Watch What Crappens - #78: Jersey Girls, Princesses, and Bachelorettes

Episode Date: June 5, 2013

This week on "Watch What Crappens," Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com), Matt Whitfield (Yahoo!), and Ronnie Karam (TVgasm.com) welcome back "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" by trashing their very existences. That's only the warm up for "Princesses: Long Island" where the guys welcome the new girls to the Bravo fold by thrashing them all to pieces. Finally, it's off to Puerto Villarta for a "Real Housewives of Orange County" bachelorette party. Plus, encounters with Kyle Richards and Camille Grammer, and talk of the "Married to Medicine" reunion part 2. ¡Andele! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, I'm Chanel, a.k.a. Coco, from Great Neck, Long Island, and also as seen as Princesses, Long Island. Summer is here. Summer's finally here. School's out, warm weather, it just puts you in a good mood to go sit out at your parents' pool.

And if you're lucky, you can sit with your best friend Erica, who is like the most popular girl in all of Great Neck. I'm talking about the most popular girl in all of the North Shore. You go to the Seven Seas Diner off Northern Boulevard, and everyone's like, oh my god, there's Erica. Anyway, it's like when you get an unexpected gift, like Erica showing up at your house. You feel great, and nothing is better than a surprise. So make someone you love feel great by surprising them with either Manischewitz, or even better, berries from Shari's Berries. You guys, these berries, these berries are totally kosher. And if they're not, just lie to your friend. And if she goes to hell because you lied to her, that's not your problem because your dad was the one who told you to lie in the first place. So just lie to her.

Give her the berries. Even if she ends up in hell, she's going to end up in hell with delicious berry juice covered in dripping chocolate going down her throat. So send giant drip strawberries from Sherry's Berries for only $19.99. That's a 40% savings. I don't need discounts because I'm rich and I'm in love with my father who's very hairy and has a very good job. So I'm never leaving him. So I could pay the full price.

But for you people with couches on your porch, you might want to call because there's a 40% savings. So go to berries.com, click on the microphone, and type in watch. Go to berries.com, click on the microphone, and type in watch. Go to berries.com, click on the microphone, and type in watch. And for our listeners, double the berries for just $10 more. That's just $10 more for two to three times the berries.

More specifically, double. Are you serious? Are you serious right now? I'm serious. I'm totally serious. Are you seriously talking about berries with enormous, fresh, juicy, mouth-watering flavors dipped in white, milk, and dark

chocolate topping? Totally. Can I talk about who sent me berries lately? It was Erica, my best friend and most popular girl in high school in 1995. Oh my god. It's the perfect anniversary gift or birthday gift. Well, no one sent me them because my father forgot but I'm still in love with him anyway.

And I went to Sherry's Berries, and it was dark because there was a blackout, and I didn't care. And I stood there, and I screamed until someone gave me my berries. And I said, listen, I'm typing watch. I'm clicking the microphone, and I'm typing in watch. Here's the only way to get this special offer from Sherry's Berries. Visit berries.com. That's B-E-R-R-I-E-S.com. Click on the microphone in the top right corner and type in watch.

That's W-A-T-C-H. You've got to see these enormous berries for yourself. So go to berries.com, click on the microphone, type in watch, and order now. I die. Seriously? Die. That was fun. It was long, but it was fun.

That was amazing, and by the way, they should spend $500 for those ads because that is a five-minute commercial. I know, seriously. If that commercial had run on NBC, like, right before ER after Seinfeld, that would have cost $7 million. seven million dollars.

Hey, everyone. Welcome to Watch What Crap Is, a podcast about all that crap you love and watch on Bravo. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com. You can find me at bsideblog on Twitter and Instagram, and also just Ben Mandelker on Vine. And with me as always, trusty co-host Matt Whitfield from Yahoo. Hey Matt. Hey Ben. You sound very excited to be here today. I'm in a good mood. I'm drinking two Red Bulls at the moment.

One is the sugar-free brand, and the other is that new special one in the silver can. I'm double fisting. I'm glad you're drinking out of a silver can and not some cups that Vicky may have purchased for you. Matt is at Life on the M-List on all three social networking platforms, which means Twitter, Instagram and Vine. And then of course we have Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie! Well hello!

Hi Ronnie! Ronnie is at TVgasm on Twitter and he's also from TVgasm.com and also Ronnie Karam on Instagram and on Vine. Did I get that right? Yeah.

A lot of social networks. While we're speaking of Instagram, Ben, you've posted a few photos recently. By the way, are you getting more buff? I'm noticing some bicep action. Yes, he's getting buff and so skinny in the face. Well, thank you. I hope I'm getting buff and skinny at the same time. You are, I noticed.

And I didn't want to compliment you via text. I'd rather compliment you in front of all of our listeners. Thank you. I actually appreciate it. You know, the thing is, Matt, you know the way I operate, and you know that that's the best way to compliment me. So thank you. Yeah, right. In a public forum with With photos and filters.

Yeah, and a link to your Twitter. Well, thank you very much, Matt. What are you doing? Are you taking the magical pills that I was telling our devoted listener NJR about? You know, no, I haven't been. And by the way, sidebar, did you film your portion of our Can't Film Festival magic pills movie? I didn't yet because you and Ronnie both didn't, like, tag me properly on Vine. What are you talking about?

I was only supposed to tag Ronnie, and then Ronnie was supposed to tag you. I did. I tagged Matt Whitfield. Yeah, well, my name is Life on the M List on Vine, not Matt. Oh, you just tagged a random person. Oh. Well, I can't believe that Matt Whitfield, the random Matt Whitfield, didn't even give me a like. Because I have this like random Vine video of me being like, I need my pills.

And people probably think like I'm crazy. For those of you who don't know what we're talking about, we have started a new and we haven't registered this yet, but we're going to register the Can't Film Festival. It's a spinoff of the Can't Film Festival. festival um and instead of you know walking the red carpet and being glamorous in the south of france the three of us are just going to try on a weekly basis to um cobble together three seven second vine videos into mini 21 second masterpieces yeah it'll be like a frankenstein video ben and i have both become obsessed with the vine obsessed obsessed and i have recently been posting these videos that star cherry Tomatoes, and they enact their own little dramas. And people seem to like them, so I'm going to keep doing them.

But back to the point, how are you getting so skinny and buff at the same time? Because you're looking extra hot. Wow, thank you, Matt. Honestly, it's this crazy thing that I go to the gym and I eat healthy. And amazingly, it works. That's such shit. So lucky that we're guys. So gross.

I can tell you a little bit more specifically. I lift three days a week and then I do cardio three days a week. And I do just try to eat healthy. And I have a friend that we just sort of check in with each other about what we're eating. And it kind of helps me stay on track. Although I ate really bad stuff this weekend. But that's pretty much all I've been doing. And it's like slow.

Will you teach me how to lift weights? I've never lifted a weight in my life. I don't know how to do it. And I'm embarrassed to go to the gym and try. I will be honored. But it's sort of like the blind leading the blind. But I will say also another thing that really helped me is that I downloaded an app called Full Fitness. And you sort of like you track what you're lifting and how many reps you're doing.

Who cares about that? No, it's good because it keeps you on track. It keeps you on track. That's what I'm saying. Can you just imagine the amazing selfies we could take at the gym in the mirrors there? I have yet to take a gym selfie. if you ever become that person do not know you can't become that person i can't if i do i'm telling you right now if i ever do if i have a lapse in judgment i apologize you'll be like those guys on the long island princesses at the pool party oh way to bring

it back to bravo i like that yeah i'm trying to get away from the goddamn gin. I've gained 50,000 pounds. Let's move on. Stop talking about your goddamn workout and your hotness in the summer. Fuck you guys. I'm hot. You know how hot it is being in a fat suit in the middle of the summer? How hot is it? Shut up.

I can't even take a vine. So, speaking of, meanwhile, Ronnie, you had like a shirtless vine just the other day. I did. That wasn't really a sexy selfie. That was more of a just waking up in the morning kind of a selfie where I just made sure my nipples weren't in the picture. By the way, we're burying the lead, which is that Ronnie has the funniest Vines. I love Ronnie's Vines. Yours are pretty good.

I love Vine. I love Vine. It's the ultimate in just entertaining yourself. I can just sit there all day long. So speaking of celebrities and entertainment at large, I had a rash of celebrity encounters this weekend. And some of them actually are relevant to this podcast. For those of you who complained that I name drop, guess what? It's about to come on hard and heavy.

It's about to get ugly. It's about to get real ugly. So my parents were in town. We decided to have a special dinner. So we went to Nobu Malibu. And by the way, if you... Oh, nice. Yes, if you like us on Facebook, as you should, facebook.com forward slash watch what crap happens, you have already gotten a sneak preview of this.

Another incentive for you to like our Facebook page and go to it. So anyway, I went to Nobu Malibu. First of all, it was so full of celebrities. I walked right in and standing right there, Julie Chen. Right there. Right next to me. Wait. Excuse me. What night of the week was this?

Saturday night. That blows my mind that celebrities go out on weekend nights. Well, what are they going to do? Stay home and masturbate? I mean, Malibu – well, that's what I do on Saturday night. But, you know, a lot of – oh, my God. That pre-C conversation from last week was wildly inappropriate. That's what people commented most about on our Facebook page, not the content.

Not like the bravo content yeah but people were like anyway diet pre-c diet no they go out you know i'm at also because it's also beach house season and a lot of these celebrities have houses in malibu if you and they like they live in like malibu colony and there's not a lot to do in malibu and so nobu malibu is what this this new building is about three months old the restaurant's redone so it's a scene it's a big scene so i walk in julie chen is right there i'm like i have to say something because like julie chen our fates are like intertwined in strange ways so i she's talking to some people i just go up and i interrupted her i would never do this you did not go up to julie chen and say hey i am the guy who invented the

term chen bot i did because you know why oh my god here's why because she julie chen has name checked me in entertainment weekly before i don't know if you know that she wants we know that ben we still have the copy of ew yeah so i knew that if i went and said something to her i i was confident that would be well received. I mean, before she was the Chen bot, she was just a generic hostess. So in many ways, I feel like I have given her the gift of celebrity. Don't you agree? Oh, my God. No, anyway, I'm just kidding. So I go and I said, like, hey, I'm Ben Mandelker. And I came up with the Chen bot thing. And she was so nice and so fun. She did a little robotic move, and she goes,

I want to thank you. I embrace my inner Chenbot and my outer Chenbot. And I was so excited, and we were talking. And then, of course, Les Moonves comes over and yanks her away. It's like, our table's ready. And I was like, oh, my God, I can't believe Les Moonves yanked Julie Chen away right in front of me. And then I realized, and I looked to my right, the woman I had interrupted was diane warren julie chen was having a conversation with diane warren and i well you know her ass is used to being interrupted i just went right on in there um so then there were some

other random celebrities which was cool wait wait wait wait how was she was she kind julie chen yeah yeah she was very kind she was like very sweet. Yeah, she was very kind. She was, like, very sweet, very friendly. She was great. She looked great. We love Julie. We love Julie. And Les Movez looked great, too, by the way. She and Les sat behind me at the Madonna concert tour a few years ago.

And? Oh, hell no. Did we lose Matt? Is this a cliffhanger okay we're back hi sorry matt you were saying that less than vez and julie chen sat behind you go yeah they sat behind me at the uh madonna reinvention concert tour at the fabulous forum and i was talking to her for like five minutes about big brother while less was off either getting a drink or a handy in the men's room. I would never say that about one of the most powerful men in Hollywood, but go on. Well, I just did.

It's not like he's giving us our own TV show. And so he came back with like a drink and a soft pretzel, and then she shut me out when he came back. Yeah, she was talking and then I was just like, oh, I'm sorry, I've got to go so then it was just like me and diane warren standing there like two lumps did she um is she still rocking that mullet yeah that's how i recognized her i was like what is this strange pseudo liza minnelli hairstyle going on yeah the only people that have that haircut are liza minnelli diane warren and billy jane Yes. And kind of Jane Lynch. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So I know the other celebrities that were there,

Martin Short was there, which was cool. I mean, it wasn't that cool. I mean, she was there. And then Lorraine... Wait, weren't... I was going to say, weren't Kyle and Mauricio there also? Hold on, I'm telling my story. I'm telling my story.

Oh my God, you're taking forever, just like you guys took forever to get the goddamn Sherry's Berries ad out. Oh, don't be bitter now. I see. You giveth and you taketh away. Niceness. So anyway, Lorraine Bracco bumped into my dad, which was exciting.

Brody Jenner walked in looking like an idiot. Big shaggy hair, trucker cap, and a sweatshirt. Hot. No, no, no. He looked like a homeless bum. He looked like a bum. Hot. I'm into it.

A bum that needs my wiener. Exactly. And mine at the same time. Oh my god. We would just giggle the whole time. I'd be like, oh my god, I can't believe your wiener looks like that. It's really pretty. It could actually be a model. It is?

That's on a different Instagram account. Not life on the M list. Oh, Ben, by the way, I came up with a new porn name for you. What's that? Ben Dickler. Oh, well, that's a... Usually people have... I've gotten a lot of Ben Manlicker.

Oh. Ooh. Okay. That's better. Sorry. Ben Dickler. I'm sticking with Ben Dickler. Someone can be Ben Dickler.

Anyway, so at the end of the night, 1130, Mauricio and Kyle and Camille all walked in, and they were at the bar, and they were sitting around the corner from Brody Jenner, and basically my brain exploded at that point. It was, like, more than I could handle. I sort of drifted by them, and I heard Mauricio's deep, booming voice,

and even though he's become an asshole this season he's really sexy in person that is more star power than when i actually went to the bravo a-list awards in 2008 um sitting at one bar at nobu and malibu and i'm kind of jealous and i'm surprised that um madison from uh million dollar listing la was not there because he is the king of Malibu, as you know. I know. He's probably flinging sushi in the back room. Hey, and Ronnie, are you that dense? Every time I bring up Madison,

I was like, why am I speaking? You're too cackled, dude. What's your problem? No, he's not on yet, and that character is retired until he comes back. All right, well, that's all our gossip. The gossip is that i saw camille and kyle that's my long-winded way there we go that's a lot of that's a lot of d-list

there's a lot there's a lot of d-list at nobu he must be freaking out but you know i did record secretly some of their conversation and i want to play it for you guys right now is everyone is everyone ready for this? Yes. I am ready. Okay. How sad that we're going to be celebrating somebody else's. Yeah, we're going to have the same day that we hear about our friend's split. So upsetting.

I know. I cannot handle that he goes on stage and plays this with Mr. Doorman and you should come on your own. If you wanted to come here and go to Andalus and play this with Mr. Doorman then you should come on your own. Wow. You should have eaten at Andalais. Oh my God. I can't even wait to talk about Andalais,

but we should probably get to the even more important part, which is New Jersey, right? Yeah. Fine. What was I going to say? which is bravo new jersey right yeah fine what are we gonna say i was just gonna mention the david foster hollywood walk of fame unveiling i posted a photo on our facebook page forward slash watch what crap ends and a lot of you guys commented on it and i thought it was really interesting but didn't david foster look like he was cozying up more to Lisa Vanderpump as opposed to his wife Yolanda? Who wouldn't?

His arm was around Lisa. It was not around Yolanda. Lisa was wearing a matching outfit, and then Brandy was there with her tits hanging out in a cheap-looking blue dress because she's poor. Well, Yolanda has her arm around him. I don't know. I feel like he's trying to grab some Vander booty.

Well, I'm sure he could have had it millions of times if he would. He probably has had it millions of times. Would you rather get it on with Yolanda or Lisa? Oh, my God. I'd rather stick my wiener in a ninja blender. I would say Yolanda, actually. I would say Yolanda as well. I would say Yolanda as well. I mean, even though it would be fun to crack open Lisa's dusty trunk,

I just think the Yolanda would be more fun, and then afterwards you could have a souffle. I think they would both smell like old lady department stores. I just don't want to catch Lyme disease from her. That's true. Can you catch Lyme disease? I don't know. I don't know if Lyme disease is sexually transmitted or just tick transmitted, but she probably has ticks anyway. Yeah, if you got one of her ticks on you, you would catch it.

It's a very sensual tick. The tick is like, oh, I have a refrigerator. I don't even know what accent that was. I started doing British. I'm so used to doing Carrie from Marriage Medicine that I just automatically started doing her voice. So instead of sending dick pics, you'll share dick ticks or tick pics or tick pics wow ben man tickler get it that's that should be your secret um instagram account yeah it is it's really my fat it has nothing to do with tickling it really is just pictures of ticks verbal and otherwise okay let's move on to bravo we have many things to discuss including the season premiere of real housewives of new jersey then we'll move on to princesses long

island followed by the real housewives of orange county And then if we have a few seconds at the end, we may bother to discuss Newlyweds and or any of that other shit that they're still airing. Yeah. Or maybe the trailer also for Eat, Drink, Love, which looks so bad. All right. Let's talk about New Jersey. So impressions, everyone. First impressions. I hated it. a year has passed how has a year

passed and they're still talking about the same shit and if they care so much about their kids and their family and all this then how come they will refuse to talk to each other until there's cameras present i know stupid i know it really the thing that really bothered me the most in the episode was first of all gia has become a little pill she's awful now gia has become her mom she went look she's she's awful ben but you have to blame theresa i mean that's what i just said she's becoming her mom they are grooming her to become a second generation housewife at age nine it's disgusting well it's disgusting or 11 because she's 11 she's got a real attitude it's i really have feel like I've never seen so much on TV how one mother's behavior has truly affected the development of their child. And you can see just the way both the parents actually, the way they treat them.

Gia at one point goes to Juicy Joe and says something about Tia. Tia, what's her face? Whatever. Melissa. You mean Zia? Zia Melissa? Oh, sorry. Tia for uncle zia sorry zia melissa and no it's zia and zio i don't even i can't deal are you are you watching these shows drunk listen they are not like masters of articulation what are you talking about i'm just talking about melissa the point is this. The point is this.

Gia is complaining about Melissa to Juicy Joe. And he's like, well, he's like, the thing is that Melissa and Joe get their kids involved. And it's just shameful. And I'm like, you realize you're saying this to your kid. Like, you're saying this to your kid. You're involving your kid. He's like, that horsey-faced stripper is a terrible mother. Awful. Yeah, Gpper is a terrible mother. Awful.

Yeah, she is a little bitch, and I do think that Bravo is going to spin off her show into, like, Little Bitches of New Jersey, and it's gonna, like, go from, like, the 40-year-old lady fad to the 11-year-old fad, and it's gonna be disgusting, and we're all gonna realize that we should wear condoms

and abort i mean seriously post-birth abortion even let's just try it guys my uh main takeaway from that hour that i can never get back is that it was an entire hour dedicated to caroline manzo attempting to get a daytime talk show that she does not deserve it was disgusting oh my god did you not feel the entire time she was auditioning to transition her radio show from Sirius that probably nobody is listening to into becoming the next Bethany

Frankel? Guess what? Nobody wants to see that lump sitting on a log interviewing her children on a daytime talk show unless it's cable access in New Jersey and you have no life and you would rather watch that than kill yourself, but then you'd kill yourself after watching it. It's Good Morning Hoboken with Caroline Manzo.

Hey, Hoboken. I hate when families fight. It makes me so sad to see families fight, and so I'm gonna do you all a huge favor and talk to your family. Shut up, Caroline. Shut up. Okay, excuse me. We need to resurrect Shut Up Mountain, and we need to take a road trip there this

summer with Caroline and then drop her off there because the entire time she's saying like, well, I promised myself and I made a vow that I was not going to get involved in your family affairs, but I'm going to get involved in your family affairs with X, Y, and Z. And also because the cameras are rolling again and she has nothing else to do. She's sitting home alone all day while her husband's out fucking people and her sons are out pretending they're not sucking dicks at the truck stop. The only way she's going to go to Shut Up Mountain is if Albie and Christopher move up there because otherwise she's going to head right back to Hoboken as soon as possible. So true. So true. And were you guys not a little upset not to see Keface Keface featured in the season premiere? We saw Lauren thinking that she's like hot now

i know like wearing evil face um i'm so sorry but you are not hot enough to be acting like that stop it skinny does not equal hot um go back to the egg salad counter she's not skinny she was wearing like i mean she was still wearing a muumuu like t top situation listen she's always going to be wearing a skin dress because she was that fat. You don't just ever get rid of it. Trust me. I know. Alright, stop calling me fat! Did you just say a skin dress? Yes.

Her birthday suit is like a dress. She's always going to be wearing a skin dress. Like put the lotion in the basket skin dress? Yes. Oh my god, he wishes. He would have been able to actually wear that thing and stop killing so many young girls. He could have belted that. He could have finally had a coat.

Buffalo Bill finally could have had a coat, thanks to Lauren Manzo. Buffalo Bill stops freezing during the winter. Thank you, Lauren Manzo. Keep up the egg salad habit. Well, Lauren Manzo, congratulations on losing so much weight through surgery that your dad paid for.

But honey, you still an ugly bitch. So cut the crap and eat something stupid. Listen, you're speaking to the CEO of Kefache. Okay, show some respect. She's the Les Moonves of Franklin Lakes. less Moonves of Franklin Lakes. I was also, by the way, a little disarmed by the fact that Melania is suddenly

sweet and well-behaved and seems to have a good heart out of nowhere. How'd that happen? How hysterical is that? The best part of the season still is what they show in the previews. I've heard jumping up on the pole in the limo and saying, Look, I'm Melissa getting up on the pole.

Right. So, Ben, I think that you need to reserve those comments about her. Give her a few more weeks before she starts sitting in packaged salads in the frozen food aisle. That's true. She was in a contained environment. We haven't set her loose on the Mediterranean in a cruise ship or in just a basic supermarket. So I will retract this. Okay, good.

Well, she's definitely being, I don't know about being a nice person, but she's definitely being trained to be a good little reality star. They're like, okay, honey, we're going to talk about your cousin now. You ready to do the scene? Okay. I miss her. I miss her so much. Why haven't i seen her for a year so yeah but like two seconds before that she's screaming at gia and saying don't hit me in the face you stupid jerk and then they all prance around in their mom's high heels and act like

drag queens they all actually talk like drag queens except for the silent one because the silent one is silent because the silent one is probably the one that Midget Joe and Teresa had together and it can't talk yet. Wait, that silent one is already plotting to murder her entire family and who is going to star as the family members in the Lifetime Made for TV movie. Yeah, she's going to be a serial killer and her nickname is going to be Silent But Deadly, like the fart. I like that the silent one is actually also the cutest of them all. But she knows not to open her mouth. She knows what she's got. She's like, this is what I'm working with here.

This is all I'm working with. I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to lead with my strong suit, which is my cute face. Well, the best thing also that we haven't talked about while this is going on is that they're getting all their fancy clothes together for the people who got hit by the Hurricane Sandy. Because people need their fancy clothes, stupid Teresa. People need fancy clothes. Yeah, because nothing is going to keep me warm while I'm homeless in the middle of the winter than a bedazzled mini. Listen, there were a lot of hookers that lost their outfits, and they need Gia's leftovers.

Well, if those hookers – I mean, actually, I mean, didn't it blow away the Jersey Shore? It did. It did. Right. God was like, enough of this. Actually, I think it was God's reaction to reality TV for the past five years between Jersey Shore and the Real Housewives of New Jersey. He was done. Yeah.

You think so, but he might have also just been upset that Jersey Shore was canceled. That's true. I think that basically Teresa was an idiot for donating her clothes because she didn't realize this was a sign. The sign was, you're next. Hoard all your belongings because you're going to be destroyed very soon. Oh, if only. And actually, here we go with another season of Teresa looking like the good guy. How are they doing that?

I don't think she looks like the good guy. I do. She seems like so calm and normal. She's like, ah, well, Melissa, you know, whatever. Like, she seems like she's using the kids the least, even though you know that she's, like, writing that entire script for them. Meanwhile,

you know, a huge portion of this episode pertained to these two little girls having a playdate at some beating place, and I could not believe the amount of drama that went into simply planning the thing. You know, like Melania invited Antonia over, and that should have just been the end of it. You're starting to sound like Caroline Manzo. Well, no, because listen, this is logic here, okay?

Melania invites a little girl over. So, you know what, Melissa, drop your daughter off and just get out of there. Why are you making this whole thing? Well, no, I don't feel comfortable. I want to take them. And then all of a sudden both mothers are on this play date. It was so stupid. Yeah.

Well, whose play date is it? It was my idea for the play date, so I should be the one to go. No, it was her idea. She should be the one to go. Maybe we should go together. Well, you tell her. And then giving stupid Gia, you know, the last say in how to text it. I mean, come on.

Oh, my God. Yeah, that really showed the intelligence level of Teresa, that, like, her daughter could send the text, and it sounds just like her. What are up with all these strip mall stores in Jersey that sell hooker clothes for children and adults? I mean, we have Posh for the old ladies, and then, I'm sorry, but Gia is 11 years old and was trying on a turquoise mini hooker butt-hanging-out dress. That's called Cote Couture in New Jersey, by the way.

Well, that's nothing new. Don't forget Skylane's bowling alley in El Paso, Texas. They were rocking that in the 90s, too, girl. Yeah. For you to question New Jersey's taste in fashion is like me questioning why the sky is blue. It's just that's the way it is. That's the way it is. It's the way the world is made.

The sky is blue, there's stars, and there's a moon, and people in New Jersey have terrible fashion sense. Did either of you have boyfriends when you were 11 years old before you got your monthly visitor? Oh, my God. I did not. Did your parents talk to you about the birds and the bees when you were 11 before your monthly visitor came to town? My parents never talked to me about the birds and the bees. I just found out from school. Is that why you're still a virgin? Yes. Yeah. My mom didn't want to talk to me about the birds and the bees. She just said, listen, there's something called sex. You're going to probably have it one day.

I don't ever want to know about it. Don't ever tell me about it. I was like, okay. Is that when she thought you were straight? Yes. That's before she knew. That's before she knew there was, like, flesh sword fighting going on. And then she was like, tell me all about it now.

Then she's like, here's my phone. It has a camera on it. Now, we didn't talk about it in my house at all, either. We didn't talk about drugs, sex, or religion in my house at all. So I went into this world knowing nothing. Oh, Lord

knows we talk about religion in my house. Oh, God. my first school was called jesus chapel i mean no it was not it was that's all we fucking talked about was that jesus and chapels yeah jesus and what he meant and like how good i did making my little felt jesus for the big felt thing that goes up in the church every year. He was felt by the priest. Wasn't he kind of hot, though? He had some scruff and some nice long hair and the tan. He's very Silver Lake hipster, yes.

He was fucking hot. I mean, that's why people followed him. Do you think they would be following some hairy fat guy? I mean, that's why Buddhists never speak. They're besides themselves. Jesus was the Les Moonves of ancient Rome. But like hotter, younger That's why Buddhists never speak. They're besides themselves. Jesus was the Les Moonves of ancient Rome.

But like hotter, younger, tanner with some cute sandals and some really good facial hair. He was like hipster Les Moonves in a robe. Jesus was hot and he always brought wine to the party. Holler! And if he didn't have wine, he could make it. Yeah! And he might have also had a fat palm, which Ronnie really likes. Jesus had a bony palm.

He didn't eat. Yeah. Oh, that's true. But I like them emaciated. What can I say? That's my thing. Okay. So blasphemy aside.

Yeah. So I thought it was funny that Real Housewives of New Jersey was on the same night as Game of Thrones. Wait, don't tell me what happened. I haven't seen it yet. I won't. I won't. I'm not heartless. But there were two parents talking about their kids not bleeding yet. I thought that was really interesting.

I was like, wow. Real Housewives of New Jersey has something in common with Game of Thrones. Unfortunately, people aren't getting their throat slit on Jersey like they should be. But there certainly are dragons. Yeah, I mean, I... New Jersey, as you guys know, New Jersey and New York

are the housewives that just freak... They stress me out every year. They're so negative. They're so gross when they go there. They're so gross. They're so gross when they go there. They're so gross. And that accent. And like on one of them, you've got Ramona just never stopping and going full force, full force, full force. And on this one, you've got all of them.

They're all horrible on this one. So these stress me out. And so to see it, all the same fucking people talking about the same fucking thing after a year has supposedly passed, which I don't think it has. I don't know where they're getting that timing but it's i'm depressed already with this show i hate it i really hate it i don't understand i mean i'm convinced that kathy was invited back only because of rosie who rosie was dressing sort of like a mix between liza manelli and julia child these days what was up with that jaunty scarf i don't's dressed like rosie o'donnell

the day she quit her talk show and she was like finally i could be a dyke put on my crocs yeah she burned all the koosh balls you know like got herself a vagina cat vagina cat what is what is that i love that that Rosie's makeover is, like, really bad makeup and grandma hair. It's like a disaster. It's like she went to Macy's and got it done by a blind girl who was hired for, like, affirmative action or something. And she's also one of those people that's like oh i went on this date with this girl and online she looked hot and then i saw her and she was like hideous it's like rosy i know she's got a rearview mirror in your car that you can see your eyes out of and you

must think that you're hot get a full length get a full dating will become much easier i love that she also thinks that internet dating is scary well where else is she gonna meet some chicks really and by the way is it scary for her or is it scary for the other person because i know if i showed up at a date and rosie was there i'd be like holy shit i gotta get out of here yeah you'd put a cap on yours, too. I'd be like, who invited the bouncer from Bennigan's here? I bet they have bouncers at Bennigan's in New Jersey. That would be the place to have a bouncer.

And I bet they have Bennigan's in New Jersey. Even though Bennigan's closed and it was a dated reference, I'm sure they still are alive in New Jersey. They don't exist anymore i think they're almost all closed except for like maybe one or two that are like they get converted into ruby tuesdays no ruby tuesdays is more um they try to make ruby tuesdays tuesdays more upscale i'm sure it's just like a car nothing with a nothing with a salad bar is classy people get it together it together. How dare you? I just went to the soup plantation, and it was plenty classy. The one at the BevConnect? Yep. Ronnie even had a slave. You guys like to go shopping without me?

BevCon. Well, that was two weeks ago. You knew that. You knew. That was when we invited you, and you said no. Yeah. No, that's when Ronnie invited me, not you. And I'm still going to be bitter about it until the day I die.

There's nothing to be bitter about, because I was driving. Oh, fuck! Kill her! me, not you. And I'm still going to be bitter about it until the day I die. There's nothing to be bitter about because I was driving. Oh, fuck! Kill her! Oh, cut out and throw! Listen, Matt, I think now we're overdue to have an awkward playdate with beads. But we don't talk about what's really bothering us. But we make cute bracelets for each other that say, best podcasters forever. And you try and buy things

in the store just to look rich like you'll be like oh i like this yo i like this yogurt soup plantation is this machine for sale that is the funniest thing ever like i just i'm going to start going into stores and asking if i can buy the cash register the um can i buy this aisle and the fact this display rack? The fact that they both wanted that ridiculous sink with all this mishmash of beads and gaudy. It looked like a game of Bejeweled barfed up on this sink. And they both wanted it. I couldn't believe it.

So something is coming down the pike this season. Well, first of all, we know there's a huge fight. We see a little bit of it. Even though I don't think that that's the same fight. So I think that they have a couple of big fights this year. But another thing we see coming is trouble with Melissa and Caroline, which is going to be awesome, because

you can already see with this season that Melissa has fallen victim to the Housewives curse, where she starts believing all of her paid-for Twitter followers who tell her that she's a victim and everyone else is evil. So she comes back to the season thinking that she's a victim and starts

shit-talking everybody and treating them like they're the villain, and then she becomes a villain. You can already see it happening because... It's brewing. It's brewing because they need to resuscitate Caroline because last year she was the villainess and everyone was tired and sick of her

and all of her bullshit so this year they're going to try and build caroline back up tear melissa down and sidebar did you notice that melissa had a fresh upper lip and more of a michael jackson nose than ever yes yes and she's also got something above her eye this is something that's really weird she's got something above her eyes i don't't know if she's done so much Botox that her muscles are starting to slag up there, but right above her eyes, close to the bridge of her nose, her eyes are sagging. It's weird. They're

sagging at the wrong part. Does that make sense? They're not sagging on the outer side of her eyes. They're sagging on the inner side of her eyes. That is disgusting. Her whole face looked completely different to me. She keeps glossing it up and bronzing it up and rocking a fedora and every time she puts on that fedora i just keep focusing on that upper lip and she she was giving me taylor armstrong you are now listening to the gayest podcasts in the world

well in case you're just joining us we are three gay guys harping on the shape of an upper lip and the eyebrows of a woman well i think you know i think it's very important to note this stuff because it's the evolution of a housewife it always happens they start out i'm not complaining but you're right and before you know it they're just mangled pieces of plastic with horrible personalities who have ruined their children they just look like a salvador d painting. Well, you know the quote that, uh, Marilyn, okay, now we're really getting Bible-icious over here. I'm like, Mary Magdalene

Caroline. So when Caroline says, um, you know, Teresa always warned me about Melissa, and now I'm starting to look at Melissa. Totally, totally. Melissa is showing her true colors, and I love it. I can't wait for her to become a horrible, horrible, horrible human being. Okay, well you guys

keep talking about three people. There are two others called Kathy and Jacqueline and they do nothing. Yawn. Oh, Jacqueline cries every five minutes like she just realized her son is what is he? I don't want to say retarded because I'm not even that stupid. Her son can say iPad. What is it? What is her son? Autistic.

Yes. So her son is autistic and she's acting like she just found out and she's gonna cry every five minutes grow a pair your kid is not gonna be a scientist because he learned how to say ipad and let's just love our children for who they are and stop uh squeezing all of their sadness out so that you can get more air time. And if she's doing your face like that, please do something to your neck, because it looks like a sleeping bag. It looks like a sleeping bag that

two Carolines are sleeping in. You are a horrible person. I think the reason why her son cries so much is not because he's autistic. I think it's because, like, Jacqueline's his mother and Ashley's his sister, and he's like, why? Why have I been born into this? I actually think that Ashley is the mother.

She could be, she could be. What did they say? What does Jenny McCarthy say that you get autism from vaccine injections? Oh yeah. He gave himself his own vaccines just to get the hell away from. It's like, He's like, I need to blot out the pain.

Get me something for Ebola. Hurry! Give me autism. Oh, by the way, everybody that's listening to this podcast right now, my name is Matt, and I am not the evil one anymore. I actually was getting a little misty-eyed watching that segment because I

actually think that Jacqueline is the best mom of them all. No, she's a terrible mom. She's terrible. She's using his illness to be on TV. She's so gross. Kathy is the best. Kathy is the best mom out of all of them by far. Why didn't they feature her hot son in this episode?

I think she's a good mom. I like that scene of her shopping with her daughter i mean they're both horrible people but they're you know it's like you can you can see lions being good moms and then watching them rip deer apart it doesn't mean i think teresa's actually um no i think teresa's a bad parent but i think she's when she goes when she goes shopping with gia there are some like sweet moments where she's, like, you can sort of see. No, it's not sweet because she's one of those people who goes up to a guy, like, in the store. Like, she goes up to, like, the gay cashier at the store with Gia and she goes, who's the mother, who's the daughter?

Come on, no, tell me. Oh, no, I hate that. Who's the mother, who's the daughter? And then it flashes to Princesses Long Island with Amanda and her mother going, who's the mother, who's the daughter? Oh, my. Is that our official segue? Oh, my God. Yeah, because that one's going to get real sick. I'm ready. island with amanda and her mother going who's the mother who's the daughter oh my is that is that our official segue oh my god yeah that one's gonna get real sick i'm ready if we're going there i'm i wasn't trying to segue it but i'll be done with jersey what else happened on jersey i think that's it right most of it's like they looked at their houses all being destroyed yeah you guys i don't

think i've ever laughed at her like footage. God, this was so funny. Listen, Sandy did a great job redecorating those houses. They looked ten times better. I was like, oh, wow, that couch is overturning. There's flood damage. This looks way better than the interior design before. Oh, my God. Teresa, like, what?

Where's all this stuff come from? What is this stuff? Who put this here? How's it get in here? I would be shocked if they didn't have Martin Lawrence Ballard in a crossover episode, go and redesign it, and then have Chef Roble there to preside over a backyard barbecue once the house is redone. Well, they actually just did that on Kitchen Cousins. The Kitchen Cousins who are probably sleeping together, hopefully,

and are both so fucking cute. They even had a shot of them together at sunset. It was so cute. Are they hotter or less hot than the Property Brothers? The Property Brothers are not hot. Why? Because they're Canadian? No, I don't mind Canadians. I like them. I think that they're nicer people

than Americans in general. I think the Property Brothers are both homely, but they have like that twin hotness where there's two of them. So everyone's like, oh, my God, there's two of them. They must be hot. But in reality, they're like – So you can like fantasize about being spit-roasted between them? No, I think they're totally uggs. Now, the Kitchen Cousins.

Now, there's a couple. Yeah, they are hot. And honestly, you can't have a name like that kitchen cousins which is a play on kissing cousins and not get us aroused yeah exactly and they're both i mean they're just both so gay and hot i love them both but anyway they had a kitchen cousins that was like sponsored by ellen where ellen had them on the show and she had them go to hurricane sandy whatever to fix someone's home. And they did a really nice job on this home. But all I kept thinking was, okay, everyone else's house is completely demolished. And this is the only couple on the street with a nice home.

Like, way to make the first responders seem hateful. Like, now everybody hates them. They were heroes, but now everybody resents them. Thanks, Kitchen Cousins. Let's make out. Yeah. I'm sorry, but I got the Kitchen Cousins in my head.

I love you so much. You're in my heart. I love you so much. So, are we ready to take the plunge into Long Island? Yes, please.

Only if you guys are willing to admit that it's the best show ever. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It was amazing. Are you serious right now? Are you serious? Seriously? Are you serious?

Let me tell you something. Bravo has now cornered the market on Suburbia. They have Real Housewives of New Jersey, OC, now they have Long Island, and they have Atlanta, which, from what we can tell, is pretty much suburbia also. And the upcoming Gia show, see where it's in junior high. Not a very creative title, but it gets the point across. Exactly.

I would watch that in a heartbeat. Yeah, I actually would. So, yeah, so Princesses Long Island, I actually did not watch it on premiere night because I turned it on and I was like, oh, God, I can't. I can't do it. They're all so dewy. And so I turned it off. And then I came back today and watched it during lunch. And it was actually pretty hilarious.

Yeah. It was pretty hilarious. So let me tell you something. It's beyond. hilarious yeah it's pretty hilarious so let me tell you something as a jew as a jew who has relatives and from long island i can say uh yes i'm embarrassed for my people right now and i will give the the typical thing that i do not believe that this is representative of our people but however it is representative of long island for sure i'm sorry it is i don't know if this is just because i'm lebanese and that's like the like the brown people racism inside of me kicking in.

But the first thing I thought when I saw this show was, oh, my God, they all look alike. Do they not? They look similar. Well, I mean, I don't even know where to start with this show. This show was such – I mean, there are so many gems in this one episode. First, the accents alone. They cast the girls with the most heinous Long Island accents that I've ever heard. I always think about you, Ronnie.

Whenever we mention Real Housewives of New York, you always get really mad. You start talking about how all the accents and how when you're a waiter in New York, people would be really pushy and you hated that accent. This show was so it was so potent. These accents. I could barely even think straight. From Wondery, this is Black History for Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee.

What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks. Reconstruction. MLK. February Black History Month. Exactly. Exactly. think about when they hear the words black history rosa parks reconstruction mlk february black history exactly exactly there are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about especially outside of february and we are about to flip the script on all of that because on this show you're gonna hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some.

As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th. Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold,

a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life

and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Those girls are just the girls that always, like, they're the first girls who ever made me want to commit murder. Like, do you guys watch that show Bates Motel that's been on TV? No. It's really pointless, and it's not really even about him at all. And I'm like, well, why did he become a serial killer? Is anybody going to explain why he became a serial killer?

I think that they should have made this the reason why he became a serial killer. Show these dumb bitches. Because that little fat midget girl who thinks she's so hot and is in love with her father in the beauty parlor making people carry her around. Because I will not walk without heels. Could you carry me? Oh, my God. The Asian guy carried me to the car. I got my dad's mom because I can to the car. I got my dad's mom

because I can't bring heels. I got my dad's mom because I'm a princess. Listen, bitch, you are never going to get married. You ain't never going to get laid. You are a horrible, horrible little Betty Rubble, oh, Barney Rubble bodied little midget. Did you all not think that they were all, I mean, they're all between 26 and 30.

They all look, please, they all look 55 to 65. Especially the little one. The little one is... That's Ashley, right? Ashley, yes. I can't believe that she was 28. No, she's 29 going

on 30, right? Let's quickly rank them in who do we hate the most. Let me give you the names. I don't know any names yet. I'll tell you who they are. Barney Rubble, who's the worst one? The little bat. She's the worst. That would be Ashley. I think that Amanda

is pretty terrible. She's the trashy one with the older boyfriend that is really gross. Oh, the blonde girl with the creepy mom? Yes. She's pretty bad. She's actually not the worst, but she's pretty bad. Actually, you know what? I'm ranking her higher. She made a few jokes that made me laugh so i'm i'm okay with that her mom though is terrible yeah she seems nice but she's just like all these girls are just so

desperate for a man it's like you're that how come all the girls have to be at least semi-cute and the guys are so gross well i thought that the that the meatheads from the South Shore were actually really hot. They were amazing. What are you talking about? I thought they were like crazy. I mean, the husbands, the ones that they're in love with, they're all schlubby little mency gross men. Oh, I know. Well, guess what, Ronnie?

I'm sorry, but those like schlubby little menches are the only ones that are going to put up with Ashley. Do you think like a hot trainer from the South Shore is not going to deal with that? No, yeah, I know. I think the best one of the girls was the poor girl joey is that her name joey actually i'm gonna go on i'm gonna go on a limb and say she's beautiful yeah she's pretty i mean she's got her long island styling going on which is a problem but she's the prettiest of them all she seems the nicest she seems the most tolerable she was the the best by far. She reminds me of Joey Potter from Dawson's Creek. And if you just strip away all the BS, she's just a nice girl from the wrong side of the tracks.

Well, she's already bragging about how South Shore girls are badass bitches. So I sense that she's going to be trouble in the future. And I cannot wait because these bitches need it. One thing that I loved was this girl, Erica. She's the one who threw the party. She's the one who... Excuse me. Please refer to her as the alcoholic.

The alcoholic. What I loved is that we're being introduced to her by Chanel. And Chanel's like, back in high school, Erica was like the most popular, hottest girl in the world. And you look at her, and she looks like a reject from the Lord of the Rings. There's no way she was the hottest girl in the world and you look at her and she looks like a reject from the lord of the rings there's no way she's the hottest girl in great neck she looks like every jewish girl that i went to school with in middle school and high school and then every jewish girl i went to

school with um in syracuse a college in syracuse they all i mean i'm sorry everybody looks exactly the same let's all straighten our hair a few of us will dye it blonde like Chanel a few of us will keep our natural look like Erica we'll all wear a puffy coat from North Face we'll all wear ugly leggings and or jeggings with an UGG boot

and even though it's 40 below zero outside we're still going to go get our nails did in our BMW that Daddy bought us every single one of them oh she erica i mean she doesn't seem that bad as of right now but i just i couldn't believe that this was supposed to be like the hottest one and then you have poor chanel who by the way what sort of modern orthodox jewish family names her daughter chanel that doesn't i don't seem to remember chanel that name coming from the old testament or anything what happened to the days of like

rachel and shoshanna and you know how amazing was it when they were sitting around that dinner table and i just love that her 24 year old uh younger sister is getting married and it's killing her i love that it's killing her i know and by the by the way, is this a Jewish thing, Ben? I'm going to ask you because you're our category expert here. What is, and by the way, I think this is horribly tacky. And I don't know,

anybody that does this in their house, you should just be embarrassed because it's gross. When you sit down at the dinner table, nobody should put a two liter bottle of soda on the dinner table and or a jug of orange juice. You get up and you refill your drink

if you need to do it. Do not put it on the dining room table. I don't think that's a Jewish thing. It's like, oh, the Torah says when you drink the soda, you put it on the table. You must see it at all times to make sure it's kosher. Nobody touched it before you drank it. Back in the shuttle, we put the drink on the table for everyone to have some. I don't know.

I just think it's tacky. It goes up there with my craziness with the balling of the socks. It just bugs the shit out of me. Listen, I think it's more just Long Island. Okay, that's just— And who drinks orange juice with a spaghetti dinner? Gross. That's, you know, strange things happen in the North Shore.

Strange things happen in Great Neck. I don't know. My brain is exploding. I don't even know which one to talk about next. Should we talk about Jeff, Amanda's older boyfriend, the 38-year-old? Well, wait, we did really bad at ranking them. Oh, yeah.

So where were they? So the most horrible is Barney Rubble. Barney Rubble is the worst with her father, who she's clearly having an affair with. Oh, my God. Okay okay how creepy is that like he's i love that the camera people were being so creepy too and she's like could you imagine finding a father like my dad because they're not out there i mean i want to match just like my father and then the camera's like closing up on his hairy legs and like slowly moving up and like pornographically to his like inappropriate

jean cutoffs the dad was wearing daisy dukes and by the way the dad is gayer than Liberace oh my goodness he was like a really gay version of James Lipton I love by the way when James Lipton's pimps pimping face

I love that story that came out last week. Did you watch my James Lipton video, Matt? I know that you don't like me posting them on our site, but it was very funny. You should watch it. I'm just going to start posting anything I do for work that is not related to television. That was about James Lipton,

which is on Bravo. The other stuff was Housewives, so screw you. And you should probably watch that video because it's really funny. I only watch videos starring myself and that are on Vine. How about when Ashley went to the South Shore

and she got lost and wound up in the quote-unquote ghetto, a.k.a. a neighborhood where there was one couch in a driveway? Okay, I hate her, but I could not agree with her more. It wasn't scary. She had to call her dad. She's like, Dad, I'm uncomfortable.

I don't know. I've never been over here. It's Shreveport. It's really gross. And he's like, Honey, it sounds like Atlantic City. She's like, Ew, gross. Just be smart. And then he goes, and this is always the funniest. This is so effective, lock your doors. Yeah, are you sure your doors are locked?

And then when she gets out to hug her stupid poor friend, I was really hoping that they would just both get shot by stray bullets. But meanwhile, Joey lived in a perfectly nice condo unit or whatever it was. But it was – honestly, we live here in LA and we see what the real ghettos are like. And I'm sorry, but you know, wherever that was in the South shore of Long Island, it does not compare. Yeah.

It's no Inglewood where, you know, you can get all sorts of excitement in the Costco parking lot. Yeah. No kidding. It's not even close to fucking little Armenia where I used to live. Yeah. They're complaining to me a little G.

S. I know. Stupid G. S. So then we have, okay. So have amanda who has a disgusting cougar mother i think that the i think that that lady that became famous last year for putting her children in tanning beds tanning mom is her mother yeah i i think that patricia krenzel if there were any straight men who happened to be watching Bravo, their penises just curled up and into themselves at the sight of that woman. And then they just became gay.

Because there's no way you could ever, ever be attracted to a woman again after seeing that lady. That lady was pretty nasty. But I don't know, because straight guys, I think it's very different being a straight guy. I mean, those homely guys are getting laid left and right. And the things they seem to be turned on by, I mean, they don't seem to mind either. Yesterday I was at Subway and there was this hot, muscular guy with this, like, slubby girl and her jogging pants and broken flip-flops. And, like, I smelled her.

She smelled funny. She was all chunky and varicose and veiny. And guys don't care. It's like if they can stick it on somewhere they'll stick it in gay guys are the ones you got to worry about yeah i guess so well let me tell you something she uh she was when she was trying on those uh bathing suits with her daughter those plunging neck lines and tanned leathery skin and orbs of weird silicone on her chest did there i'm sorry did you did there i'm sorry but like amanda she's a thin like you know trim lady but did her ab section look really

weird or was it she just like so fake baked that it was like warping her stomach when you leave a chicken on the counter and it starts separating from the bone that's what it was like warping her stomach. No, it's like when you leave a chicken on the counter and it starts separating from the bone. That's what it looks like. I mean, look, after a certain age, you just can't do anything about it. Just stop wearing bathing suits with cutouts in them. I mean, stop it. And I really mean, stop it.

Please stop it. And by the way, I think we should note that Amanda's mom's name is Babs, which is amazing. That is amazing. Babs. Yeah, and I wonder why she's a single mom.

I'm kidding. What about she was too stupid to figure out how to use the hanger? So, you guys, what about the stupid, obviously gay boyfriend who's so schlubby, it's like a cross between Adam Levine and... Kramer. Kramer, yes!

Kramer from Seinf Yes. Kramer. It's like, he's so close to being hot. Like he could have been Adam Levine, but poor thing. He just got too much of the Kramer sperm. I just, everything. He was just so gross and annoying.

Like, Oh, you guys look hot. You guys look hot trying on your bathing suits. Oh, okay. Let's turn around. Turn around.

Oh, wow. Go get one with strings. Go get one with strings go get one with strings on the strings that oh that turns me on so much amanda oh my god just see what you look like in that oh and you too babs you're all babs babs oh you're looking hot babs oh i can't wait for you to cook me dinner in that babe oh gross but then the the full glory of his gain has happened at the pool party which took up the last 15 or 20 minutes of the show, which is that Erica had a pool party at her cousin's mansion on the North Shore.

And so she invited a bunch of people. And then Joey invited some people from the South Shore, including some girl named Sarah. And Sarah was who wore a very classy fringed Bando bikini top which did you notice is the one that the girl she got in a fight with was trying on the girl Amanda was trying on the purple one she looked like a car wash she looked like a car wash

it's like she could have shimmied and like cleaned a Ford Fiesta that is my favorite part of the car wash by the way when that fringe thing comes down and it goes it's slapping down and it goes... It's slapping you, and it's like that slapping... That's probably what it sounds like when you have sex with Sarah also, just a bunch of thumps.

A lot of, like, loud slaps. Are you serious right now? Oh my god, I can't even deal. Are you serious? Slapping, slapping thumps. Just the sound of her breasts flopping around ow

ow ow ow are you serious that's good that's real good so I love the plot line of these shows Bravo's just like look here's the only thing that works get a bunch of homely women

I don't even care anymore what age they are. Just get homely women who could never get laid. Put them in front of a camera, and every week they have to go to a different useless party. Okay, that's it. That's all we need to do. And we'll build an entire fucking network. I love it. Because this is the exact same thing.

It's like, let's talk about how vapid we are for 45 minutes. And in the last 15 minutes, let's get in a fight at a stupid party. Yeah, because this – so in this case, for people who didn't watch, what happens to this girl Sarah who's not part of the cast? She goes up to Jeff and Amanda and she's like, oh, we're Facebook friends. And he's like, oh, OK, cool. And then Sarah goes off and tells someone else. I think she tells Erica. I don't remember.

Maybe it was Chanel. She tells Ashley. She tells Ashley and then she's like, that guy, he stalks me. He stalks me all the time. He would not stop stalking me on Facebook. And then from there, it just escalated in the stupidest way possible, which is that she went up and she's like, listen, I'm sorry. I have to say something. We actually do know each other. He messages me from time to time. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I have to say something. We actually do know each other. He messages me from time to time. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

And then he's like, hey, why don't you take a stroll? Take a stroll. Take a stroll. Yeah, take a stroll, honey. Take a stroll, honey. Take a stroll. I love that he's like a cop in West Side Story. Wait, Ronnie.

Ronnie, you be him. I'll be Sarah. Okay. You start. Yes. Yes. Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you telling me to take a stroll? Yeah, take a stroll, honey. Take a stroll.

Oh my god. He is crazy. He is so crazy. This one's so crazy. Hey, nothing to see here, kids. Move on. Amanda, I'm not even I have nothing to say to you, Amanda. I'm not trying to be mean, but he's crazy. Oh, really? Take a stroll. Are you serious? Are you serious right

now? Oh my god. Oh my god. I don't even know what's going on right now. Oh my god. You're crazy. That girl's version of fighting. She just kept walking up over and over again and going we're friends on Facebook. Well, it was like a dialogue with

it was like a dialogue with Plato it was all questions everything was like are you serious right now honey are you gonna talk to me right now are you serious honey are you gonna walk away from my girlfriend are you serious real are you serious really he really he went into that SNL thing where he just went

really really really really like if this were in Atlanta He went into that SNL thing where he just went, really? Really? Really? Really? He said really like 10. Like, if this were in Atlanta, there would have been, like, hair pulled. But because this is, like, Jewish girls on Long Island, all they do is they put up a hand and go, are you serious? Oh, my God. Are you for real right now? Because on Bravo, when there's one drink thrown, now every show has to have someone getting a drink thrown in their fucking face and getting punched.

But she didn't even, like like get into a fight of that like like amanda threw a drink in her face and she's like seriously oh my god seriously you threw a drink at me and she's like you will win anyway which is a good point yeah that was the best is though sarah then uses the f word she calls she calls you she's like you're a faggot and so then then like 10 minutes later 15 minutes later all of a sudden ashley pipes and goes, you don't use that word. I'm sorry. You don't use that word. And they're all like, yeah, you don't use that word. You don't, Sarah.

Because you know why? Because they don't want anyone to think that guy's gay. Because that's like the worst thing you could call somebody. Oh, my God. Her dad called that a million times and she gets very offended. Well, and also I love the part where the fight's going on. It's like fully going on. And Ashley goes, you know, I just don't like this because I've had my feelings hurt before.

And I just don't like seeing that. She starts like. Did you see, by the way, did you see when she did that? She started to do that. She started to cry in front of that hot dude from the South Shore because she thought that by fake crying, was going to get a hug from those muscles which she has never gotten before and he was like peace out he was like shipping her and waiting for the lollipop after he used the urinal you know um yeah that girl is horrible and i love in the previews for the upcoming season how they just show her going mom on her cell phone oh Oh. Why did somebody not capture that on their

phone? Because the dramatic pause between Mom and Help was the best dramatic pause in television history. And then followed only by Shabbat Shalom. Now go fuck yourself. This show is amazing. We need to get together and make some Vine videos

as the princesses of Long Island. Oh, I'm totally down for that. Are you serious, Matt? Are you serious right now? I read a review of the show. I think it was on Slate. And they called out Chanel. And they were like, for some reason Chanel adopts a borscht belt

voice that doesn't seem to match anything around her. And it's like, if you think about it, she does. She walks into her room and she's like, Hello think about it she does she walks into her room she's like hello shabbat shalom i'm here okay i have to ask you guys this so um in the past 12 months we fell in love with gallery girls which obviously is not returning for a second season girls then then we fell for vanderump Rules, followed by Married to Medicine. Yeah, reluctantly. Then Married to Medicine. It was in there, too.

Shaz, we've already had two seasons. I'm talking about freshman series from the past 12 months, if you're on track with what I'm trying to say here. Well, I think Shaz was in the past 12 months, but go on. Well, actually, we've already had two seasons, so I'm not counting that one. So I'm talking about freshman series. Are you serious right now? I am serious right now. Oh my god, I can't even believe. What's your point?

That Bravo's on a roll. That wasn't my point, but okay. No, no, what is your point? It really does not matter. No, I want to know. Here we go. No, I'm done. Oh no, I'm about to post an article that I wrote on the Facebook page just to spite you. Matt, come on, Matt. Say it spite you. Matt, come on, Matt.

Say it. Oh, Matt. Come on, Matt. Please. Please. We love you, Matt. I don't want – I was going to ask you a question, but I don't care what your opinion is anymore. So it doesn't matter.

Oh, my. Are you serious right now? Take a stroll. Take a stroll. Oh, my Old Testament God. Oh, my God. You're being so south shore this so if i could finish your question for you possibly properly um we've liked a lot of things that have been terrible and have gotten

canceled like gallery girls do you think this is going to suffer the same fate are people liking this show do they are they watching it because i really think i watched it because of uh you know because of us you guys because, because I love us. The ratings were halfway decent, but they fell off more than 50% from its lead-in, which was Jersey. So that's not boding well for it. Jersey is huge. Obviously, it's not as huge as Atlanta, but it had almost 3 million viewers. But then following it, Princess has only scored 1.2 million, which is good enough to keep it on the air on Bravo.

it um princess has only scored 1.2 million which is good enough to keep it on the air on bravo but um i feel like we've coaxed a lot of our listeners into listening to our watching shit that they hate yeah such as vanderpump rules but i'm sticking with i'm sticking with this is the point absolutely you know i think also that there's a difference between this and for instance um marriage medicine you know marriage medicine focuses predominantly on like outrageous black women and this focuses on spoiled Jewish girls. And while there is some sort of masochistic urge to watch this thing, or maybe it's sadistic, I don't know. But I feel like in pop culture, people have sort of a joy, they sort of enjoy ghetto black women. People like to use the phrases and everything, and there's something sort of s ghetto black women. People like to use the phrases and everything.

There's something sort of sassy and ridiculous. But I don't think people enjoy watching spoiled, rich Jewish girls. I think it actually makes them mad. Yeah, well, let's hope so. I mean, it made me mad, but it also made me feel sad for them. They live at home still. This is crazy. They're just so gross. I don't know. I just know so many. And like, I don't know.

I just know so many of those girls. And they have everything. And at the end of the day, even the ones that do find someone to marry them, they only married them because they have to do that. It's almost like living in the days back where there's arranged marriage, you know. And they're like, oh, my God, we got to get married. And they hate each other. And they live in really gorgeous homes. But they just hate each other.

And then they take it out on the maid and the catering staff. And their kids are horrible, and they don't understand that they're not cute. What's up with all these Jews' houses that all look like they're stuck in 1986? I know. That was a good time for the Jews, the 80s. That was a good time for Long Island. Did Reagan really help the Jews? Of course. Reagan was very good for rich people and property taxes and just in general, really.

Well, if they were rich enough, they could redecorate if they're rich. But all of those houses are stuck in 1986. Well, you know what I love is Erica's pool area that looks like it's a public pool at the local park. Did you notice that? There's like chain link fences everywhere. Just like bad landscaping. I really thought that they were like a community pool um well uh oh i forgot what i was gonna say but i did it with such um confidence right you did i

will say this i had actually never known that it was a thing that girls jewish girls on long island stayed in their parents home until they were married i hadn't actually never heard that before but i believe it i believe it Maybe I should get my cousin. My cousins. Come on. Maybe my cousin Perry or cousin Melissa or cousin Rachel. Oh, goodness gracious. They all, by the way, have moved out and they are not living with their parents.

Actually, the Lebanese boys are the ones in our family who live with their parents and never get married. Oh. Except for me. But that wasn't really an option for me. I just need love. Speaking of marriage, should we talk about bachelorette parties in Mexico?

Yes, okay. Dear Mexicans, I'm so sorry that not one white person on this show can say Andale. I'm sorry. We know it's not Andale. Come on. So we're talking about Real Housewives of Orange County where two big

things happened. One was that Alexis and Tamara sort of brokered a stupid truce. And the other thing was that Tamara had a bachelorette party down in Puerto Vallarta which is next to the city of Guatemala. That's for Alexis. which is next to the city of Guatemala that's for Alexis

but what happened, oh yeah, so Heather and Gretchen organized this trip and as a result it was super lame and super boring I wish this show was filmed in real time so I could have called one of the cartels and told them that Tamara had some coke up her butt

this episode could have used some beheadings. It could have. I loved that every two seconds that Vicky kept on saying, we're going to go to Andale. To me, I don't know what Andale is, but it sounds to me... Andale, that means like, let's go, come on.

No, I know what the word means. I don't know what the bar is, but it sounds like something that you might find at Epcot Center. I think it's the most fitting bar for this episode. Let's go. Please. And also, you know when Nini, we'd mentioned a few weeks ago that Nini was on Watch What Happens

All Alone for that hour-long masturbation fest all over Andy's's face and she was saying uh she was giving her opinions on all the different casts and she said you know the only one that i really don't like is orange county you need to recast that show and i've got to say like while i like a lot of the orange county women you know that whole dinner was just her proving her I mean, they have nothing to say. Even the camera guys couldn't cut it together. They were focusing on a goat cheese salad, for Christ's sake. But did you not think that was

hilarious? The fact that, you know, again, in the opening montage of this show, the opening credits, Heather is saying like, well, you think blondes have more fun. You haven't met me yet. And then we get to the dinner and crickets are chirping because it is the most boring, painfully boring dinner ever. I mean, for Christ's sake, I know that Tamara is getting married for the third time, but it is a bachelorette party.

That is not how you celebrate a bachelorette party. Heather has such a stick up her ass she cannot have fun. I totally, totally agree. I was going to say the exact same thing. And I also love that Lydia ordered some chips and salsa at like a fine dining restaurant. And then they're ordering food. And then Gretchen's like, I can't eat this because it's shrimp and islands got sick off the shrimp and vegetables. I'm afraid of shrimp in this place because one time I had a shrimp and it made me sick.

I don't like water. Do you have bottled water? Do you have a busboy that's not Mexican? Because I hear Mexicans can steal from you sometimes. Danger is here. Shut up. Why did she order the shrimp if she wasn't going to eat it? Oh, are you kidding?

She didn't order the shrimp. I'm sure that when you go to a restaurant with Heather, she orders all of the meals for you. She probably orders Terry's dinner for him as well. And Tamara. She has that much of a control friend. She probably chews Terry's dinner up for him and then puts it in his mouth. Yeah, and then spits it in his mouth like a little baby bird.

Yeah, she's like a mama bird, and then she keeps pushing him off the chair and tells him to fly. Oh, this was painful. And what was it? Why did Vicky at some point said, like, you're going to feel my furry or something like that? No, I think that was Gretchen. Oh, Gretchen. You're right, it was Gretchen. It was Gretchen said, like, you're going to feel my furry or something like that? No, I think that was Gretchen.

Oh, Gretchen. You're right. It was Gretchen. Oh, yeah. Gretchen was on fucking fire this week. Oh, that was the other thing, because Laurie, we had a moment with Laurie and Gretchen in the beginning. It was the best thing. I love that they have written Laurie wearing slash Peterson

a check to come onto the show for 10 minutes per episode to just talk shit about either tamra and or vicky oh my god and she does it and like no one's cross-checking her she's like yeah you know i once you know vicky slept with like five guys once time one time and had sex cut off cut off well what i was gonna say is that i love that laura comes on and spreads really like incendiary rumors about Vicky. She's like, oh, I saw her in bed with a woman. If you saw Vicky at that dinner table wearing a dirty white tank top chugging down jugs of red wine,

you can tell that she clearly was going to go back to the hotel with the women, but then escape down the fire chute or whatever later that night and go to Andale and bang some dudes. That was clearly how Vicky rolls in Mexico. Vicky doesn't really hide it. This is what's been interesting. There have been rumors for a year that Vicky and Don were swingers. Then Don got caught in that swingers club, which gave

credence to that. What do you think happens at Lake Havasu when you go boating? And then there was that trip that she went on with Tamara with just her and Tamara when they went to Cabo. And they got wasted. And then at the reunion, when they got in a fight, Tamra was like, oh, really, Vicky? Do you want me to tell everybody what you did in Cabo? And she's like, oh, Tamra, that's law.

That is law, Tamra. So you know she banged some dudes in Cabo. At the very least, she probably pleasured herself with a rainbow-colored dildo lollipop. Yeah, could you guys? I loved all the insinuations that Eddie's gay. I mean, those are clearly gay pride lollipops at a bachelorette party. It's like, enjoy your big gay cock for the rest of your life or for the rest of your 40s. Yeah. However long that lasts.

And then I love when Lydia was asking Tamara questions about Eddie and she was like, what's... I think Vicky then chimes in and she goes, oh, what's his favorite sexual position? And then Tamara didn't have an answer because she knows that he just likes to get fucked by his bicycle seat. Yeah, you can't say double dildo on Bravo still. Yeah, that's the one thing that they'll bleep out.

Which is funny because it's basically Andy Cohen's social life. So, what's your favorite position, Slade? What else happened? So then they left Heather and Gretchen in the limo at the end, which is good because they would have been the lamest people at Andalou.

Well, why did they do that? What was that about? Because Vicky was being a bitch. Oh, so they did it on purpose? I think I missed that part i thought they just like ended up having some drinks after all like let's just walk over here they ran away from the boring people vicky vicky pulled them away and no one really protested and then vicky was like no no they'll find us they'll find us don't you worry no one will find us

and uh they just sat in the limo and then complained and cried yeah well i Well, I mean, could you imagine being stuck with Gretchen? Or, on the other hand, could you imagine getting stuck with Heather? Heather would be more of the issue. I think Gretchen would be fine, but Heather would be furious. She'd probably be sitting there in Andalé asking for who knows what champs. She's like, do you have any vintage 1987 1987 chateau margot here at andele no she's like i don't know if you get american television here but there's an actress called valerie bertinelli i know her now we're friends i'm sorry my episode of hot in cleveland is airing

do you have that here at hot at andele any do you have a satellite here at andele with on demand she's like are they actually serving onion rings here at Andale with On Demand? She's like, are they actually serving onion rings here at Andale? I can't stay. So what else happened? Okay, so there was the bachelorette party, which is terrible and boring. Okay, so the Laurie stuff about Vicky being a slut. So I guess that's really it.

Except that Laurie is just basically coming on saying that Vicky's a total swinger whore and that she's always with multiple people at one time. And what else happened in this show? Well, Alexis and Tamara, they resolve things because Tamara realized that she is an evil woman and wanted to go through the motions of pretending to forgive her, which was bullshit. Yeah, that was stupid. Alexis, yeah, poor Alexis. And she's like, I really believe that she's sorry. Oh, honey. She's been bounced around on the trampoline a little bit too much.

She thought she was talking to Frosty the Snowman, to be honest. What else happened? That's pretty much it, right? I think so, because they went to Mexico. They made a custom bikini. I think that's basically it. It's kind of stupid. I'm looking over our Facebook page to see if there's anything we missed.

Okay, there is a new housewife that I have not looked at her yet. The housewife of Beverly Hills. I haven't looked at her yet. but I have not looked at her yet. The Housewife of Beverly Hills. I haven't looked at her yet. Matt, somebody named Gregory is asking for before and after pictures of your weight loss so that you can inspire them. So you might want to answer that.

That would be nice. I'm not going to. Why? Well, I mean, when does he want me? When I was anorexic in 2003 and 2004, when I got fat after my arm surgery, when I'm trying to get anorexic now. What year are we talking? All of those things.

You need to show yourself like a human like, what is it that goes in and out, up and down? Accordion? Is that what I'm trying to say? I don't know what you're trying to say. I don't either, but it sounded of a sexual nature. You need to show yourself ballooning up and down because that inspires people.

Because that's how most of us are. But you stayed down this time. Like, you ballooned and then you stayed down. You stayed down and were sick. I stay down, girl. I stay down. You stay down, girl. You are very inspirational, okay?

I would like to see the befores and afters as well. So does anyone remember anything from the marriage medicine reunion? Oh, girl. lucy came on i remember that it was amazing i just didn't take any notes and of course i've forgotten everything i didn't i think toya defended um her pronunciation of czar and she said well i call it zazar and you can call it zazar or czar either way and i chooseazar. No, you can't call it Zazar. You gotta do that. I also had a moment of saying, I don't talk like that. That is not how I talk. I'm a classy person.

I'm motherfucking classy. How stupid are you? I'm actually sad that I don't remember anything from the reunion, because it was actually, it was fantastic, the second part. It was just as good as the first but the funny thing is mariah you know who's an executive producer of the show she is claiming that she is going to get um carrie and toya fired but i'm like just because you have a you know small hit on bravo you don't call the shots like

that bitch because andy cohen needs you to have people to fight with, and if he wants Toya and Carrie back, they will be coming back. They will be back. They will be back. You can't get rid of Toya and Carrie. They're the stars of the show. I agree. Yeah, and you can't just be casting people that are going to kiss Mariah's stank ass.

We already have a quad for that. Yeah, once you sell your soul to Bravo, they own you. They can fire stupid Mariah if they want to. What's he going to do? I'm trying to remember. I know Carrie said some ridiculous things, but I can't remember them. I'm really glad that show's over. No, I loved it.

I love Marriage Medicine. Too much for me. Too much. Glad it's over. Although, I wish they had spent more time with Miss Lucy because that was hilarious. Oh, my God. Oh, she's disgusting she is she is a cold ass ghetto mama she she really is she's a disgusting woman i love it and you know the sister mariah's sister is extremely beautiful but looks just like the mother and you just see where it's going you know uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh i'm i'm i'm racking my brain racking my brain for for

memories but it's not there i'm looking forward to season two i'm looking over facebook we do a lot of prep on this show we're really organized oh the uh the edward mitchum posted tamra where do i put this thing large dildildo. Vicky, you put it in Eddie's butt. Hilarious. Wait, you know, they all know. I think that Tamara and Vicky really do know way too much about each other. And I don't think that Vicky would just, you know, that slipped out because she probably knows more than, you know, Tamara would like us to believe. Yeah.

Or she's just teasing Tamara because she knows everybody thinks that he's gay. You never know. There's so many levels to these shows. This was so funny. They get together with each other and they act one way, but we just know all the backstories going on after all these years. Everything has

double meaning. It's such a shallow show. I love it. Okay, so Matthew, I believe that you were the only one this week to watch Newlyweds. Please, please do tell us. Do tell. What happened? I don't really know their names except the fat blonde lady that's pregnant

with the schlubby husband got extra fat and now he's starting to say things like, oh, well, you know, I'm not used to banging fat girls. And I'm like, but you're a fat dude and you're ugly and you're lucky to even have a fat wife. He's just not used to banging girls in general. That is true. Yeah, but I think he's got that syndrome and you're ugly and you're lucky to even have a fat wife. And then they sat around and they ate me. That is true. Yeah, but I think he's got that syndrome

because he has that picture in his home gym or whatever where he used to be hot, and he actually kind of did used to be hot. Have you seen that picture of him? He was all, like, muscular and good-looking. And I think that that's still the him that he has in his head, and he just doesn't know what happened. I think that he's one of those, like,

he's one of those guys that lives like an Italian bride and just puts things all over the mirror so he can't see himself or an italian widow i mean um yeah he's gross okay then the um the gay uh twink complained that he was not getting enough and i want to quote that i don't have the exact quote but he said something about there hasn't been enough pee-pee in the booty in the past two weeks. And he's very upset because he's not getting enough pee-pee in the booty. Well, I did see the first. That was the first scene, I think, right? Because I saw that. I saw the first scene of him going, honey, I need more sex.

I need more sex. I mean, you've got this hot guy who's 16 years younger than you who wants it all the time. I just don't understand it. Okay, you marry someone 16 years older than you. Their penis does not work the same way. You know what gets my penis hard? Tin roof sundae. That's pretty much it

at this point. You need to bring over it. Yes, you need to bring over some ice cream and put it on my lap and just wait and hope something good happens you can't be dating an old man and then wondering why he's not fucking you 10 times a day that's not what we do we start looking for different things in life like people with jobs

get a job yeah yeah yeah oh my god Matt um I don't even know what to say I'm gonna slap you Oh my god, Matt. I don't even know what to say.

I'm going to slap you. Get it together. Get it together, Matt. What else? What about Asia and, I mean, Alaska and Kim? Was he still being a dick about everything? Oh, yeah. But then he came home. They were living in separate cities, and then he came home, and then she made him dinner naked with an apron on,

and then he says that they had sex like jackrabbits, even though I'm convinced that he's gay. Well, jackrabbits having sex. I mean, I don't know why people say that. Have you ever seen jackrabbits having sex? It's not very cute. No, I don't think why people say that. Have you ever seen Jackrabbits having sex? It's not very cute. No, I don't think it would be cute. It's very violent and very fast.

I was going to say, it's rapid experience. Yeah. How romantic. We had fast and violent sex. It was great. All the girls on this show are very, very lucky. Yeah. Yeah, how is Tarsu and Bollywood?

He should dump Bollywood because Bollywood's dad is an asshole and keeps saying things like, oh, get a real job. And he goes, I'm making six figures and taking care of your daughter, and that's not good enough. And I don't know. I just feel like the daughter needs to put the dad in his place. She it she pisses him off on purpose so they can fight over her she's a sad girl with the worst issues daddy issues the worst kind of issues and she lives in riverside i don't care i don't care why with pictures of her dead mom i I mean, painted on the walls. That's not cute, you guys. Don't do that. It's creepy. Yeah.

I mean, respect your mom in the cemetery while you watch a movie on the big screen like Clueless, like in the Hollywood Cemetery. Is that your go-to, Clueless? Whenever you're feeling low, watch Clueless. No, they were just playing that in the cemetery a couple weeks ago. And I was sad that I wasn't one of the dead people, so I couldn't watch Clueless in the cemetery. Ah, my God. So what else? What else on Bravo?

I think we've reached the end of our brain cell. I feel like we've thoroughly pissed Matt. No, Matt's not mad. You're not mad, are you? I'm not mad at Ronnie. Oh, I love that. What did I do? What did I do? mad at Ronnie. Oh, I love that. What did I do? What did I do?

I won again. Is this because I interrupted before when you were talking about the first freshman seasons? No, I'm actually trying to do some work right now because I have a deadline. Oh, God. He just blames me for everything, all the deadlines in his life. Okay, so let's go. Okay, bye. All right. Bye, everyone. Okay, so let's go. Okay, bye. All right.

Bye, everyone. Bye, everyone. Thanks for listening. You can find Ben at... Ben, you do this. I'm not prepared. All right. Matt is at Life on the M-List on Twitter and on Instagram and on Vine.

I'm at B-Side Blog on Twitter and on Instagram. But I'm Ben Mandelker on Vine. And Ronnie is Ronnie Karam on Vine and Instagram. But he's actually... And on Twitter, and on Instagram, but I'm Ben Mandelker on Vine, and Ronnie is RonnieKarem on Vine and Instagram, but he's at TVGasm. And on Twitter, I'm also RonnieKarem. Oh, you're not at TVGasm anymore? I am, but I'm also at RonnieKarem.

Well, choose one, because I can't be linking to both with 140 characters. I'm gonna say, oh no, we don't have to link to both. I was just saying, I got a new Twitter account for running cam I haven't put anything on there yet I just figured it would be easier to be like Matt and have like one name across all of my things

one name to rule them all oh my god are you serious right now are you seriously having so many names on social media you guys could you pick a longer name for Twitter I hate using my whole name because it's so long but it can't be worse than life on the M list. That is the longest name to type into Twitter.

You should have me bookmarked now so it automatically pops up when you type L-I. It does. Of course, honey. Aw. Aw. I'm glad this ended on such a romantic note. I know. Well, we've clearly all lost our energy.

Me being beaten up is nothing new. Oh, man. I'm pretending that you're right here and I'm patting your head to make you feel better. I'm patting your little bottom. Little bony bottom. He's thinking about

a skinny Jesus-type hipster that he can have his way with later tonight. Yeah. Maybe. This is great. Yeah, this is a great way to end the podcast. Hey, everyone, thanks for listening to the podcast. It started with a lot of energy and ended like a little fart.

And maybe I'll do that Vine video at some point. You guys, I'm on to Vine because it's the most fun thing ever, okay? And you have to come on before we're tired of it. And what's our Can't Film Festival subject of the week for this week? Well, we still have to get pills finished.

I'll finish pills tonight. Who wants to start this week? Matt or me? Maybe Matt should start because he's going last. Yeah, Matt, you start and then we'll just take the lead. We won't even know what the subject is. We'll just improvise based on what you send us. Okay, okay. I like it.

I like it. Okay. Well, this was fun. You guys enjoy yourselves. Come give us some reviews on iTunes. Come find us on Facebook. Find us on Twitter. We love thouest all. Bye. Okay, bye. Bye. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet.

The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more.

You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you. To the insurance company that spurned me. Our time together has come to an end.

It's not me. It's you. We both know what I'm talking about. 15 minutes ago, I began courting Geico. It was just the easiest thing I've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast. Not only have I saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance, but also the future tears you were sure to impose. My heart and my coverage now belong to Geico. Sincerely, not yours, Tara in Telluride. Geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Happens ad-free on

Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.