Watch What Crappens - #81: 'RHOC' Revisits Old Memories, Faces; Also, Jewish Camp and Gym Drama

Episode Date: June 27, 2013

On this week's mega-sized "Watch What Crappens," Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com), Matt Whitfield (Yahoo!), and Ben Mandelker get down and dirty with the "Princesses: Long Island" as several Jewesses look for love in strip malls, Connecticut bars, and North Shore clubs. Then it's on to "Real Housewives of New Jersey" to talk restaurants and gyms, and finally, it's the "Real Housewives of Orange County" 100th Episode bonanza. Along the way, there's chat about "Real Housewives of Miami," Nene Leakes, and "Newlyweds: The First Year." Come listen! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. hey everyone welcome to watch what crap ends a podcast dedicated to all the crap that we love on bravo i'm ben mandelker from b-side blog.com and with me is ronnie carom from trash talklog.com. And with me is Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com. Hi, Ronnie. Oh, hello. And also the one, the only, the incomparable Matt Whitfield from Yahoo.

Hi, Matt. I need an announcement like that every single week. But make it better next week. I like that. Maybe give me some theme music. We will. We'll use the theme music that we used on whatever our award show is called. What do we call it?

The Crappies? We'll give that theme music that we used there for you. Thank you. You just have to wear a ball gown with sequins. That is probably doable. I thought you were going to be like, done and done. Ronnie, you have to wear one too. Sorry.

Okay. We all will. We all will. We're you have to wear one too. Sorry. Okay. We all will. We all will. We're just going to glam ourselves up. I don't want to see you in drag ever, Ben. No, neither do I. That's going to hurt me too much. I'll be in a tux.

We're going to look like a 1987 NBC special that airs on Saturday night that is to honor 25 years of NBC. Except it'll be for Watch What Crappens. I'm down. Bea Arthur will be there. It's going to be amazing. Gosh, we have a huge amount to talk about, but before we do that, everyone be sure to follow us

on all our social media networks. Facebook.com forward slash Watch What Crappens. You really have to start following us. We're now closing in on 1,600 followers there, which is phenomenal. We're so happy about that. So much happens on that Facebook page. People are posting gossip, photos, just funny commentary. If you're not liking the Facebook page, you're not getting the full Watch What Happens experience.

Am I right, guys? Oh, yeah. It's become so easy to run that page because really all we have to do is go on it and read through what everybody's posting and then press share and put it on the front page and boom, we're done. Yeah, it's amazing. And he means there's an actual button spelled C-H-E-R and you press it, share appears and sings her new awful song and goes away. Yeah, it comes out in like mothball smelling fishnets and a bad broom wig and starts jiggling out a princess's tune. Do you believe in life after Bravo? I wish it was that song and not It's a Woman's World,

which is the worst song in the history of ever. How does that go? Did you not see her perform on the voice finale last week in the rock star wig that you buy in a bag from CVS? Well, I saw a picture which is what i'm talking you know that's the broom wig but i didn't watch it because all these singing shows have made me

hate singing like the other day i was humming and i was like stop it shut up they've killed the joy of music for me well you're gonna have to start singing more because um after your little interlude the other week on watch what crappens all of our fans uh now hate me and ben and just would prefer you to be on this podcast alone singing the entire show. What do you mean all of our listeners? There's like two people who said sing more. And trust me, I sing a little more and they're

going to be like, shut up, just like everyone else in my family. Oh, geez, it's a wedding? Oh, let me guess, Ronnie's going to sing. Oh, geez, someone died? Oh, let me guess, when Beneath My Wings is about to pop out. Doesn't matter. We still want to hear your beautiful voice from time to time. And so anyway, follow us on Facebook.

You can follow Matt at Life on the M List on Twitter and Instagram and Vine. You can follow me, B-Side Blog, on Twitter, Vine, and Instagram as well. And Ronnie is, what are you these days? Ronnie Caram on Vine. You know what? Just follow me at Ronnie Caram. I'm Ronnie Caram on Vine. Two words. And then, yeah, you have to follow me on Vine because that's really all I do because I think it's so fun. I sit there and record

myself and then laugh for like a day. And then on Twitter follow my website, Trash Tweet TV for funny recaps, etc., etc. Yeah, go do that because it's Ronnie's new site. In case you didn't hear last week, TVgasm is shutting down in a mere few days, few hours, which is sad. We should have a moment of silence.

I know. Which is really hard for us. We don't do that. We don't do that. You're right. Once we get to Real Housewives of New Jersey, I'm sure there'll be a lot of silence. Ugh, boring. But actually, I think that Lisa and I are going to talk about it on Banter with Ben and Lisa.

Oh, Matt, are you coming on this week? I forgot. When are you all taping? Tomorrow. We tape on Thursdays. At what time? We can work around you, Matt, probably. Let me look at my work schedule.

We'll email. We'll email offline. Okay, sounds good. So, yeah, but we're probably gonna talk about tvgasm it's sad it's ending so if you want to hear i feel like i'm going to share some inside scoop about what it was like to start up tvgasm and what the whole process was when we sold to bina murray so tune in if you want to hear about that wait when are you doing that tomorrow that's not fair i'm not going to be on that one well you can come on too bad no no he can't he

was able to be on it two weeks ago without me. It's my turn. Whatever. You were on it a year ago to talk about Whitney Houston. Oh, that's right. So, Ronnie, sorry, but you'll never be on the Whitney Houston Dead podcast. You guys, we're going to piss off Tammy Sue. She's already like, this is not about Bravo.

Oh, really? Are you trying to get me started again on the people who complain about who complain about us entertaining them for 62 minutes we're just starting we're just starting how is it already crumbling no no don't let it crumble let we will not let this castle crumble because we are several princesses not from long island oh that was a terrible segue i'm sorry that was a terrible segue and it also prevented. That was a terrible segue, and it also prevented Ronnie from saying something horrible about Jesus. Oh, yeah.

Thank you. Well, we also have one more announcement before we start talking Bravo. We are going to be adding a second podcast for those of you who have been up our asses about it. Thank you for being up our – I mean, God, I'm sounding like Blair from that stupid show. Not thank you for being up our asses, but thanks for wanting more. And we're going to be doing more. We're going to be doing a Big Brother podcast. It's called The TV Click.

And maybe when Big Brother is over and we don't all hate each other, we will talk about other shows as well. So look for that. Well, technically the podcast is called The TV Click colon Big Brother. We're sort of taking a page from Bravo and Style Network. You know, Big Rich Atlanta, Princesses Long Island. We're just going to be spinning off all over the place. So we'll be starting that tonight and you guys will

not be hearing this podcast tonight, but we're going to do a surprise live stream of the show on our Facebook page. So hopefully you guys will like it and we'll do it again next time. So when you hear this, it was a surprise in the past. So I hope you enjoyed that. The big surprise is that it already happened.

That's the surprise. And if you guys do like it, you should let us know what other shows you would like us to talk about because I think that I'm obsessed with Survivor, but I don't think you watch that, Ronnie. You know, I do sometimes.

I don't like watching people starve themselves generally. And I like a little more cattiness in my shows. I don't like things outside. So are you like porn? I don't like even watching porn that takes place outside. You are missing out. You know what? You know what you should do right now?

You should get on Tumblr and you should type camping porn. Yeah. Is that true? Is that a real thing? I'm telling you. I'm not doing that. I don't like camping porn. It's gross.

I feel like everything smells. What about glamping porn? Ooh, good call. It's like porn but kind of like sassy. He doesn't want pine needles near his unmentionables. Well, who does really? Well, there are some probably who do wow so bravo guys there's that pause that you wanted um okay well can we talk a little gossip

before we get let's get into it um i want to discuss for a second um nini's wedding with 400 plus guests and apparently the bill for the wedding was 1.8 million dollars this and by the way her show got cancelled so enjoy paying for that Nini it got cancelled? what do you mean? didn't Anaka get picked up? what are you talking about?

she's got so many shows New Normal we were thinking for a second like no Nini's spinoff is still happening on Bravo but yes the New Normal has been canceled by nbc yeah so the woman knows who butters her bread which is clearly bravo so guess what uh she will be a housewife for the rest of time she will be and i wonder uh i wonder what sort of like

fancy opulence we can expect to see at nini's wedding will there be any sort of like you know phaedra parks type touches with like doves and chariots and certain sort of rhythmic dancers. Probably not. Probably just be a lot of Anderson Cooper. It took place in Atlanta, so I'm assuming that Peter and Cynthia catered it from bar whatever. Yeah, it was all in the backyard of bar one. Oh, who am I kidding? Chef Roble clearly was the caterer because he's the crossover star of Bravo these days.

That's true. And I'm sure the wedding entertainment was provided by Candy Burris. The song is going to be. That's it. She's like, ladies and gentlemen. I wrote this song with Riley about Nini. And it goes like this. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, I wrote this song with Riley about NeNe, and it goes like this. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Riley, get over here, Riley. Why don't you sing, Riley? Hey, hey, hey, Riley. Why don't you take a turn singing? See, the way I see it is that Riley can sing real well. Riley, sing. We should not be doing this on Paula Deen Week We should give it some time Did you guys watch Paula Deen today?

I know this wasn't on Broadway Yes, I had a well Well, my It's like she thinks if she thickens her accent As much as humanly possible That she'll be less offensive. It's like, don't you understand that makes you more offensive, Paula? Stop it!

To hear the way the people in my kitchens talk to each other, it hurts me inside. Oh, okay, so they say the N-word in the kitchen, so let's all change focus now. Stupid Paula. All right, sorry, that's enough. She's done so. I've seen nobody today, so I had all change focus now. Stupid. All right. Sorry, that's enough. She's done so. I've seen nobody today, so I had to talk about it. Let's see. Did you guys see the preview

for Miami? New Miami season? Yes, of course. I used to think of you as a sister, and now I think of you as the wicked sister. How fun is that? I'm a wicked sister. Wicked ones always have more fun. Yeah.

It's going to be really, really good. I've been waiting for an Adriana Lea showdown. You know what I'm going to do to her yacht? I'm going to tear it down. Why aren't we talking about the best part? The fact that Alexia is returning as a full-time cast member? That makes me so happy. Groundbreaking.

That's the first time that's ever happened, I think. She earned that one. I'll give her that. Well, let's be honest. During season two, she was not going to let it go, and that season two was all really just another tryout for season three. Yeah.

I'm only a little sad. Honestly, I'm a little sad that Karen Sierra, Dr. Karen Sierra is not back, because she was such a great foil. I mean, we hated her, but she was great. I loved watching Alexia go off on her. She was a great, awful person to have on there. So I don't know who they're going to pick on now. Well, she is not back, and neither is Anna.

I mean, I thought after Anna came with all that evidence, it lost. She literally had a filing cabinet behind a pillow. They said that they're both still gonna be on the season they'll probably be like camille on beverly hills this year where she's just not in the opening credits but they're definitely still playing a factor i don't like that i don't like the idea that leah might be the bad guy and i refuse to believe it i think we're all gonna still like leah um i'm gonna still like leah but i will say that adriana is my favorite no leah's my favorite leah is honestly, I'm not saying this because she actually listens to the podcast. She is

one of my favorites out of all the Real Housewives. She's probably like top five, if not top three. Wow, bold statement. I love that in the preview. You spend my money? I thought of you as my sister. Did you guys by any chance go see World War

Z at the movie theater this weekend? No, I'm unemployed. Thanks for taking me. Okay, well, this was hilarious. But in the opening, like 20 seconds of the film, you know, before like the blackouts occur and, you know, the apocalypse takes over. They show a few different like TV sets. And one of them actually featured Mama Elsa and the Real Housewives of Miami. And the fact that that show that we loved

so much got, you know, a half a second of screen time in this massive box office hit, I just thought was hilarious. I love that. Zombies! They don't ruin my face, Marisol. Why is there a zombie here

eating my brain, Marisol? Why is there a zombie here eating my brain? Marisol. I'm not gonna lie. This zombie does not seem very educated, Marisol. Mama Elsa does look scarier than any of the zombies in World War Z. There's no doubt about that. Matt actually told us about this the other day, that Mama Elsa was in that

zombie movie, and we thought he was just kidding. Like, we started cracking up, and you were talking about the real Mama Elsa. Oh, wait wait did i tell you this when we went out to breakfast yes yes i told you this sorry i yeah no no don't be sorry you're telling it for the for for our other friends but i was just saying i thought it was funny in the beginning because we all just assumed you meant that she was like a zombie face yeah no it no, it's okay to repeat the story. Otherwise, how is, you know, Nicole, Johan, Rond, and Jutz, and all of our fellow friends, how are they going to hear all this stuff?

Well, if people were following you guys on Vine, they would have seen the fact that you guys made me eat the first bagel I've eaten in the past, like, three years. No, you never said that. I didn't even notice that. We broke your bagel cherry. You broke my bagel cherry. It had sealed over. Guys, we have not even discussed gay marriage, the whole gay marriage Supreme Court thing. Yay gays.

Okay. Like I have somebody to walk down the aisle right now. I know. It's so fucking sad. No, this is... I don't have an excuse anymore it's like before it's like well it's illegal and i don't have the right to be married right now no one likes me aren't you gonna get like phone calls from your mom now going like um hello now you can get married get on it come on come on my mom wants to throw my i think my mom wants to throw a

wedding she's like get get this get your act together boy i'm just excited because it means that bravo can now give us about 25 more wedding specials with all the gays. I'm so excited about that. Jeff, why can't I just blow you on the couch, Jeff? As long as Kevin Lee is the wedding designer, I'm in. Yeah, that's true. All right, let's talk to Bravo. We are talking a bunch of bullshit.

Yeah. Come on. Let's get right into it. Princesses, New Jersey? Princesses. Oh my god. We gotta talk about princesses, okay? Just Jews in Jewtown. My god. Are there Jews

in the world? Well, here's one thing that I love. So the show opens up. Amanda and Chanel are at a boutique trying on hideous dresses. Let me guess. in a strip mall. In a strip mall, yeah. There's actually a secret back door.

That's how you get into the club is through the dressing room. So they're imitating their mothers. And it's actually kind of funny because they're doing this thing, I would never, I would never. But the thing is that what I thought was really funny was that these girls were making funny impersonations. But I don't think that they realize that they are actually turning into their mothers. They sounded just like themselves.

I know. Impressions of their mothers. Exactly. Like, our mothers are so crazy. They're like, don't sit at the corner of the table. You'll never get married. Ha ha ha ha. I'm like, you're the one who said that.

Yeah, you. I mean, she didn't really say that but i'm just saying like they're like they are they are their mothers i've never seen a cast of women of women uh and i i you know i i try not to make fun of women's looks that much or people's looks but seriously i've never seen a cast like this where you can see exactly how they will appear when they're 43 years old yes like it's, it's crazy. First of all, you know Chanel. She's going to cut that hair. I give her three more years to have long hair,

and soon it's going to be like a short little perm. I guarantee it. I've been in synagogue enough times to know what Chanel's hair is going to be. And don't forget the button-chop sideburns. You know those are coming. The poor thing got a lesser heart. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they are.

She's going to look like Gay Altman from Bet Torah Synagogue. Okay, that's where I am. Wow. Lovely woman. Lovely woman. But she's going to have Gay Altman's haircut. And let me tell you something. She is a lot younger than Gay Altman.

Okay. Yeah, those are the Jewiest Jews I've ever seen. I was talking to my friend the other day because I told her to watch it. And she was like, oh, my God. I mean, to my friend the other day because I told her to watch it and she was like, oh my god. I mean, seriously, those girls. You actually sounded like Erica later in the show. That's how Erica talks. She

talks like this with a nasal talking. Why do they, for people with noses that big, you'd think they'd be able to breathe a little bit better. Hey, I'm hot. I'm pretty. What's wrong with a little flirting? I'm Erica. That's, by the way way exactly how she sounded that was not a joke voice that's exactly that was like i had her here i'm telling you what about when chanel's ex-boyfriend who ran off with the 19 year old

the infamous ex-boyfriend shows up i was expecting like this young gorgeous boy and No, you are not. And he's like, hi. He's like a mouth breather. He's totally a mouth breather. I called you. You never called me, Chanel. Why you never pick up the phone? You did it. No, you did it. No, you did it.

No, you did it. These women are so desperate. Why are they so desperate? They're, I mean, they're pretty in their genre, right? They're pretty for girls who have giant noses and voices that sound like they've been working at a truck stop for 15 years. Yeah, sure. They're, like, pretty for a bar mitzvah. Why are girls so desperate?

They need to get some self-confidence. It's like they're beating themselves up over these losers. That guy's a loser, Chanel. Run! And they're, you know, they're also like, such nice girls. Honestly, they more or less are like nice girls, goody two-shoes. Why do they look and sound like they have been living

hard for 45 years? I mean, Ashley's face, people should look at Matt's vine, because Matt did a little thing about Ashley's face, where she said, I look like I'm four years old. And Matt's like, oh, you mean 400? And I mean, I watched it last night with our friend Jenny, and she had almost the exact

same thing, when she said, I look like I'm four years old. Jenny goes, you mean 40 years old? Someone posted on our Facebook a picture of her really close up. That was me. And I was like, wow! I mean, that was...

Yeah, that's like late 40s. You know, not that there's anything wrong with that. Unless you're 30. It's like, you know that expression, black don't crack? I think the new one's gonna be like, Jew crack real fast. Black don't crack, but Jew do. Yeah, it's like, Jew is like, I feel like if black, if black don't crack, Jew is like Philo dough.

Like one touch and you've got like lines and crumbles and like get away. Yeah, they may be doing better in the economy, but not in the facial department. God bless their hearts. Or at least, honestly, it's really just these girls. It's not really Jews in general. It's just these stupid Long Island girls who spent, you know, three months basting in the

hot sun of Great Neck and now they're just screwed for the rest of their lives. Well, this show was only on a couple of days ago and I honestly can't remember what happened. They went to a bar. I can tell you. I took notes. I took notes, guys. So first, Ashley had her 30th birthday party in a strip mall, as Matt alluded to.

Oh, is that this week? Yeah. Yeah, it's where the dude had a cup of hummus attached to his junk, and you could dunk, like, carrot sticks up in it. Yeah, and the dad gave her a wedding ring. It's like, honey, I don't like seeing that finger bear. I don't like seeing that finger bear. I don't like seeing that tummy empty. Daddy's going to put a daddy baby in you for Christmas or for Hanukkah. Well, I liked on my blog, or actually it wasn't my blog.

Someone said that they referred to the ring as like a Super Bowl ring because it was so huge and chunky. Like she could actually just like put a bed in there and sleep inside this ring. It was enormous. That girl's too much. I've never wanted to see somebody get robbed in my whole life. And by robbed, do you mean you wanted her hand to be cut off

with a butcher knife? Oh my god! I love that when she then goes to welcome everyone to her party, she gets up and she's like, so I want everyone to go, she points at everything she's like, so I want everyone to go. She points at everything she's wearing and everyone look at my new ring. My new ring.

I wanted to just smack her little ass off that podium and hope she just fell in that cup of hummus and drowned. Yeah. I like when she went up to the guy and she's like, hey, are you Jewish? And he's like, do I look Jewish? She's like, what does that mean? Like, look around. What do you think it means? She's so dumb. Also, notice that at that same party

that the person who was the most eager to dip in that handsome black man's hummus crotch was Jeff. No, well, Dad, but then Jeff. Amanda's Jeff. He's like, I don't care. I'll have some hummus. He's like, yeah, baby baby I want to see you in that bikini baby yeah that's hot

you and your mom yeah I like that baby oh look there's a cock with hummus on it where'd he go and then meanwhile then I don't know did you see the shot of him dancing with Amanda where he literally put his hummus filled mouth up on her crotch?

Gross. I'm not going to lie. I really like hummus. I know. It's getting ruined. I do, too. Well, I'm Lebanese, so I was really glad to see the Jews representing the Middle Eastern culture in their party. I don't even think they knew that.

But I still don't technically watch this show. I clean while it's on my god this is when i actually because i just feel too guilty watching it because i say a lot of jewy things and then i just feel i don't know i feel like i'm too old to be watching okay it's okay i'm jewish you have jumeunity you're safe because yeah did you just say that i did i got i'm getting sassy so it makes me feel guilty watching it and it also makes me crazy that all the songs are like teeny bopper rock like they're you know like it was the hills when they're 20 these bitches are not 20 stop playing that music you guys need i do love

temporary i love their theme song though is it by um or something no it's the scissor sisters off their latest album and it's fantastic it's a's a good song. Every time it comes on, I'm like, yeah, this is a show. Now, this is a show. All of the songs that come on during the show are like, I met a boy who was cute. Oh, my God, he's so cute. He's a boy. Or 13, stop it.

Well, at least it's not dreidel dreidel, you know? It should be. It would be more fitting. Or the Christmas Christmas song. It actually does kind of look's not dreidel dreidel, you know? Well, it should be. It would be more fitting. It would be. Or the Christmas, Christmaka song. Yeah. Ashley does kind of look like a dreidel. A dreidel with wrinkles.

Just spin her around. God bless her. She needs to never, ever turn to the side if she wants to get married. Because she's got some Ruth Buzzy going on the bench. She does. She actually seems so nice. She's got to spend that much damn money on a ring. You need to just, yeah, I don't like doing that.

But you know what I'm going to say. Come on. You know, all these girls, they just really crack me up. Also, by the way, have you noticed that whenever Amanda enters like a party or a store or anything, the way she says hello is to do that like crazy screech. She goes, ah! Have you noticed that? Yes, I do.

My ears are still bleeding. Sorry, listeners. That was a little Yes, I do. My ears are still bleeding. Sorry, listeners. That was a little intense. I understand. Yeah, whoever was running on the treadmill at the gym right now just fell on their fucking head. I know. Well, that's what these girls will do. It's not my fault.

Princess. What? What else happened? So, okay. So then they went to this club wherever whatever and they had the hummus out of the crotch um and then they um then we then chanel's boyfriend came and like tried to win her back but i'm glad that she stood up for herself she did not go back to him so that was good um and i like that they made it try to seem like it was like this real life like this

thing that was unplanned that was happening like did you seem like it was like this real life like this thing that was unplanned that was happening like did you know that there was no audio from the phone when the guy called up and they had to like it was very quiet so it seemed like it was a real phone call but then you go to his car and there was like totally like a whole camera rig inside of his car yeah I was like okay

this is not spontaneous of course not he senses TV cameras even homely nasally guys are like camera hungry he didn't sense tv cameras they had like set up lighting in his car it was like no i mean that that's why he showed up yeah obviously so then they went to the girls yeah but no no but we need to discuss that they did have it all set up in the car yeah all set up well i mean i know that you just repeated the line that i just said but i wanted you to expand on that and say that it was kind of bizarre. Well, what, that they had set up all the lighting?

Clearly they had said, hey, why don't you go over to Chanel's house? We'll put some lights in your car and you can have a conversation with her in your car. Right, and it felt like, again, we know that these shows are fake, but when you prove it, when you put it that up front and center, it bothers me. Well, you know, the thing is i feel like chanel i feel like chanel was actually surprised i think she didn't realize what was going on but the guy maybe she's maybe she's a better actress than barbara streisand i don't think so i think that i think this guy had no intention to get back with her he just wanted to be on tv but she actually was taking this conversation very seriously she

thought it was like a real conversation because she went she wound up crying at the end and he wound up like like giggling and alone in his car yeah she might have been surprised between that and her uh dancing at the beginning of the episode which i also posted on my vine doing the uh coco booty drop or whatever she called it um i'm gonna say that she kind of owned this episode she snatched it from ashley she did especially the way she was driving with a caesar salad in her left hand she booty drop or whatever she called it. I'm going to say that she kind of owned this episode. She snatched it from Ashley. She did, especially the way she was driving with a Caesar salad in her left hand. She knows what she's doing. I hope that that Caesar salad had been blessed previously by Melania's ass in a grocery store in New Jersey.

It probably has. Well, Melania's ass is very kosher. It's the rabbi's. Creepy. Okay, we've just crossed into creepy. Yeah, that is creepy i'm sorry everyone did not mean it that way um maybe edit that part out speaking speaking of fake things um i'd also like to talk about these girls when they were driving up to their jewish camp

to meet single men which by the way horrific idea if you're gonna meet a husband at a jewish camp first of all i don't even want to talk about jewish camps because wait i'm sad that we didn't get to go there because i mean ben you might have these from your past but i was really excited to see what that looks like i was just assuming that it was wet hot american summer with a canter and some extra curly hair well i hope it was that sort of jewish camp as opposed to the ones in the history books if you know what i'm saying i know whenever they said yeah when they said they were going to jewish camp i was like don't. I hope you've got some wet naps. It's like Roman comes out.

What? We're going to go to a camp to meet some single men. Oh, my God. I'm Jewish, everyone. Listen, if we offended people, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I really am sorry. But anyway.

Don't be sorry. Fuck them. No, I don't want to hurt people's feelings, But I'm sorry. You know, I had to make the joke. So but you know, it's been about fake things. I don't know if you guys noticed on their drive up to this Jewish camp. The this whole conversation they had about who knows what was so poorly edited because, you know, there's windows everywhere. So sometimes they're on a highway. Sometimes they're on a on a suburban street sometimes they were in a city sometimes they're in the middle of nowhere and i kept on going back and forth it was like obviously like 30 different conversations edited down to make a totally different conversation that never took place in the first place sometimes there was a salad sometimes there was no salad i was hoping that when they said a big storm was because of course they're driving and it was the dad calling. Girls, just want you to know there's a big storm coming. Be careful. Ashley, are you okay?

Are there any couches on porches? Do you need me to come out there and hold your hand? But anyway, he called to warn that a big storm was coming. And I was hoping that it was that Hurricane Leslie or whatever the hell. Sandy? What was it? Sandy? I was hoping it was Sandy. I was like, oh, yeah, I hope we get to watch these bitches go through Sandy What was it? Sandy. I was hoping it was Sandy.

I was like, oh, yeah, I hope we get to watch these bitches go through Sandy. But it wasn't. I know. I can't even imagine this show having a very special Sandy episode. It'd probably be actually hilarious. What is up with these dumb girls when they go to the bar and they're like, oh, my God, I normally don't go to a bar like this. Who goes to a bar like this? This is a bar.

I wouldn't go to a bar. Like, what kind of bar do you go to? You're in connecticut it's like the whitest place ever they prefer to go they like to travel into the city and go to gay gay bars in new york city um and that's how they look for men so this is a whole new world to them where their claire's headbands are appreciated exactly but you know the thing is what was funny is they're like we are in the middle of nowhere we're in the middle of nowhere okay bitch you're in you're in new milford connecticut okay that's like 20 minutes from where i live you're in suburban connecticut you are like still in the radio distance of of new york city you're not in the middle of nowhere just get on freaking route

seven then go to 84 to 684 and you're in the city shut up yeah stop your whining yeah that was i don't know what anything that you just said was but it sounded like an east coast version of the californians from snl yeah it's like i took 684 to 287 to the hudson parkway i forgot about it not less entertaining um yeah no they acted like they were up in the catskills for crying out loud and they were just in suburban connect connect ben. Ben, you're acting surprised that these people acted like assholes. I know. I know. Can we also talk about Babs and her cougarific outfit and the night at Body English of Long Island?

This is my mother, and she's hot! Hi, boys! How's my outfit look, boys? Oh, God. She is a piece of work. Here's my question. When we get to be that age, are we allowed to go wear slutty clothes and hit on young boys? I'm already doing it.

I'm already wearing clothes that are three sizes too small for me and hitting on children. Yeah, and I make sure everything that I wear looks like it was made from repurposed disco balls. That's kind of bad. That lady had knees down to her ankles. She needs to remember back in the 80s when there were things

called leggings. Hey, Amanda, how are my leggings looking? I had her voice down pat last night. Now I'm just doing a general nasal sound like a mosquito. But more or less gets the point across. Yeah, that's pretty nasty. I mean, I talk a lot of crap about my mom on this podcast.

And when I saw that episode, I just wanted to call my mom and say, thank you. Thank you for being abusive in your own special way and not this yeah um i uh i i have to also talk about erica at that club when she kept on uh reaffirming that she was hot and pretty and had a right to flirt would anyone else like bust out laughing every time she called herself hot um yes because again her face is busted yeah like i just i don't even know i don't even know what to say because like some of those dudes like the dudes were drunk and clearly they were wearing beer goggles i get it but like they were all way cuter than her well and they were also on tv you know yeah oh that's true i keep

forgetting that yeah i just love that they keep talking about how hot she was in high school, because I'm like, who'd she go to high school with, the cast of Fiddler on the Roof? For those of us homosexuals that don't know anything about musical theater, was the cast of Fiddler... Because that's not proper. Was the cast

of Fiddler on the Roof ugly? Oh my god, he has these three daughters, and if they don't have giant noses, the community will start a Kickstarter campaign to buy them fucking... You have to be bust. You have to have a giant... You have to be as dewy as possible to make it in that show.

Is that the story of Fiddler on the Roof? I've done it three times. It's not necessarily the story, but they're all pouring and praying a lot. Listen, to some people, some people think that Topal is extremely hot, so just mind your manners. Wait, is one of the girls' names Topal? No.

No, it's the guy who played the, not the fiddler, Tevye. In the movie, he's like a famous Israeli actor named Topal. Topal. Topal. There's another famous Israeli actor who also would be worthy of Erica. Yeah, it's also, it's basically about this dude, Tevye, trying to get his daughters married off. I mean, basically, it's the same plot.

It's the same show. If you think about it. It's the dad just trying to get the daughters married off so he doesn't have to keep buying cows to support them. That sounds exactly like Ashley and her father. Yeah, it's like all the cast really now that i've said it i can i can see it i think i guess it's a jewish thing are there any famous songs from uh fiddler on the roof are there any famous songs i could slap you right now sunset son you know you know that by the way you know that erica's parents look at pictures of her

from high school and then look at her now and they just sit there and go, Is this the little girl who was hot? Is this the little girl from high school? I seem to remember her being so pretty. Where did we go wrong? Sunset, sunset, sunset, sunset, when's the sun

come rise? If I were a rich man, I would get plastic surgery for my daughter. I know that song. How about Tradition? We used to sing that in elementary school. There are a

lot of songs. If I were a rich man, doodle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle- rich man. I want some Manischewitz. I'd reserve the right to cheat on him. Let's play tennis. Trishan. Trishan. Trishan. Let's play tennis.

That's going to be all her song. I'm going to end like that. Trishan, let's play tennis is this the tennis card i played on where's the tennis ball hilarious you guys know as a semi-professional tennis player how upset this past episode made me were you jealous were you jealous that you jealous that you were not raised in the same tennis-friendly environment as the kids on Long Island? I went to school at Syracuse,

so I am familiar with playing inside of a bubble, which is what I did for four years. But did you not see the children run? I mean, those children weren't running away because Erica has a foul mouth. They were running away because she's a hideous beast. She is not attractive. I mean, girl, get some Jules Aaron Spanx

before you go do some sports. They're like, who invited Rolf from the Muppets onto the tennis court? We gotta go. Wow. Well, the thing is, it would be... You know, the thing is, who cares what she looks like? It's just that she calls herself hot. That's honestly really true.

You're doing it to yourself, really. It's true. I can't say it in a nicer way. Stop saying you're hot, okay? Let us say it's a nice day outside. Don't say it about yourself, hon.

Okay, so what else happened on that stupid show? Those are the main things i mean the girls they went they were half the girls wound up dancing in new milford connecticut with a guy who was like remember when she asked that guy she's like are you jewish he's like hell no right but then i know it's uh it was great but didn't you kind of see that as like a setup to a horror movie i wanted it to play out like they would then go back to the rooms and this bartender would be a serial killer and take them out one by one. Kind of like one of the – what was that movie with John Cusack and Rebecca De Mornay gets like beheaded and put into like the dryer at a motel on the side of a road when it's raining outside?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the one with – Ray – what's that guy? He's a scary guy with po, yeah. That's the one with... Ray... What's that guy? He's a scary guy with pockmarks. He's in every movie. Frank Whaley? No.

Ray Liotta. Ray Liotta's in it? Yeah. I thought this movie with Frank Whaley was in it. No, I don't know who the hell you're talking about, but I'm talking about Ray Liotta, John Cusack, and Rebecca De Mornay. Oh, and Amanda Peet.

Ugh. If only the princesses of Long Island could have been in that cast as well Ashley would be like oh my god there's a head in the dryer oh my god there's a little stain on the bed I have to throw up why was she gonna throw up in there because there was a stain

on the bed she saw a stain they didn't even show us the stain and then they show her like fake gagging in the bathroom stop it stop it oh it you're like god the first time she sees cum she's just gonna fucking fall over dead okay so i'm sorry but like when i'm watching the show i'm going she's clearly a virgin right well clearly and you know the first time she sees cum she's gonna call up her dad like dad dad this white stuff came out of this white stuff came out of the boy's penis and he'll be well was it was it was it

hummus was it hummus you sure it wasn't hummus? Um, that dad knows exactly what it tastes like, smells like, and how slippery it is. Gross. Wait, excuse me, did I just make you clutch your pearls? Pearls necklace? Pearl necklace? Oh,

ba-dum-bum. Oh, you're gross. But yeah, I think she's even a virgin to herself. I don't think she's even touched her Wilhelmina down there. A few episodes ago. Wait, now we're calling it the Wilhelmina Slater from Ugly Betty?

I bet it is an Ugly Betty. She hasn't dipped her fingers in her hamantaschen. Sorry, that's for the Jews out there. You guys don't get it, the jews know what that is it's a special cookie from perl like is that like the consistency of gefilte fish no it's a triangle shaped cookie with jelly on the inside ben let me ask you this so for you listeners who don't watch us on vine um we did go out to breakfast the other day do you only eat at jewy establishments like bagel shops uh I don't know if the bagel broker

is the best. Bagel broker, I love. If I could, I would have a bagel probably for every single meal for the rest of my life. I love bagels and cream cheese so much. Yeah, I do too. They are delicious. They are delicious. That's why the Jews are the chosen people. Bagels.

Yeah, honestly, I can't argue with that. Yeah, even Christians say it. The Jews are the chosen people? Bagels. Yeah, honestly, I can't argue with that. Yeah, even Christians say it. The Jews are the chosen people. If you have a fresh bagel with cream cheese, at that moment you're like, you know what? Let's end all this anti-Semitism. The Jews know what's going on. Let's all live together.

If only all those ignorant people could have a bagel and cream cheese once in a while, then they would appreciate us. They'd appreciate our people. I'm worried that now I'm going to gain 500 more pounds because I'm addicted to bagels all of the sudden. Again, after my hiatus. Don't worry. We will control you.

I don't know that you can. I know. You really can't control a bagel. When you have an urge for a bagel, I tell you... I mean, I want a pumpernickel bagel right now. Oh, I'm a sesame bagel guy. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Yeah.

Yeah, baby, you look so hot in that bikini. Yeah, yeah, that bagel's so hot, baby. Yeah, I'm gonna make love to it. What else happened on this show? That's it. You know, I hate to admit that I just kind of hate this show. They make me crazy.

It makes me so mad. It is like the funniest show on TV. I can't believe you hate it. It is so funny. Do you think Erica is going to get in trouble for what she did? She will, but her boyfriend's like a pussy, so it won't really matter. That is true. Remember, he's a nice Jewish boy.

Is he, though though because he looks like a big like midwestern meathead he does look sort of like he should be on like archie or something you know yeah right doesn't he sort of have that look or like one of those generic uh comics that you don't you never remember the name for like that one like jughead or whatever the ones that take place and i don't know you know like those stupid you know don't listen to me i've had enough my brain is full i did not remember jughead who am i talking to i i don't know i i read the far side i didn't read jughead or whatever that is um so let's move on from these bitches okay okay has this train to camp gone off the tracks i just these girls trained to camp girl throwing up at a stain and i'm not understanding about what a bar is and like

crying over an ugly guy and then her dad coming in and saying oh honey one day you'll find somebody to to think you're semi-pretty and maybe talk to you in the morning and pay all your bills like can we look for something a little bit more in our men? How about you'll find somebody who thinks you're fucking amazing and you deserve better than that ugly little shit? These parents are terrible. They give these girls all this money and raise them to be dependent on ugly, hairy

back, big-nosed losers. Come on. Get it together, Jewish American parents. There's more to life than a dick with money, alright? Teach your daughter some math and get them a job. I beg to differ. I beg to differ. Alright.

Okay, never mind. I'm not gonna go down that route right now. Oh, are you gonna tell me off? Go ahead. Go ahead. Alright, so should we move on to one of the Real Housewives? Sure. Let's get rid of New Jersey fast because it sucks. Okay.

Let's see. And not to make people turn off the podcast because we're not enthusiastic this week, I want to save OC for the end because it was the best thing ever. Oh, my God. Yeah, we will get there. So I took a few scant notes on New Jersey. My first one is Melissa having a therapy session at the publishing house. She goes in for a publishing meeting.

And next thing you know, she's talking about her dad cheating on her mom and crying there on the couch while like her agent and like the publisher and the associate editor are sitting there nodding awkwardly. Yeah. And the only reason she's doing it is because she hasn't written a fucking page for her book. And she's trying to get sympathy from the people who have already given her

like hundreds of thousands of dollars she's like do tweets count for a manuscript or yeah no kid do mean tweets about theresa being mean to my children count yeah she's ridiculous and i want you know i'm sorry look i'm sorry when a parent dies of course that's horrible and i'm not even going to make fun of that all i'm going to say is since when you know her father was a saint a second ago now her father's a louse because she needs the attention. And why doesn't she ever talk about how nice her mother is? Her mother ended up getting fucked over all those years, and her dad's a fucking saint. You know what?

I don't like that. I don't like that dads can go out and do whatever they want, and the kids are always on the dad's side and always treat. And she even said it, like, I always wondered if my mom was doing something wrong. That is so gross. And I understand that she was a kid and all that stuff. But your mom's alive. How about talking about her once in a while and what a good person she is and like being nice to her instead of some dead guy who was a jerk and left you guys for days at a time? Stupid.

Wow. I think that they should put that on one of those audio Mother's Day cards that you can open that are really loud and obnoxious. Yeah. Jeez. I like the idea of that. Matt, we've got a whole other podcast to get through today. You're going to have to come. I'm kidding, Boo.

I'm kidding. I also like how Melissa was sitting there saying how she's like, I don't know if I want to talk about how my dad was a cheater. I don't know if I want to share that with the world. You fucking idiot. There's a camera crew right in your face. Who do you think you're talking to? You're talking to your priest? No, you're talking to Andy Cohen.

Yeah, you want to share it with the world now because the tides are starting to turn against you and you need a little more attention. And you can't get attention. You can't get attention still because your dad passed away. Now it's got to be a new twist to it so we can feel even worse for you shut up melissa right these women these women know how the um you know the waves are ever moving in this show and she can tell that she's on the downward swing and like ronnie said it's it's time to try and gain some sympathy votes at the last fucking second you know but i have to say though guess what too late i know i know that she's on the downward swing but i don't think she's on like

that much of a downward swing like i don't you can't be on that much of a downward swing when your castmate is theresa the monster judice yeah exactly um and also you know what i just love that no matter what theresa does everyone still loves theresa no i don't love Teresa. I'm sorry. I do. I love the idea of her on the show because she's so batshit crazy and deluded and awful. I like that she's there because it makes it interesting, but I don't like her. I find that she's a vile human being. Oh, yeah, me too.

I mean, in real life, I'd run the other way, but I just think she's so hilarious. By the way, I will take her over Caroline any day of the week. By the way, I spoke with, I've talked with a producer on a reality show that will go unnamed. Oh, look at you with your non-name-dropping name-dropping. Yeah, un-name-dropping. But she worked with Teresa, and she said that Teresa was so sweet, but dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

But dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Look, I will take a sweet, dumb person or animal or, you know, like a dumb golden retriever that's just, you know, I'll take that over a mean pit bull like Caroline. Yeah. Oh, can we talk about the latest? At least the other ones aren't pimping out their children like her. It's like a lady. You know, it's bad enough when they're kids and you get them an agent and you shove them out there and make them tap dance and shit like that but these are slubby like 30 year olds leave them alone like let them lose on their own terms does bravo think that we give a shit about caroline's kids because to be honest i don't and if you're gonna show me any of them at least

show me the saddest fattest one not the boys yeah good face you mean the face like a face fat face so the i think it's hilarious that caroline talks about how albie you know since since his lost school debacle he's kind of felt like a failure and he's really looking to get into adventure that's gonna pause so pause i hate no when they cut back to her crying about him getting kicked out of that school. Stop milking that fucking cow. It's drained. Well, here's the thing. If you want to set yourself up for success, don't go into

an industry that has a 90% failure rate. Don't open up a restaurant. That's the last thing you should do. You know what you should do? Sell cars. How about that? People always need cars. Sell a car. Do that. And also, this Brownstone, she's like, oh, well, you know, Albie's like the

head of the finest restaurant in New Jersey, the Brownstone, so he's going to give them advice. What kind of advice do they need from him? He's telling them to cut, he's like, make grilled cheese sandwiches, but cut them into circles so there's no crust. Oh, thanks. Thanks. And meanwhile, since when would you sandwiches but cut them into cut them into circles so there's no crust oh thanks thanks and meanwhile

um since when do would you ever take culinary advice from someone who runs a catering hall like when was the last time you actually had like good food at a catering hall okay you are not coming in from le bernardin mr manzo okay you were coming in the mac and cheese tray has crust on the top get on that would you get those waters filled up and shut up with your culinary advice. And then someone wrote either on Facebook or on my blog that Little Town, New Jersey is actually a chain. There's like a Little Town, New York, and there's like two or three others of these restaurants. So it's not even their own original restaurant. Oh, my God. It's a chain?

Yeah. Are you surprised? I know. Well, I'm surprised because here's why I'm surprised. Because normally a chain has like a certain decor level that they, you know, like a Starbucks. They're always going to look nice. They're going to have nice tile. They're going to stay updated.

This one, they're buying tile from Home Depot, breaking it into pieces, and putting it up against an aluminum tin wall that was also bought from Home Depot. Have you seen the inside of the brownstone? The other thing is, since when do you get to like experiment and come up with your own dishes if you have a chain, by the way? What's all this like? Right. Don't you buy a franchise and it's like, no, you're going to be putting the Bloomin' Onion and the bottomless spinach artichoke dip on the menu too bad. Yeah, exactly. So I did some homework and I went on to Yelp.

So I did some homework and I went on to Yelp and I'd like to announce that Little Town of Hoboken has a stellar two and a half star rating. And that was – the latest review was from like a week and a half ago. So it wasn't – like people – it wasn't like – Would you read it? Read it. Read it. Ben, I love when you do your homework. I'm really impressed. Good job.

I'm going to pull it up. But one person said – Old star. I'm giving you five stars. Thanks, Matt. One person said that there's a bathroom attendant. They said you don't need a bathroom attendant at this place.

Okay, hold on. I'm bringing up the Yelp review. Well, maybe they're just there to hold your hair back after you have one of those circular grilled cheeses you paid $15 for. I know. Okay. So, let's see. There was a review that I liked.

Okay, this guy gives it one star. He says, It's a bar that tries to be a restaurant that tries to be a bar that tries to be about New Jersey. What a mess this place is. Others have described most of the problems already, so I won't reiterate those, but I do have to say to management,

this is all in caps, do not have a bathroom attendant. I am not going to be guilted into paying to pee you're not a nice restaurant you cannot have an attendant just stop it right there um was that one of us because wait was that me i agree nothing makes me feel worse than when they try to force a mince on me or kleenex on or any of that shit guess what what? I already have mints in my pocket because if I'm on a date and I want to suck some face, I am prepared. And guess what? I can tinkle on my own. Okay, ready?

Here's another one. This is another one-star review. The only thing that bathroom attendants are for, by the way, is to sell you Coke at the Abbey. Yeah. You mean Coca-Cola. Of course. Coca-Cola Classic. Alright, so they sell Coke because I've always been so mean to the bathroom attendants at the Abbey. Hello, they're the drug dealers.

I'm going to be so much nicer. They are the drug dealers at the Abbey running. Oh, my God, you guys. When I show up thin in a couple of months, you're going to know why. Yeah. Just keep it between us. Okay. Did I just...

My real diet secret was just revealed. Yeah. Coca-Cola. The Alex Sheedy diet. the alex city nose diet all right so here's another one star review ready okay wish i could give a zero the first six beers i ordered were not available when i went to order another of the seventh beer i finally settled on they were now also out of that one the waitress was by far one of the biggest morons i have ever encountered.

The two tables next to us were getting items taken off their bill for issues they had. The food was fair at best. If this was their only fault, I would let it slide. When we finally got our check, there was an extra entree and dessert that were on our bill. We got the bill fixed, and I figured out our nightmare was over, but I soon found out the place charged my credit card twice. These charges are no longer pending. They have gone through.

I called five times before someone answered the phone. The hostess said that no managers were available and that someone would get back to me. This has yet to happen. Stay away. And that was today, actually. Yikes. I think some people are obviously going to jump on there and give them shit just because they watch the show and they they hate them but um if you said that some of these reviews are in there before this past episode aired then it has to be legit right

or let me ask you this let me ask you this do people only get on yelp to be mean or do people sometimes get on yelp to be nice oh people love to be nice on yelp believe it or not they do love to be nice because they want to be like i found this great place and it's awesome five stars um this here's another one here's a two-star one from the middle of may where someone says um avoid the buffet really third rate the crab cakes were the worst i've ever had almost no crab um soggy and way over salted runny eggs undercooked fatty bacon weird sausage buffet sucked all around not worth the 23 dollars what are they charging 23 dollars for i had a soggy you know crumb cake a bread crumb cakes with a dash of crab okay can you tell me like what what is the scene in hoboken like i don't

know understand what where it's in relation to other things. Is it a dump? No, it's cute. It's actually right across the river from Manhattan. And a lot of people, young people our age and stuff, young professionals, have moved there because there are cheap prices. So it is cute, and they do have like – it's urbane. It's nice.

It's a nice place. But I would never go to the Manzo restaurant there. Well, it's just another business that mommy and daddy bought us, you know. And they're wearing their Blackwater shirts of their failed business in this business to publicize that terrible business. It's like, oh, my God. They're just a mess. It's like, the only way this could be worse is if Albie's taking care of their legal issues. Well, I loved also that they were trying to make it sound like it was going to be like, you know, not your typical Jersey restaurant.

We're going to have like ingredients that are locally sourced. I'm like, OK, so is it going to be like old cans of like tuna that you found discarded on the side of the Jersey turnpike? He's like, these are New Jersey peppers. That does not make me want to buy it it's like you know what else is in that soil it's like you know dj paul ed's semen so i don't want any i don't want any produce that's been grown in jersey have now been banned by governor chris christie yeah you know i don't know what it is that i find so offensive about those boys because they actually do seem nice.

They don't seem like mean people. They seem really nice. I like that they're close as a family, like their family dynamic. I like actually Caroline and her big lug of a husband. Like I think they're funny and they're kind of nice. What? They're also just so disgusting at the same time. Like part of me is like, wow, I wish I had I wish I could make a family like that.

I'll tell you why. I agree. I actually think that they are generally nice people and they do have a good family. But there's a smugness and I think that's actually a little annoying. There's something that's like, yeah, we're the Manzas. We're cool. We're like, hey, we're the Manza brothers. We're a riot.

We're the life of the party. And I'm like, no, not really. You guys are nice guys, but I'm not going to give you that automatic pass. Yeah, like all they really do is sit around and laugh dumb and eat pizza and stuff and make boob jokes. I don't care. Which actually, I make fun of them for that, but I'm jealous and I want that to be my life.

Yeah. Really? I like to make boob jokes and eat pizza. Unfortunately, they're my boobs. I think the best kids are like to make boob jokes and eat pizza. Unfortunately, they're my boobs. I think the best kids are Kathy and Rich's. Oh, by the way, he got hot again. Did he get?

Yeah. Oh my god, I'm getting arrested. I feel bad for Victoria because I used to think that she had such a great future ahead of her. Oh, by the way, I don't mean that she's hot. She is a hideous beast. She's not a hideous beast. Yes, she is. Guess what? The natural hair color is not

doing her any favors. I think she did not look her best this episode. I feel like she's on a downward slide, but she is pretty, and if she could get it together, that'd be nice. My concern with her is that... Did you also notice that she got the freshman 15, clearly? Yeah, that's what I was trying to imply without saying it.

Oh, because I'm the mean one all of a sudden? Yeah, you're so mean. I would never say anything mean about you. I already made the Holocaust joke. Yeah, I was going to say hashtag Schindler's List. Yeah, but ours happened a long time ago. Oh, and it's already been forgotten. And it also happened to thin people.

Horrible. Horrible. Here's why i'm concerned about victoria paula dean of podcasts i'm concerned for victoria because when she made a little toast at her birthday party she goes thank you all for coming to me and my father's birthday like oh man she does not know how to speak english she is this is this is what you get for going to the regional Catholic school in wherever. Okay, I just trashed her, but I did like what she had to say about sharing the birthday with her father. Oh, she was very sweet. Oh, she was very sweet. And someone on my blog commented that if you contrast it with Ashley, who spent her whole speech making people look at her rings and her Louis Vuitton and everything,

it makes you realize how good, how well Victoria has been raised. I'm just saying her grammar's really bad. And I have concerns about her future. Yes, well, you're totally correct about that, but I think she's going to be, look, really, all in life, you're supposed to be better

than your parents, right? Like, every parent wants their kid to be better than them. Well, Richie runs a gas station, and the mom was like a hairdresser and makes cannoli kits. So I think she's already doing pretty well. So let's just give her a hand. Very good point. Yeah, I'll give her a hand.

Victoria, you're A-OK. You know what? Grammar can be learned. Class cannot be. Hey, listen, you might not even need it. You're on Bravo now. You don't need, you can make a whole career out of it. Look at Gretchen with her. Hey, the Real Housewives of Orange County has changed the platform of TV. What?

What a phenomenon. But anyway, back to New Jersey. So let's see. So then later, Melissa was talking to someone about when she went to the birthday party last week. And she was, I think she was talking to Joe or something. And she's like, oh, no, she was talking to Caroline. And she's like, I almost felt like Teresa wanted me to be uncomfortable. I'm like, no shit, Sherlock.

You're just realizing that now? You're such a stupid idiot. The funniest thing was I'm watching that. And, like, Caroline is not even processing anything that Melissa is saying. And like Caroline is not even processing anything that Melissa is saying. She's just waiting to get into the confessional to say something bitchy and, you know, to start turning the tides on Melissa. I mean, can't you see like that is clearly Caroline's agenda this season. I feel like Bravo told her now you must turn on Melissa, get in the confessional and make it happen.

Well, they've showed that little clip of Caroline saying, well, you know, Teresa said this and this about Melissa. And now I'm starting to wonder if it's true. I mean, I thought that that was going to come after a big fight or something. It was such a minor thing. What happened? Like, what was it? I don't even remember what it was that got her so upset. But why would she be mad at Melissa?

I don't know. I actually think that Melissa, I mean, at some point, Melissa's probably snapped at her. And I do think that we saw this in the season preview where she's like you know something along the lines of mind your own fucking business i feel like she's getting that from melissa and theresa but she's been getting that from theresa for years and years so it doesn't phase her anymore but i think one time that melissa probably said that to her caroline goes into bulldog bitch mode and is like oh how dare she cross me she's like, I'm just trying to help them. She is going to be banned from cafes and all egg salad privileges.

Yeah, she's not going to have that skin sack to do makeup for her next music video. Skin sack? Lauren Manso, because that's when you lose so much weight, you're just wearing like a potato sack made out of flesh. Oh, no. I've got one. I've got like a coat all year round made out of Little Caesar $5 hot and readies.

Oh, my goodness. By the way, so I still like Melissa, but I'm having trouble backing her up on this four-day hospital thing. It came up again. It happened last week. It came up again this week. She was like, look, we took him to the hospital on the wee hours of Sunday,

and then Monday and Tuesday I was sick, and then Wednesday I went. That's two days. I'm sorry. That is not two days. The wee hours of Sunday is more or less in the same waking era, waking period of, like, Saturday.

I'm sorry. Yeah, but when Teresa and Joe Giudice have better math skills than you, you should run outside and jump in front of the next bus that goes down the street. I know. That's really what I'm thinking. It's probably that bad math that caused them to have such a crumbly bathroom. Just a lot of bad calculations and measurements going on. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History?

Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more.

She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has

to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Grey's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the

Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. This stucco can hold up to 45,000 tons. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. No, that's like, yeah, I'm really good with math. You know, 45,000 tons. That's like what? The equivalent of like, you know, like three boxes of Kleenex, right? I don't know.

I don't know what I'm talking about, guys. I'm sorry. I don't know what's happening to me. Do you know what all of this is making me realize? What? What? How much I miss Married to Medicine. Yeah. Oh, oh god i was just

thinking last night thank god that show's not funny that show is too stressful at least this show is funny this shows like a cartoon like when theresa and her brother started fighting in the gym and she threw something at him i was like like i can well that i can laugh at but the married to medicine thing how do you not laugh at marriedried to Medicine? Married to Medicine is one of the greatest comedies of the year. There was some funny stuff. Mostly, quad, honey! But, you know, it wasn't all bad. Ronnie, I'm just going to make you do that every...

I mean, nothing makes me happier than that. Seriously. And I feel like you make me beg for it. Your little quad lit? I love her, but she's not on right now, so I have to let her go. I'll tell you who is on now and who I want to see a lot of. I want to see nothing but her.

Teresa's trainer, a.k.a. Nicole Greco-Pipas. Oh my god. Alright, Teresa, lift your legs up, honey. Yeah. I'm Nicole Greco-Pipas and I will get you into shape. She's smoking a carton of Benson and Hedges.

She's smoking a carton of Benson and Hedges filtered through a giant vagina. Yeah. She and Rosie should get together. I'm going to smoke a vagina and concentrate on work for a little while, you trainer. I just love her name. I'm going to use her name as much as possible. Nicole Greco-Pipas. I cannot get enough of her name. I'm going to use her name as much as possible. Nicole, I don't know, is it Grieco or Greco? Nicole Greco Pipas.

I cannot get enough of that name. I would go to a restaurant. I would review a restaurant on Yelp named Greco Pipas with a five-star review, even without having eaten there. Yeah, even if it's not even hyphenated. But luckily she is. Listen, if those Manzo brothers put together a restaurant called Grigopipas, I would go. Can they just get rid of the Manzo brothers and add Teresa's trainer and that other bulldog lady that they had on earlier? Linda!

I want everyone from Teresa's world to be the cast because all her friends are amazing. As much as I complain about Teresa, this show would be fine if they got rid of everybody and kept Teresa and her like squadron of evil smoking hag lesbian monsters. I agree. I agree 100 percent. Her – because Teresa's friends are like quintessential Jersey. And for as much as Teresa hated Danielle Staub, what she doesn't realize is that she surrounded herself with an army of Danielle Staub. Exactly. Danielle was only the beginning.

Only the beginning. Right. army of danielle staubs exactly danielle is only the beginning only the beginning right i'm i'm i actually believe that kim d is way more poisonous than uh danielle staub ever was yeah because danielle staub has actually shown some vulnerability and we see that and she's sort of like this scarred broken woman kim d is just a vile wreck with hair fangs i love a good hair fan I love that Kim D and I might be wrong on this because I have not actually checked my fax if she has a Bravo blog or not but I was reading her blog on Stupid Housewives

and it's posted from her Facebook page and she's like hey kids it's me Kim D I'm so glad that you're liking me on the show and don't worry lots of exciting stuff coming up like more fashion more dog shots she's crusty the clown she's like audrey from little shop of horrors got eaten up by that plant

and barfed back out and it's hard to smoke and then went into fashion hey i used to work at a flower shop but then the flower ate me and threw me up, so what did I do? I went into high-end fashion. Welcome to Posh Boutique. We're right next door to a Little Caesars and a Michaels. And a plastic surgeon. There's Danielle Staub coming out right now from her rhinoplasty. Did you guys watch all the repeats they had on the other day?

Yes. Vintage, baby. Vintage. I didn't watch those seasons. I didn't get into Real Housewives until late. Like, I thought it was too classy. I was like, I'm not watching reality shows. And I finally got into it because of a comment war on TVgasm.

It was like 300 comments of people fighting. And I was like, all right, I'll read it. I mean, I'll watch it. I'll read it. Wouldn't that be? We should do that. We should do fiction. You know how they do those fiction novels based on movies? We should do that for Real Housewives. Okay. What do you mean?

What do you mean? Like, when you go to a bookstore, like when I was a kid, you could buy a book of Star Wars, and it wasn't written before Star Wars. It was written after. Novelization. Novelization, yeah. We should do that for all the Housewives things. I used to buy it. They made

Melrose Place into a book series while the show was still on the air, and I bought that. Yes, like that. How gay is that? Gayer than you singing Fiddler on the Roof? Probably not. Girl, that was when you were an adult, too. Do I have to remind you that I was born in the 80s?

Is that true? Yeah. How old are you? I was born in the 80s. That's all you get. Girl, lean, lean. I forgot what I was even talking about. Wait, were you an adult when the original Melrose Place was on TV?

Actually, I don't think so. I think that was when I was in high school. I was in middle school. Oh, my God. Both of you, stop. It started in middle school, and then it ended as in college. It premiered in 92. It went from 92 to 99.

Oh, so I was in high school, yeah. Yeah, embarrassing. Anyway, I'm completely in hate with myself right now. Success. Okay, here, I have okay here i have questions i have questions you guys so do you think that all of these people have to go to a gym 45 minutes away from home because nobody in their neighborhoods will allow them to fit like is this the only place to allow you cameras to come in and have crazy people fighting i mean i don't understand why do they all drive 45 minutes i think it's the only i think they go there because it's the only gym that allows trash cans to be knocked over and no one gets mad at it and also allows you to get on a bench press

and grunt as if you're being anally raped by an elephant and no one's gonna say a peep not even nicole greco peepus um i don't like that theresa spotted him because that was like her spandexed uh camel toe up in his grill and it just bothered me. Yeah, that was a little incesties. Wait, did you say incesties? Yeah. Is that like the new totes? It's like besties but incesties.

They're totally besties. We killed Ronnie. We killed Ronnie with offensive language. Ronnie is delicate. I'm just old now. Like, I'm basically sitting here, like, watching myself age. I'm, like, looking at the age spots on my hand is basically what's happening right now. By the way, is it?

Oh, sorry. They gave Courtney Thorne Smith. No, I just can't stop. I'm on a muttering rant. Does anyone else get annoyed that Teresa and Joe keep saying that they haven't seen or spoken to each other in a year when they've clearly seen and spoken to each other within a year? At the very least at the reunion, which was, what, in November

or so? Yeah, November. That drives me nuts. Why do they keep saying that? What's wrong with them? That they haven't spoken to each other since the reunion? But that was like, you know, listen. A year plus, right? Or were they saying that, was this film before the reunion? No, this film after the reunion but that was like you know listen a year plus right or were they saying that was this film before the reunion now this film wait when were when did they have the two

seasons immediately back to back that was that was the last season in the season before and they said that they keep saying that it's been a year but it hasn't been a year i don't think it's been a year unless i don't think that that's right because then, there's still a reunion that they had to have. Oh, wait. No, you know what? Maybe it is right. Because maybe what happened was this was filmed before. No, this had to have been filmed after the reunion because so much of this is about Kathy having called her father-in-law a coward.

You know what? I'll bet they started because the reunion for last season wasn't until almost a year after they finished shooting. Remember? Yeah. Because they had shot those seasons so close together. So maybe the Kathy stuff is after. They probably had the reunion and started shooting like the next week. So it's all still really fresh in their mind. Yeah, they delayed the reunion and then they started filming.

That's correct. Yeah, that's probably what happened. Well, that family is so in hate with each other. I mean, listening to Kathy's mom, you know, she won't even talk about her brother. so in hate with each other i mean the listening to kathy's mom you know she won't even talk about her brother like they hate each other and didn't we find out last year that that woman was given away because the parents just didn't want to raise another kid or something like because the uh the the parents uh the the kathy's grandmother couldn't have a baby so her so the grandmother's sister gave her the mom.

That's what it was. I know that we talked about this before, but we all still agree that that is fucked up, right? Totally. I mean, this family is so deeply fucked up. The fact that they go through such phases of not talking to each other and going through these ridiculous fights, it's just sad. It'll probably end up happening

to Melania and gia if my family hadn't done that then i would i would i would be very against it but i grew up in a very tight-knit lebanese family it was huge like tons of cousins and every you know they all got in a fight like all our parents got in a fight over money when we were like 18 and we spent every holiday together and we were all so close. And then now it's all dead. Wow. To this day? Yeah.

To this day. No one matured. Is that the cause of your mother's drinking? Are you British, man? Hell, that's for sure. Did I sound British? You said it. You're like, is that the cause of your mother's drinking?

Is your mother a common hole? You know, it was partly, you you know i'm sure that she pissed people off at points but no i mean it was money they all got into a big fight over inheritance blah blah blah something or other wow isn't that money money money and sex make people crazy yeah and no one can piss you off like your family because they know every insecurity you have because you grow up and you know i'm sure i don't know if your families were like this but i'm sure every family is like this where they say family is everything you know you never go against your family those are your everything and you know those are always going to be there for you well and you tell them

shit and the second they turn on you girl those that those secrets start flying out why do you think i packed out there do not be close with those secrets start flying out. Why do you think I packed up? Do not be close with your family. That's the lesson. Why do you think I packed up my little Saab and drove 3,000 miles away as soon as I could? Did you? How old were you when you left? 23.

I came home from college. I moved into a house with some other homosexuals so I could spread my wings wings aka legs and fly and then i was like you know what california is calling me i want to go drunk dance like a drunken whore atop a bar in west hollywood and so i told my parents that i got fired from my job at the discovery channel but i actually quit my job packed up my car drove to la and it's been 10 fucking years wow and you don't go home to see your parents anymore? I didn't go home for the first time ever for Christmas this past year. And why would I ever want to go home?

The arc light is empty. I can actually drive and park at Target. Like between Christmas and New Year's in LA is the best time of the entire fucking year. Oh, it's amazing. Yeah. It's me and the Jews. It's amazing. Yeah, I only spent one Christmas not at home,

and it was not a happy one. I was not pleased. Oh, I'm in trouble for not going, but, like, I don't think I'm ever going back. No, don't say that. I think my talk was too effective. Now I'm, like like getting sad and emotional, and I'm thinking about all of the secrets

that have been swept under the rug in my parents' house, and we just covered it up with gin and tonics. Ugh. That's why God invented gin and tonics. That's what it's supposed to do. They're like dirt. Cover it up. Oh, God.

Now I'm going to... I take it back. I'm feeling sad. Don't let this happen to you. Don't be Teresa and Joe. Can we move on to something happier, like The Real Housewives of Orange County? Please, God. It's the only thing that I watched all week

that I loved. Oh, my goodness. I don't actually have too many things to say about it. How could you not? It was two hours of glorious, amazing film. Well, it was glorious, but I'm just saying it was more like it was washing over me. I almost like, my brain, I had

a few things. Can I just toss out a few of my favorites? Sure. Lynn Curtin's face. Oh my god. Honey, you look beautiful. Whoa. When she was just banged up after plastic surgery. Yikes. Lynn Curtin's face, I mean, that's noteworthy,

but really, if this two hours was about anything, it was about the ever-changing face of Vicki Gundelson. Oh, okay. That was a standout for me, and we'll go there, but I was going to say that if it proved anything, it's that Gina belongs back on the show. She's the best thing ever. Her children are hot amazing

and i want to get with shane shane who's now an actor he's so disgusting he did not and he did not apologize he still has not apologized for how he treated his mom oh he's fucking just he's a he said it was justified he's such an asshole the little one the little one has turned out to be really cute and and he seems bright and smart. I'll take Colton. That's such a porn star name. Are you referring to Colton Haynes? I don't know.

I'm just saying that like... I don't know. They all live on our block. Are you kidding? I have no idea who Colton Haynes is, but I feel like every Colton is a porn star. Wait, I feel like there's one named Colton Haynes. Well, I know the only Colton I know is from Survivor, so I do not want to think of that.

Well, he's going into porn, I have to tell you. He looks like Steven Daigle from Big Brother. Have you ever seen those porns? He does not do much for me. He's like, ew, yeah, girl, yeah, oh, yeah, girl. He's an SDB, and he likes to ride. Okay, I need everybody to be quiet about Steven Daigle getting it up the butt for a second so I can plug my video on our Facebook page because we do a retrospective of Vicki Gunvalson's face.

Okay? It's called It's TV. Go watch it. You're going to love it. Okay, that's all. Thank you very much. Yeah, that was the best thing was watching Vicki's face change. And I also liked Vicki's line, you don't mess with my family and you don't mess with my money.

And Gina messed with both. And by the way, it's not just family and money. The list of things you don't fuck with Vicky is so long. I mean, I guess the point was like you don't fuck with my keychain. You don't fuck with my deodorant. I guess the point was like, you don't fuck with my keychain. You don't fuck with my deodorant. You don't fuck with my bedazzled blouses that I receive boxes and boxes of to wear on the show.

You don't fuck with my cans of garbanzo beans. You don't fuck with my Caliente sign. She's like, like, there's really nothing you can do that won't get you on on her bad side. And by the way, her face was crazy. Is crazy is that like you know obviously she had a drastic face change this year but seeing it change from year to year i didn't even realize how drastic the change was even before this year like like looking just two years ago how different her face was from just last year it's shocking yeah it really is it really and it's just not it's sad it's sad because it's not better yeah it's just not better. It's sad. It's sad because it's not better.

Yeah, it's just not better. I mean, if it was better, it would be like, yay, you did an improvement. But when someone does their house and you're like, oh, God, you spent so much money on that wallpaper. Why? Why would you do that? By the way, our friend Jenny made a very good point last night, which was almost shocking. If you look at Tammy Knickerbocker, she actually has, like, the same face as tamra barney but she just has like a trashy black a different wig yeah yeah she has the witch wig instead of the uh the rock star wig that

share has from cvs tammy bought the wicked witch wig yeah they should go they should reenact like uh wizard of oz quite frankly because you die hard you die hard fans out there know this but i still think it's fascinating that they use tammy's first house as the gates for kota kasa in the opening credits i love that that was really interesting that's so tammy is with us at all times and i love that tammy like i really liked tammy because she was pure fucking trash and i do love that she admits that the show and her parenting skills ruined her daughters and she also admits that she lost everything and you can tell by the

look of that blue top she was wearing like girl and that wig she has no money yeah she's off in a trailer oh yeah she needed to do this reunion special because like bravo was like yeah we'll cut you a check for 100 bills and she's like i'm in i just want to know they're like we've got some subway sandwiches and cheetos and a hundred dollars she's like yeah

yeah i love that that's become our default voice for everyone everyone that's trashy like yeah they all speak the same erica well there were a lot of them today yeah there were a lot of them today i mean erica does talk like that and tammy does talk that. And Tammy does talk like that. She really does. I felt bad for Tammy. She just, when I worked in the bowling alley, there was this bartender who worked next to me. I worked right next to the bar. And we would chew cherry stems and, like, make

them into knots. And she would smoke so much. And she'd just look all weathered. And she was, like, tired first thing in the morning. And she was like, do you know what it's like standing on your feet all day? It's tiring. I'm tired tired and that's what i thought of when i when i see tammy she's just got that tired standing in a bowling alley your whole life like you just know it's never going to change yeah it's true with daughters like that i mean with oc angels like that how i mean what do you expect and i mean the other thing they didn't really touch on though is um you you guys probably know

this but lou died yeah just like a year or two ago and they didn't mention that he died in the i think the third he died in between season two and season three because a lot of uh her arc in season three was dealing with lou's death oh my god that was so long ago but it feels like yesterday yeah no it's true now my question speaking of season three where the where the hell was Quinn? And where was Kimberly? And where was Peggy? What the hell were they doing that they couldn't go on this thing? Because you know that they were asked. They had to have been asked. And you know, I don't think that they were going to ask Quinn. I think that Quinn is

seriously a serial killer. And they were like, don't mention this. Quinn was so poorly miscast. There's no reason for Quinn to ever have been on this show. She was poorly miscast. But then when they showed Quinn milling around in the background that year and the blonde wig the time that tamra threw the wine on gina it was like she just had beady eyes searching for the camera under that blonde it was terrifying i like when andy says what what makes a good house

wife is someone who um is like outspoken and is pretty and uh every question they asked andy every question they asked andy that's how he answered yeah none of that was quinn though by the way what's your favorite color outspoken fabulous willing to speak their mind ladies that wasn't a question andy yes it was by the way he i thought it looked good. I thought he looked very good in the special. Was that just me? Yes. Okay. He's much more palatable when he's not trying to be hosty.

Yeah. Like, this, you can kind of tell that he's a bitch. Yeah, you can. You know, he came across as just a normal kind of bitchy gay guy with way too much power than he ever deserves. Yeah. But when he's hosty i just can't take him but this way i liked him i was like oh i want to have a drink with you especially when they showed that clip of him with the fro oh my god yeah yeah absolutely i i also

wanted to know um someone i would have liked to have heard from is gina's gay friend the one who threw the champagne down uh after the tamra fight that's like one of my favorite moments in the real housewives when he throws that glass down in the gayest possible way. I mean, if Doma had been held up today, it would have been because of that guy. We are so lucky

those Supreme Court justices did not actually see that moment right before they ruled because they would have been like, oh, shit. Or have Bravo newlyweds could have killed it too. Let's not give the gays anything this cannot happen yeah um did you guys didn't you like the reappearance of gina's uh crazy husband matt the baseball player yes oh he's such an asshole such an asshole but i love every time they show him with his like curly tom selleck mullet yeah um i also uh i

also thought it was funny how vicky kept on acting as if she had like created produced and like been held unresponsible for this entire show she is the og though you gotta give her she is the og but she's like well i have to keep coming back because you know like you know it's like a child i've like birthed this child i'm like no you were cast you were cast as the mom you wouldn't you did not birth anything but the great thing is that is kind of some of the fear that is burned into every new housewife's brain that's that's joining this program over the years it's kind of like we have to impress vicky she's the queen bee she's a total bitch and uh just be prepared to be hazed because she's gonna bring it and i love that i love that i mean none of the other shows i don't feel like have that dynamic yes nini is the queen of atl but like they have

brought other girls in there with you know you know it without as many problems but vicky is just a straight up ice queen bitch yeah that's it's true i mean she does you know require some genie these women these women are really, really stupid. And if they've ever read any part of history, they would understand that if there's one on the very tippy top like that who's being mean to all the people under them, you overthrow the bitch. Throw her over the wall. You can't overthrow. The thing is, though, you can't overthrow. Oh, they could ruin her.

They could ruin her. All the info that they have on her. They could just do that. They could ruin her. I think that Tamara is trying to do that. All the info that they have on her. They're too stupid. Well, you saw that they would pair Tamara with Lori in a lot of these. And I still think that there's still bad blood, I think, between Vicky and Tamara. And by showing that Lori, who's been spitting all this trash about Vicky this season by sitting her down with tamra i think it just shows that tamra is still somebody who thinks that she is going to overthrow vicky yes she's

only been there since season three but you know even when they showed her casting tapes it was like yeah i'm gonna steal gina's listing and i'm gonna steal this show from that bitch too and it's like well she she did take gina out and like i still think that vicky will always be on tamra's radar it is kind of funny that tamra seen that casting tape, that Tamara was so calculating in that I'm going to take this show from Gina. And then you fast forward to their big fight, and Tamara's yelling to Gina, get out of my life. Why are you in my life? Get out of my life. I'm like, bitch, you went into her life, technically, and you knew what you were doing.

So you better ease up, Tamara Barney. Yeah. You better ease up, Tamra Barney. Also, another point about how stupid they are is I loved the segment early on when they asked, like, why do people watch The Real Housewives of Orange County? Why are they so fascinated? And all the housewives were like, well, I think it's like a vicarious thing. Like, they want to see what it's like. You know, it's like paradise.

It's like a world that you can't even believe exists. Like, everyone wants to just sort of live here. I'm like,'m like no people are not watching because they want to live in orange county they're watching because you're all ridiculous idiots and they can't believe what they're seeing that's why they're watching and then they and then it's like better about themselves right it's like oh well when the financial crisis hit the country everybody wanted to see what the women were going through uh no, no. We just like to see anybody get trashed, especially if they have money, regardless of what's going on with the economy. Of course I want to see people lose their house. Exactly. Yeah.

Especially snotheads who try and act like they're so much richer and better than everyone else. And I love when they said, why does everybody love Orange County? And Gretchen's like, everybody wants to live like Chrissy to us! It's like, bitch, you live in a condo with TJ Maxx furnishings. Stop it.

You do not live behind a gate. The only gate you live behind is like the gate of an apartment building and there's mailboxes right behind it. The only gate she lives behind is like a little doggy gate that you put up for those fat sausage dogs. The only gate you live behind is some decorative gate that has a rooster on it that you put on your kitchen wall. That you might be able to smash some bottles of wine through the holes. It's not even a gate. Your wine rack is not a gate. It's really a wine rack.

What were the words she was trying to say? Where she's like, did I say it right? I don't even know how to say it. It was phenomenon. She kept going, phenomenon. Yeah. Phenomenon. By the the way vicky's impersonation of gretchen was pitch perfect it was so good i i love just how much vicky does not even give a

shit about gretchen like she's so dismissive of her now it is the funniest shit like that if anything is gonna make vicky that's why she's the og you know because when you are on her bad side boom she i mean as dumb as vicky is she knows how to shut Gretchen down, which I'm obsessed with. And you know what? They can keep, you know, I complained earlier about New Jersey where it's like we always cut back to Caroline crying about her son, you know, getting booted from college or whatever. But nothing makes me happier than when they cut back to that 80s bunco party. That is gold to me. That really is.

I mean, Gretchen looks dumb enough and I love that she's like going after Vicky, but Vicky's hair. Vicky's hair steals that scene regardless of the words coming out of either of their mouths. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness.

I will say this. Gretchen, shut up. Shut up. You're stupid. As awful as Vicky isicky is and again she is terrible from her plastic surgery to pretty much everything i will say that i do really really like her kids yeah and we get a lot of brianna on the show but her son is like really funny too and i actually loved the scenes from season two where she did go um to his fr house. And I just like I just brought back like so many good memories. I'm such a dork.

But I love OC, I think, more than any one of these franchises. And I just the first like four seasons of this show, I think, are just magic. And I miss Gina. I miss Joe. And I miss Tammy Knickerbocker. And I just think at this point, like the entire time I'm watching this and whenever they would throw heather or or alexis or even that new little uh giraffe girl in i it was just pissing me off because i was like they're just they're just not as good and they never will be even if you give them three seasons they're never going to be that good well

i will say this put in season five because season five was the season when lynn's life fell apart and that was actually captivating. That was great. The eviction notice, which they did bring up. I mean, imagine an eviction notice being handed to your child on TV. And her kids were already spiraling out of control. I mean, it was just, like, riveting. I will say this.

I actually think this season of OC is the best season since probably that, since season five. It is on point. Okay, so where do you guys think peggy was god i don't know she was probably like making little marks on a door frame while her husband stood against it to see if he'd grown an inch um maybe she's battling postpartum depression five years after giving birth to her last child maybe Maybe she's in the ER. After having ingested some strange. Octopus embryo. To heal her eyebrows.

Maybe she's at the snack bar. At Sky Zone Fitness. Fucking Jim Bellino. While Alexis is at home with the babies. Oh my god. Why wasn't she there? I didn't even notice that she wasn't there. Sorry Pegs.

Did you also notice that. I loved Peggy. She was a good shitster. But did you even notice that she wasn't there. Sorry, Pegs. Did you also notice that... I loved Peggy. She was a good shitster. But did you also notice that they barely talked to Alexis? Yeah, not that much. And Alexis did not look very good. Well, you know, Alexis talked herself back onto this season. And she's not filming with anybody.

So I'm sure that they are pissed. Yeah. She will not be on this show much longer, I'm sure. She's a goner. She's not even fun anymore. All she does is whine. As opposed to Slade, who will do whatever he can

to be on this show. Oh my god. The admission that Slade paid his way onto this show was probably the best part of the night, I thought. Oh, absolutely. And proudly, proudly he did it. Like, with a little gleam in his eye. And I loved also that he

was looking at old footage of himself and he goes, oh, I look like such a douche. I'm like, eh, I wouldn't put that in past tense. Yeah, no kidding. And I love that he was saying that he broke up with Joe because she got too famous and she got too big for her britches and started ignoring him so he got rid of her like gross when he talked

about why the show was good because it accelerated their inevitable breakup it reminded me again i mean there's so many things that remind me of how much i hate slade but it really reminded me of the slate of that first season who was such an asshole the way he said yeah that the show really brought out some some bad things in her that i might not have seen until a few years down the line as if it was like all her like like she was the one who changed or she was the one who was really terrible and not it was wasn't him wasn't slayed i mean she's probably poor and like living on the same block as us ben like all reality stars do but that girl is so lucky that she was able to escape from his clutches and from orange

county and from those french made outfits i mean again she's probably like a waitress at like some sushi restaurant on sunset and i'm sure that life in some way is so much better than had she stayed behind the gates well two things andy mentioned on watch what watch what happens a while back um they were they brought someone brought up joe and like, yeah, she's like a bartender in Manhattan. And the guest was like, oh, my God, that's sad. And he's like, yeah. She didn't know what she was doing. He's like, yeah.

He was like really bitchy about it. And look, Jo is still like semi-paralyzed in the face. Like there's something not working there. And she is still trying way too hard to make one-liners that just don't make any sense but you know god bless her i feel for her because she did it's like she was on a train and she got off the train to get a bag of fritos and the train left her and now she's just stuck somewhere she doesn't know where she is and she's just holding some fritos she's like i didn't want fritos. Where am I? Listen, she's better off. She could be

off of 8th Avenue on her hands and knees, wiping down the cum from some stupid, like, XXX video peep show, and she'd be in a better place than if she were still with Slade. I agree. I agree. Except that Ashley should join her from Princesses. Oh, God. She will.

She'll have her day. I feel so terrible because I've liked Gretchen for so long. But after watching this and really because I feel like the show has done a really good job of kind of keeping Slade at bay. Yeah. Like he's had some moments like we were reminded of the fight with Vicky and calling her Miss Piggy. It was disgusting. And this year with the have a cheeseburger, honey or whatever, like disgusting. But for the most part, he's kept

away from us. And really seeing how disgusting that fucking asshole is, it made me think Gretchen's disgusting because I actually really used to love her. She was one of my favorites. She was one of the best of the housewives. And I just can't love her now because she's just disgusting.

There's got to be something there that she's disgusting if she's with that pig. She's fucked up her face. She's become obnoxious. She thinks she's hilarious. She thinks she's the hottest. I mean, she's got a great body, but she has a tranny face now. And she thinks she's very bright, and she does want a lot of attention.

And Slade has brought her down. And I actually feel like Gretchen is awful now, and I blame Slade. I feel like she wasn't awful. She used to be self-aware. She used to be funny. And she sometimes has glimmers of that. She's ruined.

She is ruined. And especially if she really, like I know that they're engaged, but if she gets married and has a baby with him, ugh. If she does, then she deserves what she gets. And to answer your question about the old versus

the new, I think you were asking that earlier. I really, you know, first of all, Lydia is hilarious. I loved all of the stuff she said last night. She's like, well, there's a bleep machine and when you watch a show, there's a bleep machine going off, but when you're in it, you're like, where's the bleep machine?

See, this cast is already filled with idiots. I'm like, I really like she and Heather. Heather's not an idiot, but I just I really don't like them. Well, Heather's just a fame whore. You know, she's like, well, I'm very proud to be a part of pop culture history. Yeah, it's like pop culture history. It's like whatever you need to tell yourself to feel important, you failed fucking actress.

Right, and it's like, bitch, you joined season seven and you'll be lucky to make it four seasons total. Go away. She's ridiculous. Don't hate her, but she adds nothing. Lydia so far adds nothing. No, I like Lydia. I think Lydia adds. I like Lydia. She was fucking

hilarious. She's hilarious all season. What did she say? What did she say on the special episode that was so fucking funny? On this one? I might. I just love it. And she had another line that was really funny. I just don't remember what it was.

Well, she was like, you know, you watch this on TV and you see these women screaming at each other and it's kind of fun and you can go on with your day. But when you're in it and this lady is getting screamed at that you're there with and you can't leave and you're like, where's the door? I thought that was funny. I actually agree. I'll give her that.

I guess, you know, I think my bitterness really just stems from the fact that my favorite housewife is Gina and she got the raw deal and I feel like they should invite her back. I mean, she is one of the originals too. I would like to see them bring all those old Aggie women back.

I think that that's what it should be. I don't think it should be Gretchen's. I think the Real Housewives have really gone down a bad path with getting all these youngish girls who think they're... Exactly. This should be 50-year-old women who are fighting with each other. That is the demo that they targeted.

Or 40. I like them in their 40s, too. But that's what us homos want. And the thing is, the story between Vicky and Gina and the fact that they're still neighbors, that is delicious shit that they are not mining for gold. And then you also have Lori, who's resurfaced after all these years. Right, and clearly they all hate they all hate laurie except for tamra i mean it's great stuff tamra follows the money she knows what's up i quit just kidding wow um yeah i didn't think it was that that shocking

of a statement no no it wasn't um yeah i agree i just want the i want all those haggie women back they're so bitter they've all been beaten down by life and I think it would be amazing and also I'm so glad that Gina's asshole of a son came back with a big herb on his lip and thinks he's an actor that's hilarious the entire time yeah yeah that's called casting couch right there

yeah he is not an actor and I love he's so stupid he's like yeah I love how everything came full circle because I was on TV and now I'm an actor. And guess what? It's not a full circle because the only reason you're on TV is because you're on this. You ain't on TV because you're an actor. Fool.

He probably like his mom really still isn't even on the cast. Well, someone probably told him that Vine was actually like NBC News. And so he probably says there it does reports. I'm Shane. And this is the special report. Oh, it's over. I'm Shane, and this is the special report. Oh, it's over. I'm Shane. My mom's a dumb bitch.

More at 11. Do you not like Cara as awful as she was when she was on the show? I think she's hilarious, and I love that she's also becoming a mini Kristen Cavallari. Like, I was on a reality show, and now I'm going to marry a professional football star. Who is she marrying, by the way? Probably someone from UCLA, right? Probably. i'll look it up right now as we continue to what player she and that was by the way such a backdoor brag she was like i'm just like my mom you know you're marrying an athlete i'm like shut up i thought she's gonna say she's gonna pose for

playboy yeah she's she's fucking unbearable that one she. I'm just like my mom. I'm going to be really fat in about 10 years. Sorry. That was me and everyone. That's kind of what I like about the older women. I like that they're not that cheap. They're real. I like that they're just moms. That always fascinated me as a child, and it really did shape who I am today, probably for the worse.

as a child and it really did shape who I am today. Probably for the worse. But I was a total mama's boy and she used to be in Junior League and hang out with all the Junior League ladies every afternoon and get shit-faced on Boxed Wine and the kids were supposed to be off playing together and I would sit there and laugh at these women. They were so catty and hilarious.

And I think that's why I love these shows and I want it to be that. I don't want it to be Gretchen trying to sell a fucking purse and dating some douchebag. i agree i i think that like also when you have like the young hot quote-unquote housewives they don't really have as much life experience i mean a lot of them are our age but we don't have a lot of that life experience you know once you're like 40 or so and you have some you have some kids who are like not like adults yeah they're not babies because those kids that's a really good point Ben

because the moms could interact with the children on those shows like you can't interact with the babies they're just you have a frame of reference a little bit and it's sort of like what Ronnie was getting to like these women that have been sort of like locked up a little bit and now they're sort of like getting to be women

like not women again but like you know got to be more than just moms again but when you have like joanna krupa's and gretchen's and alexis's these just these vapid young women who um not saying that if you're 30 you're vapid but these happen to be vapid women i just i just don't think it's as interesting yeah and you mix them in with the old women just because that'll start a fight. And it does start a fight, but it's not a fun fight. It's not a fun fight because it's not a fair fight. Yeah, exactly. I looked up her fiancé, by the way, and he is hot as fuck.

What's his name? His name is Kyle Bosworth, and he plays for the Jacksonville Jaguars. So she apparently graduated from UCLA. She was interning at E and she moved to Florida to be with her man and I am digging it. I wonder if he's related to Brian Bosworth. You mean the star of that really bad movie called

Ice Hard Cold or something. I think it was like Stone Cold or Stone. Yeah and it showed him like jumping in like parachute pants onto the hood of a Camaro. That was like in 1990. It was like all about the bars and then he went away. He's probably dead. No, he's alive. He got injured. Oh. Are you talking about

when you start talking sports, I start seeing TV fuzz. I don't understand. The kid that I like seeing all the kids, even the douchebag. The one that really depressed me was Tamara's kid. I mean, he's like this show, you know, people think that you're a douchebag or whatever and they hate you. But they don't understand that, you know, you can change so much between 21 and 27.

And this show has shaped who I am. And I'm proud of myself. I'm like, are you kidding? Because I think that the tin can that you're holding to, like, beg for change is off screen. But I'm sure you're holding it. Yeah. He also has aged very, very, very poorly. He looks like

he took a dip in the meth pool and has had some trouble coming back. Everything looks wrong. He looks all dried out. He looks like a tube of toothpaste. It's all done squeezed out. He's taken some beauty tips from the princesses of Long Island.

We need to backtrack to Kara Kehoe for a second i just did some more research ben her ronnie this is going to be fuzz for you um her fiance kyle bosworth now just recently signed with the new york giants and he is the nephew of former nflbacker Brian Bosworth. Aha! Well, I mean, I feel like we can't top that. Should we just... Okay, so let's move on to Neely West because we've been talking forever and that show had its season finale last night and it was redonk, redonk-donk.

I'm not gonna lie, I love this show. It had really good ratings for the past few weeks. It's like 1.4 million viewers is huge for Bravo. I just, for some reason, I've been talking shit about them week after week. But now that we've gotten to the finale, I feel like I'm fully invested with these people's lives. And I need a season two. And I hope, I don't know what it's like to get married.

I mean, now that we can get married, yay. But I don't know if you can still be considered a newlywed after your first year of marriage. But I need to know what happens to these people. Well, Bravo has no trouble changing the name of their shows. That is true. Bethany getting married. Bethany having a baby. Bethany going through a horrible divorce.

I wish they would have had that one. Actually, that would have been amazing. Did any of them get divorced? No, they all made it. Oh, that's stupid. I know. Isn't that lame? that one actually that would have been amazing did any of them get divorced no they all made it oh that's stupid i know it's lame i think the tv cameras probably actually helped them in this case since it was all about them being married they were like we can't get divorced well just wait till they you know some of them they just brought a baby home i mean that that one nebbish

an obnoxious couple from new york I mean, they got pregnant on their honeymoon. And the entire time, like this episode, the dude is like, yeah, well, if I had to do it all over again, I definitely wouldn't have gotten, you know, I had a baby as soon as I got married. And I'm like, oh, well, now we see how this is going to go. Well, the George Costanza guy is a total pig. But at the end of the day, she likes it. Like she thinks it's so funny. And they have kind of a little repartee going on. Repartee. God, I'm feeling Gretchen.

I'm like Gretchen today. We talked about Gretchen too much. But they actually ended up being kind of cute at the end. I mean, I guess because you get, you know, it's like the curse of watching reality TV. You're watching horrible, uneducated morons. And then they grow on you. And you can't help but like them. because it's like a Miley Cyrus song. Like, you hate her, but those songs keep playing over and over, and you're brainwashed.

And I kind of like them now. I mean, not Miley Cyrus. I guess I do like her. But, you know, the George Costanzas. The one that I hate is that Indian chick. Oh, I hate her. Oh, my God. She threw a glass of water in the commercials,

and I felt like I'd seen the whole episode after that point. I'm sorry, but what she did in the fight that she had with her father was 100% justified. Oh, my God, Matthew. I'm never fighting with you if that's how you act. Her father's getting remarried, and she's like, But no! I'm new, Daddy!

I'm what? Screaming, throwing things, literally screaming and throwing things and stomping her feet and fake crying. I mean, it was embarrassing. That girl just needs to be shot. Wow. Shot up with something. Shot up with something. How about that?

If someone shoots her, I don't want it to be. Shot up with piss. Watch what crap is inside of violence. How about shot up with some Xanax or some kind of drug? She's too much. And why didn't they ask her to leave? I love that the busboy just came by and picked up the glass. Well, the funny thing is, like, you know, most of these things are staged.

I feel like that interaction wasn't because, like, the people in the restaurant clearly were pissed. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Well, it's staged with her. That girl tries way too hard you can tell how fake she is she's just a hideous human being

if there's any one reason why I don't watch the show it's because of her, I think she's just so awful and not like funny awful she's just awful awful the people on our Facebook are talking about how they were all on watch what crap happens last night and Andy was being bitchy and it was probably

because he hated her. I noticed it in the preview that he was sitting right next to her. How was that reunion? I mean, last time Andy hosted a live reunion, we all know how that went. It was awful. I can't watch that show.

I think that show's terrible, so I don't watch that show. I can't. I can't. Not for me, but Newlyweds. And what else happened? The gays went to therapy and, like, did role-playing. Role-playing, like, on a bed in front of a psychiatrist, psychologist, whatever. It was gross.

Yeah, it was really gross. I think that, in general, I like Blair. I think it was really gross. I think that in general, I like Blair. I think he's really funny, but too much. Like talking about how he can't even give a blowjob to his husband on the couch. I don't need to hear it. I don't need to hear it. Stop it. Anybody that talks like sex terms also like in baby voice, like, well, it's been two weeks since I got the pee-pee and the booty.

I'm like, I'm out gross yeah that's right there that right there is a boner killer hashtag boner killer yeah and they said that on um watch what crap happens that he was like or watch what happens that he was like um well our sex life improved since i started getting enemas you know what I do not want to hear even that I just said it I'm disgusted with myself that I just said it I am crawling into a little fetal position right now

I'm getting under my desk and I'm hoping that when I emerge this never happened I'm hoping this is just a cruel dream I hope it's like that scene in Labyrinth where Jennifer Connelly lies down on a bed and then she closes her eyes and she opens and she goes, Ah, it was just a dream. But she obviously is still in her dream.

I know that's what's going to happen to me. Yeah, it was for me just too much, guys. I can't. I'm really glad that it's ended. But I did have fun watching it. I watched the whole thing. Will you watch it again next season if it comes back? Yeah, I think I'll watch it again.

I mean, I don't know if they're going to have new people or not. But if they bring Tina back, probably not. She's vile. Okay, I get that. I understand. Tina's the Bollywood one. Yeah, she's just disgust. I just see, like, big purple duck lips.

I'm just like, ugh. And it's always some drama. Like today it's like the season finale. Oh, I'm going to get vaginal cancer. Shut up with your vagina cancer. You do not have it. And if you did, it's because God watches this show. Okay? Shut up. There it is. There go the listeners.

My Holocaust joke was nothing. Just getting started. Come on, guys. Lighten up. It's a Wednesday. It's a hump day. And we got Big Brother tonight.

Yeah, let's end this because we only have one hour before Big Brother. Wait, I have to drive home. We're going to have to do 930. That's fine. Okay, just leave now. Leave now, girl. Run, Molly, run. All right, so everyone, thanks for listening.

You can, again, follow us on facebook.com forward slash watch what crappens. Also leave some five-star reviews if you're so inclined on iTunes where you should be subscribed to us anyway. Listen to us on SoundCloud as well. And Matt is at Life on the M-List. I'm at B-Side Blog. And Ronnie is at Ronnie Caramon Vine and Trash Tweet TV on Twitter. But for Matt and I, our handles are for all of our things. So please follow.

You're great with your handle for all your general purpose handles. We make it easy for you. I think last week I said that I changed my handle to bsideblog on Vine because I wanted to make my social media networks more coherent, which is the improper use of coherent, although nothing could make me more coherent. But it did make it more cohesive branding-wise. So anyway, yeah, it's been fun times hi everybody love you mean it call me bye

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