Watch What Crappens - #51: Pooty Wooty Booty Tooty Booby Tooby

Episode Date: December 13, 2012

Pooty Wooty Booty Tooty Booby Tooby See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everybody, welcome to episode 51 of Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all the shows we love to talk crap about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from TVgasm.com and I'm here with Ben B-Side of B-Side Blog. Hello, Ben. Hi. And also the lovely Matt Whitfield of Yahoo.

Hi, Matty. Hi. I'm lovely now. That's a surprise. Oh, honey. You've always been lovely on the outside. So we're here celebrating our 50th episode. We just did episode 50, so don't skip it. If you haven't heard it, go on back there.

There were two released at the same time, so go on back and listen to it now. It's very important. Yes, couple trouble. Yeah, so that was like an hour, and now we are skipping on to this week's Real Housewives of Atlanta, Million Dollar Decorators, and the Shards of Sunset. Yeah.

That was some crazy, crazy times. Well, which one do you want to start on, actually? Let's start with Million Dollar Decorators because it's light and fluffy. By the time this podcast is released, there'll be another episode of Million Dollar Decorators out because we'll air it tonight. That's okay.

Time is not of the essence when it comes to this show. Well, something interesting happened offscreen, which will happen onscreen very soon with this show. But apparently, I don't know if you guys read this in the news this week, but Lindsay Lohan hired the Million Dollar Decorators, and it was like a $2 million remodel of some home that she probably didn't even own, and then she didn't pay them. Actually, it is a house she doesn't own.

Lindsay Lohan is renting a house in the Hollywood Hills for about $8,000 per month. And she had somebody, they wouldn't say which decorator, come in and redo the house that Lindsay's renting. And Lindsay was filming with them and she did like some shopping trips and some, you know, pre-construction filming and episodes. And then when it came to the actual reveal, she refused to tape it. And now Bravo is having to, like, you know, struggle to put this episode together. And they're actually still going to do it, but they're not going to have Lohan there for the big reveal.

That's fine. I think they shouldn't have Lohan there. And they should just, and they should relish the fact they have Lohan acting crazy. Like, that to me should be, that would be ratings gold. They should just walk through the house and say Liz and Dick as many times as they possibly can that's the nightmare of a show you wanna know what's the sidebar

yeah I think Lohan's gonna get a Golden Globe nomination for Liz and Dick no way it's the Golden Globes they're gonna nominate her because they want her crazy fucking ass on the red carpet I do it's like when Brad when I'm sorry, Angelina Jolie for the tourist. Yeah, exactly.

Wow. So anyway, I would I don't know what does by the way. Oh, two things. I don't know what designer it was, but I wish that it would be Mary McDonald because Mary McDonald will fucking cut her. Yes, I agree. And number two, we reached out to Bravo but they would not comment on the situation at

all because I don't even know if they know what they're doing yet with the episode and the footage. I mean you like Yahoo, you we reached out to Bravo, but they would not comment on the situation at all because I don't even know if they know what they're doing yet with the episode and the footage. You mean you, like Yahoo, you guys reached out to Bravo? Yeah, we reached out to them because we were like, okay, there's like a major story here. You know, what did Lohan do, not do, say, not say, what designer? And Bravo would not give us any comments. Would it be for this current season? Well, supposedly. I mean, this current season.

I mean, all the Lohan stuff was shot over the spring and over the summer. So it would probably be airing now. But the Million Dollar Decorator season, I don't know how many more episodes we're going to have. I think that this is probably coming up in the next few. And they probably are still trying to deal with editing at the moment. I don't see what the big problem is. I say they go and they do the reveal without Lindsay. And they have the decorators be snarky, which is what they do best,

be snarky and make comments about Lindsay, and then Lindsay will get all into a tiff, and they'll get great publicity out of it, and then that's there. It's all solved. How easy is that? And you know what? They could use all the help they can get. I have to break some sadness to you guys.

Million Dollar Decorators, secretly my favorite show on Bravo, along with Shaws of sunset but million dollar decorators rating are in the toilet this year you guys they're lower than season one and i'm so scared they're not going to come back it's a shame you know gallery by the way i heard this by the way some secret knowledge that's pretty obvious to everyone gallery girls is officially canceled no no sorry you got gotta bring some sad realness into the situation. Because apparently the girls were all in Miami this past weekend

for Art Basel, and there were not Bravo crews. Like, I had a friend that was there from work, and apparently there was not camera crews all up on those ladies. Oh my god, Art Basel is like my dad's favourite thing. Oh my god. Her son and my thing at Art Basel. Oh my god. He's not my thing at all.

I can't believe that show is cancelled. Why would they have this? It was the best new Bravo show in five years. That proves that Bravo hates Watch What Crappens. Exactly, because they're bringing back more fucking Patty Stanger. You know what this also

proves too? You know, Bravo, they may have to change up the way they market their shows, because honestly, this is the same story we've been telling for the past year and a half now. We're always like, oh, this show. And then you always come in and you say, well, they're waiting in the toilet. And it's like every show is like this. It feels like only a few certain established shows seem to be doing really, really well at this point. Really? Really?

Only Housewives does well. Shots doesn't do well? Yes, it does, Ronnie. They had their highest ratings ever. Which was what? How much? 2.4 million viewers. Oh, God, no! Bravo. But here's the thing, though. Shaz and Sunset had a lot of publicity behind them. They also had Ryan Seacrest, and they get

exposure of the cast members. This is what happens. Shaz, in addition to being awesome, gets the great ratings because it's put after Atlanta. It's always paired with Atlanta, either before or after, and Atlanta has forever been Bravo's highest rated show. So it's a good combo

and whoever's going to be packaged with them is going to benefit. But the other thing is, too, this. Bravo floods the airwaves with a lot of generic shows that come and go non-stop and what it really does what yeah and what and you remember there was a show called like i forgot what it's called like it was about these luxury travel agents ones you know and what happens is is that a really um it it dilutes their brand in that the sense that there is a good show

that tries to launch amidst this you're just gonna think it's just another one of these forgettable bravo shows that comes and goes because they greenlight a whole bunch of shit when they should be focusing on a few shows and making them good yeah and and on top of that they should be trying to push the shows on watch what happens i mean watch what happens is a success for them and then and they put all all their energy into getting uh the real housewives on there when they should be having – they should be pushing their other smaller shows that are really good much harder on there. Well, and Andy also has great access to these people and it's called Ask Them Some Real Questions. Talk to them about the topics that we're talking about on Watch What Crappens and what our fans are talking about on our Facebook page slash Watch What Crappens. And what our fans are talking about on our Facebook page slash watch what crap ends.

And it's like he has the opportunity to do this and he has the access, but he's wasting time playing stupid fucking games. You know, there was just there was also there was no PR push for gallery girls. It was never there were no stories written, you know, on the AP or anything. It just there was no they had no presence anywhere. And sometimes once a show, let, look, let's face it. It's just not their audience either. I mean, look, Bravo is gay men and middle-aged women, right, who watch Bravo. And that's pretty much it. They don't want to watch a show about 20-year-old assholes who have more money than they deserve.

That's not really what they're after. They need to be making more shows about – well, of course, Million Dollar Listing is about older people, and that doesn't do well. But that's not – if that's going to be – that needs to either be a design show or a drama. Like I don't – I would watch that show voraciously. I mean I do for this show. Yeah. But I probably wouldn't watch that if it weren't for this show only because I would love to watch a design show. I watch a lot of those and I like a lot of silly shows.

But I don't know. I don't like the mix like that. It doesn't work for me. I think Million Dollar Decorators could benefit from a strong lead-in, to be honest. You know, because yeah, you know, it got a second season, but it didn't really have

the same following as Million Dollar Listing. I have a lot of motorcycle lists going by. That was Martin Lawrence Ballard. He's just arrived. I'm on my hog. He rides in a sidecar. I have a $15,000 chandelier in my sidecar.

I have to get to Fresh and Easy before Tesco closes down all the stores. That's another sad bit of news from this week. That Fresh and Easy is closing. I don't know where Martin Lawrence Ballard is going to shop now. It's a real problem. Trader Joe's. So let's get back to this show because there's a – the Martin Lawrence Ballard storyline was that he wanted to redecorate his house. And I did not realize just how hideous his house was and continues to be before and after.

Look, I hope that – Beyond hideous. and continues to be before and after. Look, I hope that he never listens to the show because he's very nice, but I don't remember him ever designing anything good. Everything he puts on the show is fucking terrible. Do you remember that thing he did last year for some model where he's like, oh, I'm going to put a poster of Rome or something?

I'm sorry. He did Daisy Fuentes' house and it looked so tacky. Yes, that was the one where he got a giant poster of Rome or some shit and he pasted it to the wall. He crackled a fucking poster. And it didn't even match the lines of the ceiling. It was all off. It was just terrible.

Everything he does is terrible and it all looks like his house. And his house looks like an old gay guy trying to impress Joan Rivers. Yeah, and his poor partner with the bad hair piece is sitting there, like, trying, just barely trying to adjust to the last hideous makeover where there's, like, zebra print and red and jaw tones. But then, you know, then he puts in all this other stuff like, you know, I want to have a spirit of India, a little bit of colonial. No, excuse me. It's Inja. Inja and colonial.

And, you know, a spirit of exorcism. It's like someone robbed Maharaja or whatever. But he, I don't know. It's like there were so many patterns and so many things going on. It actually hurt my eyeballs. It's seizure-inducing. There is no doubt about it. Yeah, and his poor husband just is like,

can I just have a chair to sit and watch TV in, please? Yeah. But darling, this is my art. This is my palette. This is a blind canvas. If it doesn't work in my living room, how will I know if it'll work for a client? Well, spoiler alert, it doesn't.

How will I know if Minty will like it? You know, I think it shows that it doesn't because he had to spend an episode decorating his own house. That's pretty sad. If you have to redecorate your own house once a month, then you know you may not have a good eye for this stuff.

Mary McDonald's like, I'm doing something in New York for someone who's wealthy. Everyone's got something to do and he's like, I'll be doing my living room. You guys want a real piece of gossip right here? Oh, yes. I love a piece of gossip. Please go back.

I love a delicious piece of gossip. I'd love a cup of tea. Ooh, I'd love a cup of tea. I'd love a cup of gossip. It's a delicious gossip. Can I get some spritz? It's very devilish about gossip. Please go on.

Let's have a tea. Oh, I can't wait. I'm on thin ice. Pins and needles pricking me rather devilishly. Are they from India? It's rather harsh pricking, but I enjoy it. Okay, so if you look past week's episode, not the one that's airing last night,

meaning tonight slash you're watching this tomorrow, but last week's episode, if you still have it on your DVR, Mary McDonald says she's in New York. Right? Yes. Look closely. Girlfriend is driving through downtown Los Angeles and they said that it's New York. What fucking liars are they? Oh, I didn't notice that.

Well, they're probably taking a fly in their ass. She's back and forth. Well, they're lying. They're saying like, oh, she's off to New York to do blah, blah, blah. And it's like, um, actually, that's downtown Los Angeles. Honey, you're not fooling me. It could have also just been a pickup shot that they needed. Yeah, she probably just showed

up one time. You're supposed to say, yeah, that sucks. You're not supposed to say, like, Matt, you're wrong. Matthew, don't be so hard on us. It's a pickup shot. Don't get your panties in a bundle. Just go to Fresh and Easy and get a bottle of $5 wine. Yeah, it's what they call a pickup shot in the business. It's nothing offensive.

I'm going to go tell my client's daughter, Minty, about the pickup shot, and then buy her a $30,000 shimmy. Shammy? Whatever it's called. I don't know. Am I allowed to use my Fresh and Easy points for that? When is that closing? Because actually I do have a shitload of Fresh and Easy points saved up.

I better go spend that shit. What is Fresh and Easy, people? Oh, it's just a wonderful supermarket. It's a supermarket where everything's prepackaged and there's no one around to help you. It's like you're a bunch of apes walking around there just throwing things you want in front of a scanner. And paying with a really and leaving. It's simply marvelous in a crude sort of way. Is that that fake 7-Eleven

that looks like it's the 7-Eleven of the future with an echo twist? No, that's Famima. Oh, that's Famima. What is that? What's Famima? Famima is a convenience store that came to us from Japan. From the Far East. How simply exotic.

No, Fresh and Easy is where you go. It's cheaper, but it's because no one really works there. I mean, there's like somebody maybe to help you if your credit card gets stuck. But no one really works there, and the fruit's always kind of, you know, rotten. And it's not the greatest store. And I really don't like this whole decline of service in America, you know? I mean, I miss the days when people used to take your bag of groceries to your car and load them in your trunk for you what happened in those days they do that ron i've seen them do that at fresh and easy what's good about fresh i have i've totally seen it i've totally seen it um is that

there's like the lines are very brief and you self-check out they've got everything packaged you just scan you just scan like one after the other and it self-check out. They've got everything packaged. You just scan. You just scan, like, one after the other. And it's a great place, and they've got a great variety, and it's not annoying like Trader Joe's. And I'm just devastated that it's closing down. And it's also the place where I get to see Martin Lawrence Blard rummaging about in the produce. Oh, and also LA Fitness is upstairs, so there is some fine meat walking around the deli. That is true, too. And there are no kids, by the way.

There are, like, rarely any. Here's the thing. Pretty much everyone who goes to Fresh and Easy is just, like, a deli. That is true, too. And there are no kids, by the way. There are like rarely any. Here's the thing. Pretty much everyone who goes to Fresh and Easy is just like a single person. I don't know why. Oh, my God. I should have been shopping there forever. Isn't that so Hollywood, though, that there's no children? Whenever I go home to Texas, I'm freaked out by all the fucking children.

It freaks me out. It's like families and people pregnant. It's like breeding pods everywhere. The other good thing about the Fresh and Easy here in Hollywood is that it's just like a block away from Grammar's Chinese Theater. So what will happen is sometimes you'll be shopping and you'll see like Batman picking up an eggplant. You know? Oh, and his dirty ass costume. You do not realize how dirty those people are until you see them in fresh and easy.

Totally. Oh, it's simply horrifying that they let Batman into my local supermarket. Marilyn Monroe looks like she's been gang raped by a biker. By a bunch of bikers. I simply refuse to believe that that's Elvis Presley over there by the parsley.

Marilyn Monroe, stop hanging out by the sons of anarchy, people darling. Is that a transformer perusing the rye bread? Oh, it's so deadly bread I can't believe how naughty that transformer is okay let's get back that's how exciting million dollar listing has been by the way you keep calling it million dollar listing

it's million dollar decorators I really am so into it Ronnie if you're gonna fuck up and do that you at least have to give me a Madison Hildebrand okay now you're going to fuck up and do that, you at least have to give me a Madison Hildebrand. Okay, now you're forgiven. Be quiet. Shut up. Catherine Ireland.

Okay, why is it that everybody she works with, she can't work with anybody? She seems so nice, but everyone's so difficult. It's you. It's you. It's you who's difficult. Listen to your client. they're giving you a million dollars bitch he has what i like to call bedroom eyes and i would like to take advantage i like how she's trying to woo this chef like katherine i love you katherine you're hilarious but you and your french maid who wears all like a b-cubers outfit you can jackalene jackalene speaking of

something in a sidecar like those two are the ones in a sidecar. Remember that show, Two Fat Ladies? Yes. Didn't one of them die of a heart attack? Yeah, that's what Catherine and Jacqueline are like. And that's actually a compliment. It's not. I'm not saying it in a mean way because I love the two fat ladies. It's Jacqueline, not Jacqueline.

Not like Jacqueline Loretta. That's simply awful of me. Or like Jackie Harry. Oh, Harry. Harry, let's decorate some houses there. She hasn't been on in a while. So, okay, that show's lame and probably getting canceled, so let's stop wasting people's time.

Let's go on to Atlanta. There's some crazy shit going down on Atlanta. I hate Atlanta. Why stop being racist? I hate Atlanta. I hate Atlanta. Why stop being racist? I hate it. I hate it. Matt, stop being racist. I hate white people.

I hate white people. I love Atlanta. It's my favorite one. I can't believe you don't like it. I hate the new cast members with all of my being. No, I love Atlanta. It's my favorite one. I can't believe you don't like it. I hate the new cast members with all of my being. No, I love Portia. How could you hate Portia? Hey, don't you bring me to Portia. That lady, I couldn't even find her on Google.

I had to kick her out. I would kick her out 265 days a year if I had to. I run a charity, but I'm not that charitable. Get out. I hate charity. I've run a charity, but I'm not that charitable. Get out. I hate charity. I don't even know I'm doing it. I just do it because I want a free dinner. I love poor Shep. Love her.

I cannot wait to see what she has in store for us in the future. I have a feeling it's just a lot of stupidity, and I'm in. Meanwhile, Peter cannot hold in his boner that he has for cordell stewart he is in love with that man which is like which is like oh you guys should go golf and you like to golf he's like well uh you know uh like uh 10 years ago i i like uh i watched uh some golfing on tv yeah what did he say what was his answer and uh that means he doesn't golf yeah

what was his answer he's like well 10 years, 10 years ago, I went to Hawaii. Like, what? What does that have to do with anything? Right, it made no sense. Peter, stop smoking before every goddamn scene with your bleary-ass, drunk-ass, stoned-ass. Oh, my God. His eyes are bloodshot every time he's on screen. That guy is such a fucking addict.

It's hilarious. And don't you just love how generous Peter is with everyone else's money. He's like the Kyle Richards of Atlanta. You know, the only way he gets married is in a donated museum space with donated catering, a donated limo that didn't show up. Like, come on now. And now he's like, oh, they're like, thank you, Peter. Thank you so much for this trip.

Oh yeah. You guys, I'm sure Peter, I'm sure peter the guy with no job really went out of his way to make this trip happen sponsored by all the profits from bar one and the bailey agency oh yeah because those are just at the top of the forbes 500 list he's like you're welcome everybody you're welcome um the cheap ass bleary-ass Peter. Oh, my goodness. Now, this trip to Anguilla, I mean, there were so many things I have to say about it. First of all, I thought it was – the thing that pops out in my mind the most is when Phaedra actually introduces the minister of tourism.

And then the minister of tourism is like – he's like, no, I would like to show you our local culture. And these girls come out, this local girl, this dance troupe, and they come out and they just do some booty shakes. Some straight up booty shakes. I was like, oh, is this what Angola's all about? They weren't even pretending to dance. They were just hoeing out. Yeah, they were just like grinding. And meanwhile, this is also the same island where they have this

perfectly nice looking restaurant. They're like, alright, well our drink specials are a fuck me sideways and a fuck me in the ass. Fuck you in the mouth, then fuck me in the ass um fuck you in the mouth then fuck me in the mouth what's going on oh my god i want one of all of them dirty sanchez uh you know right but she said it was like such a blasé tone that it was just like yeah this is the um you know come in my eye shot this is the uh two in the, one in the stink bomb. Yeah, I was just like, oh, my God.

One thing that trip was missing was a slavery museum with hot-ass slaves. Oh, tied up in, like, nautical netting situations. Like last year's trip. That was hysterical. I know. So this was a really good one. We got to see Kenya go even more crazy. I mean, that girl is delivering too much crazy.

I'm afraid somebody is going to get hurt. When can I talk about my favorite moment of the entire episode? Do it now. Do it now. We'll get to them, like, picking bedrooms and her being a bitch and all this other crazy stuff. My favorite part of the entire episode. What's her boyfriend's name? Walter.

Her paid boyfriend, Walter. When she starts acting like a psychopath, he starts going, Kenya, have you taken your medicine? Kenya, have you taken your medicine? Like, he's nervous. If she doesn't take her pills, everyone's going to be dead. Yeah, she's like the Hulk. Yeah. Well, I think those are like...

What is her medicine? What do you guys honestly think the medicine is? She needs to be a man. She needs to, like, you know what her medicine is? It's food to feed like, you know what her medicine is? It's food to feed the creature that lives inside her ass that makes it so big. She has, like, a little goblin back in her buttocks. It's not a little goblin.

Yeah, it's like a child. I actually do, though, think that she could be potentially physically dangerous. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I'm telling you. I'm kind of worried for people's safety. And doesn't she get into it with... Who's it? Nini next week? Yeah, I feel like Nini's holding her back, but then they start getting all slappy

on each other. Did I see something today that Kenya has multiple personality disorder? Or of course she would say that. Yeah, but would you be surprised? I mean, that's not surprising to me at all yeah no she is she is just a crazy woman like a truly crazy woman and the way she flirts with everyone

in front of well before we knew that walter was paid um the fact that she would sit there and be like oh do you have do you have some semen stored away somewhere to the guy who's like the head of the viceroy or whatever i mean right that's exactly what you say to somebody who's like the head of the viceroy or whatever. I mean. Right. That's exactly what you say to somebody who's like, I don't know. It just. That's what I said on my date last night. I said, do you have any semen stored away that I can use at a later date? And it went over really well. Five minutes later.

Yeah. Went over really well, I have to say. I was really happy. Getting a second date. I hope so. If he's listening and he might be um call me that girl's like not even wanting to freeze semen she's wanting to freeze like an actual baby oh no wait that's karen that's karen i'm so sorry karen wants to to freeze she wants to just like kidnap a baby and freeze it until people forget that it was kidnapped and then ireeze it and re-raise it.

Yeah, I was going to say, Kenya's the type that I feel like would actually kidnap a baby or something. She'd go like raising Arizona on someone. If Lisa ever, if Lisa is ever able to have a baby on Miami, Karen will be stealing it. There's no doubt. Oh no, I was talking about Kenya. I'm sorry. I don't think Karen would steal a baby.

Oh, Karen would steal a baby. Kenya would steal a baby. There we are getting our minorities mixed up. We are racist on this show. We put all the minorities into their own episodes so all the white people can skip it if they want. I mean, that's just not right. We're not part of the casting department, okay? It's horrifying. This is the way we treat the

colonials. Do you think they're going to try and replace Kim with another whitey? I hope not. I mean they can't find another white girl that trashy. Brandi's cast already. Listen, it's Atlanta. Don't underestimate the trashy people in Atlanta.

I hope that they don't because I think that Kim made white people look even worse. I mean it's hard to make white people look worse than they already do around a group of black people. Like we should already be ashamed. That's how we need to have a white woman on there. people look worse than they already do around a group of black people, we should already be ashamed. I was going to say, nobody makes it. That's why we need to have a white woman on there. A white woman who's going to say some stupid thing like, oh my god, black people love me. I'm like a black girl. And then she says something really offensive

and then it stops. If you could have one white woman from another Beverly, from another Swipes cast to take Kim's spot in Atlanta, who do you think would make for good TV? Ramona. Is that what you

said too? Totally Ramona. 100% Ramona. I think it would be good to put Tamara there because she would say something so awful and they'd straight up kill her. Tamara would actually fit in a little better, I think. Yeah, Tamara, yeah. Tamara would just be like,

whoo, shots, yeah, wow, wow. I almost said Sonya, but I was like, no, no, it's gotta be Ramona. And so funny, we both said that exact same thing. Even in question, Ramona. Could you imagine Ramona being like, she would,

oh my, she would... I'm with a donkey booty, what? Not Ramona being... She would... I'm with a donkey booty? What? Not even tolerated. She would be like, I'm high class, he's in a low class. She wouldn't be able to deal. So, everybody... So if you guys love Atlanta so much, tell me what happened, because I can't remember.

This was that lunch, right? Wasn't this the episode with that lunch with Kim, or was this the end of that? That was the end of the Kim lunch, and then it was the Kenya pushes Apollo in the pool. Well, then – oh, yeah. So that happened. But wait a second. Did we see Kim punch the cameraman or whatever was going on?

Yes. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Where did Croy come from? That's what I want to know. A black escalator. When did Croy grab a pair? But why was he even there?

Like, was he just waiting outside the entire time? Yes, he was waiting in the Escalade for Kim. His wife who was pregnant at, who was five months pregnant, oh wait, eight months pregnant, oh wait, seven months pregnant, oh wait, I don't even know how pregnant she was, because she kept making it up like Phaedra did with her fucking baby.

We talked about this last week, right? She was on Watch What Happens and all that. Yeah, yeah. Well, she's like, I can't really travel. I'm like 28 weeks. Well, 29. Really? Yeah.

31 weeks. My anger feels totally expired on that one. Okay. So we did finish that. The thing is that Atlanta, I don't take it as seriously because the drama. I don't know. It's just so silly it's like a cartoon to me so i tend to play games like this week i've been playing stupid

zombies where you have to shoot zombies and so i watched that at the same time so i missed some things listen here's what what what the only thing left that has to be discussed is that the day after kenya flirted with apollo in the pool phhaedra came back with her own retaliation, which was to show up in a stripper tastic skank-o-rama black, like weird knitted baby. It was a thong with a

net on top. She looked like she'd been hauled in from the harbor. She was, that was a Yeah, she did. It looks like they caught some, they caught a tuna in an oil slick she was she was shiny and her ass was hanging out and that was not cute she's supposed to be a church-going woman and this was not very church-going and that was the saddest most jealous outfit i've ever seen in my life and the the sad thing is that she, she, she packed this.

So this happened before all the Kenya stuff. Like really the only, only thing worse than we've seen on a vacation has been, I've been telling Teresa's outfits, you know, but that's, that's been bad. At least we didn't have to see Joe fuck her up against a tree.

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success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee.

What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more.

She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for Black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. I'll see you next time. At least we've got Apollo to look at. Oh, my goodness. You know, the good Lord did a good job with that one. But he always, he'll give you one thing, but it'll take something away. Of course he makes that guy talk like Mike Tyson. Yeah. Because you know he can't just be gorgeous and talk like, hey, baby.

Yeah, he's like, hey, hey, Phaedra. Hey, Phaedra. Let's talk about sexiness. I think we need to do some fitness talk. Now, he talks like Portia, actually. Could you imagine those two at once? It's kind of like Portia and then like David Beckham. Like you're like David Beckham. You are a hot piece of man.

And then he opens his mouth and it's like a little four-year-old girl. Yeah, it is. That's exactly. But, you know, I like Apollo so much. And that may be just because he's very attractive. But he's a good guy. Why did Nini keep calling him like a little man? Is he short?

I think he's probably like 5'8". Because she's – you know, Phaedra's short. Phaedra's short and Nini is a lumberjack. Yeah. And let's talk about Greg, by the way. Greg's like, well, I told my left eye to close. And then my right eye said open. And so I said, why don't you close?

And his right eye said, hey, I didn't do nothing. So I then my right eye opened and so I said right eye why don't you close right eye I said hey I didn't do nothing so I closed my right eye and then the left eye looked again oh lord and then everyone's like ha ha ha Greg you're so funny I'm like what this is like this is like the same sort of humor as like Miss J on America's Next Top Model you know Miss J is not actually funny but all

that Miss J does is go girl beep beep beep beep which is hilarious she needs to work on her But all that Miss J does is go, girl, beep, beep, beep, beep. And you're like, what? Which is hilarious. She needs to work on her. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. And you're like, huh? That's not funny.

That's just noises. Oh, go ahead. I was just going to say, like, there was a part on the show where, like, Nini was saying something. And Greg could not understand her sitting right next to her. And he was like, my back hurts. And I can't remember what Nini was trying my back hurts and i can't remember when that was so funny because nini was starting to feel all sexy because it's a couple's trip and she's wasted so she's starting to hit on greg and she's laying down next to him she's like what he said baby you know something like baby you know i love you and she's like why you hold back then yeah and he's like my back doesn't hurt he's like, why you hold back then? Yeah. And he's like, my back doesn't hurt. He's like, my back

when? She's like, no, why you hold back then? What? Why I go back there? Why I go back where? No! I said why you hold back then? I know I'm black, baby. I've grown up looking at myself my whole life. Oh, never mind, Greg.

And then she just flips her silk scarf and is like forget this shit you're not getting in tonight and then Nini blew a waiter and the end of the night happened I actually thought that he was fucking with her I think he heard what she was saying oh you really think that he just wanted her

to like keep begging for it I think he thought he was being funny well he was he was right that shit was hilarious oh he right he right he right um yeah so so that was i think that's pretty much it for atlanta um i can't really remember anything else kenya was a flaming bitch to everybody and in the previews we did not this week's previews but in general in the previews we do see kenya freaking out that she's not with apollo right

like that is coming yeah oh oh you know what, by the way, you know what I really liked about Portia this week? So, you know, Kenya hates Portia and they have this bad blood. And when they all arrive at the airport and Kenya says hi to everyone except for Portia and then Portia in the interview, she's like, OK, I'll let you get away with it for a little while. And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, Portia. Yeah, Portia, you're an idiot, but you're also a little bit of a bitch. I love it. Go for it. Yeah, you were going to tell somebody off in the worst English.

Oh, she will. She will. She came outside and kicked her out. I loved that. That was – so far that was my favorite. She didn't fucking kick her out. Kenya left that shitty-ass party. Portia's an idiot, but she has a little bit of an edge to her, which I like.

Oh my god, there's no edge. Yeah, there is. Portia has had her ass kissed her entire life for being born to a rich, famous person, and she is not gonna like being mistreated by some Z-lister, as we used that term before. She is not gonna take that for

very much longer, and I can't wait! Yeah, I like Portia. Portia is like right at the top of my Atlanta list right now. I love me some Portia. Yeah, I'll let you get away with that for a little while. For now. I won't let you get away for like 233 days of the month. You best write yourself a letter to Google and ask them why you ain't on there.

Yeah. You better teach them some history. Be Mama Joyce for one more second and just tell Riley to go clean her glasses. Riley, get out of here and go clean those glasses. Now, what you say about Riley, I think she too fat. What did she say about Riley when she left the room? Oh, my God. What did she say about her? It was something

kind of rude, right? She called her Lauren Manzo. But I... You need to stop giving her so much egg salad now. Oh mama. Oh mama. I got some Kegel balls in my vagina. Hey mama.

Mama, I'm Kegel balls. Kim, that's my house, mama. Kim said nasty things about my vagina. Mama, I can't divorce. Kim, that's my house, Mama. Kim said nasty things about my house. See, Kim's got an excuse for everything, Mama. I love that she was like, what's the excuse now with Kim? What's she saying now for herself?

Actually, I can't even bother to do the, not bother, I can't do the impersonations whatsoever. But I love the way they were talking about Kim, Candy and her mom, and talking about how Kim's like about the nanny or something like that. And the mom was like, she got to work around nanny schedule since we do that. Who work around that nanny schedule, Candy? That don't sound right.

And Candy's like, she do. That's not right, Candy. That ain't right, Candy. I love them. I love Joyce. Should we go on to Shaz? Do we feel ready to go to Shaz? I feel like there's so much more that happened.

Okay, let's move on to Shaz. Oh, my God. I love Tasha and Joyce. That's all I have to say. So, Shaz, this week we got to learn a little bit more about the Persian Barbie what's-her-face again? Lily.

Poopy, poopy, poopy, poopy, scoopy, poopy, cunty, punty. And then that led us to calling her cunty, punty. She's doing so many wonderful things for women in business. She is. She's eradicating coochie juice. Oh my god, there's like AIDS on this bathing

suit. Oh my god. Did you guys? Okay, look, none of these shows should surprise us, but I seriously clutched my pearls when she said that. I think she had to apologize the next day. I think I read that somewhere. She had to apologize to the gays of the world for saying that there's AIDS on the bathing

suit. Why would she have to apologize to the gays of the world when we don't have's aids on the bathing suit why would you apologize because no street people are watching this show why would the gays care about a vagina having aids if anything it's evening the score a little bit um well i like i like how over the course of the of the episode lily's hair just got bigger and bigger and bigger um That has to be at least 75% weave, right? And at least 75 pounds. Yeah. I think she's smuggling in some pomegranates from the motherland inside that thing. That picture you guys put of her on Facebook was hysterical.

Who did that? I did that. That was so funny. Did you actually put all those pictures together? Did you find that somewhere? No, I made that. I took all those pictures. When you put Ralph in there, I died. It's like, who wore this

hairstyle better? Lily, Ralph from the Muppets, who else was in there? Slash and Weird Al Yankovic. Because what happened was there was a shot of Lily talking and her hair was so huge. I mean, it was beyond, it was beyond weave.

It was like, it was unbelievable. It was like, you would have to be at cafes for hours upon hours upon hours to get one third of that hair into someone's head. I don't even know where that hair came from. She is from Texas, Ronnie.

She is. I know. Her boobs are huge. I have to say, I did respect – That's how we like them. We like them skinny with giant hair and giant fake boobies. I do have to say I am impressed that she actually has a law degree. That's actually kind of cool. I actually think she's kind of badass where she's like, yeah, so they didn't really like it so much when I was on Judge Judy with my pussy hanging out. So I decided law isn't for me.

Yeah, I actually was totally – I thought that was great. And I thought that the only bad thing was when she was in the office and acting like a total idiot. Not an idiot. She is. But those girls, it's like those girls have a pact with each other that that's just how they're going to talk to each other. Like dumb, dumb model girls. Always talk to each other. Like dumb model girls. Always talk to each other in baby voice. Yeah. It's just like it's so

I feel like it's so bad for women. I gotta go home because I have a husband waiting for me. Oh, you sure do booty booty, cootie cootie, kitty kitty, cunty punty. Were you calling her cootie kentay? I will say this, though.

I really do like Lillian. For all of her horribleness about AIDS, coochie juice, you have to say well, she's at least not Gigi, who has no job and is a ghetto piece of trash. Or at least she's not

like Asa, who's become such an asshole. She's a Persian pop princess. She has a PhD. Her PhD is Persian pop princess. You dumb idiot, you couldn't even say, like, a good acronym for PhD. Persian pop princess is PPP. It's not PhD.

Like, what is wrong with you? There's nothing wrong with her or her saffron rice. And Ben, by the way, you're a chef. I would like you to make me some saffron rice. And Ben, by the way, you're a chef. I would like you to make me some saffron rice because I want some crusty crust. You know what? There's a recipe for that rice in my Persian cookbook. That shit looks delicious.

Well, it is Persian crap. I love that her mom is like, you need to get a job. You need to be a doctor, lawyer, computer. Psychologist. Computer. I love it because computer. You have to be computer psychologist but i also like when she's like i am a persian pop priestess and his mom's like what the hell is that what is

this what is that like exactly yeah asa and then her big fake uh louis vuitton bag come on girl can you imagine her mom's probably like come on asa we gave you thirty thousand dollars what did you do with that thirty thousand dollars um i buried it under my steps and then told the entire country about it on national tv well at least asa's house in venice is like multiple millions of dollars but her parents don't look like they're living in like the life of luxury well that's why persians are rich they know how to save their damn money they're not just going to be spending that money all over the place unless you're a persian pop priestess and have the endorsement of the persian barbara walters on the persian view at the persian oscars i don't know um asa so here's the thing i am really

starting to dislike asa anyone who makes me take gg's side is... You better not be on Gigi's side. Why would you take Gigi's side? What are you, nuts? I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why I'm on Gigi's side. I mean, Gigi and Omid were obnoxious at the restaurant. But this has nothing to do with that at this point. At this point,

what happened was they went to this party and Gigi pulled Asa aside and actually very politely and calmly explained why she was offended when Asa – No, no, no. Excuse me. No, no. Excuse me. And so like – because Asa did make that pretty obnoxious comment about the nose and Gigi was just saying –

She did not mean it to be rude. That's fine. That's fine. But Gigi was at least trying to explain why she took it the way she took it. And I think that she was entitled to say it. And she was saying it in a mature way. And Asa just was obnoxious.

Asa, who was supposed to be Earth Mother and open-minded and non-materialistic, didn't even give Gigi a... She gave her a chance. She wasn't empathetic whatsoever no Gigi has not earned the she should

Gigi has not done anything to earn anybody's respect so nobody should have to look her in the eye or take her seriously and number two I love that this was all about Gigi if Omid was fucking upset he should have pulled Asa aside it's not Gigi's battle to fight with her fucking dick and her shit

what a stupid argument that she's like oh well I had a nose job so I'm very offended about you all she does is pretend to cry and it's like it doesn't matter you're not really crying I'm not arguing about whether the argument was stupid about the nose whatever I'm just saying that I thought

that whatever it was that Gigi was saying she was actually speaking in a normal tone, a normal polite tone. That's true. And Asa was just, like, totally dismissive. Okay, okay. So, Ben, if Gigi did that, and it was, you know, and Asa was rude, that's all fine, and Asa should

be, you know, reprimanded for being so rude. Yes. Then Gigi became a ghetto psycho fucking bitch and is like, I'm taking out my earrings. If you do that in real life, that shit only happens in movies. Like when you do that in real life,

there is nothing that is more tacky and classless. Well, look, that implies that there's some element of class anywhere in this show. Yeah, they're in a backyard playing horse, hot dogs. And actually, you know what I love is that Asa, they have this whole fight or whatever, and yes, I agree, Gigi was a total ghetto bitch at that moment. Gigi gets pulled away, and Mike

is slamming down on banisters, and Asa's like, yo, I'm going back to my basketball game. She was in some early 90s movie or something, and she's like, alright, come on. She throws the ball, barely even hits the backboard, and she's like, yo, I'm winning. I'm like, shut up, As on. She throws the ball, barely even hits the backboard. And she's like, yo, I'm winning. I'm like, shut up, Asa. You're such a boos.

She was just doing that to get under Gigi's skin. And clearly it worked because Gigi kept running all over the backyard like a freak. Well, Gigi's a nutcase, okay? And her gay boyfriend should have held her down, not Mike. We're forgetting about the best part where drunk MJj starts to pull gg off and they both fall on the floor and then mj can't get up well mj thought that uh gg was holding onto a slider to be fair she's like give me that give me that slider well before we even go to that we should go to mj's therapist okay bravo therapist making stupid faces and having skunk hair and wearing

gypsy pants does not make you a therapist what was that therapy in our kitchen it was um you know it was like cruella deville and debbie harry had a love child and it became not even a real office that is the condo building that is on the corner of larchmont and melrose that is empty and a few people rent those as condos that is not an office building it was a fucking fake setup these people these people that you know the only people that watch these shows probably are like in new york and la and i'm like all these bravo shows are cheating and pretending that places are new york when they're really la or they're pretending this is an office when i know it's like an empty fucking loft it's like you're not gonna fool me i'm watching all these shits with a

with a magnifying glass motherfuckers yeah when uh when mj was like to her therapist she's like hello doctor whatever i was like oh mj you're precious to say to think that this is an actual doctor she's not a doctor don't you be silly she worked she used to work at fresh and easy until they closed down the stores well i love that uh mj is in there crying about how her parents divorce has killed her self-confidence, and then we see her chunky ass in a bikini. Listen, if you had low self-confidence, you would never, ever be

in that. And if your mother actually did give you low self-confidence, I would have been thanking her during this episode. Get yourself a wrap, MJ! Exactly. I will say, she did have one redeeming moment, which is that I thought the scene where she was sort of grooming her dad and giving him terrible hair color

was actually very sweet. I thought that was a lovely moment. Oh my god. You're making fun of me for saying that, like, Lisa with Ken at the hospital was ridiculous, and now you're like... Well, I didn't cry. I didn't cry. You're cooing over MJ painting her dad's hair green and then

chopping out his nose hair? Ugh. Well, it was a little gross, too. But I appreciated the sentiment behind it. It was a little gross. You hear the sound of the hair. It was disgusting. I can only imagine what sort of personal grooming she has to do.

I had to look away. I mean, the Shazza Sunset is— I can't watch American Horror Story when I eat, and Shazza Sunset is the only other show on TV that I just cannot eat. I mean, I can eat during anything. I can watch a house burning down, and I can eat, but I cannot eat while I watch Shazza Sunset. There's always something disgusting

on that show. Meanwhile, then Asa, like, talking about, and then, speaking of disgusting, there's a fortune teller, sort of like a weird, like, man-woman fortune teller sort of like a weird like man woman fortune telling him show ray that asa brings reza to and she's like oh you have a bad relationship with father and you you disconnect out of relationships and he's like oh my god that's amazing that's crazy she's like you like penises oh that's nuts i can't believe she got that about me you like you like having a mustache oh my god she's so good like i i can't believe it the best part by the way here's a funny story uh so asa says this woman's so famous she's like literally

like you go you google this woman like you you google persian fortune teller she's she's the one who shows up so of course I at that very moment I googled it didn't you she didn't show up I googled it and then she didn't show up so then I went on an image search and I'll tell you who did show up Naz who I guess she filled in on an episode like two weeks ago

she showed up instead who's Naz I'm sorry Nadine Nadine I went to Who's Naz? I'm sorry. Oh, Naz. Nadine. I went to college with somebody named Naz. That is hilarious.

That is so funny. Nadine from the Silicon Valley podcast. That is hilarious. So she showed up on Persian Fortune Teller. And you know who else showed up? A poster for That's So Raven. You know that Nads will show up on any Persian search.

She's like a very famous Persian. Asa's probably very jealous. Is Nads really famous? Yeah, Nads has done a lot of stand-up. She does a lot of stand-up comedy, and she does those VH1 Best Week Ever shows. So you'd probably know her from a lot of those stuff.

So, yeah, she's like a little famous comedian. Now she's a TV producer, but, yeah, before she was like the Persian comic or whatever. She was the Persian Joan Rivers. Sure, she'd appreciate that. Sorry, Nadeem. Yeah, I don't know that that's a compliment um have you guys um are you either of you suffering from a gay life crisis like reza oh my god that's like so have a gay life crisis like white people are like i'm fine and people are like oh what's going on

with this people just want to sleep with everybody and get away with it that's so person to disrespect a nice boyfriend and cheat on him the whole time. I mean, come on. You've got a nice boyfriend who will put up with your lame, sweaty, like literal sweaty ass. Yeah. How can you be cheating on him all the time and acting like a jerk and calling him boring on national TV? That's not nice. Exactly.

Yeah, and he's way fucking cuter too. And all of Ray's jokes in that cooking class were so annoying. They're like, Why can't we be making something flaming? Because I'm gay? I can't believe it. I can't believe you're doing something that has fire in it. Is that because I'm a spicy Persian? A Persian would never say that.

That's such a white thing to say. It's so not Persian. I can't believe you said a word with G in it. G as in like in gay. I can't believe it. Oh my God. Is it because we're gay? You guys, I'm going to go out on a limb here.

I loved Reza in season one and he still makes for good TV, but I think that he is at the top of the list of gay, making gay people look bad on reality TV. Like he's up there with the cast. That's the only kind they put on Bravo. That's like so Persian. That's like so Persian they put on Bravo. That's so Persian. That's so Persian to make gays look bad. White people make gays look good, but Persians are like,

okay, let's do something to make them look bad. You know what I'm saying? Look at Matt pausing, afraid that I'm going to go too. I'm not going to go. It makes us all look wonderful. It makes us all look devilish and handsome. I think we should be proud at how we keep those voices separate.

They're very similar, if you really think about it. Very similar. It's rather exquisite if I spy anything to say about it. Persians would never do that. Slip from my voice into Martin Lawrence Blunt's faces. That's so not Persian. Persian people just, like, take one voice and just like go with it like white people are like oh let's do this voice now let's do that voice that's so white

persian people don't care about voices all we want are good hot dogs at a party in a backyard oh my god i can't believe you talk about hot dogs and there's a gay person here that's so persian of you to do that oh my god this is like so persian right now ronnie went to hey it's ben's birthday um i'm on facebook right now yes and you did go to his um yeah so shazza sunset so i really love that fight because gg when she went crazy she got theresa crazy blank you know when theresa finally loses it and she gets the rage blanks yeah. Oh, I love seeing Gigi get the rage blink. She just starts blinking, like, really fast and wide. And stupid Omri is, like, carrying her out.

And you guys read that they're getting married, right? They're engaged? Yeah. That's going to be a great Liza Minnelli situation going on there. No kidding. She's going to beat him upside the head with a vodka bottle like Liza did to David Guest. And I hope that nobody says anything funny at that rehearsal

dinner. I guarantee you that that's happening because she wants to... Okay, I'm done. You made Matt quit. No, Matt. Come back. Come back, come back we love you what are you gonna say matt that i think that she's just trying to like get a spin-off a la kim um you know just getting a spin-off from atlanta and i just i'm i just don't think that's gonna happen i think she just scared off all the straight men that are left so she has to go with the closeted gay ones. Yeah.

She's going to be drunk. I do hope that we get to see a nice finale at that one. Well, no, because they probably already shot the finale, right? Oh, they definitely shot a finale, but I think that they're definitely going to get a third season. Yeah. That's good. I like it. And she'll be a bridezilla the entire time.

It'll be awesome. Oh, that will be great. She'll be a horrific, horrific bride. You know what would be really awesome? If Lily's dog Coconut were the ring bearer. I was trying to figure out where Lily was living. I was probably looking out her window. It looked like she's in Hollywood somewhere. She's somewhere in Hollywood. I think that it was fairly obvious that Gigi is now somewhere. She's somewhere on Burton Way with one of those buildings that used to be nice and clean and beige, but they're all sooty now on the outside. She would live in a sooty building.

It's so Burton Way, aka Beverly Hills adjacent. Yeah, there's a lot of that in Beverly Hills. One thing is LA, I guess, is showing its age. People don't really build new homes. They just kind of take the old homes and maybe power wash them on the outside. No, they're not even power washing them. I drive down Burton Way and I'm like, I need to power wash all these dirty ass buildings

in the 90048 Gigi's house. That's so Persian to power wash. You know what I like to power wash? An asshole. Ew, gross. Speaking of, I don't want to think about the blackest part of Kenya's ass. Thank you. You mean anal?

You can kiss the blackest part of my ass. No, thank you. I don't even want to know what part that's going to be. Thanks. So are we done with these people on the shawls of sunset? I think so. I think we are quietly running out of steam.

Yes, late. Here is 1221. I'm reading Facebook and playing with a slap bracelet I got from work for a show called King of the Nerds. I think that's what we are. King of the Nerds. We're podcasting after midnight. King of the Nerd Fagito Burritos.

Yeah. How fun is that? Well, we made it to our 51st episode. nerd fagito burritos. Yeah. How fun is that? How fun is that? How's the double? Well, we made it to our 51st episode. Sorry, I was watching Project Runway All-Stars. Give me some more lists. Give me some more lists, please. I was watching Project Runway All-Stars with Emilio's early earth. So I've got the list going on.

Gay people, take some voice diction classes. I'm going to. Let's do it together and learn to cook at the same time. That's so Persian. That's so Persian. I'm going to. Let's do it together and learn to cook at the same time. That's so Persian. I'm on a tablet. Thank you so much for listening to Watch What Crappens and getting us to 51 episodes.

Well, we're going to have a 69th episode party. Maybe we should do a live show with an after party. Oh my god, I better lose weight if I'm going to have someone's wiener in my mouth while they have my wiener in my mouth while I have, while I, they have my wiener in their mouth.

Why is it now suddenly a Bukkake podcast? If you guys made it, it's the 69th podcast. What the hell else are we going to do? Serve. Good point. Very good point. Serve oysters? No. 69. 69.

Well, thank you everybody for being here. So Persian of you. I could not resist. Good night. You can find me, Ronnie, at TVgasm. You can find Ben at B-Side Blog. You can find Matt at Life on the M-List. You can find us on Facebook at Facebook.com slash Watch What Crappens.

You can find us on Twitter at What Crappens. And please go to our Facebook. I just posted a new read-up of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, as well as my latest recap. And Ben has posted his latest recap of Real Housewives of Atlanta, which is hysterical. We will see you next time, everybody. Thank you for being here. Love you guys. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. We'll be right back. Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger. I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza.

Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash waitforitcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And it's funny. And I love you.

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