Watch What Crappens - Below Deck Med: Heading for the Lexit

Episode Date: July 27, 2021

Below Deck Med kicks into high gear when Chef Mat starts punching cameras and Lexi lets Malia and her fake accent have a piece of her very well educated mind. This week's bonus episode is a recap of Netflix' My Unorthodox Life. Find all of our premium bonus episodes at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensOur Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. But when people want to turn around, who can't swap? How can it spend so much time to happen? Well, hello and welcome to Watch My Crappance! The podcast for all that crap we just love to talk about on Yoprobs! I'm Ronnie Caram, and with me today is the gorgeous, talented, sweet Ben Mandelker.

Hello Ben! Hi Ronnie! Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. Hi, welcome to finally shit is happening on below deck day. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. This episode was absolutely crazy. Wow. Yeah, below deck takes takes a minute because they changed the cast every season. And so every season it takes a minute for shit to really go down. And this is the see this is the episode where that did in fact happen for me all below Dick Mediterranean.

I know it was so bonkers. I mean the chef quit huge fight, huge drunken fight and my favorite part is that no one seemed to notice or care that Matt was missing. There was like a like a moment of like, Hey, where's Matt? Oh, I don't know. Anyway, back to fighting like literally like no one cared. It was so perfect. Yeah. Well, everybody, thanks for being here. Go join patreon patreon.com slash watch crap ends. We do two videos a week over there. Video recaps on our crap and so on to man. And we also do bonuses. This week's bonus is something you guys have been requesting a lot through Sashal Mediyah.

And that is my unorthodox life on Netflix. We're going to recap the first episode this week. So come on, check that out. That'll be up towards the end of the week. And thanks to everybody who sponsors us there. You literally make life worth living. So thank you. And now we're onto below deck Mediterranean.

You know, even the previous leaves were pretty good on this one, which I appreciate. And this Roy Orbison Jr. Sir, wow, this guy's like the nicest bridge troll. He's sweet, but you know that he sleeps under a bridge and just waits to come out scared. I scare you. Like a lovely troll who could not help that that's the life he was born into. Yeah. Yeah, this is his thing that he's living it. He's living it well, you know? He seems happy. So very happy. And there's like all this chaos.

There's a lot of chaos leading into this episode because they were trying to dock. But then he was getting drunk and he's trying to jump off the corner of the boat. And Sandy is like, what's going on back there, Gash? What's happening? And then Z is all nervous because he has to do a heaving line. And it's dark out.

And then the rope is unfurling really fast. And then the rope sort of snaps off the spool and they're like, Zee! And that was like the cliffhanger. Like did Zee die? Like Zee might have died. We don't know if Zee's alive anymore. But then of course, we come back today and captain's like,

oh wow, well we're going to add some extra lines I guess. And then when he's like, yeah, you know, mine's snap all the time. You know, obviously that can be nerve-wracking. But Z secured the lines very, I guess. And then when he's like, yeah, you know, lines snap all the time, you know, obviously that can be nerve racking. But these secured the lines very, very quickly. I'm impressed. Yeah, basically everything was fine. I was just another, another doc. So, um, so then Roy is just like still drunk. His wife is so pissed, so pissed at him. And he's like, you guys are all embarrassing ourselves and email or plums

They did that thing with the subtitles are just like gibberish, you know, yeah, and he's like Oh He bows to the camera with the blessed hands. He's like like three camera He like blows a kiss towards the camera man and just like smiles. I hear I was sort of like, oh, he's so awful, but I'm kind of lovely right now. So sweet disaster. He's sweet. He blew a kiss at us, you know. He's like, I'm a disaster, but I'm gonna blow you a kiss because I respect you. Yeah. You know, you did just piss all over the floor as well, but you know what? We'll it even All right, so then Lexi and Courtney are talking in the kitchen and Courtney's eating some ice cream and Lexi's like

Are there any more spoons like I don't know if you've been sucking dick or anything Emily is like oh my god Lexi you're so funny, but I don't think you mean to be funny. I just think you're being honest Do you know she has a burn list? Do you know that and Kid he's walked in she goes do you have a burn book like on mean girls and we're like yeah, it has 45 names on it 45 names on it Yeah, and Lexi's just cracking up and Courtney says and and like, she wants people dead or she wants people to bang because I have a banged list. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, casting crew is on that list at this point. Yeah. So then David is outside smoking with Lloyd and he's like, it takes me a couple of months to know whether or not I like someone. Oh, yeah, you seem like a real dangerous guy, David. And then Lloyd is, Lloyd is like,

I'm often reserved in a new situation. You know, it depends on how I feel. And once I feel comfortable, then I feel like I'm able to share more things about myself. Like, for instance, as you know, I once was involved in competitive kite flying. I was. I had to do it while I'm on a unicycle. And the first person who could fall off the unicycle was eliminated. And I won three years in a row, but I gave it all up for dancing. I've already shared my duck dance and my TikTok so I'm not really sure how much vulnerable I'm

willing to be but my walls are coming down quickly. You're not on the bachelor dude stop with your vulnerable and your fucking walls coming down weirdo sweep get out there squeegee something. I did tell you that I worked at a card dealership and they threw books at my head until I smiled, but what I didn't tell you was that some of those books were on a bridge versions of the Miriam Webster dictionary. It had so much my walls are down. So David's saying, well he has such a good bowson. She's the absolute accruem of the creamy croppity tip top crop crop amazing isn't she? I'm so not too by saying fucking before crop

So Z and Matt are doing trash and Matt's like so what's your vibe for tomorrow? Would you vibe with Courtney? Yeah, you can stick it in. What are you gonna do with your tummy, everything? I'm gonna roll. Ooh. Ooh. And he just wants to get wasted, right? So then, and then they're like, the other guest, the sober guest are like,

I wonder what kind of argument they're having down there in the rooms. That's like my version of a Swedish accent. And Roy is like. That's like my version of a Swedish accent. And Roy is like, I have a diva, the lady named diva talks so much like a lady named diva. She's like, well, it's not safer to jump in the ocean and to be downstairs and bed with this wife right now.

Tell you my, I don't know. Okay, Apple Merman. Thanks for, thanks for joining us today. And then we just hear Roy go, do you have a heater in there and us says, go to the fuck to sleep. Like everything that Ikea was named after being mad at your husband. Luganigan. So, um, so then, uh, so Courtney gets happy because she's recognized for her hard.

Katie says something in Courtney and Courtney feels happy that she's being recognized. And people are going to bed and Katie is up late vacuuming and she's talking about how, you know, when she was younger, she was up until like five in the morning vacuuming and she was crying and was traumatizing and that's why she rotates her stews so that we don't get basically burned out with late night shifts. So kind of setting up the fact that clearly Lexi has got a loser mind about something pertaining to the ship that she's on.

Yeah, so then the crew mass, Lloyd is hanging out with David eating, and Lexi comes in, and I think she's eating something because he says, are we having a little drivel? Something like yeah, yeah, spitting or something. He goes it's all right. We don't judge here Oh, isn't really a tippity top crew of the crop So like you judge you judge me talking to myself. You know what very intelligent people talk to themselves. I googled it And then they laugh at her for googling that she, you know, talking to herself

or whatever. And then she's like, yeah, I'm very smart. I actually have a bio, like I majored in bio and then I got into nursing school but I didn't have enough money to go because I always spent my money on three cars. Yeah. And she's like, yeah, I really don't know how to manage money. It just happens. So she has a biology degree.

Is that the same as a physics degree? I was confused because she later said physics. Yeah, I was like, is it a double major? Is it a biophysics? Oh, are you lying, man? It's science. She has a science degree. So some guests are up, some are still asleep,

and the ones that are up want to eat right now. So Lexi goes into the kitchen, and Lexi's the only one that's on right now, it's breakfast, and she tells Matt that they want to eat. And he's like, okay, well, I gotta wait for Katie. Okay, can you get Katie for me? And she's like, well, Katie is asleep, and I'm like the breakfast girl, so I can you get Katie for me?" And she's like, well, Katie is asleep, and I'm like the breakfast girl,

so I can't get Katie. Well, let's just do the pastries first. Dole is your lemme pup, he's seeding nothin'. So she's seeding that, gang. And she's like, do you want me to wait for the other ones? So I don't have to go up and down again. And he's like, hmm, sure. And then he goes with his knives and he starts like organizing them very slowly.

And he's like, yeah, unbelievable fucking idiot. She's just muttering. She's watching him act, you know, move very slowly and like he's just sort of doing going at a leisurely, leisurely pace, which admittedly you're thinking to yourself, this guy should maybe have a little bit more pep in his step, but also she could just bring the pastries up and then come down and bring some more pastries up, but whatever. So there's just like this.

Oh, no, those are not a fighting words to me. Double, double the stairs, no stairs. Double stairs? I think he's, he's fucking with her on purpose because he's literally like organizing his knives and he's just putting like lukewarm things on a plate, right? Or room temperature stuff. So she's like, I'm done being nice. He's not even a man. He's just a

pretty little boy trying to wield some power over me. Yeah. And then later on, like a few moments later, he is like taking orders from the guests and everything. So he's also kind of like cutting her out of what she should be doing. So then Lexi goes up to Courtney and she's like, I'm going to kill him. I swear to God. Okay. Like he was like, where's Katie? Okay. Like I'm gonna fucking kill him. Yeah. He says, well, my first shorter, I realized there were communication problems. So I'm only dealing with Katie now. I think if I pissed her off enough, she won't want to be Katie now. I think it would be like pissed her off enough she won't want to be on service.

Annoying people is my superpower. That's for sure. Yeah, I thought it was funny, as I thought he said, knowing people as much superpower. I was like, but now that you say that's annoying people, I'm like, oh yes, much more accurate.

Yeah, so she's like, did you serve stuff or did you radio me? He's like, no, it's just souped it. She was like, why didn't you just radio me? He's like, um, did you serve stuff or did you radio me? He's like, no, he just served it. She was, why didn't you just radio me? He's like, cause I wanted to serve it. I'm just like, I'm gonna burn him alive. Yeah. I'm gonna kill him.

Although it's funny, cause she's like, I don't want to serve breakfast with him, but then he goes and serves it and she's mad that he's served it. So, um, so then, cause you provide what you said before. Like in one way, he's making it hard for her to serve, but then he's also like trying to upstate for service. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure you're right.

Every single way. Watch his, watch his mad. Um, so then we just, we keep cutting to David in the bathroom going, oh, that's filthy. Oh, oh, that's terrible. And the, oh, Muriel, you smell terrible. Oh, it's filthy. I'm like, that's terrible. And the, oh, Muriel, you smell terrible. Oh, it's filthy. I'm like, why do we keep, like, he clearly took an enormous dump.

And we keep going back to it. Why do we keep coming back to David and the bathroom with his stinky ass poop? That's one of their tropes on this show. They love a good stinky poop scene on the show. Yeah. Every year, there's someone making a really stinky poop that they cut back to like the entire episode So Lexi's still bitching about she sees Katie and she's like, do not put me near him or I will strangle him and Katie says Who would a hick to die to walk into the and Lexi's like, oh my god

Look at Katie not even trying to deal with this. I mean, managing, not her strong suit. I mean, she's a nice girl, but nice doesn't always meet the criteria for this, or the criteria for this industry. Okay. I think, Lexi, this is like, I was like, okay, Lexi is on one today because I didn't really think it was so bad. She told Katie and Katie's like, okay, got it. And then immediately she's like,

she's not managing, she's not managing. She's not managing. I'm like, you're on breakfast. Like what are she supposed to do? Yeah. So then cut to Roy. I mean, like, I was going to jump last night. I was going to jump off the boat, guys.

I think it just got to his wife just being like, we're getting divorces soon as we step on dry land. So, Lexi is still bitching about Matt and Katie is like, you know, systems are the easy part of all of this. It's managing people in emotions that gets hard. You know, she's the second stew. They have to work through their differences. That's it.

Yeah, because Lexi is saying he was going off. Don't put me on breakfast with him. I'm well fucking strangling him. And Katie's like, okay, well, that's not gonna happen. So then back to David and the bathroom, oh, it's, it's fucking here. Randy's, oh, she and he starts to just, you hear him spraying. It's like, you're up. And then almost on the fire alarm goes off. Yeah. And Matt sees Katie and he's like, health's Katie,

vibing, vibing Katie. So yeah, the fire alarm's going off. And everybody's like, are we dying or like what's happening? And we're like, he's distracting his daddy's, can't get me away from this table. Wow,

yeah. And so I thought that maybe David had lit a match in there to help help with something, but it turns out he just had sprayed so much. Well, the first day said the odorant, but ultimately it's it's air freshener. I did because the mleas does anyone know why the fire alarm went off? He was like, air freshener, mate, you know, it's bad enough to set off the fire alarm on the boat. It's another have to expand to the girl. I'm attracted to you It's hard to explain to the girl you're attracted to when she happens to be the cream of the fucking crop Sun wow best person Eva do you think that's why he always smells good because he's always spring so much for breeze in the bathroom

Probably just like a severe pooper. He's like an IBS guy. Well, there's some people put on way too much deodorant. You know, they just smell like a crazy locker room. I remember one time there was a, like 20 years ago, there was a new story of a kid who died. He put on, he was obsessed with putting on deodorant. He put on so much deodorant. I think they have he metals on the deodorant, like the aluminum. He like poisoned himself basically, but too much deodorant. Gee. True story, everyone. that the other idea aluminum, he like poisoned himself basically, but too much to the other end. Gee.

True story, everyone. True story. God, come to watch our crap and it's to feel comforted. Yeah. Well, good to go. Well, there's a bit of stink. You want a little bit of stink, otherwise you're going to die. Just kidding.

So the captain comes out and she's like, foul salarms. Someone's pretty too much to the other end, which is hilarious. And guess why? Legal. And it was written down before we took off. Okay, everybody. I was really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, just they took it just dropped a load. Yeah. That load was so big Humpty Dumpty could have sat from it. You know, I have to say I like naming people after wind, but not after the breeze if you get what I'm saying. David wanted to save this till the end of the season. But your wind is for breeze. Okay. I would say what your wind is, but I think you broke it. So Katie and Lexi are polishing silver and Courtney's kind of standing behind them.

And Lexi's like, wow, so that was really something this morning with Matt. I was like, what are you doing? Katie's just like, uh-huh. Yeah. And I was like, come on, Katie, like, why did you do that? And she goes, well, rotate because it keeps it fresh. And she'd like, no, we're not going to rotate. She's, I mean, I get what you're trying to do, but no. And then I see goes, Katie is good at playing in a sense. She's like, I have no idea what's going

on, but she's like choosing sides of Matt. And she's pretending. She has both of our backs, like, which is bullshit. I'm like, I don't idea what's going on, but she's like choosing sides of Matt and she's pretending she has both of our backs, like, which is bullshit. I'm like, I don't think Katie cares enough right now about this stupid view that you guys have. Like right now your arguments are that like you were standing in his dirt pile and now that there was like that taking out trays. I just don't think this is high on Katie's priority list.

And now, I'm like she's been trying this with Katie the whole season. Every little thing she's like, on Katie's priority lists. No, and Lexi's been trying this with Katie the whole season. Every little thing she's like, that's not how you manage. So then the little kids are playing hide and see, can, can be, can be, Captain Sandy hides from him. And we get a little calm of Roy D'Orbison Jr. of the third or whatever, hiding.

And it's wacky. It's, Jr. the third or whatever, hiding. And it's wacky. It's, yeah. And then the daycans Lloyd is talking about having watched a crocodile dundee recently. And he's like, I watched that the other day. And there's some very derogatory words in there. I was not expecting them to say that. And Lea's like, what are you talking about?

Me? She's, no, crocodile dundee. She's like, of course. And actually, the reason. But by the way, I did also see crocodile Dundee relatively recently, maybe about two years ago, it was like on TV. And yeah, there's like some hell of problematic shit in there.

I was surprised. I think every movie from that time, because even soap dish, you know, if you watch soap dish now, it's like, er, because we're always saying, oh my God, soap dish, she loves soap dish. And I was showing it to my niece. And she was like, uh, why are you showing me this? It's a lot problematic stuff, guys.

Tom's speech. I feel like really is only one big problematic thing on soap dish. Only one was there are other really problematic stuff too. I don't I just remember the big. No, well, we can't talk about it for just going to be wussies and just say that one. I don't want to say it because that was problem. No, I don't want to spoil anything. It's just watching that, you know, movies from that time period. It's like. Our crocodile Dundee was actively like there was a casino when he went into a bar and was like hitting on the lady

and it turns out it was a trans lady. And then they're like, he's like, oh, that's a, wait, that's a man and like grabs, grabs the lady by the crotch and then they like heckle, heckle her and kick her out of the bar. It's like the most transphobic scene right in the middle of crocodile dundee

and you're like, what, what, but that's, you know, like in the 80s, you know, we weren't as aware, right? And so it's just like shocking to see it now. You're like, holy shit. Yeah, I haven't seen that since I was a kid. I remember thinking, I didn't have the words for it, but I think that's when I finally understood what toxic masculinity. I was like, ew, it's a straight guy wandering around with a big knife. Yeah, I mean, literally that's not a knife. This is a knife is truly the encapsulation

of toxic masculinity in one, in like two lines of dialogue. Well, speaking of toxic masculinity, let's get back to below tech. Yeah. So, Roy, basically everybody's everybody's happy. Embrory's like, wow, this is everything we could wish for. Matt is the most surprising, oh, because they're leaving now. Matt was just the most surprising. I mean, he does look like Bradley Cooper playing Batboy.

So, you know, he didn't suck out anyone's blood. So, well done. Here's some money. So, um, yeah, so there, yeah, there's, I'm lost. Oh, sorry, they just left. I just kicked out. They left. Oh, okay. Then Matt's like patting himself on the shoulder. He's like, yeah, you know, why? Because I plan my desserts in advance and my meals in advance. And that's why it gets me ahead. And Molly is like, um, so he's like, yeah, so you can make lunch, right? She's like, oh, I guess we can make some ramen noodles or something. And the captain comes up to him and she's like, I'm at you. Every day we drop off, you gotta do cruise launch.

He's like, oh, but I thought I'd have to do the clean and wing it. Matt, it's like PBNJ sandwiches. Okay, figure it oh, but I thought I'd have to do the cleaning. We're gonna. Matt, it's like PBNJ sandwiches. Okay, figure it out. Your chef, you can do this. Okay, especially when you like, when he made that elaborate tie lunch for the crew last episode or two episodes ago. Okay. So he's now acting like he is the most beleaguered chef

in the history of chefs. Okay. So she's like, just do a crew launch, okay? So now they're cleaning. And that's the tip meeting. And that's the tip meeting. And crew your food. Quarthequil your food.

Listen, I don't know where to start. This is the first season ever, where I've not heard one guest complaint. Other than the night when we cooked, because remember when Matt freaked out, because it's the hurt, so we all had to cook and everyone complained and we almost were ruined because of Matt, remember that?

And the camera just like closes up on his face, looking all like, where? Yeah. So, Lloyd's like, oh, look at all this money, 21 grand. You want me to slap you with it? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,'s irritated he has to cook lunch, but like we need to eat. So they're just like all laughing because cooking lunch for the crew is like the norm and that's like what people do.

And Matt's like, I thought I'd have a time to sit down and plan menus and do prep and inventories. It's just that like when you need to be done, when you're on your own department, you get no support. It's not sustainable. There's no time off in between trips. when you need to be done, when you're on your own department, you get no support. Like, it's not sustainable. There's no time off in between trips. I'm like, it's, sorry, Matt. You're, this is like at season eight of whatever of this show.

Like, it's been sustainable across this entire show and all it's spin-offs. So, like, literally, this is a dying argument. Yeah. So then the stews are cleaning. You know, everybody's getting all with it, but they keep cutting back to Matt having a fit. He's like, God, this is fucked up.

The crew can't do this for me. You know, and then he's bitching to someone in the kitchen. He's like, no time off. No hours of rest. Everyone else has a team. You know, they suck. I'm Alia here with Sam.

And so she comes in. She has, Matthew, it's part of your job. Yeah, I was like, listen, I don't want to talk about it, okay? And she goes, she's like, she's just like, look, do you want us to make paninis? We can make paninis. We could do this. I'm good.

No, I'm good. So now he's complaining that he has to do all this work. And then someone actually is nice enough to offer help. And then he's like, no, no, I'm good. No, she's, no, you're not good. We're a team. And you're a part of that team, whether you like it or not, unless, of course, you have value in mom board.

Okay. So that's the rules here. Listen, no, you listen. Let us fucking help you. Let us make paninis for help us make paninis for you. Okay. We're making paninis for you. So she's like, yeah, I got a lot of experience coddling chefs.

Like you just want to shake them and say, this is your job. So he's back of Tom going, get to robin it now. Well, how am I supposed to put this all away? First you put a potato in the bean and then you have to slice a cucumber. What's next? I've got a slice of avocado. I just can't do it. Manila. I can't do it. Yeah. So she's like, okay, I know it sucks. And he says he's just being a big baby.

It's just, well, I mean, I picked you as a cryer because homely doing sex. Okay, there we go. He's back. So creepy. So like, oh God, if you're someone who says make these jokes in a workplace, just like stop. If you see yourself in Matt, no, you're doing something wrong.

So cleaning cleaning cleaning. These are two hours like who does fit prepping. I hope you enjoy it. I'm only just like, well, we all have a tough job. Don't we? So they get served and Courtney sees a salad. It's because what's this? Placenta?

I don't know, I'm sorry, I meant pimento. Pimento. Pileta. Pileta. Pontiac cause. Nope, that's not even like it. Magenta. That's color.

Elephant. No. But this isn't in a rhyme. Corey. Faggy. What? By the way, why don't you take him two hours to make that salad? That's the thing.

I don't like, I don't. This is math. These are math issues. Okay. This is not system issues about how chefs are supposed to make lunch. So David is like Matt gets wild very quickly and he spires what he needs in it now is reassurance and a kick up the ass, which I could do because I'm a very naughty man, very naughty, not the nice man. I'm a naughty. I kick people in the ass. Ooh.

Yeah, he says that, but he's just kissing his ass the whole time. He's not doing, he's like, would you like to fist a bump bro? That's right fist bump. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and it's commercial. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell.

Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows, it snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up any time soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and

lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So then Courtney facetimes her parents, which just seems like a nice standard scene, but then we find out that her dad actually has Alzheimer's and she starts talking to you're fully about how her dad is deteriorating which has got to be just like you know a gut wrenching experience. So I'm like oh I'm like already like oh this is sad. So then we then pivot from that to then I'm only getting dressed and getting ready to go out to the docks and the party and all that stuff and the deques are all sitting out on the bow or the stern or whatever it is and they're like talking about the girls that they

like and the Hugh likes who etc and and these guys are so ridiculous oh my god like fist bump oh yes fist bump bro two lucky girls I'm not saying two lucky girls no you say first all Alright, I like it girl. Okay, I'll give you names letter of the alphabet for what girl are like. Ooh, I know. Is it the letter air? Or is it above that? Is it M, L, M, and O, P? It is.

Ooh, I know, it is. It's like, oh my god. Someone. Please get over here and bully the fuck out of these guys. I can't. No, I support it because we've had too many douchebags and I'd like that when when Lloyd was a reading middle ground. I liked when Lloyd was alluding to who David Lighty said oh, I know Does does her name start with the letter that's after mine and it goes Like no the letter after this but there's two L's in law. He's no no no here. Let me sing the alphabet song to help you out ABCD EFG H I J K L M N O P and it goes

L M N O P there you go Oh my god. So Matt, they're all going out right to getting into the van. So Matt's like, Daddy needs to get a little loose right now. And so they go out to a restaurant. They ordered drinks and Matt orders a whole bottle of rosé. He's like, I'm gonna get to waste. Dude. Yeah, and of course, everything is fun.

Everyone's laughing, and then I got to match just eating like a pig. Like literally just like shoving food in his mouth, some of it's bouncing off his lips, some of it's landing on the floor on his plate. He's like, so he's like, I mean, Lord's fussy, because I get fussy. So Lexi says,

what's your sign? Scorpio, we're freaky. I met my last girlfriend at a sex party. And I was like, oh, like, it's even if, if it's a joke, it's like a big, and if it's real, it's like, like, I don't wanna know.

Yeah, we're vibing. It's sex party. Not tea. It's two guys. It's true. And then, and then Malia's like, David, I like that you're not as shoy as you were last time. And I love, Dave.

Yeah, we know Matt. We know I haven't jerked off in like a month. It's like, oh, Matt. Is it give me a hooker? That's what I want a hooker. Yes, what I'm saying, because I'm going to manifest it. She's like, Matt, that's enough. He's like, you know what?

You know what? I don't give a fuck. And you know why I don't give a fuck? Because I've worked with too many douchebags, so I know I'm better than them no matter what I say. Yeah, to fucking piss, I couldn't, you know, I couldn't, well it my first sex party, and Courtney goes, no one cares, no one cares. I was like, you, I'm always like, Matt, shut up, you, Matt. And we was like, Matt, shut up. Matt.

And so, okay, everyone's like, shut up, dude. And he won't stop. And so Courtney's like, shut the fuck up, we're out of me. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And he's like, let's talk more of that, Dave. And let's about that. All right, Courtney, you're all the one talking about it, bro.

And I was like, you know what? I don't like people giving me shit. I've worked too hard to get shit for being myself. I'm like, we're actually hard. You weren't even there for the first day of the charter or crying out loud. You didn't even want to make them lunch. Give me crap about myself. I'm like, fuck you. I'm going home.

I'm going home. So he gets up and leaves the table and goes to the elevator and he's like, I'm proud of myself around nice. I'm proud of clean. I'm fuck you people. And everyone just like, ah chefs. They like, they don't try to make them stop. They're not like, come back. They just let them go because he's just so creepy and annoying. So then Matt's in the van. He like turns, he takes the camera and pushes it down, the GoPro down, and it's like, ooh, and they don't even give him the, when he does that, they don't even give him a commercial break. That's how little that people care about Matt

that he doesn't even get a cliffhanger when he turns the camera down. Everyone knows, if you're on a reality show and you see a GoPro and you're mad and you hit the GoPro, so it goes down on the aims at the floor, that's a commercial break. And Matt doesn't even get that. Yeah. And he just keeps saying, if we're so hard to get loo-r-am. It's a real episode for, it's a big episode for, I'm richer than you and I've worked so hard.

It's a big, big episode for those sort of like drunken Self Acclimations so Malia's like, um guys, let's just keep matte positive because we don't want to cook steak again Hey So then everyone's wasted again. It's later and so Z's dancing on a table and then giving Courtney a lap dance and You're the best So then back in the boat raps in the galley put it wrapping his knives in a towel like I'm done If we so hard to get Yeah, and then back at the restaurant Courtney is face timings these brother and

They're all like face timing people that they know and like Matt is still packing up. He puts on a t-shirt that says just be nice. And then Lloyd makes a call to someone and then all of a sudden Courtney starts to sob because she starts thinking about her dad and how he has Alzheimer's and everything. So she just goes into the bathroom and then Lexi falls her in there to console her. And they're both kind of like, you know, Courtney starts talking about how her dad has Alzheimer's and how she feels like they're grieving him while he's still alive. And Lexi's like, well, my dad died four months ago and I deal with that shit every fucking day. So they're really just like having each other in that moment in the bathroom. Right. So then everybody else gets the bill.

And for whatever reason, they have to pay for it. I thought production paid for this shit. I'd be like, no, I'm not paying for this. Yeah. So they're splitting up the bill. And for whatever reason they have to pay for it, I thought production paid for this shit. I'd be like, no, I'm not paying for this. Yeah. So they're splitting up the bill and they're paying at the cashier, right? So everybody is taking turns paying and Malia pays 300 or whatever. And so Lexi comes in and she's like,

um, do I have a bill here? And she goes, oh, Malia, you paid Malia? And she's like, no, you have to pay Lexi. She's like, oh, but I thought Malia just said she paid because she heard her. And the way it's like, we're all paying 300. And she goes, pause, pause. And she's like, but everyone paid 300.

Anyway, Malia, since your name is Malia and not Lloyd, tell me what I owe you in Europe. And I'll pay that back to you. And he goes, 300. I pause, pause. Don't make me be a bit sure. Okay, I'm a Capricorn, and we're smart as fuck. Like, can we compare to Grays here?

And Grays like, no one's calling you dumb. Like, we can go there. I have a physics degree, pause. Pause. I have a physics biology physics. I have a physics biology physics I have a biologics degree okay I have a bull just bull blah blah I have a bill bow say what do you have and Courtney goes I love you Lexi she's yeah because like I'm not a cheap person like I pay my bills. So now she's going off, they're accusing her

of not paying her bill, but she's also not paying her bill. She's not. She's stalling by asking so much, repeatedly, how much is it that finally Courtney pays it for her? So now I'm turning evil, even Z is annoyed, and Z does nothing but stand around and smile, and sometimes get hit by a rope Right, but like he's just like happy go lucky Z and even he's getting annoyed so

And then we cut to Matt who is still packing and he goes up to Martin and he's like do you have a spare bag of going home now? John I quit What does he need a spare bag? Didn't you bring your suitcase? I'm so confused about Matt. He confused us from every scene. So he points right in the camera and he's like, you can find someone else to take this shit and then he punches the camera. And then we go back to the other guys and see now they're walking like, they're walking outside like through the courts or the square.

Yeah, the square. And so he's carrying court me, but she's too small, she's too big. So they like topple over and they're wasted. So that part too. And then back at the boat, Matt's like, good luck finding some assholes, chef, and he punches another camera down. And then he's just going, I'm done, I'm so fucking done, let's go. I'm done. And then this, I get at Jake, who I think is like, you know, there's like Martin and Jake, I figure out what they each do,

but Jake is like, okay, let's go bro, before you break anything else. And then, and then Z falls over with Courtney and they're like, they're like, Dabbing, Z-Yord. So they make it look like Zee has actually just broken his spine. And again, Zee is the one who gets the commercial break,

not, not, not Matt, if I remember correctly. But when we come back, daddy is, he's okay, because he's daddy, and he's, even though his mouth is covered in blood. So Lexi is just marching around like, I hate everyone and Meanwhile, poor Z's covered in blood. He's like I'm fine. I'm fine So then they get in the vans and

Malia's like so how cute was it talking to your family Z? And he's like, oh Josh is my closest brother So your half brother? He's like no, I'm from an adopted family I'm like I haven't adopted brother. So they bond. And he tells her that he's the only black sibling. He was adopted when he was three. And she's like, so you never met your mom. And he says, no, no, I was really close with my mom. Actually, I spent the week with my mom and the weekends with my grandmother, who was the domestic of my parents, well, the people who were my parents now,

and my mom passed when I was three, and then that family adopted him. I like that story. I do too, I love it also. I love it also, lovely. Yeah, I love Z, like I love him. So then, in the other van, Lexi was talking about how she has a lot of issues, and Katie was like, how she has a lot of issues.

And Katie was like, well, we all have our issues that we deal with. And she goes, did your dad die? And Katie was like, oh shit. So then Katie's trying to be like, you know, you can't just does no time long. And when you get over that thing and you have to do with it, how you do with it, you know, she's trying to be kind of like supportive or whatever, you know, and then they get back to the boat. And everyone's trying to predict where Matt's going to be. Like, is he going to be in the galley? Is he going to be on the

deck? Where's he going to be? And everyone's like looking for him. And they can't find him. And then they kind of just like, forget about him for the rest of the episode. So let's see. Malia, Lexi are in their cabin. They're all changing to go to the hot tub. And so Lexi's standing up, getting stuff out of the top bunk and she's like, why are my hundreds and my bathing suit? Oh, that's where my hundreds are. And Malia's annoyed with her already.

So she's like, are you planning on spending them at the hot tub? She's like, do not snap at me because I'm Satan. Okay, if anyone can get snapped at And me I said, well tonight with the beer that was just you know Yeah, like how court me who's had more drinks than you can tell me what the bill is, but you can't Hmm. Yeah, and so Malia's like and so so like she says, like, let's avoid this all to cost because I'm fucking Satan. So Malia is like, why do you keep referring to yourself as saying legit? I legit don't care. Okay, because I have a life to go back to and you don't. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I have a condo. It's like, so does Auntie Loppa. Okay. It's so crazy. So Mollies, like, oh, because people that live in an $8,000 high rise have the right to be a cut fitness. She's like, no, because I feel like you like to be a cut fitness and you like to get away with it

and you're not my boss. So I can't, I couldn't tell if I wonder how the audience, I'm wondering how people were feeling about this because there were a lot of people who were really probably excited to have someone say that to Malia, but also Lexi was being totally deranged too. You know, she was. So Malia's also poking, poking, poking, poking, poking,

poking, poking, poking, poking, but Lex but like sexy I mean even I who really detest malleolately these days I even am on malleolia side. Yeah I mean I think Lexi was really like off her rocker this episode. So now they all go to the hot tub and they're all partying and they're champagne. It seems like whatever tension there was there has sort of like settled for a little bit. So um and then Courtney asked Katie if she's ever fucked anyone in the guest area. And he's like, yes, it's a cool stuff. It's just again. I feel like everything is like a reference to the last season of Below Deck and Francesca, right? Because it's constantly like, oh yeah, of course.

It's like, it's nobody deal to go into a guest room. Yeah. So then Courtney drunkenly starts playing truth or dare with everybody. Oh yeah, you're already said that. Sorry. So then they dare David to run around the boat, the bow of the boat naked, and he does. And they're like, wow, I'm only a says, I'm impressed. Not with him being naked, but that he did that dare. Yeah, and it's not so good while doing it. Wow. Yeah, it's not so good while doing it. Wow. So as said, then Lexi starts calling David a kiss ass and like, oh, and sorry, and then David, I'm sorry, David, David leans into Malay and goes, have a question Malayah, would you ever see me as someone more than you worked with? Oh no. And she gives his face like

oh. And Lexi's like, David, shut your kiss. I suck fucking kiss ass. Mother fucker. And he's like, um, that's hard to answer. And he's like, really tall to ask to tell you up my shot. That was very difficult to ask. Creep, my crop and like to pause and Lloyd's like Lexie why don't you shut the fuck up and she's like Lloyd I thought you liked me because yeah I did before you sort of seemed shit like that shut the fuck up so then like like like like Courtney Courtney attack him it's still oddly enough in like a good space. And so Courtney is like,

pretending to attack him and like, it comes over like all laughing. She's like attacking with boobs, but then she's like, you're a pussy. He's a pussy, he's a pussy. So that Lloyd does not like that. That's clearly something. He triggers something in Lloyd.

He takes his face and puts it in her boobs and like motorboats him or whatever. And like, see, thinks she's being funny, but she's like no one's having it, you know? She's not reading the room. Yeah. And so Lloyd gets really mad and leaves the hot tub. And Lexi's like, just let him go, Courtney.

Let him go. Let him walk away. Emily is like, just stop, dude. And they're calling for Lloyd to come back in. He's like, I'll be back in a bit. So he stops off and he tells us this girl has no idea what to say in social situations. But when it goes to more than just words,

I do not want to be touched, just wanted to get out of there. I just needed to get somewhere. So someone could throw some books in my head and tell me I smiled again, that's all. So then, like, I was just playing with him, and then he goes, well, calling someone a pussy is pretty offensive. And then he goes,

well, I acknowledge that it was, I was mean, and Z pipes, and he's like, you can't give him shit, you can't give him shit. He's like, you're like, you're being a fucking deckhand right now. And then he's like, wanna elaborate on that? And Courtney's like, no, please, just everyone shut the fuck up right now. Like, it's yeah, guys, you're just being deck

hands. You're all just deck hands. She doesn't mean any, Molly goes, she doesn't mean anything. She takes to offense, but to do the fence, so isn't it? And Lexi's like, Oh, get over it. I'm not kissing your ass. Just go to bed. Go to bed. Go to bed. So Malia then... Classic Bravo there. Yeah, go to bed. The go to bed order. So Malia goes and tells Katie that Lexi's being a dick and she says, she made Lloyd cry. And then they just randomly cut to,

see you just running into a wall. Catch that. She made Lloyd cry. you just running into a wall. Catch that. Lloyd cries. Z-Crash into another wall because he hits his head a lot, by the way. Yeah. So now it's just Courtney and Lex in the hot tub and Courtney's like, that was not the way to handle that. She's like, I don't give a fuck Courtney. So then, yeah, they she made Lloyd cry. So Katie's like, well, I'll go find her then and Katie says you know I don't feel good being the bad guy, you know right now. I really just don't want to deal with her

Yeah, and like see I guess David's there. He's either in the hot tub or around the hot tub And she goes David fuck off. This is not your time So then Katie goes up the hot tub and to like figure out what's going on. Emily says, you know, you and I had a problem before we came out and then you really set some inappropriate things to Floyd, I'm too Lloyd. And like she goes, I'm fucking in a appropriate and I'm not the one who's offended. Yeah, she's like getting her finger in her face. And Katie's like, just sit down, down Lexi and she's then she has her finger in Dave's face And she's like, Dave, you're a pussy and a fake ass. And so Katie's screaming stop And Lexi's just waving her off in her face. She's like, you can fuck right off Emily is like, that is your chief's dude like shut the fuck up

Yeah, and she's doing this like if you want to call me a bitch, I can be a bitch. So Katie is like losing her mind. And she's like, if you fuck up, it's on me. Like when you lash out and and Lexi's like, Katie, I live with her. I know. So we'll swap cabins. Okay, I need to know what the fuck happened. So now Lexi starts to cry.

Yeah. And she's like, you look corny. I have my bag. Oh my, bag and Katie screaming. Listen to me. So it's so crazy.

Everybody's screaming and yelling and crying. And I can't cutting to Captain Sandy, just like snoring in her room during all this. Yeah, she's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm doing your photo. You're for to your friends. in her room during all this. Yeah, she like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no is what Malia, this is what she does, though. You see, like she's mad, so she just keeps going around and poking, poking, poking. But it's already completely out of hand. So she's like, now I'm gonna go drain the hot tub until that bitch to get out.

Yeah, I did not feel like Malia was acting like a leader in this situation, in this fight. I think she engaged too much in the fight. It's hard not to when people are saying shit and everyone's drunk, but Katie felt like she was trying to defuse the situation and Malia, by her going back up to that hot tub, Malia had already participated in this

and then she goes up and then she's like, get the fuck off the deck, get off the deck. So, yeah, she's going around to all the other people like, oh, we just deck hands, guys. Like, she's just stoking, right? Like, I don't think this is her fault, but I think she's definitely stoking, poking, poking, stoking.

Right, well, like Katie should not have to be, Katie's like, stop fighting. She shouldn't have to be yelling that at her stew and at the bosen. And by the way, it's totally disrespectful for the second stew to be like mounting off at the bosen. The bosen is higher ranked, right? But also the bosen shouldn't be a fight like that. The bosen, I think, should have more leadership.

Qualities in her in this moment. But then again, I mean, it also was a pretty awful, like it was just so, how could you also not be totally aggravated by the situation too? Yeah, so Kay, I'm playing it both sides, I don't care. Yeah, Malia's wrong too, I think.

I mean, Lexi started it, but Malia still sucks, and this is why. So then Malia's like, well, guess what? I'm draining it to get out. Lexi's like she's getting meme And Katie's like I don't care. Just stop talking. She'll get the fuck off the deck And it's like don't say that just suck my dick. It's like fuck you You don't get to talk to me like my mother who also says suck my dick to me, okay? She's you're a fucking

my dick to me, okay? Yeah. She was, you're a fucking boasting. Stand the fuck down, okay? You're supposed to be a fucking cheats dude. You're failing at your job. And then just cut back to Sandy, who was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, you're cool.

Yeah, mentor, mentor, mentor, mentor. So then, um, bullying is like, get out. So like she walks right up to her face. Like get out and you're like, Katie's. She walks right up to her face. Get out. And you're like, Katie's in between them, like trying to keep them apart.

And Lexi's like, Bitch, I'm a fucking mom. You're supposed to be the chiefs too. You failed at your job. Fuck off. Yeah. So then, um, downstairs,

um, the deckies are telling Lloyd that they have his back, you know, and then Courtney's just like crying in the bathroom because she's just going, she's, she's, she's been in her own sort of storyline during all this, she's just sort of emotionally going through it. So then Z goes to comfort her and this was, was this not like the 80s movie scene where like the nerdy kid goes and consoles the popular girl who's crying in the bathroom at the party and like they finally have their connection i was like it's but it's happening it's happening but it's real life so it's just a moment where he comforts her nothing more and then we see david run to malia like white miding from a late david so he runs to her and he's like oh my god this a million shitty people in the world and you're not one of them you You're amazing.

You're the exact opposite. It's almost as if there was a field and the field, they put seeds in the field and guess what? Their seeds turned into plants and those plants became a crop and then someone decided to pour milk in the crop and some of the milk separated and you were the cream if the crop.'s what you are Malia. So then Malia goes to Lloyd and she's like sorry tonight was shit mate and he's like why it was amazing. So then so then Malia comes in right because they're on the crew mass so then Lexi comes in and sees them and she's like just being, nah, and she's ignoring them. And David's like, oh, hashtag pimping. And she's, David, you're whack. And he's like, a hashtag unimprovable. Oh.

Yeah, he's like, I, she's, he's a little Malia. He's stoking me. He was a little, he got, there was something about like his, the way he was acting this, in this scene where I was like, mm, don't like this look on you right now because yeah, he's like, you're funny, I want you to have to check on Employable. Because I'm employable because I have more money than you,

which literally makes no sense. Like literally not a part of the job interview process. So, Malia is like, David, don't engage, don't engage. Says the woman who just went up and put this whole hot tub draining routine, which exacerbated an already terrible situation. Yeah, so Malia's like, you're wackest fuck! Malia's like, don't! And she goes, Malia's wack too.

She's like, sorry, your dad died. And I can tell she's being fake. So now they're like, oh geez Lexi, come on. She's like, fuck off, Katie. You're a Capricorn and you can feel what I'm feeling. And you're smirking, you're smirking while you feel what I'm feeling. And then she turns the Z and goes, and Z take your Afrikaans ass and go the fuck away. Oh my God. And she's like, my dad fucking died. She's a fake ass bitch. And she's like, no, she isn't.

She's like, no, she's stopping and kissing us. Now you're being a kiss as fuck off, fuck off. I mean, she looks like she hits him in the face, but she like, I reweld it a couple of times. Yeah, like she gets his hand in his face, but she's in quite a, and then she she pushes him and then it's to be continued I feel like every episode should end with the threat that Z may have died Because that's like two in a row now. We're like Z

You know like next week does could be like a lightning bolt and we're like oh no, it did lightning strike Z And it's like no, I'm fine. I'm just downstairs actually wasn't even close to the lightning like, oh no, it did lightning strike Z. And it's like, no, I'm fine, I'm just down here, as actually wasn't even close to the lightning. Yeah. Oh man, so well, this one sure amped it up. Yeah, it's crazy. I like, it cannot wait to see what happens on the next episode. Yeah, well everybody, thanks so much for being with us.

We will be back tomorrow with some real housewives of New York City. Mm-hmm. Thanks so much for being here. We'll talk to you next time. Hi everyone. I- Watch what crap ends with like to think it's premium sponsors.

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