Watch What Crappens - Aviva Takes A Stand

Episode Date: August 23, 2012

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From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. It wasn't about me or my charity. It was about the children who are missing legs. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast dedicated to all that crap we all love on Bravo.

My name is Matt Whitfield from Yahoo TV. And joining me as always are my trusty sidekicks, Ben Mandelker from B-Side Blog and Ronnie Karam from TVgasm. Say hello, my lovely friends. Hello, everybody. Why? Hi. Before we get into all the gossip, and there is a shit ton of it this week, and then obviously Real Housewives of New York City, Real Housewives of New Jersey, and our amazing favorite, our new favorite, Gallery Girls.

We need to do a few plugs. So first of all, big shout out to our friends at the Sideshow Network for putting this together. Don't forget to follow us on Twitter. You can follow us at What Crappens. You can also find us on Facebook. We are Watch What Crappens. Give can also find us on Facebook. We are Watch What Crappens. Give us a like.

Definitely go over to iTunes and review us. We had a few haters in the past few weeks. We're not going to call you out by name just yet, but watch yourself because next time you will get called out. But thank you all for listening in. Thank you all for all of the other amazing reviews on there. We are at almost a perfect five stars, so we'll try to keep that up but anyway shall we move on to the gossip or do you guys have anything else to plug at the beginning uh i got nothing to plug no i'm ready to go but thank you guys we asked for ratings on itunes last week and you guys came through so

right on thank you yeah it's awesome i'm allowed to eat cookies and not kill myself my goodness i i just you know i i'm just so flattered that they gave us five stars. I mean, what are they listening to? This is definitely not a five-star podcast. It's a six-star podcast. This is just three guys chatting over Skype about shows on Bravo. What's wrong with you people? I think a lot of the straight ladies want to be our BFFs. And guess what? I'm always open want to be our BFFs. And guess what? I'm always

open to more straight lady BFFs. Oh, me too. And gay lady BFFs too. Why not? If there are any gay lady BFFs out there, which, you know, I don't know that any of them bother with these horrible programs that we watch, but if they do, I'll power to them. I have a gay lady BFF and she makes me feel completely sexually inadequate. She is so hot, and she gets so much poo-tang-tang. I feel dirty saying the kitty cat word. Is it Jackie Warner? No.

Damn it. It's Jessie Birchbach. Ooh. I don't know who that is. That's like a lesbian porn star name. Jessie Birchbach. Yeah, she's pretty hot. So let's talk about some housewives, y'all.

Yeah, I'm ready. Who's leading? I think Matt. You ushered in the podcast, I believe. Okay, I will roll with it. You'll be on top now. We will start with my lady, which you guys don't typically enjoy but i love me my kim zolciak and we should start off this week another big week for her she popped out another monster with croy this new baby's name is cash very kardashian like i'm surprised actually that

the s doesn't have dollar signs in it because we all know she's a gold digger she named her baby cash with a k so it's cash and croy and you know by the way these are also like barely even real names you know like soon it's gonna they're just gonna put a k over any noun they encounter like um kai pod and kachare or i don't know i'm telling you nothing makes me crazier than when families name all of their children with the same letter. Do you guys come from one of those families? I'm a Duggar, secretly. My real name is Jeben.

I'm an only child, so I'm very judgmental and awful for numerous reasons. We can all blame my mother for that. Any problems that you guys have with me, blame her. But I just don't understand all of the babies, all of the same letter. Anyway, do you think that Kim and Kroy are done? Is she sewing that thing up or do we have more to come?

I don't know, but I don't think I need to watch her carrying around another damn baby. I didn't even know she was pregnant again. When did that happen? As soon as the last one popped out? Yeah, it was a very stealth pregnancy. I think that she is basically um she's gonna just keep on popping out babies as long as she possibly can you know tie down that man she she has him

tied down i actually do believe that he's in love with her and i actually like them and their spinoff which i was the only one watching that but anyway um i just think that she's incredibly selfish and she likes to spend money on herself. The more babies she has, the less shopping she can do for herself. I think that she thinks babies are like accessories. Like it's like the new like fall bag. It's like it's the new fall baby that just came in, you know? I think that's the way she looks at it.

I don't think she probably doesn't even realize that she still has Croix Jr. She just thinks she has cash now. Like it's one baby. Well, then what about Ariana? Is that poor girl? I mean jr she just thinks she has cash now like it's one baby well then what about ariana is that poor girl i mean she's just done right you know ariana bless her heart i've never seen this i've never seen a girl get thrown into so many pools and shoved and eat so many hot fudge sundaes and uh and still have a smile on her face god bless her god bless her god bless her god bless her little heart yeah God bless her little heart getting tossed into a pool like a big old piece of ham.

I don't know. Okay, moving on away from Kim Zolciak, let's bounce into Beverly Hills. We did have some major, major news this week, RHOBH, with new housewife Marissa joining the fold. Who wants to discuss that? Well, I know this biatch from Selling L.A. because one of my favorite things to do is smoke a giant bowl and watch all the shows on HGTV that feature really large houses in Los Angeles that maybe one day I could have if I ever leave my house and try and get a career. And so she's on there.

She's one of the agents on there, and she's kind of tragic. She overdresses to show a damn house. She dresses like she's on there she's one of the agents on there and she's kind of tragic she overdresses to show a damn house like she she dresses like she's on a telenovela and she's kind of boring she doesn't really have much of a personality so i'm excited to see her get down and dirty and i hope she comes out of the gate swinging well what kind of void do you think that she's gonna fill i mean obviously camille is not gonna be back for season three and, you know, this whole season's obviously going to be about, you know, the relationship falling apart between Adrian Maloof and Lisa Vanderpump.

So where is Marissa going to fit in? Do you see her, like, siding with anybody? What's the deal? I think she's going to fill like a showbiz, like, wealthy showbiz bitch sort of thing, you know, because her name is Marissa Zanuck and she is married to an heir to the Zanuck family,

which if you live in Hollywood, you know they started 20th Century Fox. Plus her office, I think, doesn't she work for Rick Hilton, who's married to Kathy, who's half-sisters with Kyle and Kim? Yeah, and Mauricio just quit to start his own company. And they were talking last season

that that might cause some drama because everything was given to him by Mr. Hilton. Oh, really? So there might be some drama there because she's still working for the Hiltons and now he's back. So that's, you know, see, here's the thing. I never really cared enough to know where Mauricio actually worked. I just knew he was successful. I didn't realize he was, was he working for Rick?

Yeah, well, Ronnie just said that. They made it sound like Rick kind of really got Mauricio into the business and kick-started everything. And so the fact that he's willing to leave the agency and go start his own might cause major dramas. You know, I feel like I won't care about any of that drama, though. Because the drama between the husbands is rarely very interesting, unless it's on New Jersey. I don't know. The drama with Mario on New York is pathetic, but it's on new jersey i don't know the the drama with mario on new york is pathetic but it's getting pretty interesting but we'll get to that later we'll get there in a second let's do one

more uh bit of um housewives gossip you know my beloved show that is no longer in existence is the real housewives of dc my my lovely hometown but you, we can thank the Salahis for ruining that. But now... And also for making it awesome. I will never forget them stomping on grocery store grapes at the vineyard. That's right. The show never would have made it to air if the Salahis hadn't

been on it. I mean, they were amazing. They were. That's true. And Tarek's running for governor of Virginia. Of Virginia. Which makes no sense. Butarek's running for governor of Virginia. Of Virginia. Which makes no sense. But it's Virginia, so maybe it does. I hope he gets into office. That'll be hilarious.

Then maybe finally he can get retribution against his mother who sends helicopters after him. Finally. And then we can get the real housewives of Richmond, Virginia. Oh, that would be fantastic. And also, you know that he and his wife, their divorce, I think, was official this week. Not that anyone really cares, but for those who are completionists with the Salahi timeline, that's it. Right. Like Tom and Katie's divorce got finalized today, and that took all of about, you know, four weeks. The Salahi's, it took about two and a half years.

Well, you know, there's a lot of stuff to fight over. You know, fake Redskins cheerleading outfits that had to be, you know, someone had to have. There's a big battle over that stuff. What was her fake disease? She had a fake disease, right? She really does not have it, correct? I don't think so. Does she have MS the way Kim Zolciak had cancer?

I think so. I think that her whole thing, wasn't it that like she only ate salad? It wasn't the whole thing she was like, people were accusing her of having an eating disorder, she only ate salad and Rice Krispies, and she said it's because of her MS? Yes, I think she just forgot how to spell PMS.

Left off a letter. That makes more sense. Okay, before we jump into... She's not really ill. Before we jump into Real Housewives of New York City, which was off the chain this week uh there is one final bit of gossip that we must discuss um everybody feel free to take a moment of silence of about maybe two seconds here we'll start right now okay so work of art was canceled and i'm really bummed out the sarah jessica parker produced uh art show with Simon Dupree

and was it China Chow or Asia Argento? They're both the same to me as the host. It's gone after two amazing seasons. I never watched any episodes of it. We've all got Photoshop now. We don't need artists anymore. Go away, artists! There's no such thing as art anymore

except for this podcast. Go not bathe yourself someplace else you stinking artist i ain't buying your crap for six thousand dollars and you can take that to the bank and deposit it you gallery girls what i ain't spending six thousand dollars on some hat but it was painted on formerly bedsheets and now transitioned onto cloth and he literally made he literally made textiles with the paint there's literally texture that he made like claudia said that with a straight face while i was shitting my pants laughing i couldn't i couldn't handle it was jumping ahead jumping

ahead but there is one more piece of gossip and that is that alexis bolino is refusing to go back to beverly hills i mean yeah right in beverly hills she's refusing to go back to Beverly Hills. I mean, yeah, right. She'd even be let in Beverly Hills. She's refusing to go back to Orange County unless they will hire one of her friends. And to that I say, they've already hired your friends, and they all end up hating you and quitting the show. Well, let's be honest. She really does

need an ally, because Vicky is nobody's ally but her own. Vicky's not going to be back, I don't think. Listen, I don't understand how they're going to get Jesus to sign that contract if he wants to be on the show. That's her best friend, isn't it? I mean, if we don't get to see the trampoline park venture unfold on reality TV, that is a travesty. I agree.

I think there should be. Her boobs are too big not to be documented on a trampoline, okay? Especially a trampoline park where she goes from one to the next. What if she has another sinus flare-up? Oh my god, what if she lands on her nose? On a trampoline? What if Jim's chin implant falls off with a bad jump? Who is Heather? Heather needs somebody to beat up.

I mean, Heather, my arch-nemesis, who both of you like a little too much, she needs a punching bag, besides her husband. Well, it's called Anyone Who Vandalizes a Cake. She's like the Batman of the cake world. She goes and she hunts, she's a vigilante, and she hunts down people who ruin cakes. Yeah, she runs a community center against cake rape. Yeah. She's like, you know that website Cake Wrecks? She hates it.

To her, it's like looking at pictures of genocide she came out kind of face like the joker go ahead oh she does yeah she does she came out this week against that senator who um made a stance against um illegitimate cake rape you know some cake rape. You know, some cake rape is legitimate. Some just isn't. They're so politically minded down there in Orange County. This is very topical for our podcast. Look at us delving into controversial politics.

I'm excited. Let's delve right back out and jump right into New York City. Yay! Okay, another night of women trying to convince us that they still have working pussies. I'm sorry to be so crass, but both

of these shows last night were people trying to convince us that they had exciting sex lives, and I'm not buying it, and I do not want to see Ramona in a bikini bottom ever again, humping a table and saying the C word. Are you just you just a little bitter or are you like horrified i'm it's like i just got chased through a parking lot by a homeless person and i used to give money to homeless people and now i just want them all taken off the street that's how i feel her her like the her butt and

legs look like two oversized vienna sausages. They sort of have that smooth look that's not proper. You know when you see a Vienna sausage you're like, that doesn't look like a good sausage. That's what her legs look like. Just too smooth and strange. And you know what? She's... She gives a lot of women a lot of

flack about being naked or being inappropriate. And here she is with her tuchus hanging out and a vibrator going up her butt and she's squealing like a little girl. She said the C word, people. Yeah, she's like, yeah, that just went up my cunt.

Really nice, Ramona. After your first whole year was being anti, wasn't it the first year that she was calling Alex a whore because Alex had some safe or something? Yeah. Come on now. Exactly.

I mean, what do you think her daughter, I mean, her daughter is like this cute, nice girl and she must be mortified, Avery. Avery's going to go to college and change her hair color and be crazy and she's going to become an artist and she's going to become a gallery girl in her own right because she's going to be rebelling against Ramona. If anybody should be a gallery girl, it's Luann's daughter who had that terrifying art show in a garage in the Hamptons earlier this season. My God. She can have like some hedges around the gallery and her friends can come and pass out in them. It'll be fantastic.

She had a very good art show though. Don't you think Luann's daughter? She had like some really violent art. I liked it. I actually liked it. Compared to that shithole that the gallery girls run in Brooklyn. Are you kidding? Luann's daughter? She had some really violent art. I actually liked it. Compared to that shithole that the gallery girls run in Brooklyn, are you kidding? Luann's daughter puts them to shame. Yeah, I

thought Luann's daughter's art was actually very good and legitimate, and I didn't care that it was dark. I think she needs to exorcise some demons coming from that household. Let us not forget, however, that she is racist. Oh, yeah, that's true, too. Well, you know, a little racist art.

She's not racist just because she said the N-word on the internet. Come on, now. Wasn't she saying, like, my N-word? Isn't that different than being like... It's all semantics. Listen, when you come from the royal lineage that is the Dilliseps family, you can say whatever you want. Go for it.

I think rap music has kind of put that word in our heads.'ve said my n word before and not felt like i was being racist uh i guess i was being racist now that i think about it maybe i am racist you guys well you're not fully white you're partially lebanese so that gives you like a little bit of ethnicity so maybe wait are you only partially lebanese Yeah, I'm a halfie. My dad is Lebanese and my mom's Irish. Your mother is Irish? I had no idea. Well, we say Irish because her last name is Mullins, but she's basically just like a patriot dish of white trash from Texas.

So basically... I had white people fucked and that made my mom's side. I'm really confused. Here's what you need to know. He has roots in the IRA and in Lebanon, so everyone be careful. Yeah. Yeah, don't fuck with Ronnie.

And if any of you give us a bad review on iTunes, Ronnie's going to make you pay. Yeah, the Perry Back drunk is going to make you pay, suckas. The people who gave us a bad review on iTunes, they only listened to the first five minutes anyway, so they're long gone. Oh, they're long gone. Which is too bad because this is priceless conversation it truly is it truly is okay before we get you know delve deeper into ramona's asshole and her

butt injections let's let's start where the episode started you know at the end of last week's episode a whole brouhaha was going on at this party and we have you know jacques being thrown under the bus by aviva as soon as he walks out the door mario's in the mix ramona's in the mix then ramona's attacking heather i mean i'm just dizzy thinking about it still but that's how we kicked off this week to be fair just to clarify something it was ramona who actually started off the thing went once jacque walked out the door it was it was ramona who who like looked behind and said okay let me do something about the accent etc just just a little um ombudsman's ship no anybody who wants to you know point the finger at ramona i'm all for that so i'm gonna back you up on that but

you know this got really quite nasty and you know we thought that heather and aviva were kind of friends through the majority of the season so far and they you know there was you know calm waters between the two but last night heather really truly confronted aviva which i thought was awesome because you know seeing aviva be confronted and you know the way she freaks out and backs up against the wall with her fake leg was just amazing but um i'm still team heather i've been team heather all season long a lot of people have finally gotten on board with me, but I'm sticking by that. Where do you guys stand? On Heather? I think Heather's a total asshole.

She wore a sweatshirt with glitter on it to somebody's party, which is terrible. She always does, so you need to get past that. She looks like a clown. Oh my god, clown chicks. She wears mime base, and if she's not going to do the walking down the stairs pantomime, I don't want to see her in my makeup she starts too much shit she did leave ramona out

now that i've seen how ramona has been acting all season i don't blame her and but the most disgusting thing to me was that mario jumped in and started fighting with a woman i mean that was really mario has always been disgusting and he's married to Ramona, which, I mean, he has no credibility with me. He's fought with Jill in the past. Remember, he's been an asshole to Jill. And Luann, yeah. Well, Jill's a horrible human being. I mean, I can understand that.

I would fight with Jill. I would fight with Jill if I was, like, the target, you know, her target checkout lady. I'd fight with her. She's just annoying. I think you're allowed. Jill, you get a free pass to abuse. But, Heather, you don't get to just start yelling at some woman at a party. What'd fight with her. She's just annoying. I think you're allowed. Jill, you get a free pass to abuse. But Heather, you don't get to just start yelling at some woman at a party. What's wrong with you?

Ronnie, what is wrong with you? Heather had all the right in the world. Ramona, you know, smashed her and then ran down the hallway screaming and ran off. Of course Ramona was acting crazy. And all Heather said was, your wife is acting crazy. No, no, no, no, no. She didn't say that. She said your crazy wife. She said you say that. She said, your crazy wife.

She said, you've got to do something with your crazy wife, which I think Heather should not have said. That being said— Why are you defending Heather? That being said— I mean, defending Ramona, excuse me, because Heather was in all the right. Heather, I'm saying Mario's a disgusting human being for yelling at a woman. Here's what I think. I think Heather should not have said, your crazy wife. That that was rude i do agree with aviva on that front but i did really like the

way heather defended herself to aviva because aviva at that point should you know she was butting her nose into someone else's business it was ridiculous it was stupid and she was she was actually trying to instigate mario because mario's sitting there and like giving the most half-ass like defense of his wife. He's just sort of standing there being like, oh, that wasn't nice to say. I mean, it wasn't a great exhibition of manliness and chivalry, if you ask me. Here was my problem. He started off by saying, oh, well, you shouldn't say that.

But then he started jumping down her throat. Well, you didn't invite her to the trip, nigga. And yelling at a woman at a party i mean what a fucking pig just because you have tits does not make you a woman all right you saggy titted wax boobied mother trucker be nice to a woman on national tv here's the thing mario mario has mario uh knows how to restrain himself but he has not shown that he truly has class that's for sure no he needs to read luann's book there's no doubt about that but i will say this this is the thing that really really pissed me off when aviva started to say well you were really mean by not inviting ramona to london and then i kind of liked how heather

threw that back at her and said um you didn't fucking invite me to miami and the thing is it's like if heather is inviting you on a glamorous trip to London, and you can't even return the favor by inviting her to Miami, shut the fuck up, Aviva. Well, yeah, Aviva probably should have invited her to Miami. However, Aviva also did have a point, which is that it's one thing to invite just two people. It's another thing to invite everyone in the group except for one person. There's a little, there is a difference. There is a difference, but she should have... Aviva can say that she only invited two, that's fine, but when Carol was also going to be in Miami,

which obviously was orchestrated by the producers, it ended up being four of them there, not three of them there, and that's just two away from a full house. So, I'm sorry. The fact that Aviva didn't return the favor by inviting Heather somewhere, I think Aviva needs to just go stand in front of her. Aviva's an asshole. And also that Aviva didn't return the favor by inviting Heather somewhere, I think Aviva needs to just go stand up for her.

And also that Aviva's sitting there saying that she can't go to St. Bart's because she's afraid of the tiny plane. We just saw her take a flight to Miami and then live on the 80th floor overlooking death and was totally fine with it. That woman's a total hypocrite, a total liar, and she has a sinking Loretta Twitface. I don't want to lie. I know Ben agrees with me on this one, and we're just delving into

the episode right now. Aviva does, by the end of the episode, become my secret new favorite. At the beginning of the episode, I'm hating her because I'm totally team Heather, but by the end, when she slams the shit out of dumb fuck sonia i'm all i'm team aviva for life yeah i i agree and and we'll get to that that was a great scene i i agree i i think though um i don't remember what i was gonna say something about aviva something about her being crazy oh

here's my question with the flying they just sort of casually mentioned that like carol's best friends all died in a plane crash was that a reference to like i was wondering was that a reference like jfk jr maybe or and like jfk jr was it 9-11 related i don't know they just sort of casually mentioned it like oh yeah carol it was princess diana in the in the tunnel and it was jfk in the plane and and peter jennings on his cancer bed mama cass on the toilet with the ham sandwich in her mouth i know them all i i was so sad when phyllis dilly died because i'm the crypt keeper and i take away life yeah poor carol because she's like so nice but it seems like she's one of those people that you're like, oh, she's so glamorous.

I want to be her friend. But then you have to rethink it because you'll be like, but my life will end in tragedy. It's true. Everybody around her dies. I mean, that's why she doesn't have pets, children, or a husband. Or a good gay friend. She's like sooty on True Blood. Yeah.

Everybody dies. But you know what, though? I will say I'm enjoying Carol more and more every week. I mean, I've always enjoyed her, but, like, she's really becoming – she is actually finally stepping into the Bethany role a little bit more comfortably, and I think it's working out very nicely for her. She definitely is kind of, like, the voice of reason there, but she also does give – and these are great, again.

I'm not trying to, like, slam her kind of sort of, but she gives the bitchiest, bitchiest confessionals. I like them. What I like about Carol is that I don't think she really thinks any of these women are truly her friends. I think she thinks they're all oddities. And she just likes to hang around and see what crazy things they'll say. And then she'll laugh behind their face. She's like, instead of filming a documentary and producing a piece for

2020 to win, you know, an Emmy Award, she's living it. But she's clearly taking notes and she's gonna write another bestseller about her crazy experience on the show. Yeah, it's like going to the zoo. You know, it's not like you want to take a tiger home as a pet. But, you know, you'll watch it and you'll look at it

and you'll smile and laugh and point fingers at it. Yeah, prod it with a stick. Yeah, yeah exactly that's what i always do at the zoo i prod everything well speaking of prodding oh go ahead no no no you go ahead i thought there was going to be a pause so i was going to go on i was going to go back to um nasty ramona and her c word thing well that's what i was getting at with prodding because I was going to say that she was getting prodded in the sea. Yes, she was getting prodded in the sea and that was disturbing,

but that came after we had to listen to Sonia make a sexual remark every two seconds. It was like rapid fire. Sonia, my pussy still works like the poem by you. You would think that Sonia is, and Ramona were like frequent users of our sponsor adam was it adam yes adam mail adam mail.com where you can go right now and get

almost 50 off any item yes all you have to do is type bravo at checkout and you will get 50 off almost any item yeah you guys can get blow-up dolls and you could melt their faces and they'll look like Sonia. Or you could get AY and spray it all over yourself like Sonia does to pretend that her vagina still works. I am not buying it. I do not want to see it. I don't want to hear her make

remarks. And she's making remarks to the poor little Asian waxer ladies that do not want to hear it. Well, Ron, you better not watch next week's episode because clearly she and Ramona are starting to bump you-know-what's in the swimming pool when they go on their trip. I mean, I actually think that the two of them

have had sex before on numerous occasions. Ugh, that'd be loud, shrieky sex. It'd be like, have you ever heard a rabbit getting killed? It's like, you would think that a rabbit getting killed would not make a crazy noise. I'm a vegetarian, not like you. well i i grew up in the woods and i every now and then you'd hear a bird attacking a rabbit and they let out the scariest most shrill shriek you've ever heard and that's what i imagine ramona and sonja having sex that's what sonja would sound

like and ramona would be going oh my god I can't believe you taste like bubble gum. Oh, I hate bubble gum, but I like bubble gum. I'm so glad you're here. Oh, God, are you talking? Stop talking to me. Why are you talking to me like that? Why are you pinching me? I hate Ramona.

Would any of them lose full bladder control like Milou? Probably. That's probably like a steady stream that just comes. That's why. It's like from here to eternity of urine. Sonia is so upset about her dog losing its its um ability to hold its pee she feels like she's going to be put down soon you guys i'm a little terrified but um speaking of terrifying what did you think of getting um

injections in her stomach this was sonia would you guys get injections in her stomach. This was Sonia. Would you guys get injections in your stomach? What's getting injected? I would. I mean, that looked like a tablecloth that had been used for a week straight and been spilled all over, crumpled up and thrown on the ground. Oh, yeah.

She has Tara Reid belly. That is bad. She looked like... So yesterday I was making something with tomatillos and half my bag of tomatillos were rotten. And she really looked like one of my rotten tomatillos. She looks like she needs to inject herself with that wrinkle-free spray that you can

spray on your shirts before you put them in the dryer. She looks like Mr. Potato Head who just stayed in the jacuzzi an extra hour and shouldn't have. I think she looks like an unskinned bag of potato chips. She looks like when you haven't gotten a pedicure in a long time and you get that white skin on the bottom of your feet and pull it off.

She looks like someone took a whole bunch of plastic bags and bundled them in the corner to recycle, but they never did, and it became her stomach. Sounds like Maggie from Gallery Girls. Let me go fold some plastic bags. Yeah, I was like, for a moment, I must have blocked out that memory. Did you see that was like a good segue right there? I've been an intern for many, I had a previous life as an intern for many years. You guys, do you think that we could get an intern for the podcast? I would love that.

What would we have them do? Massage our feet. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, I would love that. What would we have them do? Massage our feet. becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Grey's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success.

If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real.

I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about,

especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. I was thinking of some other things, but yeah. Sexual? You don't want to have sex with an intern? No, no, no. Can't they just jot some notes for me or something? I don't know.

The intern can go and leave leaflets all around Los Angeles telling people to subscribe to our podcast. Yeah, they'll be like, hey, you guys, you can get some free lube. You can get lube for 50% off if you go to adam.com and use the code word BRAVO.

It's adammail, but that's fine. adammail.com. Yeah, actually, you guys, buy just something from it because that way we, A, get to keep a sponsor. That means we get a little bit of money, theoretically, which means we can eat some crumbs of food. And B, we get to keep the promo at get we that means we get like a little bit of money theoretically which means we can eat some like crumbs of food and b we get to keep that the the promo at the end of the podcast which matt read lovely and everyone can listen to that every single week now i'm

really glad that my first voiceover work was for sex toys and lube i mean i'm incredibly proud of that and on my headstone i'm going to be cremated but on on my headstone, I think it should say, proud Lube sponsor. You know, when you graduated from Syracuse, you had to realize this was in your future. I know. Actually, I think I'm going to call up the Alumni Association and tell them that that's what I'm doing now. And maybe they'll print it in the monthly catalog. Yeah, everyone should buy something from Adam Mail and then post what you bought on our Facebook page. How about that?

That would be hilarious. I think the three of us should each be forced to buy something, use it in our personal lives, and then report back on it. Or we could exchange it like Secret Santa last week on Real Hustles in New York. Even though you're a Jew, we're definitely going to be playing Secret Santa this year with AdamMail.com products.

It's a holiday party. Wait, can we talk a little bit about, because that reminded me of Luanne and how horrified she was. can we talk a little bit about because that reminded me of luann and how horrified she was can we talk a little bit about um uh aviva's soul cycle yes please drive ben please drive the train i did the intro but you're driving okay i have to talk about this i thought it was the funny funniest thing ever when luann shows up this is like a charity like ride thing on the bicycles for spinning class for aviva's like uh charity whatever it's called step forward or something

and when gets there she thinks she's just gone just think it's just go to take a first spin class didn't know there was a cause normally when luanne shows up for a charity event i mean she's in like a ball gown everything is lots of turquoise jewels girl showed up in a t-shirt yeah and then she tells you she's totally forgot it was for charity i just thought we were cycling at least she admitted it in her uh you know backstage confessional she was like yeah uh that totally slipped my mind yeah i i kind of loved that and she just said oops and just sort of laughed it off like oh it doesn't matter anyway it wasn't like i was going to contribute anything you know well she doesn't have anymore. It wasn't like I was going to contribute anything, you know?

Well, she doesn't have any more money, so, I mean, there's no expectations there. I wonder if her bicycle is made of, like, blue Algonquin jewelry, you know? Oh, it has to be. It's like a big blue stone, the wheel. So now, of course, this event was very important because it set up a huge confrontation later in the episode because Sony and Ramona did not go to this event.

And so then later on, uh, Ramona had like a little luncheon at her apartment and, um, and there Aviva sort of started off, I think fairly calmly and was like, listen, you guys mean a lot to me.

This is, this is why I'm mentioning this, but like it really, it bothered me that you guys didn't show up to my charity event. Okay, here's my answer to you, Biatch. What kind of charity asks me to go exercise for an hour? Especially a charity for kids who cannot get on a bicycle. That's the meanest charity event I've ever heard of.

Guess what? You might not have an arm, but you can still pedal. I mean, it's not just about people that are missing legs from the knee down no i think it should be like you should let me sit in a wheelchair or something and watch a movie in the air conditioning if you want me to come to your event that's the kind of thing you need to do not ask me to exercise fuck you and fuck all legless people that makes me just hate all people that are missing limbs. The majority of charity events that I participate in actually are sports-related, Ben. I mean, like the AIDS walk, the

cancer run, I mean, all of these things. I don't contribute to charity. That's disgusting. So here's the thing, though. What Aviva doesn't realize is that she dodged a major bullet. If she had had Sonia and Ramona at her fundraiser, she'd never have gotten another dime for the rest of its existence, okay?

Because they would have made such asses of themselves on the spin thing. They would have made dumb comments. They would have made it all about themselves. Yeah, she would have been like, look at me, I'm on the bicycle. Look at me, I'm doing it with one leg. It's like you.

The bike is going up my cunt. It's going up my cunt. My cunt is the bike. But so here's the thing, though. So a normal person, if you were, if you were, if any of us were in Ramona or Sonia's position and the view was saying, I was really pissed you guys didn't show up, you would have done almost actually what Ramona did at first, which is to say, more or less, sorry, here's a check, by the way.

I'm really sorry. Oh, that's what I always do. If anybody, if I upset anybody, I just write a check. I pay them off. And it balances all the time, but it's great. And then I also make sure to fold it in half in a crinkly old reused piece of mail and then hand it across the dinner table.

Like, that was so weird to me. You know that was, like, totally a check that she was going to write to Avery. I actually think it was, like, her AT&T bill, and there was really nothing in it. And then she was going to write to Avery. I actually think it was like her AT&T bill and there was really nothing in it. And then she was going to be like, yeah, when the camera's turned off, I'll write you a real check. But here's my AT&T bill. Yeah, it was like a gift receipt to some shorts she bought Mario at Old Navy. So what a normal person does is the point is this.

You just say, sorry, I'm sorry I missed it. My bad. And you just shut up. But Sonya, on the other hand sonia morgan can never just say sorry and shut up in fact she can barely even say sorry so she goes on she starts talking about her dog and this is when the episode became both infuriating and hilarious now i was so i was so so angry like first of all i am not rooting for aviva and i understand that it was for charity so yeah they probably should have shown more effort.

It wasn't about her charity. It was about the children without any legs. I know. I mean, I'm sorry, but that is one of the best Housewives quotes in history. Maybe TV quotes in history. I'm sorry, but like, Nene telling Kim, close your legs to married men has now been trumped. I think it's right up there with, this is not the Plaza Hotel, this is Morocco I know, right? We needed one for this season and I definitely think that this is a contender but what did you guys think of both of these excuses? So Ramona is saying that she didn't show up because she was at the dermatologist

and it's impossible to get an appointment in New York City and her face started to explode and was all red and then Sonia had the whole dog scenario do you think that either of these were legit or do you think they made them up completely i think they're completely made up well here's my thing i think they are both things that happen but they're also not they're easily either rescheduled or someone else could have done them like the they sort of like hid behind these things that they could very easily not have done you know editing was tricky

so we didn't really know if what they were saying was true or if that day that they were at the pussy doctor together was that the same day that they were supposed to be at the spin class i think it was like wearing they were wearing different outfits so i think that they were kind of like back-to-back days but i'm not sure like that yeah i think that carol had it right if it had been a party that was you know an event that they could get dressed up wasted and photographed at yeah well and more importantly for sonia a place for her to eat and drink because she cannot afford food you know what probably both these women here's the thing they probably both forgot about this fundraiser because not even luann could remember that it was a fundraiser and she

probably knows every stupid event you know the opening of an of an envelope as they say she probably goes to you know so because i mean we didn't even know like where did this event even come from all of a sudden aviva was having a charity event there was no signage or anything so they just probably forgot and they just you guys excuses do you guys think that this problem you know and this fight would have escalated to you know the the magnitude that it did had carol at the beginning before Aviva showed up, had she not stirred the pot because she clearly put Ramona and Sonya on edge

and then they started to clutch hands on the couch, which was so awkward. That was amazing. I mean, she stirred the pot, but do you think that it was going to go there regardless? Yes, it would have gone there.

Aviva would have said it and this way at least the women were prepared. And well, Ramona, at least, i do think ramona actually listened to carol she had a few things she sort of let out but she was actually more or less for ramona fairly um yeah ramona ponied up a check and like pouted so she was like ready to say i'm sorry sonia on the other hand not only wouldn't say i'm sorry but went on and on about how her dog is almost dead and it was wetting itself on the bed and she had to, you know, put it up on the bed. And, you know, that means that the dog's going to die soon. So she had to take it to the vet.

Well, listen, your dog doesn't just automatically die. Like, this happened to my last dog and it was horrible and traumatizing. So I do understand where she's coming from. this happened to my last dog and it was horrible and traumatizing so i do understand where she's coming from but it's not like one day you wake up and your dog's suddenly peeing everywhere and can't and is old and can't jump on the bed like she also made it sound like she spoons it and i mean like there yeah she spoons it in a diaper every night before she goes to sleep i mean it's kind of fucked up right she has to because the I mean, the dog would not accept anything less. It's a very proud dog. It's a very proud dog.

It's a very proud dog. It needs to be held and it's embarrassed when it pees everywhere. It's mortified. Eva finally breaks down and says the, it's not about you, it's about the children with no legs line. And Sonia's response killed me.

It cuts to Sonia in the diary room or whatever going all right lesson learned she's not a dog person i know you know what's so fucked up like i know that sonia's ex-husband will not let sonia's daughter child be on this show but it really does make it sound like she does not give a fuck about children and all she does is care about dogs well i i agree i i feel like she does like Milu more than her own daughter, you know? Clearly. Clearly. I mean, I loved it when she was just bawling, and she was like, this is not about me.

This is about Milu. I, like, died. I fell off my couch. I was ripping my hair out because I just think Sonya is, you know, she's just the worst. I mean, not only is she offensive she's she's the dumbest by far and that is saying a lot but here's my thing she is the loser in the fight with aviva however i must say that if i if i sat down to a lunch and somebody wanted me to apologize but they framed it with let me teach you a lesson i'd be like fuck you bitch and i

would throw a glass of wine on her and i'd rip her fucking hair well i don't think that she talks to me like that i don't think she i don't think she asked to for i don't think aviva asked for an apology i think that she just uh she forced it as a lesson like she's fucked like she's talking down to these two women who are clearly older than her and it's like guess what way of saying it like a teenager like you guys um i wouldn't be saying this if i wasn't your friend i wouldn't be giving you this lecture if it wasn't for me really liking you but when someone says something's important you have to show up to their thing and then and then it's like shut are you 13 because your face like your

face just multiplied that? Just shut up. Just stop. I thought the whole scene was brilliant. Well, no, the scene was brilliant. But, I mean, were you not thinking that, like, you know, last season, Sonia really put Cindy Barshop, you know, one season wonder Cindy Barshop in her place with the whole pecking order situation. I thought she was going to bring that back up again and be like, bitch, you're the new one. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, the order goes – it goes Luann, then Ramona, then Milou, and then Sonia. That's clearly what we have to realize here.

Nobody else matters. I mean I was like – there were so many amazing quotes that came out of this thing. And the fact that also while Sonia is going on and on about this, that Ramona is sort of like at her side doing these little like stereotypically like New York things it's a pill, it's a pill, let's keep it positive it's the pill, it's the pill or like, I love, personally my favorite part was when Sonia at her

most breaking point she's literally crying and she goes, when a dog loses their bladder function, that is the sign they are about to die. And I was about to die. I swear to God. I lost my bladder function at that moment.

And I peed all over my couch because it was such an amazing moment. And look, I don't have a dog. So, you know, I. Have you ever had a dog? Because Ronnie is a current dog owner. And I have had a dog in the past. I haven't had a dog. I've had a hamster and a cat.

I understand. You know, like, I understand what she was going through. My dog in the past. I haven't had a dog. I've had a hamster and a cat. I understand. You know, like, I understand what she was going through. My dog went through that. It was horrifying. It was traumatic. But I would never use my dying dog as an excuse. I think that's so cheap and low and mean to your dog. You know?

I mean, not to get too animal crazy, but that's not cool, using your dog's cancer or whatever the hell is going on with it. Especially a proud dog. Especially a with it. Especially a proud dog. Especially a proud dog. It's humiliating to a very proud dog to be wearing diapers. Now, I did use that as an excuse to gain 80 pounds and chain smoke and do a lot of drugs and fuck strangers.

That said, I did not disney legless people, so I'm a better person. Yeah, you are. If anything, Milu would have wanted Sonia to put on some riding pants and some riding boots and maybe a veil with a hole in it grab her blackberry grab her blackberry out of the powder room toilet and go to that charity event oh yeah milu would have liked that do it for milu there were a couple of other things i really liked in this episode one was that sonia wouldn't trust her purse in the waiting room with the nurses i thought that was really

hilarious i wouldn't either i wouldn't either calls them thieves well she's making a joke yeah no she's called people thieves before in the past because she's racist because when they went to morocco don't forget when she was having her suitcases taken out of the car she had to watch the men bring the suitcases into her of the car she had to watch the men bring the suitcases into her bedroom because she thought oh they have different colored skin than mine therefore they're going to rob me of all my uh clothes that have holes in them plus you also know that after after hurricane irene you know she had to have had like at least six or seven squatters that moved right into that house you know they're like oh look it's a damaged hovel

we have to move in it's our new home probably where she got that fucking purse yeah exactly true one of them left it behind it's actually just uh two shingles from her roof that fell into her dining room that she put together and made into a purse yeah a little hot glue and you're good to go um did you guys notice there's one other thing i mean this is it took like two seconds from the episode but it's something that really pissed me off back to the beginning when um ramona was talking shit about heather and she was actually in front of carol but she was talking to another one of the party goers and the party goer kept going like yeah fake people are awful fuck fake people i wrote that down too i wrote bitter old lady screaming what was that it was like some

crazy bitter old hag trying to get on the housewives yeah that's what i'm thinking she was like trying to make her 10 second play to get on the housewives. Yeah. That's what I'm thinking. She was, like, trying to make her 10-second play to get on this cast, which was never going to happen, a la Kim G. And, you know, I just wanted Carol to slap Ramona. That's the other thing. Like, I like Carol, Ben, and I know that you really, really love her. But, you know, as much as she is the voice of reason and she talks a lot of shit in the diary rooms, I really just wanted at party carol to pull ramona aside and go you are being a fucking crazy bitch and you need to calm the fuck down yeah yeah i kind of like it when she's just talking behind everyone's back though i think it's so funny when they just cut to carol and she's like well ramona was acting like a crazy

person she's like i've never had more toast in my life than i have with these women oh and then how about like when aviva was like well excuses are like assholes everyone's got them let's cheers to that this rich wasp and you're talking about assholes i was clutching my pearls by the way it's a weird thing i don't know why this is i always think the funniest thing in the world is when women call other women assholes i think that's the funniest thing. Don't you guys agree? I pretend that women don't shit. I still don't believe that happens. They don't. They don't shit. Don't ever

let go of that because they don't shit. That's where babies come out of that whole area. There's no asshole for a lady. Things go in and the only thing that comes out are babies. It's true. And sparkles and rainbows. And if you're Sonia, maybe a spider.

But generally... Can you imagine one of those Halloween cartoon spiders that just sort of droops down like... Comes down and it's like Happy Halloween! And then goes back up. Yeah, picks up a few crumbs to snack on from her toaster oven. You know, like those cartoon

spiders, you know? That sort of just come on down. Oh, while we're talking about shit, we skipped over a note. One other thing that I love, another one of the best lines of the year was, Don't fight my bottles for me. Oh, my God. I don't need you to fight my bottles. Oh, poor Grump Ramona.

And then she cackled at herself okay so let's do last call for new york because we have spent okay you don't have a lot of time left this is my last call for new york these are this is my notes and this is my slam poetry okay go through it the needle feels like a penis my psychic says i have a penis sign on my forehead welcoming penises the jokes get worse and worse then ramona pulls off her pants and turns over and she says she feels something going up her cunt sonia you're making me horny ugh sonia please stop all caps everyone on this show is trying way too hard to be sexy thank you oh my god clapping snapping, clap, clap. Snap, snap, snap. I'm being a beatnik. I wish we had a

bass. You know what? Maybe I'll go back in post-production and add a bass line to that. Ronnie, you definitely need to add that in post. Ronnie, do you know what you deserve for that? What? Do you know? You definitely deserve a 50% off item from AdamMail.com.

Does he ever? He deserves a big old dildo for that. Before we talk about Jersey, if I could buy you any sex toy, Ronnie, what would I buy you? What would you want? If you could get anything. Your birthday is coming up. Maybe some gloves. Is that a sex toy? Gloves?

Maybe just some rubber gloves. That sounds like you're a serial killer like you're Dexter. He's like, I don't know, maybe like a saw and some gloves and some plastic tarp, something like that. I think that's at Home Depot dot com. That really turns me on. Or maybe some of that antibacterial hand sanitizer. This is why you're not getting laid if you only want a saw and hand sanitizer.

I'm not really into toys. My favorite thing about sex is just getting it over with and then having someone make me something while I watch TV. That's really the only reason I even have sex. Why don't you get, like, a sling but then give it for the dog? Have the dog, like, hang out in it? Well, the sling actually, have you ever been in a sling?

They're actually very comfortable. I used to know a bear. Stop. You've been in a sling? Well, not sexually, but I used to know stop you've been in a sling well not sexually but i used to know a bear and he had all that kinky shit in his house would you go over and like watch housewives just sitting in slings um we did what i watched the color purple over there for like the fifth time in a sling well i i was he was showing me all his toys and i was dying because to me like really who wants a fist in their butt like that sounds horrible to me but wait is that slings or swings or swings are they only for butt fisting i that's what i'm guessing more or less i think but anyway it hooks to this thing on a banister in his in his house

actually and so he hooked it there and i sat there and it was it was a lovely way to watch tv like your legs are up it It's very comfortable. Because sometimes sitting on the couch, my back starts hurting. It sounds like you could air out your crotch really well. This sounds like the sort of thing I can imagine Luan talking about it, like in an interview.

Like, it turns out Jacques has a sling. It's very comfortable, you know? I'm trying not to. It's like masturbation. You just want to do it alone. Oh, like she's ever masturbated, please. Okay, so Lau um on that note by the way do women masturbate oh all the time really and they should go to adam male because

i'm sure they could find something there for themselves too but really no do women masturbate oh they don't masturbate they don't poop they don't burp you heard ramona never had an orgasm because she doesn't masturbate that's why why she's an angel. All right. So speaking of sexually active things, why don't we go to real housewives of New Jersey? Gross. So let's talk about the big thing that everyone's been talking about. The Bravo has been teasing for like three weeks,

which is Joe Giudice and his phone call to a stranger. Who wants to discuss this? Ronnie, take this away. I feel like you know the most about this. Well, Joe walked away from the table and got on the phone and really didn't say that much. I mean, he was like, yeah, whatever. I was celebrating Caroline's birthday up here.

So it's someone who knows them, right? So it's got to be someone who's familiar with their stuff. And then Teresa was coming over because she thought that was fishy. And he was like, oh, my bitch wife is coming. She's such a cunt. I hate her. So the C word was very prevalent last night.

How disgusting was that? Like, first of all, like, I really don't say the C word because it's horrifying to me. However, unlike the two of you. But for a man to call his wife that is disgusting yeah it's i mean for us to call a housewife's cast member that fine but for a man to call his wife that no yeah no i i agree actually i think it's actually vile i mean the thing that this guy is matt she is the breadwinner she's doing so much for him she's defending him on in public forums and calls her a bitch wife and

says that she's a cunt. That man. That man. I hope he gets put away in jail and gets raped with things that would remind you of a sex toy but are much bigger and much scarier. And are free and not just 50% off. You know, first of all, he's married to Teresa. So again, I think he gets a free pass.

It's kind of like, you know, abusing. Who were we talking about in the last one who got a free pass? Anyway, I already forgot. Sorry, I can't tie things together because of my memory. Okay. Do you guys think, though, that, like, you know, so all over the interwebs the past few days, it's been, you know, said that Teresa was begging, begging, begging Bravo to either re-edit the episode or pull the episode or something. Because it's horrifying. It's really incredibly embarrassing.

But do you believe that to be the case or is this all just good for Teresa's brand and like building her up? She probably wants to. So she was begging to get this taken off, but not because it embarrasses her, but because she didn't want Joe to look bad because he doesn't really mean it. He just talks like that to be funny. Oh, just like he doesn't mean that he's a, you know, a gay-bashing racist?

Well, the whole time... She defends him all the time, and it's disgusting. That whole episode, he was saying, shut up. Stop being a retard. You're an idiot. I hate you. Get off of me. I mean, everything he said to her was horrible. And, you know, meanwhile, you've got her like hey joe you want to stick your finger up my asshole joe i mean i mean look at who we're dealing with it's kind of hard to pick a side here

yeah i mean they're they're really like two awful people who probably deserve to be thrown into a volcano and sacrifice for all of humanity because theresa raped him in the vineyards yeah is anyone ever going to drink wine from that vineyard ever again, knowing that her vaginal juices and his man juices may have sprayed all over the vintage wine grapes?

Let me tell you the last thing I'd want to do is stick my finger up her asshole. Why does this wine taste like ass and, like, axe? Why does it taste like marinara sauce and semen? Oh, I guess Joe and Teresa were having sex in the grape leaves again. Why does this taste like Mexican busboy at a pizza joint and, like, veet? Why does it taste like old pizza and cardboard?

Like a pizza box. You think that's what he and cardboard? Like a pizza box. You think that's what he calls her? His little pizza box? A retard. Stop being a retard. I'm going to put my pepperoni in your pizza box. Yeah, he calls her retard, or he calls her the C word, or he calls her a bitch. He doesn't call her anything nice.

Just those three. I'm horrified for the kids, to be totally honest. I cannot even imagine. You know clearly that Gia is watching this shit. And I mean, yes, she's like eight years old or nine years old or ten or whatever. And it's totally inappropriate. But, you know, she's watching this because the way she's been affected by the fallout between her mother and her uncle. So, you know that she's watching her father treat her mother this shittily.

And I honestly believe that that's then even getting back to people like, know her younger sisters even melania who's five this is beyond this is like seriously fucked up shit and i think that's why the kids say stuff to joe like oh well you hate your family and you hate your kids and like you don't even want to hang out with us because i think they actually know that their father is a dirtbag and they're way too young to know it but they know it yeah they definitely do and he're way too young to know it, but they know it. Yeah, they definitely do. And he actually doesn't want to hang out with someone like them. Yep. Well, to be fair, I mean, Melania is a dumbass child. Is it sad? I mean, I know this is

like a comedy show and we're talking about the housewives, but I feel like it's getting sad. I think it's very funny. You know, it's sad, but it's no sadder than the kids I see in Whole Foods with cloth diapers that, you know, are never properly washed and terrible haircuts and parents who use rock deodorant.

Humanity's fucking disgusting, alright? Go to a mall and look around and see who's breeding. It's not pretty anywhere. I mean, yeah, it's probably worse that you're on TV, but humanity's ugly, y'all. That's why God flooded. It's dumb. Honestly, who is dumber? Is Teresa

dumber for making excuses for this guy? Or is this guy dumber for literally having a mic pack on and going off and having this conversation on camera without even realizing it? I mean, how does he not realize he has a microphone on? Because they're all severe alcoholics and they all forget that they're on camera and that they have mics on them. They're just seriously drunk. And Joe Gorga is high constantly and you know you know he's like a 35 year old man yet he still walks around humping things like and i'm not meaning people i mean like statues yeah they're morons they're all morons

and i think every statue is a penis that statue did not even look like a penis and joe judas is like hey look it's your penis it's your penis the thing looked like it looked like a shield or something i don't know what it looked like. It looked like a big wooden dress form or something. Yeah, exactly. It didn't even look barely phallic. And this, by the way, goes back to Joe Giudice's whole strange backstory about how he whooped out his penis with his friends and all the gays,

and he got into trouble, and now he thinks everything looks like a penis, and it's not. I'm telling you, you know what? He might be gay. You think? He might be gay. You think? He might be, but we have to move along to Teresa's Toast because we are rapidly running out of time because we haven't even touched Gallery Girls.

That deserves four hours of its own. I know, I know. Teresa's Toast, do you guys think it was a mean toast as Caroline said, or was it just, like, dumb and thoughtless? She's just dumb. I think she probably included Kathy in the everyone part.

Yeah. Everyone knows that she's kind of mad at Kathy, and Kathy hasn't kissed her ass yet, so she's going to keep that up. So maybe she was being a bitch, but I think that Teresa's already so paranoid that caroline hates her which she does and that albert hates her because he had just yelled at her husband and that everyone is against her which they are so i don't really there is a kfc on the corner oh that was a great argument the kfc fight like what that was up there the lincoln debate she knows now that everybody hates

her so i don't really see her you you know, throwing a sword at Kathy. I agree. I thought it was – It would be a dumb move on her part like Ronnie was saying. Like Kathy in some fucked up way still keeps using this whole she's my cousin. I'm going to try to forgive and forget. And, you know, at that point, Teresa just – Teresa can't cut Kathy off completely because, you know, once you have that bulldog Caroline's, you know, chomping at your feet, you need to have as many people on your side as possible. Here's my thing. I thought it was like, I thought it was like a, like a whatever toast,

you know, she was, she was basically saying she's having a good time with her brother because that's where her biggest rift was. She didn't mention Kathy, but she didn't mention Jack. You know, I didn't think it was really that mean. It was maybe a little thoughtless, but I think that Caroline was – Caroline is awful. She's just trying to instigate. And here's the thing. I just wish Caroline would say, I hate Teresa and I'm still – it's still so raw.

I'm still so mad. She keeps on saying I'm over it. I'm over it. And yet she keeps on trying to instigate and turn people against Teresa. And I hate Teresa. But Caroline, just be honest and be honest and be like that you are actively hurt or angered by Teresa. honest and be honest and be like that you are actively hurt or angered by right and then she sits at that table and under her breath to like greg who by the way should not be on the show says something like i don't raise my glasses to mean toast shut up bitch you are so boring this

season all you do is complain and sit on your ass just like your dumb ass daughter lauren and bitch bitch bitch moan moan moan eat a sausage bitch bitch bitch, bitch, moan, moan, moan, eat a sausage, bitch, bitch, bitch, eat some cheese, moan, moan, moan. Shut the fuck up. I want to see Dina. I want Dina to come in here, and I want Dina's party HGTV style to fucking regulate her. I'm sick of Caroline. I think that Caroline did something amazing

this season, which is that she has provided the seed money for the future empire known as Cafface. Or Cafface. So I think you should apologize to caroline because she did something amazing for all future entrepreneurs they can now see kafache well we're never gonna we're never getting gift certificates to fat face no that's true but that family i'm sorry is so fucking egotistical all they like to do is sit around when the camera is pointed on them and say stories about each other and fucking cry and all act like little bitches because they're all best friends and none of them have flown the coop and gotten their own goddamn real lives. All they do is act like, you know, five-year-olds.

Oh, we're all best friends. Let's cry. I'm sick of them. Do you think Albie wants to have sex with his mom? Ew. Yeah, I kind of do. Ew. I kind of feel like he kind of wants to.

Like, I kind of feel like. She's a ginger ninja. I mean, everybody wants to, you know, go big red one time. Did Caroline grow a penis and no one told me? Oh. I personally, I think Albie may sort of he's like you know maybe I'll get one of those sex slings from AdamMail.com

at 50% off and invite mom over and see if she wants to take a ride I do not think he wants to have sex with his mother that's horrible I'm watching this and I'm kind of like hating Caroline and her whole family I'm actually missing

you're allowed to punch me in the face next time you see me for saying this i miss ashley she at least brought some good drama she didn't really bring drama but what she brought was um the sort of idiocy you don't feel guilty about making fun of like right now what i just said about albie and his mother was just a joke but i kind of feel bad because i think you know in some way this could they could conceivably hear this, and I would feel bad, and they would be like, that's tasteless, etc. And I get that. If you think that any of these people are actually listening to our podcast, you are more egotistical than the entire Manzo family. Hello.

We got Jill Zarin on here. We know at least Jill Zarin. Hey, Jill. What's up, Jill? I think she tuned out when Ronnie said that she was horrible. Either way, I never. Thanks for making my businesses more successful by bringing me up on your podcast. I just like to reiterate.

Shut up, Jill Zarin. Just shut up. Just shut up, Jill Zarin. Okay? Don't say that. Don't make me laugh when I'm taking a drink that almost came out my nose. You have to say that at least once an episode. Shut up, Jill Z once an episode shut up

jules aaron just shut up it's like the black eyed peas uh just shut up shut up shut up just shut up that's my favorite whitney houston moment by the way when she was on being bobby brown and she starts singing shut up by black eyed peas oh yeah and by the way what a great reference because that's relevant to bravo how nice it's true-season wonder, which is very possible for our new favorite show on Bravo, Gallery Girls. Lovely transition. Thank you. Nobody is watching the show but the three of us and 547,997 other people because the ratings are shit. Well, I think I mentioned this last week,

but those redubs that I do on TVgasm, I've looked at the statistics on YouTube of who watches these, and it's like 75-year-old women. I think I told you that, right? That's like 80% of who watches them are like 75-year-old women. And so I'm looking at gallery girls and I'm thinking, yeah, they're probably not going for the right audience. I think they need to skew older. I think instead

of going to the 20-year-old version of Housewives, they need to go to the 90-year-old version of Housewives where it's just like they're fighting over who's going to piss in the pot first. By the way, Ronnie, I, in all seriousness, I think that's a great idea because I've always felt first of all that old people make for

great TV and I feel like Bravo has actually cultivated this small army of elders who are charming and funny and hilarious on all these shows. And why not put them all in a house together or follow them all around? I think people would totally watch it. Yeah, fuck, Aviva's father needs a spinoff. Elsa, Elsa Patton, Aviva's father. Yeah. Jill Barron's mother. Yeah, there's a ton of these people. But anyway, letiva's father. Yeah. Jill Barron's mother. Yeah, there's like a ton of these people.

But anyway, let's talk about Gallery Girls. And my question for you guys is who do you think is the biggest bitch on this show? Chantal, hands down, fucking hate her. Okay, I don't know their names yet. Which one is Chantal? She's the affected hipster with the squeaky voice. She's the one with the haircut? Yeah, she got a haircut and she has a gay boyfriend named Spencer.

And she, yeah, yes, thank you. Thank you. I was like, wait a second, the boyfriend? I was like, that guy's gay, right? I think he's dating Albie Manzo. He has a very strong credit line at AdamHill.com, I believe. 50% off. Use the word Bravo.

Get yourself a toy that looks like skinny hipster boyfriend. There's a dildo on there called the Chantal, I'm sure. Use the word Bravo. Get yourself a toy that looks like Skinny Hipster Boyfriend. There's a dildo on there called the Chantal, I'm sure. Oh my god. Nothing sexual should be related to that woman. She is so repulsive. I actually really like her. She's the one that wore the funeral hat. She says some funny things.

They all say funny things. I mean, they're all bitches. They all say funny things. But I mean, honestly, when she refused to drink Pinot Noir from Oregon, I mean, that was... From Oregon. That was beautiful. Like, what are you, 20? She was not... She was not kidding.

She was not kidding. She's like, oh, the Pinot Noir there is not good. She's like, you probably don't even know. You've probably been drinking Manischewitz all this time. I love she shows up to the gallery the day after the party, and her little sucker friend has been there cleaning for four hours, and she shows up, and she's like, well, it doesn't look that bad. Is Claudia just like the saddest, most pathetic little thing you've ever seen? Claudia, I think, seems to be the most.

No, the most pathetic is Amy, by the way. We'll get to Amy in a second. But if Claudia thinks that they're going to sell enough crappy jewelry and ugly art made of bed sheets to pay $15,000 back to her parents for the down payment investment, she's fucking crazy. Yeah. Sadly mistaken. Poor girl. I mean, she seems to actually have a head on her shoulders. And she's like a faux hipster in that she wants to do the whole, like, I'm from Brooklyn and I'm a hipster. But you know what, though?

She's not a hipster in her soul because she's not if she were a hipster in her soul she'd be as idiotic as uh chantal and her asian friend i think her name is angela or something like that where they are just like self-involved and retarded yeah and also that girl you know something that kind of switched last night was this girl's been crying about how her parents put down all the seed money for this place and these other girls aren't taking it very seriously. And you're kind of feeling bad for her because she has those big doe eyes and it seems like she just cares so much. But then yesterday

we find out that she's, well, I guess we found out last week, but it made more sense yesterday that she is the one in charge of the art. The other girls are in charge of the clothes. Well, the clothes and the jewelry are selling. She hasn't sold one piece of goddamn six thousand dollar hat funeral hats that's made out if anybody should be feeling bad for anybody it should be the other girl who's the co-owner that's really not one of the six featured players on the show lara who gave that guy that hipster

in brooklyn some serious sass although he deserved it when he stuck his finger in their mac and cheese wait so are you saying that if i stuck my finger in your mac and cheese you would freak out on me oh a hundred percent i would have kicked why don't this is what i do i put up my hand and i i wriggle my fingers and i go go just go away just go yeah um those guys angela screamed though like how dare you get bechamel sauce on my wardrobe i was like oh like seriously i think i wrote down about 27 quotes in a in a 48 minute episode i know like uh i i my favorite quote of hers i think of the of the night at least the only one that i can remember was when amy poor sweet amy ordered a lychee martini, which, to be fair, is kind of out of style. But Amy, Angela, it was like sweet and syrupy was in five years ago, if at all. Oh, my God.

The look that she gave her for ordering a cocktail that had a faux, like, sugary substance mixed in with the alcohol. She, I mean, that was like the most horrifying thing that could have ever happened to her. You know, it was in two years ago, Dressing Like the Black Swan. Okay, Angela, so shut your trap. Shut your bird trap. And by the way, she would be lucky to get a piece with that Aussie photographer. I mean, she is turning him off so quickly by being such like a stuck up bitch. I'm sorry.

He dumped her. He dumped her. He didn't. They were not officially dating. She just was rude to him at that opening. She said they were over. She said that that had fizzled out.

Okay, well, whatever. He was hot. What about this girl, Carrie, who more or less has been forgettable, but she was a little bitchy because she made that comment about the Upper East Side to poor Amy, and then she left without paying her bill. Not cool. Guess what? Everything she said about the Upper East Side to poor Amy, and then she left without paying her bill. Not cool. Guess what? Everything she said about the Upper East Side

was fucking true. That's true. That's true. Also, Carrie was the stealth bitch. She seems like she's all nice, but she's the one who left her bill and criticized everybody at the table and then just walked off with her horse mouth. And you know what? Part of me is like, she got a horse mouth,

but smart girl. She dissed them all, walked away, and didn't even have to spend a fucking dime. That's true. And now let's talk about Maggie, who is also in strong contention for being... Secretly my favorite.

Ugh, really, Maggie? She is just like... Okay, there are things about her that I like. To clarify, because she's horrible. Anybody, first of all, that speaks with a baby voice should be murdered if they're over the age of five. Yes. And then her fear of broken glass on a sidewalk.

I mean, she needs to have her own episode. You know, she needs her own TLC show about her phobia of broken glass. She needs an Annie Lennox moment. That's what she needs. She does. I love that she brings this douchey guy to this auction and this guy taps Claudia on the shoulder and is like, your shirt's on backwards.

What an asshole. Who does that? And then, of course, Maggie's smirking like, oh my god, we totally got her. And then Chantal turns to Claudia and goes, is he wearing a muscle tee? I was dying because he totally was one of those dudes that wears those really tight like

armani exchange shirts that says our money exchange across the chest and you're like we know you don't have any money because you're wearing that you know what like in in girl world this is the equivalent of watching 300 okay like for guys watch 300 watch epic fights you know this right here this showdown between like oh i think your shirt's on wrong oh are you wearing a muscle t that was as exciting and as bloody as 300 for women i think exactly good word i love when she keeps i love that she was like is my shirt on backwards i know she got she got very concerned my other favorite thing is when maggie always brings up that girls from brooklyn get red lipstick on their teeth like i think that's gonna... I mean, it's been in both episodes. I know we're only too

deep. That needs to be a continuing theme. Now, speaking of other bitches, it's funny. The first episode, this girl Liz was a huge bitch, but she was actually a little less bitchy, but she had my favorite line of the night, which was when she was talking about Maggie and Eli, the gallery owner who looks like a penguin.

And so she's like, well, I hope they just go off and have little midget babies with slick back hair. I was like, you won me over there. You just won me over. Liz is secretly my favorite. Definitely more so than Maggie. Because let me tell you why. She reminds me of Heather Locklear on Melrose Place, a.k.a. Amanda Woodward.

She likes to wear a short mini skirt a power blazer and she does not give a fuck she's not gonna lift a heavy thing she's just gonna talk shit and she's gonna you know drink some coffee which probably has a cocktail mixed in with it and she is just gonna stomp all over these bitches and she has a very down market arm tattoo by the way which surprised me i know she needs to go see Dr. Tadoff. Okay, so last but not least, Amy. Oh, my God. Poor sweet Amy. Nothing is more pathetic than Amy.

Nothing gets laughter or leasted. She looks like the mom from that 70s show. She does. And Deborah Jo or something. I can't unsee it. She really looks like a mom, by the way. I want to tell her, listen, sweetie, I know you care about your internship

and working in this art world. You're going to get knocked up and just be a mom for the rest of your life. You already have the mom pants ready to go. We can tell. We see it, Amy. She already has the mom alcohol syndrome, too. It's like the moment that she finds out she's pregnant, she's literally going to rip off her clothes like a stripper, and there's going to be a mom. She's going to have the mom jeans already up there, and she's going to have some stupid sweater on.

Stupid moms! I love that she is so threatened by Horsey Carey, and she is going to stop at nothing until she demolishes Carey, even though I think that the alcohol will put her in the hospital before that happens. I love also how when Amy gets mad in her interviews, she sways back and forth like one of those things in front of like a car dealership she gets really mad and agitated she's like they have another thing coming no well i'm sorry i'm from the upper east side and i dress nice oh good one amy yeah that's a really good one if that's your best one-liner of the season you might as well you know find yourself another reality show because you're not going to be invited back for season two too many lychee martinis for her okay one quick question about maggie because i kind of love her slash hate her um i thought that she was like

the heiress to like a major fortune and then they showed the inside of her apartment and her kitchen you're confused it's it's um the other one liz is the heiress no i know that liz comes from a rich family but maggie said that her grandfather was like a mogul of some sort as well. Oh, I feel like I missed that. Strange. Somehow something didn't sink in. Maggie is supposed to be one of the Upper East Side rich bitches, and compared to Liz and Amy,

she poe. Like, if you look at her apartment, she poe. All these girls are insecure, but that girl, that Maggie girl, has serious issues. She's got – she's fucking the fat, squiggy guy who's cross-eyed. He looks like the penguin from Batman. I'm sorry. He really is.

And she does that hair-pulling thing where she's always pulling her own hair, which is a sign of abuse or something like that. She's going to stab someone to death. And I don't even mean that as a joke. That's like when people do that. I mean she's balding. And I don't even mean that as a joke. That's like when people do that. I mean, she's balding like they showed her in a ponytail.

And she's getting that balding thing on the sides because she's pulling her own damn hair out of her head. She's probably also a cutter. Yeah, I was going to say she probably goes home and cuts herself. I know that's horrible to say, but I've known a lot of those girls and they're usually abusing themselves. But on the other hand, hot boyfriend. Hey, it's all worth it. He is not hot. Really? No, he wasn't on this episode. That was the other hand, hot boyfriend, hey! He is not hot. Really? No, he wasn't on this episode. That was the friend of the hot boyfriend. Oh, okay.

She has the hot boyfriend who I think Liz later calls a commoner creature. Commoner. Anyway, that seemed to bring everything to a halt, which is good because you know what? We are really long this week because we have a lot to talk about. So thanks, everyone, if you made it all the way through.

Yes, if you guys made it all the way through and you liked it, why don't you go to iTunes and download this if you haven't already? And please leave us another stellar review. Find us on Facebook at Watch What Crappens. Give us a big old like on there. Feel free to interact with us. And don't forget to find us all on Twitter. I'm at life on the M list.

Ronnie is at TV. Gazem. Ben is at B side blog, and you can find the show at what crap. And yeah, so I'd like to add, um, don't forget to go get your 50% off from Adam mail.

Everyone can use some loop. And also Caroline Monzo just got a man deal. Monzo? Manzo, whatever. Manhams. She just got a book deal and her book already has a title. But this week, go tweet us what you think the title of her book should be, okay? Yeah.

That's a good one. And if you want more information about Adam Mail, just hold on about a few more seconds because Matt will tell you all about it. Bye, everyone. Bye, guys. Bye. Here it comes. Kyle, you said come.

What? Sweet word. Sweet and syrupy. Hey, boys. Looking for something to rock your world? Have you been fantasizing about a hot new DVD or maybe an adventurous

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