Watch What Crappens - #624 Vanderpump Rules: Call Me By Your Pasta

Episode Date: January 24, 2018

Vanderpump Rules keeps on firing on all cylinders this week for the Pride episode. James barely holds his spot in the closet, Billie Lee gives a speech, and Jax takes up raking. Enjoy! This w...eek's bonus was recorded from the Boston Logan Airport. To hear it,, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens ***Crappens Live is coming to NYC, Boston, Irvine, DC, Detroit and Houston! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends
Starting point is 00:00:27 That's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends You can also find us on social media on Twitter. We're at what crap ends on Instagram and Facebook at watch what crap ends We'll see you there I have cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cr Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors! Kristi, why were you dourty? Kelly, rawr, Barlow! Our kind of mess, saying? Just saying? Megan, you can't have a burger without the burger! And also our super premium sponsors!
Starting point is 00:01:18 Our lucky little grandtopper, Kelly Grants! And Lizzie Drucker, she's a fun mother f- We love you guys! Hello and welcome to the Watcherot Crappin's podcast! The podcast about all that crap we'd love to talk about on Gil Braves. I'm Ronny Karram from the Roseprix Bachelor podcast. And Trash Talk TV of course, and here I am with my gorgeous talented little bestie, Ben Mandelker of the B side
Starting point is 00:01:45 blog in the band to Blinter. Hello, Erbin. Hello, Aronnie. What's going on, baby? I'm doing good. Just right in the high of a band of pop rules gay pride celebrations. Oh my God. So my cousin Jen is in town staying with me and we were cracking up. We watched us at like midnight after the Rose Pricks thing at the Rose Pricks recording. We were dying laughing. And then I raised my net somehow, which is really stupid. So I will be going off my little friend Ben's notes today. So God knows what I'm going to find in here. I'm going to steal all of your jokes one by one. It's it's it's okay. It's going to be an adventure. This happened when we had to do an episode of Real Housewives of Orange County reunion this past season and or maybe the Iceland trip one of it doesn't matter one of them my notes fully got
Starting point is 00:02:38 erased except it wasn't my fault. It was my my Macintosh's fault that it like got confused by My notes app. I was using it and I just erased them fully. And there was no, there was no command Z. It was like the cloud swept in and flew everything away. Yeah. Well, I'm so interested. I understand.
Starting point is 00:02:55 I understand. I understand. I understand. I understand. I understand. I understand. I understand. I understand.
Starting point is 00:03:03 I understand. I understand. I understand. I understand. I understand. I understand. being like, it's not about the poster. It's not about the poster. It's not about the poster. And just deleting all of my notes. Like, my computer is not going to stand up for that whole, okay? You're so generous to suggest that James pronounces poster like poster. It's a pasta. Pasta. It's not about the pasta. Well, you keep changing his accent. I don't know. I mean, I know he's really from where he says, but you know, he goes in and out of those accents. He's like, it's not about the poster. It's not about the pastor. It's not about the best. I'm like, are you talking about Pesto pasta? It's the influence of Raquel. Is Raquel pasturing you with pastors?
Starting point is 00:03:37 Like, what is happening going with there, sir? She's making me more continental. So, wow, yeah, it was super, super, super fast. Super fun episode. Also, watch your crap and dot com to buy your tickets to Houston and to Detroit. I think we're starting to get the final stretch with Houston tickets, sort of. So that's exciting. Yeah, watch your crap and dot com to to see us in a city near you. And if your city has not been announced yet, well, don't worry, maybe it will be.
Starting point is 00:04:10 So just stay tuned. Yes, we're loving those live shows. We're going to have so much fun. Also, this week's schedule for Watch What Crappens is a little bit different. We're going to be doing Beverly Hills tomorrow, as usual. And on Thursday, we're going to be throwing in some a house because that just started back up. And then Friday we're going to do Real House
Starting point is 00:04:30 Lasers New Jersey, which means Top Chef and Mary Dometeson will both be kind of talked about, I guess, in the bonus. So that what we see. Yeah. And of course, it's of course, while we have this log jam of episodes. Top Chef gives us restaurant wars, which is like their signature episode of the year of the season is happening this week, but that's okay. We will wedge it all in somehow, somewhere. Just stay tuned. And we will just just just and spread the word to because people don't listen to every single episode. So what happens is we get these frantic messages on Twitter and on Instagram being like, where's this recap? Where's that recap?
Starting point is 00:05:09 So if you see someone who looks like they're about to have a meltdown, just let them know. Yeah, we didn't give up on Top Chef forever. We'll be back to you, Top Chef. Did you mean to make a terrible restaurant? Did you mean to have your boners show through your skeleton uniform? We're gonna have this last week's top chef is it's gonna be on the bonus episode that goes up today. So see it all comes together in a big twisted pretzels.
Starting point is 00:05:34 So let's get into it. Surprise parade episode. Now this year was different in the pride, things were different with our Pride parade here in West Hollywood. Instead of having the traditional gaze march around with floats, we did a resist march because Trump had just taken office. So people walked around with a lot of pussy signs and it was very fun for me. I mean those signs were some funny shit, but the Pride is a little bit
Starting point is 00:06:01 different this year and so Sir decides that they're gonna do like hippie costumes for pride. Yeah, yeah, some sort of like flower power thing and so the episode opens up with we see a woman named Alina who is the stylist and we hear Natalie saying oh what did you bring and Alina is like I made these more fabric and Sashaassy's just looking at them just like, like, ew, ew. This is the year that I got put in charge of the sarcasm and this is what you give me, like poke me in the eyes of the miniature pitchfork for a little child of the playman bill pitchfork. Yeah. Yeah, she's like, cause it's like a bikini top or something. It looks like hippies and bikini tops. I don't know what was good awful. But she's like, it has pink in it. That's what Lisa likes. So this is what we do. And she's
Starting point is 00:06:50 like, this is disgusting. Where are the pirate collars? How are people supposed to wear bikinis without pirate collars? Like, that's like no pirate a ass. Have you thought about a Steve Jobs look maybe for pride no no so like we want this party to be about spreading the love no offense Britney darling whichever Kentucky fried chicken Britney's at please forward my apologies Britney put down that cream cheese that cream cheese spreading in love doesn't have to be so so literal. Flower power. For example, have I taught you how to bend the petals of the flower down? So it looks like the flower could die beautifully at any moment. Just ask Rosio number three about it. I just taught her. She looks just like Rosio number two, but with pandeys old glasses. So Lisa needs all the hands she can get for pride, even if they are... Starts his grubby little mids, get it?
Starting point is 00:07:59 That's why we're pirates,. Lee's so coldly so so that she's like don't torture Lauren senior with the Miss terrible outfits you now see little girl you're giving them trash bags on to darling. Yeah, because basically, um, like most of the outfits were these disgusting puke looking, free love, hippie, whatever thingies. And then there were like two skimpy gray ones that just looked terrible in different ways. And they were apparently super small. So stars is like, oh, we can get them to Lala and Shina because they have small boobs. So let's give them to that. And at least it's basically like, I know what you're doing. You're giving them
Starting point is 00:08:41 something skimpy. It looks like sluts basically. I'm not wearing anything skimpy. Wait, they look like slots basically. I'm not wearing anything skimpy, that's for sure, because I'm going to rob a ship that passes in the night and take all of their gold and close one of my eyes and say, Hark, and also I have scars from a boo production. And Fenderprumps like, a boo production, that's a first. Please send me the video. I'll pay you $800 not to post it on the snapchat. Yeah, and Stasi pulled the website this photo. I guess it was like mid-surgery while one boom had been reduced and the other one had not been reduced.
Starting point is 00:09:17 It certainly just looked like the sweet potato section of the produce, produce style. It's like a sweet potato hit Alexis Bolino in two different faces. Blossom. High ones. Smollah, that's why you don't get that shit done on group on you guys. Don't say I never taught you nothing, okay? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:36 So then we skip over, oh, I have to say one thing to do notice. I think it's coming in from my memory of my name. When Stasi's like, you're so late, Diana's in charge. Like, Diana's in charge of AF, but this year it's my job. And then they just showed Diana looking at her like, mm, not only if you will, not really. I know you can't get. Well, what happened to God, Dan Diana?
Starting point is 00:09:59 It's like she just put a clone in place and then just changed her name. She's like, I want to be somebody new now. Diana's lingering in the shadows. Diana's young Natalie is older. Well, way that is basically, sir, this is basic, sir, personnel. Okay. Natalie and Guillermo are married. Natalie looks, Diana looks like Natalie and they both have European accents, but they're different European accents, but they're different European accents and they're different ages. And Diana does not have as much power.
Starting point is 00:10:29 I think Diana is basically at the same level as Peter, but Diana does not like to stay, she does not get in the mix as much as Peter does. Well, I think as she was told to eat a dick that time by Kristen. Yeah. So she'd like, I would have stayed behind the host to stand down below Billy Lee leads knees until the cameras are gone. Okay. How about that? I monitor all croissants that chef Joe make today. I wonder if Diana hates stasis taking over the bikini situation as much as the other windows They probably have to we may not be twins, but we have twin hatred for this bikini situation Our plan was to have them dress as sellers this year.
Starting point is 00:11:06 Oh well. Oh, we'll get to that. So the bros are going to reiki. Yeah, with Kelsey Patel. Kelsey Patel is leading the reiki. It's basically both the Tom's, Jackson, Peter. And this is like Peter's storyline for the season. He's like, I love Raky.
Starting point is 00:11:27 I have all my chakras in the line. You're still a host to the restaurant. So maybe try the secret next. Maybe he calls his waiters in wait. Maybe that's just what he calls the line cooks. Chakras. They're literally in line. So it's like, don't tell me to be in a line.
Starting point is 00:11:44 I tell you when I'm in line. So Peter's like, don't tell me to be in line. I tell you when I'm in line. So Peter is, I feel bad for Peter, because he's like so cute and nice and stuff, and he's kind of the background. He's like the under five of the show, you know? Yeah. And so when they need him to come on camera
Starting point is 00:11:58 to do a diary room session, they're like, just come from the hostamp, Peter. He's in his same suit. He's like, okay, well, I guess I'll take off from actual work and like, you sit here. I'm talking about Ricky. Great. I mean, I've only directed a science fiction masterpiece, but sure, I'll talk to you about Ricky. I mean, that's the least interesting thing I'm doing. I'm just trying to get this into the Sundance. You could help me a little bit. Ricky, you want to talk about Ricky? Okay. Fine, fine.
Starting point is 00:12:21 Could help me a little bit. Raky, you want to talk about Raky? Okay, fine, fine, fine. Raky really helped me with my first film at it. You're cutting me off. Okay, well, I'll just end with Raky. Should we do that again? I actually named the villain in my movie after Raky. His name was Raky Oris.
Starting point is 00:12:39 They just said it. I named Raky. I'd like no Peter. You're not saying more than that, okay? I leaned David since he was going to star in it. We got a slot at the Burbank Film Festival. We've got a bath mat outside for her to walk on So then Jack's meanwhile thought that raky actually involved raking Even worse. Yeah, the little the little thing from Brooks down. Yeah little the little thing from Brookstone. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:08 You're gonna finish. I'm so sorry. No, I had nothing else. I don't know. He's like, I thought Ricky was one of those little things from Brookstone where you like, it has sand in it. And then you rake the sand in the pebbles. I'm like, you're getting all of your Brookstone shit confused. Okay. Just keep your hands off the Brookstone shit. You know, that's out there for everybody to play with. You know, how many people probably are walking around with pink eye because they played with the goddamn raky set in a Brookstone jack. Especially after jacks played with it.
Starting point is 00:13:31 Yeah, exactly. I don't want to have anything that jacks played with that Brookstone. For a show for image. Yeah. Raky, the ground zero of the new flu virus that's going around. The new flu herpes hybrid virus that's going around. From here on out, I'm only gonna buy from Hemmacher Schlimmer. But I wanna spend thousands of dollars on like,
Starting point is 00:13:52 something that misogies like an elbow joint. And then break in a month. Yeah, it's like a self-breaking rakey set. Do you have to charge it with a multi-micro chip set? What? Can this just work with micro USB please? That would be great, brookstone.
Starting point is 00:14:08 It's like across $9,000. Okay, make an effort. Yeah, $10,000. So you can have a floating ZenRake that you can put in your pool and no matter what you do, it does not flip over because it's got gyroscopic technology. It's only $10,000. It's perfect for when you need to like have a Zen moment in the pool. Well, I guess it's what people do to like apologize for cheating because that's what's happening
Starting point is 00:14:28 So the girl is like so Tell me what's in your head. I was like oh god Well, we're talking about what's don't products. Yeah That magnetic mode that you can play around with and make different things I think it's a big ask I think it's a big ask to tell these guys tell me what's up that magnetic mud that you can play around with and make different things. I think it's a big ask. I think it's a big ask to tell these guys. Tell me what's tell me will tell me about your mind, you know, it's going to be a short answer. Yeah, and he starts to cry. Tell me about your mind. I think it's called the aftercoat cry. Because he's like, and she goes, are you willing to feel afraid? Kelsey, are you willing to do
Starting point is 00:15:04 your roots? You're on TV for the first Kelsey, are you willing to do your roots? You're on TV for the first time. You just got to say your full name and you get lines and you have black roots coming in under your red hair. Come on Make an effort Kelsey. Ronnie, I feel like you are projecting your Raky insecurities onto Kelsey and she's just she's just trying to get Jacks to open up a little bit about what's going on in his life, you know? Yeah, I know. You know what? No one has asked Jax how he's doing. Yeah, that's what he is. Yeah, Jax is like, you know, after the whole cheating thing with Brittany, no one asked me how I'm doing.
Starting point is 00:15:38 It's like we know how you're doing. You have a bone or you're lying. You got morning wood in your meditation. She's like, you know what you need to do? Do you need to give yourself, you need to like care more about yourself? Yeah. That's what Jackson needs. That's Jackson's problem. He just doesn't care enough about his own feelings. Did you, by the way, did you notice that during this Tom's end of all had
Starting point is 00:16:00 shrouded himself in a blanket like Luke Skywalker in the last Jedi? Tom Sandeval had shrouded himself in a blanket, like Luke Skywalker in the last Jedi. So some Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan, whatever, Kenobi. I don't remember. Do you want to know what's in my head? The Force. Oh, sorry, dude, Peter. I didn't mean to bring up any sci-fi stuff in front of you. He's floating on a blanket.
Starting point is 00:16:23 Jack says feelings to anybody. Notice me up here floating like mother fucking yoga or yoga, that would be great. I'm not actually even here. This is just a pure illusion. Anyway, I'm gonna go dissolve into space. Raky Sand Raky does. Anybody?
Starting point is 00:16:36 Anybody? I did notice that he had on like a full face of Claire. What's her name? Claire Duval. Claire Duval. Yeah, he had like a full face of clay. Do you all make up on? He said I did my eyebrows for Ricky. Dude, what, what do we get to watch TV?
Starting point is 00:16:52 Oh, Tom, this is Ricky, not Roku. I wanted to see that little TV dance at the beginning. When do we hear the timpani's? That's T-Vo. Bung, bung. Really, this felt really good. It makes me want to go do a pull TV. Like, that's just another TV set box. Damn it! I thought I was going to do some yoga type shit.
Starting point is 00:17:18 My mind is dulled. So... My mind is dulled. Tom Schwartz by the way his issue is like oh Baba Raky I don't know I just been getting too drunk lately and she's like I want you to write down ownership oh that's what got me nervous in the first place I have a bar I was 3% of a bar at Hertz oh yeah she's like yeah I'm just like really stressed because you know like it's hard she goes because you're not taking ownership of your shit. He's like oh my
Starting point is 00:17:50 God you see me or she has a fucking DVR dude. Come on. Or she can just look at you she can just look at you. You smell like an internet. I could have figured that out. So yeah, so Jackson's like having his like his pseudo breakthrough and tells us like Can you give me a hug? You know, he's like is that it can we like go any further than that or? Yeah, I'm like he's got a total bone right now and Jackson's like whoa so much telling me nothing is my fault And just like hugging me and being nice to me for no reason This girl is one ham sandwich away from having my penis inside of her. Yeah, exactly. She'll be a full cast member next year.
Starting point is 00:18:31 No, not until she gets those reeds done. This showing mess in a random. You can show up to a job interview in your underwear, but you show up with reeds like that. Lisa is going to be like, get some underwear. I didn't even notice the roots. I guess I was just really take overwhelmed by the rakeiness of it. I wonder if it was in Van Nies, Ronnie, like, Ray Keys on Van Nies.
Starting point is 00:18:55 That's a little local. Sorry, that took me a minute. That's a local joke for people. And so there's a car dealership here that goes there, there are commercials keys, keys, keys, keys, on Venise. It's the worst. The Fender Prumps like, You're hired, Raky Lake.
Starting point is 00:19:09 I used to love goreke. Goreke, goreke, goreke. All that in the back of chips. He wore wonderful and hairsprays the awkward fat girl. Danced around with her mother. Oh my God, I'm trying to think of rakey ponds and I just I'm stalling out. I'm sorry. I was an embarrassed right where do you need some and some hair bleach. Call me when you're done. Rakey. Rakey River. What's a stop? So, I think that your next note says... Ricky Leona!
Starting point is 00:19:47 I was like, I finally remembered a ray. Last night we were at a restaurant. I was gonna laugh at this because your next note says, La La Brittany and Sheena at some place. It's like you busy in the donut shop there, officer. in China at some place. It's like you busy in the donut shop there, officer. Right. That's what I saw. They pulled up.
Starting point is 00:20:10 It was a stop or something. They were stopping for assembly. Then they got a, I think it was a car. Maybe it was a van. Who cares? You got bad things, creams. Yeah. It was, yeah, it was, it was Lala, British,
Starting point is 00:20:23 and also Ariana, they go to a spot and Lala's like Everything I do is preventive. I don't want to have wrinkles on my face And they cut to her scratching her face so much that it has turned red. I'm like girl You got you got to work on some other things there then Poor thing good. I scratch shame. I just scratch shame to you Lala. Ha Yeah, take that look at that that that Seating scratching shame. It must feel like right now It is awkward though because she's like everything is preventive. I'm like preventive you look crazy right now
Starting point is 00:20:55 What are you talking about she's scratched herself? She's got red splashes all over her face and then she's like I thought Vaseline on my face since I was 11 because you know, that's what my mama said keep your eyes And I was like that's petroleum That's not good for them your eyes every day. I don't know who told you that but your mama needs some help That's like some old school Isn't that like some pageantry stuff or is that like Vaseline on the teeth? So you smile I Mean I could come up with so many Vaseline things,
Starting point is 00:21:25 but they're all gross, and I feel like they all lead to some kind of skin cancer. So Brittany's like, you guys, speaking of Preventitis, Jack's is learning to rake. He's been raking. It shows he's making a difference. You don't have a front yard or a backyard. And Ricky is actually, you know, Jack's getting a boner by some like Duage chick.
Starting point is 00:21:48 Well, he's making an effort. That's all I wanted and obviously not to cheat on me. I don't think effort counts in this situation. They literally just laid there. So it's like the least amount of effort you could ever make in any kind of exercise class ever, which I'm not against, by the way. Yeah. That was that was raky was the smallest amount of effort. You were absolutely right. They just they were just like laid on a pillow. I mean, you put a blanket on. Yeah, they let their hug to girl with roots. Like that's exactly. But I don't want to break me though. She probably thinks that Jackson's literally like sitting on the couch and using a rake to pull a ham sandwich over from the table.
Starting point is 00:22:28 Look, that's resourceful. Yes, I like that. Well, Jackson's finally started watching rake with me on Amazon. I think that's what that says on where there's a so-called rake. It's like there's an old, There's a so-called rake. It's like there's an old Alcoholic detective who's just done with the force, but they pulling back in he just can't quit I Like that Jackson taking an interest in dinosaurs, and that's human's assos rags. It's not rakey So it's rakey. Yeah
Starting point is 00:23:02 So eric they start the scene, of course. It's like, oh my god, do you know what I'm sick of talking about? Raking. Also, I like Katie is telling everybody that I'm like, like, Brad, it's like cheating. Like, kiss some girl. Like, talk on my phone. I'm all stopping. I'm all stopping.
Starting point is 00:23:17 Everybody talking about it. I'm all stopping. I'm all stopping. I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm all stopping. I'm all stopping. Everybody talking about it. Everybody talking about it. I'm like, I'm damn second. She keeps bringing it up everywhere they go. Yeah, every single time.
Starting point is 00:23:26 And they're like, whoa, she's like, now, right now, I was like, I mean, listen, they got to talk about, I mean, what else are they going to talk about? Statement necklaces. Am I right, everyone? She's like, high five. High five. Statement necklaces.
Starting point is 00:23:36 She just killed the game. I just killed it right now. She's in the game right now. Anyway, I'll be back next week on the show. Bye, everyone. I would like to read from my journal now. So she and I just start spiraling and she's like, oh my God, you know, I'm sick of being raky across the calls.
Starting point is 00:23:52 Britain, he's like, I thought we weren't talking about raking anymore. It's like, honey, it's not the same thing because like that's your husband who is caught like, you know, doing something somebody else at a place called like bungalow. You know, it wasn't like, I mean, that was your husband. This was my boyfriend. That place called like bungalow, you know, it wasn't like I mean that was your husband This was my boyfriend that was like a bungalow. This is like Tuck my down. That's your honey Honey, that's your husband not my boyfriend my boyfriend doesn't make out not even with me So like obviously rumors wrong because like if this person we're making out with someone it couldn't clearly not be robbed because he doesn't like to kiss me
Starting point is 00:24:23 Okay, so obviously we're happy. Hey, well, I'm gonna say what other proof do you need that we're making out with someone that couldn't clearly not be robbed because he doesn't like to kiss me. Okay, so obviously we're happy. All right. Hey, mom kissed me. So what other proof do you need that we're happy? Because I got to make it my face. Like in my face. It's my smile there. It's my smile that, oh my god.
Starting point is 00:24:34 My smile's gone. By the way, I've been meaning to ask people, have you seen my smile? Missing my smile. I think I'll have one of each of my prime smiles. Do I have lipstick on my teeth? I wouldn't know because I can't find my smile. I think I'll have one of each of my prime smiles. Drive flip sick on my teeth. I wouldn't know because I can't find my smile. She goes, I told Rob about the Turkramidare thing. I'm like, her reaction was just like,
Starting point is 00:24:58 emerging back and forth. That was last week. This time she, this time she was like, I told Rob, his reaction was just laughing just laughing okay she yeah but you know he was like laughing in that way where he's pulling away you know you know when people do that they're like ah I remember like pulling weights the same time you You're like, wait, oh, we get someone pulling you. Is it me and my friends can go?
Starting point is 00:25:25 Rrr, give me back my smile! Yeah, we have in those moments where someone's pulling away, but you're like, are they pulling away? Are my moving, is it me? Moving are they moving? You know, like, ever, like, be sitting, you're never in like a train, you're sitting still, and like, you're just like waiting to move in,
Starting point is 00:25:38 and then the train goes by, and you're like, is that train the one that's moving? There's a my train, the one that's moving. So I'm like, am I, but maybe we're absolutely, I don't know. Is the world moving or am I If I if I take five steps my going by such faster than the world Oh, sorry to snort so then we get to this weird thing where
Starting point is 00:26:00 Lala land. I mean, I didn't get that it was Lala Land, did you? Oh, immediately. I was like, oh, God, they're doing Lala Land. I thought they were doing the jets and the sharks from West Side Story because I'm old, okay? They're like, that's snap. It's like, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da story. I want to be in. Oh God, I was going to try to make a point on that song. I can remember where the actual answer America. I want to be on talk of my dad, era, we haven't had a process special land so long. I want to go to mixology one oh one. At such a LAN, a basketball group, or a such a LAN, a basketball game versus a regular
Starting point is 00:26:48 basketball game. Watch out! When you're a machine, are you a machine until the end from your first drawing there? How's it going again? Tommy hates kissing Maria. Maria?
Starting point is 00:27:04 Sheena? I just kissed a beautiful girl named Gina. Well, waste the back of her arm because that's all I could reach. I wrote that song for Rob Dissing about me. Unfortunately, he's like not even into singing to me. So they killed my arm. So the girls are doing Lala Land. They're in like bright colors with some, we have a discussion about primary colors and what those are and I don't know. I had no idea.
Starting point is 00:27:33 Oh yeah, primary colors are red, yellow and blue and then secondary colors are things like orange, green and purple and so sauce is like what are they again? What are they again? And she finally remembers that green is of the group green is the one that's not primary and they cut to it and Katie's the one in green I was like oh For Katie's not primary. She's the secondary one in this group even even Brittany got ahead Even Kristen and all she gets to do is go It's like all she does but she, imagine her doing that with this drug.
Starting point is 00:28:05 She's like, do I think James has been to the PPP pod? But. Ruh. Ruh. Ruh. Ruh. Ruh. So they're like, la la land.
Starting point is 00:28:18 And I thought it was funny that they're paying tribute to la la land when they all hate fucking la la. Yeah. La la land. La la land. Just like winning. Just like, I'm with my mama. Lala. Yeah. Lala Land. Just like winning, just like I'm with my mama. Winning, Lala's winning. Yeah, and my mama.
Starting point is 00:28:30 You would think that they would at least invite her to her own movie, but no. She's like, of course I'm dating a producer. I want best picture. You're gonna say that because I'm fucking a fat guy. I didn't think so. It's me land. So they're up there. They're watching it on like a rooftop with the Monta Blanc theater.
Starting point is 00:28:47 And Katie's like, I have to work with Gina this week. And it's just like annoying because like, you know, it's just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then while Katie's talking about why she's not looking forward to working with Gina because they obviously have a beef at the moment, we cut to a like a flashback to the previous night and just see Sheena talking to Kristen.
Starting point is 00:29:06 And she was just like, Katy chose to deflect her own husband, my young or their girl just to make it a thing that didn't happen. It's just like how many things you have to deflect. Cause it's like, I have the thing and I can't find my smile, but just because I can't find my smile
Starting point is 00:29:16 doesn't mean that you have to find my smile for me cause I wanna find out my own because if I don't find out my own, then Rob can't find it. If Rob can't find it, then like, I don't know, it's just like a lot of deflections from Katy cause she's the one who's unhappy and has done smile. I don't even know if she has to frown. deflection from Katie, because she's the one who's unhappy and has done smile.
Starting point is 00:29:25 I don't even know if she has to frown, like did she have a mouth? I've always seen eyeballs on her. I haven't seen somebody deflect that heart since I threw some keys at James and he, like, that. I heard that. I've done my keys. I lost my smile.
Starting point is 00:29:43 I'm my keys. I cast out my car with either my smile or my keys because I lost them both. Hello dog park people. I've got the keys to Sheeners smile. Sheeners smile, anyone? Anyone? Oh, so stupid. So first of all, it's fun talking, it's fun listening to sheeness say deflect a lot But babe you started it. Okay. I don't even like Katie. You started it sheena
Starting point is 00:30:21 And he's like talk of Madera is that any flavor to go. Okay, Britney calm down over there I'm gonna get a cool ranked shell. Just in case I don't like it. Focus. Could you please focus? I don't know. How does the talk of the Darra fit on my head? No, that's a sombrero. Not a talk of the Darra. Now, you know that Britney's a little bit more like a little bit more
Starting point is 00:30:37 like a little bit more like a little bit more. I'm gonna get a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more. I'm gonna get a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more. I'm gonna get a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more. I'm gonna get a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more. I'm gonna get a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more. I don't know how does the talk of Madera fit on my head? No, that's a sombrero, not a talk of Madera. Now you know that Brittany's really made it in this world because she's a little girl from Arkansas. He's, you know, watching Lala Land and Todd Collar is with, oh yeah, Kentucky and odd
Starting point is 00:30:58 colors on a roof, you know, with some, some waiters. And then a waiter comes up to her and he's trying to like get back to Kentucky with her. Yeah. It's like a whole southwest, you know, airlines flight of romance. Full circle. Well, he's I thought you were really going to go in on this guy because he comes over with shots for these women and then he just sort of lingers there. He's just like, I have been contractually obligated to stand here for an extra five seconds. That way everyone can see that it's rooftop at the Montablan on my t-shirt. So they're like, oh, so where are you from? He's like, I'm Chris. I've been to Kentucky before. And she's like, I'm from
Starting point is 00:31:37 Wayne Chester. He's like, I've been to Wayne Chester. Oh my God. Katie Christians like, oh my God, finally now she understands you can move on. I'm like now that the waiter who's like literally taking your shots at the table. He's trying to get in her Kentucky pants. I don't think she's ready to say that yet. How about stay away from bartenders and waiters? How about moving away from ruse? Just in general.
Starting point is 00:32:01 Yeah, stay away from the roof. Stay away from the raky. Thanks, Winter Bre're breaking y'all That's actually what you're serious You're like serious about what what's what's rakey? There's no leaves in the living room. I know that much Which you won't give it up I'm never giving up my raking joke, okay?
Starting point is 00:32:26 Is rakey that thing that gay people do when they hang out? No, that's KK. Is rakey those are the chosen people? It's rakey. I'm afraid to go to run in Canyon because of all those rakey snakes. That's rattle So Stas is like all right Brittany listen up a app, okay, Jackson's going to beg He's gonna cry. He's gonna bend. He'll take all these things just to have you come back again
Starting point is 00:32:58 And then he's gonna hurt you all over again and Brittany goes, but at least he's willing to do it And Britney goes, but at least he's willing to do it. Like he's willing, like good for him for willing to go through the motions of like saying what you need to hear before he or to again. Yeah, that's a man right there. You know, it takes a real man to admit he's wrong when you force him to. You know what I mean girls? Rakes. They're like, okay. It's a great, it's break kind of when he's wrong. I'm going to tell you that man. That's how I'm only on episode four. You know what?
Starting point is 00:33:32 The reason is why I got I was attracted to Jackson. Someone said he's a rakey-ish good man. I'm like, no, that's rake-ish. Rake-ish. Rake-ish man. How many rake puns do you think we can make by the end of the episode? I don't know. I feel like I'm out. I'm challenging. My brain is really not working at full speed today.
Starting point is 00:33:48 And the fact that today's challenge is rakey puns, it's, I'm up for it, but it's a challenge. It is a challenge. I'm just going to try and get him to stop doing the waky rakey. Yeah, you see I'm out. I'm totally, I'm totally dry speaking of Christian. No, just kidding. There's no Christian out here, but Stasi tells us, never in the history of Jackson's 30
Starting point is 00:34:15 AF years AF of living AF has he ever broken up with a girl AF friend. Okay. They always break up with him. Yeah. Which is not true. He dumped that girl outside of the outside of the AA meeting.F. friend. Okay. They always break up with him. Yeah. Which is not true. He dumped that girl outside of the A.A. meeting. Yeah. Laura.
Starting point is 00:34:30 In front of the crispy crust. That's right. Laura Lai, after he found out that Laura Lai used to be like a meth head, he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. The only reason he cared is because she never shared. Yeah. So Laura, I mean, he just cried a great key. After he shared so much with her, I mean, he just cried. After he shared, so, after he shared
Starting point is 00:34:45 so much with her, so much, so many diseases and celebrity beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the hosts of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud. From the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What deserve session with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows.
Starting point is 00:35:23 It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Like, she just could not open up also.
Starting point is 00:35:52 So now like- So they can be real sore jacks. So now really that one of the marquee, not to be coos raky, marquee scenes of the episode, Lala, Logan and James go to Sweet Check, which is a restaurant on Fairfax. In case anyone wants to go and follow in the footsteps of the scene. And for those of you who don't remember, Logan is James's best friend, and he's also a gay. He's basically turning into either SIG-Free to Roy, take your pick. I don't know how he's aging this quickly,
Starting point is 00:36:25 but he started out this season 22, and he's now like a 47 year old man in Palm Springs with severe sun damage and possible lion fetish. He will soon be sitting street side at Cafe A12 in West Hollywood having some salmon fillet and watching the young boys walk by because that's where all the old queens get one less Hollywood. They go to that restaurant. So I'm hanging at the gold coast
Starting point is 00:36:49 very seas probably got his own his own bench there. Yeah, exactly. And he's going to be like tuck in his shirt weirdly into his jeans. He'll be like, hmm, doesn't quite work. So, um, if you will. So, so the the three of them sit down and and James looks at the drink menu and he's like, oh, listen how gangster this sounds. Gin and Virtue's Grip Soda. It's like, you know, Sizzard except with gin instead and Grip Soda. That's so gangster. I'm like T.I. Except I'm more like JK James Kennedy. I'm like T.O. dot dot James Kennedy. You're wonderful at rap If I ever had a bar I would have a cocktail called you're wonderful at rap And it comes with a squeeze of wiggie wiggie
Starting point is 00:37:40 Listen to this sounds Listen how gangster this sounds. It's vodka with orange juice Generally like um is that a real thing and why is Lala wearing a sweatshirt this address Well, let's just wearing this humongous sweatshirt and like kind of a dog collar thing. She's like that's gangster Lala looks like she just got caught in a pirate flag She was like running and just like wrapped around her. She's like, fine, it's my luck. Like you're trying too hard to be nice to Stasi right now, okay?
Starting point is 00:38:10 She's like, arg, am I right, girl? Yeah. Like sometimes it hurts being a pirate girl. There's no shame in it, okay? Hey, ass. My black pearl is my curse. So, um, so, she's like all right, we're going to do shots. All right, double shots of vodka and a shot of bourbon for me.
Starting point is 00:38:28 Go. You know, some people say that I drink too much. So I've had to stop drinking, you know, but then I started eating ice cream and you know, they were trying to stop me all of a sudden. So I'm not giving you that kind of a pair. So I started it again. The point is I can stop whenever I want to easily, easily babe, easily. I'm James Kennedy, that's what I do. I stop things easily. Do you want to watch me stop a CD player easily? Watch this. I stopped it. It's easy. One thing I could stop easily but I'll never stop doing,ing tables in the middle of deta sets. That's right. Wiggy wiggy wiggy.
Starting point is 00:39:07 Would you like some more water? Sting ding dong. Gangsta. Boom boom boom. I could stop. Cap and your ass. I could stop busing right this instant. Easily.
Starting point is 00:39:17 Easily. How about? How about? How about? Do it. I want to do it. I'm going to shots. Oh, drums. Swelches. So is that let's have shots of vodka.
Starting point is 00:39:27 Doubles, fireballs. Jeans, grapes, soda. What the ganks does have? Like drugs. Heavy drugs. My analysis. My analysis for everyone. So, James, he's like, you guys. He's like, you got it. He's like Logan, Loller.
Starting point is 00:39:48 You guys are gonna think this is really cute. Ruket is moving in with me. I'm like, wait a minute. So James is living with some faddle queen in Beverly Hills behind that screen still on the floor in a mattress. Is he just allowed to invite hosts over to move in? Yeah, because when he said that I was like it did he move out of his like like
Starting point is 00:40:09 Asian shade Section like the his like mattress behind the the room shade thingy And then they did you say that's some I could get $5 shade right there. Oh, yeah Maybe it was I thought it was like a Japanese like you know I'm sorry for actually imparting more culture to this scenario than there is, but then they, they're the flashback and the shade is still up.
Starting point is 00:40:29 And he's like, look, I've cleared a draw for you, girl. And someday, someday, you can have this entire desk to yourself. But for right now, it's just a draw. We're like Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman in far and away. Someday, every time I open up this third draw, girl, We're like Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman in far and away some day Every time I open up this third draw girl I hear Anya We have an American dream It's not any damn it. How many times that is that is any but that's not the right onion song. It's uh... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the suck out. But they're just doing it with their eyes and he's like instant drunk because
Starting point is 00:41:46 he had like grape soda with 20 shots and he's still like five years old so he's having a sugar crash at the same time he's having like a buzz you know. Yeah he's like do you have a problem with her? Do you and Logan looks way to be like it's too difficult to say. Yeah. And mom was like, honey, did you even see them at your freaking sea in the next Tuesday, Taco Tuesday, Taco Bell, Smalsmell, Thomas and Tiaras, Tractor Tuesday? And he's like, no, no. What she do, what she do. And she goes, we ate her pasta and she didn't give us permission. And now she's like gangster, like, open our faces, like, lights across the face.
Starting point is 00:42:27 Much bitch. Okay. So now I, I wasn't totally following this. I was writing it all down because it was hilarious. But so basically they ate her pasta, right? They ate her pasta and Rakell got, did Rakell got mad? It wasn't actually clear. Rakell got mad.
Starting point is 00:42:44 They're saying that she got mad because she ate her, they ate her pasta and Raquel got did Raquel got mad. It wasn't actually clear for Raquel got mad They're saying that she got mad because she ate hurt they ate her pasta and I think they said They said her permission. She said you want some pasta and then they ate it all or something. Yeah, or they didn't without her permission Raquel would you guys Your guys is pasta you never have pasta special at sir and you're eating all mine Which is actually amazing now that you think it, remember last week on the show, we're talking about how hilarious it was the producers, including this random tidbit of she's saying, oh, it's cool. We never have pasta as a special.
Starting point is 00:43:13 Yes. It was like an amazing foreshadowing for this episode. Amazing. It's like the dumbest show ever, but the editors really care, you know? They guys, let's weave a basket together. They really go the X-yard. So James is like, oh, I've had enough. So he gets up to leave.
Starting point is 00:43:30 And I was like, why? Because I told you that I ate pasta. This was so good because, oh, yeah. You think you could be, you think you can't be mean sometimes. You want to bully a little girl with a pasta. Paul Raquel, a most beautiful woman than you'll ever be with her without pasta. Rady, did you like how my auto-cracked change Raquel to Racket? You can see with your eyes, right? We'll see some of those beauty patterns.
Starting point is 00:43:59 And I was like, Raquel offered me her pasta. She was like don't fuck with me bitch because I will fuck up I'll fuck with your fat man He's going to get bored with you and then move on to the next young pretty blonde girl And then Raquel's like but Raquel offered me her pasta Fuck with me bitch. No, he says don't fuck with my bitch It's like don't fuck with my bitch. We're all fuck with your fuck man She's getting really really he's goat she he's they're all she's at this point She's getting really really mean to Lala and she's like I literally said that racket offered her pasta
Starting point is 00:44:41 I literally said that racket offered her pasta and her pasta and then she started hitting me in the balls. I was like, you need to be really strong, Racket. Um, just like, don't talk about the damn pasta. Get over it. You've always been a bitch to Rikkel and a pasta. She's like, are you really saying that because I told you I ate her pasta? Honey, honey, honey, you fucked the fat man. Okay, you fucked the fat man. He pays for your rent. How much pasta does your man eat? I have an answer for that all the pasta.
Starting point is 00:45:13 You learn that from your man. Those bad manners eating other people's posters. Also, James, you're fucking a fat old guy for rent too. So let's stop pretending and you could see that brimming behind Lala's eyes. She's like, wait a second. So your mad that I'm fucking a fat rich guy for a range rover. Because you're fucking a fat rich guy for like a mattress on the floor. Let's not pretend that I can't ruin your entire game right now, fucker. Exactly. So she's like, you know what? You can't say
Starting point is 00:45:39 whatever you want. Learn your fucking place, mother fucker. Otherwise, you're going to learn real fast. What when you look and I'm not there and all you see is an empty bowl of pasta. She's like, you're gonna be like the last two pieces of penny. When's gonna get eaten? And then the other piece of penny is gonna be like, why the fuck am I like? Oh, and then it gets swallowed alone. James. Where the jokes on you girls? I need Zity. No, we just for me girl. Don't be such a hortierter. Lala. You're full of ball on yes. You retired here. Girl, why don't you go back to your pig atoni. You're regular Puta Nesca emphasis on
Starting point is 00:46:23 Puta. Girl. This fall has been really strong with our pasta game. I have to say, this fall on Brava, we had it with Jersey. We had the real house Losers, New Jersey pasta train. We had scene-imensioning pasta. Now this pasta, guys, our pasta game is wetening. I can't. This was probably the most amazing pasta scene of all time because it just kept on going
Starting point is 00:46:46 because Lala is now mad and she goes, no, how the fuck to talk to someone new your friend and she like slaps the table and walks out. James is like, oh, great soda, am I right? And Logan's like, oh my god, like, who am I going to talk to? Raquel, go get her. And he's like, no, I won't do it. I've got a great soda here He's like get out of there and so he's like lawler. It's me. James I'm sorry Ain't nothing better. I'm not saying it James when I'm feeling you When I'm feeling so come on lawler finish my sentence. She like you don't even let her it's your own song you idiot
Starting point is 00:47:27 come on be my friend you're my best friend and I'm sorry for everything of evil evil evil evil evil don't launder yeah she's like I told you that I ate Rikailas pasta and that's how you come for me this is what we can't give carbs to the people as that's or you know, you know, it just go nuts. It makes everybody fucking crazy. If you go off carbs for a few months and then you go back on them, it feels like giving birth to like a boulder, okay? You learn how bad carbs are. So when you see this cast lose their mind after eating a piece of bread, that's why, okay? Yeah. Chef Joe, I think Chef Joe actually knew what
Starting point is 00:48:04 he was unleashing on this cast. He's like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to put pasta on the menu tonight. Let's see what happens to these bitches. Like from what I hear the season is slow out there. So I'm going to introduce a new character. Gluten. Like you go. So James has his like triumphant moment. He's like, it's not about the damn pasta. Get over the damn pasta. Re between the damn lines that are shaped like spaghetti. And I interpret the pasta. It's not about the pasta.
Starting point is 00:48:33 It's not about the pasta, Lala. Please tell me it's not about pasta. It's about pasta. It's about pasta. I have no idea what to say. It's about pasta. It's about pasta. I have no idea what to say. It's not about the pasta. And then like a car shows up with wagon wheel pasta wheels. No!
Starting point is 00:48:56 Brickhead, why did you buy that stupid car? It was a joke. The joke, Brickhead. This is, pasta is just an allegory. Like, okay, okay, just end this scene right now, sir. So speaking of, back at sir, sir, Sina is delivering food to someone and she goes, You're welcome.
Starting point is 00:49:17 And how you run it out in your notes is just fucking perfectly literal. Well, I have to know which sometimes I have to know which which kind which sound to emphasize, because it wasn't like, you're welcome or welcome. It was like, you're welcome. Yeah, I think there's 11 M's on this word. Yeah, perfect. You're welcome. 11 M's on this word. Yeah. Perfect. You're welcome. The words are coming out strange. I can't find my smile. So she becomes up to Brittany. She's like, Hi, Brad. Has anybody turned in my smile? No, honey, sorry. Have you ever had a talk on Baderet? Taste just like the cool ranch? Ah, well, when you're gonna get a taco medari.
Starting point is 00:50:06 So, she knows like, um, where the girl's talking shit about me last night at the Lala Land thing that I wasn't about to do, because her name I almost there and she heard over her thing saying my name and I was just like, that's so weird that I would say my name. I'm like, I thought we had a pact that like, that kitty would keep my name out of her mouth and I would keep her name out of my mouth. And I'm back up done like, beyond that because I've kept her name out of my mouth and like all keep her name out of my mouth. And I'm back up done like beyond that because I kept her name out of my mouth and like all the food. So it's like not really nice. You brought it up every scene, Shina.
Starting point is 00:50:32 Also I love that a friend of her mom was there. That just goes to show the Taco Bell Covins date choices. They're like, let's have a friend date at someplace, Shina's mom from Azusa. That was with her with her with her friend. Yeah, with her friend. My most friend was there and over her to him. He's a waiter. Maybe a third of him.
Starting point is 00:50:49 He's from Kentucky. That's not a surprise. He has really nice. He's been to one just before. Have you ever seen primary colors? No, that really about Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton. I don't even know, but that amitami. It's what a actor.
Starting point is 00:50:57 And that's how did you see John Travolta in hairspray? That maybe you know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don really about Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton. I don't even know, but that image, Tommy, it's what a actor. I mean, do you see John Travolta in hairspray? That movie is fantastic.
Starting point is 00:51:10 What happened to Ricky Blake? I actually don't believe in hairspray because I don't believe in putting anything that's chemicals in my hair. I just like I don't believe in eating anything with claws. It just like I have morals and values, unlike Haiti, you know? I'm not talking about it,
Starting point is 00:51:23 because she's not in my mouth anymore, because he needs that, like, maa plush! I mean, like, I tried to invite Rob into this group and now I feel miserable. It's like, it's Katie and Stasi and Kristen and it's like drama and he doesn't need it and he's like, why are you being successful to deal with this shit? And I don't feel happy anymore and they kind of took that away from me so like, they can think what they want but like, they're the ones who finally broke me.
Starting point is 00:51:40 They broke me. They broke me. They killed my smile. They broke me. Finally. They're the ones. I'm like, finally, we're at the end of the fifth Harry Potter book. I know. They finally know that that all the work rex is in. I'm dead. Man, I'm not a palpa. I don't even have a nose anymore. So good job, girls. Great job, bitch. I'm broken in.
Starting point is 00:52:03 Okay, so you talked, started talking and they twisted in that more information to that. So, uh, Brittany's like, well, yo, I don't know that that's what they meant. Did you know that green isn't the primary color? You can actually actually do things like mix blue and yellow together and it makes green He's not amazing at the ziplock, okay, like it's like a lip lock, but Love locks are gross everybody knows that like anybody really loves each other wouldn't even do the block So I don't know why Katie's trying to act like my husband with love walking with somebody else guy He thought y'all she's hot blue then don't make green they wouldn't anyway even if they cut, okay? Like, things, if they were gonna save a snack, it would have arrow over it,
Starting point is 00:52:47 because they're not gonna zip lock, okay? Like, God seen it, jeez. Thank God for zip lock, because I often want to wrap things in saran wrap, but I'm like, this belongs to Sarah Ann, and I can't give it, I can't use it, so I have to use zip lock and stay at it. By the way, do you want some popcorn?
Starting point is 00:53:03 Let's go for popcorn from last week. So next up... I think it's got some mold, it has a big line of green on it. Now that's the Ziploc. So next we'll see Lisa on a speaker phone. Listen here, crew of Van der Pum Brus. I want you to go in Trump, Tom, which I could rename to,
Starting point is 00:53:24 Billy Lila at any moment. And I want you to go in TomTom, which I could rename to Billy Lila at any moment. And I want you to just pile trash into the middle of the floor. And let's watch TomTom react! Yes, because we go into TomTom and the Tom's walk in and like, whoa, dude, because it's just like nothing but trash into the floor. And shorts is like, uh, you're a step on a nail. I have. It are so bad. Sweat equity. So. Wow. So, wow, dude. Dude. He's like, whoa, I need to put on this mask, but my breath smells like a
Starting point is 00:54:01 Panini. So they're talking about how they went out and got wasted, which they've done every single night since he swore that he wasn't gonna get wasted anymore, at least on camera. And he fell asleep on Tom's couch, and Tom's like, yeah, he got a text, she was like, where are you? So I sent a text of you on the couch.
Starting point is 00:54:16 And he's like, well, normally, I thought she was gonna get mad at me, you know, but like, she was warm. It's like, I fell back in love with her all over again. You know, she tastes really good when you dip a carrot into her. He's like, that was ranch, bro. Oh, I've been calling that panini. That's what my breath smells like. He got into bed with a ranch, panini. He's like, it was so warm. It's delicious. Like, I was expecting it to be crusty and it was on the outside but on the inside it was like warm and then like it kind of tasted like salami like I should be saying that right he's like bro that was my
Starting point is 00:54:54 day comes out of a panini. Katie says you want me to impress her more so I made paninis you know because that involves pressing right. I put her face in a Penenie maker. She's still not mad. It's like, it's real love, bro. You guys turns out you can't put iceberg lettuce in a Penenie press. So Cassie's st... Cassie's stacey and Craig, right? Talk about the cover.
Starting point is 00:55:19 Yes, the... the cover is hanging out. And Christian's like, oh my god. Like, how's your boyfriend? Like how's he doing like if you've been tracking him because like I tracked Carter like he shared his location with me When he was like Italy and I was like are you stole the course and he's like yeah linking up and I'm like Yeah, he's still on the links And it's just smasers up and like does the shoulder thing like it was a good story Yeah, you can met it. Yeah, see does that thing where she knocks herself
Starting point is 00:55:46 on both sides of the head with her shoulders. She's like, yeah. It was a funny anecdote. You got it. I'm just taking on the game, anecdote game. Seriously, seriously. All right, guys, now what you guys have to do to continue this game is make some golf jokes.
Starting point is 00:56:00 Okay, golf is the game. Hold on one, get it. So Katie, it, I think it sucks waking up without Tom, but like, I think we're making progress because it's like, I wasn't even teed off. You're doing it. You're doing it. It was great. I just like woke up and potted around. Yes Stasi's like what a loser what is he think he's gonna win husbandry by just like getting zero points? You're killing it You are killing the game, Robin friends Well, it's just par for the chorus with us. Oh Wait a minute rolls of threes rolls of threes. Okay, we just destroyed the game
Starting point is 00:56:46 Wait a minute rolls of threes rolls of threes. Okay, we just destroyed the game guys. Can we start the scene again? Stasi, you have to choose one of your your golf pong not both. Okay seriously seriously. I Would stick with the part for the course because like people like obvious things I would just hit myself in the head with my shoulders again. What if I say something about morning wood a up? I don't know. I mean, is that how they used to play golf in the old days? Kati, okay, we're going to scrap your puttering one and give you the wood one. But I like my puttering pot. Oh.
Starting point is 00:57:20 Why is everybody puttering around? Good out of our game, shit. So they're talking about Katie's like, wow, you know? Golf. Sorry. God, just say it's a little... Ugh. It's the late sheen I was yelling. Golf.
Starting point is 00:57:37 I'm having a career. I'm a golf singer. I set up a tiger woods. That's not a pun. You're just a whore. Oh, I think you're really not nice because I, you know, golf is something that was like really meaningful to me on one point of my life. And like you guys are just like filling up with rumors and bad information. Now I can't even watch golf and enjoy it anymore.
Starting point is 00:58:01 So thanks guys, you've finally broken me on the golf course. Thanks. Thanks. Does anybody have a cop and eat some water oh please just go see literally killed our game I thought a sand trap you're not even ponte you're just being destructive that's just some sand godkid, clean your apartment. That's not... I love the idea of Chris and just orchestrating this, like... She's like, listen, we have a scene. There's only room for three golf puns. Here's how it's gonna go.
Starting point is 00:58:36 It's just like falling apart. She's like, I got accepted into level two at UCB, so... kill the game. Yeah. Oh, anyway, let's not wedge any more golf puns in there. You guys just play through. Play through. So Katie's like, how could be Rostri's when there should obviously be four? Seriously, seriously. Okay, I just changed the game.
Starting point is 00:59:04 It's a little three hundred. I think I've been to love it yet I haven't finished you yet so fighting Katie I'm gonna kill you I'm trying to move on I'm trying to move on I'm just like just living in the scene so get out of here dimples yeah so um Tom Katie it's like yeah like you know like I used to like get mad as a support where she's like, I used to get mad because like, Tom would get like drunk and I'd be like, that is gross or he'd like cheat on me and I'd be like, mad. But now I'm just like, not mad. Like, that's what marriage is and like, we're really doing great at it. Like, great. So your husband's been drunk every night, not coming home. You're, you're winning. You are winning, man. Yeah, that was a little later, but it doesn't really matter. It's the same stupid point anyway, whether it comes now or later. So Tom and Tom are, are sort of renovating, putting scraps into bags and can at least succumb by like hello hello I was Katie I heard you got passed out how is she?
Starting point is 01:00:10 Trouble in paradise What a mess just like you Trump Schwarzy Schwarzy Botzy Botzy Don't give me a hug Is it kind of what I really don't need your advice, but thanks. I think I need to have a talk with you. I mean, after all, I did go up to fake Lake Tahoe. When's their wedding?
Starting point is 01:00:37 I'm just as betrayed as she is at this point. I've seen a bunk bed. I have a saying this now Schwarze is too old to get away with the puppy dog and it's puppy dog is someone say puppy dog And get Schwarze get Schwarze out of your shirt, Ken I'm sucking on his brain darling. Give me a second. Just get some more spinal fluid on it This one will be on his brain darling. Do you mean second? You get some more spinal fluid on it. This one will be on his brain. I don't know what the buzzer will be. So Tom's like, um, I'm sorry, puppy dog.
Starting point is 01:01:11 So yeah, Lisa knows the puppy dog has a limit. Okay, she takes the cutest dogs from the shelter and whether or not adopted they die. She's like, you're at your limited van the pump pets. Tom, schwo-chi, schwo-chi, different van don't see little cutie putty that don't putty. Pp out side Pp out side or dae dae. Which would you prefer? Tom Schruzzy. Yeah, you can't have treats. The shot of Yega shaved in the bone. So then we cut back to the girls and Christians like, oh my God, I love Britney.
Starting point is 01:01:46 So I'm the best thing to have a tour group ever since they came out with vaccines. It's like condoms tried to stifle us. But then you know, vaccines saved us. So thank you, Britney. So yeah, she's like, I saved us. So thank you, Brittany. So yeah, she's like, I love Brittany. So I'm going to break her up with Jackson. I've invited her mother in town. Oh, wait a minute.
Starting point is 01:02:12 I was like, cause what didn't she say? Something like if Brittany's mother can't persuade her not to break up with Jackson, then no one can. I'm like, well, bad news. Uh, I don't think Brittany's mom's gonna help in this situation. I don't see her as being a woman of strong resolve. No, she's probably the one who hoed her out in the first place. She's like, sing out, Louise.
Starting point is 01:02:33 She's like, well, I'm a rose from Gypsy. You think she's gonna like tell her daughter to cancel their spin off? No. She's had four husbands. I'm not sure I'd be taking relationship advice from her at this point. No kidding.
Starting point is 01:02:43 She's like, husband's coming, go. Reality shows her forever, honey. Just pray on it. Just pray on it, okay? Sour potatoes, by the way. So then we go to gay pride, and we see them walking in the March slash parade, which is more of a march.
Starting point is 01:02:59 And Chris is like, we're protesting all the assholes who don't think love is love. And to anyone who doesn't believe that love is love. So good dick. It's like, no. Well, at least she's moved on from telling people to eat them. So good dick Diana. Also, that's probably the wrong time to use that terminology.
Starting point is 01:03:19 Like you're in a gay pride period, okay? Love is love. So we suck a dick. Get it straight. Yes. Exactly. So Shina is at the restaurant and Rob comes before the restaurant even opens. Comes hands of John and he's working out thing.
Starting point is 01:03:34 Like, he has a churdy. She's like, ha! Yeah. Hi. Pronounced it again because the way you wrote it is the way you pronounced it. And it's perfect. Yeah I wrote it capital H capital Y and then several lowercase eyes because it's not just it wasn't just because she has different
Starting point is 01:03:53 She's like an Eskimo how an Eskimo has 20 different ways to say snow or whatever she has 20 different ways to say hi So sometimes she'll be like hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. This one's like. Yeah It was like this is her I'll find my smile soon. Hi. Yeah, like I'm nervous. Are you coming here to break up with me or no? Yes. Hi, my name is Amma.
Starting point is 01:04:14 So she's like, oh my god. Rob. I've never seen it. It's just snapped. I was on it. Like the other day. Because I like stop that curve. And I stop that curve.
Starting point is 01:04:22 And I stop that curve. And I stop that curve. And what up goes? Life is hard enough as it is. That's why you want good people in your life, you know? I like stop that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last
Starting point is 01:04:30 time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that
Starting point is 01:04:38 curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I'm the last time that curve and I me, then that's it. I'm like, that is so comforting Rob, thank you. Yeah, I was like, are you breaking up with her right now? Cause she wasn't even sure. She was like, I definitely lost my smile this week. That's for sure. I mean, it's like you what I said. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:59 It's like, you can't just like lose your smile. First of all, that's irresponsible. And I don't need irresponsible people in my life. And if you're gonna be irresponsible, that's it. She's like, oh my God, that was whammy number two. No whammy's. No whammy's. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da.
Starting point is 01:05:18 Stubbery. Yeah, that was like not comforting at all. He's like, when I'm done with you, I'm fucking out of here. I'm like, oh my god, he loves me. And then he goes, you know, people, what did he say? He goes, don't let them steal your smile. That's all people want to do.
Starting point is 01:05:32 I'm like, are you trying to be positive here or not? Because first you threaten to break up with her. And now you're saying all people want to do is usher and throw her away from her. So you're not very comforting, Rob. I really wasn't even sure what he was saying. Well, I mean, like you only want to have positive people. It was the line, it's life is hard enough as it is.
Starting point is 01:05:50 That's why you want to have good people in your life. If I'm literally going to be in your life and it doesn't work for me, then that's it. I guess he's trying to say, I'm in your life. So I would have been gone if it's not working for me. Right? Maybe a sentence on Vanderfountain Rules. It's like one of those quizzes where they show you words that are all jumbled up and your mind can naturally read them anyway even though all the letters are
Starting point is 01:06:10 in the wrong place. You know what I mean? I like to think of it as an e-commings poem where everything is deconstructed and syntax is all deranged but there are some sort of beauty in the way it doesn't make any sense. And you know that there's actually something way deeper than what you're witnessing, but you just can't access it quite yet. Yeah, we call that a Pell Lock painting. They seem stupid, but at the end of the day, people pay millions of dollars for them. Kay.
Starting point is 01:06:40 Thank you, great. It's like that Rothko, you know, Rothco, you go, you look at those, it's like, it's like a thing and a thing and a thing. Yeah, you get, you get them at Rothco too. You know, Rothco, oh, Costco, oh, oh, I was called Rothco. I definitely love that way. I love my smile. Have you seen any milk cartons because my smiles on the back of them? I'm wondering if anybody's called them. I'm Have you seen any mouth cartons because my smile's on the back of my wondering if anybody's called on my bar So Lala's dressed as Wonder Woman and she's like why you do that
Starting point is 01:07:14 And Lisa van from Caesar goes How have you been doing you little whole muffin and L Lala's like, well you know like you know James? Yes! I remember him lightly from the pizza oven, the wiki wiki man who was wearing some odd headphones over his eyes that one. He was really mean to me and like I'm like reclaiming my sisterhood mommyhood, okay? Like no one's gonna talk to me like that. And I was like, if you ever talk to me, I'm like that, you are done. You are done, you're a gangster, dad.
Starting point is 01:07:49 It was like, cap in your ass, dad, okay? Shotty. I love my hands. So people start coming into sir, and the girls are getting ready. There's some flower crown situation happening, and Jack's is like, I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't want to,
Starting point is 01:08:05 I don't, he basically just doesn't want to put face paint on. He like doesn't want to take a shirt off, doesn't want, this is at first that he doesn't want to take a shirt off. We know things have gotten really bad if he's not taking a shirt off. He doesn't want to paint his face.
Starting point is 01:08:17 And Stasi goes, Jack's, I swear to God, or else I'll put you in a flower crop. Tom's like, Jack, put your face on, stop crying, okay? Ooh, yeah, just let your cry not stop crying, okay? I look at the greatest indignity is putting on a flower crop. And it's happening on every show this week, apparently. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:40 So, um, she and I come saying, I'm like, I's like oh, I And Lama's like give me a hug You're supposed to put your heart on someone else's heart hold on let's move our implants over do you feel that? That's your heart now Wait a second your heart's beating huh? She's like girl you have not so much weight. I'm worried about you.
Starting point is 01:09:07 I was like, look at yourself. What are you talking to? Yeah. Exactly. And I'm not worried. Yeah, I'm not worried for either one of you. It's called making a goddamn effort. Welcome to Los Angeles.
Starting point is 01:09:18 That's why you still on TV. Girls out of girls. And she just does her whole thing. I just like, well, I just having sort of an off week. I like, I can't find my smile. And Rob is like, I don't know, like he's not like hanging around as much. I'm not just on my five minutes ago,
Starting point is 01:09:29 but like that was five minutes ago already. And like, I'm like, we have not sex in five minutes. And it's like, oh my god. So I went to the refrigerator to go talk to him. And he's like, he's not here. And I'm like, oh my god, he's not an employee either. Like, I can't find my smile. I can't find my employees.
Starting point is 01:09:39 I can't find Rob. I am not even in what inside that refrigerator. Do you think my smile is never a refrigerator? Oh my god. He's not even about jean me. So Lisa and Ken come by in the parade. Oh, at the bar. And Jackson's just wearing a black t-shirt.
Starting point is 01:09:50 Jackson is something definitely off. I'm wondering when Jackson's just gonna get drug tested. And if they even have tests for that, like can you test for someone like injecting spray paint into their veins or whatever the hell he's doing? I don't know, but he's a mess. And so Lisa and Ken come by, can, can come by. And Lease is like, darling, thank you for making an effort on flower power, vaginal pride parade, darling. And can't like take a
Starting point is 01:10:16 shit off. That's a take it off. That's the clearest thing he's ever said. He's like, pick a shirt off. I'll also unlock your spock out. Take a off. Now, I'd like to introduce somebody who has been a big deal here. It's a very important part of our family. Sure, she keeps answering the phone by pressing the hold button. And a reservation hasn't been written down since she started working here. sure she keeps answering the phone by pressing the hold button and a
Starting point is 01:10:48 Reservation hasn't been written down since she started working here But her name is Billy Lila, which could be the new name of Tom Tom if somebody doesn't clean up their mess Billy Lee a member of the trans community and so Billy comes out she's like, hi I'm Billy Lee and um, yeah I was like a really big process for me to go through this but like I'm, you know it's such an honor to have like, use your band up on to support me all like, no darling it's not about me, it's about you and how I hired you broken birds, so broken she had to transition into a different bird. Billy Lee is like, yeah it was really really hard on me, you know, because it was like really hard
Starting point is 01:11:27 growing up because I was like getting bullied all the time. And then I got La La's face and everything changed. And then Lisa is like, exactly. My little facial bird, my little broken face, and then reshaped face bird. Billy Lee La You know I was watching the blue planet to Tonight's ago and there was a fish that was like a trans fish basically. There was this like There's this big old asshole male fish who is like hmm. I wonder, it's basically the jacks of fish, she's like this big old jacks fish.
Starting point is 01:12:05 And he gets his like to choose, like who's gonna be his mate? And they're all these like girlfish, they're all these like Britney fishes. And he's like, hmm, is that one, is that one? I'm gonna choose this one. And then there's this one fish you're just getting Passover over and over and over again.
Starting point is 01:12:17 I don't know if that's like Kristen or Katie or whatever. But eventually the girlfish, the older girlfish decides, no, I've had enough of this, goes into the coral, lies down for a few months, shuts off, basically shuts off her female hormones. The male hormones take over and she emerges from the coral as a jack's fish and she goes and fights jacks. Original jacks swims off and now the overlooked lady who actually really might be Diana at this point
Starting point is 01:12:47 She is now the new jacks and takes over. It was this amazing story of a trans fish that really seemed to parallel things I could imagine happening at her Except here at all revolves around a host to stand Billy Lee was like was like under the Under the host to say onhybernating and came out transitioned. Which fish is going to wipe down the menus today? So Jackson Billy Lee's start to bond. Jackson's like, wow, that was really amazing. I had no idea that you're actually like a, like not a full woman.
Starting point is 01:13:22 Wow, you're a trans woman. Like wow, like try to be something you're not. I've been like that a full woman. Wow, you're a trans woman. Like wow, like try to be something you're not. I've been like that my whole life. I'm like, Jack, please do not compare your journey to the journey of this lovely trans lady. Okay, please do not do that, Jacks. He's like, I used to be a lady fish. He's like, I used to be a lady fish.
Starting point is 01:13:36 And Billy Lee's like, yeah, you remind me with, you remind me a lot of myself. Like really? Girl. Just get a little space. Everything's going to change. Yeah, you remind me of myself. You know, I'm able to say whatever anyone needs to hear or feel better about themselves. Like what I'm doing right now to you. Jack's is like the least sensitive, but I like that Billy Lee comes.
Starting point is 01:14:01 He's like, God, that must have taken a lot of it. And she goes, a lot of surgery. That's what it took. But my pussy's great. He's like, God, that must have taken a lot of it. And she goes, a lot of surgery. That's what it took. But my pussy's great. He's like, yeah, well, so it's mine. Wow. God, this is amazing. We're just like each other, right?
Starting point is 01:14:13 You ever done raky? So yeah, Katie, this is where Katie, it's like they transition from no pun intended. They've tramp and they they transition from Jack's talking like this to Katie being like yeah, I've been working on easy going now that like Tom's just openly Fucking people on a pretend not to notice. It's like it's finally working. So James and Jack James like James is wasted now James is wasted like it's finally working. So James and Jack. James is wasted now. James is wasted.
Starting point is 01:14:49 We just see James go faceplant and he just like falls forward onto Jack's lap. He's just like wasted. And Michael is like, why? I don't get it. There's no plants. So then, um,, should I water the fight us and where is that? I thought I don't. Maybe my
Starting point is 01:15:11 maybe my smiles are there because I'm a chick, the face plant. At least your face has a plant mind doesn't even have a smile. So, so James, so now James James is like, James's waist didn't hang out with Logan, and they're both just really drunk, and they're kind of like hugging each other and kissing each other,
Starting point is 01:15:32 like, but on the cheek, it's not like they're making out, but they're like very handsy, and I'm not going to be homophobic at all, but they are being very handsy for sure. Um, yeah, well, it's that typical thing where James is like, oh it's just my mate.
Starting point is 01:15:47 Logan, we get blackout drunk, can't remember anything that happens while Rachel's gone, or Raquel's gone. Can't remember anything, my balls are empty, that's all I know. But you know, they feel different forwards in my life, you know, the point is I've avoid my life and that's what's important here.
Starting point is 01:16:02 And Logan feels my avoid if you know what I'm saying. Yeah, and so Rekel's basically just sitting there texting while they're all over each other. And James is like, let's just call to spade a lover. You love me, you're in love with me mate. And he's like, yeah, but that's true, but you're in love with me, Tato. He's like, I'm in love with you, my friend. And he's like, no, you're like that's true, but you're on love with me, T'au. He's like, I'm in love with you, he's my friend.
Starting point is 01:16:26 And he's like, no, you're like, turn around, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then he starts like licking his ear or some shit. Like something about writers going on. And Raquel is just like watching it because originally James comes back to Raquel. And he's like, all right, I'll spend time with you now, my good friend.
Starting point is 01:16:41 And Logan just comes stands right over them. And James looks up and say babe your glass has been crooked, fix them, their prescription, their prescription, he can't fix them. And as Logan stands above them, he goes seriously, like he looks at Raquel and he goes seriously. Raquel's like, so he sits down and like, I'm never losing you as a friend
Starting point is 01:17:07 ever. Do you care about me more than anything? Do I think you're in love with me? Absolutely. You're in love with me. Also, so fuck off. Oh, I'm sorry. Logan says that. I gave Logan James's voice. And that's what, yeah, that's what you were talking about where James is, and then James is like, as a best friend, yes, I'm in love with you as a best friend and Logan's like, oh, as more as a lot more and Raquel is like, I Feel like something's happening here, but I don't really get it. So I think like this something going on here. Wow Raquel. Really? Do you? They something going on here. Wow, Rikael really do you? Logan's got what's his buns is weener in between his cheeks and it's like riding up at that weight and then I have something's going on here.
Starting point is 01:17:54 Do we know when my pasta is going to get here because I still haven't had a yacht. Oh my god, we have a pasta. So no one's really sure what's going on there, even though we're all sure what's going on there. And James, I can say this, you can do better. Okay. Yeah. If you're gonna compete with Lala's rich fat man, here's a poor fat old man.
Starting point is 01:18:18 Okay, I love you. You could do better. I would slap you right upside the head, just like you need. Come to me, I'll beat you. I'll beat you and train you properly a little puppy So Lisa's you know, she's still walking around in her big pink hat because you know it prevents people from coming up to her If you remember, that's her that's her strategy. Yeah, so but she sees she's not just like broken bed alert
Starting point is 01:18:40 Broken bird I know she not so well. I see there's a fragility to a broken bird nest. Let me fix it. Diana, will you bring me the fragility tape? To put it on tape on to Shina so that people don't hurty jerky her round in the ups truck bring it over Fagility So she sits down and she's like well, I just I really let the other girls would like affect my relationship And I know I shouldn't but they do because it's like I lost my spine. I don't know where Rob is and like they reflect me That's the happiest I've ever been and I don't like that. I'm never in my entire life. Remember that time that lady and my wedding got the iPod to work? Why?
Starting point is 01:19:30 Even the happiest I'm on! Okay? Where are they going to work with that? We've been perfect. Literally? Pfft! And look who's like you. Ha! Listen, listen.
Starting point is 01:19:41 Darling, little broken sheenah. Even if this relationship with hobbity, nobody, dob-dobble, whatever it's face doesn't work out. It's not the end of the work face, it's you still have a buck-alonger with giant big goldpoltism. I guess it's really working, is it? Well, it's gonna work out because it's meant to be, okay? I read a fortune cookie the other night,
Starting point is 01:20:03 I said it's meant to be. Well, I mean, actually it said that like, good things are about to happen. And so I feel like Rob is a good thing and I feel like it's meant to be, okay? I read a fortune cookie the other night. I said it's meant to be. Well, I mean, actually it said that like, good things are about to happen. And so I feel like Rob is a good thing. And I feel like it's about to happen. So like, as long as I found my smile, the fortune cookie will come true, which is like, oh my god,
Starting point is 01:20:12 the fortune cookie's work. Oh my god, Lisa. Have you been losing weight? Are you missing a wing? What is it darling? I'm here, man. If you're anything, I'm putting you down. I'm going to ask Chef Joe.
Starting point is 01:20:25 Chef Joe, may I have a croissant? Rescue 911. Someone call William Chatna. We have a croissant emergency. Croissant, Chef Joe. Croissant, no, don't put the pickled cabbage on it. Take it off. Just put some ham on that.
Starting point is 01:20:43 Croissant, croissant, croissant. Rescue 9, JoJo. the pickled cabbage on it. Take it off. Just put some ham on that. Quasão, quasão, quasão, quasão. Rescue nine, JoJo. Fashina. I don't get who this is supposed to go for. I go directly to Shina. Send all quasão to Shina. Swarm, Swarm. She's like, and she's like, this is delicious. Looks painful for her to eat. This is like, like I no, no, no, no. It looks painful for her to eat. This is like, like I mean, I am eating. No, no, no, no.
Starting point is 01:21:09 And this is like, she's like, you're like a nervous little kitten. It's like Jesus, lady, you might as well just be holding a shot of death right above her neck. Sheena, hold that sandwich up. Higher, higher. Do you see what I've done? No, I found your smile.
Starting point is 01:21:30 Oh my god, it is my smile. I never knew I had a smile. Oh my god, my smile is crusty. I hope I don't give it to Rob. He's gonna kill me. I'm gonna eat my smile now. I'm eating Kati's smile, typically. And that actually makes my smile. I was dying at that. That was the best bit of editing ever. It's just so annoying. Where's my smile? Where's my response?
Starting point is 01:22:24 And Lisa's just like, wow, KT. So meanwhile, it's Rob's first gay pride. Meanwhile, after all, this Rob has been sitting there in the next room. And so she just cozy up next to him and it's like, I'm just happy when you're around. Yeah, she's like, got my smile back.
Starting point is 01:22:46 He's like, wow, it tastes like ham. So good for you. Is there a honey mustard on your smile? Yeah. So, Jack says like, well, your feet look tired. And Brittany's like, he's such a charmer. I love him even though he's a big dumb dumb. So then James and La La are talking.
Starting point is 01:23:07 And she's like, hello, Laura. Remember yesterday when we had grape soda and didn't fight about pasta? Yeah. Ha, ha, ha. Listen, James never mentioned my man again unless it's something positive and involves pasta, okay? Because it's positive for him, okay?
Starting point is 01:23:25 I'm positive, pasta, okay? Pasta to pasta, okay? Or nothing? And it's like, you know, you're my girl, home girl, wiki wiki. It's like, okay James, so that, right? So, I have all of the acquaintances, acquaintances, but I don't have a lot of friends, okay?
Starting point is 01:23:42 So when there's drama, the circle gets awkward girl So you know what when things get complicated we got to talk it out and boom. It's James and Lala forever I have a point for everyone for everyone Family style I would wait for people I let fuck me up the arse when I'm drunk and pretend not to remember the next day And since Lala doesn't hurt us bad, I shall apologize and work on my behavior. Lala! Did you know that Cuscus is actually pasta? Good. I found my cow cow. So basically that's it everybody starts parting and then Sherry arrives she's like ah well look at this gay pride What an interesting time to bring me into this show
Starting point is 01:24:28 Well, I think it's notable to mention that when Shari arrives because at this point a Brittany is back at her apartment jacks is taking enormous chunks out of an apple Katie and Kristen show up first and they're dressed literally like witches like they're in black This is like some bubble bubble toilin trouble shit or toilin trouble you know it's like they are like we are going to conjure up some some black magic shit and guess what it's your mom. Yes pretty much she's like well I hope that y'all been having fun and not second on any wineries jacks and that's pretty it. So I cannot wait to see what happens. I know. Oh my God, such a funny episode. Every single episode this season's
Starting point is 01:25:11 amazing. This pasta shit, legendary, legendary, what a show. Everybody we are running long as usual with our VPR. Thank you so much for being here. This week's bonus episode is from the Boston Logan Airport, where we just yapped about every passing person and the games and all the big gila-cuddies, etc. Thank you to everybody who listens to those on Patreon and supports us. And thank you to everybody who listens to this and doesn't support monetarily, but just with their ears, we love you the same. Thanks, tell your friends about it. Yes, go to watchwitcrapons.com for merch and for ticket store live shows and we will
Starting point is 01:25:47 see you tomorrow. Bye! Hey, prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. Bye bye.

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