Watch What Crappens - #50: We're GOLDEN!

Episode Date: December 12, 2012

We're GOLDEN! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you think we are. We are golden. We are golden. We are not what you think we are. We are golden. We are golden. Hey, everyone. It's Watch What Crap In's, the weekly podcast based on all that crap on Bravo that we love. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com. And joining me, as always, are Ronnie Karam from tvgasm.com.

Hi, Ronnie. Well, hello, everybody. Great to be here. It's great to have you here, as always. And also, Matt Woodfield from Yahoo TV. Hey, Matt. Hey, I'm sorry I'm not as enthusiastic as Ronnie. What are you taking over there?

That's called faking it until you make it. Sounds like some Kim Richards pills. Yeah, exactly, with a dose of Leah Black. Well, someone's got to take them. That quitter gave up. I'll tell you what I've got. I've got a cough drop in my mouth right now. So if you hear any weird suckling noises, it's really my lozenge.

And anyway, I'm at B-Side Blog. Matt is at Life on the M-List. Ronnie's at TVgasm. And the podcast is at What Crappens on Twitter. And then on top of that, even more importantly, you should become a fan of ours on Facebook, facebook.com slash watch what crap happens, because we've got a lot of stuff going on on our Facebook page, including a lot of gossip that we're going to be getting to very soon. Guys, we have so much stuff to talk about.

Well, before we even get to gossip, I have to say, you guys, I have a little needs of my own. I was contacted by Sarah Winchester of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Cake Rape fame. Oh.

Who is... Oh, you know, Orange County. What did I say? You said Beverly Hills. Oh my god, it's because I'm so excited about Beverly Hills this week. Sorry, Sarah. I've already fucked everything up, Sarah. Let's start over. So anyway, I got contacted by Sarah from OC

of Cake Rape fame about her show that she's starting. She's starting a web show called Sarah's Secrets because, you know, secrets has an S in it too. And so I'm going to be going on this show tomorrow. It starts, well, for us it's tomorrow. For you guys, when this podcast is posted, it's today. It's Wednesday at 3 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. And I will put

the link up on the page. She found me because I do redubs, which I'm really mean to her in these redubs. But she says she likes it when people keep it real, so I hope she doesn't hate me by the end of this. Do people really still use that phrase keep it real? Sarah do.

She is so 2004. I think she's kind of keeping it real by keeping it real. I think in Orange County, they're stuck in 2004. I mean, look at all that those crappy bedazzled jeans they wear. They just like to keep it real and they like to keep it fresh and shiny. And

they like to keep it Ed Hardy style. Yeah. I mean, they're basically just a little bit of cologne and some pomegranate seeds away from being Shaz the Sunset people. Oh, my God. Well, anyway, I'm doing that. And I was like, so where is this show? You know, is this on TV?

And she's like, it's worldwide. I was like, yeah, but, like, is it on, you know, cable? Is it on public access? Like, what's it on? She's like, worldwide. So I was like like the internet then right it's not called the local web so i love her already and uh listen to that because what the hell are you going to be talking about yeah that's yeah that's my next question what are what are

some of sarah's secrets is it does have anything to do the fondant and how to well i don't know yet because i haven't i didn't get to go wait I don't know yet because I haven't, I didn't get to go to the... Wait, wait, you don't know yet because it's a secret. It's a secret. Sarah's Secret is the format of the show. It's one of Sarah's Secrets, yeah. Well, I didn't get to go to the opening party thing in Orange County because it's too far and I was doing

something else that day, but I don't really know. I know that Shangela from Drag Race is going to be there and a bunch of crazy some real some a-list a-listers um yeah i'm on it so you know this is top notch oh i i think it sounds like a great opportunity ronnie and i hope you represent us well with sarah's secrets yeah you guys i get 500 youtube views a week at youtube uh at tvgasm.com on youtube okay Okay? I'm a star. 500 views. Count them. You are a star.

I thought you were about to say that she's giving you $500 and I was like, bitch, get me booked on that shit. I wish. I wouldn't be making fun of the worldwide thing if she was giving me money. She's just going to give you cupcakes with strange frosting decorations that she's

eaten half of. That Heather will yell at us both for later. I was gonna say if anything, you need to make sure that she talks some shit about Heather tomorrow because Heather deserves lots of shit talking. And you just gotta get her drunk and then just have her come up and be like, I just wanted to be friends with you. And get mad and then just

leave. Like, what sort of world is this? Where you can't even steal someone's fondant. Ah, forget the lines once the season's over. I know, me too. Somehow that one sort of came is this where you can't even steal someone's fondant? Ah, I forget the lines once the season's over. I know, me too. Somehow that one sort of came to my head. Well, listen, guys. I'm very excited by the fact that we have so much great content on this episode because this is our 50th episode of Watch What Crappens. OMG!

50 episodes. Can you believe it? Golden, you guys. We're golden. And we're doing a double episode, so we're getting 50 and 51 out of the way. I can't wait until we get to 69. We have to have a live party for that one. We actually should have a party. We should talk to people at Sideshow Network about setting up some sort of party.

And if you want to come to the party, make your voice be known on Twitter or Facebook so that way we'll know if we actually have the basis to have a party. Yeah, if we know that there's more people than us three and an ice cream cake from 31 Flavors, we'll actually have one. Well, it'll be 30 Flavors after

Sarah gets to it. So, okay, let's talk about on this episode what we're going to talk about. We got some gossip to go through. Then Real House has of Beverly Hills, and then Real Housewives of Miami. And then on the next episode, we're going to talk about Million Dollar Decorators and Shaw's The Sunset and Real Housewives of Atlanta. So we have a lot to discuss because there was sort of like fireworks on every single show. So why don't we get to the gossip, guys? Everyone ready for some gossip?

Let's start with the ATL. There's a lot of shit going down. A few people posted this on our page. Yet another reason why you should become a fan of ours on Facebook is that Kenya's man, Walter, admits that his real house-size romance with Kenya Moore is fake.

Did you guys see this coming or no? She was practically trying to screw Apollo while they were on their trip, so I am not surprised. And the waiter and the valet and the guy who cleaned the shower and the trash man and the guy who cuts the grass. It was like, dang, girl. And the minister of tourism. Totally. Yeah, she was all over that. I am surprised it was fake, though, because I think that if you're going to chase a hunk of Burning Man on TV, I think that you would pick someone other than like a guy with a tow yard.

You know? Yeah. Yeah. You'd think that she would, you know, because she apparently paid him and you would think that she would like maybe pay a super hot guy. She should have paid some like 24-year-old like model guy who just wants to be on tv and just act like a cougar or something you know yeah the homely tow truck guy isn't going to touch her but she she should have gotten herself a little go-go boy he would have been all over her at least it would have worked better for her reputation oh that would have been fantastic um so that's that was

the big um atlanta gossip um but the other major gossip um that will really dovetail and segue right into our beverly hills thing is that the rumor has is it is that uh adrian and paul allegedly had a surrogate and that was one of the reasons why uh well that was one that was the secret that that we'll get to that was um we couldn't hear on TV. What do you think about the chances of that being? Well, everyone seems to have this story that it's a surrogate, so I'm assuming that it's true. But I don't know why they're so offended at a surrogate,

except that last week Adrienne went on and on about her childbirth. So, I mean, obviously she's a big fat liar, if that's true. Yeah, but didn't we already know that she's a big fat liar and we hate her? Yes, exactly. But then actually – so then there's another blind item that someone posted on our page just now saying that it's not just that they have a surrogate but that they have an open marriage and that they haven't had sex in years. And that's why they had to have a surrogate and now everything is going to come falling apart. Why would you have to have a surrogate if you have an open marriage? Yeah, that's stupid.

Well, because you're not going to have a baby with someone that's outside the marriage. Well, I don't understand, and a few people on the comment boards have been bringing this up. If it is a surrogate or an open marriage or whatever this stuff is, why would Bravo have bleeped it? The only reason Bravo, as someone so eloquently put it on our page, we know that Bravo has no respect for his cast members. It's not going to try and protect them from something. So if it was something like that, why would Bravo bleep it? The only way they're going to bleep something is if it's something that could get them sued because they know that Malouf will do it. Right.

we'll do it. Right. I mean, I'm convinced that Malouf, somewhere in her contract, at the beginning of the entire franchise of Beverly Hills was able to get something in there about that is the one thing you cannot touch, and maybe Bravo signed off on it in order to get Malouf, who has real money on the show. Yeah.

Either way, I mean... Well, for now, I mean, they probably got her on the show because they know that her ass is going to go from richest hoe on the show to they know that her ass is going to go from richest hoe on the show to like charade i love that that's our barometer charade you were at the bottom except i like charade no we all love charade i mean you should at least say like lisa woo hartwell slash lisa woo or sar Sarah that wrote Sarah's Secrets. Yeah.

I mean, Sarah's Secrets should really be above She Buy Shire. Or below She Buy Shire. Excuse me. How dare you guys? We are going to be worldwide, motherfuckers. You guys will be heard in Bangladesh and Bahrain and China. Everyone's going to be tuning in to Sarah's Secrets. And in fact, no one's going to say anything about it because it's going to be that much of a secret. Yeah, that's probably not the best name for marketing.

Don't tell anybody. No, probably not. Did you guys see the other news that this week Brandy is apparently going to have surgery for a tumor? Oh, yeah. I think I did read something about that. What's going on? So she has breast cancer? I don't know that she has breast cancer or if she just has a benign tumor.

And, you know, we like Brandy, so obviously we're hoping for a swift recovery. But at the same time, I don't really ever know if I believe anything that comes out of Brandy's mouth. Well, the good news is that this means that she can have her book title again, which was It's Not Cancer, It's Divorce. And now she can have a book called It's Cancer and Divorce. She's like, wait a minute, it is cancer. Fast track the sequel. It's not cancer, it's just divorce.

Just kidding, it's cancer. It's not fucking cancer, it's not fucking, it's cancer, it's not fucking divorce. It's fucking fuck, fuck, fuck. I was like, Jesus, how many F words you putting in that title, girl? Guys, fuck is so much a part of her life. Oh my God, get out of the Walmart

first. Get out of that Walmart in your head for a second, Randy. I feel like Randy pulling up in a motorcycle outside my apartment right now. That's her. She's furious. It's not a motorcycle. It's cancer. Fucking cancer, yeah! So wait, here's the thing. So she already had this tumor removed?

Because I saw her on Twitter thanking Paul for giving her beautiful boobs or something. Or like getting her a doctor for beautiful boobs or something. What? She thanked Paul? She's friends with Paul. Oh, you guys didn't know this one. I'm telling you something you don't know for once. She's friends with Paul again, wow.

Oh, no, because she hates Adrian and now Paul hates Adrian. And now Paul hates Adrian as well. But yeah, she tweeted something like, thanks for the new boobs or thank you for giving me a good doctor. Something about her boobs and thanking him. And then someone commented like, oh, you're friends again. And one of her other tweets said something along the lines of, yeah, now he sees what a liar Adrian is. And he's apologized to me. I was like, damn.

So, you know, the thing is this, before I read anything about the surrogates, you know, we had heard like allegations that Paul was abusive or whatever. And there was a part of me that thought maybe the big secret was that Paul did something to the kids or something like that. That's my assumption was too, because he got enraged and it made it sound like he was abusive. Like, that's what I assumed. So we actually asked our listeners on Facebook page, we said, what is Adrian's secret?

Submit your guesses here, and we'll read them on the podcast. So most people said stuff about the surrogate, but we had some other ones. So Jutes Holtzman said, she has a dick. So that's one. Similarly, Cindy Bravo C

said, she was born Aaron Maloof. Let's see. Similarly, Cindy Bravo C said she was born Aaron Maloof. Let's see. There was – let's see. She – Roberto Danielle says clearly she used to be a stripper. Oh, God. That's disgusting. I'm from El Paso, Texas. We've got some scary strippers there, but I'm sure Adrian would put them out of business with the scariness.

Karen Donaldson Sarzowitz but I'm sure Adrian would put them out of business with the scariness. Karen Donaldson Sarzewicz. I'm sorry, Karen. Her nasty chef is the real daddy to her kids. And then she also has another theory, which is that's not tinsel in her hair. It's plastic surgery gone wrong. And then she has another theory, which is her voice box is making her look fat, so she had to take it out.

Okay. Taylor. Okay. Oh, okay, oh, this is interesting. Taylor Hawkins says, the big secret is that Cedric kidnapped Adrian, stole her rubber face, and is now posing as her in an attempt to bring down Lisa, while the real Adrian from season one is

trapped in a basement somewhere. Oh my God, that person, we should send him a prize, because that's the winner. Elaine Bennis, by the way, love the name. Her kids secretly belong to Maurice. I think that's... Oh, then someone else says, so she's totally transgender.

That's why they use the surrogate. Klingons lay eggs anyway, don't they? That was from Lulu Haynes Harrison. That wasn't mean to the transgender community at all. Because we are anything but insensitive we're mean to plenty of trannies you're talking about the housewives all the damn time

yes thank you thank you guys for submitting and thank you to those of you guys who tried to put in funny ones because those are the ones that obviously get read out loud yeah those are good everyone who gave real answers were like yeah those were good. Everyone who gave real answers were like, yeah.

Yeah, those were good ones. And I am wondering what it is, because I just feel like it can't be the surrogate thing, because that's really not a big secret. It's got to be something really scandalous. Surrogate plus open marriage sounds about right. I don't know. I don't know. Should we just get into this real house of Beverly Hills from this week?

It's like finally our first good episode of the season, right? Yeah. What are you talking about, crazy people? It's been good all season. Well, this was the first wackadoo. Yeah, this was the first like crazy fighting one. Well, okay. But the crazy fighting didn't happen until the end because the first 10 minutes of the show were a fucking Mercedes commercial.

Fuck you, Kyle. Fuck you. I know. There were a lot of commercials inside this show. There was Maurice's company, and then also Yeah, notice that they're all Kyle's family, too, by the way. Yeah, exactly. There's also an ad for that building

that's downtown, the JW Marriott building. Oh my god. Kyle and Mauricio, all they do is, they're only on this show to get free shit. They act like they're so rich, but they're getting free. They're getting, oh, well, this is catered by Wolfgang Puck. It's like, why don't you just start the scene sitting on Wolfgang Puck's dick and riding up and down? Give me a break now.

No one cares. And how come nobody ever goes to their parties? There were like five people there. I know. There were so few people there on top of that garage, that parking structure. Oh, well, come look at the condos that I'm selling all. I selling all these condos come and just have a casual look camille you're about to get that settlement money oh gross um then there was the other commercial the biggest commercial of all was the commercial for uh vanderpump rules which occurred when we had this random scene of

this idiot waitress who apparently um told off or made a bad joke in front of the clientele and then got her in trouble. Yeah, like that ever happened. I just thought it was... I couldn't believe that we were sitting there for five minutes watching this scene unfold. Oh, it was like a backdoor pilot like spin-off thing happening.

And by the way, it pissed me off so much last night when I was watching that show on the East Coast feed that I decided not to go to the Vanderpump Rules party at Sur last night. I was like, F this. Oh, wow. Another party you didn't invite us to. Yeah. Oh, thanks.

That's great, Matt. Thanks for telling us about that. Thanks a lot, Matt. Okay, Sarah's secret. Shut the fuck up. No, I'd just like to say, like, I went to something over the summer where actually Lisa Vanderpump was there, and I, like, mentioned mentioned it and you got so mad at me, Matt. I was invited to that party too in Hancock Park. I just chose not to go.

But you got mad at me and then I reminded you that you didn't invite me. Whatever, Ben. You hung out with Maggie, the star of Gal Girls. You're right. And therefore, you win. I don't want to be obnoxious, but I think it does mean I win.

Yeah, screw both y'all. Screw both y'all. But Ronnie's getting nothing. I get nothing ever. I got dissed by MJ last week, so you should feel bad for me. No, wait. That means that you won. That means that you won.

So did vegetables. So did proper eating habits. So did tasteful bathing suits by the way I'm sitting here playing with my fucking keg stomach right now oh and thank you Haley and TMZ for posting that picture of MJ in a bikini thanks so much you can find that on our Facebook page right now

I'm so like I really want to eat dessert tonight and I'm looking at that photo and I'm going no dessert as Haley said in her tweet to us with this picture warning you can't unsee it just so you know I had a giant Chinese food

meal tonight and I am now looking like MJ and I'm also reclining like her in a bikini with my fat just rolling all over the place you could hide a family of six in that belly button. That is cavernous. See, MJ, you should never have just met. Otherwise, we would have been nice to you.

You got to have somewhere to keep the fat. Nothing is grosser than a really an extra deep belly button. You would hate me. I'm like, I've got like a mustard container down there for my friend's prize. I don't trust any belly button that looks like it might have a hermit crab living inside of it. Exactly. I like a shallow belly button. I don't have a hermit crab. It's like those eels from Little Mermaid

come out of it, you know? Yeah, I don't have a hermit crab, but I do have a basket of breadsticks that can fit. That's fantastic. I like a shallow belly button on a shallow rich man. Yes, with shallow thoughts. Oh, so much to talk about, and here we are talking about belly buttons. Okay, so...

I blame Ben. But that's a good point. Let's get back to... So, this waitress, I want to say that the... Stassi! Her name is Stassi. Have some respect. She wasn't doing anything bad to anybody. She just said this party was lame, and he got all pissed off. Like, what's my side of the story? How can you not hear my side?

Yeah, I was actually in an acting class when I first moved to LA nine years ago, nine-ish years ago. Yay me! I've done so well here! Sarah's secrets. Tomorrow. I love that Stassi was like, she just started to

make up the story as it went on because Lisa, when she started to get more mad, she was like, he was mean to make up the story as it went on, because Lisa, when she started to get more mad, she was like, he was mean to me, and then Lisa drills in her, and she goes, and he might have called me a fucking bitch. And I'm like, no, he didn't. And he wasn't wrong. But let me tell you about this waiter. So I met this waiter, Jax, who's on the show, the hot one.

I met him in acting class a long time ago, and I was outside smoking, because that's when I was still a dirty smoker. And he was standing outside talking to me, and he was telling me that he worked at Abercrombie, Abercrombie & Fitch. He was one of those guys who stood outside without a shirt on. Pause, pause. Which one? Because the ones at the Grover Hot and the ones on Universal CityWalk are ugly trash.

Well, you know he's not ugly trash. You go to Universal CityWalk? Yeah, he goes there. I might have gone there for a concert one time. Well, you know he's not ugly trash. You go to Universal City Walk? Yeah, he goes there. I might have gone there for a concert one time. Oh, my God. So you're an outlet mall type. You're like a Reseda type. So anyway.

Whatever. So he was telling me that he was out there and he got scouted. An agent came up to him and scouted him to be on Survivor and just basically asked him up front if he would do Survivor. And he was like, no, my agent told me I couldn't do Survivor because it would ruin my acting career. And here he is. Here he is.

Here he is. I guess that advice didn't really work out so great, Jax. Right. Because guess what? On Survivor, you at least have a shot at a million dollars. Guess what? You don't. Don't at Survivor. Yeah. You don't even have a shot at a million dollars. Guess what? You don't. Don't at Sir.

Yeah, you don't even have a shot at looking like you can remember lines on this show. I mean, he looked like he couldn't remember his lines. But I will say, Jax, even hotter than you were 10 years ago in commercial class, buddy. You keep it up. Yeah, I have to say, so Jax, my Jax story is not so much a story. It's more of an observation, which is that he goes to my gym, and I've definitely noticed him around for the past three or four years. Are you LA Fitness, Equinox, Crunch? Which one? We need to know.

LA Fitness. Okay. And he's there, and I have seen him shirtless here and there. Get to the point. Have you seen him pantsless? Not pantsless, but I would say yes. To quote Kenya Moore, he is a tall drink of water. That's for sure.

Oh, he's beautiful. Yeah, he's gorgeous. drink of water. That's for sure. Oh, he's beautiful. Yeah, he's gorgeous. And you don't even love white guys. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's true. Although I have to say I don't think he's as hot as he used to be. Really? Yeah, we're being so petty right now because he is gorgeous.

But, like, three or four years ago, he was looking even better, I think. I think he's just still so cute. He is. I love him. He's he's just still so cute. He is. He's better looking than any of us will ever be. You see a homosexual? No, no. No, unfortunately not even a little bit. Listen, well, didn't you see in the previews for

Vanderpump Rules, he has a girlfriend. Oh, whatever. Yeah, but that means nothing. I'm getting depressed, and that show looks really stupid. It's like a bunch of young people and Lisa browbeating them all day. You know what? You cannot hire a bunch of gorgeous people and expect them to know how to wait tables. They're fucking bimbos.

Yeah, well, you know, look, they work at Sir, so of course they can't be that smart. Do you know this about Sir? I think my friend Jason told me this, that I always thought Sir, S-U-R, I thought it was sort of like alluding to some sort of like French whatever, something sexy. Doesn't it mean like top in French? Yeah, it means top. I was thinking like sur la table or whatever, like something classy, whatever. Don't tell me you're meaning it's like tops and bottoms in West Hollywood. No, no, no.

The reason why it's called sur is because it's an acronym for sexy, unique restaurant. Is that like the most? Oh, God. It would be way more funny if it was trashy like, they're the top dog. Like, come on down for some drinks while you bottom. No, that's such a name an old lady came up with one night. You know, like brainstorming. Yeah.

Is that a sexy old lady brainstorm? S-O-B. It needs to mean something else.-B. It means something else. It means something else. One word that means something else. Come on, darling. We can do it. Wake up, Ken. We can do this, darling.

Don't Lisa and Ken own a gay club in London called G-A-Y? So they're really into acronyms. What do we think G-A-Y, their gay club really into acronyms. What do we think G-A-Y, their gay club, stands for? Guys and youths. Come on, give me a few more.

That cannot be true that that's the name of their gay club. I think it is. I think it's this. Ginas are yucky. Gents are yummy. I like that. Sounds more like sexy unique restaurant right now um gay uh i'm having difficulty finding this right now wait so the real reason though why we have to talk about sir is because lisa had a tasting and she invited all the women except for adrian to come by to taste the appetizers.

And they're sitting there, and of course, Kyle, ever the instigator, says to Brandy, So what's the deal with you and Adrian? And then from there, Brandy just goes on a rant. That was... Kyle did this last week in the back of the fucking limo on the way home from Ojai. It's like, bitch, what? I mean, do you really have nothing better to do except for making Brandy become a psychopath? No, she

doesn't. Kyle and now her sister, too, are just total instigators, which makes you wonder what their mom was really like. Oh, yeah, and of course, when the second something does go down with Brandy every time, Kyle's like, I just don't know how she's gonna make it. I mean, I just don't think she's gonna fit in. It's like, listen, bitch, you may have's going to make it. I mean, I just don't think she's going to fit in.

It's like, listen, bitch, you may have cast this show in the beginning, but you no longer have control. And the more annoyed you get with her, the more she's going to be on screen. What, are we going to just watch you sweep up free shit all day, Kyle? Do something with your life. You're boring, bitch. And that's why Brandi's on the show. Right, and everybody loves Brandi and Lisa right now and is pretty much hating on everybody else, as they should. Yeah, at least Brandy and Lisa are fun.

I mean, Kyle is just horrible. She's the worst piece of trash to me because she's rich and she's taking free shit. I hate that. I hate those gifting rooms at the Oscars where people are, like, walking around with an Xbox. You made $80 million. Oprah, put down the Xbox, bitch. Mm-hmm. So when Brandy was going on her rant,

she, of course, finishes up by dropping this alleged bombshell about Adrian. And, of course, Bravo doesn't air it. We just only see people's reactions, et cetera. So did Brandy go too far by saying whatever? Assuming that what she said was really something on par of that they have a surrogate, or

there was some sort of abuse, or sexual abuse, or whatever. Wait, are you really asking that to me and Ronnie? Do you really want to know what I think? Yeah, I want to know, do you think that Brandy should have said that or not? If I hate somebody, if I hate somebody the way Brandy hates Adrian, I will say the meanest fucking shit I can possibly think of.

Like why should I care? Fuck her. Fuck Adrian. I think that the surrogacy thing is true because what she was saying – like if you really kind of think back to what she was saying and how the conversation came up, they said, why don't you like Adrian? back to what she was saying and how the conversation came up they said why don't you like adrian well she was saying we all know that this is a lie because last week adrian was going on and on about her c-sections and how slimy giving birth was like really going like the cameramen were going out of their way to show her going on and on and grossing everybody out about it right and everybody at the table looked really awkwardly silent. Like they didn't really want to talk about it with her.

And Camille explained it away by, well, you know, I had surrogates, so I can't talk. You know, I don't want to hear about it. But they were trying to make it look like that was the awkward. But the Bravo editors are bitches. And I think that they were putting that in on purpose because the very next week, Adrian is called out. Yeah. That's actually – yeah. I was talking to Lisa Timmons about it today, and she said the same thing. She's like, that lisa i was talking to lisa timmons about

it today and she said the same thing she's like you know it was such a strange fleeting moment and then for for camille grammar to pipe up like i was sitting there awkwardly because i had a surrogate so i couldn't like i couldn't participate in this conversation it seemed like such a strange thing to throw in there yeah because you know that you know that the cameraman was like so why was everyone so awkward camille yeah they probably filmed it at the end of the season. They were like, oh, that will be perfect so that we can set up the arc for, you know, the battle. So let's make sure that we get Camille in the confessional talking about her having, you know, a surrogate. Right.

But that being said, though, do you still think, I mean, even if you really don't like someone, I mean, you know. Why is it so bad that somebody had a surrogate? Who fucking cares? There's a happy child. Why is this a big deal? Oh, I mean, you know. Why is it so bad that somebody got a surrogate? Who fucking cares? There's a happy child. Why is this a big deal? Oh, I mean, I agree. I don't think the surrogate thing is a big deal, but we don't know that that's actually what it is. We're just surmising. Well, it's a big deal if you've lied about it a million times on national TV

like last week. Right, if you lied about having a baby vaginally, yes, I can see that that's a problem, but at the end of the day, she has a happy, healthy child, and if she's really not great friends with any of these people, then what the fuck should she care either? It's like, Adrian, calm the fuck down. But isn't there some value?

I mean, we all love Brandy. We think Brandy's in the right. We all do, but isn't there some value in maybe taking a high road once in a while? Oh, Ben, she's a truck stop hooker. There is no changing her. If anybody thinks that they're going can change her, they're crazy. Yeah, the only reason she's going to go up to the high road is because there's better traffic up there for her to hook it. Yeehaw.

That girl is a hick. I mean, she is like, that girl, come on, anyone who's like, the F word is just part of my way of life. Like, come on now. It's not cancer, it's just the F word. Any girl who sits in her tract house in Valencia flat ironing her own hair, come on. Yeah, that girl

is classless and that's why we love her. You know, the thing is, she is very loyal, but these women are such bitches to her. Adrian has not only been a bitch, but she is a compulsive liar, and we're starting to see that more and more. And everything that she accused Paul of,

none of that stuff stuck in court. She's obviously just full of crap. Oh, and another piece of really good gossip. Oh, I should have had this pulled up today. Someone posted on our Facebook, I'm opening it up right now, something about Adrian lived where

she used to live in Arizona and she was married before and accused her first husband of abuse as well. Really? And nobody did anything about it. Blah, blah, blah. So when she heard about this one, she was like, oh, there she goes again, girl.

Wow. You know what? Thank God they made Brandy a full-time cast member. How boring would this fucking show be without some Brandy up in there? Thank God. I mean, it really is all about Brandy. I mean, even Taylor's not even being that crazy anymore. She just sort of like sits there and looks like she's wasted half the time. Although you know that she was relishing this moment.

She doesn't look wasted. She is wasted. You're right. You're right. Did you guys notice, by the way, no Yolanda the entire 60 minutes? I know. Well, someone said that, I think, on Twitter or Facebook, and my response is, well, those tulips

don't cut themselves. Sometimes she's just not available. She has to go prune her rose bushes. She has to run a marathon at 4 a.m. every morning. I have to be very romantic. I could not go to Sir. I had to write a love letter and then read one too.

And then organize my creepy refrigerator that looks like a flower store. I had to make chicken stock and then make a bouillabaisse. I need a break from the drunk women. And then she needed to go...

That's the ugliest thing I ever saw. It's a drunk woman. And then she needed to go berate her model daughter who is clearly getting too fat and then berate someone else just for the fun of it oh yeah she'll she's going to be a treasure trove in the future but you know as for right now these women are just and you know another thing i love that kyle's just so classy and so offended that people have the

nerve to interrupt her husband's commercial when she's the one who started all of the stuff by getting her getting Brandy to go off on my dream in the first place exactly Kyle's an ass and then the preview for next week is Kyle and Kim getting into another fight because all she does is make this about Kim how dare you do this to Mauricio

again you just keep fucking up Mauricio's life and it's like once again we mentioned this last week Kyle is the reason why him drinks and does drugs and is a fucking disaster. And she really needs to get Kyle out of her fucking life. Yeah, and remember, it was just last week when they went up to Ojai. And Kyle, at the end of this nice weekend, Kyle tried to start shit up again between Brand and Adrian. She started doing it again at Sur. She has nothing to

do but to start shit up with with other women yeah and then sit back in her confessionals and act like oh my god they're so not classy like me and my husband and you know what um i actually it's the worst sorry she really is the worst and i really used to like her i don't know why i used to like her but I mean the second shit went down with Camille well Camille you know Camille was a true asshole on her first season I mean she was just an idiot but now she's fucking Mother Teresa

she's great but you know I actually watched what happens last night for the first time in ages and because Julie Chen was on it and you know how could I not watch that Chenbot they did it actually they did a mashup of Big Brother and Real Housewives so it was kind of my sweet spot

but then I had to turn it off literally because like midway through the show Andy Cohen had the most retarded game where they would look at crotches of celebrities and they had to guess whether or not there was a man or woman and it was called Cock or Not and you have Camille Grammer and Julieille grammer and julie chan on next to each other

and they're sitting there trying to say there's a wiener there's no wiener and it was so like almost degrading quite frankly it was just so stupid and like he does he degrades every woman that he brings on there of course it was just like mindless it was i mean look what we're doing is mindless too don't get me wrong i'm very well aware being paid and we're doing is mindless, too. Don't get me wrong. I'm very well aware. We're not calling this a career. It was a middle school thing. It was stupid. We're at least talking about

the shows. That's always been my problem. Last night was a huge night on Beverly Hills. Why isn't he talking about that? Why is he making a play game about crotches? It sucks. That guy sucks and then but he did ask uh camille a question which i forget the setup of it but he sort of compared kyle going off on camille um in season one versus versus brandy um oh that's what it was he's like you

know kyle was so mad that like that this was all happening at Mauricio's event. But isn't this the same as Kyle going off on Camille at Camille's event season one? And Camille was like, yeah. She was like, Camille, you can see, was not happy, you know, because. Well, Camille also can go home and roll around in $60 million. So what does she care? And a tall glass of baklava. Oh, my God. His jerry curl was dripping. Oh, my God.

His jerry curl was dripping. Oh, my God. And you guys, how stupid does that guy seem? I mean, that guy seems like a couple of steps away from the tiny little bus. Like, that guy does not seem very bright. And he's also very on the nose with the Greek stuff. He's like, yeah, I like to cook. I like to cook with oregano and, you know, Greek spice.

I don't think he's Greek. I think that he saw, like, a Giada de Laurentiis cookbook and was like, okay, I think I see olive oil and lemons. Okay, I'm going to say that. Yeah, he's like, Greek is a decent excuse for my greasy-ass hair. I'll just go with that. But, you know, the thing is, he's like one of those Mexicans

that doesn't really have a thick accent unless they're saying Spanish words. He's like, oh, yes, I enjoy cooking. I make – And that, by the way, is not something that we'll make an accent about. Nothing in the world makes me angrier than when you're watching Jeopardy! and Alex Trebek will try to get, like, you know, a special accent on a word. I'm like, just say the fucking word.

I know. I know. That's so funny. That's so true. I think, is it Dimitri or Dimitrios or whatever? If he just cut his hair, I think we'd have... No, no, no. Here's the thing. He has hot abs, but that head, there's nothing going on up there. He's not cute,

and the hair is gross. Since when does Camilla Grammer need anything to be going on up there? No kidding. She had a brilliant husband before. I mean, that guy made millions of dollars on great sitcoms, and he's a total a-hole. He's also a cokehead. Yeah. Yeah, but, you know.

Hey, you've got to get your energy somehow. Some of us use green tea coffee pills, and some of us snort cocaine. I'd probably be a cokehead if I had a decent job that gave me some money. Oh, it's cheap. It's very cheap. You better watch out when I'm rich. I'm going to be on every kind of drug. I think that Camille deserves a mimbo. I think good

for her for getting a nice, tall Greek guy with great abs and floppy hair. At least you didn't get Constantine Maroulis, you know? Or one of those, like, American Idol rejects that Taylor wants to bone constantly. Ace Young,

where are you? Do you think people like Camille, all these, like, friends of housewives, does Camille, does Faye Resnick, do these people get any money? Because they're not full-time cast members, do they not get a pot to piss in? No, they get paid.

They must get just not a lot of money. Yeah, they get episode pay. And poor Faye Resnick is just trying so hard to be on the cast. And it's like, you know, Faye Resnick, there is a bunch of shady personalities on this show, but you, ma'am, are the shadiest. You need to just step the fuck down.

I really wish that I had confronted her at Resnoration Hardware that day. Let me tell you something. She's not shady. She's just merely morally corrupt. The morally corrupt Faye Redmayne. That's like, honestly, the most amazing nickname that has ever come out of the Real Housewives. This may come across as offensive,

but what is her ethnicity? I can't tell. She looks like she might actually be, like, Sephardic Jew. Like, she's sort of... She is Jewish, and she sort of looks like a Persian Jew. I thought she was a little like Egyptian-esque. She looks like a Paula Abdul brand of Jewess. I think she looks like a scene from Men in Black. I was watching Men in Black 3, and there's this giant caterpillar worm that starts trying to eat Will Wood's buns.

And you realized it was merely Faye Resnick trying to get in the movie. I was like, that worm looks morally corrupt. I was like, ma'am, we are shooting. You are not allowed here. No, no, it's fine. Put me in the final cut. And they kept her.

Yeah, Faye Resnick lecturing Brandy. You know, and what she's saying in those previews isn't necessarily wrong. Yes, Brandy is starting shit. But you know what? Why does Adrienne get to just come on and lie about everything all the time? And why does Adrienne get to threaten to sue everybody and do all this shit that she does? I'm so glad that someone's going to finally be calling these women out on their bullshit.

Well, this brings us to Maurice's party where Kim went and told Adrian and Paul what Brandi had said at dinner, and that fired them up. And then Paul – well, first of all, let's talk about Kim doing that. First of all, please refer to it as an advertisement. As an advertisement. And do we think the producers told Kim to tell them right then and there? No. I was reading today on stupidhousewives.com that I think Kim was saying in her Bravo

blog that she tried calling Adrienne right that night. She tried calling her right after the dinner. And what happened? And Adrienne didn't call her back or answer her call. So she told her the next day at this point. She should have just had the surrogate answer. Hello, this is Adrienne Bluth. Yes.

I am currently pregnant with my very fertile womb. Well, Adrian can't physically get pregnant. I mean, she's injected herself with so much bathroom cock. How could she even have a baby? It would be poisoned. From Wondery,

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Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

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to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school

where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Well, she's made of stone in those areas too, I think. So I think the only thing that sticks is like gum. So what else happened on this episode? That's pretty much it, right? No, no.

So the last big thing that happened was that Paul and Adrian went and started yelling at Brandy. So now Paul goes up and is like, shut up, you bitch, or something like that. And Brandy was like, what the fuck? Whatever. But they were – Paul and Adrian were making this argument that what you know, what you said was so vile or whatever. But when a man raises his finger and calls you a bitch. When an evil, straight, white, you have to say this though. Like, I would say like straight white men with their voice raised calling women bitches is gross.

Like, I can call the two of you bitches because you're my bitches. But like, he called her a bitch and there was a venom behind it yeah and you know what though like that that's the thing that was what was actually very offensive at it because even if brandy were lying if brandy were lying and if she was saying something that was just totally truly defamatory like that's like that's not the way that you handle it you cut to taylor and her wife cut to to Taylor and her confessional. When Paul raised his voice, I started to get very nervous. As she's hands over the rope to Paul.

You'll need it. As she starts using dragon dictation to write a new book. She's like, dear book, Paul abused me at a party when he yelled at somebody else. It hurt me deeply. Yeah, we call them bitches all the time, but hurt me deeply. Yeah, I, you know, we call them bitches all the time, but I

think it's different, A, because we're homos, and B, because we're not saying it to their face angrily. I think, like, yeah, I think that that's just really, really, really gross, and I think that everyone knows that, right? I mean, come on, Flintstone. Up your game. Yeah, I mean, it's really, I mean, it's really bad.

Honestly, like, when a man calls a woman a bitch like that, that's a bad thing. And look, rewind last week, and Adrian is so appalled that Brandy said, shut the fuck up at the dinner table, yet Paul is calling somebody and pointing a finger in Brandy's face and calling

her a bitch in a public area at a party. And then she lets her man off the hook. I mean, she's a fucking hypocrite. then she lets her man off the hook i mean she's a fucking hypocrite yeah she is and speaking of that she's also calling she's also saying that she's gonna sue brandy because what she was saying was defamatory but then she's saying oh well she doesn't watch her kids she sleeps till three she's a drug addict she's yeah oh really how is that not how can you not get sued for that and here's the difference she can get away with saying that because she knows brandy can't fucking afford a lawyer.

Yeah. And on top of that, this was also the same woman who last year was getting all pissed at Taylor because Russell was threatening to sue them about something. Don't sue friends. So we just gave you – for our listeners out there, we just gave you three reasons why Adrienne fucking sucks. It was fun to hear Adririan yell because a for a she never really yells that much so to hear her yelling at was kind of fun and be her voice kind of sounded like this thing when you're jewish and you it's perm you take this thing and it just sort of makes this really loud annoying noise and that's what her voice sounded like when she was

yelling i think she sounds like selma and Patty, Marge Simpson sisters. She sounds like you took a bunch of rocks and put them in a bowl and shook it around a bunch. She sounds like a spoon being put in a garbage disposal. She sometimes sounds like Ben trying to be Candy Burris.

Hey, hey, hey, everybody. I'm doing candy when I'm doing candy. It's all sounds. Come Hey, hey, hey, everybody. When I'm doing candy, when I'm doing candy, it's all sounds. Come on, sit on my porch. It was like, I can't even do Adrian. I can't even do it. I have a cough. If I try to do Adrian

in her hoarse voice, I'm just going to cough the rest of this podcast. Oh, you watch. That's a lawsuit. I'm suing her. Shut up, Adrian. That's a lawsuit. I can't do it. She ain't got nothing. So that was the big thing. So then they left the party.

And that was the cliffhanger. And next week, Kyle yells at Kim. And then Faye Resnick starts up with maybe Brandy or someone. There's some good stuff. And I think Yolanda will be back. That's the thing. Yolanda's probably going to come in and be like, I don't understand why these people have to talk this way. Why can't they just talk? Why do they have to yell these things?

Why do they have to point and say the B word? Why can't they just talk and be romantic? Wait until someone starts spreading it around that Yolanda was like a concubine in a sex room with Mohammed or whatever went on in that house. You know that bitch ain't clean. You know that bitch ain't clean.

There is one other thing that did happen. Are you going to bring up the fact that I was crying watching Ken go in for hip replacement surgery? Yeah, that was... Oh, give me a break. Was that a five minute hip replacement surgery? Yeah, that was sort of like an... I thought it was sort of a boring subplot,

but I did think it was... But we like them. We do like them, and I thought it was funny when Lisa said she was more concerned about the supermodel nurse in the corner, and they cut to this woman, the nurse, and she was drop-dead gorgeous. Only in LA do you have nurses that really look like they're right out of...

I actually thought she was going to take off her glasses and pull the tie out of her ponytail and shake it down in slow motion. I think that's actually what Ken saw. And I love the barometer for, Ken, are you feeling numb because of all the anesthesia? Let me honk your wiener.

Yeah, that was funny. And then they showed her actually tugging on his dick. She doesn't tug on his dick any other time during the year except on his birthday. So, I mean, it was like a win-win. But then Lisa's like,

but then Lisa's like, well, he doesn't feel anything, which sounds like it's pretty normal. I didn't realize that the age difference between them was 16 years. I did not know it was that significant. Yeah, wow. Yeah. I actually didn't realize that either.

I think I sort of aged him down because I got so used to them being a couple. I sort of imagined them being, like, equals. But, yeah, wow. That's crazy. Yeah, I thought that scene was fucking boring. And Lisa needs to up her game because I don't want to watch this Lisa Vanderpump rules on my Beverly Housewives. I need my trash separated, okay? Yeah. LA has taught me that you need to separate your trash.

Are you going to get arrested? Yeah, you will. The sanitation departments actually, they have the right to arrest you. Ken, darling, come back to us, darling. Come back to us, sweetie. I love that you just turned her into Patsy and Adina combined. That's what she is in my mind. She's like a more reserved Patsy and Eddie.

I really wish she was like Patsy and Eddie. That would be amazing. Well, I think that her with Brandy, I think they're headed down that route. Oh, God, Let's hope so. Let's hope that Brandy has enough trash. Because, you know, finally, Lisa is getting fed up. First of all, she calls Camille a bitch behind her back, but still, love it.

And she, you know, Kyle's waving her finger in Lisa's face next week. Excuse you. I would break that finger off. Who does she think she is messing with Lisa? I don't know. Lisa will put that in a Japanese quesadilla, whatever the fuck that is. Yeah, or lobster guacamole. Oh, yeah.

Japanese quesadilla. It's made out of American fingers. She's got balls. That's all I can say because I would have broken that thing off. Where has Kyle come off waving her finger at somebody? Well, and why would she want to align herself with fucking adrian of all people like kyle you are picking the wrong person to side with yeah she's clueless until the end of the season comes out and everybody's tweeting her what a c word she is which i'm sure

is happening yeah and then she has to apologize and backpedal etc right she's, she's going to do exactly what Camille had to do in season two, and she's going to play the saint on the sideline next season in order to try and remedy all of this. Oh, did we discuss Diving with the Stars yet? Did we talk about this? No, but we're totally watching it. Kyle's on that, right? Kyle and Kim are both on this new show called Diving with the Stars.

Kim's on it also? Yep. Oh, yes. I mean, what the hell? A reality show about stars facing their fears and diving. But aren't all of the stars on the show reality stars? I feel like J-WOW was on it.

What is Julia Roberts going to go diving with the stars? Give me a break. Of course they're reality stars. There are two people from Baywatch on there. Which ones? Not Carmen Electra. No, David Chokachi and someone else. David Chokachi's hot. And he just came out and late in life come out kind of

guy. He came out of the closet? Yeah, like three years ago. He has like a husband and a baby. David Chokachi? Not lying. How could you stay in the closet with a name like Chokachi? How was this not... How did this pass me by? That just sounds like you're asking for. I'm sorry

to blow your mind right now, but I'm letting you know that is a homo and a speedo. David Chokachi, gay. Winking this up right now. He is no David Charvet, I'll tell you that. Oh, wow. You guys have good gay knowledge.

I don't know anybody who's gay. David Charvet is straight. Chochee is a homo charve is married to brooke burke are you sure david chocochee is gay oh my god i just sounded like adrian by accident yeah it can't be um that we finally figured out who can do the candy impersonation and and it's you. Who knew? I actually had one in my arsenal. Hey, hey, hey, everybody. I got to make some dildos. I'm candy. Let me tell you something.

Oh, my God. Let's get back to the diving with the stars. Yes, I think that Mama Joyce looks like a ninja turtle. There, I said it. Moving on. I agree. But only because she has, because Mama Joyce now seems to be wearing a Joyce DeWitt wig.

I don't want some penis in my face. That's wrong. That's wrong. How could you do this to me, Candy? That's ugly. Nevertheless. Diving with the stars. Diving with the stars. Andy, that's ugly. Nevertheless. Diving with the stars.

Diving with the stars. I think it's brilliant that someone decided to put Kim Richards on this thing. Because watching Kim Richards jumping off of anything, whether it's a stump that's one foot off the ground or a tower that's like 300 feet above the pool, it's brilliant. Kim, jump off a curb and then watch an hour and a half of drama about yeah, I just I get so nervous I love my parents I guarantee you that show like a one-hour show of diving with the stars when Kim has to dive is gonna be 58 minutes of Kim crying and taking pills and two minutes of maybe a splash of water Since I played Mary Poppins in that movie of Mary Poppins.

I'll tell you, those kids, they expected me to just fly all day and I tell them, kids, I can't just fly all day. I got things to do. Hey, Emilio Estevez is here for lunch. I'm going to take a break. I'm timing from this string.

My lungs are just going to take a break. I'm timing from this string. My lungs are just going to... Raising the white flag right now. I am looking at the rest of the cast for this Diving with the Stars, and I think that we're going to have to watch it and maybe add it to the mix, even though it's going to be on ABC. There's people jumping off a diving board.

I'm not watching that. That's wrong. I'm not watching that. There's going to be Antonio Sabato Jr. Like, you should be sold. Antonio Sabato Jr. and David Chokochee shirtless on a TV show. I'm sold. I'm in. Sold.

I don't want to see the reality of that because in my mind Antonio Sabato Jr. got really fat and sad. So I don't want to see him if he's not that. I don't want to ruin my mental image. It's made me very happy. Look at our Facebook cover image of MJ beforehand and you'll be fine. Yeah.

Yeah. Now I'd like to see her on that also. She probably executed a perfect dive. You told her there was a pot roast at the bottom of the pool. Oh my god. It should just be called Diving with the Shahs and you should just put a platter of mini cheeseburger sliders at the bottom of the pool and MJ will fucking get tens across the board.

That's so Persian. Persian people love to get onto a springboard and jump into pools and white people are like, let me just dip in with a staircase. Persian people just go first. White people just wade. White people just wade in the pool.

Persians have to jump. That's so Persian. What is going on here? I have to jump. Let's go, Persians. What is going on here? I have to jump. You think there are diamonds in there, but Persians just go right in the water. Anyway, that's a sneak preview of episode 51. Why don't we move on to Miami, though?

Because Miami... It's the best of the three of them. Miami is just, just great. Miami was just beautiful this week. I mean, from freaking Leah in that pantsuit thing, like that Chevron half see-through pantsuit thing with a turban. Oh, come on. How fun is that? How fun is that?

I love wearing a turban. I love wearing a turban. I feel like a shot of Sunset. Totally ignorant. Oh yeah, Big, it's the pictures that got smogged. Guys! So the big thing this week was that they finally went to Brumore, also known as Bimini.

Every time they say it, it sounds like they're slurring. I know. I thought I was the only one that thought, are they drunk? What's happening? Well, most importantly, the episode started off with Mama Elsa bundled up in a frigid apartment because Marisol turned the air all the way down to like 48 degrees because she thought somehow it would help her skin. We need to talk about Marisol's apartment. And if she is so rich, then why does her kitchen look gross? And why is the inside of her microwave looking like she put five cats in a microwave?

Because she's homely and she keeps getting married to poor people who take half her money that's why i was not impressed with that microwave it looked dirty just like you know i love that they show mama elsa trying to make coffee and putting the coffee in for five seconds. She's like, it's not warming up, Marisol. Marisol, give a beep at me. Yeah, she cooked it for 12 seconds, and the camera dude is standing right there. He can't even help this poor, sad, frigid woman get a cup of coffee. He's just going to put the camera on 12 seconds and embarrass her. You got to love Elsa because at one point in her life, she was vain enough that she wanted to get this crazy plastic

surgery, and now she's at a point where she goes roaming around with a towel practically over her head or a blanket looking like some Mardi Gras float gone way wrong and she doesn't give a shit anymore. I am sure to microwave coffee. How do they do

this in the microwave? Why did it not work? So this started with cold therapy, which apparently doesn't work. You bitches have seen yourself on the TV, right? Turn on the heat. Give yourselves a break. You know why I also know it doesn't work? Because no one else in the world does it.

This is up there with the Caroline Manzo, I shave my face to keep it look smooth, like theory. Like this is actually a technique that should be imported directly up to Caface because it's on that level. It's like, yeah, come into our cold room, eat some egg salad and lose your wrinkles.

So fucking frightening and I don't even know. I was kind of sad when I saw that scene because that was the first scene i thought what the hell are they wasting you know three minutes of my time on this bullshit for there's got to be something else happening today it's just this old lady lying around with her kid trying to microwave a cup of coffee come on guys and right no one no wonder they're both why they're both single Yeah, that's the reason

By the way, that is the reason why Elsa's single That she microwaves coffee slowly That, you're right I won't date anybody That can't make me a fucking cup of coffee Or at least go to Starbucks for me Would you date anyone whose face looks like The thing that Bowser floats around with in Super Mario World?

Um That is Wow You know what I'm talking about? floats around within Super Mario World. Oh, God. That is... Wow. Wow. You know what I'm talking about? Am I out on a mile? Yes, I do. You know the little white thing with the little propeller on the bottom? That is some vintage shit right there. Actually, that's more like what Marisol...

That's like Marisol. I would say Elsa's more like... I think I've said this before. She's like, Hoggle from Labyrinth. I'm so mean. I love that you just kind of offended yourself that you had to like duck away from the from your microphone i'm like i'm like i love elsa why am i saying these mean things about her if i love her well that's what that's the problem with meeting anybody that we talk about on these shows because i actually like everybody that's why i watch the shows but they wouldn't know it from listening. You wouldn't know that we dislike Jill Zarin

the way we talked, you know, the way we talked to her when we had her as a guest, but now that she's gone. I mean, I believe in not telling people to fuck off to their face, but I didn't jump up her ass. Okay. Well, you know what? Guess what, guys? I mentioned this on Facebook. I don't think I mentioned it last week.

Jill Zarin stopped following me on Twitter, so I stopped following her, and now we're in a fight. You are totally in a fight. And here's the thing. I started to look around on Twitter a little bit, and I was like, okay, I'm going to start following a few more of the Housewives because I didn't follow them all. So then I decided to follow Alex McCord and Simon Van Campen, and immediately they both followed me back. And I was really excited. They follow 50,000 billion people.

Yeah, they use autofollow. They follow 49.999 people because they drop me. Right. Why did they drop you? What? The Van Camp Instant? Why? Have you told me that?

Why? Yeah, I don't know why Alex dropped me. I actually like Alex. And she was actually very communicative with me. I actually like Alex, and she was actually very communicative with me. Maybe it was a mistake, but she dropped me once, and I called her out about it, so she followed me again. And then she dropped me a second time,

and I decided this time I would just quietly unfollow her. Speaking of Alex, Alex... I'm sorry. I'm, like, looking homeless. I'm not masturbating, if you can hear this. I've got a huge beard right now. Alex is on the old YouTube doing like video recap thing. I mean, she makes me nervous.

I can't watch the whole thing. But it's like a video. I think it's a Housewives recap. You guys, go read the comments of people. I feel like I need to bring this up. They are so fucking mean. I mean, YouTube is known for being pretty depressing. You know, the people on there are so mean.

But, oh my God, they are just hilarious reading what they're saying to her. I can't believe that. I hope she doesn't read them. She probably does. But she probably likes it. Because she likes attention. But I like Alex. I actually do like Alex.

Uh, I think she's just, um, socially awkward. So embarrassed for her. Oh, Alex, get a life.

How embarrassing Alex media whoring your way all the way to the Z list, but good luck and love. I'm reading some of the comments right now. And here's one. Shut up. Your, your time on real housewives of New Yorkork city is over you are so annoying you're like a you're like a car crash this this will be happening to us someday if only you had a mustache and a penis your husband would love you no honey we started

out z-list you can't i mean you can't offend someone who's already Z-List. Even if we go up to B-List. I can go up to D-List and I'll be thrilled. You can't offend me. I'm already fat, bald and Z-List. There's nothing you can do to me. The only thing lower than this is Sarah's Secrets starring Ronnie and Mark. Hey, that's

actually a step up. What else would I be doing tomorrow? Masturbating with your beard. He What else would I be doing tomorrow? Yeah, that's true. Masturbating with your beard. I'm going to... I won't be doing that while I'm on Sarah's Secrets. That'll be my little Sarah's Secret, okay? Okay, my nonce blog.

All right. So I masturbated a little bit while I was talking on the phone. I need to keep my creativity going. You people, stop it. That's the next episode. We have to get back onto Miami here. We're totally on a tangent now. Oh, Miami, can we talk about my BFF slash, in real life, she seriously would be my BFF,

Alexia, the shit-stirrer of all shit-stirrers. I think we have to tell her about this. I mean, I don't know. I don't know what to say. I feel like I have to say something to her. Let's say it. That was the overall episode. I'm only saying this because I care about you, but

your husband is cheating. I have the magazine article. I have the magazine. I have the article right here. I have a file. The printout. The printout. Can we give some context here? The situation is that the girls all went off to Bimini. Adriana left

her passport at home because I don't know what she was thinking, and Leah's reaction, I love how incredulous Leah was. How do you forget a passport? How do you do that? She can remember five suitcases full of makeup, and she can't remember her passport. How fun is that? You know

what I'd do? I'd go to the U.S. passport office and get I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying. Tear it down. Tear it down! You know what? If I ever get lost in an impersonation, I should just immediately stop and just go tear it down! That's all you need to do. Here's what you do. You're doing an

impersonation. You don't know what to say next. So you just stop and say tear it down! I say we give her five minutes and tear it down! What is that? My neighbors are still now wondering what's going on. Our neighbors are that skanky bitch from Jersey and MJ. So we don't need to be concerned about upsetting them

because they upset us every time we watch them on TV. I'm actually concerned about my direct next-door neighbor because I'm realizing that as you speak, my screen door is open and my voice is probably carrying on right over into her she's wondering what is going on in that apartment you can't you you're not allowed to live in hollywood and complain about noise like that's you're living around a bunch of peter pans uh who want to be rock stars and never will be okay and helicopters too no offense so anyway um so so they go to bim stars and never will be. And helicopters, too. No offense. So, anyway,

so they go to Bimini and everything, and so the big story was that Alexia, one of her reporters, encountered this news item that showed Rodolfo making out with a girl named Anna, who's 24, and they're, like, in love. And then the question was, how are they

going to tell Dr. Karen Sierra? DDS. DDS. DDS. And so the funny was, how are they going to tell Karen, Dr. Karen Sierra? DDS, DDS. DDS. And so the funny thing to me was that all these women suddenly started to pretend like they cared about Karen's feelings when all they wanted was to see her reaction to this crazy news. And Adriana could not wait to, forget Alexia, Adriana wanted to bust that news out, like, over dinner. She's like, well, I think that now would be a good time to tell her. I like, you know, this is what I have to do. This is the language of

independence is to learn language of independence is to learn about what you're what you're languages, but my real language is the language of independence. Pain. Also has to live up to my standards.

My standards. my standards. My standards. My standards. So they were all shit-stirring, and that was so funny because I love in the bathroom when Alexia this whole time is like, oh, I need to talk to you girls about something. But it has to be in private because it's about someone, and it's about something that has to be in the private. And so they finally get her in the bathroom and she's telling them all this gossip and then everybody is just dying to get it out the whole night. I can't believe Leah didn't.

They're all sitting around in a circle like, so how would you feel if your boyfriend was cheating on you, everybody? Let's all go around in a circle and answer about it. You would want to know, right? Theoretically, Karen, You would want to know, right? Like, theoretically, Karen, you know, would you want to know? And Karen's like, yes, I think I'd like to know. Yes, yes. But I actually thought it was

quite exciting, oddly enough, because I'm like, I was waiting. You just kept on waiting. You knew it was going to happen. You knew it was going to happen. You're just waiting and wondering how it was going to happen. And Karen had that stupid smile on her face. You just want to slap her silly. Yeah. I really love the part about like how earlier in the season, Karen

was being such a bitch to Anna, the cast member, because she thought that Anna, the cast member was texting her boyfriend when in fact her boyfriend was cheating on another woman named Anna with another woman named Anna and probably 5,000 other women.

And it's like, I want Anna to rip this bitch a new one. Yeah, I don't think Anna will, though, because Anna's actually too nice and normal and she will never come back next season. I do think that she's owed an apology, though, because at the beginning of the season, Karen was fucking rude. She is owed an apology, I agree.

I think Karen should be expelled to the little boat room that Leah's stuck in right now. Leah's sleeping on a rowboat right now. Well, poor Karen. I mean, she just makes it so hard to feel sorry for her. I mean, everybody else knew that he was cheating on her the whole time. I mean, the man just came back in town with a big old harp on his lips. Come on. Yeah.

Her mother knows that he's cheating on her. And I mean, if, I don't know. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. Oh, my dear. I hate how he cheats on you. I hate him.

But you love vanilla ice cream. Oh, I love the vanilla ice cream. Oh, it's vanilla. Vanilla. Vanilla. Oh, I love vanilla ice cream. Oh, I love the vanilla ice cream. Oh, it's vanilla. Vanilla. Oh, I love this. Now I really want some vanilla ice cream. I'm not going to lie. I want my vanilla ice cream.

I love how they finally tell the most awkward presentation of this news. So first, like, Alexia has a secret powwow outside, and then everyone spills outside. And then finally they tell Lisa, and Lisa's like, okay, I'll go tell her in private. And so she goes and just takes her over to another couch. You know? It's like not in private

whatsoever. And then the women come circling around like sharks. It was fantastic. Well, this was all really old news. And Alexia made a good point. You do think she don't know? She has a publicist. You think she doesn't know? And I think that, of course, she had seen the story.

And, of course, she knew all this. So it's like when they finally told her, she was so confident in saying, no, no, no. I'm not going to listen to some rumor, because she's already decided that she's just going to completely avoid that and pretend it's not happening. And then she was like, they fabricate photos, they fabricate photos. I'm like, look, this is not like...

They don't fabricate herpes. Well, wait, there's also no fabricating the fact that he clearly just doesn't love you. Yeah, and that he's also a total slimeball. I mean, wait, there's also no fabricating the fact that he clearly just doesn't love you. Yeah. And that he's also a total slimeball. Like, I mean, obviously, like, regardless of everything else, just talking to him, you can see he's a huge slimeball. Yeah. Right. I mean, she's a DDS.

She could easily go get another man. Yeah. There are some guys, I'm sure, who totally have a fetish for turtle noses. I think her lizard face is kind of hot. Lizard face and turtle nose. How many people do you know that get their teeth cleaned often enough? I mean I know for me it's every couple of years Instead of every six months I could use a carrot

Yeah I think we all could We could all use a little Dr. Carrot Sierra Yeah carrot You need to get some self confidence carrot That whole thing about me calling you a turtle nose Was just for fun You should have some self confidence After, Karen. That whole thing about me calling you a turtle nose was just for fun. You should have some self-confidence. She should. After we beat you down.

Why doesn't she go after Thomas? TK. I mean, he's got the money. TK. No, TK. Oh, sit down! Yes, you eat. Listen, I want to tell you something. I'm sick of this awful. So sit down. Shut up. I need your food. I love when he showed up to that party

and he said, where is everybody? How come she didn't come? She's like, because she knew you were here. And he looked shocked that anybody would be mad. Why does he not want to see me? Sit down. Shut up. It's not even my party.

I'm in diminy now. Sit down. Shut up. Get out. By the way, I should put a wig on him and make him a real full-time woman cast member. No, please no. They've already done that. Look how that's worked out. Fucking Elaine.

Shut up. By the way, I really appreciate the fact that these women flew like an hour to go to an area that looks exactly like Miami. Well, actually, it's the same temperature and the same water as Miami, except they have shittier houses now that they're staying. Exactly. It's like those rich people

who camp in their backyards for a trip. Yeah, I mean, that's... They set up a tent for you. They might as well have gone to the Ozarks or something. That would have been fancier. It's like the people on Beverly Hills when they went Camille's house, like in Aspen, it was like,

Oh, that's a vacation because they went to a glamorous Chateau for these women. And it's like from star Island to like this, whatever. Yeah. And it was like, it was like a 45 minute flight for crying out loud.

Yeah. And they had to sleep in creepy little kids rooms. Yeah. Um, I wonder like, it would have been amazing if they overlapped with the houses of Atlanta and Anguilla? They were just like, they all riding boats together around each other.

Oh yeah, they're gonna have to do an All-Stars one of these years. When the ratings start falling for all the Housewives, they're gonna start doing the All-Star seasons. Oh, they're gonna have to do that? Or they're gonna have to do Battle of the Housewives Stars and just pit them against each other in like bikini mud wrestling.

Lord, that's a lot of giblets. I want to see Leah do that. How fun is that? I pulled someone's hair. She'll be the referee. I saw that girl standing there and I grabbed her and I tore it down. So we are at the end of Miami. Did you guys want to talk about

any other Miami stuff? No, I think that's basically it. I mean, it's just I guess we're going to see the fallout of this incident here. And, you know, it looked like the women were all getting along relatively well. But this week, I guess Marisol and Leah get back into it. And round 15 of their stupid fight. Well, Miami can take any stupid fight and make it fun for weeks so thank you ladies

you are definitely entertaining I'm glad I'm so happy for Miami I'm glad they're rebounding and Matt you said they're doing well on the ratings I looked recently and the ratings are not that spectacular it's up a little bit or kind of on par with last season

they're only averaging about 900,000 viewers, which is so, you know, minor compared to Atlanta, which went over 3 million this past week. And Beverly Hills is doing really well with about 2.8, 2.9 million viewers. So Miami is pulling up the rear and they're actually scoring less than the D.C. housewives who got canceled. Well, you know, maybe it's also the night that they're on. I mean, they're sort of stranded out there on Thursday. I don't know. People, watch Miami. Don't let it go away. It's such a good cast. Also, you guys, it's just a lot of Housewives. I mean, three

hours a week is just too much. It's too much. It's enough already. Yeah, but I would take Miami over Atlanta any day of the fucking week. Atlanta sucks. I love Atlanta. Atlanta sucks. That'll be in our next episode, guys. Next episode.

We are going to press pause, make some pee-pee, and we will be back in episode number 51 in about five seconds. Yeah. All right. Come on back. You can find me, Ronnie, at TVGasm. You can find Ben at B-Side Blog. You can find Matt at Life on the M-List. Join us on Facebook at

Facebook.com slash Watch What Crappens or on Twitter at What Crappens. Ben is recapping The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I'm recapping The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. You can find both recaps and my redubs of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on our Facebook page. Love you guys. Thank you. Talk in

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