Watch What Crappens - Below Deck Med: Back to Russia, With (Gay) Love

Episode Date: June 19, 2019

This episode is available as a video recap on Patreon Below Deck Med's Chef Mila has a homophobia problem. Will it get her fired before her canned crabmeat? To hear this week's bonus episode recapping the Project Runway Finale and to find Crappens on Demand video recaps, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. ***New Limited Edition Shirts! "Martini Medicine" "Team LVP" and "DooooooRINDA!" merch available at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Nashville, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Chicago, Charlotte, Seattle, Ft Lauderdale and NYC! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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We're also going to be doing a video of Real Housewives of New York this Friday at New Pacific. And if you can't join the livestream, who cares? Because it's on Crappin's on's on demand you can watch it whenever you want that is right that is right okay so today is below deck meta training day okay is everybody triggered everyone's triggered actually I have a I have a thing because I triggered some people last week actually I didn't even realize but I actually I yeah I actually wanted to talk about it very briefly because I do think it's important to mention it you know we were just

like going in and in and in on Milla and I was like oh brillo pad hair her brillo pad hair you know because we're just like taking pot shots like that her very frizzy hair and you know someone actually reached out to us I was like listen we love you guys but just so you know, like, you know, on the one hand, you guys are praising, if you're praising, you know, like, Tamika giving a pep talk to her daughter about like how her hair is, you know, is special in that. How kids at school make fun of her hair

because she's a, you know, a person of color and it's a different type of hair. And then we're, here we go, be like, brilow pad hair, you know, the thing, that ultimately hair it's a different type of hair. And then here we go, be like, Brillo Pad Hair. You know, the thing, ultimately hair is like a very politically charged thing. And I'm not trying to make, you know, mothers or parents of kids who have, I know this sounds totally like, oh, it's so sensitive, but it's a real issue, believe it or not. And I'm not trying to add on to that.

So I am going to go in on M, and I'm happy going on Milla, but I'm not gonna be calling her a brillo pad here anymore. That's that. Well, that's a stance. I'm taking a silly one. No, you're allowed. I'm just, you know, I'm bald. So any of my hair commentary comes from pure jealousy.

Yeah, I mean, so anybody who doesn't like their hair being made fun, I just know that my karma went out in the end. I would make fun of how your hair is styled Okay, but like the thing is you know, it's just sometimes you forget like you know I you know for me. It's just like I was just hair But you know you just forget like hair means a lot of like means a lot more to certain people then like I think like Sometimes you can realize and I don't know. No, no, I don't know. I don't know anything about that Like what hair would mean to people or what it could do to yourself cost of this have no idea Actually, I searched one hair loss thing. I clicked on one ad

I didn't even search for it, but I clicked on some ad that's like oh, it's a little robot It takes little pieces of your hair and puts it on you know basically plugs But it's like some little Roomba for plugs or something and so I clicked on it, because I was like, what the f is that, you know? And now my entire feed is like a baldness and erectile dysfunction. I guess those two go hand in hand. I don't know what even happened, but that's all of my Facebook ads. It's like dogs hugging because you know, I love like animal videos and stuff. So it's like, it's like a cow chasing a ball like a dog and then a rectile dysfunction of balding. I've never even clicked on an erectile dysfunction thing. No, no, but usually they do go hand in hand as well as like I

don't know like bondiobe tickets. No, no, I'm not saying no, I'm not saying that they go hand in hand. I'm saying a lot of people who are searching for those like you know people who it's just sad. Like, you know, people who- I guess just sad man issues, you know. Just like random sad man issues. Basically, if I talk about here, I'm just going to piss someone off. It's either going to be Ronnie or lots of bearded children. So, all right.

You know what? But the point is this, Mila Sucks. Okay. Yeah, Mila Sucks. It's a homophobic who can't cook. And you know what, before logging on here onto this podcast, I was doing my, I mean, it's a homophobe who can't cook and you know up before before logging on here onto this podcast I was doing my you know what any any person should be doing in the morning Which is watching bear for Contessa and Ina Garden was making some flaminions and she's like wow

I'm she goes she's she's got a two-inch Cut for each for all of her flaminion. She's like well, these are really thick But it's for a special occasion and I was like see even fucking Inaigarten well not even I mean obviously Inaigarten does everything right but like Mela with her tiny like thin ass steaks you know on a on a super yacht like watch some bearfoot contest of Mela I'm like I don't know where that came from I'm sorry everyone that was that just like it sort of like just emerged out of me I was waiting for the connection to hair

I was like oh my god, what is I know worried about She's like, hey now all I do is click on erectile dysfunction as isn't that fun? I got an email from ina Garton saying you know, I'm really sick of you comparing Tessa from project runway to me and my hair Oh, and by the way, speaking of Project Runway, our bonus episode this week, we recapped the Project Runway finale. So if you want to hear our thoughts on that.

Yeah, good check it. Yeah. Okay, so let's start this recap now. Yeah. Now back to regular being triggered, okay? Yeah, regular triggering. Meela, so we open up just good old fashioned regular homosexual triggering.

Yeah, yeah. Good old fashioned home of the career. Yeah, come on guys. Let's just go back. Let's go back a few decades. Yeah. Let's go back to my Mimaw's living room. All right, for this nice triggering homosexuality episode.

Yeah, let's go back to 2015 when Jackson for Newspaster was tweeting. What? We had no idea. So Mela is there still on the vans on the way to going out to get wasted for the first time together. They're all going to go have their first fun night together when this stupid Mela breaks out in her anti-gay stuff. So she's she we start in the middle of this conversation. So she's like, well, look just because I'm seeing my opinion about the gaze which is my favorite thing you know when people are like why I have the right to my opinion too stop being a big head against

big heads I know in terms like well you're opinion on gay show you opinion on humanity which is fucking terrible and then she's like oh look at you looks like some personal feelings being touched there oh little game man and next see that I don't miss any feelings yeah nothing like arguing you know your homophobia with adding more on top I know I don't agree with me you must be gay and he's like well maybe I am and maybe I'm friends with him and And she's like, oh, okay, good for them. I just don't want to see it happen. You know what, good for you,

but I don't want to see you happen either. Yeah, I don't want to see your cooking happening. I don't want to see you bumbling around a kitchen, barely even able to open a bag of goldfish and cheese it. Okay. Yeah. So Travis is like, you should just be quiet. You should just shut the fuck up You know and he's like homosexuals homosexuality is natural and you're a fuckhead

Which I think it's like that's gonna go on my pride t-shirt next year. That's for sure Yeah, that just needs we need to stop coming up with like cute bumper stickers and just doing shit like that Yeah, you're a fuck head. Yeah, you're an in-bred bitch. So Travis is like... So Travis is like, uh, he's like, just see it on the opposite end of the table for me. You absolute oxygen thief, which is what he said last week. And uh... Well, this week they edited it, edited it to him saying, you oxygen thief. And I was like, what? What odd editing. Like, hey guys, let's, let's edit saying, you oxygen thief. And I was like, what? What odd editing. Like, hey guys, let's edit that from absolute oxygen thief

to just you oxygen thief. Good job. They needed the same like point two seconds in that, but so. Bravo legal is like, well, we can't actually clean that she's the absolute oxygen thief because there may actually be others who have a clean to that title.

So let's just call her an Oxygen thief. Don't want to get sued by Jim Bolino just in case So then after all this Jack is like, I think we should have even nice to know with each other You know what I mean like, hmm, don't think it's gonna happen cuz there's a homophobic person right in your midst Yeah, and she's like I don't give give a damn, I say what I think! I'm like, oh, you're so brave! You're so fucking brave, Mila. So, yeah, Aishaab out on the first knot. I'm a leader now, and I need to sit in an example.

So instead of letting Jezobab out, I'll just hump the tablecloth quite late. Hey, if there's ever a night for Jezob to come out and look happy or like look innocent, it's tonight. Yeah. Like Jezob can hang out with fucking Mela. Yeah, listen, Jezob could really do anything tonight because Mela is just like the most hated person at the moment. So he'll just look like a saint no matter what.

He could be like, you know, humping three flower vases and everyone be like, that's so charming. I know, why is Jezebob so charming this season? I know, because he's standing next to Sexy Hitler, as she's called later. Yeah, which I think is, by the way, I think he meant Sexy's Stalin, not Hitler. It's like, doesn't quite, Pant is by the way, I think he meant sexy Stalin not Hitler

It's like doesn't quite pant doesn't quite track, you know But anyway, I don't know I watched a cartoon animated show on Netflix this weekend called love death in robots And there was a Hitler sexy. Oh, okay. No, it was like with three hot hookers. Wow, okay, you know I hope you thought you've seen everything. I hope this isn't the episode that Sigi flicker decided to finally listen to Oh god season that okay, so then dinner you know even if you're not an American there's something that transcends being an American and that's called pingaprovo Erkin a braverkin a braverkin, okay? Because Collins like what's one? how do you say whine in France?

And his mom's like, go go go, la go go! And Hannah's like, do you have any whispering angel, honey? Muzak, okay. Brava transcends our countries. Yeah, exactly. So, Aisha and Dwarf were talking and then she's talking about how she's, I'm actually a little smart and in a look

I did a double science unit and I'm very patient about the outdoors in conservation And that's my corner free and Dwarf is like how should you be a passionate about conservation when you work on a super yacht? Yeah, polluting I Think that kind of I mean, you know you can still do it in other areas of your life, but it's like, oh, I love conservation. He's my jumbo chain. I know. Me and all the mermaids that are below the yacht look like Jessica Lang now. So,

the pollution, maybe Jackie Weaver. And dare you say Jessica Lake. No, I love Jessica Lake. Yeah. But, you know, it should look like she's been polluted a little bit. So, Jawa was like, so Jawa, so she was like, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear to get framed once He did my hair when I was 14 years old and guess what he still does my hair

And he does not like when his boyfriend tries to hold his hand in public I'm like, yeah, because he could be fucking stoned it up legally on the streets of Russia you fucking yeah Because you guys you Pickle drinker I don't even know what to call it like everything I'm thinking is so I know I know you're a pickle chip You're a butter pickle. I just want to put all the nouns together and make it an insult you fucking lacrosse thick of a of a Candy corn head. I don't know

Selfie feels butter pickle. Selfistic butter pickle. Why don't you shove a... Yeah. Shuffle frisbee up your ass. And enjoy all those annoying, ultimate frisbee players who go after it. So, yeah, and then she's like, this is why I don't think my opinion is wrong at all on that. I'm like, because you have one gay friend who's been selling here since you were 14. And by the way, he's been trolling you since you've been 14.

By the way, have you looked in the mirror? Sorry. I said, I'm gonna make fun of the styling. I still will. Anyway, the one gay friend excuse. So that- So Anastasia's like, what happened? Because when I go to dinner, I like my dinner to be perfect

Whether I'm eating dinner at McDonald's or whether I'm eating dinner at Lyserk. I insist on perfection at all time Anastasia totally brings a white table of cotton McDonald's and like little white gloves and she just puts it down Put there with a big Mac little little silver plate plate. She's like, hi. I'll have a big macro and some palm freaks. Please, they're like, could you please order an English man? What the fuck are you talking about? Like, I said perfection. So, uh, some, yeah, Milla, Milla's telling Anastasia, she's like, we weren't just talking about the gaze and I gave my honest opinion and Travis just said he won't even see the same table as

me. And then they start speaking in Russian. She was like, I was speaking my mind, freedom of speech. Like, that's not how freedom of speech works. Freedom of speech is a protection against the government. That means that if you say shit about the government, you're not going to be thrown in jail. Sort of like, if you're gay in Russia, how you get stoned to death and thrown in jail.

Okay, that's what freedom of speech is. Freedom of speech is not that you can just say whatever you want And then everyone's supposed to just be like, oh, that's okay. Well, yeah, you have freedom of speech to say whatever you want You can say that. I mean, that's like a totally that's a totally normalized opinion at this point It's not like the first time anyone's heard it But you know free speech also includes you're a fucking asshole Yeah, it's exactly which and she's not saying he shouldn't say that either in her defense She's just like whatever they so mad at me. It's my opinion

So then Jack is like cooling won't help me bro. It's massive But I don't even know what I'm saying when I write Jack notes down I don't even know what he's talking about so Hannah goes. Oh, they're eating meat. Yeah. Oh, yeah There's some like weird like Carpagia moment. I was like, I'm not going to even put any attention to this Carpaccio right now, because I'm still so mad about Milla. And the fact that she tries to like put it all under the guise of freedom of speech, like what she said was actually somehow virtuous, because she was just being upfront and she was just saying what's on her mind. There's just somehow the implication that somehow

she should be praised for exercising her right to freedom of speech, which again is like, yes, we are all allowed to say what we want to say, but when you say it's my right to freedom of speech, it's really more about your protection from the government. It's not your protection from everyone fucking hating you now. So now Aisha goes and tells Anastasia what Milla said. It gives Anastasia the realty of what Milla said. And Anastasia is basically like, my six-year-old mother grew up in Georgia and there were no gaze there and my mom is still very progressive. Blamey or culture is a load of bullshit.

Also this meat is slightly underdone and that table setting is wrong, so if you excuse me, I'm just going to fix that. Thanks. I mean, if you're going to be a homophobic, be a perfect homophobic. Okay. I mean, blaming your culture is so imperfectly homophobic. Yeah. Yeah.

So she goes to pee with Hannah, and then you know, it becomes the homophobic telephone game where everybody just starts whispering to everybody. So Hannah's just in the mirror, you know, like, I would have loved to see since. I don't even have the honey eye anybody yet. This is amazing. I'm getting along with everyone this season.

What did she say? Oh god, she must have been so excited. Like finally I have did. I can stop saying, oh, she's a shitty cook, but she's a really nice person. I can just go in and be like, ho-da! Yeah, she, hold on.

It's like, yawning is a very multicultural industry. I'm like, okay, maybe sexually and country wise, but I still see no minorities on this show. Yes. I'm here for your support. Yeah, exactly. Oh, we should probably mention, by the way, speaking of crazy people, Caroline,

from the last season below deck, was arrested for larceny in Connecticut. So there we go. I mean, it's not just a fancy way of saying stealing from Walmart. Isn't it? Because larceny, it's like, it sounds like murder she wrote. You know, like, oh, what glamorous theme did Caroline do?

Did she steal her? Did she steal her, you know, like a biblical encyclopedia from the Vatican? Like, it sounds fancy to be a larceny. Now, she stole shit from Walmart. Yeah, although it's kind of funny Because in my mind I had gone larceny confused with arson So I was like wow she burned some shit down. It's like oh, yeah larceny. That's just stealing oh never mind

Yeah, well if you're gonna be a criminal being are you know, yeah arson arson like that's more exciting I guess you just trying to get on the cast of antiproperals. So Hannah So now, hey, did you see Kate's tweet about it to you Someone said, hey, Kate, what do you think about Caroline getting arrested for Larsony and she's treated? Oh, well, grifters need money for drug money. Yeah, they say money for drugs. Yeah.

So Hannah comes back to the table giving Meela full on honey face. Like just like, mm. Yeah, she is like the job is out Colin doesn't even know how much he's playing into the conversation. He's like what is this a sartine? I'm gonna swallow it whole. No, no, you're so good at swallowing going Because meela has her own honey guys. Yeah, she's got her own like big-eyed squint going on down the other end She has yeah, she's she's like Darhane Darhane um that's my way Hanida Hanida Hanida Hanina

Hanina so Karla is like yeah I swallow this like a pill and Aisha goes I'm feel free because the body is in the shade right so if you just give it what it needs, it doesn't it bills. And uh, text like, yeah, just popping over Carter when they inflush it all away. Yeah, over Carter one day. And Collins like, yeah, of a Cotta MD. And then you just hear from behind Colin, like a boat pass by. Good one, Collie. That was good. I'm gonna tweet that one out of it's okay. Do you remember your login? Okay. Collie's mommy. I forgot the password is mommy.

So Hannah comes back and then she pulls Travis away to have a cigarette and then they start again talking about Milla And then so so Joao was looking at Milla because Milla is now standing like sitting there like You know everyone she just can tell everyone hates her and she's feeling like shit and she's like all alone and then you know Joao's like oh hi, this is nice. Joao. Joao 2.2.0. Why are you is so quiet Mila? Why is so quiet? You look almost like you've seen a horrible thing of like something terrible against humanity that you feel like should be locked in jail and thrown into a prison perhaps or blotted out off the surface. Hello, I'm conservation to wow.

It's like to talk about locking people up and they're eating, you know, and Charles's like, why are you so quiet? And she's like, because this food, it's marinated shit. And she's awful. Yeah, she's jack's like, well, I'll look it quite fine. She's like, oh, I guess my guy's just expressed my thoughts. I better keep my opinion to me. Oh, yeah, that's it.

Yeah, that's like the typical thing. Now you're the victim. Oh, I guess I can't say what's on my mind. I'll just be quiet with my very hateful and antiquated thoughts from 1612. Sorry. No, honey. Keep talking. Please.

Keep talking. Also, I was like, when she was like, oh, this is marinated shit. Yeah. That's what a lot of food is. You're a chef. You're supposed to appreciate that like what does she want? Yeah, beans didn't come out of a can what kind of monsters are these I know So Hannah and Travis are talking and she's like I don't want to work with the homophobic chef that can't even cook

Which is is funny because it's like well I Could work with a homophobic chef. I could work with a homophobe. I could work with a homophobe. I could work with a chef who can't cook. I just don't know if I could work with a homophobe who can't cook though. Yeah, that's a lot of strikes against you. Yeah, she's like, you know the entire time I've been going, you have a really, really shitty chef, but I like you as a person and I'd like to help her.

But at a day and age, what we live in and thinking like that, it's disgusting. So now I'm gonna say you're a really really really shitty chef and I'd like to not help you Honna Honna so they returned to the table and she's changed sides to the table too because nobody wants to be around everyone You've heard this does not want to be around Mela now, so they all start stacking the other side of the table Yeah, and Me, they're like, oh, this is cool. They hold crews like she's a homophobic bitch. I mean, we are not teenagers I like she's like She's more angry

That they're gossiping then the fact that what they're gossip about is homophobic Russian bitch like that's almost like that's almost like What they're gossip about is homophobic Russian bitch like that's almost like that's almost like Badge of honor for like say it to my face. I'd be happy. I'm homophobic Russian Beach. Yes. I work hard for it Yes, I did yes, I did oh my god So they're all basically talking so that she can basically hear it now right there Not even trying to hide it and it's just like how can you feel that this thing? Having over cold and peep at this feeling some are right and just like how can you feel that this day need having over cold and peep at this feeling? Is my right and just like well? I've even told me about and me this like I don't give a shit

Call it goes I should take her to fire island her might be Colleague you want to say over I can make the guest room no mom. I don't know. No mom. No No mom, I don't know no mom. No So they all leave and Hannah is full on revving her honey tank. Yeah, oh, keep me cool my mind great all my angry Don't let me tell off that bitch. I know Somebody just like keep me away from giving a backhand that bitch and getting a foyer so so now they go to a yachty bar and getting a void. So now they go to a yachty bar and Miele is like trying to go up and apologize to Travis and he's just like ignoring her and she's like I want to apologize. I want to take my words back. That's not what you should be saying. I want to apologize because I realize

how insensitive I'm being because just because you're gay does not mean that you're less than and can't be gay in public and not just behind closed doors. So Travis is like, he's just like, don't touch me. Like get away. Yeah, he's like, get away. And then she goes up to Hannah and she's like, Oh, Hannah, I was searching for you.

And Hannah just gives her honey eyes and like leaves. Yeah. And she's like, sometimes my opinions hurts people Okay, unfortunately, I'm like The fact that she doesn't see why it just like oh my opinion sometimes hurts people But she doesn't think like why it hurts people and like how maybe she should like reflect on what her opinion is and like If her opinions are hurting people Maybe she should revise her opinion so she doesn't hurt people you know. Well, sticks and stows may break my bones, but gay people get stout. You

know what I mean? Six and stows may break my bones, but they also make a good appetizer for Miele. Yeah, no kidding. Six of staves may break my bones but they'll really break bones of gay people. So, I had him through our talking and she's like, did you hear what happened on I? Miele said it's not right to be gay and so I was like, some of my best friends are gay, which worried me. Yeah, I was like, oh here we go again. And then he's just telling a story which I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna like, this is so hilarious and then it like goes so tragic and basically he had His mom had a best friend that they called anti shackles and basically he was the gay guy

It's just such an awkward way to put it when we're talking about a Russian saying bad things about gay people You know and anti shackles considering that the gay guy that he knew ended up, it was illegal in Zim and he ended up committing suicide. Yeah. Oh god. It's like so sad. Dua, maybe you should tell that story to, I hope Dua actually tells us to Mela. That's so sad. Oh my god.

You know what? Because you know what the thing is this, like if Dua, if Mela can just fucking learn from this and be like, oh shit, I was wrong. That's all I would need. I, that's, you know, people need to learn, you have to give people a chance to learn, you know, people can't change. Yeah, I mean, if you look at like, you know, I probably said all sorts of like stuff, you know, 15 years ago that was just like not that it was like racist or anything, but I probably said like privilege or problematic stuff. That just did not take into account how other people feel. And like as much as I'm going in on Miele,

what I really would want is for her to like learn and realize and grow and then like, you know, it's like that's all I would want. And then I would embrace her in open arms until I had to eat for her food. I'd also like to take a cooking class too, by the way. Yeah. Yeah, maybe you could learn how to be more tolerant while you learn to cook. Like we just mix it

all together. To a two-fer. Yeah. And also here's a scrunchie. Let's just make it a shrieper. She really does need to watch bear for Contessa because that way she could learn how to cook and learn about the gaze. It's time for commercial. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crap-and-scoomercial." Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident

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the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So, uh, Drow's like, well, you know, I absolutely disagree with what she's saying, but she's from a different culture. You still have to work with her. And it's like, well, listen, beyond blatant homophobia, she could, I couldn't take out one of her dishes. Her cake was baking soda, and she's full of shit. All right, that, there's reason enough to get fired on a super yet. Hold on! Hi. Also, Joao, you're from a different culture. You're from a culture that where my sexuality was illegal.

So I think that's what he's saying. When you're from somewhere like that, you have to, it's like what you were saying before, like people can change. It's almost like she's from a different culture. So, you know, he didn't say this, but I took it as like talker through it, get them through. Look, I come from a very conservative family in Texas.

Like, I've talked about that before. People have changed, you know? It wasn't easy. Like, there was a lot of shit and there still is. Like, there are people who will come right up to your face and be like, I love you, but you're going to hell. You know, I still get that. And I just, I guess part of me is just starting to brush it off,

and that doesn't make it okay, and that everyone should just brush it off. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that people are kind of like, you have to drag them through change, you know? But they do eventually do. I think what he's saying is like, you're dealing with someone from this culture, so don't worry about it, she'll change, just time goes on. But I personally don't buy that anyone should just take it because she's from there They should say shut the fuck up if you ever talk like that again. You're fucking fired. Yeah I mean, I think that if she said the N word I wouldn't be like well She's from a different culture. So let's like yeah, I think the thing but my point is just that like Jawah was from a culture that I mean, I don't know much about Zimbabwe and its culture

But if if homosexuality was illegal about Zimbabwe and its culture. But if homosexuality was illegal, there was clearly, at some point, at least some sort of like homophobic element there. And I'm just saying that like, it's sort of like what Anastasia says, you kinda can't blame the culture either though. I like you do and you don't,

because Jowao is from a culture that is potentially homophobic and he's not that way. You know, I'm saying it actually almost in praise of Jowao. But look how much Jolanda has changed from even last year because he'd learned shit. It's like you got spanked on national TV. So things are acceptable to you, your lifestyle, and your, I'm not saying that. I'm not totally. Because of his culture.

I'm just saying that as a person, people, people change. You know, you change and you grow as things happen, but you have, you'd only change if people call it out. It's like the expose song, people change, seasons change. But you know what though, I'm also not convinced that Joao has changed yet. Like he's still on probation for me. I'm not, let me get halfway through the season and then I'll decide if he's changed. But right now I still feel like old Joao is in there. So let's- I will tell. Yes. So let's I will tell yes

Boone result is time So Hannah and to our you know Hannah's like this is bullshit. She's talking to Joa and Mela and Anna stage to join them and Me you know Mela just sit Sarah listens and Hannah's like well, I'm not even gonna be quiet like she can hear it if she wants You know, yeah, and she's like it's not my job is chief still to help somebody do their job on a super yard and me let's like Oh, what the fuck is that? Like can you say you were leaving like 10 minutes ago? Leave I love when Hannah pulls that shit like this was literally in front of Miele's face She's not even looking at Miele. She's looking at Jouwau Miele only sees Hannah's cheek and she's just talking Directly about Miele right to her face.

Oh, just Hannah just said, I'm like full, like I'm gonna be full on Honeh around nine and don't even care. I don't even care if I don't get $50 worth of cigars after this. Honeh in 60 seconds. What's that race car shut movie? I'm 60 seconds. Honeh in the furious. Oh, The Honey and the Furious. So now they all go back to the boat and a bunch of people go to bed, but Aisha's like, did there's Pussy-esque beaches going straight to bed? I'm going to concerns my energy for partying, yes! And Meal is hungry, so she goes down and they're all in the mess and I just it's just putting whipped cream in Jack's mouth and the jazz doing the whipped cream thing and

So Mela and Jack go out to smoke outside and he's like did you sort of that? You know the whole stone in the gaze thing and she's like I tried but he won't speak to me You know But what are you going to do? I'm a girl. I'm a Russian girl. And he's like, want to get in the jacuzzi? Yeah, she's like, you get in the jacuzzi by your damn self. And he's like, damn it. Her opinion is a shit, but she's still 60. I'm a hitner. It's like, it's like principles, boner, principles, boner, boner wins. That's what he's saying.

He hit Lero's cracking up. And then they and then they go this guy doesn't get fired. I know I don't think he's gonna last too much longer But then they're all getting there Asia's going to sleep and she's like Walking by a Jouao and he goes sleep tight. I was like no Jouao I refused to believe that you're a sweet man now. He said sleep tight to the ladies. Uh-huh Yeah, he met you're a cock juggler. He met you're a cock gobbler. He's like cleaning everything up, and she's like, stop man, say good with everything.

It's so cool. You're just like my friends who like to save the hours in the north, but running pop lines in the north too. Aaaaah. So, time to work. the hours in the north, butchering poplines in the north too! I don't even know what that means. So, time to work, it's the morning, everybody's cleaning and getting charter ready, and the boys are still, Josh checking on the boys, and he's like smith like a brewery, smith like a brewery in here. It's not like any people on this show.

In Zim, I know, everything's getting so scrambled up Like, back in Zimbabwe, we'd call this the... The... The... Seaman social has. Where you just... I don't know. No, it's for Seaman. Not Seaman.

Nevermind. Wake up. So he's like, they look like a bunch of decades because they're still sleeping when they're supposed to be at work. Yeah. Then we get a shot of Cap and Sandy. She's standing on the edge of the yacht with her binoculars and she's just like looking

at nothing. She's like, oh yeah. Yeah, the binoculars. They still work. Looking good. Guess what is Captain Sandy captain Sandy crew captain Sandy crew I'm up here on bongo watch just waiting to see the bongo's coming in the port. All right Just looking looks like there's a fine lady there on the on the land having a cappuccino at a cafe on the

White looks like it's a wonderful time and can right now. Wow Here come the bongo's oh wait that was. Oh look look at that seal the water great seal Like a really can fly. Oh it caught some bread Good for you Seagull. I got one question about the South of France. Where's the goddamn banana? I love that banana I love that. I look are we in can or we in these isn't it funny that got a town called can and one called nice I mean France full of human Yeah can and one called nice I mean France full of human yeah nice care to my right guys so let's see Travis sees me learn the kitchen and she's

like I'm sorry my opinion hurt you and he's like it didn't hurt me your opinion hurts humanity so that small opinion on that It's like, bye. So now cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, and now it's time for the big preface sheet meeting. So, Joao, Hannah and me like go up to me with Captain Sandy. And this week's guest is Dr. Jennifer Burman. Los Angeles. I'm a fighter lady.

Imagine how would you even Asian specialist. You may remember her from last season because she's Captain Sandy's friend That's when the whole toast debacle happened She's also the one who was very insistent that she wears her heels on the boat if I remember correctly She's like I have to take off my shoes Really do I have to take off my shoes. Yes, take off your shoes lady I like her LinkedIn world renowned neurologist and LA's top vajrajuvenation expert. Wow, that's quite a mixture.

Yeah, somehow. Yeah, Hannah was like, well last year she came Honei and Captain Sandy was differently on Honei, right? So my main focus this Charter is having all the girls on service, glasses filled, and hopefully my vagina won't get trampled by one of those five breeders jumping out of the bag. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

Oh no. So yeah, Sandy basically tells Hannah and Shwoud to help Mela and the Galley, which then of course has Hannah scowling because she doesn't want to give up any of her. She doesn't want to be a woman down and now she's got to put women in the galley So she's already like my about that and and then meanwhile downstairs Asia and Anastasia are talking about being like the perks of being a chef when the and the perks in the downfall and They're talking about how like you know the chef is all alone all day and like has no one to talk to and then Anastasia's like Yeah, but the chef gets all the praise like Like, you know, when we're here, and we are, you know, we're just like cleaning bathrooms

and making beds, and no one's like, hey, thanks for the fresh you made bed. Thanks for those hospital corners. Thanks for that absolutely flawless coating of no dust that you provided for me. Thanks for the animal shapes. Thanks for the animal shapes out of things for the animal towels. Yeah, where's that now? Wow, I can actually see my reflection in the carpet. It's not even a reflective surface and I can see my reflection in it Okay, no, I ever says thank you for that, huh?

So then throughout is sending Colin for something in that toy box area and he's like, Colin Will you go get the red lines? Colin? Colin? Who get lines Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin Colin And then we hear like a- And then it's like, uh, you okay, bud? You're okay, bud? You're okay, bud. Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, We're calling to stress sigma went off She's got a hard hat and like a flashlight on the front of it like okay everyone stay back. I got to get my boy So yeah, we go to commercial we're like oh my god. I sit in another death after that guy died last year on below deck It's so sad so then we come back and he's like oh I hurt my arm He bruised himself he fell over those the floor was back and he's like, Err, I hurt my arm! He bruised himself. He fell over, the floor was oily and he fell over. Yeah, Jack and Colin, I mean,

Jack and Travis are both sitting there watching him. Like, you need help, bro. I might, you need this little grease in there. What are you gonna do? Better watch where you're stepping next time. I guess next time I better, I guess next time I better clean up the grease that I left everywhere. Oh well. But then again, when I'm pin time I better, I guess next time I better clean up the grease that I left you everywhere Oh well, but then again when I'm cleaning up grease I could be staring at sexy Hitler. Oh yeah

That's much bruise mate. You might want to take a pill or something and he's like I don't do pills Sometimes I'm allergic I was like that's so collie. Yeah, I'm allergic to aspirin. I know Collie that's okay. I got a crushed up Flintstone's vitamin for you. Guess what? When Collie needs aspirin, here's what aspirin is in our house. I love you, Collie. Get out on the head.

There's no medicine that's better than a mother's hug. Come here, Collie. So then, meanwhile, we see Aisha's down in the galley and she's just like sitting there with her like legs all the way open like We're flying back like Let me tell you something else about Conservation And and as captain's just doing that thing where she's down there just trying to hang with the kid You know she's like hey guys has everything going. It's me captain Sandy and

Anastasia's like honey your fly is wide open she's like You know that like nothing could make anastasia more upset than seeing the fly open like that zipper is not where it's supposed to be Should be up at the top at the bottom right now. I got a season They got a season they got a season they got a season they got a season okay Your super soap and and the captain's like okay, I was down here I can't I just care with you guys and she's like, you know, you want to know the crystal thing I've done When I was a I was really curious about my big gun for So stop my finger on my bone! I'm outta here, I'm outta here.

Gonna find some toast upstairs. And then she keeps going, she goes... I put my finger on my bone until I fed the bottom of the log. And then I tricked it as it came out. I told ya, I love nature. And Jack is like why would you do that? You naturally know where it's coming from anyway. She's like you're sicker you know that. And he tells us she knows she's in better sync herself and she doesn't care. That's such a good quality.

Like everything is a good quality to you. You just tried to fuck me, lah, okay? I don't know what time I tried to tomorrow. Sexy Hitler, or the girl who like, Scott played down in the galley. Oh man, life is good. Ha ha ha ha ha. Uhhh.

So, um... Now what are bike arrives. Come on, water bike, water bike. Yeah, the water bike is arrived. And it was like, what's a water bike? It's like this strange subplot that goes on for about five minutes with the construction of a water bike. And like every, every, it's like every about 15 seconds we would check in on how the

water bike was doing. Yeah, and you know that they got that shit on Amazon or something because it doesn't even come with instructions. There's a picture of what the bike is supposed to look like. It's a water bike. I think they accidentally ordered a water pick and a water bike came instead by accident. Yeah, the lady just wants to clean her tea. Her vagina teeth.

So Hannah, me, Hannah. So Hannah has a meeting with the girls and she's like, this is Sandy's friend. So I want you to over communicate with me. If anything goes wrong, just double tap your anal vaginal vibrator. And that will tap mine and I'll come down. Are you ready? Oh, hello, Hannah, Hannah, ish, ish, Hannah, ish, Hannah, ish, Hannah, since you want me to over communicate

I just felt my poo. It's coming in at a good rate, but it's not quite really yet. Just want to give you the update 18% avocado I'm not sure if it's avocado up there or a bit of that leftover that Potato hash I had the other day either way I'll keep you all updated over communication over here So they're still trying to put together this water this water bike Just keep cutting back yeah, and jacksock. Do you know what it looks like? Does it have boobs? It'll help you find it where the boobs are Yeah, and there and and your while was kind of like I think it's your while is based like I mean

He's supposed to be an engineer by trade and yet he can't follow the directions. I don't understand how this is possible Which is kind of funny because this is like Jack's moment to shine and he's like I think I had to go jerk off somewhere instead Yeah, and then Anastasia's like Jack, will you please take these towels if she hands and towels and he just throws them on the ground it goes to smoke I was like how did this not come back up? I thought this was totally come back up at the episode. I know I thought Anastasia for sure would feel it like I felt it the towels They're out of place

The perfectly clean floor just texted me There's towels on it. She's like the dead zone, but with like things that are out of order. I have a vision The towels they're not on the rack The towels they're not on the rack So arrivals, man some of the driest looking people on earth come up to this look this is a good spot I think to just remind everybody we love you some moisturize Yeah, yeah, moisturizing. Yeah, it's good. Moisturizing is really good There's your tip for the day. What if we learn today? An avocado a day will keep your peep regular and moisturize Yes, what water's not such a bad idea either. Yeah, yeah

So now we go on a boat tour The typical thing and Dr. Jen Burman does not demand to have her shoes off Which is a keeper shoes on which is a nice improvement good for you Dr. Jennifer You see that people learn and grow people you just give them a message on the internet and they can change you guys That's the other lesson from this episode. They better have they better have those women back from last season So we can like see if they're willing to have dinner out of a bowl this time around that would be the real test of growth Or honey sarshar. So, remember honey sarshar?

Yes, of course. So now they go in the boat tour and it's like dropping the lines, dropping the lines, leaving the dock, leaving the dock. Shackle, shackle, shackle, shackle, shackle, shackle, shackle, shackle. More poop talk, she's like, this is the 80s. I mean, what is this bathroom? It's like the 80s. You can see people going pee, pee, and poopoo in there. Actually, there is someone going poopoo and her hand is behind. It's just me!

Would you like to have a guy to talk of my coloring? I could tell you all about it. So then, yeah, drop the lines, drop the lines, and the crew was hanging out in front of Captain Sandy's window. They're like, good luck, and Sandy! Yeah, well, the whole thing is that last time also with Dr. Jennifer Berman that there was bad weather, so they couldn't actually leave the dock. And so this time around, she's like, oh, we're going to get to leave the dock this time.

Oh wow, it's nice to actually see her, you know driving a boat for once You know all these little snide comments about like finally being able to be out in the ocean, you know Yeah, and then we cut to setting the table and a stasia has like big, you know big oversized pearl beads And she tells aisha you into beads and of course aisha's like She tells Aisha you into beads and of course Aisha is like Hackslam! They felt perfectly with my rectum I know because I felt all the nooks and cradis this morning. So then we see Mela. This is the whole episode is about Aisha's butt.

Yeah. So then we see Mela cooking and like at first it's like okay Mela has gone her shit together. We see like a lovely thing over here. We see a spread here. The everything looks really nice shockingly and then she opens up a Can of crap. I was like oh god Mila. We weren't rooting for you. We weren't all rooting for you, but still Mila's like I've been working with Krabmeat,

not to be Krabfan at the shrimp sickness. Like, what? You're not a big Krab fan after your shrimp sickness. Okay. But she's like, but you have to know how to make it. I'm like, you don't. She literally pours Krabcan into a bowl and then smothers it in mayonnaise.

Yeah, yeah, it was like, oh no, oh no, no, so. And then she's serving, okay, crab salad. And then like a shrimp thing. Yeah, and then hummus on tortilla strips. On corn tortilla chips. No. Listen, take small victories. Take small victories.

Peter bread. Peter bread or carrots or celery. Chris. Or Peter bread. Or Peter bread. Fire it off my head. Or your fire. Yes. You are like literally miles away from Northern Africa. Get involved with a Peter bread. So anyway, so this hand ups serves the Nebels, he has some Nebels for everyone, and of course the women are like, mmm, that crab is super fishy, and I believe the 100% that it's fishy, but of course these women are also gonna go overboard with no point intended with

like, that's super fishy, super super fishy and I believe that I'm like that because they're the sex toy ladies because they're like high maintenance types yeah and so like so it's like on top of the fact that it probably is like the biggest piece of shit crabs out of all time it's like now you also now you've given these women an excuse and the men an excuse to just be heinous about it too. Yeah, so they're like, yeah, the shrimp is slimy, the crab is fishy. And captain's like, wow, the presentation is better, but is it Milla or is it the fish? Did we get that fish? You know, you got to get people to benefit of the doubt. Because my friends aren't going to sugarcoat it like the last guess.

So she goes down, she's like, Milla, Milla, we've got a problem. You're homophobicobic also the shrimp sucks The shrimp and the crab basically tastes like your personality So we're gonna slay me. You're really showing your personality in your food right now, okay? So me was like no, this is the this is no new fish But from the freezer. Oh my god. Okay, so it's not that new. It's from the freezer Just I order fresh shrimp, but I'm getting shrimp from Vietnam instead. I'm like well first of all Let me tell you something. Okay a huge amount of frozen shrimp comes from like China Vietnam, etc

And it's like fine. Okay, so don't try to like even try to be like, oh, because it came from Vietnam, it's like shit. No, ma'am, you don't know how to cook your food. Yeah, it's like she's trying to get an American audience on her side by saying Vietnam, you know? Like, oh, I tried to order fresh. If you tried to order fresh and you didn't get the fresh thing that you wanted, then cook something else. Didn't you like literally in the sea, put it in that end.

Put it in that end, That's another drop of that. You got that like Adrian last year dredged up a sea slug. Okay, not like that, but still. So then Hannah's like, they used to feel grilled cheese honoy and captain's like, can you do that? You know what grilled cheese is? Look, can you do that, Mila?

And she's like, I'm frustrated because the food's not matching up to the photographs. You're either sinking the boat or you're floating the boat. She's sinking the boat instead of floating the boat. Because the floating boat floats on water. And a sink and boat sinks in water. Yeah, can't nap on a sink and boat. That's why I always tell my people.

And then, I'm taking from the Captain Sandy, like tour of, like, believe in yourself. Captain Sandy, here's what I always tell my people. And then from the captain Sandy like tour of like believe in yourself captain Sandy here's what I always tell people you're sinking a boat or you're floating a boat that'll be $500. Sit down sit down sit down sit down you're sinking the boat. By the way Mila also is like you know you know if he's not good quality what can you do about it? I'm like, don't serve it. Don't serve it if it's not good quality. She just sort of acts like,

well, this is what I was given and they said they wanted. So I'm gonna cook it and it's rancid and they'll have like, you know, intestinal woe for the next six months, but whatever I had to do what I had to do. It's like, no, don't serve it. Don't serve. Don't serve.

You know, like you have a full, I don't know. So then, like, coffee goes to Hannah. She's like, don't serve it don't for you know like you have a full I don't know so then uh like all the girls to Hannah she's like she is terrible I hate seeing that it's hard the words it's hard to even get negative words out of my mouth honestly but they're flowing out now yeah I mean she's terrible she's like when you bite into a brand Zeno and you realize it was never brand Zeno it was actually a slab of clay disgusting. It's like when you order a brand Zeno and they deliver a brand Zeno then you got TV's the man in your face. It's like when you go to rent when you go to the red box to rent Captain Ron, and then when you come home you open up the DVD and guess what, guess what you ordered, Beethoven 2. Oh man, that's what that's like.

Although honestly, kind of a great movie too. Captain Ron. Captain Ron Beethoven 2 God, the early 90s were a great time for movies. So Jack and Travis finally get that water bike working with you out. And Jack's like, well, I hope I could have changed to take a little spin on that Jitsky Texan plane and get me a spank to send. And Travis is like, would you rather get fired? Or have a spank in. He's like, I'll take the spank in. I'll beg for the spank in. Yeah, he's really going after Dr. Jen So now Anastasia's in the kitchen making the grilled cheese

Oh god Because apparently me like can't even make grilled cheese Well Meela is busy working on her panakata which is just horrifying It looks like a planter war it I'm like, are you making those? I'm like, you making those? I'm like they look like bad guys in Super Mario brothers

What is she doing? So then Travis Travis is in the Hannah cuz they talk last night, which you know he's a guy so guys are like oh my god We talked and had a cigarette she must want to fuck me. Yeah, fucking stupid guys So he's like normally chief stews are off limits for the dick guys, but we had a nice time last night and all the ladies can really teach you something. Well, also they're wearing matching sunglasses, so that's really a recipe for romance.

So now the guests are so grossed out by everything that they just are like, ugh like we don't want to eat anymore So they don't want dessert and now so Mela now has all these these panacadas But I finally did something good and no one wants it, you know, no you didn't you did not you did not God so Hannah's like well it's official not only is Mela a Hummetho she officially cannot cook mm-hmm So then, Jen is like, we came to be water-sported. Yeah! I'm like, okay, Jen, we got it.

You're like super sexually free. Okay. Yeah, I can congratulations. I kind of thought like she was auditioning for like a daytime TV show. Like, like some sort of like- She is. Like, let's talk about that. It's like a good news.

Is she on the doctor? The younger doctor, the younger doctor, the younger doctor, Ruth. Is she on the doctor younger the needed younger doctor doctor Ruth is she on the doctors I wouldn't be surprised if she's on the doctor watching that horse shit. I don't know is it salon? I don't know. I don't know I'm mad stop trying to confuse me with your doctor's talk listening Dr. Jen Burman this show is not gonna get you a syndicated strip Okay, yeah I don't even go to the real doctor. Kaiser Permanente calls me every day.

Like, you're paying for health insurance. You ever going to come in and I'm like, no, growl, yeah! I wish there were a deli called Kaiser Roll Permanente. I wish there was a postmates for doctors. They just come over. They're these stuff. I know. They're probably is one.

And bring you McDonald's. Well, that'd be nice. No, that's now we're talking so I'm on keto So captain and Hannah are talking and Hannah's like listen captain. Huh? I just don't want your friends to have that experience. So here's what I'm thinking

Why don't we put an Estacia in the galley and captain's like whoa Wow Captain around over here Yes, but just came in air mail dream work because teamwork makes a dream arcana You win a prize for the most improved hunting face. Yeah, this season Hannah is a completely different person She has drive. She has energy. She's not complaining about a plane ticket to Prague. Whatever that was so good So Hannah and Anastasia

Hannah tells Anastasia that she's putting her down there and Anastasia's like, oh my god, so much should wait She's still on the kitchen, right? I was like, uh, how's this gonna work out? Because just not like Meela is a great person anyway. Like what's she gonna do when her authorities you search? I know. And Hannah tells Anastasia, like, don't take any shit from her, because she's not your boss. I am, honey. So then Colin has this moment where he's like talking with Travis and Colin's like, you know, last season, you know, I liked everyone.

We all had a great time, but the seasons are different, five. I don't know. It's just not the same. They're nice people, but they're not my type of nice people. And Travis is like, want to smoke a cigarette? And he's like, no, I don't smoke. I mean, and he's like, oh, yeah, you two pure aren't ya?

You know, I got into smoking at a house party. We were getting into some head spins and Collins like what does any of that mean Do you like music? Not music no, it's okay So it's like rap music with curse words what the heck? Cuz Colin has a internet rap career. He just really funny rap recasts for anybody looking for some fun Colin times.

Colin, Macyo, too. Yeah, and so he's like, well, he used to do that. And he's like, oh, they give you a buzz. Lot of coffee, or what? And he's like, I don't know, I don't drink coffee. He's like, I can't hear you fucking. Sometimes though, sometimes though, I'll eat a few cookies and then go swimming like five minutes later. It's really crazy.

One time I ran on the outside of a pool without my shoes. Ah! Have you ever run with scissors while what a rush? He's like, well, you know, I'm a little homesick but I fell into the bilge so I'm pretty sure I'm a yachty now Hey, I'm right here you want you want me to make you some lasagna on my little boat. I can make you some Whenever you can sad looking your heart mom's homemade big zinis in there sad looking your heart mom's homemade big z-tis in there So then Anna stasha is taken to jail otherwise known as the galley and

Milla Hannah's like all right. I'm giving you any station out all right Miller and Milla's like I'm scared I'm scared to cook for them now without a station all without I'm sorry. No, sorry me, but I do understand their problem. All right, the quality's just not there. Okay, I'm gonna get chicken candles. Ha ha ha ha. What is not there? Ho nae. And then Mila's like, so Mila doesn't know what,

she's now like afraid to cook, right? So she's like, oh, I guess I'll do beef with ourparagus and sauce. I can do beef with ourparagus and sauce. I can do beef with theparagus and sauce. I'm like, great. I'm sure everyone's gonna enjoy that dinner from 1958, yes. It sounds delicious. No word on what kind of sauce.

Just beef with theparagus and sauce. I mean, look, it's a perfectly fine meal. It's like the sort of thing that I would make at home, but that's the point. It's the sort of thing I would make at home. It's not like... I mean, when you look at the... When you look at like Chef Adrian from last season of Below Deck and then you look at

this woman is putting out... I mean, we used to make front of that guy a mat from whatever season that was. I guess it below deck two seasons ago because he would put out like a very simple chicken salad or like a Chinese chicken salad. But like... Oh yeah, that guy loves chicken salad or or like a Chinese chicken salad but like oh yeah that guy loves it. He is like five star compared to Milla and then Anastasia is like okay well you know I don't think we should so you've got beef so why don't we do a beef carpaccio marinade it you know citrus and you know she

started making it fancy and me it is like so fruit really Oh really are you going to Marinate it really So I have a stage is like I have so much sympathy for her on a personal level, but on a professional level die. Yeah, so then So you have the stage that calls her mom and she's like mom moved to the galley in her mom's like She has like like she has the the Republic of Georgia's version of callies mom She's like congratulations callie totally

Sounds like you're gonna make a great salad, Kali. She's like, I'm into Gali with Meela. Oh, that's good. And then she's like, well, I wish you luck. I know you could do it. I know you can. And then Anna's stage is like, my mom will only love me if I'm perfect.

Mm-hmm. I also thought her mom was going to be so rigid and so like, what did you do? And she's just like so warm. Also, the guests at this point are getting drunk, which means that we get one of our favorite below-tech traditions, which is the producers doing trolling them with their captions.

So that one girl was like, Jen, get it, I get a picture. And it literally says Jen, Gennon, I got a Gennah picture. I love that. I love when I do that to the guests. Oh, so the caption is talking to me like, he's like, all right, what's your dinner menu?

And she's like beef sauce. I feel bad. And she's like, listen, this isn't personal. Alright, this is about quality. And unfortunately you're lacking. So Miele's like, She starts crying. And she just runs to the bathroom and start sobbing in the bathroom. Now listen, this I have never seen a person run to the bathroom sobbing then I haven't felt bad for. And I know it's weird coming from me because I'm such a dick on this show. But in real life, I'm like, oh my God, you're crying.

I know, it was. You know, like I feel bad. I know I always feel bad when someone cries. Like whenever someone cries in the closet or in the bathroom, I always feel bad. And honestly, I even felt bad here because it's just like it's Instinct for me, you know like

Yeah, so now this so now that one guest is getting really diligent Oh god, she's like where's my ass tray? Where's my drink? Astray, where is my drink? Yeah, thanks that hooligan and Astray, right? So Hannah comes up and gives her the light or just yet you have an Astray and Hannah just like points at the woman's feet where there's an Astray I was like, oh just like shut the fuck up. Yeah, cuz she goes yeah, it's a fucking orgy with my husband and all these vaginas And it's like shut the fuck up she goes down the stairs I'm the lady she

right now that dried up lady is the worst she is terrible so yes now asia and jack are flirting a little bit somewhere and about like if it had sex i don't think i could handle you to be honest i don't know all the stories like it seems scary

hey don't you worry you ever see Aladdin you know that part when he goes into the magical cave to to find the lamp that's like the rectum hey Collins trying to like blend in with them. And he goes, are you talking about sacks? She's like, yeah, and he's like, all right, bye. And he's like, just out of there. So, so Jack is just being lazy all over this boat today. I mean, they're very short segments, so we don't talk about it too much. But every other segment is job job being like, Jack, oh, you want break? And he's like oh man what is like of it? He's like he's terrible so he's just trying to piss off

throughout and the hand is like Jake is one of those guys that will do the minimum amount of work to not get fat so then Anastasia and Mela in the kitchen yeah they are so they're starting to cook dinner and Anastasia is kind of like calling the shots in there too, to be honest. So already you know this is going to be a source of friction. And upstairs, Gen, Dr. Gen comes out with like all her vibrators and puts them on the table, etc. and Hannah's like, last year, Dr. Gen kept the vibrators behind her doors, but now they're right here on the table.

At least that's one thing that's hypnotizing on the table. Hone! Oh no! Hone! Oh no! Oh no! Did you not do that? Hone! Um, so that lady, the dried out lady, is like, shallot-hally worked, Jennifer! And one lady gets one. She's like, I'm a virgin when it comes to these things, because

they're like the anal-vatchinal prongs. She's like like they go on one dozen year, but you're a vagina. Yeah, they're like Thanks for doing the stirring dinner. Yeah, and I love that asher goes up to her and it's like what's this and captain's oh cuz captain Sandy has one She's showing the guys her toy like all the crew her toys and captain Sandy's like it's a vibrator Oh my gosh Can I have one two please please please please please please It's for the wildlife and Sandy's like you want one of these and she's like just kidding. I have one in mid draw Has it a heavy mid draws right now? And then Travis is like where's the little g-spot simulator for the boys?

And they all start cracking up and the captain the captain and Colin have to leave every time they try to talk to the crew, you know So now it's time to serve dinner and anesthesia is like, you know when I serve some but I'm when I make something for someone Whether it's a salad or a friendship bracelet or whether it's a salad or a friendship bracelet or an immaculately crafted sculpture that I spent 34 weeks on, I need validation. So, please like it, please like it. And the people at there who have made friendship bracelets and sculptures, uh, that was actually directed towards you. So, you can tweet at me, uh, because I've been waiting for a long time for your validation, because I know what I did was perfect, but you haven't said so, so I can't move on with my life until you say so. Thank you. for a long time for your validation because I know what I did was perfect but you haven't said so

so I can't move on with my life until you say so. Thank you. She was staring at the TV like, please, please, please, please, and it's commercial. Look, they don't lack the salad and they come back

and they're like, God, that's good. Pop some of your mouths! Yes. So now it's time and the lady goes, Hey, can you look at this? This is fucking fantastic and her husband's like, yeah, you know what right now. I'm looking at I'm looking at the soul past me to soul Yeah, they need a lot more. Yeah, so John and I are talking and Joao actually offers to do

Turn downs. He offers offers to do cabins because she's understaffed and she's like What the hell is going on with you out? I can't believe I'm getting along with you where it's crazy So in the kitchen the stakes are now ready. They're ready. They're I mean Miele's been cooking these stakes these relatively thin stakes like grocery store you know cuts and Travis is drawing a dick on a sticky. Yeah, and then there's that too.

So it's a standing in the corner like it's a dick. It's a dick. So, so, so, so the steaks are ready and so I think it was at a stage, it was like, okay, well, here's a plate. You could put them on. I mean, I was like, no, no, I'll keep them in the pan. And then it's at a stage is like, yeah, but if you cook them in the pan They're gonna be overcooked and overcooked is not perfect. So I Don't know what to do right now take them out of the pan Like now I have a third student that will let me help the cook fuck off. I bet that So she's like as far as plating goes so you want to do asparagus in the middle and then a

shwopey dip of that on the side and then the steak on top and then a little sauce on, she's like, oh, are you telling me how to blitz now? And she's like, I'm asking you, are you having attitude with me right now? Yeah, attitude, she was great. She's like, are you having attitude with me? I'm, I'm from your part of the world, okay? You cannot mess with me, okay? I speak your language and I know how to mess with you Just like you okay So she's like oh, okay, so she immediately like tones down what she gets some attitude back And so they plate them well, you know on a stage of plates and well I don't know if the food's gonna be any good, but it looks nice

It looks nice. I'll go and mod it in then we go upstairs We're worried about like how classy the food is and then we go upstairs and the lady's like, can you believe that this guy has never jerked off in his entire life. Like, I beg him to jerk off. He just won't do it. And it's just like, our mission is to get him masturbating.

Okay. Oh, God. So the stakes, so they sort of the stakes and everything. And while they. So the stakes, so they, they serve the stakes and everything. And while they're serving the stakes, like downstairs, Travis and Jack are in the galley and they're like snickering about Dr. Jen's rack while Anastasia's like cleaning up. And they're like, you know, Jack is saying things like, I'll go to little semi on right there. As she walks past, yeah, they're just being like pigs in front of a women. I'm like, below deck, never ceases to fail on this front.

Like even though we applaud Travis for standing up for the gaze, like, oh man, men being pigs in front of the women. That didn't really bother me as much. I mean, I didn't really bother me. I mean, they're talking about boobs. Like for this show, that's pretty innocent, you know, at least they're not grabbing them. Well, I guess maybe they just have a bigger fish to fry right now, although I wouldn't want me to let it be doing the... ...execiting. They have absolute filth of their mate. Yeah, they're all getting churned on.

So the captain checks on the steak and Jen's like, well, I mean, for steak, I mean, it's good, it's fine, and dried out, ladies. like, it's plain, it's dry, or it's some bullshit. We're the fucking ass tray. Yeah. Yeah, Jen's like, I mean, I don't actually really even eat steak, but no, it's good. It's good.

It's good. I mean, it's never put in my mouth, but it's lovely. It's fine. And then so then, the whole thing is like, well, these two ladies over here eat in the best steak houses in New York all the time and you know what they say it's fine it's fine and then saying to like oh gosh wait wait wait they say it's acceptable it's acceptable fine and acceptable yeah great she's like so we

failed to take Hannah and the food sense and Hannah's like what can we do to make it better tomorrow Captain Sandy? She's like why me or why me and so it looks like the firing is upon a I mean there's no a me look and last more than like two more two more episodes I'm sorry. That suck is done that suck is done for So that brings us to the end of Bolognic Mediterranean, everyone. Thank you so much for joining us here on our live stream. If you guys did not catch this live stream,

go watch the video on Crappens on Demand, okay? Go get your tickets. All the ticket links and merch links are up at watchwetcrapens.com, so get checked that out. And if you want our bonus episode, it's the project runway finale this week, and that's on Patreon as well. We sure love you guys.

We will talk to you next time, okay? Bye everyone. Bye. Bye. Bye. Hey, prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.