Watch What Crappens - Below Deck Down Under: Margot Ships

Episode Date: July 25, 2023

*Also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo* New stew Margot joins Below Deck Down Under and Luke is all over like slime on boogars. The rancid crew tries to get camera time, but Luke's mismanagement and ladder losses steal their thunder. This week's bonus is a shopping field trip on Amazon Prime Day. Get all our video recaps and bonuses at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I've been so much fun! I've been so much fun! I've been so much fun! Watch what! Kids fun! I've been so much fun! Kids fun! I've been so much fun!

Kids fun! I've been so much fun! I've been so much fun! Hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens! A podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Yeobroves. I'm Ronnie, I'm with the gorgeous, talented, sea turtle loving Ben Mandelker, hello Ben. Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Well, haven't thrown an anchor on a coral reef today, so I'm feeling pretty good about myself. How's it going over there? Well, that's always good. Everything is wonderful over here. Just another beautiful day in

Kansas, Australia. Kansas, it's pronounced within S at the end as we learned from many people over the past week. I'm not actually in Australia. I'm in Los Angeles, but just wanted to point out that we learned that it's pronounced Kans, Kans. Kans. There you go. So now everybody now, I'm gonna fuck it up every time. Guess what? Don't care. Okay, everybody, thanks so much for being here for Below Deck down under.

All right, it's great to be here. Not sure why Bravo is force feeding us two episodes a night again of Below deck? Oh, I have a theory. I have a theory I hatched a theory My theory is that I don't know when below deck med is coming back But my theory is it's supposed to come back like in September or so like early September and my theory was that below deck sailing yacht was supposed to run through the summer because what was about three or four weeks where they doubled it up, right? So that's basically like three or four episodes.

So my theory was that below deck sailing yacht was going to spread out over the course of the summer, then have reunions, and then go to below deck med. But now then they decided, hey, let's take below deck down under off of peacock and put it on Bravo. So they had to wedge it into their schedule. So the way they wedged it was by shortening the sailing yacht season by doubling up and then also shortening some of the down under season and maybe pushing

med back a few weeks. So my theory is they're sort of like doing an accordion thing with these shows to make it all fit. Based on nothing, just a thought I had. I think that that makes total sense. I will go in with you on that. If we were at a table, I would put some money down next to you. Because otherwise, if down under does a full season, then

med may not come up until November. And then regular blowback doesn't come up for many more weeks after that. So then it's more than a year before certain franchises come back consistently. Although they haven't had a problem showing two franchises at the same time, they had adventure and Mediterranean, I think, on or regular blow deck, regular blow deck,

on at the same time, but that's my theory. Well, I know that they're listening, just kidding, they're not listening, but if they were, guys, not two hours in a row, put one on one night, one on the other. You've got a plant. You've got New York you've got you've got things to break it up like Everything's front loaded into the week give us us give us a nice

Wednesday Thursday below deck that's fine. Yeah, too on a road just feels a weird like this is a weird show to bancha unless you're like cleaning your house You know what I mean? This is not like breaking bad. Okay, I don't need multiples. Now that said, super fun episodes. And I love Below Deck Hunter. I love Below Deck. Yeah, it's great.

I love it. So I haven't watched the second episode yet. I'm gonna watch that tonight. But I am excited to see the second episode because I have no idea who the new Deccan does gonna be, but my theory based off of the caps lock text messages that Captain Jason received is my theory that's gonna be Culver.

So I'm excited to see if that comes from. I was Culver a big caps lock. I just feel like he is. I feel like he's like, hey, Cap, hey, I was in Maryland. And you said, come on over. I said, sure, life of the party, I'm cold. Yeah, those, uh, Cap's locks messages really are frightening. They're frightening.

There's a lot. You don't, you see people like that typing and comments online, you know, like whether it be on the Facebook or wherever, and you know that person is just fucking crazy or incredibly stupid, just stay away from them. Yeah, or they're one of those people who's like, oh, I started writing in Caps Lock, and so I just finished this sentence in Caps Lock.

And you're like, but like just turned it off and like start over, like after like three letters, you know, you know you're in Caps Lock, and then you just start over, like three letters, you know, you know, you're in Capslock and then you just start over like why are you know, have you met people like that? We're like, Oh, I was in Capslock, so I just wrote the whole thing in Capslock. Yeah, but all the time, like every messaging Capslock. Yeah, the first time I ever went on AOL, you know, they had

chat rooms. I mean, this is like a zillion years ago when that came out. I went on there. I was like, I've chat room. There's people that you talk to. And so I was in one of those and they were like, turn off your caps. And I was like, I've chatt'rome, there's people that you talk to, and so I was in one of those, and they were like, turn off your caps. And I was like, but I just wanted to be noticed. Oh, well, that's different. At least you're honest about that. I wanted people to see, because it goes so fast, you know, and I'm very

loud and real life. And they're like, you're yelling. I was like, but I yell in real life. And I was like, no, stupid. No one will talk to you on the internet. Okay, no, I know that I sound ignorant, but that was 20 something years ago guys. Come on. Yeah, let's do let's do better. Let's do better possibly Culver whoever you are But today we are with these awful guests that open the season Brandon Crystal Carmen in crystal, Carmen, just nobody's great. Nobody's being great today.

Carmen is probably the best. Leslie. Carmen actually is the best, I would say. I would say no, Rhoda is the best. Rhoda. Rhoda, no one likes Rhoda. I don't even know how Rhoda got on this, but no one will talk to Rhoda or be nice to her. She's just some lady. I think she's like the only single ticket buyer, and they were like, we'll just wait for some people to put you on with, hey Rota, your time's up, let's go Rota.

She's like, okay, I'll just go wherever you guys send me with whoever. Yeah, but Carmen, you know, I feel like Carmen was pretty good because she seemed like, she seemed really embarrassed, and I feel like that's always a good quality in someone who's like a charter like a primary

You know be like oh, yeah my my friends are terrible. I'm aware of this I'm mortified on on behalf of them you know because there are some people who just are not embarrassed like the Johnny Damon's of the world etc So I like that about Carmen Yeah, so Let's see soon we end we start where we ended, which is where Brandon and Crystal have jumped into the water even though they've been told Montau and Luke has gone to bed before he was supposed to.

And so Laura has to come deal with it. And she's like, oh, you jumping through water, now party time is over time. I don't have to capten time, now time. So she goes and gets to captain and he's made them get out and now they're claiming that they have not jumped in the water and he just said, get out of there. You're going back and branding went, oh fuck off bitch. And then we see like the title card and we come back and then branding clarifies us, no,

no, no, no, I didn't mean like fuck off. I meant like, ugh, I feel bad. I'm sorry. I was like, oh, okay, nice save that literally made no sense. It kinda does. I think that's kind of a gay thing. I mean, I've definitely been in situations where they're like, oh my God,

Ronnie, you just ran me down in a crosswalk and I'm like, oh my God, fuck off. You know, I'm writing or I don't really mean like, you fuck off, like, you're like his broke, and you're bleeding out of your eye and it's my fault. Not fuck you, but more like, oh God, fuck off me. Yeah, I did actually recently have to unfortunately go to a funeral and I was like, oh my God, I am so fuck off about your loss. So, you know.

Then would you like to say something for your cousin's funeral? Fuck off. I'm just like fuck off. You meant that with that. Bitch. So but then Crystal goes, well, we did not swim and Brad, because we did swim. We did, like Crystal, you're dripping wet right now. Cause the camp is like, you're rolling down a hill now. Now you're just rolling down a hill. So we didn't swim and he goes, all right, you know what, all you have to do is go to sleep.

And we're good, okay. And Crystal's holding an unlearned cigarette, sitting down. And Brad, I'm just like, okay, okay, we're gonna shut this down right now. He just put the alcohol down. And the crystal goes, actually, could we have one more round of champagne? He was like, no, be a don.

Where's the Quarantine Trouble Batch? Where in Drop-All? And again, as a reminder, Crystal is the one who put honor preference sheet that she is not drink, mocktails only. Yeah, so she's apparently she drinks. She drinks. So the captains like, I don't want to ruin a charter,

but I'll wander them. And if they go back into the water, that's their choice. I'll go back to the marina and call it all off. So finally everyone goes to bed just before 3am. And now it's the morning and Sarina still does not have her suitcase and it's just like I'm in poor thing Let me while I know everyone's awake on the yacht because I can hear Asia

I'm Paris for Harry's Frank for B.O. and he's like, I don't want you to love, what are you love for me? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. They can Harry even put on deodorant without cracking himself up like that. Like, I've never seen somebody literally gaffaw at everything, like Harry. Yeah.

I know. It's too bad Asha is actually in love already because they're very over-enthused. They really are. They're very excited about everything. And Adam goes, but you know what? Adam's enthusiastic too. He goes, oh, it's so cool that you're Australian. I mean, I love the way you talk.

That's hysterical. Wow. Australian. I want to go there someday. We see a picture of Adam, small kid in front of the statue of Liberty. And he's like growing up, we lived in an apartment under the train and I watched his movie called Kangaroo Jack. And it was about two guys from Brooklyn who went to Australia.

I was wanted to go to Australia. Kangaroo Jack. Kangaroo. How many lives has Kangaroo Jack changed? You know. This is a wonderful new twist on the below deck backstory. I mean, how many lives has Kangaroo Jack changed? This is a wonderful new twist on the below deck backstory. The Kangaroo Jack origin story. I got here because I saw a movie about a Kangaroo

and two guys from Brooklyn going to talk to that Kangaroo. Wow, it's my light stream. Cause I keep waiting for his trauma. Like at first I thought he was to be like growing up in Brooklyn. We lived in an apartment. And I was like, oh, shut up. Everybody lives in an apartment. It's fucking New York, dude.

But he didn't. Then he was like under the train. And I was like, but there's trains everywhere. Stop your fucking crime, but he didn't cry. Yeah. It all led to Kangaroo Jack. After all that, I was like, did you leave your child at Kangaroo Jack? And never go back for them because did you do heroin at Kangaroo Jack. After all that, I was like, did you leave your child at Kangaroo Jack and never go back for them?

Because did you do heroin at Kangaroo Jack? I need some below deck storylines to kind of dovetail with this. I definitely started to paint a picture of my mind of Adams, you know, chocolate home under the bridge, whereas like he and his family have that, like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory bed, where all the brothers and sisters and parents

are just like in one bed together, like head to toe. And it's like growing up, we had one bed and we slept under a bridge and we had friends with mice. And I would sneak out and go see Kangaroo Jack and I thought that's where I wanna go someday. Yeah, that's what you think they're leading to, but it's not a sad story at all. You know, he's just like, yeah, it's like,

yeah, it's like Kangaroo Jack. So Harry's like, oh my God, I love that you love that. That is so sweet. So then Jason opens up a door and goes, hey, Aisha, did I tell you the other dude just didn't make a flop. She can't be here for two more days. She goes, oh you joking.

So actually I am. She's on a way here. And they start cracking up. So then the loot comes into the wheelhouse and he's like, oh hey, it's here. And then he sees the captain space and his smile just drops. He's like, oh, Jason's like last night we had guests go in the water, which I had to get welcome up for. Did joking like that joke about the steel I heard you tell in the hall, why a good one kept in love that humor?

Luke actually goes, you mean after we went down, he goes, yes, after you went down, I was up until three or four in the morning with that one. And looks like, what if you're really bad? We hit the grand run and you know, we're short staff we're trying to work through. Do you want to leave someone up until maybe like two?

And he told you to leave somebody up. Why are you acting like you're coming up with this problem-solving idea of leaving somebody up until two? Not until two. You'll leave them up until the guests are down. Sure. Exactly. Jason's like, well, like I said before, keep someone up late, I'd have support for all of the stews. So Luke is like, oh, man, all I've been at Baeusin for two and a half

years. It's not should have known. But other than that, yes, you should have. That's correct. And I like, by the way, when he says we had two people go in the water and he goes, after we all went down, like, of course, what? Like, as opposed to when you guys were awake and saw it. And like, of course, of course, it was after we all went down. Like as opposed to when you guys were awake and saw it, and of course, of course it was after you went down. Yeah, you dummy. No one's falling for this Luke, okay? Yeah. Okay, so then I know we're not supposed

to body shame fish, but I'm gonna do it. There is this fish, we get this close up of this fish with a five head. I've never seen a bigger five head. Oh yeah, on anything. It's this huge five head fish and she's got the dumbest smile on its face. It's like, and it's in the shallow water and I was like, are you in the shallow water because you're getting bullied in the deeper water? Get out of the shallow water. You fucking five head fish. Get out.

I'm trying to remember what type of fish that is. I know what type it is. It's an animal crossing too. It's like a very like standard. It's not a Napoleon fish. It may have been a Napoleon fish, but I agree. I feel like I feel like it needs to just like go away. You know what? It wasn't even that it had a five head. What do I care about the size of your head? Look at me. I have a head like Charlie Brown. It wasn't the size it had a five head like what do I care about the size of your head? Look at me. I have a head I have a head like Charlie Brown It wasn't the size of the head. It was just the goofy smile when I'm like Do you understand that Luke just went to bed when customers were awake? What are you smiling about? Well, because it's gossiping to everyone well

It's happy because it's the first time it actually has gossip because it normally has the worst stories and it's like does you know that fish has the worst. And so it's like, oh, I got a good one today. But like, unfortunately, like a scallop already told the story so everyone knows. Like, um, you guys, you guys have the best story. A guy works on that boat went to bed too early. I'm not kidding you. I'm not kidding you. Sorry, Scala Party told us. Sort of old. She's also, he doesn't take the most fun parts of the story. He just tells you the dumb part. Like someone went to bed early.

That's not the fun part. You missed, he actually doesn't even know there's a whole other part of the story. He's like, you guys, they didn't stay up all night. all night like oh is that why the guests went in the water like drunk It's like wait what happened like you're gonna get you don't even know the good gossip Five headfish Don't tell him about the party in the deep Scalp says do not let him know okay scallops having a rage So marita, um, marita, uh, that's that.

Serena. Serena. Marita. We have a listener named Marita. Hi, Marita. Um, maybe that's what I was thinking, which is super weird. I must have been reading the Facebook group or something. I'm like, Marita really has something to say today. But Serena is, uh is making lobster crab pennies, which I take to mean lobster and crab pennies,

not lobster or crab pennies. But apparently, Aisha hears lobster and crab pennies, and it never becomes a storyline, and I just don't understand why. I feel like the five head walking around. Like, my only person who thinks this is fascinating. Wow. Wow. So, well, yes. So, Zarina, I wish I had heard that detail because I probably would have been right there with you. I've been like, guys, she said it was two different types

of bennies, but then Asia conflated them into one. And like, why would you have a lobster and crab bennie? No, it's the opposite. I thought Serena was saying, yeah, I'm making a lobster crab Benny's. So I would think that was a psychosephute Benedict. And then Aisha goes out and she's like, would you like lobster? Would you like crampy Benny's? You can have lobster.

Oh, you can have crampy. Pre-Pay's. And I was like, oh my God, now she's gonna make her separate the lobster and the crap from Benny's. But it wasn't a story. It's a good, yeah, a logistical issue. But actually, what I would also, I thought- I was just drowning over here.

I'll tell you what I thought was gonna be a story with Zarbina saying, like, well, I'm trying to make this thing, but I can't find the cheese grater. And then, um, and basically, Asha's like, oh, here it is. And so I thought it was gonna come a thing about, like a power play about how Asha is gonna be like, I don't know what's going on with his chef. She doesn't know where the cheese grater is.

And it's right there in the counter. Like how do you not see the cheese grater? I can't. But it's not. As should just nose for everything is. So Serena's like, I'm usually very organized, but this guy is very different because there's just no way to put anything. I was like, there is apparently a place to put a cheese grater because that's where I should have had it. So, yep. I don't want a cheese grater, shame, yeah, but guess you know, it's a lot about

shame today. Five-head shaming cheese grater shaming. Learn where your cheese graters are, people, okay? Also, why aren't there potato graters? Why do we have to grate hash browns with cheese graters? I mean, I- I mean, I- I-I-I person just call it a box grater, and that way, none of the veggies or food items

feel left out, you know. I want to do it. Really? I-I do not like a box grater and that way none of the veggies or food items feel left out. You know, I want to do it. Really? I do not like a box grater. They're too big. They take up too much space with your fucking box and then you have to clean inside the box, put your hand inside the box to clean it. Just put in the dishwasher.

Take care of everything. I'm all for a box grater. You can just push down on it. Wait, what type of grater do you have? Is it like the long, the slide? Not the slide though. You know, it's not really a good answer that's gonna make up for the box grater

because it doesn't. Now I have multiple ones. I have a zester. Yes, of course. I have a garlic specific garlic smushers, zester thing. Then I have a, a I have a flat grater, but it has two different holes, ones for like parmesan cheese

and the others for bigger parmesan cheese, probably. And then I have a small mandolin that I do the slice for the grating for. So I have like, what is that? Four or five. So it's like in my experience. Am I probably not? Probably. I can't, mandolins have never really been able to make mandolins work. Am I? Probably not. Probably.

I can't. Mandalins I've never really been able to make mandalins work and I'm convinced that if I tried too hard I'm gonna slice off my fingers. So I've just decided all mandolin, mandolin things go in a food processor for me. I'm a small mandolinner. Yeah. A small handheld mandolin. I don't do the big ones that you have to like put on a stand and then you're going

to do that. No, that's too much. No, too much, yeah. Yeah. So, at much, yeah. Yeah. So, Luke, the point is that Zarya Shodna where the she's greater is and that fish down below has a better gossip. It's time for commercial.

It's time for a crap and commercial. So, Luke is talking to the deckies and he goes, did you know that brand in Win Overboard at 2 AM this morning and they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, really? So basically Luke says, yeah, Laura had to go wake up the captain. And Adam's like, wow, that's a full-ass man overboard. I'll tell you who would not have allowed that. Kangaroo Jack, God, he's awesome.

Kangaroo Jack, that's right. And so Leslie wakes up and who's Leslie? Can't Grujaq got in so awesome can Grujaq. That's right and So Leslie wakes up and who's Leslie? Leslie Laura maybe Okay, there's more wait up and yeah Laura. I'm sorry. It's only that second episode takes me a minute Sometimes to get their names although I feel like I know everybody on this one already better Apparently you don't cuz I'm calling somebody. Oh, Leslie is the older queen. That's who Leslie is. Oh, wait, was it Stacy?

Was there Stacy and a Leslie? Oh, I don't know. I just thought it was a guy with a kind of a feminine name. So I went with Leslie, maybe another guy. Would you say his name is Jenna Stacy? Stacy. I thought his name was Roberta That's name is Stephanie

So Aisha is telling Laura The news to it's gonna be here any Main to be known during break this day So my friend again before we did break this and further indicated her before we did break. This is breakfast is not annoying. Laura is talking about how she's, she, I love being chief of stew because you're on the show. I also, you know, like because my experience in hospitality,

you know, with restaurant with one table, is very, very high. I don't do shortcut. And we knew, we knew that Laura was gonna come in here and start immediately undermining Aisha because she's been chiefs Steve before Steve before right yeah, and so she's already doing it where she's like But the guests are sitting there are guests sitting that the guests don't eat when they sit and she's like And so Laura's like yeah, that's what I love being chiefs to and then we see picks of her cosplaying as chiefs to I don't know That I believe that she's been a Chief Steu.

Because now... I've never seen a Chief Steu take pictures like this. She has one where she's like, cross-legged sitting on the edge of the boat with the glass of champagne, like, look at the meat, Chief Steu already to serve. I'm like, you just wait until the Chief Steu goes to bed and then you start cosplaying as Chief Steu

all around the boat and take pictures of it. I kind of believe that. Or I'm also open to a theory where she just has learned how to make her family's famous stew. It's like, okay, Laura, you're ready. You're now the chief of the stew. She's like, that's right. She's stew.

I'm not a chief stew, but they do stew. Oh. So now the decades are gonna go put up a flag and Harry talks about how he has knowledge and brains because he's he's hasn't worked on a yacht like this before But he's worked with his brother on a boat and does all the lines himself. He's a good little boy Yeah, he's like I caught the brains that's for sure So then Laura brings some juice to the table for the guests and bring some juice to the table for the guests. And guy, his name is not Leslie, is like,

guys, you really hustle yesterday. We drank so fast. Thank you so much. You did a good job. I really just want to get across that there. It's a good game. I'm the spot. Okay.

Let's tell your friends. Tell five head down there. It was a good game. I'm the spot. You tell all the scouts. So Laura's like, well, your friends stayed up late and ended up being in the water. So we almost had the problem. My God.

Don't that's not don't do that. What are you tattletailing for? What are you starting to ship for? Yeah. So like, okay, fine batch. So now everyone, more people are showing up for breakfast and Crystal wants champagne. She's like, um, when mine is empty, that means refill, okay?

That's what that means. Like as a classic friend who was brought along on the boat who was gonna make life hell for the service people. Literally snapping her fingers, how dare you? Go back in the water and wait for a reef shark. That's what I say. They should have left you in there. So, Asha's like, she goes, she tells Asha, yeah, I need champagne when I wake up in the morning. 515 would be a good time. And

Asha goes, oh, okay, whatever, we up at 515, but I'll do whatever you want to say how high. Asia's like, no. Yeah, so that's ridiculous. And you won't be up at 5.15 AM. Itch. So now the news do is arriving. It's Margot. And the guy she's brought to the boat by Charlie Hunnam, by the way. Ha-ba-ha-ba-ha-ba-ha-ba.

She's Margot is fun. She's like a young bunny. And the guy she's brought to the boat by Charlie Hunnam by the way, Ha-ba Ha-ba Ha-ba Ha-ba Ha-ba Geez. Margot is fun. She's like a young Bonnie Hunt. She sounds like Bonnie Hunt. Kind of looks like Bonnie Hunt. She does.

She looks exactly like Bonnie Hunt. She just needs the glasses and the little bob. And she literally has her voice. You know who I thought she was? I thought she looked like the girl from the Americans who's now on the diplomat, Kerry Russell from Felicity. I thought she was Kerry Russell like a young Kerry Russell about the curly hair. But Bonnie Hunt today.

I think she's Bonnie Hunt. I think Bonnie's exactly. She literally sounds like Bonnie. Her voice is the exact same as Bonnie Hunt. And she looks like she's literally like, if you've ever wondered, God, what was Bonnie Hunt like when she was like 27? Just like, just turn on below deck. That is such a good call.

She's also got like a certain dryness like Bonnie Hunt or she has a very, she does an act very serious but she's got a very serious look in her eye, you know? Yeah, she's got like that Midwestern, like the dry Midwestern thing going on, you know? So she shows up on the boat, she's got like that Midwestern, like the dry Midwestern thing going on, you know? Yeah, so she shows up on the boat. She's like, oh, look at this, it's a boat. And Luke is like, the women on this boat, it's dangerous. Like my longest relationship was four years. And I ended up fucking it up real bad because she wanted me to change and settle down. And I wound up tapping out

because I didn't want to be the guy knowing the law and every Saturday because I was told you That's not me. I absolutely will not do what I'm told to do anyway time to take some orders from the captain and serve the guests So it's Margot from Wisconsin. It's just like So, when you work before you can't meet him. She's like, I worked for Amazon in a warehouse. No windows. And I wrote up descriptions for all the new products coming in. And it sucks. I feel like I'm screaming.

Am I screaming? That's how you get to stocking Amazon. Yeah, it was real fun. You know, I got to do some on the job training with Frances McDormick, which is preparing for her role. That was a blast. God, I had so much fun with her. It turns. It turned into yachting about six months ago, because I really wanted a job where I could travel.

And that left Greyhound bus driving, which, you know, I'm not going to do that flying. Really don't like layovers. Or, boats and I was like I could drown on that Sounds fun. So today chose These were I am so She tells us she's also like She's really insecure. She's like on my last boat. You know my chief's too was so anal about everything So now I'm scared to take initiative, which is annoying, you know, but I've always been really insecure, so I always think I'm doing a bad job.

Never did I feel that more than when I filled out a product description for Lamp at Amazon and told everyone it was actually a sneaker. God, they were not happy with me then. I was gonna say, maybe you're not insecure, you're just really honest with yourself because I've come across some really poor descriptions on Amazon's website.

So, no. Maybe you think you're bad at your job because you're bad at your job. Also, you can't even say initiative. She goes, and real scared to take initiatives. Come on now. Yeah, scallop, scallop is like, oh my God, that bitch doesn't even know

how to say the word guys So The captain is telling Luke that the guests have a scuba diving trip coming up and it's gonna take an hour to get there So bring in that swim ladder, which is very important guys Yeah, bring in that swim ladder Luke, okay. I've wrote it right here. He told you Bring it in this fucking show though because there's so many red herring and that swim ladder, Luke, okay? I've wrote it right here, he told you. Bring it in. This fucking show though, because there's so many red herrings,

because it's always like, bring in that swim ladder. Make sure you bring in that rope. Hey, tie down that shoe. Oh, also over there, there's a box. Make sure the lid is on, so you're like, what's it gonna be? What's gonna be the drama?

Where's it gonna happen? What's gonna go wrong? It's like white lotus, for an animate object. it gonna be? What's gonna be the drama? Where's it gonna happen? What's gonna go wrong? It's like white lotus for inanimate objects. What's the thing that's gonna be destroyed? Yeah, I'm just prepared to take notes for two and a half hours. I'll just sit here with some, a lot of drinks and just, I just know it's gonna be press pause, press pause.

You never know what's gonna be important. So Harry is telling Adam there's a cute new stewardess and it's like it's the funniest joke in the world because then after he says that he's like, so then we cut to Margot and she's like, this skirt's a little short. I mean, crutches like out. Geez. You know, I let me just say this, um, luxuriate in a skirt that is so short that your vagina will feel like it's in the Alps. Okay, just present. That would probably be good for a few sales. You know what I'm saying? So, uh, yeah, so the anchor came, it comes up in everything and the guest

are like sort of squabbling again. Did you talk about this the quit? I mean, it's so hard to know. But I have something to ask. Do you think just drop an anchor on a reef or am I just seeing things wrong? I'm not sure what are considered important reefs and what are considered like maybe already dead reefs. I don't know, but they kept cutting to it.

And I was like, I don't think, I don't think that's good what you just threw that anchor down on. And the camera just keeps panning back to it. I'm like, yeah, I feel like you guys are going to the very least get a ticket. Knowing Captain Jason, they definitely just plunged a hole through the great barrier roof. It's definitely like it was a restaurant for fish. He was interviewed on fish news later Well, I'm glad everyone got out of the way that ready for loss control that anch it was a muffled Yeah, we hear something plop into the water and we're like what was that?

Okay, so then crystal is at the table and she's like okay everybody I guess I can be a little extra at times. And Leslie's like, that was dangerous what you did. That was beyond extra, that was dangerous. And Carmen's like, yeah, you could have died. And then Crystal's like, oh, really? Are you gonna start with me again? Don't do this to me again.

I do not wanna have them melt down. Like here, but you're on the wrong again. You're still on the wrong man. Carman's like, we've been talking to a know that a so then Margo is like, she's making a way through the boat and she meets Jason. So Jason's like, well, welcome aboard with a great great ship here. If you see some great barrier brief, feel free to destroy it in any way you possibly can. And well, good luck to you. By the way, I should mention, you are currently standing on a refurbished 1977 the fishing troller. It was completely redone.

It's an expedition boat now. And if you forget, I'll be sure to tell you in about five more minutes. So let's see here. Luke and Margot are in the mess. Okay, so she meets Adam and the mess Luke's hair and Luke immediate, it's like, you single? She's like, yeah, yeah, I'm, it goes,

good girl. God, this guy's so fucking gross. Oh, this guy was gonna be gross. I know, like right off the bat, so she goes, well, are you single? And he goes, yeah, it's good to be single around these neck of the woods. I was like, well, could you not sound more predatory?

He's like, you know, kidding. Like, hello little girl. Seriously. So Adam's like, oh yeah, he's single. Single-minded. Yeah. Fist bump to just fist bump myself. Like, one guy from Brooklyn to the other guy

from Brooklyn and Kangaroo Jack. Sometimes you gotta be your own friend from Brooklyn. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, we call that under the bridge, you know. So, Harry's like, say where you from? Because he's like really Lankin, his hands are like going everywhere at once. And Mark was like, oh, I'm from Wisconsin.

And he's like, oh, he's like, where's that? And she's like, United States of America. He goes, oh, is that Nea Brooklyn? She's like, ah, okay, so you're the purve, you're the idiot. Now, a blind guy who seems to like Kangaroo Jack, what's your vibe? And Adam goes, oh my God, what's going on? There's more like 9,000 miles from Brooklyn. Come on, she's like, okay, so you're all idiots.

Great. Yeah, it's she just goes, hmm. So they dropped the anchor, possibly on a family of reefs. And then Lauren, Margo, GoGa, makes some beds, and everything's quiet on the boat. Okay, so Adam is bringing in the tender, and Harry is like, wait a minute. Something's missing.

The swim ladder's gone, it's not. That's not good. Ha ha ha ha ha. Adam's like, oh my God, what happened to it? No one brought it in, that's what. Swing, move the snap toft, not, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, Yes, you can't do everything who cares that you're a man down. It's a ladder. Yeah, someone got fired a Bravo because you know there was a moment where someone said, do we have a GoPro on the swim ladder? Do we have any footage? Do we not do a GoPro there? We didn't put a GoPro there? Who the fuck did not put a GoPro there?

Okay, Jordana, you're fired. It was pretty, but Jordana is like, put I left one on the balcony where you heard the prop and you sing something splash, but we don't know what it is. Do we, Jordan? Jordan, how are we going to have footage where we gray out the entire screen and put a little white highlighted part

on the screen of the ladder breaking off? How are we going to do that? Without a GoPro. On the ladder, Jordan, I get the fuck out of my face. So Luke comes down and he's like, what's good? And they're like, uh, Adam's like, so we didn't bring up the swim ladder, so we snapped off, so we're just gonna have to order

a new swim ladder. That day, we're under, we're understaffed, we're sure it's staffed, that's it, that's what you gotta do. Order another one. Love the Adam is just like ordering room service in the middle of the ocean. Sorry. He's really comfortable with mediocrity. So Jason's like, well, I'm pretty worried about the deck crew. I mean, Luke is messed up twice and I understand we're a deck hand down, but this isn't an annoying fuck up. And you know what, when I'm

the captain, we need to have the very best crew, because who knows when I'm in the creation to something next. Now listen, we can't have damage, we can't have what happened last night, you need to fix it. Looks like, yeah, but we can just use the tender ladder, it's the same size. Jason's like, fix it. So then we go to Luke and Harry talking, Luke's like, the lesson for us is to look. No, the fucking lesson for you is to listen to the captain, sir. He told you bring in the ladder and you didn't bring in the ladder, Luke.

It's just as simple as that. So, yeah, Adam's like, well, you know accidents happen when you're a man down, which God, don't you love when your ship is just sinking in the middle of the ocean? Isn't that what you want to hear from your for the deque? Well, sorry that we lost the boat and we're probably all gonna drown out here, but accidents happen. Yeah, excuse me. So looks like oh my god, I've already made too many mistakes in front of the captain. Not good. I'm here to make money so I can surf, paraglides, guide, dive, travel the world and have fun. Is that three strike policy, Matt? Third strike?

felony, gel, life and prison. Sorry, that was the busch one, wouldn't that? Forget. Does happen on the third strike. Turkey? No, it's three. Structs. Three. Good things in a row. Let me just give you a ski over to the new girl. But I'm going to keep my eyes open real wide, not blank. I'll tell you that much. That's when you knew you couldn't trust him. His eyes. His unblinking wide, Homer Simpson eyes. So then Brandon, now the the gay from last night who was in the in the water. He is now put on his kind of like little boy voice.

He's like, Captain, I just wanna apologize. Sorry. So sorry. The time is my little boy voice. Mom, I'm starving for some milk. What's your bring out, Tammy? I'm so sorry, Captain. Like, oh my God, I just wanna apologize.

On behalf of dumb bitches like Crystal. We don't know how we bring her on board. So sorry. Oh, it's all good. You did the right thing eventually. All right. At least she didn't leave a, uh, later in fucking hell. Got damn idiots.

I'm stuck with safety first, idiocy second. So the captain tells Aisha, he's like, imagine if I had to go round a polar joisting to everyone after every time, I'm always drunk, let me start cracking up. So Aisha then tells Laura that tonight, the theme is Mulan Rouge. And deck.

I'm a joke, so awful. Basic, bad chest. I'm sorry, it was great, Gatsby, taken. Seriously, oh my goodness. Mulan Rouge, mediocrity. Gatsby taking seriously. Oh my goodness. Milan Rouge, mediocrity, Gatsby. Okay. Moulin Rouge, I'm sorry, by the way, he did that movie. He did it.

You know, we've gone off on this and people really get upset. So there are some real Moulin Rouge lovers in this crowd. People love Moulin Rouge. I'm just here to say to everyone. It's bad movie. So Sorry, this is the true telling true telling right now, but I just remember kind of rooting against Nicole Kavryan She's like and she was bleeding and I was like, oh, just take her just take her Have I got a real job don't swing around on that trapeze over all those men and top hats, okay? Get a real job, get a job.

So they're gonna dress up as can-can girls for this, and it's just like, oh, Nora, are you any by any chance are you a dancer? And she's like, oh yes, I've been a dancer for 15 years. So you know we can do this. I was like, she's done everything for 15 years, right? Like every time they ask her something. She has the biggest resume of anybody I've ever seen.

And I love that she claims to have done everything, but Margot can't do anything. Cause first, Aisha is like, well, Margot, you're new to you, dance. And she's like, no, but I've raffled me. It's literally all I've ever done in written descriptions of me for Amazon. So, you know, I did once have to do a jig at the county fair

for cheese curds, but it wasn't well received and I wound up in a dunk tank. So I would say no, I'm not much of a dancer. I'm, yeah, Laura, it's like I was professional dancer for 15 years. And it's just like, really? And she's like, yes, we follow each other like that. If you get something for us to dress, we dance.

You do like this. Da da da da da da da for two more cans. I'm sorry. It's impossible so It's just like Asia's already ordered dresses Miland Rouge dresses and meanwhile this is where Jason gets his first text message from Like future decand and he's like are you available and the decans like in all caps? I'm available right now. I don't know if it's Culver, but I definitely heard it in Culver voice.

Yeah, that definitely is Culver voice. I'm the fun, I'm the president of fun. So Adam is on the tender and he's like, whoa, this is insane, bro. I don't know, I don't know why I hit that down. Laura is teaching Amargo how to do mirrors and she's like, here's what you do for Mir. You put hot water. I have been putting hot water on mirrors for 15 years. So I am as polished potato. Do you know how to make stew? So Margo, meanwhile, like the, some of the got, this

is like the guys go off to go scuba diving, but the girl's hang back to get drinks. And then Margo is just cleaning it, because well, I just want to get acquainted with this vacuum cleaner. Let's see how I describe it. The Ergo, Ergo Rap, you know, a stick vacuum cleaner has three modes battery operated sleek design and also can be put into a blender. Well, maybe not 100% accurate description, but it'll do. I like that Marga talk store itself because she's I don't know. I think she's really cute and she's looking for a trash bag and she's like trash bag trash. March, it's right here. I love that. I love that she calls herself merch. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and it's commercial. So Ace is pouring wine and Crystal's like where's my wine? So God these people suck, she sucks. So then we hear Laura and she's like on the radio. She's like

bad news Aisha. I'm in provisions for party, no, can't address. And Aisha's like, we're just gonna have to make do, right in the middle of the ocean, right now. I cannot dance if I'm not have outfit fixed. Laura, it so turns out, is a can-can artist, and she needs extreme accuracy for this 30-second dance she'll be doing for a bunch of wasted idiots in the dining room. So Aisha, texted for a fisherman, she's like, can we get can-can-can open for this 30 night?

Can you believe someone's requesting it? And of course, I need to know how these provisioners work because they can do it. I'm shocked at the amount of random things these provisioners have to send out to the boat at all times. Like whether it's a can- can dress or like, do you happen to have a Macau parrot that's alive and potentially knows how to sing Christmas caros? They're like right on the way. I'm like, how did you do that? So then Mark was opening the dryer. She's like, God, where are you not trying? Issa, issa,

marriage, marriage. Oh gosh, could you please show a girl how to do some laundry? Please. Yeah. And then meanwhile, the scuba diver, scuba divers are going to go scuba diving and Harry's with them and Harry's like, oh, you know what, I'm actually scuba diving certified to go down to 45 meters.

And guess what? I'm certified to breathe pure oxygen. So that's like pretty high in the scuba diving ranks. There a little bit. So I'll just let that sink in. No pun intended because I won't be sinking because I'm certified. So then Aisha brings more food out and Carmen's like, well, the first mistake you keep making is putting all this food in front of Ashley.

And Aisha's like, all this food in front of Ashley. And he, he's just like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, from their Scarab Eye Bling and they got some hot towels, a captain's joining for a dinner. Serena is telling us that it is French night. She's like, oh, little French foods. It's incredible cuisine. I was in the French Riviera for a bit, as a traveling chef there. As a chef, some of my best dishes I've done are traditional French, but I played it in my own way. So today the galley is going to be my bitch eh? Yeah I yeah you show that galley who's here when you plate that delicate French food like I'm putting a duck breast on a plate. Take that galley. So then Zarina says I'm nervous to cook for the captain because Thunny's going to be like oh no can I have this

you first of my life. I think I have to marry you then he's gonna be like, oh no, can I have this for my life? I think I have to marry you now. And I'll be like, okay, you know, I guess I'll marry you. Oh, can't wait to mount that motherfucker. We can get some more Harry spring as armpits. I don't know if they're setting up a long armpit storyline for Harry, but second time today,

I've learned to watch patterns on this show. Okay, Harry, bite stink. Yup. So the provisional comes and they bring the cam cam dress. And then meanwhile Luke asked Margot, yeah, by the way, I was really upset that that, I mean, it was good for the guests, I guess, to go the extra mile, but also like just wear regular dress, it's the same effect. I mean, on a yacht. So, Lugas, Margot to walk on his back. And so she does.

And Margot's like, well, I don't really have a type. I veated really ass-holy douchey boys who are like cocky and arrogant. And like, sometimes they're not even that cute, but like, there's just something about someone who's confident that's like attractive to me. I mean, well, I guess I haven't really dated anyone. I just really only date ass-holy guys's like attractive to me and I mean well I guess I haven't really dated anyone I just really only date asshole guys who are

terrible to me so I guess maybe that is my type yeah let's put him into you know we all have everything and looks like why you can crack it back and what else can you do what what do you like to drink just like ticky like it's, wow you just get better and better. So Harry's like, hi Margie. She's, oh Margie. Okay, I gotta think of a fun nickname for you now. That was Midwest for saying you're saying my name wrong. I'll get it right next time. Okay, so have a holder you. Have a hold. How old do you think I am? Well, I don't know. I guess we'll have older you. She goes, I'm 53. Is it really? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I think he goes, old, 30 I think.

Oh, also you think that 30 is old? He's like, oh, yeah, that's real old. Oh. So Margot, so then Harry's talking about how he's 64. But he tells girls that he's six, well, I'm sorry, he's 65,

but he tells girls that he's 64. Because 65 is too tall for girls, but 64 is absolutely perfect. And if you tell them that you're six four, you have a 50% chance of getting a guess or something. Maybe that's later. Yeah. So, um, Serena is talking to the stove. She's like, why aren't you working? So then, um, Laura and Margo are decorating, and Laura's like, uh, I, I want to be ready at 8.20 to refresh and see what we are going to wear for 9.30 performance. And she's like, oh, this looks gorgeous girls.

We have incentive to finish because we need to change. But you're quickly right. It's not half an hour's worth. Six hours, I changed. Six hours for cream kind of. Do not interrupt the Laura while she gets into character. So she tells us, I don't like dancing. I love dancing. I like to think about the details from A to Z.

And I need to allocate time to this. OK, I can't make pancakes without flour. I need to be Laura the dancer. So, she's like, well, we can't throw a big one for a while. So, if we could change quickly, that would be great. And Laura just goes, so please do not interrupt Laura's art

during her preparation times. So then Twyla? Oh yeah, Twyla Tharp, I get it. See, so people I can do. I can do Lion King, I can Billy Joel, give it to me, I can do it. I have Lion King choreographed for 15 years. So everyone's getting ready for this Mulan Rouge dinner and everything and Asha is like very excited about the Can Can dress. I believe her exact words are, I can't dress amazing.

Someone's like, oh my god, look at this. It's Mulan Rouge. And so they cheers and Brandon's like, um, are we going swimming later Captain? Kidding! Today was absolutely amazing. Do you got scuba diving to Captain? When? Where? How often? Speed, I were not. Do you got naked? I'm not going diving with him. Sok, really. He It's like I've been scuba diving the last 30 years. I guess, oh my God, you only look 31. So how does that work? You're one year or one. So now that now it's like first course being served. So all the staff comes in they're dressing along. Rouge brands like, okay, now ladies, let's get

information. And the guests are like loving the first course and everything. And- And Andy Hilton, it's the big potato with some caviar. Oh yeah, you're right. It's the classic, classic French potato and caviar combo. Classic KH.

Yeah, says Arrina's like, well you know what, I'm always striving to be perfect. And if I'm not, I destroy myself. In high school, there was a subject teacher that came in and I was spending extra time on the painting and he said to the main teacher, oh, this one must be a perfectionist and he just went, oh, not Zarina and I felt instantly discarded. I don't ever want to feel like that again, like someone painting a shitty painting and someone ruling their all is at it.

And she gives a scariest look to the camera. She's really like, I don't ever want to be discarded again. I was like, Jesus Christ, who hurt you? And last week, people were throwing dishes at your head. I think they were just trying to get away from you. You're terrifying. I'm not sure I even totally understood this story. Like, this one looks like a perfectionist. And then the other, the other of the main teacher said, not Zarina was the other one. Because it was, Zarina was a substitute teacher. So the, like, he didn't know Zarina.

So he saw her working real hard, and he said, oh, she must be a perfectionist, and the teacher who knew her was like, oh, no, got her. No, she's not a perfectionist. And so she's like, oh my God, calling me a non-per a perfectionist. And so she's like, oh my God, calling me a non perfectionist. I'm saying that professor was never seen again.

I am an absolute perfectionist and I won't do something unless I do it right. Oh, well, the doc's ever cooked. Oh, well. Whoops. So then, yeah, the doc is overcooked and someone complains, the lady, one of the ladies is overcooked and someone complains, the lady, one of the ladies is like,

this has too much chew and the cat is like, it is a little tough. And so then she lets Margot taste the cake thing that she's making, whatever that is. It's some sort of like hard moose or soft cake. It's really unclear what it really is. So Luke is asking Laura the breakdown of this whole cam cam thing. She's like, okay, here's how it goes. I come downstairs because I've been coming downstairs for 15 years. And then you follow, you all follow me and you do this. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da something, roda goes, Chrissy. Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, sh Chocolate Moose Cake is delivered and the captain's like, seems a bit missy because it is.

This really does look like poop and water. It looks like Switch. It's not well presented. I don't, I mean, it's, I don't know, how would you present that? Would you put it in like a little, maybe a glass or something? I would not make that.

It was, first of all, chocolate Moose Cake sounds like a cake, like a slice of cake. This was like clumps of poo poo. It was like white brownies in a soupy mixture. It was just now. It looked like manure, honestly. And so, like, I think if you're gonna do something like that, you put it maybe in a glass and then have like a nice clean layer of maybe whipped cream on top.

So it looks like sharp or I don't know, because like the, she sort of put like a bunch of whipped cream on it and then each plate had kind of like, look like dip in dots on it. It just was because like the she sort of put like a bunch of whipped cream on it and then each plate had kind of like looked like dip in dots on it. It just was it was not good. So Laura is taking forever to get ready of course right and she needs help with her dress and everything else and Chrissy is like I'm gonna go to bed now. I'm brand is like no you are not you are not we're are not. We're gonna talk.

So they go outside and he's like, I love you, but why are you coming for Carmen? And she's like, I'm not coming for her anymore. It goes, but then why are you coming for her at all? So he's like wanting to have his big, bravo mess moment, but now she's not in the mood. Right, and then Laura, meanwhile, is, she's like, okay, here's how we do this.

I don't want the guests to see me, could distract guests because it has to be surprised can can not always be surprised so it's just like Laura takes can can really Seriously, like I love the passion but Jesus It's almost like we're in a flirting circus but Jesus, it's almost like we're in a floating circus. Hello, can we get cocktails out here? We're having a very serious conversation about respecting time and can you guys get back

to the table because we have any time for you? I was like, oh my God, Batch. So then they go back and then I feel like Brandon and Chrissy are really trying to to tip the can, like they're trying to, they're like, okay, we're gonna help out, we're gonna help out. Hey, you know what I could use? Some music.

Come on in, come on in, music. We could use music, come on in, come on in. But Aisha's phone isn't connecting to the Wi-Fi so she can't Bluetooth it out. And so Chris is like, I just want to dance. So then Aisha ends up like pressing play on her phone and just turning it as loud as it'll go. And down comes Laura just alone doing her little can-can thing. And then the rest of the crew just kind of gathers around her, but doesn't really do it.

But the girl just acts like she just won the Nutcracker if that's it. Yeah. I mean, she had a nice job. It was nice. It was fun. I mean, I guess what she's saying is you need to have the cancand dress. You can hold it up to do the dance thing with your feet. But I think honestly, she could have gone down there and done a kick-line. And the guests would have just been perfectly happy. Yeah. Some criticisms about the performance, okay. That one person, Cam Cam, really just didn't work for me. I'm sorry. You can find the full review at the New York Observer and Metallica Reviews yacht performances.

Let's do a can-can and not a can-can. Okay, because that was between. That was in the world in between. So the captain's in the galley, he's talking to us to Renanne. He's like, so are you happy with that? She goes, I think so. You happy with it. He's like, well, I was happy with it. The the doc was a little bit tough. I'm just like, oh, so I was plating it. I was like, it shouldn't be that color. The captain's never going to want to marry someone who makes tough dog. Mariah, when the rest of it should be red, I knew that. Obviously, the dessert was sloppy presentation, which is how I'd like from resent all over

you. Mariah. And he's like, you know what, I was really happy that all the criticisms that she had were the ones that I had. You know, it's nice to see someone take accountability for the food that they make and not be a douchebag who blames it all on the customers. I was like, Sarmina really lucked out that the guy before her was that asshole from last season

because now, Jason's the manager so low, he's just happy that she's like, okay, cool, I'll work on that. Yeah, he's just like to have anybody there. So the guests go to bed, cleaning, let's see here, the serenade smelling her broad, she's like, you're gonna be warm tomorrow. And then let's see next day. Okay, let's just go to the next day, shall we?

So Harry and Adam are hugging in the morning, they're so cute. And Laura is sent to Laundry and the captain wants, so the captain has been requested to deliver a rose and like a rose in a kiss to Crystal in the morning. She wants to be woken up by a handsome man. Yes. And he's just like, I never had a guest request

to hand some y'all a crew to wake the man before. And so Jason's like, well, go to do what you gotta do. I guess request handsome Yard crew to wake them up before. And so Jason's like, well, got to do, he got to do. So he puts a rose in his mouth. And Anasia says, this one of those classic below deck wedging some weird backstory in here. Aisha's like, I grew up with a lot of brothers. And Jason is like a brother to me.

So like, you know, I like putting him in embarrassing situations where I can laugh at him, because you know, brothers. It's like, okay to me. So like, you know, I like putting him in embarrassing situations where I can laugh at him because you know, brothers, it's like, okay, sure. So, well, you know, I needed a lonely hands man to go down there. And then I don't know if you guys were watching the never before scene, but we were. And so we got the scene of Vlad Chad and Chad, the first, second, third officers on the boat just going Chad, the first, second, third officers on the boat just going, not to me. Last turns. Not to me. Last turns.

Not to me. I feel like five headfish. They're just standing there. They all have roses in their mouth, but just like arms crossed and serally like six, he, sexy wake up, call ready for you. And then, so it is kind of sexy now, I think about it actually. So Mimal's arenas cracking quail eggs and she's talking about how she's like, I love many stuff so much.

And then she's like, I know I just, you know, I want to be not just a pretty face, but a perfect but just saying perfect but take that oh teacher. So the guests love it and then Brandon, Brandon's like, oh my God, I love these quail eggs. My dad raises quail. I sweat a god. It's like you're a liar and that's a weird thing to lie about. So the captain's like Luke, Luke, swim a lot I ran and wrote as like, oh my God, Carmen thinks so much for inviting me. Did I sound sarcastic?

I'm gonna get a lot of sarcasm, can I? But seriously. Chris, he goes, sorry. Sorry. Chris, he goes, I was going to say, Chris, he goes extra, extra, read all about it. And Brandon's like, what are we reading? She goes, oh, you answered that. Like, oh, this is bad because you could fight, isn't it?

I mean, she goes, you didn't serve me yet. And he says, why am I the one serving? She goes, I might be on say. And he goes, you're drinking out of the bottle. That is so unclassy. I think your bitches are boring. So, Roto goes, well then, don't come out here. How about that?

You just got roaded. God, and Chris, he's like, I wanna have fun. And Brandon's like, no, no, no, no, I'm walking away from this, you messy bitches. And then they just start fighting for, like clearly just fighting for TV. They're so ridiculous. Clear this mess, you guys are lame.

So then Harry and Adam are in the mess. I'm not even giving those people my time, they're stupid. So Adam and Harry are in the mess. And Harry is like, you want a bit to eat to you? And Adam's like, I can't, I'll throw it up. I get seasick, bro. And they're like, but how did it, it's like, but how did you work on commercial ships in the sea of Wisconsin? If you got seasick and Adam's like, you know, I just throw up and I just move forward. It's worth the money. You know, my mom busted her ass to get me into a Catholic private school and my friends have Mercedes. And while they were talking about Mercedes,

I was concerned about the rising price of milk. So I just want to make sure my siblings are taken care of because every child should be able to watch Kangaroo Jack. It's like so sea sickness. You got to do what you got you gotta do except learn to swim. I know apparently. So then the captain tells us there's a tall eyed. The tide's gonna be pushing us. The wind's gonna push us back. The tide's gonna be pulling us. The wind's gonna be push. Pull, push, pull. One, rada. One singular rada sensation and so Luke like hi maugay could you be a roaming Fendi Gale which is unfortunately for her

Australian for want a bone tonight. So there's a real misunderstanding there I'm in brand is like we've been having an enjoyable breakfast And yeah, and then the boat is coming in there's like lots of like And then the boat is coming in. There's like lots of like, like danger energy, you know, Jason has to sail it. Yes, he's got to be on the steering wheel on the inside. It's not a wing station and there's got to be good communication and the one rudder and there's this tie, all that stuff.

And like, well, all this tense docking stuff is happening. It just cuts a brand new going, it's unacceptable, unacceptable. We are a no. Please, it's unacceptable, unacceptable. We are a no, please get away from me, Chrissy. So this is crazy, I guess. They're docking, docking. And they make it sound like, oh my God, they're gonna hit the other boats. But then you see them docking and I'm like,

you're the only boat. And there's one little tiny dock that you have to kind of pull up to. Why are they? Where are we crying over this one? Also, can we put the fenders out like before it's like two feet away? Can you just like, but how about just have fenders out? Just have them out. And then that way they have the stews holding the fenders and the

fenders. They really are hitting the dock and you hear those fenders. Laura's like, it is going to explode. I have been exploding f vendors 15 years ago. I know everything that is about exploding vendors. But guess what? It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's always fine.

Yeah, it's fine. So now it's time to leave. And Chris is like, oh, well, I guess, Chris he destroyed everything, huh? You know what? We are shut up and we are gonna continue to shut up. Well, it's hard to have a vacation. No, you tried a lot of things and we are not gonna get into it right now, but we are gonna get into it eventually. See, you better watch out, my dad raised whales.

So, now they all leave and Carmen's like, I'm so sorry Captain Jason for the characters here and I don't even know what this whole new like my dad, Ray Squales thing is so strange even for me. I think I'm going to stop being friends with these people. Anyway, here's some money by me. So they start cleaning, cleaning, cleaning and Serena is like, so Captain, are you going to take with are you taking that tub downstairs for me because I can get you one of the young ones to do It's like really one of the young ones. I'm doing it now

Young ones can't do this so then Meanwhile there's more cleaning and the Lord tells us I left Latvia as soon as I turned 18 I only had 200 euros and the paper with address of where I needed to go. Can, can, can. My grandmother and my mom said, should be back in two weeks, you know. Someone has to take care of this too. And you don't have to get no money. What can she do?

Well, I got five jobs and I came back, never. And Margot's like, wow, what a story. Well, one time I wore a foam cheesehead to a football game. That's bad as crazy as I get. What does this cheesehead have to tell me now? I've been from Magie for 15 years. You tell me now. Well, you can really see that cheesehead well

if you buy yourself a Neuroson 23-inch Earth Brown Rustic Ceramic Jar table lamp for bedroom living room, dining room office. With the beige taper drum shade, looks great, sounds great, feels great now. 20% savings, enjoy. So now it's meeting time. And here, Harry is cheering like a little kid when he hears the total $17,500, which sounded a little low to me. It sounds a little way.

We've been watching a lot of the low deck sounds low, but this is Australia, so I'm not really sure how conversion rates work. Who knows. And a lot of them seem to be very dumb people, so they may just not realize, which maybe is for the best. So now it's time Captain Jason has this thing,

the helmet award where he has a disco ball helmet that he gives to someone Who is fucked up basically? It's that you can do better award put nicely So if you wear it all the bad juju goes away allegedly so He pulls it out and he goes it has to go to the deck for losing the swim ladder and Luke has taken ownership of losing the swim ladder So guess what Luke you get the disco ball. Luke's actually really excited. He's like growing up. I was a troublemaker. I've never had a dead, never had anyone discipline in me, but I learned from I'm mistakes. The responsibility

and helmet form right now. I'm taking it. So, Zaryna, Suke still has not arrived. So that's that. And so Jason's like, so what are you going to wear out tonight? She goes, oh, I looked amazing in anything because I'm naturally beautiful, future husband. And then Laura sees Luke and she's like, you are going to wear helmet or hot. Are you going to do this? And he's like, yeah, I'm gonna get more dick sucked

with my helmet on. I'm gonna be the first one to do it. She's like, you're a disgust. Too much, too much. That is, I'm 15 years experienced in too much. Too much. So then Asia starts FaceTiming her boyfriend to tell him how much money they got from like tipping.

And they're saving up money to buy a house in New Zealand and she says, living in a converted ambulance has been lovely but we'd love to peep in a real toilet instead of pocket. Aaaaah! Nice step in our relationship is flushing! So now they're all getting ready to go out. Serena is telling us like, I really do like to dress up. It's my favorite Georgiolamane hit to toe. More dream would be to marry Rich and started jet.

It really is something like that. But it's not it's tracksuit only. So now Laura is in the shower and she's taking 20 minutes in the shower and Margot's just sitting there waiting She's like everyone's dressed up and Margot's still dressed like, you know, she's not so like blue blue polo shirt on Like what's going on with you Margy? Are you gonna you're gonna dress up? She's like I'm just waiting just waiting here, you know But then the timer starts to go up 20 minutes in the shower 25 minutes in the shower

Yeah, and So she's like God it's been a really long time, dear, so Adam is doing like rapper poses in the mirror in his outfit. Yeah. Oh my God. So basically everybody's just getting ready to go out, right? So Margot's like, wow, she's been in there for like six hours,

you know, I want to say something, but I'm from Wisconsin and this is just how we are. We're polite. Unless you're a man, which case you're an abusive asshole Which turns me on which I shouldn't say because that's not It's not very polite. Yeah, really in a conundrum, aren't I? God, I love a guy with confidence. Or at least has actually so little confidence that he presents like he has a ton of confidence, but actually there's none there at all. God, that's hot for me.

So, um, it's time to go. And she's like, I, Laura's telling us, I've been single two years. I cannot go on street, not the rest stop. This will be like Christmas. I don't want to date anymore. Next one is boyfriend. Sure, I guess. Also, you took 90 minutes to get ready. This is ridiculous. So they hop in their vans, they had to the restaurant and Lucas has his helmet on and everything.

And by the way, that's the thing. Laura spends 90 minutes getting ready and they're just going to like a regular bar, you know? But they just get shot. And she's not all crazy dolled up either. She comes out with like eyeliner on. Look what the hell, what was going on in there? I know, it didn't make any sense.

And then after all that where where Luke turns to Margot, and goes, I'm often gale, pull off the casual look. You just got the cradjines and the crop top and you didn't take three and a half years to get a Wagonalize. She's like, no, I don't really do that. What, you know, whatsoever. Did you just say that I look casual though,

because that's kind of a microaggression. So then time to go. So they're all in the vans and Harry, Serena, Margot, and Aisha are in one van. And Margot's like, oh gosh, I'm just, I was just going to wear when I hear he's belts. A hairy shirt to the belt. And Aisha grabs her, like opens her leg and it's like literally fingering her her lab, I guess. So she goes, Oh, dude, thanks, thank you, life is gonna be hanging out.

And here's that Quattro labia and she's just touching her, and she's like, Oh, please, say a little sleep tonight, darling, come on. Although it's from Wisconsin also,

so then, then Harry gives us, he gives us an insight into how he picks up a lady. So he goes, you know what, more pickup line is, I say, hey, mess, how are you? And they always reply, hey, I'm really good to, because you say the word miss, there it is, miss. And he goes, yeah, they love it, miss. And he could lead to a kiss and they could lead on.

But the percentage that leads to a kiss, it's about 50%. It's about 50%. It's like 50%. It's not working, okay? That's 50 is because you're tall. That's just a lot of averages. So, I mean, that tall,

you should be hitting 95 no matter what you're saying. That's true too. You're actually below, you're doing very badly with the misline. So then Luke meanwhile is watching this because Harry's trying to make a move on Margot and Luke is like, he's like, here he is, he's like long,

lanky, Dalmatian, and he kind of like wicks in my advantage because he's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and then I come in all subtle and sly. I get your real subtle. Yeah, real subtle. Hey, you want to walk on my back?

Oh, God, yeah, just came in my pants. God, you're good, girl. Want to get drunk on tequila together? Oh, yeah, you're dating anybody. Can't be dating anybody around these parts. Yeah, I mean, I'd be the first wants to get a blowjob in his helmet, yeah, I said I'll tell you one of my specialties, yeah, real settled there.

So he's, oh, so he's like having, it's on now, right? Cause he's super competitive. So Harry's flirting with Margot, so he goes over and tries to win. So he ducks down and puts his leg between her legs and then lifts her into the air, which... Mm. Yeah.

This guy's... boundaries, sir. So Margot turns the A-shup by the way and she goes, wait, is Harry gay? He's just like, no! And Harry comes in and he's like, what are you guys talking about, missing miss? They're like, nothing, nothing at all.

So then Luke is now doing the hit on Margot. It's like, so what do you think of all that crew? She's like, you know what? I just don't want to rule in it. Cause what would it ruin though? She's, well, you know, everyone hooking up with each other, you know, cause then there's gonna be drama. And he's like, you caught my lesson, you're wrong.

Yeah, basically gonna finger your eye for a minute. They just stay right there. You're going to finger that eye. Sure. But you can finger out of her eye. I know. I know. He's like, all right. Now shut your eye. Well, hold on. But first, is that Lero over there doing can, can at the club? Certainly is. Okay. Clip that.. Shut that on a little lady. Get that oil lash out of your eyeball. Okay. And she's like, okay. So she closes her eyes and he like kisses her. She's not into it. Yeah, she doesn't seem to be. She's just, whoa, whoa.

And sometimes she just got to go large. And she's like, I did not think you were going to do that. And she's like, I did not think you were gonna do that. Okay. And he's like, can we kiss? Cool me, yeah. She's like, no. And he goes, well, you got your arms crossed. Like you're upset. You upset.

Oh, okay. So what if I did that to you? You'd be mad, right? Yeah. Because you're not probably gay or like not. Like, how do you fucking know what she's into or what she wants? Get your fucking finger to yourself. Get your mouth to yourself, you fucking pig, you're

not even good at your job. At least when Gary pulls shit like this, he can save the boat from disaster. You literally can't keep a ladder on board. Get the fuck out of here. You googly-eyed motherfucker. Yeah, she was not about this and I was not about it either. So I guess we're going to see what happens with the fallout is, but I don't think it's good. It's gross.

Team Fire Luke. Yeah, I think it's time for a new boss, son. Anyway, that was the first of the two episodes that were on last night. And then we're going to have the second one, second recap, coming up. And I'm personally excited. I can't wait to watch. Can't wait to see if my prediction comes true. You already probably know.

You know the answer, right, Ronnie? Um, no. Oh, you don't know the answer. They didn't show on the second episode. Nope. Never shows up. Yeah. Okay.

Well, now my mind is blown. So anyway, well, I'm excited to see what happens here. Thanks everyone for listening and for watching on Crap is on demand and we're gonna catch you on the next episode. Bye. Bye. Watch what Crap ends with like to think it's premium sponsors.

Ain't no thing like Allison King. Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Itch-o-s! Aaron McNickless, she's a Daniela. Itch-oals! Sharon McNickles, she don't miss no trickle-os. She's never scary, it's the Green Fairy. Jamie, she has no last name-y. Havana-Gilla Weber,

Sip some scotch with Jessica Tratch. She's a little bit loony. Juni, she's always supply-in, it's Kelly Ryan. Kristen, the piston Anderson. You're never alone with Lacey Monteleo. Let's give a kisserino to Lysalino. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg. Ruh-ru-ru.

The Bay Area Beaches, Beaches. And our super premium sponsors. Somebody get us 10 CCs of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall.

She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. My favorite Murto, Karen McMurto. We love him madly, it's Kyle Podd, Chadly. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. We want to hang with Liz Lang. The incredible edible Matthew sisters. Nancy C. C. Sinto. Give him hell, Miss Noel.

Choose the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke. Shannon, out of account in Anthony. Let's take off with Tamela Plane. She ain't no shrinking Violet Coochar. We love you guys. off with Tamela Plane. us about yourself by completing a short survey at wundry.com slash survey.