Watch What Crappens - #487 SouthernCharm: See Ya Later, Mediator!

Episode Date: June 28, 2017

It's the season finale of Southern Charm season 4! Dani faints, T-Rav quotes Jane Austen, and Craig punches Shep's leg. Garsh! We're here to cover all the good stuff - from Kathryn's outfit to Naomi's musical cues. So much fun. Come listen! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. This episode of Watch for Crappens is brought to you by our Patreon,

Premium Sponsors, Christy D'Auerty, Mia Hansenaloha, Cindy Gerson, This episode of Watch For Crappens is brought to you by our Patreon premium sponsors Kristi Dauerty, Mia Hansen Aloha, Cindy Gerson, Kelly the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the heavens, to the Kids, what happens when there's so much that happens? To talk to other crapens listeners about the shows as they air, come over to Facebook.com slash watch what crap ends. And to follow us on social media, go to watchacrapens.com to find all our social media links. And for our bonus episodes and all of our extras, come over and be a premium member over at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends that's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends, that's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. Hey everyone, welcome to watch what crap ends, the podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

I'm Ben Madelker from Bsublog.com and the Bantra Blender podcast. And joining me as always is the funniest man in America. The most wonderful man in America and certainly the best scooter-driven guy in Los Angeles. It's Ronnie Caron from trash talktv.com. Yeah, you're getting to know you happy little monster. Happy little talk today. Yeah, from trash talktv.com and the Rose Prick's bachelor podcast. What's up, Ronnie? Well Jesus you just made me feel like a million damn dollars bang. I like to I like to do that while I'm still feeling fresh at the beginning of the recording day The reason why I think I'm so happy Ronnie is because we are like becoming professionals y'all

yesterday or like becoming professionals, y'all. Yesterday, we made a grand announcement that we will be doing our 500th episode live at the Gotham Comedy Club in New York City on July 19th at 8 p.m. Those tickets are going on sale very soon. We're gonna have the link up on our site, watchrocrabs.com, we'll have it on Facebook.com, forward slash watchroc.com, all our social media. We will blast that link out as soon as possible.

But if that weren't awesome enough, we are here today to announce that we're doing a second show this summer in Los Angeles at the Telegram ballroom in downtown Los Angeles September 2nd. That's a Saturday. It's a weekend night. And now you have you it's June right now, which means you have plenty of time if you're an out of town or to book your airplane tickets and come to the show. Come to the show. They're both huge. Our biggest shows we've ever done. Yeah. The Gotham is 300 people. So please 300 New Yorkers get your ass out there. And the LA one is 600 people, which is terrifying, but also sounds like the best party ever. So get those tickets.

And also for those of you that we see online, like, I don't want to go alone. I don't know anybody. Guys, guess what? You're in good company because there's a lot of us out there who like going to shit alone. So we don't't sponsor this just in case anybody fights on this Facebook group. We have our watch what crap is Facebook, which of course comes to you and you can ask us questions or anything there. But there's also a private group on Facebook for watch what happens that we don't run but is hilarious and has a really good community of people there. And they are organizing a pre-party in New York for all the people who want to meet up first

and become friends before you all go. So that's gonna be fun. Yeah, and you will become friends because even going as far back as TV guys, and I have now made several friends in life just to people I met who were readers of TV guys, and I know Ronnie you have to, and also through just the podcast here.

And you know, we have our, this is a good tie. And we do a Google Hangout once a month. We're having one this Thursday for Patreon supporters. And we become friends with our listeners just through that. So don't worry, go to the meetup thing. And I think Ronnie and I, well, we're going to try to put together something that the Saturday something on September 2nd, something that we can, that means for our Crappens listeners that way.

If you are coming in from AdTown, if you're coming down from Bay Area, or from Arizona, or wherever, or who knows where else, maybe we'll do something that way. It's not just the podcast show, maybe we'll do some sort of fun thing where we all get together. So that way it's more of an experience than just a show.

Yeah, we'll have a show. Kind of crap and meet up that weekend on Labor Day weekend. Yeah, make it work your while. Oh, are they? Yeah, so the the the Telegram ballroom show that's the downtown Los Angeles one, those tickets go on sale on Friday on ticket master, which is crazy that we're even on ticket master. This is I mean, Ronnie, this is bonkers. We're like grownups.

We have to show this to the end to those tickets. Yeah, by the way, the subtext is, please buy the tickets. We have six. You do not want to see me cry. I ugly cry. Okay. And I will have no problem getting up there and crying my fucking face off. Okay.

Yeah, and we're working hard to get some special guests for both shows. We already have a pretty strong feeling that at the very least there may be some Bravo Lebrides in the audience. So yes, girl. So it's just gonna be awesome. I cannot believe we're doing both these shows in such big venues. And the other thing, can I sell it one more time? Everyone is going to get totally annoyed if I make one other point. I'm sorry. Go ahead. I love

your excitement. So it's waking me up. Good. The best part of waking up is Ben Mandelker promoting a show in your face. So the thing is, if we actually can sell out this downtown one, the 600 person one, That's like a really good litmus test. And we really feel that if we can now tell people, yeah, we sold out a 600 person venue, we think a lot of other venues across the country will then start signing us up. We'll then start booking us to come. We'll say, hey, you know, we heard you guys sold out LA, want to come to Chicago, want to come to Dallas, want you come to Miami or Boston. So we really hope that everyone shows up because we think it'll help us actually get out into the

country to see people face to face. So there. Well there you go everybody. And in the meantime we've got a little southern shop. Yeah. Bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap. By the way, we were talking the other day, me and Ben. And I said, so Ben, what are you doing today? And he was like, I'm good. And I said, where are you getting this from? Like, you know, we go through different little vocal ticks over the years. And it's been the past few months. Like, you know, we go through different little vocal ticks over the years and I've just, it's been the past few months

and he's like, don't mhm, shame me, that's, I'm just saying it, who cares? Well then, I realized the end of this theme song, it's like, ba-ba-ba-mhm. Yeah, and I thought, oh, that's where he's getting. Yeah, probably. Well, the other funny thing is one of our listeners, TweetA has, I think, I think the listeners name is Icelandic Troll, which I really enjoy that.

And it was like, you know, you got to work on your Ashley Borders impersonation from Southern Trump's Savannah. He, or perhaps she was like, you know, you just sort of make her sound like a breathy Southern lady or something like that. I'm like, that's what I make all the women sound like these days because we're covering so many Southern shows.

It's like my remote has now become, hi y'all! I think I do pretty decent Ashley borders. Yeah, you're sitting there. She just has a clipped thing and I like when she gets really upset and then she goes from like, this, like, get out, none of you are invited. It's over. It is over. Yeah, yours is really good. It doesn't have like a too strong of a thing, but I mean, look, they can't all be comey-ears. No, and by the way, Southern Charms Evanna, I have a lot of thoughts on that. So I hope everyone stays tuned later in the week when we do our Southern Charms Evanna recap on Friday, Because that was it to me. It was a surprisingly shocking finale. The first half I was like,

okay, and then I was like, what the fuck? So more on that later. Yeah, that was a weird finale. And they're like, okay, it's over. Yeah, the last, yeah, we'll talk about that. We'll talk about it. So this Southern charm, it's like, blah, blah, blah! Q West, everyone's laying out and Cameron and Landon are getting massages and then Catherine's reading some giant book.

Yeah, she's like, I've changed, I'm reading. And it's like, struck the shepa down with the or of the mountainous region of the heart of the soul Yeah, what that book down girl get you a people magazine. It said strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter Bob all black sheep stop scattering I'm totally proud of your sobriety and everything, but it doesn't mean you have to be brilliant. All of a sudden, you know, it's like, I'm sober, sheep scatter. It's like you can still read an in style.

Nobody actually, she's actually expecting that she slaps shop. She's going to see sheep running everywhere. That's why Craig hits him later in the other side. Where the sheep? Where the sir to sheep Yeah, where the sheep? Where the serda sheep? You grab the bull? You get the sheep horns.

We got her. We got her. So speaking of which, Shep and Thomas are jet skiing, having a fun bro time, and while everyone's having fun, Craig and Naomi are sort of bickering over text because Naomi really is standing by her thing that she said before the last episode And while everyone's having fun, Craig and Naomi are sort of bickering over text because

Naomi really is standing by her thing that she said before the last episode, which was, if I'm going to come on this trip, but if you disrespect me in any sort of way, I'm going to leave right away and we will not be together when we come back. And sure enough, she was sticking to it. Yeah, so who got punished here? Yeah. Like, everyone else is going down the slide in the ocean. Okay, like who, what did you get?

You're going to go home and stare at a sewing machine in front of a couch. May only. You're getting on a regional jet with snow in Naomi. That's not fun. You totally lost this bet. Like I'm going to punish you. Damn it, I'm alone.

I mean, I do, I do actually appreciate her following through because I always feel like people make you know, uh, ultimatums and then don't follow through, especially with parenting. And of course, I say that as a fully informed person with no child, but I do feel like people make ultimatums all the time and then go follow through. So I was like, good for you for following through. Although it's kind of ridiculous and you're the one punishing yourself. So okay. Yeah, you lose. Yeah. And then sure enough, Craig is at the top of the slide in his swimsuit on his iPhone without a waterproof cover on it.

And he's like, hold on guys, I'll come down the slide, but I want to make sure that my girlfriend feels good. So hold on, I'm texting her. And I just thought she would be so pissed at you if she saw you on that slide in the middle of the ocean with no waterproof cover on your phone. It's like, I'm with, you know, she's in my spirit. Well, I can also, I was also a little surprised that we didn't suddenly hear like a, pfft, sound, and then Craig sitting there

and be like, sorry, I tried to embroider a gizmo onto the inflatable slide and I kind of popped it. Now, is that my fault or the slides fault? Probably the slide. You can't change the IM slide. It's certainly not fair and it's certainly not confidential to give me an ultimatum slide. I don't even know who I'm dating anymore. Naomi broken slide. I used to have so much more fun with this slide, but now it's all deflated. And I'm like, is it bad

that I'm having more fun on the jet ski now? I haven't been on a slide in so long that made me feel this bad. Every time I'm having fun, this line just cuts me down by deflating itself. Craig's like adorable insecurity. I just want to hug him every time. I know, this is the most hugger it's his feeling. Like I think everything that hurts his feelings is like so privileged. You know, it's like privileged hurt but hurt.

I wasn't like about finishing law school. It's like oh, I feel so bad for you Your law school insecurities. I know poor sweet crag so Meanwhile Austin and Chelsea are doing that that thing where you parachute that is it parrot wasn't really paragliding I don't know what is selling paracelling There's so many different para events that you can participate in now I don't know which ones which the parakeet party they're parasailing on the skywalker boat which is just a little too like Luke for me you know yeah to Bob I got such a warm experience didn't

Like well back to our old sales Craig. I mean Austin You all would never be I would never be as happy on the pyro style Becr are all seen I feel like I'm on a reward challenge and I've won everything from Jeff Broke's right now. Chelsea. So um, Cameron's getting a massage and Whitney's like, let's prank her. Come on mother. Mother is massaging your breasts right now. She's like, was that a nightmare? Yes, it was. You just saw Nosferatu rubbing your shoulders. Dressed like Patricia. What if he really was just like Norman Bates and he was walking around and like a dog calfed him.

I would actually respect him more. It's been with me this whole time. Well, they do actually, I actually think they look similar. They have the same way of doing it like an open mouth smile when they're really happy. They kind of gaped their mouths and they sort of have the same rounded cheekbones and the same smile. So when they're really, when they're really happy, it's actually almost endearing how they just sort of open up their mouths and have like a silent laugh. Have you noticed that? Yeah, have that weird, like, that mouth that's like kind of both talks,

but always talking. It's like it keeps talking even after their voice is stopped because it doesn't, it keeps like twitching or something. Yeah. So then Catherine goes and joins Danny and Elizabeth. Lizzy! And they're talking about Landon and Catherine's like,

oh, well, things are unresolved because arm she hasn't been accountable ever. And she hasn't taken ownership of stuff she said and she wants what's best for me, but you can't just like switch like that. I'm like, uh, you have pulled the biggest switch of all time, okay? Yeah. I think if suddenly you're reading like strike the shepherd and the sheep scatter and the, you know, voluminous of whatever cathartic.

The landing could be nice for a day. Okay. Maybe you should just got like decent drugs. I mean, all your fame is based off of your extreme mood swings, Catherine. So you can actually, you can swing on a dime and still be loved for it. Yeah. So I don't think you can change so fast, although I am and be like, which is a big step for me. So Danny actually comes to Lynn's defense and is like, you know, Thomas was being a dick and Landon really stood up for you. It was kind of crazy. It was it was it was she really really did and Catherine's like um

Um, and then what I loved was then then we saw Landon Catherine's all um um Landon then it's one of these things where it's like coming back and forth between two groups of people So you see the landon joining Cameron on a shaz and as soon as she sits down the producers got to a seagull just like flying over them is like I was like is this a subtle commentary about land in his laugh we have to do it away from the microphone we're hurting people's ears I'm sorry enough boy. Yeah.

Oh, camera's like, I am so relaxed and she goes, uh, Ditto. That's it. Her ode to ghosts. And also her shout out to Rush Limbaugh. Is that a Rush Limbaugh thing to say, Ditto? Yeah, people call them like, Ditto's Rush. Ditto's. Ditto's. That is, people call them like diddos rush diddos Diddos that is that is also like the gayest tagline for a right-wing commentator diddos rush

That I prefer to think of diddos with ghost. Thank you very much Landons like oh, I saw penny go up my door I'm going to go to the store. I'm going to go to the store. I'm going to go to the store. I'm going to go to the store. I'm going to go to the store. I'm going to go to the store. I'm going to go to the store. I'm going to go to the store.

I'm going to go to the store. I'm going to go to the store. I'm going to go to the store. I'm going to go to the store. I'm going to go to the store. I'm going to go to the store. between her two viewpoints. But right now, she's still being nice. And she's like, yeah, I was like, shut your mouth, Thomas. No, I'm like, she's probably jealous of the Manny. And I get it, because when I'm in the Manny, I've spent time with her kid.

And she doesn't. And he just pokes her in pose. It is, how much she can take. Like, it's not cool. Thank you. Um, I mean, she basically is saying, I guess it just, all the stuff reminds her of her, her husband. I don't know if it was here that she was talking about it, but she, I think that her,

her mindset was, no matter what I think about Catherine, what Thomas was doing is fucked up and like, he shouldn't act like that. And so I was going to stand up for Catherine even though I think that she's the worst. Because then at the end of this conversation, she's like, I'm glad that we made up, but like, I still don't want to be around her. You just don't know what you're going to get. Yeah, I don't know. You never know what's going to happen with her. And Danny's like, well, I will tell you this, Catherine.

She had your back hugely. It was in a big way. It was just a can tour. She had your back. She pulled out a sword. Sad team right in the, I was like, okay, Danny, we get it. You're being nice to land in for whatever reason. Okay, noted. Elizabeth does not like land and clearly because she's like, well, my red flags are up, but it's really up to you to decide what you want to do. My red flags are up. Oh, wait, those are just JD's cheeks. Never mind. up. Oh wait, those are just JD's cheeks. Never mind.

So I believe in second chances, which is why I'm speaking to you right now. She completely ditched me and made me into a villain for an entire season. Catherine, but you know, like I said, love not want not her to sheep. You know, as they say, scatter shepherds. She's like, that's right. Flies up. Catherine's like, well, I don't know if it's genuine with, sorry, that was Craig. She's like, I don't know if it's genuine with sorry, that was Craig She's like, I don't know if it's genuine with land in but I just don't think she's that deep I just have been Catherine saying you're not deep. Yeah, she's like

I just want to leave it in the past so she doesn't contribute when Thomas vents about me Like that's a that's a kickstarter. I don't need her donating dollars, too I don't understand what the rewards are for that kickstarter go. Then we get a nice explanation of where Danny met her husband because it's my time and everybody's going out to dinner and someone's, she says, well Todd went home, you and they're like well how did you meet Todd and she goes I mean look I thought it was like a senior citizen Waterer Robick saying I just figured Danny was just like sick of working and she's like that's it I'm going to waterer Robick some taking the first one

it looks like he's gonna have a heart attack you know she's like well basically we met in Patricia's kitchen. We didn't really know what to do. We just struck up a conversation, because Patricia was in the other room on the phone, and all she'd been saying was, BAD! BAD!

BAD! It was actually Michael's butler. BAD! BAD! BAD! It was really awkward. I'm not a fan of the I'm not a fan of the I'm not a fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the have you all figured out how to get that blockbuster Vigia to work in the DVD machine? Bitcoin, we're glad. So they're on a bus to dinner and Catherine looks pretty in stuff and Thomas is like, well, I recognize that dress from New Year's Eve as his hand motions

are out of control right now. He's always in a presidential debate. He's always talking about like trickle down economics I don't know what the fuck this has in the game with his hands, but it's a tax break for the wealthy means pretty dressed for New Year's Eve I'd love to trickle down of that dress Reaganomics God nothing on cathartomics, you know what I'm saying? No, we actually don't we don't know what you're saying Ah would love to stain this blue dress Catherine are you in?

She's like yeah, I would last wore this one. I had just given birth to Julian It's the last time we were truly happy Yeah, it's the last time we were truly happy Well, Katherine if I may Mr. Bingley will be having a ball and a fortnight And I'd like you to come as my date like Thomas to stop with the pride of prejudice, please Val art building a wall around my heart hence refugees art building a wall around my heart hence refugees cannot steal our trick-or-bought tax economics. I don't support President Trump's build that wall but if he said build that hedge like a good hedge that Mr. Dawson and Luzzie Bennett walked alongside of at Catherine's house. I would support that. This is the neck.

That's Lady Catherine the Bull. I have a lot of scooters. Okay, Whitney on a scooter is my favorite thing of the season, okay. Oh, God. It's like the best guy. It's like, it's like, Mother's on my handlebars, mother.

They're like scootering through Key West and Landon's like mothers on my handlebars mother. They're like scootering through Key West and land in psych. This is amazing. Cars behind are like, please. Get the dolphin on the scooter. They just give everybody licenses for that thing. Put that thing back in the water. I know. When they showed that gaggle of Southern charm people on Mopeds,

I was like, okay, here come a bunch of broken arms. By the way, I want to mention one other thing. While I was lost in my own self-indulgent, private and prepredenced reference, I did forget to mention that Catherine said something that was kind of sad, which is that she basically has to stay on good terms with Thomas because she knows what he's like when he has all the power and if she the moment that she has a misstep she loses her kids. As I got this to her, it's so fucked up. It is so fucked up.

Yeah, but you know, knowing Catherine as we do, we know that it's not just a simple like, oh, he feels powerful. So I'm losing my kids, you know, it's also like, I will stab you in the throat. Tommy. Yeah. And she did do the same thing to him last season. So it's just these two are so crazy. It's it's hard to take any side. I like Catherine as a person. So I take her side. Yeah. Me too. Thomas, I do not like as a person. So I don't take his side. Also, Thomas looks like a cross-side possum. And you never trust a possum face. I mean,

that's something we've learned on Bravo, and it's been cemented in our brain year after year. Do not trust a possum face. They fill your trash, and then they throw it on the ground when they're done. And I think he's wearing a wig. It's a bad one. If that's a wig, that is a bad one.

You see the wig comes out of the back. Yeah, I feel like the biggest tell for a wig with men is the back part always is like an inch off the scalp Like there's a guy on food never-star who is wearing truly the worst wig I've ever seen on TV. Oh My god talk about wanting people to die. I was watching that to talk about it on the bonus episode And I was like, you know what? I've never wanted people to be turned into soil and grain more than I do. You've been traced to bitter social life. So, where you'll slide my butt and call me baby mama.

That is a good ring here. Like a good, this guy's probably from Michigan. He's got lies in that wig. So, while the boat pet gang is roving through the streets like a like a non-scary gang. Catherine and Thomas, they're at this, they all go to bag of tell and Catherine and Thomas that what they're everyone's waiting they're like, I guess having cocktails and Catherine and Thomas are talking and she's like, I don't like being iced out like, um, I don't like being iced out. Like, um, why don't we cope here and, um, I've changed a lot. And Tom's like, well, I hate this system.

You know, I want, let's extricate ourselves in this process. And, you know, let's mediate a little, you know, we can mediate and be good parents together, politician hands. Well, unfortunately, the budget is out of control. And I feel that if Hillary Clinton paid attention to the budgetary needs of her constituents, I would not be spending 10 grand a month to keep you beyond the hedge. Let's immediate. She's like, meditate if you hit the shepherd. She's like no mediate wait I don't care you

want to eat meat no no just go talk to Krakki's good at it um now this is just conversation and unfortunately actions speak louder than words. We will see over a period of time before the next election, evactions are consistent with the electoral counts in each country, or if Katherine is trying to Like I said lock her up lock her up referring to Catherine Dennis of course in my guest house as Bridget Jones once said in Bridget Jones's diary V very bad day Bridget Jones, you know, she's a lady of good caliber. She's she's oh see if you know what I'm saying You know our our class that I'm saying, you know, our class, that bridge of Jones, you know, I can't, I can't deny that sometimes I see

bridge of Jones and I think, wow, she's beautiful. All the time they talked about Pride and Prejudice, I just kept thinking, you are so not Jane Austen right now. This is very Bridget Jones maybe, possibly. But this is not Brighton prejudice guys. I think I don't think he's even Bridget Jones. I think he's just a cautionary ebook. I've said in my free download that you get when you register to vote as an independent. that you get when you register to vote as an independent. I like to quote something for you that it came as a free digital download with my Kelly Clarkson CD but doesn't kill you makes you stronger and no Catherine Catherine you failed the tests no No more children for you.

You'll never see a children again. So then Danny passes out. She's like, I don't feel well. And then she just passes out and Whitney, the stancer with the drink, can watch us her. Okay, no one trust fall with Whitney. Okay.

Yeah, Danny had to look on her face. We described it last week on Southern Terms of Anno, which is that closed mouth thing, except she wasn't, she wasn't drunk, so she wasn't doing the fake smile. She just had the closed mouth nod. And then she's like, I don't feel very well. I don't feel very well. I think perhaps the realization that she was dating Todd crossed her mind.

We just asked that. And she really did pass out, because it wasn't like that pretty pass out that people do with a like, I fell on the fainting couch. It was not at least a van der pump faint. No. Yeah. Oh, get it to the beat of the rumber. Um, yeah, it was like the split leg thing and then Thomas is Thomas is like, I shall call the EMS. Hello, EMS. Hello, Fibregade. Fibregade. This is Thomas Ravinell of the bridge. We need your assistance right now. We have a lady who has collapsed. Perhaps under the power of marshy a handsomeness, but could be another cause. I'm not sure I'm not a doctor just a very influential person in South Carolina North Carolina wherever I am. The pressure of equal rights has taken another woman into a stressful fall back down into the misery from which she crawled. Jane Austen, Bridget Jones' diary.

I haven't seen a fall like this since Lydia Bennett went off with Mr. Wickham, if you know what I'm saying, right? Right, Fobbergade, right? Can I tell you something, Ronnie? Literally on Sunday afternoon, I was going through my iPad and I was like, oh, Pride and Prejudice, I finished reading this. I don't think I'll probably have to make

any more Pride and Prejudice references for a while. So I deleted it off my iPad to make room. And now it's like, I feel like I will to pride and prejudice back into the podcast. Good. A lady's imagination is very rapid. So rapid that she has fallen over in a bomb. Jane Austen. I don't know what he did when he's on the phone. He's like, AMS, this is Thomas Ravinnell. I saw the whole thing. She passed out.

Okay, great. Thank you so much for this detailed report. It's on me. Yeah, exactly. But Danny really passed out because she like she didn't just like pass out as you said like and hit the floor and then sort of like wake up as like a typical faint. She was knocked the fuck out and she was out for like a long time and long enough for them to strap her into a chair and she was still passed out. Yeah. So yeah, Danny's down like who cares? She already said her landed piece. That

was God striking her down. He's like, you're not helping Jane Austin. So then everyone's like, oh my God, is she dying? And then all the scooters pull over into a strip mall. Land is like, what? And JD gets the call. And he's riding his scooter with a full ass cigar. Yeah, I was saying. What is happening? It's like a low heart. Damn it. Wow, hopefully there's some ginger bourbon at the bar.

You have ginger bourbon, you ass. And I like that he's like okay stay calm all right Ginger bourbon okay And then he's like we gotta go back to So they they all go to the to bag of tell and I love as they're all as they're all like motoring off land It goes I'll follow I'm like well no shit sure a lot you're gonna follow What else you get to do? Go to a different key. Ooh.

So Cameron's like, oh, don't worry everybody. Danny takes it and said she was just dehydrated. If she takes it, then she's good. I'm like, say that to all the people on hijacked planes that are like texting their loved ones. Okay, that is not a sign of being good. A sign of just communication, okay. She's is. So she's like, It's not a sign of being good. It's a sign of just communication, okay. Jesus.

So she's like, I like when Cameron whips out her empathy. She's like, when you feel faint, that's the worst feeling in the world. Is it? Is it, I think, you know what I think is probably a little worse, knowing you've had two children with Thomas Ravanel.

Well, that might make you faint. Yeah, I mean, that's like the most immediate thing we can think of, and it already beat your example, okay? Don't try and be an empath, Cameron. Just stick with what you know, okay? Well, Cameron loved announcing that Daniel was fine, and Cameron said, I think, about five times, she was just really dehydrated She was really dehydrated guys guys. She's really brave. Just being like she's thirsty told y'all

So lanterns like so should we sit boy girl? Boy girl Boy girl and Thomas is like well keep that girl away from me She's like, Thomas, huh, can we just try to be nice to each other? Like, no, no, no. I thought he said, get far the fuck away from me. Oh, is that what he said? Yeah, a little, a little more harsh.

Not quite a Jane Austenism. He's, and guys, pretty dramatic. I'm saying. Jane Austen once said, Landon, if his own vanity, however, did not mislead him, he was the cause. His pride and the police were the cause of all that Jane had suffered and still continued to suffer and also get the fuck away from me. And she was like, well, angry people are not always wise. Jane Austen snaps.

Heavens. Jane Austen. So she's happy because she doesn't have to talk to him for the rest of the night. She's like, Lisa's hand won't be on my vagina. Jane Austen. So. to my, she's like, at least his hand won't be on my vagina, Jane Austin. I have to point out that Austin is drinking in espresso martini. So and that his name is spelled like Jane Austen actually. Thank you for being a living Jane Austen reference

I'm Chelsea side. I don't remember don't forget you told him earlier you wouldn't cry. I see you could perform by And of course by performing I mean you go out with the street musicians play buckets, right? How are you gonna audition for stomp if you're drunk? How are you gonna audition for stomp if you're drunk? Key West all family and pride are different things so the words are often used synonymously She's like, I don't even know what you're talking about Is that a is that a pride and pride something rather from Jane such and such face? I don't know. I want to go hunting Thomas is like I prefer the sequel prejudice and prejudice Straight up prejudice

Oh, I like the I also I also like that parody of the sequel prejudice and prejudice and zombies I'm just like bridge don't I'm just like bridge don't Aight and paint by the farm spam I could easily forgive his pride if he had not modified mine well hutton Chicken back sketch the most crawfish bridge don't Oh chicken backs I cannot ever give up chickenbacks. So Craig's like, all right, guys, I've got a, I've got a conversation starter. Whitney, if you had to give up cheese or oral sex, what would you do? Whitney's like, I'd give up cheese. Craig's like, I'd give

up oral. I really thought about this actually. And it's currently a raging topic on our Watcher Crappens private group that we do not run, but we do participate in. I think I would actually, I mean, cheese is really special. And you know, cheese you can enjoy in front of your parents. So I'm gonna keep cheese. Well also it's not specified whether they mean give it or get it. That's true too. Plus also you're giving or like would you give up giving? Yes I would stop giving blow jobs to have cheese.

Like what do I care? Like my mouth doesn't have anything going on in there. You can also achieve the same effect with different maneuvers with oral sex, whereas cheese is cheese, cheese is special. You can't have a pizza without the cheese. I mean, you can, sorry to people who are lactose intolerant, but if you're lactose tolerant, I mean, I'm keeping that,

there are people in this world who cannot have cheese. So we have to forget. Yeah, there are substitutes for oral, but there's not substitutes for cheese. Thank you. Just not not a good one. Yeah, so we're team Craig on this one. Yeah, I'm team my palm. So and I I feel like wouldn't you was also saying, oh, I'd give up cheese just to make himself seem like more of a renab, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, Whitney's just like under a, what is it where things fall on you?

He's under an avalanche of oral. He's like, well, well, bro, it's too much. I mean, how can I turn away so much oral? But uh, so when I'm like, yeah, Craig, I'm sorry, I think we're going to say the same thing. That would be nice. Like, yeah, I would, I would give up oral. yeah, cheese. Oh, by the way, are we doing presents? Cause I got your kid is first outfit. It says arriving soon, 2017 tiny little spaceship slash gizmo pattern. And ships like, gosh, well, the soon is a little off. It's not perfect. Craig gosh. This is also by... Shep is turning belligerent because earlier when they're deciding what wind order basically everyone wanted red and Shep wanted white or something like that and he's like, oh well, looks like I'm drinking the whole bottle by myself.

Garsh! And everyone was like, uh, and then when Craig was like, I'd give up G as Sh chef is like why Craig gosh course your soon isn't perfect course course oh poor chef you have meth face and you have a giant sit on your forehead and you look dry like shoe leather so please just be quiet over there and possibly take a bath at some point okay and beware bones chicken so the next day Chelsea's like, hi, oh,

Sting, oh, Oscar, swim and then the swim and pull ocean. And then said hug, stand, chef, hug, shag, shag, shag, god damn it, Ronnie, shag, hug, stand, he, and she's, he's like, real, okay, she's like, I was dehydrated. I'm fine, I'm fine, okay? I'm so embarrassed. Yeah. I'm so embarrassed, y'all. I was so, I was dehydrated.

I'm so embarrassed, just came out of nowhere. I'm so embarrassed, y'all. And he's just wasted still the next day. And Cameron's like, are you still wasted? You better walk online. Every day is Groundhog Day and he is live. I'm like, at least Bill Murray's funny. Yeah.

Well, if it's Groundhog, yeah, that means he's not really sustaining any permanent liver damage then, I guess. in his life. I'm like at least Bill Murray's funny. Yeah. Well, if it's Groundhog, yeah, that means he's not really sustaining any permanent liver damage that I guess. Oh, that's true. The same, the same booze over and over again, both no damage. Yeah. So, um, yeah, Cameron, so then Cameron pulls aside Craig and it's like, Craig, you need to be aware of how you talked Naomi in public like you know you're that you're sort of the perceived asshole in the situation and he's like Craig goes um well there's

like a lot of stuff behind closed doors have to deal with like for instance we keep our washing machines in the closet that's behind closed door and then like sometimes they're winter coats behind closed doors and like we have all other rooms they're behind closed doors it's buying a closed door and then like sometimes they're winter coats buying closed doors and like we have all other rooms they're behind closed doors it's like a lot the steps that she says to me like when I hear it through the word of the sewing machine sounds way worse she's not what does she beat you our relationship is literally hanging by a thread like no me tells me if I sew one more thread into a pillowcase, she's gonna leave me. Like, there's no dimples strong enough to push that needle through. You know what I mean? She's like, no, Craig. I don't know what you mean, okay?

Just be nice. That girl's nice. She's paying your rent. All right. Well, thanks for the advice. I have a question. When people say, Stitchin' Time saves nine, nine what? Oh, Craig. No, because I sell. Chef comes out with biscuits and gravy. He's like, hey, cars. Well, I saw someone trying to spell soon on a baby thing. Wrong.

It's terrible. And he's exploded. Is that beer you're having for breakfast? He goes, don't talk about beer. You're Mr. Beer. Burn. Shit, really got him with that one. You're Mr. Beer, gosh.

Look at that bird. It's a bird. It's got such little feet. That's my favorite. And the sandpipers like, oh my god, get the camera off me. I'm having a fat day. I did not sign a release. For example, camera is like, well, look, you're not shab.

So you're doing a great job in your relationship. Meeting a chudder. And meanwhile, a chef starts sneezing on Cameron's leg. He's like, gosh, gosh. She's like, yo're a shap! Shapard! Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable.

I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownauer, we will be your resident not-so-expert-expert. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll

feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. That was pretty gross. What? It was hilarious. The Sam Piper was running around trying to get off camera, trying to get the fuck away from chef's knees.

It's like a biscuits and gravy sneeze, the worst kind ever. It already looks like coagulated. It's not. I just want to say that like as as a whole, I think that waiting birds are the most hilarious of all the birds. They just always look a little frantic. They sort of, they serve those long legs. They're sort of silly, right?

I mean, give me a sandpiper, give me an ibis, give me an eagre at any day. I'm like, mm-hmm. My bird mouth is so bad. I'm like, I love Mrs. Peacock and Cleo. The end. I'm like, no, no, I think about birds. I'm like, please go away, birds. I know that crackles are terrorists.

Oh, my crackles are the worst, but they're not waiting birds, so see. So speaking of waiting birds, life and then her sister. She's getting her sister's like, I'm going to wait. Oh, her sister talks like the hell of a bomb of a car to character in Harry Potter. Is this well, okay?

Yeah, I'm just I'm trying to see where we are. Because I have my next note that Whitney goes into the Oh, what? Trisha. Oh, did I skip something? Okay, yeah. Pat, Pat is in a fur robe and giant curlers in her hair. Yes.

And Whitney's like, you look like Joan Crawford, mother. She's like, I don't know if I want to look like Joan Crawford. Beard. Beard. Have you seen Michael's butler? Can you call in Michael? We have, we found another small little fan that needs to be attached to something that costs thousands of dollars. You have him do that. I just want to make sure he feels degraded more. That's why you have people like me, ma'am. So let's see. Next Thomas and JD in the office. Oh my god.

A gentre bourbon. We're in the office of gentre bourbon. And it turns out that Kristen Toudy is a model because there's like a huge picture of her in the office. It's like a big white horse. I was like, is that what this is going on? I'm a model. So it's like, well, I got some cobwebs from going out there and drinking like a young and on a scola. That was crazy.

Almost is like, yeah, that was a weird weekend. Catherine and I got along at the same time, the relationship between landing and I fractured. Yeah. Yeah, JD was like, what flit the switch? Why? And now T-Rab starts calling landing. Have a critical and this and that, and, you know, because it's because Landon deen to snap back at him. And so then, then JD is like,

well, the one person who should always have your back is your lady. I'm like, and he's sitting just like a full thing of dip in his mouth. I'm like, ugh, sometimes it's just like men. Just like shut up, shut up. And he's also saying it to somebody who's like tricking his 20 year olds into taking drug tests

or whatever when he knows she'll fail so he can steal the kids away. It's like, come on, come on, Jay-D. Of course, JD doesn't really hide the fact that he thinks Thomas is just a total douchebag. He just looks at him like, well, there's a horse on the wall and I like to spit out nicotine. Yeah. What do you think?

I've been saying this situation. Thomas is probably a major investor in the Gentry bourbon. And so JD's like, well, I guess I have to indulge this every now and then. It's probably the investor agreement. Yep. How else would I show my new office? Yeah, so why not? So why not in her sister talking?

Yeah, and then I'm like, it was my ham. Ah. Ah. So that was a train wreck. Look at him. I got him on a video. Oh, he's throwing. We did learn somewhere in here that that Shep and Craig,

Mr. Connecting Flight to Charleston. And we later find out why that Shep and Craig missed their connecting flight to Charleston and we later find out why it basically Shep was too wasted. But I think they talk about that in here somewhere, but essentially now it's back and forth. Now we're doing one of the cross-cutting things between T-Rab and JD talking about their experience and land in and bam talking about this whole thing between T-Rab and land in. And we learn that T. Raven texted Landon and said, my good opinion once lost is lost forever.

Which was- Yeah, that's about me. He means his opinion about me. Her sister's like, I get it. Yeah, she's like, I'm Lizzie. He's Mr. Darcy. And as one of our listeners tweeted at us, do they realize that Lizzie and Mr. Darcy get together at the end of the book?

Spoiler alert. And then she writes back. You two proud oath here. I cannot tease you about that because that's what Lizzie said back. And her sister goes, so now he's saying like, you're not friends anymore. That's correct. I just want to say she said that. Who is this girl a she's a young hope Davis. That's who she is So then Thomas is telling the same story. He's angry. He's all right. Well

Jane Austen said in pride I'm sure this Darcy my opinion and then he repeats the same thing But he's like yeah, crap. Yeah, she's his teeth. He's like bearing his teeth. He's like angry and snarling He's like my good opinion once lost is lost forever I cannot fix on the hour or the spot or the look or the words which laid the foundation God Jesus how long is this book till this moment? I never knew myself Like I love a good Jane Austen burn by the way, you're not mr. Darcy Thomas your mr. Collins at best Mr. Collins is like the pompous dude who winds up marrying the plane

What's your name Charlotte? I think and then all he does is brag about how he's like associated with Lady Catherine to Berg. Thomas. What a man to rocks and mountains, but they're owners. Look at how that goes. The distance is nothing when one has a motive. She's out of the circle of trust. I want a woman who feels privileged and honored to be with me.

I gave her the opportunity to date me and that opportunity will never I'll come again What a shame what a loss for London yeah, what a shame yeah, so so Trab declares that he's going to treat land in now like the waitress serving serving a drink Like oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. All right Thank you girl now here's your tip But here's the thing I'm under the impression that you have just bangs all the way to says so. No kidding. He's like basically he's gonna treat her exactly the same except now he's gonna expect a mint at the end of the meal. So JD's like, wow fast-nating books. Well, I got this deal when say black tie, van I invited land and I hope that's okay

He's like wow I shall order a Gentry Scotch and bourbon from bourbon So then yeah, so basically land and so that wraps up that scene and land and wraps it up with baminas like You know says how to rap. It reminds you. He reminds her of her husband, her ex-husband and a truck of nerve.

And anyway, the point is this, she dodged the bullet. They don't like each other anymore and the romance will not be happening. Yeah, she spells some wine and then she's cleaning up the wine. She's like, oh my god, they're trying to control us with money and power. And she's cleaning up her wine and there's like oh my god they're trying to control us with money and power and she's cleaning up her wine and there's like gum on her couch like you might want to clean the gum too my husband while you're there what the hell landed what was Bams house to be fair so it's Bams fault okay well I could see that Bams just like yeah by the time she's done with my I think she's just like laying

their combatoes with gum like melting out of her mouth out of the couch we all know Bams just like Bams. By the time she's done with my advantage She's just like laying their comatose with gum like melting out of her mouth out of the couch We all know Bams an open mouth to her. Okay, we got it So let's go on over to a man's dreams Which is what a woman should say when she is lucky enough to have her prayers answered with a man lock me So Naomi and Catherine meet up. Catherine's contouring is now officially officially out of control. She has full trapezoids of gray on her cheeks.

I mean, she looked like a coal miner. She really looked like she stepped out of a mine. She's, she took a man too far and it's like literally showing up in the sitcom. Amen. Okay. I thought you were just going to say she was like like she took Ash Wednesday and just made it her face. Cole is back. Cole is back. I'm Mr. Jefferson. So Naomi and Catherine are having dinner.

And she goes, Naomi, you look so great. And Naomi's like, thank you, you too. She goes, oh, I'm just casual sweater. Oh. sweater. Oh. Oh. Oh. So, so then Naomi basically starts talking about how she's

obsessed with cutting Greg down. She's like, I'm just obsessed with it. I'm obsessed with cutting him down. And Catherine I'm just obsessed with it. I'm obsessed with cutting him down. And Catherine's like, here's, here's how I feel. She looks like she makes her face like a shrink. I mean, we both took this gift last night. Yes. At the same time as each other.

So fucking funny. And I'm loving this side of Catherine, like just sober. Like I'm thinking about things. She's like, because what I learned in my relationship is to be mindful. You can call me Dr. Lowenstein. And every day I'm like, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, This is the most literary episode we've ever had of Watcher Gratitude. I know. And Danny's like, I mean, I keep writing Danny, but Naomi's like, yeah, but you're right.

I mean, what he's saying is that I degrade him and I'm really mean to him. And he's right. I'm obsessed with telling him he shouldn't think so highly of himself. And he's a loser. It's fun. what should I do she's like well he might be unhappy with his career she's like I know that's why I'm telling him like you suck at your career no it's awesome so eventually Nail Me starts to realize that basically for a year she lied to everyone that he had finished law school and etc. and that she had been complicit in the lie or she

had helped him and that she really resents that, which I think is actually totally understandable and that's where all her anger is coming from. So now she's like had her aha moment and she realizes that she's treated Craig so badly because of it and no one really gets to see her being rude and that they only see him being rude to her but they don't see that she's so rude to him behind closed doors. You got Captain's like, I can't imagine Naomi being mean. I haven't seen her be a bitch even to bitches. Yeah.

Like when Katherine cracks herself up. So basically hugs hugs, hugs, Katherine of all people giving relationship advice, which okay, you know, she's like shepherds sheep. So Cameron and her mom basically have the scene of mom. I don't know if I want a baby. And her mom's like, well, I didn't want you. I hated babies. I had you. This is like a little stupid baby sitting there. She's like, well, did you like me after? She's like, well, I mean, do we just need to have keep having this conversation? Just get pregnant. It's a circle of life you got to do is stretch out your vagina. You ain't gonna be using this soon anyway. Like, okay, wow, thanks for the scene, mom.

I'll just put it to you this way, Cameron. I'm not saying that you were a difficult child, but my hair never used to look like a duck's behind before, okay? Look, if I hadn't had a daughter, who would I have to rent out the addict space in my real estate office and it hurts at first but eventually it's future discounts. Okay, I'm like, I don't know, sometimes I need JD voices. I'm like, my lungs are torn up.

So Craig and Naomi, Craig's like, uh, so we're sewing right now, sewing. I just wanted to tell you, look, I'm sorry and she puts her legs on his legs so he can't run away going. Oh, and she's like, look,

I'm sorry, I really love you. And I have been mean to you. I've been, you know, like emotionally abusive or whatever. And like, I mean, I guess, why-wa, sorry, sorry, cry-cry. I mean, I'm not saying you're not an asshole, because you're a total asshole, but I've had a hand in it. I mean, even though you're a total cornhole, okay? You're like a puckering little dark thing

that poo-poo comes out of. You're like a really an asshole. But the poopoo doesn't come all the way out. It's like a dingleberry. So it's like even though the poo poo comes out, you have to deal with it. If you don't deal with it, it gets all over your underpants and that's like disgusting. And then when you do try to deal with it, you have to like wipe like 10 million times because the dingleberry got everywhere. And it's like, when will this be cleaned already? And you're like, oh my god, I have to wipe again. So that's kind of what you are. He's like, I haven't had dinner in so long.

When I haven't looked across the table, and you're just like disgusted with what I'm saying. She's like, but like it's literally like watching an asshole try and make conversation. You're just like, please don't spew poop on people that we're having dinner with, you know? Did you notice the musical cues in this scene? Because every time one of them would talk the music would change?

Because she would say something like, you know, I'm really thinking about it and I happen to really mean to you and the music is like And Craig will be like, well, but you're still mean it'll be like, don't don't don't don't don't don't and she's like Well, I'm working on it, but you can't be an asshole. I'm like, don't don't don't don't da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da I can be more aware of myself. Dun dun dun. It's like dun dun dun dun. Okay, I could appreciate that. Ha ha ha ha. Dun dun dun dun dun. Dun dun dun dun dun. The producers told me to be mean to you, to be in the season, but I guess I got too carried away. Dun dun dun dun dun.

Yeah, I sort of did. Dun dun dun, but they said I could fix it by just saying this stuff to you. Dun dun dun, cuz you're pliable. Dun dun dun dun. Dun dun dun dun. Uh, I don't know what pliable means,ada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada D I thought about bringing you a bag from Blooming's, but I wasn't sure if that would be as good of a pun Errm, so Thomas is like, ah sometimes get weak when I'm around her. I'm the happiest creature in the world Perhaps other people have said so before, but not one was such justice

I'm happier than even Jane. She only smiles. I laugh. She's like, yeah. I love Raiders of the Lost Ark. I read the book. Well, please don't speak. Nobody can tell what I suffer, but it is always so. Those who do not complain are never pitted. Um, do not complain on never pitted. Um... Uh... Are the kids here? He goes, She has a phenomenal body.

Beyond what the law should even allow. And as a Republican, I am an expert on women's bodies and legality, so I can really speak with authority on this right now. I'm pro-catherns laugh-body. What a hot laugh to get behind. If all women's bodies were like this I would be certainly for a plan on parenthood. But alas, I never understood that business. Who doesn't want a play in parenthood? I thought playing parenthood was when he set your DVR to watch old reruns of parenthood.

I'm so confused about the controversy. For some reason that stopped recording. Why would I? Why blame the clits? Why would I? Why should the government have to pay to remind you to record playing to it? I don't get it. He's like, can I see my kids?

He's like, no, they're having spaghetti. Now please shake that booty, that fine, fine booty. Jane Austen. She's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, um, um, is that a poncho? And she's like, it's a cape. And she just removes it seductively. It wasn't really seductive, but it was still like, Catherine has these moments of being just the most amazing femme fatale. And when she says, it's a cape and she rises and removes

it, I was just like, oh my god, this woman is amazing. I love magic, Jane Austen. Okay, I'm cold, I'm putting it back on. It's a palagon. You should never see a children again. I am excessively diverted, Jane Austen. She also made kind of a fatal mistake here because she's like, when you and I were together, I felt less than and for once I feel like we're equals. He does not want an equal. You better get beneath his wing wind. Hey, wind. Yeah,

stop looking from a distance and get beaches. Okay, you are the proper Hershey. Okay, get under his wing, be some wind and be prepared to book dive cancer young so we can have some good crying shots for the cameras from a distance. You're the rose, but honestly, you're just the wind. So get under the wing. You are the wind beneath my wings and my wings are eating spaghetti. So please get out from under my wings until they're done. By the way, the wind beneath my wings is the most passive aggressive song in history. It really is. I never even realized that you are the wind beneath my wings, but now you're dead. So thank you. You're always there in the shadows. Thanks for still being of the supporting

cast. You never got credit and you're still not done because I'm not working with say your name in the song. Okay. Oh, did you know that you're my hero? Yeah. Yeah, I forgot to tell you why you were alive. It must have been, it must have been cool there in my shadow, huh? It still is, isn't it? Catherine, erm... Erm, I'm cold, my cape, I'm putting my cape back on. That's right, wind! You're my shadow, wind! You're my wing shadow!

Alright, so let's get to this finale party. Is it gonna be a 10-hour recon? I know. How long have we been doing this? One thing that I actually do have to mention is that at the end of this scene After Thomas quotes gone with a wind which was a little off brand for the episode He and Catherine then have this long Eden Sassoon hug and Thomas is like, I think about you a lot And she's like, I think about you too, baby. I kind of want to kiss you. So obviously you had sex after that. That was the longest grossest hug and then he's like sniffing her and stuff. Ew. And he's like, as they say, I'm gone with the wind. I shall never

eat tonips again. And she's like, you know, I love me. some scarly it. We're the same person. And if you don't think I'll burn down your tear or a mother fucker, and he's like, oh, the white rain smells like the rain over the cows in the field of shepherds. And she's like, I read that one. And they like to make out. Everything comes back to books. So at the, now we're at the finale party

at the closing of Sermez or whatever JD's restaurant is called. And everyone's getting ready and Kraiga has now put on a cream jacket with a white shirt and Naomi isn't sure if he should wear them both and he's like, it's my style! And Naomi's like, oh, okay, look at that progress, he doesn't need it. I wrote down Scowl. I was like, that didn't last long. Oh, she's like, eh. No, it did last long because she could have scowled and said, Craig, if you don't put on a dark colored shirt,

then we are over. I will leave this trip. So now everyone shows up at the party. Everyone's there. Ethan Bailey is there, who's Shep's ex, and Patricia brings her friend Carolyn Rome, who's probably someone we should know, but I was too lazy to look her up. I'll stay here as long as the man is unacceptable.

I like when Austin picks up Chelsea, and she's like, you look, hey, you look what you're gayer. She's like, you look handsome, you look what you gave me. Well, what does that make you? And she goes, Julie Roberts, duh. And then later when they get there, it's not the journal. They're saying hide. They're saying hide to somebody. And she goes, don't you look pretty, engine.

Because yeah, he said, I look pretty. And then he said, it look like a whore. No kissing. He like snaps a jewelry box on her hand. I look pretty and then he said it looked like a whore No kissing He like snaps a jewelry box on her hand She's funny and then Thomas is like youthful. He's like what up? What up? What up? Jane Austen Hello, everyone. I'm about to have some Jantra Bourbon, Jane Austin. So Patricia's like, well in terms of Thomas and Landon, I'm on it maintenance to put them together, but it didn't work.

Next! Marco, I have a lady for you. So Naomi tells everybody, she's like, I talked to Catherine and Catherine said that she went to say how to Thomas and then they made out and they're like, till Cameron, they bring Cameron, she's like, I talked to Catherine and Catherine said that she went to see Thomas and they made out I'm telling Whitney, that tell him, I went to see Catherine and

Catherine saw Thomas and Thomas and Catherine made out like over and over, they just made it to every single person. And Annie was dehydrated. And then, then, then, then, and then, and he's like, then, but I'm so embarrassed. And Landon's like, I'm not surprised. She's so scared of losing her meal. Take it. Yeah. She's such an asshole.

Speaking Mr. Darcy, Catherine shows up dressed like Mr. Darcy in like a purple lip still. Yeah, hell. She's like, I welcome to the show of Mr. Darcy. She's like ready to preside over a carnival. I fucking loved it. It was, I love, I thought it was a great outfit. I loved it. Yeah, I loved her like, and they're all gossiping about her and she gets well, they're just gonna say that we're crazy and love,

but love is crazy. So the fuck are we? Jane Austen. Jane Austen. Like no, that was right. We have it on pages. So let's see here. So yeah Yeah, sorry. Basically, it's just cutting around a bunch of people, but Chelsea's like, what for work do we use? I don't know all the rules are fine, darling. I lived on an island for 39 days, and it was my hands and never looked back. And she's like, hey, Craig, I wanted to say thank you,

because in the airport the other day, you were a good friend. I'm I'm serious and Craig's like yeah well when you spilled water on that dude and then like started slapping him and he's like oh my god I forgot about that part camera is like didn't he have a chicken bone stuck in these strecs that's what I heard yeah and we see a flashback of Shepp explain to I think JD saying that he swallowed a chicken wing and then the bone got stuck in his throat and it didn't go down until I turned the morning which I thought was very scary and disgusting and I wrought and not ironically but coincidentally my friend Jenny two days ago got a two inch fishbone stuck in her throat and she had to go to the hospital and have emergency surgery to get it out. Oh, I'm scared of crying out loud people.

Fishbone makes more sense because fishbones cat they sneak in there. Well, Chef Swalong a wing hole kind of makes sense to you. And then fighting with somebody while he's joking to that. Exactly. So basically land in, uh, oh, no, memories of sermons. Oh, yeah, all day. Good time. Oh, we had good memories. No, it was like memories of sermons. Oh yeah, all the good times. Oh, we had good memories. Wah, wah, wah. Catherine's like, go away from me.

You sound like a dolphin. Yeah. It's like what's a good time without memories? For example, here's a picture of me when I had a way size 36. Look, that's Cooper. So then Craig goes up to Shep, and he shows off a pocket square that he just made.

He's like, look, I made this myself like 10 minutes before this event. And I know a big deal. And Shep takes it and sneezes in it. It's such a dick move. Such a dick move. Even though it was a face, he's still with such a dick move.

So then his friend starts hitting on Austin. And she's like, so with the deal with young chal say, you're so cute. She's like sitting on his lap. And he's like, oh, wow, whoa, his mouth is like going crazy. One nothing comes out. And he's just turning red. And Chelsea's like'll let that continue. Yeah, and then I'll speak my Yeah, so then when Austin comes back and sits down next to her she goes now Let me tell you something. I'm gonna tell you this one time when you have another woman sitting in the lap And you're rubbing her back and a button to go you came with a sitting there stand right here You make me look like a fucking idiot Jane Austin

look like a fucking idiot Jane Austen. He's like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, like, this is the first time I like thought you cared. Like, what do you want Chelsea? Do you want to be exclusive or do you want to like, do you want to stop? So you don't get hurt or whatever. And she's like, what do you want? He's like, I'm crazy about you. My turn to explain. Fuck these forks, Marat.

I think you were exclusive when you were barefoot and upon with chicken backs. Okay. That's time and Ella tied to you together forever. Yes. So then, the climactic moment, really an obnoxious moment, the hilarious. Yeah. So Craig, Shepenlandin, so they're sitting over there and they're laughing. They're all being

nice. Craig's like, Hey guys, remember in Key West when you were mad at me. She's like yes, Greg. Huh? You're still not a mediator, okay? And he wants to be a lawyer a mediator is a lawyer God Shurs and he's like why me myself extremely vulnerable for the first time He's like yeah the first time in four years you were vulnerable and he's like, hey, but I did it okay and I freed up my life And he's like I just want you to admit that you talked shit about Catherine and she's like Yeah, like I talked about Catherine, but like I'm happy with the way things are and he's like it's a band-aid

You can't use a band-aid. I've tried to sell one. It doesn't work. She's like, yeah, band-aid's too hot. They stop bleeding. So like your point. And then chef, because do you think Russian America's troops before the Cold War was real? No.

That's why there was a Cold War. Yeah, the great. And it's like, what? Like band-aid's wars wars like it's cold like band is don't fix being cold and then he's like okay Sorry Craig do you think that Barney the animal when he was cold? Shut up. Yeah, your party was a dinosaur not an animal gosh By the way, so before we go into the next part, I will say that Landon also said in the Ministry,

she's like, everyone's happy except you. And I kind of think that there's some truth to that. I mean, she did put a bandit on it, but she's like, look, this way we can at least co-exist. And I do feel like Craig is just stirring shit up. Like, it's really not his place. And he's very sweet for to try and like fix everything

But he doesn't seem to understand the idea to like leave Sleep lit let's leaping dogs be or whatever it is Jane Austin think of the dogs didn't sleep I'm like if they were sleeping. Do you think we would be starting wars with China? Just just doing whatever he can to confuse Craig. So then at one point, you're going to get hit. And the reason for coming down on me is because you're a douchebag, okay? And if you don't tell each other, why don't like each other? And the show goes, yeah, well, that's how the Bay of Big started. And then land in.

Now, this is when landing gets really obnoxious. And this is this is the side of land in where I'm like, okay, I get why people really hate her. Because she goes, he doesn't know what the Bay of Pigs is. And I, again, I really do enjoy this show that they could, that this is show that brandishes Jane Austin and uses Bay of Pigs as a put down. And I can guarantee you, Lamon does not know what the Bay of Pigs is. Okay. I can guarantee.

Nobody who was on the hills know what's the Bay of Pigs is. Okay. I can guarantee. Nobody who was on the hills know what's the Bay of Pigs is. This is true. And he's like, Craig, you can't receive criticism. You're like that guy in North Korea who's always threatening to nuke every but some college Jesus. Okay, shut. What are you? What are you?

Charlemagne. Garsh. And then they showed me, oh, me sitting at the table talking with the girls. And she's like, oh, look, you guys. Craig just likes talking to his friends. Like, he's just like, giving advice, and I'm accepting it. Well, we should also mention that in the midst of your, I think after the Bay of Peace Comment, Chef just went and punched Craig's leg.

And Craig, I'm sorry, Craig punched Shep's leg and Shep goes oh noted sometimes you want an ameliorated situation? God damn it I don't know who amelia is. This about that plain lady again. He's like, no. It's Amelia Earhart, she's dead. Oh, sorry, I guess that's my fault too. You're drunk. He's like, you're drunk.

I'm the happiest guy on earth. You're the guy with anger, he's shoes, and then he gets off his storms off again, which he does every time he gets angry. Well, I guess. I'm gonna check it, sorry. Because, hey, Craig, one day you messed with the bull, you I'll... Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll...

Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll...

Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll...

Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll... Jackass, I'll... Jackass, seemed to care. Shit, and Craig was getting so, so mad. So, um, but the reason why I shut up got really mad is because Craig's like, um, you're the one who got so drunk that we missed our flight, our connecting flight, and sh- and Shep's like, I'm the happiest guy on Earth, man! Like, yeah, you look real happy there, drunk standing up, tacking your, you know, your drunk standing up attacking your you know

you're so machine friend there you know no one who studies the Bay of Pigs isn't happy gosh so he's on Greg you're an amazing mediator horns bull Jane Austin gosh so he he's out of there he's like go buy tit trail of tears so he's out of there. He's like, go buy it. Trileteers. So he's out of there. And Catherine's like, Tommy is midnight. So we're not the ones involved in drama for once. And he's like, those lips. What are these bandicks? You should wear silk more. So basically everyone's like, uh, gross. They're gonna fuck right now. Yeah at the closing of this restaurant and then it's like yeah, because they're about to shit crazy So then Thomas is like I thought you didn't love me captain's like arm. I will always love you

I will always love you And don't please don't don't quote that Jane Austen song she died in the bathtub Rob the photograph is And then someone's like they're gonna either Fuck each other all night or kill each other and then someone else went or both and that's the final line of season. Yeah. So I think, you know, last season, Southern charm ended in this hilarious way, where they were just at the party and then this random girls has a ship. So when's Landon gonna admit that she slept with Thomas and she'll go, it's garsh and then just ends and everyone was like, oh my god, what a crazy ending.

So I feel like they tried to replicate it here and again on Savannah and I'm like, you know, I like that idea, but you have to have a really good line to end it on. Yeah, neither, neither Southern term really had that. Yeah. But this one was at least a nice little string that keeps going through this show. It's like these two, the whole year is about them hating each other.

Now it's like, okay, those five. Until the reunion when they're clearly fighting again. And then probably fuck again. And then, probably fuck again. And then he's telling everyone that she didn't pass drug tests again, she lost custody, then she's releasing drug tests saying it's a lie. Then they're on Instagram having a date, my friend. Perfect. The hell.

I like it. Sign me up. So there's everybody. Their reunion is on in two weeks. I think they have the week off for July 4th. So until then, you know, well, not until then. We're back tomorrow to talk some below deck mad, where there's also scandal of foot. So until then, everyone, go, if you haven't done so already, mark your calendars for our live shows. Just put a little save the date there.

Just mark it off. Go to your orbitsoryourrome.com or your travelosy and book your tickets to LA for our show in September. Yeah, you go do that right now. And in the meantime, we'll talk to you all tomorrow. Bye. Hi, everybody. Hey, prime members. You can listen to WatcherCrapins. Everybody!