Watch What Crappens - #55: Homewreckers, Homeless Punching Bags, and Lindsay Hohan

Episode Date: January 9, 2013

Homewreckers, Homeless Punching Bags, and Lindsay Hohan See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. hey everybody welcome to watch what crap is a podcast dedicated to all things bravo i am matt whitfield from yahoo tv and joining me always is Ben Mandelko from B-Side Blog. Hello. You guys, we don't have Ronnie with us tonight. I know. We're going to be about 90% less funny. Exactly. So if you only want Ronnie, you might want to at least keep this recording right now or keep it running and definitely download us on iTunes. But if you just want to

go into another room and do some dishes or play with your dog, it's fine. It's just me and Ben tonight. Yeah, just go easy on us. We don't know where Ronnie is, but rumor has it he may have stolen some of MJ's sliders, which is not something that happens easily. No, I mean, if he's stealing MJ's sliders, he's clearly on the run.

It's sort of like stealing the gold from the dragon in The Hobbit. And you're being generous when you say that. Anyway, you guys should definitely follow us on Facebook. We are at Facebook slash Watch What Crappens. And we are on Twitter at What Crappens. I am at Twitter at Life on the M-List. And Ben is at B-Side Blog. And if you want to follow Ronnie, you probably should.

Just find out where he is in the world. Find out where he is. It's like Carmen Sandiego. Yeah. It's coming back. Ronnie is at TVgasm. Yeah, and you know, I really do think people should

become fans of us on Facebook and this sounds very self-interested to say that, but the Facebook page has actually become really, really fun because it's a lot of discussion. We're posting screenshots now of things that we find are funny as we're watching.

So it's really a whole other experience that goes very nicely with this one, I think. Yeah, our listeners that are active on Facebook, you guys are fucking hilarious. We adore you. We are still, however, looking for some more iTunes comments. So definitely give us more five stars. We need it, people. Our egos are very fragile. And we need just more listeners in general.

We always need more listeners. So tell everyone you know. I mean, I know we're being totally shameless. This we need just more listeners in general. We always need more listeners. So tell everyone you know. I mean, I know we're being totally shameless. This is like a PBS drive right now. I guess because Downton Abbey just aired. Exactly. Why not? PBS is on our mind and in our hearts.

But also in our hearts tonight are six shows that we have to talk about. We have a smorgasbord for you guys. We'll start off with Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. We'll move into the questionable spinoff Vanderpump Rules. Ehhh. Then we will go back to Miami. I have some real issues. Oh, we have many issues. Stassi, we hate you.

Then we'll go to Miami for Reunion Part 2. We'll go to Atlanta, Shaws of Sunset, and we'll finish with Million Dollar Decorators. Obviously tonight, which is last night, if you guys are listening to us on Wednesday, is the Million Dollar Decorators Part 2 finale with the Lohan reveal. And Miami Lost Footage. And Miami Lost Footage. We will discuss both of those next week, but we've got to jump into it.

Let's talk about Beverly Hills and the spinoff Vanderpump Rules. Well, let's start with Beverly Hills, because I don't want to get too mad too early, okay? Because if we start talking about Vanderpump Rules, I am going to make a mess of your beautiful new home. By the way, we are not remote today. We are actually in the same physical space. Neighbors. And when we're done with this, we can pop by and punch MJ. Yes.

And then we can pop by and punch Jacqueline's daughter, Ashley. It's perfect. Right down the road. It's all in the hood. Anyway, okay. So, Beverly Hills. Wow. So, I guess we can start with the dinner party, which continued.

Exactly. Now, my main problem this whole season has been with Kyle. I have been a huge hater on hers, and that continued last night. Faye Resnick was her guest at this dinner party, and she let Faye run wild all over Brandy, and it was completely inappropriate.

Why doesn't Kyle say to Faye, listen, Faye, not right now. Like, you guys have lunch or something, but this is a dinner party. I don't want this right now. Or pull her aside. She's such a good girlfriend, she could pull her aside into the other room and say, listen, please don't do this. But Kyle loves watching people yell at each other. She loved

every second of it. She wants to pretend that she doesn't stir the drama and that she doesn't know what's wrong with all these crazy women. At the end of the day, Kyle is the one who brought up, you know, was pressing Brandy in that limousine.

She was pressing Brandy at that dinner party at Sur and she stirs the shit and then sits back. And you know, as much as she thinks that Lisa and Brandy are working as a team, Kyle and Faye are working as a team.

Exactly. But I was like, when Faye said that, like, I think you're working as a team. I'm like, are you an idiot? Like, don't you see what you're doing? You're working as a team. Exactly right now. Exactly.

And in fact, Yolanda said that in her blog. I never read their blogs, but for some reason today I decided to read Yolanda's blog. Let me pull it up for a moment. I will just say, we might as well read Yolanda's blogs because there's nothing else that Yolanda is bringing to the show. So I'm just saying that, you know, maybe you shouldn't look that up. Well, I will try. Here's the thing.

Yolanda, we'll get to Yolanda's blog. It's taking too long for me to pull it up, so I won't do it right now, but she writes it in a very I think she said that Faye, every word out of Faye Resnick's mouth was a violation, which I thought was hilarious. Can we start adding that to our daily routines? I mean, that's a violation.

She is a violation. I mean, she's morally corrupt. How could she not be a violation? That's true. Here's what, actually, can I do some sidetrack with Yolanda? Because that's all she is on this show, is that, like, she is a sidetrack. You know, what I love about Yolanda

is that you have an episode of cattiness and these women, like, I can't believe she said that, or I can't believe she did this, or Faye did this, and they're crying, and I lost my wedding ring. And then all of a sudden, it'll cut to a Yolanda segment, and she's like, you know, I really think it's important to have dinner with your family. And then, like, it goes back to madness.

Right. Then it goes back, and she's like, you know, I think every girl deserves a horse. And it's just like, what's going on? It made no sense whatsoever, but I will say that I actually, I have loved her from the beginning, even though she's clearly on? It made no sense whatsoever but I will say that I actually have loved her from the beginning even though she's clearly on a different show and I would rather

see Yolanda's refrigerator get a spin off than Lisa Vanderpump getting a spin off because that refrigerator is out of control. And I guarantee that the contents inside it have a higher IQ than anyone on Vanderpump rules. No doubt. Stassi, we hate you. So, no, Yolanda like I said a few weeks ago

we've heard that she's just the biggest bitch in the world and just the worst. But honestly, on TV, I still love her. Do you still love her even though she thinks that her daughter is quasi-lesbian for wanting to play volleyball and wearing basketball shorts? You know what? I liked it even more. Because you know what? When she was saying, you know, like, when you used to always wear those, like, boys clothing, I used to think you were. And there's, like, a long pause. And she's, like, thinking about whether or not to say it. She goes, lesbian. You know, she's like, you know, like, when you used to always wear those, like, boys clothing, I used to think you were, and there's like a long pause, and she's like thinking about what they're not to say.

She goes, a lesbian. You know, she's like, you know what? Fuck it. Fuck it. Why not? Who cares if I make lesbians angry? It's true. She can share so much money.

She can buy and sell every lesbian out there. You know, her husband, David Foster, is a little bit creepy, and, you know, I didn't like the way that he really acted. I didn't like his finger gun, like, entrance to his stepson. No, the finger gun is cheesy, but I like her kids i like i like her i like her like i i believe that she cooks and i believe like her fridge honestly her fridge is so fucking amazing i'm telling you spin off yolanda's ice i see a fridge i almost feel like we should have like a yolanda interjection in the middle of our podcast like everything's fine and all of a sudden yolanda comes in to

announce like you know I really think that all lampshades should be fluted. I don't even know what a fluted lampshade is. But I agree. That voice soothes me. She's so soothing. She's got great style. And she has a great refrigerator. It would be like at Christmas time

the Yule log. They could just put a channel up of that fridge. And the camera goes up and down and I I just sit there and stare at it and just want to eat from it. I have no problem with that. I feel like it also doubles as one of those fridges at the grocery store that houses

botanicals. Yeah. I also feel like if you open it, you actually don't use any of the produce inside it. It's like an entrance to some secret lair. Oh, exactly. It's like a bat cave. There's definitely a bat cave element there. I feel like, I don't know, there might be an aquarium in there as well.

And I feel like if you were to put the bananas on the wrong shelf, in the wrong basket on the wrong shelf, there would actually be an alarm that would go off and she would run down and kick you out of Malibu. No doubt. Yeah, no, Yolanda does not mess around. She doesn't mess around.

She doesn't do anything on this show whatsoever, but we love her and that's it. Yeah, no, Yolanda does not mess around. She doesn't mess around. She doesn't do anything on this show whatsoever but we love her and that's it. So after this dinner party, it was all it was pretty much the Brandy show. Well, Brandy ran out and she sat on the street corner. Lisa obviously followed after her because they are a tandem and there's no denying that. But I thought

it was kind of fucked up that Lisa had to say hey Kyle, you bitch. This is your fucked up dinner party. You might want to, the girl who just ran out of the room crying because your other guests treated her like shit, you might want to go tell her, you know, I'm sorry.

I know. I love how Kyle acts so helpless in these situations. She's like, I just, you know, I'm trying to make things better with Brandy, but Faye's my best friend. She's like so helpless. But yet in any other situation where Kyle's on the spot, she speaks up.

She's a strong woman. And this whole like, I don't know what to do. You know, it's terrible. And the only other crime that was bigger than this was that we had no Kim Richards in this entire episode. I know. It really killed me. You know, as much as I'm, like, the more and more I get angry at Kyle and the way Kyle, like, is sitting in her confessional and she's saying, you know, Kim and I, I just, we don't know each other anymore. I just don't get it. The issue here is this. Kim is now sober

and it's come to the realization that her sister is a fucking mean bitch and she doesn't want anything to do with her. Kim has come to her senses. Kim has good taste, it turns out.

Exactly. Kyle, you are the problem. She understands. Like, now Kim is like friends with Brandy and she's friends

with Yolanda. So, she knows what's up. She knows what's up and she knows that her sister is the one that drags her down and makes her want to drink. God, you know, Kyle really, she's gotten so much down to shitter. You know, I want, it's hard to believe, like, two years ago, how much everyone loved her. Oh, we loved her, but I know by the next season, she'll be back on top of, maybe, maybe. I don't know.

You never know with these shows. People go up and down. I mean, you know, we used to hate Phaedra, and now we love Phaedra. We used to hate Camille. We love Camille now. There's a very, we used to hate Ramona, and then we loved Ramona, and then I don't know. You never know with these shows. People go up and down. I mean, you know, we used to hate Phaedra, and now we love Phaedra. We used to hate Camille. We love Camille now. There's a very time... We used to hate Ramona, and then we loved Ramona, and then we hated her again. I don't know that Ramona's ever going to make a comeback, to be honest with you.

I think she can. I think Ramona can always make a comeback. Never underestimate the power of true renewal. Yeah, exactly. It's true. It's her brand. It's her life. Okay, so the rest of the episode became a hell of a lot about Brandy.

First of all, do you think that she was right to walk out of the dinner party? She was being attacked. Why not leave? Yeah, I think she... In polite society, a person... Well, first of all, you wouldn't have had Faye Resnick in polite society. There's no such thing as Faye Resnick in polite society.

But in polite society, Brandy would have just smiled and said, okay, I will consider that. Thank you, thank you. You know, like, everyone gets all hung up on, like, well, I have to defend myself. I have to have my voice heard. In Polite Society, you don't.

Like, watch down, Abby. You just sit and shut up, okay? Look at that stupid Irish chauffeur chatting up. Like, this is, that's what Brandi is. She's the, she's Branson. She's the Branson. She is the Branson of the housewives. I know. Two other things. She's the Branson. She is the Branson of the housewives. I know.

Two other things for you about the dinner party. Was Faye making a play to become a full-time housewife? I think that this was her major chance at doing so. She was just making a play at trying to be relevant. I don't know if you saw the BuzzFeed thing, 14 things about Faye Resnick that was going around. Hey, I posted it on our Facebook page. Oh, you were the one who posted it? Yes.

You know, I never know. If it's not me, I don't know if it's you or Ronan. It was me. But, I mean, the truth is, if you look at the history of Faye Resnick, the morally corrupt Faye Resnick, all she wants is attention. Like, all these other women. Did you read, by the way, one of those bullet points in the book that came out four months after Nicole Brown Simpson was murdered?

She even mentioned that the two of them had had a lesbian fling. Yeah. How trashy is this morally corrupt bitch? She's just very morally corrupt. She is disgusting. She's not known as morally innocent. She's morally corrupt. And the fact that she's also BFFs with the Kardashians, red flag.

You know what? All these people, I am like so disgusted with Beverly Hills culture. And I say this not from a point of view of a 99% versus 1% thing. It's because Beverly Hills culture, for everyone who doesn't live here, is so tacky and gaudy. What you see on TV is actually fairly accurate. It really is accurate. So my parents came to visit. This is going to make me sound totally snobby, but I have to say it.

My parents came to visit in December, and we went to Spago. We got a nice dinner. When your mom comes to town, you go to Spago. I don't go to Spago normally. No, but mom and dad are paying, so you're going to Spago. You know, we got a nice dinner. You go, when mom comes to town, you go to Spago. I don't go to Spago normally. No, but mom and dad are paying, so you're going to Spago. Mom and dad are paying. Went. So the place was over, imagine being in a restaurant full of like, tailors and...

Kardashians. Kardashians. And the place was jam-packed. And they were all like, there were women in these like, shiny silver pants, big blonde hair, like sort of like a silvery kind of lipstick. Everyone was wasted off their asses. The Joan Van Arks of the world. Yeah, they really, it was like a Joan Van Ark meets Taylor Armstrong, which is in some ways kind of an amazing thing.

It is. I would pay to see that. We could go to Spago. And Melissa McCarthy was there too, but she was out of the frame. She looks a little different. She looks a little different. And we prefer her. But the point is this.

When you see on Real Houses of Beverly Hills, these women acting so tacky and so got it at these dinner parties and dressing the way they do. They all look like Faye Resnick, quite frankly. There were about three different times when I thought I saw Faye Resnick or Taylor. I'm not even kidding. They're all knocking on 50 with this crazy straw-like hair. Yeah, they're wasted and crazy. There were two tables that were doing shots

and yelling back and forth at each other. Well, when you're anorexic and you have three glasses of champagne, you're a fucking mess. It's a disaster. It is an absolute disaster. And, you know, so when I see, like, these, like, Faye Resnick and when you see her with the Kardashians and just... The Beverly Hills culture is so vile. It's so,

so terrible. And yet we choose to live here for some fun reason. But it is fun to make fun of. Now, talk to me for a quick second about Marissa Zanuck, who has joined the show, and she came to Brandy's defense, and she kind of laid into Faye, and I liked it. Yeah, you know, she seems like, all her points seem very realistic. She seems funny. She seems cool.

I kind of like Marissa so far. Good for her. This is completely ridiculous, but I'm watching this show, and I'm going. Yeah, you know, she seems like, all her points seemed very realistic. She seems funny. She seems cool. I kind of like Marissa so far. Good for her. This is completely ridiculous, but I'm watching this show and I'm going, well, I'm just like Marissa. Or she's reading my mind. Like, she would act, I would act just the way she's acting and I would agree with everything she's saying. Well, all her points were valid.

She was like, well, Kyle should, like, shut her up. Or, you know, it's like, Marissa was like, well, Brandy was nice to me and the others were standoffish. Like, that's not a nice thing to do you're like yeah yeah you're supposed to welcome the new girl in and she also said that she felt like she got the cold shoulder from camille and taylor which was a little weird but yeah let's talk taylor though because taylor also had a moment and it was kind of sad and kind of hilarious and kind of pathetic. Poor Taylor is trying to wrap up this lawsuit for $1.5 million. This woman does not have a pot to piss in. I'm surprised that she's even allowed to stay in that fucked up house.

I did feel, like, slightly bad for her when the guy who was suing her, her former, like, best friend, was like, okay, well, you don't have $1.5 million, but we'll take your wedding ring. And then so she starts to cry. And two Hermes bags. Those were real tears. Yeah, those were are that was real and I couldn't I wasn't sure if she cared more about the Hermes bags or the

wedding ring I kind of think it was the bags here's the thing a 10 carat ring is worth a lot of money but it's not worth close to 1.5 million dollars so Hermes bags maybe if they're in good condition maybe seven eight grand who knows this is not She's worked too hard to get here and she's not giving up now. She's not leaving this zip code. Anyway, Taylor is tragic. But if your husband fucked you over that much and killed himself, leaving you with this debt and leaving you to raise a child on your own. And also beat you. And broke your jaw countless times, I'm sure.

You're like. Allegedly. your own and broke your jaw countless times I'm sure. Allegedly. Why would you still feel like you have some kind of emotional connection to him and that ring matters? That ring should be pawned There once was a wise

woman who sang the ring didn't mean a thing. R.I.P. R.I.P. Kim Zolciak. And I think that maybe Taylor should be listening to some Kim Zolciak deep cuts. I'm just saying that if Taylor had half a brain, and we know that's not the case, as soon as... If only, if only. If only.

As soon as Russell killed himself, bitch should have taken her ass to the pawn shop on fucking Wilshire and Robertson, pawned that thing, and hidden the cash underground. Yeah, I agree. Because now they came after it, and they got her ring ring and they got the Hermes bags and she still owes some money. Clearly that's why she's... That was funny. She was like, yeah, I gave away the wedding ring and Hermes bags. There's still a little bit of money left over. It's probably like, you know, like a million dollars.

Right. I have no idea what that number is but the point is Taylor has to remain on Beverly Hills Housewives because she needs the paycheck. She sure does. Maybe she should sell her daughter. Well, did you notice, by the way, that Snowball was replaced by another small white dog? There's a new

Snowball, Snowball 2. I don't know if it's Snowball 2 or what, but I don't think that it's gonna last long. I wouldn't be surprised if these people who took the wedding ring are the people who have Snowball right now. They're probably holding Snowball for ransom. Oh, for sure. Like, Snowball is, like, locked up in a room. With a little bandage over his... a little gag over his mouth. Oh, poor sure. Snowball is locked up in a room with a little bandage over his mouth.

A little gag over his mouth. Oh, poor Snowball. Anyway, we also had Adrian and Paul. They had a cameo for five minutes on the show. Adrian was popping in. She is obviously starting another line. She is doing a skincare line with Paul. But at the end of their little segment, because nobody gives a shit about their skincare line,

because the only one that really matters is Ramona's true renewal. Yeah, that's all you need. Adrian hinted that she and Paul were having issues at this point. So we obviously know- Wait, what was the hint? I didn't pick up on that. I feel like she was saying that they were having some rockiness at that point in their relationship and that it had been brought on by what Brandy said.

Oh. I didn't know. I think that that was causing their issues to spiral out of control. I mean, obviously all of this ended up leading to their separation. You know what? I was so instantly bored by Paul and Adrian that I clearly zoned out at this part. All I remember is that she drank out of his mug and he didn't like it and at that point

then I was just staring at their rude faces. And you were like pressing the fast forward button? Don't lie. I didn't press fast forward but in my mind I had definitely checked out for sure. Okay. Let's talk Lisa. Yeah, so here's the thing. So really the bulk of the episode was this whole stupid bullshit about Lisa's like,

well, darling, I really think, Brandy, you should come talk to Sheena. Like, you know, you guys are going to cross paths. Since when does Lisa Vanderpump ever give a shit about the help? You know? Never. They may cross paths, but you know what though? We know how Bernie feels about her. Yeah, exactly. And from what I've heard,

like, people who work at her restaurants, like, she's cold to them, apparently. Well, how do you think she made all that goddamn money? You gotta be cold if you wanna get to the top. Yeah, of course. And I'm not saying that as a complaint. No, as a businesswoman, she's doing the great thing. She's the boss. So since when would she ever be concerned about, like, someone coming into the restaurant that'd be awkwardness between her and the waitress?

When you're looking for a backdoor pilot slash spinoff called Vanderpump Rules. Yeah. So Lisa brokered this ridiculous meeting between Brandy and Sheena. And Lisa suddenly cares about this Sheena twit. And so Brandy comes in to sir. So they had a fake lunch, which was probably shot at 7 a.m. Yeah. I was already, like, the fact that I had to sit and watch this confrontation was bothering me.

Because it was so contrived. It was so staged. But once it started, I actually really enjoyed it. Because Brandy just sort of, like, mopped the floor with Sheena. Brandy was amazing. We saw this in the preview. But when she said, you're not allowed to cry, you ruined my family. Yeah.

That is up there with Close Your Legs to Married Men. That was, like, such a definitive statement. Yeah, Brandy would not give this girl an inch, and it was fucking amazing. And Sheena was so dumb. She's like, well, I couldn't just sit there and, like, have my story not being told. Like, people just couldn't be thinking these things about me. I had to tell people my side of the story. I'm like, bitch, no, you don't have to.

Because no one cares about you. to tell people my side of the story. I'm like, bitch, no you don't have to. Because no one cares about you. It's not like America sitting there being like, I wonder what Eddie Cibrian's anonymous 15th mistress has to say about something. No one cares, Sheena. And you broke up Brandy's stupid marriage,

which is probably a good thing because Eddie Cibrian's a total waste of space. I'm glad that Brandy was... Oh, totally hot. I'm glad that Brandy was willing to admit that this was probably a good thing because otherwise she would still be in a terrible marriage with Eddie, cheating on her with countless girls. The fucked up thing was that Brandy found out

clearly one of her friends that was also good friends with Eddie was withholding information and clearly knew that he was cheating on Brandy with Sheena and did not share that information. So that one issue really shook her to the core but she still got past it. She still swept the floor with her. She gave her a little condescending pat on the shoulder

and was like... That was my favorite part by the way. Oh that was amazing. There was no hugs. She didn't know she was going to hug her so she just put her hand on the shoulder and was like... Good luck. I'm sorry. Good luck is so condescending. I will tell you right now whenever I'm on Match.com or OkCupid, at the end, like, if this is not happening and I say good luck, it's not a good thing. Yeah.

It's condescending and it's called kind of fuck off. Yeah, exactly. I thought that was a great moment. I mean, Sheena was just a total idiot. And then what... She is young, though. I mean, that's... Lisa did say that going into...

She's young. Look, she made her bed and she has to sleep in it. I get that. But she's a dumb, young girl that moved to L.A. Yeah. Look, she made her bed and she has to sleep in it. I get that, but she's a dumb, young girl that moved to LA and they all make mistakes. And she did. We were dumb young girls that moved to LA and made mistakes, too. I made so many. Unfortunately not with Eddie Cibrian. And I continue

to make them, and I wish I had one with Eddie Cibrian. You never know. I mean, Leanne Rimes doesn't have any curves. Well, you know what? You know, Leanne Rimes' ex who's rumored to be gay. I've been telling people this all day. Oh, Dean Sharamet or whatever? Dean Sharamet. Do you know what he's up to these days? What? I just faced him rumored to be gay. I've been telling people this all day. Oh, Dean Shermet or whatever? Dean Shermet. Do you know what he's up to these days?

What? I just faced him and talked to him yesterday. Don't tell me he's working at Sir. No. He went off to the French Culinary Institute of America, or Arts, whatever it's called. Zut alors. And now he is a poissonnier at Jean Georges in New York City, which means that Leanne Rimes cheated on a super hot guy that could make awesome food for her.

What a dummy. And now she's with Eddie Cibrian. What a freaking dummy. She does not eat, so she can't be with a foodie. Yeah, that's true. I feel like Eddie Cibrian is manorexic, and that's why she can be with him. I feel like if Dean Charamette is feeling some issues about this and needs to talk to someone, I'm very willing to lend an ear.

Or a shoulder to cry on. Shoulder to cry on. Or a crotch to cry on. If he just needs to spend the night like, oh my god, I can't even go home to my memories, crash my bed. And you'll stock the kitchen before he shows up. Oh, yeah.

If he needs to cook something, because that's his therapy, I'll be more than happy to try anything. Dean, you just give me a call. Okay, well let's move on to Vanderpump Rules. Because that's what happened on the show. We rolled right in. It was truly a backdoor pilot, because what happened was the women stepped up,

and then Sheena walked out of the backdoor of the restaurant, and then walked back in. Did you notice that the vibe of, like, the cinematography flipped? Well, they changed it immediately, because then, like, the music was no longer... The music zipped up. It was no longer house-size music. It was, like, some, like, generic, like, faux-lis-faire song.

It was sexy. It was, like, faux Liz Fair song. It was sexy. It was like fake Hills all of a sudden. It made the Hills look real. Oh my god. You have no idea how much I miss the Hills. I miss the Hills. I miss the Hills more than you miss the Hills. I am team Cavallari for life though. Are you team LC? Well, it's complicated.

It's complicated. Well, Cavallari definitely Cavallari. Can I be on both Bro, can I be on both teams? You can be on both teams as long as you're not on team... I don't know. I kind of... I hate... No, I hate Whitney Port with all my being. No, I love Whitney.

Shut up. Seriously. So, let me pause this because we're about to go on a whole different tangent here. Okay. This proves how good The Hills was because, you know what? Everyone badgered The Hills. This is crap. The Hills has been the only show to do The Hills properly ever.

And last that many seasons. It was fantastic. Because you see now, you see with Vanderpump Rules, which I'm going to go on record and say it's the worst show of 2013. It may have been. I think I tweeted last night saying that. I think it was like the worst show I may have seen in 10 years. I'm going to be honest.

I thought it was worse than Law Work. I never saw Misadvised. It's already a nominee for the 2013 Crappy Awards. Worst show on Bravo. Yeah. It was honestly, it was so repugnant to me. It was just, it was vile. I hated every moment of it from the core of my being.

Not even Lisa Vanderpump could make it better for me. Okay, well, Vanderpump surprisingly was not really a big factor a big factor on the show. She's more of, like, the den mother, and it came across as kind of creepy. I thought it came across as pathetic. It makes her not as glamorous and as funny as she is on Beverly Hills. Exactly. Yeah, these kids are so dumb.

There was, like, one, like, the, um, there's one girl named, like, Katie that seemed like alright, and there was a bar manager with sort of, manager with longer hair. That was halfway decent. But this girl Stassi. We have Stassi and Sheena. They're the Heidi and Elsie.

Yeah. She's the Heidi and Elsie of this group. And the problem is that there's no good side. It's like bad and worse. Because Sheena is an idiot. She's nice or whatever. But she's totally bad and worse. Because Sheena is an idiot. She's nice or whatever, but she's totally dumb. And Stassi is obnoxious.

You can't root for Sheena because she's just so stupid. That's the thing. So you see Stassi being mean to her, and you're there, and you're gripped because you're kind of like, should I be rooting for Sheena? No, she's so dumb, but I can't like Stassi because she's the biggest bitch on TV. And, by the way, these girls in their,

not even real shirts, they're just scarves that they like to call shirts with their double-sided tape and their... Yeah, from Joanne Fabric. And their breastless chests. Yeah.

They, one of them actually was in a confessional and goes like, oh, everybody wants to be us. Everybody wants to work at Circus. We're so hot. And I'm like, your teeth are jacked up

and you have a five head. Who the fuck do you think you are? These girls are not hot. And by the way, I hate to break it to the wait staff of Sir, but every single other restaurant in Los Angeles and Hollywood and West Hollywood has super hot waiters and waitresses. So honestly, you're nothing.

We could walk down to fucking Sunset and go to the Griddle for pancakes on a Saturday morning and those waiters and waitresses are fucking ten times hotter. Yeah. And they're slinging hash for breakfast. Well, let's talk about, before we really get into Stassi, let's rank the hotness of this group. Jack's number one. Jack's, you know what?

You know what's so strange? We talked about this a few weeks ago. A little weird in the face. He was, I know this sounds strange, but he was hotter like three years ago, and now he's had like a little bit too much sun damage. He's starting to age, and his face is starting to look like a dog. A little like square jaw. Like his square jaw is nice, but he's starting to get like an old man face.

I feel like it's the sun damage. I agree with you. I think actually the ponytail guy is pretty hot. Right. I just, we didn't see a lot of him last night. We were more concerned with Joe and his flat iron. Oh, yeah. No, was it Joe's or Tom? Tom. Joe and his flat iron. Oh, yeah. No, was it Joe's or Tom?

Tom. Tom and the flat iron. Tom, you know, he technically is hot, but the fact that he was so obsessed about his hair, which is, again, another Hollywood thing. And, like, unfortunately, these shows really hit too close to home. Literally too close to home. I know. They're probably our neighbors, too.

But, by the way, they kind of lived in a dump. They think that they are glamorous, and they live in a dump. Yeah. They lived, actually, in a very standard apartment, you know. Tom, I mean, I don't say it's nice, but I'm just like, that's pretty much the... I thought are glamorous and they live in a dump. Yeah, they lived actually in a very standard apartment. You know, Tom, I mean, I don't say it's nice, but I'm just like, that's pretty much the... I thought Waiter's and Munch's

made a lot of money. I thought it was refreshing that they weren't in like some faux nice digs like in the hills. You know, they were in like a standard place that'd be on like Gardner.

They really lived in their apartment. Lisa was not staging like a fake real world house for them. But he sat there and he called his girlfriend, Babe, about 10 different times. His girlfriend

I thought was the hottest. I thought she also was the most normal of the group. She's a super bitch too. You can't put all the bitch on Stassi. I can put most of it on Stassi. You can. So I love that someone made a comment on our Facebook page that Stassi is also the name of the secret police in Germany, which I think is very appropriate

because Stassi is as awful as that. And by the way, Stassi is not hot. I'm going to say that. She dresses hot and she acts hot, which goes a long way, but if you actually look at her, she's not only not hot, but I'm sorry to offend people in the audience, she is fat ready. She is primed for fatness.

You can tell. She is about to. She's holding it in. She's holding it in and she's going to blow up. She's about three calzones away from mid-western fat Roseanne trash. She's holding it in and she's going to blow up. She's about three calzones away from Midwestern fat Roseanne trash. She is heading to cafes very soon. Oh, we got some egg salad prep, Tommy. Honestly, just look at her face. She actually has an older face.

And her teeth are not great. She has the face of a... She's also one of those women that definitely, a young woman that has a very thick blonde mustache and beard. Yes. And she honestly has the face of a mid-40s character actress who'd be doing a commercial for insurance. Maybe Heather Dubrow. Don't even insult Heather Dubrow.

Okay, how dare I? I love when we get super catty like this. But I'm sorry, Stassi's a bitch, and when you're a bitch like that, you're gonna get the bitches. Exactly, and the other thing is, it's like she already is not super hot, and then her attitude makes her fucking vile,

and then I'm like, why is Jack sticking his penis in her? And then she thing is, it's like, she already is not super hot, and then her attitude makes her fucking vile. And then I'm like, why is Jack sticking his penis in her? And then she says that, um, that, like, she's the lineage of, uh, some Swedish princess. That's bullshit. Or maybe if she was the lineage, you know, the fact that it's so murky is because she was clearly kicked out of the kingdom. Because no one liked her. Well, and shut the fuck up and go to Shut Up Mountain, bitch, because the only... Yeah, she needs to go to Shut Up Mountain.

The only royalty on Bravo is Countess Luann Dilla fucking seps, bitch. Well, Carol Radziwill, too. Thank God. Then she had this whole thing about she merely hated Sheena or Shaina, whatever her stupid name is, because she slept with Eddie.

She slept with Eddie. And she's like, I went to an all-girls school in New Orleans and I would not surround myself with that. I'm like, listen, I don't want to be snobby to New Orleans, okay? So people, just brace yourself. You know I'm already doing this. Brace yourself, bitches, because it's not the East Coast. Yeah.

I'm sorry. If you're going to be saying I went to an all-girls school, if you are not saying like Smith or Wellesley or Bryn Mawr. Then you're not impressing us. Then you're not impressing us. I'm sorry. You went to an all-girls school in the fucking bayou. Yeah, like, congratulations. It's probably a penitentiary.

Right. It's probably a penitentiary where you took off your top and somebody threw beads on you. Yeah. Let's call a space date. Don't get it twisted, Stassi. Don't get it twisted, Stassi. Yeah, what sort of princess, like, what sort of princess descendant is working at Sur? You know, you should be dining at Sur.

Um, by the way, I've eaten at Sur. The food is mediocre at best. The waitstaff is terrible. And I don't understand how the fuck this place is still in business. Waitstaff really is terrible. Because they're all the, like... This would be a perfect transition to Shots of Sunset. To Shots of Sunset.

That's typically the crowd. It was the crowd. No, because it's people who think it's fancy. People who don't know any better. I love how snobby I'm being on this podcast. Come on, let's just be real. Do people from Orange County drive up and think, oh, this is a fun place to go? I'm like, Lily, like, I'm so glad you can be real right now.

No, but for real, I mean, it's a restaurant where people who don't know what a really nice restaurant is, like, honestly, Spago, would go there and think oh wow it's like tuna tartare but it's in a taco tuna tartare is so 2006 I'm sorry no me too but that was on every menu in 2006 it's not fancy now

and guess what they still serve that shit at Villa Blanca too and I'm like really I will say this when I went to sir did half the people just turn our podcast off because they're like, they're bitching about tuna tartare? They're like, where's Ronnie? How 2006 is tuna tartare? Where's Ronnie?

Where's Ronnie to come in and break it down? Oh my God. No, but for real though, I went to Sir and I liked my food. I thought it was good, but it was not a high-end experience. It was faux high-end. I had salmon and it was fine and it was definitely overpriced. Luckily, I was on a date and he paid. Oh, that's good.

Yeah. Although, I wonder which date to take he paid. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Although, I wonder which date takes someone to sir. Ooh. Well, maybe that's why I'm not with him anymore. Oh. Oh. Well done to the sexy, unique restaurant. We actually asked people on Facebook.

I'm going to go to Facebook right now. And we said, this was me, actually. I posted this because I was so inferior by the show. The reason why I'm so mad is because it's really vapid people. And there was no interesting narrative arc and and to be honest

it was no Gallery Girls just say it then and you know what and you know why it wasn't you know Gallery Girls was a show about like feuding girls also but it made sense

because it was like girls from the Upper East Side girls from Brooklyn and they were really trying to make it these people keep saying that they want to be models, actors, musicians

they want to be famous they actually all literally said they want to be famous. Some of them said, I want to sing. Sheena was with a ridiculous song. But none of them really said that they had a skill set. They just said, I want to be famous. Yeah, they just said they wanted to be famous. And it was so empty.

And the show wasn't a commentary on that. If the show was a commentary on that, that would be sort of cool. But it was just people who had nothing going on their lives at least they're all sleeping with each other and it really to me i was just sitting there going like lisa wants us to take her seriously as a businesswoman isn't this like shitting all over her reputation oh it's awful so um so we so i asked last night on facebook i said quote i would rather blank than watch another episode of Vanderpump Rules fill in the blank. So we actually had a lot of responses.

And you guys are fucking hilarious. So Sparkles Kiki Manning said she would rather bang Eddie and Leanne with a side of Le Man. HW in New York. I kind of agree with Sparkles. Primarily because her name is Sparkles. Yeah. Beth said she would rather eat tubs of egg salad at Cafes

Beth, I'm sorry, but eating tubs of egg salad at Cafes is a treat and a pleasure by the way, that one got 16 likes so it's up there I think that was the one that people liked the most I like Stacy's I like Stacy's

where she says she would rather be a chair that Camille sharts on. Does Camille even have a butthole? I don't know. I didn't know that. Was Camille known for sharting on things? I don't know. Either way, no one wants to be a chair that anyone sharts on. Especially Camille.

Especially Camille. Oh, wait. Camille does shart because she has IBS. Oh. She would be a very sloppy shart. It would be a bad one. Linzer Tart says she would rather listen to an audiobook of Fifty Shades read by Mario and Ramona Singer.

That makes me ill on many levels. Let's see. Michael Cook said he would rather watch Ramona Singer put lotion on her husband again. Adam Day says he would rather let Faye Resnick decorate his house than watch this show. Let's see. Cindy C says she would rather let Faye Resnick decorate his house than watch this show. Let's see. Cindy C. says she would rather wear a shoe by Sheree.

Robert Pesta said he'd rather hang out with Kenya. What about a half my teeth cleaned by Dr. Karent Sierra DDS and listen to her talk about Rodolfo's infidelity while the sound of suction fills the void around me? Thank you, Kevin O'Connell. That's amazing. That was great. Oh, Kathy Testa says she would rather mix chicken salad with my hands while listening to

Kim and Kim sing a duet. I love me some Kathy because clearly she understands the fucked upness that I cannot get the thought of Kim Richards and her dinosaur claws sifting through that salad. It freaks me out. Derek Hazleton said that instead of watching Vanderpump Rules

he would rather have Sonia Morgan demonstrate how sexy her J is. Nothing could be better than a sexy J. Oh, Lena. Lena is very similar to one we heard before. She would rather shave her face like a face and have Lauren Manzo give her egg salad facial. Remind me to talk

about, didn't one of them shave her shave his face on the show? He shaved his forehead. Oh yeah, Tom shaved his forehead. What is that? I mean, I have the issue. I think you think lessons from Caroline Manzo. Oh my god, it's true. He learned it by watching Caroline. I know. Let's see. Edward

Mitchum says he'd rather watch Danielle Staub's sex tape with her square tits. Wait, wait, wait. The best one, one of my favorites is from Taylor Hawken. Lose control of my bladder like a proud Meeloo. Anybody that brings up Meeloo, we love you. Lose control in a very proud way. Oh my god, Liz Moran, let George give me a squirting O.

George being, um, what's that horrible woman's name? George Aviva Drescher. Aviva's gross father. I would rather, Catherine Edmonds would rather hang out with Luanne and a group of Italians.

That's a good thing. That sounds fun. I don't know. Oh wait, Stephanie Moreno-Gill said, instead of watching Vanderpump Rules, she would rather

date Big Papa and then rebound with Walter hoping to snag a husband. Sidebar, Walter is a homosexual, allegedly. Paula Jones said she would rather take etiquette classes from Marlo. Colleen, though, this is big on Colleen.

She would rather bang Joe Giudice. That's a lot, Colleen. That's not even funny. Colleen, that's not even funny. I actually have, I'm concerned right now. Music gets her a dark place. We might have to have an intervention with you, Colleen. Yeah.

Ooh, Sarah Levine said she would rather smell Kim Zolciak's wigs after she performed at the White Party. You don't want to do that, Sarah. I promise you. I promise you. Amber, we'll leave on this one because this is like a scary, scary thought. Have Faye as a permanent housewife. Do you really want Faye

as a permanent housewife? Yes. I do too because she's morally corrupt. She's morally corrupt and we hate her and anybody that can bring more hate to Kyle, I'm all for it. She's a chick with a dick

as Brandy says. Oh, that was enough. Go Brandy. We love you, Brandy. Let me see if there's anything else that I want to talk about with Vanderpump Rules. No, I think it was just that

like I just really thought it was really vapid and we have a lot of these shows that come from Bravo, these young, vapid people but what annoyed me about this one was the way I think Bravo handed it to us

as if we were just gonna lap it all up. And you know what? I reject it. I reject it. We're gonna watch it, but we reject it. It was so annoying.

It was so annoying. It needed to be half an hour. At the very least, make it half an hour. Oh my God, I know. Those was half an hour. It made me miss, dare I say,

Miami Social, which was a piece of trash. Yeah. And it made me really miss, what was that show in Dallas? Dallas. Most Eligible Dallas. I love Most Eligible Dallas. They're just, it made me miss Misadvised.

Made me miss Silicon Valley, Startups of Silicon Valley. I just clutched my pearls for all of you at home listening. It happens once a week and it's happening right now. Yeah. He's clutching them and he really is wearing pearls. I am. Don't you like them? Wait, so why clutching them and he really is wearing pearls. I am. Don't you like them? Wait, so why don't we just move on?

We could talk about Atlanta. Is there anything? Here's the thing. Atlanta sucks. Atlanta sucks. Ronnie is not on this podcast right now and Ronnie would beg to differ. But because he's not here, we're going to get real with you right now. Ben and I think Atlanta has been a complete snooze fest this season.

Look, there is no doubt in our minds that Portia is funny. Love Portia. And she has dumb things to say which we adore. It is not enough to fill the void of Shibai Shirei being gone, Kim's disappearance, and the lack of true cat fighting. There's no chemistry. Marlo is not there to even stir the pot.

I'm missing Marlo. That is fucked up. Because Kenya is so annoying. You know, there have been some moments this season, and you know, Kenya's Gone with the Wind Fabulous was actually an instant classic moment. It was amazing. That was great. I'm missing Marlo. That is fucked up. Because Kenya is so annoying. You know, there have been some moments this season, and you know, Kenya's Gone with the Wind Fabulous was actually an instant classic moment. It was amazing. That was great. I'm not going to take that away from her. A gift for the ages. But Kenya is just so awful, and anytime I feel like a shred of sympathy

for her, she does something like say, oh my god, you guys, like, today someone thought I was Beyonce. And like, people just always think I'm Beyonce. Okay, she is 18 years older than Beyonce, so, um, first of all, she looks great for her age. I'm not. And, like, people just always think I'm Beyonce. Okay, she is 18 years older than Beyonce. So, first of all, she looks great for her age. I'm not denying that. But just own that you're in your, like, upper 40s.

And that you look nothing like Beyonce. And that you look nothing. More importantly, own that you look nothing like Beyonce. Or Solange. I know that you tried to shift that to, or maybe Solange. No, no, no, no. No, she didn't. Portia Jo saying that she looked like Solange.

But Portia was the one who no, no, no. No, she didn't. Portia Jo saying that she looked like Solange. But Portia was the one who said like, she's like, you know, like, I'm sorry, you did not look anything like Kenya. Like, if anything,

like, I'm sorry what these guys are telling you to get into your pants. And that's exactly right. People were just saying it to her to get into her pants. It's true. And guess who doesn't

want to get into her pants? Walter. Is Walter gay or does he just think she's crazy and he doesn't want to stick it in her and make a baby

because then he's going to be trapped with this bitch for the rest of time? Is it possible that he just think she's crazy and he doesn't want to stick it in her and make a baby because then he's going to be trapped with this bitch for the rest of time is it possible that he just has good taste because Kenya's crazy

okay check yourself before you wreck yourself the man wore white Gucci high tops fishing does he have good taste check that

no and no one on this show has good taste thank you not even Portia with her decorations from Ashley Furniture oh my god.

But look, I think Walter, I don't get a gay vibe. I get an in-over-his-head vibe. And he's just like, I think he's a pussy. I think he's a huge pussy. And she dumped him, I think. But then, of course, he then told the press that he was paid the entire time. Right, that he was paid to play her boyfriend. And that, you know, made a storyline for her to have her on the show, but you know what? I really don't fucking care. Kenya can do

much better, and she should have locked it down with one of those, like, football players that I'm sure she dated while she had the chance. She wants to have a baby, so just go have a baby with a football player, and stop hanging around with Walter the tow truck driver. He is so boring. She is so boring. The only one that is trying to do anything is Miss NeNe Leakes, who is a grandma, by the way, if you didn't know. Yeah, grandma. Bryce's baby's name is Bree- Bree-Asia.

Apostrophe Asia. Bree-Asia. And I don't even understand that. Is it like his baby mama's name Asia or something? It's like Bree-Asia? I don't care to know. It sounds like Bree-Che cheese that came from Asia. I would rather just eat brie and not

watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta. What name is worse? Brielle or Brie-Asia? Brie-Asia! Are you kidding me? Anyway, you guys, Nini was packing up her Louis Vuitton. She and Greg are back on this week. We didn't do a little gossip section at the beginning of the show, but Nini and Greg are back on. They have

rekindled their romance and they're going to get married again. But do any of us care about NeNe moving to LA? No. No one cares. No one cares and no one cares about Greg and no one cares about, well, Brent is very nice, but no one cares about Brent. We love Brent. No one cares about Bryshon. No one cares about

Breesia. No one cares about anything going on in the NeNe Leakes household. Do we not care what's going on with NeNe Leakes household. Do we not care what's going on with NeNe Leakes because she was such a horrible monster bitch last season that we are not getting,

you know, we're not letting her off the hook? I think that's part of it. I think so. I think she's actually been a lot better this season but I just don't care

about her anymore. She's jumped the shark for me. I just, I can't let NeNe back in. Okay, so I actually watched the new normal. I think it's okay. I do not think it is

the best new show, you know, the best new sitcom of the year, but I'm watching it. I kind of have some issues with Ryan Murphy, some stuff I love, some stuff I hate. That show is not doing well in the ratings. I do not know that NBC is going to give it a second season pickup. If that show goes away, does NeNe move on to another Ryan Murphy project, or does she

just slum it back and become a full-time cast member of The Real Housewives of Atlanta and have nothing else to do? Uh, you can read all my thoughts about this in the, in my new column in the magazine

Who the Fuck Cares Quarterly. Okay? Because I don't give a shit what happens in any of his career. If her show tanks, I, I just, I can,

I just don't care. Do you know what? Do you know what? As a result, I'm gonna say something crazy right now. I think ATL needs a fucking full-on redo. I think they need to fire everybody and they need to start fresh.

Atlanta has a lot of other crazy people. Keep Candy and Phaedra. I don't even know about that. Candy and her man, I'm happy for them. I love me some Candy. I am bored. Yeah. No, they're boring, but I don't know.

I think they should be the holdovers and get rid of a clean house with everyone else. And I think that Nene... And here's the crazy thing, though, Ben. Atlanta had their highest ratings like ever. I know. I don't know why. I have no idea why. It's not good.

Listen, here's the only way that Nene can get back into my heart. Is if she shows up on like a Celebrity Apprentice again. Because I love Nene on that. Ooh, fighting with Star Jones was primo. Yeah, that's where I like Nini. That's where I like Nini. But right now on Atlanta, it's just, it's boring. Can we, like, move on to Shazza Sunset?

Let's move on. Let's move on to Shazza Sunset. Shazza Sunset is so much better. I'm obsessed with Shazza. Wait, stop. Wait, you want to go back to Mijams? Yeah. We almost, that was my fault.

I railroaded. You jumped to India. I went to Atlanta. We were supposed to go to Miami. Okay, before we pop back to Los Angeles, Tarangulas, excuse me, we'll take a southern swing and go down to Miami for the second part of the Miami Housewives reunion, which was spectacular. You know, I absolutely loved both of these reunions episodes. I was like hanging on every word.

I loved every fight. You know, sometimes the fights on other reunions feel boring. They feel just like, oh, shut up already. But this one, I felt like, ooh, I loved every second of it. What a great season. Miami is putting Atlanta to shame

and it is right up there with Beverly Hills, if not better. I think it was better. This is the season that should have come out of the gate originally. It's a shame that it didn't

because this was a fantastic season. And I have no idea what's crawled up Anna's butt. Anna has become she needs to go to Shut Up Mountain. She has become such a bitch. And I had a dream the other night that I was, that my mom was on the cast of Real Housewives of Miami. Wait, I thought your mom was going to be on the Working Women of Westchester. No, no, no. My mom was never

going to be on that. My mom just told me about that. But my mom was on the cast and i remember he was sitting in the reunion the reader was about to start and i told my mom i was like mom what are you doing here don't you know that like everyone's gonna be saying like really nasty things about you like why are you doing this mom and i was like huh what and then the reunion started and then like did anna attack her and i tried to attack my mom and i cut to my mom and my mom was asleep asleep on the couch the couch, being like, huh?

I thought you were going to be Rosie in the background, and you were going to run out and stab Anna. Oh, Anna. Listen, so the gossip that someone posted, I think maybe Michael Cook, I'm not sure, on our Facebook page, was that Leah in one of her blogs actually called Anna's daughter socially awkward. Right. And that's why Anna was fired up.

And I guess Anna's ex this guy that the guy with the greasy hair wrote I guess he was a whole thing Caroline in the city yeah yeah Dell from Carolina yeah exactly he he wrote this whole thing on some site and he broke it down I read it yeah I read it too and I'm trying to remember but basically the gist is that Anna was they both were furious that Leah was saying these things that's what Anna was coming out or an Anna was trying to debunk Leah's charities and had a whole binder of paperwork. Which did not make itself appear from behind a pillow like we've seen on other Housewives reunions.

Oh, I love that. However, you know, we haven't watched the lost footage, which is airing tonight. So we'll talk about that next week. We really hope this binder is surfaced. However, we still fucking hate Anna regardless and no matter what paperwork she surfaces, we are Team Leah Black forever. Yeah, because even if she had an issue

with what Leah said about her daughters, how about Anna, instead of just like being like passive aggressive and snotty and taking really like saying nasty things, just say listen. Don't call her old. Well, or just say this like, Leah, you know what, I have some real issues with you because you said this about my daughters and I didn't think that was very fair. Why don't you do that? Well, just say this. Like, Leah, you know what? I have some real issues with you because you said this about my daughters, and I didn't think that was very fair.

Why don't you do that? Instead of just being a stupid bitch and starting these fights. Ugh. Anna, I could not believe how much Anna dropped. She was... She was the best. Not one of the best, but she was, like, the one that everyone considered smart and nice. And she proved that the cameras did not pick up how she truly is, which is an awful, horrible

person with a stick up her ass. Yeah, and then we had Alexia. Alexia came on. Okay, so when Alexia came on, I... Oh my... First of all, what was she wearing? Boobs. It was boobs. Boobs and black lace. Where was this Alexia last season? You know, last season she was like just this nice, boring woman. This time, this season she's been like a fiery

Latina and her boobs are blue. But then, she wasn't even a full-time cast member this season. I will say this. You know, we've seen a lot of housewives be, you know, bumped back. Like, Camille is now friend of housewives. Alexia, guaranteed full-time housewife season three. Because she had to wait for her son. And you know what? I think she's a good mother.

I do too. I think that one of her sons likes to beat up homeless people and that he loves homeless people. He loves homeless people, though. He loves homeless people. He was just acting out. That's just all he was doing. That's it, really. I loved when Andy, so when Alexia first showed up, and we posted a photo of this on the Facebook page.

Talk about it. I love it. So Andy said, okay, everyone, like, now I want to welcome back Alexia. Hey, Alexia. And they cut to the wide shot. And you just see over Alexia's face just a giant, like, TV-14 bubble. And all these are boobs. Boobs and a bubble. Boobs and legs.

That was perfect. That was... I cracked up. Well, they are bubble heads with boobs, so it worked out. Yeah, I mean, who needs a face? Um, Alexia... She went after Dr. Karent Sierra DDS hardcore. Oh, she always... She just loves going after her. And Alexia's favorite

line is like, okay, I let you talk, now I get to talk, okay? This is not a two-way dialogue, okay? You spoke, now I speak, okay? Okay, okay? You're not saying it with enough oomph. She screams it and she loves a pointed finger.

I know. If Ronnie were here, he could do it. I'm just doing a half-baked Ronnie impersonation. You know, I'm a little upset that you didn't even try one candy burris

when we talked about Atlanta. Okay, should I do... Just give me five seconds of a candy burris. Well, R, Riley doesn't like it when I bring people. Riley, you like it when I bring people around.

You know, Riley, what, you want me to bring people around and they go away and you don't like them? What's the point of that, Riley? I feel like I'm getting closer. A little closer. We have probably seven more episodes of'm getting closer. You're getting there. A little closer. We have probably seven more episodes of ATL, so you're getting there.

Riley? Riley. Riley. See, why would I bring anyone around? See, why would I bring anyone around, Riley? She always goes up and high. I'm trying to work it out right now. Now I'm like in a workshop right now.

It's a fraggle. I'm workshopping the voice. I like it. I like it. You know what? We should probably open up like a Housewives workshop here in Los Angeles. It's not even part of the voice. I like it. I like it. You know what? We should probably open up, like, a Housewives workshop here in Los Angeles. It's not even part of the voice. Honestly, I really cannot.

There are only a few voices I can do, I feel like, with authority. It's Reza. Thomas. Thomas. You can do Leah. I can do Leah. Leah's an easy one. And Martin Lawrence Ballard.

And I can do, I can sort of do What's Your Face, Lily. Those are my wheelhouse, you know? And I tried to do the other ones, but I know. Everyone, I know. I know. Ronnie does them much better. I'm aware. I'm aware of this.

Are you guys still listening out there, by the way? I know. If you are, you are listening to Watch What Crappens, the best podcast on the interwebs. And you need to follow us on Facebook, backslash Watch What Crappens. Follow us on Twitter, at What Crappens. And leave us a goddamn positive review with five stars on iTunes. Okay, back to the action.

Okay, so Alexia was on. She was hilarious. She claimed that her son loved homeless people, which I do think Alexia's a good mom. I don't think her son loves homeless people.

I think her son, he's a pothead. Let's face it. That guy, for season one of Miami, he was gorgeous. He should have had a modeling career by now.

And the fact that he's not modeling shows that he's a lost soul. Well, he's probably going to be in jail. Yeah, for punching homeless people. I do feel really bad, though. I mean, Alexia did go through a lot of shit. She was a good mom.

I love Alexia. She stepped away from the limelight in order to take care of her son. She is a good mom in that sense. Look, teenagers can be bad. They can, you know, especially if they have money. They go out into the world. A lot of bad influences are out there it's not all her fault i am not letting her son off the hook what he did is heinous but i'm not gonna say that she's a bad mom all right and then uh speaking of mothers elsa also came on to the pod i'm to be uh not i wish on the podcast onto

the reunion how amazing was it that andy pulled her to the front of the couch and made everybody fucking shift it down? Deservedly. You know, Elsa called everyone out. You know, she called out Joanna for saying something and then was calling her a whore or a devil. She called the devil is worse than a prostitute. Yeah, that was great. And then the best part is Karen was saying something and... The best line.

I'm not talking to you, number three. I literally lizzed my pants. That was amazing. something and elsa goes i'm not talking to you number three i literally liz my face that was astounding and then also i bet you that elsa doesn't even really fucking know her name i'm not even kidding you she called it number three um and then she told andy that you can either have good looks or you can be smart but you can't be both and she's not looking for a man yeah and andy was like had that smile on his face like he sort of wasn't realizing it was kind of a diss

kind of a diss Andy then the thing that also made me sick Karent yeah then was kissing Andy's ass and was like

oh Andy but you are both but you're both Andy shut up shut up Dr. Karent fucking shut up Mountain you fucking fake dentist was there anything

I feel like Marisol I don't know there I feel like Marisol. I don't know. There was more than Marisol. There was some more Rodolfo stuff. There was some more stuff about, you know, the texting between Anna

and Rodolfo there. And you know what? Nobody really cares because everybody knew that Rodolfo was sleeping with everybody. At the end of the day, we hate Anna.

We still love Leah. I thought Leah, I thought Leah defended herself very well. She kept on saying it was character assassination. She stood up a lot. everybody at the end of the day we hate anna we still love leah i thought leah i thought leah defended herself very well she kept on saying it was character assassination she stood up a lot she squawked like a chicken i love when she's like how fun is that but don't you see her when she does it like she's pumping her chest out and she's like i know she really is a chicken she's like a rooster she's like going for that you know what i'm gonna do with these allegations i'm gonna tear them down and i don't blame her. Yeah.

No, and then, and I like what she said at the end. Oh, wait. You didn't, Anna said you got to where you were because of laying on your back. That's how you made your money and you sold cosmetics out of like the trunk of your car. Yeah. Shut the fuck up, bitch. I don't see what's wrong with any of that. You pretend that you're a fucking cook and a lawyer. You can't even keep your fucking man.

I don't see what's wrong with anything that Anna's, anything that Anna's saying is wrong. Like, it's just, it's bullshit. I always think it's funny on these shows, like, for instance, when the women get on there and say, oh, well, they just, that person just wants attention. They just want to, they just want to be on TV. Like, what the fuck do all you guys think you're doing, you know? Um, so there's all

tons of hypocrisy. They're reality stars. I think Leah's the only one who keeps it real, to be honest. And Adriana. Well, Adriana's... I love Adriana, but I'm concerned because I love Adriana and Leah as a combo. Adriana hates the fact

that Karen and Leah are okay now. Like, it's bugging the shit out of Adriana. But Leah says, look, we're not like close friends. She's just like,

I'm fine with her, you know? Well, she felt like she was bullied. And Leah was like, the amount of shit that Karen had to deal with from these other women was ridiculous. Was kind of fucked up. Yeah, just like, I'm fine with her, you know? She felt like she was bullied. And Leah was like, the amount of shit that Karen had to deal with from these other women was ridiculous.

It was kind of fucked up. Yeah, I mean, it was. I mean, it was really funny when they were supposed to have like the peace meal at like Alexia's house and they all get there and it's supposed to be

where everyone comes to terms and it became like just everyone's talking about everything they hate about Karen and then when Karen tried to defend herself, that's when Alexia was like, no, no,

you don't get to talk. You think this is a conversation a conversation no we're telling you what's wrong we're telling you okay from wondry this is black history for real i'm francesca ramsey and i'm consciously what do most people think about when they hear the words black history rosa parks reconstruction mlk february black history exactly exactly there are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about especially outside of february and we are about to flip the script on all of that because on this show you're gonna hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some.

As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th. Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world.

Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge

all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Who's coming back for the next season? Is anybody gone? Are they going to keep it exactly the same? I feel like is Anna in jeopardy? Is Corrine in jeopardy? Is Lisa Hochstein in jeopardy?

Because if she can't have a baby, who cares? Yeah, I feel like... I sounded a little bit like Leah unintentionally right there. These women are ruthless! Um, I would say... Part of me is like, don't rock the boat, it's fucking great. I can almost see Marisol being a friend of that.

I can see Marisol getting a much, because she doesn't do much. Even though she's in this fight, she doesn't do much. Andy and the whole executive staff at Bravo is too smart to let Mama Elsa go. But I think they could still get Mama Elsa. Maybe Lisa could be a friend of... Maybe.

I don't know. It's a big cast. I have a hard time imagining adding anyone onto it. But you never know. You never know. Crazy things happen. They got rid of Sheree. That is true. R.I.P. Sheree. Okay, we already talked about Atlanta because it sucks. Let's move on to the Shaz of Sunset, which is secretly my favorite show on fucking tv shaz is great big deal this week there was actually a few things that

were happening my favorite part which i will tell you i felt so awkward watching this and my skin was crawling reza had a breakfast little brunch asa mj mike came over reza and asa who are the tag team right now which i'm sure will change in a few weeks, they told Mike, if you want us to go to Cabo on this vacation, you have to uninvite Gigi. And he did it on the fucking speakerphone. It was shocking. I thought it was actually a bitch move of them to do that. Why can't they just be adults and just be fine? Because Reza is a 38-year-old adult.

He's not an adult. He's a 38-year-old child trapped in a horny teenage gay body's a 38-year-old child trapped in a horny teenage gay body. He is. No, he's not in a horny teenage gay body. He's in a horny adult body that's not hot enough. He's a horny teenager stuck in a middle-aged man Persian body. Oh, okay. He does not have a teenager's body.

No, he does not. No, I thought that was actually pretty vile. I mean, I'm not giving Gigi anything here. Like, Gigi is a mess. She is terrible. And I wish the best for Gigi's extensions. But that being said, it was a bitch move. Just go and don't be in her face or whatever.

Well, it's also, you know, like, Reza can say what he wants to say, but he seems like more of an asshole because Gigi was the one that kind of got up in Asa's grill and was like, I'm taking out my door knocker earrings. I'm going to fight you. She was never going to hurt Reza. But Reza is the one that is making this shit go down. Reza is doing all sorts of teenage girl things this year. You know, he had that thing, that past aggressive moment with MJ.

He brought Mikey in. He pushed MJ out. He's licking armpits. He's like, he honestly is acting like a 17-year-old girl. It's pretty, it's pretty vile, actually. He is vile. He's funny, but it's vile. Maybe he should hang out with Stassi.

That should be his next BFF. He probably does hang out with her. He probably goes to Sir. Like we said, it's the Shazza Sunset Crowd. It is. But I will say this. You know, for all of the shit that Reza does, I still love Asa. She is my favorite part of this show.

And I love, we'll get there in a second. The final dinner party in Cabo kind of got fucked up. Asa really, as deluded as this woman is, as much as she thinks she's going to make money off of her music, she actually, she might roll around in some spirit rocks with, you know, Mary Saul and Elsa. She has her

shit calmed down, especially when MJ and Gigi get up in her grill. She is calm of mind, but she She's not calm of fashion. She is calm of mind, but she... She's not calm of fashion. She's become a little bit of an asshole this season. Really? I mean, I still like her.

I think she's a good person. I think she has good intentions, and she wants the best of people. I do think she's sincere in that. She's obviously deluded, but she's a little bit of an asshole, because, okay, if we're going to fast forward to that dinner party,

MJ was actually sharing. She really was. And I do think that Asa and Reza were acting like dicksters. Like, when Reza was like, oh my god, this is so serious right now. Let's lighten it up a little bit. Like, I thought, you know what? He knows MJ and he probably should know that this was difficult for her. This is a big deal for her.

So are you saying that the way she put what she did, she essentially was like, to my friends and my acquaintances. Well, that's a different issue. Okay, well let me ask you. So she was saying, you know, essentially Lily, you are an acquaintance, you're not a friend. It kind of came across bitchy. It was cutting. However, you know,

how dare I say this, but I kind of agreed with Sammy. Me too. She was trying, I mean, the fact that she was willing to share this even in front of an acquaintance was trying to bring Lily into her inner circle. I agree. And I think, I think that like, I agree with that 100%. I think that Sammy was right. I think she was trying to reach

out. I think it was backhanded to say acquaintance instead of like friends and newer friends. She was a newer friend. There was a nicer way to say it. Exactly. It was very much her mom to say acquaintance. And Lily, though, I mean, Lily was right, but she also should have maybe just held

her tongue. But Reza, who knows her the best, who knows Merced the most, he should have respected the fact that she was trying to actually share. And he and Asa were just being total assholes. And I thought it was

assholes to not... They put Mike on the spot regarding Gigi and everything. Do you think that Asa was also an asshole for not showing up to the snacks with Gigi and Merced to discuss the issues? I think she was an asshole. I mean, they were expecting her. She didn't have to show up.

They were expecting her. No, no, no, no. I'm saying she didn't have to go to it in the grand scheme of things, but she shouldn't have said she was going to go and then make them wait an hour. She should have done that. That's like an asshole move. I'm sorry. Okay, that is an asshole move. I will not let her off the hook for that, but the funny thing is it's like, everybody for the past few weeks has been talking

about how much of a bitch Gigi is when she drinks. They were fucking guzzling wine with her. They were so embarrassed. When they were there at Nikki Beach and talking about how, like, oh my god, it's awful here, ugly people. I'm like, you guys think you're helping things here with MJ with her hideous bathing suit?

Oh, let's talk about Lily. I'm loving Lily. I think Lily is so on the money with almost all of her comments. Ben, what is going on? What is going through Mercedes, aka MJ's head, when she, does she have no fucking shame? That white bathing suit

that showed her gut hanging out, her ass cheeks flapping in the wind, and her breasts hanging out the side, and then she puts on even a skimpier red bathing suit. What is going on? And you can see when Lalit comes by, and she's like, she offers up a tunic.

She gave, by the way, she gave Asa a teeny weeny bikini. She gave MJ a fucking tarp. She gave her a tarp. But you know what though?

She was nice because MJ was like, oh, like you don't like my bathing suit. She's like, no, no. She's like,

no, it looks hot. It looks hot, but like, I don't know, like, maybe you should wear a different one yeah wear your

sexier bathing suit cause you never know what's gonna happen tomorrow what she's a brilliant woman oh yeah I actually think Lily is pretty smart

I like her too I think she's perceptive and I like what she thinks they're all trash which I love every time every time Lily is in an infestional

she goes these people are disgusting and then she puts a fake gun to her head and blows her head off which which I think is hilarious. And it's funny because Lily has those big ass fake titties, you know? Oh, yeah. But we're like, who cares?

But she's a lawyer. She's a lawyer. She is a lawyer. I think she's actually pretty smart. I really do. I definitely do, too. And my parents approve of her. Well, well, maybe you guys can.

But I think that, yeah, MJ, you know, in that suit, like, I know there's that perspective of, you know, good for her. She doesn't care. But man. Oh, man. Oh, in that suit, I know there's that perspective of, good for her. She doesn't care. But man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Did you not laugh out loud when, I think it was Sammy, was saying like, oh, there's sliders out.

MJ better get down here. Oh, my God. I was dying. Get down to the cabana. There's sliders moving on. I almost wondered if that was kept in for us. I was like, but there was part of me that was like, maybe someone on the show actually Some producer of this show listens to Watch What Crappens and is clearly taking notes,

and they're like, insert sliders wherever you can. Because. Maybe even overdub it. Because Call Back to the Hills, when I used to write Hills recaps on TVgasm, that was like, like, that was like the place, like, that was like the Hills recap place. People would go, and the editors, people, everyone on the show would actually read the recaps, and some of the editors told me off the record. Pepper a few things in. They peppered things in for the recaps.

Sliders! Now, if only the Real Housewives of New Jersey would pepper in some more egg salad eggs and cat face. Oh my goodness. No, but, um, yeah, I laughed out loud when he said that. Sliders with MJ. Were you surprised that Sammy came back? No.

Of course he's going to come around. He'll be a friend of the Shaws. Yeah, he'll be a friend of the Shaws. To be expected. He was wearing the same exact outfit he was last season. Exactly. Now there was, I'm trying to think about the other ridiculous things. We saw some sweaty penises on iPhones while we were driving from the airport to the hotel. I love

how also Mike at one point said like, he's like, white people, he's like, white people, you know, they're weird. You know, they wear like fuzzy hats and speedos. I'm like, listen, don't get a twisted mic. Right. Okay, so there was one dude there wearing a stupid fuzzy hat. Yes. White people

do strange things, but, um, if we're gonna, we're gonna call it out. I mean, like, did you see what you guys were doing there at Mickey Beach? Did you see MJ rolling around with, like, Reza putting a bottle of Vove between his legs and spraying her face with champagne like it was golden

semen from his, I wrote a note what do I call this thing? My doodoo tall. My doodoo tall. My golden penis. It's not a coincidence that after every place that this group goes to on this show, it closes down. They went to Wolf's Lair. I loved Wolf's Lair.

Closed. Closed. I know. I'm surprised that the Mii Resort hasn't been closed down. I'm surprised that Cabo hasn't closed. I'm surprised that drug traffickers haven't taken over Cabo and shut it down. Oh my goodness. And then I guess the other story is that... Wait, wait, wait. What about Mike showing off his junk and vomiting in the bathroom

and Asa and MJ wanted a front row seat? I actually thought that was oddly enough endearing because it looked very much like Friends. The way Asa and MJ wanted a front row seat. I actually thought that was oddly enough endearing because it looked very much like friends. Like the way Asa was laughing like a... They do seem like close friends. Unlike a lot of these housewives shows we watch. That's what I was just about to say. You know that so many of these women are put together in order to record

and we hear this so many times on reunions like we told you not to record with her because you're not really friends. These Shahs are friends. I actually, that's I think one of the best parts of this show is that you feel like it's a real, real friendships when MJ and Reza had, when they had their, they had their hugging, they got over their fight like last week and they were hugging and crying. You actually believe, you believe it.

And whereas if you see Kenya and Portia get into a fight, it's sort of funny, but it's like, it has, there's no resonance. There's no repercussions and we know that and therefore we're sort of funny but it's like it has there's no resonance there's no repercussions and we know that and therefore we're not as invested that's how I feel that's why like

with Beverly Hills it works because you feel like there's a real dynamic with the group especially with the sisters too yeah

and New Jersey when New Jersey's working it it's the same thing but like Shaz I think that's why Shaz works so well

and Gigi by the way Gigi and her sister I mean Gigi's extensions to me is like the most ridiculous entrepreneurial endeavor is mean is it more ridiculous than oh me pretending to be straight oh you know that's the most ridiculous thing i'm not gonna lie i think he's

hot as fuck i think he gets hotter and hotter oh my god maybe i think it's because maybe i think he's even so hot because he's because i know he's like he's got to be gay he's got to be gay none of us would have a problem writing that to can beak he's gorgeous his jawline is amazing even though his hair is ridiculous I don't care he does have a swagger I'm sorry he does

he has a swagger he is hot Omid does it for me don't get like even though I posted that photo of him on our Facebook page of him looking

super super gay don't get it wrong I think he's crazy hot we wanna ride that toucan Sam beak he is crazy crazy hot he is with Gigi however who is a moron who thinks that because she's in charge of marketing. I love how many times the words marketing and advertising were said during this episode.

Gigi is a fucking moron. She's the president of marketing. She's a 31-year-old who's never had a job in her life. How the fuck does she know what to do? And whose dumb idea was to have her be the face of these extensions? Have Lily be the face more than Gigi. Have Coconut be the face. Thank you. Gigi, okay, if you have her

be the face, she looks like a munchkin. She looks like a munchkin. Like a Chola munchkin. That's not the face. That's not the face of an extensions. You don't want a Chola munchkin. And the crappy award for best Chola munchkin goes to Gigi. By the way, did you Chola Munchkin goes to Gigi. By the way, did you enjoy the crappies?

It was amazing. I wish I was not coughing up a lung the entire time. You kind of were coughing up a lung. However, I have this feeling that next year, maybe next December, December 2013, we might have to do this live with an audience. I'm just putting it out there. I agree. And I wonder if people realized that in the beginning how I was the only one

who had the list of the nominees that you guys didn't. And then we're kind of winging it? Yeah. I mean, it was sort of alluded to that I had to

email it. Making up the nominees as we go? And you were just like dying. I wrote that. I was like, you were laughing so hard you sound like a bird.

I was crying my face off. I thought the whole show was hilarious. And I was really glad. And I loved also the part... Now we're just recapping our own bullshit. And people are still listening. But I love the part, and I loved also the part, now we're just recapping our own bullshit. And people are still listening.

But I love the part when, because a certain part, like, Ronnie, you know, his voice is the best, but at one point

he was going overboard and it was like taking forever to get through every category and we were both like, um, maybe,

I think you said, maybe not all the presenters come on stage for this. You're like, maybe. Move it on, move it along. I mean,

look, I get pissed when the Oscars roll over. Ours was going over. I thought, I thought, it was, I had so much fun doing that. I hope for the readers, um, I hope you guys liked it too. There was, actually, it was not a huge amount of, like, there were comments, there were comments, but not a huge, I thought there would be so

many comments. Me too. I think everybody pretty much agreed with us, though, which is a good thing. I hope so. Wait, you were supposed to post the winners. I was supposed to post the winners. You should do that, though. Okay, I'll still do that. Um, final notes on Shaw's. I was supposed to post the winners. Okay, I'll still do that. Final notes on Shaz. I love Gigi's sister, and I want her to cut Gigi's face. Oh my god.

Their dad is so... He's oblivious. He sides with Gigi. No, no, don't. Do not tell me to hold on. No, I do not. I don't hold on. I don't hold on.

They're like, hold on. Okay. Do old Persian men only drink yogurt drink? Docht? Whatever it's called? What the fuck? He, you know, he seems like such a nice guy. With his crazy ponytail.

It makes me wonder what their mom is like. Oh, who the fuck knows what's going on there. Because what happened? And like, because this guy is this sweet, lovely man. Quiet, calm, nice man. With a sketchy ponytail. What is going on there? The mom, you know that mom must be... We saw her last season. Quiet, calm, nice man. With a sketchy ponytail. What is going on? The mom, you know that mom must be.

We saw her last season. There was like an anniversary party, but there's got to be a dark side for her. Oh my goodness. I want to say one other thing about Shaz before we wrap up quickly with Million Dollar Decorators. At the dinner table in Cabo, MJ was kind of acting a little bit crazy,

even though we kind of understand where she was coming from, but Asa suggested that she was a pill popper it freaked MJ out she called her a skanky bitch you're vile lies, you're a fucking horrible person I mean MJ cursed her the fuck out the preview for next week it was the game night of Shazza Sansa

it was the game night Reza goes through MJ's pocketbook dumps it out, Mike is going you can't go through a woman's pocketbook. And he holds up a bottle. And what the fuck is it? Valium. MJ wants to say she's not...

Was it Valium? It was Valium. And MJ wants to say she's not a pill popper. And then Lily was like, you told me you took an Ambien before we got on the plane. And Reza's finding fucking Valium in your purse. Let me tell you right now, Valium is a lot more hardcore than Ambien.

Yeah, it's pretty hardcore. And doesn't she look like she's on drugs you know I actually feel really bad for MJ I feel like MJ is in a place where like you know she's got this horrific

mother her best friend now wants to do business with someone else she feels abandoned by her best friend and now she has like being outed for

she's probably on something prescribed I imagine no doubt and we're not knocking prescription drugs but she can't admit it. She probably doesn't want to air that much out of it.

And it's all getting aired. Dumping out her suit. Well, they're dumping out her purse next week, and we're going to find some Valium in there. But again, you know what? Another example, Reza being a 17 year old bitch. That is a high school girl bitch move.

It's really mean girls. They're actually being mean girls. Ben. Transition. Mean girls. Lindsay Lohan. Million dollar decorators. Well. So as some of you may know, Lindsay Lohan was on last week's penultimate episode, perhaps

forever, of Million Dollar Decorators. Catherine Ireland was her decorator. They were busy shopping for sofas at Christ's right down the street from Earth Cafe on Milrose. Again, in our hood. I was there today. Pure ridiculousness. Yeah, exactly. This hits really close to home.

So I, of course, love Million Dollar Decorators. And so Catherine, it was actually pretty uneventful, basically. It was also staged and bullshitty. And I love this show you and i are like obsessed with the show i don't think that anybody else like is obsessed yeah this past episode though felt incredibly staged to me the way that katherine was so like walking on eggshells for lindsey lohan first of all lindsey lohan cannot afford you people your real clients are people in bel air and malibu who are not famous that can fucking write you a real

check yeah exactly and really nothing happened with lindsey that episode but but the paparazzi scared her paparazzi scared her they scare her um oh we have to talk about this katherine goes over to her house they're doing like estimates they're looking around at different furniture she asked and this somebody on our posted this on our board and this exact same thing went through my head katherine goes do you think for your living room you would like an ottoman or a coffee table and and this somebody on our posted this on our board and this exact same thing went through my head Catherine goes do you think for your living room you would like an ottoman or a coffee table

and I'm like she needs a fucking glass top coffee table to do all that goddamn coke why do you think you can't do that on a tufted ottoman Ben why do you think

her bed was made of mirrors thank you she just gives her fond memories of snorting coke sniffing and snorting all around her she gets third coke at any angle

it doesn't have to be horizontal she needs to live in a glass house she needs to live she She needs to live in a glass house. She just needs to live in a big pile of cocaine. I'm sure she does. She does.

I will say this though. Lohan looked halfway decent on the episode. Her hair had clearly been blown out and she had been doing a juice cleanse for a week

because she didn't look puffy. Well, she didn't look as puffy. She still looks puffy. Her lips need to go down. Her lips were puffy. She needs to undo those lips. Can she do those?

I don't know. I think that she's crossed into Lisa Rinna, you know, Taylor Armstrong territory. Elsa. Oh, God. Elsa Patton territory. She, yeah, so then the big thing is that on tonight's episode, which has already aired on the East Coast, is that Lindsay gets into a car accident and Catherine Ireland has to go running and someone on the Facebook page was like,

yes, I know that when I get into a car accident, the first one I want there is my decorator. Pure ridiculousness. And I think that Bravo, we mentioned this a few weeks ago on the podcast, Bravo had to pull some shit together at the last minute because Lohan pulled out of doing the proper reveal. So I think that they're making up this car accident thing.

Look, we know Lindsay's had a lot of car troubles and speeding tickets and DUIs and all that shit throughout the years, but I think this was specifically made up in order to say she is not going to be at the reveal. Yeah, it has to be, because I still want to see how it turns out. Oh, there's no doubt. That's what I really tuned in for. The fucked up thing is, though, again, Lindsay does not own this house. She was renting this house, so I think it's kind of weird, like, how, you're putting all this effort into a rental? What's going on?

I know. Well, I'm actually also excited to see how my nose belongs to the tavern that Napoleon's wife owns in London. I'm excited to see how that turns out. It's quite a dangerous prospect. What was the name of, like, the city or the tavern or something? It's like Chestershire or something like that.

It sounded like he was saying Middle Earth. Yeah. But it wasn't Middle Earth. Well, what I just can't... I'm excited because the place did look cruddy, but I kind of thought it had a weird charm to it. Oh, it definitely did. And he's going to put like zebra print. He wants to make it a gay bar.

He's going to put a, he's going to put a big giant round zebra print ottoman in the middle of it. Cause he puts that in every room. He loves a zebra ottoman. There's a good, there's some elephants. I thought it needs to be sexy in here. I'm so sick of him talking about places need to be sexy. Same with Lisa Vanderpump

enough with sexy you people are too old to be saying sexy he probably designed her sir I'm sure he did because it totally has this

it's Marrakesh meets it's just it's sir it's very sexy it's a sexy unique restaurant that's everything

he does it's like well it's a rather dangerous prospect but in the danger is a certain sexiness that I just love oh my god

I was ready to hang myself with my ascot I haven't seen him I was sort of hoping I'd run into him at Fresh and Easy before it goes out of business before it goes out

well before Million Dollar Decorators one of them's gonna go out of business one of them both are probably going out of business what's gonna last longer Fresh and Easy or Million Dollar Decorators I don't know

it's kind of sad Million Dollar Decorators ratings are a little bit below what they were last season and that was already not so great so you guys it's an expensive show they're going to London they're going to India they're going to New York no they say that they're going well Martin clearly did travel but Mary McDonald a few weeks ago when they said she was in London or New York she was filming in downtown Los Angeles you're not fooling us but they still have to send a crew or get a crew out there. India is not cheap.

It's true. Unless it was paid for by whatever the King's Road, whatever magazine. One King's Lane. One King's Lane. But, um... Did anything happen with Jam,

by the way? Jeffrey Allen Marks and his creepy... Nothing happened with Jam. Oh, actually, you know what, though? I will say this. He designed a house in Nantucket and I love the way it turned out.

What was up with that creepy, icy, blonde woman who was clearly like, I am the Candace Olsen of Nantucket. She was such a step-fort wife. I mean, she seemed

sort of cool, but like, she seemed like she was making vegan cookies and she just... Notice how she didn't flinch when he came in

and was like, by the way, the budget's been tripled and she was like, really? Okay. I know. But you know what though, I thought that house looked great. And I have not loved's been tripled. And she was like, really? Okay. I know. But you know what, though?

I thought that house looked great. And I have not loved what Jam has done. And honestly, I find him to be generally boring and also sort of snotty. But he was like, oh, that's the whole thing. His big challenge was like, I have to make everything out of catalog. Let's go to West Elm and have a West Elm commercial. Yeah, but it was also like, he was like shocked. He goes to West Elm with a blue lollipop.

It looks disgusting. But he was like, at one point he was like, oh, this couch is like, he said something. He was like, can you believe it? And it's catalog. Like, congratulations. Welcome to a way to actually, you know, catalog is already actually pretty rarefied. Let's also say that if you look in the restoration hardware catalog, their couches are $14,000. Yeah, catalog is nothing to be turning your nose up at.

And honestly, I thought this was the best thing that he did all season. Me too, and I'm like, maybe you should fucking go to West Elm a little bit more. Yeah, I thought everything looked fantastic, and I liked the little individual things they picked out, but then we spent, what was it, $10,000 on a bench?

I'm sorry, I don't want to be this person that's like a boor that's like, oh, you call this art? But I don't see where the $10,000 came from. You could have gone to CB2 or Creighton Barrel and got something for a bench. I do not buy it. But I thought, though, the place looked fantastic. The place looked fantastic. Obviously, if you guys... Oh, except for one thing.

Sorry. In the TV room, he put down these two Ottomans that were a little garish, I thought. They were garish, yes. But he's a homosexual. Yeah, that's true. And I really don't like his attractive boyfriend. He pretends that he's a designer and he just stands around. He bosses people around.

He does one of those things... He's condescending. He does one of those things that we's condescending. He does one of those things that we've all seen people in workplace environments do. Someone who doesn't really have anything to do or no authority,

he talks in a very fussy way. And flails. And flails. So we gotta, he's like, we have to do this, we have to do this, we have to do this.

Okay, we really don't have a lot of time. He sort of announces things that are already. Like he's the project manager when he really doesn't have the design sense to back shit up.

He just likes to put pink everywhere. He likes to put pink everywhere and like brush his pretty Marsha Brady hair. Well, I'm excited for the season finale to see what happens with Lohan and to have Mary McDonald back. Exactly. We need Mary McDonald in every episode. We do not approve when she goes MIA. But next week we will be talking about The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. We'll have another episode.

We'll have another Vanderpump Rules as much as we are dreading it. Wait, here's the real reason why I hated Vanderpump Rules the most. So because of things I was doing on Sunday night, I didn't get to watch Downton Abbey. And I was busy all day yesterday, and I finally got to sit down. And it was like at 10 p.m. was when I started watching The Real Housewives. And the truth is, I hit my wall at midnight. I was just too tired. I could have been watching Downton Abbey

and instead I was watching Vanderpump Rules and I was so mad. You picked Vanderpump Rules over Downton Abbey. Well, for this podcast. Well, we have the podcast. That is true. I was livid. I could have been watching Downton Abbey.

Well, we will be watching Vanderpump Rules again. I hope that you guys that are listening are watching it. You have to ride the crazy shit train with us. We don't want to be the only ones watching it we will also be discussing the lost footage from Real Housewives of Miami the latest episodes

of Shaz in Atlanta and as Ben previously mentioned the finale possibly the series finale of Million Dollar Decorators with La Lohan herself how utterly disturbing

to think that this could be the last of Martin Lawrence Ballard on Bravo TV it will never well maybe it will be the finale of Martin Lawrence Ballard on Bravo TV. It will never, well, maybe it'll be the finale of Martin Lawrence Ballard on Bravo, but there is no doubt

that he and Catherine Ireland are getting a spin-off or something on TLC. Yes. They will be rescued. There is some saving grace there. Alright, let's wrap it up. Okay, guys, thank you for listening once again. We always have fun. We are sorry that Ronnie was not here to make you laugh and entertain you. Thanks for enduring us. Thank you for enduring us. We we went over an hour but hopefully we were good for your

jog your walk your drive into work uh follow us on twitter at watch excuse me at what crappens follow me at life on the m list follow ben at b-side blog follow ronnie at tvgasm leave us a comment leave us a nice rating on iTunes and join us on Facebook. We have a lot of fun. We're at facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens. Join the party. We need more followers. Subscribe on iTunes. Subscribe on Stitcher.

Whatever you need to do. Get in the mix. Have fun with us. We are interacting with you guys a lot more and we love everything that you post and we want more, more, more. Okay. Bye everyone. Bye guys. Just a minute When he plays piano In the dark behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza.

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