Watch What Crappens - #54: 1st Annual Crappy Awards!

Episode Date: January 3, 2013

1st Annual Crappy Awards! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to the first annual Crappie Awards! Please welcome your host, Ronnie Carroll from TVgasm.com, who you can follow at TVgasm. Ben Mantleker from B-Side Blog, who you can follow at B-Side Blog. And Matt Whitfield, who you can follow at Life on the M-Lift

from Yahoo! Welcome, boys, and enjoy the show! Thank you so much. This is just a wonderful This is amazing. a wonderful event. You guys are looking great in your tuxedos.

Oh, thank you. You too. Thank you. We're all wearing the same thing, but we still all look so different. We really do. Matt, how does it feel to not be covering the red carpet, but to be on the red carpet? You know, it's really where I belong on the step and repeat. And I just love being in front of all of these flashing camera bulbs. Well, Matt, how does it feel to finally be thin when you're on the red carpet?

Nothing tastes better than being skinny. You look amazing, and you taste delicious as well. Who are you wearing? I am wearing Skin and Bones by Joanna Krupa. Oh, she has a fantastic fashion line. I personally am wearing She by Sheree, her men's line. Yes, and I would like to give a special shout out to Sheree Whitfield. Thank you so much, Sheree, for working the red carpet for us and interviewing everyone as they came in.

Having you come down from that helicopter and landing on the carpet like that was just amazing. Really spectacular. I mean, your independence was truly established. We could have done without you chasing down Mama Elsa and making fun of her teeth, but otherwise, thanks for your time. It was great to see you again. It was great, and

you should lay off the craft service table because that's for the entire crew, not just for you. Yeah, you're not allowed to just take that shit home for your kid who's sleeping on the mattress on the floor. Yeah, exactly. You know you can't build Chateau Charest out of French toast sticks, right? No kidding. Stop stealing all the toilet paper out of the bathroom charret. It's not going to fill the gaping hole on your lawn. You know, if you take all of our M&Ms and put them on your lawn, it does not count as landscaping. OMG, I'm eating M&Ms. put them on your lawn, it does not count as landscaping. OMG, I'm eating M&Ms.

Quinkies. Okay, so let's get on to our first award, guys. We have a great show planned, and we have tons of categories. Starting off first, we have Best Bravo Old Person. Best Bravo Old Person here to present that award is Mama Elsa from Real Housewives of Miami. Hi. Oh, hi, Mama Elsa. Welcome.

I feel very educated about this award. Wait. I'm too old for this paper. This paper makes me feel too old. Mama Elsa has a question. What if there are other presenters later in the award show that need to read the nominees, but Mama Elsa is the only one who has the list of nominees in front of her?

How do we do that? All this is true. How do we do that? All this to do the electronic mail maybe to send the nominees to the other people on the show? I think that Mama Elsa has to

email the nominees to the other presenters. So one moment you just stay here. Oh, I am getting word that there is a musical number before the show begins. Mr.

Ronnie Caram, would you please do the honors while I do the email? Hi, I'm Ronnie Caram and I'm a cabaret singer and you might all know me from my shows around Los Angeles, and I'm glad to be here as part of the

crappies to sing a medley of all the Housewives numbers. On display, on display, on display, I'm on display. Money can't

buy you class. Google me, Google me. Chic, c'est la vie. Le vent, le vent. Am I missing one? No, it was beautiful. I love all the haters. The ring didn't mean a thing.

The ring didn't mean a thing. The ring didn't mean a thing. Wait a second. I refuse to do this unless Ramona will appear in the video of this. Nope. Okay, the song's over. I'm done. I'm out. That was actually Luann talking right there.

You can't tell the difference between Ronnie and Luann. Because she sounds like a man. What can she do? Nothing. What can she do? Sorry, Carol Radziwill. Thank you for joining us, Carol Radziwill. Thank you for joining us, Countess Noanne.

Did somebody say my name? Is it my turn to present? Not yet. All right. Well, I think we're ready for our first category yet again. And I'm happy to announce that all the presenters now have a copy of the categories and the nominees in their email boxes. Okay. Well, someone bring Mama Elsa back here.

I am back. I passed out in a chair. Okay, the nominees for Best Bravo Old Person are... Me? Mama Elsa, you have suave Miami. Oh, I love her. I love her. I love her. Karen's mother from Real Housewives of Miami.

I hate her. Yoshi's grandma from Million Dollar List in Los Angeles. No voice for her. She not here. Joshua. There, Joshua.

In the Holocaust, it was different. Lenny's mom from Real Housewives of Miami. Lenny. Lenny. Where are you going to get married already? What are you doing with this woman, Lenny? Mama Joyce from Real Housewives of Atlanta. That ain't right, Candy.

That ain't right, you putting a man's penis in my face at a party. That ain't right, Candy. I nodded off the nominees because I just learned that the two last nominees have been moved to the next category. And the winner for Best Bravo Old Person is me, Mama Elsa. Oh, congratulations to you. I hate him. I hate this category. I agree.

I think this was a wonderful choice. I think Mama Elsa is above and beyond the best old person on Bravo, or perhaps even on TV. If anything else, you know, if nothing else, you get to hear my parents talk about how hideous their face is for an entire hour every time she comes on my dad was like Ben can you just fast forward please I can't even look

he wasn't even making a joke he was like he literally wanted me to fast forward he was just too upsetting yeah he couldn't deal I was like no but she's the best part of the show oh my god okay let's move on to our next award. Matt. Oh, sorry. No, you go ahead.

I was going to let Matt present worst old person since I figured, why not? Go on, Matt. Worst old person because we just had best old person? Yes, we now have worst old person. Do you have the nominees in front of you, by the way? You know, I do have the nominees in front of me. And remember, the last two

from the previous category have been moved into this category. This is a very professional awards show, everyone. It is more professional than the Reelie Awards, which I actually attended. And I was also a judge on that. That shows how unprofessional the Reelie Awards were. I was also at the Bravo A-List Awards, and I'll be honest with you, this is way more formal.

Yeah. All right. Anyway, the nominees for Worst Old Person are Thomas Kramer, Real Housewives of Miami. I was expecting Thomas Kramer to say something about it. I cannot believe, I cannot believe I have a nominee. Sit down. Sit down. No, stop.

This is my award. Sit down. Shut up. I leave. The second nominee is MJ's mom from The Shaws of Sunset. All you do is drink a wine and cry. All you do, that is it. If you didn't drink wine and cry, you'd have a husband by now.

That's it. All right, shut up. You're fatter than a fish in a bowl with too much food. Shut up. The third nominee is Aviva's father from The Real Housewives of New York City. Hey, I'll give you a squirting orgasm if you give me a bite of your giant sausage. The fourth nominee is Vicki Gunvalson, the original housewife from The Real Housewives of Orange County. Oh, this is a good category.

I really don't know who's going to win. I don't know who's going to win. And the last nominee in the category is Ramona Singer from the Real Housewives of New York City. I'm renewed. I'm feeling so renewed. Are you renewed? I'm renewed. I'm feeling renewed.

Why did you talk to me like that? That was like verbally raping me right now. What you did was verbally. Hold on. Hold on, Ramona. I have to open the envelope. Please open up the envelope. up the envelope.

And the winner of the first annual crappy award for worst old person is Ramona Singer! Old person? How could you say I'm old? I've been renewed. I've renewed myself. I've got renewal. I've renewed myself. I'm like the Real Housewives of New York.

I've been renewed. Ramona, she is a worst... Well, it's interesting. She's a terrible person, but if we're looking at worst old people, in terms of typical crotchety old people things that they do, Aviva's dad might be up there, or MJ's

mom is pretty downright evil. Are you kidding me? Those people are evil and disgusting, but Ramona is evil and disgusting. Yeah, I think Ramona is, like, the worst person ever. It's sort of weird. She's, like, the worst person, but she's not the worst old person, if that makes sense.

I don't know. If you want to pretend that she's not old, you crazy. No, I think she's... Yeah, you're right. You're right. Okay. I'm down with this. It was awarded properly. These awards have been right on the money so far.

Two for two. I will say there was a missing nominee from Best Old Person. Who? Slade's mom. Oh, you know, you're right. Oh, that's right. When she regulated him and she was like, um, bitch, can you get a job because you are a money

grubbing po-person. Well, remember that as a co-host of the co-host and judge of our award show, you're more than welcome to enter in a last minute nominee as you see fit. Thank you. Those are the rules of the Golden Crappies.

You guys, just as a side note, I think my mom's making tacos. I can smell them from here. It's the after party. It's the Golden Crappies after party. Hamburger Helper. Catered by Hamburger Helper and Rhonda. Okay.

So the next award goes to the worst Real Housewives child. Here to present the award is Melania from Real Housewives of New Jersey. Welcome, Melania. This show's stupid. You're ugly. You're all ugly. Wow.

Melania has some very serious thoughts. Melania has some very serious thoughts. Melania! Lauren! Lauren who? Use your words, Melania. Man, the fat lady who eats all our eggs. That would be Lauren Manzo. Yeah. that would be Lauren Manzo yeah the one who plays the piano

on the Real Housewives of Miami oh that kid he's a good kid wait what about Ashley from New Jersey your cousin Ashley but Ashley Jacqueline's daughter

Ashley from New Jersey. Your cousin Ashley. No, not cousin, but Ashley, Jacqueline's daughter. Ashley from New Jersey. What about, does Aviva count as worst child or no? I hate this. I'm leaving. Bye. So no one won that award. No, I think the winner, if I had to guess,

I would say the winner of Worst Child would be Lauren Manzo. I would say Lauren Manzo. Lauren Manzo in a landslide, and by landslide I mean food slide. Or as I like to call it, a Lauren slide. Or as I like to call it, Lauren after eating egg salad in the cat face bathroom. You know that she's got to have really become terrible if she beat Ashley because Ashley is pretty much always going to be the worst child. Ashley is horrible, but like Ashley didn't have a choice almost. You know, I feel like Ashley was born like that.

And Lauren's really cultivated a terrible personality over the years. Yeah,ley grew up with us ashley grew up with a stripper mother who was a gold digger and you know she lucked out that she was able you know able to get herself off the street uh lauren manzo has had a silver spoon with you know two extra silver spoons and extra helpings in her mouth from birth so the fact that she's such a bitch is not... That doesn't fly with me. At the very least, at least Ashley, at least she moved out of New Jersey.

Of course, she is now directly in between me and Matt on our street. We always forget that she's also our neighbor. We have MJ and we have Ashley. We should have, like, best neighbor, you know? My best neighbor is you and your best neighbor is me. Those bitches don't get any awards.

We also have Sugar from Survivor, too, I believe. And Mike the Miz Manzinini, or whatever, from Real World slash WWE. I'm proud to say that even though I'm, like, five blocks away from you guys, I have a much classier neighborhood. Wow. Well, actually, no. Because you're near the Whole Foods and we're near a strip club? Pretty much.

Mine got classed up because I believe there's someone from Homeland in my building. It got real classy up in her now. You better watch out. You better get a bomb-sniffing dog up in there. That's a terrorist up in there. Our next award is for the Best

Bravo Gay, and that will be presented by Reza. Oh, my God. I'm already here. Oh, my God. Best Bravo gay. That is, like, so gay. Like, Persians have awards, too, but, like, this is, like, such a gay award. Oh, my God.

So let me go through the best Bravo gays. One is Rosie from Real Housewives of New Jersey as the best Bravo gay. Okay, hello! Homegirl needs to calm down. I mean, like, she's not going to get any work done if she's screaming like that. Next

is me, Reza from Shazza Sunset. Like, obviously. That's so Persian! That's so Persian! That's so Persian that I'm like a nominee then Lauren Foster the catty British gay tranny from Real Housewives of Miami

who's on only I don't care what he said he told me that he wasn't going to be a walking cat who would want to hire that tired old drag queen he's 7 foot tall of bad taste and 7 feet of terrible taste. Fuck him. Fuck her. Yes. And now

also Alex from Gallery Girls. I totally rented you a place and I'm totally going to get your art show off the ground. Except that I didn't rent the place. I'm totally not getting your art show off the ground. Sorry. Go. Go. And then last we have Lawrence

from Atlanta. Give me a break, I suck at using it. Trying to make it to the top. Yes, so he loves Nell Carter and he loves the mid-80s sitcom. Give me a break. That's great. That's so Persian.

What about that poor fish? That poor fish was just trying to swim in its tank, and then a vacuum cleaner came in there and took the fish away. And how did that not break the vacuum cleaner? No vacuum cleaner that I know can go into water, unless it's diamond water. I've got to ask my homegirl, Asa, about that. A Persian vacuum cleaner would have broken.

But still not Persian. Okay, I need my envelope. Is my envelope ready? I'm tearing open the envelope right now. I ripped it. I ripped it open. Our envelopes are FedEx packages. They're huge.

And the winner for best Bravo Gay. Oh, my God. I'm so mad. It's not me. It's Rosie from Real Housewives of New Jersey. Oh, my God. It's Rosie. Give me that award so I can show them my bag.

No one talks about my dad like that. Congratulations, Rosie. Oh that! Congratulations, Rosie. Oh, great job, Rosie. Do you guys all agree with that selection? Yeah. I mean, the only other gays I think that we saw this year were Dina and Caroline's gay brother making out at that wedding, but they were kind of boring, so forget them.

We're sort of done. We should have had a worst gay category. That would have made a lot of sense. There were some terrible gays. And all the same people. Ronnie, you're very quiet all of a sudden. I am? Maybe it's my headphones. I'm sorry. I've got old headphones on. I was kind of letting my mic droop a little bit because I was

just getting too comfortable with this whole thing. Got some droopy mic issue going on? Yeah, I had some drooping mic. Those are the worst gays ever. The Bravo gays are the worst gays ever. And it's a gay channel. I think you just find better gays around straight people. All right. Ronnie, why don't you present the next award? This is a big one. This is one of our major awards.

Why don't you give us the crappy for Best Bravo Liberty? There's a few that are missing from that category, but go ahead, and then we'll chime in and fight about it later. Please do. Please do. Okay. Best Bravo Liberty. We have Lisa Vanderpump from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Yes darling Thank you darling

Sweetie darling Clear the old person I want surfaces I want clear surfaces And we have Leah Black From Real Housewives of Miami. Tear it down. Tear it down.

Sorry, I just said the same thing you did. I mean, Leah Black said the same thing. And we have, okay, and we have Kathy Wakili from Real Housewives of New Jersey. Rich and I really like making cannolisolis and Teresa's really mean to me. And we have Carol Radziwill from Real Housewives of New York. I guess I'm part of the 99% now. Am I allowed to say butt fucking?

And Liz from Gallery Girls. Gaga. Her stepped on my thing. Someone, oh my God, one of these Asians stepped on my thing. Her stepped on my thing. Someone, oh my God, one of these Asians stepped on my thing. They stepped on my thing. I can't believe an Asian stepped on my copy. Oh my God. Catherine Ireland and Mary McDonald from Million Dollar Decorators.

I'm not even going to try to do their voices. I thought I could maybe do Catherine Ireland, Mary McDonald. I'm going to get something in my vagina, darling. Exactly. You're not going to seriously do that. I don't know. Gail Simmons from Top Chef.

And wait, we have some last minute entries. Matthew. Excuse me, no one has a Gail Simmons imitation. I know. I think the Gail Simmons impersonation is These eggs are burnt,

charred, and rubbery. We want you to show some imagination when you show up. I texted a few others to Ronnie. Okay, good. And we've got Kathy Griffin from the Kathy Show. Oh my god, you guys, I know a few others to Ronnie. Okay, good. And we've got Kathy Griffin from The Kathy Show. Oh my God, you guys. I know a celebrity.

Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly wig. Bad wig. Bad wig.

Bad wig. And speaking of bad wigs, we've got Jeff Lewis from Flipping Out. You're a piece of crap, and you talked about me in a book, and we can no longer be friends, and the only person who's ever going to truly love me is my maid, because I pay her. And the winner for best Bravo Liberty goes to...

Is there an envelope? Is there an envelope? There is. Do you want me to rip the envelope? Always, always with the envelope. Here we go, ripping. Wow. And? I just ripped one of my paint samples in half. Kim Richards!

Woo! Woo! Hey, everybody. I want to say thank you for giving me Sam Richards from Woo! Welcome back to Beverly Hills. Hey, everybody. I want to say thank you for giving me the sword. When I was first asked to do Passive Jaws, I said, what? Sharks are scary. And they told me, it's not real.

But I'll tell you what. Every day on that boat, I thought I was going to die. But I didn't die. And here I am now. Jaws didn't kill me. I got an Oscar. And I'm nominated for a Grammy for Best Song for Donna. Donna.

Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna. Thank you. Thank you. That was great. Love Kim. I love Kim. Love Kim. So glad that she's not sober. Okay, and for this award, we're going to turn this over to Matt Whitfield

for Worst Bravo Liberty. This is a big category, you guys, and we have ten nominees. Prepare yourselves. This is a big, big category, and maybe the most important category of the evening. Now, and by the way, our nominees, before we start this, I just would like to say that we, uh, we, the, the pot, we've only gone through a few categories and like most award shows,

I can sense we're going long. So we may need to, uh, we may have to ask the, the, the special guests to stand as the wings for the, for this category. Right. I think on this one, just the winner may be the only one to speak. Yes. So the nominees for Worst Bravo Liberty are Ramona Singer, the Real Housewives of New York City. Aviva Drescher, the Real Housewives of New York City. Caroline Manzo, the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Teresa Giudice, the Real Housewives of New Jersey Teresa Giudice, the Real Housewives of New Jersey

NeNe Leakes, the Real Housewives of Atlanta Kim Zolciak, the Real Housewives of Atlanta Tamara Barney, the Real Housewives of Orange County Bethany Frankel, new divorcee Andy Cohen, host of Watch What Happens. And Adrian Maloof, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Can I get a drumroll, please? And the winner of the Worst Bravo Liberty is...

Andy Cohen watch what happens wow yeah you did it you got the crappy for worst bravo liberty you did it congratulations let me tell you you know everyone's like raving about

his you know appearance on Jay Moore's podcast but at the end of the day, Andy Cohen is a misogynist, sexist, egotistical, fame-hungry bitch. And if he wants us on his show, we'll be more than happy to go on.

Look, I have applied to be the bartender on Watch What Happens Live. I've actually submitted an official application, and I said, look, we worship at the altar of all of your shows and they didn't even pick me to be the fucking bartender. How dare he? How does one apply to be a bartender on that? They were doing a special like thing a few months ago and you could apply online at bravo.com and I

went, jumped through the hoops and did it. Wow. You know, I was, I thought for sure that Tamara Barney might've been the one, the name you would have read, or Aviva Drescher. No, I hate you. They must have split the vote. They must have split the vote. I think all the women in the category split the vote, and that's why the only man rose to the top and was able to take the category. As most men do. I think that it's because we're the only three people I've ever met who don't like him. Or actually, maybe two, because Ben does

like him, Ben, right? I don't hate him as much as you guys do. There are things he does that really annoy me, and when I watched his show recently, and he had Julie Chen and Camille Grammer looking at crotches and deciding if it was a man or a woman. I thought that was so immature.

It was ridiculous. But his show, all they do on Watch What Happens Live and on the reunions, again, Andy never asks the right questions. He has A-list stars. I mean, the crazy thing is, you know, you have Ellen Barkin. You have Sarah Jessica Parker. You have Kelly Ripa. These are your friends. You have them on your show. And instead of really talking about the shows that we all care about way too much, you play dumb games like Guess the Nipple or Who's Wearing a Fake Weave?

And it's like, no, let's talk about the programs. This is what happens with any show that starts to do well, a talk show, is that at first they might come off and be like, yeah, we're going to get down and dirty. But then when they start to get better celebrities and they realize they can get better and better celebrities, it just goes into safe territory because they don't want to offend anyone and they're going to keep it neutral and silly. And that's just what happens. That's my screed. Agreed, motherfuckers.

Okay, let's move on to Best Fashion Statement. I already think that this should be retitled just Most Memorable Fashion Statement, not best or worst, because it incorporates both. Okay, who do you guys want to present this award? I think Ben.

Okay, I'll present this one. Okay, so this goes to the most memorable fashion statement we've seen in the past year. The nominees are Martin Lawrence Ballard's Ascot, Kim Richards' giant bow thing that she wore. Remember?

The puffy bow. That was the best... That was the best... What do you call that? Diary room outfit of all time. Or was it? Because then we also have Teresa Giudice's Mad Mex diary room dress. Her hair was big and she's wearing the feathers. There was that one. or was it because then we also have Teresa Giudice's Mad Mex Diary Room dress

where her hair was big and she's wearing the feathers there was that one that was astounding Amy from Gallery Girls I don't know if you guys remember but she would always show up in some tragic outfit every single scene she's like oh look at my fade down away

I mean wait wait wait she's like look at my Farrahdown-away hair. I mean, look at my... Wait, wait, wait. She's like, look at my Farrah Fawcett hair. Thank you. Oh. And lastly, we have Brandi Glanville's fur vest. And I'd also like to say Brandi Glanville also had that thing,

that dress she was wearing that had, like, the sort of straps over her breasts. Oh, that was pretty bad. But that was last year. Oh, yeah, you're right. It's ineligible. She's been wearing a lot of clearly skinned pelts. Lots of a dead rabbit

followed by a dead raccoon, followed by a dead opossum, and I feel like they're either roadkill or from Forever 21, but I cannot tell. You got like a buy one, get five free from Zappos or some shit on Twitter. A different fur vest every week. Well, this, okay,

are we ready to have the unveiling? Do we have an envelope ready? And the winner for most memorable fashion statements goes to pains me to read this. Because it was such a difficult

one to read this. Because it was such a difficult one to come to. It was Teresa Giudice's Mad Max dress. That thing was the craziest thing ever. That thing was crazy. I wanted to say Martin Lawrence Ballard's ascot because I wanted to bust out Martin Lawrence Ballard. But I'm sorry, Teresa, that outfit, you think there was anything crazier than that outfit this year on Bravo? It was a joke! Ha ha!

That's my humor, joke! Ha ha! Okay, the next award is Best Entrepreneurial Endeavor. Sonia's Toaster Oven. Sonia's Party Planning Business. Teresa's Fabellini. The Maloof Hoof. Gigi's Extensions. I love that.

Chateau Charest. Asa's Diamond Water. Mmm. What about True Faith Jewelry? Oh my god, who says that? Well, that's Ramona Singer? That's not new, that's old. To me, I think this is an easy one

and a landslide. Wait, pause! The best nominee is not on there. Which one? Lauren Manzo's Cafes. Oh my god! This changes everything. Oh, Caroline Manzo's radio show

no on XM radio where she gives advice about how much she hates Teresa what about Kathy Wachile's frozen dessert line oh my god her cannoli kit yes Kathy Wachile's cannoli kit the way I see it

okay now I know it hasn't been read yet, but in my mind, sitting here as an audience member, I see that this has to go to one of three, I see it's a three-way race between the two. You know who's going to win it. To me, it's between, I don't know. I don't know.

Let's just open it, because I don't even want to hear a guess, because you know who's going to win it. I think it go three ways Open the envelope I already did Open it from the other side There, that's nice Someone gets toaster oven

That was a slam dunk. The other thing is, I can't believe Café wasn't on there. And once Cafache made it back on, I really didn't know which one was going to be red, to be honest. It could have gone either way. You can get a facial, a massage, jelly beans, egg salad.

You could put eggs. You know what you could do? You could go to Cafache, get some egg salad, put it on a cracker, and put that in a toaster oven at Sonia's Toaster, and then host a party there. Yeah, that was like ten businesses in one that are all going to fail.

Congratulations. Don't forget, Sonia loves her a sexy J. She does. And I love that we awarded something that's never going to be released. Well, it's an entrepreneurial endeavor, not an entrepreneurial success. Okay, okay. Now, Matthew Whitfield will be presenting the award for Worst Husband.

The nominees in this category are all ugly and chunky and disgusting. And here they are. First up, we have Joe. You know, by the way, if this award show were televised, you'd be damn sure there'd be a musical number

in honor of this category. You know. You'd get a bunch of people in bat suits doing some sort of dance, an interpretive dance. Billy Crystal is already suiting up. This is the point where Beyonce comes out and sings a song, but we don't

have her this year. Next year, we will. Go on. Okay, the nominees for Worst Husband are Joe Giudice, The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Mario Singer, The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Mario Singer, the Real Housewives of New York City. Peter, I don't know your last name,

but you're an asshole, the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Paul Nassif, Dr. Paul Nassif, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Jim Bellino, the Real Housewives of Orange County. This is a good one. The chin. And the winner is...

In a landslide, Joe Giudice, The Real Housewives of New Jersey. My wife's a fucking whore. Here she comes. Hold on. Let me take care of this cunt. We'll get back to phone texting. Great choice. Great choice.

Yeah, he was pretty bad, and hopefully we'll be in jail soon. Because they're all pretty bad, and Jim and Joe are really, of them all, they're real assholes and misogynists, but Joe is really just so slimy and dragging down an entire family. It's repugnant. Yeah, the other guys are actually nice to their wives. I think their greatest sin is enabling them to torture us more with terribleness. Yeah, well, exactly. A few of them have slip-ups every once in a while. I think their greatest sin is enabling them to torture us more with terribleness. Yeah. Well, exactly. A few of them have slip-ups every once in a while.

We know that Paul is really not a terrible guy. He's just been an asshole to Brandy for the past few weeks. So that's why he was a nominee, but that's not why he can win. Joe DiCe, this past season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, called his wife the C-word, the B-word, every other horrible word, including the S-word and the whore-word and the slut the slut word and the fucking bitch word and all of those words. But not the E word, which is educated. Go on. Right. And he was cheating on her clearly.

And then when she confronts him in a cornfield, he said that he was talking to a Mexican day laborer. Yeah. It was actually a winery, not a cornfield, but I like that imagery. It was a cornfield or a children of the corn, whatever. Their marriage is a cornfield. Their marriage is a cornfield. It fuels bad things. It fuels bad things and bad syrups.

I mean, look, there's no... There's non-evil children that run around it and try and kill you. Yeah. They really are a cornfield. They're a marital cornfield. Only awful things can happen. They're rooting. They're not even real.

Corn is a genetically made staple. Corn is not a natural, even thing. And you know how there's big corn? There's big Jew dice. Corn is king. Okay, I think that we need to make a deal among the three of us for the rest of the show. What? I will agree that everybody doesn't get a full clip when they're nominated,

but everybody has to have a one-word clip when they're nominated. Okay. Uh-oh, uh-oh, okay. All right. clip when they're nominated. Okay. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Okay. Alright. Okay, so Ben is now going to be presenting Best Wannabe.

Alright. The nominees for Best Wannabe are... These are people who want so desperately to be on The Real Housewives. They do everything to get in front of that camera, but they are not a cast member, and they will never be.

Are Slade from The Real Housewives of Orange County. They do everything to get in front of that camera, but they are not a cast member, and they will never be. R. Slade from The Real Housewives of Orange County. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly.

There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others.

Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th. Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself.

But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Housewives of Beverly Hills. Morally corrupt.

Sorry, Matt. Matt, that's your best impersonation all year. That's a good one. Ronnie's friend, Sarah, from The Real Housewives of Orange County. Is that the world we love on? By the way, how was that thing you went to? Oh, my God. How was Sarah's secrets?

Oh, my God. Okay, you guys. She thinks I'm Honey Boo Boo, okay? I mean, not Honey Boo Boo. She thinks I'm the Honey Badger guy. Because when I started doing those voiceovers of the Real Housewives episodes, like a month later or whatever, they hired the Honey Badger guy to come on Bravo and do what he does on Bravo. And she's like, oh my god,

you were so hilarious on Watch What Happens. And I was like, Watch What Crappens? That's our podcast. And she's like, no, Watch What Happens with Andy Cohen. He played your clip and it was so funny. It was so brilliant. And I was like, no he didn't. That wasn't me.

No he didn't, sorry. She's like, yes he did. It it was so good slade and gretchen love you oh my god this it just thought this whole time that i'm honey badger so in other words it was perfect oh that is brilliant all. Back to the category. So, so far we have Dana, Faye Resnick, Sarah from Orange County, Brooks from Real Housewives of Orange County. Trade you a kiss for a new set of teeth. And we have Dwight from Real Housewives of Atlanta. I say we have this in a dinosaur factory. say we have this in a dinosaur factory all right so wait i have a question for my fellow judges when we say best wannabe is this the person that we think is like the most pathetic or

it's like the most wannabe-ish like this wanting it so hard or the one that we like the most or or it's just that that certain intang it. How about most pathetic wannabe? Yeah, I think most pathetic wannabe is best. Okay. Well, in that case, do we have an envelope, sir? Yes. The winner... I'm ripping. For the one most desperate to be on Bravo.

And the winner is Slade Smiley from The Real Housewives of Orange County. Yay! Well, I have to say, you know, we may call him the most pathetic wannabe, or wait, what was it? Was it the most pathetic wannabe? Yeah. But he's also the most talented wannabe

because he's actually stuck around since season one. He has. He's found a way to come back again and again and again. But you know what, though? With less and less money. come back again and again and again and by come back again and again you mean he's found new chicks to bang again but listen you know what though Dwight has been around since his first season and so has Faye so

that's true but they haven't been they have not been as desperate as he has like blatantly just screwing somebody to stay on the show and then taking a percentage of their money as his job. Well, Brooks was doing pretty well in that department. Yeah, until he got dumped. Bye.

All right. And now our next category. Ronnie, why don't you read this one? This is for... The nominees for the best newbie on Bravo this year are Portia from Real Housewives of Atlanta. I'll be on that show for 265 days a year. Oh, my God.

Heather from Real Housewives of New York City. Hello. Carol from Real Housewives of New York City. Hello. Carol from Real Housewives of New York City. Yolanda. What happened to Carol? She got stuck in a freezer. I just

got out of the walk-in freezer. I was doing research on my book. I was talking to one of the Kennedys freezer. I was doing research on my book. I was talking to one of the Kennedys. I put his brain in there just in case they figure out how the airplane crashes. Yolanda from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I drew this whole house, okay? So romantic.

Write me a love letter. And Heather from Real Housewives of Orange County. She's stuffing her mouth full of cake that has not been disrupted. Oh, my God. Pristine cake. That's what she... With her daughter, Cosette. I'm going to have to buy Flint. Oh, also, someone corrected us.

Her name... And I love that this person on our Facebook was so defensive. I love that people get so defensive on Facebook. That always fucking kills me, but she's like, I know you guys hate Heather, so you won't care anyway, but her daughter's name isn't Cosette, it's Colette. We better get that right, because somebody really gives a fuck. It's actually funny, because we went

on a big, mainly me, went on a big tangent about how she probably loved Les Mis so much, she named her daughter Cosette. I actually like Heather see she's nominated for best newbie so look we do like her

yeah that's some funny shit and she had one of my favorite lines of the year which was she broke the bow off my cake and ate it

okay and the winner for best newbie is And the winner for Best Newbie is... Did you run out of envelopes? I have scraps of paper all around me. By the way, I want to fire Miss Crappy. Miss Crappy has been ushering on and off and presenting the envelope to our nominees.

And now she's not even handing the envelope to Matt anymore. Look, I have one last scrap. Here we go. Okay. Whoa. Carol from Real Housewives of New York City. That's good. Carol, really, she's actually a good lady. I'd like to thank all of my friends who would be appreciative if they were still alive.

The end. The next award will be presented by Matthew Whitfield, and it is for Best Help. Actually, I'm inserting a new category right now that I just thought of. So here we go. Here are the categories. We've already voted. Go on. We did voted. Go on. We did.

It was miraculous. How we miss most. And the nominees are She by Sheree Whitfield, The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Camille Grammer, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Jill Zarin,

The Real Housewives of New York City. Larsa Pippin, The Real Housewives of Nijami. And Kelly Killoren Ben-Simon, the Real Housewives of New York City. Oh, I know who you're voting for, Matthew. And the winner is... Surprisingly, Jill Zarin, the Real Housewives of New York City. Whoa! God, shut up. Jill Zarin, I know Housewives of New York City. God, shut up.

Jill Zarin, I know that you're coming onto the stage right now to accept your award, so to give you some peace, I'll leave the stage with this. Shut the fuck up, Jill Zarin. Shut up. By the way, you know what? I think Alexia should have been on that list because she technically is no longer a housewife. Okay, we can add her to the nominees, but she didn't win. She didn't win.

We're giving a retroactive nomination. Now, this category popped up into my mind because we did lose a lot of big names throughout the year. Sherea is not part of Atlanta anymore, and there will forever be a void in my heart. Camille has been on Beverly Hills, but it's kind of like

why not just keep her as a full-time cast member because she's having more screen time than Yolanda. Yeah, I know. Well, you know what? Someone on Facebook had a really hilarious idea, which is that we should have had an In Memoriam montage of all the people, all the fallen from Bravo. Oh, that's a good idea,

actually. Actually, you know what I would have nominated for In Memoriam? The entire cast and the entire show of Gallery Girls. Got it, girls. Don't even get me started. Bye, got it, girls. We'll give it the Cecil B. DeMille Award.

Right, we're going to make up our own special In Memoriam Award for Gallery Girls because it's not getting a second season. Okay, but now go on to the next category too, Matt. Oh, I get to go back to back how exciting okay well the nominees for best help are zoila from flipping out shut up jeff bernie from real housewives of beverly hills he is the um chef for adrian maloof yeah lisa vanderpump is a jacqueline who works for k Ireland on Million Dollar Decorators.

Oh, yeah, you like my pussy? Oh, my pussy. And, oh, my God. And then we have Frida, who works for Leah Black on The Real Housewives of Miami. Frida! I can see balls in your hair. How fun is that? And the final nominee in the category, Slade Smiley, Real Housewives of Orange County, as the assistant with quotation marks around it, Tuchin Rossi.

Yes. That's good. Okay. And the winner of Best Health, Rita, the Housewives of Miami. She's definitely the best at getting free shit. Mm-hmm. Great choice. Great choice.

Yeah, great choice. I'm glad I voted for her. Okay. Okay. The next award will be presented by Ben Mandelker, Best Dinner Party. All right. The nominees for Best Dinner Party are Thomas Kramer on The Real Housewives of Miami. Sit down, shut up, or leave.

Lisa Hochstein, also for The Real Housewives of Miami. I've lost five Nerf babies. Bunko Night on the Real Housewives of Orange County. Hey, what's up? I'm a hairball rap. I was trying to be that horrible gay guy, but I forgot. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's right. Oh, he was terrible. They had terrible gays. I just had seltzer come out my nose. That's what happened to Vicky. That's why her hair looked like that that night. Oh, okay. The season finale dinner party on The Real Housewives of Orange County. That girl raped my cake bow.

And also from Real Housewives of Orange County, Vicky's crawfish boil. I can't believe these bitches are acting like they're too classy to eat with their hands. And I believe that's it for all the good dinner parties this year. Am I missing any? I mean,

was there any in New York? Yes, there was a dinner party. You've missed two dinner parties for the nominations. You should have the Real Housewives of New York City on vacation where they're sitting outside by the pool. Yes. Oh, yeah. That's a very good one.

Where Sonja is incredibly drunk. Sonja was wasted. And then you might also want to include one of my personal favorites, the Real Housewives of New Jersey on their RV trip where Caroline calls her daughter a dumb bitch. An asshole while they're grilling in a parking lot. And, you know, honestly, grilling in a parking lot does count as a dinner party in the Real Housewives of New Jersey.

It does. All right. Do we have a drum roll, please? The winner is... I found a piece of paper, everyone, so don't worry. I'm in charge of ripping now. And the winner for the best dinner party, Lisa Hochstein, Real Housewives of Miami.

Yeah, that was a good one. That was the first physical violence we've had on a housewife show. Yeah, it was, you know, the Thomas Kramer's night came very close, but Lisa had people getting tossed into a pool, someone getting punched in the face. It was really one of the best dinner parties that's ever happened. And it was not only someone getting pushed into the pool, it was someone we hated from another reality show.

Yes, it was like overdue justice. For people who watch Big Brother, it's like we waited like eight years for Bo to get pushed into a pool, and it finally happened. And Joe Francis was there, and everyone was drunk. Everyone was crazy. And Adriana punched Joanna Krupa in the fucking face. It was amazing. Yeah, that was really good.

By the way— We have to take a break. Oh, sorry. You were by the way. Go ahead. I'm going to say a retroactive nominee, even though she didn't win for help, is Daisy from Real Housewives of Miami. Retroactive nominee. Oh, my God.

How great was that? Okay. So here is the next thing. This is kind of a side note break. The award for things that we didn't talk about in our last podcast but we should have. Daisy getting plastic surgery on Real Housewives of Miami. Oh, my God. Oh, thank you, Miss Lisa.

I look like a pizza, a dominoes, or a pizza hut? Or a pizza hut. That was a good line. I thought that was a good line. Too bad she looks like Papa John's. At least she wasn't Little Caesars. Next is Asa dating Jermaine Jackson on the Shazza Sunset.

Hey, baby. Yeah, you make me some vegan food, baby. Ooh, I love how you so smooth, baby. I love your dancing and your soul, baby. And what was the other thing we missed, damn it? Oh. Adriana calling Joanna Krupa honey boo boo during the

Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion. And the winner is we're terrible hoes and should all be shot. The next award is for Best Fight, and that will be read by Matthew Whitfield. Okay, the nominees are Vicki Gunvalson vs. Tamara Barney, Orange County Housewives season finale. Orange County Housewives season finale.

Aviva Drescher versus Sonia Morgan and Ramona Singer battle in St. Bart's, Real Housewives of New York City. Adriana, I don't know her last name, but she speaks five languages, fighting with Joanna Krupa, Real Housewives of Miami at Lisa Hochstein's dinner party. Gigi taking out her door knocker earrings and attacking Asa on a recent

episode of Shaws of Sunset. And then the season long battle Upper East Side versus Brooklyn on Gallery Girl. Cock offs. Good category by the way. Strong category but we do have a winner. We have a winner. And the winner is because it spanned over five episodes.

But I would have thought for sure Adriana punching Joanna Krupa. I thought for sure. Well, that just won Best Dinner Party. It can't win Best Fight also. Oh, I think it's going to be like the Schindler's List of this award. I thought, but now I'm not sure. Now I'm not sure. Now I'm not sure. Everything changes now.

Now we're getting towards the end of our awards. We've got three awards. Either way, by the way, great choice. Great choice, everyone. Still, it was a great fight, Aviva versus Sonya. And you know, I kind of wanted to put, you know, I thought that Vicky versus Tamara had a chance, because you know, Gretchen gave Tamara a little charm bracelet,

and now they're BFFs, and it sent Vicky off the rails. And Brianna got involved in that fight too, and Brooks too. It was good. And that all happened around the cake, but it was great. I would like to suggest a special award for Brianna. We gave away an award for Worst Child, but I would just like to give an automatic award to Best Child, to Brianna, for making Vicky's head

explode on numerous occasions this past season. First of all, for telling her at the last second that she eloped in Vegas with a guy that Vicky did not know. And then for taking multiple people's sides against her mother and

confronting her mother and being slightly disrespectful, but incredibly truthful to her mother at the Real mother and being, you know, slightly disrespectful but incredibly truthful to her mother at the Real Housewives of Orange County season finale because Vicky was horrifying. Well, and also calling her mom out on cheating with Brooks on national TV. And for really preferring her not real dad

but her real dad Don to creepy Brooks and Vicky. And by the way, you'll all notice that we really actually, none of these nominees have had anything to do with the reunions, because the reunions almost, to me, are on such a different level. Like, there's so much craziness, there's so much fighting, there's so much screaming. You almost, I can never actually remember things that happen at reunions, because there's so much. So, you know, if you're feeling like, well, you forgot about that fight between these

two during this reunion or whatever it's like it's hard to even process that stuff although Adriana and Joanna last night they're in the running for next year's for sure oh yeah definitely okay

let's see here best moment of the year wait why don't we move this category let's swap the next two categories because the moment of the year. Wait, why don't we move this category? Let's swap the next two categories, because the moment of the year is a big one, and the next one we should do before. Okay, the very special Shut Up Mountain Award goes to Jill Zarin from Real Housewives of New York, Anna from Real Housewives of Miami,

Taylor from Real Housewives of Miami Taylor from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Or Kyle Richards from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills You better give it to who deserves it Who's going to shut up Mountain? Shut up Mountain Oh wait, I got the envelope ready Jill Zarin from Real Housewives of New York City because the bitch won't ever

shut the fuck up Jill Zarin you haven't been on TV in a year and I still can hear you shut up Jill Zarin I turn on the Oprah channel and I'm trying to listen to Oprah and I can still hear you in my head Jill Zarin shut up Jill Zarin

I think I will say and I can still hear you in my head, Jill Zarin. Shut up, Jill Zarin! Well, that sounds mind-boggling. I think I will say if you had given it a few more weeks, Kyle Richards might have snapped this one up. Well, next year. She can get it next year. When Kyle Richards gets fired and turns it into a year-long publicity

tour for doing nothing and then snags an interview with Andy Cohen, then records it and tries to sell it to magazines. She will win it. You know what? You're right. You are so right. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to retroactively strip Jules Aaron of Housewives

We Miss Most, and I'm fucking giving it to Kelly Killer and Ben Simone. I knew it. Wow. Controversy. And I love it. No one'sy. And I love it. No one's going to fight me on that. Everybody misses her snow angels. What about when she put her finger in Alex McCord's face?

Satchels of gold. I was going to say, close your eyes. Now open them. Now close them. You're angry. Yes, this... No, you're sad. And you're down here. I'm up here. You're angry Yes this No you're sad And you're down here

I'm up here you're down here Can I say something though The sad thing about the Shut Up Mountain award Is that it's kind of our version of a lifetime achievement award Because basically you have to have been on these shows So long that then you just go crazy And just keep yapping So congratulations Jill

Because you have now had a lifetime achievement. You've reached Shut Up Mountain. Yes. Shut Up Mountain was built to honor your stupid ass. We've carved your face into it. We've carved your face into it, and now we're going to carve someone else's face next year. Shut up, Jill Zarin.

Thank you. Our next award will be read by Matthew Whitfield and it's the best moment of the year! Are we doing that before the best Bravo show? Is that what's happening? I'm going in order, people. What do we think is the most, what do we think,

should we end with moment or with show? Show. Okay, then I will read the category best moment of the year and the nominees are cake gate orange county season finale real housewives of orange county you can't even eat a piece of cake it was a great, great moment. Bitter Girl doesn't win Top Chef Texas. I was so scared that she was going to win, and luckily she didn't.

I was really scared. Sonia Morgan freaks out about the impending death of Milou, her beloved Bichon Frise who craps the bed. She's a very proud dog. But you don't understand. That's okay. She craps the bed. She's a very proud dog.

But you don't understand. That's okay. She doesn't get it. That's okay. Alexis Bellino attempts to become a newscaster. But don't worry. The family's safe. Oh, thank God. Like her idol, Katie Keurig. Now let's go interview Dr. Booty.

The annual and disastrous posh fashion show. Katie Couric. Now let's go interview Dr. Booty. The annual and disastrous posh fashion show. This is just some guy I happen to know who I invited here to talk about Melissa not being a stripper or something. Wait, are you being Kim D? I thought it was Adrian Maloof. Who, by the way, is now an official cast member. Well, not official yet, but they say that she's going to be an official cast member. Kim D.

Wow. You heard it here third. Go on. There's still more nominees. I have many more to list. Many more nominees. Gallery Girls enters our lives for one sad season. Oh, that was a great, great experience.

That girl has lipstick on her teeth. The Countess Luanne de Lesseps has sex with Johnny Depp and denies it while on vacation. Real Housewives of New York City. Adriana slaps the God-loving shit out of Joanna Krupa's face on the Real Housewives of Miami. I've been a professional model for 10 years. What have you done? What have you done? Thomas Kramer loses his shit specifically on Anna at The Real Housewives.

I do not want to talk about these nominations anymore. Now sit down and shut up or leave. I do not want to talk about these anymore. This is like school children speaking right now. I'm in life dinner party. Where's my bell? Who invited you to the awards? Adrian Maloof mails a passive-aggressive,

hideous flower arrangement to Lisa Vanderpump on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Dear Lisa, this looks like a turkey on Thanksgiving that got shit all over, died, dismembered, and taped back together. And threw multi-flowers. I hope you're enjoying your new restaurant. Kim Zolciak says, fuck this shit, and exits the Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Fuck this shit, I'm exiting the Real Housewives of Atlanta. And I'm going to Chick-fil-A on my way home in my Escalade. Okay. And the winner is... And the winner, moment of the year. Oh, my God. I hope this is the right one. Alexis Bellino becomes a newscaster.

Yay. Again, I would have gone with... I really wanted to go with Sonia Fretz about the dog. I would have gone with Adriana. I really wanted to go with Sonia Fretz about the dog. I would have done Cake Gate, the dog, or Adriana Slaps Joanna. Honestly, my

favorite wasn't even on here, and that was It's not about me! It's about the children with missing legs! That's it. That's it. But that's also part of the dog scene, really, quite frankly, if you think about it. It's the whole dog scene. It's Aviva and Sonya and Milou and Ramona together.

Great moment. Just in general. That was probably the toughest category we've had so far. We've had some tough ones. So do we agree? Is the moment Milou? Yes. Her best friend who craps the bed. She doesn't talk about her daughter, she talks about her dog. You know what, you're right. That moment, because you know what, Alexis doing the news

was one of the best moments of the year, but the Milou moment was, because it was not just the Milou moment, it was also about the children who don't have any legs. Yes, yes. It was a compound moment. Going off about children not having legs was probably my favorite of the year. And Sonia coming back saying that she has a proud dog,

I mean, it is actually kind of... It is actually one of the most astonishing things I've ever seen in my life. Okay. All right. Then runner up will be Alexis Bellino. That is totally fine. Yes, yes.

Number three is Adriana. And I have to say congratulations to everybody because it was an amazing year of really stupid-ass moments. So congratulations, guys. And Kate Gate, let's never forget Kate Gate. History repeats itself and let's make sure it doesn't

because we don't want any Fondant bows to ever be ruined again. I just like saying Fondant. Yeah, me too. Alright, and now our last and most important category of all is Best Bravo Show for 2012.

Dun, dun, dun! Dun! And now, the nominees. Gallery Girls. Gal Girls, as it's known. Gal Girls. Gal Girls. Real Housewives of Miami Season 2.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills season two. Real House... What? Three or two on Beverly Hills. Season two came into this year so it counts. Okay.

Okay. The latest season of Real Housewives of New York City. New York City. And Million Dollar Decorators Season 2. How is that even on there? That show's not the best on Broadway. Million Dollar Decorators.

Matt, can you back up that nomination? The nomination is valid, but you have a few more that need to be on this list. Yeah, well, continue. What's the Housewives? Well, not every Housewife automatically gets to be a Best Show of the Year. Orange County needs to fucking have a few more that need to be on this list. Well, continue. The Housewives. Well, not every Housewife automatically gets to be a best show of the year. Orange County needs to fucking have a nomination. This season? You think this season was a best of the year season?

Hello, Ben Cakegate? Alexis is a news anchor? You're right. You're right. All right. It's at least a nominee. All right. Real Housewives of Orange County.

Yeah, this was also the year that had that five-minute scene of Alexis just brushing her hair. This was my favorite. All right. Real Houses of Orange County is now a nominee as well. What about Shaws of Sunset season? Ugh, I hate that show. You know, I really like Shaws of Sunset season one, but I felt like it wasn't quite... For the nomination?

Here's the thing. I base these shows on how excited I was to race to my TV to watch them. It's like, oh my God, it's Tuesday night. I can't wait to watch this show. I really enjoy Shaz, but it was not for me. Orange County is getting thrown under the bus because that show is currently not airing

and New York is more fresh in our minds. But do not forget the amazingness of Orange County this year. I said it's a nominee. It's a nominee. And also, don't forget that New York really wasn't good until the last five weeks. The first 20 were terrible. The second half of New York was amazing.

And it was exciting. I'll go halfway with you on that one. I'm assuming that Don't Be Tardy for the Wedding is not getting a nomination. Absolutely not. Didn't even make it through that one. And Dan, shame I'm assuming that Don't Be Tardy for the Wedding is not getting a nomination. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Didn't even make it through that one. And, Dan, shame on Bravo for even giving that trollop her own show again.

Yeah. First time, shame on you. Second time, shame on God for making you. Yeah. I also wanted to give a nomination to Top Chef Texas, which I really enjoy, but I wasn't sure if you guys felt. I love Top Chef Texas. I'm hating Seattle. Oh, I like Seattle. I love Texas.

I love Texas also because that was the first time in a long time we've had a likable Top Chef winner. Yeah. And I saw him on a plane. He was really cute. So let me review. The nominees for Best Bravo Show are Real Housewives of Orange County, Real Housewives of Miami Season 2, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 2,

Real Housewives of New York City, whatever season it was this year, Top Chef Texas, Gaga Girls, and Million Dollar Decorators Season 2. I, yeah, I guess. I just, I'm missing, I'm missing some shows, but that's fine. Well, speak up, speak up.

The time is now. This is the last chance. I hate, I hate, I hate Rachel Zoe and I hate Brad, so I'm not going to vote for either of them. Okay. What about, we all hate, oh yes, go on. We all hate Pregnant in Heels. Tabitha is okay, but not as amazing. She probably should have been a Bravo-Liberty nominee.

Sorry, everyone. She was snubbed. It happens. I don't think it deserves a nomination, but I just would like to say I miss Most Deligible Dallas. There, I said it. Okay. I do miss it.

And you know what? Before we even announce Best Bravo Show, why don't we nominate off the cuff the worst Bravo Shows of the year? Everything you just named. Misadvised. Lollwork.

And I think we could say perhaps more disappointing. Chef Roble and Company. Chef Roble and Company. And how about Tardy for the Wedding... It's a Brad Brad world. Should I continue? Around the world and 80 plates. And 80 plates.

I think that that has to win. Around the world and 80 plates was a huge failure. I think Lollwork. I think Lollwork is... I think Lollwork is the worst, but I could also go for Around the World and 80 Plates. What do you guys think? Well, Around the World and 80 Plates is... That was the most disappointing, and Lollwork is the worst, but I could also go for Around the World and 80 Plates. What do you guys think? Well, Around the World and 80 Plates, that was the most disappointing.

And Lollwork was the worst. It was just the worst. At least Lollwork was trying to do something. Around the World and 80 Plates was just a ripoff of other shows. And I don't think it even mattered how good your food was. Didn't it just matter? Didn't you get voted off like Survivor? Yeah, exactly.

The voting, everything was wrong. Everything was wrong. It could have been awesome. And also it gave that fucking Curtis Stone, that a-hole, a job. So fuck that stuff. He's a dick. But I was glad to see him get love handles this year.

So yay for that. Oh, thank God. All right. So now that we've decided that, let's go back. What did we commit? What did we commit to? I'm writing the list down. Well, my favorite show of the year is The Good Wife.

All right. Is the worst show around the world in any place or low work? Around the world in any place. Or is it really? It's a Brad Brad world. Really? No, no, no, no. He was pretty terrible.

I couldn't watch him either. He was terrible and embarrassing to gay people. So I'll say. I'll go with you on Brad. No, no. I think Around the World and Indie Plates because it was the most thoroughly disappointing. The other ones... Wait, what about Misadvised?

That was a... The other ones were shit. Were all shit. And we saw that they were shit. And we saw it coming that they were shit. And guess what? They turned out to be shit. Around the World and Indie Plates looked like it could actually be good,

and it sucked. And we were excited and it bombed. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'm there. I'm there with you. Around the World and Indie Plates is the worst Bravo show of the year. And now, back to the main event. I'm really nervous because I know which one I personally want to pick,

and I hope I don't disappoint the masses. I think you're going to disappoint me, but not Ronnie. Okay. Is everyone ready? Yes. Everyone ready? The best Bravo show of 2012 is...

Do we have a drum roll? All right. I'm ripping the envelope. The best Bravo show of 2012 is... God Girls. Ah, yes! Get in! Oh.

And they're never going to be able to win again. They will never win again. But you know what? We had to give it to them because they are never going to be able to win it again. Miami can get better and win it next year, people. Miami was a close second place, quite frankly. Although Beverly Hills season two was pretty amazing, but Miami was a close second place because Miami, honestly,

Miami brought it. They were up against the wall. They had a great season. It's been tons of fun. But you know what, though? Gallery Girls was just perfect. Well, unfortunately, it's dead now, and it's like you just can't say no to a dead

person. I'm sorry, gallery girl. I love you. Thanks for making it such a fun year, goss. Thanks for the memories. So that brings us to the end of our first annual Crappies Award.

Congratulations to all the winners and non-winners. I'm sorry that Martin Lawrence Ballard and Million Dollar Decorators were shut out, but, you know, that's what happens. He was our amazing fashion correspondent on the red carpet, so he got his due. Oh, yes, yes. And he also designed the set, as Martin Lawrence Ballard would do.

Our set is tiger patterns along with stripes and paisley with a dose of Inja. Inja. Inja Inja Inja So we will be back next week With an all new show And it will be 2013 So happy new year to all of you guys You can find Matt Whitfield

At Life on the M List on Twitter You can find Ben at B-Side Blog And you can find me, Ronnie At TV Gazel You can find our show at what crappens and you can join us on facebook at facebook.com slash watch what crappens we love you we mean it call us and we'll see you next time happy new year bye bye guys Guys, girls, girls. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet.

The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza Slicinger. Slicinger. I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash waitforitcomedy.

There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And it's funny. And I love you. A few days ago, Brooke Tudine posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and 3 comments. Thumbs up, Brooke. Geico also wants to make a comment. In just 15 minutes, you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to GEICO.

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