Watch What Crappens - #90: Solid Evidence and Draconian Antics

Episode Date: August 21, 2013

It was another live TheTVClique: Watch What Crappens. Ben Mandelker (bsideblog), Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) and Matt Whitfield (Yahoo!) talked smack about the Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion Part 2, Milania's boobs on Real Housewives of New Jersey, Draconian antics on Real Housewives of Miami, and the sadness/neediness abounding on Eat, Drink, Love. Come on in! Our YouTube Podcasts: http://www.youtube.com/thetvclique Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Matt on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/lifeonthemlist Matt on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lifeonthemlist See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hey, everyone. Welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love so dearly. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com. You can find me at bsideblog on all the social networks, Twitter, Instagram, Vine. And joining me as usual, we've got Matt Whitfield from Yahoo. Hey Matt, what's going on? Hey Ben, how are you?

I'm great, thanks. Matt can be found at Life on the M List on all his social media platforms, including Twitter and Instagram. And also Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV. What's up, Ronnie? Hi! Ronnie can be found at

Trash Tweet TV on Twitter and Ronnie Karam on Instagram and... No, actually on Instagram Trash Tweet TV and then on YouTube at Trash Talk... Instagram Trash Talk TV and YouTube Trash Talk TV, but it's spelled T-E-E-V-E-E on YouTube.

And the best part about Ronnie today is that he's standing in front of something circular, which makes him look like he's got a Jesus halo around his head. I do. I totally earned it, you guys. It's because I've always been really nice to hookers and I drink a lot of wine. So, most importantly, more so than our own personal social media things, is that you should follow us on Facebook, facebook.com forward slash watch what crap ends. There is so much activity going on on that Facebook page,

and a lot of it spills over back onto this podcast. And in fact, we're doing this podcast live over the internets with video. So you should also subscribe to us, youtube.com forward slash the TV click, where you can follow and see our pretty faces, because if you're just listening to us on iTunes, you're only getting half the story and half the fun.

And by the way, that is click as in C-L-I-Q-U-E, not C-L-I-C-K. Yes, we are doing a play on words because we're so, oh, so clever. All right, have I taken care of all of the housekeeping for today? Yes, let's move on. I was going to say if you say housekeeping, you have to say it the proper way. Housekeeping, like Daisy. Yes, like Daisy.

Like Daisy in a French maid outfit. Wow, we have so much Bravo TV to talk about. I don't even know what we're going to even broach today. There is so much. I'm looking at the YouTube page right now. People have been posting like crazy on the YouTube page this week, which is awesome because I have not been keeping up with my news other than coming to our own Facebook page.

So that's really handy. But the Below Deck crew has got like a new mugshot every time I come on this Facebook page. Oh, really? Who is that? Today is Samantha. She's the one who looks like Dexter's sister with, like, a big dykey face. And she...

Mudshot photo from a DUI hit and run charges in 2006. Whoops! Which is really messed up because didn't her brother... or didn't her sister die? I mean, there was something really emotional a few weeks ago on that show, and I

believe that her sister died at the hands of a drunk driver. Maybe her. I hope that's not the same thing. No, no, no. It's not involved. I mean, it wasn't at her hands, but I just think it's really messed up that that happened to their family twice. Luckily, she

survived. Yeah, geez. Drinking and driving, guys. Don't do it. And then that girl was kind of the bitch't do it. It's only acceptable to drink and yacht. That's the only time you're able to mix drinking with a transportation method of. And then the girl who's kind of like the boss of everybody,

she's kind of got to stick up her ass. She's got one looking like a meth dealer. But did you hear that story? That story is crazy. So the story with that one, her name is Adrienne, I believe. She said that she was roofied in a bar and she doesn't remember this, but after she was roofied, she wasn't

I don't think anything really terrible happened to her, but she was put in a cab or she found her way into a cab and then apparently she went crazy and beat the shit out of the cab driver and that's how she got arrested. But she's blaming the person who roofied her, who she cannot determine who that is. Oh my god. Well, what kind of roofie gives you that face?

I don't know, but at the end of the day, I just think that's why you take Uber and not a cab. And by the way, that's the worst fake alibi of all time. You want an alibi where you can at least point to the person and be like, I was with this person, not like, oh, I was roofied, so I can't remember my own alibi. Yeah, roofied is like the worst alibi ever. Haven't you guys seen that Jane Fonda movie where she's a hooker and she wakes up and there's some dead guy?

You can't just go to the police and be like, I'm a drunk hooker, and I woke up next to a dead guy. You've got to run. Who's Jane Fonda? Jane Fonda is one of the stars of The Butler. He's kidding. He's totally kidding. I know who Jane Fonda is, but I don't know what Clute is. I know what Clute is.

I never saw it, though. Hey, man, get a Clute. Get a Clute, dude. Yeah, I do want to show you this chick, though. So this is her picture. I'm just doing this because we're on video, but yeah, you see meth face. And then they had another picture of a guy last week from one of the cast

members, and his mugshot, he's like, winking. He's like, hey. It's gotta be CJ. I saw that. That was CJ, right? It's CJ, yeah. Because he's a prick. I feel so much less pathetic than you because I don't know any of their names. You guys are bigger losers than me. Isn't it crazy that I

know their names now? I start to watch, and I actually really enjoy it. We are not the only three people watching this show. The ratings are massive, and it's actually doing better than The Real Housewives of Miami. No. Sorry to break it to you.

Well, the Miami ratings will pick up, I'm sure. Yeah, in your dreams. Okay, before we get into The Real Housewives of Miami, Orange County, and Jersey, and all the other shit on Bravo, we should probably talk gossip. There is so much of it this week. I posted a lot of it on our Facebook page.

A lot was actually coming out today. I would like to start with your guy's favorite, Kim Zolciak, who announced yesterday that she is pregnant with twins. This woman knows how to lock down a man. I'm telling you. You know, it's like on Arrested Development. That one gets pregnant, she stays pregnant, okay?

She's got to lock it down, and she knows what to do with that, Croy Bierman. She's like a toy box. She's like a toy box that people stick wieners in. I'm not going to deny that, but, I mean, more so than ever before, like Nini's quote from season one, Real Housewives of Atlanta, it makes so much sense today. Close your legs to married men, even if it's your own husband. You know what?

She's a fertile myrtle, and I think that she's trying to make up for the fact that, like, on every single Bravo show, there's always a story about someone who can't have a baby. So she's like, well, I've got to make up for it. We've got to, like, balance these odds. Do you think she might, like, start selling her babies to Lisa Hochstein for some extra cash? No. Well, I mean, she should. That's so wrong.

Maybe she's Lisa's surrogate. That's so wrong. They do both know Thomas Kramer. Sit down, shut up, and get pregnant! Okay, so... I said that so vociferously that I think the spit actually went and hit Ronnie through the internet I can't get my head on this guitar

that I never use oh wait so you really don't have a halo he's lost his halo okay so I have more questions so if you were Kim's daughters we keep going back to what is her name, Brianna?

Brielle. Brielle. Brielle. Brielle. Brielle. Brielle, who loves her some Chick-fil-A. And what's the chunkier one? Brielle.

Ariana. Ariana. Sweet Ariana. Love me some sweet Ariana, especially when she's getting pushed into the pool by her mother. But anyway, so those two girls already have separate fathers. Now, Kroy has fathered two sons, and now Kim is pregnant with her fifth and sixth child. So if you're Brielle, Brielle we already knew was going to be on a poll. The name.

The name alone. It's like Gattaca. It's like you already know your future based on your DNA. Well, you've been named Brielle. We already know your future since you were, she's lost. The name alone. It's like Gattaca, you know? It's like you already know your future based on your DNA. Well, you've been named Brielle. We already know your future since you were a baby. You'll be swinging next to a girl named Misty in a few weeks. What do you think their take is?

I think that those girls are happy that Croy, in a way, saved their family because he's rich, and they don't need to rely on Big Papa, but at the same time, I'd be like, Mom, can you please stop making children? Because now the inheritance is getting smaller and smaller. That's what Brielle's going to think. Brielle's going to be mad because she's not getting attention.

She's mad there are all these rugrats around. She's losing her inheritance. Ariana is an angel from heaven, and she's a nurturing little soul. And she is going to take care of all these babies like the mother that her mom can't even be and she's going to love every second of it. God bless Ariana. I think she should have a play date with Danielle Staub's little younger daughter and they could sing songs together about how they are

overlooked by all their siblings. I would watch that in a heartbeat. I would absolutely watch that. You guys, the other news out of the Kim Zolciak world this week is that she was shooting with Sweetie, and I'm led to believe that this means that Kim is maybe also coming back to RHOA this year

and not just doing her own spinoff. No. But why does Sweetie indicate that? Why does that have anything to do with her coming back? No. But why does Sweetie indicate that? Why does that have anything to do with her coming back? Because my dreams want Kim and Sweetie back on The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

I think it sounds more like Sweetie's going to be on Kim's stupid show. Well, thank you for crushing my dreams. Sorry, I just had to speak logically for a second there. I'm shaking a pencil. For people who are listening, I'm shaking a pencil.

Showing Matt my logic. For people who are listening, I'm shaking a pencil. Showing Matt. Showing Matt my logic. As you know, I think Kim Zolciak is total trash. I have no interest in her, so sorry. I have nothing to say about her. You know, I can't stand that you guys... I like this woman as crazy

and awful as she is. She has good parts, particularly her ovaries, but I know, she has. She has good parts, particularly her ovaries, but I know, she has a lot of bad parts, too. Okay, I'm going to bring up a few other topics here before we get into the shows. I'm going to start with the shows that are not on the air right now

before segueing into the more relevant stuff. I posted this on our Facebook page, but Gigi, the psychotic star of Shaz of Sunset, apparently recently broke up with her boyfriend and he has placed a restraining order against her because he fears for his life and his family's

lives because of her love for weaponry. And then I hope that when the restraining order runs out, she's going to get a Gigi's restraining order extensions. Get it? Gigi's extensions. Gigi's extensions. No, I think the real reason why he wants a restraining order extensions. Get it? Gigi's extensions. Gigi's extensions. No, I think the real reason why he wants a restraining order

is because she's being the worst beard of all time. He's like, yo, I finally got this sweet-ass guy coming over. You gotta stay out of here. You gotta go, girl. You gotta go. Well, actually, part of... Is this that guy? No, no, no. It's different. No, no, no. It's not Omid. She's not Omid? No, she broke up with Omid a while ago, and this is another guy that...

Yes, Omid's on the market! Well, here's the thing. This other guy that she was with, part of the deal with the restraining order, is he says that she also threatened his sexuality. By meaning that she suggested that he was gay when he's not. But I think clearly that's the kind of guy she goes for. I thought it meant she was going to chop off his nuts with one of her knives. I'm sure she did that on the first date.

I mean, instead of going to the macaroni grill on a first date, she just chops off their nuts. I think it's the kebab grill, let's be honest. Oh, let's be honest. It is the kebab grill. How dare I? It's the kebab factory, the cheese kebab factory. It's the dry cookie warehouse. Red kebab Factory. It's the dry cookie warehouse. Red Kebabster.

I would totally go to Red Kebabster, by the way. I would totally go. This is like a recurring thing for you, because last week you were singing the praises of Red Lobster. I love Red Lobster. And you know what I got going on here? Some scrimps. It love Red Lobster. And you know what I got going on here? Some scrimps. It's an arch card.

It's McDonald's. What is with you in McDonald's? How could you lose all that weight and buy a tank top and have all this McDonald's? It just doesn't make any sense. Okay, I'm not making that much McDonald's. And the way I lost weight recently, I lost seven pounds because I shat my ass out

with whatever it was that guy Fubar gave me. You were disgusting. And don't try to claim that you were roofied at Fubar. I was. And then I attacked a taxi driver when he wouldn't take me to McDonald's. I have tried so hard to get food poisoning. I've made out with gross guys.

I've eaten food that I've left out on the counter for days. Nothing. I just keep getting fatter. Oh, man. I'll tell you one thing. This thing cleared me out. I was trying for a long time to get rid of what I gained in Hawaii, and finally got some wicked ass food poisoning. Well, I wish you had saved me a little. I'll save you a little food poisoning okay I'm moving on because I'm to Top Chef Masters? not yet

I'm moving on to the news today that not Teresa but Melissa and Joe Gorga finally sold that shit shack of theirs for 3.8 million dollars which was the asking price and they are moving from their township in Jersey to Franklin Lakes. Wow.

You know who I bet loved the house? Penny, because Penny's obsessed with Melissa. She does everything Melissa does. Penny is obsessed, but we'll get to that bitch in a little while. But how would anybody spend $3.8 million on a home where the marble is like crumbly cardboard? anybody spend $3.8 million on a home where the marble is like crumbly cardboard? Yeah, I was going to say, don't call it marble when it's really just fake plaster that is falling apart.

It's not even fake plaster, it's fake plaster of Paris. It's really bad quality. Listen, how can anyone buy it? Because these people have no taste, okay? They're idiots. They wear stupid things out in public, okay? And they don in public. They see plaster, they think it means it's like an ancient ruin. Yeah, it's built in BC by the ancient Romans, so it's crumbling a little bit. You know how it is.

If you could live in any of the housewives' pads from any of the different cities, whose house would you choose to live in? Lisa Vanderpump's. Really? That new one? Yeah, the new one. I love it. With the moat? It's so tacky.

Oh, I don't like the moat, but the infinity pool is nice. The backyard's amazing, yeah. You know, I actually like Alexia's house quite a bit. I have to say, I do like Alexia's. Do you have a shoe collection like Alexia? Wait, I know this is jumping ahead a little bit, but it's a shoe collection. She has all these fancy shoes that she's housing

in frickin' Ikea cabinets. Don't get me started. Did you see that? I was watching in the middle of the night, and I was like, those are those 99-cent cubicle things from Ikea. Yeah, I got them. Yeah.

But that's because I'm me. I don't have pairs of shoes that each cost $5,000. I'm putting. I don't have, like, I don't have, like, pairs of shoes that each cost $5,000 and I'm putting them in there. Right, you can't put $800 Stuart Weitzman shoes in a $99 Ikea bin. Like, it just doesn't work. You can't put it in, like, a Billy bookcase

or whatever it's called. Comparatif or whatever, you know. There's not enough consonants in that, but yes. I know. Okay, so they sold their house. They're moving to Franklin Lakes. I think it means, you know,

that they're actually getting paid a lot of money. They really are making enough money that they can move to Franklin Lakes. They're going to build their own dream house on a new plot of land. And finally, she's going to be able to treat herself right by going to Cafes and getting some real egg salad for once. I don't think Melissa eats, but sure.

Okay, and then in the last bit of news... Yes, and? In the last bit of news that I have, I don't think Melissa eats but sure okay and then in the last bit of news in the last bit of news that I have I also posted this on the Facebook page because clearly I've been MIA from our Facebook page for the past week and I decided to go balls out today but Raider Online

leaked a minute and a half audio of Brooks drunk talking to Ryan on the phone about Vicky and calling her a whore. And it is so incredibly juicy and rewarding. Are you ready? I've got it all.

He'll play it in a second, but I just want to say the thing is, it's not just Brooks talking shit about Vicky. He's talking shit about Vicky to Ryan, Vicky's son-in-law. Because clearly they're in cahoots, and as we've discussed many times before, clearly picking bad men runs in the family for the Gundelson ladies.

Amen, sister. Okay, let's get on with this. Okay, you ready? Ready? Radar. Burt Sayers caught on secret audio are we alright? okay, nobody can hear this Ronnie

we can't even hear you. Oh, that's not good. That's not good. We couldn't hear you. The point is this. Brooks said he was slobbering and you could barely hear him and he was calling Vicky a whore and then he's like, I'm going to beat her ass. And then Ryan says, no, no you're not. But not like defending Vicky. Just like,

no, you wouldn't do that, would you? And he goes, no, I'm going to beat her ass. So it was kind of incredibly misogynistic and violent and terrifying, and then later today, Brooks put out... Like daughter, like mother. But Brooks put out a statement later today going,

I'm very sorry for the disgusting voicemail message that I shared with whatever. He was trying to cover his tracks today, but the point is, he's disgusting, and Vicky will probably take him back. She absolutely will, because, I mean, how else has she raised a daughter who likes the monster that is Ryan?

The daughter learns from the mother, and this is what, this clearly, Vicky has an abusive, like, she doesn't have an abusive personality, well, she does, but she's the type that's drawn to abusive guys obviously based on my my very little bit of psychiatric training I'm reading the

transcript do you want to hear it? yeah give us some okay my my lower voice will be Brooks and the higher one will be Ryan okay? okay My lower voice will be Brooks, and the higher one will be Ryan, okay? Okay. Okay.

Bitch, like she's never done it before ever. The father of two is heard at the beginning of the expletive lace tape. It is unclear what context he is calling Gumbelson a bitch. You'll be all right, responds Culbertson, who is married to Gumbelson's daughter, Brianna. Fucking whore. I'm going to fucking beat her ass when I see her, Harris charges. It'll be like a week when I see her. Shit. That ain't right.

It ain't? No. What ain't right? You can't beat her up. I'm gonna beat her ass. Why? Because I can. That's what we do in the South. No, I don't do that.

You don't beat their ass? No. Well, you probably should do. No. Oh, God, this is us. Yeah, upstairs. You be careful. You be careful. I'm good.

Read me the riot act. Huh? Read me the riot act. Who is? Mickey. Reading the riot act? Yep. What's that mean? Do as you do. Sorry, you're drunk again, so you're lost. I can't fight with. I don't have it in me. What's the riot act? I thought it was like a police thing. I don't know, so whatever.

By the way, I enjoy how you're slowly turning Brooks into a black man. Am I? And Ryan into a little queen. Yes. One guy got blacker, one guy got gayer. It sounded like an episode of Oz up in here. Oz Theater. Yeah.

Well, they both deserve it. I just want to say by the way that for people who want to write comments that we're going to read on the air and stuff the best place to do that is either on our Facebook page facebook.com watch what crap happens or just to tweet us directly either

bsideblog life on the M list or trash tweet tv if you're leaving comments on YouTube I don't think the comments show up until after this is published they might actually there's a link here I'll open it and see comments on YouTube. I don't think the comments show up until after this is published. They might, actually. There's a link here. I'll open it and see. Anyway, so that was that call, and I love that both those women are addicted to their white trash loser men. The most interesting thing about this is that somebody had to actually... Yeah, you can leave comments on YouTube. If you're following

the YouTube link, you can leave them there. We can see you. The most interesting thing is, where did this come from? You mean Brooks calling the give-or? You guys can see that in the third episode, the third part of the reunion,

shit really hits the fan. Brianna goes on the attack against Brooks, and I just feel like there was further and further fallout and accusations and allegations and I I just think that, like, I don't know. Obstructions, libations. Big words. Lots of big words were happening, and bigger words than these people can handle. And I don't know.

I feel like this just proves how much of a crook Brooks really is, was, and I'm just a little skeeved out that he, I feel like he's in cahoots with Ryan to take down these women, which grosses me out. No, I mean, Brooks is obviously a huge lowlife. He's probably mad because he wanted Vicky to cook him a pork chop or something, and she didn't, and that's why he's

mad. I mean, he's a drunkard. He's got no life. He's a deadbeat dad. He uses just for men hair dye very poorly. He's got nothing going dad. He uses just for men hair dye very poorly. He's got nothing going on. And he pays for hookers. I think he looks just like from the Popeye cartoon

Wimpy, who will pay you tomorrow for a hamburger today. That's so Brooks. Except he wants a pork chop today instead of a hamburger. And guess who paid for their hamburgers the next day? Not Wimpy. He is Wimpy.

He's like, I'll gladly pay you tomorrow for some Stouffer's Lean Cuisine today. Or tan. I'll gladly pay you tomorrow for a can of beets today. Okay, so what else do we have in the news? Those were my news items. So, yeah. So, click. So, yeah.

Ronnie, are you referring to that one time where I got so mad that I just shut my laptop and lied about not having electricity? Yes. No, I wasn't. I wasn't. I'm nice. I don't want you to hang up. I'm being very nice. No, I like you guys. Oh.

Oh, no. You let it slip that it was because you got mad at me. Don't you remember when you let that slip? Sometimes I'm drinking. I don't really know him. Ooger. He was roofied and he got mad and attacked a cabbie. It's like when my mom sits me down and she's like,

listen, I have something I want to tell you. It's very important. I'm like, you've told me that 20 times. What is the fucking secret? I think that your mom and my mom need to have a show together because I think they both like some wine. I want to just... I'm going to Texas next week for a wedding, so I will not be on either of our podcasts next week.

Wait, when are you going to Texas? I'm going the 26th through the 31st. See you, suckas. What would anybody want to do there? Wedding! I'm going to New York the 29th

through the 15th the 29th through the 15th what are you doing for 16 days I'll be able to do the podcast the second week of that but I think the first week will be difficult because we'll talk about that later I was only bringing it up because

can you guys be quiet because it's going to be the Matt show whenever they're all gone and it's going to be all me all the time and you know what? Ratings will go through the roof slash in the toilet You should just be in a black background on a stool I'm just imagining I might actually use the green background

in my home office which is a green screen and then I can just act out fun scenes Yeah, you should Okay, so let's move on to one of these shows, shall we? Wait, Ronnie was about to say something. No, I'm going to be... I've talked about my mother, so I'm now

going to be a victim. You all just move on and talk about whatever you want. I'm going to channel my mother and Matt and roll them into one burrito and just do on it. Why don't we talk about the mother of I have to laugh for a second because our girl Jutz just wrote the funniest thing. No steak Diane for Brooks.

He loves a steak Diane. Good callback. I don't know what the hell steak Diane is, but my mom's name is Diane and that just freaks me out. Thanks Jutz. It's like steak with red wine sauce on it.

Then my mom would definitely be involved. That sounds delicious. Katie King says, did Ben have a few coffees today? Perhaps, perhaps. Actually, Katie, I did not. I'm just hyper, I guess. So let's start with Orange County, y'all. Oh, wow. What another fun reunion episode.

I mean, they're just killing it with this reunion. I'm loving every second of it. Ben, before you jumped on, I admitted something terrible to Ronnie, and I really can't believe I'm going to say this, but by the end of that hour, I have never been more pro-Gretchen in my entire life. Me too.

I was like, you know what? This is when Gretchen shines, because for some reason, no matter how bad of an edit she has gotten this season, or any previous season, she gets in the reunion, everyone hangs up on her, and I some reason, no matter how bad of an edit she has gotten this season, or any previous season, she gets in the reunion, everyone gangs up on her, and I'm like, wait a second, fuck all these bitches, Gretchen's in the right here, who cares

about Slade, Gretchen is so in the right, I'm sorry, I was team Gretchen by the end as also. Well, Gretchen is in the right, and after a few years, you see what these bitches are doing, Tamara and Vicky are the worst, I mean, all they do is lie, lie, lie, but they're a team so they just back each other up the whole time

and it's like nothing you can say or no matter how, look how my whole thing, it's an earthquake. That's how much the lying is. Yeah. Yeah, they just lie, lie, lie, but they're there to back each other up so they can shut anybody down. And I love that Gretchen whipped out her emails and all her proof and her

texts and her voicemails. That was good. You know there's nothing I hate more than somebody who whips out something from behind a pillow on one of these reunions. It's like the only thing they do now. But I will say... I don't know what

you were talking about. For the first time ever, I actually... Go ahead. Yeah, I'm an angel and you all talking about. People are whipping things out. For the first time ever, I actually... Sorry, go ahead. Yeah, I'm an angel, and you all know that. Anyway, so... You don't like when people whip out things. You don't like when people whip out

emails and stuff. Right, I don't like that, but all of Gretchen's stuff actually backed up what she had to say, and my biggest problem with that was that Tamara's only line of defense is, well, at least I admit it. I own it. I own it.

And Gretchen, you don't own it. And I'm like, that doesn't mean that you are not a horrible, horrible, evil, slutbag Tamara Barney, a.k.a. Tammy Sue Vieth Barney, whatever Eddie's last name is. So don't get it twisted. You're still trash. It's funny. I think the

first big impasse that we had with Gretchen for the night was revisiting this wedding, this bridal dress shopping incident, wherein Gretchen couldn't believe that Tamara had invited Alexis. And so we thought, wow, Gretchen's being kind of bitchy, da-da-da-da-da. But then Gretchen pulls out

these emails, and Tamara's like, like, wow, Gretchen's being kind of bitchy, da-da-da-da-da. But then Gretchen pulls out these emails, and Tamara's like, oh, my God, I hate Alexis. I am not going to invite her. And if you see me making up with her later, just know it is all fake. This is what Tamara writes to Gretchen. And Tamara admits it when she says, at least I own it, okay? So you know what? Like, I'm sorry. Gretchen has every right to write a text that says, why are you inviting her? What's going on? I'm so confused.

The fact that Tamara couldn't understand why Gretchen would be confused by that, I'm sorry. That's ridiculous. Well, and Tamara standing by and just going like, well, I was afraid to tell you the truth because I knew you wouldn't take it properly. That does not negate the fact that Gretchen still had a valid point by saying, you were calling this girl a bitch five seconds ago, and now you're inviting her. Like, that, at the end of the day, to me, is proof for Gretchen to be upset. Yeah, exactly. And Tamra, who supposedly had this breakthrough with her anger,

is immediately just going for the juggler with Gretchen, and I'm like, I totally understand Gretchen's frustration. That must be the most annoying thing in the world, to have to try to explain this very logically to a pack of hyenas who have got oatmeal for brains. They're just idiots.

Yeah, the only thing that makes me not feel sorry for Gretchen is that she totally dumped Alexis only because she was becoming friends with Tamara. There was no other reason. She cannot name a reason. The only reason she did it was because Tamara's the bigger bitch and she was afraid of her. What does that mean? Yeah. It might have been my marker

when I adjusted it. Is everything okay? No, it's terrible. Really? Yeah. Adjust it back. It's making me mad. Son of a bitch. So anyway, everybody hates Gretchen. They should hate her for her outfit, not just for liking Slade.

But the other thing is this. Look, Slade is a loser. He probably doesn't pay child support. The whole thing is a disaster. They're never going to last. But at the same time, it's like it has been four years. If she is in love with this loser, look, all these other people are married to losers too, so it's like, why can't she have one too? I mean, if they all

have losers, why can't Gretchen have a loser husband as well? It's true, it's true. And you know what? Then moving on to the next argument that they had, which was my favorite topic, Malibu country. That got my blood boiling even more. Oh my god, Malibu country was hysterical.

Heather. Heather. Heather needs to pull this thing out of her ass. These people are idiots. Gretchen, all Gretchen knows is that she's been offered they want to know if she's available and in her mind there's an opportunity for her there.

She tells them I'm not available which means that she, yes, there's Malibu country. There's Malibu country. Yes, but look at this picture. This is a picture that Jesus posted. Look who's in the back. Oh, yeah. Excuse me. It's Jesus. Oh, Jesus. I like Jesus

better. This is America. This came from Jesus. Yes. Jesus Christ posted this on our Facebook page. God bless me. Jesus is like, I'm just totally addicted to this show. Yeah. Now that the Pope has said it's okay to be gay, Jesus is like, well, now I can come out about

my addiction to the housewives. Yeah. No, so anyway, so Gretchen, I feel like I understood Gretchen's point, which was like, in her mind, she thought she was turning down something. Like, she was, like, she wasn't saying, I got the role. She just thought that, like, you know, she was up

for something, and she turned it down, and Heather could not, like, Heather would not give up on this point, and it drove me nuts. I wanted this triangle. Heather's like, well, my problem was that you're taking a life moment, and you're turning it into some, you know, you're using it to try and make

everyone feel sorry for you and blah blah. And she's like, no, look, the message literally says the date on it. You can hear her saying the date. I said no, so I could be there for her dress thing. What's a lie about that? It's not a lie. And then Heather's like, well, it was an important life moment.

And, oh no, that was when they switched over to Gretchen's thing. Like, why didn't Gretchen invite anybody to her engagement party? That was something else. Heather kept on saying, like, but you didn't have the role. You did not have the role. And she was like, I

know, but I thought I did. And Heather was like, but you didn't. It was very clear. The role was for me and they were just checking your availability. And Gretchen's like, I know didn't. It was very clear. The role was for me, and they were just checking your availability. And Gretchen's like, I know, but I thought I did. Like, why can't these people realize she just thought she did? And then they cut to Heather being such a bitch and pointing to Gretchen and going,

well, no, you were being rude and mean. And it's like, but everything that comes out of Heather's mouth is so condescending and awful. Like, she can't not be a condescending bitch. Like, there's just no way. She absolutely cannot. Heather's awful. She's like, could you imagine if that was your mom? I feel so bad for her kids, because she's the mom who'd be like, did you brush your teeth? Did you? Did you brush your teeth? Did you? And then she'd say, and I asked you very calmly

if you had brushed your teeth, and at that point, you had said no. So I said, go brush your teeth. I don't see what the big deal is, quite frankly. And then she'd talk about it all through dinner. Terry, do you know what Ronnie did today? I can tell you what he didn't do. Brush his teeth. I can tell you. he didn't do. Brush his teeth.

I can tell you. Don't even talk. Don't even talk. And this is going to be while you're sitting in a California pizza kitchen in Orange County with blue eyeshadows stacked up to your forehead. Oh, my God. She's awful. And you're Evil Queen from Snow White costume.

And you're Ursula from The Little Mermaid face. Does anybody else see that? And your evil queen from Snow White costume. That is your hair. And your Ursula from The Little Mermaid face. Does anybody else see that? Like, she's skinny. Really, Ursula? Ursula, her face. I really see the evil stepmom from Snow White. I really see Sarah Rue from Malibu Country.

Oh, my God. Sarah Rue is such an angel. Sarah Rue actually Malibu Country. Oh my god, Sarah Rue is such an angel. Sarah Rue actually tweeted something last night about like, oh my god, all of this Malibu Country stuff is ridiculous, but I actually think Heather was correct in what she said. Well, she wrote... I mean, Heather was correct about the logistics. She wrote, from what I know, Heather was correct about what she said,

but like, little known fact, I based my character on Gretchen, which I'm sure was a very funny tweet for the three people who have ever seen Malibu County, because I sure as hell haven't. Right, and speaking of that, that's so funny that you mentioned it, one of our amazing loyal listeners, Antoinette Marie, was just posting on our Facebook page about how Malibu Country got more mentions on The Real Housewives of Orange County

than viewers ever saw that goddamn piece of shit show. It's true. The only reason why I knew about it was because it was on right before Shark Tank, and I'd see, like, the last two seconds of it before I turned on the TV. Can you imagine if this show were actually still on? I mean, this is, like, the best press

that you could ever hope for, and, you know, too bad it's canceled. There is. You guys are being so funny on Facebook. Just put, did anyone catch Lydia awkwardly saying, this is the team Gretchen count, and raising her arm? No one was listening, and she quickly lowered her hand

and her voice trailed off. Please do it with a shimmy. She's like, I'm a G. So then, okay, so let's go to Gretchen controversy number three, which is the engagement. And how, are we talking about how Vicky said that if the cameras weren't rolling this never would have happened because a year ago

she wanted to break up with him? Yes. How about if the cameras weren't rolling, you wouldn't be remodeling your house, you wouldn't be divorcing your husband, you wouldn't be dating your dad. What about remodeling your face? Oh my god. Can I just say I can't look at Vicky's face?

Like, Vicky, please don't laugh. This is Vicky's laugh. I love how again, how much of a bitch that Heather is. Like, Vicky was saying about like, oh, my hair looked like a ratty rat's nest from hell all season long and then they put the camera on Heather and she was like oh, yeah, it was. We agree with you. Yeah, oh, my hair looked like a ratty rat's nest from hell all season long. And then they put the camera on Heather, and she was like, oh, yeah, it was.

We agree with you. Yeah, Heather, how about you get rid of your blue eyeshadow, okay? Desperately seeking snoozing. Oh, snap. What's that? Oh, look at that. I'm turning into, like, a radio DJ. I'm just going to make everything like a pun.

Yeah. That was a pun, right? That stupid show makes me dumber by the second. It was a pun. Yeah. That was a pun, right? That stupid show makes me dumber by the second. It was a pun. I think that Gretchen and Slade would have still been, gotten engaged. I don't think it would have involved

a helicopter and a tuxedo and a song and all that stuff because obviously Bravo paid for that and Gretchen and Slade can't do that. And so I think that's probably what they meant. And why didn't Gretchen just say, hello, Tamara's got a whole fucking spinoff about it.

And I love that they addressed what we talked about last season about all of this, which was those rumors that were going around online that that was supposed to be Gretchen's big spinoff wedding or whatever, and the producers came to them and asked and she said all this on the

show last night, but supposedly the producers came up to Gretchen and said, do you want to propose on this wedding storyline? And Gretchen was like, no, I'm not ready to get married. So they went to Tamara and Tamara was like, hell yeah, I want it. And so she did it instead. And they were fighting because supposedly it was supposed to be

Gretchen's first. I love when they fight about shit like that on reunions. What I love is that Lydia mentions, well, the rumor was that you didn't have a strong enough story this year, so you got proposed to have a story. I'm like, could you imagine this is your life where it's like, huh, my life doesn't have

a good story right now for the next three months, so I'm going to do something crazy. I'm going to get myself engaged with someone. Can you think of your life in terms of stories and seasons and episodes. I live in Los Angeles, and I think that's how most people here live, and I may be included. But my problem with that statement was, shut the fuck up, Lydia.

You're brand new to this cast, and you do nothing. So you need to shut your fucking trap. No, no, I like Lydia. Okay, no, no, no. You're allowed to like her, but you're not allowed to cut me off when I'm trying to say that Lydia was out of place when she said that, because she has no right to say that.

If it had come from Vicky, fine, but not Lydia. Well, Lydia's storyline was that her mom was a pothead. Like, how is that better? I'd rather see her get married. I like that story a lot more than anything with Gretchen and the Slade, I'll tell you that much. I'm going to fight you. Well, I love that after attacking Gretchen, the Slade, I'll tell you that much. I'm going to fight you. Well, I love that

after attacking Gretchen for now, it's been two hours, it turned to, well, why didn't you invite us to your engagement party? That was hurtful. I mean, we all say things and we get over them. This is a life moment. Yeah, that's so disgusting. And Gretchen's sitting there bawling, and I felt like that was actually a sincere moment, because she's

not a good enough actress to sob the way she was sobbing. But Heather is. Does Botox kill your tear ducts? There was no tears coming out of there. I freeze-framed on that shit every time she broke into her. They all look like they're doing really racist Asian imitations. Oh, you're not being all ready yet. Come back tomorrow. Just stop it, girls.

Stop doing that to yourselves. I can't take you seriously. And maybe the Botox does kill your tear debts or something. Maybe. I mean, you put Botox in your armpits to stop sweating. I know, right? Well, either way, I like to get back to your point, though. I like how after hours

of them ganging up, bullying Gretchen, Gretchen starts to sob, and then here comes Tamara, running over to the other couch after Tamara saying, I don't think we can be friends, I don't think I trust her, whatever. And then she's going there, consoling her, patting her on the back. I'm like, you are the biggest piece of shit. Tamara's the

worst. Tamara's the worst, and I love her like, oh, well, I tried to commit suicide, but I never told anybody about it, because I'm not the kind to talk about it. Obviously you are. You're on a fucking reality show where every little thing, you're obviously an attention whore

and always have been. And I'm not buying this attempted suicide in college. Shut up. You don't get to use being depressed in college. I'm depressed today. You know what? I almost walked in front of a bus today. Everyone send me money.

Send me hugs. Would you really commit suicide by public transportation? That would not be acute. I think it would be a great ode to Soak Dish. I'm clocking up fucking traffic for a little while. It's like, do the world a favor for 15 minutes. Could you at least do it after I get home from my long-ass commute? Thanks.

Well, I did think it was funny that all the women suddenly wanted to be invited to this thing. And I also thought the assumption in that statement of like, well, you say you have all your closest friends. Where were we? Where were we? It's like, bitches, how could you even think that you're her closest friend when you spent all this time getting up on her? I mean, it was just this sense of entitlement, especially Heather. I mean, where did Heather get off after she sends these snotty emails

about Malibu country, and then she expects to be invited to this event that they're all dissing? I don't think that anybody actually really thought that they should be invited or said that they were not invited. I think that they were planning on bringing Gretchen down,

but she came with so much evidence and shot every single one of them down that they were left with nothing. It's like, they were just grasping at straws. Like, why are you wearing aqua? You know that's hard on my eyes. Why are you wearing hairspray? That's bad for the environment.

Like, whatever they could come up with. They're like, well, you had a party, and we weren't there. Shut up. Listen, they're all just like, they're just dumb idiots, okay? Let all just dumb idiots. Let's just accept it. And I have the emails to prove it, okay? Friday, December 31st.

My name is Tamara, and I'm a dumb idiot. I don't even know what I'm typing on. Are these rocks with letters on them? Why is it making letters on my TV? Bye. True email. It's right here. Wait, is that the header and font for Cut Fitness on top of your letterhead?

Yes. This is Cut Fitness. They stole it from Google. Hopefully no one will notice. Are we done with Orange County? Because we've still got a whole other week of these idiots. Was there any Alexis stuff? Oh, that was funny too. That then after Gretchen keeps talking

about how Alexis is awful and Alexis did this and da-da-da-da. Alexis is the one person that she was sad wasn't there. I was with Alexis there. Alexis was like, what the fuck? Alexis defended herself well and screamed and called Gretchen a liar. And I don't know, surprisingly, Alexis didn't come off too bad.

This is the first reunion where she didn't say something completely idiotic. I mentioned this last week, but Alexis really, the whole trickery this season that Tamara pulled was very, very smart because we talked earlier how Gretchen was so confused by the fact that Alexis was making up with Tamara. Well, remember when they made up that Gretchen was like, this is, I mean, Tamara was like,

this is a big secret. Don't tell anybody. So nobody even knew that that was going on. So now, of course, Gretchen just feels stupid because she didn't even know all this stuff was going on behind the scenes. Now that she sees it, I mean, they totally put her in that position to look like the only person who was going to be mean to Alexis

and look like the bully. In the end, she was tricked into being the bully. This show is very devious, you guys. Very, very devious. A few other things before we move on. Did you like when Gretchen was questioned about Slade buying her the Rolls Royce or the Bentley or whatever the hell it was? Yes. Did you like when Gretchen was questioned about Slade buying her the Rolls Royce? Or the Bentley or whatever the hell it was?

Yes, and I hope whoever rented that to them for the day is charging them out the ass. Because she's like, no, I never even accepted it. I didn't even accept it because I knew that it wasn't right. Bitch, you took all these ad shots in the back of that. She released a bunch of her Gretging, what do you call it? Her Christine makeup, what is it? Her terrible makeup. It's makeup for Christine.

Christine's. Yes, her Christine makeup. Her Christine beauty. Yeah. There are a lot of makeup for leftover pizza crust. However. However. Her Christine line. She was like taking pictures in the back of that car

and spreading them around as her promo photos. And then how funny was it when she was questioned about who purchased the engagement ring? Well, we bought it, we went together. We went to the store together, so you bought it. We went to Zales together. We went to Jared together. We had a very special appointment at Jared,

and then we went to Cinnabon's next door. I think that it's kind of the new kind of feminism. You know? It's like you have a man. You know he's a fucking loser. You know he's never going to amount to anything. You're always going to be the breadwinner. And you're always going to be in control.

I mean, after looking at this... Between the small and his ass. Exactly. I mean, you look at all of this Brooks and this Ryan crap. Who needs a man who's in charge? They're just going to try and beat you anyway and put cameras in your house and treat you like crap. Like, get a loser.

I'm all for it. So why not buy a cute loser that you can dominate and control? Oh, I will be. The second I make a dollar in this town, I'm not buying a house, I'm not buying a car, I'm buying a loser. Yeah, a hot loser. First thing on my list, yes.

And a box of condoms. That's the first thing on my list. First things A hot loser. Yes. And a box of condoms. That's the first thing on my list. First thing's on my list. Okay, let's get out of Orange County. I'm sick of these bitches. Let's go to Miami. Miami! Oh, Lord. First, can I say that I've really missed Romain's sexy

face when he's like, listen, we need to talk about a prenup. He is a little too concerned with his eye motions and the rug on top of his head. He's looking old, though. Don't you think he has really bad eye wrinkles? How dare you?

It looks hot. I said this last season, and I think I put it on the Facebook page. I think that Romaine Lettuce looks like the co-pilot, the autopilot from Airplane. You know the balloon that inflates? No, I'm too young. I'm too young to know that reference.

But a sexy version. I don't know what that is. By the way, I'm not a big Joanna fan, but I think she's looking really good this season. I mean, she's a supermodel, of course. Somebody got some skincare products, perhaps, from Leah Black, because Joanna's skin used to be a pockmarked war zone, and she pulled it together.

I guess maybe having Marta out of the picture sort of took away some of the stress, and she's able to enjoy herself, and the stress was able to... the acting was able to go away. I miss Marta. Miss Marta. You guys, Cindy C. just posted Brooks' apology. I'm sorry, we have to go back to OC.

I want to sincerely apologize to everyone for my actions that have been recently made public. For those who have been a victim of domestic abuse and slash or been with someone who at times drinks too much, I know the memories of those times are horrific. I was exposed at an early age to abuse, and I can assure everyone that I do not in any way and or under any circumstance deem it okay to abuse anyone. For the record, I've never abused anyone or had a domestic abuse issue. The audio and question was recorded, without my knowledge, by Ryan Culbertson after we had been out drinking in L.A. in February 2012, not earlier this year as previously stated. I made several very poor choices that night.

Earlier this year, as previously stated, I made several very poor choices that night. As a man, father, businessman, and human being, I would never condone, nor take lightly, drinking too much. This is like those records that they sell in the middle of the night and they have like a hundred different songs that just never stop.

And all the titles just keep scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. Yeah, it's just like crappy song after crappy song. Now that's what I call an apology. Eric Carman, scrolling, scrolling. It's just like crappy song after crappy song, Brooks. Now that's what I call an apology. Eric Carman, Hungry Eyes. A Lotta Miles, Black Junkie. Wilson Phillips, Release Me. Yes, Brooks. And that was only like a quarter of it.

Brooks, your entire apology is like a list of bad songs. Shut up. And being exposed to abuse when you were younger doesn't make it okay to be a fucking deadbeat dad alcoholic threatening abuse now. Okay, loser. We were all exposed to abuse when we were younger. If you saw that very special episode of Roseanne

where Jackie's boyfriend Fisher beat her and then Dan beat the shit out of him and went to jail. So we all know about abuse. Thank you, Roseanne. Yeah, we've all been exposed to it. What does that mean, I've been exposed to it? Like, yeah, I saw it on TV. I heard about abuse before, so it's okay that I did it.

I remember when that weird guy took Arnold and his friend Dudley on different strokes and tried to get them to take their shirts off, okay? I've been exposed to abuse, okay? I remember that episode, okay? That was a real one. It got real. It got real on different strokes. So stupid.

He's so stupid. The world just moved to the beat of just one drum. It might be right for you, but it might not be right for some, and that includes the pedophile who tried to touch Dudley. You are so dumb. That was a real episode, by the way. R.I.P. Dana Plato. And Arnold.

And Mr. Drummond. Mr. Drummond's still alive. No, he died. I think that the only one who's still alive is Willis. Earlier this year. Willis is the only one alive. And I think he found Jesus or something. You're right.

I think he stayed alive because he's like a Jesus-y. Charlotte Rae is still alive. Good for her. She is? Yeah, I heard. What about that other cleaning lady? Dixie Carter is dead. Ray is still alive. Good for her. She is? Yeah, She is. What about that other, the other cleaning lady? Dixie Carter is dead.

No, no, she wasn't the cleaning lady. You know the other one? The other cleaning lady. I only know Charlotte Ray, and now I'm thinking about Edna's Edibles, and now I want candy,

and I want to hang out with Blair Warner. I'm so hungry, I want to go to my fridge right now, and get a coffee yogurt, but I'm tethered, I'm tethered to the podcast. Well, stupid Blair Warner was on Survivor, and I never want to

hang out with her again. So there. So let's go back to Miami. Okay, we started the episode with Alexia, my favorite, and Mary Saul jogging in 50 pounds of makeup and 90 pound sunglasses. Oh, these poor

girls. Okay, you want to talk about being needy for a storyline? One of them's married to a gay guy. One of them can't keep a man to save their lives. So what are their storylines about? They're old and dying mothers. Okay, listen, we're at that age, ladies. Well, I'm not. You're at that age, ladies,

where your parents are going to be sick and falling apart. Like, tomorrow you're going to be finding Mama Elsa's arm on the ground just because she's old and that's how life works. Mama! I need to be educated about

my stroke. I don't want to hear about it every day. Like, I'm sorry. That's terrible and I'm sorry for you and your parents. I don't want it on my Real Housewives show. Go fuck somebody or slap somebody or rob somebody or hit somebody with your car. Your old mother. Shut up. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town

values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world

of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. the words black history. Rosa Parks, reconstruction, MLK, February, black history month. Exactly, exactly.

There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Ronnie, could that be your opening if you were ever a housewife? I'm going to slap somebody or hit somebody or beat somebody or run somebody over with my car.

Yeah. Shut up. I may look pathetic, but I'm not going to talk about my old and dying mother. Like, I may look pathetic, but I have emails to prove otherwise. So, okay. So, Miami,

obviously the big thing I'll get to later. Leah writing a book. Oh my God, please make it audio. I'm going to write a book about all the things I know, all the people I know. I'm just going to composite them into one person. It's going to be like a tarot, but no one will know the truth. We're in a masturbation

scene. How fun is that? Now, let me look at masturbation. She walked into the room and saw his handsome face. I cannot wait to read this book. That was the most hilarious scene. You guys, I'm not going to lie. If this really is published, we are

going to read the entire thing as a group on a live podcast videocast. We should get Leah in also, and then people have to guess which one is Leah talking, and which one is us. I feel like I'm at SeaWorld, and I want you all to be starting a blackfish

where you are murdered by SeaWorld employees. I love Leah's laugh. How fun is that? So wait, what else happened on this? I think it was all about... There are many things that happened. There was a few... Well, let's get...

Before we get to the fight, there was a few funny little things. There was Romaine Lettuce making a fruit salad for he and Joanna and saying that he is getting them a home. I love how he didn't say, I'm buying you a home because they ended up renting a home,

which they then weren't able to pay the rent on. So, surprise, surprise, they're not really that rich. Anybody? Anybody? Anybody? Okay, wow. So, that's something. That is something. We briefly mentioned this earlier, but

Alexia, it's finally, she needs some me time after taking care of Frankie for so long, and apparently me time means inviting gay people over to fill up your closet with Ikea. Awful gays were so... They were high on three different types of cocaine.

They were like chihuahuas on crack, if I may mix my drug metaphors. They were insane. They're like, oh my god, we can do something with this closet! We can do this here! We can do this there! We can do this! I know, they were acting like Ashley from Princesses before she had a

stroke. Oh my God. Help me. I just kept thinking. Help me put these shoes in the Ikea expedit cabinet. These are the most attractive shoes you've ever seen. Dad, can I get a jet to take me to Ikea so I can get another expedite to put my Jimmy shoes in?

Dad, help me. I have to take a Benadryl. Dad, help me. Take a jet to Alexia's house. Dad, help me. Dad, to Alexia's house, help me. You know what? She is still not healed yet. She's already at the hospital.

I mean, she does have to relearn how to walk again, but someone said that she didn't have a real stroke. Not that she obviously was sick and something happened, but someone on our page, I forget who, maybe one of our listeners who works in the medical field can weigh in that it was not a stroke, but it was something lesser, and that they're over-exaggerating by saying it was a stroke, but obviously it was bad because she

has to learn how to walk. Excuse me, do you think that any of our listeners work in the medical field? Yes, yes. No, we have some nurses and things like that. Of course we do. Yeah, we have some nurses and things like that. Of course we do. Yeah, we have smart listeners, Matt. Yeah. And also I have to say, she wasn't very good at walking in the first place, so maybe this is all

for the best. She's like, help me walk. Can I just take a jet to the kitchen? Dad! Oh, God. We're going to hell. The poor girl. The poor girl. Oh, we booked our place in hell a long

time ago. We're taking a jet. Dad, we're taking a jet to hell! Okay, all I've got here... Can somebody please make us some artwork of the three of us taking a jet to hell? Because that is fucking hilarious. All I've really got in my notes for

this show are Romaine lettuce looks, sexy looks, Leah writing a book, glass roof, and then the big fight. Okay, before the big fight... Don't throw stones if you live in a house with a roof that's glass.

And make sure that roof is up to code in the standards. Standards. Make sure it's up to Miami standards if you have a glass roof. Okay, before we get to the fight, I also want to talk about Lisa for a second. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace, the all-in-one platform that makes it fast and easy to create your own professional website or online portfolio. For a free trial and 10% off, go to squarespace.com slash watch what crap ends and use the offer code crap eight yeah we saw her and lenny and uh their big storyline

apparently is some property folks are trying to prevent them from demolishing their historic hideous disgusting home lenny looks like one of those projects like where maybe they take some bone marrow out of somebody's arm or something and spread it on your face and it's like one of those projects where maybe they take some bone marrow out of somebody's arm or something and spread it on your face, and it's like a monster face, and then they wrap you like a mummy and then leave you like that for a really long time and then slowly unwrap you, and then your face is all gelatinous, and it's like a mix between an old man and a baby. I think it looks like one of those roasted chickens that you buy in a bag from the grocery store,

but it's been sitting in that bag and marinating in its own sweat for so long that it has the skin is no longer crispy, it just lays and is runny. I think it looks like, you know when you're a kid and you go to some historical site and they show you, oh, this is the way people lived in 1842,

and this is the way Native Americans lived, and here's a wigwam, and here, why don't you buy this little souvenir drum, and someone took the way Native Americans lived, and here's a wigwam, and here, why don't you buy this little souvenir drum? And someone took the buckskin off the drum and put it onto a skull, and that's what he looks like. I mean, the two of them, if you really just put them in different clothes

and you took them out of his pleated khakis and you took her out of her Herve Léger bandage dress and you put them in the proper outfits, they would be the scariest tag team in horror movie history. So, the thing is, I actually like Lisa. Me too. Wait a second, Ronnie gets to go, I want to get my yogurt. Okay, when he comes back,

I'm going to get my yogurt. We're swapping out. I like Lisa. I actually like Lisa and I actually like Lenny too, even though we're being totally catty about their looks. But that being said, her boobs are out of control. I don't think they're any bigger than they were last season, but they are just, like, on display like Melissa Gorga. They are just

like, it's like she's got two globes, actual globes that have countries that she's stuffed under her skin, and they're just sticking out right now. That are preventing her from properly swinging a sledgehammer. How funny was that? I know. You know, that's, you know, she's malnourished.

This is why she can't have a baby. She can't even pick up a sledgehammer. I'm sorry. Sister Sledge, she needs to hit that wall. Wow. Do you think they should tear down that house? Yeah, it's heinous. Plus it's filled with dirty,

peed on mattresses and cockroaches. I mean, do you blame them? Could you, I have to also wonder what it must be like to be a squatter on Star Island. Like, that is some high-class squatting. Well, yeah, but they don't have anything in the house except for cockroaches and tampons. They don't even have toilet paper. They could be like, but we live on Star Island.

Oh, it's a ghetto in here. This is disgusting. Who could live like this? Eh. I could. I could live like that. Do we really think it's a teardown? I mean, I don't know enough. I mean, I've watched a lot of HGTV, but do we really think that's a teardown, or

couldn't it be a flip? It's disgusting. Is it a love it or list it? I would say flip it. It is a list it, but the problem is, I'm thinking in the back of my mind, oh, well, they'll tear it down and build something gorgeous. No, they'll tear it down,

and they'll build a bigger version of Tamara Barney meets Gretchen Rossi meets Vicki Gunvalson's house, because all these women, their taste is the Venetian meets the Monte Carlo on the Vegas Strip. They all look exactly the same. With a fleur-de-lis and some rooster art. Exactly.

Well, we've seen Lisa's house, and it's pretty fucking tacky. It's just like, you know, the granite... When are granite countertops going to go out? Is there a replacement for those yet? I like granite. I wish I had one. I think it's just time. I think it's just time. It's just done. Let's come up with something new, guys.

How about crumbly plaster at Paris? Well, it is quite popular in New Jersey. So you're still talking about Lisa and her stupid house. I don't care about that. I think that, honestly, with the money that they're spending with the preservationists, at this point they could have just done the renovations and kept the house the way it is and just made it look nice on the inside. I say why not?

the renovations and kept the house the way it is and just made it look nice on the inside. I say, why not? Maybe they could move it to the house where Olivia Newton-John's guy just committed suicide. Maybe that house on Jupiter Island is for sale now. There's a lot of shifty stuff around Olivia Newton-John. Didn't her

boyfriend, he went missing? He went missing at sea and then five years later he showed up living in a shantytown in Mexico. Yeah, and now there's this guy. Look at him, John. Yeah. Careful, John. Stay away.

If she's your neighbor, stay away. She's not the one that I want. I'm not getting physical with her. It's no Shangri-La living with her. That story was actually interesting because it was her, it was a construction worker. It was like a contractor who was doing work on their house. You guys, don't commit suicide at work.

What kind of fucking stupid decision is that? Kill yourself with something glamorous. That's an omen shit. Matt knows what I'm talking about. I don't know what you're talking about. Mr. Horror Fanatic, you've never seen The Omen? Oh, I thought you were saying something else. No, I've seen The Omen.

I love Damien. You know when the nanny commits suicide in front of all the little kids? Oh, that's brilliant. It's all for you, Damien. It's all for you, Olivia. Amazing. Yeah, that's how you do it. You don't throw yourself in front of a bus.

Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. I want to talk about the fight. I want to talk about the fight. Okay, fine. Don't talk about the fight because I want to talk about the fight. Okay, fine. Don't talk about the fight because we're there now. I'm running off to get a yogurt. You guys start talking. Wait, are you getting an Activia?

No, but it is Danon. Is it a Go-Gurt? Because you Go-Girl. No, it's not a Go-Gurt. It's just a yogurt. Oh, okay. BRB. BRB.

Did you understand what he's talking about when he said BRB? No, what is that about? Verb. Verb. I don't think that we should talk about the fight until Ben is back. So, let's read some comments from the Facebook page. Oh, they said, please discuss Daisy. Jutz has a very good point.

We did not talk about Daisy in the French maid outfit, and that requires discussion before we move on to the fight. Well, here's my question. Oh, yeah, that's really huge. Please discuss Daisy! Daisy exclamation point times ten! Yeah, Ben, before the fight, we have to talk about Daisy. Oh, what happened

to Daisy wanting to become a minister? What? No kidding, now she's in a fucking whore outfit, like a whore maid outfit. She was borrowing the... I think that Bravo has one whore outfit, like a whore maid outfit. She was borrowing the cleaning ladies. I think that Bravo has one French maid outfit, and it just goes from Joe De La Rosa to Daisy, and before we know it, it'll be on, like, The Countess when she's trying to pull off, like, her next pirate ensemble in St. Mark's.

Yeah, I think so. Well, what happened to liposuction? When did that stop working? Because didn't you have, like have a lot of lipo? Yeah, and Lisa's like, Daisy has this great new body. I'm like, it looks a little bit like the old body.

Maybe even a little bigger. Those fat cells were sucked out and usually you can't regrow those. So she's kind of miraculous in a way, if you think about it. Daisy's a miracle. She really should go into ministry. Because she's a miracle.

I already grew my fat cells. I do not have this on my computer, just my phone, so I'm going to have to show it to you through my phone, but this is Daisy and her French maid. You have to talk when you do that. Oh, thank you so much, Miss Lisa. Thank you so much.

You're so wonderful to me. Can I get you some tea or some espresso? Some espresso? I love that she's... I love that Daisy is allegedly Lisa's best friend, but now that Daisy's leaving, Lisa's like, well, it's going to suck not being able to see you anymore, not being able to hang out anymore. Well, if she's's best friend, but now that Daisy's leaving, Lisa's like, well, it's going to suck not be able to see you anymore, not be able to hang out anymore.

Well, if she's your best friend, she is allowed to come over socially, but you can see Lisa's like, no, no, no, we're not actually best friends. And by best friend, you mean she is the woman that would just take Lisa's shopping bags and hide them in the closet so Lenny wouldn't see how much money of his she was spending. That means best friend in

Lisa's world. Yeah.. That means best friend in Lisa's world. Yeah. Exactly. By best friend, she means a girl who's trained not to stare at her tits when she comes in like this. Best friend. And that's another reason why you guys should be watching this videocast, because you just missed Ronnie making an amazing face.

But you guys, here's what I learned from this lesson. First of all, Adriana's a horrible human being. Second of all, don't buy your maid things. It never works out. Your maid belongs. You know that little room behind the laundry room that was made to be like a pantry?

So, like, if you went to Costco and you had too much groceries for the garage, you had somewhere else to put it? That's where your maid sleeps. Not because you're an abusive slave driver, but because you don't want your maid getting too high on herself and leaving you. It takes a lot to train a maid. You don't want to give them hope.

You don't want to give them hope. Do not turn on that light in a maid's brain. Keep it dark in there or you're going to have dirty toilets. Listen, I saw The Butler this weekend and I saw what happens if you give The Butler a ho. Excuse me. Please refer to it as Lee Daniels

The Butler. I hope they're recording you and not me sitting here all alone. No, they're recording us. Thank God. Are we all back? I'm here. Yay, we're back. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. The mere mention of The Butler caused our show to crash. Lee Daniels' The Butler. My maid rage killed the show. Starring Jane Fonda and Mariah Carey. And Minka Kelly from Friday Night Lights. From Friday Night Lights. Come on, people.

F&L. And Robin Williams, and Liev Schreiber, and so many random cameos. Emmy says, I for one have granite. What? Emmy says, I for one have granite countertops, and I'm offended.

And my response to that is everybody has granite countertops. That's why they need to be changed to something new. Those are old. Let's do something new. Also, what's old glass tiles? I want my countertops to be made of fruit roll-ups. Oh, that would be amazing.

Okay, guys. So, we need to stop dilly-dallying and talk about this effing fight. Let's get into it. I am super impressed because I thought that Adriana, the way that Adriana's been explaining it, I was kind of buying what she was saying.

Were you guys? Oh, no, never. It's ridiculous. I mean, I get the whole point where she's saying, yes, we had the paperwork, but she wanted to have a dream wedding, and no, a huge ceremony did not take place, but that is not enough for her to take Leah's money and not tell her the truth. Exactly, and the thing is this, it's all

bullshit anyway, okay? Adriana is such a loud mouth, that if this were true, if Frederick had called off the wedding five years ago, we would have never heard the end of it. I could not believe Frederick did that. Look at the way she goes off the handle with every small thing. You think all of a sudden she's going to

have some discretion? Absolutely not. If this were a real story, she would have complained to Leah about it ten times over the way she complains to every other friend, but every time she gets a corn on her toe. New rule. If you're not going to say absolutely not like Quad, don't use the words.

Absolutely not. Thank you. Well, you know, Adriana, Leah was just so funny with how she just laid it out because she was being calm. She was like, okay, you hurt my feelings, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But she didn't, like, go for the throat or anything, and Adriana just kept digging herself deeper. She's like, no, we didn't get married. We had a marriage license.

And she's like, Adriana, you got a marriage license and then you got married a month later. It's in the court records. It's in the documents. That's what you did. And then Adriana goes on to tell Leah like, oh, I'm being interrogated. I'm being interrogated. And then Leah's like, well,

my husband's a lawyer and we base our truths in facts. Yes. Thank you. The end. Yeah. And Adriana's saying, well, I didn't feel married. I didn't feel married. It wasn't up to my standards, you know, but like, I'm sure she felt

real married, and we said this before, and one of our commenters said it before, when she got that tax deduction because she was able to click the married box on the taxes. Okay? So enough. Let's not get it twisted, okay, as Matt likes to say. Because she's acting like she's the victim of her quixotic husband here

when, in fact, she was conning everyone out of everything. She gladly said that. She's saying, I wasn't married until I have the ceremony. Like, no, you were happy to declare you were married for the government. I guarantee. Well, yeah, she was, I mean, she very

clearly got caught in some lies there. And she got so, like, the second that she was so caught by, like, three lies in a row, she was like, well, I'm on the couch of being judged by Leah Black. Oh my God. I thought I had a sister. I had a wicked sister

who has draconian ways. Draconian ways. And that word is up to my standards. Draconian ways. I've actually got here. Died. Died. And she said it two times. Like, she said it once, and then she said it again, and both, she said it wrong.

Yeah. I didn't really understand why it was like draconian. I'm done with your draconian antics. I'm done with your draconian antics. I was trying to pronounce what she said. I'm done with your draconian antics. And Leah's like, huh?

What? Leah was afraid she was going to get the Jill Zarin edit. Totally. I think that she was holding back because she was afraid of that edit. And the thing is that people were saying, oh, well, we're biased now because we know Leah and we like Leah.

First of all, of course we're biased. The entire show is biased. We have our favorites with all these shows, okay? But that being said, it does not take a brain surgeon to realize that Adriana is a con artist and a liar in this situation. And Leah is basically like, why did you lie to me all this time?

I was giving you money, and that really bothers me. Well, it wasn't just her money, but like... Somebody explain this to me. Leah made it sound like she also went to other people, and I think that makes it extra embarrassing. It wasn't just Leah trying to help her out. Yeah, exactly. Well, that's where my question is.

That's where my question comes in. Leah, okay, so Leah basically, she didn't hand her money. She bought a lot of artwork, right? And she gave a figure last night. It was, like, hundreds of thousands of dollars, and she gave, she donated, like, maybe 15 grand. I think that she said that she gave was like hundreds of thousands of dollars, and she donated like maybe 15 grand. I think that she said that she gave 15 grand out of some, like the number was like in the 300,000.

350. 350, and she got all these people to donate. Right. So was Adriana completely conning them, or was she really like did she get married to this guy? It didn't work out, so they just ignored it. And he was living somewhere else, and she's living was she really that poor? Was she really

living on the floor with her son? Or was it all just a con to get money? That's what I don't get. I don't know. And then I think that when Leah's like, you know, I gave you this money, but it was under false pretenses, I think Leah has a right to be angry. And then Adriana's like, oh,

I see. I thought you were giving it out of the bottom of your heart. I didn't know you wanted something in return. It's like, no, that has nothing to do with it. It's very shady. If you're acting like you have no one who has your back, but you actually have a husband who totally has your back, then that's bullshit.

Oh, well, Adriana, the thing that made that quote that you just uttered was what made it brilliant was that Adriana said, I never took nothing from you. I never took one thing from you. And if I did, it's because I thought it was being given to me and I didn't think I was going to have to give it back. That sounds like every episode I watch of Judge Judy

where they're like, no, it was a gift. I promise it wasn't a loan. But Leah wasn't asking for the money back. I didn't take one single thing from you, but what I did take, like bitch, you're lying in the same sentence. Like at least separate, at least use a period and separate

the sentences so we can edit them later and pretend you weren't lying. You lie, but come on. Stop. Some of our commenters are bringing up a very good point, too, about this marriage. Adriana said that she may have been legally married, but she wasn't religiously married. Well, yeah, but they're still married.

Religiously married doesn't matter. Legally married does. I get that. I was waiting for one of you to say something inappropriate about religion, and you both dropped the ball, so thanks. I've already done it. I already called Jesus a gay Bravo watcher, so I think I'm done with religious stuff for the day. Look, I don't think Leah wants the money back,

but, I don't know, if I were her, I'd be pissed. I think she just wants to know what's going on. I would be really frustrated. This was a close friend that I was helping out and then I found out that they had... Wait, Oliver is bringing this up now.

But she wasn't married seven years ago when Leah helped her. She was married four years ago. Is that true? I thought the difference was between six and seven. It was between six years and seven years. I'm not sure. I thought the difference was between six and seven. It was between six years and seven years. Like, Leah was shopping. I'm not sure either.

I'm not sure about the timeline. But either way, though, she's been saying that she wasn't married. If she's been telling Leah all this time that she was not married, then that's... Okay, now to play devil's advocate for a second and just see the other side of this. Yes, Adriana's obviously lying, and she's been putting up fake scenes in both of these episodes. This one was her being mad at Frederick for all

the trouble he's caused her. So, whatever. She's obviously making up scenes. Full makeup in bed. She's waking up in full makeup. Yes, and I love that camera behind the statue, like, going back and forth. I was so... I'm like a clean freak and I back and forth. I was so worried. I'm like a clean freak, and I was freaking out for that white pillowcase. I was like, oh my God, all that pancake makeup is going to get on that white pillowcase.

So she's obviously been making up scenes to make her look like less of a liar, but obviously she's a liar. Okay, so we've got that down. But I think that her argument, and I think that if she was better at this one language she would be better at getting it out there but I think what she was trying to say is look you're supposed to be my friend so even if you think that I'm lying and even if you think I'm a con woman

and did all of this stuff why are you going around town telling everybody that and why are you like leaking stories or whatever instead of coming to me and just saying it? Why are you bashing me and calling me a con woman to everyone if you're supposed to be my friend? And I guess the answer is because you are

a con woman, which means that we're not friends anymore, and I can't bash you all over the place. Well, the other thing is that Adriana thinks that this has to do with the fact that she didn't defend Leah during the reunion, and she thinks that this is Leah's way of getting back at her, is leaking this information out,

although apparently the information leaked out not from Leah, but from a blogger in Texas, right? Well, here's the thing. Obviously, I'm Team Leah, and we're all Team Leah, but I am not going to deny the fact that I still believe Leah is hurt by Adriana not defending her when Anna attacked her on the last reunion show. There's no denying that.

Yeah, she said that on the show. There's a clip of her saying it last week that she was upset by that. And that's probably why she wanted to have the meeting, because she's probably saying to herself, this girl didn't defend me, and then all of a sudden I'm finding out that she was lying to me all this time. I want to get to the bottom of what the hell's going on. So that's what I sort of

thought this meeting was... But Adriana is convinced that Leah leaked that stuff to the paper. I don't think that Leah did it, but there's not going to be any changing of Adriana's mind on that. Well, again, there's two different things there. There was a blogger who leaked

whatever, the marriage certificate online. So that actually came out online. The proof came out online. But she's saying that the person who wrote about it in the Miami Herald is a really good friend of Leah's. And Leah says, well, of course, I'm friends with everybody, which is true. So, like, I'm friends with everybody,

so what? My friends can't write an article? But I guess that's where it gets fishy. But... Yeah, who knows. Who knows? That was a really fun fight to watch, though I guess that's where it gets fishy. Yeah, who knows. Who knows? That was a really fun fight to watch, though, because it's... It was good. Backing someone into a corner and just watching them struggle was hilarious. And then standing out in the rain.

Yes. And then Lee is like, come on, here's an umbrella. You don't have to get wet. And she's like, no, I don't want to take your umbrella, because then later I'll have to hear about how you made me dry when I was wet. I'm sorry, that was hilarious. I know. And what a huge umbrella, too. God, that thing was like 10 feet wide. Adriana is full of crap, but I absolutely love that she's on this show. And she really is one of the biggest reasons I keep watching it

because she's fucking crazy. And she's been crazy every single episode of every single year, and I think that everybody on the Housewives of Miami owes her a great deal of gratitude, because she saved this show in that first reunion. This show totally would have been cancelled, and she brought it back to life.

Single-handedly. Absolutely. So, attagirl, Adriana. You just keep up that craziness, Adriana. You keep up your standards. The craziness is not up to my standards. So, what else? Don't throw stones if there's a glass ceiling,

and women should always be breaking glass houses. So, what other shows did you all watch this week? Unfortunately, I bothered to watch New Jersey. New Jersey was such a news fest. Oh, God, we haven't talked about that yet. No, but we can do it in four minutes. There's nothing to say. I love watching Caroline's Marriage Unravel.

That is the best part of this entire season. Kathy, I don't even think it's that fun to watch. It's like it's... Okay, the big thing was that Lauren Manzo has gotten all big on her caface ego and now doesn't want to get married to, what's his face, Vito. It's his own fault because the moment that she announced that she could get the lap band, he should have locked that down.

Locked it down as soon as she said that he should have moved on because we knew that Daddy is going to keep buying that lap band for her every two years. She's going to slap on some more monster makeup and think that she's a hot, skinny young girl when she's not. But the problem is, this chick, I think, is listening too much to her mother, Caroline,

and she thinks that she is some hot shit, and Caroline built up her self-esteem to some bizarro levels, and it's called, you need to reel it in, girl. You have a nasty, stupid business in a strip mall that apparently nobody goes to.

She's like, I have to focus on my business now. I'm like a businesswoman now. I'm like, for a face, egg salad central of all of New Jersey. Really what she wants to say, though, and this is kind of upsetting because this is what happens in the real world and people are awful. What she really wanted to say is, I'm thinner now and you're fatter and I can have sex with hotter people than you.

And she just would not say it out loud, but that is exactly what happens in the real world. And you know what? And by the way, and she should. I say, I mean, it's sort of fucked up, but you know what, though? You know, you worked hard to get the hot body. Why not have some fun, Lauren Manzo? I'm sorry.

And also, you know what? Being fat, like, takes effort. Like, you don't just, you don't just, like, wake up fat. Like, trust me, I'm fat and thin twice a year, both things, you know. Like, I go back and forth all the time. And being fat is not, like, something that just happens. You've got to eat, you know. So, like, Vito or whatever his name is, she says all he wants to do is sit around and eat and watch TV.

He sounds great for me, but guess what? If I'm on a diet, I cannot be sitting around watching TV eating all day. You have to do something else. So if she's not going to sit there and eat, it's like sitting next to a big, hulking, fat, hairy guy getting his spit all over everything while he's pigging out and

watching TV. And unless you're another fat person, it's just not cute. All I want in life is a skinny, hot person who wants to eat and watch TV all day. Yeah, but skinny, hot people can't just sit around and eat all day. You can watch TV and do push-ups

or watch TV and give each other foot massages or some nasty shit like that, but you can't just sit around eating. Foot massages is not good cardio. Last type checked. Well, whatever. I'm just saying that and taking the cows. And also, you know, I think the real drama is going to come when Lauren does finally dump his fat butt and then starts dating.

I have a friend who's on Match.com, and she was all upset, and she's like, well, the guys that I'm messaging aren't messaging me back. And the guys that I don't want anything to do with are the ones that are messaging me, which, of course, everybody who's been on online dating knows that feeling. And basically the lesson there is you think you're way better than you are. Look at the guys who are messaging you back and realize you're only slightly better than that and live your life. Be okay with it. And I think that someone's going to have to do that. This is the problem again for everybody too. When you find somebody that maybe is not the hottest person on the face of the earth,

but they are somebody that is willing to worship the ground you walk on and make you feel sexy and special and amazing, why would you ever get rid of that? I want somebody to make me feel amazing every day. Well, Lauren's falling into that first-time skinny trap where she thinks that she's going to have this whole new world. She doesn't realize that it's basically the same thing. You may have sex with a slightly thinner person

but at the end of the day, guys are still jerks and you can still eat a cracker and gain 20 pounds a bit and P.S. you're gonna. Who loses that much weight and then just stays skinny? You don't. Not me. She needs to move out of New Jersey. She needs to move out of New Jersey. If, you have, actually. You have. She needs to move out of New Jersey.

If you're going to bother losing all that weight, why, like, go and fuck some stupid mooks, you know, from Franklin Lakes? Go to, like, go to Miami. Go somewhere else. Like, find some hot guys. Well, my other favorite thing that she was saying was, well, you know, she's trying to make it sound like

it's not because she's thinner. Like, you know, she's going out of her way to say it's anything but the fact that she's thinner. But that she's like, well, I know, she's trying to make it sound like it's not because she's thinner. Like, you know, she's going out of her way to say it's anything but the fact that she's thinner. But she's like, well, I can't be with Vito because I'm so about my business and being an independent woman and making my own money. It's like, bitch, your parents paid for that business, and they're probably

still paying to keep it open. Come on. This is coming from the girl who season one was on a cereal diet, wherein all she did was eat tricks and kicks. And that was the brain. The brain's coming out of her. What is Matt eating? Is Matt eating or is Ben

eating? I'm not eating. I'm drinking Tejava iced tea. Unsweetened. That sounds like it comes from the Alexia Echevera collection. Teja vu. Deja vu. So you got Lauren. You know, God bless her.

And I don't feel like... You know, Lauren's got to be sad. She looks all over the internet, and all anybody does is really rip her down. The only people who are nice to her are lap band people. You know how there's anybody like Jill Zarin. People are like, I like earrings too. Let's be friends, Jill Zarin. I are like, I like earrings too. Let's be friends, Jill Zarin.

I feel like my band are like that. Yeah, it's like the only people that are nice to Jared are the corporate offices of Subway. That guy doesn't have any friends. His only friends are suits at Subway. Poor Jared. What if Jared and Lauren Manzo got together?

Oh my god. I'd love watching them get fat again together. Oh, they would. That low-fat mayonnaise would quickly become Thousand Island dressing before you know it. They'd be like putting ranch dressing on top of their waffles and pancakes.

Full-fat ranch and blue cheese. Now I want pancakes. So, Lauren Manzo, you know it's a bad season of New Jersey when we spend this much time talking about Lauren Manzo. So let's talk about the Penny and what? Jan. Penny and Jan. Melissa's old friends.

Oh my god, Teresa is such an ape. Teresa's just such a fucking ape. Oh, can you hear me? Yeah. Oh, so they muted my mic or whatever. Yeah, she's fucking ape. Oh, can you hear me? She is. Yeah. Oh, so they muted my mic or whatever. Yeah, she's an ape. She sets up this big party for herself where it's basically to

get Melissa to admit that she's been cheating on her husband or some crap like that. She's like, come, I'll help you. I'll totally back you up. I'll be there to back you up. Guess who wasn't there to back her up? The whole point of it is that Teresa wanted these women to say that they didn't know her. So Teresa's like, now, are we friends?

Are we friends? See, I don't know you. I don't know you. See, I'm exonerated. I'm exonerated. By the way, Teresa, I know this was not a court of law, but... No, it wasn't. This is the worst

case building she's ever done. See, this person who I could have talked to many, many, many times before this occasion who says that they don't know me. And so she's not lying at all. I didn't feed her that line to tell her that she doesn't know me. No, not at all.

Yeah, and then Penny's like, well, Melissa, nobody told me to say this, okay? But I don't mean to call... Melissa's like, just say it! But Teresa wouldn't leave because she knew that she'd be thrown under the bus.

Now, the other interesting thing is that this Penny bitch has been trying to get on the show for years and years. She's married to a guy named Johnny the Greek, and I can't pronounce his last name. But Penny and Johnny the Greek have been causing trouble on this show for ages. They're always showing up at events. They're always trying to sneak their way into the cast,

and Bravo just keeps cutting them out left and right, and it makes them fucking crazy. So this year, they finally warm their way in there, and they are the ones who are involved in this big, gigantic fight, which we may or may not see, and they're the ones that are suing Teresa for terroristic... for terrorist charges, basically.

For throwing a sink. And this show is going to start taping in a few weeks, because Bravo needs to follow the Judice legal battles, and I'm telling you, they are going to add new blood to this cast in the form of either Pan... I can't even

say their names properly. Penny or Jan. Or... Penny. Penny and Jan. Or Jenny. I'm telling you, they are joining the cast. I just feel like it's happening. So that was basically... I will say this though. Penny and Jan were a sight for sore

eyes. They were a lot of amazing fashions. I don't know if you noticed in that scene that happened for the debut of Melania, Teresa's new hair care line, which don't even talk about that name for a hair care line. All the people in the background, if you looked at them, hilarious.

This was the most amazing I don't know what word. All this amazing Jersey style in one place. I was having the most fun just sitting there, putting the DVR on pause, just looking at all the people in the background, including the bartender,

who had little purple maroon pigtails and was serving cocktails. I don't know if anyone noticed, but good luck. Oh, we noticed. Well, Jen, I think, was really, like, super practiced. And I have to say, I was impressed with Melissa because she was very good at just staying calm, making them look like they were practiced and whatever.

Because Jan was ready to throw down. And Melissa's like, uh-huh, okay, whatever. But I did love Jan coming in and just calling Melissa out and saying that she fucked some dude in a parking lot. And she was there that night and knew the whole thing. Like, what the hell? I know. Do you guys really believe they're swingers, Joe and Melissa,

because that's the room? No, but I don't believe for a second that she hasn't cheated on him, because he is a nasty little troll. See, I think he's hot, but here's the thing. I kind of believe Jan, soon to be portrayed by Jamie Girtz in the TV movie version, I'm sure. And at the same time, I don't know.

I kind of don't believe her because she's such a bitch. So I really don't know. These people are all such idiots, and they get involved in each other's business in the stupidest ways. They just want to be famous. They just want to be on TV. They need to have a podcast. You know, this show has this whole story that they've

given us about all these people. But look, here's what we basically know from reading Between the Lines. And some of it's not even Between the Lines. Some of it's what they told us. Joe was a stripper. Melissa was most likely a stripper. They were strippers when they met. They kind of cleaned up together. God knows they were probably

on coke or something, because look at Gorga. Like, he still looks like he's on coke. I bet they were driving a white T-top Camaro. Hmm. So it's not like they had some innocent life. He probably got her ass pregnant, and then they figured it out, and they probably still live like cokehead strippers, fucking whoever

they want to. And you know what? Good for them. You got a single on iTunes? How many strippers have that? It's the American dream. That's right. It is the American dream. It's know what? Good for them. You got a single on iTunes? How many strippers have that? It's the American dream. It's the Franklin Lakes dream, really. God bless America. You just sold your house for $3.8 million. Who the hell am I to tell you that you're doing things wrong?

You're doing great, guys. What else did we watch on Bravo? Well, there was other stuff that happened on Jersey. Oh, okay. What else other stuff that happened on Jersey. Oh, okay, what else? Kathy got meta rich. Kathy went on a sad walk with Caroline where they both realized that their husbands are idiots.

Yeah, I don't care. Um, they decided that they're going for Melissa's birthday to a spa in Arizona because that sounds like the perfect place to get into another fight, Dominican Republic style. I love how they don't let them out of the country anymore. They had to stay domestic.

Oh, yeah. They're all going to melt in Arizona. Have you guys ever been to Arizona? No. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's like 110 degrees in that place. I like Palm Springs, but I don't like Arizona. Well, Arizona is like the Florida of the West.

Then there was a segment where Caroline was screaming at her teet-suckling 30-year-old children about how to place a carpet in a room, which means really this show – I thought you said there was other things happening in this episode. I guess I'm just remembering. This stuff will be skipped over intentionally. I'm really just remembering things that made me realize I should not be bothering with this show at all. Alright, our podcast will be going on for an hour and a half. Well, let's move on to more exciting things.

Yeah, let's wrap it up. I watched Eat Drink Lab. Did you? I did. I did get to watch it. Did you guys watch it? Did you get to see it, Matt? You said it didn't show up on your guide. No. Why didn't it show up on my DVR properly? Oh, I don't know. I like this show in general.

This was a week, second week. I mean, they don't seem to really know what they're doing. It wasn't the strongest, but I do love this cattiness that they're setting up between Kat and Brenda, and Chris from Top Chef. This weird love triangle. I don't know. I feel bad for Chris. He's got to have better options, because Brenda, I like Brenda the most,

but she is really bitter and too bitter. She's like Miranda times ten. She's Miranda, the worst that Miranda ever was. But then you see she's sort of vulnerable, so that's sort of nice. Just like Miranda. Yes. But then you see she's sort of vulnerable, so that's sort of nice. Just like Miranda. Yes, but then you have Kat,

who is Kat. She's like, oh my god, did you see that lamp post over there? It totally wants to fuck me. She's like, I have so much power, because I'm a blogger. She's like, I once wrote about a waiter, and now that waiter

is the mayor of this city. Yeah, she takes credit for everybody's career. She's like, well, I blogged about him and now he owns a restaurant. Yeah, I'm like, I don't think he owns the restaurant because he's featured in Eater LA. I think he owns the restaurant because he's probably a good chef.

Or his daddy bought it for him. Or that too. I like how all it for him. Or that, too. I like how all these women seem to be obsessed with chefs. Let's move out of the pool here a little bit, people. Not every applicable bachelor has to come from the restaurant world. No, they're all, you know,

I think what's so funny about it is they're all basically fans. You know, it's supposed to be this inside, you know, inside the real world of the culinary whatever. They're all fans, all of these girls. One of them was a really, she worked for a very successful pastry artist.

She's not, you know, she didn't open, she opened a donut shop, okay? So like, good for you, you have a donut shop, but she's not exactly a celebrity chef. Then they've got that kind of weird lesbian girl who's been a chef for, like, two weeks, who's, like, super blind and eager. Yeah, man. Yeah, dude.

Yeah, yeah, dude. This is awesome. This cantaloupe and prosciutto is awesome. It's so kick-ass. I'm a private chef. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially when it's, okay, it's the LA Food and Wine Magazine, and everybody should know that because that's one of the prizes of Top Chef. Like, you get to go to the LA Food.

You get to have a booth or whatever. So what does she make? Melon and prosciutto. You don't even have to cook that. She would be kicked off Top Chef for making that. Right, and again, that was trendy five years ago with the whole tuna tartare craze, and it's like, Ben, you know what I'm talking about. You know those two appetizers from 2006. I know, and I love when, Ben, you know what I'm talking about. You know those appetizers from

2006. I know, and I love when Kat O'Dell ate the prosciutto and melon. She's like, eh. She tells us, if you're going to make an hors d'oeuvre, you should have the ingredient be at its peak. And then she tells the girl, she's like, it's great. She's like, I love it.

I love it. And then we have the little chipmunk girl who's like, okay, this is what we do for Fuku Burger. Okay, this is the make or break moment for Fuku Burger. We're at the LA Food and Wine thing. I'm going to go, like, have sex with the air conditioning unit. Yeah, she's the manager who won't shut up and who does nothing, who doesn't cook, who doesn't know how to cook,

who has no idea what the fuck they're talking about, who's in everyone's ear yelling the whole time. Ugh, get out. And I love that the kitchen guys are just being kitchen guys and being wasted and sexually harassing people as they pass by. Like, yeah, mommy, I love your ass. Yeah. That's how to be a kitchen guy.

That was the best part for me was the kitchen guys. And then I did like that Kat messed up all the details on Waylon's story about phone nuts. That was hilarious. The articles, Waylon's like, yeah, you know, my friend made these things called phone nuts. She called them phone nuts and said, let's make a donut thing. And Kat's article was like, well, we were walking

around in Paris and I saw a spaceship and I thought to myself, wow! There's Julia Roberts! And she just brought me a phone nut. And I said, wait a second, I'm going to myself, wow! There's Julia Roberts, and she just brought me a phone nut, and I said, wait a second, I'm going to call this a phone nut. And so I put on my top hat, and I went to LA, and I opened up a shop,

and Cinderella walked in, and it was my first client. And I'll tell you one thing, I was not married when it happened. Bravo lies! Yeah, so overall, it was kind of boring but I still have hope for it because the women are ridiculous and they just it's kind of like a normal housewife show where they

throw a bunch of women in together that don't really know each other and you have to wait for them to start fighting and so I guess that's what we're waiting for. I like it. I feel like there's some good simmering cattiness a la Gallery Girls not as good.ing cattiness a la Gallery Girls. Not as good. Nothing could be as good as Gallery Girls.

Well, Brenda's an awful beast, and I'm loving all the shade that she's throwing at everyone. How is she going to keep her clients? There's this super weird... Well, I think people expect PR people to be horrible, right? I don't think anyone's like,

oh, it's my PR person. They're so nice. Everyone else is their assholes. But I love her storyline with this ex-fat Top Chef contestant. That's hilarious, because that's the kid who used to be fat, and now he's all skinny and they call him Malibu

or something. Malibu Chris. Malibu Chris. Yeah, and so I love that he's gained a tiny bit of weight because that brings him down to Brenda's level a bit. But also, that insecurity might match with Brenda's level a bit. But also, you know, that insecurity might match with Brenda's, but he's so obviously

into somebody else. Like, he basically said it right there. And Brenda's like, ugh, Brenda's just so pathetic. Just stop flirting. Brenda, you're hurting my feelings. I loved all the Bravo crossovers, by the way. We had, like... I'm sorry. We had, like, two people from, like, Top Chef. We had like... I'm sorry. We had two people from Top Chef.

We had Emmanuel, a.k.a. Jean Valjean from Food Academy. He showed up there also. I think there were some others. Eric Greenspan, once again, was there. The only crossover that mattered this week was Marissa on Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles, former Beverly Hills housewife.

Oh, I didn't see that. Oh yeah, she's still trying to unload that family house of hers. Oh my god, she's like, I love these tiles. Yeah, nice rooster tiles. Who the fuck wants that? And he wants a mansion that size that only has one bedroom. That's the dumbest thing I ever saw.

And she's like, well, you could just make the gym another room or the game room another room. Bitch, the house is like $18 kabillion and it has one bedroom. Shut up. Get out of here, Marissa. That's a tear down, that house. Tear down!

That is what we call a tear down. Okay, so Matt, do you like this million dollar listing show? How do you feel? I mean, I've been committed to it from the very beginning and I need my weekly dose of Madison and Josh Flagg. I can't live without my joker

Madison and now that he's dating that dude, it's just so awkward and bizarre that I have to watch the train wreck unfold. Yeah, this is another example of, just like we were talking about with Brenda, another example of someone who's just so pathetic and thinks that this person's in love with them,

and the person's, like, obviously not, and giving very strong verbal symbols. It's not like you just can't get it up. The guy's, like, freaking out when you talk about relationships. He's just not that into you, Madison. I'm sorry. Sorry, Maddie Mad. Sorry.

Madison's so beautiful, too. I feel so bad for him. But in real life, he's like a little lady. I know. I think it's when he talks. I think he's just one of those people who's very pretty, and he just needs to be in pictures. Like, have you seen those?

This is a little Big Brother-y, but have you seen all those modeling pictures of Gina Marie? I mean, they're really whorish, like kind of whore pictures. For the drink hanky? Well, that's one of whore pictures, like whore modeling. For the drink hanky? Well, that's one of them, but she's actually in a skirt in that. There's ones of her where she's, like, in a thong, like, squatting

down, like, really slutty. Like Coco from Iced Tea and Coco? Yeah, she looks like she's about to do that butt flap thing where her butt flaps together like that. It's called twerking. She looks fucking she's about to do that butt flap thing where her butt flaps together like that. It's called twerking. She looks fucking gorgeous. That just goes to show you

pictures can do a lot. Unfortunately, you have to talk at some point. Merp, merp. What about that guy, Josh is such a douchebag. I hate that guy. Josh Altman is horrible

and I still to this day, I know it's been three seasons and I'm still not over the fact that Chad is no longer a member of the cast because I miss Chad and Starley Cakes. But yeah, Josh Altman is just a dick. Yeah, so that's basically their

formula now that they're going with on both L.A. and New York, where one guy's a real douchebag, and then one guy's eccentric, and then one guy's more of like an upstart, right? Right. I don't get it. Like, just let them be who they are. Josh was nice the first year. Are you talking about Josh Altman or Josh Flagg?

Altman. He was never nice. He's the one who swooped in and was like, I'm going to steal your girlfriend. Whose girlfriend? Well, he stole Madison's assistant and made her his girlfriend. Oh, he didn't steal her. That girl ran like hell

because she was trying... You know, she's trying to use her vagina to get things from a gay guy and it didn't work, so she used her vagina where her vagina was usable. But the straight guy. You know what? Smart girl. I'm not going to blame her. Yeah, it's good for her.

She obviously has no talent, and she sold anything. If she'd sold anything in this entire time, they would have put it up on the screen. Ben, how's Grindr treating you right now, buddy? I'm on Instagram, actually. I was going to say Candy Crush. No, I had to delete Candy Crush. It was taking up too much of my mental space.

Do you think that Candy Burris is upset that somebody got the name Candy Crush before she did? Riley, Riley, Riley. Why are you trying to crush me, Riley? I spelled it wrong. See, see, when you crush me, you can't do that, Riley. I wish every time that you crushed Candy in Candy Crush, it would go... It would go... Tasty Raleigh.

Is that saying Swedish? I'm not going to lie. I kind of hate the Real Housewives of Atlanta, but when you ever do that impersonation of Candy, and sometimes when Mama Joyce comes in, I really miss those ladies.

Raleigh. Rather. Yes. Let's finish this up, right? We're over an hour and a half. Is anybody watching Interior Therapy? I'm still obsessed with that. No. Nope.

Okay. If anybody would like to talk about Interior Therapy, why don't you post something on the Facebook page and I will gladly respond to you guys because I'm still watching and loving it. I will say I'm enjoying Below Deck and I love the crusty old Captain Lee and I feel like he's always right

and everyone else is always wrong. He is not right when he tells people to put their shirts on. That is the only time he is wrong. None of them have bodies that are worth looking at. So I think he's right. I beg to differ. One of them has very strange hair, like square hair and chunky eyebrows.

It's too much. Square hair and chunky eyebrows. That's our new band name. Square hair and chunky eyebrows. Square hair and chunky eyebrows. All right, well, let's wrap this up. So, everyone, thanks for listening. Remember to subscribe to us on YouTube, youtube.com

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