Watch What Crappens - Below Deck: Having a God Moment

Episode Date: September 28, 2021

This week on Below Deck Mediterranean, a whole bunch of stuff almost goes wrong... but it doesn't. A beach picnic, a dinner for Sandy, a jet ski incident — they all go off without a hitch. So there's that. And Matt still drives us mad.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker and you can check out my writing on the dip. I've been writing some recaps. And by the way, this week I am doing something I have not done in a very long time,

which is writing a full on recap of the first episode of Vanderpump Rules. So that's going to be up probably after Vanderpump Rules heirss and joining me is the wonderful and hilarious Ronnie Carom. Hi Ronnie. What's going on? Well, hello, man. We're actually back in your riding chair with your feather quill and your... Yes, I did ride it with all a feather quill. It was I rode it on the parchment and feather quill and scandered it in and sent it to my editor over there on the dip. But we're and scandered it in and sent it to my editor over there on the dip Yeah, but we're by the way, we're talking about Beverly not Beverly Hills below deck med today

But I just wanted to give a plug for that recap Because you know my both of us our roots are in writing recaps on in the blogosphere before we were podcast as we were bloggers So it was fun to go back and do some writing, Ronnie. Well good. I'm glad you got that opportunity, honey. Yeah, it was super fun. You're one of the greats. Oh, so excited to read with you right. Thank you. Well, you know what? I have to say, I've been able to see the first episode of Vandenpromp rules and honestly it was really good I'm like actually very very excited and I feel like we're I Think we're gonna have a hopefully a good season ahead of us. It's so far. I thought the premiere was really funny I was I was laughing out loud

So that's always a good sign. So we're gonna have our recap of that up Probably tomorrow and on top of that by the, a lot of people have been asking us about Great British Bake Off and the first episode is going to be on our Patreon bonus this week. So keep an eye out for that because we're gonna have some fun talking about that episode. Yes, that is a really fun show and it's a super fun season. And I'm currently in accent training over here with my YouTube links and my video. I'm replaying over and over because there's a lot of doosies this year.

So, as you guys want to watch that, it's on Netflix, it's season nine that we're doing. Comes out every Friday. Our recaps will probably come out on Fridays too, which is awkward because we'll be lagging behind a little bit, but super fun show. So check that out. Yeah, you can listen to our recaps that get you excited for the next episode, which will

air that night. Did, is it that a lot of the accents? Are they like different regions of Britain? So just so many different regions, and there's an Irish girl and a German guy, just a lot of herbody flurbodies. I thought there's a girl who's like, menthol, that lot, that thing. What?

I thought that watching 65 episodes of Love Island UK, this summer, was going to make me an expert at regional British accents. But in the end, my accent all just comes out as a, what would you say about that? I'm not gonna be excited about that. So about that? I'm not even gonna try. So like, I'm not even gonna try. Yeah, I mean, people already know from listening

to this show that we're not gonna do that. So just go with it. Go with it. You would think that like, several seasons of below deck med, we would learn regional British accents. But, same thing. You know, I actually have a knack and I've had it ever since I was a little kid of just not learning.

I've just never never learned from my mistakes. Okay, it's just how I live. Okay, let's get on with below, Dick, man. What a doozy. And what a doozy. Oh, not a whole lot of what happens. This episode was hilarious. Unintentionally hilarious because literally nothing happened.

This is the epitome of an episode that was made to stretch out an episode or because nothing happened and they tried to make it seem like something was about to happen over and over and over again. They do like a timestamp, be like 15 minutes until the picnic, five minutes until the picnic. You're like, oh no, what's gonna go wrong? They're gonna go late, The picnic's gonna be ruined.

And that's like, and now, the picnic. And so everything was like leading up to drama and then everything was fine, as usual. Yes. So we start where we left off with Captain Leading, Malia, have it. The reality is Malia, I asked you in the first meeting and you didn't give a box.

So from now on, I don't care if he hits his head. I don't care if it's? I don't trust you. I can't trust you. Now listen, do I like you? Am I like Luke from Summer House? Will I ever say I don't like you? No, cuz I do like you, but I don't trust you, Malia! Yeah, I think this is a good idea. I don't trust you, okay? I don't trust you. I can't trust you. Now listen, do I like you? Am I like Luke from Summer House? Will I ever say I don't like you? No, because I do like you, but I don't trust you. Maria. Yeah, I think this is a little overcompensating from last year, you know, not being tough on Malia or something, because she's really just yelling. It's like, okay, all right. Calm down. It's just like misplaced. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So Malia's like, I'm over this. So then Malia basically has to go tell David

that he has to make an instant report with the first officer. Was it instant report or engine report? Incident. Incident, that makes much more sense. Cause like instant report, I was just imagining like something coming on screen like, the instant report,

there's just in, I have a bruise. This has been an instant report. I'm making an instant report right now. me on screen like, all right. And she's cleaning a cabinet like a little too hard. You've got a whole list of shit to do. Stop cleaning the outside of that cabinet. Courtney, use up on that cabinet cleaning. Okay. And so the David's like, is this going to be an early morning or early, early night type of crowd? And Katie goes, well, I hope it's not a light not crowd because I only have two steas you know I'm like well uh uh no Katie

you're not loud I'm not I will not allow this as she does it all fucking episode you are not allowed to make any little comments or complaints or say anything because you had the chance and you said no you literally did this to yourself, ma'am. So Lloyd is talking to his God to being with these. He's like, did you not hear it? She was screaming at her. I'm very, very traumatized by it. If you know, if, if, if, if, uh, mobs were bendable, I'd be in the fetal position right now. Terrible. And Malia says, well, it happened not during work hours. And I was not a work related incident, and he needed to report it.

He should have done it himself. Which, it's funny that we're out. Yeah, fucking Malia. Here we go with Malia, no responsibility for anything. Fucking Malia. Here we go again, Malia, okay. Malia tricks me every season into liking her again, and then she pulls shit like this.

Well, this is David's fault. I mean, he's the one he should have reported it. Well, I guess it was Hannah taking, was Hannah, was her medicine, was that during a work hour that you found that? See, like the whole thing about like not, it, you know, like she will only report things if it's something happens during work hours.

The Hannah thing happened literally not even work hours in a, it was like in a bathroom. So like, it's very inconsistent here. So yeah, it's very inconsistent here. Yeah, it's very moly. It's like everyone else's fault that she'll be the brave one and violent incident report anyway.

So then Matt is talking, Katie, you know, Matt is just like needing attention from Katie. So he's like, so let's the crowd like, no idea, is it nearly morning crowd? I don't know. Is it keys in the bowl or whoops, they just got too drunk and loaned you my wife after dessert?

And I want to pretend nothing happened to kind of crown? I don't know. I feel lucky that I'm here. I've escaped being fired many times. I'm like, Matt the cat with nine lives. It also makes sense, because I love pussy. Eww. It's like, yeah.

So it's a religious group coming, so he just keeps going, can we get prayers? Can I get prayers that things are gonna go good? So then Sandy calls Malia up to the bridge and she's like, okay, you know, okay, so, okay. So Malia, David may feel okay, but God forbid something happens in two weeks. He passes a blood clot. He has not reported the blood injury. Guess who's liable?

The owner of the vessel and me and me. I guess you tell us that. So let me tell you you know, it was liable. I'll give you a hint. John Travolta was in love with her and she was the MP of all the girls at Raidel. Hi. That's right. Sandy. Sandy is liable, Malia. Get it together. That's right. Sandy. Sandy is liable. Mollia. Get it together. So we go to oh, sorry, go ahead. No, I think we're going to the same place. Lloyd wondering if they could talk to animals. Oh God, Lloyd. So what's what would be the most pointless super power ever? Flowing. I think flying. David's like, yeah, flying. I said, yeah, says the guy who just had a terrible running with gravity. Like if anybody could use the power to fly. Since when is flying a useless superpower? Like, that is like one of the most useful things to be able to fly.

Like, how wonderful. How wonderful to be able to fly. It's not kidding. I would say that that's probably the number one requested superpower of children everywhere is the ability to fly. The second is X-ray vision. Yeah, I think the most useless power to have would be the power to know when a USB mouse is about to die and needs to be recharged.

Like that would be really useful. Super power. I have that one. I have that one, which is weird. Like your brain gets trained on things like that. Like your brain knows when to expect it, even if you don't. It's like, hey, I wonder if I should plug this in. It's like, oh my God, you're in two percent.

Well, Lloyd's like, what I want to talk to animals. What if I find that animals are thick as shit and I've wasted my time? Like, what if they're just like, eh, like, that's what it's like. I'm like, oh, this is the superpower I got. I see a bunch of animals go, eh, I'm like, I think that's probably what they are saying. You finally got a chance to do your,

what if I could talk to animals, stick, Lloyd congrats. He's like, well, everyone on this boat, this is not only the 50th time this season, he said this, but he does this 10 times this episode. He's like, everyone on this boat has made it such a comfortable environment for me to share my thoughts and feelings, like animals making an either sound.

Like, yeah, I'm worrying that I'm leaving this suit and if I might not ever be able to tell my animal bit again, I'm shaking, I'm literally shaking right now. He must have really had a terrible boss for him to feel like being on a reality show atmosphere. It's a safe place. You know, you know, it's funny when I was a kid, I used to want to talk to animals, but the reason why I had this logic, which was that like, like, if you put your foot into a shoe and there's a scorpion and the scorpion, like, stung you, my logic was, I think it would be great to talk to animals. You'd be like, oh my

god, I'm so sorry. No, I'm not trying to attack you. No, no, no, it's fine. Everything's cool. My whole thing was to basically have like conflict resolution with animals. I'm like, oh, so. Did you say that you did you get sung by a scorpion once? Is that what I-

Oh yes, I'm from Texas. Hell yes, I've been sung by a scorpion in my shoe. I still clear out my shoes every time before I put them on. And like now I'm really out of shape and I don't like bending over. So I grab the lid of my shoe with my big toe and between my big toe and my little toe and I still shake it out.

Because girl, those things will get you. And they'll dance at you. Well, I had one in here at the other week and it was like dancing at me. Yeah, it's tail was curled up at me and it was like dancing around like, come on, you want a to piece me bitch. Oh that's horrifying. They're pretty funny actually scorpions. They do not feel dead. They

do not feel good. I appreciate it. Yeah there's all sorts of critters around here. I found a black grasshopper in here yesterday. It was really cute. I chased it all over the house to catch that little fucker. A lot of fun stuff. Only deadly ones like you. Deadly ones like your scorpions. Dead bodies, yes. Dead bodies that showed up. Yes, with scorpion stings all over it, like calling the scorpion the cutest thing ever. Anyway, the point is Captain and Mollie are talking again.

So Captain's calm down now. So he's had her cheerios. She's like, Mollie, yeah. Obviously, I'm upset. You could probably tell because my bangs kept going like this. I was really, I was, I was, I was, I was bang, blowin' mad, okay? Because I made it clear. Day one that if anyone enters themselves, I don't care how.

They hurt their finger, they sat on the hot iron, they tried getting wax out of their ears, maxed out on the stuff themselves in the brain. All right, you know, they had one tool in the hot tub and they tried getting wax out of their ears, maxed it up and stuff in the brain. All right. You know, they had one tool in the hot tub and a finger in the toaster. I don't care what it is. Well, yeah. They decided to, you know, like fly a kite during a thunderstorm.

I don't care. Even if it does mean they learn about electricity and it impacts one of me and kind, I don't care. Write that down as an incident report. Let's say, you know, Mary time law has a report in the books about a guy sitting under an apple tree Getting an apple dropped on his head and discovering gravity. Is he a hero? Sure, but he's still in the incident reports I had sure Does he revolutionize physics? Does he change the progress of science and mankind sure?

But he still has to write an incident report Malia? Is he named fake Newton when he really discovered something through an apple? Yes. Does anyone know why no? Got it. Love you, Newton. Do you know what Jonah did when he got swallowed by the whale? He wrote an incident report and the whale spanned up So Malia was like well if he had slept on the job, then boom, I would have reported it, you know, but the incident happened after hours, okay, okay, I see where you're going technically, but here's the thing, Malia, he's limpin', okay? He's limpin' around like a drag queen missing a shoe, okay?

Someone's gotta do something. She's like, okay, well, I see what you're saying. It could develop into something worse like that. Yeah. Okay, or something worse, like a brain hemorrhage. Okay, I see what you're saying. I'll communicate it to you or I'll have him do it because he didn't do it. My first place. Okay. Well, I'm sorry, Yelda, you know, you know, I have the high, like, you know,

I trust you 1000% you are the banana have the high, like, you know, I trust you a thousand percent. You are the banana, and I love that banana. Okay. So Malia's like, um, the captain has to write to know what's going on with her crew at a whole times. At the end of the day, he should have reported it. I should have reminded him at the end of the day. It's not even the day.

It's the end of the day, not the beginning of the day, or even the night yet. It's just the end of the day. What I'm trying to say is, it's David's fault. So now Sandy gets a call. Hi, this is Sandy. Are you here to make an incident report? Hold on. I got to make an incident report of that. I'm getting a phone call one second.

Okay. What's up? And say, this is Dr. T on the phone. And three guests have been delayed. So here's, here's our first one. Three guests have been delayed and traveled and their negative COVID tests have not come through yet. And their names are Sonny Anderson and Anonavaro and they will not be able to come on the boat just yet. Sonny Hauston I should have said not Sonny Anderson Sonny Anderson is the chef.

Gosh. Sunny Hausten, I should've said not sunny Anderson, sunny Anderson is the chef. Gosh. Well, let's see, Captain, I'm sorry, I yelled at you, I have the highest, you know what I trust you at thousand percent. Really, because it really hurt me when you said you don't trust me, because I trust you to the core. But at what time of the day, Malia? Morning.

No. Afternoon. Getting warmer. At the end of the day. You'll get nothing for nothing. Let's not hug. Okay, let's not hug get out Get out Malia. So So David's gonna be put on night night shifts. We're here to do less labor and so Lloyd and you're gonna have to step up their their game during the middle of the day and All crew all crew get into your whites. Let's meet you know on the dock in five minutes

Most the charters can be here, but not all the charter because they got delayed. And wouldn't they have COVID, this can ruin everything. And wow, we could have a logistical nightmare on our hands. Whoa, that's going to be exciting in the next segment of the show, right? Okay, charter number six. Okay. So the guests come on and they're big church people. One of them's like a gospel star and they let you know it.

Okay. They're the churchy kind of people who are like, we are so churchy that everything we say is churchy, okay? I don't know how many super yachts Jesus chartered, lady, but you do you, okay? So they come on and they say, I'm sorry, Ronnie, I wasn't listening because I was having a bit of a god moment. Continue. Yeah, they say things like that in every tournament, it kind of cracks in the app. It's like, okay, Katie is going to show you the vessel. Hands to the sky. When guys says, hands to the sky. So, um, yeah, so, so everyone's showing up there. There's the boat tour and then David is like gathering bags and he's singing a song. He's like, there's only one Malia and she's

op-o-san. Stop. So then Courtney is trying to remember all the things that Katie told her to do and she goes, I can't believe what about to do this trip with two stews. The anxiety is real. No, Courtney, no, you enabled this decision. You do not get to complain about it either. Sorry, this is your fate. And then we cut to another guest going, oh my God, I love the height of this boat. I'm so close to God. Oh. Is it God around you at all times?

I don't think it's an altitude thing. So then, oh God, I took my Mi Model lunch. Okay, so I got some sun chips, right? So she looked, what are those? And I said, they're sun chips. So she prayed, she's very Jesusez to see so she's praying and she wish she does her tons prayer I've told you about that before that she prays and tongues. She's like That's how she prays over everything. So then she really liked the sun chips

So I got more and she says you got more of those chips. I said yeah, she goes why does it look different? I said because this is sour cream and onion I figured we'd try a different kind and then she's like Your prank tongues over it's just a flavor change. It's still a sun chip You don't have to pray over each different variety sort of as a good umbrella It's an umbrella sun a good umbrella, it's an umbrella-sonship prayer, okay? Can the first session of Tongues last us through lunch, please? Can we just like, yeah, we give it like, it's like a good like four hour, like it's a charge. It's like the USB mouse being charged.

Like you just gave it this charge. So, Z is gonna be on the bow for the first time by himself and he's gonna have to pull lines and he's never done this before. And so now we got a, there's a lot of drama because Sandi's like, okay, you see that dolphin? Okay. Okay. You see how the current is pushing us this way? Okay.

Okay. There's going to be a curtain. There's a dolphin. And then we cut over to Anthony and he's like, Anthony is the primary. And he's like, I have a childish thing about me. I like sprite with granity. And I mean, it's, it's a Shirley temple like, I have a childish thing about me. I like sprite with granadine. I mean, it's a Shirley Temple, but I have to say it that way. And mostly because I go to church not temple.

So I really hope that you respect the not like it calls sprite with granadine, please. Shirley'd want to call it a temple. Well, Shirley Temple technically, but we'll just call it sprite with granadine. We're still trying to convert surely, so sprite with granadine, please. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder e's new podcast, Dis and Tell.

Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud.

But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can lace an ad free on the Amazon Music or Wonder Yeah. So they're leaving the dock and it's like all stirring lines on board. What's going on?

There's a port site, Dolphin, the port site. Those fucking dolphins by the way, Arrani, they stress me out every single time. I fucking hate the dolphins. I don't think they should be in any single port. If a port, a harbor relies on dolphins to do something with the boats, they have to redesign the port

because I think that this is a terrible system. All these boats are nearly shipwrecked on them every single episode. Why do they have them get rid of the dolphins? Yeah, so they're like those things that people put on the freeway, you know, the stone walls that they set up when they're doing construction. Like, can we not have a stone wall? And then, maybe, rubber?

And we come on guys. It's just very annoying. So, like, get the fander around it, ready? Oh, fuck! Oh, god! Oh, god! And so, then the boat's coming out and then Sandy does this whole like incoherent monologue, which is, well, you know, you got to move the boat, but there's two different currents. You got the wind matching the current, and then it's pushing the stern over,

and there's a pelican over there. It's the astroshractin, and then there's a dolphin, then there's a real dolphin. So the real dolphin thinks they're old, the fake dolphins are real dolphins. So it's trying to hump a big piece of rock, right? And I'm just going to the cross-current and then there's a starfish flapping its arms.

And now I've got another third current coming in, then it starts to breeze some more, and the boat almost flips over, but it's fine. Everything, it's starfish, but flapping its arms. And now I've got another third current coming in, then it starts to breeze some more in, the boat almost flips over, but it's fine. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. That was, you know, I was worried because this is 909 gross tons, but guess what this was?

900 nine gross tons of funds, okay? We did it team, we did it. Hey, could someone make sure that dolphin files an incident report? Okay, thank you. So Katie calls down. Hey, could someone make sure that dolphin files an incident report? Okay. So Katie calls down. Dick crew, Dick crew, claim the crew, miss please. And Lily is like, David, help Katie. I'm just gonna go to shit really fast.

So the guys are drinking and Anthony is still like, yeah, we go to restaurants in order like children, right? Shirley temples. He's like really trying to push this Shirley temple thing. I'm like, I don't think anyone really cares if you order a Shirley temple. And there's no, there's literally no shaman ordering. There's really no shaman temple. It's a delicious Shirley temple.

Delicious beverage. Now there's this guy named Ben, great name by the way. And he's trying to flirt awkwardly with Katie. And he's like, Hey, you're like the queen of the interior. The girls right now are like stunning. I'm like, you know what, stop it. First of all, also, this guy Ben is a really good visual reference for if you ever wanted to know

what Bart Simpson would look like in about 20 years if he ever did. He's like, yeah, he looks like a guy who's trying to pass laws against crypto right now, but I can't remember his name to bring him up, but he kind of looks like a young Mr. Burns from the Simpsons. Yes, he does. He really has all from the Simpsons. Yeah, he definitely has a Simpsons look, Jim, you know,

he's definitely got a graining look or was it groaning? Is I'm not groaning or macaroni? I think so that's because if it was groaning, I'd say, Is it not groaning or macaroni? I think so that's because if it was groaning, I'd say valimance to a weird point. So Katie is like getting these drinks and then she starts muttering to herself, how did we go from four to two?

I'm like, I'll tell you how. You said I don't want a third, too. And that's how you fired two people. You fired two people. One deservedly and one idiotically. Oh God it's like going bowling hey the dog go from 10 pins to eight you knock down It's the way it works when you roll a ball at the pins How did we wind up on a boat because you applied for a job on a boat?

And then this is where our guys like thank you so much for this drink. That was awesome. And she goes, I'm having a god moment. Okay. So then captain is talking to Katie and Malia, that they're gonna have to set up a picnic. And it's the annual, you know, it's the seasonal, uh oh, let's make them climb up a steep hill

to do a picnic. Yeah, every single season on every single blow deck, they have to climb up closer to God. They have to climb up literally a ziggurat to get to do a little picnic at the very tipy top. So, Malia is like, this is where Delini would help. Sometimes having extra hands is having extra hands and it's a necessary stress on the deck crew,

which she's exactly right. I have nothing already. I'm already waiting for me to agree about Malia. Yeah, Malia was also kind of like talking Katie down as far as keeping Delaney. Like at the time, Malia is like, oh yeah, she's totally lying on her CV. And now that she's gone, she's like,

why wouldn't she keep Delaney? That's true. Malia's never getting points with me this season. She's messed up. I'm still anti-Malia. Sorry. Guy. So now it's time to drop the anchor.

Five shackles in the water. Five shackles in an incident report, please. And Katie's like, oh, I'm going to be there under physical pressure. I'm going to be there at my job when I'm running around like a headless chicken. I'm going to take the physical stress over the emotional stress any day of my life? Okay, but your, your choice to take that stress is now giving everybody else emotional stress. But also like, I don't, she's, what she says, I work better under physical pressure and I would take physical stress over my, does she know what physical pressure and physical

stresses? She sounds like she wants to be placed into a vice grip. I like physical stress. You know what I like? I like it if someone grabbed my foot and almost broke it. I would work a much better that way. I think, I think she's, I think emotion, stress is stress. So now the new guests come on because they've made it

and it's Holly and Michelle, two blonde ladies named Holly and Michelle and then it just cuts to David limping with the suitcase. Yeah. By the way, glad to see that this big twist about them being delayed has really impacted this. That whole thing like, oh, no, some people are going to be late and they're here without incident. Yeah, hear they are yeah So David is feeling useless because he's not gonna be as effective on deck and then of course one of the guys And the group is like guys. This is my Jack and Rose moment

Which was better than I'm the king of the world True true. He changed up with their a little bit king of the world. True, true. He changed up but there a little bit, you know, changed it up. Yeah. So, so yeah, so then Z falls over on one of the naughty boys. They all are like watching at him and they just laugh. And then Katie tells Matt that she's gonna, she's, she's like, oh, it's gonna be a beach to carry

everything up to the top of the hill for the picnic I don't want to hear a Katie cuz guess what it wouldn't have been as much of a bitch to carry things up if you had Another scene. Yeah, okay I'm not like the life has been more chill and better with that Lexi My spy really's been subsided Yeah, he drives me absolutely nuts and I've been really hopeful that he gets fired because they did show in the mid season trailer like that other chef coming on board. But I started to realize what's probably going to happen is in like the final episode

of the season, Sandy's going to say, Hey, Matt, you deserve a night off too. So I figured I have this chef in quarantine. He's in the field at an incident report and come on board and cook for you. You know, that's what's gonna happen. Oh, yeah, probably. Right. That's what I mean. Yeah, probably.

So then the guests go to the little picnic thing and they invite Captain to dinner and then Malia is kind of pissed because they're short-handed, still. She's like, I don't wanna be a dick, but we need an extra person right now. And then why is there no hand trolley on this boat or on any boat? Why do they have to carry all this stuff?

Why can't they get something with some wheels on it? Slap it on there and roll it up. And how come none of the guests ever say I don't want to climb up a fucking mountain? Yeah. You know it's funny. We talked about relaxing lunch. Why are you making me climb up a fucking mountain? Every season, and it's funny,

because we just talked about on the Potomac episode, our recap yesterday about how it can, like my canvas, but like how real housewives, if they see just like the slightest bit of tough terrain, they're like, I'm not walking down that path, but I'm below deck. They literally have to do like get a Sherpa and go up a mountain every single season.

Yeah, every single time. So Matt tells us, I've worked with his billionaires in celebrities, but none of them have seen me break down. So it's like, I have more to prove to Captain Sandy even to the guests. Okay, Matt, settle down. So then, so Malia and Zee are basically doing an episode of the amazing race on top of this Zee or Out of Stones

and ruins, and then Katie is in the laundry room with Courtney, and she's like, look at all this, and Courtney says, my omnis and Katie says, is that from all the oning and Courtney goes, Yas queen. I mean, is that a Yas queen moment? They're just using it everywhere now. Yes queen, good, Jay, quain, go, Jay. So then David's working the slide. And then another lady says, I was having a god moment over there. And the guy goes,

yeah, you sure did. That son really caught you definity. I mean, you caught the yes, which stands for feelings. You know, God is probably saying, like, listen, I know you're really enjoying having a me moment, but you can just, you don't have to announce it. Okay, because like, I'm, I'm always here. So you're always having a me moment. So like, you're really, it's, I have other things to do right now. I've just always thought that God is annoyed. Like, you're that person that's like, Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

it's like stop calling me, could you just stop calling me? I have so much to do. And people are like, God, God, God, God, God, God, just, just like, if you really enjoy the super yacht right now. It's like, I am trying to stop a tsunami, okay? God is like, I was like, I put you on the super yacht, so you'd be happy and quiet,

so I can deal with the war that I actually also caused, but I would need to wrap it up though. It's a whole process, a storytelling, you know? I need to get to the act three here, okay? God, please just drink your Shirley mega church. So one of these ladies is named Lyschow, which I can't like that. So it's 44 more minutes until the picnics. So now there's a countdown because clearly something's about to go wrong, right? Like this picnic, they're understaffed, there's a big mountain, things are going, they're going to fall behind schedule and there's about to go wrong, right? Like this picnic, they're understaffed, there's a big mountain,

things are going, they're going to fall behind schedule and there's going to be a huge drama about this picnic. Not they just like, they just go up the mountain. So Lloyd in, Lloyd and Katie are putting on rubber gloves and she's like, oh right, then, because I've done a few inspections in my time, oh god, I would like to thank everyone for giving me this opportunity to be comfortable enough to make that joke. Thank you. Thank you. Now, if you don't mind, for the rest of the episode, you're going to find out about me editing my CV. Enjoy. So then, um, then, um, Courtney is on a break for, she only gets a 13 minute break, and Katie's in the kitchen or in the galley,

and Matt, Matt is just being so deeply annoying. Like, you wouldn't think someone could be more annoying when they're in a good mood versus when they're being, like, violent, gross, but he's so desperate for attention. He's, like, this terrible, like, brown nose, when he's like, hey, Katie, how does it feel to be the birds best, too?

And she's like, hey Keeney, how is it feel to beat the birds best too? And she's like, yeah, okay thanks. Thanks. So then Mulea and Zee are just sober. So they're like, uh, hi, hi, Kuchee. Oh yeah, Yasquame. And she tells us, I'm definitely considering a friend for life. Getting the flowers made me realize we're just friends. I'm afraid of any relationship, you know, it is my last boyfriend dumped me while we're in lockdown together. And even worse, we were watching O'sark. So I never finished it and it completely ruined it for me. You know, I hope she realizes that she can resume watching that and it literally anywhere.

So she's traumatized now by the break up. She can't just go back to watching Ozark. Well, she can watch Twin Peaks season three. So I do want to mention one thing about this picnic. As I just, I was glancing over my picnic notes to see if there was anything no worthy to discuss about it before we move on. And I did like that the guests finally arrive at the top of this mountain and they're just like, they sit down and they learn that they will be eating, build your own Pokeballs.

And then one of the ladies goes, God is everything because of him. Because of him. I guess God was like, you know what? Let me stop with this whole coronavirus situation that I created by accident. And let me just get some Pokeballs for these people. I'm just going to the Poke. Is there a God section on this check to write a tip in?

Because he really did everything. I'm sorry, we want to tip you, but unfortunately this is mainly God's work, so we'll just sit in with prayer. Sorry, guys. So yeah, so they're getting ready to leave and doing all their Instagrams and all that good stuff. And they return to like that was amazing, Captain. And then Katie and Lloyd take wacky pictures like they're getting married under the arch on the mountain. And let's see what else laundry cleaning. Courtney's exhausted guys. She's exhausted. And then I guess it's like gosh, I can't imagine two people doing your job.

And she's like, oh, I know it's crazy. I'm like, you chose this. You and Katie chose this. It's not crazy. And you're bitch you chose this, you and Katie chose this. It's not crazy. And you're bitching to the customers about it. Why are you telling the customers that you're short-handed? Yeah.

So now Anthony, the main guy wants to go jet skiing. So Malia tells him that in Croatia, you have to stay 300 meters offshore. So they get on the jet skis and there's lots of water toys. And then David's like, where are they going? The two skis may have gone into town and then we see the jet skis going under the bridge and like the drone following them.

And then Malia's like, we're going to get a ticket. We're going to get in a ticket and Lloyd's like, they are in big, big trouble. Thank God I feel safe here on this boat amongst this community. Go get them, Aliyah, go thought that Malia had said they can't be within 300 yards of the yacht, which is the exact opposite. So more laundry and now, guess what? The slide. It's time to do the slide. And then Matt, Matt is doing three courses tonight. He's going to do, it's a big Italian feast. He could do a bread basket and a three hour bullenese.

And he's like, should I mix in onions? I should do that right, Katie. And she's like, I don't know. I really don't know. What about, what if I sit my nipple in it? That would be funny, right, Katie? Okay, what would Jesus do? She's like, you know, I enjoy working with Matthew. you know, it's nice to be asked for my opinion,

but at the same time, I have a 15 meter boat to run and I need you to do your job. Yeah, she says I'm a stew down. Like, you know what? Actually, unfortunately, Katie, you chose to have a stew down so you must listen to Matt's annoying questions. That's your fault. You know, while we're just being super negative, it's fine, it feels good, warm blanket.

I'm having a godmother. Matt, I think Matt is so, it makes me crazy that Matt has not gotten shit for his food because everything we've seen of his food is so mediocre. I mean, he's serving barata again. Barata, a ball of cheese that you that you buy okay over a fucking tomato with some ball somaic and they're like oh my god he is amazing. I'm still mad. I'm still mad at the last charter when that Lee didn't get her plated on tray. I feel like that was like

a big issue and and he got off on that one. I'm still furious for crystal. Crystal's friends not backing her up on that one. That was sad times for friendships and crystals. Yes, you know what Katie needs to do. Katie needs to be in the tradition of K. Chestene and Hannah Farrier and Daisy, which is to really shame the chef for putting out like very nice, but not five star food, you know? Yeah, that's what I need for this. I mean he has served some really there He has served some stuff that looks absolutely delicious. Don't get me wrong But it also does feel like there's been a lot of families. I think that crystal really was on to something Yeah, so

What time is dinner eight thirty so she goes to tell Matt and I'm like Oh, they're setting up for some drama the dinner's not gonna come out on time or something because it's like what time is dinner? What time do you want dinner with any thing? 8 30 8 30 8 30 8 30 8 30 8 30 8 30 It's like oh here we go. Here's some drama and then Matt's like oh God can you see it prayer for me tonight? Oh, I hope that's you miss a prayer the captain Sandy loves everything and then he tells us this annoying backstory oh I've always been a sensitive very sensitive and thrive off of compliments it's almost generational my dad is a stage actor my mom is a chef

and I come from an artist family I work better off of positive reinforcement like you know what just because your dad does reenactments at some Fortin Road Island and your mom cooks, you know, wherever she is. Does not mean you are from an artistic stage. I'm just not willing. I'm not willing to give them this. Yes, mom.

And he's talking about how he thrives on positive reinforcement when he's like telling people, you pants were terrible. They were they were the terrible child. You really need a worst person ever. Oh, by the way, we should we should correct this because when we were talking about the Matt Lexi fight, we kept saying Matt Lexi start Matt, someone who started this whole thing.

No, Lexi actually did. People comment just pointed this out. Lexi pointed it out at that lunch where she's like, Matt, someone who started this whole thing, no, Lexi actually did. People comment just pointed this out. Lexi pointed it out at that lunch where she's like, oh, he left the boat. I mean, weak, he totally left the boat to Laney. Like, he totally quit. I mean, what all these are or whatever. So there you go.

It's corrected. It's corrected. Correct it, everybody. Consider it corrected. So now it's been 12 hours with no break for Courtney. And then Ben, Ben, the Bart Simpson character is like sitting on a chair sort of flirting with Katie who just seems like she has no time to even flirt back.

And he's like, I'm just gonna hang out here while you work. What's the Auckland life for you like now? She's like, well, you know, I'll be living in Europe because yeah, I did the camp event thing, which by the way, if anyone ever is trying to hit on me, don't lead with I did the camper van thing. That's like it. It's never that's that's that is a that is a non starter. Also, what an awkward week for a tall, shaped head white guy to be bragging about doing the van camera. Yeah. Really?

God, it's weird how things like that happen, right? Yeah. So, where is that guy? Have they found him yet, by the way? No, I don't think so. Because you know I'm following that shit and so sad. But Katie's like, well, you've done it all having two. And she's like, it's just a little hamlet flitting.

I've got nothing else, you know what I'm saying? That was the most like low effort flirting that I've ever seen someone do. Her saying, will you've done it all having to? Is like the most, it's such a generic response to whatever someone would say. Like someone, you know what I love? What, hey, do you use Windex on that fly

because I can really see myself in your pants? Well, you've done it all, haven't you? It's just this generic catch all you can just say to anyone who's sorting out you. Yeah, but she's also like David Jacks or Jack, you know what I mean? So she's like, I mean, that's pretty low effort, I think, in general, right?

Yeah. So now Katie is talking... Katie gives a whole spiel about how Courtney wasn't confident in the beginning, but she's improved so much. And she's getting the confidence that she was should've had. And now Lloyd goes and talks to his dad on the phone because he tells his dad that he's going to be redoing his CV because guess what? Lloyd is hoping to find another boat that he can feel as happy on,

but he's not sure if he can, because he's never felt so happy and safe as he has had felt. Oh my god. So David has hooked him up, right? And so he's trying to get his dad to find the doc, which is, yeah, this is another. I'll never replicate this experience. Okay. So then drama music, drama music, and the captain's looking outside as the table's being set. Not really saying anything about table decorations, and the guests make their way up and math like, I'm freaking out. Of course they want to make the guest happy,

but now I've been given a third chance. I'm gonna serve Rigatoni. Yeah, he's gonna do his do some basic pasta. So now the guest said everyone says it dinner and now Sandy's just doing her whole spiel. Oh, you guys have had the best weather. The best adventures God remember when you guys all had to climb that mountain wasn't that amazing. Oh, the best. Let me tell you about pirates in Somalia. Yeah, she literally does.

And I like that that's her thing. She just goes into her spiel about her big captain stories and stuff. So, someone's gluten intolerance and people are putting on flowers. Which I know, no impact on anything whatsoever, except someone's lactose intolerant also and they get goat cheese instead of barata.

Great. Thank you for, feel I feel my life isn't lightened knowing that. And Malia says Gucci a couple times and then they talk yeah basically it's just small talk. And then Malia my god okay I'm gonna scroll up. Well here's what happens. Literally nothing happens right? Nothing happens except for Matt, Matt going, are you happy? Are you happy? Who's the happiest?

Please say Sandy, please say Sandy. It's like, oh my god, I just want to smack the guy. And Kati goes, all right, well, she's telling us stories, okay, she's telling us stories. Like it's another thing that it's like story time with Sandy. So then he goes through this whole thing about he's so scared about Sandy. So then Sandy comes down, she goes, Matthew, dinner with X-Ling's like, Thank you so much!

Just one thing. My plate had a lot of dark fish on it. You don't ever serve that. Okay, now you know. And he's like, we're that sucks. And then the music's like gone gone gone. And then he starts spiraling about about the dark fish, et cetera. And that way, oh, oh, then there was a big moment. Lloyd gets a call from his dad. My

TV looks good. Wow. We found it. Yeah. So now the CV revision nailed it. So Z was moved to morning so that David could, you know, have to do lighter work or whatever on his leg. So he's doing his first morning shift and Courtney does coffee for Molly who's, you know, posing, staring off into the sunrise and, you know, doing, doing her very like, God, I'm feeling this poses. And then Michelle. Michelle's looking down to look for that paddleboard and it's not out and Captain Sandy

sees it. Yeah, because it sees first morning and he forgot that the thing he's supposed to do is put out a paddleboard. So is it like that, L'Helle, if Z had done it correctly, L'Helle would have just gone onto a paddle board and went to paddle boarded away, and it would have been like cool.

Like I think that like, I think it's good that L'Helle was like limited in her ability to just hop on a paddle board. I feel like there should be some supervision of that. I think Z did a great job. He limited L'Helle's ability to just like disappear off the boat. He stopped. Yeah, he stopped for the show from hurting yourself. Like we already

saw these people don't listen to instructions very well. So like I don't think that Michelle should just have like free access to a paddleboard unsupervised. Yeah. So then David has some bad news. He texts Lloyd that the last captain already filled that position. And Lloyd's like, they can be able to go forward and get this level of acceptance from new people. It'll be hard. What will I do? And meanwhile upstairs for breakfast, Katie is serving some Herrera's rancheros.

Don't know what those are but maybe they're similar to huevos rancheros not sure yeah yeah I'm with them sure I've never heard of her raros rancher itals one jettles uh Katie with the vibe do they hate me do they live in my horror rooms I don't mean to prove someone put a col Geronna's head and beat it with a wind spoon for crying out loud I just get very insecure when he hear criticism. It's not healthy Yeah, well again like you said this is a guy who like Severely have be little Lexi who admittedly was a disaster

so Oh, it's 16 minutes until the, until the anchor 16 minutes, oh, and out the transom doors close, the transom doors close, but the anchor, we're, we're at what's going on the anchor. Z didn't haul the anchor. Or something. Well, the anchor comes home, something happens. I think he, like, this is a line or something. Yeah, like the anchor wasn't up. So then it has to come up. But guess what, Ronnie? The fender is in the wrong spot.

No. Oh gosh, please take the anchor ball down. Take the anchor ball down. We don't look like pros, people. Ronnie, I tell you, there was one time I was in Marina Del Rey and I was looking at all the beautiful boats and then I saw one boat and I had an anchor ball up And I was like a nice unprofessional yacht get out of this Marina

Well, I mean, I've definitely had moments where I've been like balls down A little your ball stop that anchor ball like if I ever see an anchor ball up. I'm like who is this bet So That anger ball like a fight ever see an anger ball up. I'm like, who is this but So People are getting too tired and they're not doing a thorough check of their work and I'm not gonna let it fly So everybody has to run to change into Appalach and David get on deck and they rush to change in the six minutes Tell the marina and then Lord is like ZZZZZ Lord ZZZZ lord ZZ lord and David's like he's getting his watch on and then the caps are like well Yeah, I'm moving. Let me know. Let me know when you guys are on stern two minutes fenders over point My point bow and then Holly the guest is like being super jodgy. She's like look everyone else is back then like

Shelly don't need your commentary right now. So okay, you guys need to hustle. There's a guess what, guys? There's a dolphin and it still has not done its incident report. What is happening? And she's like, where can I hit some ground lines? And it's all my fault. Next time, this is my best made out because Lexi's my views.

I could not believe that that was our cliffhanger was Z throwing the line and not landing it. And now it's like, oh no, we're going to hit a ground line. They're not, it'll be fine. It was literally always fine. Yeah. No off airs below deck for you. It's been a rough season of below deck, but you know, I have faith that they'll pull it through. I'm sorry, Katie's the lovely person.

Get rid of her and get a bitchy stew back. Okay, this is not working. Yeah, I was I was a fan of Katie in the beginning, but I think I we need bitchy stew, bitchy stew. Sorry. Yeah, something. Okay, everybody, well, we sure love you. Thank you so much for being here with us today. We'll be back tomorrow with some guess what it's back and it's cold, vandal pump. Rooool, so... Yeah, should be fun, talk to you guys all later. And bye! Hi, watch what crap ends, would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

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