of the store and it's like, yeah, she's like, why did you move to the upper

side? Then remodel burst out of like the dressing room is like, he came to the upper side because all I live here, okay? I'm sore. I'm being renewed. He did it because I discovered the store. And Carol's like, I discovered this store. And I like that as normal as Carol tries to actually have so many petty little comments on stores that she's discovered.

I mean, her first fight on this show was because she took Lewand to a store and then we tried to get a free dress. And Carol's like, they designed dresses for the Obama's. was because she took Lewand to a store and the one tried to get a free dress. Carol's like, they designed dresses for the Obama's. So guess what? Obama's a brand. Guess what Lewand does the steps, the countis is a brand. Thank you. Same thing.

Moving on, Ratsaville. So Ramona and Carol are just chatting. And of course Ramona is using this as an opportunity to try to turn Carol against Beth. And she's like, look, look, look look just bonding now that Bethany isn't here we can bond like gold friends of y'all almost like your wife's friends who are now one of my friends too okay I don't want to get in the middle of that I think she was just uncomfortable when you said her daughter was a porn

star and will be caught or whatever and And Ramona's like, no, all I was saying is thank goodness. No one brought it up to a daughter. I mean, thank goodness. Could you imagine as a friend, I was just saying, you know, I understand. I was saying, thank goodness here. No one told you daughter that you were a porn star showing off your boobies and possibly you vagina. I mean, what do I know?

Having sex with a stranger. I mean, maybe that's where she came from like some strange on the street Maybe Bethany was a whore, you know, I was just telling go watch out Maybe people are telling everybody you're a whore at a preschool. Yeah, maybe she's just dreamed one too many dreams Okay, and she's just a common French horn out. I'm sorry Romona subtlety and Carol's not falling for it at all, which I liked Um, I really like the part from on a falling for it at all, which I liked. I really like the part where I'm gonna Lee Wah.

It's like, oh, you must try on this dress, because your body type and your size, it's lace and leather, only you could wear it. And Ramonika. Thanks, Lee Wah. Yeah. He's like, he's like, he's like, talking to Ramon and she's like,

I'm a six, fine, a seven, fine, just give me the 10. A little big business, business, you swag there. Fine, a seven. Fine, just give me the 10. Little big business, you used to ride there for everyone, little big business. Anyone remember that scene? So Ramona's talking about her birthday. And she's like, yeah, I think that's a few girlfriends. We're just gonna have, you know, just have a little dinner or luncheon or whatever.

We're just gonna do something about birthday. And Carol's like, oh, I'm so glad you mentioned it because I thought it was a surprise. And then what I'm having a surprise party now. What? What? What? What?

No. Forget it. I'm like, this surprise me. What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? I'm not a blue. I'm not a blue.

I'm not a blue. Oh my god. Lea, if you use that color, I swear to God, I'm gonna sue because that's my color. Unless you have it, my size, which is one. Hey, I hope you realize the rules for dress making now. You can't do anything in yellow because that reminds me of sunshine and I have the right to the yellow and you can't do anything in blue because I'm run a blue and you can't do anything in red because I read something and therefore I now have red. and if you're gonna give me a receipt

I'd prefer that you didn't staple it with every staples because that's my tour and I'll sue you Hey, what's black and white and red? I'll over all the colors that I own so you can't use those either. I'm sorry Over there disappear the place name marios. I'm suing So now we go I... I discovered Mario. I discovered Mario. So then we go to Tinsley and Sonia. Again, they're getting ready for a remuner's surprise party, which may be ruined. We don't know yet.

And Tinsley is in a cute little new dress and then she finds out that's supposed to be a little black dress. Okay, I guess there really wasn't thinking of this. What am I gonna do? These ladies? I don't want them to think I'm trying to steal the attention. It's the first birthday party I go to. And so you guys, these girls will jump on anything they probably would. Oh, get a change! I mean, do you remember there was the controversy where Alex McCord wore, I think, cream or beige to a wedding and Jill Zaren went apeshit. Who does that? Who wears that to a wedding? And that's supposed to do that to a wedding. So who would do that bloody?

I mean, we wouldn't want Tinsley to take away too much attention from him, I mean, she already has her signature curl. I mean, if all eyes aren't already on her, I mean, a new dress, which is so beautiful. How am I going to change my dress without messing up my curls? It's my trademark. What will I do? Next up we get Ramona getting ready for her single and ready to mingle party and then a date. And she is in front of the mirror. She does this. Okay, since this is only audio, this is what Ramona does with her head in the mirror. She goes. This is what Ramona does with her head and the mirror. She goes, oh, I click,

do do do do do. It's like, why are you halfway bending over and flipping all your hair around and bending sideways to put on eyeliner? Stupid. I know. And D'Rindan, meanwhile, she's in some sort of uber that is blazing through red lights.

I don't know if you saw that, but you see the car? The light turns red and the car just goes right through it. I was like okay I guess the surprise was in this episode that someone's gonna get t-bond and the rindan and uber is pretty much like you'd think she's saying yeah it was a big night for us a big night we pull up uh we pull that out didn't we and it's just like Armani and driver in the front like uh was supposed to answer oh he's like, I just got finished driving Peter

around his hotel in Atlanta. She's like, listen up. Do not spill the beans. Tell me that. Yeah, I spill a lot of things in the car. Do not spill beans. Okay. By the way, this has nothing to do with anything.

I just want to say Lapis Lazuli, uh, because I spent a good amount of time on yesterday's episode Trying to remember what Lapis Lazuli is and I'm I finally figured it out So for those of you who are like, oh, Ben, it's Lapis Lazuli. I got it. And thank you for those of you who didn't hear that episode Lapis Lazuli is blue marble. Thank you. Yeah Thank you. Thank you. Everyone. So speaking about marbled things Ramona is like waiting for Durinda and this is like classic Ramona Which is that?

Dharinda is running 10 minutes later, and I was like listen, I've got a date downtown And I don't want to like to go all the way down town I mean how am I gonna go all the way downtown and come all the way back midtown and go on this date It doesn't seem really practical to travel 45 minutes to go to a place for 15 minutes, okay? It's like an SAT score. It's like doing an election SATs again. If you have to go somewhere for 45 minutes and be back in 15 minutes, how fast is your Uber have to go?

How slow does Durinda have to be before too late? So I decided to get my own kick. I don't know if you can take that test because it's called the SAT and I'm like I'm a very energetic person and I'm doing, doing, doing and I don't want to sat. So I'm going to stand and when you have a test, cool stand, give me a core. Until then, I'm going to be my own cap going on a date. You know what I would test?

I would take the acting test, the ACT, because I'm a very good actress. You know, I used to be an actress. I once tried to be in that play Beth, okay? Which is a beyond know. It's about a woman named Beth who works in McDonald's, okay? I'm sorry. It's a great play. You should all look into it. I can take the act test. I will win it all So she doesn't even text or and darndon say okay, I'm taking a cab she just gets in the cab and darnda sees her She's like, wait a minute. I think I think the remote is just got on cab I'm closing that to spill the beans and Durinda sees her. She's like, wait a minute, I think the Ramona is just got on cab.

I'm totally not just spilled up beans. Hey listen listen, I told you God damn it, he's super driving, ruined everything. You still love a bitch. I'll get you. Glad we had that tour. Yeah, I feel bad about that. I have bad luck.

So Ramona, so I, Durinda gets the party before Ramona. The big question is, Ramona you've beenona even a she can just ditch the party and go Trade to her date, but of course since they're into a smart instead of there be just like a sea of single men from Europe Ramona has to put an appearance so she shows up elevator doors open She's like Ramona ready to see a single man the elevator opens up and Ramona is leaning up against the door in a fur coat Like yeah, I'm Ramona single a ready to fight again. I'm wearing a Lin-Noir's boot up against the door in a fur coat like yeah, I'm Ramona single. I read your body. Yeah. I'm wearing a new wars boot dress without the part totally posing. It was so funny.

And then the door almost closes on her. I want every episode to feature Ramona trying to figure an elevator out. And I love that Carol's like, well, I guess she didn't hear what I was saying, which is goes to prove she doesn't really listen to me anyways. That's good The one time that worked in Carol's favor Turned to go then guys she showed up because Fying in an empty room and then turning it into a Ramona dream. That was easy to do. That was easy And it's not the best rail of Pinocchio bottles

Oh, here's another one. Oh, here's another one. Oh, here's another one. Oh, here's another one. Wait a second, it's an elevator. I think this thing with all these empty Ramona bottles. What does that mean? They lead to a bar with this young Asian men in glitter masks. Does anybody understand what that means in my dream? How does this hurt dream so weird?

So then Ramona is like oh All the Like a flock of seagulls crashing up against the window She falls to the ground and one of her friends cuz oh there it is the fake tears. Oh, she's happy I loved it It was like all of like the all of the greatest hits of her bonus friends because she has this pack of friends And we see season after season we never really learn their names What we see them there's like the fake lives of Manella Nelly lady Yeah, there's the lady with the crazy face the other lady with the crazy face and now we have a woman with crazy boobs

It's like a whole pack of people. I love it But also in that mix was Harry doobin Like what why do we have to keep seeing this guy? So when you call them the itch, I cannot scratch. Which is funny because she's trying to say, like, no matter, like, she, even though she's trying to scratch, you can't get at it and it just always comes back. But I'm like, when you say the itch, you can't scratch. That means you want more and more and more of it.

And I don't think anyone wants more of Harry Dubin. Even so. Also, when you're kind of permiscuous on camera, you probably shouldn't say things like it you can't scratch. Just, I mean, you are still trying to get like, yeah. So she's like, I stopped seeing Harry when he gave me that engagement ring and then left with Liu.

And now I have to see him at everything, every party. Can't these girls get their own friends? And I really did like that call back to Lewand stealing Sonya's man again. Yeah, not the first time that's happened. How's quickly we forget? Well, how about Sonya chooses some better man. How about that? Take some ownership of that. Speaking of men, Ramona's date, because Ramona did have a date that night, so he calls up and she's like, oh yeah, I met my surprise party. Why don't you come buy up your name on the list? I'll just say Mr. Rhineback, because it's kind of funny.

I forgot, your first name is okay. Sorry, I was trying to do like a seagull and it came out as like a little chimpanzee. Maybe a dolphin. I've never really done a seagull call before, so I don't really know where to start. So it came out more like a dolphin chimp, which I'm okay with. You did a really good Seagull, but you did a really good Seagull.

That is how she laughs. It makes me laugh. That's a dying Seagull. A day to Alka's also. It makes me laugh so hard every time she laughs, because it really is that. And I like that she said, oh Mr. Rine Beck George, okay George Rhine Beck, I was like this poor guy is just coming on a day and now everybody's probably calling him. You know these fans are crazy. Oh, you know, I looked him up on Facebook. I didn't have to because he showed up on camera. I thought he wasn't going to

show up. Also George Rhine Beck is the faceus sounding name I've ever heard. It's like almost as good as George Glass. But so while we're waiting for George Rhymeback's, you know, screen debut, Sonia is now like hanging with ladies and Tinsley shows up. He's like, hey! And then so he's like, wait, you didn't get me a drink. She's like, no, I know I'm not, I know I'm sober, but you still want something to to wet my whistle. And she's like, well, I didn't realize you wanted a drink. She's like, well, we live together. Is that make any sense? Sonia is really barking up the wrong tree with this.

I'm not sure what she thinks she's doing, but to be trying to be nice to all the people who have stabbed her in the back in the past and being mean to this tinsley, who's a new girl, and it is also really nice. I mean, Sony just doesn't make the best decisions, but I guess that's part of her arc. Also, tinsley has a crazy side. Hello, mugshot. Where she just happened to be breaking in directs. The play is just a get back something or another just happened.

She's like, so I have to do everything for Sonya. And is this a bad time to ask, why am I pillowcases are so stiff? So then George Ryanback does show up. And it was funny because he, to me, he looked a lot like Mario. Like a lot. It's like Mario with a dash of Bill Pullman. Yeah, he actually was kind of cute, I thought.

And Ramona, Ramona's talking to this lady with this huge rack And she's like, oh my god look at your rap. They're huge. You've got the best boobs ever and those are natural And not you know not made up God bless America God bless America for natural tits. Do you hear yourself after time? So George is there and he's he's already like you can already tell he's like this is a huge mistake because now it's awkward because now It's like they're on a date, but she can't put her attention on him So he's it's like she is trying to like they're having this conversation where you can see that she wants to be going Like be a hostess and talking to all her friends and just like be living in the moment

But she has to pay attention to him and so then he's like so Do I chill or what do I do? And she's like, yeah, just chill right here. And she just like turns her back on him and starts talking to big booby lady. And he's just like, oh my God, this is so awkward. What do I do? Do I do this? Do I do this? He makes a literal spit in place. And he's like in the back corner. So he turns around. And then he realizes the corner. So he just keeps turning. Yeah. And he just kind of walks off. I Ramona what she's talking about. She turns away from him. And she's like, lady, it's so amazing to hear because it's all about women. And I love being around only women because it's like women. Wow. Okay. I'm single, ready, mingle women, girls,

natural boobies. Oh my god Ramona. That poor poor guy just wanders off and I'm sure Sony will be riding him like a you know 5 cent pony outside Nalberg's in soon, but I gave me it gave me a flashback to a really awkward date I once had this is like oh gosh must have been six years ago or something like that this really cute guy like Like he hit me up on jack, which is like the off-brand grinder. And super cute. And he's like, oh, yeah, I'm a go-go dancer. You should, you should, I'm going to be dancing at, what was that place that was on in Silver Lake? MJ's he's like, I'm be dancing in MJ's, you should come by. And I was like, okay, well, if I

go, I'm going to bring a friend I don't, like, that's weird. So I brought my friend, Fernanda. We went to MJ's and he was like an hour late because he was like up in the go-go dance or changing room or whatever, he comes down and we talk for like two seconds and then he gets on a box and then I was like, okay, like, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to like hang out near him

since we're sort of on a date? Am I supposed to ignore him? And then it's like, I don't want to be tuned near him because he needs to get his tips. I don't want to be like cock blocked with his tips. And so I was sort of just like standing awkwardly to the side of his go-go box with my friend Fernanda.

It was honestly so awful, so so awful, and like mortifying. And it was also like, I'm better than this. Why am I here? Why am I do it? Like this makes me look so pathetic right now and Also like it's a go-go dancer. Why am I even why is this even Happening in the first place? So when when poor George Ryan Beck was standing there. It was like I've been there. Oh

It was a little bit at least at least I got to see this guy, you know, fully like almost naked. So like at least I got something out of it, you know? Yeah, this poor guy Ramona, she's like, he's not here now. And it's all about women power. But thank God George was like, uh, fuck this, you know, he just walks off and starts talking to other people.

He's like in a work the room. And Ramona, meanwhile, she starts stuffing her face with shrimp. And now, because now she's like wasted. And now that she's wasted, she wants to start to shoot a bat shit about Bethany's so with like with like five shrimp in her mouth. She's like Where's Bethany is Bethany invited and they're like oh, yeah, well, she she was invited But she didn't really come. He's like well that just shows she has a grudge. Okay. She has a grudge She holds grudges back. Okay. I can even. I don't want to talk about it.

It's my birthday. Okay. So then she goes outside with Sonia and she puts her arm around Sonia and she's like, we're in a good place, right? Me and you, like we're in a really good place, right? I mean, literally, I've never forgotten about how I called you a stupid, slutty alcoholic last year and then tried to make you cry every day about a boyfriend that was never your boyfriend.

I mean, you don't remember any of that, right? Because I was just trying to say that you drawed it if she was in school and she knew you were whole. Maybe she would be embarrassing for her, okay, you could forgive me, right? And suddenly it was like, why are you trying to sell me this bloated shit? You really don't think you did anything wrong, check? No, I was being helpful, okay? Like, what are you going to be mad at a fortune cookie for telling you the truth? You know if anything you should apologize to fortune cookie because you broke the cookie. I'm sorry you broke it in half. That's not noise. It was just trying to be sweet and you broke it. So yeah, it's then Ramona starts you know she's bashing. Like, we don't smut the small stuff. I'm sorry, we don't.

Even though I didn't get a birthday hello from anyone, okay? I'm sorry, I'm gonna hold party here. No, I didn't go and say happy birthday. They just had surprise, I'm sorry. It's like all these people, standing go around, stammering at me, fooling on the ground with joy after I came out of an elevator and had the surprise of my life.

No one even said, you okay, Ramona? You'll almost die in your birthday. Okay, hey Ramona, you're single. Be ready to mingle. Why are you crying? Nobody even said that. And so, someone just basically like, you can't even argue with this idiot, you know.

And so they're talking about this whole situation, you know where Ramona's talking about like, why she'd said it, why she mentioned the little girl. She just wants to know if the little girl would be okay It wouldn't be okay and so he's like you know well Five year olds aren't even affected by the press and Ramona's Sonia. She's six people are sophisticated Sonia I'm sorry, but she's gonna be on 60 minutes next week She has a room show with Tim Russell's child

She has her own show with Tim Russell's child. Oh, and Sonia says, this is a momentum, a kickway, is a momentous, it's a momentous, right? Just, nope, I think it's momentum. She's like, no, that's a gum. I think that that's a kind of gum. Like, what the fuck? It's the MoMA. It's a mountainous occasion. This is a mountainous occasion.

And Sonia's like, no, I think that's like a car park. It's like not even a thing. It's a MoMA. Like Jason Mamoah. This is like a Jason Mamoah moment. This is Manta Prince Swarthby. This is that kind of moment. It's a memory moment.

It's a memory. Is it memory, memory, mommy? Oh my God. Where's my mommy? So she's like, is it memory, memory, mommy? Oh my God, where's my mommy? So she's like, yay, to momentum memories. And they're like, woohoo. And then back in, Ramona's like, Bethany, hey, I hope Bethany's arms don't hurt, because she's really holding a grudge for a long time.

So she goes inside and she's like, I have to make a wish, I have to make a wish. And then she, they bring out the cake and she makes this cross-eyed like Super serious thing. She was like Davin and she was and in Judaism. It's called like dumb. It's Davin and where you basically are said You know if you ever go to like a synagogue, you see like the guys and their Tulli and they're like It's not tongues. It's like you're praying to yourself. And you see them, they got, well, I'm like, women too.

Everyone, like, they're reading, because there's parts where you do it quietly, like you're doing the Amida. That's what she was doing. She was doing her own Amida. My Jewish family. My Mima was like, my Mima was like, Jesus, thank you. For everything you've given us. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, who are, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck,

tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, t talkers. Jesus cannot understand 20 languages at once. Let's get on the same page. We need a Rosetta stone for tons. So then Ramona gives a speech and here's what the speech should have been. I'd like to thank all of my friends for giving me a surprise party. This is amazing. What a beautiful party to Rinta. You did

such a great job. I'm so amazed. Here I am on my yo supporting myself and I'm so read by strong women and I'm so lucky to have you all 60 woohoo. Now she goes okay okay my speech thanks every month for coming. I was totally shocked. Let's party! Oh Ramona. Yeah. Bless her heart. Bless her heart. And that was the end of the episode. And that's pretty much the end of our episode too. Hope we see a bunch of you guys at the Improv on Tuesday. Tomorrow we got Potomac.

Because it's on Fridays until Atlanta clears out, in which case, then Potomac goes back to Mondays. And everyone, have a great Thursday night. Enjoy. We'll talk you tomorrow on Friday. On week go. Aye! Okay. Bye.

Bye. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.