Watch What Crappens - Below Deck: Fenders and Benders

Episode Date: November 17, 2021

Below Deck finishes the charter with the drunk idiot real estate dudes, and Jake lets a little power change him. Will a threeway makeout in the hot tub put him right, or will he get addicted to snorting hummus before he even has a chance to check himself? Find all of our premium bonus episodes at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens, and get tickets for our Winter Tour at https://www.watchwhatcrappens.com/10th-anniversary-hunky-dory-tourSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music it, you can't swap. I've been spent there so much that's happened. Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Corruptions. The podcast for all that crap we just love to talk about on Hillbrows. I'm Ronnie, guess what I'm with.

He's gorgeous on the inside and the out. It's like a chocolate-covered payday bar, darling. His name is Ben Mandelker. Hello Ben. Hi Ronnie. How are you? Good. I got a chocolate payday. Can you tell? Lucky. Yeah. I have it.

Five below. Okay. Oh, she's lucky duck with a chocolate payday. I had a I had a think bar. That was my chocolate right now. And I got my coffee. I have my I have some McDonald's coffee with me today because I ordered myself a Macrittle for breakfast.

Okay, well, welcome to the show that we're gonna talk about shit you guys don't care about. Okay. So what's what's going to happen today is below deck day. This is gonna be our last below deck recap for a little while. We're taking a little break on blue deck, not because we hate it and hope it dies, but because Real Housewives Ultimate Goose Trip is coming out this week, and there's so much on the schedule,

we just like, literally, we can't. So we're gonna have to move some stuff around. Also, below deck just has not ended for a year, okay? It's been below deck after below deck Mediterranean, selling, regular, they're gonna have adventure. They're gonna have below deck Goes to the water map. I don't know. It's too much fucking below deck. You guys need to calm your debts Now I love below deck and I've actually been really enjoying this season so far, but um, yeah, it's sort of getting It's just you know, we just need to take a little below deck break a little below deck break Still love below deck still love captain. Yeah, we're not gonna give it up for anything We're gonna keep watching it

So we'll probably have it back on the schedule towards the end of the season but for now Let's get to this recap. Okay, this episode is titled pissed on chickens can't compare That's for sure So where we left off was that there were just these awful people on this boat and they all got wasted because they're a bunch of like real estate assholes from Seattle. And this guy Justin and this girl Terry got a real drunk and started fighting and Justin started telling people including Heather our chiefs to shut the fuck go fuck yourself. And now they are fighting and the crew is trying to keep them separated.

Yeah, just like an old spring song. Justin's going through the book. I mean, this is all fucking circus and it's almost gonna be jumping off this boat tonight. That's what's gonna happen. And then he's like, maybe we should just just calm down a little and I was calling her Linda So sorry, I know your name is Terry now, but I like you seem like a Linda to me Terry, okay? So I'm gonna stick with Linda for a bit Linda's there are narrator on house hunters We decided yeah Linda's been in my head a lot for some reason

She's like can I stop this now and then he's like well if you stop interacting will stop. It's been a long day How about you just stay away from Justin? And then he's like, well, if you stop interacting, we'll stop. It's been a long day. How about you just stay away from Justin right now? And Justin's like, not my fucking problem, Rachel. He's down in the galley and she goes, hey, no one I can get, not a fuck. That's for sure. So Justin's like, well, I hope someone gets pissed off

for real. I don't even know what he meant for that. But in the meantime, Eddie walks Terry down to him. So like, thank you, thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you And then Colin who seems to be the only like good human being on this entire group He's the only one that we saw last week that seemed to have any sort of self-awareness He comes up to the crew and he's like what can I do to help and they'll basically like can you get Justin in his room? So so now Colin goes up to Justin and Justin's like,

well, everyone go fuck themselves. They can jump off the boat if they want. He just loves that. He loves the idea of someone jumping out. He just wants someone to Dolores it up, right? So, Colin's like, okay, give that drink to me right now. Come on, come on, we're going to bed. You can go eight, and so then Justin of course says,

no, you can go fuck yourself. And throw yourself off the back of the boat. Yes, nailed it, nailed it. Jump off the back of the boat. Yes nailed it nailed it I'll pop the back of the boat my favorite. Oh So Colin tells him to go we see Raina getting into bed going what the fuck and then Colin is getting Justin into bed and he's still screaming. He's got fuck yourself fucking sad fucking worries Ryan and Heather's just laughing and he goes, yeah, shut the fuck up. So Eddie Whispers, go to bed, go to bed.

Please go to bed to have, please just go to bed. So Justin goes to his room and Collins in there and they close his touring and Collins like just stepping a self-centered piece of shit. Why don't you? He's like, well that's a bit much. It's like, finally Justin. You just have to hurt his feelings a little. And he shuts right. Yeah, exactly. So then they finally all go to sleep. And now it's the morning. And

everyone's waking up and constantly is like, well, it's good to be at the tap of the food chain. That's for sure. You know, it's not at the top of the food chain chickens that have been pissed on especially. You can't come be around. Yeah, it's that much really sick to be a Cheerio. Cheerio, no, gonna need just sorry bottom of the food chain, sucker. So, I then had her tell Jessica. No, I was gonna say Heather's telling Jessica, like, hey, Captain Lee's white shirt is on the counter and it needs to be to Lee by 6 p.m. tonight.

So I'm like, oooh, there's gonna be a sure issue. Nope, that was it. Just a little piece of information that never comes back to anything. I'm just as like, well, do I need to wash it too? And Heather doesn't answer. She just sleeps. Just as like, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she tells us my last boat was a cakewalk. We did the same routine every day and we could get off the boat and like, you sport. And I don't get to do that here. When do I get a day? When can I go out on a boat and just do something nice? And the producers like well probably soon enough because I hope so. So then Raina's dancing and Wes is Wes's enthusiastic as usual. He's like everything is shiny.

is Wes is enthusiastic as usual. He's like, everything is shiny. And then the gay is wake up. And they're like, when do you think the rest of the group will be awake? And the other ones like, oh, I'll be surprised if any of them are up for the next several hours. And by the way, something that I noticed in the last episode, the two gays,

there's what the tall gay is like, he was like very mouthy to the people to like everyone and then he was like the one saying to Captain Lee, I am so sorry, you know, he was basically acting like that and the other one was being really quiet. And I was surprised to learn in this episode that the Talge was actually the boyfriend to like the Shorke and well, I'm not surprised they were boyfriends, but I should say that their billing was, the short gay was like one of the primaries and the tall gay was boyfriend of the primary,

which is just to say that the way the tall one acted made it seem like he was the one who was working with all these people, but he was just the plus one. I was actually like, wow, you're really, you're very comfortable with your boyfriend's co-workers. It's called gay confidence. Gay confidence.

So that was a long way around to make a very interesting point about a less than interesting person. Watch out who's got gay confidence. The dead pig sitting in the fridge, because I've never seen a pig sitting up like that in the fridge, just being ready to be cooked. He's like, cook me then. Go ahead and fucking cook me then. Yeah, it was daring at this very, very much so. And then Michael knocks on a door. Why did I write that down? Because he's trying to wait. He's banging on Justice Door trying

to wake him up. And then the captain and Eddie are talking into bridging. He's like, so how was it? And Eddie's like, did you hear a bunch of screaming and yelling and crying and banging? He's like, my higher the sweet sounds that John did for promising that someone's going to be leaving on a jet plane. I love nothing more than dreaming about plane tickets being used. Oh yeah. And he tells Captain Lee about Justin and Terry and everything and then Heather joins them and the Captain Lee's like, okay, let's discuss the elephant in the room. I have a shirt. And you have to be here at 6 also telling like the columns in the you know He was he was telling the literal table to go fuck itself and And Terry was just bawling in tears Heather can tell you more Heather and second good morning

I'm well started to get a fair. He said cross the line for sure How am I not gonna tolerate this okay? to get a fairytale across the line for sure. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's well-m-hmm. I'm not gonna tolerate this, okay? I'm livid. Pistons, chickens, can't compare. My crew's not here to be abused by anyone but me. I can't talk to them because I'll lose it, but this will be a conversation and I guarantee

you I'm gonna put my chin on my hand at one point and just stare. All right, all right, I'll discuss it in an inquiry. Just will mine happen again. So now all the guests are gathering at the table and Rhana burps and it's funny. And then Michael is like, ah, I still don't even know what exactly happened last night

because that's when I'm gonna play that car, which is that we acted like monsters and none gonna be like, hey, I don't even remember anymore. And one of the gays gets, well, I know what happened. And at the same time, I'm like, and the other one goes, perhaps not.

I'm like, he he he. So, Jake's like, all right, let's truck set up on the beach, plants and tables. I'm thinking me and, you know, we'll do the beach set up. And then Raina, you can see on the boat, and then we'll change schedules. So, right, I'm gonna be on days, Reyna, you're gonna be on lights

and she's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, back it up. People need to like switch, you know, we need to switch. He's like, no, we can switch on different charters. She's like, I'm gonna die if I don't flee. Yeah, and so then, Wes says that the first charter they switched off on their schedules, but now Jake wants them to keep the same shift with the entire charter and Jake is like that's how I won't it So Wes says we'll regnize overreacting and Jake's being bossy and I'm caught in the middle. This is great

I'm even enthusiastic about being an untenable situation. Wow And rain is so mad. She's just cleaning and she's like, God that Lee Deckhead shit Scott was fucking mad. So then at the table Heather's like, mm we, hi we, how hungry are we? Do we want to make a petal order? We, and so they're gonna be, they're gonna be pulling the anchor in a few minutes. So Captain Lee expects some clear and concise directions.

Okay, so I'm gonna let, and guess what Eddie? I'm gonna pull a captain Sandy and let's you drive the boat. Okay, you're gonna be excited there. We're gonna put you on Daddy's lap and you're gonna drive like a big boy. Mm-hmm. So then Jake Radio's reign had to come up and Eddie's pulling up the anchor

and the guest are like, well, I haven't showered yet. Michael says he isn't showered in one of the gays. He's like, um, a weekend's smell. He's like, what are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, and that was the guy that was like, the boyfriend of, I think we said that. I'm just like, wow, that's like, that could be your boyfriend's boss.

I mean, he's an awful person. I'm glad you said it, but still. So then, Jake is like, anchors off the bottom. And what do you need to say? Home, locking it off at home. Oh, yeah, that's the stuff. I got I love I love that combination home, locking it out. Oh, so good. All right, thatty. You're doing a real great job there. Just turn that knob.

It's a cookie down. Uh, you're going to have to push down that mob to turn it atty daddy. Oh really? Jesus Christ Well, I guess the secrets out of the box better secure the medicine cabinet now. We know is about the old push and turn So Jake and Rainer talking and she's cleaning something in the mess hall and er in the mess And he's like do you feel how done by she's like what does that mean? He's like you're not happy with me. She goes, oh, I'm not in charge, so I'm just going with the flow.

He's like, you're giving me shit, aren't you? She's like, I'm just quiet when I'm frustrated, I just need to be alone. He's like, there's nothing to be frustrated about. It's work. Oh, really? There's nothing to be frustrated about at work. I know.

It's fucking win. Half my life has been being frustrated at work. It's how I feel good about myself. Okay, fuck you. Don't tell me how to work. Yeah, he's like, it's what we're here to do, which is so patronizing. Cause you think I don't know that.

So Reyna is like, you know what, I guess, and do soon because he's a jackass now. It's like, yeah, well, that's how unfortunately goes. So now Terry's back at the table, the breakfast table, and she's sitting there, but then Justin shows up. But she's like, huh, I'm just going to go sit over here. I'm just going to talk to the seagull about Michigan. So you're from Sagittal? I'm from there.

So Justin sees that she walks away, and he just walks to the back too. And Heather's like, how are we? He's like, other than a headache, not so bad. He's like, God, that was awkward. I was so awkward. How I said, how are you? And he said he's okay. I mean, gosh, I haven't had a guest treat me like this in ages. Wait, hold on. I need to rewind this to see him bullie her because this doesn't seem to justify a bullying monologue. Did it to you? Well, I mean, it's teller to go fuck herself. So I don't know. I mean, I don't know.

Well, but she's gonna react to that. No, but she's saying right now, she's like, oh my God, that's so awkward. He just said, not too bad. Well, I guess it's like there's awkward knowing about what happened last night. And then we have a flashback of him saying, go fuck yourself and throw yourself off the boat.

God, I love threatening people to go off the boat. So then Heather gives us, this is her monologue. This is reminding me a lot of when I was bullied in high school. Growing up in Hawaii, I had my arm broken, I had my face batted in, I had lunches thrown at me because I was the only white blonde girl in my school. It's bringing up a lot of trauma for my childhood

and being bullied Okay, so then um Fraser Fraser Fraser or Fraser. Oh, yeah, someone on Twitter was like it's Fraser not Fraser Yeah, we should we should do better. So Fraser is making a bed with Jess and he's like last night was just a fucking match between the guests, wasn't it? It's like watching a piece of trash go after a piece of vermin. That is just a thing, a piece of vermin. Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake it's not bad. Oh, sorry, that was Eddie saying it, but I'm just going to say what you said, Eddie. I'm pretty glad he wasn't saying it. Just like to say, a nice job today, you came in here not knowing that I'm not needed to be pushed down in order to turn it. And you're leaving

as a man who knows how to push that knob down and then turn it. Well done, kid. Oh, fuck out of here. Next, I'm'm gonna tell you how to ring them bells because you gotta ring them bells, you gotta ring them loud. Okay, so hey, Michael and Justin, hey Heather, Heather, Heather Lee, can you send Michael and Justin up to the wheelhouse please? I got a lot of them have a cam to Jesus moment and maybe I'll teach him about the old pushin' and turn thing too. It's kinda fun to teach people that one. Well, the captain would like to see you in the real house. Like, oh, Jesus. So they go up there and he's like, I just want to have a chant about what transpired last evening.

Don't, don't, don't! So then we come back and he repeats himself after commercials. And he's like, now I'm telling Heather to go fuck herself as totally improper. And Justin looks like he's gonna cry. I mean, it is hilarious. It is amazing. Now listen, let me tell you what we're gonna do. This is your punishment.

We're putting you on a dingy with Captain Sean and you've got a rearranged patio furniture on a beach for the next afternoon, okay? I don't settle that. I don't talk to my crew that way, and I don't tolerate someone else doing it. And Justin's like, I wish I had context as to why or how that happened.

He's like, I don't want excuses. Now, get your shit together. If that behavior happens again, your charter will be over. Now, hold on. I'm gonna look kind of over your head, maybe into the distance for a minute. Hold it.

Hold it. Make no mistake about it. And Michael's like, and I apologize for my friends. I mean, he's like, you being a complete jerk last night. I'm like, it wasn't just last night, Michael. It was the entire afternoon too. And just because yeah, I think so. I think so. So then Heather comes up. She's like, how is that? How is that for we, Captain? And he's like, well, I don't think we'll have a repeat performance. I'm going to need someone up here to clean the pile of fear shitty just left on that chair, though. So right away, we. Yeah, yeah, let's let's see how this day goes. Oh, cool. Not wow. You just turned that and you knew the whole push trick. That's amazing.

Ding ding ding. Hold on, I got to get this. Yeah turned that and you knew the whole push trick. That's amazing. Ding, ding, ding. Hold on, I gotta get this. Yeah, what do you want, Captain Sandy? I just wanted to say that she was initiative, maker the captain. Maker the captain. So now Justin goes and he apologizes to the whole gang and then the deck crew starts getting ready

for this beach picnic. And then this is the part where Heather mentions Linner, like 10 times, which I can't stand, the phrase Linner, I appreciate it, I appreciate it as a meal. But I think ever since Taco Bell really tried to push a Linner thing, I was like, I refuse to accept Linner in my life. I'll take it as a different name, but not Linner.

But Heather was like, so we're gonna do like a Linner by like three or four, you know Linner, it's like lunch and dinner together, You know linear. We're gonna do that So like just gonna make a linear the whole hog we're gonna do a linear you do a linear so if I'm ready for linear linear Liner everyone Maybe a liner. I don't know So they're like whatever I want lunch. How about lunch? I Would I would totally have Dunch. Just not linear.

Um, maybe it's because it sounds like Dame Judy Dunch. All the better. Who doesn't find that delicious? Am I right? I want a rage-dunch. Rachel's like, I've experienced cooking a whole hog. But logistically, it takes too long to cook at the beach, so I pre-cook it in heaven. And then on the beach, I throw it in the pit and say, oh it's done! I'm fire roasted pig on a spear!

And then Justin goes up to Heather and he goes, I just want to say sincerely I am so sorry for last night and if you still want to throw yourself off the boat that'd be pretty cool because I've been kind of waiting for that moment, but if not, that's cool too. I'm really so sorry. Well, we appreciate the apology, but you know, every day is a new day, so enjoy the blank page. I know we are. That really got fucked yourself.

So she passes champagne around and Jake tells Rainer, she's gonna have to do the teak while they're at the picnic and she just gives him an okay side, but ignore us him. She hates him right now. Yeah. And then boat to the beach set up. And of course, Wes loves it. He's like, I love these beaches.

I grew up in the Caribbean, but I'd love to do beach picnics. They remind me of home. Oh my God, love this. So then Rachel is talking to Heather about what they need. They need some trash bags and Heather's like, and to her like, paper, for me, where do we, she's like, uh, Captain. He's like, I'll leave you guys

on this conversation. I'm, I'm damn it. Talking about being, ladies being on a beach. Don't tell ya, I'll be in my room. So there's like, even if it takes 20 tender rides to get these people what they want,

there's no room for error. Okay, because I did not emerge from yesterday to get a shitty tip. Okay, so we're gonna set up everything perfectly. So then there's like this thing where the guys are talking about having a swimsuit contest and Michael wants to go out to trunk contest and then he's like, yeah, because if we call it a trunk contest, you know, I win because you know how elephants have a trunk, you know, think of that. I got a big penis, that's what I'm trying to say. I got a big penis, I'm going to the penis contest. I got a Foupe, as Flappy is an elephant here, alright?

So the guy's like, he he he he he. So Justin is all dejected and alone, not laughing. Is that a look at you? Yeah, separated from the crowd. It's time for commercial. It's time for commercial. It's time for a grand. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life.

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picnic and the guests are like, well hopefully we can get off of this boat and play a game together. Wouldn't that be fun? Justin's just like, shut the fuck up, dear. Just shut the fuck up with your Saginaw games, we know them all. So Jess is like, meanwhile Jess, the one who just loves being a laundry, now she's pulling this one. It's just so freaking exhausting being a stewardess all day long. I mean the money's worth it, but I'd rather much be at home, just drive around in my burrito, listen to my music. It's a lot less stressful than what I'm doing now.

It's like, well then, why are you doing this? Why? Like, and you're doing laundry, you're just doing laundry, which I know laundry is annoying, but you said you love laundry. You're literally doing something that you said you loved. Well, I know, I just, it's, Jess, I just look at Jess and I think God bless her heart. Eating a burrito in her car. That's just not right.

You just, there's some things you don't eat in your car. Burritos and water burgers, okay? Everybody knows that, okay? You have a stinky car, Jess. I'm saying it right now. I'm calling it right now. Your car stinks, Jess. I just miss driving around eating sloppy jose

and, you know, fondue to go. That's like everything that could be messy. I feel like Jess, like, she just not, you know how when the people say you're from the wrong generation, like you should have been, like, oh, I feel like with the 20s, I would have been made a great flapper. I feel like Jess, she just needed to be in the 90s. Like she just need to be working at blockbuster. I think that's her speed.

Yeah, that's a good call. I could see that. She starts, I mean, she looks like a big cardboard cut out of Arnold Schwarzenegger all day. Like, well, who said you would be back? And here you are, sir. Here's just putting on terrible rom coms on the TVs, you know, like every time you walk and you're like, why are they always showing this strange like Kathleen Turner movie that didn't do well? It's like, I love it though. It's like, oh, Jess is working again.

So Rachel is, what's happening here? So there's a fire. Oh, Rachel tells the guys to put the pig on the fire, yeah. And it's not a spit. She just wants them to put it on a pan in the middle of the fire. So that's a little confusing.

I thought that was like some spit deception there, okay? So they put it on the pan and everything. And it's like, it's just like, they made like a fire with metal around it. It's like they made a little metal shack. It's like a tin, it was a love shack for a pig being roasted. It's like imagine the love shack except instead of being filled with love There's a pig that's being incinerated by a fire on the inside I don't want to imagine that but thank you sir. Thanks for putting that in my head

So and he's loading up the gas and Rachel's like, will you pull that pig form in Jake? Pull it, yeah Jake pull it. He's like, oh, fucking hell Rachel, the pig's on fire. I do wonder though what it must be like to get pegged by a pig on fire. Sounds sort of poetic, doesn't it? God. So Rachel's like, well, thank God it's only the scan. Flip it upside down and they'll never know. That's a big episode for pigs. So now Reina's on the phone with her mom.

She's like, I'm ready to kill someone. I mean literally because Jake has been like the lead deck hand for like a whole day and he talks to me so just respectful. I mean, I'm not perfect, but that shit is annoying, you know. I mean like, hey, connecting with people on the boat is difficult. And the person I was connecting with was Jake. The person I'm having issues with. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,, it makes me want to cry. I'm like, it's been three hours since he became

to Lee DeCan. What do you mean you're at can't get out of this phone? It's been like, it's an afternoon. So then the gays are cheering, cheering and everybody's playing cornhole. And then we see what the captain's doing. Got a goddamn fly on a sandwich. I'm gonna have to get a shotgun out, fucking fly.

Now the guests are eating and Heather's like showing them how to eat Hawaiian food because she's from Hawaii. And she's like, I'm very thankful because for someone who isn't Hawaiian, Chef Rachel really killed it. This is the little taste of home that I needed. I'm like, I didn't know you were like bottoming out. I didn't know you needed a taste of home, but cool.

So yeah, then she's like, and look at Justin, he went from being an asshole to a chill kitty cat on the beach. So, it seems pretty terrible to me. I was in the kitty cat. Frazier is standing with Jake, and he's like, it's my butt dirty. Jake's like, oh, I'll get it for you. So he like, brush his off his butt. And Frage is like, thanks, Boo. And yeah, then Jake, like, sits on a traffic cone. And then Jess is singing, I love being by myself at work. So kind of laughing by myself at work.

Everybody's just singing to themselves this whole episode. This begins everybody's singing to themselves. So then the staff, most of the staff goes back to the boat, leaving Fraser alone with the guests, and so they let him play Quarren Hall. So he plays it for the first time, and he goes, oh, well, I could have done worse. Thank you for letting me try that. That stupid trash game played by trash people. Wow, I can't believe you put beans in a bag and thought that would be fun to throw it

around. Exciting. thank you. Next time I want to know what it feels like to be you, I'll stand on a corner with the tin can and jingle change around. Should be fun, thanks. So then Jess smells peepee in the room and then the guests are coming back.

And so Frazier's like, well, I'm glad you guys had a good time. You know, I like to say, let's not litter on the beaches. And what Frazier's like, well, I'm glad you guys had a good time. You know, I like to say, let's not litter on the beaches. And what's good about you is that you're a trash that actually takes itself off the beach. So thank you. Yeah. Subcleaning litter.

How about that? They do grow them well in Seattle, don't they? So then just Rachel's back in the galley and just comes in. She's like, do you need help? Rachel's like, yeah. Just because Jess comes in. She's like, do you need help? Rachel's like, yeah. Jess goes, don't fart. Rachel's like, you farted. So then the caption is talking to Heather.

He's like, can I go, can I? It was very successful. Well, half's just into it. Ah, good, good for him. God, I love to see someone play out a redemption story. Right? If he doesn't, it becomes a red dead redemption. God for him, God, I love to see someone play out a redemption story. You're right. If he doesn't, it becomes a red dead redemption. Heather says, you know, the interior,

he says how, says how everyone did great. Everyone did a great job. And so they're packing up the picnic. And Jake is, the base of the, the deck crew is coming back to the boat and they've got all this stuff and they're sort of like, they're loading it on to like that, that platform area. And Reina is like, she, she's like whistles or something.

And like Jake becomes one of those bosses where like, you can't do anything that expresses any visual sense that you might not have urgency. Even though you might be totally urgent, but like the fact that she whistles, he's like, can you go a little bit quicker, please? Please, I mean, you walk around whistling without chilling. You're not pulling your weight. you're not pulling your weight, you're not pulling your weight. It's like, what do you mean she's not,

she whistled for crying out loud and you put her on the teet patrol and then you're gonna say that she's not pulling her weight, that's not fair. Yeah, who's being an asshole? It's like, give the man one second of power and look how he goes. So she's like, but that's not true. He's like, it is true.

It's like, you better think the way you talk to me because I swear, I'm not the one. He's like, it is true. It's like, you better think the way you talk to me because I swear I'm not the one. He's like, pull your weight. And she's like, I can't believe how he's talking to me. This is crazy. Whistling. She was whistling. Did you wear a whistle?

I was like, weren't you like the fun guy with the handlebar mustache who likes getting pegged? Literally like three minutes ago. Please get over yourself. I don't think you're allowed to have a whimsical handlebar mustache and then get mad at someone for whistling. Okay, that just doesn't work. Okay, if you've got the handlebar, you have to be accepting all whimsy, all whimsy all the time.

Well, accept that in our own experience. Those waiters at that place where they all look like him. What's that place in LA? Down the street from where we had thanks giving Jess's house, your friend Jess, remember? Oh, oh yeah, that place is closed, but yeah, the British place. Yes, and they all have like,

hand-to-ball mustaches, they're all fucking assholes over there. Well, they were, I guess, not now since it's closed. And you know who else has those handlebars? The villain on the train track who ties the girl down. Never trust a person in one of those like curly little mustache things.

And every barista, they all have the handlebar mustaches. If you get a handlebar at a coffee shop, guess what? They're not gonna help. They're like, hey, so what can we do for you? Could I get this, but could you like, do you have like, can you like, serve it to me in a tall cup instead of this? No, we can't do that for you. It's like, well, you have a handlebar mustache. You're supposed to be helpful. You're whimsical.

So Heather tells us, oh, the guests came back and they're full. Welcome to the trend of 2021. It's 2021. It's called Linner. Linner, everybody. I was going to say dunged, but I also just got mad at myself for trying to make dung happen. I just, I just, I need someone to come up with a better phrase.

Okay. I reject Dunch and Linnar. I think we could do better. Yeah. So then Jess is doing dishes with Frazier and he's like, the baby's just rocking. She's like, I'm over it. That's why I keep singing on myself. She's like, well, we all have our coping mechanisms.

Mine is making a mental picture of Heather popping out of a trash can to be ridiculed by Burton Ernie simultaneously. So, do whatever you can to live, girl. And then Lee is, Captain Lee is talking about, he's talking with Eddie and he's like, I like that Jake pays attention and he listens. I am leaning towards, we made the right call and then he's like, called it. I knew it.

All right. Now you want to do some practice with those knobs? You remember, push, then rotate. So Ray, uh, J- Ray, who's Ray? Oh, Rayna. Rayna is smoking outside and talking to Jake. And she's like, uh, I don't- I didn't really hear what she said. She says something like everybody started doing that to your ass.

I just wrote, huh? And he goes, you you better something like that And she goes you're crazy as fuck is well, it wouldn't be the first time someone's called me crazy I just I can't switch off like I get into that mode you know Yeah, she's like you're not seeing it, but today's been really hard on me like I cry there earlier I want an attitude. I'm just not happy all the time And he's like well we got there in the end and And now we're all good. And she doesn't matter. That's better.

She just kind of thinks. Oh, thanks for you declaring that. Okay. That toxic optimism. So then Jessica is queasy now from the boat rocking. By the way, the boat rocking in the anchorage, that Eddie was like, this is a pretty cool anchorage. It's a little rough.

It's really poorly, but it's pretty cool. So she's getting queasy. And then Eddie goes checking on Reyna because she's looking a little down and he's like, hey what's wrong? And she's like, I don't want to get in one trouble. But Jake is just his delivery is not great. Like he told me you just got you moved to slow you don't play away on this team. And Eddie's like, yeah, I can understand how that's how that could be really hurtful. But at the same time, you have to remember he's the lead deck

hand now, so you just gotta take that roll seriously and maybe you should try to absorb some of his, some of what he's saying even if it really doesn't make any sense and is very patronizing because he's a bro. He's like, remember he's just getting into this role right now and he's doing a really really good job. And she's like, on my last vote if the lead deck hands off to me like that, the first officer award of told me to tell him to fuck off. And if he does it again, come talk to me. And she tells him, well, it's really aggressive. And he's like, yeah, well, this isn't a aggressive world. It's an aggressive season we're in. And you did a good job.

Did a kid don't forget to turn push the obin before you turn it. The fuck to that even mean. Also Eddie not helpful at all by the way. Don't come in acting like you're gonna try to console her and then be like, you should listen to that totally irrational feedback you got from him. So then, yeah, but also what's a proper response to like, my boss was harsh with me. He told me I was moving slow. I mean, it's called having a fucking boss. You know, I couldn't be a boss. I don't think. And by the way, I totally agree with her.

Jigs being an asshole, but I don't know. It's your like it's your boss now. So what do you do? Yeah. Um, I don't know. And luckily I'm not in that position. We're up to figure it out. So now we go over to Wes and Jess, who, when they become a couple,

they'll be known as Wes, or Jess, or lunch, or, or, or, or, lunch. So then, that would be fine if they were named Ouija. Ouija or SS, SS, because I've wrote their couple name is Wes. Wes and Jess and Wes. I rhymed. He's like, so cat person or dog person, you know?

And she's like, well, I have a cat, but I like both. And I think I was a cat in other life because I could just lie around. And the producer was like, do you like Jess? And she's like, well, I don't not like him. I mean, he's a good down to earth per- I'm exhausted. Is that thing still going? Mm-hmm.

It just falls off the chair and takes a nap on the floor. Like, what the fuck with this person? I've never seen this much of a slug on the show that actually still does a good job. Like, she hasn't really been bitched at a lot. No, she's like, well, God, I loved quarantine. I would just sit around all day wearing a robe. Oh, that was the life.

Oh, man. And so he's like, cool. So then Heather, like she's feeling really queasy. So Heather's like, hey, you know, you only have, like you can knock off early. So she lets her off basically about half an hour early. And then Heather, I'm sorry, she'd already done. That's already told just to knock off early. So she lets her off basically about half an hour early. And then Heather, um, I'm sorry, she'd already done that. She already told just to knockoff early, but now she has seen Jess and Wes talking in the mess. And Flirton, and it's like 11 o'clock,

and it's been two hours since she told her to knockoff early. So Heather's like, hmm, I stewed his sick. Uh, yeah, she is up in the crew mess flirting with Wes all night long. So you're like, God, I fucking bad. Oh Oh God. So clearly they're gonna get into a fight soon. And then it just cuts to Jess going, like she's laughing in her sleep. It's so weird. So then in the morning Rachel is serving King crab, snow crab, and whole waybows are on chat all saw. There's a bump, bump, bump, bump, that's it. Rachel's like on her own planet this season. Like last season, she was at least kind of interacting with people. This season, they just cut to her and it's five minutes,

it's just like five quick seconds of her being like, yeah, I put it in your butt hole. But it really, really, really, today's. And then there's like a tribal painting thing that they use for the beach Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo- because we're gonna, it's time to, we're heading in, okay? So he's radioing to the deck crew. And they're like, one minute, one minute, we're almost done. And he's like, well, let's get it done because I have my thousand yards from the Marikers.

So let's get it done, god damn it. So everybody's running around, trying to do it. And he's like, this needs to be secured seriously. I need radio assignments from here, drop defenders. And then we see a fender cover fly off And he's like what the hell happened to a fender? It wasn't secured dad. Oh Jesus Christ mother fucker Oh, if you don't see that the fender covers secure well secure first So Lee's like you need to be checking these things people and I mean everyone

What happened again dad I can't need to be checking these things people and I mean it's everyone So everybody getting your white So just is like oh fuck my life. I put my earrings from my cut my finger That sounds painful and then They don't much like her It's just so just like ow I thought my fingers was my finger. I actually thought it was Rachel who said it, but either way, I thought the whole idea of it was very painful and I was like, I'm not going back to double check this because I

just want to move forward. But so now they, they dock without incident. No further offender covers go, go, go missing. And then so they let, now they line up and everyone says goodbye to the group and Justin's like thank you again And I'm sorry about my actions the first night and just for old time's sake go fuck yourselves and throw yourself off the back of the boat Thank you so much guys And then he's like yeah, well, I guess we can all say it together and then they put them all on the screen at the same time and they all go fuck off Yeah, so then put them all on the screen at the same time and they all go fuck off. So then cleaning, Rachel singing that she needs a drying rag and then tip meeting time.

All right. Fraser goes, you flush next time, trash. I guess you can't expect more from trash when it has the flush trash down the flush the toilet. Tip meeting. All right. Well, overall the charter went pretty good forget the first night But this morning stacking you guys didn't look very coordinated Yeah, the fenders we need to pay more attention to that. Yeah, we'll work on that dad because remember everything needs to be secured

It's not acceptable to have things flying overboard Yeah, that's what I was saying. All right, stupid. All right, everybody. We got a lot of money this time, eight thousand nine trillion, fifty seven million guilt dollars that they left us. So get out of here and go celebrate. And so now they're cleaning and Fraser is drawing something

in the like the pantry area. And he's like, drawing is so mind numbing it's like listening to Heather's stories or really anyone's stories pretty much everyone's boring. So Jay the guys are sitting around at some point and Jake's like so Eddie how do you get on with Captain Lee he's like well we've been together for six years I mean wow worse than worse mistake I've made let's see. Well, I did sleep with a stew in the laundry and he wouldn't mad just to disappoint it. And I did have

a girlfriend back home. I was embarrassed and I took five years off. Like, okay, that's kind of admitting your fault. Yeah. But let's not forget that you also totally gas lit that crazy or that while she was crazy. That's the first thing. and then told everybody she was crazy and making it up. I think that was the worst part. Yeah, that was the worst part. No, just don't want you to miss anything there, buddy. And the condescending way he talked to his girlfriend, both before that moment and during it and after.

So then then they dress up to go out and phrase, they're in the van and phrase was like, do we know how old Heather is? What do you guys reckon? Trash and a half years old? It's like, what if I find out that I've been bossed around by a child? I will be so fucking furious, which is gonna be, because doesn't she like 25? She's gonna be so mad, and they're all working up at him. There's no way she could possibly be younger than us, other unless of course that her skincare regimen is just wretched, which would be hilarious.

It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. So they go to a restaurant called the Rysmeal and Rachel's like, I'm freezing my tints off! And then guess what we got, some Jenga truth or dare. Okay. Oh my god, never seen none of the bravo before. It's just crazy. Jenga truth or dare on Bravo. Literally every show this week, what the hell?

I'm so afraid. So, Reina is like, have you ever pissing a hot tub recently? No. And then Jess pulls one that says, what's in your bad side drawer? Well, it's an entire drawer full of candy. And she's like, hmm, Rachel just looks at her and goes, she's like, it's so sad.

He's so sad. And Wes, have you made that with someone here? He's like, I'm gonna say no. I'm reading this like, tell us who you want to make out with though. And he's like, well, if I had to choose, I'm ready to just start going, just, just, just, just. Mm. I never thought on that thing or two.

Yeah. How to hop on a coffee table after you have a peppermint paddy from the drawer. Mm. And by hop up, I mean, step up slowly. That's exhausting, really. Those commercials are really hard to execute at terms out. I'm like, you know what I'm,

Kit Katz more of my speed. Like give me a break, give me a break. I don't even want to, I don't even want a piece of that Kit Kat bar. I just want to break. That's all. Yeah, I would have a piece of that Kit Kat bar but breaking it off is fucking exhausting. Yeah. Yeah, I would have a piece of that Kit Kat barber breaking an office fucking exhausting.

It's a lot. Sometimes you feel like and sometimes you don't and sometimes you just want to say, I don't know what's happening. Where's my naps, Joy? That's what I want. So Jake's dare is to give a lap dance and he gives it to Eddie and of course lap dances him and then starts like lifting himself up and down.

Yeah. He like goes from like silly like like play lap dance to like, oh, he's he's ready to really, he's really just like a like just thing. Yeah, he's really taking this pegging personality far. So Heather is like, no wonder he's lead deck hand. And so Fraser is like, what's the game plan the rest of the season? And Jake goes, what do you mean?

We're just having fun. Are you going for anyone? He's like, man, no, but I don't have much of a choice. Do I? Yeah, he's like, well, what do you mean, Fraser? I mean, there's plenty of choice because there's no choice you very simple man. I guess, oh, are you gay then? He's like, the phrase was like, I was so shocked that it took, it's taken Jake this long

to piece that together. I guess he's more of a moron than I ever expected. And Jake's like, I thought you were straight, but you would just very well kept. They leave and every, Eddie's like, wow, everyone wants a piece of Fraser. Because they all want to get in Fraser's car. And Heather's like, how does it feel to be one in Fraser? And he does like an American act. You just start talking in American acts and they're like, stop.

So now they get back to the boat and everyone's getting ready. Everyone goes into the hot tub. Okay, and so they're just like drinking and they're partying, they're being silly. And then at one point Eddie picks up Heather and like slings her over his shoulder and then drops her back into the water where I'm surprised she didn't get ahead and dream,

but you know, it worked out. And then slowly people start to peel off from the hot tub. Yeah, so Fraser is at the fridge and he's like, I need a shower, a glass of champagne, but I have a feeling it's not gonna happen. I'm gonna get some more beers and go back to the hot tub. And meanwhile Eddie's calling his girlfriend. And first of all,

we don't need to call your girlfriend stupid. What are you doing? Okay, you're just gonna call your girlfriend. He shows that he's still the same, right? Cause he calls his girlfriend, drops a load on her head, and then gets mad at her. Yeah, gets mad at her for reacting to him. Cause he's basically having faux accountability.

I think he's trying to basically, he knows it'll be on TV, so he doesn't want, he's trying to get ahead of the story a little bit. So he tells her that they went to dinner and they went to hot tub It's like yeah, and the girls were going at it and like I was like holy shit the chief stew's right there So her name is Heather by the way and I grabbed the chief's tube and and I hoarse to her over my shoulder That I dumped her in the water and that was it and I'm not a kid I did nothing wrong, which is why I'm totally telling you about it right now because I totally don't have a guilty conscience

Yeah, and he's like I didn't pick her up and smack her on the ass or anything, I just dropped her in the water. God, you got nothing to worry about. And he's telling us, wow, having a girlfriend who lets you disappear? I mean, that's not easy, you know? But she's handling it well. Haha, just kidding. She's not. She's not at all. So he's telling her, listen, I know it's not what you signed up for. So it's fine. I'll just get someone in there tomorrow to take care of my plants. So if you want to take off, just do what you got to do. Yeah, because she's clearly like upset and he's kind of calling her bluff

what seems like there's a bluff. And he's like, I mean, you're the one who's threading me with it. So go ahead, do it. I don't care. I just love that that's his response is to just's like, you're the one who's threading me with it, so go ahead, do it, I don't care. I just love that that's his response is to just be like, okay, we have a relationship, but you're going to get mad at me for telling you this, so therefore I'm just like, right now my plants are my priority. Like, don't worry, because I can have someone else put up my plants. It's like, you're such a dick. He's such a dick and he's such a dumb dumb. Like, you didn't do anything bad. So why do you have to, it's like he calls Ron Purpose

to make her jealous and then gets mad at her for getting jealous and she's probably gonna see it and be like, who cares, that was stupid. And it makes her feel disposable by saying, oh, don't worry, I can have someone in there to like, what are the plans? So more ass dancing by the heater and Heather's like, who's he?

Oh my God, it might have been me. Yeah. And so Rain is pulling Jake and Frazier's Fraser. God, that sticks. and Heather's like, who's he? Oh my god, it might have been me. And so Raina's pulling Jake and Frazier's Fraser. God, that sticks. How do you say Fraser after Frazier? Like, how do you do it? I don't know how to do it. But she pulls their heads together. It's hard to angel.

Three-way make out. And Wes is like, this Raina Jake thing, this is going to get messy. Yeah. And then now, why up just being the three of them of the three way kissers and then Jake is like, should we go get some fucking chemist then or what? Which I'm like, wow, that was an aggressive way to say, anyone wanna get a hummus?

So they go downstairs and rain is putting them off and in the toaster and then Jake starts like snorting the hummus, which was gross because it's like now no one can really have that hummus and It's like it was like dripped on the table. Oh Well, either way, it's also like not the consistency. I feel like you want a snort even if you're being joky I just was like don't snort the hummus. I'm like this is not a this is not a laughing matter He didn't literally snort the hummus up silly. He would choke.

I, but you know what though, I didn't like the idea of him snorting on that table. I don't like the idea that there was hummus on the table. The whole thing just felt disrespectful to nasal passages and to tables and to hummus. Oh, so they're all wasted and Fraser's like, what did you just snort that high five? And he's like, everyone's going after you. And Jake shows me his hair. Why? And he's like, cause you're sexy, Motho.

So if you marry me before Miami, he's like, for marrying you. And Jake goes, well, I'm engaged, well, technically. And so, now Rainer's like,

what? I mean, you should tell me you engaged. I mean, you stuck your tongue down my throat. And you don't want to say nothing. I feel like a fucking idiot. Complete bullshit, which is true.

Although to be fair, Reina is literally seeing someone in Canada. So, go as bookweas. Yeah. So she saw Madden goes to bed and she's like, well, you don't know the full story. Did I say something wrong? Or was it just the hummus coming out of my nose? Fraser goes, this is why you don't do crew remanse. It's going to be an absolute disaster.

I can't wait to see how it happens. Dun dun dun. That's the end of Malodeka. Yes, so everyone, thanks for listening. Please don't forget to go check out our tickets for our live shows coming back next year Some of the places have already sold out and some of the places have low ticket counts So definitely go check that out. It's that watcher crappens.com. We want to see all your smiling faces there Okay, everybody. Thanks so much for being here. We'll talk to you next time. We'll be back, um, same time, new show next week. Bye!

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