Watch What Crappens - #86: Mom? HELP ME!! I'm Stuck in a MAAALLLLLL!!!

Episode Date: August 1, 2013

On this week's Watch What Crappens, Matt Whitfield (Yahoo), Ben Mandelker, (bsideblog) and Ronnie Karam (TVgasm) meet up in a mall for a noisy podcast all about the Giudice indictment, the winter wonderland fighting on RHOC, and the already infamous "Mom?? Help ME" call on Princesses Long Island. As a bonus, we've included a fashion teardown of a four year old. Come on in! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. I'm in a woman's prison with bars all around. I caught my darling cheating. That's when I shot him down. I caught him in a honky tonk with a girl I used to know.

The door to my cell is open wide and a voice cries out, oh no. And a voice cries out, oh no Hey everybody, welcome to Watch What Crap Is A podcast about all the crap we'd love to talk about on Bravo I have to tell you that all that noise you hear Is because we are in the lovely Westfield Shopping Mall today You're being generous This is the Fox Hills Mall. The famous Fox Hills Mall.

If you live in LA, you know what the Fox Hills Mall is. I feel very uncomfortable. I feel actually very comfortable. I feel extremely fancy. I'm eating Sbarro and we're recording this with an iPhone on an upside down Sbarro camera. Why don't you take a picture of it? Why don't you introduce us? Okay, yeah.

I'm Ronnie Karen from Trash Talk TV, and I'm with Ben Mandelker from B-Side Blog. Hey, everyone. And Matt Whitfield from Yahoo TV. Hi. Hi. So, yeah. So, this is Watch What Crappens, our Bravo podcast. We also do a podcast called The TV Click, which you guys might have noticed has clogged up your feed

because I uploaded a ton of them at one time, so sorry about that. But we are rebranding into The TV Click. We're still going to have Watch What Crappens, but your feed is now going to say The TV Click because you've been asking us to branch out to do different shows, so now we are going to be taking over the world. So basically what this means is that in your iTunes feed, when you go to iTunes, asking us to branch out to do different shows, so now we are going to be taking over the world. So basically what this means is that in your iTunes feed, when you go to iTunes, it's gonna say the TV Click,

but the episodes that are about Big Brother are gonna come into your iTunes folder, whatever it is, however you're listening, and they're gonna say, watch what crap ends, episode, whatever episode we're up to. So that's gonna stay the same, the same podcast, it's just that when you go to iTunes, if you were to search for it on iTunes,

you know, the TV click is what's going to come up. But don't be scared. And for all of you people who don't watch Big Brother and don't care about Big Brother, thanks for being patient. All you have to do is just press delete

and you don't have to listen to it. And you can just stay with the watch for crap and stuff. And for those of you who've been cool with it, we love you. We love you more than life itself. Exactly.

This is growing pains. This is a good thing, you guys. We now have more listeners than ever before, more fan interaction on our Facebook page. We can't thank you enough. But it is time to branch out a little bit. So we will continue to keep Watch What Crappens all about Bravo. But we might add a few other things to the mix because you guys have been craving it. We added Big Brother.

It's been a lot of fun. And maybe this fall you'll even get us talking about HGTV. Yeah, the HGTV episode. We could even call it the garden party, maybe. Ooh, I love it. Although, of course, we're not going to be talking about any gardening part of it. No, we're just going to be trashing Vern Yip and Candice Olsen.

It's about time Vern Yip got his comeuppance. It is about time. Yeah, you can tell we've been growing because we're in a mall. As the podcast grows, our production values go the other way. But we did have an amazing meeting earlier today with our pals at the Sideshow Network. They are going to help us take this to another level. We are really excited for the upcoming months. And the reason why we're broadcasting at the mall is because we thought we were going to

be able to record at the Sideshow Network's fancy studios, but they had already booked someone else so we went to the mall that's next door, which is why Matt and Ronnie are eating Spar's pizza. Don't tell people that I eat carbs! I'm sorry. I'll eat one, I'll take a bite too. And that way I can, I'll be part of the carb party. Okay so that's enough of that.

So sorry about the background noise. Let's talk some Bravo bullshit. So we've got a crazy, crazy week, people. Obviously, the first thing we have to talk about is the Judicays getting indicted for 39 counts of all kinds of fraud. I mean, like mail fraud, wig fraud. This is serious stuff. I was at the gym and CNN was on. And it was, like, when it's on CNN and not just like showbiz tonight, it was on the main CNN page.

It means it's a slow news day. No, well, it's true. There were no, like, you know, killer things going on anywhere in the world or manhunts. But still, I mean, this was not just they're filing for bankruptcy, they have a debt. This was, like, a serious case that's been building since 2001. So despite the fact that Teresa is probably going to go to jail and her husband may be deported, which we'll get to in a second, she has now eclipsed NeNe and Vicki Gunvalson as the most famous real housewife in history. So congratulations, Teresa.

Yeah, I guess so. I mean, if you're going to be famous, that's the way to do it, by going to prison. She would be amazing as a guest star on Orange is the New Black. Oh my God. I think they should revamp the old Fox sitcom Women in Prison and have it star her. It would probably be funnier. It wouldn't be a bad reality show to be in a women's prison. Well, someone tweeted at us and said, is this what Bravo's new reality show is going to be?

Real housewives of the federal penitentiary system. Well, let's get to it. Do you guys think that she's going to jail? Do you think Joe is going to jail? The other big reveal is that Joe is not a United States citizen, which blows my mind. Are they really going to deport this guy? They should. Get him out of Jersey, you know? Well, he actually had a really good episode this week that made us kind of like him. I know.

But it's like you finally talk to the gardener one day and find out he's a good person, but you've already called him a migra. That always happens to me. Always happens. What do you guys think Bravo's take is on this? Because, look, Jersey, aside from Atlanta, Jersey is the second highest rated in the entire franchise and on the entire network.

Teresa is a major reason why that is the case. They cannot afford to lose Teresa at all because that show and that cast go away. Is Bravo excited because this brings more eyeballs to the show? Yes! Or are they freaking out because they may lose their star? Bravo, first of all, she's not going to jail. She's going to do a plea deal

or whatever. Ben, the bail was $500,000. This is not like little, like, I stole a lollipop. But you know what though? She is,

there's no way she's going to tolerate life in jail. She does not want to go to the slammer, okay? She is going to, she's going to comply. Will she throw her husband under the bus? Because everybody okay she is going to she's going to comply will she

throw her husband under the bus because everybody's saying the plan yeah we've already seen them do it on the show they showed them in court and basically they were not in court but at their lawyer's office and basically their defense was Teresa doesn't know anything Joe did at all yeah but is Joe doing that to protect his wife or is is that also just the situation is Teresa has been hearing from a lot of people around her that he is the reason why she's horrible and why everybody hates them, but should she just throw him under the bus and move forward? Yeah. Well, she's not going to throw him under the bus.

She's going to say, I didn't know anything, and he's going to say she didn't know anything. But we know that's not true. Yes, she's stupid, but she knows stuff. Well, she knows, like, stupid things. She knows that, like, where to bedazzle things. She doesn't know, like, financial things. I guarantee you. She probably doesn't even know, like, what fiduciary means.

I don't know what that means either. It just sounds like clenching a vagina. Listen, she's basically like the Italian-American low-class version of Blue Jasmine. And if you haven't seen Blue Jasmine, watch it. And then that's the Teresa Giudice story, as told by Cate Blanchett. Well, what makes this even juicier is all the stuff coming out about how this was filed. You guys know all this, right? No. So that bitch, Monica Chacon, who was kicked out of Melissa's holiday party last year. Teresa made her kick him out because she was representing one of Joe's ex-business partners in court.

So that woman was so mortified and she vowed revenge. And she's also a friend of Kim G's. Oh, yeah. And so the rumor mills are saying that those girls have been getting together with Jacqueline and Melissa to bring Teresa down. getting together with Jacqueline and Melissa to bring Teresa down. If you guys paid any attention to Kim G's Twitter feed in the past few days, it is out of control.

She is tweeting things like, hey, Teresa, I hope you think that you're going to look good without having your tweezers and looking good in an orange jumpsuit. I mean, she is being awful. She's like, take your toilet paper to jail because it's not very good there. Listen, Kim G has just been waiting for a moment to become relevant again.

And it still hasn't come, but she thinks it has. And God bless her. Well, but I think that they really did set all this up. I mean, the stuff about Melissa, yeah, it sounds crazy. But now that I actually see that bitch in action and Jacqueline, I wouldn't doubt it if they were all meeting up at fucking Starbucks to bring Teresa down. I've read this in the comments on some board because, of course, I'm obsessively reading comments, but I've read in the comments, like,

you know that Joe Gorga has keys to Melissa's, I mean, to Teresa's house. Yeah. Like, you know somebody's house at or something and, like, can get in there and go through and get all their files. And they wear spray-on hair as, like, a bandit, you know, bandit outfits.

You could spray the security cameras with his hair. With the spray-on security cameras with his hair. Another big thing is that Monica, this Monica Chacon bitch, is actually bragging about this to online sources. She's on Radar Online calling them to give them interviews. Which, you know, bitch, you're a lawyer.

You were not supposed to be doing... What are you doing? She told some outlet, and someone posted this on our wall, like a link to Perez Hilton. God forbid we ever go to that site, but I did go. And she said that the day that... Monica Chacon used to represent Joe Gorga's ex-business partner, the one that he's in this lawsuit with.

And the day that they filed their case or whatever, the windows in her law firm and the windows in this guy's office were busted in. And she was like, I have no proof that it was Joju Dice. But it was Joju Dice. Yeah. And she's like, this is gang tactics. This is really mean street gang tactics.

And I'm like, really, bitch? Marbles? I mean, when was the last time you had a street gang with marbles attack you? Come on. Well, but still, like, you know, he still broke their windows. And let's also be honest. It is funny that he used marbles, though.

He took them from Melania. Yeah, exactly. Or he probably took the kids. Got some tax, you know? Yeah, he probably handed them a rubber band

and told Melania to pull out her marbles. Oh my god, I totally, Melania is Dennis the Menace, so I bet that he put her to work. I would love to see her in her little

cat burglar outfit. But anyway, these are 39 counts. She sat in Monica Chacon's salad. For a whole year, all of Monica Chacon's salads were sat in. Okay, so these are 39 counts. This makes me believe, though, that this is really just scratching the surface. I think there's dead bodies.

I don't know if there's dead bodies or not, but there's probably like... I think Jacqueline would be dead by now, or Caroline or any of them would be dead if they were real murderers. I don't know. I would love to hear Danielle Staub's take on all this, please. Oh my God. Well, Jill Zarin's already been on CNN. Who the hell else are they going to get? I have to say, can we talk about the most important part of this all? Their court outfits. I personally enjoyed Teresa's take on the classic Celine Dion tuxedo. The white

pantsuit tuxedo. It's a classic. Yeah, it's a classic. Although she did it wrong because she had it, you know, the right size. She wasn't wearing it backwards. She didn't wear it backwards. But I think that was an ode to the recently deceased member of Criss Cross. She didn't want to turn it backwards. It's too soon. Yeah, I agree.

But it reminded me very much of Italian Celine Dion, which is sort of what she is anyway. It's true. She has that whimsy about her. And Joe was in his little suit that he bought last year for court that he just wears every day now, basically. He has to wear every day in court.

The best part about all this is that, on top of the fact that they now have real deal charges trumped up against them, not even trumped up, but just charged against them, 39 counts, they're still dealing with the fact that he, like, faked his identity like last year. And that was the most, of all these things, that's probably the most easily avoidable problem. Like, if there's anything that he could have done to avoid the situation, he could have

not gone to a DMV and tried to impersonate his brother. Especially if the dude already knew that he wasn't a United States citizen. Yes. Like, what are you thinking? Oh my goodness. Do you think Italy will take him back? They'll probably make him their prime minister. Yeah, he'll be a hero in Italy. Yeah.

People probably actually named their wives Cunt in Italy. Yeah. Yes, Ronnie just said that in a food court in Los Angeles right now. While a baby was passing. While a baby in a stroller drove by. Sushi Bar by Sarku Japan. Let's pretend this is live.

If you're listening to us right now, come to Sushi Bar by Sarku Japan on the third floor of the Foxtails Mall, where we won't be tomorrow when you hear this. They keep ringing a bell when they are chopping up some food over there. It's driving me crazy. The bell hasn't rung in a while. We have a lot of people walking by, probably wondering why we're talking into an overturned Sparrow Cup. Well, it was either this or adjacent to the sale bin at Claire's, so we had to make an

executive decision. Matt's not even joking. We literally almost broadcast in front of Claire's downstairs, but there's a little bit too much background noise. By the way... I like to clutch real pearls, not fake shit from Claire's. Oh, there goes another sponsor. Oh, damn it.

By the way, thanks again. If you're still listening and not bothered by all the background noise, I find it to be charming. Yeah, I have to say that actually one of the funniest things about this place is that we haven't gotten one weird look from anybody. I know. Right. Had we been at the Americana or the Grove,

this shit would have been shut down by security hours ago. Yeah, but up here in the dining terrace at the Fox Hills Mall, everything goes.

It's like three gays shouting at each other over a Sbarro cup looks totally normal. We're a step up. One of the other great things about this story is Teresa's,

or Joe's parents. It was Joe's parents, right? I don't know. What about it? Oh, Joe's parents, that article that or Joe's parents. It was Joe's parents, right? I don't know. What about it? Oh, Joe's parents, that article that caught Joe's parents freaking out outside the courthouse and the dad was like flipping off the cameras and like spreading his ass cheeks for the cameras. Oh, God.

Going full on Kanye at LAX on these people. Yeah, they're awful. Oh, okay. So we can move on from that because because you said going Kanye LAX. NeNe. NeNe. Oh, my God. Okay, what's this?

No, I don't even know this story. All I know is that... She went and ate shit on some TMZ camera, and it was hilarious. She did? About what? Well, she flew into LA recently because she actually today, meaning Wednesday,

taped an appearance on the Kris Jenner talk show with her new skinny body and her short hair. She got a new haircut. How does her hair get any shorter? Actually, it actually got longer in a way. It's shorter in the back and longer in the front, so it's like a reverse mullet. But anyway, she was on Chris Jenner today,

but I was watching it on mute. But she just looked thinner, and clearly she's there to promote the upcoming season of her spinoff show, Nini Goes to the Ultra, or whatever the hell it's called. I dream of Nini. Which, by the way, if you're dreaming of Nini, I'm so sorry. Goes to the Ultra, or whatever the hell it's called. I dream of Nini. I dream of Nini. Which, by the way,

if you're dreaming of Nini, I'm so sorry. No kidding. Put it back in the bottle. I know. It's like, I didn't know there was another Nightmare on Elm Street happening.

But, Phyllis, what did she do at LAX? I don't even know that she was at LAX, but a TMZ camera was asking her about the lawsuit because her bridal planner or wedding planner or whatever is suing her for $2.5 million because

she never paid any of her wedding bills. And so the video on TMZ is her being like, I don't owe that bitch anything. It's like just going off. She's just so crass. When in doubt, hire she-she-she-she-she darling. What's his name? Kevin? Kevin Lee. Kevin Lee is the way to go.

I think that they just assume that Bravo's paying the bills. I mean, isn't Bravo supposed to pay the bills? I think they pay the bills when you're Lisa Vanderpump. Listen, here's the thing. If you're a wedding planner in Atlanta, just expect that you're not going to get paid. Okay? Like, how many times do you have to watch this unfold before you realize, oh, shit, I'm not going to get paid. Those bitches don't pay anything down there.

Yeah. That's true. They don't. Real Housewives of Atlanta, they are the worst. Sarray, how much money does Sarray owe to Atlanta? Yeah. They should open a library dedicated to Sarray because people are always borrowing shit from And you know what it would be?

It would just be a dirty lot with a few books lying around. Just be dirt and a few old books. And dreams of an indoor ice skating rink because that's what you need when you have two children who don't ice skate in Atlanta. Yeah, and there will be an Aston Martin parked out front, and then a little futon that her son is sleeping on. Yeah, you could just go in and take books and never bring them back. Yeah. And then you put up some nice portraits of future designs for She by Shere line.

Yeah, take all the poetry books out of there and just make everything rhyme with charrette library lot by library library library library overdue by overdue a so Nene I think is ripping people off but you know what I don't think anyone ever really gets in trouble on these shows. Teresa will be the first housewife to go to jail, but I don't think she's going to go to jail. I think she's going to be okay. I think she's going to get out.

I think she's going to play, be innocent. I think he's going to... He, I think, will actually try to remove her out of it. I think he will actually be chivalrous, because... Not really chivalrous, but you know, he's got that whole macho thing. Okay, but is he going to go to jail in the United States, or are they going to deport his ass? I don't think they're going to, I don't know.

I don't know enough about those rules. I thought you were the smart one here. Oh, no, no, no. I'm not smart at all. Oh. I've lost many brain cells over the years. Thank you, bravo. Thank you, bravo.

And marijuana. So, should we move on to another housewife to talk gossip about? Yes. It's not really gossip. It's more like fun news, which is that Ronnie and I, and unfortunately Matt, was not able to attend. But we had dinner with Miss Leah Black over the weekend. How fun is that? How fun is that?

And by the way. Now we're going to get people looking at us. Yes. Actually, someone did just turn around. Some girl from over there. So, by the way, if you follow us on social media, if you follow our Facebook page, facebook.com forward slash watch for crap-ins,

or follow Ronnie on Vine at... Ronnie Karam. Ronnie Karam. Or me at B-Side Blog or Mad at Life on the M-List, you would have already known this. You would have already known this news, and you would have seen the video of You would have already known this news. And you would have seen the video of us with Leah Black saying,

How fun is that? She was fun. And it was great. She had us to her house up in the hills. Yeah, it was so beautiful up there. And we got to see Amy Phillips, who's also really nice. We had a really good time with her. And Leah told us a whole bunch of gossip about the upcoming season of of Miami and it sounds pretty fun yeah so we're excited we hope that Leah gets a good edit because

she is cool she's really fun I'm gonna put it out there I really think that it looks to me from the previews that Leah is getting a bad edit and they are going full on everybody else but her I feel like they are making her the villain this season. Well, she did indicate that some of the other housewives did not really step it up, so maybe they're going to go after her because apparently she's involved in a central conflict. With her former BFF? Yes.

It's going to be interesting. No one comes out unscathed after arguing with that wench. She's a horror show. Yeah. Well, did you know this? This is actually online, and I looked it up. I didn't realize this. This is a piece of gossip that I think we must have overlooked.

Adriana had been married to Frederick for five years already. Well, that is something that Joanna brings up on the upcoming season because she's like, this season's supposed to be all about me and my wedding because I've actually never been married, but Adriana already has been married. Yeah, and has been married all this time to Frederick. So all this time where it's been like, should I get married, should I not get married? It's bullshit.

She was married that entire time. Right, and I don't think that Bravo had PAs checking this. And so Bravo didn't know, and they probably paid for her goddamn fake wedding. Yeah. Well, one of my really close friends was dating a german guy and in order for you know in order for him to stay she had to get married to him and she was like this isn't a real marriage we're just gonna get married uh and then we'll have a real wedding in a year or so when we're ready and then it became like three years of drama of when is the real wedding and

i told somebody like i referred to her as married just because, just on accident, she had a fit. Like, how dare I tell anybody she was married? So I'm thinking of it like that, maybe. Like, maybe someone in citizenship. But the thing is this, though. If Adriana is accepting, like, charity from people, you know, then that's shady. If the whole thing is, like, no one looking after her and, you know, she has no one looking after her poor little Frederick. That's shady. So I think that's a big part of

the next season. I don't know if Aaliyah's going to get a bad edit. I hope she doesn't. I hope she does not come up like she did. It looks like their friendship goes to shit. Oh, absolutely. And they were the tight ones. Yeah. Well, here's the thing. Reality TV kills all friendships. And marriages. And marriages.

And businesses. And children's. And children's friendships. And marriages. And marriages. And businesses. And children's. And children's futures. And fraudulent things that you're doing with your finances in Jersey. So you should know better. Yeah, reality TV kills tooth fairies. Here's the thing. Leah doesn't have to really worry about anything because she's set.

So she has a house in Miami. She has a house in the Hollywood Hills. A very cool house, by the way. Everything was white and mirrored. Did you guys, were you afraid to drink any red wine? What was served? I was. What was served? Wine. What kind of wine? I just had vodka on the rocks.

Four of them. Wow. I had some bubbly. I had some other. I had some red something or another. There were burgers and sushi. Were there quarters for a maid? Did a maid serve you or did Leah serve you? No, I will tell you who served us. A hot bartender.

Leah hired such a hot bartender. And I tried to get Leah to set me up with him. Leah obviously helped, but I don't think he had any interest in me. So I think his name is Rob. So Rob, if you're listening, call me. Well, for those of you listening today um on thursday leah is supposed to come into yahoo and tape with us for um a very special episode of the yo show where she's going to also be discussing theresa's scandal so it'll be interesting to get leah's take on that on camera

yeah here's here's what people need to know if you're going to go onto reality tv please know this you cannot have a single skeleton in your closet so that means a secret wedding that means uh crazy fraud things that you're doing you cannot have any of that and that's all you have to do to make it in reality tv yeah i don't understand how many people do and still come on but i guess i mean to be a reality show person you have to be a certain type in the first place, right? Yeah. Why are you looking at me when you say that? Yeah.

Because you'd totally be on a reality show. Right. And I would forget about all the skeletons in my closet and then I would go, eh,

I don't care, all I want is fame. Yeah, that's what happens. And then, next thing you know, scandal on all the, well,

here's the thing, it's only scandal if you let it be scandal. So if like a sex tape comes out of you, whatever, you say, yeah,

that was me, did you enjoy the performance? Yeah, I'd be like, So if, like, a sex tape comes out of you or whatever, you say, yeah, that was me. Did you enjoy the performance? You know, that's what you should do. Yeah, I'd be like, yeah, and I got a big one. What? What? Yeah, exactly. Like, Frederick on Million Dollar Listing.

Have you seen those previews? What is going on with that? That guy, Ryan. He's a porn star, right? That guy, Ryan. The fiancé? So Ryan shows a whole group of customers a porn video starring Frederick. And Frederick's like like oh my god

I'm so humiliated here's the thing that's such a high profile skeleton it's not even a skeleton the closet it's like a skeleton in the foyer you know it's like it's right there you did porn it was on tape like that's like you just have to own it at that point Frederick well he does I mean he said it on the show but I guess that's just not something you want shown at an open house or wherever the hell they are. Maybe he would help you actually sell it. That was the name of his porno, Open House.

He could make even more money if he would just do a new line called Open House. It's all just real estate themed. Let's think of a few other titles. Yeah, leave the back door open. Oh, my God. Open Concept. In Escroho. In escro-ho.

In escro-ho. How about walking distance to the city whore? Walking distance to the city. A place for your family to stay. Curb appeal. Seven and a half baths and inches. Property Brothers. That works for everything.

It just works. That title works for everything. Love it or list it. Love it or fist it. Love it or fist it. There you go. We're the same cast. That would be really interesting.

For those of you who are just joining us, we are still... Oh, flip or flop. Oh. I like that. Yes, we are still broadcasting from a... Where are we? You don't have to tell them. It's not like the radio where someone's just turning it on midstream.

Yeah. Nobody... Wait, I do think that some people probably fast forward to the 25-minute mark after we get all of our personal live stuff out of the way. Oh, no, they're still doing what they did last week which is making raunchy puns about HGTV shows. Yeah, they are talking about the shows

so we can fast forward to the 30 minute mark. I wish I knew more HGTV shows. Extreme Houses? I think we've got them all. What are the rest? I only know like

three of them. I just say them over and over again. Instead of like Extreme, isn't there like one called Extreme Makeover? It should just be called Extreme Bukkake.

Starring Frederick. Starring Frederick. Starring Frederick. Okay, anyway. Is there anything else that we need to discuss gossip-wise, or can we get into the juicy, juicy juice? That was big gossip. By the way, if anyone complains it took too long to get into the shows this week, I'm sorry, that was big gossip.

Big gossip on all fronts. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was some good Teresa stuff this week. So let's rev up our Sbarro cup and start talking about some shows. Which one do you want to start with, guys? Well, what did we have? Jersey? So I watched both.

Jersey, I watched, okay, did you guys watch Watch What Happens? No, Andy kept on saying it was only part of the story. Okay, I watched Watch What Happens because, you know, we were hanging out with that Amy Phillips girl who's so funny. And she's like, oh, you've got to watch Watch What Happens because I do an imitation on it. And I was like, okay. So I watched it to see her because I'm a supportive friend. That show is so stupid.

It infuriates me every time I watch it. Andy Cohen looks so confused. What is he even doing there? He has Teresa on and he's like, it's Teresa and Dr. V and he's like, Who I hate. He's like, Dr. V,

you did what no one could do. You brought peace to this family. He's like, and now it's Bravo. We're going to tear them apart again. Yeah, you have cured this family and blah, blah, blah.

And he says it like a zillion times. Like, bitch, I know you have Twitter and you know that there's no such thing happening in this family. They still hate each other.

That was like five minutes. It's like, Andy, we're not going to watch L.A. Shrinks Volume 2. Yeah. I'm sorry. It was bad enough the first time. That crazy, chain-smoking, cross-eyed hoe they call Dr. V. I'm not watching that. Yeah.

But anyway, she's like trying to act like a real shrink as if she didn't spend half the season trying to get nude shots into a Bravo show. I know. You needy, needy bitch. So she was acting like trying to be all serious. And whenever she goes on Watch What Happens, she talks really, really low. Like, Teresa, I need you to fuck. It's like, shut up.

It's like she's playing a doctor. She makes me crazy. So Andy's trying to get Teresa to say thank you to Caroline,'s like shut up it's like she's playing a doctor she makes me crazy so Andy's trying to get Teresa to say thank you to Caroline who didn't do anything Teresa's right yeah I mean Caroline showed up

because production made her yeah but it's not like she had to do anything and Andy goes Dr. V said well you know Caroline really facilitated talking because while I was talking upstairs she was talking downstairs

I was like she didn't do anything and then Andy said well Teresa do you thank Caroline for helping out? And Teresa's like, well, it was glad that she came, and I'm glad that we had everything fixed before she got there. And he's like, so basically you're refusing to give her any credit. And she goes, no, no, I mean, she came, so thanks for that, but I'm glad that we had it fixed. She's probably still bitter that she had to catch Caroline in a trust fall.

That's not easy for anyone to have to go through. No kidding. You can trust yourself all you want, but you can't trust your spine. I know. It probably still hurts. By the way, I just spat on you. I'm sorry. Did you see it?

Did you see it? It's on my finger. I sprayed. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got excited. Can I take your DNA and go have a baby? Please do.

When did you even eat that pizza? Did you eat it? Yeah, I had a pizza. I had a slice. Oh'm sorry. I got excited. Can I take your DNA and go have a baby? Please do. When did you even eat that pizza? Did you eat it? Yeah. Have you had a pizza? I had a slice. Oh my god. It was sad. It was a sad piece of pizza.

Okay. So this show, this week's episode started with Dr. V talking to... They went back into the room where Joe and Teresa, the last episode... They were like on a balcony. They were like on a balcony. They were on a big fluffy couch crying together. Yes. They were on a big fluffy couch crying together. Yes. They were

it was just a shade better than being at the Fox Hills Mall with a Sparrow Cup in the middle. The Sparrow Cup was like it's like the conch.

If you have the Sparrow Cup then you can talk about your feelings. And in the end Piggy dies. So what happened was Wait, Piggy didn't die, did he?

Piggy Yeah, he died. Piggy dies. Yeah. You know who else dies? Mrs. Peacock. Oh, Eileen? Piggy, uh, yeah, he died. Piggy died. Yeah. Piggy died, right? You know who else died? Mrs. Peacock. Oh, Aileen Brennan. Aileen Brennan, RIP. I like that on your Instagram.

Thank you. Life on the M list. Life on the M list on Instagram. So, anyway, um, so we start off with, um, Joe and Teresa hugging and crying because they had a breakthrough, right? And then they bring up Melissa. Who is not having it. Melissa is just being a total bitch. And she's doing the, okay, I'll apologize then they bring up Melissa. Who is not having it. Melissa is just being a total

bitch. And she's doing the, okay, I'll apologize if you want me to thing, which we all hate. And, uh, and then But, okay, look. It made Melissa look bad, but I do have to say that, like, why should she think that this is gonna get better? We know that it never gets

better, and I think that she and her husband should just say Teresa is horrible and walk away. We know that it never gets better and I think that she and her husband should just say Teresa is horrible and walk away. Yeah. Well, if they wanted to say Teresa's horrible and walk away, then they wouldn't, like, get themselves, sneak their way

onto her TV show. Like, you can't have it both ways. Like, if Teresa's so bad that you don't want her in your life, then why did you beg, plead, manipulate, become friends with Danielle and Kenji and all these people

trying to get onto Teresa's show. I will fight you in a public area. There is no way that when Melissa signed up for this show she thought it would get this bad. It was worse before because they didn't even speak. I mean, all she knew of Teresa was that Teresa hated her so much

she just tossed cookies into the garbage whenever she came over. To be fair though, imagine you're Melissa Gorga, and you're being told that you have to make nice with this woman that you know is not just a bitch and not just delusional, but is actually like a crook, a fraud, who is the type that actually has embezzled money for years and years and years. So is Joe.

Oh, my God. That house they live in is a model home that he got money from investors to build to sell that he has not sold. That's why when the realtor came in, that hideous, hideous woman came in to sell the house. That woman like this. Oh, girl.

Kid D's going to get you, girl. She got it out for you, girl. Gentle. Jennifer. Jennifer. So because it was the model home, is that why they built it with nothing but crap and it's all falling apart? Yes.

Or is that why it's not selling? It's not even real marble because it's all made out of cardboard and shit there has no open concept they're total con artists his money's all tied up in bullshit investments yes all everyone on that show like jacqueline better keep her mouth shut her ass is getting sued for like 50 million dollars i mean for fraud so they're all full of shit on that show and you know albert manzo come on there's dead bodies in the brownstone. There's got to be. The only one who's impervious to all this is Grandma Wrinkles from season one.

She's the only one who's safe. And probably Kathy. Except Richie with that gas station. I don't know what's going on there. Richie? No, Richie's shady. Rosie probably hasn't done anything. Maybe killed a couple of hookers on the freeway or something.

No. She probably hijacked a few Sparrows, you know? Run home to Ma. She's too lazy for a real life of crime. But I can see her maybe, like, breaking a bottle into a hooker or something. Let me tell you right now, that would be an amazing spinoff. Too lazy for a life of crime.

Too lazy for a life of crime with Rosie. Can we get Rosie to commit crime? Eh, you know, I'm just not feeling it. You know, sometimes you gotta let it out. You gotta let it out and start from the beginning before you start a crime. You know? You gotta let it out. Ma?

Isn't that right, Ma? Oh my god, and Ma can be the sidekick. Oh my god, I love their mom. She just starts to sit there quietly with her little perm. It's like the best, like, tightest little perm. It's like Sofia Petrillo volume 2.0. It really is. She just needs the shell clutch.

Ugh. We can get it for her. We'll send it to her. It'llillo volume 2.0. It really is. She just needs the shell clutch. We can get it for her. We'll send it to her. It'll be filled with cannolis. Minus the one-liners. In which case, it's really just an annoying old lady. Let's kick her out. So, eventually, there's this montage of the therapy going on and on and on, and Melissa finally

concedes, and there's a hug, and then a second hug. And they bring up Joe juicy Joe bring up Joe and then he's like he doesn't give a shit

he's like yeah okay I apologize and then no his apology was the best in TV history look I'm sorry hug

get over it yeah and then Dr. V no wait didn't he call Melissa a bitch wasn't like oh you crazy bitch

get over here you bitch but then Dr. V had such a had such a classic like therapist moment where she's bitch. Get over here, you bitch. But then Dr. V had such a classic therapist moment where she's like, Joe, I need you to play along today,

huh? And it's like, shut up, Dr. V. If I were Joe, I'd be like, I hate you right now. I need you to be present. I need you to play

along today. Shut up. Hilarious. But he did, and then it turned out that he was like the big softie out of everybody

and was like, hey, listen, tree, this stuff with Jacqueline, you gotta let it go. He's right. That was really one of the few moments in the entire series ever that he had some logic on his side. Like, sometimes big cities crumble down, and then we gotta rebuild them. Yeah, hello, Halliburton.

What do you think we're doing in America? That's what we do in this country. He was referring to their beach house. Rip it down. Yeah. Rebuild it. that's what we do in this country declare war, rip it down rebuild it he's like let's just pretend this was all terrorism and have the government rebuild it with federal funds

so we have this and I'm thinking this is a good start I can't wait for the rest of the therapy and then Dr. V's like peace out and then she's gone I'm like wait I was like Kathy wait she's gone? she's leaving? poor Kathy like the Charlie Brown she just can't

get it right. And then her husband decks her in the snow. On top of it. Yeah. I was like, and Dr. V, what's Dr. V get out of leaving so early? She needs all the face time she can get. Yeah, she's not getting a second season of that crappy L.A. shrink show. Yeah, absolutely not. I was like, Dr. V, you stay there

until they're all really like you. You're gonna say absolutely not. I mean, say it the proper way. Absolutely not! Absolutely not. I was like, Dr. V, you stay there until they're all really like you. You're going to say absolutely not. I mean, say it the proper way. Absolutely not! Absolutely not! Thank you. Thank you. That was an ode to quad. So then they all went ice fishing and then immediately Joe and Jo started making fun

of each other's peckers, which is pretty standard. I don't know if that was going to lead to tension or just to some weird fellatio on the ice. We're convinced that they all have tiny ones, right? Tiny. About as small as can be. I imagine that Joe Jude Ice has a decent one. Really? I bet it's thick, but not very long.

I agree with that, yeah. I think it's like one of those midge sodas. You know, like those half sodas that they sell now. It's like if you were to get the kiddie cup at Sparrows, that's what it would look like. That's really thick. Well, I did love that during the fight last week, He's a thick guy.

Joe's like, what? This guy's trying to fight my nuts. What? What the hell? And we all thought, oh, Joe is such an ass. Of course he wasn't trying to bite his nuts. Well, and then during this argument, little Joe's like,

the whole time we were fighting, I was just digging for your nuts. I couldn't feel nothing. Like, what the hell is wrong with this family? But yeah, I love that Kathy was looked over yet again. She's like, well, I want to be resolved. It's like, Kathy, do you even remember? Like, so you said that Teresa left her children unsupervised. We're like, really?

Like, you need closure from that, Kathy? Yeah. Come on. I know. Poor Kathy. I love Kathy. But, you know, she just needs to stick to the cannolis.

That's all she has. So we're all in agreement that dumbass Caroline didn't need to make the trip because she really did not do anything. Not that Dr. V did, but Caroline definitely did nothing. Caroline did so little

that she actually even admitted that she did nothing because normally she does nothing and says she did everything. This time, all that she actually even admitted that she did nothing because normally she does nothing and says she did everything. This time, all she was making was a few snowballs that she didn't even throw.

I think that, you know, she probably needed to get away because I'm assuming that Albert was having an affair in front of her face because that's how much respect and love

he has for her. And she was just like, oh, I might as well leave while he's banging this chick on that ugly bridge over a waterfall. Well, that's next week. We get to see that well leave. Yeah. While he's banging this chick. On that ugly bridge over a waterfall. Well, that's next week. We get to see that marriage crumble.

Whoops. Yeah. Whoopsie. And then we had some moments with Jacqueline, right? Didn't Jacqueline do something? Jacqueline and Chris went out to dinner to Bon Giovanni's. Not to be confused with Don Giovanni's. What was it?

Bon? Bon Giovanni's. That ain't even a word. Is that Bon Jovi's real last name? I think it is. Bon Jovi's? Yeah, John Bon Jovi's real last name isn't Jovi. It's Bon Gianovi.

Probably is. Well, this is a play on, I didn't even realize until one of my friends pointed it out. Is this where you're going to be all smart with some literary reference? Yes. And I'm going to be like, I have no idea what you're talking about. There's a famous opera called Don Giovanni. Yeah. So the restaurant

is called Bon Giovanni. But I don't get it. Is that what they do in Jersey? Because it's like Bon. It's like listen you don't have to get it.

It's a Jersey pun. It's like Cinnabon meaning like Bon means good. Yeah good. Bon Appetit. Oh whatever. That's stupid. Yeah.

For Kim Ji Kim Ji's like it's a very classy place. They have the word bon in it. That place was Olive Garden with nicer curtains. It was. So I hope that one day I have a husband who talks about masturbating while I'm trying to eat. Like, really?

Why do I need to know that? Talk about how he masturbated into a sock so much that it became stiff, like a cardboard sock. I have never done it into a sock. And even if you were to, wouldn't you throw it in the wash or do something with it? I would not want to put that in the wash with my nice clothes. That would just soil them even more. The whole point is that it's a wash.

Yeah, but if it's in a sock... Well, you and Chris Laredo can work out the logistics. I love that I said this and nobody else was like, yeah, I haven't used a sock either, so clearly you both have. I use disposable... If you use toilet paper, they just yeah, I haven't used a sock either. So clearly you both have. Well, no. I use disposable. If you use toilet paper, you just flush it down. I think every guy has used a sock.

Never use a sock. But this, I think, goes back to my fear of socks and how when you guys will ball them and it freaks me out. Well, we ball them so that the sperm can meet each other and hopefully find a relationship in the drawer. Oh, my God. There's a little TV show actually happening with like, it's like the new snorks. See,

here's the thing, Matt, our socks are not stiff so we actually can roll them into a ball. I don't know about your socks but it's not a problem for us.

Okay, fine, fine. We're all single, right? Yeah. Okay. We're all still single.

Forever. Thanks, Bravo. Thanks, Bravo. So then as the episode drew to a close, they started doing drunken trust falls

And then Teresa wanted To catch Caroline And Caroline's like I'll only do this If um If you do a trust fall with Jacqueline Whatever that means And then Teresa's like Blink blink

Psychotic blink Psychotic blink You know Just Okay And then What What

But she agreed to do it And then she did the dress Blah blah blah blah But But then she almost Dropped her because She's a big roly poly And then did you see

That Caroline's dress Totally rode up And you saw like her thigh I was like No stop It was like Closest we'll get to Caroline doing a Ramona singer uh striptease for Mario for me the best part was a preview for next week when we see Caroline's marriage crumble which I know sounds terrible I'm so sorry but Caroline's kind of horrible and then also uh when Teresa does talk

to Jacqueline and this is supposed to be their makeup lunch, and Teresa tells Jacqueline, well, you know, I believe that there's evil people in the world, and I just think you're one of them. That's not going to help anything. Oh, well, you know, I didn't realize you had that outlook, and I totally understand. Never mind.

But, of course, now it turns out that that bitch probably helped bring Teresa down and throw her in jail. So, Teresa, you know, she may be crazy, but she's not necessarily wrong. Well, I mean, are we overlooking the role that Danielle Staub may have had in Teresa's demise? Because if there's anyone who has shady connections, it's Danielle Staub. Well, apparently... She knows how to flirt and engage more than anyone else. Oh, stop. I don't want to think about that. Flirt and engage.

Spread your legs and get the secret documents. Oh. Yeah, that's the thing, Nate. Supposedly there were actual documents needed for this indictment. So someone gave them to them. So that's the big thing. And everyone's saying that Melissa mentioned this Monica Ciccone bitch last week on her blog. And they're like, is this a coincidence? Because obviously

Teresa didn't know it was coming. She was on Watch What Happens, what, Sunday, right? Sunday night. Yeah, she was. She got invited Monday morning. This was definitely a blind side. Yeah, so someone got a good... Not starring Sandra Bullock. We all love a good blind side on reality TV, so I'm all on board.

I love a triple cross, though. Me too. Not just a double cross. I just feel like every time something good happens, we're not filming. I know. Or they are filming, and then someone rips a sink out of a wall and throws it at someone, and then it can't be aired. Well, I read that that whole sink thing happened at that Johnny the Greek's place.

That guy's been angling to get on that damn show for years, so I don't buy it. He's like, I'm going to sue him for millions of dollars. This franchise, out of all of them, has, you know, we've been dying for a lot of footage that we will never see. Yes. Which kills me, because now I'm like, I want to see that Dominican Republic stuff

more than ever before. I'm sure that once these lawsuits are settled, and I don't know what the status of the Dominican... The Punta Cana lawsuit, I don't know what the status is. I'm sure once... That's coming out. That's coming out. That's coming out.

Once put to bed, that's got to come out. It's too juicy and too many people know about it. Yeah. Well, what else happened on Jers? I can't really remember anything else. I think that was the main thing. Oh, well, it was really funny when they all got wasted. Well, Melissa got really wasted because she doesn't know how to cook.

And then all the ladies were cooking and Melissa got wasted and she's like just like carrying her upstairs i thought it was really funny but otherwise these people are just they're cooking the food look good this season we've seen like obviously more support from fan bases for theresa i think that melissa should read the boards are you reading the comment boards on all the people love her? They're like, how could they do this to Teresa? It's like, it's 39 counts. It's not like the government is just make the feds of all people are just

making shit up because they don't like the housewife. This is what I was getting at though. So the tide has been turning. We know every season they like to flip flop it. And so Melissa needs to be the villain and Teresa needs to be the angel by the end of this year. But what's happening in real life is going to change this completely.

Because this is real life, this is now as opposed to six months ago. This is bigger than any scandal we've seen. Is Teresa going to come out being adored by everybody? If she plays it right, she can be like, look, I was in an abusive marriage, and if I spoke out about my husband,

if I didn't support him, he was going to punch me in the face, and everyone would be like, oh. I think that this is her final chance to get him out of her life and to save her businesses and Fabellini and Fabalicious and all that crap. You know what? But I don't think that she is smart enough

to see that this is her last opportunity and snatch it. She's not going to do it. I honestly think that Taylor Armstrong, when she went on her bullshit abuse tour that nobody in the right mind fell for and still don't like i've never seen anybody cry abuse where the whole world went liar you fucking liar we know you're a liar i think that that kind of washed away the abuse storylines for everybody else because then adrian tried it the very next

year and everyone's like bullshit i don't think that anybody believes it like if someone was actually getting abused people would believe it but yeah so they're all lying all the time yeah pretty much I don't think I don't think Teresa would even go there because it's a thing of pride in that culture like watch Mob Wives where they're all like yeah he's doing his time yeah because he did right and he ain't no rat like so and so it's like the people who tell are the assholes like monica chacon's gonna get her ass beat in a parking lot but theresa will be fine she doesn't need to hide anything everyone knows that he's a goomba they all know that they're all connected like yeah her businesses won't suffer people love her you the shit they're saying about her online is like they're putting her on a pedestal for going to possibly going to prison for all this

shit it's like you, she filed bankruptcy, lied, and said she wasn't getting any money, while she's on a reality show, obviously getting money, and spending millions of dollars she doesn't have racking up more debt. And, yeah, okay, I'm done. She makes me crazy. She makes me crazy, but I'm gonna say this.

I'm rooting for her not to go to jail because I don't want her not to be on the show. It's gonna be a great story's going to be a great story. It'll be a great story. I just want her also, I want her to find out, I want someone, even if it's not true,

maybe someone sent her this podcast, she wouldn't focus enough. She doesn't have the focus to listen. But someone plant in her head that Monica Chacon got all this info from Melissa and Jackie because you know that that bitch will have those two in jail in no time too. I am convinced

that Melissa broke into the house with a key that Joe, her husband, had and found documents. Me too! And then put them in Monica's hands. Me too. And you know what? It's like that movie Very Bad Things where they accidentally kill a stripper in Vegas and then the more they try and hide it

everyone starts going crazy and turning on each other and I hope that happens and it turns into, like, the very bad things of Bravo and everybody's in jail by the end. That would be great. That would be good, right? That is the only way I would be fine with them recasting and starting fresh.

But I need two more seasons of crazy bullshit. Yeah, now what happens next season? If the case is still going on next season How far into this season are we? I think we're probably about A little more than halfway But here's the thing though They've surrendered their passports

Which means they can't go out of New York and New Jersey So next season the vacation options Would be like We're going to Buffalo They can go down shore Like they did season one when they went to Atlantic City That was their big vacation then and be like, we're going to Buffalo. No, they can go down the shore. Season one when they went to Atlantic City, that was their big vacation then. Actually, they can go to the Hamptons.

They'll be like, hey, it's Coney Island. I guarantee they'd go to Montauk. That's about as nice as New York can get. They only have to surrender their passports until the trial's over. The trial won't last that long, will it? Well, it depends. There's a lot But the trial won't last that long, will it? Well, it depends.

You know, there's a lot of paperwork. The trial lasts a long time. Yeah, and I also do think, like you mentioned this earlier, but I

think that he is going to try to save Teresa and he will take the fall for everything and so maybe they'll wrap it up before they even

get to court. Do we know, are they filming right now? No, they are not filming now as far as I know. No, they're done.

They're done. So stupid. They normally film, I think, like October, November, December. Yeah, it's always like a Halloween. Holiday situation. But if Bravo was smart right now, they would go, we're going to each give you, we'll give you each a check right now for an additional $200,000,

but we're starting tonight. Well, you know that they're on the phone right now. I guarantee, remember two seasons ago when everything took place in the fall, and then at the very end of the season finale, all of a sudden it was May, and Teresa's cookbook came out, and Caroline was furious, and that set it all up. It was clear they were like, oh, we've got to do some pickups. So I would not be surprised if the season finale is, oh, my God, Teresa might be going to jail. Wait, have they taped the reunion yet? No.

OMG, this is crazy. Because they just did Orange County like two weeks ago. And Orange County will end before Jersey. So that's a great segue, by the way. They just did episode 18, so they've got I think two or three more episodes of Orange County, which is so sad because I'm

laughing my ass off at this year. I think the season finale is next week, isn't it? No, Princess's finale is next week. It's usually 20 or 21 plus three reunions. Okay. And they're on 18. They just finished episode 18. The only reason I know is because of those stupid redoes. I thought that Vicky's winter party was going to be the season finale.

I hope not because no one's even there. Although we do get to see her son-in-law turn into an abusive psychopath. My God. Are we turning channels right now? I think it's time to go to Orange County. Not turning channels, because we're always on Bravo, but let's go to OC. And is that where you want to start, or do you want to start with Slade's brother? Why not?

Well, if we're going to start with Slade's brother, we should probably talk about why Slade's brother was even in the picture, which is that pathetic Slade had to get proposed to by extra pathetic Gretchen. Extra pathetic. Look, Ronnie has been putting this into my head for years. Hate Gretchen. She's terrible.

She's terrible. She's terrible. More so than ever. I hate her now more than I ever have. She's disgusting. Yeah. She is awful. So the way this whole thing works that gretchen

wanted to propose to slade so she worked some magic with slade's co-host on the radio station where she played her god-awful song where it's like i love you and want to be married for the rest of my life notice how he couldn't squeeze out a tear he was trying to squeeze a tear out but he had like three onions under him i guarantee you fell off those yes i guarantee there were onions underneath that microphone he was sobbing and it was like it's that sob when people when the publisher's clearing out yeah because they know that they don't have to go back to work the next day yes he wasn't crying because he was touched he was crying because he's like uh thank god income i know someone's gonna be able to hire someone to clean up my poop in a

few years when i just start pooping myself. See, the whole thing was shady because the DJ was like, this has all been set up for you, that song did not play over the radio, because of course, no radio station would ever play that. That song played over the air, and that's why that channel is now a Christian rock station. Yeah, they needed some

salvation. Thank you, Gretchen. I know. You've officially made Orange County hit rock bottom collectively. Gretchen, you ruined ruined my favorite radio station, Playlist 927. Are they still on? Because I thought Slave got canceled. Yeah, because it went Christian. Oh, did they? I wasn't kidding.

It's not a joke. No, it's really now a Christian radio channel. It became Air America. Hilarious. So anyway. Air America? Why would they call it Air America? I'm sorry, not Air America.

I was going to say. It's called, I don't care. Didn't they already try that one? It's like Radio Jesus or something. Radio Inspiration. Let's not say that too loud in this mall. Radio Jesus. So anyway, how does Slade not realize that his show is not going on?

Like, how do they do that? There's no way to have a radio show that's not going on over the air unless you're there at a different time or whatever. I don't understand. So clearly he had to be aware that he was not on the air. Well, he knew everything that was going down because he brought a tuxedo to work.

No, no, he didn't bring it. They brought it. Yeah. Whatever. Then he calls the mom and the mom's like, I don't know what you're talking about. And he goes, but then they cut to the confessional and he's like, I know my mom knows. The whole thing is planned. We know this. Well, I think it's just planned

because I think last year when they, I think that fight they had last year was planned. Everything. Everything is planned with them. And they, yeah, they just said, look, if we want a wedding, we want an engagement party,

Bravo will pay for it. Stop. I mean, get off your knees. Take that money that you could be using for your child with cancer, put it in my bank account so no one can find it, and we'll let Bravo pay for the wedding, okay? Right. And you know what? They're going to be the next ones to be indicted.

So, anyway. I hope so. So, Gretchen, meanwhile, goes to downtown Los Angeles, dresses up like a drag queen, even more so than usual. She's like a 1950s drag queen whore. Like a Great Gatsby drag queen whore. Great Gatsby meets Bruce. Meets bad makeup.

Gretchen Christine Butte, perhaps. And then winds up on the roof of this building where I've never wished so hard for a strong gust of wind to come around. I know. Earthquake. Earthquake. But so anyway, she's now gathered a bunch of their friends. And what was funny was...

None of their friends, though, are any of her co-stars. Yeah, so the makeup person was like, oh, are any of the girls coming? And she's like, well, I'm having issues with Heather. And I don't get along with Alexis. And Tamara was acting really shady. And I don't really like, what's her face? I'm like, do you realize what you're saying?

Do you realize that you're blaming all of them? Don't you realize that you are the problem? realize that like You're blaming all of them. Don't you really you are the problem? See like as much as she makes me crazy the only reason I hate her is because she's the slave so yeah I believe that you can't be a good person if you're with somebody like that is obviously yeah It makes you like so great way to agree No, so but I enjoy watching on the show and stuff and I honestly don't understand why everybody hates her It's the slightest bring out an obnoxious side of her. It really has. She's terrible.

I understand why Vicky hates her. She's terrible for letting Slade talk to women like that. You're stupid. Yeah, shut up, Gretchen. You're stupid. You're stupid. But you know what? It's hard to take someone like Vicky seriously, too,

when she shows up in a dress like that. I mean, Vicky, come on. Like, that's just not fair. I don't remember her dress. Are you talking about the dress that Vicky was wearing to the party? Oh my, Ben. I think I must have had a mental block. It was an off-white mini

with her jugs hanging out with zero support. It was like rocks and socks. What happened to her implants? Didn't she have implants? This is how Frost the Snowman became a snowman. He saw it and socks hanging down. What happened to her implants? Didn't she have implants? This is how Frosty the Snowman became a snowman. He saw it and just froze over. He was a normal human being.

And then he just was like... She's like, where are we going to get snow in the winter? Call Heather, get over here, and have her just run her vagina over the grass. Heather's just like sitting there spread-eagled over a sprinkler system. I'm surprised Heather wasn't like, oh, are these hors d'oeuvres also from Malibu country? Because I was commissioned to go bring some hors d'oeuvres from Malibu country.

Don't get me started. We're not going to her yet. We're not done with directions. The producers asked me to get these hors d'oeuvres off the craft service. So I'm like, ah. These are, you know, these cookies, they also have them in Malibu country.

I'm just saying, so like, I don't know where you got your cookies from. What? I got mine. I'm on fire. That sounds like Reba McIntyre. I know her. I have her phone number on my, like, I don't know where you got your cookies from. What? I got my... That sounds like Reba McEntire. I know her. I have her phone number on my...

Well, I have her email. Well, her agency email on my phone. You know, uh... I hope that somebody calls her out in that reunion going, oh, well, I love that we fought about Malibu country all season and ABC canceled that shit five months ago. I know. She's like, oh, too...

She's like, can I talk about Sarah Rue again? She is just a doll. So we're skipping ahead. So Gretchen's stupid, terrible engagement party. Oh, don't you love that whenever there's an engagement on one of these shows, the camera is forced to show the maker of the diamond? Because clearly Gretchen is not even buying her own ring. They flash that box with the name on the inside,

and it's paid for. I think she got the diamond from downstairs at Zales. I mean, I can see her diamond. It's on sale right now at Zales. Oh. I'm sorry, I'm looking at the phone. That really is a grimy phone. It's okay, all phones are grimy. Okay, let'm looking at the phone. That really is a grimy phone. It's okay, all phones are grimy.

Okay, let's talk about the party. That was Zad and Cheep and all those people. I felt kind of bad for her because I was like, she's one of those girls that doesn't have enough... She's so pretty, she's so thin. I feel like if you're thin, you should just walk around naked and just collect money from people. I agree.

I don't understand why people are so insecure when they're thin. But she's this pretty, thin, gorgeous girl. Her first husband-boyfriend guy was some old man. That was actually her second, wasn't it? When she married,

she was actually married to someone. To a normal person first. And then she went to Jeff. Then? We saw all the flashbacks because she was talking about all the hardships

I had to go through. And then you see memories of her old pretty face. Yes, pre-Duck Lance. Crazy. She's so stupid. We've never seen her first husband, right?

We've never seen him. Okay, yeah. So Jeff, the old guy, who obviously she'll live up to his money. And then Slade, who is obviously using her just to be on a TV show. And she doesn't have any friends. When they showed all of her friends, it's like Slade's back is obviously using her just to be on a TV show, and she doesn't have any friends. Like, when they showed all of her friends, it's like Slade's backwards family, and then her parents, who think Slade's a joke.

Didn't you think it was crazy when she was like, Mom, don't you... Mom, just say that he's the right guy for me. And the mom was like, she could not bring herself to say it. I think that he makes you very happy, and that makes me happy. But say he's the best man ever, and that you think that we should have children tomorrow. And the mom was like, think that he makes you very happy and that makes me happy. But say he's the best man ever and that you think that we should have

children tomorrow. And the mom was like, if that's what you want, okay. Mom's like, is there, before I answer, is there a bathroom anywhere?

I'm just going to get another cocktail. I'll be right back. I know, the mom almost jumped Remind me to answer that. Remind me to answer that later. Okay, see ya.

And then spend the rest of the time just like avoiding her daughter. Yeah, she was looking for the helipad so she could jump off the side of the building. So let's talk about, I'm going to try

one of those new drinks called Throw Myself Down the Stairs in Public. I'll have a forget-me-not now. Can we talk about Slade's brother, Planner? Yes, because that was the mullet of all mullets.

And he seems like so sweet and innocent. And they trashed him. I didn't know that Slade is an asshole to him. It's like Slade's personality in human form. It really is. It's like that's's personality in human form. It really is.

It's like that's what Slade should look like, with that chauvinistic, backwoods, hickish, not paying his child support. But of course the nice one has to look like that, and then Slade's like the hot one and gets handed to him. But didn't you guys think it was crazy? I mean, look, this guy clearly came in from the backwoods again for this wedding,

and I'm sure that Bravo paid for it in some capacity. However, whenever they... However! Do I sound like that? He sounded so smart because he said however. However. Whenever you say three-syllable words. Right, let me preface it with however.

Nonetheless. The point is this. They trashed him to his face in front of everybody, and then they added extra in the confessional. They were so mean to him. Yeah, they were. I know. They should know better, because if they're too mean to him,

they're not going to get their lovely taxidermy wedding gift. Well, what does he do? Fuel fishing boats for a living. But they made it sound more glamorous. That's better than what Sleeve does. No shit. At least he works. Yeah.

But I did love that Tamara called him the swamp people version of Slade. Yeah. That is... I think it was Gretchen who said that, right? That's what I meant. What'd I say? Gretchen... You said Tamara.

Gretchen has... Who looks like a swamp monster herself. Here's the thing. Gretchen has a sense of humor. She's like an alligator from the Alligator. I know. She should be on Duck Dynasty. So here's the thing.

She has a sense of humor. We've seen it over the years. That's why we liked her initially. Yes. But we just... She... Because it's late, she started to take herself so seriously and she's become so awful that you don't see that side of her. From Wondery, this is Black History for Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey.

And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that.

Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat or be eaten world.

Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where

power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Never anymore, you know? It's just so sad because she's made herself so... It's like that girlfriend who's with a douchebag. Everybody knows she's a douchebag. She pulls away from all her friends. That bitch is going to be calling you the second they break up. Why isn't everybody coming out with me? What happened at girls night? What happened?

Bye bitch. We all got on without you. Have fun with your douche bag. She needs to have a good listen to Girlfriend by Pebbles and then she'll know what she has to do with her life.

There are other fish in the sea Gretchen. There are other fish in the sea. You can never listen to Pebbles because she'll steal all your money TLC. Pebbles stole TLC's money? All of their money. You know. T-Boss filed for never listen to Pebbles because she'll steal all your money, TLC. Pebbles stole TLC's money?

All of their money. You know, I... T-Boss filed for bankruptcy because of Pebbles. Because of Pebbles? Yes. Oh, it sounds like we've got a regular Teresa Giudice on our hands. I know, right? Pebbles, Pebbles Giudice.

I wonder if that's the reason why they named themselves those crazy names. Chili? I mean, clearly Pebbles was like, okay, you're going to be named Chili. You're T-Boss. I'm not going to lie. You're left eye. I kind of want to get a Pomeranian and name it T-Boz. Oh.

It's always been a dream. Side note, the other day I was looking up the cast of the 2000 movie Snow Day, because we were talking about it on Banter with Ben and Lisa. Plug. And that cast featured, among other things, Is that the Chevy Chase movie? Chevy Chase, T-Boz, and Iggy Pop. I mean, I think it was T-Boz.

It could have been Lisa Lopez, but I think it was T-Boz. Whoa. Did it win a lot of Rassi awards? It did not. And, of course, it had the music of Hoku. So, I mean, honestly, I think we have to revisit Snow Day. Just saying. Just putting it out there.

Okay. We'll take it under advisement. And maybe on that chilly note, we should talk about Vicky's midwinter dreams party that was called. However. However.

But first. First, someone opened a little gym called Cup Fitness. Oh, yeah. And I loved it on our Facebook. It's not someone, but who serves cupcakes

at a gym? Yeah. That's not even open yet. Welcome to Tamara's Gym. Yeah, it's a gym that's not even open yet. Yeah, then welcome to Tamara's gym. Yeah, it's not, a gym that's not even open yet. Also, someone pasted, and I did not have it.

Sorry. Ronnie just totally cruised the guy. That was so inappropriate. You guys, I am clutching Ronnie's leg under a table, not my pearls,

because a dude just walked by who was not cute. Not cute at all. It wasn't a cruise. Ronnie just staring him down. You did. Top to bottom. I have been so controlled. There have been so many cute black guys who've come through here. who just walked by who was not cute not cute at all and it wasn't a cruise yes you did top to bottom I have been so controlled

there have been so many cute black guys who come through here it's like I'm just people watching but I was kind of thinking I was kind of thinking you stared at him down

so bad because you were talking and he drifted away wow I'm watching him pass we have to always do a podcast at a mall now wow

but this is the thing like anybody who looks like they have some kind of mental I hate saying retardation because I know people are going to be mad at me you can take disability in a mall now. Wow. But this is the thing, like, anybody who looks like they have some kind of mental, I hate saying retardation because I know people are going to be mad at me. disability,

challenge. Yeah, okay, anytime I see somebody with some kind of mental challenge, I think it's kind of hot. Is that weird?

So are you into that? Are you into Kent? I was going to say, are you into that porn star who's deaf? I really like him. Who's that? Oh,

he's amazing. A deaf porn star? Oh, no, I could never be with a porn star who's deaf. I could be with a blind porn star. Why, he's amazing. A deaf porn star? Oh, no, I could never be with a porn star who's deaf. I could be with a blind porn star. Okay.

Why could you not be with a deaf porn star? Because my whole charm is dependent on cracking jokes or, you know, something like that. It's not me. It ain't my looks. I have to be funny. I would love to do cracking jokes with sign language. Oh, my God. Everything would just be like a masturbation joke.

I'd be like the hackiest comic ever. Do you remember that episode of Alf where he dated a blind woman? Because she didn't know? I think that's before my time. Because she didn't know that he was an alien or whatever. Oh my god. She just thought he was like a maloof. Yeah.

There are a lot of similarities. And if you touch Adrian, it is just as furry. So anyway, camera opened, comp fitness, and Alexis showed up. And was like the only housewife who showed up for a long time. Or at all, right? Did they show anybody else showing up at this stupid thing? No, Lydia, I think. Lydia.

Yeah, who's just coming because she has to. It's like the bus boy who's always early to work. It's like, oh, give that a couple years. Just like that. That's the first thing that I thought. Just like that. But who's eager with a water pitcher? I hate those over-eager bus boys. Famously early for work. Did Tamara do anything, though, or did she just embarrass herself because the gym is still not open? Yeah, she had like, she had like,

there was a sign in sheet on crepe paper. Yeah, that was dumb. Yeah, it's like, this gym is coming. It's basically a big empty room with a bike. Like one bike.

Yeah. And Eddie in really tight clothes. Oh yeah. But the best part was Alexis like, I didn't even think a year ago that I'd be talking to Tamara. But God wants you to forgive and love everybody. Oh yeah. But the best part was Alexis like, I didn't even think a year ago that I'd be talking to Tamara but God wants you to forgive and love everybody even Tamara.

I thought it was cute. Yeah. So I guess we can move on from there. So Vicky's renewal party where everything is about Vicky changing everything about herself. The new interior design of her place which pretty much looks as bad as before. Which I was just gonna say it still looks very much

like any generic hotel in Las Vegas. It's like an Ashley Furniture explosion. Yes. With a little Mediterranean twist by putting a splash

of blue in the dining room. Yeah, so like there's no longer... A splash. It's like a pattern of roosters. I actually think that it is Don's blood

after she murdered him because we haven't seen him and they just then, you just then turned it blue. I did notice some rooster art in the kitchen and I was like, oh well, she may be calling Gretchen stupid but they have the same taste in decor. They all do. Every woman on that show has the

exact same taste. Which is the Monte Carlo in Las Vegas. Yes, meets Ashley Furniture. With a Jennifer convertible thrown in for good measure. And some TJ Maxx accessories. Because in addition to not having good restaurants in Orange County, they don't have good stores.

Yeah, exactly. TJ Ross. Now, I just hope that Vicki did not get rid of her caliente sign, because that's my favorite part of her kitchen. Maybe she, like, upgraded to, like, a different language. Well, we didn't see any of that really all we've seen so far is vicky and that horrifying look i'm no fashion expert i don't need you to be like in high fashion but put your socks and rocks away explain where your implants went did you get

those taken out like tamra i mean i know that's so sexist to say but honestly like if you're gonna look like that where i'm wrong it's like something like something. Come on, make an effort. You have a mirror. It's giant. We saw it. I agree. It just wasn't okay. And I feel like they're trying to hurt the gay people who watch this show. I know. It's just a slap in the face, you guys. So then everyone showed up, and then they talked

a lot of shit about Gretchen, and then Gretchen showed up, and then it was like, to be continued. How awesome is the way they do the timing on these shows? It's like, let's all gather in this room. It's like, do they have five producers, like, timing the arrival of Gretchen's car? Of course, yeah. Absolutely. Because it was so perfect.

It was perfect. But also, you know, I do see kind of what they're saying in a way. Like, Gretchen has to have an engagement party on the same day that Vicky's having a... Like, she didn't know that that was happening on the same day. Was it the same day? Yeah, she was coming from L.A. She was driving in a limo from L.A. in the same outfit to go to Vicky's thing, and she's like,

Well, I don't want to make it about me, because this is Vicky's party, so I'm not going to say anything. But you know she's going to be wearing her new big giant ring. Yeah. That she bought for herself and put on Slade's finger. She got Bravo to sign over to her. Oh my goodness. So what about Heather?

So Heather told her kids, by the way, I like Heather's kids. Her kids seem like bright and funny. They told the kids, listen, we're starting a new house. The kids already had canned lines ready for camera. Well, here's the other thing. The kids, as nice as they are, they're going to be spoiled brats. Like, can we have a bigger movie theater? How about you get, like, a new box of crayons?

Yeah, how about that? How about we go feed a homeless person today? Just kidding. Stop feeding the homeless people people, or they'll just keep multiplying. Yeah. I still have a huge issue with this whole thing like, well, here we have a house that has a movie theater and has like a bowling alley and has like a supermarket inside of it,

and yet, oh no, there's not a room for Colette upstairs, so we have to move out. How about you build a wall in one of your kids' giant bedrooms, and guess what? You now have another bedroom upstairs. A wall is significantly cheaper than an entirely new, tacky-ass mansion. Do you guys not think that they are super tacky the way... I mean, they have... That house is tacky. They have... But they have

no shame in talking about how much money they have and how much more they want. Like, how can you want any more? Well, I think it's especially disgusting because her storyline last year was telling Alexis, you don't have to tell us how much you have. We don't want to hear it. We don't care how rich you are. Stop being so fake and phony. And this isn't as we demand to be on the cover of the magazine.

And then you know she told Bravo, when you show the outside of our house, you better flash that dollar sign of how much we're selling it for, 16.95. Just to be specific which is amazing the only the only magazine that house is getting in front of is architectural digest like don't uh volume okay it'll be on like property for what does that show on property like property people property envy it'd be like property like and jeff lewis will be like oh my god that's the talkiest thing i ever thought they had they actually it's so funny because they actually had an exterior shot this week where like the crane panned up and you saw the house and just it actually just looked awful it

looked like a cheap wannabe chateau and i'm sorry maybe it's 16 million dollars but it's for the property it's not for the house itself and i guarantee you it'll be amazing stunning when they walk a little bit you can see the entire ocean. Like, how they have the floor-to-ceiling windows. I mean, overlooking the ocean on a cliff. I mean, that's pretty stunning. But the foyer is still awful. It's all that, like, white marble.

And who wants to buy a house with someone else's initials in the center of the floor? I know, that's going to really... If you can afford a $17 million house, you can pull out a piece of marble. I guess. We've seen enough house hunters to know that the tiniest thing If you can afford a $17 million house, you can pull out a piece of marble. I guess. We've seen enough house hunters to know that the tiniest thing will deter someone from buying a house. It will excite me beyond belief. There's a light bulb here, and I don't like that color. If they put this property on Property Envy and let Jeff Lewis and Mary McDonald rip it to shreds.

Oh, that would be amazing. That would be my dream. I would love that. I would love that. But don't hold your breath for that because Property Envy is not doing well in the ratings and they've cut it down to one episode per week and they're putting it after Watch What Crappens

at 11.30. Wait, how many episodes was it? Four or five have aired. Per week? No, two are airing per week, but now they've cut it back to just one and they're putting it, instead of putting it after an interior therapy,

they're putting it after Andy Cohen in the late night slot. And we know what going to late night means on Bravo, Kathy Griffin. Yeah. It means going to sleep. Yes. All right, should we move on to princesses? No, I want to say one more thing about Orange County, and that is, again, the best thing was the previews for next week.

Oh, it looks phenomenal. Did you see the clip that was left? It's on Bravo TV, and it was left on our Facebook page by someone wonderful. Sorry. I don't have my computer in front of me. Probably Nicole Johan Rand. Yeah, someone really awesome. By the way, Nicole Johan Rand can be a housewife.

Like, have you seen her? She posted, like, a whole link. By the way, every time we say there's something like, hey, guys, we're really sorry that, like, rape is not funny, but, like, in this case, this is why we said it, or, like, hey, guys, like, you know, like, death is not funny,

but we want to make fun of this thing, or it's like, hey, guys, you know, like, losing your house in a hurricane. Nicole's always like, listen, I was a victim of X, Y, and Z, and I laugh at it, so I hope you people shut up. Right, she's great. She's gone through it. Well, my dad died of cancer, and, and Z, and I laugh at it, so I'll hear people shut up. Right, she's great. She's gone through it.

Well, my dad died of cancer, and I got ripped, and I'm fine with it. Right, she's like, never make excuses. I mean, she was in the Boston bombing, and she's like, you can laugh about that. If something has happened, she was in the Iraq War, probably. She's like, 9-11. She's like, I remember 9-11 because I surfed down the side of those goddamn towers

until I made it to the ground. She's like, I was, I was sitting next to JFK the moment he was shot. Okay,

she's not that old. She looks great. She looks great and she's a runner. Nicole Johan Rand. She's a certain way. She's done everything. Wait,

I'm sorry, but did you see that my girlfriend Jutz made me a spider butler? Yes. How cute is that? We love Jutz. Oh, and we have to get a P.O. box so Emmy can send me that T-shirt of Teresa that says free tray.

I'm going to go up onto the Facebook page right now. I tried to buy it, but I couldn't find a website to buy it. Otherwise, I would have bought them. We've got to get a P.O. box. Okay, so anyway, the best part was the clip that was posted on Facebook, that shows the son-in-law going ape shit on Lydia's mother next week for putting her feet on the couch. What the hell? Wait, wait, wait. So is this

Brianna's husband? Yes. Because I thought I saw him scream. I got it confused because he was screaming at Vicky's brother earlier this season, but now is he screaming at Lydia's mother? Yes. This is why I think it's the season finale. And calling her a bitch? This is why I think it's the season finale leading upeen are a bitch this is why I think it's a season finale leading up to it

because all these characters are now at a party that's usually right because as soon as we see Tamara's son Ryan show up we know it's a finale

because it's like bring him out of the woodwork yeah let's see how much more hair he's lost but they didn't say next week is a finale so maybe it's a two week I guarantee you

it's a three parter it'll be a three part party finale followed by a three part reunionter. I guarantee you it's a three-parter. Oh my god. It'll be a three-part party finale followed by a three-part reunion special followed by an unseen footage.

We got seven more episodes. And you know it's going to be good because whenever the party starts the episode before or if it starts even 15 minutes in

you know you're in for a good episode but if it starts the episode before oh and you can get a full hour of fighting it's going to be great. Oh my god.

This coming week is gonna be the best one oh my god well who who's even gonna fight i mean i guess tamra and gretchen vicky and vick is gonna tell off slave that looks amazing yes any how many times have you done that as like of course there's like five people who just walk by like our table i never get to do it when there's no one here. Like there's always a million people. And I'm loving that these kids are walking around selling, well maybe they're not. There's a lot of kids walking around selling these lollipop things. We're like a bazaar.

Don't we teach children not to buy lollipops from strangers? Why should we then accept it if they're selling? I feel like we're like a Turkish bazaar. We've had so many people try to come and like peddle things to us. Like, sorry, we just want to hang out here with our Sparrow Cup and talk into it. This is a food court. Have some class. So what other shows do we have?

Princesses. Princesses. Oh, yeah. The Meltdown of Ashley. One of the most divine fights of Bravo recent history. Okay, because during this episode, which is the penultimate episode, I'm so sad that the finale for this is also next week, but during this episode, the girls chose sides.

Lines were drawn in the sand, and I want to know where you guys stand, because I could not be more Team Joey than ever. Oh, God. No one's Team Ashley. If Hitler was alive, he'd be like, that bitch is stupid. Well, of course he would. She's Jewish. Oh, that's true. Oh, my God.

Pearl's clutch. There we go. Sorry. Just made it there, Joe. That was not intentional. It's like, off to the camps. So, could you imagine if Hitler were alive and watching this show, he'd be like, see everyone? See? Okay, you all know Ben's a Jew, right?

You all know that, right? He'd be like, this show makes me need a shower. So, okay, well the lines were drawn in the sand because Ashley forced them. We were trying to be on Ashley's side and she would not let them do it. Can we back up and give some context to all of this, please? Yes. Lots of girls, two Mercedes, go. Okay.

So, um, Erica's dad arranged this really fun night, uh, at the, at the vineyard. And in case you guys can't see, it's where they make the wine. It's in, it's in Norfolk and they make wine. It's where all the hot people. Forever congested. Forever. It's where all the hot people in the North Shore, they just go. You guys can't see this right now, but in addition to embarrassing me with their impressions,

Ben is squawking like a chicken with a tick. Well, I'm doing the Erica thing. Yeah, you are doing the Erica. I'm sorry, that's just the Erica thing. Yeah, you are doing the Erica. It's like, well, I'm sorry. That's just the way it is. You're like the chicken lady from Kids in the Hall. It's like, we're just going to a vineyard. I'm sorry.

So we're going to the vineyard, and then my dad's going to pick us up in a boat, and we're going to party in the boat, and then we're just going to go home. So, like, I'm sorry. Like, that's just the way it is. Like, I'm sorry. And, like, you know? Prettiest girl in Long Island. And, you know, did you see that screen wrap I put on our Facebook page?

Go to Facebook.com forward slash watch what crappens. It was a screen wrap from the opening credits where she just looks like, I don't know, like she works for like city sanitation services or something and next to it says like the hottest girl in Long Island. It looks like a merry-go-round employee got run over. Do they still have those stores in malls? The go-round? The merry-go-round? I don't know. Let have those stores and malls to go round the merry-go-round I don't know let's look downstairs that's for sure we're really low on mall tips okay no so yeah so they all decided

they're gonna go to see the bed yet which has got to produce some really great one before this oh this is keto Before they went on this trip, Ashley had Erica over. To confront her. To her, like, silver and gray themed awful house. That house is hideous. If these people are so rich, why are they not fixing their house? I know, and their wall art is, like, little, like, chew toys of, like, hamburgers and hot dogs and milkshakes.

It's, like, tchotchke essential. Yeah, they're not rich. No, they're not rich. They spend their money on their cars and their accessories and that's it. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, so Erica confronts,

I'm sorry, Ashley confronts Erica, you know, did you, did you or did you not show a text to Joey about me saying that she's a bad person? Erica's like, no, I mean, you know, like, what do you want me to say? Like, no, I didn't say it. Like I said, like, you put me on the spot.

Like, uh. This is my new favorite impression, by the way. But, like, that's, like, it. Like, I mean, I don't know. I mean. So, Ash is like, I know you and I know you were trying to protect me and I'm mad at her for putting you on the spot. But she's so horrible. Yeah, she goes to everybody

on the show, like, well, I just want you to know that I was told that you betrayed me but I want to give you the opportunity to speak your mind. And then she seals

it always with, but I love you and then a hug where she's like rolling her eyes. And then she gives one of those like weird, okay, this is going to

be Katty because I'm going to make fun of her appearance, but she gives one of those like hugs where she sticks her hands out. She has raptor arms.

She has, no, the penguin. This is Danny DeVito penguin hands. Okay? They just come out like this. This is like old lady penguin hands. Like CeeLo. Like CeeLo. Totally.

I'm sorry. That was actually Katty because she can't control how her hands look. You call me funny looking? You are vile. You are a vile human being. You are disgusting. Who do you think you are? The Pope?

So, I did not even catch that Erica lied to her in that scene. Because Erica showed Joey these texts that Ashley said. Okay, but that was happening in a previous episode where I think Joey got together with Amanda and Erica to kind of say, you guys, I'm really kind of feeling, you know, like this girl is attacking me and calling me a bad person. And I think it's really effed up. But so what if she showed her a text message? Who cares? Well, you know, the thing is this, though.

The MSA is looking at them all anyway. Yeah. But Ashley is still like in, you know, sophomore year of high school. And Ashley is the oldest one of all of them. Oh, yeah. She's like, yeah. She's, so, um, so they go on this, like. Should I have said eldest right there?

She's an elderly. She's eldest or oldest? I wish I could remember the Jewish word for elderly. She's like the schmacha or something like that. Why don't you ask your pal Hitler? She's a schmata. A schmata. She's the Eva Braun.

What is schmata? I forgot that. Schmata is like a thing you put on your head. So, okay, so they go for a wine tasting, which by the way... Which we knew was going to be a disaster automatically because it's alcohol and it's all of them and there's a feud brewing underneath the surface. And they're stupid. They're like, well, if there are problems, I'm just going to drink more and it'll go away.

And so that's, of course, the worst thing you can do. Well, that's Erica's motto on a random Tuesday night. Yeah, she's like, well, you know, I get a drink. Like,'ll go away. And so that's, of course, the worst thing you can do. Well, that's Erica's motto on a random Tuesday night. Yeah, she's like, well, you know, I'll get a drink. Like, I'm sorry. Like, that's just what I do. I don't see why everybody's pressuring me to not do that. I mean, 27 is like the new 29. Did they go on this trip before or after Amanda's family had Jeff's family

over for dinner? Or was that two episodes ago? That was before. That was two episodes ago. No, no, no. It was this episode. No, it was this episode.

It was this episode. There was a lot going on. He's like, Ma, Ma, I like Jeff. I want Jeff to be my, I want him to be my husband. And Jeff's like,

Oh, Amanda. Amanda. I was thinking about Erica. How great was that when... And then Ma's like, I'm moving in together. And I was thinking about Erica. How great was that when... And the mom's like, I'm moving in together. You're not taking her from me.

Babs, no, you can't do that. Okay, you can't marry my daughter. I'm a babs. Who's gonna put a drink kinky on me? Who's gonna put a drink kinky on my dildo? Now someone pass the wishbone and tell her to be a crap. She knows they had, like, a cheap ass. I'm gonna put a drink kinky on my dildo. Now someone pass the wishbone Italian vinaigrette. Do you know they had like a cheap ass

salad dressing on the table? Did you? Yes, so it bothered, because you know this bothers, many things bother me, but when they put a cheap plastic bottle of wishbone salad dressing on the table, the hair on the back of my neck

was going up. And then on the back, they had a two liter bottle of Coke and a two liter bottle of Diet Coke. I think it is the tackiest thing ever to put that shit on your dining room table. I know, and like, I couldn't believe it. And then on the back, they had a two-liter bottle of Coke and a two-liter bottle of Diet Coke. I think it is the tackiest thing ever to put that shit on your dining room table. I know. Do you do that in Texas? Just be honest.

No. Okay. My mother would not stand for this. It's awful. I mean, that's one thing if you're just like a little family. If you have guests. If you have guests over, put your wishbone in a gravy boat. But to be fair, though.

That's a quote of the week. A gravy boat. Put your wishbone in a gravy boat. And you can tell that Jeff's parents actually are a little bit more high class. The dad wears like polo shirts, he looks nice. Um, excuse me,

they're high class. Higher, higher class. They come in, they sit down to dinner, and they're eating nasty looking pasta, and then he talks about going to the dermatologist and getting a body scan.

That's really great. You should see the spots he's got on his body. Oh, they're weird spots. Well, the mom, I thought they were high class at first, but then the mom started talking, and I loved when, like, The mom with that dye job.

When Jeff and Amanda started, like, Jeff was like, I want you to be my wife. And then the mom goes, how nice. I was just like, oh, my God. Isn't that nice? Sidebar, Amanda's brother, tag and release. Is that good or bad? Good. Tag it and release it because it's underage right now.

Oh, I was going to say, why are you releasing it? No, you hunt for it when it becomes of age. Oh, you're so nice. Like a little baby deer. I say lock it in the van and just wait. Fuck, buy it some lollipops from vendors in the food court. What about Amanda's sister with the chicken rung face? Amanda's sister is the saddest

looking ostrich someone brought her up on the Facebook and that is a good point that we've never talked about her she is so

funny I'm gonna say this I like that ring she doesn't talk about it she doesn't let Bob say she was the

soup's clip of the week a few weeks ago the clip of the week a few weeks ago. She was? The clip of the week was Amanda when they had that little montage of her talking like that. I will say, however, that I really like Amanda and her sister. I think they're funny as hell. They are.

I think actually Amanda's a good egg. Yeah, I do too. Even though the drink hanky is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. The drink hanky is the only negative on her list. At least she's not selling lollipops in a mall. That is true. No offense. No offense to the woman who tried to sell us lollipops at the mall.

True story. Well, she tried to sell us lollipops shaped like roses. It's like, keep your crafting to yourself. I don't want hot glue gun in my lollipop. Get the fuck out of here. So anyway. Get your business plan together, homeless lady. So back to the winery.

So these girls go there and and they try some things, and then they get this tour. They get a tour of this winery, and they have to climb up a spiral staircase to look at these giant kids. I didn't understand what the problem was there with Ashley and the staircase. Ashley's like, oh my God, I'm afraid of heights.

I'm afraid of heights. It's so high. You guys don't mind me, guys. I'm just going to be standing here terrified. I'm so afraid of child abuse. I'm speaking up. It's happening right behind me. We're going to take a pause for a second.

The dad just yelled at his kids right in there. Did you guys hear it? He said, God damn it, and snatched his cell phone out of the little boy's hands because apparently he hit something. He probably hit the dad's grinder app by accident. That's where babies come from. So anyway, Ashley was at the top of the staircase, which may be about...

Homely people. Guess what? Spoiler alert. You're going to make homely babies. Just stop and keep it in your pants. Well, look at that girl. She's wearing cheetah tights with a... I think it's time for white people to just let ourselves die out.

We need to have a mall podcast where we don't talk about Bravo. We just talk about the people we see walking by in the food court. I'm in. Because we have missing... We've had some serious people watching coming through here. We have been ignoring... That little girl is wearing leopard print leggings with a pink tutu and zebra prints. I mean, Jesus, people.

This is why there needs to be more gay people spread all over the place. We will not dress our children like that. I was at Ikea today, and honestly, her dress is the same pattern as one of the chairs. I'm not even joking. Oh, God, I'd love doing a little girl takedown. No kidding. A mullet with bangs. Nice work, three-year-old.

Don't get me started on the shoes. Look at the shoes. Try not to drop your plastic cup, three-year-old. She's drinking from it now. There's nothing left in it, you stupid little girl. You know what? We're gonna give this girl a complex, and she's gonna grow up to be Vicki Gunvalson, and she's gonna chop off her face and take out her breast implants. Well, as long as she chops off that mullet while she's at it.

Oh, snap! Can our new show be called Maul Snaps? Yeah, Maul Snaps. People get mad at us. Someone wrote on the Facebook page, his name is Chris McDermott,

I think, and he says, he wants to know, oh, podcast, here, podcast,

podcast, podcast, is it lost? Sure, I'm not the only one impatiently waiting for

the new WWC episode this week. Is Big Brother taking up too much time? Hmm, don't forget

your loyal Bravo Tears fellas. By the way, it's not Big Brother. It has nothing to do with

Big Brother. We do Big Brother. It's because Ronnie now has a work conflict on Tuesdays, so we have to tape on Wednesdays. Yeah, sorry, my bad. So don't blame Big Brother. But thanks for being patient, though.

And sorry, we do apologize, Chris, for making you wait an extra day. But that's just the way it is. That's not a collective we. It's a Ben and Ronnie we. Yeah, sorry, guys. Matt's still working on his people skills oh my god look at that girl over there now see look that girl can do

whatever she wants she's got a nice bubble butt she's like in a 1991 porno oh my god stop we're all getting in trouble she has white sneakers I feel like what year is it now is it 2013 I feel like according to her ensemble,

I'm in 1990. And is that, if you blow on that shirt, will it do, is that one of those, like, breath things where you touch it? She looks like a young bat. I think it's got hyper, hyper color. It's a hyper mood ring shirt. She looks like a young bat. She's wearing jorts, like, short jorts. She's got a killer bod, and I love her boyfriend with the Guy Fieri sunglasses. You know,

he wears those on the back of his head, right? Oh, he totally does. When he's driving his like souped up Subaru Impreza with tinted out windows thinking that he's in Fast and the Furious 7 Fox Hills Drift

I wish I had that five year old's abs those were amazing how does a five year old have abs is that possible yeah totally I don't know

but I can see how easy it is to lose them based on the table over there lady in the striped shirt that's not gonna last long if we turn into our parents that one's fucked

if this podcast goes any longer we're gonna look like her so anyway oh my god I can't believe I ate carbs today there's some Baskin Robbins

here right let's go get it oh my god there's Ben and Jerry's here come on so 31st tomorrow we can fast yes okay let's talk about

this princesses thing oh okay so Ashley it's okay first of all Ashley starts freaking out because she's ascended a one story

staircase okay in a 7 inch wedge in a 7 inch wedge First of all, Ashley starts freaking out because she's ascended a one-story staircase, okay? In a seven-inch wedge. In a seven-inch wedge. And so she doesn't even, like, leave the staircase because she's so afraid. I hate those girls. And they have to, like, guide her down. It's those girls, you know. It's the Kyle Richards.

It's the, you know, these women who come up with these fears that they don't even have to get attention in a crowded situation. Well, it's not working for Ashley. My God, she is going to be single forever. She is a disaster. And I'm also telling you, those sunglasses make her look like an 80-year-old bug. Yeah. It is not cute. Yeah, she actually makes the fly look handsome.

So the one thing I wanted to say was I was Googling, because, you know, they show at the end, which we'll get to. I'm sorry this is all out of order, but they show at the end she has some medical emergency, which we know because I told you last week it's a stroke, right? So I Googled Ashley's stroke. Were you there last week? Oh, I thought the stroke was before the show. We were talking about the stroke last week, but I didn't Google that.

I Googled her being a whore in college. Well, her friend told us she doesn't know if the stroke was at the same time during filming, but apparently this was a stroke, I think. So Ashley writes on her, I think, I'm assuming that's what it is, maybe it's not, but I'm assuming it's a stroke. I thought she was just going to hyperventilate and call an ambulance because she's a dramatic bitch. And then Hal's in the ambulance, like, shake it, shake it. Yeah, her dad's there.

That is a possibility, but what did you find out? Her dad's like, yeah, you look hot in my hospital gown, honey. Yeah, leave the back on butt. Well, I googled Ashley Princess's stroke, and it took me to her Bravo blog, which is ridiculous. I couldn't even read it because she's such a fucking asshole, even in words. And, you know, Bravo, I don't know if you guys read that, but they really take care of their people. Like, if people are going to the mean side, they will cut their comments out.

Like, Bravo will censor. That should not be allowed. This is the wild, wild west of the Internet. Bravo is, like, notorious for doing that. They censor Internet comments. That is a problem. Because the housewives won't write blogs if it's going to be 500 comments about what it is. Hey, guess what, housewives?

Don't read the comments. Everybody who writes on the Internet should know, don't read the comments. But housewives, don't read the comments. Everybody who writes on the internet should know, don't read the comments. Well, the only reason I bring it up is because Ashley's blog, they're all bad. Every single comment, and none of them are deleted because... Because there's not enough PAs in Bravo for them to clean out the constant stream of hate. Every single comment was like, you're an idiot. You spoiled idiot.

And if you've got a problem with Joey, it was really funny. Well, someone wrote something on our Facebook page page i'm trying to pull it up but they're basically like you know here's the problem with princesses is that no one has even bothered or cared to dig up any dirt on any of these girls you know like just no one cares but i care deeply and i love the show we are kind of the only three who care the ratings are not good you guys they're not like the thing is they're not very likable they started out halfway decent because it has a prime time slot after Jersey, and they started with like 1.2 million viewers.

This week, they were under 800,000. On the flip side, Below Deck is pulling in 1.4 million viewers. Oh. It's slaughtering princesses. Princesses are so much better. Ah, princesses, princesses. So anyway, okay. So Ashley's already being ridiculous.

So then they go out to the winery. Ronnie's grabbing his boobs. They go out to the winery, and they sit at this table. And then Erica goes to pee in the grapes. Memo to self, never drink that wine, because I don't want Erica Erica piss infused grapes to be crushed into my booze like you needed a warning

to not drink wine from Long Island that'll get you extra drunk because her piss is nothing but alcohol like I'm sorry it's just like the hottest piss

in Long Island gross it's like not body temperature it's like hot like I'm sorry if it's the hottest in Long Island so so then she asked Joey, is everything cool with you?

And Ashley and Joey was like, yeah, yeah, but I don't really want to talk about it. I want to just enjoy this vineyard. So then they go sit down, and they're all having a nice time. And then Erica's like, so I was just wondering, can we, like, talk about, like, the elephant in the room or something? And I was like, oh, like, never mind, never mind, never mind. And then Ashley's like, what? Who's the elephant? Who's the elephant?

What's the elephant in the room? Who is it? I want to know. You're calling me an elephant? That is vile of you. That's vile. You're awful. You're trash.

You're trash. So then it all comes out. It's like, the elephant in the room is what Joey said to Ashley. And then at that point, it's about five minutes of everyone yelling all at once, right? Like, we don't really even hear what's going on. Just screaming. Because this is how Ashley fights. She's one of those people who will not make a valid point the whole time.

She just pokes you and pokes you until you can say one thing that she can find offensive. And then repeat what you said over and over again. And try and turn her... And drill it into everyone's brain. That's what she does every single time. It's so... It's such a dirty way of fighting. And she's like, you made fun of the way someone looks.

That's unacceptable. That is the lowest of the low. And Joey's like, you said I was a bad person. You are, but she's like, you are a bad person. You are, you are. So then they're screaming this circular logic. It's not mean if it's true. Well, you are funny looking.

She keeps blaming everybody. She says, Joey, you went around to everybody to try to steal my, that's what drove me crazy. She said, you tried to steal my friends as if these people, sitting at the table, were only Ashley's friends. You're allowed to have multiple friends. Exactly. And not only that, but she was the one literally going to every single person trying to tell them to go to bed. Having one-on-one sessions. Yeah, she was the one doing it.

And also, don't you know you're on a TV show where the producers want people to hang out together? That's what happens. She's vile. She's the Melissa where she's trying to get people. She thinks she's on the right side, and it's not until she gets out of there and the season is showing that she realizes. This is the other thing that bothered me, though.

Chanel then seems to come to her defense. Well, no. First, Chanel's like, can everyone stop yelling? Chanel's trying to be like, can everyone stop yelling? And then Amanda says something like... Something pissed off Amanda enough to snap. But Amanda said something like, well, you don't have to yell. Or like, in Joey's defense, what you said was a little mean.

Or something like that. And then Ashley's like, fine, fine. You're playing on her side. You're taking her side. I get it. I get it. I hate when people do that. I was like, what?

I wasn't on anyone's side I was just trying to like here's a reasonable point and I would make a reasonable point for you as well if you were to make one and so then all of a sudden that got Amanda mad

so now Amanda was mad like there's no sides there's no sides and then there was more yelling and then then she confronts Erica they try to put Erica

on the point like Erica did you or did you not show this text well well there was cameras there I don't know what I was I mean it's like she confronts Erica. They try to put Erica on the point, like, Erica, did you or did you not show this text? Well, there were cameras, there was cameras there. I don't know what I was doing.

I mean, it's like the hottest text in Long Island. I'm sorry, like, this is the way it is. If you were Erica, don't you think

she just should have said, yeah, because you talked shit about my friend and I wanted to give her a heads up. And if you can't handle that,

too bad. Erica should not have wavered there. She should have stood up to stupid ass Ashley and said, yeah, I showed it to her. Yeah, she should have. And then what happened was... Yeah, right, that girl has no spine.

And plus, Ashley's the kind of girl you never want to make mad. It's because mine deteriorated it. Because she will be talking to everybody about you. She'll be telling the entire town you're a whore. If you get a job somewhere, she'll be on your LinkedIn page talking about, you know... As much of an alcoholic as Erica is, I would rather have Erica, Amanda, and Joey on my team

than disgusting Ashley and sad ass Chanel. Yeah, absolutely. Of course, but you don't want her as an enemy because she'll be... People like that are so disgusting. They just ruin people for fun. Look what she does to Joey just because she doesn't have money. She thinks Joey's poor. So meanwhile, Joey's saying... So Joey is not a very good argument. She's simply like, I what she does to Joey just because she doesn't have money. Like, she thinks Joey's poor.

So meanwhile, Joey's saying, so Joey is not a very good argument. She's simply like, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. And then,

at this point, Erica's like, well, I'm sorry. Like, but then Asher does the really annoying thing where she suddenly becomes super calm and she goes,

Erica, you broke my heart. You broke my heart. You broke my heart. And then Erica's trying to explain herself, but Asher's not listening. She just keeps saying, no, that did it. broke my heart. You broke my heart. And then Erica's trying to explain herself, but Ashley's not listening. She just keeps saying,

no, that did it. That did it. That did it. That right there, that did it. I'm going. That did it. And then, so then, I hate people like that.

I hate that. Oh my God. So then Ashley, you know, trots off. Teeters. Teeters off. Like a little like character from

Super Mario Bros 2 but as she leaves what does she say to Joey oh the nastiest of all things she goes with that dead calm

turning around and she goes your mother was right about you now that I don't care about the you know the fit

whatever Ashley calls Joey a bad person Joey says that she's funny looking both bad in different ways but the mother thing whole other level dirty because didn't their mom leave them i mean wasn't that i don't even know the backstory we don't know the full backstory but it's hinted at that like clearly joey's dad has remarried and he has custody of the children

but it makes it seem that ashley went out of her way in, you know, in an attempt to, you know, sabotage Joey even more, and has probably had contact with the mom to find out shit in order to throw it in Joey's face. That's what is hinted. You cannot honestly say that Joey's a bad person. We've actually seen no evidence that Joey's a bad person. You can't call

Joey a bad person when her only fault is that she said, funny, yeah, funny looking. She's not a bad person. She's just really a bad person i want some kissament when her only fault is that she said funny yeah funny looking she's not a bad person she's just really a bad insulter okay she's bad with jokes yeah she's not and that's like a fifth grade joke that we've all said a million times like it means nothing she's so stupid and it was like from the 50s too yeah yeah you're funny looking hey mr mcdonald yeah exactly i went on to uh while i was on Bravo TV, I read Joey's. Because the headline of Joey's blog was, Joey explains the Ashley comment. Explains exactly what Ashley meant when she made that mom comment.

So I was like, I'll read that. Of course it doesn't at all. She just says, I don't know what she was talking about. My mom's the sweetest woman ever. And my mom loves me. And I love my mom so much. And I don't know what she was even talking about. Glad you like the show.

It's like, rip off fucking Bravo. I know. Well, so that was, that of course made Joey cry. It also, it really put Amanda

and Erica and they're like, you know what, fuck this bitch. You know, like, they even said there were sides before

but there's sides now. But you know what was kind of lame about that? They didn't turn against this bitch. They saw what she was doing to Joey. They knew how mean she was being. And until she left they didn't say anything. But they saw what she was doing to Joey they knew how

mean she was and until she left they didn't say anything but until she did it to them yeah of course until it turned

on them then they were like oh well she's a bitch you just saw her being mean to this girl because she doesn't have

as much money as her but when she drags you into it then you show your fangs yeah like suddenly it's like Chanel

Chanel's gonna be nice to her because she's the only person that she was like legitimately friends with before this show. And she feels like a sense of pride. No, that girl's horrible.

And by you continuing to be friends with her, you're fucking horrible. Who is the dumb fake one that thinks she's an artist? Is that Casey? Casey. She was not present at the table, but they showed a clip where she was like, I'll fucking kill her. The way, like, Rosie said it to Teresa, but she said that she would kill Joey because she hates her. Oh my god.

I hate Casey. And then they showed that clip of her in New York pretending, whoa. I thought you were going to get excited because there was a dude in scrubs. I did look, but I didn't want to be accused

of being a pervert. Anyway, there was a little... It was a guy in scrubs with Downs face. Just saying. Okay, fine. I should be chasing him down. He sure looks like a It was a guy in scrubs with down space. Just saying. Okay, fine. I should be chasing him down. He sure looks like a medieval monk, but in scrubs. With a really bad haircut.

Anyway, so... Then they show this little clip of Casey in New York, by the way. I'm sorry to jump around, but I hate Casey, and I need to get this part in. Where she's talking to her friend, pretending that they're characters from Sex and the City. Yeah. What is this? It was just like, oh my God.

You're stunningly gorgeous now that you're a woman. I love to get out of, you know, the burbs because I'm more glamorous in the city with people like you.

I just can't deal. I just get sucked into all their drama. You get sucked into it because you live in Long Island. But she also wasn't even at the vineyard. So what the hell

is she talking about? No, she wasn't talking about general drama. She was saying she was not going to go She was talking about how she doesn't want to go because Erica was there. And the drama.

And these girls were still reliving drama from high school. And I'm like, bitch, you were the one crying last week. You're the one who actually brought all that drama. This is also the girl who thinks that at this point when they're filming, doesn't realize that Gallery Girls has been canceled. And she thinks that she's going to parlay this into jumping ships and jumping to another show about girls in the city that work in art. Guess what?

It got canceled, and now you have to come back to the Burbs. She probably was. She just missed the cut for Dollar Girl. Totally. Let's put her on this show instead. Totally. Well, that's also someone who's totally not spent any time in New York. Because if you want to meet a bunch of spoiled-ass people

who never grow the fuck up, meet any of the kids who grew up in New York with rich parents there are horror shows their whole entire lives they are so okay back to the vineyard so then comes the best part of the whole episode Ashley is now freaking out she calls up her parents for the famous part is like my help man you're not you're not doing enough lamb. A little lambier. The things they said to me, they were horrible. Bah! Bah! And then the mom's like,

And then the mom goes, well, they're impossible. I'm like, you don't even know what happened, lady. My mom, I guess, like, I watch this and I'm like, my mom would be like, shut up, why are you crying like an asshole? This mom immediately comes to her defense. My mom would be like, are you sure it's not your fault? You know what my mom would be like what shut up why are you crying like an asshole why are you this one immediately comes to her defense my mom would be like are you sure it's not your fault yeah you know what my mom told me one time when I got bullied and I was crying after school she goes were you crying like this when they were when they were being mean to you I said no and she said well don't

it'll be worse next time instead Instead, it said Ashley's parents, what they do instead is, he's like, Hal's like, okay, here's what you do. You go into the vineyard and ask them to call a car for you. Which, by the way, why does she have to be told that? She's like, isn't there like a T to borrow? It's like, I'm sorry,

Ashley, jets don't tend to make like 10 mile flights, okay? Sorry, that's just not the make like 10 mile flights, okay? Sorry, that's just not the way it works. Like, that was honestly, and you know that was not for the cameras. She really was thought like maybe. She thought jets might land in vineyard fields. Someone said

on, again, on the Facebook page, someone said where they were to where she lives is nothing. Like, that idiot doesn't even know how to get around her own town. Like, stupid. Like, that's how sheltered she how to get around her own town. Like, stupid. Like, that's how sheltered she is. Can you send a jet? I mean, it's really one of the most... She must have had a stroke before this because, I'm sorry, her brain

is not working properly. No, it's not. Like, it was one of the most remarkable requests of all time. Can you send a jet? Well, that Bravo blog, she's like, well, you know, I've had many issues, including health issues, like a stroke. So I'm like, you ain't getting to get pity now, honey.

No. Not happening. A little too late. You could be given stage 10 cancer, AIDS, cat AIDS, like hepatitis A, B, and C. No one would care. And everything that Erica has on top of it. I wouldn't spare you. It's like the hottest diseases in Long Island.

I'm sorry. It's like my sugar in the balls, you know? Oh, you think I'm a of it. I wouldn't spare you. It's like the hottest diseases in Long Island. I'm sorry. It's like my sugar in the balls, you know? Oh, you think I'm a funny person? Well, I am the best looking funny person. I am the hottest looking funny person you've ever seen. I'm like, actually, no. I think there's like Kristen Wiig or like Amy Phillips. There's like the entire cast of Under the Rainbow, you idiot.

Yeah, like the entire cast. Like, you know what? Like name a single funny lady. She already beat you to it. She's already beat you. She's hotter than you. Yeah, Ruth Buzzi. You know what? Name a single funny lady. She already beat you to it. She's already beat you. Yeah, Ruth Buzzy. I could masturbate to her easier. She's like, I am the hottest funny looking girl with penguin hands.

No, honey. She's a vile human being. I can't wait to see her get hurt. Then Erica is freaking out because they are late to get to the boat that her father has set up. So the girls need to haul ass to get there. They pile into a minivan to leave and then chanel jumps out of a cornfield like children of the corn to stop the minivan because ashley has gone missing she's like yeah ashley is ashley has somehow wandered off in this vineyard

she's trying to find snow white to give her a fucking apple full of poison i know i'm like this is natural selection at work personally yeah and Yeah, and I was thinking the entire time, like, a crow could swoop down and pick her up and take her off to a nest. Maybe that jet arrived, you know, like, they missed it.

It was like a paper airplane. Her dad showed up with a heart-shaped box of chocolates in a helicopter and took her home, made out the whole way home. Shake it.

Shake it. So she disappeared. And that's the container. Chanel is so obnoxious that she actually cares. Who cares?

She was just a mischie and ran off. And then next week we find out that she's had some kind of medical emergency and she's

in the hospital. She probably fainted. She's faking all of it, you guys. She's faking everything. And I love the best part. I don't know if it was like a preview for next episode or if it was the end of this one,

and they show Erika screaming like, she needs to grow up! You know, I mean she goes into her, I don't know if she says like, that's why she's single or something like that. Yeah, something like that. Someone's like, tell us why she's single. Carly Meredith said, this is from Erica's blog this week, Joey has become a best friend and a sister to me. She is the farthest thing from trash. She is a sparkling diamond, and I love her. Well, of course, because she loves sparkling diamonds. She loves sparkling diamonds.

That was new. We also got a nice message from Mandy Leary, who says, I discovered your podcast several months ago, and I love it. It gets me through the soul-decaying days at work, and I just want to let you know how much you are appreciated. It is disconcerting to me that you've gotten negative comments as of late, so I wanted to send you a very positive one. Thank you.

Please give up the wonderful and witty banter you have between Ronnie, Matt, and Ben. Aw. Thanks, Mandy. I love that we're still in touch. I don't think we get negative comments. A few. Aw. Well, let's end it there.

Instead of help. Man. Aww. Well, let's end it there. Instead of, help! Man! I will finish this podcast, as I do all other podcasts, by saying, I guess I'm the only one watching Property Envy, Interior Therapy, and Below Deck, but Below Deck is the shit, people. People are loving Below Deck. People are liking it, yeah. I'll try to watch.

I'm sorry. I guess I'll put something. I'll put it back on the DVR. You guys, it's going to come back for a second season, so you might as well get in now as opposed to, like, other shows that you committed to too late. This is like watching poor people drama. There are amazing quotes every week.

Really? Yes, like 50 items. Never mind. Ben needs to go. I've got to go. I'm supposed to go to a potluck, and I haven't started cooking yet, and it's 725. Well, I'll take some Baskin Robbins.

I know. Okay, guys. Well, thank you so much for listening. This has been great. We'd like to thank the Fox Hills Westfield Shopping Center for having us. We'd like to thank Sushi Bar by Sarku for letting us in here for an hour and a half. And don't forget BigFatPita.com. Yeah.

Yeah, thanks. By the way, can you guys hear the sizzling ovens of Stone Oven over there? We're sizzling. Anyway. We just made some of Long By Look. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com forward slash watch what crappens. You can follow... Is the phone dead?

No. I hope not. No, you're okay. Imagine if it doesn't record after all. We should stop and save this for us. This is long as hell. Let's stop it. No, no, no.

You can follow me, Matt, at... Your battery's about to die. You can follow me, Matt, at Life on the M-List on Twitter and Instagram. Twitter, Ben's at B-Side Blog on Twitter, Instagram, everything. I'm Ronnie Karam on Vine and Instagram. I am Trash Talk TV. Love you guys. Our other podcast is Big Brother.

It is live on YouTube every Thursday night after the West Coast Eviction, 1030 our time. Find us on Facebook, facebook.com. It's a lot of battery starting. Love you guys. Bye. After you've gone and left me crying. After you've gone, there's no denying it. You feel blue. oh, you feel sad

You're gonna miss the dearest hell you've ever had There'll come a time you will regret it There'll come a time you won't forget it If you like listening to comedy, try watching it. There'll come a time you won't... Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger, Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more.

You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash waitfortcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you. 15 minutes ago, I began courting GEICO. It was just the easiest thing I've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast. Not only have I saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance, but also the future tears you were sure to impose.

My heart and my coverage now belong to GEICO. Sincerely, not yours, Tara in Telluride. GEICO. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Happens% or more on car insurance.