Watch What Crappens - #463 Below Deck Med: 2 Chainz

Episode Date: May 24, 2017

Mr. Skintastic and his butterface anchors finish up their tour on this week’s Below Deck Med, but will the tangled chains ruin everything? Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Find all our links and episodes at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crapens! The podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on ye old brawls. I'm Ronny Karram from Trash Talk TV and the Rose Pricks Bachelor podcast which came back this week and is so much fun, go listen to it. And here I am with my trusty little handsome

sparkly eyed partner Ben Mandelker of the B side blog in the Banta Blinda. Hello, Ben. Hello, hello, hello, how's it going? Ben, your personality is delicious as the lamb euro I just bought off the street. Oh, Ronnie, that is so sweet of you. That is very, very sweet. It's almost like that touch of sweetness and the turkey bacon I just eat. Pussy. It's not as good as a lamb euro.

I'm sorry. That's all I have. Pussy, that's all I have to say. Okay, I'm enjoying making people uncomfortable in the airplane. It's the best thing about traveling. I'm like, does my muffin top bother you? Good. Okay, enjoy your next six hours.

Be out. I am contemplating whether or not I should change over my social media handles from B side blog to just bad Mandelkerr. You know, because I don't really blog that much anymore and I was going through some old posts today because I got some weird security things saying, my Google ad isn't showing up on this post because there's something random. It got flagged. Some post like 2010, where I was making fun of like Danielle stop. And

I was reading it. I was like, I don't like this anymore. I don't like this, this post. It's like written in this catty way that I don't feel like really reflects who I am. And it's like not funny to me anymore. And I And like, maybe I kind of just feel like just closing down wholesale sections of my blog that just do not reflect me anymore. And I'm like, maybe I should just move away from being a blogger, being a full-fledged podcast. Just remember that when you pick a new name, make it like kind of easy. You know, Ben Mandelker is probably not that easy to remember.

Well, but it is your name. Like people should. It is my name, but people. But no one knows how to spell it. So that could be a problem. Yeah, I called you Ben Mandekler for I think five years when I first met you. All right, so maybe I'll keep it at the beach side block. But I'm done. I am done. But to you. So yeah, that's cool. You're not over. You're not things. I feel like this is a bonus episode conversation because we could do this for an hour. Like, yeah, we will get on the URL, like the URL finder and be like, who's got that name? That's my favorite, anything to do. I'll come up with different products and just see if anybody's found the name like Smowredo's.

Well, we'll circle back to it maybe on next week's bonus episode, which we will also be talking about, hopefully we'll be talking a little bit about Twin Peaks on that episode, which will be really fun because the show is crazy. The show is real crazy. Yeah, I'll be watching that. And right now we have below deck Mediterranean, which is basically like Twin Peaks on water, you know? Instead of the little midget dancing or the little, sorry, is that me to say the dwarf at her since dancing in the in the red room. It's just like Max going, I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do. Everyone's spot of the man and no one really knows why he's there what he's doing but Yeah, he's basically Blow Dex answer to the the blob of flesh on the tree. You'll you'll understand you'll understand Tree I'm like, uh, even as a tree. I'd be like I'm so fat. I'm meeting a lamb giero. They're like, damn, that tree's really self-fablet touching. To be fair, Max does sort of sound like he's in the red room, the way he talks. He's like, you know, the, yeah, we can do. Yeah, they record Max's lines with him reading backwards

and then play them forwards like on that. So what do you do? Do we do? Yeah, it's all saying like Satan Satan like if you're me mocked here it should be like that saying Satan. Whenever somebody plays a record backwards they're trying to drag you down to hill with them. Okay, Ramona. Okay, so let's get on with this. This opens with Max, our sweet little dwarf. Sweet little twin peak red room figure. Sandy has put two anchors down, and she's like, you know, it'll make them feel like they're on a beach castle in the middle of a ocean of castle rock. They're in their own sluddy sanctuary, sanctuary for Mr. Skin and the naked news, you know? First thing you think of when you see a,

a bunch of pairs of silicone babin' around under those homely little faces, sanctuary, sanctuary. They need a sanctuary by the rocks. But unfortunately, while they're tied on to the rocks, the wind came a blow in and now is pushing the boat right into the rocks. So she's like getting that boat and then put your little tender in between the boat and the rocks. Max, okay. And you just got a push.

She's like, what? I just got a push and then Sandy just turns to wisdom goes, you gotta work on him. Has it been getting enough rest? He looks a little sleepy, a little sleepy, has he had brands you know recently? By the way I totally order brands you know Friday night and I thought of Sandy. You want me getting back to crashing between the button roll? That didn't seem real well but I'll do it to tell me because I'm new and that's what I do. I'm green. So he does it in Hannah's like, I'm worried that we might crash and all get slapped with some silicone in the head. And Mr. Skinmin was like, what's going on? And and Wiz is like, we all I want to see is still, were you bad at me? And he feels sleep when he's on the watch and

the bad way I went up on the beach. Isn't that crazy? And Sandra Bulk was on it too. Uh, uh, well, uh, wouldn't matter. What would you guys do if everyone fell asleep? And then the boat was just drifting away. Max was like, or Wes was like, that would be nuts. Did I tell you about the time I got to see on the test? My dad said you're bad little boy. And I said, I'm sorry, dad. He you're bad little boy and I said I'm sorry dad he was some mad at me I'm the rebel I said I couldn't be more proud to have a son like you even if you have a sea because you know what a sea means is when for improvement I said gosh dear what an awkward chance moment for us so how about you is your real name mr skin

Sahabachi is your real name Mr. Skin No, I changed it you're a rebel you're like me one time the Ellis Island was it mr. Skinowitz One time I got a gold star for getting my homework on time and I took it off just to watch my dad get real mad It means they mix your rebel damn at its whiz Whiz and then I put the star back on, he said, Oh, you got me whiz. And I said, I know, dead, aunt I naughty. He said, Yes, you are. It's like the time you took the vase and put it on the count. And so the table I said, we is the vase. And then you said, I took the vase, died dead. And he's left and left and left.

One time I watched the film about me called the whiz. And people were singing his own down the road and not to just that would rebel. So anyway, Lauren is, you know, Lauren, the one from the hospitality industry who dated Bobby. She is spiraling. She spends pretty much the entire episode ironing in a fit of emotions. And she's just- Bobby's being mean to her. Yeah, so she's like, Bobby's a dick. And Bobby meanwhile, he's also going to an existential crisis. He just feels alone and sad. His only friend is Hannah.

And he's messed that up and blah. Yeah, because they're at the table together. And Bobby's just staring at Hannah like, so you want me to say like whoa And Hannah's just like ignoring him while she eats and she's eating as big as possible When she gets up she's like Licking her fingers Rub it in Hannah and he's like I'm so alone right now How does the only friend I fucked it up.

I just want my hand hand back. He's like, you know what they say? I don't know. I can hear you scream. Does it call back to him being the alien monster? So it was alien covenant this weekend. We didn't realize how time we our joke was. Did we?

Yeah, exactly. Right? You see movie toilins. We're like the real Ryan's. So yeah, if alien, if alien wants to advertise to get people filling those seats, just advertise here on the below deck podcast. Here's Fager and Candy. They talk about the alien. Girl, I was so scary. So meanwhile Lauren is crying, Lauren is like, oh my god, he's being mean to me. And bug says, well, I think to tip my B because you and Booby has still had feelings for each other. It's like, no, he's not even that feeling.

Me mean to me, he's swimming my name. Oh, his own name works in the football team. So I have my uniform. Oh, I'm like, Lauren, what name do you have? I barely remember that you're on this show. Lauren, the name Lauren, I can't even buy a clean keychain anymore with my name on it. They're all soiled. It has been besmirched. So it's being soiled. The girls are that the Mr. Skin girls are naked paddle boarding.

And then I love watching that girl, Sun Tan lotion her nipples. I've never really thought about that before. Yeah, you got to translate. It seems so there it seemed like tan, you know, because there are a different color. But she's like, nope, I'm gonna wrap this. Sun tan lotion on this nipple.

Wait more, wait more. Okay, now more on the other one. Like this cameraman really love watching Santana lotion go on nipples. Yeah, they were definitely enjoyed. They were probably hard by the invite I only crew to take care of Emily's situation. Like, well, you have experienced blurring things out. Can we get you over here to take me on the Emily squad? Lauren's going to go to the bar. I didn't even get in and buy. What am I doing here? Everybody hates me. I'm gonna iron

So they invite Sandy to dinner and you know, even though it's going to be a sexy dinner, but Sandy is like, okay It's nothing I can't handle. I'll just take a big nap before dinner and I'll be in a great mood. Wow what an honor Let me tell you Someone's inviting me to dinner with a bunch of whores who cut out their faces to put Angelina Jolie's in. I'm in. Should I wear a tux? So then we have sad music and it's Bobby.

He's sad. He continues to be sad. It's like the tears of misogynist. And he decides now is the time to make a man. So he pulls Hannah to the side and it's like, good, talk to you? She's like, I want Bobby make a quick. So he is basically like, oh, I jumped to conclusions, but I wish you sold it more that Lauren was lying. I was like, what sort of apology is that? Yeah. She, she wrote a bad commercial copy for however she was trying to defend herself. Wouldn't it be like, I think this? Oh, she sold it different.

It is. She wasn't selling it. She was like trying to defend against a refund. You know what I mean? It's like two different things. He's like, he's trying to be accountable and you blame her also for why he was not accountable before. Like it's not my fault I blew up.

I was just reacting because you didn't sell it hard enough. And she's like, I'm your friend and that should sell it enough. She's like, all I told her was I didn't appreciate the fact that you Asbest go on a date with her and then you invited two holes, which makes you a hole Which why would anyone want to be with that? That's all I said Bob And the thing is that like Bobby he's just shifting his rage from one woman to another. Like he's still not seeing that this is such a stupid issue. And, and he's now he's mad at Lauren's liar. And, and, and he's doing that, that, that, that's that facile way of being

let off the hook going, I'm not perfect. I'm making mistakes. Like, yeah, but you're my favorite thing. I'm still not apologizing for leading a witch hunt against this girl Lauren and then also going after Hannah your friend It's like Charles Manson going into court and being like well, sorry I'm not perfect and they're like okay dot guilty at least he knows it If I knew Sharon Tate was Ron planske's girlfriend, I never would have killed her I mean, it's just a misunderstanding. So I make your excuse.

So she forgives him, but then she kind of cries. She's like, booby, you know, I just love you the moods. And then she goes, well, I'll listen to booby, but he's been, I mean, one too many times and a very wary of bull be now. No, you're not. Because if you were ever wary of Bobby, you wouldn't have even gone out with him in New York. Like, you should have been wary a long time. That girl's like a fire alarm that goes off when everybody else is already like ashes, you know. If you were wary of Bobby, you would have already put him into an escape pot and sent him out into space where he could explode.

And then it just keeps intercutting to Laura and like, is she iron's She's like quietly turning into rocky, but without the fun. Yeah, without the fucking mermaid Dale. Yeah, exactly. Like if you're not going to be riding around on a beach, and singing songs through your pain, I have no time for you. So then, um, now it's just, now it's time for dinner. It's cooking dinner. Yadayadayada. And we see the table scape, which has a distinct lack of seashells, beads, and petals. So Kate Chastain would not approve. Thank you very much. Kate Chastain's like, I'm gonna write a blog about this. So.

I at what point do you guys want me to come on the yacht and fix all your mistakes? Just tell me. Okay, thanks. I feel a spin off but coming on. So I thought he said I felt I thought there was more to the sentence. I'm sorry. Because that's how Kate talks. She's like, look at that. Dun dun dun. That's how I was doing my impersonation of Kate laughing. Yeah, Kate wrote, this is Kate doing an ROFL.

We're gonna talk to her soon. I'm waiting for the season. We're gonna talk to her both her and Hannah because we have to obviously meet Hannah because that's going to be so much fun. But also I want it to be when the season just goes cuckoo because we're only on episode four. They've almost crashed like a lot of times.

They've had a lot of anger problems. Bobby's already cried as much or called his mother sobbing. But this is nothing because you know, this is below deck. It the first half of season is like the slow boil and the second half is when the shit just goes nuts. Yeah, and the end is just like those boils on your butt. You're just like train it already. So then speaking about boils on the butt, Bobby starts showing a video to Max is

a video of like him turning a fire extinguisher on one of his buddies who's trying to shit in peace and Bobby's I guess I don't got a regular galagher over there look at this video. I made I Put a banana peel on the ground and a lady fell down Bro bro bro bro bro still going bro still going and then the guys in the shower and he's like yeah bro I'm going to teach and Monion so meanwhile Lauren is still crying on the Arning board and now Hannah says now that Hannah's been apologized to you She doesn't give a shit anymore, so she's just like life is heard get over it Life is hard life is hard is a hard candy so suck it get over it

suck it up Listen life is hard just like a shirt should be after some properly starched get to it Life is hard just like a shirt should be after it's been properly starched get to it Life is hey, hey Lauren you're like a box of chocolates every one of you tastes like shit just dying Life is like a box of chocolates if they're all white chocolate no one wants them anyway, and that's what you are get it to it Like chocolate I feel like I'm sinking into a narrow. I'm sinking into a narrow. It's cold quicksand. I'm in the end of the shit before everybody notices.

It's cold to dry. I get you to hit out of it. Celebrity beef. You never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellaside. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Disantel. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us?

We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So then, bugs, so bugs is like, wheel, I like to have more of a hands on a page from ideal with people who see it so many of you talk to me a little bit so I don't know why did that I just felt like I needed to differentiate bugs this voice from hand this voice I just made it higher I feel like a good way to move into it so so bugs is like so what's wrong and like well, I'm like from the hot pot out in the industry and Bobby like a soiled my name and soiled and poop and you know I'm doing laundry is just too close and It bugs like oh, it's wonderful. That's wonderful. By the way, my grains just told

Yes, you and Bobby I'm so sorry. I guess that's the real tragedy Is that an annoying voice if I just made it super no, it's just annoying that I'm just sitting here laughing like Satan the whole day. That's all I'm doing during this episode. I just feel like bugs is gonna send us another picture with a strange like cybercrown on it and be like this is what my that voice sounds like on me drawn. like on me drawn and I'm excited for it. I like more hands on approach or it tells me better you feel like my granddad. Alright, keep climbing them. And it's like it's so unfair that this is happening to me. But it's like again, my granddad and I'm on a bit and I was very close to her but yes, you're the real victim here.

I feel like I'm drowning. My granddad just drowned. There's nothing to say. So Malia and the kitchen. So she's helping the chef because Hannah's like, could you help me? I've got, I've got little crazy gray over there. Crog or Lover or uniforms. In the meantime, could you maybe help me and be a be a Steve tonight and

Malia's like all right and it's just like yeah You can never get too much hand at time Malia time, you mean yeah, I'm making some booby cakes Yeah, Malia. Yeah, let me touch yours and make sure they're the proper shape is one bigger than the other bad to find out Malia to cupcake I appreciate is one bigger than the other bad to find out. Little cupcake. Malia's like, yeah, I can help out. I mean, I all I have to do is, you know, be on watch for our two anchors. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? We're going to twirl around all night and they'll get tied up and we'll be delayed by eight hours.

I mean, really, at least that as long as those fondant nipples come out nicely, that's my priority. He's like, Hey, I just want to say thank you for not being bugsy. Thanks. Oh, that was nice. Thanks for not stacking everything. I like my chargers spread out and cleared in an appropriate rate. Thank you for not forcing the bulls to be confined to a stacked space in the cupboard. Because that's the last thing we need. So then outside at dinner, Sandy joins for dinner, and she's like, so tell me about Mr. Skyn.

How did you get started? What was the process? How did you become such a perv, Mr. Skyn? He's like, well, when did you start chronically masturbating? To start there. When did you start chronically objectifying woman for the breast of a genus and let me tell you something, thank you. She's like, well, you know, I always just loved watching movies and I just would watch it for the nudity and then I

just started taking the nude parts and putting on my own VHS. So I just had two hours of masturbation time and I thought, hey, I can make a website of it now 20 years later. I got this bitch on my side. She's still into me. I got these for us. So I mean, hey, great life. Am I right? And now look at you. You were in Croatia on a yacht, rested, AF. All right, there. Enjoy your duck.

Not going to give me a face suit, everyone. Can I give you a little advice? These girls you have have nice new boobs, but their faces need to rest all of them. We've got a bunch of little baby cuts back there. You could just, you know, maybe put them on there and set an alarm for eight hours. You know, I have to say I really respect your naked news. You know why? Because it's not on a 24 hour news cycle. It's just a few hours here and there and the rest of the time, sleep be. Man, you really go to prove the news is ugly.

This is why America's gone down the drain 24 hour news. We can't have that. We need to have two hours of news eight hours of sleep back to the news. Okay. Well, I watch your channel. I think the same thing is I think when I'm watching CNN, what a bunch of boobs. Get it, Mr. Skin. Get it. I think the same thing is I think when I'm watching CNN what a bunch of boobs get it mr. skin Hey, can I just call you skin?

You know when I was little I wasn't really obsessed movies But I used to play a lot of video games and my favorite one was super married brothers too Because I love the way I ended with Mario and bed there sleeping away Have a little dream. What a wonderful message just in the kids So do you get mad when you're at Chili's and you look on the appetizer menu and they're serving tater skins? You get money every time they sell one of those Mr. Skin. Does anyone ever try to put Sarah cream on you? Because I gotta say I can't have a tater skin without sour cream. It's like a potato that never had a nap. No one wants that.

So stupid. So if you're part about cooking chicken is the 10 minutes after it comes out of the oven and it just gets to rest. So when we cut to chef who's still like, touching these cupcakes, he's making like their actual boobs. He's like, oh yeah, I'm gonna do it. And he tells us, yeah, I, you know, I'm real reluctant

to join another relationship. Like, uh, you're not reluctant. You're trying your best. And she will never have you. So let's not trying to pretend that this is by choice. A. Yeah. And he's like, my last relationship, I'm with, I was with the Middle Eastern girl, but she didn't tell her parents about me because our cultures are so different. She didn't tell her parents about you because you live in a goddamn van, okay? You live in a massive aggressive. That's why. Yeah, and you have little beady meth eyes, okay?

That's why they didn't she didn't tell them. So then his, his, his, his outer, his inner dick starts to come out more because Hannah's like, all right, we got a toe, we got, we got, okay, Sam wants his tofu and Sandy wants a chicken and this girl wants a shrimp and say, uh, don't tell me their names, just tell me what they're going to tell me, tofu, tampe, yeah, just do that. Well, yeah, and I was like, all right, you motherfucker, I'll just kick you in the middle of the night.

That's all right. She's like, all alright, no problem. Says Sam. He will lead to me And then he's like hmm this dish eats something else. I wonder what it could be and bugs is like I knew you were in here for a reason you done the slag slag. You're only 99% of useless as I thought. What would you say I'm sorry over talker? No, no. Yours was much fun. I just said I'm gonna murder you someday. Which is the same thing. She's like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Can we just hand me that parsley so I can shove it down your throat and hold my fist there until your breathing stops forever It's not nice if there was a nature department here. They'd pick it and the piece of my books a man Oh, you're not so long. Yeah, okay, so

Turn her into Mrs. Padmore now. Yeah, I think she's turning into Mrs. Padmore. I think that's the direction she's going. And that's the way it's going to be. Because we've got too many South African Australian accents going on, and it's just out of control. Yeah, it's like one of the chef's meals, just pure mush, at this point. So Bobby starts talking, oh, so we cut to Bobby.

He's talking to Max about, he's like, Lauren is just all drama. She's so intrestworthy. Max'm like, drama drama. I'm like, you know, you guys are the ones who are gossipy and untrustworthy. Okay. Like they're making it seem like she is the troublemaker. She's the drama. You're the ones who are gossipy and won't shut up. Like what the, who the hell cares? She's just girl ironing in the corner. Yeah. And you're going out of your way to talk. Yeah. Exactly. Shut up. Then it's trying to turn everyone against her for having the audacity to give you a blowy or whatever happened over there. And then I'm like, okay, go fuck Ben. And then all you do is talk to everybody about

both of them. You're the biggest bitch, Bobby. I'm sure you know, because you have the internet already. But you're bitch. up. Yeah. So Malia is, she's like helping out with service, but then she can't, they keep cutting back to the watch, the anchor watch, and no one's there. So we know bad things are going to happen. And then, and then Hannah and Adam have another little, I have another, they have another little exchange when he clears, when she clears the place too quickly and he's like, a geez man, like, they're only were out there for like 30, I spent like two hours and he was like, like, a little busted in like 30 seconds. She's like, well, I'm sore, they didn't want to have a bunch of shrimp shells in front of their faces.

Makes their faces look bad. If you'd like me to just leave the empty plates there, they don't call it, they don't, they call it busing tables, they don't call it walking a mile in the snow uphill tables. All right. Listen, they want to be the prettiest ones there. And if you have a bunch of room shows, they're not. Yeah, yeah. So just don't tell me what to do. How about that? Sound good? Okay. Yeah. How about that? How about you just don't tell me what to do? Okay. Oh, you want me to stack something really bitch? Okay. Yeah. How about you calm down and go back to just being a silent whore. The sounds right there. And if you say another goddamn name, I swore

to God, I'm going to cut off your face and turn it into a bootmuffin. All right. She's like Chad. Oh, God, tell me you said a name I've made the rocks on the table spell it's all Hopefully, and I'll get the end So now it's time to work on the new Dcake and The crew is getting into shirts that have like naked bodies on them and I'm like, oh, I'm not gonna wear that So what's next you maybe put on a romper. Sorry. It was my little political comment about all the ridiculousness

about people reacting about rompins. What is that now? Rompins. Oh, that it was a Kickstarter for this new like male romper and like a bunch of guys and male rompers and people like, uh, real men don't wear rompers. And was like uh please like unless you're gay you can't be wearing a romper like Jesus people come down it's a romper you want to wear it wear it yeah you'll all be okay it's not the end of masculinity

Jesus yeah and also if you ever play strip golf it'll make it much easier to lose because you only have one piece of uh one piece to take off. Don't you learn anything from Bravo people? And don't complain about a romp, a romp him and then wax your eyebrows, okay? Yeah, exactly. You mean, uh, Chef Adam? Hmm.

This. Where is he, where is he storing his meth? I was wondering about that on those boats, like, do they not have dogs that pass by here? Cause he's still bloodshot and I don't even know how he's seeing out of his math. I always wonder about that on those boats. Like, do they not have dogs that pass by here? Because he's still bloodshot. And I don't even know how he's seeing out of his eyes. They're like these little times. It's like two little needles were poked in them. He's probably storing them at the anchor watch place because no one's there. So, um, so the Newtie cake is happening, et cetera. And then, um, and then everyone's noticing that boat is moving, even like Mr. Skins, like, hey, I think that boat's moving, but no one's watching.

And... And it's like, oh, yeah, that's just a little wind. It gets a little grumpy, you know? When the wind doesn't have its own bedroom with soundproofing and a water machine to keep it tired. Oh, well, you know, the yacht's just taking a nap and turning over in bed, that's all. So Bobby Mimaw downstairs, as we should mention, is totally's just taking a nap and turning over in bed. That's all. So

Bobby Miamal downstairs as we should mention is totally purring out to Mr. Skin. He's like, oh, look at the girls I'm looking at nearly pics. I don't know like normally if it was anyone else. I'd be like, yeah, cool But with Bobby it just bothers me. It's Sandra Bullock's face with D cops And then he's like rubbing his dick those two please tell me they didn't masturbate because they sat there and their Bugs looking at that for a long time and Bobby kept like wiping the spit that was coming off of his face I Mean how do you think they got the fondant on there's on the spooky cakes? Oh, yeah, that was a weak fondant, right?

Can we talk about that? Okay, we'll get there. So Sandy is talking on Sandy Sandy's talking to the guests and she's like, so how did you guys get your jobs? And one girl's like, that's a drug. Just kidding. She's like monster.com. I love it. And Sandy's like, okay, well, you know,

this has been such a pleasure. I'm gonna go right now to the internet and I'm going to use my hand to pleasure myself Well, I Update myself on what's happening with the Trump administration. Okay, so thanks everybody Hannah could I get one of those nipple cakes to go thanks? So dessert and the chef is stressing out on his fondant. Yes, the I mean, there was really not much more

that he's like, uh, turns out making a fondant nipples harder than you think. So they're like making fondant boobies and there's taken a long time, but it's okay because the naked news talent climbs onto the lazy Susan and starts basically posing with, you know, just doing a weird naked semi not really naked. They were just doing yoga poses, but flashing everyone at the same time. So I was like, everyone was happy. That horrible lazy Susan was killing me.

They just kept, they just kept spinning her around on the lazy Susan. So good. Lauren was downstairs, you know, steaming, steaming the outfits with her tears. She just like cry on them and then iron. Cry iron her tears in to get rid of the wrinkles. Then she told, oh yeah, actually, Laura, there is a scene with Lauren here because she calls her dad. And she's like, I feel so alone. I share everything with my dad. I mean, what you can share with her dad. Like, he doesn't know that I blew Bobby But he knows that like I know Bobby. I mean he knows that I know a guy like he knows I went out

Well, I didn't tell him I went out, but you know he knows I have a job and he knows I have to go out I don't even know what to tell him anymore. This is my dad. He was a dad dad He's like, okay, well great. Thanks for calling Hey, and the next time just just remember that I'm your dad and not Ben're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be

able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if youy. Honey, sweetie, sweetie, you're ironing the phone again. I can't see you. Oh, sorry dad, it's just instinct.

So, Bugsie and Hannah have like some private time while Hannah's smoking. Nice. And Hannah's like, honey, and you can tell and Hannah's had a couple of drinks on the boat because she really does turn into like the nicest drunk ever. She's like, honey, come on with me and sit with me. I'm going away by you. I'm so surprised. Yeah, they had a nice moment in bugs. I was like, oh, and Hannah, Hannah start

sharing the cheek she lost a brother, which is now the second, like childhood sibling death on Bravo this week. And really the third if you count the bachelor story too, I'm like, oh my god, reality TV is killing me this week. Yeah, it's a lot of dead people. It's like the sad streets are littered with them, guys. Like dying everybody. Like dying children. I'm like, oh, like how many times is TV gonna make me cry

this week? It's not fair. Hey, you guys, do us a favor. Don't die. It's so sad. just keep that in mind. So Hannah's like, what would you like to talk about? She's like, would you like to talk about your feelings? And Berksy's like, well my grand.

Well my cigarette's up for it then see you tomorrow. Good to know. She's like, oh my god, I don't know if I should be there for my grand. I was like, I know, Lauren's totally knowing too. Okay, I'll talk to you later. So, anchor drama, anchor drama, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. So, well, well, so the next morning,

the sun rises and the good news is that Lauren is still sad. Ha! I was gonna iron again today. So, she at Lauren is Sad and Malia's like, you know what? I was up all night not watching that anchor, and I am so tired. Thank God today all we have to do is pull up

our perfectly fine anchor and go into pouring different of these people. It'll be so easy and then I can hang out with my homies. The fish. So, she's like, all right, let's bring up this anchor. Should be super simple. I'm sure they're not tangled at all. I'm sure all that spinning in the boat last night was just my head

from being drunk off of Tempefumes. Off of those tiny little bottles I found in Hannah's suitcase. She is an alcoholic I hear. So yeah, so the anchors are now tangled together. The boat has just been basically turning around to the rounded circles. Nobody's noticed. And it comes up and like, oh, looks like we've got a kink in the chain. I'm like a kink in the chain. It's like a bird's nest. And they pull up this mess of these two chains, these two, oh, that could be the name of the episode, two chains, these two chains of anchors that come up and they're all gnarled together. And they cut to the

Mr. Skin people and they're like, this is a beautiful way to start the day. I have never slept so well until I ate one of those titmuffins. Thanks guys. Was it a plant-based tet cake? Oh my god, this is plant-based halvan. So they were all anchor drama and then captain said it cussed the captain's handy and she's like, the anchor, It's like a

tangled necklace. You just you just have to play with it and turn it and then play with it and then the lug tangle. You know, and then you take a nice good nap after all that hard work. Calm, captain Sandy about everything is like I mean I know these girls know something about necklaces, but maybe just a pearl kind You know what I'm saying? It was a little joke for you producers over there. Okay. Maybe it's time for an amp Was I watching too much mr. Skint did you notice by the way in the In the In the shots for their like look someone's waking someone's waking up, someone's masturbating,

someone's washing a window during that part, they showed Captain Sandy on the internet looking at Mr. Skin. Yes. Yes. I said, I would do it. I said, I guess who's not a liar? Her name is Captain Sandy. He's a he's a gentleman and I will always refer to him as Mr. Skin and not by as proper

man, proper name and manual. So now it's like been 90 minutes, 90 minutes of dealing with this anchor and things are getting stressful. I'm actually starting, you know, I get easily stressed and I was very stressed and Bobby is also getting stressed because he's Bobby, you know, because they won't come up with everything.

And so Sandy is putting her head to that poor hole, you know, it's like one of those, not the gallows. Those things that these put people in in the 1820s, you know, because they won't come up with everything. And so Sandy's putting her head to that little poor hole, you know, it's like one of those, not the gallows, those things that these put people in in the 1820s, you know. No, that's Hannah. Sandy's up on the top hanging off the side of the boat. That's why, oh, that's why Matt Sandy. And Hannah's little face is coming out of the

poor hole going, oh no, hello. But Sandy at one point, folks are ahead to that little whole thing. And Bob is, oh, I wouldn't put your head in there and then he goes you know nothing Bobby's like Yeah, there's 20,000 tons of whatever coming you lose a finger lose a hand It's like This is what you get for waking up Bob early didn't get his full eight hours. I'm one of's like, this is what you get for waking up Bobie early. Didn't get his full eight hours.

I want to tell you people. So now it's two hours. Now two hours in this anchor drama and Bobie continues to freak out. And Sandy is like, okay, so I'm going to pull this thing and you know what, you can stand back if you're afraid. Just, you know, like everyone's under a lot of stress. Just take a breath and Bob is like, I can't believe she said I'd be afraid. Like I'm scared I'm like a press and Bob is like, Oh, I knew it right. I can't believe she said I'd be afraid. Like, I'll be scared I'm Bob. Oh.

So now she's taunting me. I'm like, and she just said I was gonna be afraid. Oh, and now she's taunting me. Oh. Mom. Oh. Mom. I just got screwed over by the captain.

Okay, you put that woman on the phone. You time, I'm gonna show her how to hook my Bobby like this Bugs he's like we like got nothing left to do you so much will go stick something and I'm like Charter from hell all the stacking what you like me to say shapes and radishes and temples Would you like me to take shapes and radishes into apples? Shut up you dumb bitch. Get out of my kitchen. Maybe you could use in the squeeze of lemon. Oh, that's actually a good idea. I knew your stupid face was good for something. I resent that, but I'll keep it on the inside and then come out later.

Why am I still looking at you? still looking at you. Oh, I'm sure I mentioned that my grandmother just, I don't care. But my grandmother, found out. Literally, my boner could not be less of a boner right now. I have an inverted boner, OK? You just made my dick hit the back of my spine. my back hurts now you stupid bitch get out of my kitchen Do not call anybody by their names

Okay, so what happened next so now it's four hours into this thing and So what happened next? So now it's four hours into this thing. And whizz gets in the water and it's like, oh no, whizz is in the water. And the last thing I want is for whizz to get hurt. I mean, not that I would ever do anything romantic with him. I just don't want to get hurt. And whizz is like, this reminds me of the Tombow with swimming and a lake without a t-shirt on my dad almost had a hot attack.

That was good times. So then they Mr. Skin makes the best time of makes makes the most use of this downtime And it's like let's do another news segment. So they're the naked news like all goes news organizations presses on Yeah, they ever even talked about the news tank. Yeah, now I'm sitting down on a chair the news, right? Yeah, now I'm sitting down on a chair. Thanks for listening to the news. Like it's not new. They're like, I'm walking down a hallway. And this is me with the news. So now it's like five and a half hours late because they have to go still like two hours to get to a port and they haven't moved at all. And I'm five and half hours late. Then it's six hours late. And I'm the cat.

The cat is stressed. The captain is hanging over the boat going, all right. Now you see the thing on the right. Now get the thing on the right and then go, whoop. And then maybe like shake it. And then imagine that you've just been at prom, spin along night and your, your hair's caught in it. And then shake your hair. then maybe shimmy your shoulder

a little bit, and then boom, it'll come undone. And Max is like, what could you say that again? It's like, all right. She's like, all right, now whizz while you're down there, if while you're untaggling the anchor, if you happen to see a brand Zeno swim by, try to catch you, we can have that for dinner. Not me mate.

With with get the brand Zeno, but I'm almost done with the anchor brand Zeno. So in the meantime, the chefs like, well, I've got some canned artichokes. I'll get the tit lady sense. He sends up artichokes and that's when the bimbo's like oh my god this lemon that's on top wow lemon on top this is plant-based paradise. Meanwhile she's on a yacht whose you know gas is probably killing thousands of fish while they're sitting there stalled out in Croatia. Meanwhile, silicone is like going to cause cancer in all the drafts of the world or whatever. So eventually they just get a taxi to come, some shitty water taxi to come and save these people.

And Mr. Skin actually gives a really lovely, you know, goodbye, a valedictory speech. He's like, you know, I just want to say thank you to the deck crew. They did a wonderful job tangling up those anchors and to those and to the stews, man, when you came out with those shirts, huh, that was amazing. And Captain Sandy, what a baby you are. Thanks for giving me that extra click last night. And to everyone, I just want to say we had a skin, fantasticastic time Lasting you want to hear you ask like mr. Skin Bugs he's just like running grinding her teeth like I can't believe I'm missing my friends you know for this shit How good boy, I'm good time

Lovely having you So Wes is still anyway the other thing is I love that since they're off. Sandy just goes, all right, we ever need to take, we ever need to eat. Go grab a nibble. She's so nice. Don't forget to wash your hands. Listen, the science says employees wash hands.

We're not employees or employers. We're a team. So I've changed that to say team mates wash hands. And just remember, there's no I and team and there's no I in a not washed hand. But there is a sandy increase. And I expect you all to be up for the single long we're going to have after nap time. Okay, so let's just like hang out. We we got time now.

We can cares about that anger. Right. Let's get to know each other. I want you to tell me what everyone was asking Sandy to tell them tell me more tell me more like does he drive a car all right who wants to start look at me I'm kept in C&D so now the now it's getting to the point where it's like, are they going to cut the anchor chain, which if they cut the anchor chain, it's like an emergency thing. And it's a problem because then they'll be out of business for the rest of the season, which means there'll be no show because it's illegal to go into port without an anchor.

Which is funny because they just got rid of a whole bunch of anchors. Naked news, call back. So then bugs gets on the phone with their mom. because they just got rid of a whole bunch of anchors. Naked news, call back. So then bugs gets on the phone with their mom. It's real. Sorry, so stupid. I'm like, loopy. Bugs has like a really nice call with their mom.

I feel bad for, I actually really feel bad for bugs that she has to not only go through this, but just go through with a bunch of idiots on board and a broken anchor. And then Lauren comes up to her and she's like, I'm like, see, I'm really sorry, because I'm totally being a boozy. And like, I know where you're going through and I know this, turn, she's like, um, I, but see, I'm really sorry, because I'm totally being a busier. And like, I know where you're going through,

and I know this, like, but I'm going through, like, nothing where you're going, come here to you. But like, I'm trying my best to keep it from myself, and I'm really doing a good job. And then, you know, lately, my grand just died. Oh, damn it.

I'm gonna be alone the iron. I'm not even, folks is like, I'm sorry, who are are you are you actually on this show too? Graham still dead, please give me a moment. Oh Sorry, okay In honor of your grand I'm going to iron this shirt three times over now if anybody was really listening to The energy of the world last night, I think we all heard Captain What's His Face, real

Captain, Captain from the Captain Lee. I think we all heard Captain Lee slam down a PBR into his coffee table and screen, what the heck is going on over there? What kind of rules is this any of following? You allow them to vote and then ruin a vote? Like these ladies, what the heck are they thinking? Because Malia says, can I go swimming? And Sandy's like, oh yeah, I don't mind if people swim.

I just heard slam and then the captain went on like a Shakespearean monologue as told byologue as told by snurdly or whatever. He's like, it's one thing to mess up the goddamn anchor and then you know what, the studios go goddamn swimming without even cleaning the goddamn windows guy. I can't even see you through the window. Oh, it's goddamn, y'all. It's goddamn Croatia. It's not even real country.

It's like the Titanic, but at least the Titanic had clean windows. I can't even compare you to them. You don't even know like Goddamn iceberg. Like a third rate lucetania, best. So then, so then, uh, now we're like an hour eight of the anchor drama. This is the, this is the biggest anchor drama of all time. And I have to admit, I'm like very invested. You know that they're not gonna cut the anchor,

but how are they gonna undo it? I'm, that's crazy. Eight hours working on that anchor. I mean, what a nightmare. I'm sure. Whenever these scenes happen, I'm like, yeah, thank you. I go put something in the microwave,

or like put my head out for a cigarette, you know, stick back my living room, whatever. Like anchor drama. I can now be watching people work. It's exhausting. Well, I was very into it and we left with a cliffhanger. Will they ever untangle their anchor? Will they ever, some good old fashioned chain drama on Bravo next time? I'm the low deck. We still don't know how to do anchors in the Mediterranean. Oh everybody. Thank you so much for listening. We love you. Tomorrow is real housewives of New York City

And it's gonna be a doozy. We haven't seen it, but I'm sure it will be. It will be a doozy. We'll talk to you next time everybody. Bye everyone. Hi. Hey, prime members. You can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself

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