Watch What Crappens - '80s Bunco, Black Babies and the Top Chef Winner

Episode Date: March 8, 2012

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From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. This episode of Watch What Crappens is brought to you by Gamefly. Go to Gamefly.com forward haha for your free 15-day trial. Hey, everyone. This is Watch What Crappens, a weekly podcast devoted to all things Bravo.

I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and with us is Ronnie Karam, who also writes under the name Flip It with tvgasm.com. Hi Ronnie. Hi. And also joining us for the first time is the mysteriously named Miss S.H. from the website stupidhousewives.com Yay! And guess what she is an expert on?

The housewives. Politics. That too. She's coming to talk about the primaries. I could do that. I'm very interested, but nevertheless. Maybe you can describe to us what's going on in terms of housewives.

You can describe the Mitt Romney-Rick Santorum thing, but use it in housewives discussion somehow. Would Mitt Romney be – who would he be? Like Gretchen or Tamara? Who would Mitt Romney be married to if he were married to a housewife? That's a good question. Well, I think he would be married to Alexis Bellino, or maybe that'd be Rick Santorum. This is already getting way too political. This is already, we've already, we've already alienated the entire audience. Okay. Well, I, I do want to thank you very much for inviting me, first of all. And second of all, I, I really hope that I can add something to this. So

I'm sure you can. Well, you seem to know every little teeny weeny bit of gossip that comes out of the Housewife universe. So I can't imagine that you would not be able to contribute some meaningful, fun, crazy morsels of Housewife trivia. Well, we'll see how it goes. You guys lead the way, and I will be happy to join in at any time. Yeah, we'll call on you. We'll be like – no, no, I'm just kidding. You'll be part of the discussion. I'm saying like –

I'll just sit on the sidelines for a little bit. No, we'll be talking. Wait until you point at me. We'll need a footnote, and I'll be like, give me the backstory on this. There's actually a lot to talk about. I guess let's start with well today by the way well let me let let the audience know that we're going to talk about the real house wise of orange county we're going to talk about the real house wise of atlanta we're going to

talk about candy factory which is it was actually a show wasn't just a reference to some candy factory we're not talking about hershey's here. And then what we're talking about, Love Broker. And we're also going to talk about the finale, the results of Top Chef. So, a lot to discuss. Is everyone excited? Oh, very excited.

The enthusiasm is just ricocheting off the walls. Especially about Top Chef. I can't wait until we get there. Well, we will get there. Don't you worry. So let's start with OC because that was the latest episode just aired last night for us. So it dealt primarily with the fallout from Slade Smiley's epic stand-up debut at the Improv. Yes, but please, let's just go through the episode because

there was so much goodness in this episode that we cannot just talk about that stupid fight. Oh, no. It opened up with Slade in big giant sunglasses that he got from the women's section of Ross Dress for Less. God bless him. His first smart thing he's ever done. God bless his heart. Talking

about his comedy dreams and how he's so free now because he has discovered that he is a comedian. Oh, my God. Yeah, now he's finally found his calling in life. But it's interesting. What happened to his artwork? What happened to him being a famous artist? Well, I would like to see him.

Now he's just into comedy. I don't get it. Well, I thought his artwork was his comedy. Oh, snap. Maybe he can integrate both. Maybe he can be like a new kind, this generation's next new prop comedian where he's like Carrot Top, except he uses artwork. So he like paints along. That's what he should have done.

He shouldn't have like shown pictures of Miss Piggy. He should have painted Miss Piggy and used his art for his comedy. Is he more like Gallagher? Is he Gallagher or is he Carrot Top? Gallagher could only wish to be smiling. Well, it's pretty frightening. And while I was watching that scene, I was just thinking, you know, that old saying, you marry your mother. Like at the end of the day, you end up marrying someone just like your your mother and he sure is because his mother does not believe in him for two seconds

and she knows that he's a damn fool and gretchen's the same way she's like what really oh god where are these dreams coming from please stop dreaming just stop having dreams okay please you would think you would think that gretchen would open her eyes and realize that she's with a total schmuck at this point. And yet she sticks with him. It's bizarre. Gretchen knows exactly what she's doing. Don't let her fool you for one second. What is she doing?

What is she doing? Oh, come on. She and Slimy are in this together. They are joined at the hip. But what does she get out of this out of this partnership he gets to be on tv he gets exposure she gets like an std that's all i see that's coming out of this well she got a gig at the at the stand-up show and now she got a gig as a pussycat doll because he's actually like an agent that's out booking for her yeah but you know what though she could

be with like a real agent and still end up with the Pussycat Dolls and still do a lot of other things. Actually, I just put a brand new post on my site with her singing at the Pussycat Dolls. She sings nothing without you. Not Fever? She sings it to Slade, so she has nothing without him. At least that's what she's thinking. Well, that's a shame because I think she's nothing with him, to be honest. I was going to say, what is she with him? I know.

But then how does she get rid of him? Okay, let me say. Murder. Let me just back up real quick. Let me just say that Slade's mother is the best part of Orange County. I love his mother. Just love him. She's hilarious, although I'm a little mad at Ronnie for putting the image of Slade marrying her.

Because right now I'm imagining – I'm drawing the comparisons between Gretchen and Slade's mother, and I'm just imagining Slade's mother wearing this sort of bikini that Gretchen might wear. And it's really bumming me out. It has to have a lot of sequins in it. I think that every time I see a relationship like that of just – because when you're watching TV, it's usually the parents are very supportive. TV, it's usually the parents are very supportive. It's very rare that you see a real honest portrayal of parenthood, where the parent is like, what the hell have I done

to the world by dropping you out of me? You know, like, you are the worst thing that I've, I'm going to hell for what I've done to this world. She must be mortified for her son. I mean, he really is like, just really the dregs of society, and he represents the dregs of society, and he represents the dregs of society.

And he's a terrible person, I firmly believe. Although he's easy on the eyes, more or less. But thank God this is one part of a reality show that might actually be reality. Her reaction to him. Yes. Do you guys ever get the sense that she sort of

looks like a white female version of Eddie, Tamara's boyfriend? Because she kind of does. The mom? Yeah, if you look at her. Just look at her. Look at her. Well, thanks for killing that boner. Are you saying you had a boner for Slade's mom?

For Eddie Cibrian. No, not Eddie Cibrian. Eddie Judge. I know, but he looks like Eddie Cibrian. He does. I know, but he looks like Eddie Cibrian. He does. No. A little bit.

Yes, he does. He totally does. He just has, like, bigger fake teeth. But he still looks like him. Much more than he looks like Slade's mother. Yeah. So by giving me that image, you've killed my boner for Eddie Cibrian, which killed my half boner for Eddie Orange County. So my boner is officially just gone now forever.

I have one mission on this podcast, and that is to kill everyone's boner at all times. Well done. I don't know how you could talk about the housewives and not have your boner killed anyway. I think we're done then, aren't we? We're done. Yeah, yeah. So we're good, right? We're good.

Everyone's boner is dead're so we're good right we're good everyone's boners dead so we're set so uh moving on tamra finds out that slade did that comedy show and what he said and then tamra had the audacity to say to the camera slade i mean i just don't know what he has against me really you know classic tamra i also liked how she also said that slade um was i think it was her that said that slade was up there pulling punches which is the exact opposite of what he was doing he was not pulling punches i always like to just correct all these women's grammar at all times i started making a list i started making a list during the show of all the the stupid things that they said that didn't make any kind of English sense. Oh, good. And I had to stop writing because I was like, I'm not even watching

the show anymore. I'm just becoming an English teacher with a giant red pen. Well, I imagine whenever you got to an Alexis segment, it was just a disaster at that point. Oh, that's when I started that list. It was hilarious. She said something in regards to her nose. I wish I could remember what it was, but it literally made no sense whatsoever well i like the idea that she thought she seemed to actually believe that the doctor was going to take off her nose to face her sinuses she seemed to really believe that this is why she's so scared you have to take off my nose you have to take my nose off my face to get under my sinuses looking at like... I hate to tell you this, but I do know a little bit about plastic surgery. Well, I know a lot about plastic surgery.

Oh, yeah? They actually do when the doctor is doing a nose job, some nose jobs, they actually do cut right under where your nostrils are and they lift that up. They do go in that way.

Here's a woman who has had maybe like 13 separate boob jobs. Right. She has like a – she has volleyballs in her breasts at this point. And all of a sudden she's scared. It made no sense. The doctor's look when she started crying about her stupid nose job, the doctor's look was so funny. It's like the nose is the only part you haven't touched on your whole effing body, and now you're scared.

Like you weren't scared when I gave you new feet and new knees. You know, you weren't scared during armpit surgery, and I could have totally detached your arm. His reaction was fantastic. His reaction was absolutely fantastic. But what about, I mean, she's had three, she's had twins and she's had a little boy. And she's not, why did this freak her out so much? I just didn't get it. Maybe she was afraid she'd come out with a Jew nose, if you know what I'm saying, huh?

Air time. I think she just wanted some air time. Yeah. But her best line was, but what if I don't come out of Anastasia? Yeah. Did she say Anastasia? Yeah, she said it twice. I was dying.

Oh, she loves it. I was dying. That's a good word. You don't have to take off my nose. She really is one of the biggest idiots that's ever been on TV, and God bless her. I know I loved that Heather kind of called her out for claiming that she was an anchor when all she does is a news segment. And the fact that Alexis doesn't really know the difference between being an anchor and being just a girl who reports to Dr. Booty. Well, you know that her husband now has his own little site, and he writes his comments about what happened during the week.

Do you know that? Oh, wow. That sounds like the most fascinating site that could have ever been built. Jimbalino's take on the housewives. Yes, yes. Oh, I thought it was like just his take on what's actually happened in his life over the past week. No, he reviews everything that's happened and his take on the issues, and he connects it to his Christianity.

Oh, good. This sounds like it will be the place for a lot of insightful commentary. Getting back to your comment about the English usage, he just mentioned on his last write-up that Alexis is writing a book. Oh. For ages two to three? We can look forward to that. Oh, I cannot wait. I can't.

Like, we need another housewives book no i am actually really excited for this because i'm really excited to see her actually string together some words to form a sentence that's going to be a really fascinating experience i hope they self-publish so she doesn't have an editor that would be awesome the book will actually be in the shape of a cross it'll all be written in twitter shorthand there you go yeah it'll be like mommy and me references well i love when she went to lunch with gretchen and she kept on about the nose like the whole thing became about her nose drama and she's like oh but my sinuses look i can't look i haven't been able to breathe i've been on antibiotics for three years well meanwhile i think this i think this speaks to jim bellino and his quote-unquote values, which is that he keeps his wife suffocating for three years, and yet the priority is making sure she has huge boobs.

He'd rather have big boobs than be able to breathe. This is the Jim Bellino order of priorities. I mean, why has it taken her so long to do this? Clearly, she's not reticent to go under the knife. Why did it taken her so long to do this? Clearly she's not reticent to go under the knife. Why did she wait so damn long? This should have been taken care of years ago for crying out loud. For crying out loud!

How fun is that? Oh, Real Housewives of Miami, please come back. Coming back soon. How fun is that? How fun is that? I just love that she's been on antibiotics for three years. Since when did that happen?

That maybe explains why she gets so wasted whenever she drinks a little bit of champagne. So does drinking so much champagne. I don't know if she even knows what antibiotics actually are. She probably thinks it's just like drinking orange juice. Oh, these are my antibiotics. She's horrified at the little enemy. I'm wondering why she went to a plastic surgeon instead of having her ENT do the surgery, which is usually what happens. You are assuming that she knows what the hell an ENT is. At this point, she probably views her plastic surgeon as her general practitioner, okay? She has no idea that there are other fields of medicine outside of plastic surgery.

Well, you know, this is the same plastic surgeon that was just in the news because he did his daughter's boob jobs. Oh, well, so he really knows what he's doing, huh? He does. He does, yes. Well, he made those boobs. He should fix them. He did. Yeah.

There you go. I don't know why Alexis should have gone to New Jersey and gone and visited Danielle Saab's little surgeon that's in the strip mall there. In the strip mall with the burnt-out sign. Yeah. Then she would have gotten a real good nose job. I like when she was explaining her – the stand-up thing to Gretchen. She's like, oh, no, it wasn't that big of a deal. You were really funny, Gretchen.

And Slade, you know, he portrayed his anger really well from the stage. She's talking in, I love her talking in actor studio terms. I know. I really felt it. Did anyone think that his comedy routine was funny? Was anybody laughing at him? No, it wasn't funny. On top of it, I think that was the most offensive thing.

The most offensive part was not that he threw these women under the bus, assuming that everyone in the audience would even know who they were, which is a really big assumption. The offensive part is that it was just unfunny and we all knew it was going to happen well it was just a big bitter rant and that's why he's into comedy now because he's found a way to go out in public on tv and say horrible things about people without getting sued yes so you know um so let's let's let's fast forward in this episode a little bit i mean there was some stuff with brianna and her cancer again, which was... Insurance, insurance, insurance, insurance, insurance, insurance, insurance, insurance. Insurance, insurance, insurance.

Oh, my mind is so all over the place. Insurance, insurance, insurance, insurance. So we had the return of Tamara's bunco party this week. And this year she decided to do it 80s themed, which I thought was hilarious because I think these women dress like they're from the 80s already, if you ask me.

Well, I love that their only reference is Madonna. Yeah. Like Gretchen and Alexis. The only thing – Gretchen the whole time she's getting dressed, this is 80s, right? This is like Madonna. Yeah, Madonna. Oh, this is 80s, right? Like, oh, you know, like Madonna.

Other things happened in the 80s, okay? Yeah, and call me crazy, but I didn't think Alexis looked that 80s. She just sort of looked like a modified version of what she normally always looks like, you know? Yeah, they all look kind of normal. They look like they usually do, except for Heather, which I really love the way she looked. She really did that Robert Palmer thing really well. But she did take the easy way out, I will say. I think if she didn't want to do the Madonna look or the Olivia Newton-John look, she should have done – and I just wrote this on my blog.

She should have done like a Dynasty look, Joan Collins in Dynasty. You know, with like big shoulder pads, like a big red blazer or something with shoulder pads and like a hat. You know, a big wide-brimmed hat. You can invite Heather anywhere and she's going to find a way to wear a little black dress. Yeah. Oh, she will.

She's just that kind of girl, you know? Yeah. Uptight on fun. Did anybody get, get kind of, um, sick and tired of,

of, um, watching the whole, you know, we're watching Heather get dressed and we're watching Heather get ready. This reminded me of New Jersey reminded me of Teresa preparing for whatever she's going to do. I'm getting tired of that. It's just the same old stuff all the time. Yeah. It's been like, you know, let's see, reality TV, you know, sort of surfaced around 2001. And it's really been since about 2004,

2005, where we've had to watch people get dressed with their friends sitting on their bed. Does that happen in real life? Do people like invite their friends over to sit on their bed while they get dressed? Cause it only seems to happen on reality TV. I'm getting dressed right now. I'm getting dressed right now. And you have a friend right there, don't you? I have three people right here in front of me waiting for me. And are they like asking you to like... As soon as we're done, as soon as we're done, I can get can get dressed but are they asking you to summarize what just happened in your life over

the past 24 hours oh i it it's it's an audience i have an audience all the time of you know people in fact neighbors come in at you know in the morning and they want to hear everything that happened yeah i don't doubt it i don't doubt it. I don't doubt it. No, I thought Alexis looked really dumb. I didn't think she looked actually that crazy 80s. I thought Gretchen looked 80s. I was surprised that Gretchen was so reticent to have her hair crimped. I mean, what's the point? You know, it's like, did she seriously want to have her big, goofy Texas hair again?

I mean, you know, like, it's an 80s party. Crimp your hair a little bit. Live a little bit. Yeah, but look at that hair. I mean, that's so much hair and so much work, and she knows she's just going to have to have Slade iron it for two hours later, you know? I don't blame her. Oh, really? I don't know anything about hair. I don't know how

long it takes to un-crimp. And that's why Slade is there. And that's why they will never break up, because Slade does her hair. Yeah, but she can find another bitch. Although then again, he does do a lot of the things that a gay best friend would do. It'd be hard to find a straight guy like that.

You basically just have to find a guy who's just pathetic enough to want to do all that crap, huh? How about the main lesson we learned? Don't bring your horrible gay friend. Oh, yeah. Unless you filled him in on the gossip. What the hell?

There are two lessons to be learned here. One is don't bring your gay best friend who doesn't have all the facts. And two, all the gays in Orange County are terrible because we have yet to see at least one redeeming gay on this show ever. They're all awful, and they start so much shit, and they can't finish that shit that they start. But that's the housewives curse. How many good gays are there on the housewives in general? There are some good ones. I remember DC had some decent gay guys.

Isn't there a gay guy that we like in Beverly Hills? Like Kevin Lee, the wedding planner. Oh, no. Wait, no, but there was some other good gay guys recently. I remember being like, this guy's one of the first good gay housewives. I don't know. You're probably thinking of Dwight. No, excuse me.

He doesn't say anything. I would never put Dwight in the gay category. I think Atlanta has the best gays. I really do. They're crazy. Don't you think? You don't think so? No, they're so ignorant.

Miss Lawrence. Lawrence is all right. You didn't like Dwight? No, they're so ignorant. Miss Lawrence. Lawrence is all right. You know, you didn't like Dwight. Oh, I hated Dwight. I just feel like I feel like the gays in Atlanta are so ridiculous and over the top and just clamoring for screen time. I mean, here's the thing. The women in Atlanta are they're already taking the role of the gay guys. So the gay guys have to really like go up like times 10.

But anyway, you've done a drag queen. Who was the gay in have to really like go up like times 10 but anyway you've done a drag queens on that who was the gay in uh last night who was in who was in orange county um it looked like it was vicky's friend but who was the guy who got in the fight it looked like there was this woman named cj i think who brought him and so he was actually like he was not even a true housewife gay. He just was there for the ride. That guy looks like he was dragged from the 80s on a really bumpy road all the way to that party. I would agree with that. I don't believe there was any dressing up. I think they just opened the hatchback, put his head out the door, and drove from 1985 to that party. Yeah, I would definitely agree with that so then so this party's

going on it gets a little tense because the improv stuff is brought up by the gay guy but then tamra manages to squash it and then she has this little surprise where she says there's some hot guys they're gonna come in she opens the doors and it's like the boyfriends and the husbands including slade so now if you is this crazy to me? What's crazier, that Tamara invited Slade or that Slade agreed to come to this thing after he's bashed these women? I think that probably Andy invited those men and Tamara found out at the last minute. Because Vicky looked like she pooped on the floor. It was like one of those little baby daddy.

She always looks like she just pooped on the floor, to be honest. And surprise, your man is here. And then he comes out. And they're like, oh, my God, you's a daddy. You are the father. Yeah, it was this big surprise reveal. And Slade was the only one who looked the most like his true self. Yes.

I mean, the bullet and the white trash. I felt like he looked so happy to finally be back in the style that he wishes he could be in every single day. The Billy Ray Cyrus look. Yeah. The Slade Smiley look. That's the Slade Smiley look. Let's be honest. That's truly who he is right there.

But he was more than happy to be there. He really wanted to get his digs in even more. He just wanted to be in front of the cameras, and that's why he's such a lowlife. He is such a camera whore, you know? And he didn't get the chance. Of course, that party's not over, right?

Yeah, we still got more of that. That's when Vicky's going to yell at Gretchen, and they end up screaming match, and Gretchen makes the comment about the boyfriend, etc., etc. Well, Gretchen is a little ridiculous acting like, what? Why is everyone mad at me? I'm not slayed.

Look, you are. When you date somebody and they act like an idiot, it's your fault too. It's like if my dog bites somebody, I can't be like, well, my dog did it. I didn't bite you. Yeah, but you let your dog do it i agree i think she needs to take more responsibility for it but i think he was a dick because she did tell him don't do it and he still went ahead and did it which again is yet another reason why he's awful but then she says oh i didn't have anything to do with it i didn't know

what he was going to say i wasn't there i couldn't pull him off of the stage. Well, excuse me, but she went and found the comedians who were helping him with his act, right? Well, yeah, she knew what he was doing because before she was saying, please don't, please don't. And he was saying, oh, I'm going to. And she was like, well, I can't stop you, but it's going to cause trouble. She said she loved it. You know, she was loving it well, I can't stop you, but it's going to cause trouble. She can't stop him. She loved it. You know, she was loving it. You know that.

Oh, she just. Yeah. The way that she stops him is that she gets real mad and doesn't talk to him until he until he apologizes and says, I won't do it anymore. And of course, conveniently, he offers to not make fun of the women going forward. Well, the damage is already done, you fucking prick. Yeah. I'm acting like I got roasted.

He's acting like he's doing her such a huge favor. Like, I will fulfill that request for you, Gregson. When he goes on his tour, you know, the big assumption is that he has other comedy gigs lined up where he'll be able to, like, potentially, you know, potentially talk about these women. No, no. We're talking Orange County, so potentially is probably worse. I'm just going to ask you, but did you say potentially? I did. It slurred out, but I corrected

myself. I'm not like Alexis who actually thinks the word potentially, which is potential and intentional, is a real word mixed together. I'm in total agreeance with you on this. I'm in total agreeance. Agreeance is a real word.

Potentially. I like that. Yeah. That's a good one. Agreeance is a real word, though. And I'm not speaking because I'm under some sort of like half Anastasia. No, it is not. It is.

It actually is a real word. It came out after the whole Fred Durst incident with agreeance. Irregardless. Irregardless. Does anyone have any final thoughts on Orange County or can we move on to Atlanta? I have one final thought. I have one final thought. Please, speak it.

Who wants to live in Heather's house? I was thinking about her house all night. Oh, yes? Yeah. I don't. I don't either. I mean, I don't get it. I didn't see anything that I liked about her house. Well, I've always wanted to live in some sort of like icy, cold, emotionless mansion overlooking the ocean.

So for me, it'd be perfect. You would love it. You would love it then. Absolutely right. An elevator, an unnecessary elevator. But you know what, though? Here's the thing. I mean, it's so big and everything, but it only has like three bedrooms for the kids and what if i want to get a fourth one i might

just have to bulldoze the whole thing you know i mean she could she could put a couple couple bunk beds right there on the foyer but you take back those words she would never never there's no such thing as bunk beds in the orange county, that house is whack. When you have to leave your baby on the kitchen counter, you need a new mansion. Speaking of new mansions, I love Sheree's big hole in the ground. She's doing great work. Someone should call Architectural Digest because I like the vision she has for that property. Chateau Sheree. Oh, yeah.

Chateau Sheree. That is never going to happen. That is never going to happen. That is never going to happen. Poor Charest. You know, I love me some Charest, but she was a little bit off her rocker this episode, I have to say. Well, is there any pressing thing? I'm going to get right into the Black Baby Gate. Go right ahead.

All right. So as we all know, when they were in Africa, Cynthia made like an offhand joke about she can't imagine Kim coming on this trip and going to an orphan, picking up a little black baby and handling it. And Candy like laughed and agreed. It was like, I can't imagine her coming at all, you know, whatever. It was all totally offhand and jokey. It wasn't – I didn't perceive it to be a particularly racist moment and I didn't see it as actually a very mean thing to say about Kim. They were just joking about, like, that she's a diva and she wouldn't want to get dirty, right?

So then Sheree went and called Kim and made it sound like Candy went on a screed about her. So we dealt with the fallout of that this week, and it was probably one of the most ridiculous arguments of all time and that all babies she loves all babies black you guys and by babies you mean chardonnay yes you guys kim was a nurse okay kim was in afghanistan she was in the hospice did she really say she was in af? No. Okay. She said everywhere. Everywhere a nurse would be. That's Kim with her big old fake boobs and her wigs. I'm so sure.

She's a regular Florence Nightingale, that one. Nursing is her life. Yeah. If there's anyone who represents being a selfless, doting person, it's Kim. It's Kim. Represents being a selfless, doting person. It's Kim. It's Kim whose life is so hard with two maids, an assistant, a giant house, and money for basically doing nothing.

Her life is so hard, you guys. Ronnie, she's really stressed. She has to pick out, like, she has to look at color swatches and look at fabrics for her house. And she has to check email. And that's, like, really hard. And it's like, why? Like, isn't that what, like, an assistant is supposed to be doing like this is ridiculous what a life that's not fair and she doesn't even clean up after her dog after he goes to the bathroom you can say i have to take the shit because that shit represents everything in her life

now that she has a bad assistance but you know? I will always love Kim because she says such things as I love babies, bitch. I knew you were going to highlight that line. Ronnie's going to say that line on the podcast. Also, why didn't each one of the Atlanta Housewives

why didn't each one of them bring back a baby? They were so entranced by all these kids, and they were acting like, oh, I'm here to save you. Marlo goes out and buys hair relaxers for these kids, which is...

Which you should have. Thank God someone finally thought of doing that. But why didn't they bring home a kid if they wanted one so bad? You wouldn't be poor if your hair wasn't so terrible. Honestly, and lay off of Kim for doing that.

I mean, Kim loves babies. Come on. She does. She loves them. She loves babies. And by babies, again, we're not talking about babies. We're talking about Chick-fil-A. We're talking about McNuggets. Those are her babies. And she loves holding them and eating them not talking about babies. We're talking about Chick-fil-A. We're talking about McNuggets. Those are her babies. And she loves holding them and eating them.

She eats babies all day long. Have you noticed, by the way, that Kim's house is overrun by wigs in the strangest possible way? There was one point where she went out to the pool to yell at Sweetie. And there was just, like, a wig on, like, one of those heads just standing outside for no reason. Like, she keeps her wigs everywhere she's a disaster you know i don't see it ending very well for kim that house is leased first of all you know how much that shit costs that's probably six or seven thousand dollars a month at least i mean i don't know atlanta prices no equity right isn't that what they say there's

no equity in that because she's only leasing it. It was reported that her man makes like a quarter of a million a year, which to us is a lot of money. But when you're married to Kim – And he's not like a superstar on the football field. His contract is coming up right now. He hasn't signed yet, but he was making $555,000. That was his contract, $555,000. $555,000. That was his contract. $555,000.

So now he wants a three-year contract with Atlanta for $3-4 million. What's going to happen when he gets traded to the Rams in St. Louis or something? What's going to happen if Atlanta says, forget it, we don't want you, Troy. I don't know.

Is he a defensive end or a tight end? He is. He's defensive. He's a D. Oh, okay. Because you don't want you, Troy. I don't know. Is he a defensive end or a tight end? I don't remember. No, he's defensive. He's a DE. Oh, okay. Because you don't hear about him a lot. But then again, you don't hear about defensive players quite as much as you do offensive players. Look at me showing my football knowledge. There you go.

Wow. Is he a boner? Yes. Football boner. And quite frankly, though, the truth is this, though. I mean, getting back to it, like even at $500,000 a year, he's not in the football league. He's part of just that sort of like that sort of football workforce. There's tons of these players out there.

They earn a nice amount of money, but they don't really make an impression. They don't make big plays. Well, as a football player, you only – your career is only so long. Yeah, he's got like 10, 12 years in him. If he's lucky. If you like that, Kim makes reality star money, so that's still money. But again, that's maybe for a few more years if that. And then that's gone.

And then the government takes half. So I guess my point is that bitch is spending too much money. It is not going to end well for her. He's going to fall down. He's going to fall down on some dog poop or something that was left on the stairs that Sweetie didn't clean up. Break his back and they're going to be living off their Kim and Kory money. No.

It's not going to end well. They are in love. They are in love. They are in love and Kim will follow him. I don't care where. But, you know, he's going to be out of a job and they're going to move to Montana and they're going to live on a tiny little ranch. Yeah, right.

She's going to live on a ranch in Montana. I don't believe it. She's going to shoot guns all day, hunting down possums to eat. She is a nurse. She is needed at the hospital. Okay. She is not going to be on a ranch shooting animals. She loves animals, bitch. I could just see it. Code blue.

Code blue stat. She, first of all, she needs to fire half her staff because she doesn't even need half that staff. First of all, she has this lovely daughter, Ariana, who loves to help out all the time. She could have Ariana be the freaking nanny at this point, you know?

She doesn't need Sweetie. Sweetie is useless. It sounds like she's out the door next episode anyway. She's got two housekeepers slash nannies. She's an idiot. She doesn't need any of this stuff. And the fact is this. Getting back to the Black Baby gate,

she went and she just believes Sheree, who Sheree just totally, you know, misinterpreted what she heard. And she just believes Sharae blindly, saying, this is a woman who would never speak badly about me behind my back. Do we not remember when Sharae was pulling her wig off in front of that restaurant? Well, the editors did because they put it in there. Yeah. Awesome.

Like, since when did Sharae become, like, an angel in Kim's eyes? You know, Kim's so – she's so dumb. It's basically the first person that got to her is the story that she's going to believe. Well, Sheree wasn't lying. Well, no, but Sheree wasn't lying. I mean, what she said was totally true.

Candy did say, I can't imagine Kim being here. She'd come up with any excuse not to be in Africa and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, but the way Sheree presented it, Sheree lied tonally. She made it sound like

Candy was bitching and going off. And all they were doing was joking. And Candy was just trying to say, like, I can't imagine Kim getting dirty. That's all she was saying. And instead, Sharae pushed this whole thing. And then on top of that, Sharae then had the gall to pull the semantics card, being like, why'd you have to say black baby? It could have just been any baby. It's like it's so stupid.

You guys are so wrong about this though you're so wrong oh yeah i'm sorry you're absolutely wrong about way about kim has kim having to lay off half of her workforce oh okay she is a vocalist yeah she just came out with her new song that's right she needs all the help she can get to She needs to be signing those CDs. Come on. Exactly. It's important to love yourself. Wait a second. Wait. She has a new song? Why have I not heard this song?

Did this happen when I was away last week? Yes. You see? This is why people hate France. So is this on the internet? I have to hear this. I have to hear this song. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards,

played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of.

But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For for Real I'm Francesca Ramsey and I'm Conscious Lee what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History Rosa Parks Reconstruction MLK February Black History Month exactly exactly there are so many stories of Black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February.

And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for Black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Listen everywhere on February 5th or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Yes, sir. You have to hear it. You really do have to hear it.

Yeah, you just have to hear it. Yeah, it's – What's – oh, wow. I'm very excited to hear it. Now, the other stuff that was going on in the episode was Peter and Cynthia, Snorefest 2012. So now they want to have a one-year anniversary party. Am I crazy to think that's like the most excessive thing ever? anniversary party.

Am I crazy to think that's like the most excessive thing ever? Like, okay. If maybe you have like maybe two people over three people over a max, but they're going to have 150 people over for this one year anniversary party. This is another reason why Cynthia has been named the 2012 stupidest housewife because she, she is so stupid. It's unreal. She really is stupid.

She doesn't realize. I don't know if you guys saw any of Peter's Twitters from the past maybe a couple months. But he is actually asking people on Twitter to invest in Bar One. Now, that's pathetic. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad that like you basically have no other investors. You just have to hope that people on Twitter are going to invest in this shitty ass little bar. And it is.

And it is. It is. I love it. It is shitty. And, you know, the thing is this, you know, he was going to start open up a smaller little bar because his last one, the Upside Down Club or whatever it was called, was too big. So he's like, this bar is the size of a house. If you want to make a small bar, you make it a tiny little corner.

I don't know that it was too big. It just wasn't paid for. He's got to make one that he can actually afford. There's that too. And he's going to use money he doesn't have to spend on a party that he doesn't need to throw. That's our boy. And this guy – That's Pete and Dad's.

And so this guy who is – clearly is of sound mind, then he takes it upon himself to deliver advice to Nene about what she should be doing with her son Bryson who's in jail getting raped every single second. Now how do you know? I don't think Bryson's getting raped. You think. Oh, now how do you know? I don't think Bryson's getting raped. You think he's doing the raping? Have you been in jail? Bryson's getting raped. Someone wants to tap that, I'm sure. How do you know that?

Come on. You're going to get in trouble. Nene's going to come after you. Allegedly. No, Nene has been, honestly, Nene has done – I feel bad for her because as much as she's a diva and she is a bitch or whatever, I do think that she really tries with her son. And he is just a mess. He's a huge mess. Huge.

He is. Someone on my site mentioned that he might be slow. I don't know. Well, he is slow. But I don't think that he's mentally slow. I don't know. Well, he is slow, but I don't think that he's mentally slow. I think he just moves very slowly. Well, I'm not quite sure. I don't think he's slow.

You know what it is? He grew up in a broken home, because he's not Greg's son. And so that's already sort of a strike against you. It's hard. Kids act out. And then on top of that, you have a mom who's now famous and this and that. He's acting out.

He's not 12. He's 23. What do you mean he's acting out? He is acting out. And unfortunately, it doesn't sound like he's getting any better. He's just a mess. He's not acting out. That kid's a spoiled brat. She just bought him a new used car. Yeah, she should not have bought him that car.

She still gives him somewhere to live. She says it's tough love. He should have been kicked out on his ass a long time ago. She's been a bad parent and now she has a terrible child. I think she is giving him tough love. That's why she wants him to sit in jail.

Peter does have a point to a certain extent, which is that sometimes if you stay in jail too long, bad things will happen. But what about Apollo? Why don't they talk to Apollo about this, huh? He was in the slammer. And you know what? He looks like he learned his lesson, and he does not look like he got turned to the dark side. He looks like he came out learning his lesson. Yeah.

Apollo's a good example, but Peter is not. I think that if Apollo had said something, she might have listened. But Peter's a loser. He's got bloodshot eyes all the time because he's either drunk or high. Yes. And he's telling her, oh, just forgive him because he's a kid. No, that kid's in jail all the time. You want to forgive him and take his ass to your house and leave your know leave your unopened checks boxes around him yeah fine and i like i like how peter's saying that he learned a

lesson when he was in jail for like for like for two days what lesson was that that you have now gone on to like have like 15 kids with 17 women and you have bankrupt you have these bankrupt businesses you don't know how to invest your money. You spend money you don't have, and you're an asshole to your wife. Great lesson that you learned. Yeah, and you glom onto some woman who's just got a TV show. Who's stupid. She's stupid. She's so stupid.

She could do so much better. She could do so much better. She looks great. She's generally nice. She could do so much better than Peter. Well, my favorite thing. What's going on with Peter and Nene, though? There's something going on with Peter and Nene.

I don't know. Peter was spotted at a hotel in Miami over the weekend with some girls that were not Cynthia. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. Well, my favorite part of what happened last night was when the fight started to break out and Phaedra just stayed quiet. And then in her testimonial, she's like, one thing i know is that's a losing battle i'm concentrating on my muffin and then they like show a close-up of her beautiful muffin she's like i ain't getting into this i love phedra phedra is great and so they asked because she could have

just like settled it and been like this is all it was but she just sat there and let them go at it she was having fun she liked it fantastic i mean she is she said something when they were when they were like walking into kim's house i don't remember what it was but she just has all these funny little lines just non-stop you know she's really good hey let's stop over by charay's place ite's place. It's on the way to Kansas. And, you know, Sheree is very lucky that those people aren't as horrible as her because Sheree would have shown up and her argument would have been, well, your house is a big hole in the ground. And that would have been the argument. Guys, Sheree's house is invisible.

It's just very modern. It's like a first of its kind. It's like an invisible house. Yeah, it's so fancy you can't see it. Yeah, and she just hasn't mowed the lawn. So speaking of candy, by the way, so, Ronnie, you watched The Candy Factory? I watched about 15 minutes of it because I didn't know it was going to be coming on. Yeah. Because I'm a Bravo professional. I have no idea. I was traveling, so I missed it entirely.

Yeah, it was one of those that was on while I was, you know, thinking about cleaning. And so I was flipping around and it was on. I was like, what's this? Wow. It's like American Idol with even less talent and someone who cares even less. I mean, Candy comes across as very nice on the show, but she's not very supportive. Really? Like one of the girls was sobbing and she's terrified.

She's on TV. She's in the vocal booth for the first time. She's sweating like a pig. She's sobbing because she's messing it up. And Candy's like well just use that just use that emotion i love that that's what i love about candy she kind of pats her like you know she doesn't want to be touching her at all like really lightly patting her and she's like yeah just uh you know how candy always gives that face? Yeah, she gives her that face like, well, just, you know, go do it again.

She's a songwriter. I mean, what do you expect her to do? I mean, she can't deal with this other crap. She writes songs. Let her write songs, for God's sake. I'm sad that I missed this show because I've always said that I always thought one of the most fascinating parts of Real Housewives of Atlanta was when we get to actually watch Candy writing music. I think it's really interesting. And I think I even once said, you know, it was so funny watching her like polish a turd

with Kim that like it would be fun to see her do that with other people. And it's sort of cool that they actually have a show about that now. And I'm kind of bummed that I missed it. I don't know when. It was just a special. So I don't know if we're ever going to see more of it or if it was just a pilot that they were testing out. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that it got very high ratings. Really? Yep. Unbelievably. Yeah. Got high ratings and it will probably be back. Cause it's nowhere. It's nowhere. It's, it's very, it's, it's hard to find on the Bravo

website. Oh, you don't want to find it. Did you see the finished single, the video? No. Was it good? Oh, my God. Of course it wasn't good. Of course it wasn't. Why would I ask that? The poor kid is singing about the father who left him

and is just raging on about the father. And I thought to myself, wow, this kid does not want his father back at all. I mean, if I was the father and I looked at this video, I would say, I'm not coming back to that. No way. Was the father Peter? Peter was the father, wasn't he? He was like, oh, man, I'm going to go hide out in bar one.

Oh, my God. Well, finally, some confirmation that I made the right decision. Oh, my God. Well, finally, some confirmation that I made the right decision. I don't know. I would like to see it. And I like that they give Kandi some chumps that don't really know how to sing. You know, that's the challenge.

Did you watch? She had Kim. And if I were Kim, I would have paid Kandi a million dollars to help her with her new single that came out. Because Kim's single is so bad. Well, I would like to finally see the radio release of The Ring Didn't Mean a Thing, personally. I've mentioned it before, and I will mention it again. I think that Candy is fantastic for writing the first ever passive-aggressive song, a song that would make him look so awful that Kandi didn't care how bad the song was because it would make him look worse.

I love that. Well, we still know it. Whoa. The ring that'll mean a thing. You're welcome By the way, did you guys see On Saturday Night Live this week They had a parody of The Housewives Called The Real Housewives of Disney

Yeah, it was fantastic It was very funny I didn't think it was fantastic I'm going to say I did not think it was fantastic I thought it was a little It could have been a lot funnier But I still appreciated that they did it Compared to what Saturday Night Live is offering, it was fantastic.

Yeah, it wasn't a great episode. Sorry, but yeah. Yeah. Ronnie, you watched The Love Broker? Yeah, I watched The Love Broker. Did you watch that also, Miss S.H.? No, I did not. All right. You know, the stanker has me so turned off.

I just can't get into that genre of that category of reality. I see. I see. Well, she's very similar. It's like a pushy New Yorker lady, you know, who's like pushing people around. It's kind of the same thing. You're kind of selling me on it. I kind of liked it.

I mean, it needs to be a half an hour and not an hour because I thought, how long is it? I thought, is this three hours? Like I looked at my watch and it's been 45 minutes. So a new Bravo Showtime, that kind of made sense. But, yeah, it needs to be half the time. But I thought it was kind of fun. But her thing is she takes people and does it the old-fashioned way

and does it on a blind date so she doesn't interview like a hundred hoes you know she made it very clear what the hell does she do on craigslist like patty does you know so what does she do then what does she do then she walks up to people at parties and it's like oh my god are you single oh i could totally hook you up. And then, like, puts her card in her purse or whatever. Puts her card in her purse or whatever. And then she meets these loser guys. I mean, the guy was just a total loser. First of all, he's probably gay.

Yeah. He had really bad dyed hair. He was, like, 50 but wanted to be 14. So he was wearing, you know, like, baseball caps or headbands and you know just one of those guys living in LA especially we see that a lot just those guys who are always 14 even when they're like 70

so he was one of those and he was super insecure and she hooked him up with this girl who was really sweet and had it together and the girl was like no, no, no. The girl seemed a little pissed off. So I don't really know where that show is going to go,

but it was pretty fun to watch it. It seems sort of like just one of those generic Bravo shows that comes on. Now, one of the shows that's not generic, and I'm sorry to move the topic so quickly, but we're running out of time. But we have to talk about Top Chef here. Top Chef finally anointed its winner of Top Chef Texas. The winner was, thankfully, Paul.

I have to say, I thought Sarah was going to pull it out there at the end because Paul messed up one of his dishes. I thought the same thing. I was so nervous. I was so nervous. Were you guys happy? Thank God Beverly didn't win it, but I was so ticked that Aisha went into the Top Chef. What was her name?

It was Aisha, right? No, Naisha. Naisha. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Naisha. I'm sorry. I left out the N. That's okay.

It could have potentially been her name. She got booted over into the, you know, she had to fight for her life. She had to lip sync been her name. She got booted over into the – she had to fight for her life. She had to lip sync for her life. Yes. And she won like eight times and then Beverly gets it. Listen. Naisha should have been in there. It was a fair process.

No, Naisha won maybe like five and then Beverly won like three, three or four. So Beverly held her own as well in Last Chance Kitchen. And she's great and she's sweet and I love her. Oh, I hate her. I'm sorry. I just hate her. I hate Beverly. Oh, my God.

I don't even like her. What's most important is that Sarah did not win. But that being said, Sarah's food did look amazing. She served up – it looked great, honestly. The best part of the episode was the end when she lost and she went i feel like i deserve to be i know i was like you're such a cry baby finally a reality finally you know part of of reality why not they all think that why not say it i loved um i loved when she uh picked the the bad chef was named tyler or something like that i loved loved when she picked the bad chef.

Was his name Tyler or something like that? I loved it when she picked him as the sous chef. I was like, yes. It was Tyler. Wasn't it Tyler or was it Tyler? It was Tyler and Tyler. Well, see, someone got Tyler boring, Tyler boring, too. Yeah, that was Paul.

Paul got Tyler boring. She was trying to pick the other big girl. Yeah. And she picked a dish specifically thinking it was this other girl's. And it turned out to be, like be the first guy who got kicked off. Who never even got to show his food to the judges because he butchered that meat so poorly. That was great. I love that.

That was a fun twist on the sous chef thing. And the poor master chef didn't even get chosen. That was great. Well, the reunion looks juicy. Tell me about it. Tell me about it. Tell me about it. It looks like they're attacking Beverly, right? Again.

Well, they attack Sarah. It looks like Sarah is having to defend herself, which I cannot. Beverly should be attacked. Beverly should be attacked. For what? Being too good? I agree. Just because I just don't like her.

I don't like Beverly. Get rid of her, please. Oh, my God. No, she's great. Stay away, Beverly. She has that her, please. Oh, my God. No, she's great. Stay away, Beverly. She has that cute smile, and she cooks good food. She's so obnoxious. I could see why those girls were annoyed with Beverly. Yeah, I mean, I could see why.

Because she probably is a mess in the kitchen, you know? Because she's annoying. But she cooks well. Yeah, she's in everyone's way, and she's, you know, taking everyone's stuff and, like, moving everyone. She's just never doing her job. You know, last night I actually. I like her. I like her because, you know what, her dishes are interesting and they're good.

And I feel like she gets, I've said this before, she gets attacked for always doing Asian stuff. But yet Sarah, who always does Italian sausages, gets a free pass. And I don't think that's fair. I think, I think actually, I think it's slightly racist. How about that? And that's why she didn't win. But I'll bet you she loves babies. Especially black babies. Yeah. She wants to hold them all day long. That's all she wants to do, hold babies and cook food, cook food for the babies and then hold them while they're eating them. See how all these shows kind of intertwine. They just all meld in together.

It is crazy. Well, I think we're running out of time. I'm glad to have been back. I was in Paris last week. Oh, you know what? Can I tell you something? This is my second time going to Paris. And the first time I went was like four years ago.

And you know who was on my flight? Who? Vicky Gunvalson. It all comes full circle. That's right. I was on a plane who vicky gunvalson it all comes full circle that's right i was on a plane with vicky gunvalson to paris once and now we're going to leave and you have this and and now this is it this is it i you have you had vicky gunvalson you have a whole bunch of stories to tell about how she went to the bathroom who she was sitting with where she was sitting i didn't see her whatever i think tammy Knickerbocker was with her.

They were ahead of us. This was before I started to watch Real Housewives. So it was really like only one season had aired because I didn't really watch the first seasons. I watched it enough that I recognized her. But I didn't see her on the plane. I just saw her boarding, and I saw her afterwards when we deplaned. Did you take photos? Do you have photos?

In my head. She was wearing a shirt that said Prada on it like bejeweled. Oh, God. Of course she was. Yeah. It's a great time. Good memories. Fun times. Fun times. Yeah. Glad I got to work that story in here.

So don't forget, you guys, before next week we have to watch The Shaws of Sunset. Oh, I am so excited for that. I am so excited. And the commercials have been showing so much that I keep walking around saying, who are you? Who does that? I was doing that way before The Shaws of Sunset came around. I know, but that guy is so funny.

Can I just give you a little food for thought here? Please. About Shaz of Sunset. Every time I see the commercials for them, I wonder what is in their bathtub drain pipe. Hair. Hair and splooge. I'll just say it. And probably some pomegranate seeds, too.

I mean. Yeah, it's going to be great. So anyway, thanks so much for joining us, Ms. S.H. And as a reminder to the readers, you are from stupidhousewives.com. Stupid spelled with two O's. S-T-O-O-P-I-D. Correct? Because everyone is just so stupid on these housewives.

Well, they are potentially stupid. But thank you very much. Thank you for inviting me. I had a very enjoyable time. We had an enjoyable time, too. And you can also follow us on Twitter at WhatCrappins. It used to be W-, WW crappens, but it sounded too much like a British businessman.

So we changed the Twitter handle to what crappens we'll start up a Facebook page one of these days. And thanks everyone so much for listening and we will see you all next week. So see you next time guys. Thank you. Bye. Bye everyone. Bye.

Hey, prime members. You can listen to watch or crappens ad free on Amazon music. Bye. Bye, everyone. Bye.