Watch What Crappens - #76: Hot In Orange County, Atlanta

Episode Date: May 22, 2013

This week on "Watch What Crappens," Ronnie Karam (TVgasm.com), Matt Whitfield (Yahoo!), and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) talk about Heather DuBrow's return to acting on "Hot In Cleveland." But Heather's not the only actress on "Real Housewives of Orange County." Enter future thespian Alexis Bellino and her brilliant future in the theatre. The guys talk about her and all the other crazies from the OC as well as the kooky dames of "Married to Medicine." Then it's on to "Newlyweds: The First Year," "Million Dollar Listing: New York" and the RHoNJ special. Plus, lots of gossip (Jill Zarin vs. a kayak, anyone?) and more tangents than you can shake a TJ Maxx decorative stick at. Come on in! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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offer. Visit berries.com B-E-R-R-I-E-S dot com, click on the microphone in the top right corner, and type in watch. Kicking and a knee slapping, honey. Kicking and a knee slapping. Don't wait. Order now. Hey everybody, welcome to Watch What Crappin's, a podcast about all the things we love to talk crap about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from TVGazza.com and with me are Matt Whitfield from Yahoo. Hello, Matthew. Glad to be back, Ronnie.

Yeah, welcome back after your B-Day, boo. I'm still drunk. I'm still wasted. As you should. And also Benjamin Mandelker from bsideblog.com. Hello, Ben. Hi. You guys can find us on Twitter at WhatCrappins. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappins.

I am at TVgasm on Twitter. Matt is at lifeonthemlist. And Ben is at bsideblog. And you guys should definitely come on and talk to us. Our Facebook page has been really fun because of you guys, everything that you're posting. It's making us laugh all week. And we're talking lots of crap about all these stupid shows on there. So come and join us and leave us some reviews and some

decent star reviews over at the iTunes page. Okay, everybody? They can also stalk us on Instagram because apparently we got some creepers. At least I have some creepers. What does that mean, a creeper? Someone stalking you? Well, I don't know if they're stalking me, but they don't know me and they're looking at my

personal life unfold on the interwebs. Exciting. Yeah. And Ben has now trumped me in the Instagram selfie department after his past week. So, I mean, like, game on, bitch. No, I think that's false

because for every one selfie I do, I think you do about five. So I think I still have a ways to catch up. I'm gonna cut you like some bangs, bitch. know what to settle this people just have to follow us on instagram and then they'll know the truth and then we'll have our followers yeah i think i have like four pictures on there now guys do this let's do it right all right so let's uh start off the show with some gossip some bravo gossip about things that have traumatized us in our past lives. Personal struggles. My favorite piece of gossip

today is that they are shooting the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills season four. They're shooting the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? It's about time. I know. Just take them all down. Take them all down. And reports are that Kyle is threatening to quit because Lisa

and Brandy have confronted her about Mauricio cheating on her. And Brandy is insisting that she has proof. Oh, God. This is great. Which is awesome. Fantastic. Yeah. It's time to drag Kyle through the mud.

I mean, she got off, like, pretty easily, I think, last season. I mean, everybody started to, like, turn on her. But she didn't really get a good beatdown. So I think it's time. It is time started to like turn on her, but she didn't really get a good beat down. So I think it's time. And she maintains her calm, too. I think if you really want to see that bitch break down, this is the way to do it. So, yay, ruining some more lives on Bravo. It's what we do best.

I mean, or what they do best. I mean, why not watch another marriage fall apart? Exactly. That's not natural on a Bravo show to have a marriage like that stick together. Screw them. Yeah, screw them. Screw them all. Exactly. That's not natural on a Bravo show to have a marriage like that stick together. Screw them! Yeah, screw them. Screw them all. Okay, well, speaking of unhappy marriages,

let's also quickly... That sounded like steam escaping. Let's talk for a second. Adriana from Real Housewives of Miami. We are the three people that watched that show. She actually married Frederick this past weekend. Ooh, how do you say congratulations in Spanish? Felicit, Felisa, something.

Felicia Rashad. Felicia Rashad is how you say it. Felicia Rashad. I'm classy, so I took French, so I wouldn't know. Me too. That marriage consummation was probably like two sticks rubbing together until they made a fire. That's got to be one dry-ass marriage consummation. No, there was probably some strange sexual yoga going on

you know I can just see Frederick in some sort of like weird lotus pose and Adriana doing having some sort of dance with a ribbon a red ribbon and sensual Yanni is playing well cause she is definitely a rhythm she's a rhythmic gymnast she she certainly is and I'm sure Frederick could

attest to that as well I see it with like Frederick with a bad back and then Adriana putting coconut oil all over the place and wondering why there's flies all over her. That's what happens when you decide to take your marriage on the high seas. I see them hitting an iceberg during sex. I'm not going to lie. during sex. I'm not gonna lie, I would think that the two of them should push Bravo for a spin-off that's like a scripted comedy series about

a new Gilligan's Island, and she's Gilligan. I see her reenacting her piano recital. What else you guys got over there? Okay. I don't know. I can't hear you. Are we all cut off, or is it just me all alone here? I feel like it must be... I can hear you. I'm on my own, pretending I'm back.

Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Matt still has lights in front of his face. I was wondering because I was telling a joke and then you halfway through the joke, you're like, anyway, I was like, what? It was such a good joke, too. Well, one day we're going to break up and I'm going to get all the way through on my own.

Please do. On this podcast, damn it. One day, one day. Anyway, I was going to say that this next bit of gossip is going to probably sidetrack us for the next ten minutes, but let's just go there. We have to talk about Jill Zarin almost dying. Speaking of the Titanic and icebergs,

Jill Zarin met some sort of current in the water, did she not, in the Hamptons? Yeah, poor Jill Zarin almost died. Who posted this? I think Jets posted this on our page, which was hilarious. Let me find it. She's always trying to one-up that Bethany.

So Bethany winds up on a boat and gets lost in the ocean. So what does Jill Zarin do? She gets in a kayak and gets herself flipped over. They all have to have a nautical rescue now. But then her friend posted some quote about, like, Jill got caught in a very scary current, but she was able to paddle right over to the side of the shore and she was fine i mean i'm sorry that doesn't sound like it was like bringing the helicopter to you know lift her out of the wall i mean it just i'm sorry that's not

baywatch she was almost dead and then she got to heaven and gabriel was like you know what bitch you need to shut up go back go back go back and say you learned to shut up you're not coming in here jill's errands ridiculous and i love that once we posted this on our Facebook, I love all the comments. Tracy, I hope Lifetime is planning to do a movie of Jill's life or death battle against the current. Okay. While we're on that topic, who would play Bobby? Probably Elliot Gould. Either Elliot Gould or Rob Lowe because he's in every one of those

lifetime movies these days or cameron matheson cameron matheson oh good call good call who would play her who would play her hot bobby what well i think that bobby should be played by um they should dig up rel julia and reanimate him oh good one okay who's gonna play the fat daughter um does she have a fat daughter? I don't remember her children. Oh, yeah, Allie. It would probably be played by, let me think, probably Allie O'Shawat.

Is that her name? Shawat, Shawkat, whatever, from Arrested Development. How about that girl who's in those commercials with the guy from Star Trek? She's like the long-lost daughter. Do you know what I'm talking about? Or she's also the Toyota RAV4 fairy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's Kaley Cuoco. Kaley Cuoco, who starred in a Lifetime movie called Fat Like Me, which I watched. Well, so there you go. She's Jill Zarin's daughter. You know who I think would be the daughter? I'm sorry, Matt, to interrupt, but I really feel impassioned about this. Anna Chlumsky? That's a great choice, but I was going to say Nia Vardolos.

Even better. Let's just go bizarre. I it is a lifetime cameron madison is bobby cameron madison is bobby nia vardolos is the daughter um and jackie gleason is gonna play her mom jackie gleason the old jewish comedian or jackie gleason from whatever kingdom jackie gleason the old jewish comedian who is a man, will be playing Jill Zarin's mother. And Ginger as Ginger. Yeah, wait, who's Jill Zarin, though? Fantasia? No, I think it should be Dinah Manoff from MGS.

Oh, perfect. Absolutely right on the money. They have the same haircut. Yeah, that's a good call, Dinah Manoff. That's actually, of all these, that's the one that's actually the proper call. Yeah. That's a better call. Or Annie Potts. I think if Dynaman

is busy, Annie Potts could fill in. No, Annie Potts is way too likable. What about Sharon Lawrence? Oh, Sharon Lawrence is good. Sharon Lawrence can play Bobby. No, Sharon Lawrence can play the sister. What's Lisa?

Her sister Lisa who has the radio show. Yes. Lunch with Lisa. I love this movie, by the way. I love it. Okay, I got a few other things. Married to Medicine's ratings were through the roof this season. They were kind of on par with Vanderpump Rules, so brace yourself, everybody. But we are going to

be talking about Married to Medicine Season 2 because it has been green lit. Oh my god, guys, I don't want to make you guys jealous, but I saw actually a sneak peek of Season 2 just this afternoon. Already? What was it? Well, so it was sort of here's what happened. I went down to the Costco

in Inglewood, and then these two fat black girls got into a fight in the parking lot. What are you talking about? Why would you ever go there? I was already down in that area visiting a friend for lunch. My friend Sly. We were having a little lunch date. It was a lady. It was a lady friend.

I am really biting my tongue right now, but go ahead. It was not a grinder hookup in Inglewood, if that's what you're trying to say. That is a lie. That is a lie, and that's exactly right. So a costco that's like i said there's a costco relatively nearby so it's an inglewood tell me please tell me that you had lunch at the costco no i had lunch i had lunch uh not at costco i had lunch at my friend's corporate park you went on a date at costco for lunch and you didn't even have like a hot dog you just went around to the free stations where they're like, here's a pizza bagel.

Let me tell you something. Everything they had today was garlic. It was, like, garlic bread this, garlic pesto on flatbread that. Like, my mouth, I'm raging. If I did have a hookup planned, I would have scared him away. But nevertheless, I was in the car. So I got into my car. All of a sudden, I hear a commotion.

I look up. Two big, fat black girls are fighting. They're like pulling each other's hair and there's like a bunch of people around them like shooting video. I tried to shoot video but I was like bumbling and oh it was fantastic. And seriously it was like married to medicine all over again except without the

ball gowns and without a swimming pool but inside a Costco parking lot. Well apparently those are not doctor's wives because they are not behaving like those wives. They are married to savings. I was watching Watch What Happens and stupid

ass Carrie and stupid ass Toya were on there and you should have heard their answers to everything. Ridiculous. Carrie's accent. Where she is born, the accent is so ugly that she didn't want it, so she changed it. Where was she born? I've never heard of that. What is she talking about? Is she like,

no, that's ridiculous. She was born somewhere, some small town in England, and she said that the accent's really ugly, so she didn't take that accent. I've never heard of... Do you think that Carrie is really like some cockney, like, alley cat? She has to be. I mean, she's pretty much fessed up to that at that point.

She's probably the only person on Bravo who has actually taken plastic surgery to such an extreme, it actually affects her accent. Well, that was her other ridiculous, yeah, I know, it's like, oh, they did something wrong to my throat during the surgery when I was shortening my throat. I had a deviated septum, and I thought, as long as they're in there, change my accent. Well, she said that her lips are not fake, which I loved, because, duh. They're obviously fake. They've got, like, the lines of a raft,

like a pool raft on them. But she said they're not fake, that she just has a funky lip, and that she has a scar on her lip. So that's why it looks like it's coming over the edge. She has a scar that came from a scalpel that one time when she put natural stuff inside her lip to make it look more natural. Here's my question. I have a question about that, though.

So we look at Lisa Renna. We look at Carrie. We look at Laurie Peterson. And then our eyes fall out. We'll Laurie Peterson. And then our eyes fall out. We'll get there. And then our eyes fall out. And then we put our eyes back in. And then I go, why can't you just cut, like, a chunk of that out and sew it up and there will be less of it there?

Yeah. Furthermore, I'd like to ask any woman or any man, actually, out there who cares about the way women look. Has anyone seen a woman who's who's plumped up her upper lip and thought man now she's hot like i can understand big boobs okay it's you know get a little breast augmentation guys you know might think that's hot whatever but have we ever found any like straight man or raging lesbian who sees that plumped up upper lip and says damn. Yes, of course. Really? Don't you know what you can do with a blow-up doll?

Anything. That's probably what it feels like. It's just a big blow-up doll. It's like the difference between having someone give you a handjob with a really bony wrist and then a big fat guy with a nice big fat palm. What is a fat palm?

I would never let it get. Something that looks soft on your wiener, guys. So you, I would just never let it get as far with a fat man, to be honest. It's a hand job, I'm saying. A hand job. Oh, man. Is that, what base is that these days? Is that first base?

Second base? I don't even think that's a base. I think that's being on deck. That's on deck or in the dugout, right? Yeah, it's like getting a snack at the hot dog stand. It's like getting a Dodger dog. But don't you think that ladies that plump up their lips like that, I mean, as a female category expert, I just feel like the ladies do it for the ladies. Like, don't they dress for each other, too?

It's like, you know, men don't want to see you in a sparkly like harem pant you just do that for your lady friends right they do it because they want to be treated like goddamn sex toys because they have nothing else going for them you don't see smart people with lips like that you just don't yeah it's like mariah for instance mariah carey she has no upper lip what to what to speak of or to say whatever she has no upper lip what to speak of or what to say of, whatever. She has no upper lip. She has a mustache. She has a mustache, and she's proud. She's proud of it. She has a cat in a hat upper lip, and she doesn't care. Because she is richer.

But, you know, she's confident that she's always going to be the rich one, so she'll date a teenager and grow a mustache. She's totally fine with that. Exactly. But, yeah, people like Lisa Rinna, she's like, well, I was terrible on Days of Our Lives, then I was terrible on Melrose Place. My life's not really going that great. I'm going to marry a rich, overly tanned guy. Well, to be fair, Lisa Rinna did at one point, I think, have amazing natural lips, upper lips, especially. She did, yes.

And she lost them, so then she tried to reconstruct them, and now it's just all sorts of ridiculous. And Ronnie, how dare you? Lisa Rinna was amazing as Kyle McBride on the original Melrose Place and she was actually the second best character behind Amanda Woodward. How dare you? And she continues to be the only woman who has ever been sexy in a mom haircut. Yeah, and she's held

on to that mom hair and it's because of her giant bobble head. Actually, she doesn't really have mom hair. She has what I like to call and I've mentioned on this podcast before, human resources hair. She so does. I'm telling you, our main human resources lady here that wears a headset and tries to get people to pump their fists and get all excited when they join this company has that haircut. It's just a little bit lighter. Well, and human resources ladies have that hair the same reason that new moms do because they don't want people to pull it.

It's really not about it drying faster it's just about it's just shorter so you can't pull it as easily you know what i went to disneyland over the weekend and i saw so many of the human resources mom's haircuts oh it was out of control speaking of sexy have you guys seen lisa rena's um depends commercial kind of like hey i don't these yet, but I'm still dancing in some Depends just in case. But my husband does. I mean, talk about being supportive of your husband while you're bringing in a little extra spending money. Yeah. Well, he appeared on Mad Men recently. I was sort of surprised.

And he looked great. And looked super cute, too, right? Yeah, looked great. Looked great. But you know what? I'm stupid because I thought she was married. Okay, wait. She is married looked super cute too, right? Yeah, looked great. But you know what? I'm stupid because I thought she was married... Okay, wait. She is married to Harry Hamlin, right? But I thought that Harry Hamlin

was that guy who's way too tan. George Hamilton. Oh my god, there's a huge difference. Huge. But I think that Lisa Rinna and George Hamilton were on the same season of Dancing with the Stars. Correct. I don't know where I got that in my head, but for years I've thought that she was married to that old tan piece of football rubber or whatever,

or leather. And then I saw Mad Men and I looked at Perry Hamlin and saw that he was married to Lisa Rinna, and I was like, wow, I should publicly apologize for all the times I've called him old and disgusting, because he's actually old and hot. You'd hit it, Ronnie. You would let him take his fat palm to your nether regions. I like older guys because they can't keep it up, so it's just easier. It's like play with it a little while, buy me something, let's watch TV.

You don't have to put so much effort into it like with the young'uns. I'm starting to worry that you are just resigning yourself to that age bracket when you should not feel like that's all you can get. Oh, not all that I can get. All that I have the energy to please. You know what I mean? Or when they're really young. Like when they're 20 and they come in like two minutes. I can do that. So do we have any other

gossip, by the way? Why am I talking? Speaking of coming in two minutes. Yeah, disgusting. What other gossip is coming our way? That's horrible. Cordell changed the locks on Portia in the house that they're sharing.

Any thoughts there? Oh my god. And when I say any thoughts there, I mean speak like Portia. I think that everybody in that neighborhood now is inspired to get a new doorbell that goes, Let me in, baby! Baby! Let me in, baby! Baby! Let me in, baby!

Baby, let me in! Why you have Walter in there but not me? Come on, let me in! Come let me in, baby! Baby, I'm going to sleep on the lawn, okay? Because that's what you want me to do. I'm going to sleep out here. I'm going to feed the flies, baby.

You let me in when you're ready, okay? Hey, baby, why you letting in all these big football players but not me? Why can't I come in? Why you lock the door on me, baby? Can I have permission to go pee-pee behind the bush, baby? Portia, did you see by any chance Kenya's ex-boyfriend entering the back door? Oh, my goodness. He is so getting some batang-tang.

Yeah, he is. Yeah, he is. Do some but tang tang yeah he is yeah he is who Cordell yeah bottom yeah like I love I love that the three of us immediately were like yeah obviously like you know yeah yeah oh yeah

because the bossy ones you know like the real bitchy queens are always bossing you around yeah yeah so um what else um one last piece before Because the bossy ones, you know, like the real bitchy queens are always bossing you around. Yeah. Yeah. So what else? One last piece before we alienate the rest of our listeners. Oh, they love it. They love it.

They love it. All the straight women that listen to this podcast are probably blowing their minds. Yeah. Slash if they have gay friends, they know a hell of a lot worse. Making them want to throw up. Or making them want to throw up. Or making them want to throw up. Speaking of throwing up, did anybody see the new Summer by Bravo campaign? The ads rolled out this past week.

It feels a little weird, you guys. I know that there's been some lineup changes recently, but I think it's weird not to have Kathy Griffin in the mix. Yeah, that was weird. have kathy griffin in the mix yeah that was weird and to have her replaced by jackson stassi flying on some sort of trapeze or whatever dropping coconuts on the likes of jeff lewis below down below it was all very strange and chef roble once again getting prime real estate in this thing and how racist are the chef roble commercials when he's like that obviously old white guy is like chef roble is bringing the flavor back to cooking like oh geez great chef roble yeah yeah i don't like that they're gonna just make him make watermelon dishes the whole time stop boxing the black guy in you guys stupid rob of flavor we get it he's black yeah i'm trying to think there are other you know there's also

of um the million dollar listing guys new york and., also had a lot of FaceTime in that ad. Well, hello, we've discussed this many times before. We're all convinced that Bravo Andy used to do Madison Hill to brand up the butt. Oh, I still think he does, yeah. I do, too. I mean, why do you think that show has gotten six seasons? It's not that highly rated. I know.

I know. I'm trying to remember who else was in that ad that was that that was noteworthy well heather thompson zoila zoila's always in zoila's always in i got scared when i saw lisa vanderpump i hope that's just vanderpump rules because i need a longer break between the last season of beverly hills and the next season of beverly hills was there i mean we all we love lisa but i need a i need like a six month hi i'm exhausted i'm still tired did we see um nini leaks i don't think we saw nini at all that was surprising there are a few different ads and apparently nini is in one of the upcoming ones but the one i saw last night she was not featured in that yeah i didn't see her in that

i just saw but i saw reza i saw um caroline manzo caroline she's always in it padma trying to like oh my god they showed padma like walking out of the ocean like wiping uh wet hair off of her face and it was so not sexy what are you talking about it's very sexy it's pad no because that because then they cut to gail simmons in a way too tight oh yeah matronly dress and i was like that's where the hotness is well that's that's what's always hilarious about bravo promos for top chef my friends and i used to always have this joke where there's whenever whenever there's a new season of top chef coming up they'd always show like padma and she's sort of like standing there wind flowing in her hair and then they like cut to gail and she's sort of trying to do the same thing but it's it's gail and not padma it's always like oh you poor thing

trying to fit into like a size and trying to fit into like a size. Yeah. And you know, like. And it's like, no, just get the eight or the ten. Yeah. And like, you know, Gail looks great. She really does. But like, you know. Oh, we're team Gail. We are totally team Gail.

But it's just like when you're standing next to Padma. Like it's. There are very few women that can stand next to Padma and look sexy. I'm sorry. It's just the truth. And Gail tries and. Or they make her try. And it's always sad.

We appreciate her efforts. Oh, it's tragic. What I do not appreciate, however, is how Bravo keeps trying to push Curtis Stone on us. Guess what? He is a show killer and not a star. Go away. He is the worst. He is the worst. Why do they keep trying with him?

I just don't get it. He comes off as evil. The only evil blonde restaurateur we want on TV is who's the guy in Fox? Gordon Ramsay. I like Anthony Bourdain too. Did you watch a show The Taste?

Well, that show sucked. That was so good, you guys. I am so excited for the new baking competition that premieres on CBS this week. Let's just get together and eat frosting out of a can and watch it. That sounds great. That is my dream.

A guy from the dog park is one of the contestants, and his dog is always mean to my dog, so I can't wait until he gets kicked off. Oh, nice. Then could we bring him on the podcast? No. By the way, he can barely string a sentence together at the dog park. You want him out here, too no dog park people oh hey if any of the dog park people are listening just kidding by the way speaking of special guests on the podcast leah if you're listening uh i saw your message on our facebook page and that you would be more than happy to come back on the podcast

so since you have ronnie's email email ronnie email Ronnie or Ronnie, you email Leah and set it up. Let's have Leah back on the show. Oh, hell yeah. Well, Miami, I think I thought Miami was going to be coming back, but I didn't see that. It's coming back in the fall. It's coming back in the fall. I cannot wait. I cannot wait.

So let's talk some New York stuff real quick. Luann did an article this week for, I think think In Touch Weekly or People, one of those talking about how she is not signed to come on back to the next season and it's not just about parking why did I say that? I would love it if it was that Luanne

we didn't get you a good parking spot this year, do you think you'll still come back on a show? I don't think so I won't do it unless I get front and center right by the door right by the elevator i demand to be validated parking that is in the garage under uh sonia morgan's uh trashy penthouse oh and by the way thank you to i'll pull up the girl's name because she took a picture of sonia's penthouse and was like mention me on the podcast mention me on the podcast. Mention me on the podcast. I love that when we say somebody's name incorrectly

or we give credit to somebody who is not deserving of the credit, we now get smackdowns on the Facebook page. Rebecca Gray Kalen. Yeah. RGK. Yeah, and I just posted an Emmy McAdams Tudors poster. That was amazing.

Although, Emmy, you did not do best quotes of the week, which maybe that's because Ronnie and I were totally off our game last week. Well, at least I was. Sorry, I didn't mean to drag you down in that, Ronnie. No, I was staring off into space most of the time. I think it's just weird once we make a date. It's like we're pretty good now about sticking to our time every week. We're getting really professional about showing up. And frankly, I'm just mostly in a bad, tired mood

throughout the rest of my life. And sometimes it catches up on the podcast. Sorry! Well, I mean, what did you tell everybody last week that I was having a hangover issue because of my birthday and that's why I was MIA? No! We said you were passed out. No, that's what you said. I listened

and you said that I was drunk and passed out. I forget whose doorstep we said you were. Which is very possible and probably true, but the reality was I just forgot my podcasting equipment at home. You know what? That was so dumb because you should just call on the cell phone. Is that possible?

Yeah, I did it the week before or something. I work for a technology company and I don't know how to set my DVRs. Yahoo just bought fucking Tumblr. You guys are behind. For real? Yahoo bought Tumblr? Yeah, for like a billion dollars. 1.1 billion dollars. We're getting into the porn

business. I know. I was like, well, so much for Tumblr. Now it's going down the shitter. Wait, does Tumblr do porn? Unless that's your fetish. Does porn go on on Tumblr? No. What else happens on Tumblr? I don't know. I think it's usually just pictures of food.

Yeah, that's for teenagers. Ronnie, you are living in a cave, dude. Do you want me to throw out a few titles for you right now? Yes. Dirty Otters. What is that? Tumblr. Dirty Otters on Tumblr? Oh my god, I'm so going there.

Hold on. Tumblr.com. Wait, but I'm signed in under TVgasm, so I can't... Anywho, anywho. Why don't we get back... Don't you dare! I'm gonna find Dirty Otters. How do I do it? I bet that makes you feel like a real man, doesn't it?

Doesn't it doesn't it little call back a little call back to aviva because you know aviva would not be having any tumblr porn with her go ahead talk about whatever you want i'm looking at porn on no i swear to god that i just made that up and i don't even know if that's a real site and i hope you get pictures of cute little animals with mud on them. Yeah, it'll be like, hey, remember the oil spill? BP porn. Oh my god, there is gay porn, though. I put gay porn in here, and there's one called Bareback to the Future.

Wait a second, wait a second. You were not joking when you were saying there's porn on Tumblr? I thought you were being sarcastic. I don't know what anybody else is. I swear to God. I am a wiener right now with the infinity symbol on the hip like revenge. Oh, I've missed revenge. You guys.

Speaking of, I heard that I need to catch up on the revenge season finale was good. Oh, I haven't watched it because the show is so awful. What else do people use Tumblr for? Apparently, butt fucking. No, they post, people put it like, people put like artsy photos. They send like GIFs.

It's also, people love to put GIFs on Tumblr. Artsy? You should see what this guy is doing with his finger. It's art. It's art.

One man's porn is another man's art. So can we talk about, can we talk about, thank everybody for listening to the podcast today. Thanks for coming. We'll talk...

By the way... I think we're telling you thanks for coming, Ronnie. I love that, by the way, listeners out there, Ben is clutching his pearls this week. I have not even gone near my... No, I have not clutched my pearls.

Listen, I was already in Inglewood. Don't worry. I just want to move on with the podcast. You got them stolen in Inglewood. I got them stolen. I got my head beaten down. Someone took my bin of cherry tomatoes I got at Costco and beat me over the head with them. I can't think about anything else.

I can't press the X. I think that makes our quotes of the week. I can't. I can't stop. That was amazing. All right. So why don't we talk about Real Housewives of Orange County, speaking of things that get us aroused? Okay, speaking of things that get us aroused, the return of Laurie Peterson gets me aroused.

Oh, wow. So what did you guys think about Laurie's big return? If ever I need anything at room temperature for cooking, I'm calling Ben. You'll get that shit soft right away. I need room temperature butter. How about the Real Housewives of Warren County? Lori's face. I know. Like, hey, Ronnie, how are you enjoying

that Tumblr porn, Lori wearing? Hey, Ronnie, you got a boner yet? Tamara Barney. Boner, Ted. My boner has an expiration date that was like five days ago because of what you guys did to me. Oh, sorry. Space on the Housewives of Warren County. She looks me. Oh, sorry. Space on the housewives of Orange County.

She looks like Woody from Toy Story. Go. Agreed. Lori's face. Lori's face. You know, I've never been able to. It's sort of like if you took like a blueberry pie and then just like stepped in it and then give it a blonde wig. That's Lori's face.

Lori had nothing good to say this week. She was all old trash. Yes, she did. She posted photos of her special fucked up drug addict son who's 24 who's now impregnated another white trash girl from OC. And she posted photos of Ashley who's 28 and single and not doing anything with her life. But wow, she's really become a responsible young woman. She's probably like on the corner. By taking selfies and cute hats and cute sunglasses.

She probably stands on the corner at like near like basketball games and tries to sell Dasani water. I know that's like her career. With a Sharpie written across Dasani calling it OC Angel Water. Yeah, get your water, get your water here. Water here. I've now made her from Boston, but that's really where her soul is. Why does it have to be East Coast Jew, Ben? Really? They're from East Coast. No, that was a Boston. That was a Boston accent. Water here. Water here.

Get your water here. I'm Ashley Ware and get your water here. I love it. It really just gave her an excuse to sit with Tamara and go, Tamara, your life sounds really awful because Eddie won't put a ring on it. But let me recap the magical wonderness of my relationship with George. I know.

Also, by the way, you know what I'm getting a little sick of? I'm getting a little sick of how obviously they stage these situations where they tell whoever's business it is to just walk away. Like every scene begins with, oh, here's some jewels. Here's this. All right. I'm going to just walk into the every scene begins with oh yeah here's some jewels here's this all right uh i'm gonna just uh walk into the back room now i'll see you later like that doesn't happen especially if you've got jewelry out i i buy nice things i have never gone into a store where they have given me champagne wherever these bitches go champagne is okay in a store first of all that shit was andre and i'm i'm guessing that only because the glasses seem to be right out of the,

uh, Gretchen, uh, Rossi collection, if you know what I'm saying. Some, they had some like blue accents and swirls going up the side. Definitely a TJ Maxx,

uh, on, on, on clearance special. Um, and by the way, can we just get right to Gretchen? I have,

I have things to say about this. Oh God. Yes. Let's please say about Gretchen. So Gretchen? I have things to say about this. Oh, God, yes. Let's please say something about Gretchen. So Gretchen's, her big thing, one of her two big things, was that it was her birthday, and Slade pulls up with a Rolls Royce for her. Okay, this thing, this got me so mad for a few reasons. First of all, there's no way that I would ever believe Gretchen would be wanting to drive around

a big, hulky, masculine car like a Rolls Royce. That's first and foremost. Excuse me. Didn't she used to drive a Range Rover, which is also big and bulky? That's different. That's different. Women love their Range Rovers, too. Well, every housewife in Atlanta has one, too.

That's true. But this Rolls Royce pulls up. It's already so ridiculous. But this Rolls Royce pulls up. It's already so ridiculous. And we all know that these two have no money, especially Slade, who all his money is going to his poor son and slash alimony and to his wife, etc., etc. He pulls up with this thing. And then it turns out, well, first he says, I'm sorry.

She's like, is this for me? Is this really for me? He's like, yeah, it's for you. And then he goes, it's like, dot, dot, dot, if you want it. I'm like, oh, there's the out. There's the out. Because motherfucker can't afford a Rolls Royce, even if it is on lease, even if it is, quote, unquote, a's for you. And then he goes, it's like, dot, dot, dot. If you want it. I'm like, oh, there's the out. There's the out. Because motherfucker can't afford a Rolls Royce. Even if it is on lease. Even if it is, quote unquote, a few hundred dollars more. That's the thing that

really pissed me off, too. Because he's like, yeah, I bought this for you. And then later at the party, Gretchen is like, yeah, he bought me one. And I'm thinking to myself and I'm not trying to be, you know, some snobby asshole here, but I am. Buying a car and leasing a car are two different stories.

That made me love Tamara for a second. She was like, wait a second, he bought it? Like, he bought it. Say that again. And of course, no one repeated it. Say that again and process that. Wait, you can't process that. It's not true. She has to do the payments on it.

It's her payments. It's ridiculous. Clearly, she already has a financial advisor. She's already paying money on her Mercedes. So it's like, hey, happy birthday. I just increased your monthly rates. Now you just have to pay a few hundred dollars more. That's it. Yeah, but you guys, you're not thinking deeply enough about this.

First of all, let's do some mystery unraveling here she to sign a lease for a rolls royce or any car she has to sign a lease yeah so this is something that she signed for she already knew that she was getting this car uh this was something that she had slave give to her so that he wouldn't look like such a cheapskate because everyone on the internet hates Slade so much. Yeah, exactly. It was totally for show. She's trying to have his reputation or whatever. Honey, his reputation is not paying child support. His child is dying

of cancer at the moment across the country and you're driving around in a Rolls Royce that you're saying that he's buying for you, which is making him look even worse while this kid is dying of cancer and he's behind a child support team. If you have a Rolls Royce, there's no excuse to have that much TJ Maxx shit in your house.

I'm sorry. The two do not go together. It's either have TJ Maxx and a Toyota Corolla or have a Rolls Royce and everything from like, I don't know where. I don't know those fancy places. Have a child with cancer and have no furniture in your house. Let's get real.

This is Southern California, and as you guys know, that this is the land of I'm going to lease a fancy car. I'm not even going to buy a fancy car. I'm going to lease a fancy car. I'm going to live in a shit shack. Oh, my God. That's what happens here. I cannot tell you how many dudes I have gone on dates with,

and I'm like, okay, he's picking me up in a 5 Series. This works. let's go back and get it on and then we get there and I'm like oh you have two roommates you clearly don't have a housekeeper and I'm not willing to even take off my shoes in this dump no remind me not

to invite you over again can we take it back to the back seat of the 5 series like I don't even want to go in your house he's like just give me your fat hand and then we'll be done i don't have fat hands anymore no no i wasn't saying i'm not your fat hand saying you're asking for his fat hand i have skinny hands thanks yes that was a callback to a handjob joke matt get with it get with it matt either way still sense i'm still sensitive i wasn't even talking about your hands i wasn't even talking about your bony, skinny hands.

But anyway, what I also hated was that later on at this party, sort of after Hot in Cleveland, which we'll get to, so Gretchen's making this announcement, and she does it in the most annoying way. She's like, so, like, this crazy thing happened. I was, like, coming out of the hotel, and I guess I own a Rolls Royce now. It's like, shut up. Don't even, like, just don't act all coy about it. And by the way, that was a great Gretchen impersonation. You're welcome.

I kind of liked it. I'm not going to lie. It sort of captures her brain level, I think. But I don't know. I think that it just, it really rubbed me the wrong way. And I think that Vicky, I think Vicky had it best. Please, Gretchen, shut up. Shut up.

You're stupid. Okay, you hit play on your phone before I did because that's the only thing I recorded audio-wise last night myself. That's all that has to be recorded. That was the best part of the entire episode. Please, Gretchen, shut up. Shut up. You're stupid.

I just love the inflection when she says you're stupid. I love how that's also become Vicky's thing this season. It's just like, you're stupid. Be quiet, you're stupid. Every time she said it, she's been correct, and it really just puts a period at the end of the sentence. Moving on.

Yeah, and it really is very much to the point, it's like, you know what? There's nothing else. It's not like, you know, she's nice, but she's just stupid. She's stupid. Here's another thing I wanted to say about that car. Alexis also has a Rolls Royce, and Alexis can also not afford a Rolls-Royce dealer in town who's connected to this cast who's giving them either the cars for free to be shown on the show or they're giving them a massive discount because there is no – there's just no way. I mean Gretchen is stupid, but she is smart enough.

She is a good whore. Like she knows that she's an old whore and she didn't buy a huge house. She got a condo. She shops at TJ Maxx. She doesn't – you know what I mean? I guarantee there'll be a scene next week where she takes their Rolls Royce back i guarantee it i bet it was just for one one episode and she's gonna be like oh we decided we can't afford it anymore so it's just not smart so i decided to bring it back i guarantee they'll be so because that that's just ridiculous and i hope that um cancer son's mom is has got

her lawyers ready to pass. Oh, I'm sure. And by the way, I take a little umbrage to you saying that Alexis can't afford her Rolls Royce. Because I'm telling you, once she memorizes all those Olsen twins speeches from Billboard Dad, she's going to be rolling in it. Oh, my God. You've heard of Shakespeare in the Park. Now get ready for Shakespeare in the Trampoline Park Hey, actress alert

Shakespeare in the parking lot Shakespeare in the air Next week she will be performing Scenes from my favorite Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen film How the West was Fun Not How the West was Won How the West was Fun How the Tramp West Was Won. How the West Was Fun.

How the Trampoline Was Fun. I want to see an all-trampoline version of Hamlet and or A Streetcar Named Desire. Stella! Stella! Maybe some Macbeth. You know?

I don't know. Bubble, bubble, toil, trouble. Well, I have to say that Alexis in that acting class was one of the funniest scenes I've seen in a long damn time. I laughed. I think we say this every season. Screw the spinoffs with Candy and Kim. Give Alexis a spinoff where they make her try to perform. spinoffs with Candy and Kim.

Give Alexis a spinoff where they make her try to perform. Whether she's on news. She's the anchor on every daytime drama. General Hospital, they knew what they were doing. That was a great piece of work there. She couldn't even do a fake

General Hospital piece even after having been a quote-unquote real newswoman. I guess when Dr. Booty isn't there, it's a little hard to bring your A-game. It throws her off. It throws her off without special guest Dr. Booty. Maybe she was just distracted thinking about the imaginary kid

in the fiery home. You know, one thing about going to an acting class or anything like that, you really start to hate actors because they really are idiots. I mean, when you're in a whole class of homely people who you just, you're like, I'm sorry, but you are never gonna make they're just not enough roles for homely

people in the world, okay? Without any kind of talent. You're just not gonna make it, sorry. But seeing that whole room, and then the guy who was like an extra in Newsies 20 years ago as the teacher, the way that they're looking at Alexis like she's a piece of shit, I mean, that's really bad. What was the scene that she had to do?

The guy was like, I can change your oil for you. And then she's like, really? Tools. Oil. Tools. Really? How did I do? I'm right here or something, like whatever she said. Well, and also, what was that scene? Like, what kind of acting class is this?

Like, is the teacher just making up scenes for them that was a porn scene i would like to say we can do whatever you want okay well then change my oil really that was the scene yeah really and it was probably good you probably found it on a tumblr yeah i'm about to say it looks like it's a straight to tumblr production oh my god i still have that open in a. Let me go back and see what's happening over there. Vicky's face. Vicky's face. Vicky's face. Vicky's face. These boys, they need to get a chair and stop sitting on those sticks or they're not going to be able to walk right. How the West was fun.

How the West, how Tumblr was fun. No, it's not the same. I'll tell you something from Tumblr today. There's a lot of different ways to groom your wiener what i would like to know is this room oh i do yeah but i'm just saying there's like so many different haircuts for it do you guys think there's any hot in cleveland fantasy porn out there fan fiction um erotic fiction is because some some people are into old people like betty white but you know what i'm into val Valerie Bertinelli dissing Heather Dubrow.

Oh, wait. I missed it. How did she diss her? When she showed up to shoot the show or do the table read, and she was going around saying hi to everybody, and Wendy Malick introduced her to Valerie Bertinelli, Valerie was like, yeah, what's up? And turned her head and marched away. How about Jane Leaves, who, from what I could gather, didn't seem like she even wanted to be on camera. I mean, they didn't have a single shot of her during the table read. She was not playing that shit. She clearly was like,

I am not allowed on Real Housewives of Orange County. That's the accent I've given her. Well, when they took the group picture, she looked like she'd rather be cleaning Fraser's dad's ass. She's like, she would rather be back on the set of Throb than doing

a guest appearance on Real Assets of Orange County. I googled hot in Cleveland porn, and the first thing that came up is mental or physical, a hot in Cleveland fanfic. Hot in Cleveland porn. I'm sure there's some nasty scat porn, you know, like a hot in Cleveland steamer.

Line just crossed. line is crossed now who's clutching the girls now i'm thinking about dirty thing like wendy phallic phallic jane penis i love that i love that wendy malik looked up heather duprown md imdb and was like now where do we know each other from i know i know know you. And she's like, oh yeah, remember we worked on the thing with that guy and the thing where I was in it and there was a guy in it too. She's like, oh Tony, yes. She's like, where do I, you know, I've actually been working

all these years so it's hard for me to remember which production I know you from. What are you working on? What was it again? Was it the show I did five shows ago or six shows ago? Just remember. i was really cringing because heather's whole personality is that she's above it all she's above all the stupidities so to see her like fall for it that hard yeah it just was really sad to watch i love

i loved also how she showed up to this table read and she's all done up and everyone else they don't they're not even bothering like wendy malik had was wearing nothing and i thought she looked great by the way. I love the way she looked without makeup. Yeah, me too. Well, Wendy Malek is hilarious, first of all. Have you ever watched that show? We love her. She basically plays the exact same character

that she plays on everything. Nina Van Horn. Yeah, Nina. She basically does the exact same thing, but she is just hilarious. And that line she even read at the table read was hilarious. I would ask for a standing O, but we just did that in the shower. I was like, ah, I love her. Wendy Malek, you can come on our podcast any day.

I love her. And I saw her walking in the Val one day. That skinny bitch. You were in the Val? On accident. Oh, okay. Got lost. Saw a hill. I love that Ben from Englewood is giving you shade for being in the valley.

Well, I'm sorry. If we're going to do a little greater than or equal to or less than, I'm going to say Englewood is greater than the valley. Although, full disclosure, I was in the valley Sunday night bowling at Pins. You went to Pins without me on Ventura Boulevard? I'm sorry. I didn't realize you had a Pins thing. I am secretly an amazing bowler. Well, guess what?

I am secretly a terrible bowler. And I will tell you also that the two guys next to me in the next lane were, well, one of them looked really hot. And the other one I think may have been like Ryan Pinkston. i'm not totally sure it probably was i grew up running a bowling alley my family used to own a bowling alley called sky lanes and i grew up working there it's not exciting it's like sky zone you guys do you guys like that only if you can take us there to play um i put giant pin into tumblr and really disturbing things are coming up bowling porn so anyway uh let's see what else let's see lydia talk to her mom about pot you know i had a realization on my very long drive back from inglewood i was like you know lydia is like

why is my cup holder missing i know you know she's, I really like Lydia. I think she's really nice, but she's sort of like affable and inoffensive, but sort of forgettable. And I realize she's sort of like the Don Henley of this group, you know? She just sort of is like there, and when you hear it, you're like, oh, I like this song. I sort of forget that I like this song. And then the song changes, and you're like, Don Henley who? What? Huh?

Now all I want to hear is Boys of Summer summer that's what i was listening to when i had the realization we are on the same 80s wavelength i mean the fact that i like want to call you in the middle of the night every time uh brenda russell's piano in the dark comes on my ipod like it's a problem it's great you know and also you know what else other song i heard today it's not an 80s song that's an early 90s. It was I Like the Way by High Five. How about that? I heard that on the radio. Followed by Bad by Michael Jackson.

Yeah. Well, you know, I'm not driving around my Rolls Royce with my XM Sirius. Sirius XM. Sirius XM. You know, shenanigans like that. Well, I think that Lydia's mom really is kind of pathetic. Okay, she comes in and she's like, they're not even talking about weed at all.

And she's the one who brings it up, that she really wishes she was smoking weed right now and this and that. And then you've got her daughter basically saying, you were never there for me as a kid because you were on drugs the whole time. And then the mom's like, you're not cool, man. That whole thing just really bugs me.

Like, I don't think that a marijuana addiction is comparable to, like, a heroin addiction. I don't think it's the same thing. But you know what? I know that I would probably be further in the world if I hadn't smoked, and you can't be smoking when you have a kid because you completely zone out. That woman shouldn't be apologizing for smoking pot.

She should be apologizing for being a fucking loser and a terrible mother. Get out of my house, mother! And kind of looking like a clown, let's be honest. She's horrible. She had a bucket of glitter on her chest. I mean, a bucket of it. It got onto Lydia.

Oh, maybe that's her fairy dust. Remember, she does the fairy dust thing? Yeah, but it creeps me out. She's gross. It creeps me out. She's gross. It creeps me out more than naming a child Maverick. Oh, yeah. Sterling and Maverick? Yeah, that's not okay. But Lydia also needs to stop telling everybody, you know, well, you know, I was raised by a drug addict.

Like, shut up. You need, like, a more interesting story than that because that's ridiculous. Just stop it. Yeah, and honestly, there are people who have been raised by hardcore drug addicts who they they're the ones who truly deserve the the sympathy not the ones who were raised by parents who are on pot because you know what i guarantee actually a lot of people uh had stoner parents they just didn't realize it she should be happy that her mom is so honest with her yeah and also your mom just spent like three thousand dollars last week on clothes for you. So shut up.

I think you can forgive a little pot smoking. Yeah, I think so too. So let's see what else. So there was Hot in Cleveland and Gretchen and Slade showed up late. What did you guys think about that? Well, I love that you can see that Tamara's turning. You can see it. She's like, why am I friends with this fucking idiot?

She's an idiot. I mean, Gretchen is so rude. And if Tamara's ever talking to Vicky, Gretchen is so rude and if Tamara's ever talking to Vicky, Gretchen gives them dirty looks openly. Like, she's obviously offended by it and she's worried that she's about to be in trouble. She's just such a child and Tamara's not going

to be able to deal with that for very long. You just can't ignore Slade. No, you can't. He's the worst. I also love how Eddie would rather make love to his bicycle seat than Tamra's crusty old vagina. Well, they are sort of the same texture. Yeah, except at least one of them will lube up. At least one of them you can wash down easily.

As soon as you said that, I had this mental image of Tamra's crotch looking like a scuba gear and somebody with a garden hose in the backyard spraying out the salt water. Yeah, like a slip and slide. Yeah. The only way it'll work is to hose it down first. What did you guys think about Terry and the big D? That was last week, Matt. Oh, I watched them back to back, so I don't know what's happening. Oh, yeah, that was last week matt oh i watched them back to back so i don't know what's oh yeah that was last week and i know there's residuals from that and heather is not cutting this dude some slack no but it's all solved because um he gave a toast to her at um a stupid valley restaurant

and then she was like oh he does love me because he's giving he's you know making a whole big to do about how awesome i am so now. No, but then they cut to her confessional and she was like, ugh, that was a baby step in the right direction, but he has a long way to go because I'm an ice-cold bitch. She'll never be satisfied. Well, that's their relationship. He likes getting yelled at and apologizing

and she likes yelling. Yeah, exactly. Didn't you kind of hope that Colette was going to pick up the scissors from that crafting table when Heather was on set and stabbed Terry? Yes, I was hoping someone was going to lose an eye because those scissors were swinging around. I was like, someone's got to lose an eye. Let's do it. Right.

And they were not those like left-handed like plastic Crayola scissors. They were sharp. How did I miss the entire scissors thing? How did I miss that? Was that when she said, I'm going like cut you like bad bangs or whatever um no but that was the saddest role ever because it was just it's like are you gonna audition for the real housewives of like toluca lake or whatever to like make a twist on it and then and then she was just a real housewife i mean that's really i know i kind of felt that it was like. It was not like a real role.

Yeah. It was just like any housewife could play it. No. And she couldn't get laughs at the table read. That was pretty sad. That whole thing made me feel sad. But it was a fun episode all in all. And I'm really loving that Tamara knows that the world hates her. So now she's trying to soften her image.

Like last week was the reveal that Tamara has an illness where she just something snaps in her and she can't help but being a bitch. It's a disease, you guys. And next week we find out that Tamara was divorced when she was 21 and she also tried to commit suicide because her mom

is mean. She blames her mother for everything. I kind of thought, like, I feel bad because I kind of snickered when in the preview they said, like, by 21, I had already had my first divorce. I was also the first time I was suicidal. I was like, pfft.

Like, you weren't suicidal. You just were, like, you just decided to be a brunette for, like, a day or something. Yeah, no one with an ego like that tries to commit suicide. Or they do, but it's like those tiny little cuts that never bleed enough. Like, shut up. Or they never tie the noose right. Shut up.

You just need attention. Get out of here. Yeah, get out of here. Get out of here, Tamara. I'm not buying your suicidal bullshit. There are some people who really do try and commit suicide. And guess what? They're dead, Tamara.

They're dead. Yeah. So let's be done with this show. Do we have anything else? No. Because I can't take it. Should we move on to the Maritim Medicine two-hour finale? So much happened! Well, the most important thing that happened

is that we learned that Carrie loves psychology. Loves it. It's a true passion. And you know I love psychology i love to study the mind that was great her looking on like psychology.com to find out that mariah is a paranoid personality disorder and then i love when toy now toya believes it too and then she tells us she's like oh, that's what paranoid people does.

That's what paranoid people does. That's the way of trying to just understand what was happening. I love this up on Psychology.com. What's that? You got a paper? Show me the paper. Nothing makes me happier on that show as than when they mess up the tenses. I know. Victoria's like, what's psychology? Is that like

the same as a Psy-O-C-H-ology? I was talking to Eugenia Cazar about Psy-O-C-H-ology and he didn't know what that was. Oh my God, that show is a freaking mess. Okay, so Mariah, crazy ass Mariah,

decided to be mad again because it was like the season finale. And she spoke to her ghetto mom also, which helped things. That mother. That mother. Wow. I would not have been surprised if she were in that Costco parking lot this afternoon. For reals, guys.

I think that it's really Dave Chappelle in drag. I think it's just the homeless guy who who's down on sunset and labrea and drag i think that if they're going to continue walking together they might want to walk faster because by the way that guy at sunset and labrea scares me from going into that starbucks there and i now have to walk to the one on coanga the black guy in his underwear yes well there's also you know which guy which you know which homeless guy i hate is the one on um so snobby you know what homeless guy i hate is the one on hollywood did you wait wait wait you just really said that i did really say i'm gonna i'm bringing it up every week you just

really said wait do you know which homeless guy i said that well i'll tell you what his disease okay we're not shallow because we actually see the homeless people, okay? We're not saying about that. This guy, he's on the corner of Hollywood and La Brea, and he, like, shits in the bushes, and he also shits in his pants. So anytime you walk by, if you've got to go to a Fresh and Easy or go to the gym, it smells like feces. And I've really never had this problem with any other bum, and so I really don't appreciate it. It's called bridge troll. Yeah, you know which guy. sky used to live down here he's you know on the whole foods i live by yeah there

used to be like a newspaper stand there on the sidewalk so you had to go it was like a little tunnel because you had to go past the newspaper stand and there was a wall on the other side of it to get through and so he would stand in the middle and we'd call him the bridge troll because you can't get past without giving him a dollar or whatever, you know. Like all in your stinky poopoo in your face. So people kept complaining to the police

who really can't do shit about it or they don't do shit about it. And finally they just said shit. And finally they took out the newspaper stand and he moved. He moved to somewhere where he can block people. Well, he doesn't block people where he is. He just sits on this one bench and he ho he moved to somewhere where he can block people well no he doesn't block people where he's he just sits on this one bench and he hoards little bags of things under the bench

so and then he i think some of the bags have a shit in it and he shits in the in the in the planters nearby it's just it's disgusting and i know people can be like ben be nice he probably suffers from mental illness and yada yada yada and you know he doesn't have anything etc etc i get that but it doesn't mean I have to like it we live near we also live near Runyon Canyon he can just go poop in the woods yeah he cleans up their shit out there anyway

it'll blend in with all the chihuahua or he could just shit like where all the other homeless people shit you know where everyone else shits or he could go across the street to MJ's condo and ask her to shit in her house. Yeah, she'll probably tell everyone she's dating him in the meantime.

A friend of mine was spending the night and I was saying, oh my god, there he is. God damn it, I can't believe he's back. And she's like, you know what, I really, it's uncomfortable the way you're talking about homeless people. I said, you don't even understand. He shits on the sidewalk. Like, this guy's a mess. I just don't want him next to my house.

It's not against all homeless people. I get it. Some are vets, whatever. The next day, I was walking her back to her car, and she stepped and shit. I was like, you see? I said, that's your karma. You see? That's your fake niceness that needs to go away now. Bye. Go back home. Enjoy your drive smelling

human poop. I'm glad you taught her a lesson. I'm glad you taught her a lesson um what's her name what's her name gretchen by any chance her name is laura and she now smells like bridge troll poop good i love that i'm now no longer the um evil okay so married to medicine, Carrie decides that Mariah has paranoid personality disorder, which, look,

I don't think that that would be her disorder. I think her disorder... I think her disorder is she's stupid disorder. She's stupid. If she would see the real person and see that I'm not some sort of ogre, she would see that I'm good and I'm not an ogre. You know, I'm actually glad we talked about homeless people because I do aspire someday, if I ever have children, that I want to expose my children to poverty.

Like the homeless man on Hollywood in La Brea. You stand here between this newsstand and the wall and don't let people pass unless they give you a dollar. And then I want you to go home and mail him a slinky. When you go to someone's home and you see a welcome mat,

pull down your pants and go boo-boo on it. I have had a personal struggle with money for the past 20 years and therefore I want my children to see poverty so they don't have the same struggle of wealth I have had

a personal struggle with ogres at Whole Foods Ogres who have paranoid personality disorder which I learned about because I love psychology and I love the mind. Oh, my God. These women are ridiculous.

So they spent the whole season finale, which was two hours long. Went by in a second for me, I'll tell you. I'm not even joking. It killed me. Never getting those hours back. Oh, it was too much. Because it was nothing. Nothing. It was just nothing. it was nothing nothing it was just

nothing it was these women trying to make something out of nothing and okay so then mariah decides she's gonna have a big black edeshi dinner party to invite everybody over um to sort to make up i guess yeah but meanwhile why didn't people show up because she told someone that latoya or that tooya had been in prison for drunk driving. Yeah, what happened was she was going to make peace, but then Quad decided

that she was going to throw some shit at Toya. So she announced that she knows that Toya was once drunk driving and hit a car with her three-month-old in the backseat. And so then, according to Toya, she was tired. She took the Joe Dudais defense.

She was just tired, and she fell asleep at the wheel because she was sleep-deprived. And she rear-ended someone. There was no damage to the cars. Which is much better, just falling asleep when you've got your children in the car. Yeah, I think it's better.

Yeah, totally fine. Yeah. She have came here so many times before, and she's never been drunk before. I have came here. I have came here. I have came to Kazaa so many times. I'm not drunk. I've drank it, but I've never drunk it.

I haven't drank it. She was probably at Peter's Hole in the Wall Bar. Yeah. Bar 1. Bar 1. Bar one. So, for whatever reason, because she was mad,

Troy was mad because she was just accused of being a drunk driver with her children in the car, and Carrie was mad because I forget why she was mad, but they decided not to show up to the big finale dinner, which, in Housewives history, I mean, you don't do that. You show up to the finale party dinner, which in Housewives history, I mean, you don't do that. You show up to the finale party no matter what it is. Yeah.

It was actually a very depressing season finale because it basically ended. The girls didn't go to this blackadeshi party. And then Mariah was like, well, you know, I'm just not going to be friends with them anymore. And Quad's like, I don't want anything to do with them. And then Carrie and Toya were like, that's it. And basically no one's friends anymore. And everyone hates each other. And the circle has fallen apart.

Although it's kind of funny because this circle of friends did not exist before the show. So who cares? Well, you know that Mariah is a producer on the show. So she's the boss. She hired everybody to be on the show, which we've known for a while. And I thought that she was so depressed

because it was her obvious failure as a producer that she couldn't even get her own cast to show up to her house. And so she thinks, you know, she's saying, I've decided not to be friends with these women. What she's really saying is these bitches are fired from the show. That's not going to happen.

She thinks she's making this big decision, but there's no way that's going to happen. And Andy proved it by having Toya and Carrie on. And by the way, what sort of producer credit does Mariah have? Is it like an associate producer? Because we all know that's bullshit. I'm looking it up right now.

I think she's like an executive producer. I'm looking it up. I believe she really did package and sell the show. Well, wait. Wasn't she also, didn't we discuss this at the beginning of the season, that she was approached for Real Housewives of Atlanta and she turned that down because that was not classy enough for her? Oh, God. That's funny.

Yeah, be careful what you wish for, Mariah, because now she's the biggest enemy of them all. As dumb as Toya is, and she's very biggest enemy of them all as as dumb as toya is and she's very very dumb um i think everyone seems to be more or less on team toya carrie you know like it seems like i am aren't you guys yeah i hate mariah i hate mariah i like quads i thought they made up it's like you made up already you're not allowed to just come back and make two more hours out of this shit yeah and also we never saw the scene with her telling her daughter i mean that was just all bullshit and she had already told so

many other people about it that her daughter could have heard that from anybody the whole thing's just stupid whatever that shows dumb i agree but then um um what was i gonna say oh i was very happy to see that uh my favorite guest character made an appearance aka the nephew of course as soon as i saw him come on the camera i was like oh god ben brace yourself he's cute how do you guys think he's not cute i don't think he's ugly i just think he's probably like crawling like he's a toddler you're not supposed to say that about such young people. He's 21. Who was the kid that was on some show that Matt was like, he's hot. Her son is hot and he was like six.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Come on. Just because I had a thing for Jonathan Lipnicki back in the day when it was wildly inappropriate. And or Jonathan Taylor Thomas who's actually my same age. It was an appropriate crush let's see what else happened

oh Dr. Jackie China stuff oh yeah oh I have some sound bites first is this one that goes like this oh wait of course it's quiet why is it that like every time I try to do this it always messes up

here we go. This quad. Wait a minute, how clitorious, baby! And then, of course, Dr. Simone. Oh! You would put those vibrating balls in your vagina?

Please play that every second of my life. Okay, if you insist. Oh, you would put those vibrating balls in your vagina. Please, Gretchen, shut up. Shut up. You're stupid. I just felt the need to put them together.

I don't know why. Send me that one so I can make a little ringtone out of it for people. I keep saying I'm going to do that, and I don't ever do it. I'll send it. I'll send it. So that happened, and Jackie is opening a business. She's opening a website about the vagina called the Power Flower of, I don't know. But she's talking about herbs that you can eat that make your vagina taste delicious.

What herbs are those? It's called it's called don't eat asparagus it's called don't eat some of that deshy food before you uh and i see you again your vagina tasted like paprika delicious by the way i'd like to say there were actually several parties this episode and i think the only party that we saw for the entire season that actually felt like a true doctor's party was Carrie's party for Duncan's new building. I'm sorry, the anniversary of his practice or whatever. That was the first party we've seen that actually looked like it was filled with real doctors and looked about as boring as a doctor party would be. Oh, my God. Yeah, that was terrible.

That was awkward. and looked about as boring as a doctor party would be oh my god yeah that was terrible that was awkward and i loved how in the middle of it for no good reason carrie had this awkward like power present powerpoint presentation of an impending trip they were going to take and like no one gave a shit like no one clapped no one said anything and she's like first we could be going to paris well she's so snobby who wants to look at your fucking trip in advance and it's just all stuff shut off google images anyway get over yourself yeah and then she showed like you know like we're gonna be staying at this hotel and duncan's like yeah baby oh this is awesome and everyone's just standing around like what the fuck yeah like are you gonna pass around a donation plate for this trip you

cheap bitch on your ipad one by the way i took a screenshot of Carrie's iPad because I thought the bookmarks that she had open to look at were really bizarre. So first she had the one for paranoid. I love you. I love that you even noticed that. Well, yeah. So first she had one open for paranoid personality disorder. Okay. And now the rest of the tabs, I only get truncated versions because it's their tabs.

So one is for Uber, which is sort of interesting. One says still photo, which I don't know. Wait, hold on. Uber. Uber is like, you know, for driving. Car service. Car service. Okay. So she had one for Uber. She had one for still photography.

And then the next tab just says British, which I kind of love. It just says British, which I kind of love. It just says British. One says Colorado. And then one says Goldfinger. What? It makes no sense. Goldfinger!

I would love to know how Carrie Wells browses the internet. This is a small peek inside of it. Wow. I don't even know what to say to that. I was trying to look all those up, but Uber is the most interesting one. Now I think this is how all the Beverly Hills housewives get along. Yeah. They've all been driving up in this car. Everyone's private driver.

Well, no. It's cheaper than a taxi. It is? Uber? Yes, I take Uber everywhere. I took Uber to the Troubadour for a concert on Friday night and it was like $18. I thought Uber was more expensive because it's black cars. It's glamorous and yes, you can order an SUV or a town car, but it's not that expensive.

$18 is expensive from your house to the Troubadour? That should only be like $6. No, no, no. The taxi. Okay, let me clarify. It includes tip.our, that should only be like $6. No, no, no. The taxi. Okay, let me clarify. It includes tip. Oh, that's really good. And I get to roll up in a black

Escalade. Oh, holler. I had no idea that was that... I had no idea it was that much cheaper than... Because I've been using Taxi Magic, and I like that one. But that's just taxis. Okay, I lied the price down. It was really $25 from West Hollywood. Okay, never mind yeah that's never mind i'm sticking with taxi magic i'm sticking with drunk driving well either way

i fall asleep at the wheel like toyah so it's better for me to take uber well and by the way so as for the housewives you said they all take uber but as we learned from jill zarin of all people it's the show gets them the drivers and then the show famously makes the drivers late. So it gets all the wives angry and they show up at the event ready to fight. That was something Jill Zarin told us on our podcast. And I believe that. And that's actually pretty hilarious.

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You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about

or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app

or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. I'm sorry, you said Jill Zarin and I just clenched up. I know, I could see. I'm like, all of a sudden, we lost all our listeners. Everyone's like looking at Tumblr porn now. Totally. You know everybody is.

I mean, that's an amazing site. And now I totally think that it was a good buy on Yahoo's part. It's suddenly worth it. And now I can see why they have so many millions of viewers. Because there's porn on there. That's all you need to make something work. I mean, every week, I think we should start reading porn at the end of this. And we'll get bigger ratings.

And it's not just porn. It's like you link through. You get lost in these porn tunnels. Yeah, here's the thing. Like three, four years ago, everybody was like, oh, I stayed up until 6 in the morning because I got caught in a web of Wikipedia just clicking on things and learning about random shit I don't need to know anything about. Now you will get lost in Tumblr porn because you'll click on something and you'll be like, oh, but it was really posted originally from this site. Oh, my God. That site's even better.

Oh, my God. Who's commenting on this site? Oh, he's hot. Oh, oh, wait. He's my neighbor. Oh, let me go look at all his shit. Yeah. And before you know it, it's eight o'clock in the morning.

You haven't gotten a goddamn wink of sleep. Your hand is nearly broken and you're raw. If only you had a fat hand. Yeah, you guys. Fat hand on some lotion. Okay, so Married to Medicine is over. Well, it's not over. We've got actually two or three

reunions coming up for this show. Do we really need that? Yes. Okay. Well, you're getting it. And even one of the doctors gets pissed off And starts yelling Dr. Simone Don't be lying on me She's going to be whipping out some ghetto

So yay Yay So that's over Really mediocre job I'm wearing a Chewbacca t-shirt right now And you sounded like Chewbacca I'd like to thank Married to Medicine's cast and crew For their stellar I'm wearing a Chewbacca t-shirt right now, and you sounded like Chewbacca. I'd like to thank Married to Medicine's cast and crew for their stellarly mediocre show.

Thank you. Thank you for that. Okay, so now what else did we watch this week? I watched Newlyweds. Who watched Newlyweds? I told you guys this two weeks ago. It is my favorite show on TV. Okay, I said some really rude things about that show and i have to start this discussion by apologizing to the gay people

because i said something along the lines of those are the kind of gays that make gays embarrassed to be gay okay they're so cute and now i love them is that i'm a total hypocrite and i admit that but they're disgusting what are you the one, who's like the craziest one, is just hilarious to me. He went on this whole thing because when they were shooting, I guess it's when Whitney died. Which was a year and a half ago. Yeah. So they made this. Well, it's over the course of a year.

So this is when Whitney died. And they started with this dramatic music. And it's this big trauma that's happened. And you don't know what it is yet. And it's something bad happened. And everyone's calling everyone and blah, blah, blah. And then it's like close up on him. And he's like, Whitney died.

And then he starts going off about how much he loves Whitney. And he's kind of cracked out. And he's like, oh, my God. Why do you think everybody's calling me? I mean, my phone was ringing off the hook. It's like everybody I knew was calling me. My nanny from childhood was calling me. They were like, call Blair and make sure that he's okay and he knows about this shit.

I mean, oh, oh, oh. Shit like that. That is what she did. I was dying. To be fair, the night that Whitney Houston died, we had an emergency podcast of Banter with Ben and Lisa featuring none other than Matt Whitfield. Do you remember that, Ben? Yes, and I was drinking and I was freaking

out. Ben called me and was like, can you get on? And I was like, um, the Grammys are tomorrow. This is my hell time of year, but yes, let's do it. We were all, like, very serious and urgent. We're like, Whitney Houston's dead. Like, there's no voice like her. We were like, it was a very special episode. We took it seriously?

Well, no, we laughed, but we still were sort of serious. We still were like, oh my God. Like, she had such, her voice was so pristine. Why did I get to come over? No one came over. I didn't go over to his house. Why didn't I get to be on it? Well.

Because you hate Whitney Houston. Yeah. No, I don't. I love her. You you hate Whitney Houston. No, I don't. I love her. You only love Bobby Christina. No, I don't. Listen, Ronnie, we'll have you on when Bernadette Peters

keels over. Oh my god, I won't be able to speak. I won't be able to speak. Anytime anyone from Broadway. When Stephen Sondheim kicks the bucket, we'll get you on the phone. Oh, my God. We need to get Patty on the phone when he dies.

Oh, yeah. What about when Patty dies? Oh, my God. When Patty dies, forget it. I'm just going to kill myself. You know what's terrible? You guys said that, and I now understand you're talking about Patty. The first thing in my head was Patty Stanger.

Me too, actually. My God, when she dies, I'm just going to change the channel so I can stop hearing news about it. No, you're going to go to the channel and be like, finally, I can watch Bravo and Peace. So what else happened on Newlyweds? Okay, this is actually a fascinating show. I kind of went off last week about how I hate people in couples, and this show makes me even hate them more. And it kind of does. But now I'm really starting to find it delicious because you're seeing people who get in couples

and they make you buy them all these gifts and spend all this money and treat them like kings and queens. And then they show you that when they go home, they become miserable. And it's actually kind of a wonderful show. I'm loving it. Okay, I know that this is me sounding like a crazy person,

but I actually feel like it is incredibly realistic because they're all miserable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's kind of like when you're friends with girls who just have, you know, those girls who have to be dating somebody all the time. I would say guys, but I don't know guys like that. But there are girls and they just always have to be dating somebody. And you're like, yeah, but that guy, you know you know he's drunk every time i've seen him he's

fall down drunk oh well that's because he's single and he's out in the world and you know he wouldn't be like that if we got married or well he doesn't keep a job well he doesn't have to because he's single but if he was married he would totally keep a job no ladies you do not change a man by putting him in a box. That only makes whatever his bad parts are, that makes them worse. Okay? You should have a daytime talk show. Yeah, I think so.

I should. I'm totally speaking from experience because I'm always single. I'm never in a relationship. I don't make very much money. I'm not very successful. So I'm really a good expert on everything. Then why don't you get some plastic surgery and go marry a successful. So I'm really a good expert on everything. Then why don't you get some plastic surgery and go marry a rich guy and then you can get on a Real Housewives show?

Oh, my God. Yeah, but truly, because if you look at it, all these women are doing the same thing. Kim in Alaska. Alaska is a jerk. He's a controlling piece of shit. And what, you think you're going to change him? He stuck you in the Bronx to live with his sister and her kid, and he lives in L.A. all the time. What exactly do you think is going to work?

Like suddenly he's going to move to New York? No. No. You were desperate. You got married. You deserve what you get. This girl who moved and got pregnant right away with a schlub who's counting money from the – like complaining about the money he's getting in the wedding cards. Oh, my God. He's disgusting.

You married George Costanza and now you're going to be shocked that he's putting you on a budget. You're being rude to George Costanza right now. This guy is disgusting. Is this the last guy you're talking about? No, this is the... Oh, that guy.

Yeah, horrible. Ben, he's giving your people a bad name. That's like the woman who basically, the woman that she's sort of like, this is the best she could do, right? Yeah, she was a TV producer, and she just decided she was going to get married and move to Long Island and do nothing.

Oh, my God. Not going to end well. Then you've got the Indian pop star that no one's ever heard of with a raft face and a hot husband. He works all the time, but now that I quit my job and I'm home all the time, he's totally going to change. No, he's still working all the time. And he actually admitted to her that he wasn't working, that he was playing World of Warcraft. Oh, I think he was being sarcastic.

Don't you think? Or was he really playing? I think he was being sarcastic. Don't you think? Or was he really playing? I think he was being sarcastic. Oh, maybe I'm just dumb. Play the Vicky. When I say I'm just dumb, Ben, that is your cue to play. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Let me cue it up. It's on my phone. Hold on. I'm just, you know, but Ronnie,

I'm just kind of dumb. No, no. I don't think you're dumb. I think that he was just saying, no, I'm not working. I'm just sitting here playing games all day, babe. I don't really... Shut up. You're stupid. You're stupid.

You're stupid. Regardless, Tars is hot at the end. Yeah, and then, you know, the only couple that I actually see kind of making it so far is the gay couple, right? What about them? They're gross.

I think they're super adorbs. Like, I don't know that I want to hang out with them. That age difference is inappropriate. Sorry, Jesus, if you're listening, but it's inappropriate. It is, but they're both so damaged. Like, they found damaged goods. Like, they look good on the open box rack together. You know, like, when you go to Best Buy and there's, like, the open box TVs?

They're, like, the open used things. And they look nice together. It's like they found the proper faults and they matched them. And I think they're cute because the older guy, he's not decrepit. He's got a banging body. And he was never accepted by his family or loved. So he's depressed and he just wants love. And then the young one is crazy.

No one's going to be with him. He's kind of meth-y. He's got something wrong. He's one of those people who can't look you directly in the eye. He can't focus. He'll look at you and then look at your forehead. Have you noticed that he does that? There's something crazy about him,

and I don't think anyone would be with him. So I think that they're cute together. They're like the lost and found items that no one comes back to get again. They're like two mismatched socks. Yeah. You know what they're like? You know when you have

your black socks and you're down to the end and you've got one that's black and one's navy blue and you sort of put them together because if you're not looking too closely, it works together. Side sidebar nothing creeps me out more this is a deal breaker if i'm dating somebody if you ball your socks together it grosses me out i'm done wait like all them together like if you like if you've washed your socks and you're folding them like fold your socks do not ball them up inside out all creepy like a fucking grenade.

That's what you're supposed to do. I do that. Ben, do you? Yeah, because that's what you're supposed to do with socks. You take two and you take one. What do you do with your socks? Do you just have a bunch of... You fold your socks.

If I opened your Unmentionables drawer and I saw balled socks, I would be done. I will take a picture of my sock drawer. Wait, Matt, you just fold them together? So, like, if you pick one up, you risk leaving another one behind? I take that risk every day I do laundry, Ben. Well, you know what?

This week I got my laundry done by the Asian ladies at Sunny Cleaner. And when I got it back, my socks were folded. I was like, who the fuck does this now i have to ball all my clearly i am an asian wait a second so why does that why does that bother you me i don't know it's like the i don't want the inside texture on the outside what's i have i have ocd clearly but it grosses me out. And it makes me, you know what? I think it gives me flashbacks to that scary movie from the 80s called Critters with those little balls that would have to attack people and the bounty hunters had to go chase them down.

And it makes me think about them rolling across the floor and then biting my feet. Oh, my God. That was such a scary movie. When I was six, it scared the hell out of me. Who was in that? Rosanna? Leonardo DiCaprio was in one of them He was?

I swear to god I still don't think that justifies You having an irrational fear of balled up socks Just so you know I mean are you like putting them up your vagina Or something like that? No You would put those putting them up your vagina or something like that you are a horrible person i am like and you just made fun of me so to the core you cut me to the

white meat as the ladies of atlanta would say And you also talked about your hatred for homeless people for 10 minutes. I don't think you could stoop any lower. And, by the way, Critters from 1986 starred Dee Wallace Stone. Who is that? Oh, my God. What was her old name? She had a different name. Dee, um...

Excuse me. Dee Wallace Stone is the B-Scream queen of the 80s, people. Wasn't she in Cujo? She was the mom in E.T., people. Really? And she was also in Cujo, right? What was her name? She was in E.T. She was in Cujo

as the mom. She was in Critters. She was in... She was an alligator to the mutation. How did she not... She was the howling. How did she not leverage? She doesn't have eyes. She's in the Stepford Wives. She's retarded.

How did she not leverage E.T. into a proper career? But then again, Virginia Madsen, she didn't really leverage sideways into much either. No, I think she thought she'd just come back. And it was like, yeah, you came back for a second, a drive-by, and now you're gone again. Bye! So sad when that happens. Yeah, she should have gone for a TV drama or something. She could have been in the closer, damn it!

Well, she was. She was. But the pilot didn't get picked up. Oh. And she was in that show, like, The Heist. She was in a few TV shows. But, yeah, she should have... She should have had some bad movies after Sideways.

Oh, God. Who's Facebooking me? I don't know. Not me. So what else? What else on Bravo? I didn't watch Million Dollar Listing, but you guys did. I watched it.

And did you watch it, Ronnie? What was it? I was reading my Facebook message. Million Dollar Listing New York? No, I can't watch that. I only watched it because I thought you two jokers were gonna be watching it um it's just like the main guy is a prick um the new puerto rican guy is super super super annoying the episode was was really strange because it kind of was like it

was going along going along going along and then all of a sudden it's like and then came hurricane sandy and then it got somber and strange and then then at the end of the episode, it was like Frederick lost $800,000 of potential commission on the Marble House, and then it was like the Puerto Rican guy, his place is still unsold. It felt like the season finale. It was the only second of the episode. They had all these

updates, and the asshole was like, yeah, I realize I have no friends in my life, and no one cares about me the hurricane hit and no one called to see if i was okay and like it just sort of ends and it's like this this show sucks i hate yeah the puerto the puerto rican guy by the way has a fake accent like sofia vergara where he plays it up yeah the puerto rican guy first of all i thought for sure it was gay and now he's acting like he's not gay uh he's gay he's hanging out with core

he's hanging out cordell stewart doesn't uh put on special locks for him yeah we know we know who sold him his house um and then also uh frederick does crack me up because he makes a lot of really strange facial uh gestures if there were if i knew how to turn video into a gif i really don't know how to do that i would be making so many gifts of his face because he's out of control ridiculous um there's got to be some kind of program i was looking how to do that too because i keep doing it with my phone using vine or um whatever but they don't make gifts they just make little movies yeah i want to find a way to make a gift i think there is some way you can do it um i can show you how i think of what you i can show you how. I can show you the world. Oh, wait. Is it with Photoshop? Is it like video to frames or something like that?

Well, if you use Photoshop, it takes the quality out of the picture. That's okay. That's what happens. I mean, with the GIF, you always lose the quality. That's fine. Matt, is it Photoshop that you use or something else? I got to pull up the email. Give me a second.

Yeah, forward that shit over, girl. Because he has some funny faces. So that million dollar listing, New York, I've always liked the LA one. I don't know why I can't get into New York. I prefer it too. But New York is just too fake. They're bad actors, at least on LA. Yeah, they're really fake.

Josh, the stuff with his grandma, that's at least real stuff that's happening. It may be stupid, but it's kind of funny and entertaining. Like when Madison's dog died? that was almost as bad as when whitney died i know you guys oh oh she did stuff like that um so i can't really take that did you guys watch the watch what happens special with all the jersey women i did i wasn't going to two minutes maximum because it was terrible it was terrible and i'm really mad at whoever was on on facebook the only reason why i really watched it was someone on

facebook was like you guys you have to remember to watch this you have to remember to watch this that's why i watched it too i was like fuck these the other two guys are gonna watch it i better watch it i had no interest in watching it because i don't watch watch what happens and i watched it and i was so mad that i watched it was as dumb as i anticipated and um i'm mad i'm mad whoever who ever made me watch it me it depressed me for the upcoming season which i was excited for but the they've already shot the season which basically means this is another season that kind of continued on they just shot it right after the last one and they're still talking about the same shit.

I mean, it's still the same thing. It's like, oh, you know, we're mad because Teresa threw away the sprinkle cookies. I was like, really? We're still talking about fucking sprinkle cookies? I know. I know. Now I want a sprinkle cookie. I know.

Oh, I cannot take it. And Melissa is, like, completely innocent innocent never does anything wrong and the whole thing is about Teresa all anybody's really asked about is whether they hate Teresa or not why they hate Teresa and what Teresa did to make him so mad blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

I feel your pain yeah I'm now I watched it and then I was kind of like I'm not excited at all about the season premiere no oh i am i'm excited for the season premiere i'm just i'm not excited for a stupid watch what happens special because there's to this day there's never been a good watch what happens special matt i love this gift thing you sent me so i can upload like uh just a movie or does it have to be it has to be from

youtube from the thing that i sent you oh from youtube but what if i just have something somebody needs which means somebody needs to pull up kenya moore's amazing what if i videotape something on my phone that's the thing i know that i used to have an app then you have to put it on you have to put it on youtube before you do it with the site that with the site that i sent you um because i i use this thing called cinemagram and it would make it would make gifts and in fact i made one of marriage medicine once but you couldn't really share the gifts very easily it was really annoying so i stopped using yeah i was using cinemagram for that too and but when you send it to yourself it still sends it as a move file not a gift file it does it's it's bad and if you try to like post it's i can't get into

it if you it makes me so. It makes me so mad. It makes me so mad. You guys sound like real dorks right now. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, you're right. Okay. Well, when we start making amazing GIFs, you're going to be like, thank you, guys. Thank you for being nerds.

I know. Thanks for being a GIF nerd. By the time you figure it out, GIFs won't be cool anymore. I know. Bravo will not even be a channel anymore. I know. It'll be all animals all the time. Oh, that sounds nice.

That's where they're headed, guys's my prediction for bravo one day it's just going to be shows with animals fighting and throwing poop at each other or it'll just be a security chain or it'll just be a security cam at the inglewood costco parking lot yeah i would watch that 24 7 honestly it was amazing guys i don't think i really emphasized that i thoroughly enjoyed what I saw in the parking lot. I could not believe I was actually seeing it. Maybe we should do a live podcast from your car in the parking lot there next week. Well, let me tell you something. So I went into this Costco, and it was a dream.

It was empty. It was nice. The parking was a breeze. I was like, wow, this is really, really nice. I sort of thought for Inglewood, I might find a little bit of a rougher crowd in here. It was excellent. And I come out, bam, some weave pulling action. I was like, yep, I'm in Inglewood.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. So what's coming up? Please say that like quad. You need to say it like quad. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Picking and a knee slapping, honey.

So what are we going to be watching this week? Because next, there's a lot of stuff on Bravo, and when it all comes on at one time, I feel pressure. Like last night, I had to watch four hours of Bravo shit. Well, we're going to watch the Maritime Medicine reunion. We're going to watch OC. We'll watch Newlyweds. And that's it. That's it? Is there

nothing starting this week? I thought the Jersey premiere is happening. That's June 2nd. Oh, okay. That first week in June is going to be amazing, because we've got Jersey. We're still going to have... We'll have Married to Medicine finale part two. And New York Princesses. Oh my god, Long Island

Princesses. That's right. That's going to be amazing. Man of Sheva! I'm so embarrassed already ahead of time. When you're 27 and you're still living at home, then you know you have a problem. When you're 27,

you need to find S.J.B., you know, a single Jewish boy. Oh, a nice Jewish boy. Yeah, we need time to get this together, you guys. We need time. S-J-B. You know, a single Jewish boy. Oh, a nice Jewish boy. A nice Jewish boy. N-J-B. Yeah, we need time to get this together, you guys. We need time. But it's gonna be so good. All I care about is N-J-R. Our beloved N-J-R.

Nicole Johan Rond. Nicole Johan Rond. No, Johan Rond. Nicole Johan Rond. Alright, so are we done? Yes. I bought a new TV today, and I have got to get it hooked up with everything else. I've got 50 inches of LED magicalness happening.

And by new TV, you mean one that was out of the box at the side of the floor on Best Buy, like the gaze on newlyweds? No, I did not. I should have open boxed it, but instead I got a 50-inch Sharp Aquos LED. And the very first thing he's going to do is set up his mini DV thing so that way he can watch some Tumblr porn on that 50-inch screen. I got an Apple TV. I can stream that shit from my phone straight up to the big screen. Oh, well, you have Mountain Lion on your new MacBook Air, right? So you can stream that shit. Oh, my God, you nerds.

What are all these words? It's called TV sets. Let me tell you the best thing. iPhone or iPad or Mac, okay? Apple TV. You can stream your computer up to the TV. I watch everything. I watch all my YouTubes.

I watch my Hulus. I watch everything. I watch all my YouTubes. I watch my Hulus. I watch everything like that, Matthew. It has changed my life, Matthew. And you know what else you could do when you do that? You can also impress all your friends with the European vacation you just surprised your husband with. You can go on Google Images and search

stream vacation that we'll never be able to afford because I'm still using an iPad 1 and an iPhone 3G. Streaming television has been a personal struggle that I've had for 20 years. And I'm proud to say with this European vacation, I have finally overcome my fear of streaming photos from Google Images to my television. I am so Carrie in real life. It's a problem. Are you an ogre? Well, are we done with this podcast? Because I'm answering the phone now. Yes, but I would like you to sign off with a quadism about low-down dirty scoundrels.

You're a low-down dirty rotten scoundrel. Okay, now I'm done. I'm good. Okay, thanks everybody for listening to Watch What Crappens. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens on Twitter at whatcrappens. I'm at tvgasmin. Ben's at bsideslog. I'm at thatlifeonthemlist.

Leave us a review on iTunes. Love you guys. Buy some razors and some berries. Yay. The end. Okay, you guys, I got to go. My mom just called me. I love you.

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