Watch What Crappens - #47: Drag Wars, Musical Battles, and a Crane

Episode Date: November 20, 2012

Drag Wars, Musical Battles, and a Crane See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you. Hey everybody, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast dedicated to all that crap we love to watch on Bravo. My name is Matt Whitfield from Yahoo. And joining me as always are my trusty pals Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam. Say hello, boys. Hello. Hello, boys. Hello.

Hello, everybody. I'm Ben. That's Ben. In case you didn't know, that's Ben. In case you're listening for the first time, I'm Ben. And before we get into... We have a lot to talk about today. We're going to talk about...

So much. Oh, my God. We have all three of the Housewives franchises, Beverly Hills, Atlanta, and Miami to discuss. Before that, we will be talking about Silicon Valley due to the crazy demand on our Facebook page. We'll also touch on Million Dollar Decorators and Top Chef. But before we do that, we got to give some social mentions. You guys should definitely follow us on Twitter at What Crappens.

I am at Life on the M List. Ben is at B-Side Blog. Ronnie is at TVgasm. And you should also follow us on Facebook and interact with us there. We are at Facebook.com slash Watch What Crappens.

And leave us a comment on iTunes because you guys are amazing and the ones of you that interact with us, we love you especially but we the ones of you that interact with us we love you especially but we want more of you to interact with us and tell us how dumb we are we're never satisfied we're never satisfied with just one of yours loves whatever

exactly so where should we jump in should we start with Million Dollar Decorators which is secretly our guilty pleasure oh I think that sounds like a wonderful idea what are we going to do with this table? Oh my goodness. This marble table is beautiful, but how do we get it in? How do we get it into the apartment?

How are Tamara and Minty going to have dinner at the table? I want the mayor here for a ribbon cutting for this table to go up. I've never had a queen for a table before. I can't wait to go to Fresh and Easy to buy some discounted produce and eat it on a giant marble table. He's hilarious. I love how he's just so full of himself. He's like, I'm Martin Lawrence Ballard, one of the premier designers in America. I got to ask you guys this, but do you think that he takes himself seriously, or is he playing a character at this point?

Oddly enough, I secretly feel like he's actually super nice. He is super nice. He does take himself seriously, yeah. I think he does. I mean, he's like an old lady from the South. Yeah, I met him at the Abbey.

I met him at the Abbey wearing an ascot. Okay, the guy takes himself seriously. Come on.bey wearing an ascot. Okay, the guy takes himself seriously. Come on. He loves an ascot. In the summer. So obviously Million Dollar Decorators is back. I didn't really watch it very much last season. I watched like one episode.

But this time I'm like, I'm going to jump into it. And I loved it. Maybe it's because I've had a new interest in these real estate and home decorating shows, but man, was I totally on board with this promotion. I could have sworn that you were obsessed with it last year, or were you just lying to me? No, I wasn't really obsessed. I sort of quietly

enjoyed it, but I didn't really watch it too carefully, but I'm going to be obsessed. Okay, well there were only seven episodes, so that's not too, too bad on your part, but Ronnie, did you watch season one? I stopped about halfway through. I got kind of bored. But it looks like this year they're going to be adding a lot of drama in there.

I don't know if I want to see these people fight necessarily, but it looks like they're going to. Oh, I want to. There are too many, like, funny accents to not enjoy. Yeah. Too many funny accents and too many people taking themselves way too seriously. I have to say, Martin Lawrence, he had Ballard. He had the big

A story of the episode, which was that he was decorating the apartment of Tamara or whatever her creator, Jimmy Choo. Throughout the whole episode, they are pointing out different things, like $20,000 for chairs, $50,000 for a table, $30,000 for a chandelier. Then it turns out that they have to move this giant marble slab of a table via a crane.

They're like, it's going to be over $10,000. He's like, what? $10,000? You realize you spent $75,000 on an ashtray, right? Just listening to you describe the episode that we all watched makes me really embarrassed that I'm obsessed with this. Because I'm like, I just spent an hour of my life watching people move a marble slab with a crane. I was, by the way, on the edge of my seat. What does that say about us? Easily entertained. But that guy's so dramatic everything that happens is like the end of the world like every episode is something oh the wrong paint

this is the wrong tone of paint i'm gonna bring down lows i'm gonna bring them down what will minty say? He's always the one with the dramatic music pumping at the end. Like, will it happen or will it not happen? Will the crane break and will the table kill someone? And who designs a 3,000 pound table for an apartment in New York? I mean, come on now. My nose blood.

He says that's for the 70s, but in the 70s, they did not use cranes like that. So stop it. Yeah. And then I also, I also love this random little thing at the end where, um, there's someone,

someone stole his fireplace. Like what? Like, are we going to follow up on that? Are they going to find this guy? Or is that just like, Oh, he just got caught.

What happened there? There's going to be an episode. Someone stole just like oh he just got conned what happened there someone stole our fireplace this is a travesty I don't think there's going to be an episode of America's Most Wanted dedicated to that but there should be I'd watch it I would totally watch it house hunters hunters

is anybody feeling the other cast members or are you guys only loving Martin Moines Ballard because my favorite is secretly – well, not so secretly. Mary MacDonald is the shit. She's great. I love that she's sort of like a super bitch, but she sort of – she knows how to push back against these women. Like, what was the name of that woman? You're paying for it.

I can't really imitate her. She talks like Karen. She talks like Karen from Will and Grace. I was just going to say, It's becoming Leah Black meets Karen Walker Wasn't she the inspiration for Karen Walker? No she said that was a rumor Oh well it's a good rumor

To have I shouldn't have said that we should just keep it going Way to improv there Ronnie No It's over Always say no. No and. No, I actually think she's great.

I think she's like a firecracker. What was the name of the woman she was working for again? She had some really funny name. Like Carly Fitzpucci or something like that. I don't remember, but... She's insanely rich. She'll spend so much. I don't even care.

She's just insanely rich. I love her. And she's like, you're gonna pay for it because you're the one who signed off on it. I love her sticking up to crazy old ladies. I'm taking this green wallpaper down! Down! Down!

That's the great thing about Mary McDonald. She's just like painfully honest and she'll just go in and she'll be like, I know they're rich and I'm going to make them spend all their money and give it to me. Yeah, and then when they say something to her, she's just like, no! What's Catherine Ireland doing? She's just like, I'm going to get into my social, my maid. I'm going to go have my tits hang out while I get my ovaries massaged via my foot.

A reflexology. I think I feel my ovaries dying. It's like, yeah, I do not want to be thinking about your ovaries right now. I just want to know if she realizes that her maid seems to have stepped out of a murder mystery. Because that woman clearly is either a murderer or has witnessed a murder.

She's an Agatha Christie character. She certainly is. And I mean, honestly, at this point, there is such a subset of these maids and servants on all these Bravo shows that like we may have to do a list of our favorite maids and helpers. I think maybe for the end of the year. It makes me actually never want to get a maid. I mean, where have we come to in this country where maids have this much power? I've never seen a maid with this much power. Our maid used to sleep behind the washing machine. Your maid is also an oversized rat with a bonnet on pretty much just call her romana and give her a hairnet and that's that's our girl um yeah i i i said really the only dud of the show

is the uh the pretty gay guy who was so he's so boring he only appeared in the pod buster that's on the premiere episode that's all he got that's how boring he is only appeared in the Podbuster. On the premiere episode, that's all he got. That's how boring he is. Yeah, I mean, they did cut one of the guys from last year that was like Mary's protege, who didn't really have much of a storyline. And this year, it's kind of like Jeffrey Allen Marks' jam, if you will. I kind of don't care.

I just need, really, Catherine, Martin, and Mary. I mean, they're the three stars, right? Yeah. You know why? Because they're the most flamboyantly gay. Even though Martin Lawrence Ballard is the only gay one, the other two are basically like drag queens. Yeah. Mary is the gayest man I've ever met.

The gayest gay man I've ever met. I thought the gay couple was pretty funny. The only scene they show them and they're getting trashed, they're just like staring at each other during dinner getting trashed that's so funny it's like long-term relationship five bottles of wine i'll come back because i've got some ice cream and i'm in bed eating it all right you know that what's the name of the pretty one again what's what's his name i don't pay attention to him because he's just too young and gorgeous for me to oh no no i meant like the older the older pretty one because i i so i to him because he's just too young and gorgeous for me to... Oh, no, no, I meant, like, the older pretty one. Because I met him

I guess about a year and a half ago when Bravo had some sort of, like, upfront sting, and this was about, like, three months before the first season even aired, and they brought these guys through. So since I'm just a blogger on this red carpet, I'm not, like, Entertainment Weekly, I get stuck with a million dollar decorator people. So I had

no idea who this guy was. And I had no idea million dollar decorator was so i thought it was like a show where they try to make your your place look like it's a million dollars so i said hey can you come decorate my place i've got a one bedroom he like looked at me it was like uh no yeah i tweeted when i when i got my place i i tweeted uh m, and I was like, oh, I bought your book. That means you should definitely come do a room in my house. And she tweeted me back. She's like, I may buy you a drink, but that's it. I was like, oh, shit, Mary.

But that makes me like her even more because she's a tough bitch. You don't want her to do anything in your house. She would cost so much damn money. I mean, these people. I don't care. Martin Lawrence Ballard, these chairs are only $50,000 each. Let's buy 30.

If I had a ton of money, I would have each of those three come and do a different room in my house. I would love that. It should be a Bravo special. Bravo, if you are listening, can we make this happen? I will let them do whatever crazy fucking shit they want in my house. You know what?

Next time I run into Martin Lawrence Ballard by the Chicken Tenders at Fresh and Easy, I'm going to tell him, you have to come on to our podcast. Because I would love to have him on. Or Mary McDonald, obviously. But I haven't seen her in any of my supermarkets. So I don't know if it's going to happen. All right. Yeah, let's move on. Let's move on.

I'm bored with this damn show. I'm bored Yeah, let's move on. Let's move on. I'm bored with this damn show. I'm bored enough while I watch this show. Let's move. Okay, Top Chef, Top Chef, is anybody watching or caring this season? I'm really not loving the cast, I'm going to be honest. I'm totally into it.

I'm totally watching it. I really like it. I love that the veterans that they brought back, that they totally fell on their faces this episode. I'm not feeling the veterans twist. I feel like it's so unnecessary. I feel like it's like Big Brother. It's like, can we just deal with a fresh cast,

and then we can get to another All-Stars eventually? Well, they wanted to do an All-Stars, it seems like, but didn't have the balls to just do an All-Stars, you know? No pun intended, because CJ only has one ball. Oh, I forgot about that. They didn't have the balls for an All-Stars, you know? No pun intended, because CJ only has one ball. Oh, I forgot about that. They didn't have the balls for an All-Star. Hey, it's the season of the single nut, because there's that one-nutted guy

on Project Runway All-Stars, too. One nut, 2012. You heard it here first. I have to say, if they were going to bring back veterans, I was happy to see Josie back. You know, Stefan, he's like, whatever. I find him to be annoying. And CJ, veterans, I mean, I was happy to see Josie back. You know, Stefan, like, he's like, whatever. I find him to be annoying. And CJ, honestly, I never thought that CJ

seemed like a very good chef, to be honest. Well, I don't like that Josie is like the voice of... No, he made it too far in his season. Yeah, he did. But I don't like that Josie's like the voice of the master. She's like, you guys, here's how it is, okay? This is how it feels when you're in the room waiting to hear her. You know, this is what

you're gonna feel. You're gonna doubt yourself, guys, but don't doubt yourself. It's like, listen up, goofy. You should be doubting yourself, because you were one of the biggest damn fools I ever saw on this show, so shut your face. I fucking hate people like that. No, she didn't make it that far, and I fucking hate people that talk

like that. I just want to punch them in the face. With that being said, she looks ten times better now. Well, yeah. Now that she doesn't have a ridiculous haircut. Yeah, yeah. She's still annoying and ridiculous, but the hair is a little bit better. Hair's a lot better. I don't know.

I don't like her teeth. I don't like her mouth. It freaks me out. I think it was a rip-off that Stefan didn't get kicked off, because these guys are supposed to be the veterans, and he made dry duck. I think that he should have been gone, and especially

his arrogant ass attitude. I thought, I would just have loved to see him go. Instead, they got rid of that cute little gay guy who's defying the odds and marrying a dude. Yeah, you knew his time was limited when they started giving him a backstory uh out of nowhere in the middle of the episode i was like oh okay so he's either winning or losing and when they said that his

team had like dry fish i'm like okay he's going home yeah that was a little that that foreshadowing was beating us over the head it was like okay pack your bags pack your knives meanwhile carla is that her name carla the one who last week we called as hispanic ish or whatever um that was not me who said that by the way she's crazy carla what's her what's her last name again carla ray jepson yeah carla ray jepson carla rao jepson because she's some people call me a bitch and sometimes i'm a bitch. How does she talk? You do it. I don't know.

I like that you just cracked yourself up. She's just like, oh, okay. I need to look pretty in the kitchen. Look, I still am a lady. I'm going to cut my finger off and burn some eggs. I'm okay. Where's the paprika? She's ridiculous.

And I think there's gonna be so many crazy ass people. There's that girl. Then there's that little hit guy. He's like, everyone thinks I'm just a short guy from Oklahoma. I'm going to show them. I'm like, yep, you should show them. You're a short, bitter guy from Oklahoma. Well done. He's like a leprechaun.

You're being generous. I can't remember anyone else on the cast. But I remember I liked them. Let me ask you guys this. Obviously, how are you guys feeling about like the judging situation and all of like the all-star judges that are in rotation this year what's your take on that at this point uh i'm the same as i was last week which is still hating on you right yeah but we didn't have you we had luckily we had gail we had exactly gail was

back um i love gail and i love I love the way Padma treats Gail. Quietly dismissive. Every time Padma opens her mouth with a criticism or a critique, it gets on my last fucking nerve. It's like, shut up, supermodel. You made some crappy cookbook because your husband had a good deal with a publisher. Shut up. You are no expert.

Go put on your fur bikini and keep your mouth shut. But she does keep giving Gail the stink. I mean, she's given Gale the stink eye from day one, and part of me is like it should be the other way around. I think I've told this on the podcast before. I don't remember or not, but my friend and I used to have a running joke, which is that we always imagine Patna being

just totally a passive, aggressive bitch to Gale, being like, well, this food is delicious, and I'm too hungry, but I know that Gail can have seconds. Here, pass along to Gail. She'll eat it, everyone. Don't you worry.

You know, it's magical Gail being like, what, what? My dear friend Gail Simmons, she loves dessert. I mean, I don't have a stomach for it, but Gail, she's a hearty lady. Speaking of,

the best show ever in Bravo's history besides Make Me a Supermodel was Top Chef Just Desserts. And that fucking shit needs to come back. I know. Well, they messed up the second season by making it too straight. I know. They really did.

Yeah, they did. Because I couldn't even get the whole way through that season. And that's saying something, because I love that gay show. Yeah. That was a real catty show. It was the gay counterpart to Top Chef, which is the one masked show on Bravo. That show is what queerest folks should have been. Yeah.

Okay, let's move on quickly and talk briefly about the Silicon, whatever the startups of Silicon Valley, what the hell is it called? It's so bad I don't even know the title. Startups of Silicon Valley. Okay, so because a few of you on our

Facebook page, again, facebook.com slash watch what crap happens have demanded that we talk about this show. We did watch it. It is still terrible. It is worse than misadvised, and that is saying a lot. Which one? Silicon. No, it's

not. You're crazy. I love that my god you had a date cheat on me how do you like that so i think that show is so funny and they're all so crazy they're just young i think maybe we're all better because they're maybe younger they're all hateable like they are absolutely hateable unlike girls where they're hateable but you secretly love them yeah they're just these people just sort of like hateable and boring i think but tell us rodney why why did that girl throw well water in the guy's face okay there's this girl who thinks that she's really beautiful but in the in real life she looks like um becky from rosanne okay yeah so becky becky Becky, Becky, Becky number one.

Becky number one. Yeah. With that, that poopy face, like with that face, it looks like she's always taking a poop in her pants. Let's see. Gordon.

Is that her name? I think I saw her on the mentalist or something. And I was like, Oh no, she's still trying. So anyway, that girl, she's on this show and she's really obnoxious and she thinks she's all gorgeous. And she's the one on the show that she's really obnoxious and she thinks she's all gorgeous.

And she's the one on the show that makes comments like, you know, normally brains don't come in a package like this. And she lives for free at this at the Four Seasons. I believe it's a Four Seasons because she does their social media and she calls them to bring her dog breakfast, which is like steak or whatever. She's a snotty idiot who never pays for anything basically she's like a holder on and her job is um live casting which means she just turns on a camera and lets everybody watch her you know like so apparently she would wear a camera on her head so you can see everything she sees and then there were cameras all over her house you could just watch her walk around and poop or whatever you feel like watching her so she doesn't even do anything she just lets people see she doesn't have yeah here's

here's the moral of that story that is not a fucking job yeah well it is now welcome to 2012 baby so anyway this girl apparently makes money from advertisers and stuff and she's like a blog post for me is worth like $10,000. So she goes to these companies and offers them her, you know, a blog post and they give her all this free shit.

So she's a freeloader and that's how she lives. And she's totally obsessed with herself. So I'm really loving her because everyone else hates her. And they, hey, shut up, you guys.

Stop it. Sorry, I'm babysitting a dog, you guys. It's horrible in here. So everyone hates her and it's going to be really fun to watch her get it throughout the season and the rest of them are just nerds like there's another guy who's covered

with hair all over the place on his back and his arms oh I hate that guy there's another guy who's had like a ton of plastic surgery and all this stuff because he's gay and he wants to look good and it's like girl and can't make him taller i don't know i'm just having a lot of fun watching it i'm surprised you guys aren't liking it well

my thing is this i think that they're trying to force the idea that it's super sexy in northern california like and that this is a sexy lifestyle with sexy young folks. I'm like, nothing about this is sexy or appealing to me. On top of that, there's also a feeling of it doesn't feel timely. It would have been one thing if this came out

in 2000, 2001 when there was a lot of intrigue about what goes on in Silicon Valley? What's this new world that's developing? But now it's like, oh, the startups in Silicon Valley. Silicon Valley has been sort of established for 11 or 12 years now. We're not getting a peek into anything that interesting. Well, on the first point, the funny thing to me is that they think it's sexy,

but they're total nerds. So that's what I think is funny about it. And to the second point, i think you're right like on most of these shows it's fun that you don't actually see them work you know like on the real housewives i don't want to watch them do their charities and shit all day i want to watch them fight with each other so right dinner dinner if it could be a dinner party every episode i'm in yeah yeah which is basically what they're doing now you know so i don't know i'm liking it i think that they're you know maybe if they were popular they would get better people to be on it because the people now it's like you've got an app to lose weight oh

that's so original i don't have 20 of those on my phone already you dipshit you know yeah but i i didn't know that the world was that big i thought it was like teenagers in their basement who were like, Oh, I'm going to make a calculator and learn Apple code. And then they upload it. And then they just luck into making millions of dollars. I didn't know that these kids were out there actually doing this for their life.

I mean, Jesus, I don't think that any of them actually are all that rich though. I feel like it's all fake. I mean, yes, reality TV is fake, but I feel like the girl in the four seasons, I'm just, I don't, I feel of them actually are all that rich though i feel like it's all fake i mean yes reality tv is fake but i feel like the girl in the four seasons i'm just i don't i feel like she's an actress who makes like five dollars an hour well she is a big liar because she says that she's got

so many twitter followers she's got 7 000 followers i mean come on now that's not better has more than that wait she has 7 000 i thought she had like 240 000 well that's what she said but. But someone told me the other day at a bar that she only had like 7,000. What's that girl's name? Wait, why don't we just interrupt? If that's the case, Ben, you should be a millionaire. You know what? I saw someone the other day who had like 2,500 followers and had a verified account. I was like, what?

What is a verified account? It means you're famous. It means you're famous. So I was like, what? What is a verified account? It means you're famous. It means you're famous. So I was like... You guys, our users should write letters to Twitter all day trying to get us verified at what crappens. Yeah. How does that wait?

Is that what happens to people right into Twitter? I don't know, but I think that our crazy listeners will probably do it. I believe that they will. Yeah. I have faith. Yeah. Do that't know, but I think that our crazy listeners will probably do it. I believe that they will. I have faith. Yeah, do that for us, people. Verify us. We need to move on to the Housewives. Before that, though, I have to quickly say Shaws of

Sunset, Season 2, debuting December 2nd. I could not be more excited. Are you guys intrigued by Season 2? I am, especially by the new girl and her huge boobs. I mean, they look like each one of them has a planetarium inside of them. No, the show makes me feel like an idiot. Like, as Anna would say from Real Housewives of Miami,

I'm stupider for having watched this. Anna doesn't have that much of an accent. She does. I think she does. She's like a boring white lady. Listen, Matt, this is our podcast. We give everyone the most extreme accent as possible. You know? If you're going to, I mean, Ronnie, can I just, you know, this is, it's not even on,

but can you just give me a Madison cackle, please? Okay, that's all I needed. Moving on, moving on. Let's first start with The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, which aired its – was it second or third episode? Third episode. Third episode on Monday night. First dinner party. First dinner party of what is obviously going to be at least nine this season.

I will start off by saying I was sad not to see Brandy at all in this episode. Oh, I know. That was a shame. You know, she would have been crazy at that dinner party. She had to go out of town to find somebody to sleep with because she already slept with everybody. There's like 16,000 people in Beverly Hills. Like, when she slept, she said she slept with everyone in Beverly Hills. And so, you know, there's all those people.

And I'm very literal. so that means that she slept with over 10,000 people. I don't understand how that's possible, and I refuse to believe that she was just making a joke, so what do we do? Those of you who don't know what Penn and Ronnie are doing right there, they are mimicking

a Taylor who was a drunk bitch on this week's episode, and by the way, Taylor has no business being on this show. She has no fucking money. She has no class. And all the others don't have class either. But I just don't get why Taylor is there. Her storyline is done.

Because she's a hilarious disaster. That's why. She is a disaster. If it weren't for her, this would have been a very ho-hum episode. But like watching her. That is true. First of all, she showed up at the dinner party already looking like a mess. Like whenever her forehead

is visible, that means that she's wasted. Whenever she gets out of a limousine, she is wasted. Yeah. And I didn't even say thank you to the chauffeur,

by the way. No, and she didn't even bring a gift. How dare she? I know. Well, she brought the gift of her drunkenness. So she looked like

she had just come from Marshalls. Her forehead was out. Her hair was going in weird places. She barely had any makeup on. She was teetering like a newborn Brandy in a very tacky way. And then ultimately the night ends in some sort of sing-along, although it was more like a sing-and-watch. But you know what? So David Foster tells everyone, well, we've got some professional singers here and the world's greatest trumpet player. So we're going to let them do all the heavy lifting. And Taylor was offended. Taylor was like, she wanted to sing Amazing Grace or whatever I love that when they started playing like that sad Irish funeral song she like lost her mind she was fidgeting in her chair her head was spinning around like Linda Blair and she could not

like sad songs make her want to hang herself or something like I didn't understand like calm down it's a sad song yeah like get over it like you should appreciate the fact that you're getting a private concert from one of the world's greatest music producers and one of the allegedly the world's greatest trumpet player well i think allegedly she's also got you know she was also pissed because she's friends with his ex-wife and he didn't even recognize her which i thought was hilarious i thought that was great that was the best part of the entire episode it was like oh hi who are you again? And she's like, I'm best friends with your ex-wife. I know. That was great. You know, I have to say, I was sort of

bracing for David Foster to be a total asshole, and I thought he seemed actually charming and nice. I'm upset. Ronnie, you better shut the fuck up. David Foster and Yolanda are the two best ones on the entire show. Oh, my God. Now you're just trying to wake me up because we're recording god, what? Now you're just trying to wake me up

because we're recording this in the morning. You're just trying to wake me up. They are actually classy, nice people. No, they're not. She's the fourth wife. This guy just fucks any young girl he wants to and dumps wives after wives. But she has no romantic.

That guy is fucking disgusting. And what he said when he was like, oh, I can't believe how many women don't know how to be perfect homemakers. Hey, fuck you, dude. Like, congratulations on being talented. But hey, shut up in there. Sorry, guys. See, David Foster.

I'm jealous because David Foster doesn't have to deal with this shit. He does not have two dogs running around barking, interrupting his podcast. Well, no, because they live in a 70,000 square foot home. And probably Yolanda has them afraid that they bark once they'll be put to sleep. Just like her model daughter. If you walk the runway, I will put you to sleep. She is such a control freak in almost a sexy way. She's a control freak.

Look, I have OCD. I mean, like, her fridge... Look, I have OCD. I have OCD, so I can, like, I understand her, and my refrigerator looks just like hers. Her refrigerator is crazy. First of all, you can't even reach the artichokes on the tippy top, which is hilarious. Second of all, those glass doors, while pretty,

probably leak out so much energy. I mean, they probably spend so much money on wasted energy because of that refrigerator. It drives me nuts. And to them, it means nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I am going to occupy their kitchen.

Can we talk about her butler for a second? And why did it seem like such a scandal that she has the same butler as Camille Grammer? Did she steal the butler? Like, what is happening? Not only Camille, he's a sluttler. Well, she has... It's not as Camille Grammer? Did she steal the butler? Like, what is happening? Not only Camille, he's a sluttler. Well, she has... It's not only Camille's,

it's also Mohammed's. So this guy's just like, he's like the Bravo butler slut. I don't know what his deal is. And he's not a very good butler, because we all watch Down to Abbey. We know what proper butler is about. And you know what? This guy, the guest walk-in, and he's like, oh yes, we met at Camille Grammer's.

It's like, you know what? That's not your place to say anything. Yeah, you're not socializing with anybody. Open the fucking door. Yeah. And I love what he said to Lisa Vanderbilt. He's like, oh, yes, I believe that we met at Camille Grammer's. And she's like, oh, yes, yes.

And she just walks away like, who the fuck was that? Yeah, she's like, don't talk to me. Well, he is a butler slash caterer. Slash caterer. Yeah. He was an interesting little character there. But, you know, Yolanda, though, I will say this. She was actually quite composed in general for the entire dinner party.

I thought she was going to bust out some crazy obnoxious behavior. And when she gave Taylor that ice-cold bitch stare when Taylor was wasted, and I thought it was marvelous. Oh, the best line, didn't she say, like, there is nothing uglier than a drunk woman? I was like, that is closer legs to married men territory. I mean, she's right, though. She's right. That's the thing.

A drunk queen is way uglier. I was just going to say, a drunk queen at the Abbey is the worst thing possible. Especially if they're wearing an ascot. Oh. Oh, Lord, Lord, it's had too much brandy. I'm wasted. I can't believe they're playing Danny Boy. Why do I got to listen to an Irish dirge?

Don't they know Russell was Irish? She doesn't even know what the word dirge means no she has no clue do you guys though I mean she's bad but I just feel like Adrian is the most unbearable person on this show I feel like she knows that she's in the doghouse for treating Lisa like shit

on the reunion from the previous season but I just don't even see the possibility of her redeeming herself I feel like she's just digging this hole deeper and deeper, and more and more people are hating her. Yeah, she is actually really a bit obnoxious. I love how, on the one hand, she accuses Lisa of being petty, and then she and Paul complain that,

well, Lisa called up my dog Crackpot, and Lisa said mean things about my shoes. Well, you know what? You made accusations about her character, which is a lot worse. Yeah, that's not up to the same level, you dumb whore. Like, the tinsel in your hair is so tight that it's causing you to be retarded. Well, what's going on with Paul?

I mean, that guy used to be likable, and now he's despicable. Like, who talks to a woman like that? That's fucking disgusting. You go to a party and you start cursing as loud as you can about somebody so that they can hear you on purpose? Like, who does that? How gross. He's getting gross. I mean, I used to defend him, especially when we heard all

of the rumors about their divorce. I obviously took his side because Adrian is the monster of that couple, but then in the past two episodes, we've started to see that Paul is kind of a dirty, sleazy dick. He's a gorilla and not only does he look like one, but now he's acting like one.

Yeah. I call him Flintstone. I think he's just a total Flintstone. He's just gross. Just get out your club and beat somebody over the head and drag them in the back if you don't like them. You know what? Someone on either Twitter or Facebook, and I'm sorry to whoever said this because I don't remember who it was, said

it's funny that Adrian was preaching to Kim about how sometimes, you know, you just have to move on from a situation. That's all you've got to do. You've just got to move on. And it's like, you know what, Adrian, you are the one who has to move on. Like, you can't be preaching that stuff while you're sitting here complaining and sending logs made of feces to restaurants.

And rolling your eyes so everybody can see you and cursing as loud as you can about somebody so that everybody can hear you. It's just gross. They're so classless, darling. And you know what? Lisa made a very salient point, which was that if Adrian thinks that Lisa is this awful person who is beyond reproach, why is she so interested in apologizing or having a sit down? Exactly. I don't know.

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early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. who doesn't care that they're rich because Lisa's rich enough on her own and her businesses are actually not failing unlike the Maloose so you know when you get someone like that they're just so shocked that anyone has the nerve to not kiss their ass I just love watching them squirm I love it you you make a good point Adrian does not realize that she's a fucking bitch like she I feel like that's just who she is and she does not understand that that is not real life, the way she acts. I think we would all like Adrienne. We've always liked the ball-buster bitchiness of her. We always like

that aspect of her. But what we don't like is the self-serving victimizing quality that she suddenly has taken on. It's the preaching. It's really the preaching. We're only three episodes in this season, but I feel like you just mentioned this ben like every episode she gets up on her high horse and she starts preaching all this bullshit to like another cast member and it's like at the

end of the day you are the biggest fucking hypocrite on this cast oh yeah for sure i love when kim's like so kim how are you feeling and she's like oh yeah it's been real hard because i want to drink sometimes like whenever the sun comes up she's like, well, yeah, it's been real hard because I want to drink sometimes like whenever the sun comes up. And so that's hard. Or like when it's warm in my house or cold, you know, it's hard. And she's like, oh yeah, it's hard.

Like, like, like dealing with Lisa. You know what I want to drink when I have to see Lisa. And she's like, oh, well, you know, my kids almost left me and never talked to me again. She's like, yeah, like Lisa. Adrian is such a bad, she's like oh well you know my kids almost left me and never talked to me again she's like yeah she's such a bad friend i mean how fucking selfish is she kim is like fresh out of rehab and still fucking high as a kite and she after 10 seconds she immediately turns it into her

fight with lisa what a bitch yeah she's pretty vile okay but can we please about we need to talk about kim we need to talk about Kim making the chicken salad and then Bravo's cameras focusing on her fisting a salad on a shitty, nasty table in a dilapidated house.

While she was mumbling, I got a lot of saladas and some hors d'oeuvres and saladas and cupcakes. She's like like I miss I miss so much in my childhood that now I'm gonna make I'm gonna do

what I always wanted to do which is go to a prom and make chicken salad at the same time make some lemonade I mean like why why of all

why did she want to make a chicken salad and she looked like she was ready to serve like the like the greater Los Angeles area the bowl was so huge well and bowl was so huge you know that her daughter was like we're not eating here don't why are you cooking if she's just like i'm making that like there's

and she just kept cooking and preparing stuff it's oh i don't know that she was cooking they just kept showing her sitting at a sad dining room table with a bottle of Hellman's mayonnaise. It was fucked up. She was making her mom's favorite chicken salad. And then the great debate, do I leave the dish top on the cupcakes or do I take it off? Oh, my God, the great debate. And then, like, the daughter goes off and Kim's, like, staring through the vertical blinds. Crying. Like, crying. I love her though

I can't deny the fact Kim is my favorite I cannot believe that she subjects herself to the scrutiny and the embarrassment of what she goes through on this show it's so awkward to watch but she is my favorite yeah she is

really one of the best. She's just so sweet. But part of me is like, of course the needy alcoholic is going to prepare a bunch of food that no one eats so that she can sit there alone with all her food being sad. It's like, come on, Kim. Go to a movie, girl. Come on. Call a hooker.

Call a hooker. Call up Ken. Call up your old friend Ken. I made all this chicken salad and nobody ate it, so I drank an absolute bottle. Absolutely! Where's Maurice? Maurice likes chicken salad.

Hey, where's my house? Oh, wait, I'm inside it. Never mind. Nobody wants to steal that house. Let's get real. That's a cute house i'll take it yeah she was babysitting someone's dog that wouldn't be fighting right on her lap um let's talk about her sister for a second kyle uh the the little storyline i guess there i mean

the story obviously was yolanda's dinner party but kyle was busy teaching her daughter how to drive and she was teaching her in a Porsche Panamera, which costs $110,000. Yeah, and also, by the way, she was also teaching her how to parallel park on a curved curb, which, by the way, that's like some advanced shit right there.

Yeah, I can't even do that, but I will say that when I learned to drive, it was in a Ford tourist station wagon, not a Porsche Panamera. And wait, can I tell you something else? So when I was watching that scene, Kyle's daughter said, I guess Kyle said, pull up alongside this car. And the girl was like, oh, I guess that's why they call it parallel parking because you're up alongside a car. And Kyle said, or it's mainly because you're parallel to the sidewalk. And I have to say, I had this reaction where I was like, oh, it's so nice, so refreshing that Kyle knew the proper answer to that. And then I was like, my bar is set so low that this very simple, obvious thing to me,

I'm like, oh, I'm impressed that someone got that right. I was actually like, oh, you know, Kyle, she's sort of smart, isn't she? I'm like, no, no, no. It's a very basic, obvious thing. I'm just used to all these women being total idiots i love that ben noticed that at all i didn't even hear it i love that that's just the kind of thing you look at you're like now that's a classy woman who knows the true meaning only ben would be thinking like that i was thinking i hope somebody crashes into that car

that's all i get things my i take the tiniest details and I just read into it. I put so much into the smallest things at all times. I have one more thing to say about Kim, though, before we leave her forever. Someone just posted on my Facebook. Gifford just posted on my Facebook. Hey, did you notice that Kim's doorbell was the national anthem? She's very patriotic i thought the doorbell was broken no that's hilarious i did not notice that that's hysterical that's so funny no who noticed that that's hilarious talking about noticing

little things um yeah but kyle i here's the thing that always strikes me about noticing little things yeah but Kyle I here's the thing that always strikes me about Kyle I remember when when the show first started and I thought that woman is just stunningly beautiful first of all like the hair and she's just so pretty and her husband was so cute and her kids are so sweet and you know over time I just I don't get it like she's not funny. She's not witty. She doesn't ever have anything going on. She has nothing to talk about. I mean, unless she's fighting with her sister or, you know, being bitchy with someone else,

she's really got zero going on. And it's kind of painful to watch her. I mean, okay, we're watching you give a terrible driving lesson to your daughter. Great. Now let's watch you try and get in everyone else's bullshit. I don't know she needs to go i don't like her there is a problem because um she more than anybody tries to play both sides of the fence um i think that she wants to paint herself as like this middleman who really wants you know everybody to mend fences but that's not gonna fly with lisa vanderpump i mean you need to

this is the housewives you have to pick a side and then the battle must rage on. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I totally, you know, agree with what Lisa says. And I love watching how Lisa is dealing with all of this. Just like, why would I talk to her? Like, you know, she wants to apologize. That's wonderful.

If not, I don't care. Yeah. Period. The end. I just, I can't, I can't wait for Yolanda to get into her first feud with someone because I think that will be magnificent because right now all she is talking about is how romantic she is and how romantic her house is

and how I could have been Martha Stewart's daughter I want her to be fighting with a bitch because she's going to get evil and I'm going to love it I want her and Brandy to team up and take out Taylor and by take out I don't mean just be mean to her. I mean fucking kill her.

Brandy will murder people. There's no doubt about it. I wonder if Taylor ate anything at the dinner party. Or maybe she is probably on a diet to lose those 10 pounds that are really making her look massively obese. Do you notice that

the only thing that she wanted to eat was that former American Idol contestant? She was wanting to gobble that shit up. Yeah, they need to stop putting American Idol contestants in front of Taylor. It's just gross. Especially the ones that all look like Ace Young. Exactly.

They all have a patch of straggly hair and all like 29 years old and she wants to bang all of them. Yeah, it's like watching your dog hump the carpet. It's natural, but it's disgusting. More like rub their ass and just skid across the floor. Anyway, does anybody else have anything else to say about Beverly Hills? I don't.

Let's move on to Atlanta. No, Beverly Hills needs to up the drama. That's it. I enjoyed this week's episode. I thought this was the best one so far. I mean, I'll be honest with you. It puts Atlanta to shame, you guys. I think Atlanta is so fucking great, and I hate the new cast members.

Discuss. I love Atlanta, and I love the new cast members. The new girl is cracking me up, Portia. By the way, have you noticed that, like, Kath? The new girl is cracking me up. Portia. I have a charity that my grandpa started. It's really important that you guys come to my charity because it's all powerful women.

I love her. Are you married yet? You're not married yet? Are you married? What do your ovaries look like? Oh, don't worry. I once knew an old lady and she went to to a doctor, and they made her pregnant. So just look it up on the internet.

It was like a Chinese doctor. I'm going to have, like, five kids in the next five years. And then I'm not going to have any more kids. And then I'm going to have a party in the back in a tent. And it's going to be a little cold, but I want you to come. Oh, gosh, girl. I don't even want to think about having children when I'm past 35.

Oh, my God. I'm going to kill myself when I turn 36. Oh, my God. She is the love child of Phaedra Parks, and I actually think that she is the Alexis Bellino of Atlanta. Yeah, and that's what I like about her is that because everyone on the cast is dumb, but she's like a different style of dumb.

She's like a ditzy dumb as opposed to a self-important, thinks they're smart dumb. She's just a full-on idiot dumb. Yeah, she's like full-on idiot. She's an airhead. I love her. I think she's going to be so great.

And I think that Kenya was so mean to her. Why was she so mean to that poor girl? She's an easy target. She's an easy target and Kenya is a bully and when you see that, it's like putting a stake in front of a rabid German shepherd. If you called Michelle Obama the first lady of Zimbabwe

she too would run out of your little L.L. Bean tent that you put in the backyard and put three people in, okay? At one time, every queen of America said, You, ma'am, are no Michelle Obama. I know

Michelle Obama. Michelle Obama is a funny person. We're all gay, obviously. Do you guys know the difference between Miss Universe, Miss USA, and Miss America? I have no fucking idea what the difference between any of them are. Okay, Miss America is, like, Miss USA, and Miss America. I have no fucking idea what the difference between any of them are. Okay, Miss America is like the top, and it's

the best. It's like the traditional one. It's the old-fashioned one. Miss USA is owned by Donald Trump. So there, that's the difference. So she's like the fake, shitty one of all of those pageants. Well, so basically she's had Donald Trump stick in her mouth,

is what you're saying. Because that's totally rigged. You know that, right? Oh, man. That just got a little dark. Really? What's so dark about that? That's what Donald Trump said.

Oh, hey! I felt slightly bad when Kenya went into her hole. My mother left me when I was little, and I've seen her dozens of times, and she won't even acknowledge my existence. And, you know, I kind of felt for her, and then I realized, I wouldn't acknowledge your existence either. You're terrible. You are fucking horrible. Were you like that as a child too? Well, and then didn't you guys notice? Did she say that her mom has mental illness?

And I'm like, well, clearly it runs in the family. No kidding. I mean, I feel bad for her because that's a fucked up childhood. Obviously, her mom is a total asshole. But at the same time, I'm like, I don't know that you should be on reality TV. I think you should be in a padded cell. Yeah, she is really crazy. I mean, you guys can tell there is a severe lock her up meltdown in the very near future.

Oh, absolutely. Dead air. Dead air. Dead air. The thought of it has just... I know, we all were taking a second to imagine, you know, the cops dragging her away from a dinner party, probably in episode 10. Yeah, she's going to be going down. I mean, she's going to be taking people down.

Well, where do you guys see, like, where do you see the new cast members aligning themselves? She had a bizarre lunch with Phaedra where they were eating gelato with chopsticks. It was some tacky-themed restaurant in Atlanta, which they always go to. I feel like Portia is going to align herself with maybe a toaster oven. And I think that Kenya is going to align herself with maybe Phaedra. Yeah. I don't know, but I don't really watch this one for the drama, so I don't care about that. I watch it just because every scene makes me laugh.

I mean, Portia, honestly, every scene made me laugh with her, and I love that her husband Cordell Stewart came into this woman's charity function to present his wife with a Chanel hat. And she's like oh thanks honey so offensive guys look at my husband now let's find some money for the children

thanks for coming my wife is so gorgeous yeah here's a present baby it's a check baby like come on now old man just come on sit down on my lap baby let me tell you a story he's like you know what's the best thing to do at a charity event is to give personal money to the one running it in front of everyone else when you're trying to ask everyone else

to give their money to the charity that's a really good thing to do all those other people there were poor let's be real I love that these people you know we saw this the other week on the show whenever there's like an event it's always like the high class ladies of atlanta that are smart powerful businesswomen and then you cut to the crowd and it's like who are these dumpy bitches yeah and i love that she changed it she's like these are the most powerful women in atlanta and then when she gets there she's like you guys are powerful you're powerful mothers you're powerful wives it's like no honey that's not the same thing okay i mean if that's if

if that's the powerful crowd in atlanta i do not need any for going i'm gonna pack my fucking bags and go to la fuck this shit well what's what What's funny is that I thought we saw the Powerful Woman last week at that party, which by the way, Nini this week, she referred to it as her success party. I thought it was a celebrating Powerful Woman in Atlanta, but she's like, oh, Kim

walked out of my success party. I was like, I would too if you called it that. Well, it was supposed to be a party for her. And she's like, I don't want it to be about me. I want it to be about everybody. And Cynthia's like, oh, we'll make it about powerful women then. So she changes it in her mind. NeNe's so crazy.

But I like that she's actually being nice. And it's very funny watching NeNe talk to pedestrians like they're fucking retarded. Oh, yeah. She's freaking Meryl Streep. Look at you. You are so nice. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? And then she's talking to, like, those

little acting students. She's like, Oh, well, that's great. Well, you keep going at it. You keep doing it. As if, like, she's some, like, established actress. Right, like, she's fucking Meryl fucking Streep. Are you kidding me? I know. I mean, like she's some like established actress right like she's fucking meryl fucking streep are you kidding me i know i mean ryan murphy is a homo that likes the real housewives of atlanta and he's put her on two of his fucking shows like that is why this is happening there's no other

reason it's not like she's that talented no i haven't watched her sitcom or i haven't seen wrongly so i'm a bad gay yeah i mean she's's fine. She's fine, but it's not like... I mean, she thinks... I don't know. I think for her, going to the gay pride parade and having people fawn, like lesbians fawn all over her skewed her situation. Like, guess what?

You are not Viola Davis. By the way, did you notice that Greg is all of a sudden like 10 times more animated than he ever was? Like, he clearly is A, trying to get in with her new normal money, but also clearly trying to get like, be like cool on screen now. Like, Greg,

it's embarrassing. It's very embarrassing. Greg, you're not funny. That was my favorite scene of the night. Baby, I need the key to your house and your heart i need the key to your heart baby and he talks like a preacher i just it's so weird to me i feel every time he opens his mouth it's like take me to church greg even though you're not talking about church shit everyone talks like a preacher on this show i mean like phaedra's like phaedra that's to talk about some donkey booty.

Some donkey booty. And then it's like, you could just interchange donkey booty with Jesus Christ. Exactly, exactly. We need to get a good shape on that, which could be the same as, like, we need to give it up for the Lord. Oh, my God, so true.

Oh, by the way, speaking of Phaedra for a second, did Apollo go online, click a button, and now he's a certified personal trainer? Really, how does that happen? I ask no questions. I will just gladly give myself up to Apollo and have him train me. I would have no problem with that. Oh, you'd like him to train you. Hunger.

Now we're all talking like Lawrence. Don't get booty. Lawrence, who showed up at that event wearing a muumuu of some sort. With a belted Louis Vuitton belt. I mean, I'm sorry, but this is just sad. I can't deal with Lawrence. I mean, I know everyone's allowed to have their self-expression and their gender expression, but it's ridiculous.

We're still allowed to judge it. I have a problem with it. It freaks me the fuck out. Just Lawrence. Not everybody else. Just Lawrence. Yeah, it's just too much. Well, I wish he could just buy more flattering clothes.

Like, he's wearing Precious's dress. Like, what is that dress? That's not even close to being his eyes. It's not doing anything for his figure. Exactly. And he wears this, like, red, shiny lipstick at all times, and it's just like, I hate that. It's like, I feel like it's going to get smeared off of everything at all times and I hate that. I feel like it's going to get smeared off of everything.

Yeah, and I don't like his leggings. The leggings are not good. Yeah, so Lawrence, we need you to change your look up a little bit. He'll never come on now. He's going to be so angry. He's going to be an angry queen right now.

You guys, guess who I'm starting to hate, and I can't believe I'm going to say this. Kim. Kim Zolciak, my former lover. I cannot stand her. She is awful. How many times do we have to listen to her talk about how she's getting evicted? I mean, and

why if she's leasing a house? Oh, wait, she thought she was going to buy the house. Never mind. I was going to say, why did you put $10,000 of landscaping in? I'm sorry, but Sweetie should murder her in her sleep. She's total trash. I'm listening to her talking about getting on her husband's dick all the time. It's like, shut up, Jesus. Like, you're trying as hard as you can to be as tacky as you can.

Just stop it. And she's pretending like she's on her own show. She refuses to go anywhere or be around anybody else. It else it's like bitch this is not your show okay right this is a new season of real housewives of atlanta this is not season two of croy and kim universe and guess what i really do think that those rumors of her acting up with bravo and the producers and then kind of just like being removed from the show or kind of walking away. I totally see this happening. I think that Kim is not going to make it through this season and I think that Bravo

is done with her. Oh no, I told you last week, she gets fired. She's not making it through the season. That's why she's all the way on the end this year. They're just going to lop her off of the titles. Ugh. Again, the idea of Kim, it's just

she's played out. Her schtick is played out. There's nothing left. When she was fun, she used to be kind of fun, and now it's just like, oh, everything's just so, she's so above everything, and she's not above anything. She's just some piece of white trash hoe who's living

way too high on the hog, and she's going to be a broke bitch in a couple of years and all she does is stand in that kitchen and say that she's homeless eating chick fucking filet every episode she's eating chick filet but like you said her her storyline is played out but i think that the serious issue is kim is fun when she's drunk and clearly she doesn't drink when she's pregnant and she's pregnant too much these days so unless she has a gallon of chardonnay running through her system I don't want to hear her talk she also does not honestly have a fascinating personality there's

nothing about her that's inherently interesting I mean look at so are you saying that when she was was she fun only when she was tag teaming with Nini? Yeah, and when she was in some sort of feud. But, you know, if you look at Candy, for instance, Candy is not doing really anything. She's packing up boxes, you know. But, like, she comes on screen and she's always sort of, like, entertaining to watch because she is an interesting human being and she says funny things. And she has hillbilly cast, or hillbilly family members that are hilarious. Yeah, exactly. She has hillbilly cast,

or hillbilly family members that are hilarious. Yeah, exactly. But like Kim, when she's left to her own devices, she just sort of sits there and says sort of sarcastic, dumb things that aren't really that funny. And her idiocy isn't even that, the novelty of it has sort of gone away. You know, it's no longer,

back in the day it was so hilarious to watch her holding a glass of Chardonnay and smoking a cigarette in her car. But now she doesn't even do stuff as dumb as that anymore. She just is spoiled and entitled. So the point is the three of us only like women who smoke and drink and act crazy. Yes, and Portia. Yes, and Portia. And Portia.

My new sweet baby doll, Portia. Somebody is going to eat that bitch alive. Kenya, I think, is going to maybe strangle her on the season. I don't know. I just don't. I feel like there will be a Portia-Nini clash at some point, and that will be epic. I'm up for that. I'm up for that.

All I want Nini to do, though, is she needs to dump Cynthia. Cynthia is so lame. I cannot deal. She is the most boring housewife ever. Well, it's hard to have time for personality when you're busy running the bailing agency. Oh, stop.

Ronnie, are you there still? Ronnie, did we put you to sleep because Atlanta is that boring? Wait, can we move on to Miami? Are we done with Atlanta? Atlanta makes me laugh, but I really just don't have a whole lot to say about it. Yeah, there's nothing to say about it. I really love watching it, but, you know, other than Phaedrus, I'm going to make a donkey booty video, baby.

I really don't have much to talk about as far as that goes. Then let's head to Miami and talk about Mama Elsa. Oh, that disturbs me mentally. Hey, simmer down there, Leah. Simmer down, Leah. I leave the house with a table full of french fries I didn't want. Oh, my God. He's a very stupid man.

Why wouldn't I be okay? He's a very stupid man very stupid okay this is a shame that we're shoving Miami at the end of this episode because holy shit this was the best Housewives episode of all three we should have started with this one quite frankly this was an amazing

episode it had two separate fights crazy accents crazy old people it was everything you could want in an episode and that guy Thomas what is it Thomas or crazy accents, crazy old people. It was everything you could want in an episode. Oh, and that guy Thomas. What? Is it Thomas or Tomas?

Thomas. Tomas. Sit down or shut up or go. Oh my God, that's perfect. That's really good. Keeps me. Sit down or shut up or go. I want to hear none of this.

Let's talk about boobs. I love that he's sitting next to a bell that he can ring at people. Ding, ding, ding. Hey, you! You be quiet! I don't like you talking. I cook all day.

Nobody help me. And now you want to act like this? No! Who invited you? And then Karen's It wasn't a little bell either. It was a fucking

big-ass bell. And then Dr. Karen Sierra, of course, like, kissing ass, is like, she's like, Joanna, you hear this? This is so funny right here. You hear this? Ha ha ha!

Karen is terrifying. Terrifying. And I love that Karen brought her mom, who, by the way, looked quite good in her little sort of belted outfit. Her mom tells TK, who shows, like, this fake dildo thing, and the mom's like, Oh, you are incredible I do not hate him

you're incredible he's so funny Karen forget all the fall Karen reminds me of I don't know if you've seen that Saturday Night Live sketch

but it's like they're like creepy puppet guys on like a roller coaster ride that murder people and they're like robotic and they have like crazy grins and their eyes don't really blink and they kind of look like skeletons I mean she is so scary to me I feel like she truly is robotic

I also don't feel like she's an actual dentist. With that fake smile, I feel like she actually works at Alamo Rent-A-Car. I feel like she keeps people, she gives them cars. She's a great hostess. You know, she, there's nothing better. And I did find it funny when TK shoved Rami into her mouth. I was like, I can't believe this guy is shoving raw meat into her mouth. You will be a good girl and swallow it, like I tell you.

That guy is so disgusting. So scary. So scary. And you know what? I have to give major props to Anna for sticking up and walking out of there. And calling him a misogynist. She called him a misogynist, which he is. Yeah, you know, it's one thing

to sort of be making, like, body jokes. It's the, you know, you gotta know your room. And, you know, if it had just been, like, Lisa or someone, you know, like, and they were making body jokes, that's fine. But clearly, that's not the room. And as a host, you're supposed to make your guests feel comfortable. It's not the guest's job

to defer to the hosts. I mean, I hate Joanna more than anybody, but the fact that he was also joking about like is her boyfriend cheating on him look he's not friends with joanna to make those kind of jokes and yeah you know for the first time i actually got pissed off at leah how dare i but leah is friends with too many fucked up people i love leah but the fact that she would sit there and allow him to act that way was kind of disgusting. And I also can't stand her drag queen friend either. She needs to dump both of these

disgusting... Wait, wait, wait. Before we get into the drag, let's just keep talking about... Let's finish with this dinner party. Okay, so I'm glad that Anna paced out. I really started to like Anna this episode. And she totally startled the poor PA on the production you see him i'm surprised they didn't blur him out you saw him like jumping around in the foyer he was like what i'm like but um but then joanna

joanna's totally the sort of girl who sees one girl crying and then she has to cry too you know because she's obviously she's like i just don't feel comfortable in this house anymore i like i i don't i don't want to be here i don't want to be here. I don't want to be in this house. I don't like the energy here anymore. Yeah, well, then she should have left, but then Lisa coaxed her back in. Lisa, by the way, is so irrelevant and is not necessary to be on the show. Well, the other thing is Roman shouldn't have left the dinner party. He had a meeting? That's bullshit.

You have a dinner party. You go to the dinner party. You don't leave for a meeting. Ben, he had to go fuck Marta. Are you kidding me? He was busy. He was – that's what's so funny about Thomas. It's not that he's wrong.

It's just he's just so gross about it. Yeah. Exactly. Good point. Very good point. He is. I mean I don't know. I do think Anna was right that people kiss his ass because he's rich because he is – I can see that he's probably maybe like to his inner circle he's a nice guy

but you know what though the way he talked to Elsa the way he talked to Elsa who's known for 20 years I mean that's just that was ridiculous the fact that Anna I mean she might have really this is sad but he might be like a major player in the Miami social

scene and she truly could have just fucked herself out of like a lot of parties and events going forward. But I like that she actually said that. And I like that they aired it. She was just like, people are kissing his ass because he's rich and that is fucked up. And I just,

I don't know. I really, I'm so pro Anna. I'm sure next week I'll want to stab her. But right now I'm like riding high. She, she, I agree.

I think she is one of the few housewives that has actually really stood up for herself in a mature way and really didn't kowtow to wealth. And I thought that was... I was totally cheering her on. Yeah, me too. I like Anna. I've always liked Anna. You know who I don't like? Karen.

You know, at first I thought, everybody's such a bully. They need to leave this girl alone. And now I want her to just get electrocuted. She's horrible. Is she sleeping with him? Do you think she's sleeping with him? Because I thought he was gay. Oh, well, I thought he was gay too, but now I'm not thinking that he is.

He might just be European, but I know that Karen's mom would love that. I hate Rodolfo. Well, when Elsa was saying, oh, this is the woman who kicked in my face, I think that she was accusing her of doing Thomas, and Leah's like, what? They're just friends. That's ridiculous. That's crazy.

How did you say that? Yeah, at first I thought, yeah, that's crazy. And then I thought, knowing Karen, she probably has sat on his lap a few times. She's probably sat on that apron penis a few times. Oh, gross. You know what I was a little surprised at, I have to say? Roy Black was sitting there at that table. And for some reason, I envision him being a voice of reason,

given that he's a lawyer and he's a very respected and famous lawyer. And I sort of thought when things got crazy, he might try to step in and clarify in like insane words where people might have been miscommunicating and he just sort of sat there and laughed that's why I was pissed I wanted the two of them to get up and leave I mean clearly they're my favorites

but I was just like why would they stand for this bullshit well Leo was getting defensive about Thomas but Leo was also coming down on Marisol too well Marisol is so pointless. I mean, again, like, she's never going to apologize for anything, which is fine, and I really don't think that she needs

to apologize for anything, but why don't they just get rid of her and replace her with Mama Elsa? That is where the action is at. Mama Elsa will never go on without Marisol. Oh, Marisol, I will never do this without you. She had, like, 20 amazing quotes.

My favorite might have been the french fries. Yeah. I leave a table full of french fries I didn't want. Marisol. Marisol. Get out. Get out. Get out of my house.

You are not that far from Karen's mother. I know, right? Karen's mother is more like, I hate him. I hate him. And Thomas is like, I hate him. I will kill you.

Get out of my house. You talk about boobs. You do not talk about these things at my party. Have fun. I don't want to hear about these high school things. All these back and forth. Is he cheating on you? I don't want to know. I just want to see if he's cheating on you. He is. Don't talk.

What is his ethnicity? German. I was going to say he is very Hitler-esque. How could you not know this? Get out! I cooked all this food! Nobody helped me! I cooked all this food! Shut up and get out!

He didn't cook anything. He shoved raw meat in people's mouths. I put on my favorite penis apron! Get out! I'm glad you've been perfecting that and not your candy burris Oh my candy burris, I was

I actually was working on it this week I was like, she was talking and I actually tried to like I couldn't do it I was like, I would hear her voice It's really hard because you've talked about it So now when I watch it, I try it Just to see if I can beat you I can't do it. It's really hard.

And my dog was looking at me like I was crazy. Hi. It's like an awful accent. She's got kind of that Kermit thing. It's out there. I can't make it sound. She might just go deep and high at the same time. So she'll be like, I don't know about this.

I don't know. this I don't know they just sound weird when you try to do it I don't know about packing up this frame what was up with that guy what was it her uncle he's like hey yeah I'm packing this up oh this reminds me of a time I used to do that

I know there was no like we don't have segues on our show but there was no segue there. It went right to sex toys. Yeah. It's like, well, if you have a sex show, everybody's going to come talk to you about dildos all day long, you know? How about the hump strap around the refrigerator? Yeah, the hump strap.

All right. So back to Miami. So that dinner party was crazy. I'm glad for the people who left. I wanted Alexia to be there, I'm not gonna lie. Yeah. She has come unhinged. She's like, you know, she's just like

this blonde bombshell craziness in the best way. She would have gone nuts on Karen the whole time. It would have been fantastic. Well, I love that Karen can't even get anything right. You know, everyone hates her, so she tries to have some dinner party. Was she even really having a dinner party?

She didn't do anything but show up. Like, somebody else had it at their house. They cooked. I don't even know why it was hers at all, but whatever. She tries to have a dinner party. She keeps saying how, like, she's like, you know, she's like, Thomas is my friend, and this really bothers me. I'm like, you know, Thomas knows everyone else, the entire dinner party, like 10 years on you. So stop acting like he's your proprietary friend and that like you're embarrassed how these people are acting.

Like he knows who these people are. Like you don't have to be embarrassed. She should just be embarrassed for herself, not for Thomas or for those other people. She is just awful. She really is. those other people. She is just awful. She really is. So now let's talk about the other big to-do of the episode,

which had to do with it was like Tranny Fight 2012. It was Elaine versus Marisol versus Lauren Foster, who is the new Tranny on the scene and is hilarious. Oh, Lauren Foster needs to be added to the cast stat.

This cast already has 400 cast members. She needs to be added to the cast stat. I mean, this cast already has 400 cast members. She needs to be in the mix. She needs to be. When she first walked up, I was like, are you serious? Is there another drag queen socialite? But I was like, but she was excellent. She is Brigitte Nielsen meets Tilda Swinton with maybe a penis that got cut off. I love her fake British accent. I love how she's like, I can't be part of this. It's just so Swinton with maybe a penis that got cut off. I love her fake British accent.

I love how she's like, I can't be part of this. It's just so unladylike. Right, and when she said that, I'm thinking to myself, like, wait, is she a lady? I don't know that she's a lady. The best part is she walks away. She's like, I can't. It's unladylike. She walks away, and then 10 seconds later, she walks back.

She clearly isn't very much a part of it. Oh, yeah, wherever that camera is there are some really good quotes from her on our facebook page from nicole he's told more lies than i've had hot dinners and i won't be bullied by the housewife with a wiener i love that like funniest shit ever so i love that this this crazy slash James is furious at Marisol, that Marisol would embarrass him. But then he's going to go have a confrontation where all he's going to do is embarrass himself. Exactly. But why are they making this a storyline?

It is so frustrating to me because I don't give a shit about a sad drag queen. I find it really funny, particularly when he's accusing Marisol of sabotaging him. And he literally says, a quote, he goes, you did it with my job at the Hard Rock. Like, Marisol, we're supposed to believe that Marisol cares about any drag queen that's performing at the Hard Rock. Thank you. Yeah, and he's like, that is so unprofessional. You're at your job right now, and what are you doing? You're chasing down a guest at the party that you're hired to, you know,

emcee and berating her publicly. How is that professional? You fucking queen. And saying, I'm not attacking you, and then he goes into attack mode. Yeah. Don't run away from me. Don't run away from me like everyone else in the world running away.

Okay? You cannot dress like a fucking monster from under the bed and not expect people to run away from you crazy. I love a good fight. Like, I'm a fighter, but I would run away from him too. I would too. Yeah, and honestly... I'm not gonna fight a Mack truck. You move out the street when they're

driving down. And honestly, it's actually really... Leah friends with him. It's also really fucked up that he was... Why is Leah friends with him? Well, she likes all sorts of interesting people. I've collected him. Collected him. It doesn't matter because she's going to invoice him later anyway. Frida just loves him.

Yeah, he is a horrible, horrible man. I'm embarrassed for all drag queens. Can we talk for a second about Leah leah having wine with uh mama elsa oh that was wonderful great way that scene was my probably my favorite scene of the entire episode yeah where she was explaining um he's actually these two people and mama elsa could not wrap her demented brain around or her like fucked up demented brain around it or her, like, fucked-up plastic surgery brain around it. What was the quote? It was amazing.

She said, That disturbs me mentally. That just mentally was genius. It was genius. Everything was genius. Everything was, honestly, just the fact that there was a scene with Leah and Elsa just sitting together,

that, to me, is all I need, you know? Well, and then how funny was it that Leah was clearly trying to get Chardonnay running through her veins? Because as soon as she gets drunk, the more drunk she gets, the more shit she starts talking. Yeah, that's right. She was like, no more. You're trying to get me to talk. And then she's like, and then they cut to her taking a swig yeah meanwhile can we also talk about um the yacht that that adrian is moving on to and they showed um they're like i'm gonna

show you alex's room and they go down to like the hole you know like they're they're putting poor alex in steerage i don't know if you noticed that his bedroom is at the bottom of the yacht yeah no kidding that's where they no kidding. That's where they kept the slaves. It's like, Jesus, really? You're going to put him there? He's supposed to do his homework. He's going to be swaying. He's going to be barfing on all his homework every single night.

I don't think this is going to work out. I feel like they're going to keep renovating this boat and I think Adriana's going to be like, yeah, peace out. I think she's actually living on a boat. I read somewhere at the beginning of this now that she's living on a boat no on a boat oh man google that shit uh yeah she is uh that's i don't think it's i don't think this is a smart endeavor for her well i love the relationship with her and her boyfriend i think it's so funny she's such a bitch and he's he just deals with it so well i think yeah when she was like oh this is he's

a nice guy i like to live up to my uh you need to i don't know how you're going to live up to my standards standard all of a sudden she's mexican well she has like these weird um i don't know about that oh that's the mexican accent right there yeah but isn't she brazilian slash yeah but she has a really she has a really her accent is really strange but um i love that she's like i don't know how you're going to live up to my standards and he's like standards oh it's the end of the world it's horrible it is the end of the world my darling she she oh every time her mouth opens it's almost as dramatic as Martin Lawrence Blod yeah we gotta work on our

Adriana accent because it's really it's very bizarre and I love when she switches into French for some reason I think that's the coolest thing when she tells him like c'est dommage or whatever I'm like yay c'est dommage I love it I don't know

I like hearing her other... I like to listen to all her languages, including independence. That is her language. I may speak five languages, but my main language is independence. But my main language is independence. And how dare you tell me I can't do her accent right.

I can do her accent. I hope that you live up to my standards. What do you guys think about Marta moving back in with Romaine Lettuce and Joanna? Is she just back to have easier access to Romaine's cock, or what's the deal there?

I think Romaine said it best when he said, you're like the balls between my legs. You're like the balls between my legs. I'm just fighting with you. I'm just fighting with you. I'm just fighting with you. That's code for sleeping with. It's really hard living at Lisa's

place. There's so many bedrooms, and I couldn't focus on my music. It was so much walking, you guys. I couldn't make music because I was walking from the kitchen to the bathroom for like two days, you guys. I was so lost. I didn't know what to do.

And I was like, no one was buying the groceries. I kept on asking Daisy for groceries, but I don't know where Daisy was. Oh, my God. Those women are crazy. So are they just trying to get rid of Miami? Because they're showing episodes at weird times. It's like, oh. No, no.

I think they're trying to promote it. They're trying to promote it. They're trying to get some extra love off of the other shows. I think that's why it had a Sunday episode to follow Atlanta, which has good ratings. But Miami's doing well. And I'm going to be honest. It's right up there with Beverly Hills right now for me. I think I even prefer Miami to Beverly Hills.

If I had to pick this week, Miami is the winner. Yeah, I think this season two of Miami is fuego. I dig this entire cast. I actually love that they have this huge extended cast, this whole circle of characters, because I think they're all amusing and horrible or hilarious. They all add something, which I love. Beverly Hills has a big cast, too.

Yeah, I'm loving all the Housewives right now. I think that they're all really fun, especially Atlanta, though. Loving the newbies. ATL sucks. I love it. And I think that that brings us to the end of our day, everybody. It certainly does. That was a long episode.

That was, but it was good. Well, you know, it's like Thanksgiving. We're full of bravo. Okay, well, before we sign off, what are each of you thankful for before we leave? I'm thankful for the Real Housewives of Miami. I'm thankful that Hostess Twinkie shut down because I'm loving watching fat people freak out all over the place. It's nice

because I'm on a diet, so it's nice to not be the only miserable fat person in the world right now. Thank you, Hostess. Bye! Oh my god. On that note, don't forget to... What are you thankful for? What the hell? What the hell?

You better live up to our standards. Yeah? You better live up to our standards. Yeah, you better live up to my standards. My standards. Oh my god. I'm just thankful for Adriana. Tear it down, Matt. Tear it down. Get out! Either have something you're thankful for

or get out. Yeah, you know what? I am thankful for the latest episode. Yeah, you know what? I am thankful for the latest episode of The Real Housewives of Miami. I think it was my favorite one ever, and I'm so fucking addicted to that shit. I do not want to hear this anymore. Get out. Okay, they have to bring him back. He needs to be on the reunion.

It's official. He'll be back. Oh, he'll be back. I'll be back. Okay, guys. Well, we are wrapping up, but don't forget to go to iTunes, download us, leave us an amazing comment and five stars, anything less than five stars, and we will cut ourselves. Follow us on Twitter at What Crappens. Follow me, Matt Whitfield, at Life on the M-List.

Ben at B-Side Blog and Ronnie at TVgasm. And leave us some more comments on our Facebook page. We always love to interact with you guys. Everybody have a safe and happy Thanksgiving. And we will be back next week to talk all about the Housewives and all the other shit on Bravo. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And anything else? That's it, right?

That's it. Love you guys. That's it. Thanks. Happy Thanksgiving. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you. We'll be right back. Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger.

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