Watch What Crappens - Below Deck: Jesus Jugs, Take The Keel

Episode Date: January 15, 2020

Alexis Bellino makes her Below Deck debut this week, which basically amounts to her making out with her indifferent boyfriend Drew. Meanwhile, Courtney and Brian hit a snag in their romance and Kevin throws out his back. Thailand, Thailand where everyone gets a baby muscle spasm! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Incredible edible Matthew sisters! And... Mina Kuch kuchi kuchi! Watch what happens, watch what happens, who cares what happens when there's so much that Hello and welcome to Watcher Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker of The Real House where there's a kitchen island available on YouTube. And joining me is a very, very handsome and wonderful man. It's Ronnie Caram of the Rose Prick Spatiarist podcast. What's up Ronnie? Well, hello, Ben. We all hail. Welcome to Tuesday.

How was your Tuesday going so far? Oh, I love a Tuesday. Always to Tuesday. How was your Tuesday going so far? Oh, I love a Tuesday. Always a Tuesday. Always if they could all be Tuesdays, man, if they could all be Tuesdays. Well, maybe someday they can all be Tuesdays. I mean, days of the week are just a frame of mind, right? You can just always say it's Tuesday. What is the weekend anyway? it's Tuesday. What is the week end anyway? Tuesday. Anyway, wasn't there a store called Tuesday mornings? There sure is Tuesday morning. And it's an amazing store in Lauren McCull used to do the ads for it. And she doesn't anymore, which is highly disappointing. Well, she's dead. I loved her. I know, but still just keep bringing her back. But if Carrie Fisher can still be in in Star Wars, then Lauren Bacama CGI Lauren Bacama

soundly we got damn Tuesday morning fellows. I want to see the the marketing meeting for that. Okay, guys, I'm saying this. Let's spend our 2020 budget on a CGI version of Lauren Bacama. It'll turn around sales everywhere. Listen, I have there's your good idea Tuesday morning. Take it or leave it. It's up to you. Well, I have a really good idea for people, which is that they should head on over to watchwrapers.com. Because guess what? We have a new show that we're announcing

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That way they are fully informed and ready to go. Then the week after that we're going to Austin, Texas and we're going to Houston, Texas. We love our Texas peoples, including you, Ronnie. And then after that we're going to Birmingham, Slash, Hoover, Alabama. And then we have our big show in Nola. I could not be more excited for that. I, I'm like besides myself. And then we are going to Lawrence fucking Kansas. We're going to Omaha, Nebraska, Salt Lake City, Vancouver, British Columbia, Orlando, Charleston, Oklahoma City, Asbury Park, Washington, DC, San Francisco, Boston. It is going to be a huge, huge first half of 2020.

And then guess what? After June, we're taking a break. Kai, sometimes you gotta take a break. And be with your daughter, slash best friend, Avery. Kai, but that's the deal. Go to watchcraftpins.com to get your tickets. Yes, we're about to have so much fun, Kai. But today we are on the low, deep, low deep, everybody.

Yeah. This just in the men are still awful on the show. Yeah, the men are misogynist pricks. Woohoo! Men are doing great. We're doing great guys. Yeah. Oh, man.

This show really does find new ways to make my blood boil all the time. And we start with a little clip showing us the drama leading up to now with Ashton with the captain saying, I'd like to go through the final chart is a mean Dean. Also, with my tongue down someone's throat, I don't care who it is, throw me a vagina and I will stick it in there. Literally, I'm expecting the vagina. All I need is a stick figure with the vagina and I'll be happy. Give me a piece of wood and tell me there's a vagina on it and I will kiss it. And we see the captain interviewing all the guys. You know, I think she's not a good team worker. She's a cancer.

Yeah, cancer. Yeah that she's not a good team worker. See the cancer. Yeah, cancer. Yeah, the cancer. Yeah. So I just ran out of the room. That's how he's feeling about it. Riley, Riley, Lee, Riley, Riley, Lee. Well, Riley gets your ass up here. So Riley now has to have like the big moment with Captain Lee to find out if she's fired or not and Kate's basically telling her like take responsibility for everything do it take a responsibility for everything

Which I don't know I don't know if that's gonna happen or not, but you know, it was nice if Kate to try so But by the way, I'm team Riley on this 100% 100% so Riley goes up to Captain Lee and he's like well, I've talked to Ashton and once he was done grinding on my thigh Then I talked to everyone else and we do have a situation Apparently someone has cancer on this boat. So we're gonna have to go to Sloan Kettering to take care of it Sloan Kettering to take take care of it Sloan Kettering. I've brought in a doctor that I found on a nearby raft At least I think he's a doctor. Look. I like Cheerios. It's the point. So bend over and let's take your temperature Here's the situation and it's unpleasant

We're out of Cheerios. We've had to use one of the strange off- ones from Whole Foods, something like Monkios, not the same, not a Cheerio. I don't know. Last time I checked, Whole Foods brand doesn't have an adorable little bee on it. Because I love the Honey Nut Cheerio brand, specifically. I don't have problems come solutions. When you got a bowl of Cheerios, you need some milk, to solve it. All right, so you're the Cheerios.

Guess what? We're not putting milk in you. All right. You're a stand. It's my point. You're staying, kiddo. And here's what we're going to do. We're going to work on you.

We're going to work on Ashton. Yeah. Who has just made out with my steering wheel. Do you have an African on you? That would be great. Let me try to describe the situation in Cheerios. OK. I am someone situation in Cheerios. Okay. I am someone about each Cheerios.

You're a Cheerio, Ashes the Milk, and I'm going to be keeping a close eye on you because I don't know if someone honey I shrunk the kids on to someone, and there's a little person in your Cheerio trying not to get swallowed to death. Okay? So my name is Maramis. All right, I trying not to get swallowed to death. Okay. So my is my premise. Alright, get back to work, Rick. So Riley is really upset now. She's like, I mean, to think that the people I work with

are trying to get me fired. I mean, it's a lot. They genuinely don't like me. Where do I go from here? And so she's crying to Kate. And then the captain calls Ashton up to the sky lounge and he's like, all right, listen here, I've talked to everybody. And I could deal with this situation the way you are. But frankly, I don't feel like sticking my tongue on an inanimate object. So yeah, gonna keep Riley, all right? You was now. Get with it. Yeah. And he's like, but we all come into change. I'm not asking you to change her. I'm saying make it work.

It's like when you only have half a bowl of Cheerio's left, you got to throw in some rice. Krispies, otherwise you're not going to have a complete breakfast. You know what I'm saying? You need to have a full bowl of cereal at all times. Make it work. And Captain asked, did you tell her you're just tolerating her?

And he's like, well, yes, because it's the truth, Cap. And he's like, well, the truth isn't always the best policy on deck. All right. For example, the truth is, you've got about 19 zits on your butt. All right. Now, if I said that, it would be bad for business. All right.

Now go out there and shake that money maker, kid. All right. Now, try to do it with an open mind. Your mind isn't open right now. It's the only thing that's open Apparently is your fly and you're reaching in there and I just want to remind you I am I'm no vagina. Okay, there it is going back in again. Great. Thank you. I can't believe this decision is happening right now I'm the one captain brought back and trusted and now he's trusting a third deck head ever me. Okay, a

You're the one brought back because you almost got killed last season and People like automatically liked you because of that. Okay, Mr. Charming Second of all one of the people who helped you not get killed last season was lady that you're currently trying to get fired Mm-hmm and third of all I don't even have a third of all okay, but I'm just gonna keep talking this tone of voice So you go back downstairs. Start doing what? Yeah, you got something lead, you got time to clean. Third of all, you're a hypocrite.

There it is. So, so yes, now Ashton Riley, like, have a talk to like, to settle things. He's like, we need to make this work. Just respect the work and respect the situation we can make it work. Well, right? Riley's just sort of standing there there because captain leaves holder that she has to change the way She reacts to things that's the only way she's gonna change the way people treat her So she just sitting there silently giving like quiet goddess with her eyes like God it eyes

Giving God it eyes. Yeah So it's like is anything else you want to say she's like um now and so she walks Yeah. So he's like, is it anything else you want to say? She's like, um, no. And so she walks off and then she's like, fucking joke, God damn it, motherfucker. He didn't even offer me a paleo option when he was scolding me. So Ashden is getting a tech, he's sitting with Brian and he gets a text from one of the girls on the show who's apparently on America's next top model, LOL. Yes, I didn't remember her, but she maybe was from a later season that I didn't watch as rigorously. Yeah.

So I love that she's still like, look at me. I'm still a model. I modeled on the Belotec boat, which I paid to be on. So winning, winning at life over here. I can't believe I just said, winning. You see what this show does to you, but you're in character because she would say winning you wouldn't but she would Thank you. I was like so method

Yeah, I posted this Oprah podcast and Oprah keeps saying things like oh, you know my good friend Daniel day You know because she's Oprah Winfrey. That's how she talks She's like well, we're just relaxing in my bird garden in Malibu or whatever But she's like my good friend Daniel day, you know He was in character the whole time when he was Lincoln. I mean everyone had to talk to him like Lincoln Everything like I just I love imagining Daniel Day Lewis standing at the Cheeto section of the craft services table acting like Lincoln You know in front of giant movie cameras like wouldn't Abraham Lincoln be just totally fucking confused get over yourself Daniel day Lewis. That's what I It's a salient point that has a lot to do with everything that's happening here

Daniel day loose like you but got it Gorgeous Like as Abraham Lincoln I've got it. Yeah Abraham Lincoln as a third-deck hand Abraham Lincoln as Riley Actually, I would like to see Daniel Day Lewis as Riley. Got it. Got it. It's I am under a bad and an Abian B. I drink your soup that Kevin made. Okay, so Ashden gets a text from a girl with Brian and it's the girl from America's next stop model who Daniel Taylor's will play with me. I know for a while, bragging about questions. This is Molly. You may remember me from a previous charter season. I requested your company at the library, which is a bar slash club where people do the dancing and the socializing.

In Foucaix, thank you. Thank you. So yeah, they're supposed to go to the library. And Brian's like, Sans Locobet, are you for brew. I don't I don't think we should do it. And he's like, Don't it's already done. That's it. Too late. So Kate and Riley are in their bunk and Kate's like, so Rallye, would you be a fan of Tanner came in here and we like hooked up under you? Which is so polite. It is very polite. Also like I've never been that polite. You're just suddenly, I've never been that polite. You're just suddenly like watching them fuck back to you.

I don't know how many times this has happened to me, but enough that I was like, you know what, that's so polite. My friends never ask. They just do it. I just want to know what sort of fear factor episode we were about to launch into, like the idea of like being in a bunk and knowing that like a naked, ejaculating Tanner is below me is just like oh Germany

Like just listening to that You'll pick it There's a cancer on this boat. I will call my mother And get to the bottom of it. Thank you. Thank you. My my good friend Tanner from below deck. You know, it's like oh shut up My good friend Tanner from below deck, you know, it's like oh shut up So yeah, so Riley is like so just case like what you mind if Tanner came and hooked up under you and Riley's like if I was asleep I wouldn't give a fuck so then kids like I've had his taste Riley had his taste Riley's like, uh, yeah, duh and Kate says well, there's about a stressful actions me to me Kevin's me to me

I need a little consolation Like that's your consolation. Oh This is so off-brand for Kate like it makes me very upset that she is like Falling this far. You know, this what happened. You know like I remember you know since we had a grinder situation on the show last week Might as well tell an experience with grind or not an experience But just like I remember when I was on it what would happen is Over time your standards start to lower and lower and lower I mean, I guess it does it's not even a grinder thing and happens with dating you know like you're dating someone

Like someone who's like oh great great option that doesn't work out. You're like okay Well, this this one's pretty good too. I can see my son. And then all of a sudden, next you know, you're on a date with basically like someone who looks like a carpet with bowling balls under it. You know, not, not trying to say it as a fact, to me, but meaning that, like just like,

what am I doing? Like this amorphous person here who has no personality. And I've suddenly like, this is where my standards have taken me and that's what's happened with Kate with Tanner and I think it's sad because I feel like Kate it shouldn't happen to me but not to Kate. Well it's like jail sex right? It's like you're in prison, there's no one else around and suddenly you know everything

changes in your life and then you get out of prison you're like oh my god it's like salting. Block is calling me again. Yeah, it's like Salteen. Like, you never, no one ever really reaches for Salteen's for a snack. Like, I'm so hungry, I'm gonna go get some Salteen's. But somehow they're just there, and then almost the next thing you know,

you're nibbling on a Salteen, and you're like, why do I not have better options? Why did I do this to myself? Yeah, I bought this from the store. Like, what the hell? Yeah, I bought this from the store like what the hell? What I really made a conscious, conscientious effort to have saltines in my apartment. Why? So I had to have a real one point. That's why. And that's what Tanner is.

He's like the snack that you had to stop your diarrhea at some point. And then somehow you might be eating just on its own. Well, it's funny that you circle back to diarrhea when we're talking about Tanner because that was one of his major storylines. So you see guys, full circle, full circle. So then everybody is getting ready to go out and Kevin is doing is it Kevin Husspitz in his hands. Yeah, I'm sure it's here to you. Oh, I just assumed that would be Tanner. Yeah, it's like up. Yeah. He's like, he likes to do his hair in the same decade that, you know, women still couldn't vote

and stuff. Yeah. 1999. So, so, uh, it's now they're all going out. And there it's like the men's van and the women's van. So in the men's van, Ashens like, so Boole and Justine want to party and hang out with us. It came with like, aw, crikey, I'll hate Justin guys. Oh man. Why would you have to invite daddy out to eat with us? No, I have to be like daddy. Are you happy? Daddy? Do you want a drink? Daddy? What can I do better for you? Daddy? It's like whoa Ashton's like that's alright. You'll be asleep by then anyway, bro And they're like So then Courtney Courtney's asking the girls in their van.

I'm like, so you guys gonna be tonight. And Broly's like, um, nobody, I hate all three of them. So that leaves one of you three girls. And they all start cracking up. And now to the library. Yeah, they're there. Tanner is like ready to kiss someone, anyone. Like he does not care who he's gonna kiss.

And they're all doing, you know, shot like cheers shots, whatever. And Tanner's like, hey, anyone, like he does not care who he's gonna kiss. And they're all doing, you know, shots, like, cheers, shots, whatever. And Tanner's like, hey, Kate, are you, are you gonna, am I gonna go home with you? And she goes, or you wanna come home with me? He goes, she's like, yeah, I'll go home with you, I guess. My standards are good. And then, Molly and Justin arrive.

And Kate's like, oh my god, it's very ridiculous So she goes out she goes out to smoke and Kevin comes with her because this is a bonding thing for them because they both hate those girls Right. Yeah, and meanwhile Justin is like talking to Tanner and she's like As I'm chef to non chef We all wanted to know who was the hottest and Molly always said it was action And I always said it was you. So that was my little my little really obvious way of throwing myself at you or you're gonna know we're not doing okay. All right. You're gonna kiss me now. Okay. No more time. Okay. Great. Well, I will be cooking somewhere. I will be cooking something somewhere in Charleston, Chef to not chef. Yeah. So, um, yeah, so Tanner's like, you know, Kate and I have sexual tension, but now Justin comes into the mix and, uh, I'm just

gonna get drunk and see what happens. I'm like, okay, great. You're a real class actor, Tanner. Yeah. And so Justin, uh, justine is telling Tanner. She's like, um, you can take me on a date, okay? You can try a little like make some kind of effort. And he's like, oh, all right. If I say the DM, you's gonna answer. And she's like, um, sure. Yeah.

That's the most romantic thing. If I explain to you DMs, you're gonna answer. So then Kate's talking to Kevin outside. And she's like, that's what I guess are here. It's annoying. I don't guess her here, snoring. I don't care who you are, I don't feel like seeing you. Which is pretty much I think, like, Kate's philosophy on yachting. Come the shoes, here comes one right now.

Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Disantel. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What deserves session with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows.

It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondering app. So Riley is in the car on the way back because it's already over, right?

Everybody's drunk. Well, Asher manages to, he does manage to kiss Molly. And he does, Asher does his like patterned move where he takes her hand. It takes her head in both of his hands and just like forces her head onto his lips. Have you noticed how Asher always kisses people? He just grabs the head and just like, okay, your head is trapped in my in my man hands you cannot go you have to receive this gift right now yes yes I have noticed it's very forceful gross it is gross kids like I'm the one who's been working all season I should get to fuck the deck hand hmm so in the van Riley's like what about Ashden and Molly and kids like oh my

god who's like Ashden I'd rather and Molly there and kids like oh my god who is that a shun I'd rather fuck a Vienna sausage I mean there's six little we need like their pale and icky like crackly to fat nobody really knows what to do with them like uh oh Kate spinning out on a Vienna sausage yeah yeah my cheeks and try to kiss me. That's the answer. Just punch the window. Huh. Good. So Tanner is like, all right, Kate, my room, a your room, your room, all right.

Let's do it. It's like, my room. God, what does he always have to talk about it, Jesus? Yeah. So Brian and Courtney are holding hands on their way back to the boat. And she's like, hugely when I date someone I take it day by day, but with Brian like I like him It's amazing to have such a connection with someone like I don't even know what to say

Like this will clearly work out well and will not be tainted by the presence of small square plates This is like the seafood tower relationships right now you So Tanner is fall down drunk, soccer. Yeah. Please like literally falling down drunk. And Riley's like, you okay? It's like, no, not okay. I'm going to bed, can't say. I'm going to bed.

I think it's like, I'll admit it. I've had a few drinks, I'm bored. Tanner's been throated with me all season. And now I like to cash in my tickets. So I have here some very small grimy tickets. I would like to redeem these for one very sad sexual experience. That I'll regret for the rest of my life. Thank you.

I know it is totally like turning in your scheme all tickets when you think like, oh my God, I have got a small child full of tickets. Like I've got so many tickets I can barely carry them. And then you take them over to the booth and you just get like a sad little squeeze stress toy. Yeah. Yeah.

It's basically like anytime you go to different busters and try to redeem everything you've done. And like you're just eligible for like some still gummy worms. Yes. So 35 hours, oh so by the way, he's asleep. So she goes in there. And she's like, um, KK Tanner, KK Tanner. And he's asleep. She's like, maybe he's doing okay. But John my party. So real. Yeah. So, um, the next morning, they're all, they're all

cleaning. So, so, of course, goes in to see Tanner to basically rub it in his face that he misses chance. And she's like, I came in to check on you last night. And I told you to come to my room, and you wouldn't even flip over. So how do you feel? How do you feel about the fact that you've

been trying to hook up with me all season and you missed your opportunity? Anything at all? Nothing. He's like, oh, I blew it, eh. And he goes, he goes, yeah, well, you know what, I would need to perform. And you know, you probably would have taken advantage

of me. And Courtney just goes, gross. So then Riley is folding towels and she's like, can't even fire me if you try. Tows. Yeah, because the towels then fall over hmm And then

Riley is trying to help tie a lion and stuff and Ash is like oh And there's all this tension there and the captain is watching them and he's like I'm not a big fan of Micro-managing and I'm not gonna start now. I've told you what I expect deliver. All right Door dash. I would like to deliver... Not gonna babysit with a side of rants. Alright, let me tell you something, I'm not a fan of micromanaging, but I do enjoy micromanaging.

Wow, great toys, and that guy could speak so fast. Fast, wow, I really appreciate how fast he could work. There's a Mona talking to Courtney, and she's like, last night, Tana was being stunned off his own G. And Courtney's like, um, yeah, because he was connootling, which is a word I heard from my grandmother who still deserves fucking respects, so don't even try a bitch.

Yeah, she was like, um, you know, I'm like not gonna tell Simone that Hannah wants to go up with the cake because, you know, I don't know, because'm like not gonna tell Simone that Hannah wants to go up with the cake because You know, I don't know because like you but Brian may not be very mature, but at least he's more mature than Tanner You gross Um, so the guys are the deck hands are talking and Ash is like, bro, you did you get some nookie? What what is with this? What is with all the terminology all this stuff? Like they were can you do like did you get some nookie? Kevin's like spitting in his hands to do his hair. It's like the Greece episode of BulloDec. Were you a neckin? Huh?

So, yeah. So, um, so Brian's like not sure where he stands with Courtney these days because, you know, seasons wrapping up soon and he's got a daughter and he, if he's going to be bringing a woman into his daughter's life, he wants to make sure like he has to be confident in that choice. I'm like, you know, you've been on TV. Okay. Just so you know, your daughter could see this. Yeah. Just so you know, daughters have televisions. So he is like, yeah. So he's like, I don't know if I should, what I should do, you know,

because I've got a daughter and I don't want people coming in and out of the life And it means a lot to me and I have to be really confident. We have our shoes has to be someone that I'm really weird and then a custom Courtney going and looking for a snack that isn't Doritos Prefer and seat meeting preference eating Number eight. This is a big one. This is big for Bravo fans. Well, it's Orange County Housewife Alexis Bolino. Her new four-born-o boyfriend can't wait to get on vacation with her. All right. I guess she's moving on quick. Like, um, did you just slutsame Alexis Bolino, sir? How dare you? Yeah. And clearly this guy is in it for a free trip to Thailand because you could not have seen more

I must say you cannot have seen more less interested you cannot have seen less interested in Alexis Lino see I'm already talking more or less interested is a very good Description of how he seems more or less interested more less interested so she's we celebrating her divorce from the chin Jim Bellino and Kate's like my only concern about having a housewife as a guest is that they tend to be a little dramatic the good news is they can't flip any of our tables because they're all nailed down not actually with physical nails just ashen has had sex with all them he's literally nailed all the tables. It's disgusting.

Ashton's Vienna sausage is currently stuck in the upstairs snack table. There's that. So they're planning their nights. One night is going to be an Irish night. And then the cat, yeah, then the horse. I'm assuming the same Patrick's day. Because I don't know why you'd go to Thailand to have an Irish-themed night on a yacht unless it was St. Patrick's Day or unless you are very serious by your Irish heritage. So are you just Alexis Bolino? Like Lord knows what's going on in the screen. I know.

You know? That's very true. Yeah. Just like. I mean, could you imagine Alexis Bolino? Oh my God, I had the best time in Thailand. We got there and made everything look Irish. It was amazing. So we know how good below deck is at just continuing storylines, you know, we've got the every year. There's a dad who's missing his kid that he's left.

Yep, etc. There's a mom. There's a new colleague's mom on this one. This running thing is just brain hurting himself. Yeah, so the new one is Yeah, we just see we just see like the secure like the infrared camera of Brian's room and no one's even in it And we just hear Brian go ah, he's oh gosh man nose Oh, that's my fate. My fate. He hurt me, it's like, oh my god, you're such an idiot. He's bleeding. He is literally like a god in beating up, like something beat him up in the shower. Like he is someone who could not even get haunted by a Japanese harm of it because like the

ghost would beat him up and he's like, oh, I fell over. It's like, no, the ghost like, no, that was me dumbass. I beat you up because I'm a ghost and you're in my shower. I'm pretty sure we'll just fail. No, because I pushed you. I'm a ghost. I pushed you up because I'm a ghost and you're in my shower. I'm pretty sure we'll just fail. No, because I pushed you I'm a ghost. I pushed you over Very gay sassy ghost in this version gay sassy ghost gay sassy goes who's like upset that he's not getting haunting credit So Riley sees Ashton and it's all tense and but they're talking about the most mundane things

She's like what's up? It's like cover all the furniture? Okay, check the windows. Okay. I'm like, geez, why is this like a fight? You're talking about cleaning things, you know? And then he tells us, the best I can do now is treat you like the third deck and she is. She's at the bottom of the ranks.

Just take all the ass. It's like, oh my god, you're like a sniveling villain right now. I know. Just stop. The best thing that I can do now is to treat her like the third Jackhand that she is keep quiet Thank you Daniel Day is asking would it be out of character if I sent a text to my good friend Oprah Winfrey right now did Abraham Lincoln have texting on the boat some and research at Oprah Winfrey my dear friend I want to let you know

That I would be very comfortable going into the final two charters Amanda thank you. Thank you everyone I think he would be playing, I think he would probably be playing Brian in this though, because you know, my left foot and all. Well, he's playing everyone. He's working with his dad. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, because Ashley has like,

my face, the gash upon my face. I'm not sure I could fish another person with my face that has been aggashed. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So prevention. Shadowed. So Kevin is having problems with his back. He's like, Jesus Christ.

My back is Agdinal. Oh, Mr. Dodson. Oh, Jesus, Mr. Dodson. I must be the weight of the expectations of Daddy. And Kate's like, wow, you're doing a great job Simone, choosing the banister like that. Nice work. Simone, is there a reason why you're trying to use the pizza cutter on the wall? And then we hear, oh, vacation starts now. And it's all the cases starts now.

And it's all like this ballino walking to the yacht. And Kate just goes, it sounds like a dolphin. A captain says, and there's always one douche bag. Yep. Well. So Kate says, so they were, because they're all lined up. And so the guests are coming up. And Kate goes, these people definitely

look like they're from Orange County, tanannin beds, gym membership, Barbie, Mattel factory. I'm scared. Give me a kiss, baby. Give me a kiss. Alexis has this new guy that she has to make out with every two seconds. Yeah, Andrew. And they're like making out in front of the lineup and everything. It's just like terrible. So they go on a boat tour and this guy, Andrew, but I think he goes by Drew.

He's like, they see the fancy tour. He goes, well, I mean, I'll be spending some quality time in there. Oh my God. Anyway, boyfriend to be with me, not with my toilet, Drew. Oh my God, you're hilarious. Of course, Alexis is going to start a fight storyline

with a toilet. Yeah. She's got a lot of experience with Tamara Barney. Oh, that's a say. She knows something about getting kicked out of seats. Yes. So the calf, I remember what a position I... And Alexis is making out on deck, which, you know, this is gonna happen every two seconds. In case I...

Ew. Yeah. I love yeah, I love you. I love you. Andrew, I love you because well, thanks for getting us here. You're welcome. I love you. And he just like looks away. Really awkwardly, not answering. So then Alexis like mounts him, you know, like he's a bachelor horse.

And she's like, oh my god, everyone needs to get the forest. This is amazing. Yeah. Oh God, just so awful. So they're all like, they're excited because they're ready for St. Patrick's Day. And then like in the galley, Kate is actually like, there's like some false optimism

that seems to be going on. Kate's like, wow, they're so easy. And goes, yeah, they are and they're so nice. I mean, I think they actually alluded to wanting a seafood tower. Like, who does that? That's so nice. That is amazing. And one of the guys, of course, this guy hangs out with Alexis. Like, this is the type of Alexis friends you would think she would have, right? He's like, bro, did they tell you about the donuts? I eat like two dozen donuts a day.

And one of the girls goes, Fault to you, poop. And he goes, yeah, I release them, blah, and then I have more donuts. Yeah, that's exactly Alexis friend. And in fact, when he like walked up on that little bunny deck or whatever they call it and Alexis goes,ness in the house.

Whoa. So rally to Ashton, 10th moment. She's like, what do you want me on Ashton? He's like, the whole tub, then dinner and I'll need you. I'll call you. And she's like, got it. And then she walks away.

She's like, these fucking idiots are swear to God, Jesus Christ. My God, get it. Fuck your assholes, beat the crap man! It's blatantly obvious I'm not part of the team from there, I'm making me question what and why I'm doing all the time Got it, got it, can't say it, can't say it, but Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it I will not So Kate is talking to Simone and I'm like oh my god I've got exciting news for you Simone. I'm gonna let you girls handle service. Do you mess it up?

It smells like she's being condescending to me and it's insulting my intelligence good boy for Lisa That's that's great Simone, but could you stop vacuuming the wine glasses? Thanks Um, that's, that's great, Simone, but could you stop vacuuming the wine glasses? Thanks. So now the deck cans are all high-fiving each other and laughing together and Riley's eating in her room under the bed like the bed and breakfast. And they're like, oh yeah, but we're, she's like, I'm alone with some bacon in my room. Just me alone with my bacon. I've got it. I hope the guests don't hear me, or Daddy will be upset. I just remember the better breakfast story.

Daddy always said, don't come out, children should be seen and not heard, and sometimes not even seen. And I would say, God it, got it's father. So then Kevin's big green dinner. Kids, I can't even talk about dinner. And he's like, I'm trying to spice it up. Something green all the way. And some Guinness, I'll be fine.

Daddy said I was best at making green things because I would make a puke all the time. And I just realized what he meant by that. Daddy, I get it, Daddy. Not cool. So then Kevin's a Daniel Day Lewis, by the way. the time and I just realized what he meant by that daddy I get it daddy not cool so then Daniel Daniel Day Lewis by the way that was yeah Daniel Day Lewis is just playing every character on the show he's just like like lurking around the boat studying everyone and then practicing in the mirror yeah it's like the classy version of split so Brian is texting Courtney and he's like,

we haven't talked about what happens when the season ends. Bloop, what are your thoughts? Bloop, like she's in the room like right next to you. Really do. You can't. You can't really have this talk. It has to be every text. A little worse.

Yeah, and she goes, well, what are your thoughts? Because she's probably like, what? And he goes he goes well we're just having some fun right which is like you don't send that to someone that you've been like canutling with all like for several months you just don't do that and Courtney is like Courtney picks up on it and she's like um this is like insensitive to have a conversation like this via text message. And so she's like, what the fuck? As really anyone would be Brian. And so she's all mad. And she's like, you know, because she's like, I thought, I don't think that Courtney was necessarily thinking, oh, we're going to become like boyfriend girlfriend after this. But uh, suddenly be like, well, we're just having some fun, right? It's a sort of be like, well, you knew this all the time.

And if you didn't know it, you're crazy. You're the crazy one. You're so needy. You know, like that's that's what that sort of comment does. It's like when Tanner did that to Simone. So now Courtney is mad. Yeah, she's mad. And Simone is so proud of herself for all those waters she passed out last week. Yeah. And so she is making drinks and shit. Service isn't that hard. I'm a math major, you know, like that's not one thing does not have to do with the other. Listen, I'm a server and I'm terrible at math, also I'm terrible at being a server. So maybe you do have a point, continue. Yeah, she's

like, you know, service really isn't that hard, you know, just you know, like now I can do an ice coffee, I know exactly how to do it. It's like someone you're handing them a boot. Now I can do an ice coffee. I know exactly how to do it. It's like someone you're handing them a boot. But. So Kate is talking to court me in the kitchen. And she's like, so Brian texted me and he was like,

we're just having fun, right? And Kate's like, he had text. And he goes, awkward. So yeah, I can't even say, yeah, it's just like having fun is like the tackiest thing I've ever heard. And and Kate's like, I'm so surprised. And court me was yeah, it's just like having fun is like the tackiest thing I've ever heard. And, and kids like, I'm so surprised. And Courtney's like, it's just weird. You know, then that's like the extent of the conversation, basically.

Like, oh my God, I got this text from him. Oh, weird. Yes. And of course, Kevin has to run back like a little damn baby. And of course, Courtney felt comfortable talking in front of Kevin because every time he has a problem, he's talking to to Courtney about it and she doesn't run straight to everybody He's bitching about yeah, so I think she was under the impression that she was friends with him dumbass yeah, and she wasn't really telling Kevin she was telling Kate and Kevin

Kevin basically like Listened in you know and I like she knew he was there. It wasn't like a secret But she was really there to tell Kate, you know So but Kate decides to put her on this they're gonna be this could be an afternoon excursion So she puts Courtney on the excursion because she's basically like oh God She's gonna be dramatic. I got her way for me. So And then like it's all gets interrupted because then Alexis and Drew are making out again on the boat and Courtney is like Laughing I want to say laughing at ever want to see especially now it's gross you

you um and Kate and Riley are now there in their room and kids like oh my god are you reading you have a bathroom in the magazine oh magazine in the bathroom but what were you doing where are you doing that interesting not to be nut to a dinosaur industry. Huh. Huh. Uh, so Kate is so surprised to see Riley all depressed. You know, she's like, she's an Alaskan strong woman. She catches huge fish. She's from mainstream America or mainstream America. And she's beaten down by an ex-chip and dail.

I mean, come on. I mean, reverse hand. Reverse hand. So, um, so then, um, Brian's like walking through the gallery and Kevin's like, hi, Brue, what's going on with you in Coltony? She was up here talking all sorts of shit a bit, what happened?

Which is not what it was. And it's such an exaggeration. And Kevin does this shit. It feels like all the time. I don't know if it's true or not, but it feels that way. And now Brian's all mad. He's like, he's upset that Courtney would go and start talking about their personal relationship that's being aired on a TV show to everyone in the galley.

Yeah, he's basically getting like super mad like dudes do when they're like, okay, now I can now I have them excuse to be able to break up. Exactly. This is a different side of Courtney that I'm seeing. It's not a good side. I'm like the side of Courtney, where she like vents briefly to a friend. About the fact that I did that was. Whoever I was. Yeah, like I'm sorry, I forgot.

The girls aren't allowed to vent to people. So 7 to 10 p.m. Kate, Kate. Oh, so Kate is handing out little head, little head, what do you think? Like headband things, like with little Irish, whatever, headbands, okay? Authentic Irish celebration. Yeah, that's awesome. Sorry, I'm stammering like this.

Welcome to my Tuesday. So Kevin's like, I prefer a hack. I've got a green head or more head. I've got a green head or my head. I've got a green head on my head. You are terrible. You were the worst version of Pirates of Pen Sants I've ever seen. Just be quiet. Yeah, he's doing a whole song and dance.

He's like, I've got a green head on my head. On my head. On my head. On my back. On my back. On my back. On my face. On my knee.

So Brian is like, Courtney, I think I need to talk to you. She's like, maybe. It's like, after dinner? Maybe. And then I just like the way that she just is like, no, you fucked up.

So I'm punishing you right now. Yeah, because he's like, no conversation. Just say you're sorry. Yeah, about that. So Brian is talking to Ashton. He's like, well, she's with me, Bruce. I have to be honest, you know, I knew we'd have to have the combo, and I wanted to take it first because I knew it was coming.

And then she took it like we're breaking up on messenger, and then she went to, she went to Kate and Kevin and took shit on my back, Bruce. What gives her the right to do that? Um, because people have a right to talk to their friends about what's going on in their lives maybe it's like that then don't fuck people at work maybe the reason why she thought she could do that is for the same reason while you're talking to Ashen right now about Courtney yeah maybe that's what maybe that you know you know how you just sort of assume that like when you have something

emotional happening in your life that you can talk to a friend, you know how you're doing that with Ashton? Yeah, yeah, that's what she was doing. So it's what friends do. Yeah, but I think because she's talking to Kate. Yeah. You know, it's like the other woman that they hate. But if anything, Kate is the one who's actually

trying to get Courtney to talk to Brian because Courtney is she's like I'm just annoyed that it's interfering with my work you know I have to like pick up all the vases that Simone's been throwing around the living room because she thinks that they're fly swatters and in case like you know well maybe talk to and we'll make you less upset and she goes um you'll probably make me cry and then I'll have puppy red eyes and then I'll be thinking about how I just cry at work. Oh my god, guess what Alexis is doing. She's reading a book. Just kidding. She's making out with a hot guy. Objectively.

She is out of control. Out of control. So Riley is helping Kate decorate. I love that like the the, Riley revenge on the show is that they always show her doing jobs that aren't her job. Yeah, they're like, we'll show Riley doing all the laundry and Riley decorating when she doesn't have to. You know, I know. So while doing it too.

Yeah, that's her style. So then the debt crew is Wait, Quart here's Kate notice that so In the in the galley and then Courtney like opens a drawer and I go and then Kate is like, oh my god I think right I guess I'm so sorry. I'm like literally so sorry that my Canadian accent came out. I'm so sorry. I Try all season not say I'm so sorry, but you got me. I'm so sorry Kate So Ashton's giving Order is to everybody and he's like all right, you know, Tony. Yep. Keep clean. Raleigh. Make sure we have fresh tails and clean furniture

Take it the trash any anything else we can make hardly do, anybody else. We're all like, okay. Oh, the gimmick fuck you, hold me down in the morning. Yeah. So now it was dinner time and Alexis is like, oh my god, I told every guy that I did it that I'm never getting married again, and then I met Drew and I'm like,

oh, where are we getting married? Why don't we get married? Am I right, everyone? Am I right, am I right? And he's like, oh my god, kill me now. Wouldn't be bad if I jumped off the side of this yacht right this yacht right now would be worth it right. I'm at my peak Yeah, he's so uncomfortable and then of course it's Kevin's to Kevin dinner So let's watch people eat some meat potatoes. He's lucky. It's Irish day. Yeah, it's like Kevin's old stand-by's work

Yeah, she's like oh my god. I love salmon. Thank you Is this a potato Latka? No, that's prime rib. Oh god, really wonderful So Riley is all frustrated and then Kate's ironing she's like Back to my happy place Did someone break this iron is that? Is that a toothbrush in the iron Simone? Simone? Just just mic in a maltini cake. I hate it yet.

You're putting tide into a, into a peepod. It's not a martini. So Tanner's like, you want to have it? Sorry, Tanner's like, you want to have a smoke cake? And she's like, um, yeah. So he goes smoke on deck together. And he's like, hey, you guys getting along today. Hey, what do you think of hookin' up?

What do you think about it? Should we hook up? think of hook and up? What do you think about it? Should we hook up? Should we not hook up? What do you think about it? I was like, Oh my God, don't tell me you want to hook up. Just do it. Jesus. OK, because I was thinking about putting in my eye

cal for tomorrow night, we'd hook up maybe around 10.30 p.m. I don't know, I call my mom and see what she's got to say about it. What do you think? I was like, well, it's probably awkward with Simone, which probably waited here to. So, yeah. So then, so Brian is now texting Corny, he was like, cool, you really shouldn't have brought to us up with Kate.

Now it's going to be all over the boat by morning. You took this whole thing the wrong way. I'm like, maybe if you don't want something to be taken the wrong way, you would say it to her face to face rather than over text message where everything can get taken the wrong way at all times. I mean, well, none of that ever happens, but it's going to be all over the boat my morning. You also told Ashton, don't forget. You also talked to Ashton.

I remember it was also Kevin too. Don't blame it all, Kate. Kevin was the one who gossiped the most about it. So Courtney is like, Brian is still texting me. And then Alexis, cut back to Alexis still talking. She's like, yeah, wasn't gonna get married. But then I was like, what are we gonna do? Oh my God, I'm so glad he didn't get pop on me

because like at the beginning, I was such a bitch to him. I mean, I was a bitch, right? Well, I wasn't that much of a bitch. How much of a bitch was I, honey? Like, was I that much of a bitch? Are we getting married? We are getting, cannot wait to get married. So if I was a huge bitch, if I was a huge bitch, Kiss Me Once, if I was not a huge bitch, are we getting married? We are getting, cannot wait to get married. So that was a huge bitch.

If I was a huge bitch, kiss me once. If I was not a huge bitch, kiss me twice. The guests are so bored. Even the guy who talked about pooping out he doesn't don't have. So it's just like, oh my God, can we get some better conversation here? Seriously.

So yeah, so Courtney is telling Kate, like, brands like still texting me, like stop texting me, like I don't need to use my Data plant on this. It's stupid. It's so stupid. Brian needs to fly back to my scent. Uh, and then uh, also Captain Lee, it goes wandering into the bathroom and he's like, God damn it. No toilet paper up in here. Is what happens in your little nunchar room to an America's next top model friend. Oh my god there's so much chocolate. You know

what? We're gonna we're going to bed. We're gonna have fun guys. Bye. Oh my god there's some Miranar bedroom. I just can't. It's nice to be reminded of how awful Alexis Blinow is, you know. I know, you know? I know. Nice. Nice to see you. I know. I would love to see this playing out there on the real housewives. Oh, yeah. This relationship with this guy who obviously doesn't like her at all. Yeah, I would appreciate that.

So now it's 10, 15 PM. Courtney's finally off work. So she goes into her room and starts to cry. And she's basically like, look, I'm overwhelmed. I thought that he generally liked me. And I'm realizing I'm overwhelmed I thought that like he generally liked me and I'm realizing he didn't and I can't handle it emotionally so I'm gonna cry right now and look at pictures of seafood towers on Google images until I smile again. I know I'm gonna go Pinterest as many seafood towers as I can find on the

goddamn internet. So the second day of Char charter Kevin tells Courtney did you and brunch so you shit out Off troublemaker Jesus Exactly and basically they still haven't talked and and and fact she's in the galley and he like Scydles by her and they like don't talk or look at each other. It's like oh frosty times on the boat Yeah frosty times on the boat. Yeah, um, Kevin's like, I can do anything with eggs, anything, any very thing. And so someone goes, um, Benedict, he's like, come and ride up meme.

Wow, wow. It's like watching a master chef. Yeah, buddy. I'll tell you about a Benedict Arnold traitor. Just like my father when he said he was going to pick me up after school that time. Daddy. So Riley is seeing the guests off and like, Bye Riley, bye Riley, we love you Riley.

And actually like we'll look at you and she's like, yeah, everyone likes me except you boys. And she goes up because they don't only get it on you, it takes you. Look at him now, so I'm being to you because I've barely seen you. Bye, and he's like speeds off on the boat with a guess She's just like dumbasses dumbasses So then meanwhile Kevin is like he his back his back ache has been getting worse and worse and now all of a sudden He's like doubled over and Simone goes what you doing on the floor? all of a sudden he's like doubled over and Simone goes, what are you doing on the floor? I like, I think he's just like looking

for some spare, you know, silverware. I think that's what it is Simone. He's in pain. It's like me and me some blind killers. I can't straighten my back. I was like, wow, he must be sick of he's telling some more worse painkillers are. I mean, I have to be on fire to be telling some more

my shoot is. Well, you know, he's also you know how bad his pain was that te the first mate came up to help like it was one thing that when we got like we got like a few Darian You know cameos, but te I'm like wow tez here. That's a big deal He's always the worst bat playing on vivid heat. Oh, I don't know. I'm gonna get through He's always the worst bat playing on every heat. I don't know where I'm gonna get through And then Riley is in her cabin just still all depressed about these guys She's like, I mean this is the worst scenario I've ever had I'm still learning and then you have a meathead who doesn't know what he's gonna what he's doing and then Bruce who follows lead for broke-out

Yeah, I mean it sucks. It sucks to a rally. I mean, that's just like, yes, Riley could should react better to things, but there is definitely like a, like a, there's definitely like a, like a, like a boys club going on there. So then Courtney, um, uh, she turns the cake and she's like, poor Kevin, he heard his back and couldn't move. Te had to help him. I didn't even know we had someone in Teh on the boat. I thought like every time it was on the sheets, it was just a typo. But he was real and he's here.

Any help? Okay, it just goes. Okay. It's good to know. I'll just heat up some sofas. It's bad as good anyway. So now that the big talk with Brian and Courtney, he's stressing out like he's been she's been ignoring him Which has been getting him all worked up about it, you know

So he's like oh can we talk can we talk you took it the wrong way? It's like um because it hurt me because I thought you liked me and he's like oh do That's what I was talking to you about it But then you go and tell Kate and Kevin and I never did that to you once I never did it to you once when we had a problem Yeah, and then and then she's basically like um Why are you bleeding from your chest? Oh, I just I felt on some rocks. That's all my chest So Brian's like I don't look anyone knowing my business and sick well So Brian's like, I don't look anyone knowing my business. Sick well, sorry you feel that way.

I've just been busy and it's distracting me. And he's like, oh, just sorry, sorry you feel that way. Oh, fuck off. I know, seriously. Seriously, like she's allowed to, like you basically dropped a bomb on her. And if you don't realize it's a bomb, then that's gonna be on you. And she's like, sorry I didn't realize you were so private about those things given that you've talked about a relationship to your friends all season long.

And he's like, well, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Can I get a kiss? I'm just like, I don't know. And he goes, oh, you don't know? Okay, I've been falling. Yeah. So he leaves. And Kevin's still like, still moaning down in the crew mess.

And Captain Lee is like, well, that's all Aene's for our chef to go down. still moaning down in the crew messed up. And Captain Lee is like, well, that's all Aeneas for our chef to go down. I mean, it's the one department I can't fix. I mean, I'm just an old line chef. I can't do anything about it. What could I possibly do be in a trained line chef? If they have the Captain takeover, I will fall over dead. For your first course, we have a ceviche of

Cheerio, and then for our second course, this is a Cheerio puree, and for your third, we have a roasted Cheerio on a bed of Cheerio dust with a Cheerio foam. Please be the chef, please be the chef. It would be amazing. And that brings us to the end of Bloody, everybody. Thanks everyone for listening. Be sure to go to watchwrapins.com to get tickets to Detroit in Columbus next week. Also, be sure to take advantage of that Madison, Wisconsin, presale while you can. And of course, there's still time to vote for the grabbies. So go do that because they are on Friday night and downtown Los Angeles. So it's gonna be super fun. That's basically it. We'll talk to you, Maniana, with some Vanderbilt rules. Bye everybody. Bye.

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