Watch What Crappens - #46: Top Chef Is Back, and The Housewives Are Wack

Episode Date: November 14, 2012

Top Chef Is Back, and The Housewives Are Wack See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, it's Watch What Crap In's, the weekly podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love. I'm Ben Mandelker from b-sideblog.com, and you can follow me on Twitter at b-sideblog. And joining me as always, Ronnie Cameron from TVgasm.com. Hi, Ronnie. Hi, everybody.

Ronnie is at TVgasm. And Matt Whitfield from Yahoo TV. Hola. Hola. Matt is at Life on the M-List. And our show is at What Crap Ins. And it's also on Facebook at Facebook.com slash Watch What Crap Ins. And we post some really fun stuff like videos. And there's a lot of people talk a lot on our page. Facebook at facebook.com slash watch what crap ends.

And we post some really fun stuff like videos. And there's a lot of people talk a lot on our page. So you should really follow it because it's not like some lame page you might follow. It isn't. What? Active Facebook page, you guys. It's active. Mine just, my audio just. It's an active page, okay.

My audio just completely fell out. And I got very confused. Mine did too. Mine did too. Okay. I's active. It's an active page, okay? My audio just completely fell out, and I got very confused. Mine did, too. Mine did, too. I'm nervous. I'm nervous. We are starting at it from an awkward place, but that's okay, because you know what? With Bravo, everything is awkward. So we thought we'd change things up this week because we talk about the Housewives almost

exclusively week in and week out. So we have a little bonus for people who don't actually watch the Housewives, which is two other shows that premiered this week that were not Housewives. Sidebar, if you don't watch The Housewives but you listen to our podcast, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Glutton for punishment. Glutton for punishment slash we love you. I think we're talking to the husbands in the car. Yes, the husbands in the car right now, thank you. We'll talk about some NFL later. Meanwhile, by the way, I think we're talking to the husbands in the car. Yes, the husbands in the car right now, thank you. We'll talk about some NFL later or never. Meanwhile, by the way, I think a straight guy did either tweet at us or wrote on our Facebook saying that he does listen to our podcast. No.

Yes, we do have at least one straight guy. I will need proof of his sexuality. So anyway, let's talk about Top chef um because top chef seattle premiered um did you guys see the premiere last week but of course but of course did you guys enjoy it it was sort of like a pre-top chef season episode it was like a qualifying round right well now now oh go ahead manny i was just gonna say for the past few years they've kind of done this like pre-elimination situation where we get down to the real cast. And to be honest with you, I did not love the premiere this year compared to the past few seasons.

But needless to say, like I'm excited it's back because there's been – I mean I love the Housewives. But like every once in a while, I need a classy Bravo show in the mix. And this is my class act. You know, i actually really enjoyed these qualifying rounds in previous seasons when they've done them i almost feel like they're bullshit or it's like it's not fair you get all these chefs and then half them go home but in this case i really like that they had to do most of them had to do really simple things like make an omelet make a soup or make a salad and I thought that was sort of great to see some of these people

completely screw up what should be a very simple task. And I also think it's funny to see the judges in more of a relaxed mode where they're not so scripted. And especially Wolfgang Puck. I mean, what a misogynist. I love that all of his jokes are like how stupid women are. He's like, this stove is like a woman.

It doesn't listen to you. It never tells what it's supposed to do. All this stove is like a woman. It doesn't listen to you. Never does what it's supposed to do. All this stove does is go shopping. Oh, my God. Despite the fact that he is a total misogynist, I actually love him. I don't love all misogynists, just misogynists with great accents. And I really who can cook well. And I do really like the idea of having a few more celebrity like i mean these

are like real deal wolfgang puck we're not fucking around with these uh these real chefs that are that are on the panel this season i do not like hugh atchison whatsoever no and his nasty ass unibrow but i love me some wolfgang and i actually can't believe i'm gonna say this but i like emerald yeah emerald sort of has like a sort of like a warm knowledge that he sort of or warm like sense of wisdom you know a jambalaya of wisdom and experience yes exactly a oyster po' boy of wisdom and expertise red beans and rice of i he's like a crawfish of i can't think of any other words aside from wisdom or expertise I was just gonna say and I can't think of any more

Cajun dishes so I think we're out of luck there oh good one oh wait a muffalata he is a beignet of hope I love that you're giving him an accent now too I still hate Emeril because of his sitcom

I still can't forgive him that there was a girl oh go ahead no no you go ahead this time there was a girl on there named lisa ann walter and she was kind of funny on it because i actually watched that i had a roommate at the time and that's when back before there were like 18 zillion channels and so we watched that and i this girl lisa ann walter is now on the radio and i hear on the weekends and i'm still mad at her i mean that was like years ago and i'm like she's not gonna take you seriously she is hilarious she actually had a one season sitcom on abc following home improvement that was actually kind of hilarious but that got canceled after like 13 episodes i loved her wow i never even

heard of this woman i mean she came up with the same class as Heather Dubrow, really. Speaking of, on the same – actually, Heather Dubrow was a fill-in for Lisa Ann Walter on her radio show a few weeks ago. And I forgot to bring it up on this show. And Heather talks about parenting and what it's like to be a mom. What the fuck would she know with her staff of nannies? Fuck her. I hate her. It's really annoying. One of her big gripes was that she went to a kid's birthday party and they didn't have anything healthy for her children.

I was like, bitch, what country do you think you live in, okay? This is America. We eat chemicals and stuff that looks like when it melts, it looks like melted gum. That's what we eat here, okay? Speaking of, if anybody would like to meet for a pink berry after we record, I'm in. Ooh. Maybe later tonight. I've got to go meet someone at the Happy Ending, which is a reputable bar.

It's not as dirty as it might sound. It could get dirty. It could get dirty. I mean, it is a dirty bar because it's like a sports bar. But anyway, this is off topic because I still want to talk about um hugh because i you said how much you don't like hugh and i agree when he was on top chef masters as a contestant he was like funny but ever since he's had some sort of like authoritative role he is just a total asshole and like not in a funny way like smug and sarcastic i think that he has like a

bit of a napoleon complex and I mean, he is a well-renowned chef, I get it, but I guess when you're on a panel with like Wolfgang and Emeril, like, how can you not feel like, oh fuck, I'm like the odd one out here? Yeah, I mean, he's nowhere near their level. Nowhere. Well, I remember

on his season, he was kind of a little bitch. I mean, he was funny, but he has a very very bad temper yeah and i liked watching everything get under his skin you know that's a very unevolved person who loses their temper like that unlike me who threatened to beat somebody up at the dog park this week guys we are so evolved just the three of us right now like so evolved this is really pretty much the height of mankind us sitting here talking about these people who are very established in their fields and are on tv but we are watching high art and we are creating high art talking about them it's meta it's a

simulacrum really that's what's going on here well that just got that just got yeah that just got a little too gallery girls on me right there uh simulacrum go to art school okay it's a copy of a copy of a copy where you don't even know where the original is anymore but is it simulac like a something that makes you go poo-poo and there's that too well honestly the entire idea of a simulacrum is you drink it it makes you vomit yeah it's an epic peckrum i can't even speak okay now i know how to vomit i'll go to to Pinkberry. I can just make some similar. Can I talk about one of the challenges? Because as you all know, I don't eat or cook, but the only thing I can cook is an omelet. All those dumb bitches burned their omelets.

I don't make omelets with grill marks. What the fuck? Now tell me, Matt, I'm actually very interested to hear this because I actually made an omelet today. It was one of the few times in my life where it actually turned out it was intact and it folded over and looked nice. What is your trick to making a good omelet what would you tell these chefs okay first of all you get uh the pan very hot and then you cool it down to a medium after it's been super hot oh okay and then you don't use too much butter you do a little spray okay and then you gotta but you know what's crazy i do a little spray. And then you got to... But you know what's crazy?

I'm just going to say exactly what Wolfgang did. You got to shake that omelet in that pan. You just can't let it sit there and get all crusty. You got to shake it. You got to move. Like a woman's vagina who never gets married. Like an old spinster, you have to spin her vagina. And you just have to poke around, make sure nothing settles.

Make sure nothing is runny. And then just have to poke around, make sure nothing settles, make sure nothing is runny, and then just fold over. You have to make a good omelette, unlike a woman who doesn't work hard. You can't be soft and lazy like a woman in your omelette. You have to make it firm, unlike a woman. You know how women are. They always get so hot.

That kind of sounds like Adriana from Miami. Well, at a certain point, all our accents just sort of come together to one universal accent. And there is nothing wrong with that. TVgasm got a cease and desist, actually. From what? From the Top Chef contestants who got kicked off because she didn't like that the recapper was making fun of her. And she's like, this is malicious and this is not owned by blah, blah, blah. And I was like, bitch, you are not a copyright owner.

Which one? Which one said that? Get P. Universal to call my ass. I will do that. But until then, you can go fuck yourself. Are we talking about that dumb woman with the ugly ass spoon tattoo that was like the lesbian BFF of the Asian girl? No, but I'm not going to say who it is because this bitch will probably try and sue me.

Oh, my God. Well, that would be great press for the podcast. Hey, people on reality shows, get the fuck over yourselves. You are not put on TV because you're anything special. You're put on TV because you're a piece of human debris. And we like watching trash float down the river. Get the fuck over yourselves, reality stars, okay?

And excuse me, she didn't even make the main fucking cast. Who the fuck over yourselves, reality stars, okay? And excuse me, she didn't even make the main fucking cast. Who the fuck does she think she is? How about I sue your ass for wasting hours of my life watching your stupid ass on my TV? Yeah. Are there any of the chef testings that you guys are excited to see and follow? All the hot ones. Yes.

I'm excited to see that ridiculous woman who used to be married to Rouse, whatever her name was. Pellegrino! I'm obsessed with Pellegrino, the drink and the woman She is crazy A Hispanic-y woman who looks like she's had a lot of Botox Did you just say Hispanic-y? She was Italian

I think you did I think you're more offensive You're more offensive than Yolanda and her Chinese eye comment on Beverly Hills this week Hold on, this is how you have to do your makeup. I don't want to look Chinese. I need to be big. Well, Hispanic-ish.

I don't want to say Hispanic because that's offensive. And I don't want to say Puerto Rican because who knows? Maybe she's Dominican. Maybe she's black and she's just like... I think she's actually Italian, but that's okay. She could be like Southern Russian. You know who's racist? Bravo. Hey, Bravo, do you know any black people?

Have you ever met a black person? You know, by the way, I like that guy who's the chef from The Standard. He's so very cool. Cool as a cucumber. He just seems like a cool guy. He's probably a douchebag also. Yeah. Cumber. He just seems like a cool guy.

He's probably a douchebag also. Also, I'm excited because one of the chefs on there is the executive chef of a place called The Triple down in Playa del Rey. And I've actually eaten there and met her. And she was cool and her food is delicious. So I hope she does well. But I haven't seen much of her in the previews.

One of my biggest thoughts while watching the show this week was poor Asian people. You know, every time we see an Asian woman, she's got some issue because her parents were horrible to her. And all she wants in life is to impress her parents. Yeah. Right. Like her feet were bound and she was forced to be a dentist. And when that all went to shit, she became a lesbian chef.

Yeah. She's like, oh, I just want my parents to love me. You know what? I don't want my parents to be impressed with me. Because their asses will want money from me. They'll be showing up on my doorstep. They'll suddenly take me seriously and want to talk to me on the phone and give me the time of day.

I'd rather be a loser. How could our parents be proud of us? We're sitting around in our pajamas all on a computer talking about the real lives. It does not get lower than this. My mom is appalled knowing that this shit is happening right now. Mine too. My mom cannot believe that I'm doing this.

Like they put me through college and this is what's happening. My mom can't believe it when New York is on because that's the one that she watches. She'll call and she'll be like, can you believe that Ramona Singer? And then she'll just leave me a voicemail message like that. And then the next day she'll call back and be like, really, is this your job? So she's very kind. Every time I call my my mom she's just shocked that i'm still alive she my mom has this idea of me that i'm like some heroin addict or something in my real life because it's just not believable to her so every time i call she's like ronnie hi oh hi she survived

another day on the rough streets of West Hollywood you're still with us? okay so anyway we done with Top Chef? yeah well speaking of employment why don't we talk about Bravo's new show LOL World did anyone see this travesty?

I watched about 20 minutes and then I started to cut myself and then I passed out it's so it's such a miss. It's one of Bravo's biggest misses of all time, I think. I mean, is it a bigger miss than misadvised? Because that is saying a lot. That is the biggest miss right there.

I think it was, to me, it was trying so hard to be kind of like a reality version of The Office. But without even being funny. I mean, it was just strange. A strange little show that did not resonate with me whatsoever. I saw Andy on his show and he was saying, you guys, you should really watch Lower because it's so good.

It is so good, guys. It was specifically not good. And Andy Cohen begs. Yes. Did we lose Matt? No, I'm here. I was just saying when Andy.

When Andy. You fuck with Andy, he'll cut your ass off the podcast. I know. He has a pre-con to our podcast. I thought we were getting a cease and desist. I was going to say when Andy Cohen begs. When Andy Cohen begs, you know it's bad. Yeah.

Yeah. It was really. It was just. I didn't understand what it was doing on Bravo. I didn't understand why we were supposed to care about this. It was just, you know, first of all, and there weren't enough funny accents. Because I think we've discovered that the key to a good Bravo show is that someone has to have a funny accent, ideally British, you know? Like, my Lord's blood.

Well, yeah, I've enjoyed the previews of that show. I'm one of the premier designers in America. Yeah, I've enjoyed the previews of that show. I'm one of the premier designers in America. Mind-lawns-blah. Million Dollar Decorators is actually premiering and airing as we record this podcast. If you're not taking me seriously, it's because you're not noticing that I'm wearing an ascot. And some Crocs.

And makeup. I went to Michael's earlier today and bought some sparkles for my bedroom, just for fun. I was feeling stressed out this morning, so I stuck a drumstick up my bum and I feel wonderful now. It's still up there. For lunch today, I went to Soup Plantation. Were you wearing your ascot at Soup Plantation? I would kill to see that. I was wearing my ascot and an oversized napkin. Were you dining

with Joe Francis? I was dining with Joe Francis and I was enjoying some minestrone soup. Oh, they are so ridiculous. Lulwork is a no-go, huh? Yeah, lulwork should be fired. And it should be hired

by... I need more gallery girls.'m not gonna lie i miss it like who stepped on my thing who stepped on my thing is an asian an asian stepped on my thing oh my god oh my god is that broken glass um anyway uh now we actually have a little bit of gossip uh this week which comes from the world of the maloof the maloof nasif divorce okay you guys ready for this oh god yeah it's getting it's getting uh nastier than things on sesame street these days okay nobody nobody hates adrian maloof more than ronnie so please unleash okay so uh the adrian claimed her six-year-old son i'm reading this from realityt.com adrian claimed her six-year-old son christian had several broken fingers after

being with paul and she not only took him to cedar sinai medical center but she involved la child services to investigate the matter. According to TMZ, Adrian told doctors the injuries were sustained when Paul and their son were playfully kicking each other and then Paul pushed Christian to the ground causing the injuries. Paul denies this saying he never

kicked his child and the injuries happened at a school carnival. Somebody should kick Adrian in the fucking ugly head. Does anybody believe a thing that Adrian said? No! She lost all her credibility. Exactly. She's a fucking liar. And to watch him stand up for her,

I mean, even though he's been kind of a pig this season, I'm not going to lie, but watching him stand up for her and have her back, and then her turn around and accuse him of all of this shit. The thing about Adrian that disgusts me the most is she can't even find her own disgusting storyline. It's like last year she's trying to get a little tiny dog to look like Lisa. And this year she's trying to be all abused to look like Taylor, who I don't necessarily believe either.

Y'all get over with your abuse storylines. Get a fucking job. Get a real storyline. Abuse. Shut up. I agree. I think Adrian is, you know, there was a period of time when we thought she was like, she's all right. She was on the upper echelon and she's just spiraling downwards. Yeah, but if anybody has eyeballs that is watching these shows and listening to these shows, Beverly Hills, either season, there should be no doubt in their mind that if anybody in their relationship was abusive, it was her being abusive to Paul and her being abusive to her children. Paul seems like a really sweet, dopey guy.

Absolutely. And did any of you guys ever wrestle with your dad? I mean, that happens. I'm not talking about fighting, but I used to play WWF with my dad all the time. And yeah, I probably got some bumps and bruises, but I wanted to win the goddamn champion belt. And let's be honest. Let's not forget last season. Who was the one who had a broken nose?

It was Paul because his kid beat him up. So really, Paul can't do anything. Payback is a bitch. And also, we saw Adrienne kicking ass in her first scene of the entire show. So I'm not going to believe one thing she says. I don't believe it. I don't believe that if Paul was abusive, she would have taken that shit for

one second. And I especially after the way she was talking to Taylor last year when nobody believed that Taylor was being abused. If you guys will all recall that. Nobody believed one word out of Taylor's mouth until her husband killed himself. And then suddenly she was a big victim, and everybody started believing everything she said.

And Adrienne was a total bitch about it to the very end. It would not believe Taylor. And so now, we're all supposed to believe her? I don't think so. And P. and ps i don't believe you either taylor well let's get fires well let's jump into real house as the beverly hills and speaking of taylor this the show opened up with taylor having some sort of dinner party which everyone got dressed up for and they got there and there were these chafers filled with like leftovers from baja fresh no yeah it was ghetto they were like i mean they were all dressed up like like paul had a

blazer on and by the way no one wears blazers in la wearing a blazer in la is like getting into tails okay so when you wear her blazer to a dinner party that means you're expecting caviar and small plates and and like giant goblets of wine and no they're probably wearing blazers because they were going to taylor's they probably have like cans of tuna or some shit in there so they wouldn't starve to death oh they were they were probably all dressed up to go to like villa blanca afterwards to have a real meal not like uh baja fresh leftovers like you said my god chafing dishes and then she goes oh well in honor of you mauricio being some ethnicity i'm making mexican-y spanishy shit. Yeah, oh, it's Spanish. You know, Spanish food's the same as Mexican, right? Right, because

they're the same country, right? I have expected Alexis Bellino to chime in about how they're going to the city of Guatemala in Mexico. She's like, how was that swim over the river, Maurizio? Well, don't worry. I've got a nice drink for you here. I wish Kim were there. Maurice, Maurice,

it's just like your childhood. I love your food, Maurice just like your childhood I love your food Maurice from Barcelona it makes me shit my pants I don't know why but when she gets real it's like when you get in trouble and you might become Benjamin or I become Matthew

she gets real with him and it becomes Maurice by the way I apologize because I definitely just did my Carol Radziwill voice, not my Kim voice. So I apologize if there was like any confusion and people were wondering what was going on. Hey, Mauricio, I don't want you to tell my beans to shut up. Those are my beans. They're on my plate. They can talk to me if they want to.

Why aren't the beans jumping? They're on my plane. They can talk to me if they want to. Why aren't the beans jumping? Isn't that what Mexican beans, they jump like the airplanes at Van Nuys. I love the airplanes and the beans. Yeah, I saw you guys on TV on that airplane. You know, I made love to one of those seats one time. I should have been on that plane.

So they had crazy accents. I know we're not getting to Atlanta yet, but Ben, you better be fucking working on that. I worked on it a little bit, but it's still, the problem is that it's not solid, so it's still going to come out like a jumbled mess. Okay, you still have 27 episodes before we get to the end.

Every single week, I'm going to try. This is like my weigh-in. This is my Weight Watchers weigh-in. It's my Accent Watchers weigh-in. Like I said, you probably have until April until the season ends, so keep crafting it. Okay, so anyway, so Taylor has dinner and she has people over to her house. Why? Because she

wants them to do some abuse thing, okay? She wants them to do some abuse, like, hilarious abuse event. I don't think that abuse is a place to be hilarious. I don't know that abuse is a place to be hilarious. I don't know. I think it kind of is. That is the perfect combination. What are you talking about?

Isn't it funny? Let's make men walk in heels because then they'll feel abused like we are. I mean, what the fuck kind of sick event is that? That made me sick to my stomach. I didn't like that. Why don't you guys have a petting zoo or some shit? Well, you know, the funny thing is when they're like,

well, we want to see this way you men walk a mile in our shoes. Well, you know, how about you beat the men up? That way you really make a difference. Oh my god. Well, I mean, it's about abuse. I also have to say, it's really dumb because you could have had like 400 people with broken ankles that need to like then go to the chiropractor it just i would never do that i don't care what the

charity is just i'll write a check here's what bothered me about this episode i swear to god that uh 80 of it maybe even 90 of it is watching people walk around whether it was watching people up at this walkathon thing walking or it was at kyle at porsche's birthday party i swear to god we must have spent 20 minutes watching people walk into the party and watching them walk out like every single time i looked up people were walking i mean they got every single person who's ever been on the show to walk in even dana yeah i know let's talk about dana oh dana did you see dana fight to get screen time by, like, glomming onto Kim? Like, oh, the camera's on Kim.

Let me jump on her back. Well, the funny thing is that Dana's, the only line that Dana got onto camera was her saying, like, oh, my God, I love your kids so much. I was like, oh, classic Dana. Classic Dana. Well, one thing a lot of people are uppity about today in the comment section is that the the fact that they go to this um abuse charity thing in a private plane spending all this money instead of just staying home and donating that shit to the women yeah why didn't they why didn't adrian just cut a check for 50 grand which she spent on jet fuel and give that to the to the abused women's shelters like that

is fucked up i know a lot of times on these shows we don't actually get to see the women's shelters like that is fucked up i know a lot of times on these shows we don't actually get to see the women's products um in action you know like the actual bit like well here theresa talk about fabulinis but we don't see that much of it in action so it was really nice to see adrian take paul to that shoe store where all of her shoes were on display and then he cheated yeah uh yeah all those fucking drag queen shoes like what are you laughing at those the only thing those are missing is your initials yeah i feel like half those shoes were actually created from remnants of her old hair tassels oh my god they were definitely recycled glitter uh strands no doubt you would think that she would take that time to promote her the her maloof hoof

which i know it's called something else but sorry maloof hoof just sticks that's so offensive i can't believe you would say that horses have hooves meanwhile speaking of horses um i kind of just love lisa i loved lisa walking a llama through kyle's house that was if you motherfuckers ever try to walk anything on my hardwood floors, I will kill you. I'm going to shove an alpaca into your apartment and close the door behind it. You know what I would do? I would instantaneously die of fright. On the spot, I would just crumple to the floor dead.

Well, you've seen those videos where deer somehow sneak into a house and go crazy and destroy the entire house by running around like craziness. Anyone? You know how things go house by running around like craziness. Anyone? You know how things go crazy by running around like crazy? Like a bull in a china shop? That's what my papa would say. You sound like a bull in a china shop, boy. Yeah. Let's see, what else

happened? Oh, so Brandy was being annoying this episode. Brandy was also wearing like slutty Lolita sunglasses which were bothering me but she was she had been being like i just don't want there to be a drama i'm gonna leave it's like dude just stand stand on one end of the yard by the poop and let everyone else stand on another yard at other end of the yard and everything will be fine there'll be no draw why was she so anxious it's not like any of those women are like gonna be mean and scary to her

well except for maybe taylor who by the, was the biggest idiot gossip at that party. She kept on pulling over every single person and be like, hey, hey, did you hear? Brandy told Yolanda that she slept with every single girl. You're doing that way too soberly. She was wasted at a fucking party. She was slurring. She was slurring.

I believe in Brandy. She slept with everybody in town, you guys. She sounded worse than Diane Sawyer on election night. But you know what? Also, shame on her for being such a blatant gossip. I mean, here, Brandi made a joke to Yolanda. Yolanda was already an idiot enough to take it semi-literally. And then someone even corrected her at the time.

And Taylor happily goes and tells every single person the most blatantly gossipy way. What else does this bitch have to do? Her husband is dead, her child is a freak that runs and hides, and she serves beans and rice out of chafing dishes from Taco Bell. What else is she gonna do?

She can do her hair, because it looked terrible. Oh, that was the bitchiest gaffe thing you've ever said. Listen, once we start with the chafing dishes, it's all downhill from there. You know, a chafing dish shows up on a Real Housewives show and it's on, okay? There's no place for a chafing dish. I mean, let's be real. Sonia Morgan wouldn't even put that shit out.

Yeah, she would just have paper plates. You know what? I like either to be high class or low class, but nothing in the middle. No chafing dishes in between. That's how I feel about TV. It should be for the Real Housewives, it should be for The Wire, and I don't have time for that two and a half men bullshit in the middle.

No, no, no. Well, I would say that's on the low end, but, you know. What else happened? Yolanda's daughter looks like a Russian bride. Oh, yeah, she looks like she's about to be married off to some old man. She has a great body, but her face looks like young Cyndi Lauper. I'm sure Muhammad has his eyes on her.

I'm sure they can pawn her off on one of those men in Bev Hills. Well, she's a very pretty girl. She's gorgeous. Seeing her mom, I'm not a stage mother. Watch your mouth. I need to see what she puts on, and I need to see where it is, and I need you

to eat something less, and I need you to lose some weight so you can go to Milan and Paris, and I need you to not put her eyes like that because I don't want her to look like a chinky-chink-chink. It's like, Jesus, are you Yolanda or Wolfgang Puck right there? It's getting

very confusing. It's a little bit of both. I can't have them both on the same night because they're like basically, their voices are doing it in my head right now. That is the way that Yolanda speaks. I just try to make her sound like she's yodeling all the time, sort of. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Wolfgang Puck has more of a growl in his voice.

Yeah. And Yolanda is more like Arnold Schwarzenegger. With a lilt. With a feminine lilt. She needs to calm the fuck down, because I'm sure that everybody watching this show hates her ass right now. I'm interested. I'm not interested enough to actually do this, but I'm interested to know what they're saying about her on those Bravo blogs, you know?

Where the fans come and tell you what they think of you. Because I'll bet they're not liking Miss Yolanda. She'll probably have her moment soon. I feel we're just warming up with her at the moment. Well, next week... I think she's going to be a total villain. What do you guys think? Well, I think next week when Taylor gets wasted

at David Foster's house, I think we're going to see another side of Yolanda. Oh, that's going to be fun! A non-romantic side. Oh, I just finished my re-dub, so I have my own mind, my own scene in mind for that, and I cannot wait to see it.

I'm excited. Did we lose Matt? From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that.

Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat or be eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on

campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Matt, did you leave? It's so awkward. Why is Matt so mad?

We lost Matt. Actually, I can see on Skype, he seems to have lost his connection. He's going to be freaking out. Oh, well, should we pause and go get him? All right, everyone, hold on. Hey, everyone, Matt's back. Hi, Matt, welcome back.

Hey, I was doing blow in the bathroom with Kim. Yeah. Hey, everyone. Matt's back. Hi, Matt. Welcome back. Hey, I was doing blow in the bathroom with Kim. Yeah. Hey. Hey. That's not called blow. It's called Coca-Cola. I thought it was comet. I was cleaning the countertops.

Oh, she doesn't clean? You know, she's... I was trying to clean the mirror because it's a filthy mirrors i was cleaning the mirror with some comet i love it in my nose a filthy comet um was anybody else like sad to see come by the way camille i'm i was excited to see her but i was sad that she's not a full-time cast member yeah but more importantly i was just feeling sad for her because she has to have dd as her plus one wherever she goes.

I know. And did Dee Dee do something to her face? Her face looked refreshed. Her hair was much better. I think she finally started reading recaps and realized that she needed some conditioner. She got a VO5 hot oil treatment thanks to Ronnie's suggestion. And then it looks like she got one of those

liquid facelifts a la Jill Zarin. Yeah. And, by the way, there's a lot of poop on that yard, and I wonder if the morally corrupt Faye Resnick had anything to do with that. Oh, my God, that poop all over the yard was disgusting. What the fuck do you think is gonna happen when you get animals walking all over the place?

It's like inviting Taylor over to your house and being shocked that she's, like, barfing in the bathroom and, like, trying trees and stuff and crying and then crawling into a suitcase that being said um it still looked more attractive than the log with flowers that adrian sent over to villa blanca the week before nothing will be uglier nothing not even yolanda's teddy bear thing that she sent you guys he always a teddy bear i went and had some some blow in the bathroom aka when my audio cut out when you were talking shit about yolanda i actually really like her i don't think she's a terrible stage mom and i actually think that she was like supporting her

daughter she was i mean i i like yolanda but i feel like we're she's gonna she's gonna turn it's like the way how kelly ben simone her first season she's just like it's going to turn. It's like the way how Kelly Ben Simone, her first season, she was just like fine. The first half she was fine. Everything was fine. She just sort of was boring, whatever. And then all of a sudden she became evil. Well, I think next week her husband, David Foster,

is going to get into a fight with drunk, slurring Taylor. So that should start the excitement for the Yolanda train. Exactly. That's actually what we mentioned when you were doing coke with Kim Richards in the bathroom. Oh, yeah. That's going to be good. She's going to come out of the closet as a full-on C-word very soon, and I'm so excited. And look, I don't hate her.

I'm really glad that she's on the show, because I feel like the other women right now are a little boring. Lisa doesn't want any drama, so what's her effing point? Kyle is trying to be the saint of the year because everyone turned on her last year for being a biatch plus well kyle's trying to get some drama going she keeps trying real hard that she's not involved in yeah yeah so yeah i thought it's sort

of a dull episode to be honest i'm i need this i need something more exciting to happen i need clarification though you guys because adrian keeps like, that she is owed an apology from Lisa. And don't get me wrong. They were all stupid on that reunion. But Adrian made the claim that Lisa is putting stories in these magazines. I still, for the life of me, don't understand what Adrian thinks Lisa should apologize for. I don't either. And I think, didn't Kyle say that she doesn't need to apologize?

Yeah, everybody knows that she doesn't. But Adrian was coming after her at the reunion because she said the Maloof-hoof, and she said, you know, she didn't like Bernie's cooking or something like that, or she was mean to Bernie. You know, all this really petty, stupid stuff that didn't even happen.

Wait, that's what she wants an apology for? Yeah, that was what she was bringing up at the reunion. She is fucking ridiculous. She is ridiculous. She's the one who keeps on saying that Lisa's petty, and yet she's the one sending moldy logs to restaurants and making all these stupid things like, she has to apologize to me, she has to apologize to me.

Yeah, no one owes you an apology, Adrian, except the guy who did that to your face. Oh, I think that's Elsa's surgeon, right? My face. My face. Oh, I am a loof. Marisol.

Marisol, go get Adrian, my loof. I am all alone. What happened to our face? Marisol. Here's the difference. When you see these women on these shows, like, you know, go from being a fan favorite to, you know, the hated

one in the cast, and then you see like, it often becomes very cyclical and then they rise to the top and then they burn down and then they, you know, a phoenix from the ashes, blah, blah, blah. Adrienne is just so hard and bitter that she is never going to recover from this i just truly don't think that she can ever get back in the good graces with the audience and i think

that that's going to eventually lead to her like departure from the show you know what here's the truth we've seen people who've started off in a terrible place they're like the worst and then they redeem themselves like camille or phaedra and then all of a sudden you like them but the people who start off as good and they're good for like one or two seasons and then they go bad there's no coming back because it's almost like you're still real sarin you're seeing the real side of them you're seeing how fame has affected them nini lakes theresa judice those three are like three of the biggest names in Housewives history and they have all gone to the dark side. I mean, Nene was already on the dark side, but they are never coming back.

They are never going to be loved. No. Nene may have a few homos throwing some beads at her at a gay pride parade and she may be crying, but she's crying just because she's getting paid. She's not crying because people love her.

So let's go right into Atlanta. Well, I think that people, I mean, look, I like Nene. I think she's a horrible human being on the show, because people love her. So let's go right into Atlanta. Well, I think that people, I mean, look, I like Nene. I think she's a horrible human being on the show, but I like her. You know, I like watching her on the show. And I believe that all those gay pride people really liked her. But on the show, she's definitely never going to be liked. I mean, those women, it's like she turns on them so fast.

I love that she's all shocked that Kim left her party. Like, have you ever seen yourself on TV? Right! Excuse me, have you not, like, in the previous three seasons tried to choke her five times per season at least? You think that this woman who has been physically abused by you wants to be at your party? Um, I'm not surprised.

But you know what, though? They're both fucking morons, because the truth was that even though Nini is a monster and does go for the jugular quite literally, she was actually being very friendly to Kim and Kim should have just risen to the moment, I feel like. Kim was busy going TT. By the way, it's called PP, not TT.

Stop it. Or Kiki, if you ever watched Big Business. Or wait, or Kiki, if you're a fan of Jake Shears. I love that movie. Before Jake Shears and the Scissor sisters kiki was a potty from big business just really i've never seen big business i've only seen is a fantastic movie with ben midler and lily tomlin and uh there's a part where they refer to the bathroom as kiki it's not like a big joke right they just quietly say i've got to go kiki. So it's not like RuPaul, Jake Shears wanting to get a kiki.

No. The new kiki. I never used that new kiki expression. I don't even know how to use it properly. I may be able to bitch out about chafers on The Real Housewives, but there's a limit to how gay I can get. Ronnie, is a kiki a gay sex orgy? Is that just a code for a gay orgy a kiki yeah i've never heard that yeah there's a new song on the scissor sisters album that's called like let's have a kiki

but i think it means like means like go into like a room and like do coke and like have a fun time i don't think that's what it means i don't know if any of you know what it is post it on our wall and teach us how to be gay because we don't know. We're terrible. So anyway, so Real Housewives. So Nini went to the Gay Pride Parade, which is, you know, what's funny is that Lisa Vanderpump was in the exact same parade, like maybe a few floats down. And so this is a great chance to have a crossover. And Bravo did not do that.

And I'm sure we'll see. I know for a fact that we'll see Lisa in the parade because there was a camera crew with her when she went by. I think there's probably something in Lisa's contract that says, I do not mingle with any of the bitches from OC or Hotlanta. Yeah. Wouldn't it be funny if Adrian's log had a float? Like it just came by on wheels? Like, hey, congratulations on your parade. Thanks for the non-invite.

Here's a log and it could be wearing a hoof she should just send it to anything she's not invited to like the inauguration or i don't know some i'm gonna send one i'm gonna send one to your birthday party oh yeah she's not invited not invited to my birthday party you guys are um yay i'll be there what you know honestly i thought atlanta was really dull also this until like the last five minutes right it was a total snooze fest and i'm sorry but like nobody i mean look i like the new normal uh nini sitcom but if this entire season is just going to be about like if they're going to call nini goes to hollywood really let's just promote an nbc sitcom that's probably going to get canceled i am going to lose interest really fast

uh yeah like she had she had too much screen time with ryan murphy last week this week it's like i'm sitting in a car that says nbc universal on it going through the gay pride parade promoting this show she should be promoting the real housewives not the new normal yeah i agree um but so but kenya so i guess kenya provided some sparks this week because first we met her frumpy boyfriend walter right that's his name walter why is she banging that dude if she has a big time if she has big money why is she doing that ugly dude he's like crazy is kenya first of all? She is an idiot. How crazy is she? I like her. The girl is a psychopath. She is not right. She is so

desperate to get married and have a baby. Bitch, you better get to the baby store and start looking around there, because those ovaries are not gonna do it. It's not gonna cut it. Go shop for a baby and leave a man alone. I like to think that her eggs have little asses on them.

It's like an egg with a little shelf that comes out of it. A shelfy donkey booty. A shelf. I mean, she's ridiculous. And I didn't buy her whole freak out when Walter said that he had asked Candy out and then she had to leave the table. I didn't buy it. I think she was doing that for the cameras. I think that everything she probably does is for cameras, even

when there's no cameras around. She just seems like that kind of a woman. Her defining moment was when Cynthia was hosting a party for Nini to celebrate her new normal whatever. No, no, no. You gotta clarify. Cynthia is too much of a dumb bitch where she can't admit that she's

throwing a party for her successful friend. She's doing a women's empowerment cocktail party. So that's what i was gonna say so that's what i was gonna say was that it was it was for women in power which included like some woman who was like an accountant or something like that someone who was accountant of an accountant's friend neighbor's sister's wife and cynthia bailey star of the cynthia bailey modeling agent if that is a fucking women's power empowerment event you should all go home and kill yourselves yeah it was it was pretty miserable and the fact that kim zolciak is there and the fact that she's like if kim is somehow a woman in power or a powerful woman or a woman who represents some sort of expertise in something in her life then this entire event is her vagina must be powerful

because she gets lots of diamonds yeah she uh her eggs her eggs know what's know what's up they she's a fertile lady she she knows if someone's wealthy i'm surprised that big papa never got never impregnated her to be honest because if if someone's like million dollar penis goes into that vagina she gets pregnant that should be a new spin-off million dollar penises i would watch it i agree million dollar turkey basters um but anyway um so cynthia gave h host for seat for nini saying you know congrats you're wonderful you're the best and then phager takes the microphone and says no no no kenya i'm sorry Kenya. Oh, they all look alike, don't they? Racist.

They just all have ridiculous names. And so Kenya was like, okay, enough of the clown show. Thank you all for coming. As if she's the hostess. It was the most amazing thing. I could not believe what I was seeing. Stop hating on her. That was the best part of the episode. And I'm like, I love that she's crazy. And I love that she's going to fucking fight with that dumb bitch Cynthia all season. I hate Cynthia.

I mean, Cynthia's bad, but you know, it was fun watching Cynthia go at it. Although, Cynthia's, her retorts were really bad. She's like, when Kenya said, you're just a face. She's like, I'm not just a face. I'm not just a face. Maybe just a pretty face. Or no, talking head. That's what it was.

Either way, I'm about as eloquent as Cynthia, so don't mind me. That was hilarious, and I love that she didn't know that Vanessa Williams was the first black Miss America or whatever. Hello, model! USA! God damn it, get it right. Well, I like that that became... That became a bone of... like an insult.

You know, like, you know Vanessa Williams or whatever it was. Oh, and I love how Cynthia, who is clearly in her 40s, and again, in your 40s is not old, is like, so what year were you crowned? It's like, bitch, you are older than her. Why are you, like, if this woman is beautiful and in her 40s, why are you trying to put her down at a women's empowerment event? Yeah, exactly. Good point.

And I love that Nene's like, well, Cynthia, Miss Cynthia, she know how to read. And I don't mean read. I mean read. So read so basically cynthia can't read thanks thanks for sticking up for cynthia and proving once again that nini is nothing but a drag queen she is i wonder if these women were so empowered why weren't they forcing men to run around in heels oh god. Where was Taylor in all this? She's probably on a pool float drinking a margarita. My God.

Anyway, did Phaedra do anything this week besides have a... Yes, she was hilarious. I love when she had lunch with that stupid girl and she's like, Ooh, girl, you got a donkey booty, girl. Look at that booty. I a donkey booty, girl. Look at that booty. I love your booty, Miss Ken. I love that booty.

Like, everything she said, she's like, mm, I like you, girl. Whenever she talks like that, it's like you can imagine her, like, sucking on, like, chewing down on a succulent beach. I know. It's like, uh, when she talks about dogs, and when she hits them, ooh, chat chewing down on a succulent beach. I know. It's like when she talks about dogs,

how much she hates them. Woo, Chad. No, a dog bit me. Chad. Chad, I'm not going to be your dog.

And I love that Miss goes in for Christmas. Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. I was just saying, I love that everybody calls Miss Nini, Miss Phaedra. Everybody's Miss.

I know. That's jewelry. Yeah. Look i'm like what i don't see any menorahs jewelry people jewelry jewelry judaica let's save some money i absolutely loved the conversation that phaedra and Candy had like after they worked it like either after this workout thing where I actually recorded it and put it on our website when they I can actually play it right now how about I play right now because their voices were ridiculous did i did roll back i know girl because i remember because i remember oh girl honey child i love it you did i did i did girl

the real housewives of atlanta is the only housewife show that every single time I watch it, even their worst episodes ever, I laugh every single time I watch that show out loud. I love it. Phaedra makes for goddamn good TV. She does. She used to be so awful, and now she's pretty much my favorite. She's wonderful. She's always been wonderful. You are crazy.

What do you guys think of the return of Sweetie? I really don't give a shit. I feel like everything that's going on in Kim's storylines is just boring. It's literally the same thing as last year. I don't give a shit. She has to move out. Who the fuck cares? Yeah, and stop saying you're a homeless bitch,

because that's getting offensive at this point. You're a fucking rich bitch millionaire who sucked dick to get money, and now you're going to complain that you're homeless because somebody who owns the house wants to kick you out for being a bitch? Shut up. Matthew, you're usually sticking up for Kim.

I'm done, Ronnie. I went over the edge this week. I used to love Kim, but I am at the point now where I do not understand why people like her. Well, I've got some gossip. I have a friend who is a airline stewardess

and Andy Cohen was on the plane and this is her tweet message. It says, holy shit, friend had Andy Cohen on the plane, made her grill him, said Kim Z was one half fired and one half quit midseason because of a contract issue. Wow. So I guess we've got that.

That is some gossip. Yeah, because Miss Kim is a little too high. Well, she's a little too high on her horse. Is that what I'm saying? I'm probably a little too high. Does that mean? Yeah. Way too snotty. And she's really, i like always but she really has no reason to be she used to be so

fun and ever since someone told her she got elected prom queen she's been nothing but an asshole and i was really excited to see her husband show up this episode with gay hair because it gave me hope that one day it's not it's he's from montana it's like it's not gay hair in montana it's just like they finally realized like will and grace airs on tbs or something well he's been in a lot of showers with some athletic men since the montana days i will just say this like i um i would be sad if about blowjobs way too much for him to be straight. Okay, go ahead. I will be sad if Kim leaves the show. Like you said, she used to be so much fun. When she and Nene were on top of their game, drinking down a bottle of Chardonnay before going out in a sparkly low-cut top, that was the height of Hotlanta Real Housewives.

It was amazing, and nothing was that good. I just think that Nene is high on her horse, riding out to L.A. and actually having a career, and Kim thinks that she's the shit when, in fact, all she did was lock down a rich football player who's on a good team. So guess what? When Kim starts acting like a bitch, they're going to cut her off.

They are going to be so done with her because they do not need her ass. Look what they did with Sharae. Poor Sharae. Sharae had no money. But, like, Kim had a successful spinoff, so I think that Bravo's kind of dumb if they do get rid of her because she does deliver the ratings. Unlike LOL or whatever, LOL work. But back, you know, we're coming full circle.

But I don't know. The show without Kim would be a problem for me. It would not be a problem for me. It would be be a problem for me it would be like the best thing ever yeah me too i don't need kim i think she's just not entertaining at all i thought her show was disgusting and despicable i think she's disgusting and despicable and watching her spend all her damn money is making me laugh because i cannot wait in 10 years to see her poor, broke ass caught like those Kirstie Alley photos somewhere at Arby's, like scarfing down 20 hamburgers at one time or some shit. on the football field. His contract is canceled with the Falcons. He's not bringing in the money. Kim is not bringing in the Bravo money. Brielle is going to be swinging from a pole in

Tallahassee trying to get some dollar bills and they are going to be begging to get into a rental house in Buckshead, Georgia or whatever the fuck where they all live. They are not going to be able to live this lifestyle for more than another two years. There is no way. Yeah. Now that's when it'll be fun to watch this lifestyle for more than like another two years. There is no way. Yeah.

Now that's when it'll be fun to watch. Then they'll recast her and go, okay, you can make $4 an episode, but you gotta be white trash. Yeah. Um, she'll do it. But wait,

so is like next week is another new girl joining the fight with Kenya? There's some girl. Yeah. And cause I guess she calls Kenya Miss America by accident, which is like, God forbid, you should ruin Kenya's pedigree. And is her name like Porsche or Porsche a la Kyle Richards' daughter's name? I feel like we saw this in the preview. You know what?

By the time the episode came to an end, I was so ready to dunk my head into a vat of acid that I just cannot remember the details, except for the fact that Kenya got into a fight with yet another girl. So to sum up the Real Housewives of Atlanta this week, snore factor, snore factor. Now, can we move on to Miami since we've been,

since we're, we're going long here? No, we're not going long, but we still have a lot to talk about. I fucking love Miami. Miami was good. There was no Elsa this week, but, but okay because Karen's mother returned in search of vanilla ice cream.

She's like, I want to have two spoons for my vanilla ice cream. She's like, Mom, you have to keep this place organized because look at it. It doesn't look good when it's not organized. And she's like, you are right. I want to eat some ice cream now. Your father is 80 years old. Oh, yes. You blame this all on my father.

Oh, yes. I see. You're blaming it on father again. Uh-huh. I see. Not going to lie. If you were to bring. He's 80 years old.

Mother, how do you think you're going to lose weight if you're eating the homemade ice cream? It's homemade. You're right. You're right. I want more spoons. I love that it was homemade slash it came in a bucket from the grocery store. It is for your father. I hate him.

You know, I hate Karent with all of my being but I don't like when people mess up the cans of soda in my fridge either they all must be facing forward and be all pretty the way I deal with my stress is that I smile cause I'm Karent that's all I have that's all you need.

That's all she is, really. She just smiles. She's a talking head, just like Cynthia Bailey. If you have a problem with me because of my smile, then that is your problem, because I like to smile. I like to smile. I'm sorry if I like to smile. If that threatens you, I am so sorry.

But there's nothing I can do about that. She kind of talks... Go ahead. Go ahead, because I was going to change from her. I was just going to say that she kind of talks like Celine Dion with a Hispanic... She does. She does. I love to have sex with Rodolfo

all night long on Thursdays when he returns. And then I smile. If you made that French, it would be Celine Dion. I swear to God. It is. That is Karen Sierra. She is the Celine Dion of dentistry. I am the greatest singer in the world. I love that these stupid

women, they are so funny on this show. Could you come to my house, please? Because I wanted to have a talk with you. Oh my God. Are you talking about Alexia's phone conversation? Karen's like, may I help you? She's like, I have to be honest with you.

I'm really worried about being in this situation. Oh, no, it is not to attack you or anything like this. It's just to get together and talk everything through. And then the second she walks in, they're like, well, I hate your ass. I love that. I want to talk about. I loved how the entire time when Alexia was talking to Karen on the phone, they kept on cutting to Karen's mother eating the ice cream.

Her reaction was always like, well, it sounds like a good idea. Or, no, it's not a good idea. It kept on going back and forth between those two. And that ice delicious. And what about that fight that they had do you what do you think about all this because karen does come off as a giant um c word but but that being said she oh my god they didn't let her speak i know that was the problem like i going into this i was like put her on a spit and grill her. I fucking hate Carant. But by the middle of that, you know, fucked up dinner party. And, I mean, I love Alexia would not let her speak.

I was starting to turn to Team Corent. What is wrong with me? This is not a conversation, okay? This is a confrontation. Yeah, this is not a conversation. This is a confrontation. I said I had something to say. I didn't say I wanted to hear what you had to say.

She literally said, oh, I love that. I love how there can never be a civil dinner party on any of the Real Housewives franchises. It's impossible. Whenever they announce that there's going to be a dinner party, I just get so excited. And Leah was just sitting there in the corner just enjoying the whole thing. With her sunglasses on, having a grilled shrimp. I love this. Oh, and what are these girls even fighting

about? They're so full of shit, both of them. Neither one of them can tell the truth. You guys know that there are cameras there, right? Yeah, exactly. I mean, it was shocking to me that Adriana and Joanna actually apologized, even though it seemed to last for all of five seconds. There was no apology.

Anna said it best in her confessional. She was like, I don't believe that shit for a second. Yeah. Tear it down! Tear down that apology! Tear it down! You're having a jitter! Frida! Frida! Where's Leroy?

If we're going to talk about that, can I just tell you my favorite part of the episode and then i will let the two of you talk for 10 minutes in uh leo black voice all right my favorite part is when she was talking like after you know her dog you know was getting ill leroy and it was all sad and she's trying to call what what is it frida or i don't know how to pronounce it frida when she was like yeah well i think you know you know i i pay this woman a lot of money she can't even answer the phone i think i put a wing on the church that girl goes to i lost my mind because she didn't even say that with like an ounce of sarcasm or hilarity

she was like oh no i put an extra shack on the side of that shack. And then you know what I did after that? I invoiced them. If they don't pay, you know what I'm going to do to that wing? I'm going to tear it down. Tear that wing down. I love the way that she speaks in half Spanish. And when she walked into Frida's room and was like, she snatched that Bible and flipped it over.

I was like, you don't snatch the Bible like that, but you do it. If you're Leah Black, you can do it. No reading? La Biblia. You listen to all that religious-y music up in my kitchen? I hear it. Yeah, Frida, I know you read the Bible, and it's a really good book. I know. I see you reading

it all the time. And I love my Jesus music, because I can hear it. But come on. I know you love Jesus music, because I can hear it, but come on! I know you love Jesus, but no hablo as to housekeeping. Oh my god, I was, I mean, that was a better part of the entire episode.

It was better to me than the dinner party. Well, I love it. Honestly, I love anything that Leah does. And you know, the funny thing is that when you compare the saga, the sad saga of Leroy, and you compare the saga the sad saga of Leroy and you compare it to the sad saga of Milou like Milou like with Sonia we just laugh at her but with like Leroy

I was like oh poor Leroy I'm not trying to get all like serious for a second but like losing a pet is really terrible and it is like the most awful thing ever but Leah had a few friends over buried her dog with a little teeny ceremony in the backyard with a cute plant and a nice little send-off that is how you do it you do not act like fucking

sonia morgan with that sob story bullshit about you know that that milu i you know milu is in hell leroy in heaven you know and i love by the way in that funeral first of all adriana shows up wearing a flower pot on her head and then on on top of that, they kept cutting to her. With a veil. I loved it. And then they kept cutting to her. And she was like, there was like this branch in her face. She kept brushing it.

Oh, my God. That palm tree was attacking the bucket hat. It was the palm tree, not like the hat. That was one of my favorite cutaways of the entire week. I think it's so funny, but like, Leah's son is a carbon copy of her carbon fucking i love leah's son because he's weird and awkward and does strange little voices just like i did when i was a kid and when she said that leroy was about to die the son started laughing in the kitchen it was actually you know what i really like about leah to be serious for like a one second i really like

that leah talks to her son like an adult i don't know if you noticed that she really she doesn't baby him she's and she doesn't condescend she talks him like an adult and i think he's gonna turn out really well he's in an awkward phase right now but i have high hopes for him oh he's hilarious he's a good kid she's good mom slept with the dog every night didn't we honey well except when he slept with frida or except when he slept on the couch or except every night, didn't we, honey? Well, except when he slept with Frida, or except when he slept on the couch, or except when he just didn't want to sleep with you, or except the times when he

really didn't like to acknowledge your existence and he would just sleep on the floor, or except the times when he would sleep with me, or except the times when he would run away, or except the times when he just kept going on. And I loved he did a little weird British accent during the funeral. I love all that quirky shit. By the way, he's a good kid.

Can we talk about the fact that Leah named her dog Leroy? That is the funniest shit ever. Why? That's amazing. Leroy. Leroy. So I'm going to name my little dog Leroy. Oh, I get it, though. You know what?

I bet it's because it's Leah and Roy. How fun is that? Don't hear that, Daryl. My name is Leah, and my husband's name is Roy. So I decided to name the dog Leroy. Leroy Jenkins. Speaking of, I don't know, there's no segue there, but I just want to talk for a second about something else that offended me this week. Okay! Let's talk about it it i'll invoice you later okay lisa is sitting down having a conversation with

her new bestie rent and i just think that yes it's reality tv and yes these women are all fucked up and we're fucked up for watching these fucked up people and their fucked up lives i find it just slightly despicable to talk about your miscarriages on tv i don't know if that's me being some crazy prude and i understand that it is a horrifying thing that women go through i just cannot imagine you putting that business between you and your husband out there on tv i just think it's gross uh i actually don't have a problem with it i think it's it's like a it's a it's it's one of the few real things that's going on in lisa's life i think it's a little weird though that she airs

out the fact that lenny blames her for i think that's a little strange that's what i'm saying like if i were lenny like i would not want my wife on tv talking about this kind of stuff like that is a very you know at some point at some point like something needs to be between you and your spouse or your partner and it shouldn't be on the TV. And I think the difficulties you're having with your husband about the unfortunate miscarriages you've had, I think that's stepping over the line. Listen, let's get to the crux of it. The real story with Lisa this week was not about the miscarriage. It was the fact that Daisy finally had her examination with, oh, doctor,

doctor, yes, thank you, doctor. And the fact that Daisy's already had liposuction all over her body. Um, can I just tell you that the sight of Daisy's stomach makes me vomit. Daisy, Daisy is a piece of work. She is really a peculiar one. She is a total grifter. You know she's a grifter. I love how

she walks in every room. Oh, yes, Miss Lisa, oh, doctor, so thank you so much for having me. You know she's like Rifter I love how she walks in the room Oh yes, Miss Lisa, oh, Doctor Thank you so much for having me You know she's like sealing the silverware Oh Miss, you are so wonderful You're such a good doctor Oh, you are my hero Maybe you do my eyes also

Have you ever had any surgery? Oh yes, I had my boobs lifted And I had my underarms liposuction and i had my scalp taken aback and i had my ears down and i had my toes uncut from each other and it's like how much surgery have you had bitch and i love that lisa was like um you're fucking kidding me yeah my god she wanted to be the most nipped and tucked and then I love in front of her in front of Daisy they start going

don't you dare make her hotter than me and then her husband's like she could never be hotter than you and she goes yeah right she could never be hotter than me because she's an ugly dog right and he's like yeah right she's ugly right yeah and Daisy's like oh doctor doctor Lisa Miss Lisa oh you're wonderful you're so funny i think we're our goals are a little too

lofty i want to be a maid in miami what the hell is in the water in miami our maid got to sleep in the laundry room with like a pillow made out of old t-shirts we couldn't wear anymore okay i just have a brilliant idea i think that we should start writing a comedy spec script called Made in Miami, M-A-D-E in Miami, about three ladies who move there to get rich and get their plastic surgery done by becoming maids of rich people. I think there is a maid show coming out. Isn't Devious Maids pretty much? Devious Maids. I cannot wait.

Didn't that boot it, though, from ABC to Lifetime Movie Network or some bullshit because nobody wanted to buy it? And I hear it. I heard from gossip that it's not so good. Sorry, Mark. Sorry, Mark Cherry. XOXO. Well, you've had one good season. You had Desperate Housewives was good for one year. But you know what? I'll always like Mark

Cherry because he wrote for Golden Girls. And he slapped Nicolette Sheridan. Yeah. On this episode, it's about women empowerment so yeah i was just gonna say i mean speak of misogynist i've called two women who claimed abuse liars um and now i'm glad that you beat up nicolette sheridan yeah i'm sorry you guys you know that i'd be nothing without women i wouldn't have any friends i wouldn't have a a life. I would have nothing without women. I'm sorry, women, for everything I've said. But not you, Taylor. I hate him for what he said about women.

I hate him. Speaking of women we hate, we also need to talk about Joanna Krupa and how she had a fake. At the beginning of the episode, there was a fake celebrity volleyball tournament, including no celebrities. And I don't include Joanna on the list of celebrities. And Lisa and Corrine showed up to show their support. But after the match, which really looked miserable and sad and why they were considered celebrities, I don't know. Hot guys in the background, though. Very hot guys in the background.

Hot guys in the background, yes. But then Romaine Lettuce showed up in a pair of white pedal pushers and they went and had a little chat on the beach and I have to tell you that I actually really like Roman because he tells her that she is a

sloppy drunk bitch and he's gonna dump her ass if she keeps drinking because she embarrasses herself and he's not gonna put up with it. I loved it. Good for him. But you understand that sometimes it's just because of the alcohol and sometimes the alcohol does that and he's like, then don't drink. Well, okay, then

maybe I'll calm down a little bit. You just did that to torture me? You just didn't talk to me to torture me? He's like, yes, I had to teach you a lesson. And then he goes, and then stop texting me so much, you bitch. Yeah, you text me too much. She is crazy.

He should get out while he can. I think that he should dump her and start banging Marta and get her pregnant and move in with her. Well, Marta's coming back next week. I want Marta to play single white female, kill off Joanna, and just assume her identity.

But you don't understand. Acting is so hard. I don't have time to kill people. I'm not a beauty queen, so it's hard because I'm not a beauty queen like Joanna, so it's really hard for me to clean stuff or get acting work, okay?

You don't understand me. And it's like, you just don't like me. It's like, auditioning is like, it's really hard, and you don't understand. It's like, I don't go me and it's like you just don't like me it's like auditioning is like it's really hard and like you don't understand it's like like i don't go to an office like it's hard for me and i put a lot of time and i do go grocery shopping but i can't always yeah like i've been to a grocery you're making it sound like i've never gone to a grocery store before and i've gone to one before so just stop i'm not a beauty queen it. And I've gone to one before, so just stop. I'm not a beauty queen. It's hard to

go into the store. You're so, like, mean to me. And, like, I'm sorry if when you asked for celery, I got Altoids. Like, I'm sorry. Like, that's an honest mistake. Okay? Ridiculous. Like, give someone a break a little bit. Like, I'm just trying to make it.

Love her stupid ass. This is the reason why I like Mammy the most, because they all have ridiculous accents. They all do. And then can I tell you, when I watched that dinner party, I think I hit pause on my DVR nine times, because I was like,

okay, let me reassess. Are they all there? This is the biggest cast on the face of the earth. you have marta plus you have alexia that is nine total women sitting around that table they just needed mary saul to make like the perfect 10 or i mean sorry mama elsa to make the perfect 10 but that cast is so out of control and they are all disasters except for anna well anna was sort of a disaster because she was crying about and packing up her practice but anna's sort of a snooze fest she's so smart anna's smart and normal and has no business being on this show yeah i'm kind of confused as to what the hell she's doing on the show she does seem very out of place but i do like her i do like her

too i like her too and i actually do feel a little bad for her i mean that's got to be tough when you know she's crying and packing up all of her shit after you know her ex-husband and her um are no longer going to be in business and he's just sitting there with a big old grin like yeah get your fat ass out of my building yeah yeah she's still in love with him obviously clearly i mean he's cute they're like a weird couple i kind of like them i want them to get back together yeah i wonder what went wrong well he's sort of like a douchebag though that's probably what went wrong yeah but he's also like a nerd and like you know i feel like when he got her back like 20 years ago that was probably like a really good get on his part yeah but now that she's aging and he hasn't aged um so you know he's he's looking

you know men like young you know he still looks young and he's still with it and he's probably rich now and can bag hot young models. It's just kind of getting sad. Well, it looks like Anna gets into it a little bit next week when there's another crazy dinner party with Thomas and Elsa and she says this thing like, I am a stupider person for coming here.

Who invited you? That guy seems fucking horrible. I can't believe he's so mean to Anna. Wait, did you see what that guy seems fucking horrible i can't believe you saw me to anna wait did you see what he says to elsa yeah it's like you'll get out of my house or shut up i'm sick i'm dying of these it's out of control i'm so excited it's awesome miami is the the most entertaining house life that's on right now beverly hills has not taken off yet. Atlanta is in a rut. Beverly Hills will take off. It's just everybody comes back and they're

still scarred from all the nasty shit people were saying about them and tweeting at them last year and they're trying to be nice. And then before you know it, they forget the cameras are there and their horrible true selves come out. And I'm talking to you, Kyle. They're just jockeying for position for the first three to four episodes and then like Ronnie said, they forget that they're just talking to you, Kyle. They're just jockeying for position for the first three to four episodes

and then, like Ronnie said, they forget that they're on camera and their true bitch selves erupt all over the screen. We have our first dinner party coming up this week on Beverly Hills, so that's something to look forward to. Oh, yeah. Alright, guys.

Yeah, I think we're wrapping up. Does anyone have any other final thoughts can we please shut this shit down so I can go watch some Catherine Ireland on Million Dollar Decorators ASAP so everyone thanks for listening you can follow the podcast on twitter

at what crappens you can follow us on facebook at facebook.com watch what crappens you can follow Matt at Facebook at facebook.com slash watch what crappens. You can follow Matt at Life on the M-List on Twitter and Ronnie at TVgasm and me at B-Side Blog. Yeah, and I've got full recap of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and a redub of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And both will be posted on our Facebook page. Okay.

And be sure to subscribe on iTunes and leave a comment and give us five stars. Even if you think we're just a two-star podcast, give us five stars anyway, because it's a nice thing to do. It's the holiday season. Yeah, round up, round up. And if it's only a two, put a five. Don't go to three.

Yeah, round up from zero to five. You guys get it. Yeah, you know. Okay, everyone. So, all right. It's been fun. Thanks, guys. See you. Bye,. It's been fun. Thanks, guys. See you.

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