Watch What Crappens - #88: Midget Arms, Sizzle Tans, and Flap Jack Boobs

Episode Date: August 7, 2013

On this week's Watch What Crappens, Matt Whitfield (Yahoo), Ben Mandelker, (bsideblog) and Ronnie Karam (TVgasm) are all about video! We did our first live video podcast on our Youtube page (http://www.youtube.com/thetvclique) and had a great time. We actually started with an entire hour of RHOC joint slamming with the gang over at YourRealityRecap, which you can find on episode #87. Then we came back to our own channel to talk more RHOC finale, the snoozefest that was RHONJ, and of course, the ending of the ridiculous(ly fun) Princesses. Just when you thought we couldn't talk any more, we got on a Food Network Star roll. This one is long, it's insane, and it was a total blast. Check out our Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens) for announcements on when our next live Crappens show will be, and join us at our TheTVClique: Big Brother live every Thursday night post eviction (10:30 Pacific Time) on our YouTube page! (http://www.youtube.com/TheTVClique) Our YouTube Podcasts: http://www.youtube.com/thetvclique Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Matt on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/lifeonthemlist Matt on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lifeonthemlist See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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We thank Squarespace for their support of Watch What Crappens. And you guys, remember, Squarespace, everything you need to create an exceptional website. Our podcast is starting now. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all the crap we love to talk about on Bravo. This is actually a two-part podcast. We joined up with Your Reality Recaps earlier for a video podcast that is on their channel, and we'll upload that audio.

So hopefully you've listened to both, but I don't know. Anyway, I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV. You can find me at TrashTalkTV.com or on YouTube, YouTube slash Trash Talk TV, spelled T-E-E-V-E-E. And I'm here with Matt Whitfield from Yahoo. Say hello. Hello.

I apologize in advance. My internet is being a bitch, more of a bitch than me. So bear with me today. It's like the Matt Whitfield of internets. Yeah. High five, Ronnie. Yeah. Donk.

You guys, did anybody bring some challah? Because I need to throw some fucking challah in a lake right now. Because I'm stressed out. I brought the next best thing, a menorah. Oh, my God. Chew it up. So you can find Matt on, his name is Life on the M-List. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, StumblePod.

Don't friend me on Facebook. Like, just don't friend me on Facebook. It's too much. Like, I share enough on Instagram. Don't friend me on Facebook. All right, so Instagram and Twitter. And then Ben is bsideblog. You can find him at bsideblog.com or the name bsideblog on Instagram, Twitter.

Ben's on the most social networks. Instagram, Vine, all that stuff. Are you a homosexual with a Pinterest board? I do have a Pinterest board, but I don't, I use it actually, I don't care if people follow me on that or not. I use it pretty much to read, to save articles that I come across

that I want to go back to. So like, list of five best restaurants for this or that. So you're a hoarder. You're an internet hoarder. I am. I am. I am. So let's get this.

Wait, can we say something also? Right now, for those of you who are listening to us right now on iTunes or Stitcher or whatever, you're listening to us, but we're actually doing this video. Yeah, we made a video, guys. This is a hangout. So you'll still be able to listen to us and hopefully get some of our visual things, like the fact that I just literally held up a menorah.

But keep in mind that you can now watch us. We'll put the video on our Facebook page, facebook.com forward slash watch where crap ends. And then this will go up on our YouTube channel, youtube.com. Which one is this on our YouTube channel, YouTube.com. Which one is this on? Watch or crap it. The TV Click. Oh, the TV Click. The TV Click, yeah.

Because we're calling it the TV Click because we also do a Big Brother podcast every week, and so we're kind of branching out a little. Fair with us. I know that's really super confusing and annoying with the TV Click, watch or crap and stuff. I know. Sorry. We're muddling the waters a little bit, or muddying the waters a little bit, but we are going to get our shit together and we'll be one

uniform name soon once we figure it out but thanks for coming along I guilted one of our beloved listeners Jesus after he gave us a mediocre review on iTunes and he was kind enough to go back and switch it saying he didn't realize

that we were going through some growing pains and that we were switching stuff up a bit and trying some new stuff, so thank you for switching your iTunes review back to five stars, which is where it fucking belongs. Yeah, Matt will terrorize you until you do. By the way, Hazy, you should know if you mess with the bull, you're gonna get

the horns. I'm a Taurus! I'm a Taurus, motherfucker! Do not mess with Matt Whitfield. He will come after you. This is no sad bull in a Tijuana rodeo or wherever they were. Trying to get my lighting to...

Is that better? I've been moisturizing so well that it makes me look like a fat, sweaty pig by the time we do this podcast. No, you're glowing. Are you doing a spray like Joe Gorga at the sprays? Sizzle Town?

No, girl. I'm drinking a lot of water, taking fish oil, and I'm on a fast for 20 days until it's my birthday. Sounds healthy. Sounds very healthy. Anorexia. Matt, you look like you can do anything.

For those of you who are just listening, only hearing the audio, what you're missing out is that Ronnie, his skin looks radiant, and Matt looks like a ginormous Jets fan at the moment, because he's all in green and white. What? I fucking hate the Jets. I love the Jets, but you look like a Jets fan.

You're wearing Jets colors like crazy. I feel like every week, I feel like every single week we're like, okay, guys, the goal today is just to get right into the show and not just talk about ourselves for 15 minutes. And every week we're like, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you doing? I showed him an aura. I showed him an aura. Am I a little too bright? Am I too bright? I just turned on a light. No, you look good. Okay.

The brighter the better, honey. I have a date tonight, so we need to get this show on the road. Wow. Let's do it then. First of all, the first part of this podcast was, like I said earlier, a joint podcast with Your Reality Recap. You can search for that, or you can look up Eric Curto.

C-U-R-T-O. Find that. The audio will be uploaded later. We mostly talked about our Real Housewives of Orange County. Matt got kicked off of that hang-up, so he wasn't really in that much. So we're going to talk about it again. Which means all you guys watching right now will like this one more. Yeah, so we're

going to talk about that again super quick just so we don't torture you with it. That was a good, good finale. So I think it's fitting that we talk about it twice. Sure. Okay, I'll just give you my abbreviated notes, and then you guys can move on. I fucking hate Heather with all of my being.

I think that she's evil, and I don't think that anybody calls her on her shit, and I think that she needs to get called the fuck out on the reunion. Well, what do you want them to call her out on, exactly? I'd like Lily Tomlin to come call her out. That's what I'd like. That is true. That's a real story about Malibu country.

Or Sarah Rue. But I actually just think that she's treating Gretchen like shit. And Gretchen is like, I never claimed to be some Emmy-winning actress, so why is this bitch sending me nasty texts? I do not get it to save my life. I actually think that Heather has nothing to talk about except her boring husband and children, and so she's trying to make some drama to keep herself on the show. She has nothing to bring.

Well, in Heather's defense. In some drama, she's making comedy, Malibu Country style. Yeah, guys. She's like the new Roseanne. Fast forward to the end of the episode where they do that little scroll freeze frame, and when they talked about Malibu Country being cancelled, I thought it was the meanest, funniest thing ever.

Seriously, ABC has to put it back on the air, if only to give us another season of drama. Because you know, if it's back on the air, they're going to totally invite, like, Gretchen on for a role and not Heather. Do you not think that ABC has already greenlit some trash for Friday night? I mean, oh, actually,

they're putting that show with the Alien family that used to be after the middle after Tim Allen on Friday, so an Alien family would be perfect for Gretchen. Or Alexis, really. I don't think Alexis is coming back, guys. Really? Yeah, that was a good buy.

I mean, I think that Jim Bellino was crying because he knew his goose was cooked. I'm like, who's going to pay for the new chin? Because that one's going to need some sanding down at the very least. That is true. I mean, he looks like Jay Leno. He's like, I wasted my last $1,000 on this scarf that I just saw on sale for $25 at Marshall's. He's so awful.

It's like you're finally nice to a needy person and they rob you. He's just so gross. Get out of here. Don't be nice to Jim Bellino. and they rob you. He's just so gross. Get out of here. Don't be nice to Gimbalino. They're goners. What they need to do is they need to bring in a new ally for Gretchen because she is on an island all alone, which is actually

unfortunate because by the end of the episode I was rooting for her and Slade. What is wrong with me? You know, I'm disturbed because everybody seems to be in that boat. Everybody's rooting for Slade and Gretchen. What the hell? I totally am. I's rooting for Slade and Gretchen. What the hell? I totally am. I'm rooting for them.

Here's the thing. If she wants to make her mistakes, let her make her mistakes. If people want Vicky to go ahead and make her own mistakes with Brooks, Gretchen should be able to make her own mistakes with Slade. And here's the thing. They have been together for a long time. Why not just let them do it? Maybe he is not paying child support, but so what?

If she loves him, let her do it. She doesn't care who you sleep with. No, no. No one's saying that they shouldn't get married. I mean, maybe the human population wouldn't like it, but the thing is, no one's telling them to stop. We just don't like Slade because he's an asshole and everything that he represents, and he's bringing her down.

He's an asshole. Why? He says mean things. He's smarmy. He thinks he's hilarious. Ben, you can't tell me... Okay, he's not hilarious. His radio show was trash. He is smarmy. There are a lot of horrible things about him, but no one can sit up here and say that Vicky was not a motherfucker

to him as well. Oh, Vicky's horrible, too. No one's going to argue that here, that's for sure. But I think the thing with Slade, the worst thing to me with Slade is that he's so obviously only dating Gretchen to be on TV. He's so obviously clinging on

to her to be on this show. It's so pathetic and sad, and it makes me feel bad for Gretchen. That's just a Hooters waitress who wants to marry up, and she's ending up with some fucking loser because he got her a gig in Vegas singing with the Pussycat Dolls for a night. Aim higher! You cannot be on

Team Teresa and anti-Melissa because she is, like, devious and trying to manipulate her way onto a show, and then be on Team Slade and not Vicky. I mean, they're pretty much, it's like, if you're on Team Teresa, you should probably be on Team Vicky also, in terms of, like, Teresa and Vicky is deluded, and she doesn't realize

what a hypocrite she is. Hypocrite! That's exactly what's happening to me right now. In the past few weeks on Jersey and OC, I've come back to the original gangstas, and I'm secretly Team Teresa and Team Vicky at this point. I'm Team... Well, here's the thing.

After everything I just said, I'm Team Vicky, but Team Melissa. That's allowed. The thing is with these shows, you have to know they're all going to be horrible. You know, they're all going to be horrible people. Like, you can't be a fan of football and then be mad that somebody threw your favorite person

on the ground. Like, it's going to happen. It's football. I mean, that's what we're watching. But I like Vicky because she just sticks to her... Did you just make a sports reference and not a musical reference? What the fuck is happening? I know, and football, and there's no musical even about football. I could have done baseball and then segued into Damn Yankees, but I'm really butching it up for you guys.

Thank you. You're welcome. But yeah, I mean, I accept that Vicky's a total asshole. That's why I love Vicky. I love Vicky because she is wearing the worst dress possible. She looks like pizza dough wrapped in saran wrap and someone's squeezing it because they don't understand how to unwrap it

so they're just trying to squeeze it until it comes out. That's what she looks like. She looks like toothpaste. You know before you fold up the end of the toothpaste to start pushing it properly out and you're just like a caveman squeezing it like this? That's what she looks like. And I'm okay with it. I open a new tube on a daily basis and just throw the it like this. That's what she looks like. And I'm okay with it. I open a new

tube on a daily basis and just throw the old one away. That's how to... That's ballin', baby. Thank you. That's how to ball. So yeah, so the biggest thing of the night was the abuse rant from Ryan, which we've already gone off about

on the other show. So I want to hear your take, Matthew. I think that he's a dick, and the problem with this is I have been Brianna's biggest fan since day one, and at this point, I want her to get rid of this dude. He is scary. I don't know if he was intoxicated or if he's just one of those, like, and I'm not trying to get any military folk riled up right now because a lot of my family is ex-military,

and the military, I'm not anti-military. But he seems one of those, like, roided-out young dudes who drinks lots of, like, monster energy drinks, drives a big fucking truck, and wants to shoot guns, and just act like a fucking dick. You know what that's called?

It's called white trash. Oh, there you go. It's called OC White Trash, and that is what he is. It makes me sad that he is with Brianna because I love her, and he was totally inappropriate, and the star of the show last night was Lydia's mom. Yeah, who, by

the way, at 64 looks amazing, even though I know she's had some work done. I think Ryan was so scary and abusive. Brianna is no longer the voice of reason on this show. I think we now have a show where there is no voice of reason. Lydia is the voice of reason, actually. Lydia is the voice of reason. I hate her, though, too.

I know you guys like her, but I hate her. Man, how could you hate her? That's like going to a pet store and targeting a hamster. They're so cute and fluffy. I like that she defended her mom, but I don't like what she said to Slade. I just thought that she was inappropriate. Matthew. Oh, my God.

Matt. Okay, Matt, look. I feel like at this point you're trying to get us. Shut up and go. At this point you're trying to get us. Do I look like Luigi right now? I feel like I look like a Mario brother. No, you look like

a Jets fan. Oh, okay, I'm a Jets fan slash Luigi. I feel like you're trying to get us to gang up on you so you could be like, you guys gang up on me, and then, you know... I have come to the realization that I think that I'm the victim, but

in reality, all victims are really the villains. Oh my god, could you please call my mother and, like, hug over the phone and make her understand that? I have finally realized that by being abused by you guys on multiple occasions. Thank you, I'm glad we could help.

I am not trying to rile you guys up. I actually think what Slade says about women is gross, but if Vicky is stupid enough and pathetic enough to go get plastic surgery, that's on her. With regards to Lydia, the cheeseburger comment was inappropriate. I get that. But Lydia said she was over it, clearly is not over it,

kept bringing it up. Did she say she was over it, though? She then went up to Gretchen last night just because she's mad at Slade, and she goes, ugh, you're garbage. And whether or not Gretchen truly is garbage. She didn't say that to Gretchen, did she? She said that to Slade. Yes, she did.

No, she said, you're both garbage. I don't remember that. She said, why am I even trying? You're both dirty, she said. You're dirty. You know what? She's right. She's right.

She is right. They are both dirty. It's like that saying that everyone always has. You're dirty. She's right. She is right. They are both dirty. It's like that saying that everyone always says. You hang out with trash long enough you're going to start to stink. Well, that's what's happened to Gretchen. I'm sorry. You're quoting Gina Marie or something from Big Brother. That's really sad.

It's not Gina Marie. Gina Marie did not invent that saying. She's the most recent in memory. It still works. Even a clock is right. Gina Marie did not invent that saying. Well, she's the most recent in memory, and I think that that's sad. Well, fine. It still works. You know, even a clock is right. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. Can I just ask you one other question?

That's another saying for you guys, and she did not say that one. What is up with Lydia's husband? Lydia is, like, fighting Slade. She's defending her mom. She's fighting off Ryan. And I'm like, where's your pussy husband? I was thinking the same thing.

He's a hunchback in the bell tower, I'm telling you. He's like, you'll come back to me when you're already home. I think he and Eddie were busy polishing some street bikes in Vicky's garage. I think he probably he's slightly gay, let's face it. He's probably rooting for his

wife to become a full-time housewife forever and not get fired, which seems to be the curse of being the new OC housewife. And he knows that in order to keep her job, she's going to have to do more than show up at parties and tell people her mom's a pothead. Like, you've got to have more of a storyline. She finally got to yell at somebody, and I

think he was probably, like, a good stage husband, standing off, holding her jacket and a glass of champagne for once she came off stage. I think Lydia was great. I think all season long, she has spoken up at surprising times, and she's been very articulate, and she stands her ground,

and Slade really couldn't do anything about it. No, it's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. Yeah, she stood her ground, but she's also an idiot with her little group get-togethers. Because she has those get-togethers where she's like, oh, what I bring to the world is my cookie spirits. We have get-togethers. Because she has those get-togethers where she's like, oh, what I bring to the world is my cookie spirits.

You know what? We have get-togethers also. You know what they're called? They're called podcasts. So we're the biggest idiots of all because we're the ones sitting here talking about them. No shit.

We're having get-togethers about their get-togethers. I know I'm an idiot. She doesn't know she's an idiot. That's the problem. Yes, I think, you know, thank you. I think that that is the main distinction between us and them.

We know. We know. So why is you. I think that that is the main distinction between us and them. We know. We know. So why is Lydia more guilty of that than all the others? I don't know. I don't mind Lydia. I think Lydia's funny. Why does Lydia not get a pass? Why do we say, oh, she's an idiot because she doesn't know, whereas, what, like, but

all of a sudden Gretchen does know? Gretchen doesn't know. I just have Gretchen's back because she is a loner right now, and I know what that's about. Uh-oh. Am I frozen or are you guys frozen? Damn it. We're not frozen. We're not frozen.

You're back. So would you say Lydia's what of the what? Ben is saying something about Lydia, like why are we giving her shit? Why is it if what's so frustrating about Lydia is the fact that she's an idiot but doesn't realize she's an idiot, why are we coming down on her as opposed to every single other woman on this cast? They're all idiots. No, they're all idiots. We're not denying that.

I'm just saying right now, after last night's episode, I am secretly team Gretchen and I'm back to team Vicky. Those are my two favorites. I don't give a fuck about the rest of them. I think, you know what, I would have to agree. Gretchen has delivered this year. She's gotten married to a fucking pig, which is going to just...

No, I don't want to play with the squeaky toy, honey. She's married a pig, which is going to totally pay off in the future. She's sang another song, which has been wonderful. She's told off Vicky, and she made those Deadbeat Dad references with Vicky, which I think was great, and I was really proud of her. She's earned her spot. Vicky's been fucking crazy. She's screamed. She's yelled. She's been great. Heather, bye.

Tamara, you were horrible enough when you were mean. Now you're nice. You're like, triple is bad. Get out. Who else? I don't even know who else. Lydia, I don't know. I couldn't even remember. Gretchen, to me, has not. We know Alexis is gone. All I'm going to say is this.

Bring fucking Gina back and put Lori back full time. I kind of would like that too. I mean, I know that they're at the age now where they should be getting together and just playing Canasta all day, but I'm even fine with that. The thing that you and I always love about this

is with OC especially, or even maybe New York a little bit, when it's the old ladies fighting, it's better when they're old. I agree. I agree. If you're 50 plus and you're fighting, that's so stupid. I love it.

It's great. That's the best TV. Which is another reason why we should not like Gretchen anymore, because she's too young. She is, and it's also looking older than them with all that terrible plastic surgery. we should not like Gretchen anymore because she's too young. She is, and it's also... She's looking older than them with all that terrible, terrible plastic surgery. I did this yesterday night with Slate.

And? The upper lip is fucking crazy. Why does she repeat that to herself? She's stupid. Like Becky said. She probably made fun of her or something. Probably. You're stupid. You're stupid.

You're stupid. Stupid. Stupid. But what else was I going to say about these two dumbasses? Oh, yeah, I think that that was kind of the downfall of the OC when they started bringing in youth. I mean, Jo was kind of young. That's true.

She started with some youth, but she never really fit in anyway. Like, once they all start mixing them together, there's just something disrespectful about someone Gretchen's age yelling at someone Vicky's age. Like, I get that Vicky deserves it, but and I get that it's the show, but it's just not right seeing someone

like 20 years, is she 20 years younger? Like, 20 years younger. Yes, easily. Yelling at a grandma. Like, she's literally a grandma. You can't be yelling at her grandma like she's literally a grandma you can't be yelling at her and calling her names I don't know I missed Tammy Knickerbocker

I missed Gina I want them to bring back more 50 plus tragic people that have gone through bankruptcy and are still fighting to have the OC lifestyle like that's my dream oh shit you okay? sorry what's happening is there a technical sitch Oh, shit. You okay? Sorry.

What's happening? Is there a technical sitch? Oh, no, I was just hugging Bueller, because he's sad because I've just been, like, yapping at the computer, which he really resents the computer. So I had to give him a hug, but then it unhooked my mic. Question for you guys. Does Brianna getting into the final, you know, freeze- frame story arc

situation mean that she is going to join full time next season? Because this, to me, was kind of like a setup, like, you know, they rarely move them from friend or daughter to full time slash it's never really been done, but I have a feeling that Ryan

maybe acted out the way he did in order to get Brianna full-time status next season. No, no. He's not smart enough for that. He's crazy. He's a fucking asshole. He's an asshole who was raised poorly, and he has no idea how to treat people, let alone women, let alone elders. You sound like Vicky

talking to Brianna, going like, he doesn't know the way we live because, you know, he's just a mish. Well, you know what? That actually really pissed me off when Vicky said, well, you know, he's from a different family, and, you know what, that actually really pissed me off when he said, well, you know, he's from a different family, and you know, different families have different things. No, it's not about different families. It's about having, like, a basic awareness of common courtesy and respect.

And I'm sorry, don't call yourself a soldier and then treat a woman like that. Yeah, and then being a boy podcast is going to do that. They're like, oh, he's from a different family. Poor people beat their women all the time. Like, what the fuck kind of logic is that? That guy was close to hitting a strange old lady in the house. He did something wrong.

But how great was it that Bravo's editors, when he was telling Vicky, like, she told me to shut the fuck up. Bravo replayed the tape, which was, um, I don't know who you are, sir. As opposed to, like, I'm going to fucking kill you. Like, clearly Bravo had her back. I love that they replayed the audio. He's disgusting, and Matt, you didn't get to hear me tell them on the other podcast, and I know

you're just dying, but, um... What? On Twitter, Vicky was saying that that scene was, that what Bravo showed was incorrect, and that Brianna and Ryan had already moved out by that night. Oh, fucking please. I don't buy that for a fucking second.

I know, right? Were they just all playing by some script and pretending it didn't happen? I don't know. That whole show is just so bizarre. Vicky feels embarrassed for Brianna, so she's going to try to cover Brianna's ass for her because Vicky's a mama bear like that. She's going to need a big blanket. Look, I think that

Brianna is probably going to be added to the season, and I think she's going to be super fun to watch because she detests it. You can just tell that she detests it with every fiber of her being. The bitch is stuck in a prison now with sleeping with the enemy, and she's going to need some money to run. She's also, in a weird way, she's friendly with Gretchen, which probably drives Vicky up the goddamn wall. Like, every time they show little mingling things,

she and Gretchen seem buddy-buddy because they're probably the closest in age. Yeah. And also, they're two fairly normal people. I mean, Gretchen's, from as much of a douchey asshole that she's with, she's semi-normal. You can have a normal conversation with her, I feel like, which the other ones

you can't necessarily. Truth. Like Heather. Oh, there is no competition, Miss A. I hate her more than Tamara. I hate

Tamara so much. I hate her. If I hate somebody so much. I hate her. If I hate somebody more than Tamara, there is a problem. Oh, it's making me hyper next. You always hate someone real bad every single week. I think it's super important. I do that even at work.

I just pick, and I don't do it on purpose, but I've noticed that I pick one person that I just start hating so much. All of my vitriol is spewed at that one person so I can be nice to everybody else. I think that's a healthy way to live. Probably not. We have some questions from Facebook. Catherine Edmonds

asks, Matt, are those glasses from Claire's? Catherine, I love you, but I am going to pull my Heather card right now and go, no, darling. That is a good call, though, because those are the same ones that Howard and Jesse and

Candice and all of them wear. They're face-warmed. Hey, bitches! I would totally get those. I would love to have these faces. This says Ray-Ban, not Claire's. Oh, that is... Oh, wow. Did you get them on the set of Malibu Country? I Did you get them on the set of Malibu Country? I didn't get them on the set of Malibu Country. I got them

at a place on Beverly Boulevard. I'm looking over the Facebook. Which I won't name because I don't want Maggie Shealy says no one has a Sparrow Cup. The answer is no, but again, I do have a menorah that will hopefully come into use at some point. I have a hint of water.

I have a hint. I have watered down Starbucks. I have a butternut squash in the other room. I don't know if that'll help. Alright, so you know what? I hate to say this, but I am so tired of the fucking OC housewives. We just talked about them for like an hour and a half. I know, I'm sorry.

Okay, okay. We got to rapid fire this. Nothing happened on New Jersey, really, correct? Nothing happened. Yes. There was sizzle tan, and that's it. Sizzle tan. There was sizzle tan. There was a lesbian bar night, which was so sad.

We got to see Joe Gorga with his shirt off, which was always funny. Oh, gross. Okay, you guys. Daryl Valdez. Thank you so much, Daryl. Because he sent us a Tumblr page that showed us Russell from Big Brother naked, which, you know,

you get naked pictures on live feeds or whatever. And so it was, of course, porn. It was like a ton of porn. And so I clicked on another one, and it showed me a picture of Midget Joe naked. He was showing his wiener and his butt. Where? You guys, he is a little

Midget Stallion. Why has that link not been put up? Do not post that. Why did you not change the page? I don't want to see it. I don't want to see that. Whatever. We've shown a lot worse than that. Ronnie, put that link up.

Put a link up and say, no, it's safer work. Well, I'll have to find it again, but I guess I'll look through some Tumblr porn. Speaking of Tumblr, by the way, speaking of Tumblr, I started up two little Tumblrs for you guys, for your own enjoyment. One is watchourcrappins.tumblr.com, and one is thetvclerk.tumblr.com, and it's basically just a bunch of GIFs.

I'll tumble for you. I'll tumble for you. The one thing that you can't do on Facebook is to use gifs. So if you want to see some fun Housewives and Big Brother gifs, go there and enjoy them. Go there. Go there. Do it. I made one of Lydia last night saying I can't even with you or whatever it was she said.

I'm going to make one going I can't even with you Ben for fucking backing up nasty-ass Lydia. Listen, Matt. Listen, Matt. Look, I'm enraged today. We know that I'm enraged. I'm turning my hat backwards. Listen, I'm having a hard enough time because when I look at you, Matt,

it looks like you're wearing neon green hoop earrings. Do you like them? I got them at Claire's. So, you guys something that happened on Jersey that I really liked was we got a peek into Caroline's marriage which I thought was so fun

Al telling her to shut the fuck up was probably my favorite thing to happen on the show and then when Alvy tried to make an entire scene out of it she's like you know what you know us as your parents not Caroline and Al. Caroline and Al, you don't need to know them. And all that matters is Al doesn't

want to know Caroline anymore. To me, actually, the scene felt a little bit like it was edited together to make it look like there was stuff going on. When Alby's like, he says something, he's like, I'm going to watch TV now. I was like, I'm sure that was from later on when he's like, okay, well, dinner's done. I guess I'm going to watch TV now. I was like, I'm sure that was from later on when he's like, okay, well, dinner's done.

I guess I'm going to watch TV now. You know, I felt like it was very edited and manipulated. I thought Caroline looked horrified that that got caught on TV. And then for them to have to make another scene about it where the son comes over a different day to talk about it because it was

so gross. Yeah, Caroline is freaking out that that got on TV. Yeah, Caroline's freaking, Caroline is freaking out that that got on TV. Yeah, she's not happy with that. There's no way. Caroline thinks, like, she's the Martha Stewart of the bunch. Just like Ben thinks he's

the Martha Stewart of our bunch. He kind of is. Well, he just said that he has a fucking squash baking in the oven, so he is. It's not baking. It's just sitting. It's just sitting on the oven. It wasn't a diss.

I was just getting the facts straight. Where did Ronnie go? Oh, I'm here putting on a picture of Al. But, yeah, she, you know, I did feel kind of bad for Caroline because I feel like she's one of those women, you know, while we're talking about horrible, horrible men. I feel like she's one of those women that it's like she got're talking about horrible, horrible men, I feel like she's one of those women, and it's like she got married when she was really young, her husband's a fucking asshole, and she's just been stuck with him, because what else is she going to do?

Wait, are you crying for Caroline Manzo, who has got to do nothing her entire life and sit on her ass in a mansion because her husband wants to go to work and fuck chicks in a back room? I'm not crying for her. I'm crying for her. You know what else I'm crying for? This fashion bullshit. I'm crying for some food.

I want to eat. I don't even care that I'm fat. Who cares? I'm starving. I'm starving too. But yeah, I do feel kind of bad for Caroline. I think that she's already seen a shit situation. Fuck her and her dumb children. I mean, fuck her stupid children too. All she's done is work for her children her whole life.

They're obviously useless. Nothing's going to happen with them. She's not going to get taken care of by them. And Al's going to end up, like, screwing a bus girl and leaving. Some hostess is a brownstone. He already is. I mean, that is part of their agreement. He's going to fuck chicks.

She's going to sit at home and eat. The end. That actually sounds like a nice life to me. I know. I know. That sounds great. Never mind. I don't feel sorry for it anymore.

I take it back, fucker. Thank you. See, Jersey was such a snooze fest this week. Even with Jacqueline and Teresa coming face to face and Teresa calling Jacqueline an evil person, I could barely even keep my eyes open. I was bored to death. I hated this show last season.

I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. Well, here's the thing about that scene. I mean, I hate to say this,. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. Well, here's the thing about that scene. I mean, I hate to say this, but I'm with Teresa. Jacqueline is a total a-hole. She's always been a total a-hole. She is always on Twitter spewing stuff at people, and she is evil.

And I love that Teresa told her, I believe there's evil people in the world, and you're one of them. I believe that. And Jacqueline is, like, keeping it silent because she has to get back on the show somehow. Nobody can deny, like, Teresa does bring up the good point about what Jacqueline did with Danielle Staub, and that's who she is, that's what she does, that's how she operates,

and she's an asshole. Yeah. Agreed. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted

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You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey and I'm Consciously what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History Rosa Parks Reconstruction MLK February Black History exactly exactly there are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for Black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. I agree.

Okay, let's just get to princesses, because that's where it all matters. Thank you, thank you. Oh my goodness, princesses. I think I'm going to fight again now. Like, you guys better be on the same page with me. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace, the all-in-one platform that makes it fast and easy to create your own professional website or online portfolio.

For a free trial and 10% off, go to squarespace.com slash watchwhatcrappens and use the offer code CRAP8. Why? Why wouldn't we be? What do you have to say about princesses? Was I supposed to smile? What just happened? I don't know. I'm playing with buttons and all this weird stuff is happening. I'm trying

to make it not just be on my face and now look, it's just on Matt's face. Matt, what are you talking about? There's a camera. Matt, what could you possibly have to fight about with us on Princesses? If we're not all on the same page here, I would be shocked. I'm going to say this. I am starting to hate Chanel because she is so Team Ash. Oh, no.

Here's my other thing. Casey, if you are listening to this or watching this right now, go fuck yourself and do not retweet me when I post this because guess what? I hate you and you are the biggest asshole ever. Don't be retweeting me because I don't want your free retweets and more viewers on this

because you fucking suck and the way that you treated Joey and the way that you immediately came to Ashley's defense and then you were such a bitch to Amanda in that restaurant. Go fuck yourself. Yeah, I kind of still like Casey only because she didn't

know and it's like, on these Bravo shows, you know, what is everyone always getting in trouble for? They're always in trouble for not standing up for their friends. Like, no matter what happens. And so she's trying to play by the Bravo rules standing up for her friend, but Ashley, girl, you cannot stand up for their friends. Like, no matter what happens. And so she's trying to play by the Bravo rules, standing up for her friend, but Ashley, girl, you cannot stand up for

that. I mean, that girl is horrible. I hope she felt stupid. Casey makes no sense. I wanted to love Casey, because I was like, oh, she clearly didn't get on Gallery Girls. She's one of ours, you know, because we love us some Gallery Girls, and she kind of rises above these bitches and goes to New York and tries to get away from it, but when she is defending that little creepy bug troll Ashley without having any fucking facts, it made me insane.

Slash I'm still insane. So why don't we start with that. So she calls Amanda to go to lunch, right? So Amanda, the dum-dum, is like, Hi, folks. I am going to have lunch together. I love Amanda, so watch your dirty mouth. And then she breaks open. She starts bitching at Amanda,

who's possibly the nicest person ever, and she's like, in the future she's going to be a Mrs. Roper, you can just tell. She's like, get that, Stanley. I can see that coming. She's so nice. I mean, she's marrying Kramer, who's horrible. Gay Kramer? Yeah. She's so nice. Like, I mean, she's marrying Kramer, who's horrible, gay Kramer. But she's still so nice.

Like, how can you? Yeah. Oh, we'll get to that. We'll get to that. But, yeah, how could she be mean to Amanda? And the poor Amanda's just like, I don't know what you're talking about. Like, she can't form a sentence to defend herself. And Casey's like, well, I have a MetroCard,

which means I'm in Manhattan a lot, so I'm better than you, and whatever. Have fun having to pay a full fare for the subway. Do you guys hear this car alarm out here? I think that's the sound of Ashley passed out in a hitchhiker's dashboard with a panic attack. She just crashed onto the horn. All right, so let's just then, you know what, let's just go all the way back to the beginning.

Let's just go back. We need to go to the beginning. We need to start properly here. You do it. So the cliffhanger from last week was, where's Ashley? Where did Ashley go? So, of course, no one knows where she went. So half the girls who are hating on Ashley,

they go and get on a yacht and go floating around. Listen, they spend, it looked like probably hours, like seven hours rehashing this. This was like their favorite thing that ever happened to them. There's nothing that girls love to do more than to sit and rehash a drama like that. You know what I'm saying? Didn't you think it was kind of crazy that her dad

was totally like, tell me everything? Well, I just assumed the producers may have asked that. But, like, you know, what's her face? Erica was like, I'm sorry, like, you know, like, you're wandering off, you're like 30 years old, like, I'm sorry, I can't keep control of you,

but there's like a yacht that's waiting for me, like, I'm sorry, I've't keep control of you, but there's like a yacht that's waiting for me, like, I'm sorry, I've got like a lamp, I've got a cool thing. My dad went through a lot of trouble to get this like yacht like together, because it's like going to go on the ocean, so like, we've got to be there, because like, there's places to be, like there's appointments in the ocean that my dad made.

Like, there's like appointments, and like, this means like a lot to me too, and like, I don't know, like, if you can't keep it straight like i'm sorry that that's happened i'm sorry you had like a stroke but like i'm sorry like there's a yeah i don't have to go to it like my speaking of balls well i was disappointed that this wasn't actually the stroke because we know that she's had a stroke but we did not know i didn't know we didn't know last week if this was actually the episode because if all that drama caused her to have a stroke, I was just going to die laughing.

But unfortunately, she had had it before, and the stroke supposedly knocked out her ability to speak and to walk. And I say, stroke, come back to the five and nine. Come on back, stroke. You're like, stroke, more like funny looking. What? No. I've never yet rooted for a stroke before this show. Now, I'm all about strokes. I want to

sit outside Ashley's house with one of those flickering lights. What do you call it? Stroke light. Just outside Ashley's house. I just feel bad for her that she lost her speech, and then this is a perfect chance for her to rebuild her speech, and she still chose to have a god-awful accent.

It's like, why not come back as British? You know? Do anything. She's like, oh my god, my voice is back! I love that earlier today we were having a conversation about, is our podcast dark? And Ben's like, it's not that dark. And Ronnie's going, I'm rooting for this girl to get a stroke.

That's how we roll, Ben! Ben and SFW, honey. You're bad people. You're bad people. Oh, she's awful. And let me say that after the show, I went on Twitter to see what this fucking idiot has to say for herself. She's horrible. She's so vile.

Nothing she did is wrong. It's still everyone else's fault. And she's tweeting every star on Bravo. You know who else does that when they're wrong? Jill Zarin. Yes, she's a little Zarin over there with her little tweets like, oh, hi, Caroline, it's me, I love you, hon, let's have lunch.

Like, doing this to everyone who's ever been on Bravo, it's like, bitch, first of all, you've been to your last Bravo party. That's over. This wrap party or whatever you had tonight is the end. That's it. Because you are never going to be back on Bravo. That show is gone. You're never going to be back anywhere. If they even let you into fucking Long John Silver's,

this world is really lower than the bar too much. Stay in your house. Fuck your dad. Leave the world alone. Shake it. Shake it. Shake it. So she, I guess, she had a panic attack and she hitchhiked to the hospital or whatever.

I love that. I think one of our listeners wrote in one of the comments that, like, you know, she's accusing Joey of being low class and all this stuff. But, like, who's the one who's fucking hitchhiking around on Long Island? It's Ashley. You know? But I love stupid Ashley. Okay, so Chanel's, like, sobbing for whatever reason. Why is Chanel sobbing?

Chanel is like... She has about people. She cares. Chanel's like Yenta without a singing voice. Just shut the fuck up over there. Shut up. She had a stroke. It takes me back to that place.

Well, you know, she's not getting married anytime soon. Please, please. There's nothing better to do. I care about Ashley. Yeah, so Chanel's crying, and then Ashley's like, well, you know, it was so horrible. I had to go to the hospital. They gave me a Benadryl.

They gave me a Benadryl. Did you not shit your pants laughing when she said they gave me a Benadryl? Yeah. I died. That's her proof that it was so horrible. You know who I give Benadryls to? Babies on planes that won't shut the fuck up.

You have one, you shove it down their throat, and they're quiet. Okay, does that tell you anything? You little midget idiot. I hate that girl. She's vile. Yeah, one of our listeners wrote a comment saying, like, yeah, I give a Benadryl to my dog. Shut it up.

Yeah, unfortunately it didn't work for Ashley. She's still talking. Oh, my goodness. So then they rehash it. So the girls, so Ashley goes off, the girls go on the yacht and they rehash everything. And then we have, now, so then I think somewhere around there we have a scene where Amanda goes on the LIRR with Jeff and Jeff's like, I have a question for you. Here comes a box. And then everyone like, no one on the train gave a shit.

Everyone was looking to see what the hell was going on, but only because there were cameras there. So he does this whole build-up, and he's like, why don't you take this promise ring? This is an engagement to be an engagement. I respect you so much, baby. Yeah, you're so hot, and we're doing this on the train, because I respect you. It's where we met on the train.

I'm going to get you guys flattered up again, because I'm going to say this. I think that he is gay Kramer, and I think that she has busted Lady Gaga, but I actually... She is! She is! I haven't seen that before. Gaga was already

busted, but anyway, I just think that I don't care. If they want to be gross, let them be gross. I agree. At least they're happy. Everybody else on that show is miserable. At least this girl is having a good time with her drink hanky. I agree.

And her boyfriend. Let them have fun. Look, I want to have as much fun as she does. I want somebody to give me a promise ring and a drink hanky. Look, I don't mind when ugly people find each other and fall in love. I just don't want to see them kiss in public. Okay? That's all. Here's my thing.

I didn't care about, you know, let him give her a promise ring. What I didn't like was that when he then goes the entire, like, train car, it's like, Sal, can I get some applause here or what? Like, why the fuck do you need applause because you gave someone a promise ring? It's like, I gave someone a lollipop. You're asking me and Ronnie to talk about I mean, we don't know. That's what you do. No, my people are

wasps. Okay. I'm like, my people are wasps. My people are wasps. There you go. I was looking at the Facebook. First of all, I love our Facebook page because you guys are just going. We didn't even announce that this was going to be a video,

and you guys are going there. You're commenting like crazy, and it's wonderful. Who is commenting? It's over 100 comments. Let me guess. On this podcast right now? Wait. Yeah.

Wait. Let's guess who's commenting. It is hilarious. Does it rhyme with... Misa Fierce? Lisa Fierce? I really wish she would comment more on it, because I feel like we never really get to hear what's on her mind.

We have no idea what's going on with her. The big news of the day is that Lisa Fierce was unbanned. I don't know how you got thrown in the spam folder. Sorry, I don't know how that happened. But if it makes you feel better, Antoinette was just in the spam folder as well, so I don't know how you got thrown in the spam folder. Sorry, I don't know how that happened. But if it makes you feel better, Antoinette was just in the spam folder as well, so I don't know why. But Antoinette, Paula, Nicole, Nicole Yenron,

Katie, Ingrid, Catherine was the first one on, Paula Jones, Kristen, Katie, no, just Antoinette. These are our people who are on. We love them. It's so fun reading you guys talk back and forth to each other. So whenever I zone out and start staring at the screen,

it's not porn. It's you guys. Yeah, we're reading you guys. But anyway, yeah, so Amanda, look, I'm totally happy. I hope that Amanda marries him. I hope that he's not a fame whore, because I know they haven't known each other long, and I also know that it takes Bravo

like a million years to develop crappy Bravo shows and so I have a feeling that she already had this show when she started dating him. You know, if I were to ever be on a crappy Bravo reality show I would want somebody to want to get with me because they were a fame whore too.

That's all I want. I don't know. Don't you want someone to love you get with me because they were a fame whore too. That's all I want. Don't you want someone to love you for you? Nobody's going to love me for me. Have you watched this? Have you watched this podcast? No one's going to love me for me. Good point. Oh my god, it's like Blessed Union of Souls. She loves me for me.

You guys are right. You guys are right. I should stop that. I'm here, Ben. I'm here. Thank you. I didn't mean to get that, Matt. Matt, oh my God. Maybe I can love you for you because you get when I sing

She Loves Me for Me. Can you give me another line? I just want another line of it. Can I get another line? Ronnie, that is awful. I know. This is how I feel when you're singing pop songs

I don't know. I feel like someone's torturing me. That's hot. Stop it. Wait, I need another line. Motherfucker, we have to listen to you sing show tunes, so we're allowed to sing some ballistic new souls.

You do not. I haven't sung a show tune in weeks. Ronnie is feeling very on my own. Standing there beside me. You guys can make fun of show tunes all you want, but they make the world a happier place. That's the only show tune I know because Katie Holmes sang it

as Joey Potter in a very special episode of Dawson's Creek. I know like a small collection of show tunes, I guess you could say. I don't have an extensive repertoire like Ronnie, but I know some guys and dolls and some Brigadoon and... Can we get to the

bridge and the holla? Okay, first of all, who told this show it was okay to waste carbs like that? You don't just go throw bread into the ocean. Like, who the fuck does that? You eat ducks. Those ducks are having the best day ever, you know? Fat ducks. Those ducks are like,

yes, we love Yom Kippur. That's why there's so many duck poop around Jewish communities. No, those ducks were probably like, oh, where's the locks? They're like, oh, my God, I can't believe you're eating so many cobs. You're never going to get married by the time you're two years old. Oh, my God. I would totally watch a spin-off, the ducks of that pond in Long Island.

Oh, my God. Well, first of all, they all sound like babs. That's for sure. Obviously. By the way, that's, they all sound like Babs. That's for sure. Obviously. By the way, that's how I do my... Babs? For people who wonder

how I do my Bab impersonation, now you get to see. I have to cover one nostril. I go, Amanda, how are you going to get married? You only met him for one year. Drop your face down on the floor.

Amanda, I don't like you moving out of my house. Amanda. Amanda. Amanda, I'm your mother. I'm your mother, Amanda. You're my own flesh and blood.

You can't get married. Amanda, you go up to my room and get my treat. You're not gonna find the dildo cause it's covered in a drink hanky. Yeah! Stop! Don't make that face! Don't make that face. Don't make that face, Jerani. Amanda. Don't make that face.

Amanda, go get your sister. I think she's been stuffing her drinking cap of private pants again. Amanda. Amanda, pass the wishbone salad dressing to a guest, Amanda. You were raised right, Amanda.

Amanda, I think I saw your promise ring and had cat back. Amanda, it think I saw your promise ring in Hot Topic. Amanda, it looks nice. Oh, my God. Amanda, can I be the stripper to your bachelorette party? I'm going to wear zebra print pants and leopard print crop top. I got it from warehouse while I work in Great Neck. Amanda. print pants, but leopard print crop top. Me, me.

I got it from Weir House while I work in Great Neck. Amanda! Amanda! Amanda, you're not gonna get married! Oh, bless me. But you know the thing is, I love Babs. Babs is like my favorite. We make Babs in the washroom.

We're making fun of you, but I actually love Babs. I like Amanda too. I think Amanda seems like a good person. And so to get back to the ducks and the tashleet. Ben, did Chanel make that up or is that a thing? It's a real thing. But not everyone does it. So here's the thing.

So they're all standing around there and they're all talking about ways they can improve, things they've done wrong. And I have to say, to almost everyone's credit, including Casey, everyone took some accountability about some of their actions. They said, like, you know, Erica was like, well, you know, I guess I could be better. I'm like, so sorry, but everything I've done to you.

You know, and then, like, Joey, you know, Joey said, like, you know, I know we're in a bad place now, but, like, I hope down the line, whatever. They all actually said nice things. Except for my arch nemesis, Casey. No, no, even Casey. Even Casey. No, she didn't. No, she didn't.

Everything that came out of Casey's mouth was, well, I learned a lot about myself, that I'm perfect. Well, I learned a lot about myself, that I'm perfect. But she said, I wish I'd come to you, Erica, sooner rather than later. She took a little bit of accountability. No, no, no. She was like, I'm sorry, you guys, that I'm true to my friends and that if anybody messes with my friends, I'll kill them. I'm really sorry about that. How's that an apology?

I'm sorry I'm so loyal to a fault. Again, it's like, I'm sorry about that. How's that an apology? Again, it's like... I'm sorry I'm so loyal to a fault. Again, it's like, I'm sorry you're fat. But all I'm trying to say is, if you listen to my argument... Oh, wait, Ben, I'm sorry that you feel I'm not listening to you. There, if you feel that that was a genuine apology. Yes, I did. The point is this.

Casey at least had a shred of accountability about something. No, no. She did say... No. No. Now we have... No. No. Now we have Ashley here. Ashley with green hoop earrings. Okay?

What I'm trying to say is she took at least or something... She said, listen, Erica, you know, I wish I'd come to you sooner or better.

Okay? She said one little thing. Okay. Ashley didn't say anything. Ashley said... Ashley was like, you know, you guys reflect now. I reflect every single night. And, you know, you guys reflect now.

I reflect every single night. And, you know, she sticks her penguin hands out. She goes, I reflect every single night, okay, every single night, and I just hope you guys can get to where I am right now, okay? Well, Ashley, it was even worse because she was like, I'm glad – she was like, I'm glad that you guys can reflect for five minutes with throwing some bread in the water. I, on the other hand, reflect

every night before I go. Every night. How many mirrors is that bitch broken reflecting? Shut up, Ashley! To be fair, her house is covered in silvery surfaces, so she literally reflects. She doesn't think. She just looks and sees her reflection everywhere.

Do you guys think that these girls went on this show like the single ones thinking, oh, this is going to make us famous. We're going to get boyfriends from this because I guarantee you right now Ashley will be single for the rest of her life because she just proved to the 700,000 viewers watching this piece of shit show that she is the worst person ever.

She is. Ashley's one of those girls that everybody growing up was like, you're so funny, honey. You're so funny. Because she was always making some snide comment at somebody. So instead of saying, you're a cunt and your parents should have drowned you, they're saying, oh, you're so funny, honey. She's the funny one. And so she's like, I'm funny.

I'm funny. That's right. I'll go on TV. I am the hottest, funny looking girl you've ever seen. Ronnie just said that she should have a stroke and be drowned. That was the correct answer.

The abortion debate still rages on because people are all upset that people are aborting babies after they're born. If anything will get you on that side, it's Ashley. Post-birth abortion. Make it legal, people. Get it with a clip, Kurt Heiner. So anyway, that's what the real fun part was then. So

after, so Ashley says this whole self-serving thing that's not even an apology. She talks about her stroke and yada, yada, yada. So then I love that Amanda, probably our favorite maybe, she's like, she very calmly is like, Ashley, like, you know, we didn't know where you were. She's like, no offense, you're a good grown woman, Ashley. And she was right. Ashley's a grown woman. Well, Ashley, she's so full of herself. She's sitting there like, I have health issues. Oh, that's bad.

She's like, I've had health issues. You know, I had a stroke last year. You guys just left me there. You left me. They did not leave you. You left. You left. And I like that Amanda said to her, you put yourself in harm's way, you dumb fuck.

Yes. And then she's like, and look, she's like, it's not like we're talking. She's like, we were gone for like 15 minutes, 30 minutes. It's not like we're at a milk carton situation. And then that's when Ashley goes, God forbid. God forbid. Everybody hands up. Matt, you can even do this one.

God forbid that would have happened to me. It's like, what are you talking about? Her actual quote was, oh, you know what? I'm proud of myself for not being on a milk carton. On the side of a milk carton. What the fuck? Well done. Well done.

I'm proud of myself. Someone on our Facebook put, do they put 30-year-olds on milk cartons? Which I thought was really funny. When they are four foot two, maybe. That girl. I feel like little people were getting so far ahead in the world thanks to TLC.

You have destroyed the work that TLC has done all these years. I totally thought you meant the band TLC, and I was like, what is that? Baby, baby, baby. Maybe it's about the scrubs. I got so much love in me. I'm talking about the midgets and all those babies and stuff. They're like, oh, I need a cut from the cupboard. Instead of building a new house with cupboards that are short,

let's just all pile on top of each other like a little tiny human ladder. What the fuck, TLC? Do they really even do that on that show? I don't know that's how they get cups on that show, but that's how I imagine. I imagine they drive in the kitchen with a little car, and they're like, everyone out, let's pile on top of each other and get a big old cup from up on the top shelf. Preferably a Sparrows cup.

Can I just insert one? Can I just do one thing right now? Yes. Hashtag, ready, mall snaps. I don't know what that was, but I'm down for it. Mall snaps, clueless. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you guys not remember recording in Fox Hills Malls last week in the food court?

We had a moment. Back when I was eating. That's why I look like this. I was thin before Fox Hills. Now look at me, guys. Okay, Ben, we've cut you off 20 times trying to say you're epic. God, look at this. No.

I was just trying to remember. I feel like I should be a good swimmer. Don't do that. That's bad. I was just trying... By the way, I feel bad for everyone who's listening to this because they're like, what's going on? Ronnie's pulling at the skin under his chin, everyone.

Is this gross? You guys, if you want to watch this, either come to our Facebook page, Watch What Crappens, or on YouTube at The TV Click, because that shit's fun. if you want to watch this, either come to our Facebook page, Watch What Crappens, or on YouTube at The TV Click, because that shit's fun. It's fun to watch, and it's also fun because Matt knows that his angle is profile.

What are you talking about? Matt does a whole thing like this. He's like, if you think Mariah Carey's bad, what are you referring to? I don't know what you're saying. He's like, you know in Big, when Julie Chen has to ask us, then she sort of has to cheat and look at whatever. But so wait, so after the milk carton thing,

didn't Amanda come back to Ashley with some amazing response about, like, I don't know, the point is this. Amanda was right. Ashley is a grown woman. She put herself in that situation. She wouldn't have been in a milk cart. And she's just being totally ridiculous. I'm sad that she had a stroke.

I actually am sad that she had a stroke. But you know what? You also can't use that. I'm sorry that she had the laziest stroke of all time. I'm sorry that people in the hospital had to take care of her. Can you imagine her in the fucking hospital? I'm sorry that her parents didn't believe in credit and record. She's like, hold on one second!

Can you take the ambulance back? I left my sheets at my parents' house! Oh my god. Ew! Ew! I see bodily fluids everywhere! That girl's terrible. I loved that in that fight, the girls really did, Amanda especially, really stuck up for themselves and did not let Ashley.

They were nice about it, but they didn't let Ashley turn this around. They didn't all start kissing. Erica did, but most of them did. Erica did for a second, but Joey and Amanda stood their ground. And it turned Ashley around because at the end she was like, well, let's let bygones be bygones. I'm a forgetful. No, no, no.

They all still hate each other. Nothing was resolved, but they knew they were shooting the finale, so they had to do the group hug. That's the only thing that, I mean, that happened, but we know they fucking hate each other. So, is this show going to get picked up? What do you think? Because I think that there's no way in hell, but... I would love it to, but I don't think it will.

It started strong, but the ratings totally faltered, and it came in around the Gallery Girls numbers, which we know what happened there. So I'm really nervous. They have not committed to picking it up, especially when they have stuff like, you know, OC last night hit season highs with 2.5 million viewers. It's just like, at this point on Bravo, if you can't pull in a million, you know, OC last night hit season highs with 2.5 million viewers. It's just like, at this

point on Bravo, if you can't pull in a million, you're probably not coming back. The truth is this. I'm sorry to say this, but there's a lot of, there's actually a lot of anti-Semitism in this country. I'm not trying to pull the Jewish card. I'm not trying to be like that. But the truth is, there is actually

a lot, and so a lot of people, when they see these girls, they're not, like, amused by them, like when we see, like, these crazy guidos on Jersey Shore or when you see some, like, crazy black people on, like, you know, Real Housewives of Atlanta. For a lot of people, they say, this is what's wrong with the Jews, and I hate these spoiled brats. I really do believe people say that, and it's a shame because it's hilarious. But isn't there a show for everybody like that now? Like, the Persians

are on Shaz, the Jews are on this, the Italians are on this. Oh, God, that gay show, the A-list on a logo. They canceled that, thank God. Ronnie, just think about this. Any gay person on any reality show is typically horrifying. Did you guys watch the A-List?

Can I break in with a little A-List story that you're going to love? Okay, so Gay Pride, I have a friend who is a friend of Derek who is on The A-List. I think New York. He was really in on it. He had the flippy hair. Yeah, he was horrible. He was the one who was always fighting with the big hot

one and someone threw a drink in someone's face. I don't know. I think that was him. Anyway, I remember that he was on that show and he was a horrible human being. Okay, so anyway, Gay Pride, I'm hanging out with my little group of gays, and he's along because he's friends with one of my friends. I did not recognize him, but I had seen him sitting outside of a stool at Foo Bar one night, like maybe a month ago.

So I was like, I know you from somewhere. And he's like, I don't know. I don't know because he's that kind of gay. He's like, and I was like, I know you from somewhere. And he's like, I don't know. Because he's that kind of gay. He's like. And I was like, no, no. I said, you're the doorman. I said, you're one of the doormen at Foo Bar. And he's like, no, not. No, not.

What? No, not. I was like, you are. I saw you sitting out there. And then one time I saw you walk into your car right by Foo Bar. And he's like, what? No, I'm not. And my friend's like, Ronnie, just don't. You know, who cares?

Too late, Ronnie. But of course I'm drunk, because it's gay pride, and we're walking, like, a mile to the homeland, like, to the center of West Hollywood. We're just all walking, and I'm drunk, and so I wouldn't let it go. And the whole time I'm like, oh my god, you're so ador- Why would he admit that he's a doorman?

I just made that up. So now that guy hates me. So sorry, gay guy from A-List, but you made us all look horrible, so I'm glad I got to make you feel like shit for one day, jerk. Okay, speaking of shit, speaking of shit, are we going to watch Eat, Drink, Love? I will because I... You kind of know some girl on it. Kat O'Dell.

I don't really know Kat O'Dell. I've exchanged emails with her because every now and then I'll send a link to my blog and I'll be like, hey, maybe Eater LA would like this. I think that it would be inappropriate for you not to watch it and name drop constantly. I am going to watch it. Well, remember I told you. I think I told you this

a few months ago. Put your finger down. Get your finger out of my face. Okay, I told you this a few months ago. Thank you. I would like your... I went out to dinner with my friend who told me at dinner, he's like, oh yeah, he produced this show that was in development, Bravo, and he said that Kat O'Dell, he said she's like psycho.

And she's like very unlikable, and they had a real tough time working on the show, or building the show, because she was so unlikable that they had a real tough time working on the show or building the show because she was so unlikable that they had to do some massive, massive retooling. So I'm sort of intrigued by that. There are also a lot of people in the food blogging world who have this very love-hate thing with Kat O'Dell because for those of you who don't know, she is the editor for Eater LA, which is a big food blog out here. And so people like her, or they kiss her ass because she gets them link love,

but a lot of times people hate her. A lot of girls hate her because she's pretty, and other people don't like her because they don't feel like she does a good job. Oh my god, if this is what the show is like, I've already put a gun in my mouth. How boring. I'm telling you, it's going to be so good. Someone posted this on our page, which was

so nice, and it was a link. Bravo's Eat, Drink, Love is bad for women. The food world belongs to us. I posted that. Well, someone also posted it on our – a listener also posted it. Whatever. Thank you, Ben. Thank you, Ben.

We're going to watch it. We're going to try it. We're going to see what happens because we have to give it a go. But the point is this. The Real Housewives of motherfucking Miami are coming back next week. No, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. I have some more of this girl show to talk about.

Okay, I got two seconds before I'm bouncing, so go. Really? Okay. So in that article, so in that article, they're talking about this Eater LA chick that she's fucking all the people from the restaurant she gives these reviews to. Totally unprofessional because she's giving people good reviews

who she's fucking, and she brags about it. She's very proud of being a whore blogger or something. To me, this sounds like an amazing fucking show. I'm so watching it. It sounds amazing. I'm totally in. The question is, is it going to be our next Gar Girls, or is it going to be

the next Misadvised? No way is it going to be the next Gar Girls. Nothing can be the next Gaga Girls. Oh, and by the way, someone posted photos... You guys give that crap show too much credit. No, we don't. We give it... It needs more credit. If you come onto our Facebook page,

someone posted pictures of Liz from Gaga Girls and she seems to have had some surgery done. Boobies! And I think a little cheek something. Boobies. You have fun with little cheek something. Boobies. You have fun with what Fane does. God, Fane does what Daddy does.

Her dad, who's so mean to her, he's like, okay, you're still not on heroin? Great, here's some boobs. Enjoy. Happy Hanukkah. Whatever. So let's move on to... Matt, you wanted to move on to what? He wants to move on to his date. Yeah, I gots to shower. He wants to move on to his date. Yeah, I gots to shower.

He wants to move on to some penis. No, but there was another show you were about to bring up. I was just going to say that Miami is coming next week, and I'm very excited. Oh, yeah, yeah. And someone already said, apparently the show is already on demand, and someone wrote on our Facebook page just before this podcast

that Leah is definitely getting a harsh edit. So there's that. Also, by the way, are you guys watching Top Chef Masters? Because I am, and I'm enjoying it. Okay, look. Here's my thing with Top Chef Masters. I turned it on. I watched it.

Can I go? Can I, like, leave now? Yeah, bye. Bye, love you. I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean it like that. I hate this video. You can see my attitude.

Bye. Bye. Love you. Bye. Bye. Love you. Bye. Call me. All buys. So anyway, yeah, this Talk Chef Masters. I'm watching it.

I do not understand why it's not interesting. Like, I get that they can't give them a bad edit and just make it all of them being characters, but I don't want to watch a show where people are just running around. Like, if it's going to be about professionals, show me what they're cooking, tell me how they're making it. Make it more of a cooking show, because I can't watch

stupid people running back and forth. They don't show anything except them running through grocery stores. You're right. I enjoy it. I think I want them to go back to the star system that they had. I thought the second season of Top Chef Masters, they really got it down.

The star system was fun because it was different than regular Top Chef. And we also had Gail Green, who I loved. I love James Oslund. I love James Oslund. I miss Gail Green. I missed her. I mean, I like that they have Gail Simmons on this one. I hate Curtis Stone.

Kelly Choi, her first season was awkward and stiff. The second season, she loosened up. I still haven't seen any proof that this Curtis guy can cook anything. Like, he's famous for being— He's opening a restaurant. He's opening a restaurant in L.A. I read that on Eater L.A. Oh, see, it all comes together.

Oh, so we know who he's fucking. I don't think he's cute enough for that attitude. I really don't. Maybe it's because we live in a land of really cute people, but to me, it's like, drop the attitude. You're semi-it best. I've told this story before. There was one time when I was covering the red carpet for some

stupid Bravo event, and he comes up, and I had to go to potluck later that night, and I said, Curtis, what should I make for my potluck tonight? He's like, oil. I was like, what do you have in your refrigerator? I'm like, I don't know, probably some veggies or whatever. He's like, I don't know, make a salad, maybe grill some beef and put it on top.

I don't know, see how I did. And then Padma comes up, and I was like, Padma, what should I make for my potluck? She's like, oh, okay, here's what you should do. This recipe's really good. You got a chicken, and you put the stuff in it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It was like, he was such an asshole, and she was so nice that I'm forever Team Padma over Team

Curtis Stone. Although I've heard of her. I am too. I think his personality sucks. He can barely read a cue card. I've seen no proof that he can cook. And I don't like that when he doesn't like somebody, he gives them dirty looks. Like, I've noticed that he does this with homely girls. Like, I mean, he's really a straight guy. I don't think

that guy's gay at all, because that's a different kind of mean. But I've noticed if he's talking to a fat girl or somebody that he doesn't really like, he just looks at them with this look of disgust. That guy's gross. I can't watch that show. And I don't know. I don't trust really anything that they make, and they make it, and it's

like, great, a really talented chef made something. I barely even know what it is. The only reason I know what it is is because there's a label. I've watched you guys stress out and run around a fucking grocery store a Whole Foods for an hour. Thanks. Someone told me this story. They ran into

Wolfgang Puck. Maybe they went to Slaugr or something like that, and Wolfgang Puck came to the table, and they were like, oh, wow, we saw you on Top Chef, you know, because he was a that. And Wolfgang Puck came to the table, and they were like, oh, wow, we saw you on Top Chef, you know, because he was a judge. And Wolfgang Puck was like, ugh, all the food is awful there. It's awful food. You have to say you like it,

but it's awful. Yeah, you have to pick something to like, but how can it possibly be good? They're like, you have an hour to make an Italian feast. I remember, my mom's a chef, and the first year the show was on, I was watching the finale in Texas at home, and that girl Tiffany,

I will never forget this, made gnocchi. And my mom was like, gnocchi? How long did they, didn't they just say they had an hour? And I said, yeah. She goes, you can't make gnocchi in an hour. You've got to, like, peel the potato, boil the potatoes, put them through a ric the potatoes, boil the potatoes,

put them through a ricer, cool them. There's a lot of shit. You can't just make that in an hour. There's something fishy about it. So either it's rigged or it's just glops of crap that they're tasting. Well, remember when we went and we had all those crappy desserts? I felt so bad

that day because you were so nice to take me. You were the one who had the invitation. you were so nice to take me. You were the one who had the invitation. You were so sweet to take me. We went to Top Chef Just Desserts, and it was like that art show. They were doing something in a distillery that was changed into an art show or something. And it was a sweet and savory challenge. So they had to take beans and make chili beans and make dessert out of them. The minute I heard that, I was

instantly annoyed. I'm not the kind of person who can just be grouchy but hide it. If I'm grouchy, I'm just miserable. I was like, oh, God! Everything we tasted, I was like, grouchy! This is nasty! You're just so happy to be there.

We had falafel panna cotta, and I remember it was so bad. But, you know, another time I got to go to Top Chef Masters as a taster. I think I probably mentioned this before on this show. And I went with our friend Michelle Collins, and it was the episode where the Top Chef Masters took over a fast food restaurant. And honestly, almost all the food was just really bad. Because they didn't know what they were doing. They were out of their element.

Although I was lucky enough to have a bite of the winning dish, which was what's-her-face, one of the two hot tamales. Not Susan Fenninger, but the other one. Mary's too Millican. I like her. Yeah, she made some sort of quesadilla thing.

And when they show, when the judges are deliberating it, they cut to me stuffing my face with it. And I go, tender, delicious. And so every time that show airs, people text me. They're like, I think I just saw you on Bravo. I just want to announce really quick while we're on this podcast. We're going long. It's our second podcast. At this point, I have no focus.

If you were just here for Housewives, bye. I want to ask you something. I want to ask you something. Do you watch Food Network Star? Yes. Let's talk about this. Oh my god. Please. It's another cooking show. I know it's not Bravo, but whatever. Just hang up if you don't like it, everybody.

Not you, Ben. How are any of these people going to have a show? They're all terrible. Okay. I don't even know where to begin. Okay, so first of all, the one person there who had anything that was close to an interesting idea was Nikki Dinky with her idea, which was meat on the side, which was such a great idea. The Food Network needs something that's healthy oriented, but it's not like Ellie Kruger

or whatever her name was where it's just like crazy healthy. Just like here's a way to cook vegetables. That's a thing that people are interested in now. Farmer's markets are bigger than they ever have been. Tons of vegetarian cookbooks. People are discovering. You know, one of the latest issues of Food & Wine magazine, the cover says, vegetables are the new bacon, you know?

And I kind of believe that. This is such a great... That's what I'm going to take this month. It's all about vegetables. Yeah. I was just reading it on the pot, y'all. It's such a great idea. And then they have her up against Stacy, who is not great, but she's good on the pot. Wait, let's It's such a great idea, and then they have her up against

Stacey, who is not great, but she's good on the pot. Wait, let's stay on Dinky for a minute. Okay, this girl, I think her problem was she came off as an ice queen, but I think her biggest problem, and also she didn't know what rice peel-off was. I mean, to be able to say that on the... But do you think that fucking pie style knows what rice peel-off is?

No, that's the thing. They're all stupid. Like, none of them are good. They're all idiots on that show. I'm not rooting for anyone. But also, her other big problem, that dinky girl, is Giada. I don't know if you've noticed this, but Giada hates girls. She's a girl hater. The only women she will be nice to are older women who aren't pretty, like that Melissa Doe Rabian who's the mom who cooks for everything under $10,

like that white trash chick. Giada liked her okay because she's no competition, but any pretty girls, Giada's not having it. Do you know Allie Ward? She's in the comedy scene out here in L.A. She and her friend Georgia, they did a viral video. Yeah, yeah, I know Georgia. Hard start.

Yeah, I know Georgia. So they now have a show on the cooking channel that Giada produces. Giada took them under her wings. So there is an exception there. But I will say that What is that show? What do they make? Drinks? They go around places

they try to recreate it. They're cool. Allie is really, they're both sweethearts. They're great. Everyone should watch that show. Support those two girls. Yeah, they're super cute. They're like us. They're like a blogger. So anyway, Nikki Dinky, I'm sorry, I thought she had Support those two girls. Yeah, they're super cute. They're like us. They're like a blogger. Yeah, they're cool. So anyway, Nikki Dinky, I'm sorry.

I thought she had a good on-screen presence. Her point of view was great. Food Network needs more cooking shows. I know people are always like, they don't show cooking anymore, but all they do is show weird competitions. It's really getting annoying now. Yeah. And they kept her.

I mean, they got rid of her and they kept Russell, whose POV doesn't even make sense. It's like, I got the culinary sins. His pilot was, I'm going to go into an ice cream shop and take a vanilla ice cream and add bacon to it. Then it's bacon with bourbon ice cream. I'm like, first of all, that's not original. Second of all, how long is your show

going to be? Five episodes? How many things can you add bacon to and make it still be appealing to anyone? Bacon is over. Bacon is over. Bacon ice cream came out five years ago, and it maybe hit its peak maybe

four years ago. Stop it with the bacon. Bacon does not taste like candy. Bacon makes everything taste good. That's not fucking original, dude. Stop with your bacon. That guy is such an idiot, and he's like, listen, everybody, I'm the culinary rebel. Okay, that was last year's winner, the culinary rebel.

And you know what he made shit out of? Like, sardine bones. Okay, that's a culinary rebel. That's interesting. Yeah, he was interesting. Also, he's, like, the biggest sellout ever, and every time I see him on a commercial on the Food Network, when they make him wear, like, flippers and a giant C outfit, like, be all cutesy, I start laughing.

So I'm like, you're not a rebel, you're a fucking sellout. So, second, this Russell guy is, there's nothing rebellious about using butter and fucking bacon, okay? It's called fat America. That's why we're all fat. Do you see this? It's not because I'm being rebellious. This is typical, you fucking idiots. Why is it a sin? Those are actually staples of cooking for centuries. And he's on here.

He's so bad on here. This is him. He goes like this. I'm Russell, and I'm here to tell you about the culinary sins. So let's go in there. And that's what it's like. You're like, huh, huh. That guy is terrible.

And I love Food Network. And I just, that guy is so hard to watch. The recapper on Trash Talk TV is actually really, really good. She's very funny, which I love. Because I don't watch all the shows we recap, you know. But I love reading her recaps. And she hates him so much, and she is just always ragging on him, and

you know, we tweet a line or two from the show, and a lot of the lines are about him, and so he's tweeting us back every, well, he used to, he used to tweet us back every week, taunting us, like, yeah, but I'm still here. It's like, you're still here because whoever they're casting people are, don't take

into consideration, obviously, your camera presence. The guy's never formed a complete sentence. And he can't cook for crap. And he's wearing a mohawk with a bald spot. Stop with the bald talk. Just stop it. You're bald. Shave it. Stop it. So then our third, our next person is that we have Rodney What's-his-face who is Hey y'all it's Class Style! Hey Jack, first of all he's like take the worst of Guy Fieri mixed with the worst of like Nadia's Badass Kitchen, whatever her stupid ass show is I hate that show. Oh Nadia's Bitchin' Kitchen! Oh my god, hey I'm Nadia

We have Bitchin' Kitchen! You ever get dumped by a dude? You know what's good? Let's pretend we got them by a do let's put some whiskey and some pancakes yeah you all so that's what this pie style guys like you can't complete he can't articulate anything his okay so he keeps on saying it pasta it's taking over the country like I what I'm in this country I don't I am not like you know it's nothing over any country the country. I'm like, uh, what? I'm in this country? I don't know. I have not, like,

PieStyle is not thinking over any country. So then he has his pilot that he has to do. He's like, okay, here's the idea. I'm going to go into a restaurant. They cook something, and then they're going to challenge me to see if I can make a pie out of it. And I'm going to make a pie out of it. And I'm like, who the fuck

cares if you make a pie out of it? Who cares if there is a pie version of grilled cheese sandwich? But you know the worst. No one wins anything. No one gets anything. Who cares? He didn't even have that idea. Okay, this is what kills me. They have to go in front of the panel of judges and pitch their

show idea. No one has an idea. His idea is, okay, so I'm gonna go to restaurants and I'm gonna eat whatever they say, and then I'm going to talk about it. And they're like, that's not a cooking show. We're going to walk in and just talk to them about the restaurant. Yeah, they all pitch

like a diner's drive-ins and dives where you just walk in and talk to people. Bitches, you're on a cooking show. At least pretend you're going to cook on the network. So he walks in and he pitches something where he doesn't even have to cook. So Bob, the network head, who, by the way, you're doing a horrible job. So he walks in and he pitches something where he doesn't even have to cook. So Bob, the network head, who, by the way, you're doing a horrible job. So Bob is like,

no, Rod, why don't you make it where you make a pie out of anything? He gives him the idea and then he goes, like, if you go into a Thai place, you can make a Pad Thai pie. Who the fuck wants a Pad Thai pie? Are you crazy? You run a food network? That being said, so when he does his pilot,

I'm like, well, I hope he makes a fucking Pad Thai pie because that's so bonkers. I would actually be interested to see how that turns out. So he makes a grilled cheese pie, so he just puts cheese and beef in a pie crust. It's like, this is stupid. You know what that's called? It's called a meat pie. They exist already. You know what? This morning

can I tell you something? I have to confess something. This morning, I was thinking... I love I have to confess something. This morning, I was making oatmeal. I love that you're so stressed that you're holding your Botox. You touched on something here, right? This morning, okay, I had the worst of both worlds happen to me. I was eating oatmeal, and I got these dates, okay?

And I put some dates in the oatmeal. I said some poop story. No poop. I'm eating them, and I start thinking about dates, I'm thinking about, like, oh, you know what I really like are bacon-wrapped dates. It's like, what would be a fun way to, like, like, incorporate, like, bacon and dates into some dish? And I thought, like, oh,

I think you could probably, like, put them in, like, a quiche shell or whatever. I was like, oh my god, I'm doing pie style, but I'm using Russell's culinary sins. I was like, I hate myself right now. No! No! No! And I did put bacon in my oatmeal, and I hated myself for doing that.

And it tasted good, but I'm like, I hate this, because Russell's like, ooh, look, it's a culinary sin. Yeah, I did it. I'm totally in your house now, guys, because that's how I roll. Like, I'm totally in your house. Yeah, sins. Look, culinary sins.

Meanwhile, Stacy. Meanwhile, this woman, Stacy, she's a little sort of like antiseptic, but she's good on camera. She has a decent idea,. Meanwhile, this woman, Stacy, she's a little sort of like antiseptic, but she's good on camera. She has a decent idea, which is, you know, go in and basically modernize old recipes or things like that. And, of course, I love Susie Fulkerson. And Susie Fulkerson's like, hmm, feels a bit sad.

Feels a bit sad. I don't know if I like it. Yeah. I love Susie Fulkerson at the best, but John's really just like ice-cold corporate, but down to like, just like ice cold corporate flip downs, like, I want to be along with you on that journey,

but I realized it had a flat tire. I'm sorry, I couldn't. My favorite is, there was one season, I need a pen for this. There was one season,

the season when Kelsey was on. Kelsey, remember Kelsey? She was on Rachel Ray and she was, she and Rachel Ray were having some awkward moment and Susie Fogelson

was watching her behind and she's watching, she goes, this feels, and Susie Fogelson was watching her behind, and she's watching, and she goes, this feels uncomfortable. She just dropped her pen. Just this, like, dismissal. Like, it's like the Susie Fogelson dismissal. It's like my favorite thing. And that's also what I hate about this season. No Susie Fogelson all year. Well, I know that that's a rough job, because they

actually have real full-time jobs, so to be a judge every single episode, like, I get it. My thing is, like, it's embarrassing for the channel, because it's been a few years now where I just don't get what they're doing. Like, I get it, you know, it used to be that they would say, okay,

so you can't cook. You've got a good personality. We'll give you writers, and you'll just make whatever they... I mean, they basically said that to a couple of the people, you know, in different words. But now, you don't even have to have a good they... I mean, they basically said that to a couple of the people, you know, in different words. But now, you don't even have to have a good personality. I mean, Rodney, when has he made anything that's even good? Like, can anybody tell me that?

He made the bacon ice cream, which I guess was okay. And I think I remember making... Where he made one other thing, and they were like, oh, this is actually good. They were shocked that it was good. And he's in the top three. Like, the guy is terrible. Like, what? Here's the problem with Food Network these days. And I hate to, you know, I've

never been the sort of person that's like, MTV doesn't play music anymore. Food Network only has, like, crab cooks. But I really, I knew I had been pushed to a point with Food Network because it used to be in the morning and during the day, they would show a cooking show. They would show, you know, like, Jada, Ina, Paula Deen, Rachel Ray, all these, they would show a cooking show. They would show, you know, like Jada, Ina, Paula Deen, Rachel Ray,

all these, they had tons of cooking shows. And at night, they would sort of do more competition shows. But then they, somewhere along the way, and I actually blame Guy Fieri, they decided that they really wanted more of a male audience. And since then, they've been really upping their competition shows, these Restaurant Impossibles, everything, taking over, undercover this, undercover that. Those are terrible.

I love Chef Wanted with Amber L. I think that is so good. I liked Worst Cooks in America. It's okay to have the competition shows, and we all like Chopped. I like the ones where they're actually cooking, but most of these, like Restaurant Impossible, they're not cooking. What is that?

The thing is, they've got too many of these Rodney and Russell types, where they're trying to be badass,, they're not cooking. Like, what is that? The thing is they've got too many of these, like, Rodney and Russell types where they're, like, trying to be, like, badass, but they're not at all, really. It's like, you know what? Like, the Food Network really shines when you've got someone like Ina on there or Jada or Alton or Bob. Yeah, but the thing is is that they stopped getting talent. Like, everyone, look, Paula Deen was on there for eight zillion years. Ina, like, I used to tape all of these shows I'm a huge Food Network fan

so I've watched all the shows that you mentioned but they're all the same over and over like I've seen Anne Burrell make speaking of gnocchi I've seen her make it like 20 times there has to be some fresh there has to be some fresh blood and it's like they can can find a cooking star,

and they even have this show now, what season is this, that they've been finding stars, the only person to find any success out of this, from what I have seen, is Melissa DeRavian, right? Who else has even found success? Well, Guy.

The rest of them are stuck on Saturday morning when no one's watching. Well, they're given terrible contestants. of them are stuck on, like, Saturday morning when no one's watched, you know. Well, they, they, they are, they are given terrible contestants. Now, I will say,

I do enjoy, uh, of What's Left, I like Damaris the most. And, her show was about cooking, and,

What does Damaris really have, I mean, Damaris is a cute southern girl who talks about being a whore. Damaris is another girl who has never cooked anything fucking good. We like her because

she's the least... The girl can't make fucking mashed potatoes. I mean, come on now. I mean, that girl, it's like, we like her because she's the least terrible, but at the end of the day, she's terrible. And now I have to watch a show where she's trying to, like, talk about dating with people?

Girl, please. And here's the other thing. If, like, at the end of every one of her shows, the girls always are going to be like, oh my god, I love you now. Because if she says, oh, you know what, I didn't really like this, I'm not really interested in you, then it discredits all of her

food. I mean, it's staged, obviously, but who cares? It's all about a man. And by the way, how many southern cooking shows do we really need on the food network I feel like everyone's cooking southern food you know Ina Garten is the only one who

seems to be cooking anything that's like vaguely you know have you seen Pioneer Woman oh I like Pioneer Woman she's like the red state Ina Garten because she has that asshole her husband's such an asshole he's like these chicken wings have an asshole. She's awful. Ugh, Ina Garten.

He's like, these chicken wings have an Asian glaze. What's going on with that? This is crazy time. These wings are driving terrible. Someone teach these wings how to drive. And all their weird kids were homeschooled. I don't know. I don't get that.

But I don't understand this whole thing on Food Network of you've got to have this theme. Cook something. Why does it got to have this theme. Get on, cook something. Why does it have to be a theme? Like the girl, Stacy, who's like, I'm going to take vintage things and make them modern. First of all, that was a contestant last year who got kicked off, so that's not an original theme. Yeah, she was terrible. Just make some good food. How about that?

I think, yeah. How about this? Why don't they do, here's a crazy idea. Why don't they get like an Asian cooking show on Food Network. How about that? I think, yeah. How about this? Why don't they do, here's a crazy idea. Why don't they get like an Asian cooking show on Food Network? How about that? That's like a whole world of food. Yes, please. That would be great.

And they actually have a good chunk of Asian girl. Yeah, Debbie Lee, right? Yeah, she was really, really good. And I saw her at Umami Burger, and I was like, I love you on Food Network, Star. And she was like, thank you. No, she's cool. She's cool. And we're going to hang out with her. It's like, did someone die on Food Network Star, and she was like... No, she's cool. She's cool.

It's like, did someone die? Whatever. Shut up, Debbie. Give me your burger. No, we like Debbie. She was probably mad because the burgers were so tiny at Umami. Alright, let's end this. Who are you going to say is going to win Food Network Star?

It's probably going to be fucking PieStyle. It can't be. There's no way. I think it's got to be Damaris. It's got to be Damaris. Yeah, I'm half-reading. Yay, Damaris. Well, yay, Damaris. I mean, how did Pie Style get this far?

How did he outlast Nicky Dinky? How did Russell outlast... How did the guy who won last year win? I mean, that guy's a fucking moron. The guy who makes a sandwich? I saw him on fucking Chopped, and he made a grilled cheese sandwich or something. I was like, what?

What about freaking, you know who I like? Biet. Biet should have won this whole thing. You have the best culinary chops. Biet, but they wouldn't give it to him because his personality wasn't ready for TV. The guy beat Bobby Flay on Iron Chef. Give him a show.

You guys can give him time on Saturday mornings when no one is watching all your stupid winter shows and teach him how to be on TV. The guy is the only person all season who could cook. Come on. I'm so mad. Now I'm getting really hungry. We've gone, like, we've been podcasting for three hours.

We've been podcasting for three hours and I'm like, I'm gonna, like, strangle you right now. Yeah, this was a lay-miz of podcasting with no patty on the bone. So everyone who listened to us while we went wildly off the brand with Food Network. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. And thanks for being here for

two, well you haven't even seen the other podcast yet, but thanks for all three hours this week of listening to podcasts. We will talk to you guys later. You can find whatever, just come to our Facebook page. Just go. I don't even want to say anything. Facebook.com

slash watch what crap ends. Love you. Bye. So after all this talk about building your own website, you've got to be wanting to build your own website right now, right?

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