Watch What Crappens - #71: Bullying, Screeching and Deadbeating

Episode Date: April 24, 2013

On this week's Watch What Crappens, Matt Whitfield (Yahoo), Ben Mandelker, (bsideblog) and Ronnie Karam (TVgasm) talk crap about Don't Be Tardy, Kandi Factory, and some good ole fashioned gossip before moving into the insanity that is Real Housewives of Orange County.  This is part one of a two parter. The drinking began early, so enjoy the high before the crash in hour two! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, aren't you happy? It's finally spring, Ben. Yeah, I'm so happy. It's like better weather, sunshine, just puts you in a good mood. It's like when you get an unexpected gift. All of a sudden, you feel great. There is nothing better than being surprised. Ben, when was the last time you were surprised?

Oh, I don't know, like 30 years ago. 30 years, Ben. What if you woke up tomorrow and someone knocked on the door, and it was UPS or whatever preferred mail carrier you choose with a big box of berries covered in chocolate? I would be so happy because I know I could give them to all my friends and they'd be so happy. Wait, are you telling me that these berries are going to come from Sherry's Berries? You know what? You can remember it because it rhymes. Sherry's Berries. Oh, wow. So where would I go to order such things?

Well, you could send giant dip strawberries from Sherry's Berries for only $19.99. That is a 40% savings. That shit's almost $40 normally. Just go to berries.com, click on the microphone, and type in the code word WATCH. Wow. So microphone, and type in the code word WATCH. Wow, so you have to type in the code word WATCH to get your discount, right? Yes, but if you type that in, you get 40% off.

I mean, that is almost $20. That is, like, almost $20 off. And that will give us enough money to buy Matt something for Mother's Day, Ben, and make him feel great. That will give us enough money to buy Matt something for Mother's Day, Ben, and make him feel great. You know, I heard a rumor that if you type in WATCH as your code and then you want to double the berries, it's only $10 more. Holy crap, where'd you hear that? I don't know where I heard it, but I heard it somewhere. Buy some Sheriff's Berries. Use the code word WATCH. Go to berries.com.

$10 more, you can get a lot more berries. Go there. Hurry. Do it. Don't wait. Order now. Order now. Roll another. Yeah. Oh, good. La, la, la, la, la, la. Ew.

La, la, la, la, la, la. Wait. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la I was gonna clean my room until I got high. I was gonna get up and find the broom, but then I got high. Welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast dedicated to all that crap we love to watch on Bravo. My name is Matt Whitfield from Yahoo, and joining me as always are Ben Mandelker from B-Side Blog and Ronnie Karam from TVgasm. Say hello, berries hawkers. Hi.

Mmm, juicy. I hope everyone's buying some berries right now to help get some ad revenue on our lovely podcast here. The Mother's Day Sherry's Berry spots. We didn't even say Mother's Day. But did you guys already buy your Mother's Day stuff? It's not early, right? It's May 12th. It is the day before my birthday because my mom tries to steal my special day. And this year she can be on the Sunday.

I'm on Monday. Oh. Well, here's – if you're buying chocolate-dipped strawberries for your mother now, it's a little too early because I don't think those strawberries will be holding up come Mother's Day. But buy them for some other reason. I'm still doing the ad. I'm still doing the ad. Yeah, we can drop it now. We cut that.

We play – there's music that's been played. That shit's over. Anyway, back to our podcast it's called watch what crappens you can follow us on twitter at what crappens and definitely get involved with us on the facebook page ben has been posting like a madman this past week and we are obviously at

facebook.com forward slash watch what crappens you can follow ben on twitter at b-side blog you can find ronnie on twitter at tvgasm you can find me at twitter at LifeOnTheMList. And don't forget to stalk us on Instagram as well because we sometimes forget that we're sharing our personal lives out there and you guys are spying on us.

But it's kind of fun in a gross way. I want to share something personal right now. Do it. I am drinking a margarita. I am going to share something else. I am not wearing pants and I am drinking a light beer in a koozie. Ooh, wow.

That's so Lake Havasu, real house size of orange County chic. You know, whenever I try and say koozie, people say, Oh, you mean a cozy? I think they stopped calling them koozie because of what kooze turned into.

That turned into vagina talk. Um, as a homosexual man, i will forever call it a koozie and the one that i'm using right now in addition to saying spoiled rotten on one side says it's not easy being a princess on the other side please tell me that's not what you have in your house um it's in my hand not my ass did you say my ass or my house your house why do i get the sense that if matt were not podcasting right now he'd be listening to pontoon and listening to song okay look i like country

music don't don't mess around hey i got that mp3 i like it too um what are you drinking yeah ronnie what are you drinking i'm drinking some red wine some four dollar kahuna wine from fresh and easy fresh and easy fresh and easy darling and i thought i was the white trash person on this some $4 Kahuna wine from... Fresh and Easy. Fresh and Easy. Fresh and Easy, darling. And I thought I was the white trash person on this podcast. Well, I keep buying bottles of wine to give people as gifts, and I've given them all away. So apparently I'm a big giver.

All I have is this $4 bottle of Kahuna. For all of you guys listening out there, all of our dedicated fans, thank you for tuning in. Just fair warning in advance, as if the Sherry's Berries ad didn't, you know, terrify you a little bit earlier. We're taping

later than normal, and alcohol is definitely involved. Yeah. Whatever. Don't blame the alcohol on me. Blame Sherry's Berries. Blame Sherry's, yeah. We had to go on a conference call. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, let's start the podcast.

Okay, so we watched all the Housewives shows this week and Married to Meds. And then we have some Kim watching. So who watched the Kim show? I watched it. I did, too. I love Kim. I'm the only person here who likes Kim. Hate her.

So I watched the two episodes last week, and they were okay, nothing great. And then I watched tonight's episode, which I don't think you guys have seen. But I would rather sit through 30 minutes of Shari's Barry's commercials than watch that episode again. That took 30 minutes of my life. It was horrific, and I remembered why I hate this show and why I will not be watching any more Tardy for the Party. I would rather have my eyelashes stapled to my forehead and forced to sit in front of E! Entertainment's

What Would Ryan Lochte Do? The best new show ever. for five days in a row before I watched Stupid Kim and her trashy ass show. I would rather hurl myself off my balcony and land in a vat of razor blades and then have to listen to Asa sing songs about tehran then watch that show again i would rather watch kim's show than watch the candy factory now i've watched okay now i watch the candy okay you win you win you win uncle so i watched the candy factory tonight which featured a gay rapper and a former mormon kid uh wanting to be some sort of glam alternative rocker.

Okay, they are scraping the bottom of the barrel. I feel so bad because, you know what, I love Kandi, and it's actually really fun to see her working. But, man, this is the crap that they give her. I mean, give her some, like, talented singers, not some Armenian rapper. Who cares about this? Wouldn't you rather actually watch her podcast talk show about sex? Oh, I've seen it. I would rather watch that on Bravo.

See, now, I speak to Riley about it. And Riley's all, Mama, why you gotta do a podcast instead of a candy factory? Riley. Nothing makes sense. You know what? Margaritas don't help Candy's accent. I never said I... I never had the...

At this point, my candy impersonation has become an impersonation of my impersonation. I never had it. I never got my candy impersonation. It's just become... Hey, hey, hey, Riley.

Why are you watching American Idol? Who got our own American Idol? Maybe you went to that bar and take our camera? Riley, why don't you watch The Candy Factory, Riley? You have to add the, wow, you'll see. See, see, Riley, she likes American Idol. So Riley watches that. See?

So I have not watched this Candy Factory, but I watched the pilot that they did last year of Candy Factory, and it was, like, it was terrified. You know Nene last year when she said, oh, well, the Twitter people came to her party, which means, like, you just bet on Twitter that you're having a party and every fan shows up. That's what the Candy Factory pilot was like.

It's like she just picked three terrified people off of Twitter and was like, sure, come on down. Well, in certain ways, she is less, what do you call it, discerning than the Bailey agency. Now, don't say things you can't take back. Now, here's the thing. Why would you come showing your ass and your, what's she call it? Your vagina crack. What was she calling it? Your vajayjay crack.

Your kegel holders. Why would you come to an audition for a beauty school showing off your coochie crack? That's what it was. Now, the thing is that I sort of understand why they have these random people who can't sing, because Candy obviously worked magic with Kim. And I think there's sort of this element that's like, well, look, she turned Kim into someone who had a song that was on iTunes. So let's see what she does with these random people across America. The ring doesn't mean a thing. Oh.

We're random people that have shit on iTunes, and we're doing a hell of a lot better than Kim Zolciak's song are we? I think we are because her song's been pulled and we're still on iTunes maybe Candy can auto-tune our entire podcast it'll be like an opera

if Candy would auto-tune you doing Candy and Ronnie doing Mama Joyce that would be the highlight of my life. So what happened? Did Mama Joyce die during filming and they just didn't want it to depress the whole season like Russell? Because Mama Joyce is just like, I think we saw her in the first episode and then bitch left. Where'd she go? She's busy standing in line for a new Joyce DeWitt wig.

I think she's probably hanging out with Ridiculous. Oh, wow. I remember the days when she used to have a nice little old lady perm. Those were the days. I know. Fame turns everyone into assholes, even her. And a cheap cheetah print blouse from Tags. Okay, so Candy Factory, still stupid.

So what happens? Do they continue for the whole season competing, or was this just a one-off competition thing? It's a one-off. It's a one-off thing. You know, the show isn't the worst, but it's not the best. But the thing is that it just doesn't— That's a glowing review. They're going to put that on the cover of Variety. Not the worst, but not the is that it just doesn't... That's a glowing review. They're going to put that on the cover of Variety.

Not the worst, but not the best. Watch what crap happens. The problem is that it's just not a show that matches Bravo. It really... It should be on, like, VH1. This is not Bravo territory. Okay, well, I liked Platinum Hit. I loved Platinum Hit. Which love nothing to do with anything but people

sang on that too and i really liked it bring it back that was much better you know you know the problem with that was that cara de la guardia or whatever just get rid of that dumb ass um the problem was jewel snaggletooth who oh jewel i like jewel she was nice didn't she live in a truck by the beach with her mom i think it was a van by the river she live in a truck by the beach with her mom? I think it was a van by the river. But, you know, a truck by the beach, a van by the river, whatever. In Alaska. All those famous Alaskan beaches. Yeah.

That was rough. You've got to hand it to her. Look at her on a TV show. Look at her. She's come full circle. She's back in the truck by the lake. She put all her money in Platinum Hit. Now she's back in a van in the Alaskan wilderness.

Okay, so other than that, there was the Kim Zolciak show. Okay, tell me what happened on this show. Well, on the latest episode, Kim decided that she was going to plan her anniversary with Kroy. So she sort of like reenacted her wedding, kind of, in the same venue where she met Croy, that big empty venue. We had to watch that bitch get married again.

I know. It basically was like a half an hour, which was about 29 minutes too long, of watching her have like fake crises. You know, like, oh my God, what am I going to do? This venue is too big, and there's only a week left to plan this thing, and oh my god, I don't know

if this is all going to work out at all. That is every single episode, except you didn't have a mouthful of tater skins from Chick-fil-A and a big jug of Kool-Aid in a styrofoam cup. Yeah, that's... No, she was looking so white trash in this one. She actually had

some sort of bandana or scarf around her hair. I mean, she really looked like... A little Bret Michaels? No, not like that. It was wrapped up almost like she was Lucille Ball or something. I hate to even... Oh my gosh. She wishes.

But it was just pure white trash. That girl probably never understood one episode of that show she's like lucy why they call it i love lucy i don't love lucy what the fuck they call it i love lucy for it's like there is lucy because lucy's there i don't watch i don't watch fucking lucy i like i just still zarin kim zolciak you know what's that i wasn't even doing it like a i was trying to do a kim Zolciak sort of. I wasn't totally committing to it because I wasn't even going to try. You need to be more like a chicken.

You have to cluck like a chicken. Like the chicken lady on that show with the Canadian comedians. Oh, Kids in the Hall? Kids in the Hall, the chicken lady. If I do that, I become Leah. That's Leah, yeah. Kim, I think, is more just like a... More like...

More like she's got us. I've never done this Kim accent. I's Leah, yeah. Kim, I think, is more just like a... More like... More like she's got... I've never done this Kim accent. I can't do it. Look at that ass. I'm still... I was attracted to that ass the first time I saw it, and I'm still attracted to that ass. Yes.

I was actually working on her little stylist's accent. Let me see if I can do it. Her stylist was like... She has this weird way of talking. She's like, I don't know. It's very strange. Who? Her, like,

stylist friend. Her friend that just buys them clothes from Tags. Yeah, pretty much. Was she on last year? Yes. She helped prepare the wedding. Her name is, like, Q or P or Z or something like that. Jesus Christ. Anyway, I watched last week's episode.

And the thing that, you know, I like Kim even though I shouldn't and I should probably kill myself. But when I'm watching this show, the second episode was all about, oh, well, Kim's mom, who she still hasn't been talking to, was trying to get visit – grandparent visitation rights to see Ariana and Brielle. And Kim, like for the first 10 minutes is going like, I don't want my girls to know. I can't let them know about all this craziness. And then halfway through the episode, she sits the girls down and she's like,

your grandma wants to see you. And grandma's a horrible person. And the girl, I mean, it was just, it was completely like scripted and I was starting to zone out. I'm going to be for real. Well, there was, I will say this.

It was one of Kim's few redeeming moments is that when she threw a birthday party for poor little Ariana and they like went, what'd they do? They went like bowling or something. They went to Sky Zone. Sky Zone, of course. What is wrong with you? Of course. With the tie in from the, from the, the famed Bellino, the Bellino household.

I was shocked at that Sky Zone's official spokes, Alexis, wasn't there to greet them. But I actually thought that was very endearing because on every single one of these housewives shows, whenever there's any hint of a birthday, hint of a celebration, it's like, let's hire ten camels and five elephants and a magician and let's commission a five-story portrait of your face. They were eating cheese pizza and bouncing on trampolines as they should. Ariana had her face in a pizza pie. That's the way a little girl should... That's the way a kid has a birthday party. Good for Kim for doing it.

Pre-diabetes is the way to go. Poor Ariana. I'm shocked she didn't get thrown into a pool on her birthday. Well, your birthday is always better when you know you're not going to have as many as someone without diabetes. She's so sweet. Ariana is like the one good person to come out of this entire Real Housewives of Atlanta franchise. I actually think Kim is a good mom and I think that her kids are turning out halfway decent. Brielle is not nearly the bitch she was three years ago.

They're actually good kids. They're just not evil yet. Brielle's doing great. I mean, she is going to be probably class president of her community college. And Rihanna, I mean, I think she's going to have a wonderful life as a seamstress. As a seamstress? She's going to definitely be a professional female soccer player or MMA fighter. You know what I'm getting at.

No, I do, but I'm going to say this. Ariana. She's going to be a referee of the sky. She'll be playing some softball. But look, Ariana is a sweetheart. She's played a lot of softball. She is a sweetheart. Like a lot of softball. She is a sweetheart. And she's the only one who seems to...

She seems to be the only selfless soul on these shows. I want Ariana and Danielle Staub's younger daughter to become friends. Just run away. Remember the younger daughter? What was her name? She sang the song about her sister.

You're my sister. And I love you so much. You're my sister. I love you so much. You're my sister. And it was always like, look at your older sister, the model, and then you. That's a recurring theme with these Bravo, Liberty children. It's like, I'll be Manzo and don't be Chris. And dump your Lauren Manzo. I didn't even bring up Dumpster Lauren.

You mean Grimace? Wow, I got real catty right there. I just compared Lauren to Grimace from McDonald's. Which she's probably eating right now before she gets a fifth lap band surgery. Oh. My. God. Oh.

lap band surgery. Oh my god. Oh! I know Doctor's wife would get a lap band and then eat a Big Mac in the lobby of a mall.

I've had a personal struggle with lap bands for all my life. Specifically with bands and with laps. I don't know how to sit in someone's lap, and I don't know how to handle a rubber band. I've been in the hospital because someone asked me. Treat me like a comic book.

I've been in the hospital because I ran around the block, and then I did it again, making it a lap. Ronnie, what is that accent? That is Kari. I've had a personal struggle with Kari's accent for the past 20 years of my life. It's a very private struggle. I put in this lap band without the help of a party

planner. I love that we just lapsed into a character. I can't even do it. I'm not even going to try. No, you can. Just try it. Because her accent is fake, so if you do a fake accent, it'll sound perfect. Or Mariah. No, that was bad.

How do you say Mariah in Carrie voice? When I saw Mariah. When I saw Mariah. When I looked into Toya's soul, I saw a girl whose face had become and looked like death because she'd had her weave pulled out.

Once I wiped my contacts clean, I knew that they were not dirty and that in fact it was Toya who was dirty. I couldn't wipe Toya off. I realized all this time that it was Mariah who had taken the first two tears off the cake, which is why I only had a sheet cake, to present to Duncan on his birthday.

And Duncan is so mad. But I agree with Duncan that they're going to be divorcing tomorrow i've realized that toyah took the bow off of heather's cake doctor's wives do not travel i want her to be a new show on lifetime called the carry mysteries where she goes around and she's a sleuth. And she tries to figure out crimes. She's actually the new Carmen Sandiego. I want to do that.

I heard that there was murder last night. Murder is something that I've had a very private struggle with, and Duncan does not approve. It should just be called private struggles with Carrie. Now, when the man attacked you, why did you not just go to the cop and say, I've been attacked? Why did you fight back? I've been called because there's a cat in a tree. Who would put a cat in a tree? You will never marry medicine with a cat in a tree.

Mary Medicine with a cat in a tree. All my husband works with many trees and the word gets around. I am embarrassed. We do not have trees like that with cats in them at my house. I had a personal struggle

with pussies for a very long time. I have problems with pussy willows, in fact. I can't tell the difference between a cat and a pussy willow. I strangle one and pick the other. And realize I've done it backwards. I once brought my cat to the vet.

And the vet said, why did you bring a bouquet of pussy willows? And I realized that for five years I had been feeding a pussy willow. And I was wondering why I didn't eat and I thought for a moment that my cat had struggled with anorexia the way that I had, but it turns out my cat was a plant.

Late night podcast. Yay, podcast. Okay, can we talk some gossip before we get into the real shows? I'm tired. I laugh too hard. I'm going to bed now. Good night. Let's talk about gossip.

Okay. What do you have, Matt? Okay. You can't even remember my name. What did I call you? I called you Matt. Oh, my headphones clicked out for a second oh i was gonna say i was like did i forget his name what did i call him um so that guy bravo andy that we all love slash hate slash really hate um his show watch what happens which is based on this amazing podcast called Watch What Crappens, hit its

all-time highest viewership on Sunday night when Portia was on the show with Vivica A. Fox. Oh, I saw part of that. Following the Atlanta... Yeah, following the Atlanta reunion part three, it was the highest rated episode ever in Watch What Happens history with over two million

viewers, and it just makes me kind of ill because Andy does not ask the right goddamn questions. So what did we find out from Portia? Portia went on another, she went on another, you know that part in the reunion where she started shouting that whole Rosa Parks speech, which we'll get to when we talk about that.

But she did it again on this, and it was hilarious. Andy just asked her something like, well, the gossip got really weird because he's just asking normal things like, well, did you know about the divorce? How did you find out? And she said that she found out on Twitter.

And he was in the next room, and she's like, baby, baby, I got ready to do it on Twitter, did it? That you divorced me. Is that true? And he did. on Twitter they did that you's divorcing me is that true and he did and Andy's like he was in the next room she's like yeah he was in the next room and let me tell you

something I still don't know what's going on and he's like wait a second are you guys still living together and she's like yeah it's weird but let me tell you something i'm a woman and i believe in womanliness and i'm gonna stand up and be a woman and she just went on and started that whole scream yell thing she did and it was and then he was like and now we have to go to commercial well thankfully you know he was uncomfortable of course but thankfully there

was vivica fox next door acting like she was in church she was like oh yeah girl you go uh-huh that's right you said say it again oh that is right you said it and that and how sad is it that that is the number one rated show that they've ever had can i can i tell you something i don't know if you've ever seen a reunion of Jerseylicious, but Vivica A. Fox hosts them all, and that's exactly how she hosts them. She has these kids like, now how do you go put him on Front Street or whatever? And then they respond like, well, when I was talking to Johnny, Johnny wasn't talking to me, and Vivica Fox was like, uh-huh, okay, okay. The entire reunion. It's amazing.

Everyone watch. I died when she was like, you did that. You did that. Were you guys not excited? Well, I mean, I guess, Ben, you didn't watch it, but which one of you is obsessed with Big Rich Atlanta? Because those ladies were the marchers. Were they really? Which ones

were they? Was it Harvard and Mayer? Big ones with bigger hair. Yeah, that's Harvard and Mayer, I imagine. Two blonde girls, tall and blonde. They were blonde as in white ladies or not white ladies? Both. They're blonde.

But I don't remember the other pair of twins. I just remember the skinny white girls, but I've only seen the first two episodes of it. It's so good. It was so good, but I was like, yeah, I've got so much trash already. Maybe I'm going to read some today. Oh, it's great trash. Of the trash, if you're going to watch one thing on the Style Network, which is a big ask, make it be Big Rich Atlanta. No, the best new show is coming out.

It's about Betsy Johnson, the fashion designer. Oh, my God. That's going to be great. What is that going to be on Style, that Betsy Johnson? Yes, it's premiering like May 6th. Girl, you did that. I'm going to watch that. You said it.

You did it. She work. She work. She work. So yeah, that was interesting. But I'm glad that Portia got good ratings because just in case she's the one that NeNe wants to get fired. becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List

on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death.

Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History for Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February.

And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th.

Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Because Nini wants to fire somebody. She let us know at the end. Well, I guess we'll get to that when we get to Atlanta. Okay, okay. So this one says, Wendy Williams bashes Real Housewives of Atlanta Phaedra Parks. This is from PerezHilton.com. Leave it to Wendy Williams to keep it real.

The talk show host is definitely not the president of Real Housewives of Atlanta's Phaedra Parks fan club. Blah, blah, blah, what'd she say?wives of Atlanta's Phaedra Parks fan club. Blah, blah, blah, what'd she say? Wendy blasted, Phaedra, you started out to be everything that a lot of young girls want to be, and that is a lawyer or at least somebody that requires a lot of education. You went from being a smart lawyer who gave an ex-con a chance, which is forgiving.

I give you a plus for that. But you've tumbled down to just being a ratchet. I'm not sure if I believe that, but go on. But you've tumbled down i'm not sure if i believe that but go on but you've tumbled down to just being a ratchet i'm sorry but this just means that wendy williams is friends with kenya and she's kenya's ugly friend that gets to hang out with a supermodel and shame on her for ever saying that phadra started out as a smart and successful lawyer yeah exactly you got your facts wrong from the get-go b b well i did likehaedra said, and I'll say it to the both of you. I'm a terrible lawyer, then how come I'm representing everybody in town?

One minute you're accusing me of representing everybody, and the next I'm a terrible lawyer. Lawyer. Phaedra knows what she's doing, you guys. And if you need a complete spinoff to believe it, then she's going to have one. And it's going to be called, what is her spinoff going to be called? Oh, yeah. Where she, like, doesn't she preside over, like, Dog funeral?

Yeah, it's like cat versus dog law cases. Animal court or something like that. I don't know. I think it's just, like, Judge Judy. Wouldn't that be amazing if it was, like, Pussy V, bitch. It's, like, gerbil versus goldfish. The Honorable Phaedra Parks

presiding. Oh my god. Phaedra. I can't wait for that spinoff. I will definitely watch that. We do have, actually, other spinoff news. This comes courtesy of a frequent contributor to our Facebook page, facebook.com forward slash watch what crappens. This comes from Michael Cook

who sent a link that says that Teresa is getting her own spin off Teresa or Judice what do you guys think about that? We don't know that we should believe Michael Cook as much as we love him and he's a dedicated user and listener he also posts

he's on drugs oh my god he is a user he is a user of he's a a user. He is a user of – He's a dedicated user of heroin. But he did post a photo of Andy Cohen on vacay in Miami pretty much saying like he'd hit that, and I was not feeling that photo. Are you kidding? I was shocked at Andy's body. Like how does he have that body?

He does not – What body are you talking about? He's gotten soft. He's gotten soft. He used to have a better body soft you guys he has bulging muscles and lines on his stomach like hello okay he has a fat stomach with a v on the side it just makes no sense to me how does that happen i don't know but i know i've got just i've got no v and i got my fat so you won't see any photos

of me like that anytime soon. Yeah, so what the hell? If I had that, I'd be Instagramming my V all over the place right now. Getting your V all around town? Anyway, so what would Teresa's show be about? Visiting Joe? I think so. Conjugal visits with the Judy Chase?

I think it's about learning about exotic ingredients of the world, like cumin. Like cumin. She'll have to go to the jail cell every week and listen to him talk to somebody while she blows him. Like in that wine, in that, where were they? That wine place. Hey, Joe, I'm a good blower. I'm a good blower, aren't I, Joe? He's like, hey, hold on, my wife is coming. She's such a cunt. Yeah, let's do it up against this tree. I'm a good blower i'm a good blower aren't i joe he's like hey hold on my wife is

coming she's such a cunt yeah let's do it i came to blow you i'm a good blower i'm a good blower in the cornfields at caroline's birthday party that's when she does her best blow jobs children of the corn battalions of the corn i don't want to don't make me do it come on just do it right now all right oh gross they, boom, boom. Ugh, gross. They are so gross. What is her spinoff going to be? I'm horrified that she's getting a spinoff. She'll have to open, like, a nail salon to provide for her family once Joe goes to jail.

Oh, yeah, and then she can get into a fight with Kefache. And then Melania can stab the guest with nail files. Yes. And then sit in some supermarket's salad bar. God, that Melania loves to sit on a tossed salad in a salad restaurant area of a grocery store. Don't let her get near the counter at Cafes because she's going to put her ass in every single basin of egg salad. And then she's going to put her mustache in it too. of egg salad.

And then she's going to put her mustache in it too. I'm so glad that we went from bashing Ariana, the nine-year-old, to Melania, the five-year-old. I'm sorry, she has a mustache. They should open up a waxing bar. That's what they should do. As they say on many of these Real Housewives reunions,

I wasn't stating my opinion. I was merely stating the facts. I wasn't slandering Melania. I was merely stating the facts of the situation. Yeah, you actually were not slandering her. She does put her ass in everything. She'll sit on a frozen roasted chicken. It's almost like a seal of approval, quite frankly.

roasted chicken it's almost like a seal of approval quite frankly if you got those two little like butt marks if you think those are two little like croissant marks there it's really her butt and that means that she's approved and she wants to sit on it okay let's move on to some actual show talk because there was there was a lot on the on the television this week where are we gonna start because i am so mad after watching Real Housewives of Orange County. I think that's where we have to start. Okay, then let's start there. Go for it.

Why were you so mad? I hate Heather! Was she the most horrible one? I thought Gretchen was the most horrible. I thought Gretchen was the worst. Gretchen was the worst. Okay, I have been defending Gretchen for some god...

I don't even know why for the past few years because I'm like, oh, she's just cute and dumb and I'm rooting for her. She and Heather are truly mean girls and they are almost getting up to that level of Tamra nastiness. Well, that's the fun thing that was sort of funny about this is that Alexis has this stupid thing. She's like, well, I don't like bullying. And so these girls – Heather and Gretchen and Tamra have a point, which, I don't like bullying, you know, and so these girls, you know, Heather and Gretchen and Tamara have a point, which is that they weren't bullying her in Costa Rica. They were just stating, you know,

their opinions and for Alexis to keep going on and on about, like, bullying, bullying, bullying is ridiculous. But then... But now they're bullying her. They actually were kind of bullying her this time around. This time I was like, Gretchen was being a full full classic mean girl the entire night. These shows are so manipulative.

And it's kind of like, last year I was like, oh, it does not get worse than Alexis. She's so awful. And this year I'm rooting for her. Well, I'm not rooting for her. But I wasn't, she wasn't the worst person in the room for once. Well, I'm rooting for her to i wasn't she wasn't the worst person in the room for once well i'm rooting for her to make a sentence i mean every time she opens her mouth i'm like you can do it alexis put a you know put string those words together girl one day you're gonna make a complete cohesive sentence and i'm rooting for this she does not use words that are more than one syllable

i will give you that mean is the longest word she can use. I loved when she said at one point that she didn't want to start off on a bad foot. Because it's supposed to be like you don't want to start off on a bad note. And so I just like the idea of her limping in and being like, damn it. I'm on a bad foot. Okay. Let's back up a few minutes before we get to the party because that was the second half of the episode. Let's start with a few of the other things at the beginning, which I would like to address. First of all, we had Alexis visiting Vicky at her Cota da Casa home, and she brought Vicky a little mirror as a little girlfriend gift to say something along the lines of, you look like a plastic surgery freak, but this is to remind you that you're always beautiful with a little compact.

What was that about? Well, yeah, that whole thing I thought was kind of hilarious because she's talking about like, oh, well, I am who I – I know who I am and God knows who I am too. And she's telling Vicky like, oh, you got plastic surgery because you're so comfortable with yourself. What the hell does that mean? If she was so comfortable with herself, she wouldn't have needed plastic surgery, you dumb so comfortable with yourself what the hell does that mean if she was so comfortable with herself she wouldn't need a plastic surgery you dumb ass exactly i my favorite part of the scene was when um vicky's like i want you to come to tamra's party and alexis is like well everyone there hates me everyone there is awful to me and vicky's like yeah they'll probably tear you apart but i really need you to be there and alexis's takeaway was to say oh my god you just

must really want me to be there well if you if you want vicky said i told tamra that i really wanted you to come because i really needed you and that's not what she told tamra she just said can she come and tamra said yes so alexis was like oh you really do need me. And the reason why Vicky needed Alexis is that because she knew that Alexis was going to take all the heat and that Vicky would just be able to sit there and not have to worry about anything. Hell yeah. First party of the season, you know Tamara's going to yell

at somebody. She does every year. Surprise, surprise. She's the biggest bitch ever in Housewives history. Don't get me started. And speaking of watch what happens, she was on there last night and that was another one i turned off after five minutes because i couldn't fucking stand it and she's like you know uh some caller called in who was basically like hey and he's like hey let's welcome dorothy from rhode island and she's like hi tamra and was like hi she's like

so how does it feel being such a bitch? Like, basically. It was a longer question. You know, she told her off. It was me. I am sometimes Dorothy from Rhode Island. And Tamara's answer. That's the only voice I can do.

Dorothy from Rhode Island. Pretty much. And her answer was basically, well, look, Andy here. Hi, Andy. Andy here pays me a lot of money to speak my mind. And I have a job to do. And I'm sorry to defend you. But that is my job.

And look, I mean, Andy pays me a lot to do it. So I'm going to take his money and just keep speaking my mind. It's like, first of all, gross. What a gross answer. And second, like, first of all, gross. What a gross answer. And second, like, do I, does Andy want that? Does Andy want you just going on TV on his show and saying it's all fake? No, no, no, no, no.

They have no problem at Bravo when, you know, on some of these reunions, you get to hear about some of the stories that are going on behind the scenes. Bravo is not happy about the money factor really getting out there. Because at that point, when you know that these

dollar bill signs are going up up up and you see that nini has now signed a contract for a million dollars for the next season you know that it's going to be she's going to be have to fight in ken she's going to have to fight kenya next season like that is in the contract like you have to have x y and z number of fights with x y and z people and clearly tamra just let the cat out of the bag i mean granted we know reality tv is all in the hands of the editors and the way that they manipulate this bullshit. But as a fan of this trash, at least let me pretend some of this is a little bit real. Yeah, stop saying you have a job to do. And they were saying that on the Atlanta reunion too.

Like, we're all here to do a job. It's like, that's just sort of sad that you see whoring out your personal Dignity as your job now. Yeah, it's just weird like well We have to be there the whole shoot day like we have to show up and sit there for the whole dinner and you can Just leave whenever you want Kim. I don't like that. You know like It's gross that it's all it's so forced that they have to sit there now that said it can still get you know Squeals out of me when they do it right because during orange county i was like yeah that's right because that shit just got so good okay okay i have more stuff that we have to talk about before we get to the party i need to ask

what you guys think about the new girl lydia and her husband who is clearly a hot homosexual having dinner with heather and her husband and them shutting the Dubros down by going like, sorry, we only have celebrities like Helen Hunt on the cover of our magazine. You know, I feel bad for Heather because... Shut up! No, no, I feel bad for Heather because being told that you're not good enough for this magazine

is like being told, sorry, we don't want to feature you in the penny saver because this is a classy magazine you know it's like yeah they're they're basically a step above the penny saver i think heather if she wants to be on the cover of a magazine i think her next best bet is to go to like 321 contact magazine or something like that i'm sorry but highlights highlights just another reason why I hate Heather is bitch, you are not famous. Heather Page Kent means jack shit in the universe

of entertainment. Your IMDb page has some three bad, nasty ass terrible sitcoms that did nothing. So don't pretend that you are famous. You are more famous now than you ever were before because of a Bravo show that has been in existence for six years before you came on board. Know your role, B.

Yeah, well, if this was last year, I would totally agree with you. But this year, she's known at least for being a housewife. If she went to a party or something, everybody would be talking to her. She's famous now. I mean, to be told that you're not as famous as helen hunt who's directing like episodes of the big bang theory like come on helen hunt has an oscar people yeah but like heather dubrow has a guest credit though on a sitcom from the 90s so i don't know with jenny mccarthy yeah listen i i just love how heather was saying like you know i am not all about opening up my house to just about anyone you know i i don't just open

up my house as the cameras are rolling as she's walking through her house like lady you've already whored out your house just let it get the you know the sidebar feature in beverly hills magazine we've seen every goddamn inch of that house on the show in the first season and a half that she's been on. There's nothing else to uncover. Well, I love that she phrased it like, well, we don't just open up the doors to the cameras to get everything of the house. Like every part of the house. Like sounding like, oh, there are some special parts we haven't seen yet. Like if they'll just give me a cover, you will see that part of my home that you have been dying.

You will see the 15th powder room, I swear. You will see yet another water feature in the backyard that's like water flowing over a giant orb. You will see the dungeon where I keep my five maids that clean up after my hideous children. You will see the entire floor dedicated to refrigeration so I can put my vagina in there before I go to sleep at night. You will see an entire room with deep fryers so Terry can make himself nothing but onion rings. Oh, Heather, Heather. Yeah, Heather, look, I stand by what I've always said. Heather's always been an asshole.

It's just that now people are like, oh, she's an asshole. Yeah, but okay okay so that's a good point ronnie i mean i think the first season people thought she was kind of funny and of course they were rooting for her over the girl who ripped the bow off her goddamn fondant cake but at this point she is not doing herself any favor she really is coming across as the ice queen b the only thing that she has going for her is that she seems like she is definitely smarter than these other women but that makes me hate her more because i feel like she knew that she was the smartest one joining this cast so that she could get on the show and anytime that she would have

a confrontation with any of these women she would use two and three syllable uh words and therefore she would automatically dominate these other women and i just think that that's what bullies fucking do well i i just glazed i just i just yeah you see oh that's why that's why we'll continue to love her and you have to a little bit because that i just glazed i do like the way she put her hand up she put her hand up to alexis and then like alexis then pointed at her and she was like don't point your finger at me and alexis like, you just gave me the hand. Yeah. She was like, but you were misbehaving like a bad little girl. I am a mother.

I am a mother. Do you know how difficult it is being a mother? You are less mature than Colette. Okay? We saw Colette running around the synagogue screaming bloody murder. I know, during Yom Kippur. By the way, what Jew, and I say this as a Jew, what Jew names their daughter Colette?

Okay? That does not work. It should be Rachel or Sarah or Rachel again. Or what about Randi, R-A-N-D-I? Rachel again. What about Randy? R-A-N-D-I. Her name, listen,

her name should be like Bathsheba before it should be Colette. It's a dude who really loves her musicals. It should be Alana. Her name should be Shoshana. Shoshana Alana. Her name should be Rebecca.

And then Sarah again. Her name should be... Her name should be Aviva. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Jill. I don't know very many Jewish names. You had me at Rachel and Sarah.

I could name everyone from my high school right now. I'm trying not to. Anyway. Really good. Oh, wait. By the way, that's actually a good segue to some gossip that we didn't mention. Just a brief callback to the gossip section, which is that there was the trailer for the new Long Island show, Long Island Princesses, that has now premiered and is on our Facebook page. And I am very excited to watch that and watch people of my faith be defiled.

I don't know that they're of the same faith, but yes, they're your people. I don't think that you probably hold the same moral standards as they do. But when Bravo did release their list of all the new shows, we definitely did target this one as one of the three that we might need to pretend to watch oh i will be watching this one it looks amazing it looks so good it's like heather dubrow uh you know she's gonna look a lot better after seeing these other jewesses on that show yeah yeah these ones are younger and way dumber yeah and more nasal you know who deserves

a reality tv show did you guys follow that whole thing about that sorority girl from university of she needs a reality show on bravo did you see the guy from boardwalk empire reading doing a dramatic reading of it it was the funniest thing ever michael shannon that's posted on my personal facebook page someone posted it on our facebook page too actually i don't remember who it was it's hilarious all right so back to orange county um there are plenty of other things slade went to go see his son that is suffering and then gretchen dropped him off at lax and i need to have ronnie you know i was yelling at the tv during this section. I was yelling. I cannot believe that they are now using the son to get sympathy for Slade on TV.

That is so disgusting. Slade, your son was sick because, well, not because of, but it certainly didn't help that he wasn't getting any money from you. And don't just say because you were unemployed at the time. You were sitting around and carrying around purses for your stupid whore girlfriend instead of going out there and doing investment banking or whatever stupid generic white boy crap you did to be rich before to support your son. So don't come on and use him now that you have some slimy-ass radio show

and need a little publicity and some scene on The Real Housewives of Orange County to make us feel bad for you that you actually have to go visit your son who's having to get some fucking horrible life-ending whatever, surgery for his terminal disease, just because you need a little attention. What the fuck? Why aren't you in New York right now, working as a dishwasher in Brooklyn,

trying to get whatever money you could to give that kid, instead of lounging around with some fucking girl you're using for her fame because you are too lazy to go out and do something for yourself, you selfish motherfucker. Yeah, one more reason to hate Gretchen. Because this dumb bitch is with him. Well, she's proven herself to be awful. She used to be awesome.

And now she's really just, she's taken the nosedive that all our favorite housewives take. Which is to go from being awesome to deplorable. Via lip injections. Via TJ Maxx. Via TJ Maxx and lip injections. Okay, before we get to the party. Okay, okay. Wait, wait.

Go ahead. I was going to thank one of our – I was going to thank Antoinette Marie who posted a wonderful fleur-de-lis craziness. I don't know. It was a photo of something from like tj maxx oh no it says home goods that's like fleur-de-lis madness it's a frame you guys i really fleur-de-lis mounted on a fleur-de-lis it's i really really appreciate that but let's be honest home goods is too classy i know and by the way i have Cost plus world market is too classy Seriously and also if you go to our Facebook page Ronnie took a picture in Ross

Of some Ross Dress for Less Artwork that could possibly Be in Gretchen's home and I can't Wait to head out to Marshall's And find some stuff that I can Also contribute to the Facebook page Ronnie is that the Ross on Sunset at La Brea Or did you go down to the one at the Beverly Connection?

Oh, OK. I'm glad you're just asking because you know my location and not because you actually recognize the setup and the Ross. That would be sadder than me. I'm at the La Brea and Sunset one. OK. I've never been in that one because the people in the parking lot look so scary. They are. It is scary.

Yeah. There's some secure bags from from ross they have like i won't even go to the starbucks across the street it's so scary well they remodeled that one trying to make it nicer and they did and it's it no it's nice but the that that corner is scary oh yeah that's what i was gonna say it's huge and it's nice but it's like all the homeless people chilling and relaxing and looking at you like they're gonna fucking murder you but nice music is playing and they have a really good seat i'll tell you that ross that parking lot has some real scary bums and uh anywhere okay newsflash anywhere there's a 24-hour subway i'd like to say that's the 24-hour subway i go to

shit at night that's the bathroom they shit in and then try to steal, that's the 24-hour subway I go to. That's where the bums shit at night. That's the bathroom they shit in. And then try to steal your money in the parking lot. Okay, let me give you a newsflash, okay? I went to the 24-hour subway. And then they go to Ross. Let me tell you guys. You think the bums only shit there. Okay, I went to a 24-hour subway, the one that's on Highland and Franklin.

And I saw a bum giving himself something of a shower via the soda machine. Shut the front door. He was taking the crushed ice and making a deodorant. That's pretty much what he was doing. And then he was like on meth or something. And then he started doing this on the soda machine. He started doing this. And I was so grossed out.

I was like, there's a bum basically spitting on all of this soda machine. And I told the manager. And then you were like, I would love to have a Diet Dr. Pepper right now. Yeah, the manager's like, oh, that's Rodney. Tonight's his shower night. You guys, 7-Eleven is the reason that Middle Eastern people hate America. That's what they think America is. But they don't. At least 7- they think america is but they don't at

least 7-eleven is smart because they don't have public restrooms they make the dummies at subway use the public restroom so the bums can shit there well that's kind of all of all of this side of town you have to go over the hill to like get public bathrooms and places to park right like here you need coins and like lock you lock, you know, they're like, do a puzzle to get in. Jesus, I just need to piss. No, you need to go ask the manager for a coin, put a fingerprint, and promise not to blow anybody in the bathroom,

and promise not to break a mirror or write on the ceiling. Fuck off. I'm just pissed. Can I also add that the subway, I just remembered this right now, the subway where I saw the homeless man giving himself a shower, that's the same subway that someone once took me on a date to. Someone took you on a date to a subway? Yeah.

I got Wendy's once. Now who's special? All right, let's get back to OC, you guys. By the way, I'd like to say with all these stories, we're still infinitely more classy. Infinitely classier, in fact, than the women in OC. Okay? We can associate with bums showering out of soda machines, and we're still classier than the bitches in OC. Well, what the hell? Okay, so where were we?

We were with, I think, Alexis going to – no, not Alexis. New girl. Teeth. Chompers. What's her name? Chompers was going to dinner. Yeah, she was going to dinner with Heather and her husband. It sounds like a young adult novel.

Chompers goes to dinner. Starring Abigail Breslin. Yeah. And Heather... Ariana in five years. Heather's like, well, we would love to be in your magazine, but we'd only really want to do the cover and the husband's like yeah no um so that was awesome to see so why would they even have dinner

with her and do it like that instead of just say like on the phone or something like we found somebody to do the cover sorry it felt like a really dramatic way and then heather's like yeah maybe we should put a pin in this yeah they're like sorry we only have helen hunt and helen hunt impersonators on the cover so can't really qualify wait can we just get and then well wait no no but then they cut to heather because now like caroline manzo and slade she now has to be a radio host oh yeah oh no wait we're not done yet because uh chomper says that she's going to go to the same party that heather is and heather's like well look you know you can hang out with whoever you want but you have to know that when you're

the new person coming into the group you are judged on you know the company you keep and so you need to be careful of how you're introduced to the group i was like oh my god queen was that not the bitchiest thing ever that was horrible when she's basically like oh so you're gonna come here and you're gonna bring alexis you know either shun her or no one's gonna like you like what a bitch i was watching that hoping that laurie waring would just fly into that restaurant and slap her upside the head and walk out. Oh, she's coming. It's coming. There just wasn't enough money there. If there was a pile of money,

then Laurie would have come sauntering in. Unfortunately, it was just an empty warehouse. It was actually a... It wasn't really a warehouse. It was just a giant replica of Tamara's vagina. All neon and plastic.

Echoey and cold. And plastic. With pink lighting. Yeah, nice gym. She's like, I'm opening a jam where people come in and do a lot of push-ups and throw balls at each other. Yeah, and then I looked at her floor plans and I was like, okay, we're going gonna have some spin bikes and then we're boxing bag and that's it i know i was like why do you have drawings up of a square you're like here's the bathroom and then here's the big room did you notice by the way they walked in there and they're

like okay they're catering this and they had like a table and then they obviously brought in some fake ass furniture just to have a seating area for the fight because this whole goddamn show is stage but then on the other side of the room was a pile of gar like a mountain-sized 10-foot pile of garbage i didn't see that oh my god i wish i had yeah and it's like oh let's just pretend that's not there let's just pretend this is a real fitness studio yeah let's pretend it's a real fitness studio but we got to get our first fight on film so bitches let's go so we knew that this was going to be a big four stupid fake fight because because Tamara was freaking out the whole episode saying, well, you know, Vicky called me and asked if she could bring Alexis. And I felt like totally put on the spot.

And I really wish she wouldn't have done that to me because, you know, I wouldn't have. She tricked me into it. She didn't trick you into it, bitch. She called you and asked you, Like, stop making it sound... Right, and then she was being mean to Eddie about it. Well, you know, I will say this. As much as we're talking about how Tamara and Gretchen and Heather were being mean girls or whatever,

the other thing that really bothered me is, like, you know what? You said that Vicky could bring Alexis, so live with your decision and shut up about it and stop making it worse than it is by saying oh i wish she wasn't here just suck it up and be nice and just be a hostess don't be like well she put me on the spot i didn't know what else to say just shut up and have your party already and whatever like be an adult about it that's what adults do well she not only didn't let it go she she has to you know start the fight

she's like well i just don't even know why you'd come yeah and like i was like yeah i don't listen i don't know why i would come either it's not like i wanted to come to an empty cold drafty warehouse to have bad dinner like we're on the same show. I have to show up. It's a set. We had a call time. Get over it. Let's just eat. Yeah. They didn't even bother trying to.

They basically just rented out the soundstage. And were like, you know what? We don't really have a budget for any set dressing. So we're just going to make the bareness of it part of the story. So enjoy. Before we get into the fight between Tamara and Alexis, though, we do have to talk about when they were sitting on the couch having appetizers. That's the best part. And then it was just really awkward.

And, I mean, yes, it's staged, but it was really natural awkwardness. And then Vicky starts to make something about herself. Shocker. Gretchen calls her out on it. And then Vicky turns to Alexis. And, you know, clearly for everybody to hear,'s really she's the stupid she's a stupid person she's a stupid person because well because i just have to say props to vicky because she nailed it on the fucking head i mean she did that was that was just how she said it was perfect like she goes stupid she's a stupid person.

You know what? Vicky is actually right in this situation because Gretchen was trying to call Vicky out about saying that she – Vicky said my son versus her grandson or something like that. She said my baby. My baby. And you know what? I'm actually going to stick with Vicky on this one. When you have a new baby come into your family, it's the family's new baby.

Obviously, Vicky did not give birth to it. Everybody knows she's the grandmother and Brianna's the mother. Gretchen, stop being a dumb bitch. And what I loved about Vicky saying that is that that was a classic 85-year-old woman thing. For some reason, when you become 85, you can say that shit. Someone can say something to you. She pulled an original gangster rank. When you are 85, you can turn to someone and be like this person's stupid you know and everyone's like oh crazy old lady and vicky's like you know what i'm gonna adopt that role

earlier on in life than than necessary um but gretchen was being honestly i thought gretchen was just being heinous because while they all don't like Alexis, they not only treated her like she was radioactive. I mean they were just out of control bitchy, really cold, really mean. And poor Lydia. So far, Lydia, she seems pretty sweet. She seems like a nice lady. And she's trying to make conversation, albeit not with the best openers, like, so do you have kids? And Gretchen –

Wait. So are you married? Oh, wait. Are you barren? Yeah. Her tactics were not great. But Gretchen honestly was just a total bitch to her. And then to backtrack, Tamara, who before she even met Lydia was like, oh, guilty by association.

And Heather was trying to stand up for her and say, no, she's actually really nice. Tamara's like, like oh guilty by association and heather was trying to stand up for her say no she's actually really nice tamra's like no guilty by association so tamra so i expect nothing less from tamra she is the nastiest bee ever in the history of this entire show she is disgusting and vile she proved it on watch what happens She proved it there by pretty much saying she's not even giving Lydia a chance. And Lydia is a disgusting Denise Richards horse face. But at least she's kooky and fun. I like her so far. Tamara, you know what?

Tamara doesn't really even bother me that much because she's obviously faking it. And especially after her talking so much about faking it. No, Ronnie. Do you really think she's faking it? I actually think she's a horrible person. She's not that good of an actress. Yeah, I mean, I think she's just being a bitch to get airtime.

Like, I think she knows people hate her and she's playing it up, you know? She basically says that. She makes me so... I don't know why. I need to let it go. She makes me so angry. She used to make me,

but I don't buy her anymore. The thing that really kills me about this show is this fight that we're talking about like vicky says oh you know i'm so happy because of my baby and gretchen's like wait you had a baby she's like uh no i meant you know i'm the grandmother of this baby okay well that's it gretchen's an idiot she made a comment trying to be funny and it wasn't okay so let's move on but no vicky's like i didn't appreciate you saying that i thought that that was my baby i know i didn't give birth to that baby well you said it was your baby well you know you know i know it didn't come out of me well you said it did well you know i know it's not true what did

you say it becomes this big stupid gretchen is still mad at vicky for vicky saying horrible things about slade but here is the problem everything vicky for Vicky saying horrible things about Slade, but here is the problem. Everything Vicky said horrible about Slade is true. It's all true. He's disgusting. Oh my god. So then they finally get to dinner and they're sitting there around the table having stupid

conversation and then Vicky kind of like raises a glass and is saying how she hopes that this will be a chance for healing or something. Sidebar, Vicky's wine glass did not have a bedazzled fleur-de-lis and or crown on it like the ones for special guests

Heather and Gretchen. From the sale bin at TJ Maxx. They weren't even glasses. Those were acrylic. They were acrylic like her nails. It was the red scrunchie from Heathers. All the Heathers had red scrunchies. Oh my goodness.

So then somehow by Vicky making this toast, the fight blew up from there. I don't remember if Tamara was like, well, as long as we're talking about this, you're a bitch. Or if Alexis was saying something, well, you guys bullied me. I don't remember if tamra it was like well as long as we're talking about this you're a bitch or if alexis was saying something well you guys bullied me i don't know what it was no tamra made the first strike she goes well as long as we're gonna go there let's go there yeah which is classic like reality that is that is classic put on your boxing gloves it's it's go time yeah like well as long as you're gonna go there we might as well just go there where i don't

know where there is but it's clearly some bitch bitchy destination that no one should ever go to. Shit got crazy, though, when Alexis was saying, well, you guys, and I actually do believe Alexis in this way. I mean, she was kind of like Gretchen, then butted in, and then Alexis was trying to tell her to shut up. And then she goes, you guys need to stop. And Heather was seated between gretchen and tamra and so she kind of got bunched in with them which yes she deserves to be bunched in with them but i don't think that alexis was going for her and then that set heather's stick up her ass off and then i started hating heather even more it was one of the few times where alexis actually was making a salient argument which is to say say, I wasn't even talking to you, Heather.

It's just that I have to swivel my head from the right to the left, and you're in the middle, and I was not directing anything at you. I just happened to look at you because you're in the path of my head. I mean, that's the smartest thing that bitch has ever said.

I know. Maybe being on the trampoline has shaken some things into place in her brain. Well, it's easy to like her because the other women were so nasty to her. But even when she's leaving, she's like, okay, I'm leaving. Okay, bye. And they're like, bye, get out. Go.

I thought Tamara was going to hit her, but she like swiveled her stare and almost dragged her ass out. That was an amazing moment though when tamra kicked her out i mean i don't think we've ever seen anything like that i love how she was like you can there's the door and it was like yeah because you're sitting inside of a shed having dinner they were like eating alfresco yeah the wall is open because it's a shed she's like i will walk you to the garage door. There is where the proposed door is going to be. There may be a tarp with some duct tape holding it together and a pile of trash next to it, but find your way out, Missy. She's like, you're going to leave.

Go out the garage door. Hold on. It was like they were having a dinner party in one of those military planes, you know, that Jessica Chastain flies around. It was like, okay, let's drop the hatch down. Oh my god. It was like I expected Goose and Maverick to come walking in. And then you

see poor Lydia just sitting there and she's looking across the table at Arthur and she's going like, that's my friend, I think I should go, like, help her. And then, but I'm having, I don't want to get up. Lydia's like my friend i think i should go like help her and then but i'm having i don't want to get up lydia's like i feel like i should go but i'm trying to make a good impression with you guys since i'm part of your show now lydia's like yeah She is an inner bunny. I cannot wait to see her.

I was just saying, I understood exactly what Ronnie was doing. It sounded weird, but I knew exactly what he was doing. Oh, no, there was a shimmy. It was a shimmy. Yeah, it's like... She's sort of like a ghost of a goat.

With her mouth ajar and her eyes wider than the Pine Salt Ladies. It's like, you know how ghosts haunt you and they're like, which is like a good idea. It's like a silly ghost meets a goat. Like, you want to be in my magazine? It's like, imagine a silly goat that's also a ghost and also happens to have a magazine about Beverly Hills Lifestyle. That's the shit.

Somebody make that a graphic. We will make it the cover photo on the Facebook page. Yeah. Her editorial in the magazine every week is just a bunch of O's and A's and W's. So exo Lydia. Yeah. It's like the headline is, Thoughts on Iraq.

War is bad. War is bad. Oh. Well, I do have impersonations of all time. We had some crazy impersonations, but this one is really out there.

We don't even sound anything remotely like her. Then I can finally do it. It's because she's always doing that. She's always doing that little dance. It is so funny. It's like a little kid fidgeting because they have to go to the bathroom.

One late time. I had four back the pisses, dude. So do you have any kids? I have my gay husband. Okay. my gay husband okay well i have really high hopes for her because um a she of course she's watched the show before she's seen every episode then the best part is when she turns to gretchen like oh what's your name exactly okay so to gretchen she's like who are you do you have kids she knows she's the bitch don't have kids are you? She knows her deadbeat dad boyfriend is not going to marry her. And the other one died before he could marry her.

She knows. She knows. So I love that she's such a bitch. Dig it up, girl. Dig it all up. Yes, yes. So I have high hopes for her there. And I love when she said, I met your friend the other day.

I had dinner with that girl, Heather. And she's like, what did she say about me? That she had a fake ring. I also like, by the way, how this impersonation makes it sound like Lydia is on a rollercoaster. Oh! I bought your friend the other day

I had dinner with her yeah see um that girl is gonna be a bitch and I cannot wait to see it Matt I love when Matt loses it he's gone

he is gone I just I'm just like on next week's episode is going um i just but he's like whoa can you do that as candy just for a second like candy doing lydia yeah on a roller coaster are you the right hat for this stop please stop oh my god but you see the previews for next week, Lydia is, like, consoling Alexis in her limo. And it's like, listen, to be fair, they're not bullying you. And then Alexis goes, that's why I had to get a prescription to Xanax. I had to get Xanax for it.

Lydia. I love how she phrases that. I had to use my Amex. To get some Xanax. She probably needs Xanax for the trip. Oh, man. Stupid Alexis. That was pretty fun, though.

Yeah. What a fun episode. I cannot wait to watch the rest of the season and just watch them. Well, actually, Tamara did say on Watch What Happens that they kind of make up next week. She says she walks in on a bad situation and it broke her heart because her son is going through the same thing at school. Uh-oh. Is that bullying? Yeah. I think her son's being bullied at school and now she's going to be friends with Alexis because Alexis feels bullied.

Oh, no. That's terrible. Yeah. And she's still got Vicky. She does. So was there anything else in this episode? No, it's to be continued. Well, listen, I'm going to propose something.

Why don't we split this episode into two? Because we haven't even talked about Married to Medicine and The Real Housewives of Atlanta. So why don't we do two episodes? And the Real Housewives of Atlanta. So why don't we do, let's do two episodes. That way our listeners don't have to block out five hours to listen to one podcast. Okay, we'll see you in a little while. You can find me, Ronnie, at TVgasm on Twitter. You can find Matt at Life on the M-List.

Ben at B-Side Blog. You can find us on Facebook at what uh facebook.com slash watch what crappin and you can find us on twitter at what crap i don't need to prove anything i know who i am and god does too hey matt you know what getting a good shave can be a real pain in the ass. Tell me about it, Ronnie. Searching through 50 different brands and models, ugh, and then trying to match new blades to old handles?

Forget about it. Yeah, I'm paying for BS features where your razor doubles as, like, a flashlight or a toothpick. Who wants to pay 20 bucks for some new razors? Well, if you don't want to pay 20 bucks join our society of smarter men go to dollarshaveclub.com forward slash bravo to get high quality razors delivered to your door for just a couple bucks a month they've made it really simple ronnie high quality razors 100 guaranteed sent on schedule so you never have to think about it again every

month you get a new pack and every week you change your blade. It is that simple. So go to dollarshaveclub.com to get your shave on and to save some money while you're doing it. Yeah. And next time you think you're looking for a dirty, rusty razor, remember, there's a better way. And it could be right at your door with your undergear catalog, your international mail

catalog. And your Sherry's Berries. And your Sherry's Berries, you guys. Go to dollarsaveclub.com forward slash bravo. Get those razors to your door. Ding dong. Who's there? Is it berries or is it razors?

Either way, I'm going to feel like a king today. It's dollarsaveclub.com forward slash bravo. Get your shave on. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a

musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you. A few days ago, Brooke Tudine posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and 3 comments. Thumbs up, Brooke. Geico also wants to make a comment.

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