Watch What Crappens - #52: The Morally Corrupt Heffers of Sunset

Episode Date: December 19, 2012

The Morally Corrupt Heffers of Sunset See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. hey everybody welcome to watch what crap ends that podcast dedicated to all that crap we all love on bravo my name is matt whitfield from yahoo and joining me as always are my trusty sidekicks ben mandelker from b-side blog and ronnie carom from tvgasm say hello boys hello hello um today we have so much to talk about last week you guys were in for a major treat because you got two episodes of watch what crappens

including our golden 50th episode but this week we're all busy motherfuckers because it's the holidays and we are taping one episode today. So prepare yourselves, buckle yourselves in. We're going to talk Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Real Housewives of Mijami, Shaws of Sunset, which is secretly my favorite show on TV, and then we'll toss in a little Top Chef and Million Dollar Decorators, but we're going to do that at the end because they kind of suck compared to the amazingness of Beverly Hills. But before we get to Beverly Hills, shout out to all of you who listen to us, who download us, who comment, and who participate on our Facebook page, which is Facebook slash Watch What Crappens.

You guys are hilarious. You make this fun for us. And while we're at it, let's do a few Twitter handles. Why don't you boys tell everybody where they can find you on the twitter well you can find me at b-side blog and i would like people to follow me because i've stagnated in my followers thank you thank you thank you very much um my name is ronnie and you can follow me at tvgasm and i don't really make ever make a push for followers but

i've been having fun on that there twitter now that i've learned how to use it about fucking time and i'm matt whitfield and you can follow me at life on the m list and you can follow us as a group at what crappens um let's dive right in you guys the. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was out of control. Please, please, please, can somebody smash Faye Resnick and Kyle into Shut Up Mountain? Go. Well, I mean, I don't know if you can even smack Faye Resnick without your hand, like, melting or turning into fire. I mean, she's so morally corrupt. I feel like I'm looking in the eyes of the devil herself.

Yeah. Faye Resnick is a horrible human being and she has a horse face actually someone in the recap comments today said she looked more like jar jar binks which i think is very funny that is mean to jar jar binks our dear friend lisa timmons actually this morning noted that the reason why faye resnick and adrian maloof probably are friends is because they look exactly the same. At this point, their faces have actually just become just composites of plastic. Yeah, I think that

they've both gotten some surgery from Paul. Paul is probably one of the shittiest surgeons I've ever seen. I can't believe that he lets that piece of work walk around with his name stamped on it. You ever see Labyrinth? You know know there's like there's like some part where there's like a little fox that rides

like a dog um i think that fey looks sort of like that fox now her face has sort of moved in that sort of angular um angular direction and uh i'm glad that now we have two labyrinth references in the real housewives universe of course the, the other being Mama Elsa as Hoggle. Obviously. Obviously. To set this up, I think we're jumping ahead to the very end of the episode, but let's just start there because nobody loves a dinner party like the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills where they bring the drama. They love it so much that they will even have one in a dining room that's not even finished? Slash that looks like a bordello, slash that Faye Resnick designed, slash is she

really a designer? Because I saw her at Restoration Hardware and she looked like a big ol' hooker. Well, so does it look? Yeah, I'm a hater. I'm a super hater. What did she do? She painted it white, which is kind of 80s, like to paint brick white. She painted it white, put a

plastic chandelier in there, and a bamboo mirror that she got for free from Cost Plus. I'm so sick of Kyle getting free shit. Every episode is about Kyle getting something for free. We have to see some party where Kyle shows off what she got free. You know what, Kyle? Go shopping like the rest of us with jobs. Yeah.

Well, I thought Faye Resnick as a designer is sort of like as as believable as any of these other housewives as singers quite frankly which is that she can't do it faye faye we're so angry at faye today i love it yeah i think it's really hilarious how we all loved faye at first because in the first season everyone hated camille because she was a total asshole. So we loved the dinner where Kyle showed up with Faye and Faye told off Camille for Kyle. Everyone thought that that was really great. This year, Kyle's a total asshole

and everyone loves Camille and everyone's mad at Faye for showing up and yelling at somebody for Kyle. I have to say, I still kind of love Faye only because she's the only one out of all the women in all the housewives who has like a official title which is the morally corrupt fay resnick i love i love her i love her title but you are the only one that actually loves her she is horrible and kyle you know the funny thing is you know we all loved us some kyle

and now kyle is the absolute word i think she's worse than Adrian, to be honest with you. Yeah, I don't think so. It doesn't get worse than Kyle in my book. But let's talk a little bit more. How did they get to this dinner party? Should we start there? Do you want to jump back to the beginning of the episode where we were having like— Well, the beginning was pretty good.

The beginning was really long. I mean, that was a nice 15-minute chunk. My favorite part of the opening— Obviously, this is kind of a continuation from last week where Mauricio was having his advertisement slash party. And it's kind of where Kim told Adrian and Paul what crap Brandy was talking behind their back. And then Paul and Adrian then ended up attacking Brandy and Taylor starts crying in the background and it all just went to shit. So let's start there. And I will kick things off with, I so love sober Kim getting real with her bitch sister, Kyle,

and telling her, you are not the boss of me, bitch. You're not the boss of me. Hey, blah, blah, blah. That was her fight, which I love, like with her hand in Kyle's face. I got a boot. I got an ear. I got a boot. I got near. I got a boot near, Kyle.

So be quiet. I want to ride your horse and die. I love me some Kim Richards, and I love that sobriety is giving her a memory. I mean, she looks so shocked to be able to form sentences and make an argument. It's hilarious. And when Kyle's coming at her her she looks like she's being accused of like doing meth or something like she doesn't really know how to fight properly yet you know she's like a little too angry but i'm loving her forming sentences and i thought it was hilarious

when kyle was like you know i love that kim is sober now but it's like really bitch yeah no i mean she's such she is such a liar and it's so awful and you can tell like sober kim is going to reveal so much about their past relationship and how kyle has been clearly awful to her sister for years and years and years and i don't know i just think that we're gonna see kyle fall even further down you know the ladder because kim is gonna get real with her and i don't think that she's going to like it plus she also now that she is sober is not going to be able to be controlled by kyle and maurice by the way is it maurice or mauricio but but but kim calls him calls him maurice you know um uh kim also brought up the good point that everyone else brought up which was that uh if kyle hadn't pressed brandy for these to find out what's going on with her and

adrian none of this would have happened it was really at the end of the day it was kyle i know if Kyle hadn't pressed Brandy to find out what's going on with her and Adrian, none of this would have happened. It was really, at the end of the day, it was Kyle. I know. I mean, Ben, that's such a good point. That was where I was like, oh, this girl really is sober because she is making a seriously valid point. And then they cut back to last week's episode where Kyle shit-stirs. And all she does, I mean, she did it in the limo on the way home from Ojai,

got Brandy riled up ohai got brandy riled up she got brandy riled up at the dinner party lisa was throwing last week it's like she doesn't know i mean i feel like she's pretending that she wants to claim that she's not like this evil monster you know that's stirring it but she stirs it more than anybody it all reminds i was gonna say it all just reminds me back to our favorite show of the summer uh gallery girls and guy girls when um when aunt angela went over to whatever her name was the way fish one and was like so and so claudia said that um you're a delusional liar and they're awful and that you don't work and you shouldn't be part of the business. Why would she say that?

It's like, it's all in this guise of concern that is really not there. It's about as mature as the 20-year-olds, too. And about as intelligent. I mean, Kyle's thing is, you know, she reads all these Housewives. My favorite thing about Housewives is that they love reading Twitter. They love it. They're on it all the time. You can see them on their cell phones looking at Twitter even during the episodes.

So I love that they're Twitter fans, and it really affects their behavior. Kyle last year just assumed, well, everyone is going to know that Brandi is a horrible, skanky, white trash bitch. No one is going to stand for this woman. Well, it turns out Brandi was so popular that she became a housewife, and everybody was against Kyle on Twitter by the end of that season so kyle was suddenly the villain and now she's being extremely careful to not mess with brandy she doesn't want to be coming at brandy anymore she can't be coming at camille because everyone's into camille now too so she's trying to get everyone else to do it for her unfortunately we're not as stupid as people who waste their entire lives watching Housewives shows should be.

And we can see what she's doing. I mean, she's just so blatantly gross about it. And I can't wait to see the reunion in 28 episodes. Yeah, and I have to say also that Kyle, you know,

she loves to serve the pot because look at even this dinner party. So she decided to throw a dinner party for no good reason aside from the fact that her dining room is half complete. So – but the thing is she had already invited Brandy. She had already invited Adrian. What to do? Well, I mean technically, yes, you don't invite – you don't disinvite anyone. But you know what? If she didn't want any drama, she could have just called Brandy and been like, look, I think it's better if you don't come, et cetera, et cetera.

But she wanted them both there. No, it was a setup, Ben. She wanted to bring Brandy in so that Faye could slam her. Well, she sat her. I mean, they did have a sign seating and she did seat her right across from Faye with her little snake eyes, her little Jabba the Hutt eyes. with her little snake eyes, her little Jabba the Hutt eyes. But we also had a new feature,

a new character in the mix, Marissa Zanuck, who, as we mentioned right before the show, what, Matt, you didn't like her, but Ronnie, you did like her. No, no, no, I loved her because she was on Brandy's side and therefore I loved her. Yeah, she seemed like smart.

And when she talked about kids, I didn't want to just like roll my eyes left and right. Well, I really like her because I watch this show on HGTV called Selling LA. And it's where they go look at mansions in LA and they follow real estate agents around. And she's one of the real estate agents on the show. And it's not a drama show.

It's just they go look at houses. But she's always cracked me up because she's like a bad actress even on a reality show. She seems like she's playing somebody really, really poorly. And she's always got really big hair and too much makeup. And she's just way, way overdressed to be selling a condo. Sounds just like Heather Dubrow, a bad actress on a reality show. Yes. And she's also the first one to really have some drama on selling la i mean you

know they always have a little like oh the client's really upset what am i gonna do but her one of them she had a friend of hers that she was looking for a place and her friend like it's like a raging c word and she almost beat shit out of this woman and it was so funny watching her trying to stay calm when she was just so clearly annoyed so i'm happy to see her on this because she's going to be able to really spread her wings. I do love her big hair too, I have to say. I love that she walks like a man.

There's a linebacker. By the way, I have to say another credit against Kyle is that when we first met Marissa, I noticed there were a lot of these martini glasses going around. They were zebra patterned and I couldn't help but wonder if these were taken directly from the posh school of glassware. Because I don't mean P-O-S-H, I mean the P-O-S-C-H-E from New Jersey. I mean, who buys these hideous glasses?

I'll tell you who buys them, because they're the exact same glasses that Camille had at the dinner party from hell. Oh, I thought Camille's were much larger. Remember Camille? She was serving like they're basically like barrels on stems, you know? Oh, that's true. That's true. I thought they were the same. The Camille cocktail?

Yeah. Can we talk before we get to Kyle's house for this dinner party from hell part seven? Because they love a dinner party from hell. Can we talk a little bit about Taylor and her reaction to Paul kind of attacking Brandy and trying to make everything about herself again?

It was hilarious. She was doubled over as if she'd just been kicked in the stomach by a camel. And then when no one paid attention to her, she would double over in a different position and then no one would pay attention to her and so she she literally put her hand on her forehead like she was being tied to a tank that train truck yeah her little gay had to like be like taylor are you okay are you okay why don't you tell everybody how your husband abused you allegedly

so shut up taylor whatever she's losing her ring next week she's oh my god that's Keeler, why don't you tell everybody how your husband abused you, allegedly? Shut up, Taylor. Whatever. She's losing her ring next week. She's losing her ring. Oh, my God. That's hysterical. And then she's going to lose her position on this show. I'm honestly believing that the addition of Marissa is to place her on the cast for next season. And Taylor's story is done, honey.

Like, she's gots to go. She's not even being crazy anymore. Well, I mean, just like, I mean, not like crazy, crazy. She's just drunk and sad is done, honey. Like, she's gots to go. She's not even being crazy anymore. Well, I mean, just like, I mean, not like crazy, crazy. She's just drunk and sad. Yeah, exactly. Well, that was the rumor before the season started. There were gossip articles saying that Taylor found out right before the premiere that she was being cut out for most of the season and having a drinking fit and drinking all over town and acting like a crazy person. Because the producers were uncomfortable firing her because she just lost her husband,

but they were extremely uncomfortable keeping her because she's such a blatant con man and liar. And so they were going to give it a little time. So they let her shoot the season and then kind of cut her out of it. Yeah. Marissa is taking her spot. There's no doubt about that. Faye,

however, will not be a full-time cast member because she's so awful. But let me ask you, I have many, many questions here. Does anybody else miss the fact that Camille is not a full-time cast member as I do, because I fucking love me some Camille.

Yeah, I do. I mean, she's getting more screen time than Yolanda at this point. And Taylor. Yeah. By the way, Camille has been hysterical.

That whole thing with Taylor, you know, it was really nice that not only did Camille have a diary room session where she was bitching about it not being about Taylor and then Taylor trying to compare it to when Camille said told everybody well

because we said that your husband hit you with that he broke your jaw you know Taylor to try and make it about her abuse again was so disgusting. And then for Camille to call her out on it, not only the diary ring where Camille got so angry

that she had to turn away from the camera. How? That was the best part of the entire episode when Camille got so upset that she just, she had to turn away.

Yeah, she was like, hold me back, bitches. But also that she said it right to... She was gone with the wind fabulous right there. Yeah. When she said it to Taylor's face,

that was great. She's like, it's not about you. I just feel like you're trying to make this about you right now. I can't believe anyone on one of these shows are trying to make something about themselves. I know. I was like,

I can't believe that she's making this about herself. You guys look at me. I'm crying. Okay. In the past week, has anybody come to any other conclusions about what actually Brandy said at the dinner party about Adrian and Paul?

Have we come to a final conclusion here? No, but I will say this, though. I thought I was going to get some inside scoop because I was at something on Saturday and Adrian Maloof was supposed to be there, but of course she didn't show up but i did have some of her vodka and i had so adrian maloof has some vodka called zing vodka and it was uh the the type that they were pushing on this party was um red velvet cupcake flavored vodka

let me say something sound disgusting if her shoes are as good as her vodka i don't predict a long shelf life for the beloved hoof it was pretty nasty well maybe if drag queens like it then she'll she'll have a niche at least yeah shoes and shoes and vodka they could buy both of them exactly she's horrible why does she need to push anything and if she's such a successful billionaire why does she have to come out with like 10 different stupid terrible this is this is why some of the honestly these women they just almost pick a brand at random and it doesn't make any sense like it made when bethany decided to make the skinny girl margarita it made sense because we'd seen her make it for herself several times on the show you don't even get me started about asa and her diamond water that shit is makes so much sense

it's it's gold even though it's diamonds. But either way, it would make sense if Asa wasn't just ridiculous. But brands are supposed to be an extension. It makes sense. For all of a sudden, Adrienne Maloof to be pushing vodka, where does that come from? Since when is she known for being a vodka swiller? She doesn't even drink. She's an awful person. You know know it's like watching one of those it's what it's and you see this a lot in la it's like watching a rich person pull up in a

to 7-eleven and buy a lottery ticket yeah you know it's like do you really need to win the fucking lottery you're a billionaire could you just step back and leave um dear ronnie dear ronnie everybody in los angeles that drives a c-Series Mercedes is leasing that shit, just like Gigi and Mercedes Javid. And it's all fake, and none of these people have a lot of money. I love when Ronnie gets all Occupy Wall Street on the podcast. I know, and our listeners actually love it when he starts yelling at me. I believe in people. I believe in the American's right to be rich.

And I would hopefully, even if it takes till I'm believe in the Americans' right to be rich. And I would hopefully, you know, even if it takes till I'm 70, I hope to one day be rich. But Jesus, bitch, stop being so greedy. Like, back the fuck down.

You know, you've already run a casino into the ground. You've already given, you know, like, I can't support anyone who gives Lindsay Lohan's sister an album deal. Okay, bro? Back down. Oh, my God.

You've given a bad name to Hair Tinsel. You've ruined Tinsel for the holidays. You've killed Christmas. You've killed Christmas, Adrian. Her only contribution is a great new Halloween mask for all the kids. But aside from that, the Adrian Maloof mask. Number one.

She's also the Freddy Krueger mask. And the Michael Myers mixed together. I think she's a horrible person. Oh, and let's talk about this other stuff that Brandy brought up. Brandy was crying and picking at her face, which I find hilarious, because you know that she can't feel a thing on that face. And you also know that picking

at my face means that's, like, the excuse for all the pockmarks from the meth. Do you think she does meth? I think, I mean, maybe in the 90s. what a devastating rumor to begin don't allegedly don't tell faye resnick that you're just saying these things these vicious trust me next time i see faye resnick at restoration hardware i'm going to give her peace of my mind like i am one of those crazy people like if i see like angelina jolie i don't

care you know i don't care about all these a-list stars but if i see a d-lister and if you've pissed me off on a reality show and you live in la and i see you at the grove or if i see you at century city i'm gonna fucking go up to you and let you know how i feel yeah you go up to fay res nick you let her know next time your restoration hardware that her hardware must be restored in her head i would i had i known what i saw on this week's episode of beverly hills i would have thrown my faux fur coyote blanket at her. Tell her it's time to update her Linda Hamilton weave.

This isn't 1992 anymore. Judgment Day. It is Judgment Day. For Faye Resnick. Do you really want people to think this about you? Wouldn't you like to apologize? Don't you feel you over an apology?

Excuse me, isn't an orchid a flower, by the way? Send her flowers. Oh, don't send her flowers. Send her an orchid. What is wrong with you? I think she's being facetious. Can I just say one thing, though? One tiny thing in the defense of Faye Resnick, the morally corrupt Faye Resnick, where her motives

for everything she was saying to Brandy, it was totally like she should have shut up. I don't think it was any of her business but at the end of the day she has a slight point which is that if brandy like adrian may have like you know cast the first stone etc and and if but if brandy is truly feeling bad brandy should be the bigger woman because she is supposedly enlightened whereas adrian we don't know if she's enlightened or not. Brandy should go and apologize and get over the whole thing. Have you met Brandy? She is a truck stop hooker.

I know she won't. I'm just saying, I think on that point, Faye Resnick wasn't totally out of line to say that. She wasn't wrong in thinking that, but she's maybe out of line in saying it because she doesn't know anything. The severity of it is so far beyond what we see on the show. First of all, Brandy keeps hinting

at some horrible thing that Adrian and Paul did to her that she's still not saying what it is because she knows she's going to get sued when she says it. One thing she has said is that they called her... Well, first Adrian called her about Lisa, to gang up

on Lisa at the reunion and was making sure Brandy was on board. And Brandy didn't follow those directions. Then the next thing is that after the reunion, Adrian was calling her with Paul on the phone. And they were trying to browbeat her into going onto Twitter and taking everything back that she had said. So when she doesn't do what they want, they go to Radar Online. When they know that she's in a custody battle for her children or that she's in danger of losing her children. They go to radar online and start spreading rumors about her being a drug

addict and a drunk and sleeping all day. And so there's like a certain danger there that you can't just solve in Kyle's ugly ass living room that some coup shot from the eighties designed to get on TV. You also have to point out the fact though, that like, you know, Coups shot from the 80s designed to get on TV. It's not that they solved that. You also have to point out the fact, though, that Brandy is going up against these rich assholes and Brandy is poor.

We look at her house, and yes, she has a house, but in the Beverly Hills League, she is on the bench. She is in left field. I'm sorry, but she has no money and she can't open her mouth because adrian and paul at that point you know when they were hating on her i know paul and her have like kind of mended fences but at that point they could have sicked her with a zillion lawyers and a ton

of bills that brandy cannot afford to pay that's correct well brandy handled herself brandy held herself well at the dinner party she was actually remained calm. She got a little sharp, and then she excused herself. Well, Lisa's training her very well, I have to say. Lisa is a very good mentor. It's like My Fair Lady. Yeah, it really is. It really is. It's like, get my slippers, darling.

Yeah. But she is training her very well, and Brandy is learning. And Faye really did look like a dumbass. You can tell that Kyle is really revving. She's trying to get Brandy to lose it so Brandy can be on the losing end of this whole thing again. And it's just not going to happen. It's not going to happen. But what do you guys think about – I mean, the crux of what Faye was saying during the dinner party was she was blaming Brandy for kind of being a bully.

But did you not just sit there and watch this and go fay you are essentially doing the exact same thing you are bullying her at a private dinner party you're taking somebody down who you know is not the most popular of the group and you're attacking her at dinner while everybody's standing there watching on something she doesn't even know you all she knows is that you're some supposedly rich lady attacking her in front of everybody. That's totally bullying. Fuck off, Faye. Yeah, fuck off, Faye.

Two other things happened during the dinner party that pissed me off, and they both have to do with Kyle being an asshole. So let's start with the first one. She made a dig about her sister Kim not inviting her to Vegas to celebrate Kim's son's 21st birthday. Dear Kyle, you are a bitch to your sister. No wonder she doesn't want to hang out with you. XO, Matt. I know. I love sort of the way Kim is.

She won't full-on tell Kyle off, but she does it in these really sneaky, passive, aggressive ways that are hilarious. I totally invited you. You probably just didn't get the email. that are hilarious like i totally invited you you probably just didn't get the email yeah it's like or like or was it wasn't it at sir last week when she was like kim was talking about how like yeah there's still some people in my life who who caused me to make me want to go back to drinking again um yeah you know there's some people who you know might be at this table it's like it's like well they haven't talked i mean when they after that reunion they did the special with kim okay where kim just got out of rehab.

She and Kyle were obviously still not getting along. And then they hadn't talked until this season. I mean, she said that they still weren't really talking or really not seeing each other. So now Kyle wants to be all nice because they're in front of the camera. She wants to make an effort and be nice to her sister. But that hasn't been the case. Kim has sobered up and done all that supposedly from what we're learning from the show on her own without kyle at all so no that's just a fake bitch i don't think that kim owes her any kind of exactly explanation on anything if she's not if

she hasn't been in her life for like the past year essentially why the hell should she invite her to vegas go fuck yourself kyle okay another reason reason why we hate Kyle is at her own dinner party where she pretends that she is this queen of class, and she likes to tell everybody how they're acting inappropriately, like she did at the dinner table in Ojai. She raised her finger and put it all up in Lisa's face,

and I thought it was so totes inappropes. I could not believe that shit. Yeah, that's classic Kyle. And then lisa though i'm glad she was like you can get that finger out of my face right now well lisa's just trying to say don't be saying on national tv that i hate adrian that's not what i said i we had a fight and she apologized and that's the end and kyle's just waving her finger repeats her allegations to keep lisa on adrian's bad side because it keeps Kyle in a sweeter spot

and then just totally turns away. And I was really proud of Lisa for just staying so calm. She's really showing Brandy how it's done. She's showing all of America how it's done. It's so nice to have someone who has a shred of class on one of these shows. Exactly. The crazy thing is when you see

her helping and guiding Brandy and by the end of this episode besides Lisa, Brandy looks like the classiest woman in the crowd. You know what, ladies? The rest of you should take notice because that is craziness. Yeah, I mean, and just the way that Kyle distorted things and said, you know, well, Lisa hates Adrian. You know, it's like the way she does that, you've got to imagine that she does that in almost all these interactions. She has the ladies. So she probably exacerbates things, things that are probably small little tiffs you

know she probably fans the flames in many ways but by saying well you know so-and-so does just does not like you you know like exaggerating points and and really creating animosity stupid stupid bitch do you think that she at this point knows now obviously this was shot a long time ago and they're watching this and like you said they're all stuck to twitter do you think that she, at this point, knows now, obviously this was shot a long time ago and they're watching this and like you said, they're all stuck to Twitter. Do you think that she knows that she is in hot water now and that the fans have turned against her and that she is no longer the favorite? Not that she ever was above Lisa? No, I don't think she knows. I think that she's, you know, at this point, you know, you surround yourself with your fans and you just hear their praise.

Yeah, because I think that she knows. I mean, she sees what's added her on Twitter, or whatever you say, but she's also, you know, most of them just read their fans. It's like, whenever they get in a fight on the reunion, it's like, well, everybody says, well, who's everybody? Yeah. You know, the people

on Twitter, well, of course the people following you on Twitter are going to be kissing your ass, dummy. Wait, wait, wait, pause. You lie. You lie. Search your name, girl. Search your name. I follow Kyle on Instagram and on Twitter, but that doesn't mean I fucking like her. I just follow her for her stupidity.

So that doesn't mean that I'm a fan. But people who are, you know, sending messages and stuff, there's going to be, if you do a show with 3 million people watching it, you're going to be getting 5 to 10,000 tweets telling you how wonderful you are. So even if you get some saying you're a hateful, lying

C-word, you know, just choose to listen to the good ones. That's what I do with comments. I block out those people. I really have blinders on. I only want to hear the great things. Speaking of, you should all follow us on Twitter at WhatCrapIn. Some might say really have blinders on i only want to hear the great things exactly yeah only good things you should all follow us on twitter at what crap some might say we are gone with the wind fabulous and

on that note we do need to move on from beverly hills the last thing i will say is yolanda exercising is this why she was cast because i am bored as fuck now let me tell you something i heard some some real yolanda gossip and this is the sort of gossip that's this is i'm not gonna reveal the source or anything this is like legit you know me i'm telling you this is like a primary source she is supposed to be the worst the very worst the worst the worst the the worst. Like mean to the crew? I really can't elaborate, and I'm sorry to be vague, guys. You are such a bitch tease. I know.

I'm sorry to be vague. I'm sorry to be one of these people, but you know, this is me we're talking about here. You know that we're all here in LA. So this isn't like we heard from someone from someone. I heard this from a primary source. She's supposed to be awful but i like her on the show so go figure on the show i drew this whole house yeah look at my theater refrigerator that scene with her berating her tiny ass little model daughter like oh she seems horrible and i

cannot like i said you know her the bitch seed has been planted. All it needs now is to grow. Oh, yeah. She'll be awful. Are you convinced that she's still going to pop off at some point this season? Oh, yeah. Pop off. She won't be on this show otherwise. Well, I mean, she needs, yeah, I was about to say, she needs to pop off.

Otherwise, she's not coming back next year because she's barely even on the show as it is. Oh, real. Well, let's pop off to another glamorous destination. Yes. Let's travel down to the Dirty South. And by Dirty South, I mean Anguilla. And I got some good Dirty South gossip to go with this. So someone posted this on the wall.

I'm assuming it was probably Nicole, because she posts a lot of stuff, which we like. I'm not complaining. And I think she posted this news article about the rumor is that Cordell Stewart is on the DL. And apparently this has been a rumor that's been going on for a long time in the NFL. When he was in the NFL, like, you know, he had to, like, have, like, a team meeting or something like that. And the point is that Portia is allegedly his beard.

What do you guys think about that? I think that he has gay face, number one. And number two, Ben, will you be um i'll go investigate i'll go investigate say ben you would like to go be the undercover investigator let me let me go let me go let me go uh go visit the stewarts down in atlanta and uh see what i can figure out see what i can get my hands on i was gonna say maybe you could go kiss the blackest part of his ass. Ew. Well, I'll say this much. If he found a beard, then he found the perfect

equally as dumb and innocently wonderfully stupid beard he could find. I mean, those two are perfect for each other. Can I tell you something? My favorite part of the entire episode was how we had this retarded stupid wedding renewal thing

okay we so we watched this whole segment for 10 minutes oh well i'm glad they got some more free shit yeah exactly i'm glad they got to like celebrate their wedding for the third season in a row so they this whole but it's like this it's you know the editing is nice the music is nice and everyone's being thoughtful and then it says coming up coming up, and you see Kenny go, I'm going to punch her in the face. I'm going to tell you guys the truth. This season to me has sucked, and I've been complaining about it every single time we tape an episode of Watch What Crappens. But this week, ATL is so back in the mix for me. There's like 500 points that we must go over.

So where do we want to begin? Why don't we just start with that big fight? That was just a great fight, you know, between Portia and, and Kenya, who do you think was in the wrong? I knew that Kenya was crazy,

but I was really shocked at how Portia came out swinging. I didn't think that she was going to be such a bitch. Right. I didn't think that. I also didn't think that she was capable of, you know, getting all, I mean,

she got crazy. I mean, Kenya takes the cake in the crazy department but like i didn't think that porsche was gonna stand up and get in somebody's face and like yeah wave her big old fingernails up in somebody's face and call somebody a crazy heifer nothing makes me happier than yeah and i think that honestly i think that porsche actually started this fight i know everyone everyone was big old heifer yeah big old heifer call me bitch one more time call me bitch one more time call me bitch one more time. Call me bitch one more time.

Call me bitch one more time. It is like Sweet going after Oprah Winfrey in The Color Purple. You just knew that she was going to get her ass punched down, but it was so fun to watch a little fly like banging up against the light, you know? Yeah. I think that, I mean, Portia, you know, she did start to take digs. I thought Kenya was right when she said that Port start to take digs i thought kenya was right when she said that porsche was taking digs but of course kenya's crazy yeah but when you once you rattle her up she then is like absolutely bonkers and then it was just hilarious watching

these two girls go at it but don't you think it's weird that like one of like the big things that porsche keeps using as her like ammo is oh well you were you were Miss USA in, like, 1807. And it's like, guess what? All the other women are in their 40s except for Candy. And maybe Phaedra is in her 30s. But, like, Nene's in her 40s. Cynthia. You don't want to be throwing that kind of old, atheist language

around the housewives' side. Yeah, because Nene will punch you down. Well, they're too dumb to even notice that she's doing that, it seems like. You know? I don't know. Nini, really, for me, this is like the first time in two seasons that I was so Team Nini. Because, by the way, the entire episode, she was questioning Kenya's relationship. And I was loving it.

It was like, old bitch Nini is back. But I like it. I feel like Nini was likable this episode. She was like, not a diva. She was fun. I agree. I felt like Nini was likable this episode. She was not a diva. She was fun. Actually, it's almost like since Kim is gone,

Nini's been able to be a little bit more normal again. She's like the new normal. She didn't really see Kim last year either, and she was unbearable. I think that she, again, she read about herself and realized that everyone hated her for being a monster. I also think that not having her arch-nemesis Shirei in the mix too helps, and also not having Marlo as her nasty-ass drag queen sidekick is making Nini...

It's giving her a chance to breathe and do her own thing and get back to square one for Nini. She's just making a big ol' pot of shit, and I think it's hilarious. I'm so happy with him, huh? I didn't buy it. She can stir that pot of shit and i think it's hilarious well she can stir that pot of shit with the makeup brush that she was cleaning her dirty ear out with did anybody know it was amazing i did not notice that i'm sorry i didn't see that oh my god i mean nini is just you know you can take the girl out

atl but please like she is still a mess and i love it yeah yeah i agree what else happened in the sorry by the way i'm sorry i'm like coughing up like coughing like i'm like i'm like a tuberculosis patient over here i'm like fantine from les mis oh did you did you watch that matt yet yes i did see les mis and it is terrible thank you thank you omg doesn't that open on christmas how are you guys seeing uh i went to a party is glamorous yeah we're just awesome like that um it was it was long and boring it's brutal and let me tell you right now russell crowe and hugh jackman cannot fucking sing no hugh jackman can sing a little bit, but Russell Crowe, oh my goodness. He makes Kim Zolciak look like

freaking Beverly Sills. You guys should be tardy for your screenings because you should stay home and listen to our podcast and do not waste your time. And three hours? Are you kidding me? Please.

Oh man, I'm so happy that we agreed on this. I thought we were going to have to have a fight. When the best part of a movie is Amanda Seyfried, there is a fucking problem. Amanda Seyfried sounded like she was underwater. She's like... She's a snork. Amanda Seyfried is a snork.

She sounded like a mermaid from a 1940s movie, from Esther Williams or something like that. She should have been swimming around. The movie was terrible. Maybe she could be in the movie Aquamarine, starring JoJo. I just can't watch it because of the extended preview with Hugh. Like, oh, well, you know, doing it live, it's just such an amazing experience.

You know, to be on the set and have to do every take live. I was like, shut up. Listen, this is how Russell Crowe sounded like. The very first line, he's like, I am Javert. You'll know how I sound. You'll remember my face. It literally sounded like that. Like, I'm not exaggerating.

They needed some Candy Burris up in there. I know. To fly a bubble back in there. So, I mean, there is some beautiful music in that show that needs to seriously be sang. It cannot have people who don't sing. I don't understand it i cannot be watching anne hathaway as patty lapone can't say that enough times that's just wrong now i know patty lapone's like too old but couldn't she maybe lip sync who who could who would we want if we

were going to cast les mis with the real housewives of atlanta who would be who who'd be fantine oh my god let me think here. Turns into a prostitute who dies of tuberculosis. I think the Countess. I was thinking more just Atlanta, but we can go broader. We're going into the vault. Oh, we're going into the vault.

Fantine is the one who died of syphilis or some shit, so she'd be Brandy. Oh, yeah, Brandy. I was thinking Tamara. She's four. Tamara's the one who runs the inn who pickpockets everyone yes yes master of the house master of orange county totally neither by the way heather we're not we're not giving heather anything because you know heather wants to be in our fake laymiz because she named her daughter cosette but no so wants to be in but guess what she can be the understudy yeah she's the under she's not allowed in fake lame is okay and then who would be um what other roles are in

there i just know the girls parts okay who's gonna be cosette cosette um a weird way i kind of want to make a vicky even though that doesn't make sense i would say gretchen gretchen wait wait i oh no no she's so dumb and i feel like she's selling handbags and jewelry like what about adriana you know when she's sweet like there is a castle on a cloud however can you imagine though adriana singing that languages first of all we have two we have we have young because that and old because that don't forget too so we have we have two can be young because it's young Cosette and old Cosette. Don't forget, too. Gretchen can be young Cosette. Gretchen is young Cosette. And then Leah Black.

How fun is that? We're fighting the revolution. Give me the flag. Where's Marius? You're not going to do this barricade. I'm going to tear it down. Okay. Who's Eponine?

Eponine could be... Lisa Wu Hartwell. No, no. I would say... Eponine has to be someone who's like super jealous, never gets the man, never gets anything, right? Kim Richards?

Kim Richards? No. I love Maurice. I love him, but only on my own. On my own. Where is everybody? What about Ramona? You know it's Ramona.

She's like, Ramona's like, I think. Totally Sonia Morgan. She never gets what she wants. She only gets the blackberry out of the toilet. See, I was originally going to say Ramona because she's like, I never want to rely on a man. I always want to be able to do things on my own. Yeah, except that Epony does want to rely on a man. Yeah, that's Sonya.

She can't, and then she dies in the rain or some bullshit. Which is exactly what's going to happen with Sonya with Hurricane, whatever Hurricane is going to take her house down. Yeah, well, you know what's going to happen? Everyone's going to be at the barricade with guns, and then Sonya's going to show up with a toaster oven. Everyone's going to be like, what are you doing? Which one's the criminal?

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by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

And a little bit more she is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights she is a villain to others follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts listen everywhere on February 5th or you can listen early and ad free on Wondery Plus

starting January 29th join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts what do you mean the criminal Starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. What do you mean the criminal? There's Javert and who's the other one? Jean Valjean? Yeah, Jean Valjean is the criminal and Javert is the cop, right?

I feel like Lisa, maybe Lisa Vanderpump as our hero or grand hero. I think Ramona would be the cop. She'd be like, I know you did it. I know you do it. Yeah, she would. Ramona would 100% be Javert. Ramona is be the cop. She'd be like, I know you did it. I know you do it. Yeah, Ramona would 100% be Javert. Ramona is Javert. Don't you think Aviva would? Aviva likes the rules.

To play by the rules. Aviva would be like, I don't know. Aviva would be like a Vroche or something. I don't know. No, Aviva. You know who Aviva is? Aviva is one of the factory girls who tells on Fantine who gets her to lose her job. Totally. Yeah, Aviva would be the one who's like, at the end of the day,

you get nothing for nothing. You're all white trash, quite frankly. Okay, okay, okay. Wait, wait, Gavroche. Back to Anguilla. Let's get this back on board. Can we talk for a minute about my arch-nemesis? Yes.

I thought you guys should know at this point, but I really don't hate anybody more than I hate Cynthia. Except Cynthia and Peter. They were trying to make me cry this week. What's that about? Oh, please. You know what I loved?

Cynthia was so preoccupied with the Prime Minister of anguilla being there she's like where's the prime minister at where's the prime minister wait the prime minister's not coming we just have a minister no prime minister you could tell she was so excited to party with the prime minister of anguilla as if that was like some major leader on the global yeah that's a big get that's really a big get um like here at the bailey agency we mix and mingle with all sorts of world leaders including the prime minister of anguilla um let's get to the point how disgusting is peter go he is super disgusting showing up to his own third wedding wasted i'm so sure he's crying give me a break what do you want peter oh my god he's wearing those sunglasses because he's high

as a kite how many times does he have to commemorate their wedding they did it last year with the anniversary party now they're renewing their vows like and who bought those rings that shit is either cubic zirconia or somebody gave them to him because he doesn't have any money it looked like it looked like someone cut off the top of a coke of a coke bottle plastic did you just say jared of anguilla yeah they went to jared yeah they totally got that shit for free off jared you know that that was like one of the Coke bottle. Did you just say Jared of Anguilla? They went to Jared. Yeah, they totally got that shit for free off Jared. You know that that was like one of the little credits at the end. Jared of Anguilla.

Yeah, he is annoying. And I was even wondering the whole time, like, who donated those little things that they set on fire and put into the sky? Who donated the sand they're standing on? Who donated that tent? Maybe it was from minister of tourism, the Filipino minister of tourism,

who, what's her face? I'm sure Phaedra has him in her phone. Well, Portia kept on saying, you got flu without China, man. You got flu without China, man. I'm like, you know he's Filipino. First of all, it shouldn't matter that he's Chinese. And second of all, he's Filipino.

She is so uneducated. It is so disgusting. Irregardless. Irregardless. Okay, can we just talk? Was I the only one that was hoping that Mallory would parachute out of the sky and land on the beach and take over their wedding with, like, you know, fire, you know, flamethrowers or something? over their wedding with like, you know, you know, fire, you know, flamethrowers or something. Because Mallory not being there with

Cynthia's mom to fuck things up really upset me. I was sort of hoping that instead of parachuting she'd just be hiding under the sand and rise up like a monster. Like her head would just pop up and grab Peter's leg and drag him under the sand. That would be fantastic. I wish Joyce was there to say, your third wedding? That's wrong!

Why you gotta have three weddings? You see the way she do her mama? Ronnie, what do you think Mama Joyce would say about Candy's little two-minute interlude of her man, like, taping her in a bikini? After sex. Candy, why you wearing your bikini on the TV? I didn't praise you like that.

What is he, naked? You doing that naked on a camera like the texting? Oh, Lord, that's wrong. I'm leaving. By the way, memo to self, if Candy ever comes back from a beach and offers you some seashells, do not take them because you do not know where she's been storing them. Exactly. Her kegel shells.

Kegel shells. Who sells kegel shells by the seashore? Candy Burris. Candy. Candy. Candy. Candy. Wait, now is the time when we attempt to do a candy burris.

Hey, I'm candy, and I really, I see, I saw some shells, and I put them in my vagina. A little more Kermit. A little more Kermit. A little more Kermit. It feels, I cannot do this, people. Come on, a little bit more. A little more Kermit. Candor burst.

Candor burst. Mama. But I'm going to go back in the hot tub, Mama. Put some balls in my vagina, Mama. See why you got to do that, mama. Put some balls in my vagina, mama. Say, why you gotta do that, mama? It's very difficult. It's like the hardest impersonation in the world. I would like Meryl Streep

to take that on, because she is the woman of a thousand voices, but she's not a thousand and one, and that last one is Candy Burris' voice. She cannot do it. Well, um, Candy is kind of fun. I mean mean i love that candy just reacts to everything she never really has much of a storyline she's just kind of the one who reacts to everything

like so what'd you think of that candy great you can go home now we're done yeah um can we talk a little bit about phaedra one of our uh fans on uh facebook was posting about this and it was so true like i went back and kind of fast-forwarded through the episode. She was eating her feelings the entire episode. Phaedra? Yes, there was always something going in that mouth. Good for her.

She needs something to go in that mouth. That's why I want to come back as a black woman. There is no shame in that community about anything. They will fuck. You know, gay people, we feel guilty about fucking. We feel guilty about everything we do.

Eating. Black women are the exact opposite, and I want to be one so badly. You kind of are. Well, you know what? Community has a lot of shame when they do things like eat and marry people outside of their community. The Persian community. Does anyone want to go on to

Shaz the Sunset? We're doing it. Let's do it. This is a big episode. Gosh, there was lots of fighting. I think I still like the Persian Barbie. Lily, I do like her, but, man, her voice. Her voice.

Who cares? That voice. She's an idiot on purpose. It sort of turns me on when people think they don't like me. And it turns me on. That means that they think I'm really hot.

Yeah, they really, they only mean to me because it makes me realize how fucking fabulous I really am. Hey, Lily, before the model comes, why don't you come over here a model i'm not a model oh yeah i'm not a model that was me that was that was the first part where she laughed it was like the time i went i went and saw aretha franklin at the hollywood bowl and

aretha franklin started thanking all these people in the audience and then she's like and i'd like to thank a very talented young actress miss hallie berry miss hallie berry comes on stage and she's like, what? Me? Me, Halle Berry? I can't believe it. I'm like, shut up, Halle Berry. Go back on the backstage.

Take back her Oscar. Go back and do BAPS 2 straight to DVD. Yeah. But I still think I like, I actually do like Lily. I think she does seem to have a brain in her tiny little head. I mean, she did go through law school, so she does know something. And I don't care what anybody says. She might sound like a,

you know, inflated air balloon, but, but she's no disgusting, fat, slobby, barfy. How dare you,

Matthew, say it. Don't say it to my face. I'm not calling you MJ. I'm just saying I hate MJ slash. I hate our neighbor because she lives across the street from me and Ben. You know, it's so funny about MJ is that white people, they show up at the office at 9 p.m. Homegirl is like, where are you, homegirl?

Is she showing up? Does she have a nail appointment? That's so Persian. Stop talking for a second because i'm gonna just i'm just gonna shower you with praise right now i'm gonna say first of all i'm gonna preface this with your candy burris is a hot fucking mess and you still need to work on it but your reza and your lily are so amazing so i found i found my sweet spot i I can do Reza, I can do Lily, and I can do Thomas the German from Miami.

Those are my three. That is so funny. Homegirl's trying to do all these voices and can't do it at all. But Persians can. My Reza is still the same. Yours is actually improved. Have you been practicing your Reza?

That's so wide of you. Persian people don't practice persian people are like let's go and have saffron rice it's like crack but like white people are like let's go look in the mirror and try to do persian voice and i don't understand how people can do that because asa is like my home girl so that's that that's amazing and it's so embarrassing when my home girl's there trying to make an effort and mj shows up late max like that mj what was oh my god what is wrong with her she's everything listen mj too many hot pockets you know think about all those other fat girls in the world

you know everyone's afraid of fat people because this is how you act or this is how we act someone prettier and thinner comes in and we to hate them for being thinner and prettier. Listen, there's no rule against you doing a couple of push-ups and closing your mouth a couple times a week. MJ, stop being so angry at somebody. You can get size double F boobs if you want to, MJ. And just because you forgot your pita in the oven doesn't mean we don't think you're always thinking about food, okay? Yeah, and just because she burned one loaf doesn't mean that she didn't eat 17 more yeah no kidding she's like god is so the god of bread is so mad at me for wasting so much bread how about africa is so mad at you for

eating as much as could feed their entire country for a month and one night sitting in front of tlc that's so persian that's so persian to like eat all the food in front of TLC. That's so Persian. That's so Persian to, like, eat all the food in front of you and then to, like, not eat food and burn it. Also, that's so Persian. White people are like, oh, I don't want to eat. But Persian people, like, especially MJ, like, homegirl, all she does is eat and eat and eat. I have never heard the word homegirl.

Did homegirl just call me fat? Did homegirl just say I'm going to die alone and gay that's not cool like i'm looking out for you homegirl i know and i love that she thinks of it as oh if you're not going to be friends with me you're going to die alone like yeah that's such a sad friendship like let's just be friends because no one really wants to marry either one of us and we can die together okay that's just a horrible way to live let's go there because the traumatizing moment i mean there were many traumatizing moments from this past episode but the biggie was that reza actually revealed that he and mj back in the day probably back when they were friends in high school ended up having sex twice like my penis just like touched her thigh and like i got turned on like that's what

happens so like we had sex and we're very late for a persian party like that's so persian i didn't even think of it as being a man or a woman all i thought was my hairy ass is sweaty and her hairy ass is sweaty so we should get. It reminded me of the time when I was a kid and I tried to have sex with a beanbag in my playroom. Does that come from, I mean, Ben, really? You're revealing too much. It's like the time I went to McDonald's

and tried to have sex with Grimace. You're being mean to Grimace. MJ getting told off and then broken up with was pretty hilarious and as he left the room and she's like and you can come right back here door slam yeah door she is she's full of shit and i don't really hate mj i mean any more than i hate the show. But I don't really hate MJ or see really anything wrong with what she did. So she's trying to be nice to Gigi. She's got a common enemy, the skinnier one. Like, yes, Gigi's skinny and crazy, but her boobs are smaller than the model. So, of course, she's going to be nice to her.

Okay, well, can we talk for a second? Stop it. By the way, talk for a second about the scam artist that is Mike. Because Mike is there trying to partner up with Reza and take over Keller Williams, Sunset, or Beverly Hills, whichever office they work for. They're on Sunset. They're the Sunset one. Okay, so MJ and Reza have been working together in that office for quite some time, obviously. Tiny office.

Slash she does not do anything. And those hideous glass desks from 1991. Reza's desk is so small it's hilarious he's like he's like big and puffy behind it not puffy but he's just like this big guy and then he's tiny he has a tiny little glass desk it looks so weird and she's got like a normal size desk but he's got like it's like his was wheeled in from kmart or something like that what do you guys think though about mike like trying to weasel his way and i feel like mike is a loser in life and has never been able to make money,

and all he wants to do is glom on to people. And I feel like his commercial real estate business has gone to shit. You saw him a few episodes talking to some dude in Orange County trying to ride his coattails. And now I feel like all he wants to do is get on the Reza bandwagon because Reza actually works and makes money. And part of me is like, A, how do you think you can get away with that, you fucking fraud?

And, B, why would Reza even want to bring that up in there it's not like mike is hot and like an alert and all these ladies hello because reza is a gay and it's the same thing with fat girls except gay guys are opposite if we find someone younger and hotter we want to hang out with them because younger and hotter people will come to us yeah exactly i'm still learning i'm still learning how to play this game well no here's the thing i don't my thoughts on mike are really not as severe as yours i think he seems like whatever here's here's actually he seems to me like he actually has um like a good head on his shoulders in terms of perspective on how people should treat each other but he's a little high and mighty like i hate the way he's always he talks down to a lot of his friends you know he

talks down to gg but somebody needs to talk down to Gigi. Nobody else is going to. Do you think Omid's going to tell her how to properly act? He's a crazy lunatic animal. Whatever. Omid's going off to Crabtree and Evelyn to find a good sale. He's like, handles. We should set him up with Madison Hildebrand.

That would be some fucking hyenas. We should set him up with Madison Hildebrand. That would be some fucking hyenas. Their entire day will be sounds. I love how Madison Hildebrand is kind of like Muttley from the Laugh Olympics, that evil little dog. So true. You know, Gigi is a disaster. when she tell actually both those those her and her sister are

both disasters her sister seems like she's smart at least but their dad like why doesn't her dad say you guys shut up you guys are not talking about business right now like they they are just idiots that entire crew all bad yeah well the's like, why don't you guys be nice to each other and maybe because you raised two horrible, horrible human beings, that's why. Why don't you give them some more money? And I love that the pregnant bitch is like, oh,

well, you spoiled her and you did this. Like, you didn't get spoiled my ass, you didn't. You just married some dude, some rich purge. I'm sure he's not spoiling you. Give me a break, lady. Yeah, and meanwhile, Gigi was looking... Oh, are you kidding me? I'm so team sister, not team Gigi. Gigi is

a disgusting dog. And Gigi was also dressed like a chola for one of the scenes, which I thought was quite hilarious. Did anyone else notice that? Is that just me? Of course. No, I mean, that's just like given with her at this point, with those drawn-on eyebrows. Oh, yeah. She's looking worse and worse and worse what is omid thinking can he get a better beard than that i don't even pay attention to omid he probably likes her because she has a flat chest

and he can pretend that she's a dude that's true i actually think i mean i i still stand by my my assertion that i think omid is crazy hot i really do too i love me a big nose i'm like asa like i'm not gonna lie i'm gonna say it aloud and proud i like me a big nose. I'm like Asa. Like, I'm not going to lie. I'm going to say it loud and proud. I like me a big old nose. I'm glad he didn't get it done. So let's talk about Asa for a second here. How does this woman exist in life for real? How does she have a $2 million house in Venice and then cut to we're sitting in her family's ramshackle living room and her mom is crying because she has to work until she's 95 to pay for her dad and brother? What the fuck? i i agree like you know her her her dad and mother and brother are sitting there like barely like like hand to mouth and asa sitting there with 30 000 of gold coins

buried under her stoop you know she's carrying around a louis vuitton diaper bag as a purse and then she's like oh mom you are the rock you're the hero of the family. And one day I wanted to take, one day I want to pay you back. Thank you. Bueller's back home. I can hear. And one day I want to give you, one day I want to take care of you. It's like, bitch, how much you take care

of right now? About $30,000 could probably pay rent for 10 years and that. Asa's Mercedes is is actually an sl which is worth over a hundred thousand dollars it's like sell your fucking car and help your parents yeah exactly i one thing that drives me nuts about asa is that she can wear freaking fluorescent green pants like spandex pants with holes in them and then drive a fancy ass car like i i don't i i'm all for high low but this is more like retarded and high.

Everything's wrong about this. What did you think, Ben? Were you not clutching your pearls like I was when you saw them hiking in our backyard at Runyon Canyon? I was like, why would we not there? Oh my god, they could have gone and said hi to MJ. That's so Persian to go hiking and not invite MJ. It's only for the fabulous skinny people. That's the Persian way. Her ass could not get up that MJ. Like, it's only for, like, the fabulous skinny people.

That's the Persian way. Her ass could not get up that hill. No. She would get three steps and roll all the way down. Roll all the way down to Melrose. Okay, back to Asa. We need to talk about Diamond Water. I am a horrible snob, and I will not...

Okay, what is the clicking? Who is masturbating? Feverishly. I'm assuming that's the dog's tail. Say my name. Now I'm drumrolling on my knees trying to get my dog to come over to me. Give me some love. Anyway, back to Asa and Diamond Water.

I am one of those horrible people who will not drink tap water. I am a snob, and I would totally pay $20 a bottle for Diamond Water. I actually don't think it's the worst idea in the world. i mean i would not buy diamond water but i think i think there are i think there are idiots out there no offense matt who would see like oh i'm an idiot i would buy it you would say like that you know but um but my goodness she's so dumb when she goes in there saying that she makes it with like water diamond and was it like love energy or something like that i believe it i mean here's the thing she says she has a face yeah she but but here's the thing that that makes it better because she's just truly crazy like she's not acting like all these other women on these shows she's just fucking nuts she's a pers

she's got a phd persian pop princess you know ph PhD. Yeah, three Ps. Priestess, I should say. Three Ps. Yeah, she's kind of horrible, but I don't know, she's not, she doesn't really bug me as much as some of the other. She doesn't bug me, but she's sort of ridiculous. I like the way

she talks with people. She seems like she's probably generally a decent human being. She definitely is. I actually prefer Reza when he's around her because it makes him less of an insane mess. You know, when Reza's with MJ or with Lily, he is not a good scene. But like with Asa, he's kind of somewhat normal, dare I say. Yeah, I would agree. Is there any other vital things we have to cover

on Shazza Sunset, or should we move on to Miami? Yes, we need to talk about how she threatened to cut her pregnant sister's face off. Oh, I thought we talked about that. We didn't talk about it enough, because she's crazy. I mean, she needs to be locked up. Can we all agree? Well, she's just a spoiled brat.

She's a spoiled brat. She needs to take her chola-looking ass out to East L.A. with some real trollas, get her ass kicked, and come back to her mead, and then she'll be fine. You're so right. She needs a for-reals beatdown. She needs a truly— She doesn't even know how to hold a knife. She's one of those needy girls who never got a hug in high school from their dad or whoever, their uncle, who just needed to be tough because they had no other personality. She's a munchkin face.

She saw some YouTube video that was like oh oh no she was probably watching like a bad girls marathon she's like oh they take out their earrings before they fight okay now i'm gonna like step up my game yeah yeah i'm gonna keep some vaseline in my purse you can't i love i love how awesome was just like oh please she rolls her eyes she's like i'd snap her like a crusty cracker it's true and you know i you true. Here's the thing. You can't be complaining about H&M being super cheap. You can't be complaining about being accused of wearing H&M and then

taking out your earrings and get all ghetto on someone. Yeah, her door knocker earrings from Claire's. Please, bitch. The way she acts, you'd think that she shops at Paredes. Fallas Paredes. Which which if you live in LA, you know, is maybe not the most glamorous clothing store in the world.

Well, let's move on from these tired-ass Persians. Yeah, let's move to the Spicy Latinos down in Miami. Miami! Miami! Only one episode left, guys. I am devastated. This season's been phenomenal.

This is a great episode also, by the way I know you guys were saying before the podcast You can't remember anything that happened Let's go back They're in the Caribbean also In their shitty-ass rental homes And let's see So the big thing was that Really, the centerpiece was that

Leah and Marisol got into a big argument at dinner. Because Marisol sucks. Because Marisol would not own up to anything that she did wrong. And Leah schooled her. Leah, it was like a master class on how to school someone in an argument on The Real Housewives. Leah just went at her, went at her. And not in a mean way. She just sort of like, she just came at her with all the facts. Yeah, all the facts.

And actually, to me, what it impressed me as was a situation of miscommunication. Because Marisol had some facts, too. And it seemed like they just didn't... No one was reporting... It's just stupid. Stupid. But Leah totally owned her. And in the end, they made up, which was actually nice.

Well, not really. They didn't really make up because they're going to be fighting again. No, they got drunk. And then Marisol started crying and saying, I miss your friendship. But we know they didn't make up because we talked to Leah. Yeah, that's true. I forgot. again no they got drunk and then marisol started crying and saying i miss your friendship but we know they didn't make that because we talked to leah yeah that's true i forgot and also next week uh marisol makes a stink about leah on the coming attractions um also i also what i also liked about this episode was that uh mama elsa they spoke to mama elsa on the phone alexia did and was saying

what what they told karen and how they confronted Karan. And Mama Elsa schooled all those women too. Mama Elsa was like, why are you gossiping? Why are you gossiping? Why do you do this on your vacation? You bring out the gossip. Miami is not a big enough city. You have to take the gossip to the Caribbean.

Why? Marisol. Marisol. of city you have to take the gossip to the caribbean why it was funny that marisol was like yeah you know sometimes she loves it and sometimes she wants to judge you it just kind of depends on her mood yeah it's just it depends on the day come on but mama elsa was right in this situation mama elsa knows everything oh please i love me some alexia i mean this girl was not really a full-time cast member this season because the shit that went down with her son but she is not going to just sit by on the sidelines and get bumped off this cast this girl is so back for season three she was so like nice and almost forgettable season one it's shocking how much of a crazy lady

in the best way. She's a player, and I love it. Well, they give her an enemy, that's for sure. Yeah. Dr. Karen Sierra. Oh, Dr. Karen. DDS. DDS. Her dad is sick, so now we all have to like her. Oh, shut up. I know. Well, I was actually, it was

really nice to see Karen sort of coming out of her shell a little bit when she was sort of screaming at the beginning of the episode at Leah. And, you know, do you remember that? Yeah, but do you think it drives me nuts? Here's the thing with you, Karen Sierra. You don't say what's on your mind. I just want to take your facade and tear it down. Yeah, but you know what?

I didn't like that because her response wasn't, you know, Liam, mind your own damn business. It wasn't anything real. Again, it was, oh, really? Well, you nagged your husband about buying diamonds and all you care about is diamonds. Like, what are you even talking about, you know? Like, why do you have to assassinate someone's character when she's just trying to have a real conversation with you and you're being a total asshole in return and having to be dragged away it makes you look like an idiot it makes you look like an idiot and you really end up not defending yourself which is you know anybody in their right mind would actually try to defend themselves not just go on the attack so she made herself look like a fucking and you have

a valid point just say listen just get to it i don't want to talk about my relationship with you it's none of your business and if he cheating, I'll figure that out with him. Leave it alone, lady. But instead, she's like, oh, really? Well, this is how you are with your husband. Listen, how was your day? Are you going to buy me diamonds? Oh, how was work?

Oh, then you're going to buy me more diamonds. Oh, my son, how are you? Oh, you're good? Then your daddy is going to buy me more diamonds. It's like, bitch, really? You chose to be a dentist. You could have been fucking some lawyer, too. Just show up for jury duty once in a while. Stop being jealous. Yeah. How fun is that? bitch really you chose to be a dentist you could have been fucking some lawyer too just

show up for jury duty once in a while stop being jealous yeah how fun is that how fun is that how fun and by the way i'm getting a little sick of housewives going on vacation and driving around on golf carts like that's supposed to be like the most amusing thing we've ever seen in our lives guess what it's so not that funny it. And they're all produced by different people. Like, how is this happening every single housewife? Why is it like the greatest novelty in the world to get onto a golf cart? Well, probably for legal reasons.

They can't let these women get drunk and get behind the wheels of real cars, but golf carts, by all means. Yeah. I'd love to see them get into a golf cart crash. Just saying. Just saying. Just saying. Can we all

across America stop saying just saying? Please. I like to say it because it reminds me of Danielle Staub. That's what she used to say. She's like, well, all I know is Carolyn Manzo may have five nipples just saying. Oh, I hate just saying.

I'm over it.'s like in every comment it's like nasty and mean they're like just saying oh shut up you hit learn something else just saying not you sweetie i'm not you not any of you um um um i'm i'm really excited and sad for the miami finale i hope it comes back for a third season. Well, the ratings have been steady. I'll give it that. So they are hovering around about a million viewers per episode, which is about a little less than a third of what Atlanta does

and about a little less than half of Beverly Hills. But I don't know. It's perking up and people are talking about it. So I really think that it's going to happen. And I do hear rumors that they are shooting the reunion so that's good news yeah or that they already shot it i mean they must have shot it at this point yeah something like i don't know i guess it's on of course like christmas weekend i was just looking at the tv guide it's like christmas it's like the day after christmas or the day after new year's here oh great so we'll

get fantastic ratings yeah it's gonna's going to get shit ratings. They're just throwing it away at this point, which is what worries me about it, you know? Yeah. Well, I don't know. I think it'll come back. I don't know. I think it was good. It just has to be put at the right time of the year, I think, with also, like, it's hard

to, you know, it's got two other housewives on at the same time. People have actual fatigue, you know? People are going to watch, like, the heavy hitters, Beverly Hills and Atlanta, and then they're going to be like, I can't same time people have actual fatigue you know people are gonna watch like the heavy hitters uh beverly hills and atlanta and then they're gonna be like i can't deal with the third one you know they should have it on with the oc i think that would be a good pairing yeah they they didn't time it properly it should like i like atlanta uh paired with um beverly hills that's totally fine i think that new york can stand alone because it's the shit and then i think pairing oc and miami at the same time during the year sounds like the best bet. Yeah, I think it's actually sort of nice because it's sort of like it's like a suburban and a city with each one.

If you have New York and New Jersey, suburban city. You have Beverly Hills and Atlanta. Even though Atlanta is a city, it's really a suburban show. And Miami and OC. That'd be perfect. Well, here's the scoop on the TV guide. It says the scoop. You see, I'm a reporter.

I look at the TV guide, you guys. I've got sources. The Real Housewives of Miami is going to be on December 27th. And it only says reunion. It doesn't say part one or anything. And it's only an hour. So this is not looking good. This is not looking good, you guys.

Yeah. Well, let's just hold out hope. Speaking of not looking good, as we're wrapping up our podcast, I would like to go on a little rant, a tiny rant about Top Chef. Please do so, because my God, Ben, I'm going to say it right now. This is the worst season ever. Oh, no, I'm happy with the season. I like the season. Well, you're wrong, because it's bad.

No, I am right. No, I'm happy with the season. But they've made a few tiny little tweaks that I hate. So it's really two tweaks. It comes with the judging. They've pretty much taken out the judges' deliberations. So now the people in the bottom come, they plead their case, and then it goes to commercial. It used to be they plead their case and then deliberations.

Now what happens is after the food is served, we see some deliberations, which is what it always was, and that's it. And the only time we saw judges' deliberations was the episode where everyone did so badly that there were no winners. And so they used the time, instead of celebrating winners, they used that time to show some deliberations. I hate that. I love seeing the deliberations. The other thing I hate is just the stylistic thing. Now, before they go to a commercial and also when they enter the chef testants,

the camera does this thing where it zooms in on their face, each one, and they say a little thing like, I can't lose. The stakes are too high. It's so annoying and stupid. It's overly produced and it's ridiculous. It's called, guess what? This is the crown jewel in Bravo's. Yeah, why are you doing this?

It makes no sense. Why are you doing this to the show? The show has won an Emmy before. I mean, my God, a Bravo show won an Emmy. Why are you trying to F with it? It does not need an update. It needs to go back to Gail, Tom, Padma, and one rotating guest, guest um judge celebrity chef yeah and stop with all of these stupid antics and bringing old people back i just want a fresh cast take them back to new york

or take them back to la and just get back to basics yeah and you know what quite frankly if they are concerned that the stakes aren't high enough how about you cut down the size of the cast and spend more time developing their their, and then we'll actually care about what's going on. And by the way, I also, I like the guy that's supposed to be the one we all hate, and I hate the guy that's supposed to be the one we all like. Like the little gnome one with a mustache, I don't like him, who can't cook pork, even though his restaurant's called The Divine Swine. But I like John, the one who's supposed to be the most hated.

I have some real, I'm really fired up about this. Well, I don't see why one is hated and one is liked. They're both kind of assholes. Yeah, that's true. At least the one who's supposed to be an asshole knows he is. I mean, the New Orleans guy is just over the top. I mean, he's horrible. I kind of would also love to see a throwback season to the way it used to be.

Back in the day, it was like, here are people who have culinary experience in different realms. You had people who were line chefs. You had people who were cater realms. You had people who were line chefs. You had people who were caterers. You had people who were home chefs. And now it's just like chefs. Yeah, like everybody has to come from like a Michelin star restaurant. Like, no, it should get back to the basics, people. Yeah, it's kind of fun seeing like watching a caterer sort of like shake it up with someone who wasn't.

And I'm assuming that every time you say caterer, you're meaning my carla of course carla but i'm even going way back i'm going back to like season one when they had like there was like a vegetarian caterer and you had candace who was like a culinary student you had a sommelier steven and sommelier stuff like that villain steven i loved villain steven slash hated him yeah now they're now they're just basically taking people who are like line cooks at giant restaurants. Right. If you're a line cook in a four or five star restaurant on the Vegas

Strip, they're just plucking you right out. What about Mikey who made the poop Cheeto sculpture from season two? Wasn't he like an Applebee's chef or some crap? Bring some of that on. Now I want a bloomin' onion. I want to see the guy who works a snack bar at the bowling alley trying to

make something fancy, you know, they should just mix it up just a little bit, you know? So that was, those are my rants on it. And then do we have any thoughts on million dollar decorator before we wrap up?

I don't think I watched that one this week. It's not very delicious. Martin Lawrence Ballard. What did he do? I don't think i watched that one this week it's not very delicious modern lawrence ballard what did he do i don't even remember what his i don't remember what his goal was this episode does anyone remember was that even on this week it was he didn't was on this week uh it was he didn't decorate his home we talked about that last week it was this one because i know that with the boring gay guy, he installed stuff in La Jolla. Mary McDonald, she... Pretended to drive through New York,

but she was in downtown Los Angeles. No, but that was the week before when she was... This week, she had all those dogs. She had the guy moving in with her for a little bit. And then... What did Marlon's blood do blood wasn't that guy on that season oh oh yes he was i have here's what i have to say marlon lawrence ballard this was all season

long we were waiting for this moment for the girl to drop the mirror in the antique shop and it finally happened finally happened and you know what it finally happened and it was so staged i mean i guess we all had to expect it was staged because he was designing a house for stacy dash who also could not have been more over the top and like preening for for screen time also side note she looks fantastic for being 45 or however old she looks beyond amazing she looks fantastic her legs amazing but so what happened was so martin lawrence blard's assistant drops this mirror they all gasp. And then he goes, well, can we fix that?

And the guy goes, yeah. And we cut to commercial. Like, that's literally what happened. That's how you could tell it was staged. Because if it was real, you know they would have had a reaction shot of Martin Lawrence Ballard being like, well, I simply could not believe it. It was a moment of excitement. And I was mortified by this experience. There would have been a whole big to-do.

He would have had reaction shots. He would have said things. He would have gone onto a phone. No. They just dropped it, broke it, moved on to commercial. We're going to have to shut down streets to the entire city to get a new mirror in here on time. I'm trying to survive myself. By the way, he also does... Oh, wait. Excuse me. This is the Stacey Dash episode.

Congratulations for realizing that when I said Stacey Dash, it's the Stacey Dash episode. I'm so fired up right now he ruined her house he ruined he ruined dion's house he destroyed it oh she's it sounds almost like martin lord's blood is absolutely clueless i mean that guy's what a cute personality what a terrible designer i'm waiting to see one thing that looks decent come out of his design. Never hire somebody who wears an ascot. Thank you.

We all can agree. Mary is the best, right? Yeah, and I like I like Catherine Ireland. She hasn't really been on the past episodes. Her design is just kind of old lady-ish looking. No, but she has some rock and pillows and, of old lady-ish looking. She's got some rockin' pillows

and, you know, oriental rock. It's crazy. Jacqueline, Jacqueline, get me a cocktail, Jacqueline. I need to get a pillow over here. But here's the thing. I think she does her thing well. I think that the two gay guys...

I cannot deal with Jeffrey Allen Marks. Yeah, it's like... Jam. It looks nice, yeah it's like jam jam his stuff looks it looks nice but it's a little boring it's a little safe i find i just want jacqueline and katherine to have a spinoff where they travel in a cadillac convertible a la thelma and louise and they drive around the country giving homes makeovers slash while they're drunk wait didn't we say fucking chili's waiter it's disgusting i do not want to see those two talking about their vaginas anymore just stop it didn't we

say last week that they should be in a sidecar because i think that's what oh that's right like the two old fat ladies it's like definitely they have to be the sidecar and nothing else all right let's wrap it up it is almost christmas time everybody all right the good news is in the next week or so the three of us are going to reconvene and possibly tape one, if not two, countdown episodes where we reveal our favorite moments from the Housewives bullshit craziness. And even maybe a few other Bravo moments outside of the Housewives might make this list. But it's going to be tough to crack the ladies and get into that top ten. But we are going to do that in the next few weeks, so stay for those and you know what we welcome all your suggestions go on to facebook and write down what your favorite bravo moments of the past year were and also uh put your not

nominate some of your favorite characters and least favorite characters of who you think are the best right and my favorite characters we mean people including the jac Jacquelines of the world. We don't anyone. Anybody goes this. If even the morally corrupt Faye Resnick is an option for you, they don't have to be a full time cast member. It could even be Jeff Lewis's dead cat. I'm just putting it out there. You know, I think what we should do is we'll do a countdown of the best moments. And then I think we should do the episode after that, like an award show or award of best of, like a most outstanding drag queen.

We're doing awards. We're definitely 100% doing awards. So watch what crappens award show. Get up on our Facebook slash watch what crappens. Please give us some suggestions. We want to have you guys incorporated into our final shows of the season. A lot

of the shows on Bravo are actually going to be on hiatus until January. Beverly Hills does not come back until it needs to pimp out Lisa's new show, Vanderpump Rules Snore. But we will be back in the new year with that. But keep an eye out for a new episode or two, like I said, in the next few weeks. And in the meantime, you can always follow us on Twitter at What Crappens. You can follow me, Matt Whitfield, at Life on the M-List. You can follow Ben at B-Side Blog.

You can follow Ronnie at TVgasm. And please leave us some extra comments on the iTunes page. Shout out to Apes Grape. You wanted a shout out. I'm giving you your shout out. We love you. And do you guys, my fellow black angels dressed in white, do you guys have any final things to say? Happy holidays, everyone. Yeah in white, do you guys have any final things to say? Happy holidays,

everyone. Yeah, Merry X, you guys. And until 2013, or until we get our asses together and do our final episodes of the year, the countdown. Literally putting our asses together back to back. We are gone with the wind fabulous. Ladies, flip your maxi dresses.

Woo! Woo! Woo. Woo. wind fabulous ladies flip your maxi dresses that's so persian like white people want to end the podcast but like persian people wanted to keep on going and la, now. I might, by the way, listeners, I think that we also need to do a top ten countdown of all of the impressions that are done on this show. I clearly don't do any, except for a little Martin Lawrence Ballard and a little Phaedra. It's all about Ben and Ronnie,

so maybe we'll do a countdown of our ten favorite impressions. Sounds good to me. Okay, guys, thank you so much for listening. Bye. Bye, y'all if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet the folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new youtube channel called wait for it it's got interviews with comedians like reggie watts todd glass Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years.

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