Watch What Crappens - #80: Cheeseburgers, Douchebags and Ex Hotties

Episode Date: June 19, 2013

This week on Watch What Crappens, Matt Whitfield (Yahoo!), Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) talk about how much game the girls on Princesses: Long Island don't have, the gym drama on Real Housewives of New Jersey, and the sad gay marrying happening on Real Housewives of Orange County. Come on in! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all the crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Caron from TrashTalkTV.com. Goodbye TVgasm. And I'm joined by Ben Mandelker from B-SideBlog.com. Hello Ben.

Hello, and rest in peace TVgasm. Yeah, you bastards, you lovely little bastards. And Matt Whitfield from yahoo the thin and gorgeous matt whitfield from yahoo um it's all it's hey guys it's all about the pills it's all about the pills that's right that's right your your special uh pill diets yeah i was gonna order some of that pills but now i'm unemployed so, so you're going to give me some, boo. No problem. That's called sisterhood.

Wait, I wanted to say something when you introduced me, but I couldn't pull it up on my notes fast enough that I wrote on my iPhone. But what was crazy Jeff saying on princesses this week? Or maybe it was, I forget what the boyfriend's name was, but he kept saying, Woosaba. Yeah, Woosaba. That was like his name for his crazy little princess. For Erica, I think. But anyway, when you announced me, I was going to say Woosaba, but now I'm saying it. So there you go. Maybe he's trying

to say Wasabi because she burned his tongue or she gave him herpes or something. But anyway, you can find us online. You can find us at our websites or you can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash watch what crappens or on Twitter at what crappens or individually

I am at Ronnie Karam or if you want to subscribe to our feeds at Trash Talk, Trash Tweet TV and then Ben is at B-Side Blog on Twitter and Matt is at Life on the M-List on Twitter. And also, Instagram and Vine.

I'm also on B-Side Blog. All across. I've created a monster. I created a monster in that target when I showed Ben how fun Vine was. Yes, he really did. A very funny little monster. So yeah, you can find Ben.

Are you B-Side Blog now on Vine? Did you change your name? Yeah, I switched over so that way I could be more coherent. So it's B-Side Blog now on Vine? Did you change your name? Yeah, I switched over so that way I could be more coherent. It's B-Side Blog on all my social media networks. And I'm Ronnie Karam on Vine, and I love Vine. I take the

most unflattering Vines They're hilarious. There was one of you, were you on a scavenger hunt or the scavenger hunt this weekend? Yes. There was a random Vine of you dressed in three different dresses and two wigs and a mustache running around. I was like, what is going on?

None of them are flattering. But next year, us three, or is it we three? We. We three are doing that scavenger hunt as a team. Because that shit is hilarious. It's this big gay scavenger hunt. It's all over the city. I'm super competitive, though.

So I'm just warning you now that I'm out for blood. That's great. That's because we're all on a team, you know? Yeah, totally. I didn't even realize it was happening this year. I mean, I know it happens every year, but I didn't realize this is the weekend to do it, et cetera, et cetera. Well, we needed a partner, but I didn't call you guys because we only needed one. What?

How did you do? What place did you get? Oh, my God. We came in like eighth out of 20. Not very good. But it was so much fun. And, of course, after we... You know, it ends here, that bar.

And then you could see all the teams doing it, like kind of splitting off into twos and blaming everybody else on their team. And then splitting off. We rotated. That's going to be the death of our podcast. Yeah. Scavenger hunt together.

And then we'll be pointing fingers, and then we'll just hash it out in the podcast. I was just going to say, we already cut it close on a lot of the podcasts, so this will just really send me over the fucking edge. I know. As if when Ben doesn't talk over me, I'm not ready to kill myself and him. Oh, the people who win it, though, they've won it twice in a row. Last year they won two, and they are just sickos. I don't know how they do it, but they beat everybody by like 300 points, which is cheating. I'm talking right over you right now, Ronnie, because I have a very urgent point to make, which is that I heard last night some gossip about that team.

There was an issue. This one team was forced to retire because they basically were using their assistance to get all these items from the scavenger hunt, which is why they were always consistently two or three hundred points above every single other person. I knew that they were fucking cheating. And you know some queen told me I was bitter. I said, I'm not bitter. I don't

need to win a scavenger hunt, but winning by three hundred points is not normal. Yeah. Okay, you're not really selling us on this. It sounds like a lot of gay bitches fighting. It's like a podcast. In a room with gay people, what are you going to do? It's just kind of how

we're born. I hope that one day we evolve and of course we won't be podcast hosts in those days, but hopefully we evolve past that at some point, but right now gays are gays. Gays do as gays did. You know, we're going to really piss off our listener, Tammy Sue,

who wrote a huge diatribe against us on our Facebook page. First, she accused our dear Lisa Timmons of not being funny and shrieking over all of us, which, by the way, we do not agree with that. And I think Lisa is very, very funny. And second of all, she also accused Lisa of getting me sidetracked, and I would like to say that was not Lisa's fault.

I get sidetracked on my own. Thank you very much. And isn't that kind of the point of this? It's called a free podcast. Calm the fuck down. I know. It's called There's a Fast Forward Button. This is not like you're sitting at the radio of 1942. You have to wait for the content to come along. You just move your slider down, and it'll be there, Tammy Sue.

Oh, guys. Tammy Sue's just writing because she loves us. Yeah, and we're not mad. If we're going to talk about some of the criticism, I mean, I think that we need to talk about the private Facebook message that we received about...

This is very interesting. I mean, it's very interesting. I mean, look, again I mean look again this podcast in the past few weeks apparently has offended a ton of people and by a ton I mean maybe less than five but you know a few weeks ago things got a little crazy and then last week Ronnie I don't know if you're aware of this but

apparently we said mean things about Jesus I don't even remember I remember vaguely this conversation I don't even think it was last week I think it was the week before when Ronnie was on I don't think it was when Lisa was on I think it was me I'll take responsibility for that because I do sometimes go off

and I do go on like Christiany rants especially when we're talking about Alexis because you know what it's like my dad told me when I was little and getting beat up at christian school and i was like fuck jesus and he was like no ronnie it's not jesus you have a problem with it's the christians i was like well that's a good well actually he said it's not christ it's the christians which you know i thought that was a very good way to put it and i feel that way

now i have no problem with jesus or christ or church and all that stuff i have problems with people like alexis bolino faking her ass faking her way through shit and acting like a damn idiot and then saying she believes in Jesus to excuse everything that she does. Shut up, Alexis. And shut up, you fake Christians. If you're a good Christian, you wouldn't even be listening to this show. So do you have deep-seated issues because you grew up in the church? Yes, I do, of course. I mean, I was surrounded by hypocrites. And I have no problem with religion. I mean, look, it's kind of like brainwashing in a

way. When you're taught all this stuff as a little kid, you grow up believing it no matter what. And so I do have a little part of me that is a believer and that does have that. I pray, especially when I'm in trouble, like everyone on death row suddenly becomes a Christian, you know. So I definitely have that going on. But I don't hate Christians. I just hate the fake assholes on TV. And you can't get mad that we're talking about Christians, but be OK when we're talking about retarded children and like, you know, fat people. Like, it can't be okay to make fun of some people

but not yourself get over yourself lady we apparently offended this woman who's a long time listener but the thing is i don't even know what we said that was i she she said what you said about jesus like that crossed the line and i'm like i don't even remember we talked about him i think that i said that he had nice long hair a tan and wore cute sandals and I would totally bang him and I still would. I'm not taking it back. And I think I said that he looked like a hipster, right? I'm sure I had a rant just like the one I just gave. But here's my basic rule about it.

I get that people get offended when you make fun of their religion. But there's nothing more offensive than when a Christian tells you, like that religion does tell everybody who's not a Christian, that they're going to hell. So there's nothing more offensive than that. So if you don't like it, then change religions, you stupid bitch. Okay? Well, and I'm sorry, but also, like, I think that we're all in this circle together. Everybody who's listening to this podcast right now and who has been listening since the beginning or has jumped in at any time, if you bravo tv as obsessively as us you're a horrible person you're a horrible person for torturing yourself and rotting your brain and you're also

a horrible person for liking horrible people on tv so i mean welcome yeah and giving them careers and putting money in their bank accounts so i'm just saying this like welcome to the family we are totally offensive if you don't like it get the fuck out i believe i believe a certain lady said it very very well shabbat shalom go fuck yourself exactly amen and i'm sorry i said fuck you lady i don't really mean that but you know i mean her email was not a rant she wasn't being no she was being totally nice yeah she was being really nice she was she just listen, you guys offended me.

I think I'm going to sign off. But I'm just saying I don't even – I didn't realize we were even being offensive. Well, I mean, come on. We're what? We're almost like 80 episodes or 80-plus episodes into this. Guess what? Our goal here is to offend a few. Well, you know what?

It must mean that we're establishing ourselves because we are now getting people who are writing angry things at us, which means that our audience is growing, right? Which also means that the people that do love us, meaning the ones that have stuck around through this 15-minute diatribe leading us actually talking about the shows, especially you guys, you need to go to our iTunes page, give us five stars, and tell the people who get mad at us to suck it. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, we're not supposed to complain about complainers you know that's like rule number one but it's just so fun it's almost like traditions like go ahead and leave us something so we can talk about it while we're exactly and and anybody like eddie who posts comments about me on the itunes page i'm gonna address it because that's part of the fun wait but you still have to address the one guy who

the one guy who uh gave you shit on the Facebook page like a week and a half ago. Ooh, what was that? Yeah, what did he say? There was a guy. I forget his name. And I remember I tried to look it up, but he basically was like, Matt shouldn't be on. Like, get rid of Matt. He just is so bitter and like he's not fun anymore.

So he shouldn't even be there. Oh, well, I told you guys two weeks ago, and I posted this on the Facebook page, but two weeks ago, the last time Ronnie was on before the episode with Lisa, I was, like, trying to do work while I was taping, and I was a bitter bitch the entire time. Oh, yeah, you can't do both. I've tried to do that so many times, and it's just horrible. And that's when I say bad things about autistic children or, like, Jesus should burn. You know, that's when I'm saying horrible things like that when my mind is off somewhere else. So the lesson is never do work, people. Don't work, you guys.

And the funny thing is if we all – if somebody would be smart enough to make action figures or dolls of the three of us, look, we all have fans. We all have haters. But it's part of the fun. And while I have this moment, I want to give... That made no sense, Matt. What are you talking about? If someone made action figures of us, you know what, we all have fans, we all have haters.

What does that mean? I'm still drunk from my vacation. What I was getting at is, when the new kids on the block came out, certain people would buy the Joey McIntyre doll. Certain people would buy the Ben Mandelker doll. Certain people would buy my doll to rip my head off and my limbs off and, you know,

set them on fire. And you know what? Like, clearly Lisa has some fans. Lisa has some haters. Ronnie, me, you. We're all in the same boat and it's always fun. So again, if you hate us, fuck off. And if you enjoy us, stay with us. I mean, look what they did to Jesus.

Okay, so let's move on to the housewives no you have to stop you have to stop because we have to send a shout out to one of our loyal listeners it is jutsu's birthday today by the time this goes live she'll be 33 years old and one day but at this moment while're recording, it's her birthday and she's been a loyal listener and I love her. And if I were straight, she'd be my wife. Go Jutt. Go Jutt. Go, go, go Jutt. I would sing happy birthday to you, but

I don't want to be sued for copyright infringement by those people at Warner Music. By those Christians at Warner Music. Those Christians, they love their Jesus and their autistic children at Warner Music. Alright, now that we got all of all the people who hate us, the real people listen. Sorry for all that sidetracking, but I missed

last week and I didn't get to talk to you guys in real life. So, hi! Well, you got to come on Banjo with Ben and Lisa and that was quite fun. That was fun. Oh, Matt, you should hear how they do it. It's 20 minutes and you're done. Rapid fire in and out. Okay, so let's talk some Housewives now. Y'all, okay.

Which one do you want to start with first? Actually, I think we should start with Princesses Long Island. Can we do Princesses first? I love the idea. Are we not talking gossip? Oh yeah, gossip. Oh yeah, let's talk some gossip. So Maddie, you have some. Why don't you start? Yeah, I just took some notes. I

did see that last Thursday Joanna Krupa from Real Housewives of Mijami married her beau Romaine Lettuce. Yes. In a bizarre, well, I mean, it was apparently a $1 million ceremony, but why would they get married on a Thursday? Oh. Because they're on a production schedule. Well, because Friday is Shabbat. Makes sense to me. Wasn't that the season finale?

It probably was. They probably just got some deal on a banquet place. I think it was a shooting day because, oh, I forgot to tell you, we heard back from Leah Black. What? Sorry, I'm the worst. I should never be in charge of talking to anybody. We heard back from Leah Black. She said contact her after the 16th and she's free.

She was just shooting Miami until then. So she's in L's not late for the rest of the summer yeah we got a sugar mama yeah how fun is that um i love so regarding this whole joanna krupa wedding i love that i'm looking at the comment right now someone said did joe francis give away the bride which i thought was hilarious that's randy miller did joe franc Francis give away the bride, which I thought was hilarious. That's Randy Miller. Did Joe Francis give away the bride? That made me laugh out loud. Well, I think that they probably did it because of production and she wanted to

get him married the last couple years that his penis was still work. Because you know that thing's not going to last very long. No, because he's on steroids and we know what that does. Yeah. Teeny times. Makes you tiny.

I bet they got married in their nightclub. What was that called? Mint or something like that? Or Bliss? Or Splint? It's like, aww. Crotch? I don't know.

What's the name of his stupid club? Like, Awwa Crystal. Oh, Rico. So they got married, so that's exciting. But more importantly, Tammy Sue married Eddie on Saturday, and it's going to be spun off into a three-episode series called Tamra's OC Wedding, also known as Awful. And that's going to air in September on Bravo for three weeks

and apparently this is not surprising all of her castmates were in attendance Alexis, Vicky and Gretchen were there but Tammy Sue's bestie Heather Dubrow was in the wedding and she actually sang at the wedding Kill Me Now

she does have a big band past if you remember correctly. I'm predicting that she sings, I'm predicting that she sings, Don't tell me not to let you sit and putter. Life's candy and the sun's a bowl of butter. Don't bring around the clouds of rain on my

parade. She probably sang at Funeral George. I mean, I can't imagine this woman singing anything that's remotely sunny. Exactly. I mean, I can't imagine this woman singing anything that's remotely sunny. Exactly. I mean, again, her opening credits on the show says that, you know, she's more fun than the blondes, but we all know that's a fucking lie. Is there a theme song to Hot in Cleveland?

Maybe she'll sing that. I am what I am. I am what I am. She should sing, like, something from a drag show. That is the gayest wedding I've ever heard. And thank you, Bravo, for only making that three episodes long. I know. Well, you know, the entire reception was like, Eddie probably had Lady Gaga playing the entire time

and Donna Summer. Yeah, and he probably disappeared for a while. Well, he probably requested for his first dance to be with his bicycle seat. I was about to say, he probably had it up there at the altar with him. He had a glory hole in the porta-potties. Yeah, I'm sure it was his best man.

It is his best man. Oh, pin the tail inside the donkey. I'll be the donkey! So, poor little guy. Well, they're married, so I give that a couple years. Yeah. I give that about six months. Yeah, so Bravo's been very busy with their weddings this week

It's really tragic though, I mean I have to say this I'm kind of sick and tired of this shit so we had Joanna marrying Romaine I'm sure she begged for a spin-off or even a one-off, Bravo probably shut that down, Tamara was able to pull off a three episode special, unlike

Kim from Atlanta who turned it into an entire two season franchise for herself and then also Nene had her bachelorette party in Mexico over the weekend which Cynthia attended and a few of her other girlfriends because Nene is getting a spinoff as well. I am sick of this

shit. Listen, listen, the gays can't get married. Why does Bravo think we want to watch this? Okay, it's like adding insult to injury. Because I think they're trying to get the American public used to freak show weddings. Yeah, I think so. I think in their weird way they're paving their way for drag queen weddings

by putting these hoes up there. And Tamara Nene and Kim Zolciak actually are all gay men to the tenth degree. Yeah, well don't forget Bethany Frankel. Oh god. Pioneer this awful sub-genre of Bravo shows. When I'm able to get married, I will definitely pee in a bucket on my wedding night. On camera.

Yeah, and broadcast it to the world. I do have to thank Bethany Frankel, because her commercial came on the other day for her talk show, and she's like, I'm back with my talk show! And I felt, from across the country, I felt Jill Zarin throwing up all over herself and banging her head onto the TV screen. And so I have to say, thank you. Thank you, Bethany. Thank you, Bethany. Jill Zarin had some interviews recently where she pretty much tore Bethany a new one.

I read it like a week ago, but she basically talked about how awful. Did you get your Traders Joe Fearless Flyer thing in the mail? Who the hell's interviewing Jill Zarin? Who? It was exclusive from the Penny Saver. Jill Zarin talks the Penny Saver. Also anyone need a headband?

We have three of them lying around. It was from the free section of Craigslist. People are just on there looking for boxes to move and then Jill Zarin's interviewing yourself. It was in the free section of Craigslist. People are just on there looking for boxes to move, and then Jill Zarin's interviewing herself. It was in the homeless news. It was a free handout on the L train in Manhattan. Hey, that used to be my playground. Okay, so what was the interview?

I don't remember. I think it's actually posted on our Facebook page somewhere. But she really went off, and I was saying how vicious Bethany was, and I was surprised that everything's falling apart around Bethany. But she's like, you know what? Her show will be good, but I guarantee that she's going to go through producer after producer and teams of writers.

And you know what? I actually don't disagree with Jill on that point. Well, I mean, who cares? Doesn't every talk show host do that? Well, yeah. That's the funny thing because ellen has the reputation of being the biggest bitch in all of hollywood and being the most difficult person to work with and she's the one that's producing the show so it kind of makes sense there and if you guys remember um i tried to get us tickets to

a taping of bethany's pilot season which was last. And for those of you who didn't listen to that podcast, they emailed me and they required me to send in photos of myself, Ben, and Ronnie before they said if they would let us come sit in the fucking audience. And any show that asks to see a headshot of me in order to decide if I'm worthy enough of being in their audience can go suck it. Yeah, it's easier to get into Romaine Lettuce's clubami than to get into bethany's show for no good reason yeah you know i'd listen

to this is i don't know why i'm saying this but ellen was doing some interview about her gay wedding and she was talking about how she's a raw vegan now and once she saw these movies on netflix she became a raw vegan and she had her whole wedding raw vegan you know what i was like you know what ellen i've liked you and hated you over the years but i don't know if i can get past this raw vegan thing i don't i'm not against people being raw vegans but i am against you inviting me somewhere where i have to wear a suit and buy you hundreds of dollars worth of gifts and you ain't even gonna feed me you're gonna give me some carrots bitch you better make a burger you better make a slider buffet if you ever want to invite me to your wedding again well hello the wedding is all about an open bar amazing cake and dancing and i don't think that

it's not even about the cake honestly because by the time the cake rolls around you're so drunk it's about a good cocktail hour and a good and an open bar and that's all that matters dinner anybody that has a cash bar at their wedding, just don't have a wedding elope. Don't invite me to a wedding that has a cash bar ever. I know. Yeah, cash bar. How about I bring you some cash gifts?

Okay, how about you tell me what you want and I'll bring it and then I'll make you buy it from me once I get there. Stupid. Right, or if you end up having a cash bar and you shock me with it and I have a card there for you with money in it, open your goddamn card and buy me the drink yourself. It's like what I was talking about last week when I went to that stupid pool party where I paid $40 to go to this pool party and I get there, it was an open bar. Can you believe it? Some people paid $65 for it. It's ridiculous. That is ridiculous. I think that gay marriage should stay illegal and they should also make regular marriage illegal and we should just stop it with all of this. It's crazy. It is awful.

Honestly, like, wedding culture I think is, like, hideous. I feel bad for everyone who just absolutely loves it and just, like, throws themselves into all these TLC shows because I just feel like it's the most ridiculous thing of all time. Or all of these desperate Long Island princesses who are just dying to land a man

and have a glamorous wedding. What a wonderful transition, Matthew. Yeah, that was a good one. Let's go to Long Island. Long Island! Everyone get on the Whitestone Bridge. We're heading to Long Island. Alright, you guys. How was that girl

the prettiest girl in high school? Anybody? Anybody? There are different standards in Long Island. Up is down. left is right. Everything's different on Long Island. They showed a picture of her, or someone on our Facebook page put a picture of her in high school, and it was black and white, which, I mean, I know that you can just use a filter, but, I mean, it really does look like when my mom went to high school, you know?

It's like I kind of recognize her, only because there's, like, a glass of wine in her hand in those pictures. But, like, it looks so, it looks like it was so long ago. It looks like it was taken in the Lawrence Welk days. She really is a disaster. And the way I can equate her visually, aside from that she's got some Rachel Dratch in her. No offense to Rachel Dratch. Oh my god, she totally does. She's like Rachel Dratch after being put in a toaster.

She's like Rachel Dratch meets Kelly Catrone meets the New Yorker. There's a set of comics with these cartoons of these weird characters with big frizzy hair and big noses, and that's what she looks like. I think she looks like the Count from Sesame Street.

That's so good. She really does. She has a very Muppet mouth, like an Elmo or Grover, whatever his name is, Grover mouth, you know? Well, how did her, I mean, I don't know. Before I lost my job, I bought a new TV because my TV broke. Yay, Dad. And I can see things so much more clearly on this TV.

And I was horrified this whole, really by all of the shows this week. Because you can see so many of the flaws. But especially that girl. How is that girl 30? Her eyes look like tinfoil. How is she... Like, after it's wrapped in turkey and then, like, rewrapped leftovers and it's, you know, it's like every wrinkle... And then something exploded inside of it because it was

meowing too long. Yeah, and then someone tried to put it in the microwave and it caught on fire. It's like Jiffy Pop. Her eyes look like Jiffy Pop. It's bulging. Oh, how? How? How did that happen?

Everybody moisturize, drink some water, and buy you a sun hat. I actually feel bad for her at this point because there could be nothing worse than to be consistently referred to as the girl who was hot in high school and now like she has like a nation being like how is that girl hot like that's a lot for one for one woman right and and the fact that we talk more about how different and aka worse she looks than high school over her serious drinking problem we care care more about her deteriorating looks

as opposed to her deteriorating liver. It's true. Her corn on the cob teeth, you know, it's sad. Oh my God, what happened to her teeth? Just because you get older doesn't mean your teeth are supposed to, like, spread apart like your legs. I don't know.

I don't know. It's like a really bad jack-o'-lantern. Yeah, I think she just... It really is. She's the kind of girl who gets a lot of stuff stuck in her teeth but gets too drunk to clean it out. I think eventually they just spread apart.

Yeah, I think so. Well, the thing is it's funny that we're talking about her in high school because so much of the show seems to have this backstory in high school. And so at the onset of this episode, Casey and Erica had a talk in the fallout of their blowout last week. And so Casey sits down and I'm just like cracking up because Casey is like bawling. And she's like talking about the moment that Erica stole her boyfriend. She's like, I think about that moment every single day. I'm like, girl, like 12 years later. I'm like, listen, maybe in like 1998.

OK, or 2001. But we're in 2013 now. It's time to ease up a little bit. Yeah, get the fuck over it, girl. Maybe you'd find a boyfriend if you stopped wearing headbands. I also like the way that Erica attempted to

empathize with her. She was like, I can only imagine what it must have felt like to be sitting there alone, the prom dress ready, and, like, no one to go. I can only imagine. I'm like, I'm sure she really appreciates that, Erica. Just to rub some salt into it. Well, especially when they're cutting back and forth. They're going, I don't care if I fucked her boyfriend five times. No one talks to me like that.

So what? Get over it. Who cares if I fucked your boyfriend? Get over it. I'd do it again. I can only imagine what it must have been like for you to be sitting there on your bed with no boyfriend and only a

prom dress and thoughts about your dad who had left your mom. That must have been awful. You must have been hating yourself right then at that very moment. You must have hated yourself. I like the part where Casey was like, you know, she left me. And then, I mean, my boyfriend left me for her. And then my dad left my mom. And I'm thinking, are all men jerks?

And I'm like, yeah. Hello. Yeah. Yeah, they are. At least the men that you attract, Erica. I mean, Casey or whatever. Yes. So then they had this sort of like

they they attempted sort of uh come together although Casey didn't really she didn't really extend an olive branch because I believe her her uh is was I want to punch you in the face right so that was that that would be a direct quote yeah that would be a direct quote so clearly there was no um no friendship that was brokered or an understanding. But then, so then Casey leaves, but then Chanel comes out to console Erica, right? And then Erica starts to cry, which was hilarious. And she starts going on this random rant. She's like, I want everyone to love the me that's me and the me that's me. And see, the me that's me is the really good me that's me and not the other me that's me. Because I'm a different person. I'm not the me that's me and the me that's me and see the me that me is a really good me that's me and not the other me that's me because i'm a different person i'm not this i'm the me that me whatever something

like that i was like i i could not stop laughing at this drunken bitch no drunk erica crying i actually think is the most horrifying thing i've ever seen on tv i mean she's just hideous awful awful hideous full of gas and hiccups and you guys you know how right now i was saying yes all men are terrible blah blah blah and i was being all bitter and lonely okay well i'm on our twitter feed right now on our watch what crappens or what crappens feed and there's a guy named kl curdy 3 which you're as good at naming as i am i suck at that stuff but anyway he was talking about how he saw jacks in some club and so I wrote him back, and so he put a picture up of him and

Jax. Oh my god, he's so cute! Not Jax. But this guy, KLKurdy3, you are so cute. I'm so sorry. I believe in love again. Thank you for making me believe again. Okay, commercial over. Let's get back to it. I'm in a better mood now. Well, if we're going to talk about hot dudes,

and we're going to have an interlude here, Ronnie, what is up with your neighbor? Which one? The one that's in some better mood now. Well, if we're going to talk about hot dudes and we're going to have an interlude here, Ronnie, what is up with your neighbor? Which one? The one that's in some of your photos. Oh, Brian, that's Bueller's auntie. He lives next door to me. Which photos are these? I post pictures of him sometimes on Facebook.

One of them was him eating a donut with bacons on it. Bacons? What is wrong with me? I've been watching that Miss Utah clip today and laughing my ass off, and I'm just becoming dumber by the second. But, yeah, he's super cute. I'll introduce you. I think you've asked about him before. Yeah, and clearly you did nothing.

Well, I never leave. But maybe next time I go to Starbucks, I'll tell you, and you can stop by. Okay. Except I don't know that I want to make out with people that eat bacon, maybe i will get over it oh that was just on a donut it was like a actually he does eat eggs though this guy eggs i eat eggs i'm not a vegan raw bitch like ellen oh well then you'd love him all he eats are egg whites that's what he eats every day okay i'm in okay so anyway these bitches in Jersey, where were we? Oh, Ronnie. Sorry, I believe in love again.

That's all. Princess Long Island. I would like to fast forward to the best part of the entire episode, which was Chanel dancing and saying Coco's back. Can you believe her dance moves? I can, because I've been to a lot of bar and bat mitzvahs. Okay, I used to run the bar and bat mitzvah circuit of Bethesda slash Rockville, Maryland in the early 90s. I have been to church maybe once in my life, but I've been to the temple, I don't know, a million times. Bar and bat mitzvahs truly are the best parties on the face of the earth.

And as much as her dancing skills terrify me, it made me hearken back to those days of my youth when I would do lip sync to a Madonna song and then I would tell people I wasn't gay. It was a good time. So did you call that a barn bat mitzvah? A what? A barn bat mitzvah? What do you call it? No, it's – there's a – bar mitzvahs are for boys. Bat mitzvahs are for girls. Oh, oh, oh. So we're singing a bar and bat mitzvah? What do you call it? No, it's, there's a bar mitzvahs are for boys, bat mitzvahs are for girls.

Oh, oh, oh. So we're saying a bar and bat mitzvah. Wait, Ronnie, have you never been to a bar or a bat? Yes, my friend David Bowman, when I was a kid, was a Mexican Jew. And so I got to go to everything. Like, I got to go to all the Mexican parties and all the Jewy parties. It was really fun. What about any brises? Did you ever go to a bris?

No, that's where they cut off the baby's weenie, right? Or they cut off the skin or whatever? The skin, yeah. No, huh? I was there for mine. Ben, have you been to a briss? I've never been to a briss. Yeah, but you don't see anything. It's just you know, you just sort of are standing up there and it's really nothing special. It's not like a horror film?

No, well, I'm sure it's a horror film if you have to stand up there and be like a parent and watch this, but for those of us who sit there on a pew, it's fine. Wait, Jews have pews? Yeah. Of course. What, do you think there's lawn chairs in a big room that they all sit in? I know.

Didn't you see where Heather went to temple? No, I would think they'd have a line of gold Lexuses to sit in. Didn't you see when Heather went to the worst temple ever that allowed a full camera crew in there? I was like, what kind of temple is this? I didn't know they were called pews. I thought the Christians called it pews, but the Jews had another word for it. The Jew word for pew is pew.

Hmm. Yeah. Who knew? Who knew that Jews were pews? I wonder if whoever came up with P-U when something stinks just hates God. Where did that word come from? I don't know came up with P.U. when something stinks just hates God Where did that word come from? I don't know, maybe Long Island Where there are princesses

That we were once talking about Okay, I have other notes I was kind of drunk, I'm not going to lie When I was watching the episode And I was trying to type things into my iPhone And they came out all wonky But I typed in something, and I don't really remember this But something called Jeff's's accents yeah jeff jeff there was this horrible horrible scene

that involved jeff and his ass crack at some hotel wait wait wait did you just think i said ass crack i said accents no i know what you said i'm saying during that time the waiter a waiter came over oh no i'm sorry actually it's a time. Is Jeff the guy that looks like Kramer? He's the guy that talks like this. It's gay Kramer that dates Lady Gaga. Oh, God. I love how you look in that swimsuit. He could do his John Travolta

impersonation. Hey, I'm John Travolta. Hey. Yeah, mama. Yeah, show me that mommy. Oh, mommy. Yeah, let's give kisses, mama. Oh, I love you so much. Do you know how much I love you so much? I can't even explain it, mama. Ew!

And when Amanda told the waiter that Jeff loves boxes, I pretty much just puked up on my couch at that point. Which, by the way, not because... Because I don't like lies. I don't like lies. He does not like boxes. He likes Dodger dogs, okay? Doesn't want to bend a box.

I love that we are now acting like those immature Long Island princesses trapped in high school. I know. I want to find Chanel and say, Chanel, give me a face. Give me a face, Chanel. And then slap her. Please refer to her only as coco guys i watched my grandmother die right in front of my face okay i've seen shit too

but i love that chanel's like did you tell her that like that would have changed everything she would have totally forgiven you for ruining her life and traumatizing her and ruining her adulthood so she can't date and she's frigid for the rest of the world and she has procedures until the day she dies. At least if she knew that you saw your grandma die in front of your face! Well, maybe it'd be better if she knew that the reason why the grandma died

was because Erica asked the grandmother to go tell Casey that she had stolen her boyfriend and she got run over by a bus on the way over to Casey's house. While Erica was fucking Casey's boyfriend. And her grandmother's boyfriend too meaning her grandfather no just well no well we have to assume that her grandmother was cheating on her grandfather right apple doesn't fall far from the menorah yeah it runs in the family i'd also like it's it's in their blood what's not made up of wine. The part of the blood that's not made up of Manischewitz and Adderall is made up of libido.

Let's talk about the Adderall scene because you know what? A lot of these shows have these moments where you're like, oh, fuck, the camera's still running. Clearly we had one of those iconic moments last year when it was like Luann caught fucking the French Johnny Depp. It was like, oh, my God French Johnny Depp and was like oh my god they actually captured this on film this time Erica was caught with the Long Island version of Biff from Back to the Future

did you guys not think that this was one of those oh shit moments it's mixed for great TV but it was kind of like oh shit not only is she a psychopath who's gotten ugly since high school and who has a major alcohol problem but oh she's also addicted to adderall and that is now exposed yeah that's that was um that made a that made sense because she does have so many strange tics like i mean her

body's always in motion when she's talking always well she's always convulsing yeah yeah she is yeah she's mid-rapture she's like a dreidel that's unhing is, yeah. She's mid-rapture. She's like a dreidel that's unhinged. Did you say she's mid-rapture? Yes. That's amazing. I also think she looks like the opening credits of Fraggle Rock. I was going to say True Blood. You know how on True Blood they show that coyote getting eaten by maggots,

and then they show that black lady in church jerking back and forth? That's what you might see. Or like Elizabeth Berkley in the best scene from Showgirls, where she's flipping like a dolphin in the backyard of that swimming pool. Or just one of those inflatable gas station things that like flops around with a fan underneath it.

Somebody needs to photoshop Erica's face onto the top of one of those gas station flippy bouncy signs with a fringe on it because that would be amazing. Well the fringe is appropriate because it's very in style with Long Island bathing suits fashions these days. That is true. The gas station inflatable

dude got his bathing suit at Warehouse, the most popular boutique in all of Great Neck. Oh my god. Alright, you guys, so what's going to become of this girl? And she's dating that... I love that when she's talking to her boyfriend, she's like, you drink too much. You drink too much drink too much oh my god you drink too much she coughs in his face she coughs in his face like a wild animal and then he passed out in front of her and fell asleep as she

was telling him all of her sad stories and problems he's a great boyfriend she's sitting there all of a sudden ranting and raving and feeling sorry for herself saying like i'm trying to be my best it's a lot for me I'm like getting my period and I'm really emotional and I've been sick all week and no one gives a fuck about me right and then it's like wow you just made yourself really attractive not only have you gotten uglier since high school

you're shit face drunk you're high on Adderall you are coughing in my face while you are smoking a cigarette and you're telling me on your period yeah I really want to go fuck you right now. Yeah, sounds great, babe. Yeah, it sounds like she has a lot of real world problems, you know, with her employment and her taxes and whatnot, you know, really, really building up on her shoulders. Yeah, poor thing.

God bless her. I love that Casey suddenly, like, forgave her because she was a mess. She's like, now I want to help her. Yeah. if she was a mess. And she's like, now I want to help her. Yeah.

When Casey was standing in the kitchen going, you know what? Maybe she'd really listen to me if I suggested that she come to AA with me. What? When she said, I'm that girl from high school.

I was that girl in college who would call mothers and be like, hello, your daughter's bulimic. Oh yeah, that was Joey who said that. That was Joey.

Oh, it was Joey? Oh, sorry. I wasn't watching. She's one of those girls. Well, can we talk about Joey and Oh, it was Joey? Oh, sorry. I wasn't watching. She's one of those girls. Well, can we talk about Joey and also, more importantly, Ashley? Wait, is Joey South Shore? Yes. Joey's the cute one from the South Shore.

I love her. She's Debbie Mazur, but, like, the young version. Yeah. I mean, so the other thing that was going on in this episode, aside from the fact that Erica is, like, a drunk slut, the other thing is that these girls are trying to find men. And so they go to, first of all, they go to brunch and Chanel does not want to sit at the corner of the table because it means that she won't get married. Personally, I don't think the reason she's not getting married is because of some superstition. I think it's that because she believes she's not going to get married by sitting at the corner of the table, that's why you're not getting married.

Because you believe all sorts of ridiculous shit. You are a crazy woman, Chanel. I think it's because she's too needy. Nobody likes needy people. Why do you think homeless people are so lonely? Yeah. They're always asking for shit. And they're always sitting at the corner of the table.

Because they're always standing on the corner. Maybe if they were in the middle of the sidewalk, we'd have some money for them. Yeah. If they had realized... They just have to realize they're at the wrong part of the sidewalk. Stupid homeless people. They really need Chanel to come in and fix their lives. So go ahead.

You were going to tell us about the lunch or whatever. So they go to lunch, whatever, and then they go to some club afterwards, and there's a really smoking hot guy there. He does not look like he was planted there by the producers. He's like actually just sitting there. And no, we are not talking about the man who was also scooping frozen yogurt on the Real Housewives of New Jersey, which we will get to. We will get there.

The dream boat. So this guy, his name is Emmanuel, and he was sitting there. And Ashley goes, sits next to him. And I could not, I felt any worse for this poor man who he was just innocently he's like listen I'm going to go to the Hamptons I'm going to go to a place where there's refined people and refined places and then this

little munchkin sits next to him and then starts calling her dad on the phone while trying to hit on him I've never seen anything like it and I don't believe it was staged at all, I believe this was something that really happened. I'm also offended that she uses a blackberry. Is that wrong? You know, people

will not give up their blackberries. It's the weirdest fucking thing. I used to have a blackberry, too, and I was never going to give it up until I played, like, Angry Birds or some shit, and I was like, okay, I want a game. I want a game that works. But people who love their blackberries just hold on to that shit forever. They won't let them let them go well that's because they have a tactile uh keyboard i don't

know i don't know it's something it's something weird it's like it makes just because blackberries are for business you know so i think that people feel like if they have a blackberry they're really business-like yeah luckily i've never never had the illusion that I'm business-like, so I never had a blackberry. So that lunch was embarrassing. That meant they called her dad. But then on top of that, so Joey starts telling us, like, oh my goodness, like, I'm so embarrassed for her. This is, like, terrible. This is not how you're supposed to, like,

win over a guy. So then what does Joey do? She starts a fight with Ashley in front of the guy, and is like, I'm embarrassed for you right now. Like, you're doing a terrible job. You gonna lose this guy whatever like no that's what's gonna make ashley lose it well amongst many other things these girls just have no game i don't think i've ever seen so many reality stars with so little game because they're all in love with their fathers it's so gross like stop really like calling your dad maybe your dad's old you want to make sure he didn't fall down but like, like, what was she calling him?

Like, to tell him he had an appointment at the dentist or some shit? Yeah. Well, and then she called him later when she was packing up her sheets. And she said, as soon as I put the sheets in the car, I'll call you when I get in the car. Yeah. Ew. She's one of those people that just calls up that doesn't have anything to say. You know, do you have any of those friends that just call up like, so, what's going on?

I'm like, I don't know. You called me. You know? I don't really have any of those friends that just call up like, so what's going on? I'm like, I don't know. You called me. You know, I don't really have any friends. But Ben, is this a cultural thing where Jews and phone bills are out of control or what? I don't think so. But who knows? Maybe I'm just a strange Jew.

Well, yes. Well, you're not going to get in the argument here. Yeah. Oh, my God. I just couldn't believe it. I don't know. I was speechless. I thought the whole thing was funny. I love that Erika, at some point in her life,

was dead set on getting the hot guy from Jericho High School. I mean, this show just cracks me up. Okay, so what, we're like three or four weeks into the show. Are we 100% committed for the entire run? How are we feeling? Who do we love? Who do we hate? I'm totally committed.

And I love... I like Joey. And, you know, I actually like Chanel in her own goofy way. Ugh, gross. She'll never find a man. I mean, she's like the most desperate of them all. But I feel bad. I mean, she doesn't know any better. Her parents, like, instill it in her.

I mean, I like it. I'll be honest. I've been in such a weird mood that i've had this stuff on the background mostly while i'm like doing other things like rocking back and forth on the floor eating ice cream you know stuff like that but this one was on and i actually kept um getting re-involved in it i would hear them shrieking and i'd look up and just start laughing my ass off like that whole thing where the guy came to the table and she's like he not only had a boner his balls were up i mean like there's what does that even mean what does that mean she doesn't know either that's what's so awesome they've never even

seen a boner they think it's like a lamb chop in there where's the problem that i don't know is it a problem that what i don't know what it means my balls are up what yeah no it's it's not you it's not you it's her listen they're all like these goody two-shoe girls who've never even seen anything remotely close to a penis let alone like even a cartoon drawing of one like they probably when they saw real housewives of orange county last week they probably thought all the cartoon penises were some sort of like weird african animal you know they don't they don't know they know nothing these were all the girls that everybody had one in either fifth or eighth grade during health class

that passed out when that slide projector came up. These are all those girls. Yeah, exactly. We talked about it last week, Matt, about how Ashley, when masturbation was mentioned, she started to giggle and try to pet. It's so funny. It's like girls like Ashley and Chanel are so desperate to land husbands and maybe one day they'll land

them and then these husbands are going to be the most upset, desperate people on the face of the earth because they're not getting BJs. Well, they're not. Maybe they have to be blessed first. Baruch atah no'el, hini melcholam, berei peri ha'ah, blowjob. All the

Jewish listeners will sort of get that, I hope. The Jewish guys get it, but anyway. Yeah, because you guys are in a club, the Jews. Well, there actually was a Woody Allen movie, Deconstructing Harry. There was a joke about that where Demi Moore, she became orthodox and was doing the bruchata and all that for everything. And there was one shot where she does it right before a blowjob, now that I realize.

So anyway, everyone can watch that and laugh. You guys, go to Netflix so you'll get this podcast. Yeah, yeah. This podcast is basically like the gay version of Deconstructing Harry. Discuss. Discuss. Maybe we can get Kirstie Alley on here, too. Oh my god, please let's.

She's not going to be available because she has a new show coming on TV Land, which is reuniting her with Rhea Perlman from Cheers. I know. I was at the taping of that pilot because I was catering. So anybody in this podcast audience, do you have a job for me?

I was catering a Kirstie Alley pilot at TV Land. All right? Wait, were you surrounded by Scientologists? I don't know. No, but she does have supportive friends. And Danny DeVito came to watch Rhea Perlman, which I thought was really nice, because that was during the time where they were like,

oh, they're breaking up. And I was like, I'm so sure. Well, they reunited. No, those two are full of shit. They were never breaking up. They were trying to get publicity. I don't believe it. Wow, you're just... I thought that you were back... You loved Love about ten minutes ago. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh,'t believe it. Wow, you're just... I thought that you were back... You loved Love about 10 minutes ago. Oh, yeah. Oh, I love them. I'm so glad

they're back together. Well, they deserve... I mean, they belong together, right? Well, I mean, two trolls are meant to be. It's like if you lose a Lego and then you try and buy new Legos like 10 years, that Lego don't fit those other Legos anymore. They change the shape of them. You're the same shape legos stay together yeah did i lose you

everybody just like yeah i i started looking on instagram i started looking on instagram i'm sorry did you see i posted a cute photo of the two of you on my laptop oh is that why you got so quiet for so long because you were yeah we're all looking online at things. That's not good, you guys. Yeah. Well, at least, Ronnie, are you still addicted to Tumblr, by the way? Tumblr? No, I was never addicted to that. They made me post on it for work.

Oh, you mean the porn? Yeah. No, it's just like ugly wieners over and over. It's like misshapen, shriveled wieners. You never see a face. There's no storyline. I need more than just like a little gif or jif or whatever. You need to find some better sites

because I tell you, they've got everything out there. I need a plumber coming over. Someone who's like, yeah, I'm the plumber. And they're like, oh my god. My wife is out of town. I like the standard. I'm sorry. Anything your heart desires

is available on Tumblr? oh yes I'm sure there's even some Princesses Long Island fan fiction porn up there you guys do not make me look at Tumblr again during this podcast that's what I was getting you to do

no we're only one show in wait what number is this podcast? I don't remember I think we're like one show in. Okay, what's the next? Wait, what number is this podcast? I don't remember. I think we're like at 80-something. I don't know. Jesus, you guys. Okay, we're old enough to die in front of one of our grandchildren's faces.

Yeah, and then cause her to steal prom dates as a result. I can't feel the voidogram. I've got to steal someone's prom date. I've got to go to Jericho. No way of grandma. I gotta steal someone's prom date. I gotta go to Jericho. No way. My prom date. But she... Okay.

Okay. Let's just move on. I can't. I can't anymore. I can't. I just can't anymore. I can't. I can't.

I can't do this anymore. I can't. I can't. That's what they all say on that show. Let's talk Real Housewives of New Jersey. Okay. Oh my God. I love all the gym drama.

She came to my gym. Why would she come to my gym? Ah, she's obsessed with me coming to my gym. What is she doing at your gym, Teresa? Oh my god, gym. Shut up. More drama at their gym than at the Equinox

in West Hollywood times the drama at the Crunch on Sunset in West Hollywood times the drama at the Crunch on Sunset in West Hollywood times the drama at the 24-Hour Fitness in WeHo. I just could not deal. Divided by the gay drama that happens in the bathrooms at the YMCA. Oh, the downtown one? Or which YMCA? Both.

The downtown one is out of control? I would not know, but I will take your word for it. Rumor has it. Rumor has take your word rumor has it rumor has it rumor has it uh yeah that gym had a lot of you know here's the thing okay here is really the thing these women have been doing the show for so long don't they realize that producers told them hey go to we want you to work out at this gym just go there just go there and so they're like okay we'll we'll go shoot at this gym and then theresa gets mad he's like i can't be there at my gym it's like don't you realize the producer sent them there?

Why are you so dense? Is it because of all the hair that's on your lower forehead? I don't get it. Or is it all the hair that is on Gia's upper lip? Oh. Oh, my God. That was the best part of the episode. Melania says the dumbest things.

What would she tell you? She said I got a hairy grill. Melania, as crazy as she is, speaks the truth. She speaks the truth. And I was also happy to see vintage Melania back this week, aka she was a Hellraiser or Hellcat or whatever.

She's just from hell. She's a baby from hell. Toddler from hell. Isn't it crazy that she's only six yet she knows that the camera loves her, and she's already vying for her own series and spinoff? Will you see her swiping through Twitter on that damn iPhone? Kids are too savvy. And then her mom is trying to take an Instagram photo of her, and she's like, get my dumb bitch sister out of this photo.

I only pose alone. Yeah. Well, to be fair, it's like the uh the adriana and gabriella they they they're not part of the family so no wonder why she doesn't want them to be there because they don't look anything like anyone no not at all yeah um so um what i enjoyed was that i have notes from the beginning of the episode did you not do you have notes for oc or for this i haven't i have just a few notes here and there. I'll type in as they come around. Well, let's talk about

the sleep chamber. Oh, yeah. Now, why would you be excited to put your baby on something that Michael Jackson has gotten inside of? Because Michael Jackson typically likes to get inside of babies, not inside of chambers. Listen, these are the same parents who reared Ashley, who leaves the gas

on, okay? They don't make great decisions. Okay, now look. What is this thing supposed to do? You put your autistic child in a pod, and you leave them in there with an underpaid nanny. I love that Jackie's like, I'm such a good mother, she gathers everyone around, and then she tells the nanny, okay, get in the pod, I'm going downstairs. Right. Oh, and wait, let's take that again.

Camera's rolling. Cut. Let's snap. What's that board called where you take a scene in a film? Slate. Again, yeah, let's cue this up and let's get the slate out

because, again, you know, she's trying to probably do the right thing, but by putting this on film, I don't know, it makes me question her mothering skills like I should have done years ago. Many, many, many yeah she's i'm just i don't know that whole thing gives me the creeps whenever somebody on a reality show uses something to this degree because it just gives me the creeps i mean i don't even care if it's cancer like if it's something like that like

that's sad i mean go to like maybe say i went to the hospital it's really sad i do not want to watch it every episode lady i'm not watching this for that go scream at theresa or get the fuck off my tv yeah absolutely or go to the gym and not work out because you're scared of squeezing your butt as you say in public with all of her fears that she's just basically stealing from kyle who stole that from it's from these housewives just watch each other's shows and steal each other's storylines so they don't have to do anything well they're all friends with each other and they all every day all day

it's just following each other on Twitter and retweeting and comments back and forth so I really think like do they think we're that stupid we know that you're trying to pull some storylines come on well I personally enjoy this new lady Linda I think she's hilarious. I like all of

Teresa's cronies, because they're all very Jersey-ish. They're just rough and salty. They are evil henchwomen. I mean, seriously. I mean, the fact that she called to tell Teresa and Kim D that Jacqueline and Kathy had shown up

at the gym and then they just start yeah then she just goes into well could Kathy even fit through the front door I couldn't even believe Linda we're complaining about the girls from Princesses Long Island still being trapped in high school

this 50 year old like Louis Vuitton bag of a woman is making the same kind of comments that I made about people in middle school. She's like a Slim Jim or something like that or some Alberto beef jerky with boobs. Snap into it. Yeah. These women make Danielle Starr look like Princess – I don't know, Princess Leia. I don't know.

Someone nice. Someone nice. I love them. Princess Leia. I don't know. Someone nice. Someone nice. I love them. I love them because they're just, you know, I mean, I hate when people say this, like, I'm not a bitch. I'm just real. But I do love that they're just real because these other women are trying so hard

to convince us that they're good people. And these women are just like the three witches around the cauldron, you know? I know. Oh, no one is worse than Kim D. My God, she will talk mad shit behind your back, and then you will walk into a room and she will walk up to you and she'll be like, how are you? How are the kids? So, I

heard you visited your father-in-law in the hospitals. When did you do that? You do that on Saturdays? You do that on Fridays? How many days was that? It's like Kim D, like, private investigator. She gets to the bottom of it all. Now, talk about a real spinoff, Kim D, like, private investigator. She gets to the bottom of it all. Now, talk about a real spinoff, Kim D, private investigator on Bravo. I can totally imagine her

going to, like, the docs, like, so, I heard there was some guys over here. What, you see anything? You see anything fishy? No? How can I convince you? Maybe you saw something. You see something? No? Huh? I'm Kim D. I'm gonna get to the bottom of it. I am gonna be here for Halloween. It's official. Oh, oh my god we should just all be supporting

players from new jersey um i'll be kim g i love that all the kim's on bravo rhyme kim g kim d and kim z and that they all must have well except they have to have special quotes around their last like i'm sorry kim kim D has been on the show for three seasons. I'm sure if I googled it right now I could find out her fucking last name. Like, why do we still have to call her D? The funny thing is, the reason why she was ever Kim D was because

there was a Kim G. They had to delineate between the Kims. But now Kim G is gone, but Kim D, she's still D. Kim G will never be gone. I hope she comes back. She's sort of this batty old lady who would never be quite as hilarious as Kim D, but almost more hilarious because of that.

Does that make sense? Totally. Everything makes sense. Okay, let's for a minute talk about the hot yogurt guy. Oh, yeah. While Joe and Gia were talking about puberty, there was this hot, post-pubescent man at the gelato bar they were at.

Am I crazy for thinking that this was... Oh, Ronnie wants to punch me in the face right now. I thought it was kind of a sweet moment between Joe and his daughter. Ew! No, not at all. Did I say that? I thought that was sweet. I did think it was sweet. Why not No, not at all. Ew, did I say that? Ew. I thought that was sweet.

I did think it was sweet. Why not? I don't know. I mean, for the first time, I finally felt that he was maybe kind of like a dad because he would murder somebody that took his daughter's virginity.

Well, Tony Soprano was a pretty decent father. I mean, he murdered people every day and he was a pig and he was a misogynist, but he was still a good father. Come on, guys. It was not a sweet moment because, you know, you knew the entire time he was wasted, right?

He probably didn't even realize who he was having ice cream with. Oh, so that makes you a bad parent? You better hope my mother's not listening to this show. Exactly, and my mother too. I'm surprised he didn't do like a kick in the middle of a gelato store and fall on his face and break another tooth. He loves a Van Damme kick. Listen, when we were raised, every parent was drunk. That's just how it was.

Your parents drank. And I think that it should still be the same way. Why not? I mean, how much better is it with a sober parent? Look at Teresa. She's a nightmare. Well, it's not like he can drive himself. I'm sure he was drunk,

and that's why a driver took them to the gelato store. Yeah, it was Gia, probably. Everything's on her shoulders. Well, didn't someone just point out that Joe was driving there was like an episode featuring him driving a truck or something oh really i didn't notice that i think it was last week but um yeah i think it's better than jacklin by the way who's like i don't drive on highways when i don't know where i'm going in your expensive um like a hundred thousand dollar su SUV that has navigation and probably a mini butler that pops out of the glove compartment to assist you while driving. I like this idea that if she doesn't know where she's going, she's going to either wind up in Compton or in...

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And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less, and a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for for real on the wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts listen everywhere on february 5th or you can listen early and ad free on wondery plus starting january 29th join wondery plus on the wondery app or on apple podcasts On my own Pretending he's beside me

I was alone here singing show tunes. No, no, you left because Matt and I were talking still. We were talking slash I still wanted to sing more of that song because it reminds me of that amazing episode of Dawson's Creek when Katie Holmes, a.k.a. Joey Potter, got up in front of everybody at that special girl pageant thing, and she sang it and melted Dawson's heart, and I was crying watching it at home on the WB.

What song? On My Own. You guys heard that? You were already gone by then. I was singing with you. We heard you. We were singing with you. You guys, that was a magical moment.

I wasn't on my own after all. I can retire that song now. Aw. You guys, this was a big moment today on episode 80. Yeah. Okay, well, sorry about that. I'm gonna have to pace now on the end. God damn it. Cut and pace. God

damn it. So, another thing that I enjoyed about this episode was at one point Melissa told us for like the umpteenth time in the run of this entire series that she was like, I just want to get to a point where we can all be civil. And it really made me think, because they say this every single season. They just want to get to a point where they're all...

They say it every single episode. And then what happens is, by the end of the season, they actually more or less do get to a civil place. And then Bravo just throws them in these reunions and just tears them down again. It's so vicious and mean. It's hilarious. It really is. I mean, the only thing they they're fighting about if you think about every single season the only thing they even fight about is what happened at the reunion yeah it's like they've dropped they've completely dropped everything else every but i think both housewives this week were showing clips of shit that went down at the reunion as memory the reunion's supposed to be like at like a separate timeline.

You know, it's like they're pulled out of their lives talking about what we've seen. And so it's sort of funny this weird meta experience of that they have serious dramas and fights stemming from this period when they're just supposed to be talking about their lives. It just doesn't make any sense.

It makes perfect sense. It makes perfect sense. Because we like to watch each other get ripped apart you know it's so sad wonderful so wait is is theresa's dad still alive he's alive still right he's still alive but don't you love that when they are in the car driving oh that's what yeah joe was driving the car theresa was sitting shotgun yes and she kept getting like emotional and he was like well you know he's going to die one day. It might be tonight. Right.

And she's sitting there going like, that's my dad. I mean, well, it's kind of fucked. I mean, he was really gruff. And then I think that at another point, Richie was also very gruff about it. Like, yeah, well, he may just drop dead. Okay, you guys. But let me play the devil's advocate here. We've met this father.

I don't know if you remember in last season or the season before when they had that big thing at the kids' party or whatever. Yeah, that was the season three premiere. Yeah, the first time we saw Joe and Melissa. So we've seen this dad before. You know he's a big fucking drama queen just like his children. And someone even made a reference in this episode about he's in the hospital again like he's in the hospital 20 times a year this guy trying to get attention so i'm sure that all the husbands are like oh whatever he's gonna die let's just talk it over and accept it this

like we have to pack the bags and go to the hospital every time your goddamn father has a hot attack come on i also love the stupid um melissa gorgolai where she by the way was totally caught in her lie about when she visited the father. I mean, I don't think it even matters when she visited, to be honest. It doesn't matter. She did get caught in the lie, which was kind of silly, because those nasty rats were not going to

let her get away unscathed. But at the same time, it just made me, as much as I want to hate Melissa, it made me like her a little bit more, because I was like, shut the fuck up. It's like, who cares? but i also love that she goes okay so joe took joe took my father-in-law to the hospital on saturday and then on sunday and monday i was sick and i visit on tuesday i'm sorry that's not four days in my book i'm like actually that's exactly four days yeah it's not four days because it was really sunday morning in the middle of saturday night come on can you do

math it's a span of four days, though. I'm doing Kim D math. I'm looking for the math, actually. When does Kim D and Linda, when do they care about, like, why the fuck do they care about when Melissa Gorgo wins the Oscar? Because they're getting on the show, you know. They're going to be, I think they're

going to be regulars before we know it. But I wanted to read you this. I was reading Stupid Housewives because I always get sucked in by these little fucking links. And it's Melissa Gorga, excuses, excuses. And it shows Melissa Gorga's blog. Oh, my God. It is pages and pages of her like, well, this is why I wasn't at the hospital. Because I was, you know, Joe was sick.

And then he ate a soup. And then he didn't feel good. And it was 3 in the morning. And then we got a call from so-and-so. And then my daughter got sick, and then it was raining, and then it was muddy outside, and then there was a crack in the sidewalk, and then there was grass growing out of the... It's like, oh my god, woman, shut up. She is a liar. There is something fishy about it. There is something fishy about her.

Speaking of her lies, I mean, it was kind of funny also during this episode. kind of funny also during this episode i mean and i told you we saw at the very beginning of this season the cracks how they were going to flip the script and make melissa the villain by the end of the year and theresa the hero and you know last night kathy even started to question melissa yeah but of course everything with kathy last night was totally staged like the entire like the ferrari like where hey where's the ferrari oh like they all there's their cameras that are like installed and there's like dashboard cams in there and they're like whoa where's the Ferrari? Oh, like, there are cameras that are, like, installed, and there's, like, dashboard cams in there. And they're like, whoa, where'd the Ferrari go? I can't believe it's missing.

I wonder if Joey took it out on a dream ride or whatever. Oh, God, do you want to talk about somebody being traumatized by seeing their grandma die in front of their face? What about learning to drive with Rosie in the car? Hey, kid! Girls are going to fall all over you in this car, huh, kid! Girls are gonna fall all over you in this car! Kid! Ew, stop it.

Just stop it with your new hairstyle. I know. Not staged, Kathy attempting to do aerobics. One too many cannolis in the oven there. Wow. Well, watching Caroline Manzo... She could barely fit through the door, according to Linda.

Basically seeing Melissa Gorga willing to go up against Caroline Manzo now, now that I'm in for. They suddenly got me interested again because so far this season, I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. Not anymore. Not anymore.

I've had enough. But now, when she's like, Caroline, mind your own business, I was like, perk up. What? I'm ready. It's about time somebody put Caroline on blast. We've been blasting her for the past, you know, all of last season.

But I'm ready for Melissa to go head to head with her. By the way, Lauren was looking terrible this episode. When does Lauren ever look hot, Ben? That's true, too. You know, Gianna's complaining about her mustache but Lauren always has a mustache of egg salad from Cafes and I'm glad to see the Cafes mascot

finally reared its head aka Franny's new pig oh Franny's new pig Mushu I like Franny and Mushu so far yeah this car's hot kid let's go get some girls!

Woo! Oh, Rosie. I just can't. Now that's in my head. Yeah. So are we done with Jers? No, we have to talk about the party. The Sweet 12 Teen, or whatever you call it.

It's not a quinceañera, and it's not a sweet 16. It looked like it was taking place in New Jersey's version of Space Mountain. I couldn't be totally sure. In 1988. It was like, 1988, this is the future. Lasers. Spaceships.

Life on Venus. Lips cake. Oh, yeah. That was disturbing. That cake has probably been sitting around ever since the heyday of Lips Incorporated. It was real out of the freezer. Oh, my God. Hilarious.

Anyway, I thought it was really embarrassing that... Well, first of all, did you guys know what a BFFL is? Best Friend for Life? I didn't know that. It's for people who are too stupid to know what a BFF is. Oh, well, I'm stupid and I only knew what BFF was. No, I'm saying that a BFF L is like, you don't even

realize that BFF is already there. Why add the L? Why do that to yourself? You know? True. I hear you. I totes hear you. The only Biffle I know is Greg Biffle, the NASCAR driver. What did you want to say about the party? I have nothing more to say about Jersey.

You guys are going to have to lead if we're going to keep talking about Jersey. The other thing I wanted to say was my favorite part that we forgot to mention earlier about Evil Melania is when they showed one of her quotes about how she's into older men. Where the hell did that come from? Oh, yeah. What the hell was that about? This is Melania? Melania was talking shit, I think, about

Gia. This is in the salon, and then they're cutting away to commercial, and you just hear in the background Melania go, Well, I'm into older men. To be fair, that's just what she calls salad displays. She calls them older men. It's true. Older men is code. I want to get a salad at older men. Yeah, that's just what she calls salad displays. She calls them older men. It's true. Older men is code. I want to go see that older man.

Yeah, that's code for boxed cob salad. She wants to get her ass up on a nice swaz. Really? I think she's more of a, I don't know, she's maybe like a taco salad kind of girl. Yeah, I think so. Maybe she's a mixed grill. Maybe she likes a mixed grill.

It's very possible. A veggie mixed grill. Maybe she likes a mixed grill. That's very possible. A veggie mixed grill. Or a Middle Eastern chickpea salad. Get her booty right up in there. Right in those garbanzo beans. Oh my god. Oh my god. I think Melania is going to grow up to be the sweetest, most wonderful of all of them.

With a good sense of humor. I love her. She's so cute. Spank her little butt. She is a cute little monkey. I will say that. And I will say this. Even though I do think Teresa is a monster in all aspects of her life, I do enjoy the way she goes out of her way to

embarrass her kids at the parties. She goes out of her way. And she knows it, too. You can see she's laughing the entire time. Because it is funny to watch Gia get so mad. Oh she knows it, too. And you can see she's laughing the entire time. Because it is funny to watch Gia get so mad. Oh, it is so hilarious. And I'm, well, Gia's gonna, Gia's jumping on Teresa's side. So I don't know how much hope there is for poor Gia.

Oh, there's no hope. She's a lost cause. She's done. I think so, too. I'm not even joking. Her life is over. Like, her outlook is set. It's over.

It's done. Moving on to the next. Yeah. Gabriela. She's gotta get out of there. Oh, my God. No, I told you Gabriella is planning, is plotting to murder all of them in their sleep on Christmas morning.

She's going to have one of those little hobo sticks with the little bag tied at the end and she's going to hop on the New Jersey Transit and take it off to who knows where, Atlantic City. She can go visit my cousin who lives in Atlantic City or something. Who lives in Atlantic City? I have a cousin who actually lives in Atlantic City or something. Who lives in Atlantic City?

I have a cousin who actually lives in the greater Philadelphia area, but she seems to go to Atlantic City a lot according to Instagram. I have a friend. One of my best friends does this. Should we follow her on Instagram? You should. You should follow her because she has interesting photos, to say the least. Yeah, I have a friend who was doing a dinner theater show out there

last time i was in new york so i went to visit with her oh my god i met a lot of people who lived in atlantic city because they had like this special party like preview party where all the glitterati of atlantic city society showed up to oh my lord what the hell does that mean exactly rosie it's like rosie it's as scary as you'd think oh Oh, man. God bless their hearts, Atlantic City. Run, you guys. It's dirty. Speaking of scary things, can we move on to Orange County?

Yes. Let's start with Gretchen's Bistro. Yeah. Let's talk about the toilette sign on her door, on her bathroom door. Every piece of crap in that house is faux French Bistro. I know. It's ridiculous. The best part is that someone mentioned on Facebook that a true French French bistro. I know. It's ridiculous. And the best part is that

someone mentioned on Facebook that a true French bistro would say WC. It doesn't even say toilette. It would be Water Closet. Yeah. Water Closet by Gretchen Christine Butte. Closet by Gretchen Christine. Oh my god. Now she's going to start a bath line.

Wait. Did we already talk about... Oh, we haven't talked about Orange County yet. Yes, Ronnie's... What is wrong, honey? Are you having a seizure? Pay attention to the podcast. Stop looking at porn or your dog. I'm not looking at porn.

How dare you? Stop looking at porn or your dog or your flip-flops or anything else. Just focus on... Or your hot next-door neighbor. That's fine. You guys, I'm totally not. Stop accusing me of stuff. So, I realized this

week was the week that I went from going from, you know, I used to really like Gretchen and now she's sort of sucking to I decide I actually think I hate her the most of the cast at this point. Well, yeah, that's how they're editing her. She's totally getting the bitch out of it this year. She is awful. Granted, she is a bitch, but still.

I mean, it's a little hard for me because you know, she used to be so good and there's a lot of indiscrepancies about that, about is a bitch, but still. I mean, it's a little hard for me because, you know, she used to be so good, and there's a lot of indiscrepancies about that, about her image changing. But I'll go with it. What do you mean? I hope you guys just realized. What are the indiscrepancies? That's Gretchen's new word, indiscrepancies.

Oh, my God. Did you hear her say that? Yes. It used to make me laugh, but now it just makes me angry because i hate her she's like there are a lot of indiscrepancies with don oh ronnie you need to do the gretchen voice i tried to do it last week i can't do it it's a weird thing that when i do it because what was she trying to say indiscretions when she was talking to her mom she tried to say like indiscretions and maybe discrepancies but that was so fucking funny my favorite was that she

finally brought back however that is my favorite Gretchen thing because last year she was totally obsessed with saying however and this year she hasn't been saying it but then she's like I don't have a problem with that however it's like oh lord all she needs to do is like stick a finger up in the air when she says it indiscrepancies

every time something happens that she gets mad about I'm just gonna yell indiscrepancies watching Every time something happens that she gets mad about, I'm just going to yell, indiscrepancies. Watching her mother try and not just scream at her was hilarious. She's like, Mom, yeah, so you wouldn't be mad if I got married to Slade no more, Mom? And her mom's like, oh, I guess he's proved himself. How has he proved himself exactly? What has he done? He still does not have a job if i were there i

would have pulled a wine bottle off of the wrought iron wine rack on the wall that shaped to look like several wine glasses cascading down the side and i would have cracked it over her head did you see we also got to there are more of the kitchen was revealed because of where the mom was sitting at the breakfast could there have been more fake green plants lining the top of her cabinets? I heard that too. I know. It was like,

it looked like the trouble with Tribbles or whatever that Star Trek episode except with green. Nothing collects more dust than fake flowers from Marshalls and she has them everywhere. And then there was that huge vase

that was bigger than like a Mack truck sitting on her breakfast bar filled with fake shit. It's like faux autumnal leaves. And then she also had a jar next to that filled with candies. I don't know if you saw that. It was like a tall jar half filled with like Tootsie Rolls.

Well, clearly that's all she eats. She eats Tootsie Rolls and gets lip injections. That's why she needed to get new teeth because her old teeth rotted out from too much sugar. And by the way, I hope you all realize in the promos that they were showing for the 100th episode of Orange County, they show some vintage Gretchen, and you see her face look so much better and younger and fresher than it does now.

I mean, she literally looks like a drag queen now, and I posted a photo of her on our Facebook page, and if you don't believe me, go to our Facebook page and look at that picture. You'll see. Yeah, surgery has ruined her. It's another face that surgery has just trampled all over. Yeah. Like, she didn't need to.

Like, she needed no surgery whatsoever. I mean. What has it been? A few years? What is she doing to herself? It's called Slade. This is the power of Slade. He ruins everything he touches. Thank God Joe escaped. Thank God we have Lydia. Imagine how her poor mother feels. Here she is.

She's got this beautiful daughter who's an idiot. She's got no chance in life other than to find a man. First she finds some old, disgusting dude that barely leaves her enough money to live off for a couple years. I mean, how much is a million? Not much. And then she ends up with some deadbeat dad loser.

Oh, poor thing. That mom is just like, listen, honey, I need a new wig at some point. I'm not going to be able to just wear this thing forever. You're going to have to help mama out here. It's your turn. Well, Slade continues to be a sleazeball. And when he showed up at – Lydia had an event, a salsa dancing event.

And he shows up with like a half-grown-in mustache, which made him look even grosser than he normally looks. And all the girls start in their caddy ways, start making fun of Lydia for being so skinny. They're all like, where do you put all that? Where do you put all that food? You have an empty leg that it all goes into.

And Lydia was like not having it. She was not happy about it. And so then Slade whispers into Gretchen's ear, something about like, we're gonna have to, we're gonna have to name her cheeseburger. So Lydia immediately calls out Slade, which was wonderful.

I thought, I love Lydia. I think Lydia is fantastic. It's exactly what she did the previous episode when they were in the limousine and Gretchen said a sassy comment and Lydia just checked her immediately. And the funny thing is then Gretchen tells us

in an interview, like, I don't understand. It was just like a whispered joke. Like, why does Lydia need attention so badly? She's starved for attention. She needs to make a thing out of it. I like listen i haven't i haven't gone back in the archives to double check this but i guarantee there's probably about 10 different times when tamra mumbled something in previous seasons and gretchen was like what is that you want to speak up why don't you say why don't you say that to my face why don't you say that to my face but all of a sudden

if someone does it to slade it's like no good i really think richard i have no problem with uh people making fun of fat people but when you make fun of a skinny person that's just wrong no so crosses the line it does it really does well i think that like if with the other women you know she didn't get pissed off that the other women were giving her shit even though it is kind of obnoxious with people always having to talk about your weight and stuff. But Lydia's totally right. I mean, aside from us on this show, a man should not be sitting there criticizing a woman's physical features. It's fucking disgusting.

And then when she's telling him, oh, and then Vicky went and got a nose job because you were making fun of her nose, you think that's a coincidence? And he's like, I was just saying what other people on the internet said. Oh, my God. Well, that's why it was great that she says, okay, I was just saying what other people on the internet said. Oh my god. Well, that's why it was great that she says, okay, I see who you are. I see who you are. I mean, she got real. It was such a great, withering attack. It was delivered

even tone. It was just cold. And it pissed Gretchen off, which made me happy. Because it was true. Because she was absolutely right, which is that Slade would not take any accountability. I did also enjoy that gretchen and slade were like well where'd you hear that where'd you hear this rumor where'd you hear this i'm like uh did you guys remember it was aired nationally on tv like it was not a rumor it was i was just hoping that lydia's gay husband and those tight red pants would like kind of defend her a little

bit more because slade really was crossing the line. I feel like I'm glad that Lydia is willing to defend herself, but her pussy of a husband needs to step it up. He was trying to a little bit. He was like, okay, okay, okay. That's real good defense, Ben. They probably tell him, just stay out of it. Let them fight. Well, I want to see him start screaming

and scratching some girl's eyes. Slade is honestly, he is despicable scum. He's just like a vile human being. He has absolutely, this is what my dad would say about him. He has a lot of class, all of it low. You know, just even before all this happened, he's like-

Is that a phrase courtesy of Mr. Mandelker? That is a phrase. That is a phrase. I am stealing it. That's amazing. It's a great phrase. And it's totally applicable. You know, like earlier when Terry's asking Slade how he knows Lori and Slade, Slade basically like earlier when when uh when terry's asking slade how

he knows laurie and slate slate basically yeah we had sex but he he could just say yeah i knew her i dated her but instead he's like well we didn't date date but we we hung out like the way the kids say they hung out you know and she was fantastic like shut up like you're such a pig yeah you know what i can't get over that phrase i think think that should be Tamara's opening line in the opening credits. I have a lot of class, and it's all low. And then she pops her hand on her hip. Yeah, it's true.

But no, I was just so disgusted by Slade. Are you not at all disgusted by Laurie Waring now trying to get some screen time and a paycheck talking all this shit? She is only on the show to bring up really dirty stuff.

On top of that, you know what I love? She gets on there, she talks about Brooks and about how Brooks is boning her daughter's friend. She's like, my daughter's friend gets paid to do some very questionable activities. You're announcing this. You're announcing that your daughter is friends with a prostitute basically.

How is that any different than her with the prostitute, basically. And you're happy about this. Excuse me. How is that any different than her being a prostitute to get George? Well, that's why she's probably proud of it. She's like, mother, like daughter. Yeah, that's pretty gross. She's like, my daughter, who I just told you was doing so well last week, her prostitute friend says that her part-time job is Brooks. Gross. Gross. And who really wants to be involved with Brooks if you're under the age of 73?

A prostitute. A fucking whore. Of course. How crazy is it if he is using Vicky's money to buy himself whores? Oh, wow. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. That blew my mind. So, like, if Vicky is paying for herself to get STDs, wow. Oh, wow. From Lori's daughter's friend. Wow.

Wow. Wow, guys. Wow. We also saw George, by the way. George made his triumphant return. He looked a little refreshed, I thought. He's recently gone to the dentist, as Kathy Griffin would say.

Yeah. He had some work done on his eyes. There's a lot of tan. If there's anyone on this show who needs a chin implant, it's this poor guy. No one else needed one. He does have kind of a Chaz Bono thing going on, doesn't he?

I do feel bad sometimes when we rag on people's looks and what they're lacking. You know, it is really mean of us and we shouldn't do it. But, you know, he puts it out there. It's our job, man. He puts it out there. He puts himself on TV. But here we are, guys. Here we are.

Whatever. He's got a wife who's talking shit about everyone, so why not? Well, I really love that laurie's just coming down the pike she's like she's just ready she's ready to rumble this one i mean every time she comes this was something nasty i love it she's like hey how's it going oh did you hear that vicky uh sticks cucumbers up her vagina that are shaped like george stefanopoulos? I don't know. Because she... Where the hell did that come from? I don't know.

I really don't know. A lot of words just came right out of my mouth and ended in a weird way. That's right. But you were here first, everyone. Vicky shoves cucumbers that look like George Stephanopoulos' upper vagina. There is a certain type of cucumber.

It's a mutant cucumber. They look like George Stephanopoulos. They grow them in Iowa. Vicky uses them to masturbate with. Put it here first. I cannot wait to say next week when Vicky finds out that Brooke has been cheating on her.

But they're still together, so obviously she just doesn't believe it, or, I mean, what the hell? I would like to talk more about this wedding dress fiasco that's about to happen, which is that Tamara invited Alexis to be part of this day of looking at wedding dresses,

and then Gretchen, ever the instigator was like really you're inviting alexis i mean even though she's been talking shit about you for like nine months i mean i feel like that's just like strange i mean wouldn't that be awkward for you i'm like shut up gretchen again doesn't she realize oh we're making a tv show i've been doing this for four years i should know that that's the point yeah exactly and uh isn't it also just as awkward and strange for her and Tamara to be friends

considering how much Tamara talks shit about you, Gretchen? Yeah, Gretchen is just obviously jealous. She needs to go to Shut Up Mountain. She needs to go to Shut Up Mountain. She needs to take an express gondola right up to the top. Poor, sad Gretchen. Well, I mean, Gretchen did fall for it. I mean, she's an idiot.

Tamara says she's going to be friends and then she uses her for a year just to get back at Vicky and, you know, take Alexis away and hurt Alexis' feelings. And now that she's done everything she wants, she's going to go and that Tamara's a good person to her and dump Gretchen and then be enemies with Gretchen again. It's like,

she totally got played. Sorry, Gretch. Sorry. And the funny thing is, Gretchen's getting the bad edit. Out of all this, you would think that it'd be like, oh, Gretchen was lured in by the evil witch and then the evil witch this, you would think that it would be like, oh, Gretchen was lured in by the evil witch. No. Not at all. It's like, oh, Gretchen was lured in. And we're like, oh, you know what?

We just have to be like Tamara now. So see you later, Gretchen. You got screwed. Gretchen cannot get a good edit as long as she's with Slade. I mean, there's just no winning when you're with Slade. And if he brings up his kid with cancer one more time, I swear to you I'm going to drive to Orange County and punch him in the face. That is not cool. Yeah.

He is honestly like a vile human being. We've seen enough of him over all these years where it's not just the editing, okay? He is a terrible, awful scumbag. Don't you guys miss his mom? Because when she visited that one episode, I don't know if it was like a season or two ago,

and she was just like, what the hell is wrong with you? It was amazing. She was like, can you please get a job because you're pathetic. Yeah, yeah. That was a great moment. I miss that woman. I miss that. He probably put out a hit on his own mother.

Yeah. He couldn't afford a hit. I've got to say, that requires a little bit too much initiative. So what else happened on Orange County? We had that Lydia needs a cheeseburger. Wines by Wives. Oh, so that's what Wines by Wives is? They take wine that they want and then put their own label on it?

How is that? Okay. I don't really understand. It's like, so do they go to Smart and Final and buy a jug of Ernest and Giulio Gallo or whatever the hell it's called for $4.99, mark it up to $29, and slap their face on the bottle and then make me pay? I don't get it. Yeah, that's what it looks like they do. They just put their own label on shit. How is that legal?

So they're clearly not making wine. What they're doing is essentially I'm paying for their recommendations because they're alcoholics. Yeah. And I should trust their palates, which I'm sure are accustomed to nothing but the fine dining of Orange County known as claim jumpers. Yeah. Yum, you guys. Yum. Tamara enjoys the house red that one can find at Chili's.

Tamara enjoys the house red that one can find at Chili's. I love Chili's, and they closed the one in Westwood, and I was so bummed. I went to Chili's in February, and it really sucked. I live for their chips and salsa. Well, that's a pretty low bar. Yeah, really? Are you guys talking about Chili's? Yeah, it's one thing to be into Outback for the Bloomin' Onion. But you can get chips and salsa anywhere.

I don't know. They're my favorite chips and salsa. I really love from Chili's that chicken sandwich that has onion rings on it. I mean, it's crazy. It's like 8,000 calories. I looked it up. It's amazing. Is there a Chili's?

Where did you guys say there was a Chili's? Westwood, it closed in high school. I went to the Chili's in Manhattan Beach in February for a birthday party. Okay, D-friend. I thought it was like, oh, this will be fun. It'll be sort of like a funny birthday party at Chili's, but it'll be sort of like a guilty pleasure.

For instance, you all know that I love Red Lobster. Red Lobster to me is like a fun suburban guilty pleasure. So I thought Chili's would be the same way, and it really sucked. I love Red Lobster. Red Lobster to me is like a fun suburban guilty pleasure. So I thought Chili's would be the same way, and it really sucked. I got these fajitas. It was like rubber cafeteria meat. It was just vile. I usually like Chili's.

I like their buns. You have to just know what to order there. I like their fries. Their half-soggy fries are really good good if you eat them with honey mustard um their blue cheese dressing is very good now that honey mustard is tastier than jesus well i will say this all those all those fast casual restaurants those chains neighborhood grills they know how to make the hell out of some honey mustard salad dressing the only time i ever get it is if i'm at like red lobster or outback or whatever it's the only time i ever get honey mustard because they know what to do there's like there's like some like if you own

one of those places you are like privy to the master honey mustard salad dressing yeah it's true it is true now i need some steak fries with the skins on them and some fucking honey mustard dipping sauce now that sounds good i'm really upset that there's not a Chili's around here, but I was, when I was out with Ben and Michelle Collins weeks ago, and Matt refused to come out with us, when we went to shop, we did pass a claim

jumper. Okay, there's a new claim jumper. I was just in Burbank last night, and I was driving back, and I think there's a claim jumper that now took over the Morton Steakhouse on Olive Drive in Burbank last night, and I was driving back, and I think there's a claim jumper that now took over the Morton Steakhouse on Olive Drive in Burbank. We should go there. That was it. That's the one we passed. We should go there.

I've never been to Claim Jumper. No wonder you're not splurting right now. It's delicious. Claim Jumper is fish or is it meat? It's everything, but it's huge. It's every cuisine under the sun. Seriously, you get a workout going through.

The menu is, I'm not kidding you, at least 95 pages. I've also never been to Sizzler. Oh, I haven't either. Where is that? There's one in Highland. There's one right near us. Sizzler's really gross. That's really beyond the pale. I don't like to go anywhere where buffet things freak me out

because I don't like dirty people touching the same spoon and ladle that I touch. Because don't homeless people go to Sizzler? I don't know. When I was reading the homeless news, I was only reading it for the Jill Zarin interview, not for the restaurant recommendations. And I think that'll bring us to a close. Any place that I think that homeless people use the free bathrooms, I won't go. How are you ever going to drink a Starbucks again? So how do you know so much about the YMCA then?

Well, my friend told me that he used to go to the YMCA downtown and that Wentworth Miller, who just came out last week, used to check him out in the sauna at the YMCA downtown. Wait, Wentworth Miller from Prison Break came out of the closet? The same day that you and I were doing the podcast last week. I had no idea. What? He's gay? That's a win. Wait, but he's not single, Ben, because he's dating some gay dude that was on Brothers and Sisters.

Of course he's not. He'll never be single. Ever. Yeah, why would he be? I thought that guy was always out of the closet. Not until last week. He's cute. He's British, and he went to Princeton, too, right? Oh my god, Ben, are you secretly the, you know, do you run his fan club?

No, but I always like to know who all the smart, hot actors are. Ben, you sound like all of those girls from Princesses Long Island at that lunch table. Oh my god. Guys, you know what I'm really glad about? My table is circular. No corners.

Hey, Wentworth Miller. All right. I think that'll bring us to a close today, boys and girls. Everybody, thank you so much for listening to Watch What Crappens. Find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens.

Find us on Twitter at whatcrappens. You can find Ben at bsideblog. You can find Matt at lifeonthemlist. You can find me at Ronnie Karam or Trash Tweet TV. Damn, I told you I'm bad with finding names, you guys. You can also find us on Vine. I'm Ronnie Karam on Vine, and Ben is bsideblog. And Matt is...

Have you gotten a Vine? Have we talked about this? I feel like... I'm on Vine, and I'm on Instagram. And you're lifeonthem gotten a Vine? Have we talked about this? I'm on Vine and I'm on Instagram. Your life on the M-list both places? Everywhere. You guys are really good. Will you do me one favor before we sign off?

Will you just give me a quad quote? Oh! This podcast was fun, honey! It's me slapping! What was it? It's me kicking and me slapping? What was it? Is me kicking and me slapping on it? Can it be a low-down dirty

scoundrel? You're a low-down dirty scoundrel. Wait, by the way, I'd like to add, I just am doing some research online. I found a headline. When Worth Miller goes public with his gay boyfriend, August 28th, 2007. Thank you. I knew that I'd already had this

masturbation sequence. But seriously, how did I go all these years? I was drunk in Palm Springs. Maybe that news just hit Palm Springs last week. I don't know. Y'all need to read and stop watching so much bravs. Bye! Bye, everyone. Bye. Bye.

If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and I love you.

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