Watch What Crappens - #53: Bye-ami and Twinkie Arm Pits

Episode Date: December 30, 2012

Bye-ami and Twinkie Arm Pits See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. she said she likes my watch but she wants these ap and she said i'll pull i was watching qbc she said she loves my songs she bought my mp3 and so i put her number in my bold bb hey everybody welcome to watch What Crappin'. It's a podcast about all the crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from TVgasm and I'm joined by Matt Whitfield from Yahoo.

Hello Matt. Hey Ronnie, Merry Christmas. Well thank you and happy Jewishness Ben. Thanks and actually happy Kwanzaa to both of you. Oh yay black people yay atlanta so it's christmas i'm in texas i'm in my mom's guest room huddled up in bed curled up with some blankets because it's mf and cold here where are all the screaming children oh they'll be here i hope we finish this before those little brats get here i

swear i want to open an abortion clinic after hanging out here for over a week are those allowed in texas i don't think they are they are you just have to wear a bag over your head or you'll get hit in the head with a bible on your way in everything's bigger in texas including the abortions they have like a giant machine it looks like it looks like a transformer it looks like megatron and it goes right into your vagina well i'm just kidding i love my little nieces but damn that's a lot of work it is way easier being single and just hiding in my apartment and watching housewives i've had to listen to everybody's opinions about what i watch on tv because of course i have to watch it around everybody else.

And guess what? I don't need your opinions, okay? I went to church. So you have to shut up. Yeah. Well, you know, so last week I was just like slain with this just bad cold. And my parents were in town and they were visiting. And they didn't want me to be like out walking around like doing touristy stuff because they didn't want me me to get any sicker so we spend most of the time here in my apartment and we went through my dvr

and you know eventually you know i didn't want to have to submit them to the real housewives and shaz the sunset but it it eventually had to happen and my parents sat through real housewives of miami the finale and the shaz the Shazza sunset, and they were shocked. I mean, every single time. They're not hooked? They were not hooked. They were... I wish I could remember some of the things that they said

about the Real Housewives of Miami. I mean, they were just so amused. They were perpetually amused by... Amused that I would be amused. They were not amused by the show bad with amused by that i would be amused were they saying by the show were they saying offensive things about latinos no they weren't they were they were actually good but um my mom was here for that my mom was utterly disgusted my parents what was funny was before it my parents were slightly intrigued by the shahs of sunset because they were intrigued by the cultural

aspect of it. And I said, well, you know, there are actually some cultural things in the show. So, of course, they saw this week's episode which had no cultural elements whatsoever. But they were with me in an elevator with Lily at CVS. And so they got to see a Shah of sunset up

close and personal, as did I. I know you guys are so... tell us how her breasts are her breasts are huge in person huge um she was very nice she held the door open with her foot and that really seemed to amuse my parents who by the way she held the door open with like a louboutin or was she wearing like a flip-flop? Oh, she was dressed down. She was, her hair was up. She was wearing like sweatpants and like a tank top. She was like super cash. And my mom was, my mom started talking to her or my dad did.

They were saying, oh, that's a very interesting way to open up, like hold open an elevator door. They had no idea who they're talking to. In my mind, of course, I knew it was the one and only Lily. So yeah, that was my Lily experience. Well, I read that you put something about that on our Facebook page. I did, yeah. Which is facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens.

And I thought that you said that she chose the floor on the elevator with her foot. So I was imagining this little, tiny, skinny girl and really high heels punching in like floor number three or whatever that's what i thought that's what i thought my mom had said initially when i wrote that and then my mom uh said that no it was that she held the door with her foot and for some reason like my parents were totally amazed by that like they'd never seen anyone hold a door with their foot before but i was i just imagine you from coming from the widest neighborhood ever i feel like you would watch the brady much and be like oh my god they've got too much soul no no they here's an example my mom is sort of like lucille bluth okay if that gives you any oh my god her and my mother would

love intoxicated no no my mom doesn't drink very. My mom has one glass of wine and she's passed out. But my mom has certain Lucille Bluth elements to her. And that's why she's aghast at all this Real Housewives bullshit that we watch. Yeah, that's pretty much my mom too. I think our mothers would love-hate each other. They'd be so nice to each other's face and then rip each other apart behind each other's back. It'd be Lucille and Lucille Osterow. Yeah, we've got to introduce them so um we have some gossip this week bethany's getting divorced shocker oh i never saw alert you know that i saw on a magazine it was like us or in touch or

whatever and it said like the headline today said what drove them apart and i'm like the answer is very easy it's her voice it's her voice. It's her personality. It's everything about her. There's no way that any man could stay with her for more than nine months. The same thing that's made her famous. Her. Yeah. Everything about her. They married because she's horrible.

Yeah. Her humanity killed their relationship. She is terrible. Remember when we all used to love Bethany? I kind of have a soft spot in my heart for her. I don't know what is wrong with me among many of the things that are wrong with me. Matt, I thought you were like...

Are you about to call me a hypocrite again? Go ahead. I am merely questioning your perspective on this because it wasn't too long ago that you were hating on her, especially because she had some issue with the tickets to her show. Oh, well, yeah. I mean her show is horrible and the people that work on her show were being horrible to me via email when we tried to get tickets to go see it. But that aside, I kind of – I don't hate her. She's just – she's tough and I can't imagine anyone marrying her. But I honestly think that she is just a workhorse, and she wanted to have it all.

She wanted the baby, the job, the husband. Clearly that is not possible for anybody. And at the end of the day, I think her husband just was wanting to be lazy, and she wants to work. And if he wants her to sit at home on her pile of money, that's not going to happen, and so she needs to move on. Well, I think it's more than just that she's a work. And if he wants her to sit at home on her pile of money, that's not going to happen. And so she needs to move on. Well, I think it's more than just that she's a workhorse. I think it's that she's like an asshole. Yeah.

I'm really annoying. I thought you were going to say an actual horse because of that face. Oh, I was, I was, I think her face doesn't look so horsey. I think she just more looks like a sort of a strange version. She looks like Karen Allen.

I'm sorry to interrupt. I think she looks like a person from Whoville. She does. She does. She looks like if there were like a Whoville version of Karen Allen, it would be Bethany Frankel. How the Grinch stole Karen Allen. I would watch that in a heartbeat.

Oh, my God. I would love to know how the Grinch stole Karen Allen. You know it wasn't easy. Well, we don't honestly know. I mean, we've read this in the news or whatever, but we don't know if this is actually true or if this is just a storyline for the next year of her show. Because for all we know,

they could be getting back together at the end of the year. But all I can say is that guy needs to... On one hand, that guy seems like a controlling prick. And I don't know why she married him in the first place, except that she has major daddy issues. On the other hand, it's Bethany. So, you know, it's like anybody who ends up putting up with me. If they're a hairy back, abusive gorilla who, like, murders children, I'm going to just have to take it because they're putting up with me. I think that's how Bethany needs to look at it i don't i just i don't why why does anybody like

jason hoppy if you watch him on the show yes he has to take a lot of abuse because he's married to bethany who's undoubtedly obnoxious but what did jason really bring to the table his family was annoying he was very needy he was very much, we have to pack up our child and go visit my parents every Sunday and go to church and be a lovey-happy family. And she's like, look, I'm awesome. I live in New York and I'm a baller. So I want to go have some fun. I'd hang out with your pain-in-the-ass parents. How can you blame her?

Because – I always thought he was lame. Yeah, he was lame. He is lame. But the thing is – And he wore mom jeans. Yeah. Well, the thing is now she's rich and famous and super self-confident.

But at the time she met him, she was kind of poor and couldn't keep a date to save her life. And she felt desperate. I mean, look, we all do desperate things when we're desperate. Will she? It wasn't – when she met him, look, she wanted to have a baby. He's a good-looking guy. He seemed like he wanted to go all the way with her. It was like everything that she had wanted. But then – I mean i don't watch her stupid show so i don't know

really what's going on with their relationship but i mean he's kind of bland and she's neurotic and crazy and you know overbearing and it was like inevitable and fun and fun stop forgetting that she is fun she's she's not as fun as she used to be. She used to be really funny. She's too much. She takes herself too seriously. Half her show this year, or this past year, was, oh, oh god, oh god, it's so hard being famous.

Oh, look, everybody's calling me. Listen to my phone ringing. Oh, look at all these emails. I can't take it. And her neuroses is now, it feels put upon. It feels like, it's like her soses is now – it feels put upon. It feels like – it's like her schtick now. It doesn't feel as authentic as it used to. I mean I think she's neurotic, but I think the neuroses she's giving us is a little much.

It's like – but you know who does a great impersonation of her is – what's her face? Our friend, Amy. Amy Phillips. She really does. She does on the – Amy Phillips gets it down. Her talk show impression is very funny. Can you believe I have a talk show?

I mean, who wants to hear what I have to say? Listen to me having a talk show. Listen to me talking on a talk show. It's crazy. Yeah. Would you imagine after all this, Bethany is going to be left. She will have lost her husband and she will have lost Jill Zarin. And now what does she have?

A baby? A billion dollars. A billion dollars. A billion dollars. And the best vibrator money can buy. Who cares about the rest? Her vibrator's like, I'm supposed to go in here? It's a little bushy in here. Okay, put me in here.

Okay, I got to shake. How much do you want me to shake? Okay, how long am I supposed to stay in here? Okay. That'd be the definitely vibrator. Not to be confused with the candy burris kegel balls. Hey, hey. Hey.

Hey, I'm up to your vagina right now. You better hold on to me. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey. I'm on your vagina right now. You better hold on to me. Hey, mama. I don't know about that, mama. It doesn't even sound. We should just use a totally different accent and just say it's Candy's voice. Hello, I'm Candy Burris.

What? You're not. Hey, I sure love coming out to this island. Why are you making Candy Burris into Red Fox? It's Red Fox. I thought it was more of a Fat Albert. Hey, it's Candy Burris. And I've got a swing show.

You need some more awkward squawking in the middle of that. Yeah, that's not my impersonation of Candy. That's my impersonation of Ben trying to do Candy hey mama i can't i can't do her oh okay so that's enough of bethany we have to put up with her anorexic ass with the cold the rest of the year let's forget about her right now move on to that wait wait wait do you think jill zarin is licking her chops right now i think jill zarin is probably calling jason like hey Jason, do you want to talk? Do you want to have a walk through the park? Oh, I think we should talk.

We were friends. Remember when we were friends before Bethany broke up with me? I understand what it's like. This is how she is. And then she'll record the conversation and try and sell it to people online. Jill is ready to pounce. Oh, my God. We should try to get Jasonason happy on the show wouldn't

that be amazing no we're like so jason what do you think of this and he'd be like it's all right it's good it's great my mom's really nice you guys should right what a terrible idea you should just punch me i'm gonna punch you through this microphone um oh you know what side note i finally listened to the jay moore podcast with andy cohen have you guys heard that no people have been telling us on our facebook page to listen to it jay moore has a podcast and he interviewed andy cohen wow i really um and much less i was much less annoyed with andy cohen after listening to this uh interview until i saw the Real Housewives of Miami reunion. Then I was annoyed all over again. But the interview was kind of interesting

and he was talking about how he started that show and how everyone thinks that he was just handed this show, but he wasn't really handed the show because he was head of production, but he can't just give himself a show and they didn't want him to do it. And it started as this podcast that he used to have to drive to the middle of Jersey to do in the middle of the night. And eventually he got moved up or whatever. And basically he talked about how he earned his show and how people give him shit about not ever confronting the housewives about anything. But he says he doesn't do that on purpose because it's up to them to dig their own holes. And he's just supposed to facilitate that and kind of stand by and watch.

It was very interesting because a lot of the stuff that I criticize him for, apparently he does on purpose. I don't know. Oh, please. Don't you think that he's saying that now to cover up for the fact that he is a complete dick? Maybe. Because when he can't even start the reunion properly, he's like, Hi, I'm Andy Combe.

Welcome to the Real Housewives of Miami reunion. It's like, oh, Jesus. You can't even start it right in the first five seconds. It just proves how much they care about Miami over there at Bravo. Well, they do now. Jesus. They better now.

My goodness. Miami, we've said it like every single week. Miami is on fire. It continues to be on fire. I thought the reunion was fantastic. Excuse me. Excuse me. Un fuego.

Fuego. Apologies. I don't know how to say apologies in Spanish. Lo siento. Lo siento. Lo siento, Dr. Caranciera. I think the – I thought just, you know, if we're going to just go flash impressions, I thought this was a great reunion. You know, there's some reunions we watch where they yell at each other and they say vicious things and it feels just mean or boring or redundant.

I don't know why. This one, when they were – you know, Adriana was saying some real nasty things and I was like loving it. I just thought it was so funny. All of them. Also, by the way, I don't normally comment on this. I love the set. I love the way it looked. Did anyone else like it?

Yeah, it was lovely. Yeah, it was really nice. It's a lovely reunion. It was lovely. And I love that all the women got big hair for the reunion. Like big housewives hair. They really made an effort. Especially Adriana. She came with her housewives hair everyone looked like a disco ball well i

i was really surprised that it didn't start off calmer because last week we saw the season finale which we haven't talked about here yet and it was so a lot of people online have been complaining about it but i actually really liked it i was, I don't remember a Housewives finale that was so poignant. Well, the way they shot it was kind of interesting and seemed like, you know, obviously Miami has a huge cast, but they kind of went woman by woman and gave each one of them about like an eight minute segment where we kind of saw where they were with either their relationships or, you know, whatever was going on in their lives before they ended with my favorite moment. Of every Housewives season.

That awkward freeze frame. That always paints them in a bad light. Where they put up some shitty chyron. That is like I'm still a bitch. And I still love getting divorced. Or whatever. But like the final episode that was kind of cool though. The way we saw.

It was poignant. And we did get to see like 5 to 10 minutes. Of each of their lives separately. There wasn't like a chaotic dinner party. We saved all that bullshit and drama for the reunion. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I mean, we could talk very quickly about the season finale. I mean, really,

it wasn't, nothing really happened. It was basically, like, two of them signed, you know, well, Anna signed her divorce papers finally. Marisol and what's-his-face decided they were officially going to call it off. Philippe. And then there was like a reaffirmation. The other two women were...

Adriana told her son that she's going to get married. Yeah, and Joanna and Romaine Lettuce were going to get married also. And then, you know, was there something else? Yeah, because Mar um made everybody go

to the ocean together and throw flowers in the ocean and make a healing hole yeah they went to the healing gaping hole and the gaping healing hole the gaping healing hole and um they all made wishes and um i thought that that was really nice and I love when it got to Leah, because Leah has no, she's like, I'm not going to show any emotion to these bitches. It was just like, well, I hope that the world keeps spinning and everyone stays wonderful. This ocean's too big. I'm going to tear it down. I'm going to do this healing hole. I'm going to tear it down.

How fun is this healing hole i'm gonna tear it down how funny is the healing hole it's like i'm not gonna try and talk right now i will just no i don't want to interrupt the blackness i just thought it was kind of funny everybody was going around sobbing and then it got to her and she kept on and she was just like a grinning monkey i loved it. That's what I love about her. She's like, I forgot to bring my passport to the ceiling hall. Who doesn't bring their passport? Slap, slap. Yeah, so I thought that was kind of nice.

The whole thing with Marisol and this guy, what's the deal with that? They haven't been married a year. He leaves and gains 50 pounds. What's story there still hotter than she is yeah that's true that's true true but what i love but she's like you know we really really loved each other i'm like uh we never saw any of that love ever in the past yeah beg to differ big time but really pretty wedding pictures yeah well okay good for her yeah i guess i'm trying to figure and then anna tried to make some big drama about getting divorced and her husband couldn't even pretend with her yeah oh it's so hard after 23 years why does everybody hate her i mean yes she's, but don't you feel bad for her a little bit?

No. I do like her, though. I don't hate her. I liked her up until last night. I thought she was great. I thought she was smart. No, last night was a different story. Last night was a different story.

Last night is like season three, Anna. It's a sneak preview of what we're going to be seeing of Anna, I believe. Okay, but leading up to that, I kind of do feel bad for her because she's clearly fucked up, and she's still doing her husband's laundry and cooking him food, yet he's sleeping around with plenty of other women, and he's probably going to get married behind her back. But I don't know. I feel like she's kind of a sad sack.

I do, too. She is a sad sack. And I feel like she wants to be her daughter's friends instead of their mother, which is the biggest mistake ever because, bitch, you are in your 40s. Stop it. She is a sadist. She wants to be friends with her ex. She wants to be friends with her daughters. And on top of that, you know, yesterday I was in Barnes & Noble and I found this cookbook of hers that I took

a picture of and put it on our Facebook page. Another reason why you should like our Facebook page. And this poor cookbook, I mean, this woman, she couldn't even get her cookbook promoted on her own show, for crying out loud. She has a cookbook sitting out there. Does anyone realize this?

She has a cookbook, and she can't even get promotion on Bravo. The sticker on the front says, Anna can be seen on Bravo's The Real Housewives of Mijami. That's true. She does have a sticker. And, by the way, she looks amazing on the cover of the cookbook meaning she was completely airbrushed no i think she looks well she looks very airbrushed but she looks like she's drunk on the food and she's like she looks like someone just hit her on upside the head it does not look proper well doesn't all cuban food like get soaked in alcohol or something maybe that's why the comments

on this post are really funny vanessa is the recipe for appeasing and forgiving your cheating fiancé risotto that Anna taught Joanna in the book? I love that comment. Rebecca, I bet all of her recipes turn out tasting bitter. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly right. Honestly, she looks

almost like she's special needs in the photo. What about one of the comments, I thought she was a lawyer? Doesn't she peg herself as a lawyer at the beginning of the of the series yeah well she says she's a lawyer with food but she likes to do food yeah yeah she's a lawyer but she's a lawyer who likes to take care of her family in the kitchen but yeah she i knew that this bitch side of her was coming because one night I watched the watch what crap or watch what happens show because it had some Miami girls on it and she was one of them and man she was the woman she was last night was who she was on that watch what happens show I mean she was just

look we all hate Karen Sierra but you know it's hard to hate her. DDS, DDS. I hate him. I don't trust anything in myself. When he lies one time, I never trust him again. I never trust him again. I hate him so much. I had the worst week of my life last week. Your father is hearty and sick. I hate sickness.

I give him ice cream in the hospital. What flavor? What flavor? Vanilla. Almost dead. Vanilla. Almost dead. Vanilla. Almost dead. Vanilla.

Vanilla. I hate chocolate. I hate fucking. I hate haggardas. You guys are ridiculous. Okay, let me watch it happen. and they were like oh hey or andy was like hey what do you whose ass is this let's choose or whatever but when he actually did ask the question it was something about uh karen and and dating rodolfo and he's like so you know this guy's hot he's like, so, you know, this guy's hot. He's a Spanish soap opera star. And she's like, oh, he's not even a halfspin. He's a never was. And like everything. She was just kind of over the top mean. And I thought, wow, who's she? And why isn't she on this show? What do you guys think happened?

Obviously, the Real Housewives of Miami finished taping a while ago, and the reunions are always a few months later. Clearly, that poignant finale, a lot of shit changed between that and the reunion. What the fuck went on in those few months? Clearly, there is more bad blood than ever. All I can think about is that Anna's good friend Marisol and this whole Marisol-Lea thing probably really bothered Marisol a lot. It probably really annoyed Marisol that we had a whole season where her company was getting bashed. And I don't personally think that her company probably suffered that much. But she was probably annoyed.

She was probably vending to Anna. And then the two of them were probably throwing up a whole anti-Leah thing, and it probably just burst on the reunion. Yeah, but it's just, I just don't understand why Anna, you know, yes, you're sticking up for your friend and everything else, but, I mean, she was really going after Leia. She was nasty. Yeah, I don't get it. Out of nowhere. Yeah, I don't, why was

she going at Leia like that? Yeah, and then, you know, she was saying first, like, she was like, you know, Mayor of Miami, I don't even know who you are like i never even heard of you and then all of a sudden she starts talking about how like well she's from texas and she sells makeup out of the back of her truck and it's like well do you know who she is or do you not know who she is and leah tried to sort of try to sort of say that but it was very frustrating don't act like you don't know who she is then you start rattling off information about her her background and furthermore what i really want to know is who the fuck cares when when she says oh leah married wealthy hey get look look at everyone else on the

couches okay like why are you singling out leah and who cares if she married wealthy yeah i don't i got it got me so mad the lack of logic and then And then also, I was talking to our friend Lisa Timmons earlier today, and she was saying that when this all came up, and Anna was accusing Leah of not being a self-made woman, and like, you know, you sell the makeup out of the back of your car and everything. Lisa's husband was like, kind of sounds pretty self-made to me. I don't know. Selling stuff and you becoming rich, I don't know, sounds self-made to me. I don't know. Selling stuff and you becoming rich.

I don't know. It sounds self-made. Do you think that Anna was, though, like making a play to earn herself another season? I mean, she just seems incredibly desperate to me and the fact that the finale saw her signing her divorce papers, like her story is kind of done.

So it kind of made me believe that bitches bring in all of her guns blazing in order to earn season three. Yeah, I think she did. I guess so because I don't – Leah didn't say a thing about her. It's like she didn't even know Anna was alive at all. So I don't see where that came from unless she was trying to make herself look good for another season. But, man, it was nice seeing Leah finally get pulled into the fighting because yeah as bad

as i felt for her it was funny to watch her keep standing up like she's long you know we've loved leah you guys obviously had her on a week um on watch what crap and you know the week that i couldn't be there and i was devastated but we love leah but our one concern and complaint with leah throughout the entire season has been her allegiance to Elaine and not getting pulled into the true fights, always kind of playing and maybe saying a word or two from the sidelines, but not really getting roped in. But last night, girlfriend got dragged in by her big Texas hair, and she was like in the middle of the fucking flames. And you know what? I thought she did a great job. I thought she came out on top for sure

anna wound up looking uh petty and mean and at one point you know there was this great montage of leah like saying all these backhanded comments to people which i thought was hilarious and you know andy was questioning her about that and then later on there was you know they're talking about well anna's making all these digs and anna's like well it's no different from you making digs but i think it is i think that leah she she does have little like digs and past aggressive digs but anna's weren't digs they were catty remarks you know yeah they were mean they were publicly trying to take somebody down and calling somebody old over and over again it's just not yeah i mean first of all you're a housewife so you're all old like you're all you're all hags, at least.

Like, you may be different ages, but you could be 20 and you can still be a hag. Trust me, I'm in Texas and I see what the cigarette studio faces after time. And those women are all hags. I mean, they're housewives. They have to be. They're overdramatic hags. But Anna was just really mean. And calling somebody out on being old is not cool.

Like, if that's all you have against me, this is my age, like, fuck off. Yeah, say old and talking about, like, you know, she, like, made her money by doing all her best work on her back. Like, stuff like that. It just was, it was so, it was really repulsive. And this is the Real Housewives. Who cares how they earn their money? We're here to be entertained. And Anna just made herself look like a fucking asshole. the real housewives who cares how they earn their money we're here to be entertained and anna just

made herself look like a fucking asshole yeah and his only good moment was when she called out joanna and adriana for using bullying and saying like stop calling each other bullies that was a good point yeah but while we're on that fuck andy cohen okay here's another thing from andy this podcast interview i listened to with andy cohen he goes off on this big thing about he was in college and he was still in the closet and he went to go see an eddie murphy concert with his friends and they had just taken mushrooms and eddie murphy has uh this bit where everything's faggot like he just says faggot a million times and he goes off and andy starts talking about having like this nervous breakdown and, you know, sweating through his shirt and freaking out and crying in the bathroom.

The whole, it's like, you know what? I get that. I get it. I we're all gay here, but can you define yourself by fucking something else? I'm so sick of hearing it from him. It's like, just cut it out. Just go just become the Trevor project. Please just shut up about it already. Like warning. If you don't want to know any more about that, don't read his book because just go just become the trevor project please just shut up about it already like warning if you don't want to know any more about that don't read his book because there's a whole lot about that like let's just stop worrying about gayness like you're not the biggest victim in the world you're a well you know you're a well-off little rich jew shut the fuck up about being a victim all the time and being bullied and everything else like i'm just so sick of hearing it like

there are people with real problems in the world okay but he's like oh no i want honor to be able to finish because bullying is really for people like me not to use that word shut up and by the way i'm sorry but bullying is also so 2010 really let's get over it let's move on to a new topic yeah get a baseball bat someone bullies you beat the shit out of them stop your whining yeah exactly now what i think is funny speaking of bullies uh i guess it's not really a good transition but you know adriana and uh and joanna what's funny is we're cute like every time anna was nasty to leah i was like she's so fucking nasty what a fucking bitch adria every time adriana was nasty to joanna and adriana was 10 times nastier than we were loving

it though right i loved it well the difference is she has the right and also everything she says is true that she's saying against joanna and joanna's come after everybody else so many times like when they were showing that clip of her going after Marisol for wearing fur, I was dying. I forgot all about that. Fuck Joanna. She's a stupid drag. Yeah, I think you're right. Because I think the thing that was so shocking about Anna was that it seemed to come out of nowhere.

It seemed like it was just, it seemed mean-spirited. It was being mean. Yeah, but pause. Because the difference here is this. The three of us fucking love Leah Black. And the three of us fucking hate Joanna Krupa. That is the fucking cut-and-dry difference. We're biased. We're biased. We can't act like we're not biased. True, but at least you can pick a side because they actually have fights with each other.

Like, Joanna's right about certain things, but Anna has nothing to do with Leah. They didn't even speak all season. So, like, her just jumping all over some old lady for no reason it's like it just seems mean it seems like pushing somebody down in a crosswalk you know just don't do it an old lady in the ground yeah like but yeah yeah no leah is young at heart i love leah oh please she's not she loves leah yeah i love her i loved that she had to stand up and keep like turning into chicken lady to finish off i was dying oh yeah that's great well how about i start telling the truth about you missy it's like tell it tell it tell the truth i know and leah leah did get some nasty barbs in

there you know but then but then even when they were nasty she was able to explain them away like when she was like well your husband is having sex with someone for two years. And Anna's like, he never cheated on me. He never cheated on me once. She's like, I never said he did. It was after you separated. It's like, oh, okay. Well, she's saying like, I'm just repeating what you said on the show.

Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power,

money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about

or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app

or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Can we talk about

Adriana? Yeah, I want to talk about that because when we saw the finale it seemed that they had buried the hatchet. They weren't obviously BFFs after they had gone on their little trip to the Bahamas. But it was very much like we can be cordial and get along in the same room and we're not hating on each other. Like high five, we're fine. Clearly not the case. Cut to last night and Adriana yelling, shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Hoana. Over and over. Oh, you say I have an accent? Okay, here's my accent. Here's my Spanglish. Hoana.

She speaks five languages. But a true language is independence. Well, that's. Independence. That's my. You have to live up to my standards that was another thing that i noticed on watch what crap is because uh i think it was the same night that the other girl was on but joanna was on there and adriana comes in because this was the night of that episode where she gets hit or

wherever and joanna's like oh she was abusing me and blah blah blah and adriana calls in and she's like you're the bully you know she's just screaming and she's on the me and blah blah blah and adriana calls in and she's like you're the bully you know she's just screaming and she's on the phone and she just does not start stop screaming the entire time it's hilarious so i knew that that was coming back because joanna walks in the press and makes it sound like she got you know abused on national television so that's bullshit well joanna is well yeah and she wants to pretend that like romaine lettuce is really not cheating on her and they're in love guess what that is not the case it is not the case at all they are such a phony fucking couple and i don't know why for the for the life

of me i don't understand why he is with her she has acne she's evil she's an alcoholic she's anorexic and you know he's probably begging her sister. She's a supermodel. She is not a supermodel, but you are in Miami Drive Magazine. Miami Drive Magazine is not Cosmo. I'm sorry. No, you're right. I can't even believe I said supermodel. But the point is, she is like a celebrity

model, and that's major bragging rights. And I think, honestly, I wouldn't put it past him to be in it with her just for that. Because she's famous? Okay. He'd be like, yeah, I'm banging Joanna Krupa. Yeah, he got her for the same reason he got his Ferrari, to ride something that's pretty that everyone will be jealous of.

Yeah. Yeah, she's a dumb hoe. And I love that she's just so open with her terrible personality. She's like, oh, you're just jealous of me because of all the press I get, and you just want to be in the magazines, and the only person who gets press in this show is me. Yeah, I was just about to say that. It's actually very much like Teresa Giudice,

where it's like, they're so dumb, and they have no idea, and they are just open books, and it's pure hilarity, because they don't know how dumb they're coming across. Yeah, like the fact that Joanna measures her self-worth on how much press that she gets. She's like, the only time you ever get press

is when you punch me. So that's the only time you've gotten press in the past year. Like, oh, congratulations, Joanna. You got press for being a fucking idiot. All the other times. Every time she said something like that, it just made me scream louder at my television set going, none of you are getting press because your ratings are in the toilet you are not the atlanta housewives sorry

oh my god you know what the one who got out the one who got out of all this the easiest was freaking dr karen sierra because she did exactly what she always says she smiled she didn't get too bad and you know what everyone else acted like a fucking idiot and karen's just sat there in her in her shiny uh sequined dress and and scooted away without a problem well karen got all the bullshit thrown at her all season long so it was like i was finally okay with her getting a little bit of time to breathe same i agree i think she's so annoying and no we still hate her don't get us wrong she's terrible and andy her, what did he ask her? He's like, well, what about the fighting or whatever? And she's like, well, it's important because my father was so sick and he almost died. And everyone's like, oh.

And then, oh. And she's not even crying. Like, they show a close-up of her. No tears. Not even welling up. She just likes to smack her lips and pretend. That means crying. Total Sally Fields in the Mexican soap dish crying.

And they totally forget the question that they asked her. It's like, that bitch got off scot-free from using her sick dad. You know? Oh, God forbid when he dies. They're never going to make anything stick. Ugh, healing hole all over again. Healing hole. Hey, that was not really me. gonna make anything stick uh healing hole all over again healing hole what did you guys think about what'd you guys think about um uh adriana uh accusing romaine lettuce of being a racist and

you know because the slums are hilarious because he said there's lightness and darkness and i'm the darkness that's racism adriana that was so funny because Adriana was so really she really had no leg to stand on in this case and it was hilarious though watching her being so convicted like she should go back to the slums of Rio racist again

like what no that's not like saying to go back to the slums of Rio is actually like a reference to your head I won't let you talk about Brazil like that. Let me tell you about the slums of Rio. There are women there who work so hard all through the day

and all through the night. So you're a racist. Nothing that the woman says makes sense. The only time that that woman makes sense is when she's yelling and saying horrible things to Joanna. Every other thing that only time that that woman makes sense is when she's yelling and saying horrible things to Joanna. Every other thing that comes out of her mouth makes absolutely no sense.

And I don't care because it's hilarious. The slums of Rio, there are angry birds that are mad because pigs stole their eggs. And so you take the pig and you put him on a rubber bank and you pull it back and you try to kill the pigs. That's about the slums of the Angry Birds of Rio. That's the Angry Birds of Rio. In the slums of Rio, okay, they got lamps, and the lampshades are made from old fortune cookies

that people throw away from their Chinese takeout, and they melt them down, and they make a lampshade, and the lampshades fall apart after about a day, and you have to get a new one and it costs a week's salary, but you work for it and that's the slums of Rio and that's racist if you have a nice lampshade.

Well, here's the other thing. He probably is racist. He is. He is French after all. I guess this is a very pro-French group here here oh my god suit a lore well look he's not racist against people for me it's probably racist against black people that's what i was getting at because he's probably just one of those like meathead

assholes oh my god hilarious adriana it is funny the thing is that the funny thing is i actually do feel like adriana is a smart woman. I feel like she's smart. I feel like she's bright. And she can get totally unhinged. I think she gets totally unhinged. Ben, why is she smart? Why is she smart? I don't know. For some reason, just from like, I wish I could pinpoint anything about the

things that she talks about. I don't know. I actually do feel like she's smart. Her life and her son onto that fucking boat. That is not smart. That's true. Okay. I actually do feel like she's smart. If she can move her life and her son onto that fucking boat, that is not smart. Okay, I will give you that. Well, it is because she's making sure that her husband doesn't spend all of his money while he's alive. She wants him to save some so that when he dies, she'll get it. She is going to push his ass overboard after there's a – there's not going to be a prenup.

She's going to murder him at sea, and then they're going to move back onto Star Island. Maybe she is a genius. Well, the yacht has to live up to her standards. Standards. Standards. Yeah, one of the reasons I do like her is last night was a good example where she said, Andy said, you know, you're the only one who sticks up for Leah all the time when people say you're on her payroll. And she said, you know, she helped me when I was down,

and I'm not going to turn on somebody who basically saved me. You know, Leah found her sleeping on the floor of some gallery or something and gave her a life. And she said, I'm not going to turn on the person who saved me. And I respect that, you know. I really do. I've got to give her props. That's very rare.

I do too. I thought it was a nice moment. Next week, it looks like Leah's sobbing because Adriana throws her under the bus or something. So we'll see. But for now – Whatever. They'll be – I think they will – the two of them I think will actually be fine always because they can be hothead. They can say things.

But I think they actually understand each other. Understand each other. And I think they'll be good. By the way, you know what was funny was the one remark that I remember from my parents watching The Real Housewives of Miami was last week when Adriana showed up at her son's school wearing like a green dress with no bra on her boobs, like side boob, boob hangout. And my dad was like, oh, I see. Well, dress appropriately for school. By the way, I kind of loved that moment. I like her son.

I like Leah Black's son. I think that they're fun, good moms. Even though her nipples were hanging out, I mean, she could sit behind that piano and, you know... I was impressed. Me too. I guess the thing with Adriana, the reason why maybe I assume that she's a little smarter than maybe the other housewives

is that she can play a musical instrument well she seems to have an appreciation for arts for the arts like music uh painting and stuff like that and i i've you know there's not always a correlation that people who appreciate the arts are smarter but i like to think that there is so therefore that's where i think she's just a nice change you know, she seems to actually appreciate what she does. She's not doing it for money. She actually seems to like her homely old rich guy because she's not just marrying him to get his money. You know, it actually took him a long time to get her.

She's just kind of the opposite of what these women normally are. You know, I really feel for people like Lisaisa who all she does like she totally ruins her entire face and her body she's like a walking piece of rubber and it's all to get some homely old dude who probably left his family for her i mean now that's uh total guessing i don't know but just looking at it allegedly just looking at him i mean he had to have someone you know go get his young trophy bimbo and she's terrified that he's gonna leave her if she doesn't give him exactly what he wants you know yeah i mean that's a terrifying thing that there's any possibility do you think there's any possibility

that um you know repeat plastic surgeries and unnecessary surgeries and breast augmentations and all of that is there any chance that that could affect the fact that she's what i've always said is that that's what it is. It's because she's got too much rubber inside of her. It's like trying to give birth when your body is filled with the chemicals that make up a Diet Coke. Yeah. As I drink a Diet Coke right now. Seriously.

Her uterus is probably like a bouncy castle, and the eggs just ping around back and forth before falling off. They can't attach to anything. Yeah, nerf. It's like all nerf. The sperms just keep the babies just keep bouncing off the nerve it's like sperms come out with bloody noses crying wanting their moms they're like i kept trying to break the window but i couldn't do it god if only if it was carol radswell's, that would be a nice soft place to snuggle all up in. I think there's something inside of me. Feels like pop rocks in my falafel chips.

I've been thinking of a way to slip Carol Radziwill in at some point. Thank God I did. Oh, I know. Thank God I did. Oh, I know. Thank God you did. I was going to say about it. The other thing about, speaking of children, etc. The other thing that Adriana said was the reason why she wouldn't turn against Leah too

is that their sons are best friends. It was a small thing, but if you think about it, that's a noble thing to do. Our children are best friends. We are not going to fight. Contrast that with caroline and teresa i'm not teresa i mean uh and yeah kim g i mean kim g is a character whatever but caroline manzo was a real asshole to kim g kim g just wanted to be friends and caroline would not let her in yeah you know that's just shows i think there's a little bit of a class issue there too well i think it also goes to show that adriana has this crazy temper and this crazy personality but

she can she can control it yeah which is kind of rare because no one you know she doesn't control it except when it comes to leah but you know it's nice to know that she's not completely psycho and i love a lot of people go ahead no i was gonna say i love those two sons because they're both totally like awkward socially awkward i love that they're best friends i think it's great i love that they i love these women have socially awkward so what was with anna criticizing leah's son too that was not that was not socially awkward that was that was not okay you don't attack someone's child do you know know how lucky Leah was to have a baby that old? It's like a miracle.

We should be holding that baby up. Lion King style. Totally. I love RJ. I love RJ. Okay. Can we, you know what? We cannot, just because we like Leah does not mean we can skip over what an asshole she was too.

Because no facial surgery, really because last year you looked like a dry cleaning bag that was left on the heater when you came back to the reunion you look like someone learning to make a drum out of goat skin you were so tight do not tell me that you've never had surgery. And also, Nicole Jean-Rand, or whatever, on our Facebook page was like, Bitch, please. Your face doesn't move, and when you get mad, your veins bolt out of the side of your head. I know that that's Botox because it happens to me. Hashtag truth. I love our listeners.

They're so funny. And it's so true because that does happen like that hulk rage like when you get so pissed the veins start popping but it's the only part of your face that can move it's like thomas kramer that's what happened to his face what's so embarrassing about getting surgery everybody has it there leah still looks more normal than most of them yeah right i mean she doesn't look like a freak show she might as well just say i've had a little bit here and there but guess what i mean compared to you know i mean i'm sorry the rest of those women mama elsa let's just start there oh my god i wish just once at the beginning

of these uh these reunion shows i just wish once when andy starts oh so let's talk about your boobs oh well what kind of what have you done to your tits what have you done to your face what have you done how much money did that cost i wish someone would just say you know that's really sexist andy can we just move on and talk about something right all i want to do is like you know you know say stop bullying and gay rights and all this other shit and i'm like you're a sexist pig you're a total misogynist like you don't even hide at all what a misogynist you are and on top of that there was one there was one moment. I think he was asking maybe Lisa and he was asking about plastic surgery and he goes, oh, I don't mean to be tacky, but – and he asked something else.

I'm like all of a sudden for one glimmering moment, Andy Cohen is concerned about being tacky. But he's asked everyone else about their boobs, their breasts, their faces, their noses. their faces their noses you know i noticed one other thing this i'm going i'm all over the place today i'm sorry but i did notice that andy colin was really holding leah's feet to the fire and normally he doesn't do that he usually just backs off and lets them fight amongst themselves you know what though i think he knows that she can take it because leah i think actually can can take yeah leah can fight back properly and i think that's one of the reasons why that dr karen sierra dds was you know not at the at the forefront of all the fighting because Andy was just like, look, this bitch got punished all season long. Leah can handle it right now.

She'll make for great TV. Go. Yeah. What about Marisol? I mean, I like that Marisol did finally speak up and was like, your fucking big mouth is ruining my business. I mean, she does sort of have a point, but it was sort of amusing to me when she got mad at Leah because that Leah didn't apologize or whatever it was. Whatever that Leah did, she did it off camera, not on camera. I mean, Marisol, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

If you want an apology, you get an apology. Oh, yes, she does. Yeah. Right. And she'll also eat your cake. Yeah. That's why. Well, not Philippe's cake though he ate all this she'll steal your cake to feed it to philippe to keep her to keep her coming over one more night but yeah that was a lot of cake and a lot of cake in that healing bowl that was very

interesting because she did say that didn't she where she was like yeah but you apologized but it was off camera and lee is is like, what the hell? Well, I think maybe she's trying to suggest that she caused damage on camera, but she didn't fix the damage off camera. Oh, no way. What'd she say? She said she apologized, but it was on camera. No, it was off camera. She wanted her to apologize on camera because she had said all these things on the record.

She wanted this to be on the record too personally there's no fucking way that her business has been injured by this show they're all now bigger names and more of a celebrity than they've ever been before so she needs to drop this shit and fast yeah yeah and i think that honestly anyone doing damage to her own business is marisol because quite frankly marisol comes off looking squirrely and she looks like she doesn't want to confront things I mean look my mom's in PR if someone were saying this stuff about my mom my mom would not

just sit there and be like I don't want to talk about it my mom would say you're being you're incorrect we talked about this if you want to talk about it we'll talk about this off camera but stop saying this about me you know sidebar can Ben's mom start her own fucking housewives out of wherever they live in New York? My mom would never. Actually,

believe it or not, my parents were in Westchester, New York, and there was a group of six or seven women in Westchester who tried to start something called the Working Women of Westchester, but they wanted to show that these sort of housewives could be professional

and classy and smart. And guess what? It didn't get picked up. Oh, yeah. No one wants to see that. No one wants to see real housewife women. But the thing is this. According to Leah, when Leah was on with us, she basically said, look, she never would have said any of this stuff on camera in the first place, except that Maricel was going around saying that uh you know

she was basically accusing leah of uh taking james whatever it was basically maricel started and leah was like look i wasn't gonna say anything but if you're gonna drag me into it i'm gonna open my mouth so but why for the life of me i do not understand why is leah friends with all of these unsavory fucking characters i do not get it she said that she likes she finds them interesting well also look leah like when we're used to her at this point but if you really look at all those clips they showed and how her personality is it's not like she's going to be invited to hang around the classiest people in the world because you can't act like that it's why i can't keep a job every time i get hired to do some kind of job they're like well he's too mean like we can't have him commenting on shit because

he's too mean it's just how i am i have to hang out with weirdos like you people because no one no one else will hang out with me it's too much like it's too extreme she's got to just calm down if she's and also her husband's a fucking defense attorney. I love the story she's telling. She's like, oh, yeah, he calls me from jail all the time. He says that I have more friends in jail than he does. Again, proving the point that she is having a good time with the show and she's not taking it too seriously, unlike all these other hags. And if she's going to have fun with it and they're all going to be like abysmal and just evil then fuck them it's all about leah anyway yeah i agree i agree completely look leah's never pretended i mean leah can pretend all she wants and i can see some of the stuff that uh anna says it's just that she

says it in a way that's critical that i don't think it is i mean leah is she's never lied about the fact that she met her husband when she was in jury duty. First of all, that's fishy as hell. She starts sleeping with the defense attorney. Oh, I'm sorry. Have you ever been on jury duty? Because when I'm sitting down in that courtroom and I'm wasting my entire day, when I get bored, I start looking some crazy eyes at some boys up in there, too. I mean, Jesus

Christ. Let me tell you something. I had jury duty today. Well, I mean, I didn't have it. I didn't have to go in, but I actually did have jury duty today. And I could not wait to go and be stuck in a room full of so many people who i would never ever want to hook up with because i have never found one hot person on jury duty ever yeah i never get hot guys yeah sorry man you must have gotten a good you must have gotten a good jury pool i always end up at the criminal court and i always feel like they are like you know like rich business men i like it oh oh oh i always see like the big thuggy you know gang members with tattoos all over their face but in a nice suit

that always cracks me up like oh you're totally tricking me i hope i get on this jury so i can set you free in my neighborhood you big fucking tree trunk of a man well one time there was i was on jury duty and i was like up there like during the ward your process and the guy the the the defendant you know it was just like that and the the lawyers come through and they ask everyone in the sitting in the jury box like you didn't automatically think this man was guilty first innocent before proving guilty right and everyone's like oh yeah no i i did not automatically assume it it got to me i'm like well i i kind of thought maybe he might have been guilty yeah and i was totally kicked off yeah i will never serve on a jury because i'm too honest i'm like yeah if you have a tattoo on your face you should be in jail no one i don't want to run into anyone like that on the street okay get in jail yeah um yeah so anyway leah

admits that that's where she met her husband. So that's a little fishy. And then it's not like she was rich or anything when she met her husband. You know, she meets this rich guy, and then she starts a charity. And it's not like for cancer victims. It's for people who have been thrown in jail, most likely to pay their legal bills. So it's like she's got a charity, possibly, allegedly, to raise money to pay their legal bills so it's like she's got a charity possibly allegedly to raise money to pay her damn star island bill to tear it down so i like it i like it i like it and you know what

more there needs to be more charities for rich people that are suffering yeah thank god i i'm glad someone finally said it but you know that said, that said, I mean, I like that about her because I like that she's kind of unsavory if you look at it that way. You know, of course, she's hanging out with all these people. You know, she's sitting there teaching her son about that drunk driving guy, that John Goodman guy who killed somebody when he was drunk driving. And she's like, oh, well, he just couldn't get a fair trial. Really? Because he was drunk and he killed somebody. So what?

You know, so I can see on this point, but Jesus Christ, woman, don't be such a C word about it. Yeah, I agree. So is there anything else on the reunion that we have to talk about? I feel like so much happened that we're just not going to be able to get it all. We have a whole other episode of it a whole another installment next week what about alexia oh my god alexia's coming in i don't want to talk about she's going to get into it with dr karen sierra okay you talk now you talked already so now i get to talk okay it's now my turn okay it's not a conversation because i worship at the feet of alexia i love her too yeah you'll be

quiet now because it's my turn to talk oh yeah well i heard you talk so it's my turn no you're not talking because it's my turn to talk okay yeah i love alexia too and i oh wait we didn't talk about the whole explanation for karen t sierra's uh boyfriend cheating on her that it was all publicity because the TV shows, they like to set up the publicity because the actors need to, the people who watch the show need to be entertained

by who the actors are kissing. So it's just all made up and it's totally normal and the girls are just being jealous of my relationship. What? So delusional. How does that make any sense do you guys think that that's true or do you think you know i have to say i'm actually getting to a place with dr karen

sierra where i'm actually going beyond i'm not really even annoyed with her anymore i actually feel bad for her i actually feel like she is a sad woman and i think that she really wants a family and she wants to have a baby and she wants to have famous friends. She wants all these things and it's just she doesn't have it. Didn't Bethany Frankel prove that you can't have it all? You can't have it all. Of course you can.

Lo siento. No mas. You can't have it all. How dare you? Don't be depressing. Bethany decided she just wanted better. I'm starting to feel just bad for karen i feel like she says i don't know i feel like there's this ultimate sadness behind her eyes and her fake teeth i have a good feeling and her and her turtle muscles and her caps um i have a feeling that all of our opinions are gonna change after

next week's episode anyway so so it's totally fine. Yeah, as they always do. Ever-changing, ever-changing, ever-spinning, ever-growing. Do we want to move on to Shaz of Sunset real quickly? Yes, please. Okay, first of all, as I've mentioned a zillion times, so sorry if you've heard this a zillion times, but for people who haven't heard this, I'm half Lebanese. I'm Lebanese, and my mom's side is white. So my mom has like a natural kind of hatred for the Lebanese side. Now, Persians, Iranians are very different than the Lebanese.

But as far as my mom and Ben and Matt are concerned, all these brown people are the same. There's nose hair, ears, hair, back hair, butt sweat. We're all basically the same. You're all from the F when this show came on you're all from the fertile crescent when this show came on just the drunken disdain pouring from my mother's mouth through the whole thing was just delicious it was like it was like every wrong that had been done to her and this family was up on that screen. I thought she was going to break the fucking TV. It was the most beautiful racism I've ever seen in my life. And I wish you could have all been there.

That's all. I would love for you to have your mom. You know, if Ben's parents are going to be watching these shows, I think that we should rope our parents in to watch them as well. Oh, yeah, she did. She watched Miami. She said disgusting about 20 million times. She said, it's supposed to be showing people at their worst. I mean, this is disgusting.

They're at their worst. Look at those boobs. Why don't you just take off your shirts? You might as well. The only thing missing is your nipples. She was going off the whole time. You know what? I'm putting this on the books right now. Mother's Day Spectacular. Our mom's involved.

Just put it out there. Just putting it out. My mom would never. No, no, no. I'm not saying that they're going to have to be on the show, but we might have to each watch or Skype or do something with them in order to get their reactions, because at that point, OC is going to be on,

and my mom fucking hates Vicky. Yeah, that's the last one my mom watched with me i'll see what i can do i'll see if i can work on my mom it'd be a tall order your mom is too busy trying to work on the working women of westchester season two yeah yeah exactly um what was i gonna say about uh oh you know so what was awkward for me was i was watching this show and uh you know reza goes to rasputin which is the gay club here in west hollywood and there's like a big long scene of like reza being drunk and like sniffing armpits at at rasputin and my dad was like so does did your dad ask you is that what you do on a typical friday night yeah he was like he's like um he's like have you been to a gay club and i was like yes, he was like, he's like, have you been to a gay club? And I was like, yes. And he was like,

is this what they're like? And I was like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. Did you tell him about Big Fat Dick Night at Foo Bar? Oh my God.

Did you show him Grindr? No, no, no, no. I didn't. But I was like, he was like, is this really what it's like? And I was like, yeah. I was like,

oh, that's my friend in the background on the screen right now. Well, I was kind of mortified because I was thinking, of course, my mom, who's trying to be so supportive, God bless her. But they were like super Christian-y. And I went to church. And of course, after church, I'm always like fuming. I'm like, whatever.

That was ridiculous. So then, for her to have that this week, and then to have to see Reza explaining gay life, which, I don't know what kind of life he lives. I have not lived that gay life.

I don't like his... I do not like his explanation of gay life. I mean, that is the most depressing fucking thing. So basically, gay guys, what they do is they don't, like, monogamy is like you walk out the door and you come back and you don't have herpes. That's basically gay life. If you basically get a blowjob from somebody, then it doesn't count. If, don't ask, don't tell.

It's like the army army but with blowjobs um why is he now indian when ronnie does resa he's now indian he turned a little indian kermit froggy i'm lying down today so i'm not getting the same effect like that's so persian that's like so better okay that's better than it's so Persian. That sounds like so much better. Like, homeboy, like at first it was like it did not sound right at all. But now it sounds like very funny. Like very, very funny. Is that my friend or is that somebody else?

I never realized my friend was so fat and stupid until I had dinner with her in that hotel. You're laying back down again. It's now Kermit kermit kermit from jod per i've eaten too much ben res is all you today but that whole like oh you know when you're a gay person you shouldn't be going to clubs after you're 50 there's like a time when you were like there's like you're 40 and like you're supposed to like be going home but i don't want to do that i don't want to go home. I want to go out and sniff armpits.

I sort of have a thing. That's normal, right? But it's not only armpits. It's twink armpits. So I'm going to smoke twink armpits because there's these kids. When they're really young and skinny, they're called twinks. And I like to make out with them when they're drunk. By the way, I was so glad my dad did not ask me what a twink was.

I was like, if I had twinks. Oh was like oh my god i could not i am dying i'm mortified right now if that were to really happen that word got thrown around a lot a lot and i was like do you think he didn't ask because he already knows no i think that he i think he probably just assumed it was slang for just like a gay guy like a boy or something like not a boy but like a guy but he didn't uh he probably didn't realize a specific type of guy like that's so persian that's like a white guy would never ask but a persian would be like what's a twig i just want to know who is willing to sleep with reza because i do not find that hot oh god he thinks he's you know what he's just got such a self-confidenceconfidence. You know ugly people get laid all the time because they're self-confident. I mean, look at him in this episode coming out in a towel.

Like, really? Nobody wants to see you in a towel, Reza. Okay? On national TV. Stop it. Last year, he had to take a shower in front of everybody in his glass shower. For the client. Yeah.

Like, nobody needs to see it, buddy. Put it away. Okay? Thanks. Yeah. But, yeah, nobody needs to see it, buddy. Put it away. Okay. Thanks. Yeah. But yeah, he seems to think he's pretty fine. And that whole gay club thing was the most depressing fucking thing ever. And it really did make me want to join Match.com and just settle.

And just be done with it. No, I'm on there and you don't want to be on there. It's a waste of money. Really? Oh, big time. Well, what's the free one? But on the free one one don't you have to like meet poor people i would rather meet someone who pays oh you can look you can search by salary

on okcupid but you're not going to get too far because everybody on okcupid for the most part is a flake and everybody on match.com is ugly and and a creeper so what so basically i'm just going to be i'm just going to dial on. Get your grinder on. Ew, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing mobile phone sex. That's just not okay. And you're going to dial on with your dog. Okay, just breaking it to you.

Well, listen, back to Reza. So the big thing of the episode, there wasn't that much that happened, but they had this friend come into town named Teran. You know, Asa's nips got hard at the name of someone named Tehran. Tehran, je les. He's like, his parents named him after my song.

Yeah. Well, Tehran was interesting because he's half black, half Persian, which I've not seen a lot of. So he had a little get-together. Ron, does this happen in your culture? Yeah. Do people of the Middle East have sex with black people? No, actually.

I'm trying to think. We have one black person in our family and she's adopted. And she was so uncomfortable being Lebanese. She's like a raging bold-eyed. I mean, she's really taken like, she's taken every minority she can possibly be and shoved it into one package so just to like rebel so hard against the lebs did you just call one of your family members a raging bull dyke yeah she went from lebanese to lesbian well we've got a couple we've got a couple of them actually one of them looks you sound like gg you'd fucking cut a bitch in her face even if she was your family member that was the best part

of the episode last night was gg talking to mike he's like look i just want you to know that no one wants to hang out with you anymore because of your race it's like listen here's here's what happened she hit me and then i was like and he's like she hit you i didn't say she hit me uh yeah you did you just did when did i say that you just said it no i'm saying i hit her wait oh wait so you hit her i didn't hit her who said i hit her that was like a kim richards level of drunken skinnyny people on drugs never goes well. I can't wait for next week when she kicks her punching bag.

He brought her. As a joke. I love it. But the big thing, though, is so, of course, Reza and MJ continue to have... They're falling out. And by the way, MJ is on the cover

of Star Magazine right now for being so overweight in a bikini no no splotch over her face it says guess who and if and if you open it up it's mj oh my god wait is she like the center of the cover or she like hidden in the top corner it's like it's one of these things like on the left is like look who looks hot in the bathing suit and then on the right side of the cover is and look who this is guess you won't be able to guess who this is is that our former cover photo from our facebook page of her and i'm bikini drinking a beer yeah yeah well that's the picture it's the on the inside that's what it is on the cover page it's her standing with the beer oh but there's always a beer i love well i think she actually looks hot and it's interesting because the internet is the most horrible place in the world.

And usually comments, I mean, even if it's a video of like, you know, the Virgin Mary, you know, giving birth to the baby Jesus. People are like, fuck that kid. That baby's ugly. You know, the commenters are just so horrible. But comments on that, on all the posts I saw of her were actually of course there were a lot of people like um please buy some spanks and put on a robe but a lot of people were like i'd do her she's hot you know yeah good for a big woman showing off her curves a lot of well yeah you know good for her i've been in the bikini three times she needs to go to curves shit

it looked like a bud a Buddha had fallen over. Anyway, the point is this. MJ and Rezo were at this function. Please refer to her as our neighbor. Our neighbor MJ were at this function to say hi to Teron. And MJ

walks in in full bitch mode. She tells Lily that she and her sister should have changed, like not worn those sort of dresses. And Lily's like, wait, wait, wait. You shouldn't have worn your dress in the first place. What did she say to Lily? Because I missed that part. She said to Lily, she's like, oh, hi.

She's like, she was like, oh, you should have worn that dress instead. And Lily was like, well, I don um oh you should have worn that dress instead and lily was like well i don't think you should have worn that dress at all there's something like that some girl who some big girl who's wearing an eighth grader's dress should not be telling me how to dress okay okay i'm sorry i still love lily and the way that mj treated her in the previous episode when they were dining at villa blanca was so disgusting that Lily, for me, has a free pass to be a fucking horrible bitch to MJ for the rest of the season. Because fuck MJ. Oh, no, I agree. I agree.

And MJ was mean to you, too. And fuck MJ for being rude to me at the Shaws of Sunset season two premiere party. MJ was rude to you and Lily was nice to me and my parents. So we all see who wins. We see who wins. You just need to keep some pigs in a blanket in your purse. Yeah, MJ, it's hard to feel sorry for MJ because once again, she walked in and she was a total bitch to this girl and her sister. This girl complains about her mother being so evil to her, and the fact of the matter is she is turning into her evil mother. She certainly

is. And then what happens is that Reza gets up and delivers a major piece of passive aggression. He's like, first of all I want to give a shout out to my homegirl Lily who looks awesome in her dress tonight.

Oh, great job. Great job Lily for being so pretty and skinny and having a mother who loves you. Cheers to Lily. It's like, I want to give a shout out to my favorite person in the room, Teron, and to my second favorite, Asa,

and to my third favorite, Omid, and to my fourth favorite, the bartender, and my fifth favorite, he, like, goes through everyone. The guy in the bathroom who took a dollar and gave me a mint in return. Thank you. Great job. You're a wonderful homeboy.

I want to thank the twink who let me sniff his hairless armpit at Respion the other night. That was awesome. That was so Persian of him. Oh, and then Gigi just, I mean, not G gg mj just do you guys hear that noise that buzzing yeah that is the garage door i'm sleeping above the garage and i'm going to go slash the tires of every car i thought it was like i thought it was like mj levitating down and some sort of flying saucer search of sliders in Texas. It's MJ just blending ice cream with french fries and pizza.

I know. She comes in on a wagon. Yeah, no levitation. Cracking the whip on whoever the poor leftover twinks that have to pull her wagon. Yeah, the Shazza sunset

is annoying to me because, you know, yes, MJ is being a bitch. But then Reza is an even bigger bitch. And then Lily, who you kind of want to be on her side because everyone is being a bitch to her, is a bitch. And says, you know, makes a comment about MJ's weight and that fat bitch shouldn't be in a dress that small. And it's like, listen, you are skinny and gorgeous. You are not at liberty to make fun of anyone's weight okay only fat people can do that like only black people can say the n-word only fat people are allowed to talk about uh fat people wearing dresses too small like skinny

pretty bitches cannot do it just stop it stop it Stop it. Well said. Did Matt's head explode? If only black people can say the N-word, don't go see Django Unchained. Yeah, I've heard that's pretty bad. I think actually Matt is so furious right now that your garage door is actually going up and down because of his Carrie-esque

telekinesis. He's so mad. I feel like my family tortures me. They know I'm up here recording something, so they're like, close it. Open it. Close it. Open it. Oh, I forgot something outside. Open it. Close it. Alright, well, I think we should wrap it up because

I think we're going on nice and long and we've only covered two shows. This was lots and lots of fun. So, hey, Ronnie is at TVgasm on Twitter. Matt is and long and we've only covered two shows so this was um lots and lots of fun so um hey uh ronnie is at tvgasm on twitter matt is at life on the m list i'm at b-side blog our show is at what crappens and you should follow us on facebook um especially because on our next episode we're gonna have our first annual crappy awards the 2012 crapp are coming out, and we have a bunch of fun categories and nominations, and a lot

of the information was culled from Facebook. So if you're not a fan of ours on Facebook, you should, so that we can get involved in things like this. Yeah, you guys can give us material so we don't have to sit and come up with stuff. Yeah. Exactly. Do our jobs for us, and while you're at it, leave us a comment on iTunes,

you people. there have not been enough in the past few weeks and it hurts my heart deeply yeah tell all your friends and listen on stitcher and on itunes all that stuff yeah thanks so much for being with us and we'd love to hear from you and we will see you next time with the 2012 crappy awards. See you guys. Party on. All right. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It.

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