Watch What Crappens - #85: Bloody Piggies, Family Therapy, and Jewish Weddings

Episode Date: July 25, 2013

This week on "Watch What Crappens," Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com), Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com), and Matt Whitfield (Yahoo!) tackle everything on Bravo: Vicki and Brooks' relationship, Bloody Piggies, Gretchen's singing, Alexis's acting, Joe Gorga's spray hair, Dr. V's crossover appearance, and Chanel's old maid life. Plus, crazy gossip about Princess's Ashlee as well as updates about Bethenny Frankel's divorce and Kenya Moore's pay raise. Come listen! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace, the all-in-one platform that makes it fast and easy to create your own professional website or online portfolio. For a free trial and 10% off, go to squarespace.com and use offer code CRAP8. C-R-A-P-8. I'm excited and I'm ready to go. I'm stopping taking over the world. I'm excited, I'm American, yeah. I was raised by a television.

Hey everybody, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast dedicated to all that crap we love to watch on Bravo. My name is Matt Whitfield, and Ronnie, where do I work? I love the way you say Yahoo. Yahoo! I'm Matt Whitfield from Yahoo, and joining me as always are Ronnie Karam and Ben Mandruk. Ben, I fucked it up, Ben. Do you even know my name? Do you even know who I am? I'm just going to call you Ben.

I'm going to pretend like you're like Cher or Prince. Just one word, one name does it all or like liberace i'm ben i like that you wanted to gay it up with liberace why not we're gonna talk about bravo why not gay it up good well we are back you guys for another episode we're gonna be talking about the real housewives of new jersey which was delicious the real housewives of orange, which was extra delicious. We're also going to talk about Princesses from Long Island, our favorite new show on TV.

And I'm going to talk probably by myself about Below Deck because I'm obsessed with this. I don't know that Ben and Ronnie are fully caught up, but I love that. And we're also going to talk some shit about Property Envy with Jeff Lewis and maybe a little bit about

Interior Therapy with Jeff Lewis. maybe a little bit about Interior Therapy with Jeff Lewis. But before we get started, you can find me, Matt, on Twitter, on Instagram, and on Vine at Life on the M-List. You can find Ben at B-Side Blog across the board. And you can find Ronnie Karam across the board at Trash Talk TV. Am I correct? No, just put me on Instagram there. and then that's it. And then the site is TrashTalkTV.com. Yes, and you guys definitely need to go to TrashTalkTV.com

because Ronnie is producing some amazingly hilariousness. And Ben, can we still vote for your TV blog? Is the voting over, or are we still voting for you because you were nominated? Voting is over, but thank you guys so much. For those of you who did vote for my site

to be Best TV Blog by LA Weekly, I greatly appreciate it. I've never been nominated and it is just an honor to be nominated but it would be a bigger honor to actually win, so thank all you motherfuckers for voting for me. I cannot wait for your acceptance

speech when you do win i'm looking very forward to that um we also what you don't think you're gonna win i don't think there are acceptance speeches but i'll make sure that i'll just get up to i'll find a podium somewhere in los angeles and thank someone you know what i think that you should contact chanel from princesses so that she can start working on a speech for you in advance. I know. Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be married. Thank you, LA Weekly. See, okay, we already have it in the bag, so you don't need to worry about that.

This is almost as good as a husband. Now I see how much potential I have because you found someone wonderful, and now I know I can find one, too, in 30 years. Is anybody listening to me? Is anybody listening to me? Is anybody listening to me? Allow? Allow?

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Malchalom Hashera kiddushana b'misetah v'tzivanu el hach wedding. For English Press 2. I will see both of you in hell and anybody else can feel free to join us in hell because that's where we will be residing not too far in the future. But thank you all for joining us on this podcast.

Thank you for playing along on Facebook. We're at Facebook.com. Is it over already? Is it already over? And you can also find us on Twitter at What Crappens. We appreciate it. We love some iTunes comments. I'm not getting enough of those.

I check them on a daily basis. My ego is enough of those. I check them on a daily basis. My ego is based upon those, and if we get anything less than five stars, I start stabbing things. How many reviews do we have these days, Matt? We're over 300 reviews

on the iTunes, but I'd like a few more. What can I say? I'm a greedy bitch. I think it's always good to get positive affirmations. Because even though we tear people down on a weekly basis, we want nothing but for people to build us up. Exactly. So, thank you. I mean, hello, this is a free podcast.

Do us a fucking favor. Not that we have a sense of entitlement or anything. No, not at all. Not that I've been rude to people on our Facebook email inbox at all. I haven't done that by any means. You're always a gentleman, Matt. And everyone, by the way, if you have a complaint and you wish to message us on Facebook, just remember

if you mess with the bull, you're going to get the horns. And of course, I refer to the maciated bull that was in Mexico that we saw on Real Housewives of Orange County. And or me, because I am a Taurus, and if you send some nasty comments on our Facebook page, I will write something very rude back, and then Ben will come in to smooth things over.

Yeah, and Ronnie too, perhaps. Ronnie too. Anyway, you guys, before we get into the shows, let's talk a little gossip. We haven't done that in the past few weeks, but a lot of shit has been popping up. I have a few in front of me. I'd love to start by talking about the pay raise that Kenyaya moore is getting for the sixth season of real housewives of atlanta oh wow she's getting i read this on your very own website matt on yahoo omg yahoo uh what that

she's getting six hundred thousand dollars an episode or season season or episode season per season she's getting 600 per episode this vault ahead. Obviously, she deserves to make more than Portia. No-brainer. Speaking of no-brainers. But the $600,000 a year that she's going to get for her Gone with the Wind fabulousness is catapulting her over Phaedra Parks, who's been with the show for three-plus seasons. Now, that article said that Phaedra Parks will only be earning $50,000. But I have to say—

That was a typo in the article. It was $500,000 per season for Phaedra Parks will only be earning $50,000. That was a typo in the article. It was $500,000 per season. That's a drastic difference. They're like, hey Phaedra, here's some gum. But she'd probably do it for a stick of gum. No, she wouldn't do it for some gum. She's too much of a southern bill. Well, $50,000 will get you far in Atlanta.

You could probably buy like three office buildings with that. That is true. You could maybe buy a three office buildings with that. That is true. Probably. You could maybe buy a floor in Cary and Duncan. No, you could probably only buy a cubicle in Cary and Duncan's medical building. You could probably buy a bar and call it Bar One and open it up and have it open once or twice per year for Bravo filming. Yes, that's true. Yes, that's true. And then maybe you could have some overlapping stars like Chef Roble coming by and or that crazy blonde bitch who showed up from that horrible psychiatric show on Real Housewives of New Jersey this week, but we'll get there in a minute.

Okay, does Kenya Moore deserve to make $600,000 per season? I say yes as much as I hate her because she brings the drama like nobody else can uh i say i say yes but i have to say um also that someone posted on our facebook page let me see who it was oh guess what it was nicole johan rand and she uh posted an article that says sort of conflicting information matt uh this one says that teresa makes a whopping six hundred thousand dollars a season which makes her the highest paid housewife. And they said that Nene only makes $350,000. But I don't know. One of these is not true. Not true.

Nene bumped up to a million this year. Yeah. And all of these women have different incentives in their contracts. For example, if Kim Zolciak pulls off her wig, she gets a check for 50 grand or, you know, an additional 50 grand. I mean, it's so silly but no it's true you know a homosexual like andy cohen is sitting up in some office building and going my job for the day is to come up with all these fucked up clauses for these women's contracts

so it's like if theresa flips a table extra 200 grand if joe and joe brawl extra 40 grand for each dude i mean that shit is definitely in those contracts. Yeah, absolutely. For instance, like Candy, she has to say, once an episode or else she loses $40,000. What would somebody like Leah Black have to say? How fun is that? What would somebody like Mama Joyce have to say?

That's not me, Ronnie. Hello, Ronnie. Oh. I was trying to think of who from Real Housewives of Miami that was. There's too many women. Too many women. We have to stick. No, we have to stick with the women at the time.

I've got different women in my head. This is two to one, Ronnie. Give me some Mama Joyce. That is wrong to pick me out like that. No! Thank you. That's all that I required. Don't be printing out impressions.

I'm sitting here looking at the internet. Excuse me, Ronnie. Do you realize that this podcast is based on your impressions, Ben's impressions, and your singing abilities of gay-ass show tunes? Nothing else matters. Yeah, exactly. So know your audience and deliver what they want, motherfucker. When we call on Mama Joyce, we expect there to be a Mama Joyce impersonation on the ready.

When I call on that crazy German man that screams in... Sit down, shut up, and listen to the music. See, Ben provides, Ronnie. Don't be like... Give me an incentive! That's what he says, by the way. That's why I met you. I know as an only child I'm very demanding,

but don't worry, Ronnie. We'll ask you for some Vicki Gundelson later when we talk about Real Housewives of Orange County. Oh, you missed it. When we had Amy on, she really did a spectacular Vicki Gundelson. Well, Amy is the shit, so that is to be expected and her bethany

i'm telling you her bethany was amazing if people if you're listening and you did not listen to last week's episode do yourself a favor and listen to it because amy phillips it does great things with her voice um ben what a perfect segue because now i want to talk about bethany frankel's divorce which again has new layers uh divulged by in touch weekly which is a very very credible source earlier today they said that jason is now going for the jugular and telling the judge all of this crazy shit that bethany would do to him like walking because they're still same apartment she would walk in in the morning and throw buckets of water on his head and scream for him to wake up that she um

totally upsets brin by forcing a non-animal product diet on her that brin locks herself in the bathroom crying that the firefighters had to knock down a bathroom door and brin was cowering in the corner i don't believe any of it i don't believe any of it call him but bethany also did call him white trash and i do believe she did that and I agree with her 100% Bethany is mashugana as they say she is a crazy lady she's got hang ups she's nutso but I don't think she's pouring

water on her husband's head to wake him up all she has to do is speak her voice sounds like a buzzsaw nothing can sleep through that she can wake up anything. They should send her to a hospital and wake up all her comatose people because all she has to do is start talking, and that's what they'll do. Well, I do agree that it's totally child abuse to force your child on some bullshit vegetarian diet. You know what?

Let's stop forcing our children on this stuff. My sister is gluten-free, and now her kids can't eat gluten. They can't have a fucking chickpea. sister is gluten-free and now her kids can't eat gluten they can't have a fucking chickpea they're allergic to all this like mysterious stuff that my sister got told she was you know from some hippie doctor not even some real doctor stop it it's child abuse if i can't take my nieces to mcdonald's you're fucking with their heads and you're fucking with my head make it stop okay i'm gonna say this i believe that yoga and gluten-free allergies are all myths. I don't believe that they are real.

I don't believe that they exist. I don't believe that yoga does anything for you. Yoga does do things for you. But gluten-free, I don't know. Gluten-free is a facade. And everybody that's buying into that is wasting their time. It's like a trend. Cupcakes were a trend in LA three years ago.

Get over it. Yeah, I think some people do actually have gluten allergies. But I think the majority of people who say they do, do not. Right, I mean, it's trendy like a denim skort was, or is. Yeah. Anyway, Bethany is apparently a nightmare, but I still love her and her products and I don't care, and I hate Jason Hoppy. That's my side of the story. Yeah. You know he's got to be mentally deranged to get married to her in the first place,

right? So the blame lies on her, on him, not with her. He knew what he was getting involved with, okay? You can't sue. It's honestly, it's like going and encountering a bear and then getting mad at the bear for wanting to attack you. It's in the bear's nature. That's what it's going to do. You should have stayed away from the bear

in the first place. Yeah, you can't marry a toothpick and then get mad when it cleans your teeth. And cleans out your wallet. It's a robber toothpick! Wait, didn't I have a skeleton? What was my funny

little thing once upon a time? You had a spider butler, right? I had a spider butler. Never forget the spider butler. Why do you have a spider butler? i had a spider butler never forget the spider but why do you have a spider butler where did that come from i feel like maybe we were podcasting when i was in my old place in larchmont village and there was a spider on the wall and i screamed and then you said i needed a butler because i'm like a spoiled only child which all of these things true your spider butler i i still think you should have a spider butler that's like named jeeves and he comes comes with a little plate and delivers you messages and meals. Will he look like the butler from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?

I would say more Downton Abbey. Imagine Thomas from Downton Abbey with eight arms. I'm in. I'm in. Done. And why isn't there a Bravo show about but butlers like i mean down abbey is like all the rage oh there will be god there will be you keep delivering the best segues because the last bit of gossip i was going to bring up is a new show that was announced today by bravo that they have greenlit entitled not entitled titled well it's also entitled game of crowns game of crowns starring beauty pageant dentists oh oh i dentists? Oh, I thought it was about dentists. Ooh, sexy dentists in Tacoma, Washington.

That would be amazing. Game of Crowns. Get out of here. So what's that going to be, Game of Crowns? What do the moms have to do with anything? I think it's because the popularity of Honey Boo Boo is going to be about moms of Honey Boo Boo slash meets the moms of the dance world. Right. Did you guys hear about that? It was just a, I guess it was just like a pilot to see if they can run

it later, but you know, because they have toddlers and tiaras, and so they did one called Crown Chasers, and it was beauty pageants, but for the Mrs. crowd, for the older ladies, and I just think that that's the best idea, like instead of Miss America, just have it be moms. Because the questions will be so much more truthful.

It'll be like, so what would you say to young, you know, young aspiring women who want to change the world? And they could just be like, don't vote for Obama unless you want to see your wallet emptied. You know, like they could just like give real mom answers to everything. I like that. I like that. I like that. Sorry, what were you going to say?

Something about butlers or crowns. I guess that would make sense for Bravo. I think one thing I don't approve of with all their new shows, I noticed a trend with them lately. And it's that they've decided that to be on a reality show, you don't have to really work out and be hot anymore. I don't know when with all their new shows i noticed a trend with them lately and it's that they've decided that to be on a reality show you don't have to really work out and be hot anymore i don't know when that went away i think they went through all the pretty people because they've got so many reality shows i'm against all these homely people on reality shows i was watching princesses the other day and i was like this is not fair oh i love i love a homely girl on reality TV. They make the best reality TV. The pretty ones are always the

vapid, shrill, annoying ones that are playing it up for the air. The homely ones, they're the ones that are usually shy and awkward, and then as you peel back the layers, you discover a real rich layer of crazy. And I love that. You're right, and I don't even necessarily mean the women. I think I mean the men

more. Oh, the men have to be hot, yes, hot yes for sure no this is women's television we're talking about yeah you know the women should be able to look however they want but i don't want to look at fucking kramer from seinfeld i want someone hot i don't want to see some midget dating some old guy like on princesses that okay you know what i'm gonna call your ass a hypocrite right now because you're the one whenever i bring up how disgusting joe gorga is you're always fighting for that one and he is a little rumple dumbley troll he's hot with a with a with a spray can full of spray painted fucking head yeah he's hot now let me tell you something if you want to talk about gossip about this ronnie provided good segue, which is that remember the first episode of Princesses?

They went to a pool party, and there were those hot guys from the South Shore? Well, one of them, one of the shirtless guys, he was a middle school teacher. He'd been at this one school for seven or eight years teaching health, and he got fired because he appeared on the episode, and he was shirtless. And now there's this big movement to get his job back like the parents and the other teachers are all on his side it's just the the board of ed was upset so this poor guy his name is steven something another um and he's hot so he he deserves to get his job back i say well we can we can tell how good that school system is just by watching this show so that school system needs to pay a little more attention to teaching their children and stop worrying about the fucking one person in town that works out. Yeah.

And by the way, that article was also brought to us by Nicole Johan Rand. She's basically our own personal Anderson Cooper. She is our spider butler. Yeah. She's a news spider butler. You know what she is? She is our Christiane Amanpour Of stupid news

Stupid Bravo news Nicole Johanra NJR So what other news do we have? Is it time to move on to some TV talking? Let's talk I think it might be And if there's other stuff I'm sure it will pop up over the course of the podcast

Everyone stay tuned for gossip. What gorgeous city and or state would you boys like to start in? Oh, gosh. There were so many wonderful things. I defer to you, Matt, as our host for this week. Let's get

Southern California out of the way before we move to the East Coast. So let's start with the Real Housewives of Orange County. Oh, yes. Yes. Another good episode. I'm loving this season. It's been a real stellar season.

Right? All right. I guess not. I feel like Ronnie is looking at blocked porn on Tumblr right now and not paying attention, but that's fine. Yes, and I feel like you're distracted by your spider butler. Am I the only one here right now? No, attention but that's fine yes and i feel like you're distracted by your spider butler am i the only one here right now no no i'm here i'm looking on our facebook page um to see if there's anything i should bring up i'm sorry yeah honestly i see i didn't take any notes this week so i can't remember very much but it'll start to come back to me but i do remember that um lydia had a meeting okay let's start with that one let's start there what life group the

life group is that a real thing? Is that like a thing? She started by calling it Bible study. And then she was like, well, it's not Bible study. It's where we just talk about life. Then it's not. Then why are you then why? Then just have people over for dinner. Well, because they're talking about how it relates

to their spirituality and their religion. I actually, honestly, I hate you know, I hate the Bible-thumping people on reality TV. I really do. But Lydia really does not bother me because I do feel like she does it in a reasonable way and I don't feel like she tries to force her beliefs onto everyone. That being said, I thought the meeting

was hilarious. She does like to force cheap-ass cake from Ralph's on people. My god, she's a fucking millionaire. Hire a chef. I know. Hire a chef. I know. Hire Bernie. He'll come down from Beverly Hills. I know.

Listen, you know, they don't have good food in Orange County. Oh, that was the thing. You know, I went to Orange County over the weekend. BT Dubs. BT Dubs. Here's my little piece of gossip. I went to Orange County.

Oh, here we go. Sidebar. Ben's about to name drop everybody. No, there's no name dropping. I saw no Orange County celebrities. But I just thought you'd appreciate this since we talk about orange county and the inland empire so much which are two different places people um i went camping and the campsite turned out to be this like white trash area it was literally right off the five um it was it was like on

real house of new jersey when they were camping out in a parking lot that's what the campsite was a parking lot and you were cheeked byite was like. It was a parking lot. And you were cheek by jowl. Is it near that place that has the go-kart track and the windmill mini golf? Boomers? No. It was near, you know, the boobs. You know when you're driving down to San Diego and you pass the nuclear power plant that looks like a set of boobs? It's Camp Pendleton.

I'm into other anatomy, sorry. So it was by Camp Pendleton. And so what happened was we thought it was going to be beach camping. Like you park and you have your area and you're sort of secluded and it's nice. No, you are literally like five feet away from the next campsite. It was literally like tailgating. It was like tailgating in a parking lot that was next to a train track and next to the five. I mean it was as anti-camping lauren man

laura they're locking and then locking herself in an rv and then having her mom call her a fat sad slob i i i'm sure down the lot down down the way she was there you know throwing egg salad at her brothers from the rv windows but anyways the people next to us were trashy like crazy crazy crazy trashy and we overheard them talking and they were from the 949, which is – or the 909, which is the Inland Empire. And I believe they were from Azusa. No joke. Shut your face. I thought you guys would appreciate the fact that I was in Orange County trapped next to people from Azusa.

It was like the worst of both worlds. So, no, I know that tangentially has something to do with this podcast, but I thought people would appreciate it nonetheless. Were you hoping for a bear to attack you in the middle of the night? I was hoping for Heather Dubrow to come out and, you know, scare away the trash with some champagne bottles or something like that.

But alas, nothing happened. I hate her. I hate her. Like, beyond. I hate her. Like, beyond. I hate her so much. Should we talk about her? Are you eating some vanilla ice cream?

She ate all my vanilla ice cream. I hate her so much. Oh, please. Like, Heather's ever had ice cream in her life,ny-ass bitch. Okay. Okay, let's talk about Lydia for another second, though. Her husband is hot.

The end. Oh, yeah. And her friends, by the way, are all hot. Her husband's kind of like a butler from a horror movie. Like, he's, like, kind of arm-dangling. Like a porn horror movie? Like, hunched over, and he's talking. He's like,

people are here, honey. There's just something weird. He's like, lurch. There's just something not right about that guy. I think it's the exact opposite. I don't even know what you're watching. I think there might be a poltergeist in your television that is appearing during these scenes. I feel like there's something

weird about him. You're watching it on slow motion by accident. Ronnie, I think I figured it out. Ronnie, you watch The Ring. It's like, hey, thank you, baby. When I see him, I think of like an energetic golden retriever puppy that's like

wakeboarding. I think of someone who has a wonderful life, who plays tennis and just does everything perfectly. That's what I think of. That has a wonderful life, who plays tennis and just does everything perfectly. That sounds like me. That sounds exactly like me. What are you talking about? I see Matt Whitfield up there on TV. He is skinnier than I am, though, and I want to murder him and wear his

flesh. We'll be tight. You fucking asshole. You can turn it into a capelet. It won't fit all the way around. I'm going to have to belt it. Maybe just kill the couple and wear them both. Make it like into a stole.

You know, just wrap it around. I'm actually going to eat a few more cheeseburgers. Can you make it into like a pashmina? Like a Lydia husband pashmina. They can just wrap it around and go out in the town. Halloween is right around the corner, and now I'm going to have to find their address on Google. Listen, he's hot, and all their friends were hot too, by the way. They're just a bunch of hot people.

And I love how Lydia felt like... There was an ugly couple. Oh, okay. I blocked them out, obviously. There always is, and they're the only couple that actually reads the Bible and Bible study. I like how everyone was like... I feel like Lydia's question was, what's one thing you do that you think you do really well? Everyone's like, well, I help orphans, and wow, I volunteer. And everyone was like, I feel like, you know, Lydia's question was, what do you feel like you were, what's one thing you do that you think you do really well?

Everyone's like, well, I help orphans and wow, I volunteer. And Lydia's like, well, I giggle and I laugh and I think I'm pretty good at that. Like, I know how to shimmy. Shimmy. I can go down a roller coaster. I love that she thinks that that makes people comfortable. It makes me very uncomfortable. She's like, here's one thing that I'm good at.

It's making fun of skiers. I love that her friends are curing cancer. And she's like, well, I'm making the housewives get along better on ski trips. Great job, Lydia. Jesus is proud, honey. But at least she laughed about it. At least she laughed about how ridiculous her Instagram is, you know, compared to her friend who has pictures of orphans that she's healing. And now I'm starting to feel guilty about all of our Instagrams.

I haven't taken a selfie in a few days, Matt. I am a little sad about that, and I feel like you should take one right now, preferably SansPants. Well, if you insist. Okay, good. So what else? What was the next thing that happened?

We need to talk about Vicky's date with Brooks, because that was some awkward shit right there. He is so skeevy. I hate that. so they go on this date and she's wondering like what the hell like where do we stand yada yada yada and he by the way they always go to the same restaurant and they just put like a different mater d up front and it's always the same place with the same menu and they always order chardonnay and a martini it's always the same spider butler who greets you at the restaurant he just puts on a different accent and then they pretend and they show like an awning outside and

i'm like oh it's the same spot yeah no exactly um yeah so um she's like where do we stand and brooks is like well listen i can't be i can't be dating you with Brianna in the picture at all and uh I mean he kind of has a point right I mean he has a total point I mean I'm always team Brianna because I hate Vicky but if I was dating somebody and they're 30 plus or not they're they're 20 plus year old daughter who's now a mother was you know calling the shots and living off your dime and in that house I'd be pissed too yeah I think at a certain point you just gotta to say, Brianna, listen, get over it. Let your mom live her life. You're an adult.

Focus on your kid. You don't like Brooke. You don't have to marry him. Just make sure your finances are safe and you'll be fine. Yeah, but the reality is Brianna is looking towards the will and what she's going to inherit from Vicky and she doesn't want Brooke stealing her money. Well, the joke here is that any of these people have any money to begin with, okay? None of them do.

Well, I'd also like to point out that Brianna's 100% correct. The problem is that you guys are talking like people with normal brains. We're talking about Vicky here. That woman's a fucking moron. You can't just let your inheritance walk around sleeping with deadbeat dads, giving your money away. I mean, that's some bullshit. She needs to put her feet down.

I do. Put her feet. Her hooves. She needs to put her hooves down. She needs to step up onto a little ladder and then jump down with both feet and make sure they're down. Really emphasize her points. I mean, Brianna is right. I mean, Brooks is a creepy ass motherfucker i mean

he is currently being sued by vicky's partner who he met business partner who he met um also when when brooks after this whole diatribe then says the way i see it we're currently we're dating uh we're gonna make a lot of money together i'm like oh not the most romantic thing to say you know yeah if the rumor is that you're out for the money don't talk about how much money you're gonna make when you're they're gonna they're gonna make they're gonna make love in a uh jacuzzi full of bloody piggies made with vicky's vodka another terrible branding moment she what are you piggies are you well first of all what i loved is for the people who didn't necessarily watch so vicky was sampling her her vodka and she was sampling this bacon vodka with Bloody Mary mix and so she's like we gotta

name this drink something so Brooks of course being the brainchild that he is this is the brain that's gonna earn a lot of money he's like well why don't we call it a bacon vodka with Bloody Mary mix and she's like no no no and then finally they come up with the name of Bloody Piggy. I think that sounds vile. Is it me? I love that she's trying to, like, empower herself by being like, well, Slade called me Miss Piggy, so I'm going to take the reins of this one. It's like, no, you really still did go chop off your face and put on a new one because Slade made you feel bad. So just own that part of it. And then we'll start talking about your drinks,

bitch. What do you think the drink should have been called? Oh God. Bloody swine. Desperate, desperate, desperate. Could be called Jews.

Don't drink this. Cause it's got pig in it guys. That's actually the full name. Jews. Don't drink this. Cause we got pig in it, guys. That's actually the full name. Jews don't drink this because it's got pig in it. Guys. Hi, I'd like a Jews don't drink this because it's got pig in it, but guys, please, thanks. On the rocks.

Why does that have to be bacon flavored? Can everything stop being bacon flavored? I know that that's a trend, but that needs to stop. It's gross already. It's gross. You know what's going to happen? The new season of Top Chef Masters is going to come up, and every motherfucking appetizer or amuse-bouche is going to be filled with bacon-infused dot, dot, dot, fill in the blank.

Enough with the goddamn bacon. It's been like that for a few years. Yeah. I think that bacon, honestly, bacon jumped the shark when that annoying guy was on Big Brother two years ago, Adam, and he kept on talking about bacon

every two seconds. I was like, you know what? I'm done with bacon now. I am so sick of people thinking it's so cool to mention bacon. Like, you know,

we love bacon, but give it up. It's like, it's not like so clever to put bacon in everything. And Vicky, do you really want to align yourself,

your lady brand with slabs of smoked meat? Please never say lady brand and slabs of smoked meat in the same sentence again. Well, that's what she's doing. Who wants to drink bacon? That's just the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life.

Who wants to be on a date and order a bacon martini? You smell like fucking bacon. It's disgusting. And what are you going to mix that with? with really maybe you could have a martini but like like you can't i'm not a fan of really any flavor vodkas i just like the vodka to be vodka and then you add the flavoring to the mixers but i think i think honestly flavored vodkas are sort of like cheesy personally well she lives in orange county ben exactly well that was gonna be my next point which is of course she loves the bacon vodka because Orange County is like about a year behind all the trends. Exactly.

So they just got a Sprinkles cupcakes and now they're putting bacon and everything. Oh, guess what? You're behind the times, Glamour Girls. Yeah, go take that bacon to the campsite that's on the side of the 5 freeway. It'll play really well with the 909ers. That's the California thing, that camping thing. I've tried camping here two times and they've both been in parking lots. I've never... And one was on the beach, and it

was still a fucking parking lot. I'm telling you, I was traumatized by these people. They were so goddamn awful. Well, Vicky's terrible, and that meeting she had with Brooks where she's just like, well, what are we doing? What are we doing? I just want to know where we stand. Where do we stand? What are we doing? And he's like, well,

I ain't gonna date somebody if their daughter their grown daughter's boss in moran that's where i stand and she's like well okay then we're on the same page right okay ronnie we have to talk about that because when she said that she's like has you know tears welling up in her eyes and she says well then we're on the same page and i was like you are so delusional you are lying to yourself this is it actually was sad to me yeah well it was sad because she finally it's like she had to force him to say we're dating and then she smiled like she got what she wanted i'm like the guy just basically admitted he's fucking some toddler stripper like yeah oh yeah i love when he said that too when she's like are you giving money to these women he He's like, I didn't give money to anyone.

I didn't give money to anyone. I mean, I'm a heavy chipper. I tip heavily, but I didn't give any money. I was like, ugh. Vile. Vile. Vile. Well, you know, even if he did date someone, I mean, you know, we're not exclusive.

So, you know, he had every right to do so. It's like, oh, my God, that's not true. You're believing your own lies. You never broke up with him. It's like she believes her own bullshit. She's so crazy. She needs some new fuel in that love tank. OK, like move off from the diesel.

She needs a whole new tank. Like, let's stop, like, buying a new windshield a new windshield and filling the tank up and maybe giving the car a wax. Just strip that shit down to the nuts and bolts and rebuild. You know what she needs to do? She just needs to get an electric vehicle. Just get rid of the gasoline altogether. Stop going to Arco.

Trade in your car. Get something from the future. You can just plug it in. That's how she needs to get her fuels, by using something with electricity and sticking it up her lady nozzle. Yes. Ew, lady nozzle? Exactly. That honestly doesn't make sense because you don't insert things in nozzles.

I get it. I get it. I'm sorry. The best part for me. Unless it's a sounding rod. The best part for me this week was a tie between the two careers of the Bimbos. I mean, it was like the dueling career day, which I just loved. It's like they saved all this footage for us to watch in one episode just to really highlight it.

And I loved it. Alexis acting and Gretchen singing. Well, let's start with Gretchen because we can talk a little bit at the front of that about there was more Malibu country intrigue, which was that Heather texted Gretchen just to truly clarify that Heather met with the producers, whereas Gretchen only met with the casting department. And Heather's meeting was much more important, and there's a big difference. okay this was honestly one of the you know this is i really wanted to use a very mean word to describe it right now that starts with c but i'm not going to because i'm going to show some restraint this week but let me tell you something that heather she is a real okay i have hated her from day one but you guys have to admit that she is awful she is awful this season when she when she makes me root for gretchen for two seconds, that is fucked up.

Oh, she is. She's really terrible. It's like, honey, no, it doesn't matter who you met with. The role was for a housewife. It was like if you look at Craigslist or Backstage or Actors Access, any of the places that have audition notices, they're all for these fucking reality shows okay so first of all anyone who's like it's not scripted is full of shit because yes it is it's in the craigslist which means they're casting which means it's scripted and a lot of times you'll see calls for that it's like we need a real housewife yeah you know we need whatever and her agent just

happens to be calling them it's it's just so pathetic that she's trying to hold, like make everybody believe that it's something more than that. Yeah. Is it weird that before I go to bed at night, I like run through the dialogue. I would, I dream of happening with her on the reunion show where I call her out on her shit,

because I'm telling you right now, nobody has the balls to call her out. Andy will probably end up asking her one or two questions during the reunion and she will just swipe it to the side and no one will get this woman needs to be called the fuck out. They've already taped the reunion and

what we've heard on our page from an insider who we don't know if they're really an insider or not, but from what we've heard is that Gretchen is the one who really gets her shit handed to her this year. It's not anybody else. Because here's the thing. Heather has been really sort of obnoxious this season,

but I do actually still believe she has a brain in her head. Gretchen, I don't think she has a brain in her head anymore. There was a time when I think she used to, but I think that Slade, her zombie fiancé, whatever, has slurped all the brain cells out of her head, and now she's just an empty, stupid person who just takes up our time with stupid things, like, for instance, singing an engagement song to Slade. I wanna live my life with you.

I'm gonna live with you forever. However. Please include some TJ Maxx in our sales records. The CD will be available at TJ Maxx in the discount bin. The sale bin. It's called

Rooster. It's called Rooster. No, it's just called rooster no it's not called rooster rooster rooster in my kitchen it's called um shabby chic wine rack christian ceramic chef wait a second didn't someone send us something about christian gretchen christine butte that yes that was another gossip point that um she's actually being so so first all, there is no such thing as Gretchen Christine Butte. It's really she just slaps a label on some like company that makes the makeup and now the company is not going to send her anymore. That's what they all do. But now the company apparently is not going to send Gretchen any more makeup.

So she's not going to have any products. So she's probably going to have to start like melting down crayons in her microwave and then calling it makeup yeah well i went to that article that was and thank you for whoever posted that i went to that article and i read all the comments because i'm a sad fucking person but um from what i can gather that company it makes makeup for people to put their label on it's like a blank like it comes blank you're supposed to buy and put your name on it and um yeah so i that story seems like it's a bunch You're supposed to buy it and put your name on it. And so that story seems like it's a bunch of bullshit. I'm sure she'll still be selling her cheap-ass makeup. It's just really

funny that none of their... I mean, all their products are the same thing. It's just bullshit they slapped their name on. The story actually makes me very sad because it makes me realize there are people out there who actually buy Gresham Christine Beauté. I don't know about that tragic i don't really know about that listen you always wonder who buys the rooster art at tj maxx

that's gretchen christine you're right you know what you know what they wouldn't make it unless somebody bought that shit well that's that was what you would say to like professionals but gretchen christine yeah she would make it if no even if no one bought it um do that, speaking of buying things, do you think that she bought her own diamond the way she bought her own Rolls Royce? Oh, absolutely. Or Bentley or whatever the hell she's driving? There is no way that Slade is affording anything. And I think that article also said something about the fact that Slade was putting the money into a secret account. So that way it couldn't be put towards alimony for his his sick

child or something just proving proving even more that gretchen is disgusting because if slade is doing that with the proceeds that this fucked up company is making i mean why would she want to marry this man who is disgusting and has you know serious serious alimony issues and financial issues it's like does he have like a golden dick or what and he's also so gross like all the the way he talks to the other women and the you know the stuff with vicky like i get hating vicky but like going in public and doing that is just wrong it's just gross i i don't know she's a disgusting person because she acts like she's so nice but then that's what she supports and she laughs at it all she thinks it's hilarious so whatever she's gross and i'm glad she's gonna get her ass handed

to her at the reunion i'm in and her dog lips are getting worse and worse i'm sorry they are getting worse because they showed flashbacks and was like oh she was kind of bad a while ago and now she's unrecognizable yeah just like last season it was like a little bit, but now it's really just, ugh. She's a platypus. What do you guys think of her relationship kind of falling apart with Tamara? They've been buddies for about a year and a half after they swapped cutesy little BFF bracelets, but I think that this is falling the fuck apart. It is falling apart. I think that this is falling the fuck apart.

It is falling apart. And you know that Tamara's made a bunch of little catty remarks in her interviews. And it's all going to come out at the reunion. And Gretchen's going to be mad at Tamara. And then they're going to have a fight. And then you know they're going to be rocky again. Well, they already show next week where Tamara's talking about her once again to everybody. And then Gretchen walks in.

And what's her buns? Lydia swallows her appletini because she's so nervous to see Gretchen walks in and what's her buns? Lydia like swallows her appletini because she's so nervous to see Gretchen there. So, yeah, it looks like that's all going to hit the fan over the next few weeks. But, you know, it's just more proof that Tamara is a horrible, horrible human being that you should never, ever turn your back on. That girl is terrible. She's never been honest or true to anybody. But somehow. Did you like the way that she forced Eddie into picking a wedding date? Yeah, he's like, let's see, was there a gay pride

event going on that weekend? Yeah, I think that's between LA and Long Beach Pride. Okay, lock it in. June 22nd, I don't know, that might be New York Pride, but I don't have the money to go to New York this year, so okay. I might be doing the AIDS cycle ride where I'll be making butt sex love

to my bicycle seat. Let's move it to the following weekend he's like let's see i think that's i think that's when the weho pride is which would be good because then we can have our reception up at the abbey so yeah let's do it then like i think priscilla queen of the desert is in town that week um sister act closes that week Let's see I was gonna do Some Hamburger Mary's bingo That weekend But we can just bring that down to The RuPaul season 6

Drag race party kicks off Oh god I don't know It's tough He's just so romantic She's like wow I really need a date He's just so romantic. I love that she's like, well, you know, I really need a date. And he's like, look, babe,

I don't care about a wedding. I don't care about planning a wedding. If you want to get married, plan the wedding. She's like, but I can't do it without a date. He's like, fine. What date do you want? Okay, great. Can we eat now?

She's like, oh my God, we got a date. That's really fucking romantic tamra meanwhile every single time she mentions cut fitness i swear to god i'm so sorry women who are listening i'm so sorry it always sounds like she's saying cunt fitness and it cracks me up every single time i know that word is offensive and just a few minutes ago i refused to say it but i've obviously broken my word it's not more offensive offensive than Tamara thinking she's a business woman. That's not offensive. It's just hilarious. Okay,

good point. Speaking of aspirations and career things, why don't we talk about Alexis and her acting breakthroughs of the week? Oh, my God. When she was with that guy, okay, first of all, how did she get an interview to read for any show, much less an hour-long drama?

Well, first of all, I looked at that guy's IMDb. All he does is produce, like, award shows and red carpet stuff. He doesn't have any track record in one-hour stuff, so he's also not one to speak. Oh, okay. Okay, well, that makes sense. But when she sits down and he gives her something to read and she goes, Oh, haha, so that's how you guys do it here in Hollywood, you read. Haha. that makes sense but when she sits down and he gives her something to read and she goes oh so that's how you guys do it and here in hollywood you read wow i i enjoyed the win loser draw portion of the audition when she says i'm gonna show you a picture and then she sits down and draws out the actual picture for the producer and it looked like a circle because she's auditioning to play like a therapist on law and order or something and she's talking to an abused child and she looked like a circle because she's auditioning to play like a therapist on law

and order or something and she's talking to an abused child and she's like do you recognize any of these people and then she draws stick figures yeah she's like rumor has it they died in a fire last year oh wait they made it out alive thank god oh my god she's hysterical you know i feel like she almost knows that she's in trouble at this point. She's like, well, what do people love me in? Acting! Let's let them just make fun of me.

If I'm not going to yell at anybody, let's get me in a shit. She needs to do Shakespeare in the Park, and of course by park, I mean Trampoline Park. There needs to be a full-on bouncy version of Macbeth. And she can be Lady Macbeth. In Skyzone. Yeah, in Sky-on bouncy version of Macbeth. And she can be Lady Macbeth. In Sky Zone. Yeah, in Sky Zone.

The Sky Zone Macbeth. Sky Zone presents Hamlet. And there will be an intermission where you can play skee-ball. I love it all. All the world's a trampoline and all the men and women merely jumpers. And she's going to cater it and serve ham omelets and be like, get it? Because it's ham and an omelet.

Now let's eat the ham. Ham, let's eat it. Ham, let's eat it. And we've also provided some bloody piggies on the side. Made with Vicky's own juice. Oh my god.

Alright, so what else happened on this mess of a show? Gretchen Christine is going to propose to sad, sad Slade. Slade is so pathetic. So pathetic. Yeah, do you guys even have anything to say about that? Because it just makes me sad. I don't know. I just

I'm just really looking forward to the wedding registry. To be like, I need five roosters, coasters. I need three chargers that say bon appetit. I want a poster that looks like it's on a real canvas of Paris. But it'll say Paris in five different languages. And in five different fonts. She's gonna request some va-va-voom

margarita glasses. Some sort of fleur-de-lis variety set. So what did you think of that makeup session she had with Alexis? Oh, yeah. Oh my god, How could we forget? Hilarious. I thought Alexis...

I was on Alexis' side for that. It's crazy, but I thought Alexis was like, you know, you weren't there for me. You went away from me, and Gretchen was like, well, fuck you. You know? It's like, no, fuck you. The fact that Gretchen's face won't even

move anymore. It's just like... You don't know what she's thinking, but her eyes look so evil behind it. It's like when you're in a haunted house and there's someone wearing a really scary mask and you can see their evil little eyes behind it and that's really what makes a mask scary. Yeah. So what is the cause of this? Is the cause of this the plastic surgery or is the cause of this Slade? Both. the cause of this is the cause of this the plastic surgery is the cause of this slave like i she used to be she just she used to just be like dumb and silly like kind of lydia but not as funny as lydia and now she really is horrible she used to be funny she used to be self-aware she used to make crack good jokes and she was she was hot and uh yeah slade 100 dragged her down and to the point

where now she is showing up at coffee shops with duck face wearing McGruff crime dog trench coats. And I don't understand any of it. Do you think somewhere Joe De La Rosa is laughing while she's maybe working at McDonald's? While she's slinging the new quarter pounder?

Yeah, she's laughing while she's cleaning the bar and it's playing over everybody's head. You know what? She still has a better life and better prospects than Gretchen does. I think Joe De La Rosa could be at the Tomcat Theater wiping up the splooge off the seats. And I would say her life is better than Gretchen about to be engaged to Slade. Is the Tomcat Theater still open? Oh, I think it's called Studs now. It's whatever.

It's the sketchy... You know what? We should ask Eddie. Yeah. That's where the ceremony's going to be. Shut up. That would be hilarious. You know how movie theaters now rent themselves out for corporate meetings?

Corporate events. So Eddie will rent out... He's like, yeah, Studs Theater. Can we have an officiant in here? Is there an aisle that we can walk down? Why does it smell like olive trees in here? Why does it smell so nice in here? I feel like I'm at home.

Did you guys get my olive tree reference? Does anybody get that? No, I didn't get it. They smell like semen. They do? Yes. I did not know that. I did not know that.

I like that you said it in a Haley Joel Osment Sixth Sense way. Olive trees smell like semen. I said it. I whispered it while I was under a table, too. Like the big twist to the podcast. I know. All this time, we're all olive trees. Today on the radio, I heard a story about a guy getting sued for child support, and he has like 22 children with 17 different moms.

And they were interviewing him. No, no. They're not divorced, are they? I don't know. I feel like there's some cheating happening in that Duggar Duggar family. Oh, well, it's probably like fucking an underpass. But anyway, the guy was being interviewed, and he's like, I love all my children the same. I don't care what anybody thinks of me.

And I was thinking, who are these women who are, like, lining up to get pregnant by this loser? And then I watch, you know, then we start talking about Real Housewives, and I'm like, oh, yeah. What's wrong with these women? What happened? What happened to fucking feminism? Where is it? Why are people expecting me to hold the door open suddenly what the hell what's going on i don't know i don't know

right let's rewind guys i know let's rewind all right so should we move on to new jersey yes please before we before we move on we actually were supposed to uh we have a middle of the episode ad to mention is everyone excited? yeah I can't wait what is it for? this ad is for Squarespace the all in one platform that makes it fast and easy to create your own professional website or online portfolio

for free trial and 10% off go to squarespace.com and use offer code I think it's CRAP8, which I think is hilarious that people who listen to the show get a code that's called CRAP8. Yeah, it is CRAP8, C-R-A-P-8. Use that at squarespace.com. Get your 10% off.

And then we're supposed to talk about how it's constantly improving their platform with new features and new designs and better support. They have great designs, guys, and style options that you need. And they have a support team that's 24 hours a day. And it's just $8 a month and includes a free domain name if you sign up for a year. Wait, what's their availability? Their availability? For support?

24 hours a day, 7 days a week. That's impressive. It is. So start a trial with no credit card required and start building your website. And when you do decide to sign up for Squarespace, make sure to use CRAP8 as your promotion code to get 10% off and to show support for our

podcast. I'm just going to put this out there. Somebody should really do this and use the code and make a fan dedication site to us i agree and by the way people by the way ronnie fine they won't put a picture it will just be pictures of me and ben if you're that upset about it wait and also by the way i'd also like to mention that um for other people who are interested in web stuff if you want to buy a domain you can go to go daddy and you can use um there's a code word i think it's

crappins and you can actually buy a dot com for i think like 199 which i'm being totally honest here that's an amazing deal because it normally costs like 14 so $1.99 for a domain name for one year even if you don't even have a site in mind just get just snatch that dot com up but you make sure you say crappins otherwise you won't get the good deal. Yeah, that's actually a really good deal. I like to use that. I think, honestly, of all the things we've gotten, like the Shari's Berries and all that stuff,

Shari's Berries. This is honestly the best deal that we've actually announced on the show. So I'm just going to double-check the code word. But in the meantime, we can move on to New Jersey. And I'll chime in if the promo code is not crappins. Jersey!

Well I love that we found out the truth about what that black shit that came off of Joe was and it was his spray hair which we all knew but it was really funny that he actually admitted that. Yeah but don't you feel like that clearly they were all like, what is this boot polish?

And that went on for a long time. And then the producers of the show were clearly like, Joe, we're exposing you. So then they forced him to do that confession. Like, I mean, but you know,

it was against the wall. And the other thing I have to say, the thing that I rewound for this one episode more than anything is when the brawl goes down and he backs up you see melissa grab his hat and run like a rabbit to get that hat full of fake ass sticky fuck fucking fake spray hair on his head because she is so worried that her man is gonna freak out without his fake ass hair oh yeah no she ran you know it reminded me of because i just saw jurassic park yet again last week it reminded me of that scene when the kids are in the kitchen and they're like in like a

freezer and the the the dinosaurs in the freezer and the little girl goes running to close the door to lock the dinosaur in there for good that's like what melissa gorga was doing with the hat she was like there's a fucking dinosaur coming out of his head right now i gotta put the hat on it right now that's where my brain works. I equate everything to Jurassic Park. I rewound it like ten times. I was like, this, just own it, bitch. Own it.

He's allowed to also be bald in 4'8". He's already 4'8". Come on. This honestly, I think, was Melissa's worst episode in terms of her behavior. Because you know me, last week, honestly, I think was Melissa's worst episode in terms of her behavior. Because you know me. Last week, Matt, you weren't here.

But I was saying I was still sort of defending Melissa. I still like Melissa. And we had a whole discussion. Is she worse, better or worse than Teresa? Melissa was vile this episode. Melissa was really in the wrong on many accounts. She was wrong on many accounts. But don't you think that when the two dudes started fighting and melissa actually tried to pull them apart and

theresa ran out the door theresa was not running out the door to call the police she was trying to she was trying to let her husband eat her brother alive and i'm sorry melissa is in the right by saying that theresa ran out the fucking door well i mean theresa's a monster well but then later in the episode mel Melissa was the one who said something like, I want to be the smart person and remove myself from the situation. Well, I mean, theoretically, that's what Teresa was doing. I mean...

Teresa was... I don't think she was running to call the cops. She was running to get help. Yeah, I think she was running to get help. From where? The entire room was full with people. She's not smart, okay. She's not smart. Okay, she's not smart. She doesn't make smart decisions. Okay, we know that.

Yeah, her husband's an ape. I mean, he's like a Neanderthal. You don't want to get in between him and then the muscular midget. I mean, that midge works out. He's not, you know, just a wimp. I wouldn't get in between them either, especially when one's biting, the other one's nuts. But when I thought, well well i guess where i started

to get annoyed with melissa was when she kept on saying to uh theresa like i can't believe it you're gonna let your brother you're gonna let your brother get attacked you're not gonna protect your brother i'm like shut up melissa you don't give a shit about that like that's not only that but the brother was the one who attacked joe was the one who charged big joe yeah and he spread his black hairspray all over everyone else, like that dinosaur from Jurassic Park spitting on Newman. He totally charged

Big Joe and got his ass kicked. And I thought it was hilarious. And no... And he pinched his nuts. Yeah. And the brother was just calling her scum. For anything that stupid Teresa does. So she could go, oh, my God, I can't believe you did that. You're a horrible person.

I mean, which you don't have to wait long because Teresa will always be a horrible person. But Melissa is just gross. The tide is turning, though. I mean, Ronnie, we talked about this at the beginning of the season. We were like by the end of the season, if not by the middle, if not by the end,a is going to be back on top and i feel like the tide has shifted yeah i don't know i don't think theresa's gonna be back on top i think right now the people who are on top uh maybe the team leaders maybe just because one of them looks like ron howard and that's really the only reason how useless are those losers and i love that the entire cast called them out on being completely

useless that was hilarious well you know there's obviously we've seen a lot of hate but hate can be a really constructive thing if you use it properly it's like oh you poor people they call in dr v from that terrible show jeez oh my god but i liked but you know though i thought she was good she she She sort of you know She's held her ground even though she was a bit crazy Like who wants a therapist That immediately starts talking about her vagina I know

She's like yeah I'm Italian where it matters Here And she like points to her vagina I'm like why does it matter there Is there like a meatball that's going to come falling out or something Like is like rigatoni going to like sprout from between your legs richie actually made the first good point he's ever made while he was like do you really need to fly some bitch out from southern california you dumb fucks well that's an andy special it's like god forbid we actually really help someone on

you know what i'm surprised they didn't fly out chef roble they love to force him down our goddamn throats and nobody gives a shit. I know. They should just, like, just brought the entire cast to below deck. Right. Here's to solving problems. Why wasn't Jiggy in a butler outfit opening the door for Caroline? Why weren't the gallery girls there?

Why wasn't Liz there being like, you guys are all stupid. What is this? I hate all this stupid fighting. Just, like, shut up already. Just shut up. And then Chantal could have been like, I hate all this stupid fighting. Just shut up already. Just shut up. And then Chantal could have been like, I feel like when you fight, it's very annoying and I think I'm going to go to Paris now

instead. Bye. They should have just had the entire Mary De Medicine cast. How you do that like that? Why you do me like that? Absolutely not! Absolutely not! What would Cary say like that? Why you do me like that? Absolutely not! Absolutely not! What would Kaylee say about that?

I have been struggling with I have been struggling with balding hair for the past 20 years, and it's a very personal struggle, and for me to see it come off on so many people is offensive in so many ways. And I have to call Duncan right now. I hired

that spray on hair. I hired that spray on hair. And if that spray on hair wants to be disrespectful, it cannot be on the show next season. Oh my god. Oh my god, I miss them so much. I'm sure they're already being

horrible to each other for the next season. Don't worry. Okay, thank God. So anyway, so let's see. So there was fighting, and the fight itself was actually pretty short. There was just like some punching and some nut grabbing. And then Rosie rolling around like a

like a Tyrannosaurus Rex? I think the Jurassic Park references have drawn to an end. Like a Triceratops that's sick and needs the help of Laura Dern. Like a beaten up Ford Explorer that got smashed by a big dinosaur footprint. I don't know. A Rosie. I love that Rosie...

First of all, I that rosie is obviously psychotic she has that that uh gorga blink that they have in that family where they just get psychotic and just start blankly blinking and shaking their head i know yes she just starts screaming you know like she has Tourette's which i love and then she's always drinking she's all and it's like scotch on the rock she is not fucking around yeah it's always like a hard drink she starts first thing in the morning and she just gets shit faced all day long and then now her new role is like mama rosie which is hilarious it's like you were just threatening to cut someone's tongue out like last week what are you oh brush shut up oh i would love i'm sure she's vying for a daytime talk show.

I would love to see a Rosie talk show because the first half an hour would be her pointing and screaming at her guests and the second half an hour would be like, yo, I just had to get it out. Sometimes things just have to explode and then they come together and you know, I'm really not angry at you anymore. I'm really not angry. Have a scotch. Now we're going to

find out if you're really the daddy of this baby Are you ready to listen to the DNA Are you ready Why can't you listen to the goddamn DNA I'll kill you I'll cut your fucking tongue out Alright now let's go take a drive in Richie's Ferrari

Okay My next guest is the chick Who works down at the gas station She's pretty hot Please welcome Gina Marie Antonucci Hey Gina Marie Next guest is the chick who works down at the gas station. She's pretty hot. Please welcome Gina Marie Antonucci. Hey, Gina Marie. You got a nice ass.

That's my first question. Thanks, Rosie. Thanks, Rosie. Thanks for having me on here. Right. My second question is, I love your work. Thanks, Rosie. All right.

We'll be back after this commercial break because we got to pay bills and shit. Okay. Thanks for having me, Rosie. Fuck you! Fuck you! That's the theme song. That would be like Melissa singing in the background. By the way, your audio cut out during half of that, so I just kept saying, Thanks, Rosie. Thanks, Rosie. Because I figured it would still just work.

Oh, that sucks. I know. I got the part about the gas station and Gina Maria Annucci being on there, and then I just kept saying, Thanks. Because that's how a talk show that's based in Jersey would go. Just someone saying, Thanks. You missed a lot. You just let us go on forever then. Oh, I'm so bummed.

Because I'm sure for the viewers, the listeners, they're like, why isn't Ben responding to these questions right? I heard you. But you're recording today, so they're only hearing what you hear, which is nothing. Nothing. That's also on the Rosie show. There's a moment where the gay men's choir Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards

played by HBO's Industries Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat or be eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List,

Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey.

And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less.

In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. 9th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful.

Okay, I was trying to watch this video that somebody sent us, but it's too long, so I'm going to have to put that on hold. But thank you, Olivia. So, okay, so let's talk some more about this epic fight. Okay, so there's a big fight, and then Teresa goes and calls Caroline and is like, I need your help,

Caroline. And of course... Okay, people, how does this go down? Because these are arch enemies. Was it just calls Caroline and is like, I need your help, Caroline. And of course – OK, people, how does this go down? Because these are arch enemies. Was it just a matter of like if you both want to come back and both get paid for the season, we have to see some like resolution between the two of you? Like what is this? I think that's exactly right. I think the producer said we need you guys to at least try to talk. At least they told that to Caroline because she's –

Well, I think caroline i think that caroline was probably running across that bridge and you know she has friends now on the staff and probably one of them was like caroline if you want to keep your kids getting free advertising for their terrible terrible businesses you should probably do something other than like run across a bridge with a husband that hates your ass and wants to push you off of it like make an effort to be part of the cast or leave. You know he was pissed that the cameraman showed up because he was like, oh, this is when I was going to

kill that bitch. He's like, I was just going to have a... I never mind. I was going to say something really mean. I was going to say she's just going to walk on... She just has to walk on the bridge and it's just going to collapse. That was going to be his big scheme. It's mean. That was a mean fat joke. Sorry, Caroline.

I saw my dad miss that boat when he was building this thing 100 years ago. I knew I was going to be able to use this one day. I want an update on, what is it, Little Big Town, New Jersey, whatever it's called. I want an update on the latest health code violations from that restaurant. Oh, my God. Somebody look that up on Yelp right now. Oh, yeah. I'm going to look it up. I'm going to look it up on yelp right now oh yeah i'm gonna look it up i'm gonna look up right now um yeah they're terrible and i was looking the other day

because we were talking about jacqueline and her crazy tweets last week and so i was like oh well we're talking i'll actually pull some crazy tweets from jacqueline and i pulled up her twitter and now it's all autism because that's like her thing now Instead of just being mean to Teresa, now she's got a lot of moms that are like, my kid's autistic too. You're such a hero. And she's like, oh, thanks, sweetie. He said iPad today or whatever. So I couldn't find as many crazy

tweets. But I did find a lot of plugs for Blackwater, which I found hilarious. I was like, that poor thing is still trying to push that shit. Nobody is buying it. No one wants to drink Blackwater. I think i just read that monsanto bought black water not the not blk but the actual like mercenary security firm i'm just thinking like it just reminded me what an awful thing to associate your your water with is this is an evil army that's just been purchased

by an evil corporation. It's like, yay, drink black water. I'd rather have a bloody piggy. Or some wines by wives. Oh. Oh, God. Or not. Or not.

So what else happened on this episode? Okay, so they went to make peace at the stupid retreat, which no one really wanted to be at. Why do I get the impression that Teresa's the only one who actually wants to be there? Like, Teresa seems actually affected, like she cared. The problem is Teresa won't admit shit. And one reason I do like that Dr. V, you know, she's done nothing to me. I just don't like her because that show was painful to watch.

That therapist show, I couldn't. But on this show, she was actually pretty good because she kind of made Teresa admit what she did when she's like, so basically, you know, you set her up. And she's like, what? I have to admit that? She's like, no, it's just that you have to admit your part. It's just that you did. Yeah. Like you have to maybe I'm sure Kim D did it, but you still had a part.

Yeah. And of course, she totally got cut off and nothing got fixed but i was like wow she actually did her homework and is ready to fix this shit yeah it actually felt like um it was exciting to see the idea that there might be some inroads that are made like at first i was like oh fuck they're not gonna get anywhere because joju dies i'm sorry joj gorg was just like i don't want to he's like i hate her i don't want to like talk to her. And she's like, well, then maybe you should just go home then.

But then at the end, there was some crying and some hugging. So I'm excited to see what happens. And I'm excited for next week when she seems, I think she's going to call out everyone on all their shit, which is going to be great. Okay. Am I crazy? Like I had a moment. Bless you. If somebody sneezed or if somebody queefed, maybe were you queefing or sneezing?

Yeah, that was totally my vagina. That was Vicky pressing the Vicky's Vodka labels out of her vagina. I don't know. Anyway, I don't even know what I was going to say. Thanks. Alright. What were we

talking about? We were talking about this episode. I feel like when I was watching it, there were so many things. What is this? Seriously? Every time he does it, episode i feel like there's like when i was watching it there's so many things seriously another label every time he does it i'm like there's another it's like it's like monica sell us over there oh my god oh what i was gonna say is i was trying to get to a touching moment i was gonna say that the like theresa got me when she like fell into joe's arm and like was really crying that was like a real fuck that this show is so fucked up because out of all of them like that is some real shit going down i agree i mean like they're they're ridiculous they're a bunch of dumb mooks and they deserve

all the all the crap in their life they deserve it and yet at the same time when they do have those moments of like brief moments of reconciliation it is very touching especially with the guy who just called her cunt last year she's like hugging him and he's like she's like and he's like what can you do you're married dumb dumb I mean your brother's a dumb dumb by the way Teresa loses

a huge amount of goodwill not that she had any with me for agreeing to be filmed in her bathtub like topless. This poor waiter walks in. It's probably like, you know, I haven't seen The Conjuring, but I'm assuming for this guy who walked in, it was probably about 30 times worse than The Conjuring.

Having to walk in on these two motherfuckers naked in this bathtub. God, it was probably like the rest of us that first time we saw Alien, when Sigourney Weaver walks in and she sees those big vaginal-looking pods pulsating at her. Oh, my God. Disgusting. I actually think he was one of the guys from Below Dead.

It's like it's not only disgusting, but I could die watching this. Oh, someone's about to knock on my door and it does not look like a good idea. Is it your cute neighbor? No, it's like some homeless dude. Why every time I bring up your cute neighbor, are you always like, yeah, he'll be in touch, and then he never is? Because he's like the bottom. You've got to like follow. I don't know that he's a bottom.

I just mean like behaviorally, like you've really got to make an effort and be interested. And you've got to chase. He's not really a chaser, you know? Okay. Okay. Yeah, you've got to pursue. Yeah. So anyway, Teresa, Teresa. Okay. he's not really a chaser you know okay okay yeah you gotta pursue yeah um so anyway yeah theresa theresa okay so this is another reason i mean sorry jojo dice's chest by the way and i put

it on it was horrible but this is another reason we all need to hate tamra barney because this is something else she started she she did that horrible bathtub scene with Eddie with her big fake floaters in the bathtub that was porn. Remember that? Well, apparently, no, Laurie did it with George first, apparently. Oh, I don't remember that. Yeah. I didn't watch that year. Okay, well, I've been blaming Tamara this whole time because then, after that,

Ramona tried to have a sex scene with her husband that was horrifying. Horrifying. When she's like, do you think I'm sexy? Do you think I'm sexy? What are you looking at? Are you looking at me? Oh my god, are you looking at me? I'm renewed. I'm renewed. I'm renewed. Horrifying. When she's like, do you think I'm sexy? Do you think I'm sexy? What are you looking at? Are you looking at me? Oh my God, are you looking at me? I'm renewed.

I'm renewed. I'm renewed. I'm renewed. That was the prequel to The Conjuring. Oh no. And then now we have to see Teresa in a bathtub.

It's like, just stop it, okay? You know, I get that you all have sex drives after 40. Great. Congratulations. Keep them to yourself. I'm not any more interested in your vagina than I was when you were 20. Keep it.

Keep them closed. Thanks. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. So Jersey has been super fun to watch. I love Kathy worrying about her nose job through the whole fight. Yeah.

And I also then felt bad for her. I was like, oh, that's what it looks like after the nose job. I know. Kathy got sick surgery. But, you know, she's only had one round. In Housewives Land, you go get a few money. She probably went to the same place that Danielle Staub went to. You know, the one that was in the supermarket with one letter that the neon had gone out of.

It was buzzing and flickering. that the neon had gone out of. It was like buzzing and flickering. Does New Jersey have any like normal buildings or is everything in like a one buzzing neon lettered strip mall? I think it's the latter. Okay. You would be the category expert. Of course, except for the Brownstone.

But yeah, even Cafes is in a strip mall. Shocking, being such a classy establishment. What were their all-you- all you can eat egg salad reserves talking about this stuff theresa doesn't have facial work does she is she like the only house with wife to not get facial work or am i i think she only got her bubbies done yeah only her bubbies wow good for her i mean that's huge restraint for now for now yeah with that with that nose and chin i know well maybe she could donate some of that hairline to her brother he could use it yeah i would like that don't you think that he's

so jealous he's like look i mean because that woman has like a is it called a thatch it or a thicket she's got uh she's got she's basically just nothing but hair she's she she is she's nbh follically she's follically blessed yeah it's thick it's thick it's like that old children's story streganona where like the pasta keeps coming out of the cauldron except for her version it's hair coming out okay you keep making like literary references to like this and something called macbeth or hamlet and i don't know what the fuck you're talking about i guarantee that that no one will know what Shruggin' is. I'm like, Hamburger Hamlet? I would love to go get some tater skins.

Thanks. I'm so hungry. So what else? You guys, I did not watch Below Deck. So who watched that? Matt, did you watch it? I did. Are we going to talk about Princesses? Oh yeah, Princesses.

I know, like WTS. Why, we have to talk about princesses? Oh, yeah. Princesses. I know. I'm like, WTS. WTS. Why? We have to go in a certain order or what? Okay, fine. I'll talk about Below Deck. I loved it. It made me cry. Sam talked about her dead sister. It was really fucking emotional. The show has

one second season. I kind of think some of the dudes are hot. I'm kind of into the drama the drunk blonde girl is amazing and if they kick her off the boat i'm going to be very sad slash everybody needs to watch it oh my god she's amy from gallery girls right she is amy from gallery girls and she is sad a little chubby and has a big rack and it's drunk all the time just like amy from gallery girls right and then guys treat her like shit because this girl on Gallery Girls, this girl on Below Deck was sexually harassed, but she took it in stride. Wow. As Amy would.

Yeah, I think, was that the sexual harassment episode? Is that the one with the five guys, the five single guys came on the boat? No, this was like a group from some dude that worked at Google as an engineer, I think and he's all rich and he brought like – it was a mix of guys and girls. You couldn't – I kind of got the vibe they were swingers, which made the episode extra good. And then they were all assholes and sexually harassing. I forget the blonde girl's name. And I don't know. It was just – I don't know.

The show is really just maids on a boat and I am so invested. I will give it a shot. I'm not alone, dudes. This has decent ratings. Yeah, no, I've started to hear people talk about it, so I'll give it a shot. Okay, who are these people that are talking about it besides myself? No, just people I've encountered along the way on my travels. Oh, while you were camping in a parking lot yeah it's so it

turns out below deck is really big in azusa oh did we lose ronnie i heard a noise ronnie are you back yeah were you singing i was assuming that when you went uh when you went mia that i made up a musical i think it's called sweet charity and that you were singing a song from it sweet charity oh god i haven't had that one in my head for ages. Thanks a lot. I would sing Little Shop of Horrors. That's the only... That's my favorite musical. Doesn't that movie star Tisha Campbell

from Martin? Yes. Yes. And also not just Tisha Campbell, but also What's-Her-Faith from Martin, too. Wait, is it Tisha Campbell or is it Tashina? Tashina Arnold and Tisha Campbell are both also what's her face from Martin, too? Wait, is it Tisha Campbell or is it Tashina? Tashina Arnold and Tisha Campbell are both in Little Shop of Horrors. Hello? Yeah.

Yeah, I have been singing that one because I'm working on a little video about it. I love that show. Yeah. Love it. So let's get to Princesses Long Island. I love Joey and I hate Ashley. Oh, Ashley's just awful. So let's see, what happened this week?

Well, let's start off with Ashley, because this leads into something really good and juicy that we got from one of our listeners. And she asked me not to say her name, so I will not say it, but it rhymes with, just kidding, I won't. She sent us something about Ashley because in the preview they showed Ashley hinting that she was

a virgin. Now, notice that Ashley never says she's a virgin. She just keeps her mouth shut. Now, my theory, after reading this email I'm about to read to you, is because she doesn't want her parents to find out that she's really a whorebag because she doesn't want her dad, who she really wants to be having sex with, to get jealous of her or she'll be cut off.

Shake it. Shake it. Shake it. Shake it, honey. But this is a girl who, blah, blah, blah. I'm going to kind of speed through this because it's long. I'm afraid to comment because I don't want my fellow college peeps to see that I'm spilling the tea.

I went to school with Ashley and I've met her parents. Blah, blah, blah. She also has a mini-me sister who is in another sorority who is a trashy little whorebag. She's like the Disney villain version of Ashley. Amber. We're not in the same sorority. Hold on. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

This is amazing. I was in a national one. She was in a local one. Local meaning there was no governing body to make sure they didn't haze the shit out of you. This group was notorious for having the hardest pledge program. Ashley was actually hospitalized during pledging. The group she belonged to has since been kicked off campus because they were seriously like a gang. They even branded you. I can just imagine Ashley being in a

hardcore sorority she's like in the black sorority that's hilarious they totally branded each other with like the Chanel circles or like a Louis Vuitton like emblem branded Glanville

so she joined the sorority but once she got in she never associated with them She only hung out with the SDT girls A.K.A. the Jews But on campus she did represent FIAP as the whatever President And as for being so horrified by the conditions of Freeport

We went to school in fucking Hempstead Google that shit it's the hood Okay this is not that good Hold on I'm like 99% sure she had a stroke last year For real It's the hood. Okay, this is not that good. Hold on. Hold on. I like it. I like it. Also, I'm like 99% sure she had a stroke last year. For real. I've been friends with her since for a while.

And I remember seeing everyone commenting on her page about fighting for her life, etc. I'm pretty sure this happened before she started filming. So I'm not sure if this is going to be shown on the show. And about her being so rude. Yeah, not so much. Oh, prude. Yeah, this is the good part. And about her being so rude, yeah, not so much. Oh, prude. This is the good part. And about her being so prude, yeah,

not so much. Ask the ZBT and DSP boys about her spring break party trick. It involves a hot tub, a beer bottle, and her lady parts. Stop! By the way, I love you listeners. Shake it! You listeners that go on special missions to cafes in person and take photos that spill the tea like this, this is some good investigative shit.

If only we had our own Dateline primetime show where we could really get into the dirtiness. Isn't that good? That is really good. Not only did she have a stroke, she has a vagina beer bottle problem. Two for one special so i love that that whole do you think idea of her is blown so that well do you think do you think the stroke made her a prude like some weird like disney movie like she used to be a whore but then she had a stroke she doesn't even remember that she used to be a whore it's like it's like, except a really bad version.

It's like Christina Who's vagina. It's like Christina Who colon vagina. Samantha Who. Oh, yeah. I was like, what? Christina Who? Samantha Who. Sorry. Ashley Who.

How? Maybe it's like the long kiss goodnight. It's going to be like the long kiss goodnight, and she's going to be living her prudish life, and then she's going to hit a deer on a snowy night, and then all the memories of her whorish ways are going to come back to her. And it turns out that Craig Bjerko is going to stalk her, because she once boned him. Yeah, she's going to be wondering why she's always had that urge to sit on a pbr bottle oh ashley so that's why she was being so quiet about having sex because she's

had sex with everybody oh my goodness i'm sure have you seen the tacky wall art in her um in her apartment in her home i mean it was like they have they have this giant, it's almost like a mural, of tchotchkes that they've just put on a canvas. And I like to think that each tchotchke is from a place where she blew someone. She is so tiny. I don't think she can fit anything in any of her orifices. Well, it was like, you know, they've got coronitas. That's what it was. What 30-year-old goes after a 50 year old on purpose that is the craziest thing i've ever seen so

i don't think she's talked about this on the show because i don't remember this i think i would have gagged before if i had heard this but apparently she has a fetish for old men and she wants to marry an old guy like that's been her thing. I didn't know that. Has she talked about that before? No. Yeah, I mean, it was hinted at earlier. I mean, the whole, like, her dad thing, I think it's just like she wants to marry a rich dude who will die early and leave her some money.

Ugh, gross. Slash, I think that, I don't know. You guys, I'm just going to be honest. I don't believe that she is a hoe. I still think she is a virgin. I don't know. I guys, I'm just going to be honest. I don't believe that she is a hoe. I still think she is a virgin. I don't know. I like the theory that she's – She's so –

I like the theory that she's like her – she had a stroke and it erased all that from her life. I love your version better than the real version. But I don't know. I just think that she is an uptight prude. And she's like a clean freak too. You see that she has to bring her own sheets to sleep in any bed other than her own like just imagine her like is she does she tell a guy like triple bag it like no i think you stick it in well obviously we've been misinterpreting it she brings the sheets not to protect herself from the bed it's

to protect the bed from her all of her all of her juices yeah She doesn't want to leave DNA on the bed so her dad can't prove it and cut her off one day. Oh, my. You guys are brilliant. This is like an episode of CSI. It's all coming together. Also, I think that, you know. You know she has a black light. Do you think she called her dad?

Do you think she called her dad? Like, hey, dad, guess what I'm doing right now? I'm in a hot tub and I have a bottle of PBR up my vagina. Dad. God. I think to your point about her being a clean freak, I don't think she's a clean freak at all. I think that she's just bringing her own sheets and stuff like that to try and – because she's so insecure, she's trying to look as important as possible. And you know who does that?

Sluts. That's why – it's like they're always sucking dick. Anything they can do to get a little bit of attention. And I don't understand why because most of it comes from daddy issues, but she's got they're always sucking dick. Anything they can do to get a little bit of attention. And I don't understand why, because most of it comes from daddy issues. But she's got a dad who loves her. Hmm. Conundrum. Hmm.

Hmm. Conundrum. My whole slut profiling is thrown off by Ashley. I'll say I'll admit it. I'll admit it. Ronnie, can you please have your own procedural where you're called the slut profiler? Yeah. The sluttalist.

It's like the mentalist, but for sluts. The sluttalist. Yes. I mean, if half that shit can be on Bravo, you could at least have the sluttalist. Hell yeah! Maybe I should have a Bravo show and just go around figuring out how horrid people are. By the way, for those who are really intrigued about my description of the wall art at Ashley's house, I just put a picture of it on our Facebook page. And you can see it.

And it's horrific. Horrific. I'm going to look at that right now. Look at it. It's like all little plastic versions of food. Like tiny little versions of eclairs and ice cream. Ew. That's a lot of that. I'm going to do a really bad segue.

Is it more horrific than Joey's father's treatment of his daughter? No, he had the right idea. He's like, I'm not going to, he's like, I'm not going to like fun. My daughter's ridiculous,

like entrepreneurial idea any longer. Kiss him. I mean, he hasn't, he's right. Ben, you're being mean. He's clearly moved on to his new pussy and he's done with his old family. He's stressed out because

he's gotta support a new wife and her kids. Yeah, that's true. And he wants them to think that he's a good dad and didn't raise a girl who thinks that Kissament is a good idea. I'm sorry, kissament is a good idea i'm sorry kissament is a better idea than the fucking drink hanky dude for sure as as bravo like entrepreneurial ideas go kissament is actually towards the top of the heap right i need some

chapstick and like some banaca on the other end come on it's all in one refresher. Yeah, I like to have a pretty smelling mouth. Pretty lips. Yeah. I like to have a clean box. Yeah. Well, I thought it was very funny that Joey, who's the self-made one and the one who's not a princess at all, is living at home and horrified when she sees what an actual apartment looks like. I was horrified, too. Those are like rapey dungeons, okay?

She has a right to be upset. You know what? The Sledalists will be in a time block, a time spot block with rapey dungeons. No, that's like rapey dungeon hunters. They go in and it's like rapey dungeon number one has a nice open concept, but it's a

30-minute walk to the center of town. Does it have an open floor plan? Because that's my dream. It has a nice open concept, but it's a 30-minute walk to the center of town. Does it have an open floor plan? Because that's my dream. It has an open floor plan, which is perfect for body bags. All those assholes on House Hunters, all they want is open floor plans and stainless appliances. Get over it. Will there be somewhere for friends and family to stay? Will there be someplace for friends and family to be raped as well? All right.

It's a five-minute walk from the center of town, which means it's easy to drag victims back there. But it's a little bit out of their price range. All right. We've got three rapey dungeons to pick from. We've obviously got to just get one out of the way. Which dungeon would you definitely not want to be raped in? got to just get one out of the way. Which dungeon would you definitely not want to be raped in? Let's just get it right out.

Let's do the one with the small bathroom. I just don't see that one working. I agree. Like, to have to get raped and then share a bathroom? That's just not something I'm willing to do. We're down to two. Let's split this bear claw and

put some puzzled looks on our faces. Which one's it going to be? Well, the first one does not have a refrigerator, which I really don't like. I really want a refrigerator. But I want to be able to walk to town. I really want to walk to town. I know, but the second

one has those high ceilings, but it's in the country. But I really want to be able to walk to TGI Fridays, guys. Really. Alright, I know what I'm thinking. Do you know what you're thinking? I think so, too. I think we've made a decision. Okay, is it number one? Yes.

Oh my god, me too! Yay! Here's to getting raped in number one's dungeon. It is me. Oh my god, somebody Hey, here's to getting raped in number one's dungeon. Oh my god, somebody needs to hospitalize us and put us on a 5150 with Amanda Bynes. This is now the time of the podcast where we make a disclaimer, where we say that rape is not actually a funny thing, and we don't want to contribute to rape culture. However, the idea of a House Hunters series dedicated to rape dungeons is funny. And the follow-up episode will be water dungeons for you into water sports.

Well, it would make a great segue into love it or leave it. Love it or list it. I have this drugged out girl here on my floor. I don't know if I want to keep her or go on the market for a new one. Lister. Lister. Lister. I can put some makeup on her. All right.

I'll put some makeup on her. I'll get her some new clothes. What's your budget? $15? I can do with that. Listen, there's no way you're going to be able to live with this one. Just forget about her and move on to the marketplace. I can show you three girls you'll want to drug. Be careful getting into the car with him.

He can barely drive. You'll probably end up in the trunk or in jail. I'll be here putting makeup on the pig. Cut to a picture of Halle Berry in that really bad fro wig from The Call. The best movie of 2013, The Call. Oh my God. Which could then of course lead to losing isaiah as well wow i'm honestly like i will go down every single hgtv show and work them into this into

this schedule i think we should have like a watch what crappens hgtv day because there is some gold on that channel. Property Brothers, Kitchen Cousins, don't get me started. Oh, Kitchen Cousins are hot. What about Thrift Shop? I mean, the Flea Market Flip. Talk about a rapey show. We found this girl at the flea market

and well... I kept thinking that was your friend Katie on that show. Doesn't it look like her, the host of that? No, it's the girl from The Insider. OMG Insider. She looks like Katie to me. It's not. Oh, so funny.

Oh, my goodness. I love that show. Okay, here we are at a thrift store. Here's $200. Whatever you can make. I'm the one who sells it for the most money. I think we do good at that shit. Let's go do it.

I would love watching that show. I would be terrible. I think we do good at that shit. Let's go do it. I would, I love watching that show. I would be terrible. I would, I'm like the worst repurposer. I'm like, like, do you guys,

I don't know if you guys remember when I found actually this like book, like a magazine stand at a flea market and Ron Gosling was there, name drop, and I bought it for $25. Like,

I'll turn this into a bar and it was this albatross that sat in my apartment that everyone made fun of. It was so ugly. So stupid. I put out lightning and I put a little glass shelf.. I was like, I'll turn this into a bar. And it was this albatross that sat in my apartment that everyone made fun of. It was so ugly. So stupid. I put out lightning. I put a little glass shelf. It would have sold for negative $35. So you would have

failed the white box challenge on DesignStar? Lara Spencer would have kicked me out of the flea market. She's like, just leave. Oh my god. Oh, that is hilarious. Okay, so where are we on Bravo? So Princesses... Speaking about fleas, go on. Speaking about repurposing whores, so...

Sledalus, you have the floor. Oh my god. So Chanel. Oh, poor Chanel. Poor Chanel. Her sister's getting married before her. Oh my god. I'm 27 and I'm over the hill. Oh my god. I'm 27 and I'm over the hell. Oh my god. I just don't

want people to think I'm an old maid. You are an old maid. Get over it. Who cares? I love how her sister gave her a blessing on the bima. She's like, don't be alone forever. Amen. Yeah, even the blessings

are offensive. It's like, don't worry. One day someone will love you. You won't be alone forever, amen. Yeah, even the blessings are offensive. It's like, don't worry, one day someone will love you. You won't be pathetic forever. And the mom's like, listen, you will find the one when you find the one, and hopefully, you know, next year you will find him. No pressure, no pressure. It will happen when it happens. It gets sadder and sadder the longer it takes, but still it will possibly happen.

You know, if you want to disappoint your parents for the rest of their lives and embarrass us in front of family functions, that's fine, you know. Take your time. Take your time. Moses split an entire ocean in two so people could walk across it. So, should it be so hard for you to do the same with your legs?

No. That's all I'm saying. Listen, Moses was in the desert for 40 years, and for 40 years looking for the promised land. You know, so it might take you a little while to find the man. That's okay, though. Listen.

That freaking show and their insistence on marriage, or their desperation for marriage, is making me sick, but it's also hilarious, and I'm loving, loving, loving watching it. What about that hot girl Erica and her future husband? Oh, God. Was his name Rob? So Rob and I were thinking about moving in together. I don't know. I don't know. Oh, Rob. Oh, yeah, me and Rob.

Hey, Rob, you want to come over for dinner with my parents? Oh, Rob. Rob. We're going to have spaghetti. Hey. This is my new favorite impression. Keep going to have spaghetti. Hey. This is my new favorite impression. Keep going. Spaghetti. Mom.

Mom, Rob's here. I don't know. I think I'm doing it. Bob, what are you talking about? What do you mean getting married? We're just going to move in together. Dad's like, well, if you're going to move in together without marriage, I don't agree. And Rob's like, yeah, I totally agree.

I'm going to do it by September. What did I just get engaged? Jesus! Oh my God, did I just get engaged? Rob's like, yo, I gotta lock that down. I mean, I'm dating the hottest girl in Long Island right now. Oh my God. Does he just look at a yearbook every day

before he goes out on a date with her? I think so. Just keep the memory alive. Before her teeth grew apart. He's like. You know the farther apart your teeth grow. The closer I become to you. The blowjob just.

The blowjob just keep getting better and better. All sorts of now open holes and gummy surfaces. Lots of gaps up and down. Just to get right on in there. Wouldn't that turn it into a grater? I don't like that thought. No, just think about it like a car going into a garage.

Rob, why are you stressing me out all the time? Of course I get texts from guys. I'm hot. Like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Rob. He's hot. Sorry. I love that you guys are doing this.

Part of your impression has a bit of she's a little stuffed up, but we know it's because she has a deviated septum. Has a deviated septum, but because she smokes 40 packs of cigarettes a day and she looks like she's 60

and she's an alcoholic and I don't know. Why is she always stuffed up? Because she... They all are. Haven't you noticed they're all stuffed up? Like, it's not her accent. She's stuffed up. Is she doing a lot of code? They all... I don't know what it is

about Long Island. You know, my cousins from Long Island don't have that crazy nasally accent. I mean, they have a Long Island accent, but... No, there's a difference between nasally, but Erica sounds like she sounds ill all the time. But what about Babs? Babs speaks like this. No, you can't get married. No, you can't get married.

I'm sorry. I'm your mother. I'm your mother. I'm your mother. I'm your mother. At least a year. You have to wait a year. Before you get married.

Amanda. Amanda. Listen to me. You have to wait a year, Amanda. Amanda, I'm your mother, and I'm telling you this right now. I've seen things. We like Jeff, but you have to win a year. Joan, you want to go to 50-plus karaoke with her?

Oh, I want to go to that 50-plus club that they went to. That was the best club in all of Long Island, too. All right, it's my turn. Ice, ice, baby. Too cold, too cold. Hey, you know what this is going to use? A dildo with a hanky on it. What about Jeff?

So the revelation that we found on our Facebook page is that Jeff's brother is actually a very, he's not a very famous, but he's a character actor that you would recognize immediately. He's been on so many sitcoms and so many shows. I guess right now he's on Suits. But Jeff has a famous actor brother. I forgot his name. And I guess Jeff maybe was an actor too at one point.

I think someone may have put that on our Facebook page. Did you guys see that? Well, now he's a real person. Yeah, baby. Put on that bikini, baby. Amanda, Amanda, look at the ring. Hey, Amanda, let's go have sex and call a sluttist after us. Hey, hey, hey.

I feel like Amanda is surrounded by such douchebags that we never even make fun of her. But she's a yellow fan. I can't even do her voice. Obnoxious. It reminds me of Janice from Friends. Yeah, she is. And she's all mine. Basically, Jeff is Snarf

from Thundercats. Oh, you guys. I wanted to ask you about this. This is kind of old news, so sorry, podcast audience. What's the deal with Abrahamincoln's assassination you guys are you fighting for obama um so do you remember when she was doing that photo shoot for the drink hanky and they were in that park and she posed with uh she had the model like do a sexy

pose with the statue well oh you're freaking out because that statue was of somebody it was of a firefighter who died in 9-11 so people are freaking out i was saying it's so disrespectful and there is an entire facebook page dedicated to taking down princesses because of that moment you guys i was wondering why there was a disclaimer yeah bra Bravo put out a press release about this. And you know how they rerun their shit constantly? They edited it out. So the only time that aired was the first broadcast. Every episode that you see them rerunning this, because they're going to do marathons of this shit constantly, they edited it out because it's so fucked up. I guess my issue is if you're going to put a statue in a park, you know that that's where homeless people shit, right?

And you know that, like, birds are pooping on that all day. I mean, give me a break. I have to say, honestly, and this is no disrespect to the firefighter who lost his life. Hold on. Let me brace myself for this one. No, I don't understand really what was offensive about it. If she's just, like, standing there and posing with it, I mean, I don't remember what the pose was. If she was doing, like, a lewd pose, maybe.

But at the same time, it's a statue. It's what Ronnie said. It's in public space now. If she was just posing with it, maybe it was accidentally in poor taste. I don't know if it's something that is the most offensive thing we've ever seen on reality TV. I think you have to turn to Big Brother for that. They're just going after her so hard. I mean, I'm looking at the page right now.

I'm once again disgusted and destroyed by the lack of compassion Bravo and the Princesses staff has for a fallen hero. And then they're like linking to this article, like trying to get everyone to go hate on Amanda in this article about the drink hanky. Like the's a fucking idiot do you honestly think she knew that she was like having someone pose with a fucking statue give me a break it's not like they dug the guy up and shat on him get over yourself i agree i don't i don't think it was intentionally

you know malicious or i don't think there's any desecration she just posed with it if anything it's an honor to be immortalized with a drink hanky, which will soon be in everyone's house. I'm sure it was. I mean, I didn't really look closely enough, but it might have been an American flag drink hanky. Yeah. If more people buy the drink hanky, then we beat the terrorists. Yeah. Okay.

Exactly. That's how we're going to torture the terrorists from now on. We're not putting pillowcases over their head. we're putting a giant drink hanky over their head and then jessica chastain will come in and torture her and piping in ashley's voice yeah or jeff's voice where's the next cell so what about ashley's sad little slumber party where she's putting together a cheese plate she's like i don't want to put together cheeses because I feel like poor people mix things. Yeah, God forbid anyone mixes cheese.

I'm not going to lie. I was eating cheese when I was watching that. And mine was not mixed cheese. But I do like mixed cheese. I enjoy it. I love a good mixed cheese. You know, in fact, there's such a thing as a cheese plate, Ashley, that when you go to a really expensive restaurant, they will often give you a platter of cheeses. Multiple cheeses. With maybe a honeycomb and some marmalade.

And you'd be shocked at how few poor people can actually afford that cheese plate. So I would have to fight you on that point there, Miss Ashley Slotmore. She's such an idiot. God, she's a fucking idiot. I cannot wait until next week when we finally get to hear the line that has been promised us from the beginning. Help

me. No, it's not just me. She goes, help me. I mean, she really sounds like a dying sheep like she's like crying like a sheep you guys did you notice that the homeless guy

never knocked on my door? I wonder what the hell, is he asleep out there? he's probably just like shat on it and left oh god did 9-11 teach you nothing homeless person? alright well I think we are set here. Do we have anything else that was on princesses that we missed, perhaps?

There was the wedding. The wedding. God. There was the wedding, of course, the centerpiece. That whole wedding was just so gross. Who catered that? Why can't guys and girls sit on the same side? Like, what's that about?

Well, you know, girls have cooties. We all know that. cooties we all know that that's why we like guys oh true okay true true true true yeah also the world's got to figure it out fucking backwards the world is still backwards i mean we still live in a world where a girl's dream is to find a rich homely guy to take care of her that's her fucking dream like i don't know what happened to this country but not nothing good. All right. God, speaking of, I miss newlyweds. Ew. No.

So let's talk about Property in There. Are you guys watching that? Of course. I watch all things Jeff Lewis. Okay, I watched the first half of the first show, and I wanted to love it because I like Jeff Lewis and I love What's Her Face. But I have to say, at least in this early going the show did not to me have

the fun rhythm that i thought it would be i thought there'd be a lot of like cross talk i thought the chem the panel chemistry was a little strange maybe because the it's strange because clearly jeff and mary mcdonald hate the blonde lady yeah exactly the blonde lady should not be on there she does not match um it just sort of it feels a little lifeless it's you know it's it should have been i'm gonna make a bold statement it would be more fun if the blonde lady was replaced with bevy smith from fashion queens yeah probably yeah probably the blonde woman is not on the same level that's what it's trying to be it's trying to be something like fashion queens or fashion police where they just sit there and talk about fashion but instead of

talking fashion they're talking like real estate listings and it's stupid it's just stupid i think there's a market for that i do but i love it i love it i'm an architecture i'm a celebrity realist stalker blog obsessed person and i love this shit you do i love it i think i honestly think i think the blonde woman her style of humor is not like mary mcdonald's and jeff lewis's their style of humor is like catty gay and the blonde woman, her style of humor is not like Mary McDonald's and Jeff Lewis's. Their style of humor is like catty gay, and the other woman is more like... She's the straight woman on the show. It's like kind of just... It doesn't work. I mean, really what it should be is Jeff and Mary McDonald sitting behind a desk like Hoda and Kathie Lee drinking Sauvignon Blanc and just talking shit about like can you believe Justin Bieber overpaid for that

nasty ass faux Tuscan style piece of shit mansion in Thousand Oaks that's what I want to see you know who would be great on it is our friend Michelle Collins they should get rid of that blonde woman and put Michelle on and I think you'd have an excellent panel yeah I'd watch that but I love me some Michelle Collins

I'd watch her I mean she can make anything funny but I think especially that I think she would work very well with the other two. Agreed. Is anybody watching Interior Therapy? They had Jillian Barbieri on this past actually last night, and I loved it. I hate Jillian Barbieri.

Why? Oh, she's the... From the Weather Lady? No, from Good Day LA. She's not the Weather Lady. She's the wait are you talking about from the the weather lady no from good day la she's not she's not the weather lady she's the uh she's the weather lady got fired right yes well jillian got fired too

um but jillian was on like good day la for a hundred years and she was also like a fox sports chick she's she was but she did weather and then she did this fox sports because she did the weather she liked the weather for the games, right? Yes. Either way, I used to really, really hate her, and I find her to be very annoying.

She is, but I like Good Day L.A. Wait, she got fired from Good Day L.A. too? They gutted Good Day L.A. about a year ago when they came in and they were like, we want to make this show more newsy. We don't want to have fun, wacky personalities. And they essentially, well, they essentially pushed them all out because there was new owners and they

came in and they fucked everything up. And I will tell you this, the first day I visited LA by myself and I was like, I'm going to move to LA. And I ended up, I booked a hotel room. I didn't know where the hell I was staying. I stayed in some nasty ass dungeon in Korea town that was scary.

And there was blood in the bathroom. And I was freaking out, and I turned on the TV, because TV is my comfort, and Good Day L.A. was on, and Jillian is the first person I ever saw when I moved, or when I came to L.A., and she saved me. I'm so sorry for you, Matt. That's a terrible story. And it's terrible that she was the one who was your angel.

I'm sorry that you had to suffer the Florence Nightingale effect with Jillian Barbary. She looked so glamorous and I was like, I am not staying here. And I went downstairs and I got a cab and I said, take me somewhere glamorous like Beverly Hills. And I moved the hell out of Koreatown. Yeah, attaboy. I love it.

Good for you, Matt. Oh, Jillian. Jillian. God bless your little heart. I heard one of the ones who got fired on KFI, which apparently will let anybody on because that's who let Heather have a radio show for a second. But she was on and she wasn't Jillian Barberi. It was a blonde one. And I was like, God, where do I know that voice? Because she didn't say her name. You know, I got her in the middle of a segment.

But she just talked like that. I got her in the middle of a segment. But she just sucked like that. Both of those ladies are just like chain-smoking LA, too much tanning bed, leathery skin, weave down to their ass. Just kind of old ladies. I loved those ladies. I'm so sad that this happened. How could this happen?

All right. Well, let's go find out what happened. Yeah. We've reached the end of the podcast the wedding was crazy and israeli um and that's it so basically matt why don't you uh you're the host this week why don't you wrap it up for us uh well thank you all for tuning in to another lengthy and uh slightly offensive episode of watch what crappens um we do appreciate you sticking with us. Hopefully you didn't turn us off halfway through.

You can find me, Matt, across the board on the social networks at Life on the M-List. You can find Ben at B-Side Blog. And everybody, you need to go to TrashTalkTV.com and bookmark the page. It is Ronnie's new site. It is fucking hilarious. And don't forget to follow him on social networks as well. We'll be back again next week to talk about all of the crap we love on Bravo. Thank you guys for tuning in.

Go leave us some iTunes comments. Bye, everybody. Bye. Yeah. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Slicing, driving friends with her for 10 years.

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