Watch What Crappens - Below Deck Down Under: Hit the Road, Kangaroo Jack?

Episode Date: August 29, 2023

Adam and Culver continue to mess up on Below Deck Down Under (S02E12), and it looks like Captain Jason is going to give someone the axe... but not before he slips into some budgie smugglers!Watch the recap here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/88450286See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Watch what crap ends watch what crap ends Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap ends What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens?

What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens?

What happens? What happens? What happens? What of rabbits? Kids, what happens when they're so out of rabbits? What happens when they're so out of rabbits? Kids, what happens when they're so out of rabbits? Hello and welcome to Watch For Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, joining me today from Pump Springs, the one and only Ronnie Caram.

Hi Ronnie, how are you? Well hello, how are you? I'm doing great. I'm excited to talk some more below deck down under today with you. Are you excited? I'm doing cool. Yeah. Good. We have two episodes. This is the recap of the first episode. We're on video. Go to patreon.com slash watch or crap and support on crap is on demand level and you can watch some video. It's really great. Get access to our bonus episode and all our previous bonus episodes.

So do that. That's also very fun and worthwhile. It's coming Monday. We got crappy hours coming back. That's our, it's like the new iteration of take a seat where we go on to IG live and we chat about Bravo gossip, whatever's going on in Bravo. Whatever's on our Bravo minds, we talk about it, take questions from you guys, et cetera.

So go follow us on Instagram, at WatchworkRappens, go follow Ronnie at Ronnie Caram and me at At Ben Mantleker. And then the other thing is we have a new dwell hello coming up this week. So that's available exclusively on OneDriPlus. So if you like House Hunters, or House Hunters International, we have a really great time doing our dwell hello as we do it every two weeks.

So go sign up for OneDrew Plus, which would also give you crap ins fully at free. So that's the perk too. So that's really all the fun stuff. And now even the funner stuff. Whoa, is it below deck down under? Whoa, another two episode, Bonanza. It sure was, you know, and there's some hot new action in there, hot new guy in there. I just wanted to show you.

So I've stolen this place in Palm Springs. Can you see this? I'm on the journey. A lot of lime. Is that lime or chartrous? It's lime. You know, my friend Jessica said chartrous as well. I say lime, but whatever.

I guess I'm not as gay as you two. Do you see this painting? I don't know if it's just my gainus, or if it's Palm Springs's gainus. I just see penises like playing penis swords. Isn't that just what that is? Aren't those just penises coming at each other? They could be just horizontal penises, it probably is.

Because they're not just horizontal, it's not like they're just lines and I'm saying, wow, they're straight lines, they must be penises. They're lines with like ahead at the end. Oh, I mean, they're just like coming to like, I don't know, like what do you call that sword fighting? So when you're like penis sword fighting. And then look're just like coming to like, I don't know, like what do you call that sword fighting? So when you're like, penis sword fighting. And then look at this pillow.

At first it looks like a flower, but isn't it a bunch of penises going in on one thing? Yeah, yeah, that's like a, Fukaki. Yeah, I think that's like the only kind of art you can get in Palm Springs. It like it has to either be Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, or some kind of penis

representation. Well, the Airbnb that I've stayed at repeatedly in Palm Springs is actually owned by two lesbians, so the artwork is very different. Oh, God, is it all native? My lesbian aunt, Josie, loves her velvet painting of Native American women in like with jugs. No, it's not like that, but it's not, first of all, it's not crazy, okay, because like gay men, when we decorate our Palm Springs houses, it's like literally every Thomma Finland

poster or penis abstract art, like everywhere, because it's like, I can't go three steps without seeing something that makes me horny, right? But I feel like the lesbians who I stay with, not don't stay with them, but I stay in their house. Their place is just kind of like, okay, here's like a central body in this one corner, and that's pretty much good for the house. Like we've made our mark,

and we don't need to like be reminded every on every wall in surface So it's a totally different vibe Gosh it takes us all to make the school bus ride dead, isn't it? does it? I don't know I can just take one person to make the school bus ride Literally this takes time until it breaks down, you know It just takes a person to fix the tire and then it takes the person working at the insurance company

and then it takes a person to, you know, do the paint job or the bus, you know, we hit the curb. So it does, it takes a village. It takes a village to pile into the school bus and then hand out jolly ranchers and like use that as currency. Because that's what my school bus experience was like as a kid. It was like whoever had the Jolly Ranchers was like,

that was like the jail currency, you know? It's like whoever had the Jolly Ranchers was popular. Yeah, I grew up in Opassah. I grew up in like, I grew up on poor bus. There were no Jolly Ranchers, okay? There were like, here's a piece of gravel from the outside. Let's all suck on it and talk about what flavors we like. And honestly, property is better than Jolly Ranchers.

Let's be honest. It does. I've had those recently. They're terrible. Wow. Have those fallen or they've always been shitting. I always hated them, but I just, I would carry my little bag of it

because everyone had their little bag of Jolly Ranchers. And it's like, you're either the person asking for a Jolly Rancher, or you're the person giving a Jolly Rancher. So I was like, this is my sphere of power is that I can give away of jolly ranchers. Well, if that ain't a life lesson, right? Okay, so let's go on with it.

So on the correct one, we're doing, no wait, is it 212? Or two, we're starting with 212. Guys, I'm a spoiled, the whole thing. I was on the episode. No, no, we're on episode two 12. You'll know you're on episode two 12 because it opens with a kangaroo on a beach, which is pretty exceptional moment. It was exceptional. I think my editor was off today. The one who's been like, I'm going to show a fabulous fish at the beginning of every episode now. And now we get a kangaroo.

No, a little off-brand. You can't change it up. Like now there's like a land crawler disgusting. Yeah. And like a kangaroo on the beach. I don't know. I don't need any vacation in kangaroos, but I think it was actually an omen of things to come because we all know kangaroo jack.

Yeah. But I didn't even think of that. I was thinking about it. I was thinking about it. Full, kangaroo jack, yeah. But I didn't even think of that. I was like, oh my God, full circle, kangaroo jack. He was there to retrieve his buddy. He was like, your time has come, join me now. It's like the messenger. It's like, I am here now. But there was plenty of beautiful underwater photography

for these two episodes. There was like you know we got everything we got all the we got all the stars you know we got like there's that one small shark that they always film on the bottom of the ocean sort of like looking around and then we got a big shark that looked like it was had halatosis it was like I was like that person who shows up at the morning with a cup of coffee but you still smell their halatosis through their coffee breath and it's like the worst. That shark was going through.

We saw the flam- like those really beautiful small fish were always next to each other. We saw them. I mean, we really got everyone. We saw the little orphan Annie shark with all the freckles that was really cute. Yeah. So, we got a hard mark, why?

We saw, you know, I sometimes wonder if fish in this ocean are disgusted by all the other oceans, because I feel like other oceans are disgusting. I'm like, these fish are literally fabulous. Like the couple, the neon couple. The neon couple, there's not only neon, they're like, you know the movie Alien, or where they have like, I don't know,

not the movie where the, not where the face comes out of the face, but there's something where there's like three like elephant trunks that make a face. Do you know what I mean? But they're like neon and fabulous. And there's two of those hanging out. And that neon couple, they are a power couple. They are a power couple of the fish world, right?

And I feel like people are like, oh my god, your power couple, you're so rich because you're so neon and everybody gives you so much shells, you know, so many shells, you could do whatever you want, you could travel anywhere and they'd be like everywhere else is disgusting. Like, have you seen our neighborhood? Why?

And why would we go to hideous oceans? No one is actually friends with that neon power couple because the truth is that when you talk to them, they're a little obnoxious, they're like a little to aware of how much they can work. How could you not be? Like literally everywhere you go, people are just staring at you. the truth is that when you talk to them, they're a little obnoxious. They're like a little too aware of how much they're not. They're not. Yeah. Like literally everywhere you go, people are just staring at you.

Like, is that hideous or is it gorgeous? They get free meals today. Yeah, it's like, well, either hang out with the power couple or a five head, you know? So what's your, you know, what choice do you have? Five head was banned from these two episodes. You're not on it. You're not on it.

I think the, I think the editor, the camera crew finally found like the hot neighborhood. And they're like, whoa, we've really been hanging out too close to the Walmart. We're branching out a little bit and we're getting the neon alien face fish. I think actually five head made a brief cameo and I think that five heads was swimming away from us. So we really only saw its tail. But I was like the size of that fish has to be five head because there's no other fish we've seen that says big as that one. Actually, you're right. Yeah, we did see it. We did get like an ash shot of five head, right?

We will get to you because it's a minute out to your side. Okay, good. So yeah, so the wildlife is really popping off. And an anchor is dropping. Oh yeah, because an anchor has been dropping for a week on this show because Adam decided to just go out to the back of the boat and drop an anchor even though there was never any order to drop an anchor or to even engage an anchor, it was just like, hey, get ready to drop an anchor. So he dropped an anchor and it's going nuts and he's trying to stop it and it's like a disaster and he's about to die. And the boat's going full speed ahead.

I feel speed. and it's like a disaster and he's about to die. And the boat's going full speed ahead. I can't believe it. So that's very dangerous, apparently. As Royale tells us, the chain can whip up and take a hit off. And the chain's dropping rapidly, and then Adam finally stops it. And Royale's like, what happened, mate? And Adam's like, I had to take off to break the Engager and it just started to run.

You know, it was like when I tried to get Kangaroo Jacks autograph, just gone, never saw it again. You know, my hope is that when I get out, when I get thrown to summer, I can just buy a house for that anchor. That's all I want. So, I love want is an anchor big enough for my mom to live on it, along with my brothers

and my sisters and my aunts. Right, now listen, this is kind of a spoiler, but if you're listening to this already, you probably already know what happens. If you don't know what happens, then you probably, I don't know, like find out what happens and come back. But this is kind of like the last hour we have with Adam. And so they really amp up the Adam once the buyer house where his ma and his siblings, because it's like every two lines.

He's like, oh man, I really fucked up. And all I want to do is buy a house for my mom, the kids. I don't know if I'll be able to. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of hearing it. You know, it's like too much, Adam. We get it. Like when you have to tell us how charitable you are, I don't believe you. At this point, I feel like he pushes his mom down the stairs and like takes his brother's lunch money because I don't, he's trying to make me think he's charitable. Also, you know what, buy a man a fish versus teach a man to fish. Okay, how about instead of trying to buy your mom and your brother's a job, you like send them to community college, you know what I mean? Whether they're starting to get resentful, I'm getting resentful of Adam's family now. What are you going

to do? What do they do? Just sit around all fucking day and do nothing like? Are they completely incapable? I'm starting to get resentment towards his mother because I kind of feel like his mom calls up and says things like, oh well Adam, it was another tough day. I guess I won't be living in a house anytime soon. I kind of feel like she guiltes him into this. You know, it's like, I hope you're enjoying the ocean while I'm sitting here in my living room, kitchen, bathroom combo. It's kind of funny because we're kind of both out to see right now. You're in the, you're in the, you're down in Australia and I'm just floating around in a sea of despair. Anyway, hope you have a great day. You're in a notion and I can't find a restaurant within a five mile radius. It's got a health department score above sea.

I have four. I can't help but notice the irony, sweetheart, that you're on a boat floating in the ocean and I'm just sinking in an apartment for the rest of my life. Just waiting for a life jacket, honey. Just waiting for a life jacket. How do you just wait for a life jacket? Have a great day, sweetheart. So also, Jowell just is this show is the king of over promising a step,

you know, because every week they're, oh my God, we're gonna crash. And then we don't crash. But this week, Jowell actually says that chain can whip off it behead people and I was like, where's that? I mean if you're gonna give me two episodes of this show week. I need some beheadings not some fucking hands off Honestly, don't realize how dangerous a chain going that fast could be it you wake up whip up It could it could snap off your head. It could be compression It could become our new overload and then a sudden we are all slaves to the chain, and we have to do

everything forward, and it's forcing us to sail our boat from country to country, so it can go in pillage cities and take over households and ruin people, you don't understand how dangerous this force is that Adam just released, or it could be perfectly fine either way, it could go either way. It's okay, it turned out to be okay. So then Captain Jason's like, I'll crew member, drop in an anchor while you're on the way. The damage to the boat, the damage to himself. He could have ruined our whole season.

I'm furious. It's like I'm going to need a little more from you. Yeah, by the way, dropping an anchor while we're on the way is the new this is a retro fitted boat from 7 1977. It was a Japanese fish with one prop. Now it's single prop dropping dropping an anchor. Well, one the way he's gonna say that about 10 more times this episode. So anchors home now they work it out and the captain is just sighing, and Adam and Joao, Adam's just like, whoa, I thought I'd let it off the break first. And Joao's like, no, you engage the clutch. The break is last.

Crutch, then break. And Adam's like, what is different? And call go, bro. For fuck's sake, you can't just keep saying that. I know. You don't call it Bobwe Zim. It's Zim Bobwe. Things have to be in the proper order

Everything's different in Kolko Saddam's like oh my god for some reason in my head. I was like whoa. This is how you do it, you know? Gosh, that's how you drop it on commercial boats I Chris crossed my trains. I thought now Jason's looking to me like I'm some kind of idiot Adam You're some kind of idiot. Adam, you're some kind of idiot. You're an ice-flide. You're nice and I genuinely feel bad for you by the end of this process, because I do think you are actually a very nice person.

But you are some kind of idiot. Don't, don't, don't, don't. I wish I could listen to that. Done, done, done. I wish I could listen to that if only I had a radio. They wouldn't allow it here. In this eight person raft. I mean, your brother's living in the middle of Brooklyn. Listen, I get, you know, you're not on a cargo boat.

You're not on a cargo boat. You can't keep saying that. You're on a yacht. You got to do yacht things on a yacht, OK? It's like you know, it's like going it's like saying oh I used to work at McDonald's but now I work at LeBernodon and then you just like walk up to a table and like do you want to have a combo with that like it You're like oh, sorry. That's what you used to do in McDonald's. You want that big-y-sized for a maximum of 99 cents Would you like a grimish shake with your lobster? Oh, sorry, that's just what we did in McDonald's. But also he's like, it goes the opposite way on cargo, but why would you engage the clut? How could

you do the break and then the clutch? I don't think it works that way. I feel like he's lying. I feel like he's moving. I feel like he's going to fall. Because we literally saw him walk to the, I think he's like stoned or something because we saw him walk right to the, I think he's like stoned or something because we saw him walk right to the anchor thing and just go, blue, and just watch it start dropping. He didn't even move until people were like, oh, we're all gonna die. We're all gonna die.

You're like, oh, oh. The future beheaded person, could you stop that? Yeah, I don't think he crisscrossed his trains of thought. I think he just didn't have a train of thought. The fact that he's thinking about trains when he's on a boat, that's the problem. He's like, I brought down the warning, the warning signals, but the bus didn't move off the tracks. Now everybody's dead. Take civilians to crash a bus. Wait a minute. No more joy.

Crossing your villages. Yeah. Okay, Aisha checks on the guests now and she's asking them how they know each other and one of them's like, well, pull these my house mate. And Paulie said, yeah, I told her, if you come to Australia, oh, look after you. For a while, not for years. Look at what she watches pin here. Muriel, you're awful. I'm not Muriel. Yeah, but that's what we call Americans

who stay around for too long. Sorry. Terrible, I should say, not awful. So then there's silence. So we know that there's more trouble coming. And so the captain's like, all right, we're gonna not start needing to put two into the water and try I was like You've got this right Adam and he's like yeah, just tell me when to light the bomb. All right, I got the match Don't like a bomb me. That's not what he said. That's what we do on commercial though

No, no, no, no, just okay, okay, you can put down that TNT. I don't even know where you got that and that Anvil too. And what's up with that Acme hole that you just hold a hole and then now it creates a hole in the deck. Did you go to the Y&K IoT store before you got on this boot? He's like, they're gonna cut my head off, bro. So then the caption is telling the engineers, so wow, this guy's immediate.

And the air just comes up to try end and goes, free fall, like, free fall. Was that free fall? That's how my heart felt the first time I saw Margot. It's also a description of Harry's love life. So Adam is the sort of person that when he fucks up, he just like passes the, the, he passes like the rage forward, but he punches down. But since he's already at the bottom, the totem pull on this boat is like the next, the next step down as a door. So he's like, it's an Adam and objects. Yeah. You know, because like he's definitely the sort of person. Like if someone yells at him for doing a bad job, then he yells at

the people who are below him. He just, that's how he's got to deal with it. like he's definitely this sort of person like if someone yells at him for doing a bad job Then he yells at the people who are below him. He just that's how he's got to deal with it So he's just like in his bathroom and he's just like trying to close the door and he can't even close the door properly And he's like fuck you stupid ass fuck a door like kicks it You better not do that in your new house, okay? You better not do that in your new house, okay? Um, if you forget it, you finally find the house and the mom's like, it was a nice house and tell there were no doors. You know, Adam got a couple of numbers wrong on the lottery and boom, all the doors were gone. Thank God he's not even been disrespectful to this thing.

God damn thing. Hey, so this house is all made out of a very hard surfaces. When I move my mouth away to screen, can you still hear it really loud in the microphone? No, it sounds like you moved your mouth away. It's nice and echoey. I like it. Okay, thanks. Thanks. Okay, so Goddamn stupid ass fucking door. So Captain calls you out of the bridge. And meanwhile, he says with Serena and she's like, she goes, so I've only got this bag and it's not very professional to use in front of the guests. So Serena offers her a basket and she's like, well, yeah, thank you. Useful for watching useless fling. She's like, what was that? I mean, look at beautiful you are today. That's what I said.

Thanks. You look pretty, that's really sweet of you, Han. You were going. Thanks, he looked for that. It's really sweet of you, hon. You were good. So now Jason is by himself in the wheelhouse, talking to himself, and he's like, I'm not getting what I want out of all the time. I don't want mistakes. And then, Jrow enters the human mistake that is who I am. Who am I anyway? Him or am I my resume? I just imagine that when Jason gets upset he puts on his little kimono and just thinks about things. So, the J.D. is on and so I go on. The D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D. Did you do it? Did you do it? Just like to these really in them. WOOOOOOOW! I GODD!

WOOOOOOOW! Haha. Haha. So, uh, two outcomes up. I'm sorry I interrupted you because that was funny what you said there. I didn't have the mistake, the human mistake that is two out. It didn't really, there was nothing needed more to be said than that. So Jason is like seriously

Seriously, so are a little watching a little Christian duty Seriously Mariposa like I don't need to be coming into an anchorage You know, I've got a deck hand dropping an anchor down. That's that channel's six meters deep Okay, he lets it out in the channel and I also is only 15 meters deep and he lets it out And I'm gonna go pass the vessel or something and I think we all know what and he lets it out and I'm gonna pick up as the vessel or something And I think we all know what happens when you let out an anchor that's a little not the right size for the channel Both vessels explode. Okay. It's terrible. What could happen? Do you know how many beheaded people there have been and the other day the same decade messed up at what point do we say time for more Experience on here and I was like, well, he did mess up, but I'll speak for him and say that he's on the right

page as far as being a decade. He's also been through trauma that's similar and man a place less scary than Zimbabwe. I just need him to realize how lucky is to not be from Zim. Well, we've had the whole season to get going with this and because the next one could be damaged to the bow, the next one could be someone's finger, the next one could be someone's head, the next one could be just the evaporation of people's souls. Everyone's just gonna go to hell if the sky

doesn't get his work done, right? I think- But we both have families in tiny spaces. We're both tiny house families. We were both tiny home families before tiny homes became popular. Well, please, you got to happen. Are we trying to make changes?

No, will we make changes? Yes. Did I trick you with the first question? Yes. Am I happy about that? Yes. Am I doing whatever I can to find some some joy in this very serious moment?

Yes. All crew, all crew, all guests have a diving excursion. Get them on the island. Ace app. Do not repeat. or repeat, do not repeat. One prop. Do not repeat it. All right. Also, by the way, of course, Jowal uses this moment to throw Culver under the bus, which by the way, is deserved. I have no complaints with that. He's like, by the way, I know that Adam did something that could have caused our entire boot to crash and maybe even behead himself.

But Culver is also very lazy. So I think actually Culver's the problem here. What do you think, Captain? He's like, yeah, at least he does more than Culver. Yeah, but he's almost like ruined the boat three times, okay, railing, tender tying. This thing that just happened. This was a really bad form, okay. I mean, you know, Culver can't destroy things if he's not

touching them. So Culver wins. By the way, my mistake, this was just Jouwau telling us, he was not telling the captain just yet, they're Culver's a problem. So anyway, excursion, excursion! So they start, they're all running to help the guests and stuff get on the tender and go with Harry and Jowell and Harry is ignoring Margot today because you know he's 12th and she's like, hi, Carabére and he's like, hello, it's really awkward and he's like, since Margot put me in the friend zone, I'm gonna put distance because I got shit. I got shut down on the feet So honey time. Oh, I don't know. I don't think it's I think he's right to be like, oh shit like I Actually, I'm like I honestly am like happy

That for once we have someone on a guy on below deck who when the girl says, I'm just not into you that he doesn't continue to try to pursue her, I'll, you know, Gary or any number of the leeches that are on these shows. So I was happy that Harry's like, fine, I'm just gonna shut my mouth, I'm just not trying to do this, you know. Well, I'm not saying like, oh, I've got, I really, is this this below deck?

Could you please get aggressive and insist that somebody like, I don't mean that. I just mean, he's suddenly like hey you know like like we're friends to being like hello me I'm a little standing and driving and staring straight ahead and not have a smiling like has he ever done that to anybody ever I mean I feel like he could be you know talking to like despicable me and he'd still be like, oh, you just speak for me. Oh, I love to talk. You know, he'd still be like, a fine. Giving Mark a fine place.

This is Mark move on his part, because it's a lot hotter when he's not talking. And I'm not saying that his personality is bad. It's just that when he's like, is like, stoic and unmoving, he's like, really, really hot. But then he starts talking, gets the Scoofy low-crottin space like, oh, look at the water tinder.

You know, I dated so many, told me that one. It's the rudest thing. They said I was way cuter when I didn't move. When I talked, my face slipped very unattractive. I'm so good. I mean, I get it. I get it because like, you know, you can make like hidey, I mean, it was rude.

I'm not like forgiving them or anything. I'm still traumatized, but I'm just saying, like, I've heard that criticism before and I'm going to a dark place. No, but look, look, there's a, I'm in a state of like, you know what they mean? I actually took a picture of Harry. I'm gonna put it up on the screen

so everyone can see who's watching out. I'll get this going in the meantime, but it's gonna be my proof that Harry is a lot hotter when he is not talking. No, fans, Harry. He's cute when he's talking, but he's like hot when he's not talking. Okay, so everybody is unloading stuff

and doing this excursion. And Culver is eating, of course. They cut to Culver the next two episodes. All they do is cut to Culver eating. That's amazing. It's literally all he does. How is he able, I get that he works out and stuff. But do people who work out that much really good

to eat that much? Because it makes me, like I literally almost got on the floor and I did push ups and then I remembered who I was and I stopped. Immediately. I was like, your name is Rontal. You live on the second floor. You live upstairs from you.

Yes, I think I've seen you before. I was like, I don't do pushups. I think that song last night. Man, like, I think like three times a week still. I say that song mainly because someone named Luca joined the cast. So of course, naturally, in my head, I was like, my name is Luca. I live on the second floor. I live upstairs from Don Stamos and I stole his face from the floor. God, I, you know, God bless what's her face for all her very literal songs. Zan Vega, for just writing songs about things that are around here, like I am sitting in a

diner with a man and then it's like everything. It's just very stream of conscious like being in the present, you know, it's very power of now. Uh-huh, it is. She's really put an icon. I can't wait for a joke. Okay, so Robo show. Whatever is happening, Culver is eating.

Okay, and I'm jealous. Like at this point, I'm just like, fuck Culver. That's not even fair, you know? I wish that Culver was gauged just so I could like charm him somehow and then be his feeder. Cause I'm like into that, you know? I've heard of that. I've heard of that kink before and it sounds hot.

Just like, finding someone to just like feed me stuff and then like, yeah, you're getting fatter. Oh, yeah, I'm into it. Yeah, it's like that song from the 90s by LaBouche. It's like, be my feeder. Won't you be my feeder? La da da da da da da da da da da. Or if it was written by Susan Feaggot, he's like,

I just opened the videos and I'm putting them in your mouth and you're chewing them and then looking at me and I put a coconut instead of a digh coke, feed it, feed it, eat it, feed it I just bought some Entomans donuts and I'm putting them in your mouth and you're eating them right now and it's a bond We have by the way put Harry's picture up on screen doesn't it look cute. Do you see it? This is first the this white you should watch video everyone because now you get to see a hotter version of Harry right that's hot Harry's so cute. Yeah, he's a cute guy

Yeah, he's he's cute when he's smiling too. It's just, you know, it's just the, this is, I think it's just a, and the flailing, you know, but I think it's cute. Sweet guy, he'll find the right person. Oh, he definitely will. He will definitely come out of this with, it's just a hot dish up here. So he's, there's a really awkward silence as they, you know, tender over to the snorkel place.

And at the end, Marco goes, good job, Harry. And he just keeps his jaw shut. Yeah. Doesn't go far at all. And I was like, oh, he's making a stand. The dirty Harry, making a stand. Good for you, Harry. I say you focus on your job and you don't get distracted.

Okay. So there's just like a whole bunch of activity. The guests are, they're gonna go on a dive. Tenders going back and forth. It's rainy. It's just one of those moments. But most importantly, there's an adorable sea turtle. We've seen this one sea turtle constantly going out

like doing its power walking. It's morning power walking. It's always swimming. It's always swimming to the right over the same rock. I mean, it's the same footage every week, let's be honest. But we always see that see Turtle. But in this case, we see the Scuba divers and the Scuba divers are scuba diving near the Turtle. And you know that Turtle is like, um, honestly, could you please get out of my space right now? I'm just like trying to do that.

No, I feel like that Turtle is so needy and just wants friends. And it's like, I think turtles have movies where humans can talk to them. You know, like you know how humans have movies that turtles can talk and kids believe in them. And some of us adults, I think turtles have those movies too. And they're just like, I'm just gonna keep hanging out with all these humans.

And one day, one of them is gonna talk to to me because it's the same, it seems like the same turtle. And it follows them everywhere. And it's not the same shot. It'll be like nighttime. And the turtle's still like, hey guys, you know, like lifting that one fan like, hey guys, don't pass me. Didn't you hear me?

And the humans are like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the turtle's like, pot of your work. It's singing like the season vague of little mermaid. I see that both past by and I try to make those humans hear me, but they never hear me. Now I'm swimming, waving my arm as I'm swimming. Bye. I am swimming over coral. There's a starfish in the corner and a human's overhead. I wonder where they're going diving as I look

Towards the conch on the sea floor. There's a more aint you and I couldn't help but wonder is one of them gonna eat the other So so so so so so so so so I live in a shell So Margo and Jawa are talking on this excursion and she's small talking, you know. She's like, what's your favorite place to travel? And he's like, zim. No, but like when you're not in zim. All right, in my mind, I could be anywhere in the world.

And I just think of zim. OK, well, pretend you were already in zim and you want to travel out of zim. Where's the place you'd want to go? Zim Sometimes I go to Parma because it reminds me chicken Parmesan which is served my favorite restaurant in Zim You know that's in me orca Spain and You know what I like about going to me orca is that I like to say there may be an

Orca around here, and that reminds me of violent animals, and then that reminds me of violence, and then that reminds me of Zimbabwe. So she's like, oh my God, I want to go to Paris so bad. I want to go visit chef since she's saving you one next time. Wait, what? Oh, yeah, I'm what's going on with you anyway because she said one time that next time she sees you She's gonna punch in the face or something and she's like, oh, did she say that? Well, I wasn't with Sauri in his friend, but it was just to hook up and she wanted more. Yeah, right. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Yeah, right. I'm sure I'm sure very fun with her as well. Listen, right. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Yeah, right.

I'm sure. I'm sure you were very up and up with her, Jhwau. Listen, I'm buying this whole Jhwau edit. And I remember hanging out with people from below deck one time, below deck mid when he was on that member. They all came into town and we like went out with them one night and they were so nice.

By the way, Jhwau was not with them. No. But I was like, what a piece of shit this guy is. And why is he gonna be on another season? And they're like, you know what, he's so nice in real life. They loved him, they loved him. And yeah, so I was always like, but I don't believe it. And then that second season, Joao was better,

and I was like, fuck this at it, he's still terrible. But now this is like two seasons where Joao has been actually like fine. So I don't understand. I don't feel like he's a dick under there. I mean, he's benefiting from people who are terrible at their job. So he, by comparison, you're kind of like, well, Jeroa has not done anything wrong here. You know?

Listen, he's like a Ronnie Fupa. It may not look like it, but there's a dick under there. We all know it. It'll eventually come out. Not anymore, Ronnie. Yeah. So he's like, I've already come by here. I could second grade class picture. What more do you want from me to present? I'm a different man.

Wow. The echo in your house really made that so dramatic because when you speak away from the microphone, you hear your whole house echoing and it sounds like Jawa was like bellowing from a mountaintop. Like, what's more do you want from me, me, me, me? I don't think I can ever live in Palm Springs until watch what crap ends as I work because everything is made out of a hard surface

because it's so hot here. Let's be honest, you know that when we're 75, we're gonna be still doing this show in Mim is or actually what's what do you call it, not Mim is, you know, beautiful, long calf tans in Palm Springs. You saw me in my calf tans, right? Did you see my picture?

Did you see my picture? You saw me in my calf tans, right? Did you see my picture? Did you see my picture? Me in my cafetan? Amazing. Like it changed my life. I'm a cafetan person now. Let me tell you something. One of the best shows we ever did was when we did a show in San Francisco wearing Patricia cafetans.

That was the most comfortable I ever was in a show. Just wearing cafetans for an entire... Why are we not wearing cafetans for all of our live shows? It was so comfortable and beautiful. We should do it. Yeah. So Mark, OK, so I guess you and the chef are fine. How?

He's a kid. It's a real fine to get better. So then the guest finished snorkeling and get back on the boat, and they're all taking shots out of their snorkels. And then the drinking point star, my teenies, which I feel like is dangerous. Point star, my teen. That's a lot of fucking. I like porn stars because I feel like is dangerous. Point storm martyne, that's a lot of fucking. Like I have like porn stars because I feel like it's

the safest sex you can have because they're just on a computer screen, you know what I mean? I don't want to like drink them. No, no. Well the truth is that those porn stars were all over this boat a few charters ago so they're going to be drinking a lot of porn star stuff. Whether they want to drink them.

I did not want to drink those people. They seemed very nice. I wanted a party with them, like drink with them, but I whether they want to drink them. I did not want to drink those people. They seemed very nice. I wanted to party with them, like drink with them, but I didn't want to drink them. Yeah, no. So then they're all like, the guests are teasing, I think they're teasing Emily. I kind of feel like all the women on this charter

are named Emily except for the one woman whose name Tamara, who I thought Tamara was gonna be just a monster this entire episode because I felt like she's did last episode and then she's like fine also. So they're teasing one of the Emily's about like being on Tinder because she's like, maybe I'll drop a pen on this belt and see what happens and they're like joking to Harry.

They're like, Harry, are you on Tinder? And he's like, oh, low on the right, he has to like one foot and see what happens. Oh, I'm like, keep your mouth clothes, you'll do better on Tinder. So then Aisha is getting ready for the slim Aaron's party. What do you know? Funny because that's 70s Palm Springs picture. And so Slim Aaron's was a photographer that used to take pictures of celebrities

And also say shallows back in the six days in This is one of those fun this actually I love this theme for a party I don't know why we have not seen this theme more on below deck because it's wonderful But that being said it's also gonna be hilarious to see a bunch of young people who are also mainly not from America, try to figure out what the hell vintage pumps brings is like, because you know, they're all going to miss the mark. Yeah. Um, so they're going to do surf and turf and shakudri for dinner and then, uh, captain, juaj juaj juaj juaj juaj, captain, juaj juaj juaj juaj juaj juaj juaj juaj juaj juaj juaj

So meeting in the bridge. Right. I want to talk about the anchoring. I'm concerned we're going through the next two charters with inexperienced dickheads. Bring Adam up here. So Adam comes and he's like, Hey, so mystery, so mystery unique kangaroo Jack to solve. Did kangaroo Jack solve mysteries? No, but I think that kangaroo Jack got his real estate license and got houses for families. So I love that Kangaroo Jack solved mysteries. No, but I think that Kangaroo Jack got his real estate license

and got houses for families. So I love that movie. So Jason's like, I want to talk about the anchoring today. You don't gotta live in my passion or more. I want to talk about the anchoring today. Walk me through it because, well, I went up there and I looked at it and I was like, hey, that looks like my ma. So I want to engage with it, but it was disengaged.

So in my head, the way I've always been doing it for years, unbots that I don't, yeah, it was like just drop from break. So I started to drop it, but once I started to run, like I put the break pad back on it, like, oh my god, I like wasn't working. He's like, yeah, well, guess what? I never said drop it. So that's the first problem. Doesn't matter whether you did the break first

Of the engagement first or whatever the clutch of the break because I never said drop it So that's a problem. Let's let that hang in there for a moment. Let's think into your head It's not really thinking in as it I can tell no, it's not and it really Adam really just looks like Ah But nothing takes away from your personality and your drive your personality is great Your drive is great your driver's great Don't know who can grow jack is But I love when you hop around the boat and say his name over and over while you cry promising to buy in my

own house one day very sweet Unfortunately, probably gonna have to fire you get out unfortunately We've come to realize that you're living in a homer movie and we're on the Bravo channel So this is not going to really work out. So, Joao, it's like, where, you know, the attitude is definitely there as far as positivity. Well, guess what? Positivity doesn't save lives. You know who is positive?

The orchestra on the Titanic. And they can't play, is that shit went down? They drowned playing the violin. Sir. Okay, did that save the Titanic? No, money did. That's what saved the moment. Listen, those people who got saved on Titanic

or swept away on piles of money. You know, those fishermen in the perfect storm were also, they were out there, they were just catching fish for to bring home to their families. That didn't work out so well, okay? So the point is, although I think that's less their fault and their aneptitude, I think that's more just like giant walls of water, so maybe a bad example.

For the point is, the outlook is not gonna save you. So Jason's like, this is a lot. Yeah, positivity doesn't work, okay? As I've told you, many times on this show, positivity is a lie, so why bother? Well, this is a hard one. I mean, Adam's a nice guy. I like him. Everyone likes him. And I can understand he, what he, I can tell he understands what he did wrong, but I'm leaning towards letting Adam go because of the severity of what just happened. I have to give this some time and thought. Okay, I've given it like a three seconds and thought about it, I'm going to

buy him for sure. Yeah. So everyone gets heated for the Slim Aaron's party and Serena's like, my thing is vintage. Let's think back to the 70s. That's when Serf and Tiff started. Haven't you done Serf and serve on every, every, every, I'm on your survey in a Tomahawk and then for the surf another Tomahawk and then I'm gonna be a Tomahawk but I'm gonna put them on little surf balls. It looks surfing, surfing, I'm stunned. And then I'm gonna find something I can make brand and put into a bowl. So Adam, yeah, Adam's like, whoa, whoa,

wow, that was intense. And he was like, that's Yachting bro, take it with a pinch of salt and keep rolling. It's sort of like making sushi and zim. And it's just about putting more initiative into it, okay, thinking on your feet. You do think on your feet, don't you? Nah, I gotta sit down before I do my thinking. Okay, but that'll be a problem. But I do sometimes think on your feet. You do think on your feet, don't you? Nah, I gotta sit down before I do my thinking.

Okay, but that would be a problem. But I do sometimes think with my feet. Which is weird, you know. And Adam's like, it's an incredible mistake and I can't believe I did that. I work so hard for my family to put them in a house. I've been thinking about my mom all day because I understand the gravity of the situation

and you know what gravity does? It hosts down houses. My mom said that her favorite movie of all time was actually gravity and she said that if she ever gets stuck in space, that I should come find her. So to this day, I just want to get her a house so she does not to go to space. So gas want to play two-thirds of the crew. This is one of those groups of guests who's just going to sexually harass the crew as much as possible.

And, you know, I guess we all should wonder about double standards, et cetera, et cetera. But frankly, I'm just not in the mood today. They're just boring people. And I have no problem exploiting Joao. You know what I mean? Yeah. And they're also just boring people who are trying to do anything to be interesting and exciting. Yeah, they're like, they're so too.

It's white people having a white party. Yeah, it's like it's a bunch of white culture that's happened. Yeah, this is like the charter equivalent of least serenising. Why do we play a game? Two truths in a lie. That's what this group of people is. So this group is like pre-mixed egg whites that you buy in a carton of the store. Wow, that's sad. It's just, it's a lot of, and you're like, why isn't this coming up into meringue? And you're like, they do something to it. They do something in the carpet just a lot of life that even more you know I think the past was Asian white yeah yeah just a sad sad experience so they're I don't know they're talking about wanting to bat one of the

emiles is talking about wanting to bang Harry or something so then Joao I don't know like there's Joao suggesting that Harry put on a blazer for the Palm Springs look. Harry's like, no, I think I look pretty good. The one I do right now, my wacky shit. And then, Aisha's like, Harry, Harry, Harry, the one I have a three-semity, so get ready. She's like, you need to set the boys a rose. Can you imagine Harry in the threesome? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

And then they cut to Harry like, oh, he's all rough, rough, rough, like flailing all over the place. And she's like, he would not know what to do. It would definitely be like having sex with a very large fish out of water, like that fish is flapping all around and it's just like gonna to kind of ruin everything.

You know Harry's movements remind me of that chick who was in showgirls from Save the Bird Bell. Yeah, it's like very dancing. That's like his mannerisms are like Elizabeth Berkeley's dancing and so girls. Just very like. I was about to say if you said Gina Gershon, I'd be like, I don't know, I don't know if I can coast on this. I'm not brave enough you said Gina Gershon, I'd be like, I don't know. I don't know if I can co-sign this. I'm not brave enough to desu Gina Gershon. I feel like Gina Gershon would show up at your house, no matter where you are. I'd just kick the shit out of you

if you ever said something bad about her. I'm ready for Gina Gershon to show up on below deck, where she just shows up and she smokes cigarettes at that table the entire time. I'm like, I'm so sorry, but we can't have smoking at this table. And she just takes a deep drink as winning it a duet, yeah.

Whew, tell me. What are you doing? Okay, so then Margot hears the three-some comment on the radio and she's like, must be nice. Hope you guys have fun without me. She's doing laundry. So they're making jokes about the three-some with the gas.

And the guys like, stuck the gas and a guy's like stuck before mistakes. And Jack's like, you know how back in the day all the kings had gapped. It was because they were eating like this. Yeah. It was very hilarious. And then they have salted caramel pada, kata, kata, kata, kata, kata, salted caramel pannaakata and mini cheesecakes and fondue. Yeah, as you all know, it brings a giant charcuterie board of dessert upstairs. It's very scary as you can drop it. He doesn't.

So, the guests all of the food, it's just so much food. And meanwhile, Jason is texting his Norma. It's like, hi Australian Norma. Norma, I need a new decade. Someone with great experience. Potentially someone who's attractive and looks like us celebrity sibling. So now the guests go to bed,

everyone's cleaning, Serena stubs her toe, so as you wow, starts putting like a little splint around it. And she's like, I can't be harbling around like this. No one's going to want to kiss me if I look like this, wow!

You're like, you're full of shit, you make out like you couldn't be with anyone, but you don't actually want to be with someone. I mean, even someone standing right in front of you making a toast to a split who's called you mediocre to your face. I'm just a Zim Barboyan, standing in front of a girl, telling her, he loves her, to me and a splint. Just a Zim, a Zim with a splint, standing in front of a toe, saying, why can't you be straight her? You mediocre looking toe.

Some people, some people, some people I hope you, being with mediocre toes, and you see, in Zim we actually don't even have splints. If you stub your toe it goes diagonal for the rest of your life. It's just the way we do it in Zim. It's a hard life. If someone sees a broken toe in Zim, they take it off your foot and put it in bag and steal it and try to sell it downtown. That's just the way it goes in Zim. That's just the way it is. Some things will never change. So,

she was like, you know, between my cellphones, I mean, it's hard to figure out where's the line. Where did the jokes stop? Where did the jokes stop and the Zim begins? I don't know if she would actually do anything because of a friend, but can she not just tell me how she feels? At the moment, I'm quite confused. It's like I'm standing on the border of Zim in Botswana, which country am I in? Do you know the way to Zim swana? I want to know what Zim is. I want you to show me. I love Zimbabwe, but every day I'm learning. Okay, so morning, this is what happens when you give us two below deck down

under as we go. Okay, we're starting to crack. And how are we only on episode 12 When it would they keep saying they're like all right everybody. We've only got 11 charters left No, they did say actually this season I paid attention. They have nine charters this season and they are By the end of episode the next charter is episode set as charter seven So we only have two more charters left after this. Thank to Hosea Fat. I mean, I'm enjoying this just a lot. I love this season.

Every fucking week with this show, it always ends. I'm like, what the fuck is going on with this boat? I mean, this episode is like a whatever episode. But next episode, I was like, what the hell? Every single week something crazy happens. Now I'm starting to realize what they're doing to a week because it's like an onslaught of madness. Yeah, it really is.

Okay, so now it's morning and Culver is having a breakfast shake instead of working because it's Culver. And I don't even know at this point of Culver is eating more than everybody else, or if they're doing the Hannah from below deck med edit where they just, no matter what's happening on the boat They just cut to a shot of Hannah smoking somewhere. Yeah, she's definitely getting the Hannah edit But I also believe he's eating nonstop because we all know fitness fitness guys

Fitness bros are all about this remember Tony from below deck. This the most recent below deck He's like, I need to work out. I need to have my food. And it's just like, oh God, they're like the biggest winers. Anytime you watch Survivor, the big muscular guys are the ones who are like, I need to have my protein. I'm like bigger, I burn more fuel, shut up. Yeah. So, so Marco is in the galley and she's serving us like, oh, I was just thinking about you, where are you?

Well, here I am. And then they hug, which is really cute. She hugs everybody at all time. So she's showing Margot how to practice for margaritas, how to make margaritas. And Margot's like, you know, I feel pretty good in laundry and cabins, but I learned the most when I'm helping Aisha.

And I did kind of float the idea of being second stool for a charter, and she didn't say yes or no, but I feel like she was thinking about it. So hopefully she gives me that chance. I just want a vacuum. Yeah, and Culver is still eating. I mean, we get so much Culver eating footage.

And we already have a baseline high level amount, but it's really an overdrive right now. So Margot is serving some cocktails and tonight's gonna be the White Party. And then Captain Olaf, Tex Culver, I was like, who is Captain Olaf? Is this a little snowman? That's like, hasn't he got ice-stress-

Oh, he is. Oh, he is. Oh, he is. Is he a saint? That is like, started a town that the Golden Girls old lady so for the having sort of know that was from where Betty White was from right. Yeah rose. That's where rose was from.

It's just the saint that rose is town was based on. Yeah, Olaf. It's weird because a name captain Olaf. It's also weird that it's in the med. Yeah. And I'm like, so it's coer that it's in the med. And I'm like, so it's cool for her to like get fired and then get to go on med. It's like there's spin off character.

What's happening here? Well, I was like, but then they would, but Captain Sandy is still, she hasn't been fired or anything. So Captain Olaf is a whole separate Olaf. And then I thought, what if Olaf is Sandy's like secret coach? She's like, hey, I'm gonna text you, but no one can know that it's me, okay?

Cause I'm a little bit of celebrity. I'm kind of a big star, okay? So when I text you, put my name down as Olaf. Put my name down as Olaf in your phone, okay? It's between you and me, wink, wink. So, he gets the text from Captain Olaf who's like, hey teeth, crewing, um, crewing up in Barcelona, need that cans and a stew. Are you available this summer?

Bring your bleaching kit and Culver's a captain off previously worked for reached out and said he needs crew in the mad. Now listen, Jamie lives on one side of the world and Kim lives on the other side of the world. So I need to figure out how to get an end to adventure with her. And I think I might ascent in forwards. So now the guests are going down the slide and the crew is getting into whites because tonight's a white party because of course It is because these people are basic and then Harry walks by the laundry room and Margo is like bye and he goes oh, hi It's like a big Marburgment though. He's being so cold to me and that's why I didn't want to have that conversation with them

I just wish I never talked to them about it. And then we get a shot of this ground shark. I don't know what you call them, but the sharks here, like they're always on the ground. I don't know why. But this one's like on the ground and it's just like, the way it's just swinging, it's hits back and forth. I was like, that is the sexiest fucking freckled face shark I've ever seen in my life. And it takes up all three of the squares. Yeah, it really comes through. That shark makes has a lot of presence because there's another shark later that's not quite the same. So meanwhile, Jason's getting impatient with

the deck group because he keeps on noticing all sorts of crap around or surfaces that aren't wiped and whatever and and Jouwau is changing in his room and Culver's in there too and he tells Culver like, hey, go get like you should go do like a deck check or something like that. And meanwhile, Jason while he's up there, go over go, should we have some food and hang before service? He's like, no, go put a battery into tender of the thing. Yeah, because Jason has to radio say, Oh, dick, dick, just a reminder, you might want to in the batteries off in the tender, you dumb fox. So covers, I copy that, captain, I'll make

myself a Dutch baby, just exactly as you said. So the guests are getting ready for their bite party and Culver says he turned the batteries off and this is all very important for later to the view. So then Serena's like, Fetchnites party, they wanted glamour so we're doing mushroom regularly. You can't get subtly more fancy than that, can you? Then she serves a tamahawk. It seems like a mushroom. So then Aisha hugs Jamie for setting the table.

Sandra just set the table. Jamie's topper. That's you. And then Colbert downstairs, I'm like, oh, is this some of that halloumi cheese because he's eating of course now he's he turned on the lights and turned off the lights in the tender or whatever he had to do. So as a wow, then goes into the tender and he is annoyed. He's like annoyed in there and he's like, I heard about what's your location. He's like, Chef Kim's buzzing, at least in my fantasies.

But the mess. Come to the swim plate for a please dry, dry, I was calling her out. So dry, I was like, oh, Corva, you've got an detender. Have you, but you've left shit on it. Clean it up. That's what I was saying about his initiative. If you see something that needs to be done,

do it. He's like, what I did see something that needs to be done, do read. He said, But I did see something that need to be done. I saw how looming cheese. And it needed to be swallowed. So I was doing that protein, bro. As well as like who gets into a tender turns off the batteries. Does not clean the tender.

Sanders everywhere. There's shoes empty plastic bottles and you don't think that maybe I just clean this. Like you're talking about four years of yachting experience, just completely oblivious. I mean, he would never last one day in Zim. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. He gives us a second nice random evil person laugh. Yes.

And then Culver's like, well, I consider that a not job. Like I was gonna do the 3 30 AM shift and he goes, but wait, wait, free now. Are we free now? Why wait until 3.30? He's to do what we could do in Zim right now. And go over, it's like, no, but like, okay, I'll get it, I understand, I'll get it.

To be fair, it's also 3.30 AM in Zim at the moment. So get to it. So Culver's like, he's like, you know what we say in Zim? It's always 3 3 30 AM somewhere. That's matchbox 20 song was name was song was dedicated to sim. It's 3 AM and I'm still breathing. Whatever that's to it. So covers like, is this constructed criticism or are you just being a dick right now? It's like dude, thanks for making me feel like a piece of shit. I'm so fired to work up, work for him now.

Like, oh, here we go. The classic, I'm not motivated by my boss. I'm like, no, you didn't do your job, your boss got mad at you. That's what happens. Your boss's job is not to inspire you. Is Jesus your bossin? Okay, fuck off, bro.

Find your inspiration at the bottom of a glass like the rest of us. And then we cut to the sexiest, most elegant, and glamorous couple in all of the ocean. I called them alien vagina fish. What did you call them? I called them aerodescent fish. I call them...

I win. Either way, they are there and they're like, I have to tell you that new restaurant that opened up on Melrose, it was divine. I mean, it was a soft opening, so you can't really get into it just yet, but we went because we were invited. We know the chef and it was wonderful. Soft opens. So Culver is talking to Jowell and Culver is really bothered that he got a note, you know? And so he's like, dude, I just don't want you to think I was just blowing that off, you know,

I'm like, no, no, no, I don't think you blew it off. I just want you to think ahead. He's like, all right, well, I'm gonna pop down now and then he walks off and goes, that fucking bitch. He's so mad. So then, yeah, I guess we're gathering at the table for dinner and Culver is like, literally, he's grumbling. He's like, fucking jerk off. Damn it. And then he has to clean some more. And they just, they do a close-up of Culver's plate of food It just says under it Culver's cold dinner Then we cut to Margo and she's reading the back of a toothpaste tube. She's like whoa that's in there

God, there's a lot of stuff in there Margo is just on her own fucking termy this year. She's just discovering some, she really is like doing the aerial thing. She's like excited by forks and isn't it rich? Isn't it neat? Paroxid, her rock side, floor oxide, complete. Do you know this fixes cavities? Wouldn't you know I'm a girl, a girl who's got black apparently. What is this?

What is this? What is this? Tarder. So then Adam calls his mom and he's like, ma, I really messed up yesterday. She's like, don't beat yourself up. You'll be in enough pain when you come back to the studio apartment with me in the 30 siblings who you're gonna live with for the rest of our goddamn lives because not one of you can hold down And yeah, now hold on sweetie hold on. I gotta just let me just do this wall crank thing

Sorry, I got a crank at 30 times to make my phone work Hold on hold on I got a crank at 30 times to make my phone work. Hold on, man. Hold on, man. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.

Train's passing through. Boom. Boom. Hold on, lights are flickering. Hold on. Let me just, okay. All right, that just woke up your brother's baby. Can we talk about this later?

Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. You're doing great, sweetheart. Don't worry. If you mess up. It's okay. We're used to living in a tiny box It's nothing don't worry about that house. I don't want it anyway So dessert is delivered and meanwhile cova is microwaving sad

I mean cova is so horrified that he has to use a microwave. This kills a protein. He is. The microwave kills the nutrients in my food. How would I ever stay big? He is a sad golden retriever right now, and he is droopy-faced, and it is hilarious. I actually find that Culver is most enduring when he's frustrated.

Like, that's like, it's so funny watching him getting frustrated because he has that like, he does have that, that that golden retriever face and watching it just sort of like not be able to figure out what's going on and how we can't control the situation is like deeply enjoyable to me. Yeah, so, a juiz, like I'm just, it's just so drastic because juiz watching this whole thing and Culver's like, I hope he, it just shows Jurassic, because Jouiles watching this whole thing.

And Culver's like, I hope he can see what he's done to me by forcing me to microwave. And Jouile doesn't carry just like writing something down. And he goes, I'm writing a list so we can all be on the same page to get those in. And Culver's just like, he sits down just so angry. Here is my list. Okay. Number one, well, I actually say Z. He sits down to so angry. Here is my list.

Okay. Number one, well, I actually say Z. Okay. Clean the shammies. I use the clean shammies to wipe down the deck. And clean out the tinder. You get it. BA, B, W, E.

That all makes sense, those. I don't have to read those out loud, do I? Let's put the weans in pop way. Tell me tomorrow. So Serena talks to the guests and they're like they want to do a budget smuggler breakfast, okay? Which means all the crew has to come out here in Speedos and then I thought you know what? Fuck these people and their body privilege because I am a waiter. I was a waiter forever and I would have literally started sobbing, first of all, I'm sure they wouldn't

make me do it, you know? But then I thought, what about people like don't have perfect bodies who also want to make living in service and fuck this show, you know, fuck this show holding everybody back? I'm sick of this show. I would have been mortified if I had to go out just because no one needs to see

what's going on under this shirt right now. It's a little dirty, you know? Me too. Where's Captain Branch? Yeah, let's have a that. Captain Branch is the way to go, okay? I did yoga last night. I was telling you before I did yoga.

And I was like, okay, I've been working out a lot this summer. Ever since we wrapped up our tour, I'm like, I'm gonna use this time. I'm gonna go to gym a lot and try to get myself into shape. And I'm like, okay, I think I'm starting to see some results. And I did yoga last night. And there's mirrors on the front and the back. And we had to get into warrior two.

And I do warrior two. And I literally look like a sack of groceries with arms sticking out. And I was like, this is a sack of groceries. I've done nothing. Nothing has changed, nothing has helped. Everything looks so strange. Then we had to do some twists.

And like, there's something about the twists. I was like, no, and I just kept on seeing it. And I was like, oh, and then I came home and I watched the show. And I was like, God forbid. Like, this is why I can't work on a yacht. Because I would not be able to do it. With your eyes, you could smoke with breath But yeah, I'd really like to fuck this show. So let's see. So now Jamie is flirting with Colver and he's like, I did do this.

She's like, I haven't seen you today. And he's like, well, I have to talk to you about this really gay. She's cat and rich smile to you about this really good. Just cat and reach smile to me about a jackfruit and a stew and the man. It's going to be a sweet. What are you looking over there for? I could swear that I hear your voice coming from behind the refrigerator over there. No, no, it's not going to talk. Can't you see me talking?

He looks like moving though. Hey, are there they are. Who's right now. St. Dutch, baby. Dutch, baby. Okay, so what's this strange request that you have? You said something about a captain O-Lof, is that a real person a captain O-Lof

or is that just like some sort of strange holiday thing that you and Chef Kim do together? It's like, what we could do if they knew to steal anodecu, we could have Keem do together. It's like what we could do if they need a steel and a deco, we could we'd have a sweet town together. And she's like, Oh, well, my good, well, oh, wow, well. And she tells us, I'm speech this, I've known cool for less than a week. It's like, it's okay. You can sleep on that. I think it would be a fun season. Okay. We're going to get Chef Keem on board too. I mean like it's okay. You can sleep on that. I think it would be a fun season. Okay. We're gonna get in shift key mom board too. Oh man, it's gonna be great. You me and my mom all the loves of my life. So it's like even though I've only known Jamie a

short time since she got here, we've had an immediate connection. This isn't just like a little flirty boat man. I feel like there's more here and that's why I'm gonna act on it. I'm like, yeah, you're two attract people on TV in close quarters. Don't know if there's so much to talk about each other. Yeah, I think you're just literally not spoken at all. I don't think I can remember one conversation you've actually had, except I want to make out with you and Serena's mean. Like, that's it. Yeah.

So, um, then of course, a producer has to to Jamie and he's like, what label would you put on it? Like, what else will lose up? So she's kind of uncomfortable, right? So then we cut to the most gorgeous, fucking, fat. I wrote down fabulous jellyfish, this beautiful jellyfish. The jellyfish is like, I hear there are calfftans on this episode and I have arrived with mine. I know I hear somebody wants a caftan branch.

I'm here, but just gorgeous, beautiful. It's like the Ellen Green of Jellyfish, I believe. In my mind, that's what Ellen Green is like, even though I don't think that she actually is like that in real life. I mentioned Ellen Green showing up. In my life, Ellen Green showing up in my life. Ellen Green shows up in like a big gown at like a Broadway event.

It's like, I'm here. Mr. Mashnick. So then it's the morning in Asha goes to the captain and she's like, If all bring you big plate of eggs, you bring them out. You're bulgey smogless. I'm just like, no. Blaze! You bring our man your poultry smugglers. He's like now. Blaze! Everyone wants to see Captain McHorries becaue.

Listen, I can't just be walking around and budge smugglers. This boat right here is a 1977 fishing boat that's been converted into a yacht with one prop requires full attention. Can't you just pretend for the morning that you wore the single prop? Do the helicopter let's get it rolling? So now there's cleaning the guests are gathering and Jamie tells Marco that Culver asked her to join in like a a med season. And Marco's like, oh really? What did you say? And Jamie was like, well, I was like, oh, Marco's like, that's a big deal, no? I mean, did you say yes? I mean, everyone knows that boatman says that go from one boat to the med really work out. Well, then it just imagine like did you say something Dave over the Mediterranean echoing to my head I know where the Malia and Tom one where she's

like oh my god is so amazing to have my boyfriend chef on board is like fucking potatoes god damn you touching my potatoes died potato hair rotten hair rotten hair, potato mama fahas. Yeah, it's gonna be fine. I think the med is actually where both man says go to die. I also remember Rob and that Jessica, they're a terrible, co-dependent relationship. Just, it's terrible. It's terrible.

But Margot was like, oh my god, this is huge, right? And James was like, it is huge, it's huge. It's like, it is. It's so big. Tell me more, tell me more. Like, does he drive a car? So then, Jouwau is a serene.

We're just gonna do like every like old musical to that. I don't know why I was like, wow, we're really wracking up the show tunes today. We are. It's the Palm Springs of it all. So Jouwau and Serena are talking

and he's shucking oysters for her. And she's like, I can't believe how much we're bonding. And he's like, does it come as a surprise to you? And she's like, I guess you're just really lucky to have me in your life, aren't you? And then she's like, you've changed. You're different. There's something about the horns. There's something about that. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds.

It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds.

It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. It takes a few seconds. I Should It takes him it takes him to get through the chart season it takes

It takes him Bobway So we got I'm not even going to I'm not even Not even so alone when you see how long this has been In our nine minutes in our nine minutes almost as long as the first time we've got more time You have changed your daring there's something about this in There's something about this in. Lots of the girl I was fucking up with, just a chef, there's something about this in. Okay, so then we got a Harry and Jason, and Harry brings the captain, the Budgie smugglers,

and the captain's like, I don't want those if you've won them, and he's like, didn't know! Come on, holy shit, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! And he's like, I'm not convinced I'm gonna do this, which of course you're gonna do this. They didn't hire a captain who works out as much. They didn't hire you for your like, record of not crashing into restaurants on dogs.

You know what I mean? Get your ass in the Budgie smuggler, sir. Yeah, yeah, this, I mean, I was like, stop acting like you're not going to. So, Aisha is like, goes out to the gas and she's like, where are we going to be shooting you some hot stuff? Where's some hot stuff? And then everyone comes out in the budgies

and then everyone's like, wow, and then Captain Jason, he's in the budgies. And then everyone's like, wow, and then Captain Jason, he's in the budgie smugglers. And of course he looks great. And Zarina's like, Scanlar, she's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, she turns into Asia for a moment. She was like, her cheeks were turning red. You go ahead.

So he gets, he comes out, he's really hot and everything. And then he gets a text and they kept an Olaf. It's like I found a Lee Deccan in New Zealand two hours away. And then it cuts the atom. He's like, Oh my God, I really don't want to get fired today, bro. Mama, Mama, can you hear me? No, because I'm on the other side of the house. That you bought me. Mama, Mama, can you hear me? No, I can't, because there's a train going by the apartment. Give it five seconds. So now anchor up, guess, check out the bridge. Covers talking to Serena, looking for a blender. He cannot find a blender. Then you know where. This is the best part of the entire night. She is like, he needs a blender.

He's like, hey, do you know where that blender thing is? I'm like, blender. So she's like, I don't know. You're the only person that uses that stupid thing. That's what has a picture of chef Kim, to paste it onto it. So he's like looking around and he cannot find his little whatever device he uses to make his protein shakes.

And he is spiraling downwards. And he's like, I need my shake. Fuck. And he's looking everywhere, having a fit. Everybody else is working except for him. So then he moves on to Jamie's like, have you seen the little blender? It's right in front of the blender. They sell it. Well, they show a blender, but they also show the shake attachment sitting right in front of the blender. Oh, I didn't know if this was tricky editing or what it was because I do this shit all the time. I'm like, oh my God, guys, I'm so sorry. I'm like, I can't find my keys. What the fuck? And then you find them sitting

right in front of you on the kitchen counter. I do this shit all the time. Well, cold room guessing that's what it was, but the point is he is just throwing a fucking fit. And he's like cursing and he's opening and closing cabinets like crazy. And he asked Jay, I mean, she's like, no. And then he is like, he can't figure anything. And meanwhile, the surfaces are all wet outside.

And the guests are gonna be coming out. And so Jason's like, all right, Kovah, Kovah, can you wipe down these surfaces? I need someone to sham me the foe would, okay? And of course, Kovah's not going out there because he's looking for his protein thing. And so Jason's like, dick grew, dick grew, dick grew. And so now Kovah's outside.

He's like, dude, what the fuck are people doing? He's like, has like a sand of all petulant women. We're fucking on it, bro. And so Jawa here's him, because he says that Aziz is passing by Jawa, because, you know, he didn't have a shake. So Jawa's like, I see this little boy, having a tintrum about a direct oud the kippdun and it is infuriates

me. I am zimperious. And so Aisha is making drinks for guests and sends them over there and that's time to do the ropes since Culver is still not there. And Harry is like, well I guess we can do the ropes without him. And he's like, Kov COVID, wow, please meet us on the students, we can get to this. And yeah, and so that, and meanwhile Zarina's helping call her and make his shake, because she's like, okay, just put in the,

you put in the blender attachment, okay, and then you just press this button, and you do that, and he's like, okay, all right, I'll see this now. And they're like, asking for him to come up on deck and everything. And then

he finally comes up and now that he's had a shake. So it was like a little bit more chill. So then the captain is getting tattle. So he's, Joao's tattle tailing basically already on Colver. And Joao's like, I have to have a chat with Kurov again because he was having a fit about changing about cleaning this area. You called us a third time and had an absolute fit about it. And I just wanted you to know because we're on the same team and it's a little bit teamwork. Well I'll tell you where my head's at in my bungee smugglers, okay? And you know what? Did you just experience the inexperience of Adam, I'm thinking about bringing a lead deck in. I mean, someone with experience, that should, that should shake over up, someone with experience. And Jouah was like, I don't think it will.

Yeah, it's like, I didn't think so. And I haven't had a problem except for the safety thing that came up with Adam. Oh, yeah, that's no big deal on a boat, Jouah. Like, I guess that you guys bond that you come from, like, you know, rough and tumble childhoods or whatever, where kids, like you had to save your brothers from getting beat up, like I get it, but he's hurt the boat three times, dude. Okay.

Can we just fire everybody? I mean, shit, if you're gonna have this many episodes, you might as well just bring in a new cast. Why not? That's what I'm deck. He's like, well, I know if you mess up, especially when it comes to anchors and safety, are you going to make it 90% of the time? No, are you going to make it in Zimbabwe?

100% no, but your job is at stake. However, if anyone does that, there's a firing, it's cover. It's sure he didn't almost plunge the ship into the bottom of the ocean, but he drinks a lot of protein shakes, and that really bothers me. But the one thing he's really good at is swimming. Wait a minute. Never mind.

He can't swim either. Like how are you standing up for this guy when he doesn't even know how to swim? And he gets seasick. Come on, you're out. So the captain's like, well, my mind is bringing on a lead deck hand with experience and a nice big package in case we're forced to get back in budgets. God forbid we get a choppy person on here. And I think I've got one. You know, it's actually just about seamen ship. Excuse me? Seeming ship. We need to have lots of semen on this boot. That's the problem. I found that there's just not quite enough semen and we need to bring more

semen in. That's what this ship needs right now. Well in terms of safety, COVID is not called out on safety because it's not doing anything. He's like, all right, I'm over this. This topic needs to be put to bed. We're semen. And that was the cliffhanger. Will Adam be fired? Will Clover be fired? Who will be fired? Someone's gonna go. So nobody knows.

Nobody knows. We'll never know unless we listen to the next episode. So I know we do know, we do know, spoiler alert. We watched it, we watched it. We literally know everything. So everyone, thank you so much for listening and being here and watching. And, you know, just keep an eye on your podcast feed because part two of Below Deck is going to be coming up at some point, proper tomorrow.

And we'll catch you on the next one. Bye, everyone. Bye-bye. Watch what happens, would like to thank its premium sponsors. Know your worth with Jason Kurt. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Ashley Savoni, she don't take nobelone. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. It Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

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