Watch What Crappens - Below Deck: A New ADVENCHAAA!

Episode Date: February 6, 2024

Below Deck returns for its eleventh season with a new captain and some really horny swinger guests from Texas. Will their constant boners be the death of ours? To watch the video version of this recap and for this week’s Southern Hospitality bonus episode, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. And grab both live and streaming tickets for the 2024 Golden Crappies Awards Feb 17 at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously, but hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap Well, hello and welcome to watch what happens. A podcast for all that crap we love to talk about on Yield Broughs. I'm Ronnie. I'm with a handsome, talented, thin person named Ben Habin. Hi Ronnie, how are you?

Good. How's everything going for you, baby? It's going so well. I'm really excited. We have such a busy next two weeks, but like this is fun and I'm just like really, really thrilled for what's in store for us. Yes, we have fun stuff coming up, namely the Golden Crappy Awards on February 17th in Los Angeles, California, or a place called The Internet,

which you can also watch at. Go get tickets at watch what crappens.com big show coming up guys we're so excited about it so many nominees so many guests so many fun people coming to entertain you so we're excited we're very excited for that this is a video as usual you can find these on crappens on demand over on patreon it's also where you get our bonus episodes okay like and subscribe smash like and subscribe So do that we're also on YouTube for free a week after the episodes have been released

So if you just want to see what it's like what these videos are like go to our YouTube So watch what Krapens, okay? And also we were such dumb-dumbs. We were so excited And also we were so excited yesterday to do our Traders Recap that we forgot to mention that the nominations for Golden Crappies are now out and you can vote on them, go to our website or follow the link on any of our social media. These nominees have been whittled down by everyone in round 1 of voting and now round 2 of voting has begun. It is open and it's going to last through February 15th. So the top five vote getters from round one are now the official nominees. You can find them there. It's really exciting and I cannot wait to see what everyone

chooses. It's gonna be really, really fun. So just wanted to shout out for that. Get over there and vote, vote! Vote! Like your country depends on it, cause it does. It does. Okay, now, another news, Below Deck has a new season. I know you guys are like, what? It has been a week.

We had a week without watching people clean a toilet on Bravo. Where is the new season? Well, here it is. Whole crew, new maids. well, not a whole crew. Fraser is still the same, but we've got a new captain. I mean, whoa, what do you think, Ben? Yeah, we have it's like, well, first of all, I love Captain Kerry.

We loved him on adventure. I mean, no one can ever replace Captain Lee, but we do love Captain Kerry and we have a whole bunch of, there are a bunch of ladies who look all kind of the same. It's like they all kind of look the same. You know, it seems fine. I don't know why we brought back Ben. Ben is back too.

I find Ben to be rather like uninteresting and uncharismatic. So I was surprised they brought back Ben of all people this season, but he's back. Yeah, Ben. I found kind of gross. I didn't really like Ben. I know that he was like the romantic lead of the season last year with all this flirting with Camille.

And I guess that that's, you know, because below deck really loves knowing that you'll fuck somebody. Like that's one of their main casting things is like, well, you fuck somebody on camera or, you know, like behind a door that's on camera, please, please, we need it. People will only tune into this made show if there's somebody fucking. I mean, they don't care if these people have no chemistry

and do not like each other, they will fuck at least one time to keep the show going. It's like they think that the show will die if there aren't like really stupid people fucking. But anyway, he was one of those people last year and they brought him back. And luckily for us, and we always say this in Housewives, season two is one of the bitch flower blooms. Like you see who someone is in the first season, but season two is really

when you see their dark side. And it looks like that it's going to hold true for, for old Ben. Yeah, it does. I mean, I, again, I personally would have liked this season to have just imported some of like our favorite people from blowdeck adventure. Like not just Captain Kerry. Obviously, as much as I enjoy Fraser,

I would have loved Faye in that role. And I would have loved Jess, the chef to come back, Jess, the dramatic, yogi chef Jess, the dramatic yogi chef. And I was sad that they both weren't back. Well, Faye had a baby, you know that, right? Oh, I'm so mad. Yeah, it came out with a shammy, which is pretty, you know, she wasn't happy about that.

The baby came out and she goes, excuse me, baby, but you're gonna need to have wear your hair up, wear your hair up for service. I did not have the baby for him to become exterior. I'm telling you that right now. Really don't say for you. I also would have liked our little caveman back, Mike, who worked on commercial things,

he's like, Mike, Mike, no understand yachts. I like them. Well, you don't, so sorry. Sorry that Christmas sucks for you. You got some coal in your stock. So we got Ben. But we do have Captain Glenn and one thing that they've brought in,

now this is a sailing thing, usually the majestic music where it's like, and now the sails are going up and it's like, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. They brought that music in, but it's also for adventure because this captain used to always go, and there it's time for an adventure and then would be like always so we got that for music yeah and we fade up and it is an epic opening

for Captain Glenn I mean I was so happy for the guy they really are ushering him in right because it's like don't, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun and we fade in and we come down to a little speed boat and he's like, I, I was born for this life. It's like, oh my God, is it a beer? Is it a beer commercial? Is it a beer commercial in a giant pickup truck? I know, it was like this beer in Australian

and he's like rowing up in the Australian epic. I had to be tough. I wrestled 15 Alligators. I should say crocodile's and that was before age three adventure. You ever get punched in the gut by a kangaroo? I have. Have you ever had to smack a koala bear with your tennis racket just to protect your mom? I have Have you ever had to smack a koala bear with your tennis racket? Just to protect your mom or have 25 times You ever had to fight yourself fight fight off a group of tourists looking for Yeah, we have to aim a flamethrower at the Sydney Opera House because a parade of tarantulas are taking over.

Oh, yeah. You've had to cut your fingernails with a machete. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we had to punch a great white shark and then snout on Bondi Beach just to protect yourself. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Adventure, danger, familiar? It's just another die.

She's like going on this speedboat. Oh I've been in kept in nearly 30 years and all have come across many different personalities. And then the music just stops and we see a girl drop one glass off a tray and then another glass and then another glass. Most of them dingbats. Yeah, when you're like me and you've had to punch a snake the size of a trash can, get wise at least five times you survive.

You know how to put up with a gil with glasses, holding a tray of champagne glasses. That was one really wide math snake. It was a thick snake, very thick snake, a little Australian snake. The point of this is... The point of all over the world, Atlantic, North America, Caribbean, this is my first time in Grenada. It ain't just a cherry juice you're

putting seven up for the kids and what a beautiful place it is scenic beaches waterfalls jungles there's a monkey over there and guess what it's full of adventure and danger that monkeys chewing something but I'll tell you this, if it comes for me, I'll be ready for that fuck. Yeah, the sucker punch of monkey, I do it every single day. So then we move on. I mean, that just was epic. This whole on the speedboat, oh, I'm a man, men from Australia. Bum bum bum bum. Yeah, I love this. I also love like adventure and danger. It's just another day for me.

And then like 25 minutes later, it's like, so where do you live? West Palm Beach. The city felt on adventure and danger. I was a house painter for a while. Just wanted to be closer to the kids. When I wasn't close Yeah in Australia if you go to a petting zoo you know you pet wallabies and guess what that's full of danger

Those are scary cringes So then we move off to some of the other cast. Fraser is back and he's like, I didn't realize that becoming a chief steward meant that I had to become a thebrapist, a maid. Cut to Jill's air and like, you ever heard of carpets? I saw them. We call them rugs in the business.

Hey, I had this in mind, a button for the primary. It's just like ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong. And I'm coming back with an iron fist, which is what they, it's not what they call that lady in that movie about the queen. Was it? Iron Maiden. I believe that you're talking about Margaret Thatcher, who's just the Iron Lady. I don't know if she actually had an Iron Fist, but I guess if you're an Iron Lady,

the Fist is implied as also being Iron as part of it. I'm just thankful I don't have to be the Iron Lady on this one because I'm chief now. I don't have to pick up that gog damn Iron. Tell you that. I was gonna say, I know what he's trying to say. I'm gonna say he's gonna be the Iron Fist, but that also sounds like he's just gonna do

all the ironing. But I'm gonna fist the shit out of this season. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So then we meet. Oh, okay, well, you know, you're still making enough first, that's good. So the girl, there's a girl who's like, oh my God, you guys are just so adamant

that I'm this bitch. He goes, you all bitch to me. I grew up with three nannies. One would cook one would clean and one would do my hair. And then she says her name is Barbie and I grew up in Argentina and I'm a huge daddy girl. Daddy's girl. That's for sure.

Yeah. My eyebrows are tattooed. My lashes are fake as hell and store my extensions, but I'm real. It's bug. Oh my God. Give me a fucking break with your I'm rich, but my dad makes me work. You're not rich.

Okay. Congrats on your dad's hundred grand a year from Coca-Cola. Okay. You didn't need to have eight trillion dollars to get your eyebrows tattooed on. P.S. you look fucking ridiculous with those things. Okay. You're going to have to get that undone.

So good luck with the scar tissue. Barb. And then Ben comes back. He come, Ben comes back acting like he's a fan favorite. He's like, Ben is these sliders, big everyone. Pause for applause. I'm such a sucker for pretty face. My situation is fucked though. And uh... You know what else I'm a sucker for? Real shit tattoos from the bottom of a...

cereal box. All right. I was like, for real shit tattoos from the bottom of a Serial box. All right. I was like, can we get more close-ups of those terrible tat? I mean what a base bitch this guy is he's got every basic tat he's like look at me I've got the seeing eye. I've also got a tiny star. I've also got an arrow pointing nowhere Who did these? And then we have Zandi who's, I am a witch under a vampire. I do not like human contact, and I come to life at night. I just wish I could remember it. And then we see a dumb guy fall off a wave runner, and he is Jared.

I've been at this 11 years now. But being a team, yeah, you know, it's managing a lot better. You gotta be a problem solver or a problem. is now but being a team yeah you know it's managing a lot better you got to be a problem solver or a problem thanks for that one public school and it's funny because Zandy calls herself a vampire but Jared is the one who actually has like Gary Oldman's hairstyle from Ram Serkis Dracula he's also got Gary Busey's teeth there's something going on with this guy. This guy's fairly hanging on. I can tell you that much. Something is he does. He's he's taking a lot of Gary things.

So then we have Sunny and she says, I try to stay out of the drama, but boys, they're my weakness, which, oh, my God, I don't like this phrase from anyone. I don't like it when Gary, speaking of Gary, when Gary from Bullet Dex Sailing is like, I'm always trying to say the drama about women. Uh, uh, uh, this is my weakness. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You can't say that. And then we get Carl.

I'm Scottish through and through, born and raised like there's no place like him. And then he drinks straight from a bottle and poses and he's like winking at the camera. He's like, the accent works, tinfoad. You know what, Thanos works? Moves down. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr girls through and through. Everyone will ask what's your dream job and I'm like I don't dream of labor. Okay. I just like to keep it chill. Like that's how life should be. Like I'm doing labor. Yeah. They have fun with that. She's like, yeah, I'm from Cali. Yeah, we know. She's like every

every stereotype come to life. She's like, here's a picture I've made crossing the street in that beach town with a surf bar. I guarantee she was a stew on that little yacht that they went on on Orange County this past season where Shannon thought she saw John's son and the little dingy going by. Like that's a little pink boat that takes you to Nobu. She does, she is, I guarantee you,

a stew on those little yachts in Newport Beach. So then we meet Chef Anthony and he's like, oh, it is not French cuisine. It is Anthony cuisine. I cook with my art. I'm like, oh God, another person cooking with their heart. And then the big cat's staring at me going, oh, I'm not good enough for this.

I'm not good enough. Well, there's no day off, especially when you're dealing with adventure and danger. I've got some big shoes to fill, but hey, sounds like a challenge to me and I'm up for it. Yeah. Here's what I say, if you're going to be bad, be good about it. And then we see that this Kyle guy has to be naked at all times. We see a shot of him in the bowling alley lifting up his kilt.

I was like, oh, wow. A Scottman. Is it a Scotsman? Do you say Scottman? Scottman. A Scotsman. A Scotsman. Or a Scots. And a kilt. Flashing people. That's my favorite kind. Yeah. So now we're here in Granada. And here comes Fraser walking in all black and this apparently it's like extremely hot and humid. And he comes up, he walks up to the boat. it's like extremely hot and humid and he comes up he walks up to the boat he's like hello old friend here we are again you disgusting disgusting person sorry I was dressing myself at the last part there you're fine boat so he comes on board and he sees the crappens blue uniforms and he

goes what is that color grotesque dare How dare you? Could you imagine if some podcast even chose this as their color? What a bunch of idiots. Bunch of morons. So he checks his hair and he goes up to meet the captain. And he's like, I might. I've been seeing you in a while. It's New York City. What?

Does that mean BravoCon? BravoCon. They had to shoot before that. Well, maybe he was the last BravoCon, They had to shoot before that. Well, maybe he was the last BravoCon, I guess, huh? Yeah, I think it was the previous one because Fraser was definitely there. And Fraser goes, different location, different weather too.

Like, yeah, I would say so. It's not New York and it's much hotter. So, yeah, it was at BravoCon. It was in Las Vegas. I'm dumb, sorry. It takes me a while to put things together. No, but they didn't film this. They filmed this before that BravoCon.

I know, he said, I haven't seen you since New York. And I said, does that mean BravoCon? Is he talking about the BravoCon in Las Vegas? Literally, like, hello. So Fraser is like, he's like, he's like, yeah. So recently I was in the Seychelles and Kerry's like, oh yeah, I was there too. I went down the Gulf of Aden

Dodge some pirates. Oh, I nearly lost my life, but did it and Fridge was like, oh I Just flew a plane to the island instead. Yeah Well, I'm big on you running your own department locked me coming up I was always close to the crew But when I started taking the lead with a little hard to hard to separate those two. You understand? You're not everyone's friend here. All right. He's like, I've come back a different person captain, actually. Different person, brother. Fuck. I hate you. Hope you die. Did I say that out loud today? Did the, did the new

phrase also out there on pirates? Because that's what I did. Not saying that you're a pussy or anything, but you're not a pussy if you didn't go to the Gulf of Aden with the boy pirates. Wow, well, he seems great. Last time I was needing to be best friends with people, and this year, mommy's back, but don't bite the tit that feeds you. Come back with new and improved lines as well.

It's gonna be hilarious this year. And then Kerry, who is full of adventure and danger, then drinks from his mug, which has like a little cartoon dinosaur on it. Danger. Now it's 929 a.m., which is right before 930, just in case anybody was wondering, it was put on the screen so it must mean something.

The blonde guy is coming. And he's like, wow, that's one huge motherfucker of his ship. God damn, fucking, hey, Jesus Christ! I feel like, sir, you're looking at your duffel bag. The ship is to the right. Holy shit, that's even bigger. Wow. Wow.

And this is Jared. And the captain's like, Jerry, eh? Well, actually, it's Jared. Ha, Jerry, come on in. Or I've seen you've been a captain on smaller boats. Let's see what you bring to the table. Hey, if I put a fish hook through your eyeball, would you feel it?

That was rhetorical, mate, don't worry. You need to be a man, and you need to be a man with some thick skin, especially eyeball skin. Those things are made of jelly. You know that, right? Now, I don't see anything on your resume about how many dingos you've slapped. So maybe you could fill that in for me. You are tough on you.

Avoid any pirates getting over here. And Jared's like being a boson is so difficult. You know, it's hard. You gotta have good catchers met because lots of things are being thrown at you, you know, And I grew up in Connecticut. Okay. How did that, how did that lead? The life I've led in Connecticut. Were you like mystic seaport?

Like I want to know how this happened. How did you, please don't tell me you're from like New Canaan, Connecticut. He's like, yeah, I led a tough life in New Canaan having to go to bookstores and J. Crew. But he spent five years building houses in Connecticut and he didn't want to get stuck in a small town for the rest of his life. So he left Connecticut, he left the rough and dumbled streets of Connecticut. Yeah, he's like, why, what better way to travel than on someone else's dime where you're making

a nickel? That's a Connecticut saying. I got sick and tired of that insurance industry in Hartford. So. So. So good yachting can only look at a red umbrella so many times, right? I mean, Captain Hanson resumes. He's like, here's your crew. And he goes, looking forward to it, dude. Thanks, Cap.

He does really have a vibe of like a 90s mascot, right? Like he should be selling some sort of like purple soda. Yeah. Yeah. And I, I think he's one of these below deck liars because he seems very nervous. At least there's something fishy going on here. We don't quite know what, what it is yet, but there's something fishy. But I feel like he's good.

I feel like on this episode, he gets like the, um, he doesn't get the con artist at it, like the, the bocin that started last season on med you know who actually was a con man he's getting the nice guy who just doesn't quite know what to do at it in my mind yeah but there's I mean he's just shifty there's something weird and you know he's like's like, normally on below deck, we'll get someone almost washed up. We'll get a Gary type, who like, Gary is so close to being washed up.

And then they'll let us watch him get washed up. Like now Gary is officially washed up. I mean, Gary is just a mess now. And we saw it coming and so it's nice to see. It's nice to see that happen. But this guy, they got him right past, they got him right at the washed up point. So I'm not really sure what they're doing.

If they're like, this guy's washed up, let's watch him fail. Yeah, I'm not sure. This guy has definitely been operating small boats that usually have the cast of Southern hospitality on it. And suddenly he got called up to make a major yacht. And he was like, whoa whoa I gotta take this opportunity But I really don't know what to do if there's not a beer bong

Next the captain's wheel Yeah, well I was I was hoping that the next shot we were gonna get was a man in skin tight Leggings looking jeans rolled up almost to his knee and we get one. It's Frenchy welcome Anthony Anthony I could smell his cologne through the TV oh yeah he's like oh yeah oh she's big girl hey baby Funchy is in the game baby I was born and raised in France I do lots of charters Frenchy here and guess what I am going to blow your mind. You need passion, you need love, you need it all to the from France. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo,ai. Yeah, he's like, Kerry's like, oh well, looking at your CV here. It looks like you got your cooking degree

from the University of Wom Wom and Wom. Yes, it is right, Wom Wom Wom University. Well, here's what we need here, Bessar's manliness, right? We need a good attitude and good energy because the food isn't as good if the energy bringing it out isn't good. Oh, actually this is false. It has been proved false many many times.

Most of the best food in the world is served by horrible people. Horrible. Let me ask you this. Have you ever eaten the steak made by Bobby Flea after being rejected by Gia De Laurentiis on a work trip? Still good. Is the answer. Still good. I don't really understand those names and unless they're slang for certain types of

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It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Krappin's commercial. So Jared's in his room like, don't freak out bro, don't freak out Jared, don't freak out. Like wiping his face, trying to calm down. And Fraser comes back with my favorite Fraser side character himself muttering, just muttering to himself. He's like, all right, who else is coming to destroy my life? And in comes Ben, America's favorite. And so Ben's approaching and then Fraser is also

introducing himself to Anthony and they both can speak French. And Fraser is like, oh my god, I love him. He is identical to be my ex. And then I don't understand that sentence. What did that mean? I think he meant like he's going to he's like my future ex or something like that. I don't understand that sentence. What did that mean? I think he meant like he's going to he's like my future X or something like that. I don't know. So Ben and Fraser hug hello and Ben's like, oh, I've been working over You know, I've been working over the past year as a basin and coming back is laid deckhand There's a bit of a shock. It's a bit of a kick in the gut And I know this but like the back of my hand and guess what just got a new tattoo there. It says come ill the back of my hand and guess what? Just got a new tattoo there.

It says Camille. So then the captain goes and looks around downstairs to see how all the cabins look and he's like, looks like a dog's breakfast in there. And then Fraser is looking out the window and sees a new girl coming in. He goes, oh God, a new girl. I don't trust girls with dark hair.

And Ben's like, do you speak like a second home to me? If these walls could talk, man, she would tell some stories. I think the birds walls would say, disgusting, get out of me. So Barbie comes and meets Fraser and Jared and Jared's like, wait, wait, what's your name? She's like, Barbie. Barbie, that's your name? She's like, Barbie. Barbie, that's your name?

And she goes, yeah. He goes, whoa. Her name's Barbie. She's very untread. She also was not nominated for an Oscar. So Fraser's like, he's like, oh, hello, hello, nice to meet you. By the way, let's see if we have some sheets for your bunk.

And she goes, oh, I brought my own sheets. And he goes, oh, you're kidding. That's stunning. As he walks away, he goes, we've got trouble. He's like, oh, me. Trouble ahead. So Barbie's like, people definitely think I'm snotty. I got the Louis.

Of course, I brought my Chanel. I've been yachting for 16 years and I come from a good family, but my dad always taught me to work. And with my money, I can buy what I like. Like this bracelet, tip money. This bracelet, hard work. You can't take that away from me.

No man gave me this, not my father. I hustled this. Rent, mortgage, cars mortgage cars sure but this bracelet Baby, but this bitch I got this bracelet by tackling a rhinoceros in Africa danger so and so now Anthony Meets Ben and people just meeting each other and Kerry's still doing his walk I mean, I guess it makes sense. He's Australian, so of course he's gonna do a walkabout

on the boat, so he's just walking around. He does this like five times this episode. He's like, just gonna take a little walk around. It's like tripping out. It's like, whoa, you know what, we need, we need this toilet pipe folded under. I found the meaning to life. Linda Kowalski is just like walking along with him,

taking pictures and falling in love with him. That's a love interest from Crockett Al Dundee. I could already tell. I was like, I shouldn't be making Linda Kowalski references because I don't think anyone aside from me knows her name. Yeah, my dude. It's a deep cut. It's a deep cut.

That's what too far. Too tasty, son. I'll tell you what I did. I learned that name, that's for sure. So Jared and Ben are talking and Jared's like, well, yeah, you know, uh, all right. Uh, uh, this is a big boat. I've been doing some laps on my back's already sweating. So I'm already going to drop some pounds here.

So just, you know, where I've come from guys, uh, listen here, I've been in the industry for 11 years now and by industry, who knows what it means. Slurpees, uh, dancing at Disney who fucking knows. who fucking knows but I've been running boats kind of for six so this is my first step back into a larger crew. Listen I'm not shaking but there are some cobwebs to sweep out. Spiders terrify me just said cobwebs I'm sweating again am I sweating? Anybody have a napkin? Shammy, shammy. Full transparency I've been pumping gas at a Shell station for the past seven years. Just wanna put that out there.

I thought Shells, Ocean, I could do this job. I may be out of my league. Yeah. And then Kyro comes from small town, Shepton Heights, Scotland, murder. And he meets Sunny, oh, Ben meets Sunny. And Sunny's like, yeah, my name's Sunny, like the sun. Oh, great.

So then Cat shows up next, girl from California. And then I think Kyle said this, which I really appreciated. He goes, a new bombshell enters the villa, which of course is a Love Island reference. And then now it's, now everyone, everyone, time for a inaugural queue meeting in the Sky Lounge. I put out some calls, take off your shoes and walk across to the bridge.

My first job was on a pair of sailing boat as a technician. From there, I went to ferries, then landing barges. Along the way, I found yoring, then helicoptering, then spaceship riding. One of those things is false. But you're not gonna fucking tell me what it is. Oh, you're gonna get clocked right in your goddamn nose. But I've never been to me.

All right, everyone, raise your hands if you were chased by pirates just to get to this job. No one? All right, you're bunch of pussies. Oh, I'm sorry, there's someone at the window there. Who's that then? Oh, sorry, it's just me, Captain. Okay, actually I'm the one who runs from pirates. You know, didn't want to interrupt your little boat time here,

but you know, if anybody really wants to see a pirate chase, I've run from Saddam in the Sudan. So, okay. Good luck with your season. Yeah, but I was chased by pirates in the Gulf of Jennifer Aiden. Have you ever experienced anything as scary as that? Bunch of Jennifer Aiden pirates?

Come on back here, come on back here daddy. I wanna show you a lesson, baby. So then he goes, oh yeah, and I've also been to Norway and we see clips from Adventure. My first time down here. So I'm looking forward. Now listen, we've all got good days full of rainbows and unicorns,

but we've also got terrible days. I'm not gonna pick on ya for having a silk. Barbe's like, what's a silk? Is that a pork person thing? And Kari's like, it's a claw, you know, silk, silk, silk. I was like, did he mean silk? I'm not sure. He goes, you know, you're having a down day.

Come see me. You know, in saying that, don't take my kindness for weakness. I will fucking turn in a hot beat. And if you start taking the piss out of me, just last 10 crocodiles that I found the middle of Australia. OK, so now there's an interior meeting and Fraser's like, welcome aboard girls. And I'm not allocating stripes in the first charter. I'm going to see how everyone performs first. So good luck ladies. And so Fraser's like, last night was tough. I had two stews that last last time was tough. I had

two stews that absolutely couldn't get along and I gave people too many chances and this year It's going to be different. I'm going to give them one fewer chance than the 500 that I gave the sues last season Suzu And now it's time for the crew to meet and Jared's like all right look guys this is how you do a handbrake see see that That's viable right you guys are buying that yeah, all right, so you're just gonna turn the thingy some people call it a wheel Okay You guys are buying that? Yeah. All right, so you're just gonna turn the thingy. Some people call it a wheel. Okay. So that's what you do. And then it's like the drum.

You go, right, right, right, right. And then you're gonna just flop it. You're gonna drop it. You're gonna drop it. That's what you're gonna do. All right, Mr. Know-It-All right. This thing here, I like to call it the boats testicle. And you're just gonna drop.

You mean the anchor? Yeah, yeah, anchor. Yeah. Listen here, you guys are on a floating car right now. It's a boat, actually. It's a boat. This guy. All right, so everyone, meet on the, I call it,

the turtle shell that's flat but made of wood instead. Talking about the deck. Yeah. He's actually getting more and more confusing. All right, well, let's see if I can guy over here. So he just drops the anchor out of nowhere and he carries like, excuse me, what the fuck was that? Didn't feel like danger nor adventure.

And they're like, oh yeah, sorry, I was just showing how to do the big cannonball thingy. Anchor! Yeah. Yeah, I didn't wanna bug you with that. And he's like, oh, I noticed. Next time, notify me, you're gonna end up like that, tortoise that tried to snap at me

when I gave it a carrot, the zoo with my daughter, kicked it in the fucking head and threatened to bury it in its entire family I don't care if you're endangered or 100 years old debt snap at me when I got a bowie knife in my back pocket You think a bowie knife can't get through a tortoise shell think again That's not a tortoise. This is a tortoise So it's like oh that goes a little confusing there, but communication is key and it's early days. We'll see. We'll see. Trouble. Trouble.

Five. Nothing but trouble. I'm so thrilled. So, I mean, by the way, this show loves to cast it and capable both of us. We've had some real doozies. I mean, let's not also never forget Regan on Blowdeck Med, the girl who came on with a sea of hair. And I had no idea. Yeah, that was pretty bad. So Barbie, there's a stain on the pillow and Barbie goes, that's why I bring my own shits. So Fraser asked her if she has bartending experience. So she's just, yeah, well, I've done bartending class, which is like a whole

week of like seven hours a day. So basically. And then Jared is, um, he's trying to, he like, he says he likes to clean things by hand and then Sonny is like, um, do you guys ever look with a dildos? Like, you know what I'm talking about? And they're like, what the fuck? And she turns out Sunny, she's actually get big wads and she comes from Quebec. And when she's in Quebec, she speaks French, which was a mix of both French and English, but she like messes up her words a lot. So when she really meant like a hose guys, that's all she meant.

Yeah. And then, um, we have some interesting artistic choices, which I really like. I mean, this show is in season 11 and it is not resting on its laurels, okay? It is still the highest rated show on Bravo. I think, well, I guess Fanderpump rules over last year. Fanderpump rules.

But it will be again probably this year. But we get a shot from the bottom of a washing machine. Oh, they love their new washing machine cam. They love this. I love it too. I was like, Oh my God, this is a creative art semi right here. Right here. This is going to be rewarded in a ceremony held one week beforehand. That's so big it has to split over two nights. Yeah. So you see working, working, working, Anthony keeps finding bags of salt everywhere and Fraser is talking to Zandi the girl who said she's a witch in a vampire and

he's like so you're usually Chief Stewardess yes I mean what are you doing just taking time off from that when you trying to come in here make me feel insecure because it's not gonna work all all right? And she's like, I don't care, fucking head working. I get that, you do a stupid face. And he's like, okay. All right, well, she's terrible. God, I'm gonna love her. Right.

And Kyle's talking about how he's green. And he's like, oh, I spent a lot of time in Australia working on passenger caramarrans. And I gotta feel fridge. But I got real good at sea legs, but I'm definitely like, you know, do things and then think, think, but ask questions later. You know, I've done a lot of crazy shit.

One time I got my ass branded with a coat hanger and almost lost my ass cheek. I'm fine. They get to you make it, right? I'll get by. I'm like, yeah, I love hearing that from the person in charge of my safety on a boat. Exactly. So Frazier is saying, are we single ladies? Are we in relationships? What's the hot

goss? Let me have it. And Barbie's like, I'm so not trying to be in a relationship. It's like, yeah, we're single. Because oh, we are the single ladies, are we? Love it. single because everywhere we are the single ladies are we love it I fucking hate each and every one of them so Ben is like uh everyone keeps asking me if I'm single you know being the being the superstar that I am in America it's hard to avoid all the questions but yes I am single Camila and I we did meet up in the DR which is the Dominican Republic for all you people god we had an amazing week and it was great to see each other again, but long story short, she cheated on me and she's also dumb as rocks, so it didn't really work out. I'm jaded now, aren't I? And then he still does that thing where he gets a really slow blink, like doe eyes, like,

hmm, go get me, you sad boy who's been broken up with. And he goes, if you look up single in the dictionary, you'll see my picture next to it. That's anything. So then we go to the head of department preference sheet meeting, Ryan and Rebecca Bailey. Well, Ryan's got a podcast. I don't know who the fuck Rebecca is, but, you know, wrong.

Is that they're just talking on microphones and somehow he's ended up here. They're newly wed from Texas. He's the chief officer for a private equity fund. Rebecca works for oil and gas. Reminds me of the time that giraffe ended up in my house and I threatened to douse it with oil and gas and start it, make it the tallest fucking fire that some had ever seen. Until it left. When it comes to gas I just remembered the time that orangutan

faulted on my arm and I stabbed it in the back. I didn't fault on my arm. I couldn't tell if his name was Ryan or Brian Bailey. So I just am only putting that out there. I'm only putting that out there. No I'm only putting that out there. I'm only putting that out there. No, I'm only putting that out there because I know we'll get people saying, actually it was Brian, but now of all this, it's sort of dangerous

because now people are gonna say, Ben, it was actually Ryan. So I don't know, but I just want people to know that if it was Brian, we did hear that too. One thing that keeps this show going is controversy. Well done, Ben, well done. Anthony is, they're reading from the CVs. When you cook on yachts, you know, they want a lot of good fancy food and when you cook on yachts, a lot of pressure for shift. I grew up in, I grew up kind of chunky and dyslexia.

I was like, oh, no girl want me. I have to wake up. I said, you wake up and you impress people. Impress the world. Yeah, let me see photos of young Anthony and they are hilarious. So they are, it's like night two, they wanna do like an eighties Miami dance party and Jared goes, oh yeah, for Leigh Ann's birthday. Cary's like, it's Leigh.

That's what I say. like, it's Leanne. What did I say? What did I say? Come on, Leanne. You said a very non-dangerous, non-adventure name, Leanne. But we all know a real adventure of a name is Leanne. And they're gonna do some eco-tourism, going kayaking through the mangroves. Nah, the only reason I agreed to do that

was cause those groves were called man. Ha ha ha ha ha. We don't do boy grabs. There, the only reason I agreed to do that was because those gros were called man. We don't do boy grubs because I love eco tourism. One of the best parts of Granada is in the water is the kayaking through the main grubs. And we see this like one little kayak just sort of like coming near a mangrove. I was like, huh, I was expecting it to be much more exciting than it was. Yeah. So then work, work, work, work, work, work, work, Fraser and Xandy are talking and she's like, I love housekeeping.

I love making beds. Most people think service is the fun part, but I'd rather put my hand in blender than to talk to the guests sometimes. Been a chief stew for two years now. I'm excited not being chief stew. Someone else can be chief bitch. Yeah. I like this. This is refreshing to have the Chief Stew

who's just happy to take a backseat. She's like, I hate this. I hate this job. I hate having to fucking pretend to be nice to people. I know. So then we, it's now it's nighttime and Sunny's talking about how she's from Montreal and everything and she's like,

I'm not really the ask questions type. And Ben's like, Oh, really? Well, what do you do on your first date? You gotta have good small talk. You can't be like, what's your favorite color? She goes, well, I'll find out when we move in together and pick our paints. So, cool. Okay.

Well, and then cat is a dummy. We can see the cat doesn't really know much. And Zandy's like, do you know how to do the three in tuck with the toilet paper? And she's like, no. And she's like, oh god, let me show you, fucking stupid. And Kat's like, I'm a private yacht stewardess

from Southern California. And I come from like a really coastal city with beach vibes. So this could get gnarly. And which means that she basically takes out canoes and send one cappastrano. So Jared is like, he's like, you know what, I'm feeling really good. It seems like everyone has like a really good,

you know, what do you call it? Like banana split bowl kind of work ethic? Yes, exactly. Banana, split, bowl kind of work ethic? Yes, exactly. Night time, they're eating dinner, they're having sandwiches, and the captain eats with them and tells them a little bit about himself. He's like, I'll live in West Palm Beach,

the manliest of all beaches. It's a beach full of adventure, cause you never know if you're gonna find a poem and if you'll be to the west of you and he goes yeah but I was married and then that ended it wasn't good I was running a 300 foot yacht and I gave it all up for my kids. And then he tells us I went from being a captain of a multimillion dollar yacht to painting ass. I went and did a job. I could focus on myself. I put earbuds in. I was there for my kids every day.

One of those kids came home and he said, "'Daddy, Elma made me cry.'" So I ripped off Elma's head. I started it on fire and I buried his head when no one will ever find it. And that's called being a manly father. And then Jared brings us returns one of the classic deckhand tropes, which we haven't seen a little bit.

He's got a toddler in a far flung state. He's like, yeah, I have a three and a half year old in Alaska. So I'm trying to figure out how to get closer to all of that. Like Granada is not going to be the way you get closer to Alaska. It's not this way. Okay. From a wrong direction. I'm not great at geography.

You're doing it wrong. Is there like a Dick's sporting goods that might be hiring in Alaska? I don't know. I just feel like there's some better options for you to get closer to. Yeah. Yeah. Um, he's like, yeah, and we only speak twice a week on video calls, but that's my most cherished moment.

I got news for you. You're not talking a lot to a three and a half year old. You should go. You should go, okay. Go to Alaska. Kerry just told this whole story about how he gave up his yachting career to be with his children, because it was that important to him.

And this guy's like, speaking to them twice a week on a shaky FaceTime. God, that's, I just wish, I wish I could get closer to them anyway. I'm gonna take this job at Granada, where I have no idea what I'm doing. And how do you think that's gonna bond you

with the guy who just told you he dropped everything for his children? Like, hello. Okay, so Zandi is looking for, and people are like, are you being judgmental? Yes, I fucking am, okay? And when that three and a half year old is 15, you can tell her about it and she can be grateful, okay?

She'll be like, they got me. She'll call you when he's out there. Commissions, here comes one right now. So then Zandi is looking for, she has like a big rock that, you know, like a spiritual rock of, what do you call them? Like a crystal. Like a crystal. What's the word I'm trying to say?

Crystal? A status scope? Is there? Yeah, there's like a word. Okay. Anyway, who cares? Okay. So she has a big rock. She's one of those, which I did not, I wouldn't have guessed it because she seems like she's going to be mean to people and not like people. She's like, I'm a witch. But I think she meant it like, I'm a witch.

Hmm, more Stevie Nicks. Going more Stevie Nicks kind of witch. Yeah. So it's the next day, now everyone goes to sleep, it's the next day, Jared can't find his belt. It's one of like many sartorial issues he has. And then it's an interior meeting and Barbie's gonna be on And then it's an interior meeting and a Barbie's going to be on

late service. Cats can be on the floating ship. Zandi is going to be on earlys and housekeeping cause she, she loves housekeeping. She says she loves housekeeping. So she's going to be on housekeeping, which means that by the end of the season, she's going to be complaining that she's always on housekeeping. Yeah. Exactly.

Um, so. So I Do you think she's going to I was wondering if that was gonna happen? I'm thinking she's actually gonna like it in there. I believe where she says she hates people and wants them all to die That's true. So I'm hoping that they turn it on its head Just be just to give us something new, you know, because they're throwing a lot of tropes at us. So Speaking of a dummy named Barbie, shocked, okay? So Barbie, who has brought her own sheets from home, has brought the wrong size sheets, okay?

Because they do not fit on her bed. Yeah, she cannot figure out her fitted sheet. She basically goes to sleep with the sheet wrapped around her body, which is very anxiety driven for me. Like the idea of like a fitted sheet like wrapped around my feet. And then I hate that.

People die. It really is an adventure. There's danger everywhere on this boat. Have you seen those blankets that are like a cocoon? They're kind of like a sleeping bag, but they also envelop your feet. I guess it would be like a sleeping bag, but they're tight fitting. They look like you're in, they look like a cocoon, right they also envelop your feet. I guess it would be like a sleeping bag, but they're tight fitting.

They look like you're in, they look like a cocoon. Right? Have you seen those? Like a papoose. A papoose, a human papoose. I want one kind of. Yeah. Sounds fun. Yeah, I want one. Okay. So.

I have nothing else to say. How many more pages of most? Because I really want to go shoot on shop for one of these papoose things. Here's a really important part. Kerry walks up to Anthony and goes, morning, mate, how'd you sleep? You look fresh as a daisy. You know what I do to daisies? Killin the dangerous. So now it's provisions and this boat is bloody hell.

This is one of the boats where they have to run up and down three flights of stairs to get from the kitchen, from the galley to the refrigerators so Anthony sucks for you, so he's running up and down and He's like in my restaurants in France. There was 18 employees and that's your chef You are the only one you have to run to the bottom to top the bottom to the top Maybe it's not too late to run, Anthony. Should I run? Little fat kid says never run,

but to me I say run, run like hell. Well, specifically I say run, run, run. So. Yes, yes, yes. No, no, no. Run, run, run, run, run. So there's just, not only do we have washer cam, we also are washing machine can we also have refrigerator cam.

So we see Anthony putting stuff in the fridge, which is very much like a sunny D commercial, which was fun. And Kat trying to figure out a vacuum cleaner attachment, which is an omen for her time on this boat. And then Barbie does one of these another one of these I'm a rich girl, but I'm not a rich but I'm not spoiled and I'm gonna prove to you why Monologues because I'm from Argentina and I'm a daddy's girl and I respect him and he didn't have that much But he got a job of Coca-Cola and he climbed that ladder working really really hard. It's like he stayed up all night long

I don't know how he did that at Coca-Cola Anyway, I want to make my dad proud and I want to be the best stew. So I go to so many nice hotels, so I know what good service is, because I get good service. Oh, okay. So your dad was so big up at Coca-Cola

that he couldn't use some nepotism? I mean, what the hell? I mean, I get being like, I want my kid to work, but I don't buy it Barbie. I'm not buying want my kid to work, but I don't buy it, Barbie. I'm not buying it. There, I said it. I don't believe it. I don't get rich people vibes from you.

I get poor vibes from you. I get magic marker eyebrow vibes from you. That's what I get. All you get, walk about vlogs, because Tom's having another walk about. So Carrie is now inspecting Jared's work, and of course there's fingerprints there and Mark's here and this and that, you know.

He's really into the captain. Yeah, he really is checking everything. He wasn't like this in Norway. All right, Fraser, first thing I noticed was smudges on the mirrors behind the bar there. Get that done. And also I've noticed some sinks are closed, some sinks are open.

I don't know which way you want it, but you better choose one, all right? You've never seen danger until you've seen cheese sinks that have different kind of openings on them. Listen, you need to decide whether these are gonna be open or closed before you go down the drain. The adventure. I like a life of adventure.

Hey, that sink is closed. So now it's time to, everyone's getting ready for the guests and everything in terms of like, they're getting dressed and stuff. And Jared has some pants in his room. And he's like, who's are these? Oh, they're mine. I'm like, just look at the size.

Just look at the size on the waistband. It's really simple. And they're huge on him, which I like, because you can't really figure out who's they are either, right? They're probably like Mikey, Mikey or Mike's. You know, the three guys who we never see. We didn't even meet them this season, did we?

No, they've stopped doing that. I think they've stopped doing that. I think even Captain Sandy didn't do it this season. She's usually the one who loves it. She's like, this is Dave and his brother Dave and their cousin David. Yeah. So the guests are showing up and Fraser's

muttering to himself, fucking hell. And Gerrits, they're standing there on the lineup and Jarrods like, I think I may have put on someone else's, what do you call it, like long cloth things that wrap around your ankles. Pants, pants Jarrod. Wow, I don't know if Trixie Monocle is just trying to get a free trip or what the fuck she's doing here.

But did you notice that they played a song that's like, I'm a big, big boss now, big, big boss, a big boss now, boss boss. I don't need lyrics in my tunes on Below Deck. I don't know who's in charge over there, no. And also it's because this song was playing, big boss, big boss, as Ryan slash Brian Bailey was walking with his wife.

Like they're just like this homely middle-aged people walking down the dock like boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss. And we know these guests are going to be real charmers because we hear them like, oh my God, it's hotter than the witches asshole in here. I fuck a witches asshole. Yeah. Well, guess what? My pussy's wet.

I got a very virulent vagina. All right, Pam? It's like, oh God, here they come. My crotch needs to air out a little bit. Oh yeah, I know. It's like a monostat commercial, you know? Swamp a vagina. Well, I'm saying you that there's liquids coming out.

I was like, okay, all right, we get it. Yeah, they're really hammering this one home. So Fraser gives them a tour and he's like, OK, this is the hot tub. It's a good place to do some morning yoga. Or let's try adding a little soap in there and give ourselves a bath, shall we? And then he's like, well, we have some newlyweds and this is their bed for the next few days and they can get as dirty and foul mouthed as they like

because no matter what they say, I'll still think they're all idiots. Because they keep making jokes. They're like, oh wow, it's a hot tub, but we can all fuck each other in there. They're like, oh yeah, you fucking my wife, my fucking your wife. And then they go down into the, one of the rooms

and there's windows down there and they're like, people can see through these windows, huh? Yeah. He's like, disgusting. Right. And oil and gas, so I'm in. And Holly, I think it's Holly, she keeps on saying, and now I'm moist.

Ha ha ha, she says I'm moist like 50 times this episode. It's like she just learned it. Yeah. So then the captain is telling us, She says I'm moist like 50 times this episode. It's like she just learned it. Yeah. So then the captain is telling us Grenada, stunning, but it's challenging. These winds, they're incredible. There's 500 reviews for their television show on

Rotten Tomatoes and they're all by someone named Sandy. Sandy Bandy, two by four. She apparently loves wind. I love that show. I love that show wind. What a good show. Well, guess what? There are a lot of reefs in the area.

Many of them are not marked. They're not on the unmarked reefs. They'll slosh you up like a tin can. So better be careful around those rates. Like, sir, how about the reefs be careful of you? Like, the reefs were there at first, okay? Those poor fish, you're crashing into them and they're like, oh no, look what that reef did to my boat.

Look what you did to that reef. I'm gonna tell those reefs the same thing I'm telling the moist lady. This ain't a pleasure cruise, but I like it that way. You know, there's some eel, like some more right eel that lives in that reef because yeah, I love living on this reef because you never know

when a boat's gonna crash into you, danger, it's like a carrier. So they take off and Jared is nervous as hell with the, I'm docking whatever you call it. And he's like, oh my God, I'm nervous as shit because I operate in feet. Oh my God, three meters. No, two and a half meters.

Oh god, two and three quarter meters. He's like, I gotta translate. It's not so hard, but multiplication. Oh my god, multiplication on the fly. So much stress. This has the potential to go tits up. Okay, what is four yards in meters? Got it. We are 35 meters away from the next boat. Okay, what is four yards in meters?

Got it, we are 35 meters away from the next boat. By the way, the next boat over, I thought for a moment it was the blow deck down under boat, because it had that blue bottom part, and I literally spent 10 minutes investigating whether or not that boat was in Granada, and then I said, Ben, what are you doing with your life right now?

You don't need to find this out, but it's very important for me to know where boats that were originally fishing trolleys, Japanese fishing trolleys from 1975 are located. One rudder, man it's an adventure. So Jared is still trying to figure out his pants because they're too big. He just cannot figure out the pants thing which which, you know, doesn't bode well for anybody on this boat. And then one of the ladies is like, oh guys, don't lean on this table

because it'll fall over right when you're trying to get a shoddy or snatch to send someone else's husband. Oh no, the table fell over. I guess it doesn't react well to being moist. Let me tell you one thing I've learned in life and is only being brought home by this show. Swinger is your gross, okay? And if you're at a Swinger party,

look around, you're probably all homely. I don't think I've ever known a hot Swinger. Have you? No, cause hot Swinger's don't even need to swing cause it just, they get all the ass they need naturally. They don't have to get into some sort of arrangement Yeah, they don't have to be part of like a community. Yeah, they just cheated about it. Yeah so Fraser I'm not Fraser, but Jared did you mention this Jared's back in his room still looking for his pants? Yes

Yes, I still can't figure out pants Jared's back in his room still looking for his pants. Yes, Jared. Still can't figure out pants. So now the weather starts getting crazy, wind and clouds and anchor drops. And Jared goes, all right, just did the anchor drop. You got about two and a half shots in the water, Cap. He goes, wait a minute, we've got a communication error.

I asked Ben for one shot, not two and a half, one. He's like, oh, whoa, I apologize. I did not receive that transmission, okay? So is whoever got that transmission wearing my pants? Literally my underwear right now. The guests are like, well, I definitely got a transmission about five minutes ago. If you know what I mean, hashtag moist.

So my vagina's being called by your dick So Ben's like no And Kerry's like well if you're unsure I'm it's trying to put out if you're on for me to ask me So let's stop pulling up some chain cuz you know what? Chain falls on the anchor then that can dislodge the anchor So to drag the anchor then you start to drift and then all of a sudden you crash into an unmarked reef and next thing you know you're getting eaten by an eel. Thank you. So what kind of boss in just drops whatever it really is. So Ben obviously here's all this on the radio and he's telling Kyle I was gonna go to the anchor and Jared said no I'm gonna do it so he goes and now he's just blasted me for not telling him,

dude, you're a boosie and figure it out. I mean, yes, Jared should have 100% if he didn't know how many, how many shackles to drop it. He should have radioed for it. Also though, Ben, you could say, okay, just do it one shack. Like, like it's two could help out in this such everyone. Like if you can help and help, if you got time to lean, got time to clean.

You got time to help, you got time to help. All right. You got time, got time to wrestle a crocodile. You got time to. To wrestle a second crocodile. You got time to To Wrestle a second crocodile you got time to resist you got time to assist me as I kick this rhinoceros is For getting the road roll on trying to pass have you ever Taken a toucan in your hands and broke its neck into you Talk about all right. I've gotten violent against two kings and they have officially gone too far.

We've gone from adventure to serial killer. Danger comes in many forms, Ronnie. So Ben's all pissed now. And the captain's like, yeah, if you pull that chain too quickly, it'll swap around, it'll wrap around. Oh, Jesus, sorry. A big panel just fell off my wall and almost moved with me.

So it looks like some bitch over there. So Fraser takes the guests up to lunch. And he's like, is everyone here ready for a nibble? And then of course the guy's like, that's nibble with a B everyone. As opposed to nibble, which is a P, which by the way is kind of like a B that fell over. You know what I'm saying?

The point is nibbles, am I right? God, we are so edgy. Two out of three of these guys is impotent. And I'm gonna say at least one of the women, one of the women have just stopped feeling anything. I'm just gonna say. And I will say that. I do not believe you people.

You're trying too hard. I'm just gonna say and I will say I do not believe you people I do you're trying too hard and I believe that Like four out of four men have said this sentence at one point in their life You know, I was really sad when yes, dear was canceled, but then I was really excited about the Big Bang Theory Wait babe, the the Oscars are coming out. All right. Just tell me, don't bother with that. Just tell me what Kevin James was nominated for. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He wants to be amazing. So he makes these Korean chicken bao. They look wonderful. So this is a new change.

This is a new change for this season. After 11 years, 11 seasons, and umpteen spinoffs, they finally decided to give the top chef treatment to the food. So now every dish that comes out gets a close up shot with like portrait mode with some blurs and like a big Big font on front that says Korean chicken bow buns with shredded cabbage on a bed of greens. Wow Yeah, really beautiful too really really good and he's like oh the modern chef we are all teeth

so they Get their food and the guests are like, wow, bow buns, how about just some pow in your buns? Ew! How about just you put your buns, how about just your wife's buns, just put them right over here while I'm starving for them. Wait, I got one.

These buns are moist. Did it again, God, what a, what a versatile word. Are these buns steamed? Cause my vagina is. Is that how you make bow buns? They're steamed, right? They are steamed with moisture. So, now, yeah, basically a Fraser Asif.

A citizen wants something to drink. And then of course the guy goes, is everyone lubricated properly? Oh my God. And of course, birth over there is like, I'm moist. Yes, we know. I've never expected to see a dryer vagina in my life. You are lying.

You are lying, lady, overcompensating with moistness, okay? I guarantee these are the same people that voted against drag's reading in libraries. So then, not to get political. So Ben is like, so then Ben sees Jared, he goes, oh, thanks for throwing me under the bus brewer.

And Jared's like, oh my God, I didn't hear that. My bad, bro. I thought, I thought, oh, I didn't hear him at all. Wait, did I actually speak to the captain was actually radioing in? I was that happened? He goes well He said or told bin and you said I didn't get that info Okay, but he didn't get that info and you didn't tell him so I'm still think it's his fault because he's above you in rank and he should know what the fuck he's doing and he should have

Asked but why are you mad at him for saying he didn't get that info when you literally didn't tell him? Here, it's not like you're claiming that you gave him the info. Yeah, Ben. Ridiculous. I'm so not on team Ben. Why do I not like Ben?

Because he's just uncharismatic. He has no res. So then, what did you say G is? Moist. So, Kara is like, hello, guess. How's it going? Just want to check in. Thought I'd do a walkabout around your table.

And I've walked around the table, so that's done. How's Texas? They're like, it's good. Not very moist. It's a dry heat. And he's like, well, I'm from the south as well. The deep south. Specifically down under.

See, Australia's on the southern east. What I'm trying to say, the joke is that Australia's really, it's low, it's salt more safe than ticks. Are you following my joke at all? I got it. No one goes deeper, no one goes deeper south on me than her husband. My raw girl, yay is, I'm moist.

So then some lobster pat thai comes out. It looks amazing. I'm like, Anthony's really killing it so far. For me, not much. I mean, the noodles weren't all covered with the sauce. They were like half done, and then they were just piled on top of a lobster in a shell. I didn't really get it.

I like the verticality. I thought it was creative, but I don't know. I don't like it. Also, this guy is really obsessed with lobster. That's what he's lined up. He is. But the thing is that his galley is a disaster and his timing is not good. So Fraser's like, well, if he doesn't fix that, we're going to be fucked. So then Holly says, well, that was incredible. I'm, I started to have an orgasm. I'm so moist. Okay. So now it's swimming time and then the captain does a walkthrough and calls the interior down.

He's like, all right, now listen here, I've been checking bathrooms. And with the guests come back, here's what I want to say. Paper folds. Everything else is fantastic. But what is this? Listen, I don't want any of these people wiping their moist asses without thinking someone's fingers were all over this little square of toilet paper that I'm sticking up my corn hole.

Adventure. So Anthony now spends next several hours clean. It takes him forever to clean his galley. So he's now behind. So he's working on that. And then we see more dryer cam or washing machine cam. There's some cam in those machines right now. So we see more of that. And so Fraser asked cat to clean the pantry. He's like just clean the pantry. But Barbie Barbie is one of these dudes who just makes everyone do her stuff. So she starts asking cats to get the napkins. Oh, and by the way, can you do this and by the way, can you bring this up and that up and that up? And she's like, um, actually no,

because Fraser needs me. So I really need to get this done. And Barb's like, um, that girl needs to speed up. Cat's super slow and it's annoying. Let girl pick it up. Yeah. Okay. Whatever. I love that. The person who is like, lazy enough that's trying to pot like like pawn off their responsibilities on someone else thing gets mad at that person Is not going fast enough to help them out with their slow ass true Then again, we do see lots of shots of cat just moving really slowly like at one point. She's like this is a pillow case It goes on pillows. I Think that's true.

I maybe hit you my horse with the wrong wagon on this one. She like also was very confused by like a vacuum attachment, so. Uh-uh. So she starts crying. Basically, that goes down. She starts crying. She starts crying.

Yes, and she looks, she has a very Laura Dern cry. I don't know if you noticed, but she really looked like young Laura Dern. So she's crying and Fraser comes in and he's like, what's up then? What is it? She's like, I'm so sorry. It's just like, I didn't want you to see me like this, which is why I came to cry in the one public space that we can all hang out in together. I know. Don't feel insecure, truly. It's okay. It's just a big boat with a big crew and there's like a learning curve.

Okay, well, thick skin, we need thicker skin, idiot. She's not gonna last. It's like, I mean, I know it's a big boat. Okay, I just don't want my work to go unnoticed by you, you know, because we're so busy. Like I need you to notice my work. Okay, yeah.

We're all talking about how fucking amazing you to notice my work. Okay, yeah, we're all talking about how fucking amazing you were with those pillowcases. Okay, so. If your book means tears, then yes, it has been noticed. So then Ben's teaching Sunny something and she's doing this annoying thing where she's like, it's hard to be taught things by Ben because he's just like eye candy

and I'm definitely interested in both girls and guys. It's a spectrum, right? I'm like more hetero than I am gay or bisexual, but I love men. I just, I love Badonka Dunks. And I don't think I could live without it. I was like, okay, sonny, you're officially boring me. Yeah, and a Badonky Dunk is an ass, not a dick, okay?

And you're being a little too pick mean not like one of the other girls right now, for my taste. She's like, oh my God, I really like hooking up with girls just enough to turn a guy on, but not enough to really be with a girl. Also, I called hoses dildos. So yeah, not like the other girls, guys.

So Anthony is, he's behind, because he's saying like with the provisioning and the cleaning. He only has two hours to make his four course meals, a lot of pressure. So we can already see that he is heading into a disaster on the first charter. And as Andy was joking earlier, when she was cleaning with Fraser, they were joking about stealing from rooms and he's like, oh, I love stealing from rooms. So now they're keeping it going. She's like, what would you steal from this room? And he's like, family, I love stealing from rooms. So now they're keeping it going. She's like, what would you steal from this room?

And he's like, family heirlooms are my favorite. She goes, actually, just don't touch my crystal. Or go ahead, touch it, see what happens to you. I came up. I was like, oh, wow. This was fun for a moment. All right, strange. So she tells us that she has really bad anxiety

and she always has and and she's gone to therapists and doctors and everything, and she even thought about doing shock therapy. But the crystal and the sage is what did the trick. So great. Yeah, that's how we got rid of lobotomies, just started giving people crystals. Works every time.

Glad that journey's working out for you. So then the guests are getting ready for dinner and the cat is helping out with dishes and not crying, which is nice. And then Ben is already doing his like, if I would chief stew. He's downstairs like, well, you know what we need here is a whiteboard, that's what we need,

a whiteboard to see jobs on. So sorry I have to be the one that to do that, but know what we need here is a whiteboard. That's what we need a whiteboard to see jobs on So sorry I have to be the one that to do that, but guess what I just know what it takes to make things a success Yeah, he's doing that thing now in this case He's not necessarily wrong because it does seem like a smart thing to do and then meanwhile We just see Jared just sitting in the crew mess on his phone going man. I wish there was a fucking TV to watch Man, well, I guess I'm done with my work for the season. So I'll just hang out here. They show him doing that.

But they also, I don't know why I feel the need to defend this person. Cause I'm like, this guy's a faker and he's going to be fired in two seconds. But then I'm defending him because I think that they also showed him doing his work. They showed him putting together a schedule because they keep cutting to him, putting together a schedule while Ben's like we don't have his schedule Well, the guy was trying to figure out how to fix the anchor that he didn't know how many things were supposed to go down Yeah, he's a three-maf year old in Alaska. He's just working on Imperial to metric conversions So on the fly guys on

So Ben's like you know on it like I understand that he won't be out of the game He might I might be out of the game. He might, he might be out of the game. And, you know, he's just like catching up and everything. But like, you know, I just want him to know that he can lean on me for support. I'm like, really? Because where was that support earlier with the shackles? Yeah. Um, okay.

So where are we now, Ben? Guess it for dinner. They're loving the table daks. And, um, the chef is talking about, oh, in my culture, perfection is very, very important. It is like a woman, you take your time to make her happy. Don't say that in front of the guests. Right, unless you're on.

Please don't over the place. I was like, unless you're on Southern charm. So the first dish, first we see it they're like waiting it's 20 minutes late then it's 45 minutes late and they're getting hungry and then finally some beef carpaccio comes out and they love it and of course one lady says oh god really quiet yeah like when you put good food in your mouth it's like kind of like a dick and then someone else goes and I'll take a dick that tastes like this every day of the week.

I'm moist. Yeah, I'll suck all kinds of dick if it's this good. And Barbie hears them and she's like, gross, gross. Okay, so they clear their first course and the chef has not even started his lobster tail. He's serving it again and he's putting it in right now. I'm not really sure what's up with this guy. His food so far has been beautiful. Yeah, but the last course that they waited 45 minutes for the servant nine and then the second course goes up an hour and 22 minutes

later. I don't know how these guests were so patient. Like I don't know, I mean I'm sure they're fed lots of booze but they wait and it finally comes and Holly is telling Fraser like, hey you know everything's delicious but could we speed this up a little bit please, come on. Yeah. Lacey's talked about taking 19 dicks. Okay, it's getting, well when she gets to 25, we're all going to bed.

So then they get lobster and the guy's like, uh, it's been an hour and 22 minutes. And the guy's like, wow, more lobster. Thanks. So, um, now let's see what happens here. So the captain's like, all I need to manage through respect. I'm not going to micro manage The Boston has made a few mistakes, and God damn people almost touched a piece of toilet paper that wasn't shaped like a dock.

The chef's behind, and this is brilliant crew to me. I'm getting to know everybody, but I'll change you out if you can't do your job. And then we just see this, like everyone spiraling out of control across the boat. And it's like, what will happen to these moist, moist charter guests? Yeah, Ben's already making snotty comments about Jared. And like, this guy's a fucker, OK?

Like, I know the other guy didn't have the best day of work, but you're so obviously trying to glom on and take his job, sir. Yeah. So then we see everything just starting to go to hell as we see the season unfold before our eyes. Everything's dramatic and everyone's crying and then we get a... Oh yeah. ...challenging down the stream. It's a very strong week for Irish dead hooker music on Bravo. Huge.

Huge. So that was the season premiere, very exciting stuff. Excited to see what's gonna happen. It's been, I feel like it's been a few seasons since we had a chef who had bad timing and that always creates so much chaos. So looking forward to that and fun times. Always, always enjoy the beginning of a fresh new below deck season.

Yes, everybody. Thanks so much for being here. Go vote for the Golden Crappy Awards. Voting is now open and the show is on February 17th. So grab tickets for the live or the online version. We'll give you options over at watchatcrapins.com. Thank you. Thank you to everybody who's with us on Crappins On Demand video.

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