Watch What Crappens - Below Deck: Cougar Watch

Episode Date: November 17, 2017

Some God fearin, butt lovin cougars are the new charter guests on this week’s Below Deck. Can Nico keep his pants on? Can EJ keep from touching himself? And did Kate call Jen a whore, or is Jen just reaaaaaaally stupid? Enjoy! This week’s bonus is a recap of our adventures in Mexico. To hear it, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchi blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com-watchwhat-crapins. That's patreon.com-watch-what-crapins. You can also find us on social media, on Twitter, we're at what-crapins, on Instagram

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Gorgeous little friend Ben Mantelker. TGIF mofo. How you doing? Oh TGIF God, it's not just a place with wonderful onion rings. Okay guys. Yeah. yeah, although it does bring up a very important question, which is, whose food is better? TGIFs or mats on Blow Deck? Poor thing. Matt really does take so much shit. And normally the chefs on the show,

they make us rude against them, right? Well, the chefs are usually, yeah, they're usually at the center of a lot of drama, but he's really been the one that's, you know, of all the chefs we've seen, which is like Ben, Leon, Adam, Matt Cielo, and one who's really been, he's been really getting it in terms of his quality of his food, you know, because people like Ben's an asshole or Adam's an asshole or Leon, you know, he does the same thing over and over again, but people liked it, you know, because people like bands and asshole or atoms and asshole or Leon, you know, he does the same thing over and over again, but people liked it, you know, but Matt's the only one where it's like, oh.

Well, I guess the opening is right. And nice chef is useless. Like you have to be crazy as a chef to cook well. Yeah. There is. So in case you couldn't tell, we're talking below deck today as our Friday tradition is. Um, is there anything we have to talk about the top of the episode? Hey, literally, let's get into it.

No, it's Friday. Let's, let's get on, let's hop on that boat. Yeah. How about you guys get a Friday treat and we get a Friday treat, not adding a bunch of bullshit to the top? Let's just jump into it, guys. Wait, I have an announcement to make. You bastard. Never mind. Just guys. Wait, I have an announcement to make. You bastard.

Never mind. Just kidding. My announcement is I will always be grateful to the editors for putting Jen trying to carry giant plates like she's asking what they are in the opening. It's my favorite thing. She's like plates. What are these? She's tilting them around. They're plates. Jen. Yeah, Jen. They're just plates, but they work quite well. Speaking of, let's wash some plates guys. Let's wash some dishes. The only show that I love that opens with people with dish drama. Okay, so Kate has just been like, um, I'm going to bed. So you're going to do the dishes with Piano because you got a break and I didn't. She's like, oh, she's a terrorist.

I want to kill. Okay. But I'm a good person. So I'm just going to say it behind her back a lot and like suppress it with my curling iron. Yeah. So basically, uh, Jenna's supposed to be up early, but she's being punished for being lazy for the previous episodes, so she has to do dishes. But she's not really being helpful.

She's being actually very useless. She's like, I'm having a brain fart. Where do I put glasses again and breathe like in the cupboards? What do we keep these in the cupboards? They don't fit. They don't go in all the way. Just put them in the cupboards. What? What's a cupboard? Is it a cup or is it a board. They don't fit. They don't go in all the way. Just put them in the cupboard. What?

What's the cupboard? Is it a cup or is it a board? I don't get it. And it doesn't help that they're wearing those flower headband still, because they look like Snapchat filters. And it's like when someone takes a Snapchat with a pretty filter like that and just is miserable. You're like, why would you waste the flower headband

on this miserable shot? Well, because you think it's gonna brighten someone's day, but it doesn't. It does. It does. She's like, are there really oranges here? Are we guys just fucking with me? Mm.

So at this point, Bri is annoyed. And it's actually, she could actually do the dishes faster if Jen just wanted to see it. She's like, just go to sleep. And so then Bri basically is up till two in the morning doing dishes. Well, Jen's like, Jen's wandering around in a grass skirt. And he's so good. She's like bumping into walls. I'm so tired. So we get a really cute montage of Bree just doing everything on the boat. When she could be plunking out one

court over and over again and trying to turn on Nico, you know, yeah, but just sort of the same thing. So then, uh, we then meanwhile out on the deck, EJ is, uh, chilling out with Baker and he's like, he's like, I'm gonna miss her. I'm gonna miss her and he's like reminiscing and he's like, he goes like well Baker and she's Baker I'm really gonna miss you and she's like I miss you to I'm under way the next time I'll be here in St. Martin Like she just sort of whatever the last word is she just sort of takes it and just says it for gets it. She repeats it with lots of color.

She's like, I'm gonna miss you too, boo boo. And he goes, well, maybe you'll get another boasting that's really hot and like, oh, maybe we should make out with you. Oh, yeah. Sorry. And EJ is like, let me tell you guys something. I will miss this crew.

We'll 90% of them Cuz some of them are on point real good, but some of them and he's like pointing at the camera at us Like oh my god, he's such a dad who wants to go get ice cream mom's mad at me Yeah, so he looks like he's about to make a move on Baker like you know, it's our last night This is I'm about to say goodbye. I got to go back to Fort Laudie Like you know, it's our last night. This is I'm about to say goodbye. I got to go back to Fort Laudie Lying on the beddie pad like fuck like bunny is like everything is pointing to him finally getting some He's trying to cuddle up, but she doesn't see because he's like cuddling up behind her and then the music is just like

It was like this bunny pad has been claimed by Reen Nico already. I'm sorry. You must go. You're gonna get crabs and you didn't even fuck. You poor things. So Baker is like, oh wow, wow. And then they both go to bed. You see Baker just staring at the ceiling like, what could have been mine? Cool beans, not. And then it has to EJ in bed jerking off. I mean, this show, every season there's at least one shot of somebody jerking off and this time I never would have guessed it would be even. He's a imagining baker lying on a bed with roses falling down on her American beauty style. Well, that's like a doctor bag. Well, as is. Well, yeah, well, just with a cheetah and a bed of roses. So, um, uh, next morning, Kevin Spacey is working out in the garage next door,

ruining everything. I don't hate, bro. I don't think you should be in my fantasy right now. So, you know, not cool, but... You gave his face, he's like, um, it doesn't count that was years ago. Get over it. He's like, I'm gay.

Yeah, bro, but it's still my fantasy. And like, I'm trying to make a move on her in the flower. I'm gay. No, you guys, stop saying that. It's not gonna fix it. I'm gay. Oh, bro. All right, back to Fort Laudie.

I'm gay. Stop. I don't even do it with you now. So good. So then we get a perfect cape moment. She's in the kitchen with the chef. And she has, hmm, apple turn of hers. Those are Neil. That's her way of saying, hey, thugwad. Thanks for trying on the last second to last charter. And the chef takes everything in the best way, because he says sweet. It's like still got it. No, not. Jen is already like, she's twitching in her sleep.

I don't want it to, I don't want it to turnovers. I don't want to do turnovers. Jen has turned downs. And no one's asking you to do that. These are Apple turnovers. They're like Apple fritters. I swear, I'm not frittering about. I swear. Jen's frittering about I swear

Jen's trying to fold the diamond out of the turnovers Toilet paper time it's call back This is gonna be a wacky Friday. Okay, so so then oh, I got it now so so so now it's the time. Everyone's up. So the waves have calmed down. And it's like, all right. Well, I'm going to give them a little morning cruise because these goddamn guests won't stop complaining if I don't. So once again, let's go give a little look

cruise around the bay. All right. So it's like neat. So they're basically doing like a little cruise. Yes. And that means ladies like, well, this engine could taste better. Like, it could be better. I would send this engine back. Like, if this were my restaurant, I don't know if I'd have an engine under the

dining room, like, how about you have like a normal, like, ground and earth under the dining room? It's like, man, you're on a boat. No. We could have just stayed on a hotel on the water and saved in fact, ton of money with an engine. Complain. I get this sort of my restaurant. Okay. We would have sent back these turnovers and then made sure we got no word of mouth whatsoever because no one knows where I run it.

Also no one's working at my restaurant right now because I'm here. So I think Nico already knows that EJ is leaving. Does he know yet? I can't remember if they told him He I don't know if he knows but his hand has come back to life Suddenly, he's like, you know, I'm gonna take off my my hand thing and I'm gonna be more positive You know, because sitting in my room it gave me more perspective and so I'm gonna give it all I got like well That's great timing and Kate's like um, where's your sling? Aren't you gonna wear your sling?

He's like, well, it's a bit dramatic, don't you think? Gage just blinks her eyes. I think she's like, everything's dramatic to me. She's like, I'm sad to joke. I'd like, I'd like how Nico was like, I realize I've been sort of an asshole and I'm gonna not be an asshole. And then the rest of the episode,

he's still like, I'm doing asshole things. Yeah, like, look at Boy Scout left the bit finally. What a dick what? Guys, I promise the torture is over because the EJ asshole is out of here. Later J. So Jen wakes up and you know Jen's tired. So she's like, I'm I didn't feel well. I have genitis. What's that? It's when I wake up. Take talk, Jen. The longer you're late, the more you will pay. It's like Kate making her own musical. Yeah. It's like literally, I'm going to start crying because I don't feel good. She goes, well, none of us do.

We're working on about it. So she doesn't even say like that because Jen's like, I don't feel good. So I'm here and Kate goes, oh, none of us feel good now for this orange juice. So like literally, I'm on the verge of tears. And she goes, well, I can handle this because I know where the oranges are.

So I can make this orange juice if you really need to go to bed She's like no Okay, goes oh my god. Jenkins me problems. I give her solutions Then she finds problems with the least the solutions. How do you solve the problem like Jen? How um, I don't know because I was never good at math. That was rhetorical Rita Kate just called my daughter a whore wait a minute I don't know because I was never good at math. That was rhetorical. Louis Rita. Kate just called my daughter a whore. Wait a minute.

Jen, can you just get some glasses on the cupboard? I don't know how to use cupboards. I'm sick. You think I need glasses? I'm going blind too. I'm sick and I'm going blind. So the captain's like, come on. It's the water. Let's move. Everyone's like, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude out to the guests and they're like, Hey Jen, what's going on? Hey, what's the breakfast special going to be today? She's, um, I have not been informed that information, but I will find out. I think Kate knows and Matt knows, but they don't like to share things with me sometimes. I'm like, Jen, stop being passive-aggressive. And like, just, you know, there's always a breakfast special. So just ask what it is before you go out to see the guests.

Jen. Stop throwing everyone under the bus. There's not some like best breakfast waiter award waiting for you at the end of this, you know. Everyone's mean but me. So she goes down and she's like, um, hi, I was just with the guests. And they're asking me about the breakfast special.

And I haven't been informed what it is. So it'd be nice if somebody could inform me information that will make me feel like I've been shared with an informed and complicated long-winded way of saying and asking Matt what the fuck the breakfast special is, Jen. That was Kate's response, as little as she said, because Jen was doing favorite running stuff. I just went out and like I was asking, they were asking me why there was and I thought I wasn't informed And then I looked at the sea and the sea didn't wasn't informed either and I thought what if I'm informed?

What if I'm outformed? What if I'm outformed? I don't understand forms. I don't understand databases. I have a sickness is called not formed Jen just ask him what the fuck the breakfast special is It's great. Kate was so what the fuck the breakfast special is It's great. Kate was so savage this episode. It was amazing And the chef really is trying he's like okay. Well, I got dumped and everyone hates my food But you know, I'm gonna give it everything eggs Holland days He goes I love a challenge so I'm making eggs Benedict. I was like oh wow I've never seen that sir never seen that served a brunch before.

You know, have that done yourself. The lady in the Mrs. Roper wig is like, um, it's just like bland. It's like so bland. Well, what do you think eggs Benedict is? It's like known for kind of being bland. There's nothing really that exciting in it, is it? Well, the holiday sauce is what gives it that nice. Well, I mean, I've been at egg banded was done right or you know

Listen ever but there it's not like ordering like a side of salsa You know what I mean? It's like yeah cream and butter and an egg on a piece of bread like an English muffin with with some You know Canadian bacon or is that would call it bacon, you know But like the point is this, Matt is like, he's a little afraid of seasoning. I'm that's the impression that I'm getting because everything seems to be a little bland. And like also, eggs Benedict is nice and everything,

but like how is this your challenge? How is this your, there's a way to do eggs Benedict in a gourmet way where it's like an elevated thing on a special kind of bread with, you know, maybe like to smoke salmon Benedict, which is slightly more elevated or a crab cake Benedict. He's elevated. It's on an English muffin. The egg is literally elevated. But is there any more? Is there any more honor than putting an egg on a pastry that's named after our dear leader, Queen Elizabeth. Oh, I forgot you're not Canadian. It doesn't make sense to you.

Do you remember in Mexico this weekend, we had a long discussion about eggs. That was a good egg talk. When did we talk about eggs? I don't know, but you were like, you were mad, not mad, but you were talking about how eggs shouldn't be that hard or something. And I was telling you, my mom used to own a hotel restaurant or run a hotel restaurant

called Silanthros. And I work there as a teenager and man eggs are hard. And you don't get any money for eggs. I mean, it's like an egg dish. It's like 25 cents, never. Watching these chefs do all the different kinds of eggs because people do order eggs like I want it over easy with a medium middle and you know horns on the end like tell order all this crazy shit like some eggs You have to like throw a cube of ice on the grill and then the like there's all these different techniques

We were talking about grub how I went to grub and they're like by popular demand We are now supreme breakfast all day, but all egg dishes will only be in scramble form I'm like, oh wow I got forbid you put like the extra like 30 seconds of effort into making an omelette. Well, it is called grub Anywho the point is that Matt made the eggs Benedict and they were like they're planned so then meanwhile I'm like look I like a challenge, but these guests suck. I'm done. Okay. Yeah. I'm like, so then, uh, EJ asks, like needs Nico to do something. He's like, Hey, Nico, my steer, want to help getting ready on the bow. And you could just tell Nico's like, Okay, I'm done being a team player. I'm back to being

an asshole now. He called me Nico, my steer. Hey, Rico, Nico, want to give me a little help at here on the booty floaty the floaty booty. So then the the morning cruise is like the morning cruise is like all of 45 minutes and of course they're all like that was it and of course that gay Charlie is like I can't believe it. By the way that guy Charlie since last week we did some stalking. He has on his Facebook page, like one of his occupations is former cast member Bravo or like cast member Bravo. I'm like, dude, you are on one episode of Below Deck and you're apparently Charlie was on one of,

like one of those forgotten Bravo shows, like the single, oh, from friends to lovers. Oh gosh. And then we have like 50 mutual friends. So I was like, I was like, what's the deal with this guy? I asked one of my friends, I said, what's the deal with this guy? Charlie, he was on Blow Deck and acting like a fool. And my friend was like, um, Charlie's a lot.

He goes, he goes, let's put it this way. I only text him if I need something professionally for him because otherwise, you don't know what sort of checks are getting back I was like yeah, he's the kind of guy that you're like hey Charlie hasn't go and he'll be terrible It's like oh no, then he'll tell you every terrible thing in his day. It's like I didn't mean literally I went on a yacht with a just like had beautiful beds and it was like great service and drinks all around But we didn't get to go into the water. It was like the worst experience ever had in my life. I did get to sexually harass a Portuguese guy though.

That was good. For another wise, we could have stayed in a hotel. Don't tell you about that time, I was on Frenzel lovers. So packing. Dun dun dun dun dun. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. So let's say goodbye to the guest, shall we? Yeah. That's where I am. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb seen with Charlie and this lady Eden anymore. So we're just going to get out of here as quickly as possible. And Eden's like, wow, since the primar chart here, I'm going to say some parting words. Hey, so like, I thought this was a great charter. It was so great. It was so fun. You guys were all

wonderful. But like, from a calendar, Jason, I don't know, it was like a downer for them. I don't know, like, for my restaurant, a lot of things would have been sent back. Like, thanks Eden. Yeah, that was pretty cold of her to do. Like, they're allowed to have their opinion, but that was really cold. And the chefs like they, she waits for the last minute

to trash me in front of everyone. Her restaurant must suck. I'm like, yeah, probably. No one wants to eat your judgment, ma'am, Okay. Are you saying, Matt, that you have never heard of vibrato jazz bar in Bel Air? Are you saying that? World-renowned vibrato jazz bar? I restaurant and grill. Shocked. Oh, that's the only reason she came on Bravo. It's like kind of in the name. She's like, this is gonna be God's brother restaurant, but we're gonna say it's a disappointment. I think your original thought was right that the primaries were more sick of them than

disappointed in the boat, because the wife, remember the wife, the entire first episode, she was all kept going, yeah, to everything. She was like excited about every little thing. They're like, look, it's a floor. And she's like, yeah, floors, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then Charlie was like, uh, I don it's a floor. And she's like, yeah, floor's, yeah! Yeah, yeah. And then, Charlie was like, I don't like this floor. It could have been nicer.

Yeah. And also, why don't you just yelp the weather you cut fitness? Like, call the weather channel and tell them off, jerks. Well, but the funny thing is, even though what you didn't do was sort of like an obnoxious move, she probably was not wrong. Honestly, I'm like, I actually, you know, I'm a petty bitch too. And the truth is, Eden sort of did the thing that I probably would have wanted to do if I were in her shoes. To be like, I just paid $5,000 for this and I got like

salad with Italian dressing and like, bland eggs of Benedict that I could have just gotten from Denny's. so I'm gonna say something. I think it's $50,000. We've heard two different numbers but you're used to get around like a thousand remembering things but I think I've heard it's like 50 grand to go on this thing. I don't think it's 50 grand. I think it's like I think it's like five to ten thousand dollars but the point is this as obnoxious as it was and like, a bitch, you, like, what restaurant do you even have? The truth is, you probably was right, and I probably would have wanted to do the same thing. So good job, Eden.

Well, it's always hard to tell when you watch the cooking shows, because you can't taste anything, you know, you're relying on what the people on TV tell you. I know, I know. It's just, it's, although he did, you know, his biggest excitement was hamburgers. So I can't stand up for him too much either. I guess, I guess maybe we just are like coming down on her because we know how much worse it could have been. Chocolate, chocolate, banana and sponsor.

As someone who has had, has given people really legitimate excuses to complain about my terrible service over the years, I just have seen people do it nice ways and terrible ways. You can either be like this guy is an idiot. He doesn't know anything on the menu and he gave us all the wrong food and we waited 45 minutes and he came back smelling like cigarettes. Okay, you could do that or you could say, you know, could you pay attention more high

because you know, this could either make you a lot of money or it could make you no money. And those people like taught me in life, okay? That's why I get mad at customers who are rude. Yeah. I think the lesson learned here is that if I were to ever go on below deck, people would hate me. The viewers would hate me because I would be the one being like, it's good, but it's under season.

I don't know. I just don't feel like, because I can become a bitch. If the food comes and I'm like, this is only okay, and I feel like it's a bad value when being ripped off, it's like, I become really bitchy. I try not to be, but I do. They would hate me on below deck too, because I just swatk around going,

well, well, well, well, well. With that voice, you know? You would be singing, actually, you would be great on it. They would always be cutting to you being like In the living room. I've got a penis pillow Anyway, tip meetings speaking of penis rather tip meeting and They basically get $15,000 which is sort of on the low end But I don't think anyone's surprised and captain leaves like so while there were some issues with the food Matt what's going on with that and that's like well, I don't think anyone's surprised and captain Lee's like so wild but there were some issues with the food Matt what's going on with that and Matt's like well I don't know that woman she will always have something to say I mean you know like you try to serve

someone iceberg lettuce and the next you know it's like not next level enough of whatever that means yeah blaming the customer that's never gonna work with the captain you know I mean since when was canned pineapple wrong am I right everyone am I right hey does everybody remember that squirt bottle of mayonnaise I sent to the picnic I mean who's got anything bad to say about squirt mayonnaise anybody anyway I'm gonna be on next season of next food number star so look for me there kimchi what's kimchi whoa whoa I've made a meatball at a meat like well you're so creative So look for me there Kim Chi. What's Kim Chi? Whoa? Whoa? Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. I've made a meatball at a meat. Like, well, you're so creative.

Tomorrow, I'll check it out like king. So they actually get a decent tip, but the captain is still pissed because of this EJ thing and he doesn't get it. And he's like, look, one thing I hate is baby sitting. Could you imagine the captain baby sitting? Eat your goddamn food. What are you getting that on your face? You little idiot.

What are you monkey? Come on. I'm not going to watch this. God damn tell Tubby's one more time. Okay? They're not televisions. They're not Tubby. I don't get it.

Here about as helpful as a hub cap on it, square pegs. I'm a square peg. Is that a game? You're like a round hole in a square peg and a round hole. Well, you're like a square peg and a round hole, which is like you just don't quite fit in. Yeah, also you don't fit that. But it is a baby toy. So just move on. Yeah. So anyway, um, so they're like by the way,

EJ is leaving and like, Nico's like, yes, and my wife Maryanne is coming and they're like, yay. And then Jenna's like, I don't get it. Everyone's getting action except for me. Even Captain Lee is getting action now. I mean, Kate found Jesus, brief found every guy on the boat, and Matt found like a turnip somewhere that he thought I'm getting nothing. I'm like Breathe I like the casual slut Jimmy of breathe when she Really only hooked up with Nico and they had already hooked up before they ever passed. Yeah She's like hi everybody's getting a man, but at least I came on that chair at the restaurant, so kind of winning Yeah, then he hits his head. He's like yeah, it always gets you on the way out, don't it? but at least I came on that chair at the restaurant. So kind of winning.

Yeah, then EJ hits his head. He's like, yeah, it always gets you on the way out, don't it? I'm like, I'll bet it does. EJ just seems like that poor guy who's just so positive and just hits his head on everything. It's like the world is conspiring against him. Yeah, poor EJ, incident Bakers, like, EJ, come and go, turn and burn in my criboo my pinya galana from another

mother. When I say Roger Dodger I'll think of him bro man y'all man, Jamaica come to Jamaica. Cobains, cool and you fart the more you eat the more cool beans you fart the more fart you fart the more boon beans you have so we beans with every Cool beans beans. He's like you want to have a talk Just sliding past on the deck I always love picturing her like them up. It's just sliding away going wow So EJ leads and now it's time for the new primary meeting and so the next lady her name is Shelley Snowdy and I always love how the producers on Blow Deck after like a really obnoxious charter they always like give the crew

like a gaggle of middle-aged sort sort of older ladies that just wanna like hang out and look at catalogs. I'm like, it's like their little gift that they get are like pleasant older ladies. Yeah, they're like, here's your break, okay? A bunch of really sweet ladies who talk to Jesus all day and wear really bright patterns. And also her name is Naughty.

It's an SNODDY, which could be scary, you know, because there's a lot in a name. And I was like, oh, what if they're abusive and Snoddy, obviously. And he's like, well, the captain's like, oh, thank God for the Snoddies, because they look nice, but it's embarrassing to have your chef shredded. And you know what else is embarrassing to see shredded? Cheese, when it's being shredded by a deckhand. What the hell is going on here? Eh? So, so Captain Lee's wife, Maryann arrives, and she is just lovely.

She looks so young. I'm, they say later on that they've been married for 42 years. I mean, was she like a child bride? Was she seven years old? Wow, she looks so young for to be married for 42 years. She does and she's so nice. And she's wearing a jacket. You know, she's wearing like a little jacket thing that had a picture of

Captain Lee and her when you were younger on the back. No, I didn't see that. It was really cute. I'm gonna have to go search for that shit immediately and order one off Etsy. Yeah. So let's see's see here. Um, Kate's like, okay, Jen, here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna take it out first because I'm tired. Okay, great. And Jen's like, she has filled me as a leader. She has abused me. Okay, she is playing my games. This is like boarding on water. Okay, it's like torture. Okay, put me in a hole and close the door. Okay, it's like torture, okay, put me in a hole and close the door. Oh, God, Jenny is to really get an attitude adjustment. So then, Niko and Brie go off to a hotel to have sex for the night, which is fun.

And now it's nighttime, and Matt's like, hey, this one time I went to a zoo in an elephant threw up on me. I was like, oh, now I see, now I understand all your culinary decisions. It inspired me to learn how to make X Benedict. He's like, I heard bowel movements, then whoosh, and he's telling this to Mary Ann because they're waiting for everybody to get ready for dinner.

And she's like, no, like how nice, dear. She's like, that's nice. He's like, would you like some iceburg lips with Italian dressing? No, thanks, dear, no thanks. Would you like challenge myself? I'm like challenging myself. Yeah, that's nice. He's like, would you like some iceburg less with Italian dressing? No, thanks dear. No, thanks Would you like challenge my self? Yeah, I'm challenging. I've added cherry tomatoes into it. I've pre-cooked some hamburgers Would you use some I've used some red tomatoes and yellow ones for a color? I haven't really quite gotten to try try calorey things yet, but I'm not that the duo Cholore tomato has to trace

Would you like a bag of salad? Not sure what kind it is, but it looks very pretty. I Don't want to scare anyone, but today I'm gonna use a mix of pasta shapes some bow ties and some spirals and A few more bow ties. So just everyone come down. If somebody catches a tiny piece of vrgatoni, do not freak out by the surprise. OK, warning strobe lights in effect.

I'm mixing penne with ziti. So sometimes you feel like a ridge, sometimes you don't. Matt's got you covered. Okay, let's get to the important part. The gutted dinner and a lot of them order espresso martinis, which just seems like my next note. Okay, it's like we have to make them. Why shouldn't they have to make them?

Yeah. It's like, I think it's like Stockholm syndrome with espresso martinis. They've ruined a lot of them. Yeah. So I think it's like Stockholm syndrome with a spurs of Marching is they've ruined a love them. So Captain Lee is talking about Mary Ann. He's like, I married my best friend. It was the one of the wonderful things. And that's not horrifying, by the way, I love my best friends. I've got a few of them. You included, I love you so much. We are never getting married. And I think we can both agree that that would be a terrible idea. I

can't imagine wanting to marry somebody who's my best friend. Yeah. Uh, well, I can, but you just have to be the right type of best friend. Um, maybe I have to be a woman. Ha, ha, ha. Just kidding. Yeah. Well, maybe you have to meet them and fall in love and then they're your best friend.

I just don't think it'll work for me if they're my best friend first. Mm. Like everybody cares. Glad we took the time out espresso martinis. I'll tell you what we care about. We care about people like EJ. He's a good worker and Jenna has something to say about him. When you have an employee who brings that much to the table, you can't replicate that.

That's a delicacy for sure. Okay, this is the captain's face. Are you fucking kidding me? God damn it. I'm wearing a flower, mother fucking shirt. I, Mary Ann has to listen to this. Our first goddamn time on a chart. God damn it.

Does any goddamn person on his boat even know what a delicacy means? Because I know Matt doesn't. Uh, so, so after dinner, if one retires back, he goes, you know, all in all dinner was a success. Bruno stayed quiet. Matt didn't get black out drunk. Jen didn't caught so much of a scene. And he goes out getting lucky with Bruno however. Ha!

Ha! I always can't stop laughing. I always the captain to tell the story of how he met again, which he hates and it made me feel great. So how'd you guys meet and he's like, God damn it, here we go again. So now Nico and captain back at the boat. Um, wait, Nico's leaving because he's leaving early go bone, rein the hotel. And he's like, by captain, this was great. Your relationships, awesome. I'm going to go bone this stranger great. Your relationships, awesome. I'm gonna go bone this stranger after dumping my girlfriend on text.

I really love the romance. Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like It's a delicacy. So it's the next morning. The fuckathon is over. They're back. Kate's ordering an acrobat for some carnival party. Marianne leaves. She's like, bye. And we learned there's only two more charters left. The season's wrapping.

So it was winding down down and guess what? There's a new deck hand coming, which has been teased about three times this episode. It was like coming up, here comes footsteps. And now like after the break, footsteps, and now we finally see footsteps, and then it's like commercial. I'm like, we all know it's gonna be Kyle.

It's so obvious. We can see by those pasty white skinny legs. It's gonna be Kyle. Why are so obvious. You can see by those pasty white skinny legs It's gonna be Kyle. Why are you choosing this over and over and over again? Yeah, I've never felt such suspense over Hawaiian shorts Like don't don't coming up short shorts Hawaiian style And then Kyle Kyle look really cute. He cut his hair. So he looks super cute. And I like Bruno being all pissy. He's like flamingo shorts, seriously. Yeah. So the captain's like, ah, hello there, Kyle.

Overdressed as usual. Hey, you know, Kyle's in his short shorts. And then we see a montage of Kyle from last season. Basically, over to the bed. Over the bed. We'll call the bitch. And then we see a montage of Kyle from last season basically. I love the bed. Well, called a bitch. I don't know. I can't.

I forgot that. I forgot that I love a bit. Love this guy. He was the, he was dating a transgender. What was his, what was his girlfriend's name? Ashley, Ashley, uh, that we got to be really actually really yeah he had a really progressive storyline last year actually very good and he would just drop stuff out of the blue he'd be like well when I was go go dancing boom in the bowl a lock one of the beds and a thing in the butt in the

case like wait a minute what like she put down her iPad mini I will never forget she was like uh wait a minute what Wait a minute. What? She's been drinking espresso martini's ever since yeah, so this time around he's like I'll be working on cargo ships But I had a second daughter broke up with Ashley and it's like well not that I have a second door It's I've become a provider and it's actually made me grow up a lot. I'm like So your first daughter daughter didn't make you grow up? It took two daughters to make you grow up. Now you're grown up.

You just had a second accidental child and you're stuck working on a cargo ship. I don't know that I'd consider that grown up, but guess what? I don't need you to change ever because I love you, sir. And your son is so lovely. He's so lovely. And the captain's like, well, he's a character, but I can probably count on him to open a Cheerios box, which is more than I can say for the rest of these loony tombs The only thing is I can never tell if he's talking in fast forward or rewind

It's like an eight track remember those. Hi, dude. God damn it. I think he comes from the black lunch I didn't understand what he said to Kate because Kate's like, oh my god Kyle have you been? It's like Kate. This is, Kyle, have you been? It's like Kate. This is Kate being excited and about to like do back flips. How have you been? Yeah, that is her like running up hugging him and kissing him on the cheek five times. Yeah. So it's like jumping into his arms and twirling around in a field. So it's like, you know, I get out catching a whip. Would he say catch and whip? I don't know. I don't even, I don't remember. To me, it was all like, I wrote, I'm sorry,

Ben, I wrote ask Ben what this word means. You're like my teacher. Okay, it's like, I'm sorry, I can't hug you right now. I have to go get a light sweater for morning service so So Kyle Kyle sees Jen and Kyle likes Jen. It's like finally Jen's prayers have been answered someone who wants to bone her and he's like Yeah, make up very expensive chest, but this is some crazy there. I mean to it It's my condo girl. It's my condo bird I'm into that my kind of bird. A big dumber. Dumber. Dumber. Duh, duh, duh. I also loved when he met. That's all I can see.

Delecacy. I love when he met Baker. She's like, hey, what's up? Hey, man. And he goes, yeah, he goes, you're definitely dick, bird. And she's like, is it my face, ma'am? What got do I have dickface? What is it, ma'am? Come on Well, he's like you got the best time bird. You got the best time He's like and also stews don't wear pink pantatouche Yeah, man You can call me baker Laker not a flaker One tequila tequila three tequila floor and Maracas Basically everything she says comes from Choshky shops

She's like an odd little bumper sticker collection from the 90s Coexist in all right, so So now the ladies come on board and they're like, ha ha ha. Okay, let's pray to Jesus. The or Jesus I don't know what I think this one's big pray to Jesus, right? They got a portion of going anywhere with my family Your Jesus. Thank you for these cushions. Yeah. Yeah, that's my family. Everyone's like, okay, Lord, thank you for the boat. Thank you for my friends.

Thank you for this weather. Help us live through you on this wonderful trip and have a safe journey. Thank you, Jesus, and everyone's like, peace be with you. And then she's like, get over here, Nico, and take off your pants. I'm 55 and loving it. It's a split.

I'm 50, 50 years old. So I guess what they're having for lunch, tuna salad with hard boiled eggs. Oh Lord, I watch it's not a tuna salad. It's a salad with zero tuna and hard boiled eggs, which is perfectly nice, but it's like, you can, it's like going to the mariat. Yeah, see, I'm turning into Eden. I'm carrying on the spirit of Eden for the podcast.

And it's right after the chef says, you know, I have a lot to prove. The last charter wasn't the greatest. It's like tuna and eggs. Yeah. Ser tuna. You know, I bet he would do very well at the Le Blancas. That's for sure. Yeah, they love their simple but delicious, clean food.

From 1993. Oh. Such a bitch. So I'm such a bitch. I'm sorry to Matt. I'm sorry to Bill Blanca. And I'm sorry to Yden. So Bruno and Kyle are getting to know each other.

And Bruno goes, so I saw you talking to the girls. What is your type of girl? And Kyle's like, I don't need a vagina these days. I'll play anything. maybe one that can't get pregnant next time that would be nice. I like one with an expensive chest. You've got you've seen a sinny around here and Brynn was like oh we're the same we are European so we have more open minds and he's like oh so you like more than girls eh and Brynn because I don't look at people as gender. You know, like my, my pp on Instagram, like you, I see people on their Instagram, you know, like positive meme,

I mean, negative meme, I tired. I tired. My heart falls in love with beautiful heart, you know? So I tired. I look at people and I say, how tired does this person make me? He, by the way Bruno and his boyfriend just posted, like posted like photos on his screen last night up there, like basically like literally just like naked,

it's like butts. Pure butts, beautiful, beautiful butts, but I'm like, I just love how slutty they are. It's to grab it. And the memes, the memes that go with it, like the caption on that picture was like, it's about what's on the inside. I was like, how?

Yeah, that's a great and work out five times a day. What are you talking about? Well, it's my favorite Instagram trend, which is people who they just want to like, slid it up and show off their bodies, but they're too embarrassed to just do that. So they like, they put it under the guys of something warm and not warm, but something wise and thoughtful. It's them grabbing crutches and being like, sometimes in life, you have to seize every opportunity.

I'm like, you're grabbing your crotch right now. Mm-hmm. Oh, have time. Never change, man. Never change. I don't see gender. I look at bed. I don't see gender unless she's on break. I don't ask gender. I ask sleep number. Okay, I tired. I tired. Gender found a delicacy. I don't know what that is. I tired. I tired. I have had boyfriends. I have had girlfriends. I have had pillows made of gel to change my life. I don't know. I'm European.

And he ends this scene. This is like the longest Bruno scene ever by the way. And he ends this scene. He's like, I haven't told anybody on the boat about, you know, myself, because people usually follow a system and my heart flows to a fluid So now, well, okay, of course you don't want to follow systems. You're trying to like cook shit in the kitchen I get it stay on the deck. Okay, and keep your clothes on sir. No, keep them off Still Bruno I still should have a shirt off at all times I find it hotter when people don't know how hot they are. I don't like the people that you like to tell me how hot they are. You know, it makes me feel like you need it too bad. I agree. Well, no one likes anyone who's a thirsty bitch, right?

But Bruno, even being thirsty, he really has a good body and it needs to be shown off on TV more. Yes, his heart flows to a fluid ashtot. OK. So now the drama comes. Oh, this is great. So there was a, yeah, there was a little moment where the lady went down a slide.

And now it's nighttime. And it's time for Jen to pop open us some champagne. Well, that was her lethal moment. Her lethal weapon moment. She went down the slide right after they poured dish soap on it. And she's like, I'm too old for this in sleep, Dan. I was like, you go, Mel Gibson. Okay, Jen and Kate, champagne on ice. So Jen, like, like, Jen is supposed to pop open some champagne. She's doing it with one hand. She's doing it like, you know, like, like, like, just do a little slowly. I don't think it was

like the slowest, but she's doing it slowly and Kate's like like this is like the slowest twist I've ever seen gem this is very slow were you very popular I can't show you my skills because it's in the bedroom I like my skills in the bedroom I haven't been knowing around as long as you Kate which is a pretty bold thing to say to your boss So Kate just comes back with just, you just like shuts it down because, how old's your daughter, Jen? Remind me? When you were talking about whoring yourself around,

how old's your daughter? Which admittedly that is, that's pretty, it's pretty rude, but it was so good. It was so good. I literally laughed out loud. And you don't get to call someone's horn, basically call someone's horn. You don't say your boss.

Yeah, and not expect it to come back, especially from Kate. And Bruno just goes, whoa, he's in the back like, whoa, tired. And he's like, that woke me up, no, tired again. And of course, Jen takes it the worse she can. She's like, what the fuck did she just say? I was married for Christ's sake. Well, I mean, there's no other way to take that. I'm sorry.

You know, that was pretty much like, you're saying I'm a whore and you're the one who had a kid when you were 20. But, and so I started laughing, although I guess, I mean, you know. Well, I think Jen was, because later when she tried to explain it, I mean, she didn't get much of a chance, but when she explained it, she was like, well, I was just saying because that's when you started having sex

Like so I'm subtracting that number That's I don't know, but I think she didn't mean it. I think she meant it how we're taking it But I think she meant it. I think she meant it exact like she meant it exactly how we took it and then she was like I guess I got a doll this back just so I can gaslight her. So, I mean, it was, it was definitely below the bell, but it was like so hilarious to me and it, because it was honestly, it's what I was thinking. I think it's what a lot of people were thinking.

Um, I wasn't, no, I wasn't thinking that. I'm not gonna say, don't call your boss a whore, you idiot. Well, that too. I mean, but she was married. So she was, and by the way, she wasn't thinking that I was just thinking don't say don't call your boss a whore. You idiot. Well, that too. I mean, but she was married. So she wasn't. And by the way, she wasn't being a whore just because she had a kill when she's 20. Doesn't mean that she was a whore. But it's like, yeah, my grandma had my mom when she was 16.

And I don't think she's a whore. I don't know exactly. But I'm just saying like when you start calling people whores and stuff like that, you're also opening yourself up to those kind of like assumptions about you. You know what I'm saying? Well, it's always been, I'm not saying it's a horror, by the way. I'm not saying it's a horror.

No, I know what you're saying, but it's, um, I found it in a lot of like gay relationships where you, you have that snarky thing going on where you're like, ooh, I'm sassy to you. And then you're like, well, you don't do the dishes and you start getting sassy or sassy here because it's like two gays, you know, but then when it really gets heated, it's like the mean dishes and you start getting sassy or sassy because it's like two gays, you know. But then when it really gets heated, it's like the meanest things ever start

coming out of my mouth. And that's always the the trouble or the danger in a sassy relationship. Because later when Kate says, oh, I thought we were having fun. Like what? I liked our witty repertoire. Well, I wouldn't call it witty. But you know, repertoire, well, Jen talking and then me making fun of her, whatever you want to call that that I thought it was fun But then it can get nasty real easy Yeah, I definitely was like it was a nasty comment, but you know, at the same time

Jen has been a terrible worker and she sasses back to K way too much that like You know Jenna's lucky she made it this far without having Kate really throw something really harsh at her, you know So so Jen so Jen's like I was married fuck you this bar without having Kate really throw something really harsh at her, you know. So Jen, so Jen's like, I was married. Fuck you. Which is also deserved. So then, so then Jen confronts Kate about it. She's like, what she should have said was, hey, when you said that, that actually really

upset me because I was married. It wasn't like I just was like sleeping around and got knocked up by accident. It was like an intentional product of our love with everybody. So then, but instead, what Jen said, I feel like you're miserable. And I want you to not be miserable, Kate. I don't want you to be miserable. You seem very miserable. By the way, she's still holding the champagne.

Like, she's never gone out to serve it. She still won't do a fucking job. You know, this is so thin. She's like, Kate, Kate, your location. I have to say that was a low blow and Kate goes, when you said that you weren't hooring around as long as me, you think that was a low blow? She's like, you were saying I have a whore because I have a daughter, which isn't real. I mean, come on. That's not much. Like what she said was bad enough, you know, you don't have to

like try and make it worse. And then she did, that's when Kate tries to explain it with the, well, that's because that's the first time you had sex and just like, no, no, we're not going to converse about it. I've got my thumb in some champagne. Oh, I see what I see what you mean by that, meaning that like Kate's been a horn around for a long time, but basically Jen had sex. She's saying, how old were you when you started? Jen's not like Jen just lost her virginity like two days ago. Right.

Exactly. I took it. I took it in the other way, which was very funny to me. Well, I still take it the other way. I mean, she's had a minute to think about it now, you know, well, Jen goes down. That's when she starts. Yeah, she's like, it's just that you're miserable.

And I don't want you to be miserable. I'm here to help you. Like, what can I do to help you? You just seem very miserable. And Kiko's, well, you seem very out of line right now. Like, you don't know me well enough to tell me that I'm sad. Okay. Like, if I went to high school with you, okay, but like, we've known each other for a couple of months. You don't know how sad I am. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. And then's like, I'm just trying to help friend to their friend, which of course, gets like, um, you're not my friend. You're not my friend. And outside Kyle is spying, which is what Kyle has always done best. It cuts to him. He's like kneeling down on a couch and you just see his head popping up spying on them fighting. So good. And then Kate is like, she starts running it around in the most hilarious way to make herself

the victim. She's like, you know, we were just having a fun banter and then Jen brought her personal life into it. She made it, she made it, she made not, not Jen's personal life, like I'm sorry, she, Jen brought my personal life into it. She made it personal. I mean, you know, that comment, that was like, she was being mean, she was being mean. I was like, okay, okay, yeah, okay, okay. I see what you're doing and I'm like very entertained by it.

I see what you're doing. Like Kate like very entertained by it. I see what you're doing like Kate all of a sudden is the Is the retire is like the delicate flower? Yeah called miserable come on cut to Kate sobbing on the floor. She's like All I wanted was Jen to see how happy I am, but now she sees I'm miserable That's great. I loved it. Oh, that's great. I loved it. I loved it. Yeah, that was a good one. So Bruno and the chef are in the kitchen,

and the chef is cutting carrots or something, and Kyle tells them, so you've been doing this a lot, right? And he goes, what? What's that? And he's like, cooking stuff, shifting. And he's like, huh, you could say that. So anyway, Bruno's helping him. And the chef chefs like, Oh, I have to put lobster on the filet and then we're going to slice it like this. And Bruno's like, what if we slice it like this,

they need to see it big, big. Yeah. And the chefs like, I'm really what the hell is going on here? Yeah. And Matt's like, so now Matt is actually fully running ideas by Bruno. You know, it's not just that Bruno is helping to like scoop out little shuffle balls. And Bruno's idea is running like not great. It was like a watermelon salad with feta. It was, it looked like a perfectly lovely salad. Bruno's like, oh, you know what we do?

Let's put lettuce on top like this, which looks silly and uncovered up the special features of the salad. That looks ridiculous. Yeah, you generally don't do that on a watermelon salad. Okay. Yeah, Captain Lee's like, yeah, yeah, he's down there watching and he's like, so how's it going? We're gonna knock him out of there.

Nickers, not you Bruno. Keep your clothes on. Yeah, tacking you. And Bruno's like, yes, I think we will knock Nickers fluid Nickers. I don't even care. Maybe a skirt. Nickers tights. I don't care.

We're gonna knock it off. Yeah, I'm asked I don't even care. Maybe a skirt, Nickers tights. I don't care. We're gonna knock it off. Yeah, I'm asked like, good call Bruno. That's why you're here, buddy. He's definitely like, and then Bruno is trying to impress the captain that he knows how to do this as well as, like, you know, I don't even, it's not even really Bruno's fault, to be honest. No, the chef was like, you know what? You're gonna help me with balls. And Bruno was like, I have a secret. So then Bruno was like, how about we start writing menu for tomorrow? Like, I was looking for something fresh. And that's like, that's a good idea. And definitely is like, what the fuck is going on here? Because at that point, it's funny. It's like, it's now fully transitioned to Bruno designing the menu and calling this,

I was like, I think what I want is something fresh because I'll be tired tomorrow morning. Also, could you be more specific? I like when people think they're saying the most important creative thing ever when they're like, you know what? And making something fresh. It's like when people call stuff rustic

and it's like it's a chicken on the bone with like you know potato. Yeah, it's peasant food, it's peasant food, it's good. It's like rustic peasant food. So leaves like well I have every coffee in that mac and come up with a goddamn thing on his own. And things are like oh yes, no. I was just helping. I was helping.

Oh, I tired. Sun tired, sun tired, bye. I'm going to go sleep on the lettuce on top of the watermelon and think it over. Okay. Is it going to be fresh? So the captain gets mad and it's like, he's a fucking backhand. Doesn't even know how to wear a shirt half the time. So, let's see, if they were executing, oh, we cut to the main check eating and she's like, if they were executing me, I would die for this dish. It's my last meal. I'd say, I'll have a lobster and steak. I have to write that down. I really like this lady. I like her too. So then they go and they watch the acrobat. There's an acrobat on board and the acrobat does acrobatic things.

And downstairs, Kyle and Jen are talking and Kyle starts flirting with Jen. Because apparently he never learned his lesson with Sienna or Sierra last year. Was it Sierra or Sienna? I don't know. No, it was Sierr's turn. No, Sierra's still on. Sierra's still on. Sierra's still on.

I don't know. To me, Jen's been on this show for five years. Yeah. This is all I remembered. So Kyle wants to take Jen out. And she's like, what if I don't want that? Now the showveness part of me would say, you have been asking for it. Like normally I wouldn't say, oh, well, a guy is interested in you, so you have to go. You have to like, like, he wants you, and you've been asking for it, so you should go,

you know. But Jen has literally been looking for any sort of dick. And she's like, all I want is some dick. Any dick will do. Any dick will do. Do you do do? Well, also she's like, I see this show before. So she knows that last year he was like,

fucking two girls on the show and everything else, you know? And also, it's like flirting while Jen's trying to figure out how to cut something with a knife. She's like, uh, uh, it's like flirting while Jen's trying to figure out how to cut something with a knife. She's like, uh, It's like taking all her concentration. He's like, hey, BIRD! What's the date? Not this season. Don't want to take you out, BIRD! And she's like, nothing exciting. I came on a chair and he's like, what fire take you at? Well, if I don't want it, he's like, what, what, what, what, what, who's got enough?

I was like, what? And she gets, what if I'm not into that? And he goes, look, it's two things I can promise you, bird. You go with me, you'll love it. Blast. And number two, you'll feel bad inside yourself. She's like, no, no, I'm a delicacy. So I'm like, but at least he was nice. I'm like, hey, he's a terrorist. Also, I have to point out Bruno is so over sensitive. Like he got so upset that the captain sashtim, he tells the chef, he's like, am I killing your style by cutting meat? And he goes, just smile, kill him with kindness. You know,

it's just, it's the people who put positive memes on Instagram that are always the ones who get bici the fastest. They only want you to be positive towards them. Okay. Always, always, always. Now let's switch over to the next scene with the main lady saying, here's to hope in that all your ups and downs are in the sheets. I asked you, I asked me, my we never a secret and if we do fuck you here's to me Some captain cake cake captain captain cake captain not crunch captain crotch. God that sounds good. It's like what did you call? I'm in a delightful mood because I said something really rude to Jen and then I turned it around to make myself the victim and she believed it It was great. Huh, are my eyes still swollen?

So the kid he's like look I'm concerned about something. I sound the galley Dimension believed that it was great. Ha. Are my eyes still swollen? So he's like, look, I'm concerned about something I sound the galley. Was it the carnival headband I was trying on? Because I'm still disturbed, too. I'm like, now. Was it the Costco-sized crate of iceberg lettuce that Matt wants to serve to the guest this charter?

Yeah, that was pretty bad, too, but it wasn't that. Was it Jen trying to squeeze juice out of a C rock when I asked her to make orange juice No, was it was it Baker hanging up her cucumber with sunglasses on saying cool is me dude T-shirt in the galley No, that wasn't that was it Kyle trying to pick off a scab with the bagel gutter That wasn't that. Um, was it Kyle trying to pick off a scab with the bagel cutter? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, well, the chef, his dinner was the best of the trip. It's just that sometimes it's not. Do you want to talk about chocolate ice cream on? Apple banana foster. Banana foster.

You know, it's just like, it's just a lot of ups and a lot of downs. It's sort of like that lady's toast, except it's not having under sheets. It's happening under dino, please. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Look, I mean, the guy's saying, less lettuce. He's got to get out of the kitchen.

Get him out of there. All right, Nico, Nico, up to the office. I want Bruno doing that can't shit. All right. So Nico's like, what do I do? Yeah, so it's the next morning and the producers decide to fire up the summer house music because they give, Bravo gives summer house one track that they use all season long, which is like,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was like, when I heard that, I was like, it's the Summer House song. Summer House is coming back soon. I hope. Why people in a house? Why people in the house sort of close to Ina Garten, but not really.

So Jenna feel, I mean mean Jenna, Jen feels all empowered because she's like stood up to gate. So she comes in the kitchen and she's like, do you mind if I put the pastries out? Like, have I been informed? No, no one is informed. He's like, okay, we're doing croissants today, okay? She's like, I have my boss telling me one thing.

The captain telling me another. The chef telling me another. Oh! Like, you have to carry croissants to a table. What is so hard? Yeah. And then like, she asked, I think she asked Kate how she is that morning, Kate's like, I guess I'm still grumpy

from the horrible thing you said to me last night. And she looks directly into the camera. She's like, huh. Yeah, see what I did there? Can you believe this bitch? Yeah. She's like, I'm waiting for her to like, did you believe this bitch? Yeah. She's like, I'm waiting for her to hug me. Huh.

Let's see if she does it. She's like, you know, you shouldn't say those things to your boss. And she's like, well, my boss implied I was a whore. I was like, actually, you said it. You said I was whoring around. Yeah, you started it, which is totally an argument that someone like Jen would get, you know?

Yeah. So she's like, well, for future reference, you shouldn't ever call your boss miserable. OK. Well, you got me a whore. You called me a whore. I stand up for my daughter. I don't think I called your daughter a whore.

Is she been whoring around as long as me? I mean, I don't even know. So then meanwhile, Nico breaks the news to Bruno that there'll be no more galley time. And Bruno's like, I said, he's so fucking unfair. Tyler, I got no words for that. So unfair. I'm like, those are actually words for that.

I go to bathroom and sniffle. Can I take off my shirt and bathroom? Or is that often limit to? How'd you tie not? And Kyle's like, what's going on in there? I was watching it from behind the catch, I can't figure out what the saying, because it's cat fighting. So now they're matting the captain.

So the captain's like, come to the bridge, come on, come on, hey, Matt, you're running out of gas. We're not, because we never left the dock. Isn't that something? Not my fault. People have been saying the food's been under undercook. So I wonder if you ran out of gas at the stove there. Like literally is there the gas out because it's just like raw. So he says, look for this last charter or second last charter,

whatever it is, I'd like to see you pull out all the stops on presentation. And the chefs like last night was last night good. And he's like, it was okay, but it didn't blow my whistle. And he's like like last night was last night good and he's like hey it was okay but it didn't blow my whistle and He's like that was one of my best nights. Don't say that when he just said it was mediocre dude. Yeah, exactly It's a match like well. I'll just keep doing what I do Well, you're gonna be pouring that Italian dressing without lettuce on top because Bruno is not allowed in the kitchen anymore. All right. Who's can open up the bottles of wishbone for me?

He's like, well, I'll just keep it selling. Okay. Captain's like, damn it. He's like, great. He just drops his radio on the couch. Well, guess what, Captain. I've got a great idea. I just bought one of these rolls of Pillsbury Crescent Rolls

Gonna kill it kill it tonight So next time The main lady's like I don't want to eat that. I don't know why I wrote that down, but I just love her I'm so excited. I'm just like always tickle to when guests don't like their food. It is always the best. So before we sail off on our yacht into the weekend, why don't we check in on the Crappens mail bag? Oh, that's Jimmy Bane. It's been a second.

It's been a second. It's been a second. It's been a second. It's been a second. It's been a second. It's been a second since we went into the mailbag because we skipped last week. So, so now Alejandro M says, I noticed while watching this week's Orange County that I hadn't even realized that Heather De Bro hasn't been there in each cast which housewife would just be as easily forgotten. I also think that the only way to improve OCS is to get Vicki some more allies and balancing out a bit. Who of the previous cast of Fit the Cat or E?

How would they do? So who are forgettable people? I guess we can think of just like in any cast on Bravo. If this person didn't show up next year, who would be not even realized was gone? Well, I don't know because they're forgettable. Let's see, the most useless. People have complained about Lydia and Megan at 10 this season on OC.

I think that it would be noticeable if Lydia left. Yeah, I think it would be noticeable if Lydia left. Yeah, I think it would be noticeable if Lydia left, but I think you'd forget about Megan, to be honest. I think Megan really, Lydia did stuff this season. Megan, again, didn't really do much. Yeah, Megan was more of like friend of. Let's see, from Dallas, I think nobody. I would say, yeah, I miss everybody.

Same with New York, I would miss everybody. Same with New York, I mean, Tinsley rides that line, but same with New York. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions.

What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood.

How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondria. Hmm, New Jersey. How dare you, sir. Tinsley does not ride that line. I love watching a grown woman in a baby-doll-dressed crying podcast.

Now, Tinsley was good, but I'm just saying, like, compared to like the big personalities on New York, you know, she just did what the jazz are. just do the jazz or lady. Yeah, well, she's already gone. Um, I think, you know, Jersey, I think New Jersey is in a pretty good place. You could maybe make an argument from Melissa Gorga. Yeah, I would say Melissa. And I know that I'm a hater, but she really doesn't do that much on the show. I think Austin from Southern Charm, if he wasn't there, I'd be like, oh yeah, I forgot that Austin was on this show. Well, he's that girl from season one, you know? Yeah, but I do want to see his bitch flower bloom in the second season because I have a

feeling there's something there. Yeah, yeah, there definitely is. There definitely would be. I mean, everyone has potential for for bitch flowering Vanderpump rules There are I mean interpump rules. They're all pretty pretty important there. So I would say everyone everyone's I don't think you could like for getting one there probably law law actually even though I like law law But she doesn't interact enough

So I think that it wouldn't be that big of a deal I mean she did leave literally well I think it was not but I think she's coming back pretty hard this season So I think we'll see a lot of her. I think it lets you Potomac I think there are probably a bunch of people in Potomac that would that are forgettable like Shasha maybe or no, but she adds our favorite thing to it It's so hard to think of it because some of the lay missed ones are people that we like making fun of the most You know like I would really miss doing Tha Tha Tha Tha I got the hoverboard to it Tha Tha time

I'm like trying to be on say-sings and stuff like that Yeah, that's true. That is very true. I feel like there's someone on on bettome like that Yeah, that's true. That is very true. I feel like there's someone on on Beto make that the death is like Robin we're Robin we're Robin. Robin has stepped up the season. I mean not Karen Huger. Maybe Monique. I mean Monique was was fine, but she was kind of forgettable. She has a fish tanker in kitchen. And Joe's crystal emules. I don't know. I think that's a lot of people. Yeah. We just slam a lot of people. Yeah. Poor thing. a lot of people Yeah, poor thing. Sorry. Sorry Kenneth Curtis or darling Kenneth Curtis. We met in San Francisco at our show He just has a state assessment

Well, no, he actually does a request. He says I'm really missing Caroline Sanbury I would love some bad news mom ma'am and bad news mom, and clear the children antics. And it's a mom now that your business is gone, you're gonna have to spend time with the children. Valentina, Valentina, clear kind of kind of goddess. Valentina, get Paulette, Paulette, get Valentina. Now hold your hands walk slowly slowly When you find Kenneth Curtis all three of you walk slowly make a left left left all right Amber's there to see her in your head now burn her alive Burn in turn amber she was the made-up intern from that that we kept burning alive every episode

Yeah, that's right But in turn, Amber, she was the made up intern from that that we kept burning alive every episode. Yeah, that's right. Oh, man, I miss, I miss ladies of London. We don't even have to make stuff up because she's really still on Instagram all the time. She can still see her. She's like, look at me in a Rolls Royce with perfect body and legs for days, just throwing my head back and laughter with my best friend in the world. Coco Chanel the third with our little tiny dogs that we pay people to touch for us because we don't want to be disgusting. I do wish that Caroline Sanbury's Instagram was as awesome as her on-air persona

because I find her Instagram is like not as good. It's just kind of like it's veryggied, but not in a fun way. If you're gonna be braggied, you have to be ridiculously braggied. You have to be like Caroline Fleming. Like, look at me here, standing on a wall, holding my cookbook for no reason, other than I have a cookbook.

Look at me, lying down face-first on a slope that should be uncomfortable to my stomach, but it isn't because I do yoga and cook fresh natural food. Hashtag not uncomfortable. Look at me, lying on a bench that has a giant indent in it. It makes no sense, but I bought it and now I must use it. Also Caroline Stambury, part of the fun, was that she was always bragging, but I bought it and now I must use it. Also, Caroline Stambury, part of the fun was that she was always bragging,

but there was a sadness there. And since Instagram doesn't really move or whatever, you know, people aren't taking her into showing through sadness. Like in the first season when she's like, I'm a business woman, I have a store. It's very important balancing a store and children and the husband and nannies

and assistants and you're a killer. Rich has been bought that damn thing for you and it went under after the first year, you know. That's part of the fun is seeing like the fail behind the confidence. Well, the other thing with Caroline Stambury that was so good is that she took the piss out of so many situations. She made fun of everyone. She was just like rolling her eyes. She was kind of like like imperial and snotty and obnoxious. And it was great. But, you know, in her third season, she was a little, like, unmoored.

She was a bit, she was throwing a few too many pity parties about, like, I was in boarding school and I headed being told what to do in boarding school. And you're reminding me of boarding school right now. Julia, Julia, I cannot be told to hold my fuck in my left hand because it's like boarding school again. I'm going to have a tantrum right now. And I was kind of like, that's not the Caroline that we love. And then the show just ends and that was like the taste of Caroline that we had.

It's like, we like season one and two Caroline a little bit more. I mean, season three was still very good for her, but season one and two were better. So, yeah, she's like the lasting head bitch and charge or she's like, she will moat the entire time. Exactly. And like that head vision charge thing comes across in a reality show, but on Instagram, it doesn't. So it's like, it's like, I want that version of Caroline. Well, she will probably be one of the only Bravo people to be brought back in some way, somewhere else. Someone said that she was on.

I think it was Kate Casey's show. We'd love you, Kate Casey or Heather's show, one of the two where she was. We love you too. She was saying that she's working on some kind of thing with Bravo. So I think she said that publicly and I'm so excited to see what it is. I hope it's bouncing around peasants. Yeah, I would be very, very happy with that. And I would like to see Caroline Fleming back on Bravo

because she was hilarious. I love to Caroline Fleming. I think in the end, I may have even loved Caroline Fleming more than Caroline Sanbury. It's hard to say. I want to see a Sanbury ordering people around at Habitat for Humanity or something like that. No, no, no, no, ladder over, over, up, you've

ruined the house, you've ruined the house. I mean, this is, this is why they call them Shanty Towns because I shant to be living in this. I shanty take more clear, huh? Clear, clear. Alright, let's clear much for being with us all week. We sure love you. We will be back next week with more bravo. Yes, sir. Everyone have a wonderful weekend. Check out our merchandise online.

See you on Monday. Bye, everybody. Bye. Bye. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.