Watch What Crappens - Below Deck Med: Memories of a Aesha

Episode Date: September 1, 2020

Aesha returns to Below Deck Med for a trip to Ibiza, and Rob is in trouble for exting. For this week's bonus about Luann's new song and Dorinda leaving RHONY, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.**New merch! We designed lots of new face masks for Bravo lovers available at crappensmerch.com A portion of sales go to MedShare!Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cupi from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Happens! The podcast for all that crap we just left out to bat on Yil Braves and Beyond.

It's me, Ronikeroom, and over there is the gorgeous talented handsome Finn Ben Mandelker! Ben also does the Real Housewares of Kitchen Island over on YouTube, and he's on another podcast called Game Brain Hello Bin! Ben. Hello, hello, hello. How's it going, baby? How are you doing? Great. Just excited to dive into some more below deck med today. Can't, can't, can't, can't, that's pretty more. Also, I do a podcast called Rose Pricks. It's about the bachelor. Tonight we're doing Nick season, Nickas season or a while depending on he's got like a two dice last name Where is Nick Vile, but then people try and say Nick Vial? Because his name is file, you know man one letter away from being of the doll like the doll so soon

You didn't so soon give association One one letter away and billions of dollars away One one letter away and billions of dollars away Yes, so everybody go check that out As usual hope you're taking care of each other over there outside in this crazy crazy damn world Where your masks if you need one could have caught in some much calm. Okay, we've got tons of masks and I think that's it today. Today is below Dick Mediterranean. Die. So we're here to talk about below Dick Mediterranean. Hooray!

That's right. And the episode opens up with one of our favorites walking right up to the boat and saying I love this big I love Converses all of being at side High cap Dead It's so good to see you Oh and big and Alex is like oh What is that kind of noise in it? I like, you talk like a bullhorn, sir.

Okay. Don't judge my Asia. And Captain Sandy is just doing this like, really in motion. Like she's pulling an invisible rope. Like get in here. Big hugs. Get on the SS hug, okay? Because you're about to get five of them in the next three hours.

This is your captain. I'm standing here swaying back and forth like him in the course of Oklahoma is a way to approach all right now Get up here I'm just a girl who can't say no Being with Sandi again is so noise I hope we have a good interior crew because I want to get praise from captain singing this season And then we see clips of Esha on the boat from season's past. Wow, you're doing a great job folded those napkins, Esha.

Thank you. Whoa, love the way you got that door to open with your movement, Esha. Oh, Esha, look, you really got your finger right up your bumhole, didn't you? Oh, yes, thank you. All right, Asia, let's meet everybody. This is our Michelin starship, Tom. This is the dim-witted laundry loser, Jessica. And that girl with crazy words in her hair is bugs, alright? And she goes, hello! And she has like, Tom goes in for like a proper handshake and she goes in for a hug. Okay, okay, I guess we're doing this. I don't know what's happening here. I mean it's not like I'm busy trying to peel a potato.

Um, let me guess, you don't understand post lobster hugger Wild guess you want me to post something and then fry it right after with don't you don't you trash So see meets bugsie and then captain goes she's your chief stew. She's oh Like what is she have to meet her two different ways? Hello again. So Hannah has already texted Asha to say that she's not working on the boat anymore, but she hasn't really told Asha what's going on.

So Asha's like very excited to find out what the hell is going on on this boat. So detective Asha at your service. Hey, you're on the this boat. So, detective Aisha at your service. You're on the top bunk. And the captain's like, oh, I can't see anything. Well done, Nalia. All right, you know what? We're gonna go to Abiza and the crossing looks great. Yeah, what a 730 in the morning. Smooth sailing couldn't ask for a better time to go. Alright, hey, so Asia, look, look this is Bugsie again, I'm gonna come and keep showing you around. Uh, alright, I guess actually it was Bugsie was showing Asia around. I wrote on Sandy was showing Asia around.

So Bugsie is showing Asia around and Bugsie is like, Oh, I love Asia's energy. I'm like, between these two voices is like, I bring the thunder EEEEEEEE Thunder EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I was just in the beef the last month with my brother and sister in law our three of us got high on shrooms and stuck our fingers up each other's bombs And Asha's like who don't worry I've worked with the demons before. They're not snotty rich people at all. And, Jess is like, wow, can't believe you've had them before.

That's crazy. Jess hates her guts. Yeah, she's so mad. Oh, I love the demons. They're super down to earth. And Michelle, the wife, Michelle is so fun. And then we see a flashback of Michelle Danubey slap it slap it yeah I'm the one who's in charge I'm the one who's in charge. Waa Waa Waa Waa. And then she puts her hand in that guy's face and then he pushes it away

so like oh my god don't fucking touch me, I fucking rule this bow! As they like pull the jowl pulls the guy off, like, yeah, you go! I rule this bow. Oh. So, Malia's like, hey Rob, are you okay? You seem a little out of it. You know, I just want to remind you that when we wake up,

the first priority are our fenders. That's the first thing we do. He's like, like yes I could all be happy not going to a beef saw it feels like a trigger in a way when I was younger in my days I was just fucking being crazy I knew that if I were to go to a beef I would never come back I was in my head about it I was over thinking it's like yeah just do the fenders just do the fenders So get your two defenders, just two defenders. I've got to go to a corner and hug yourself for a while. I mean, come on now. Gee, so Asha is eating with bugs.

And she's like, say what's been going on this season? She's like, what hasn't the second stew lift in our place, there, then the chief, then the shift lift. And it was just a coincidence. It's almost ready with the shift notice on the way to visit his sick uncle and then Hannah lift, I was saying periodist Thomas like Bugsy could you get to the fucking gossip okay? Who taught you how to talk shit? This is not how to do it Bugsy and this is why you cannot come back next season as chiefs do. You need to learn. Yeah and it was like

oh Hannah left it interesting yes she laughed and then we ran the last chart I was just a tool was just me and just and it's just like oh so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so So she tells us, I'm very close with Hannah and I know that she books, they have a pause, but I want to meet her on my own. So force is treated me with nothing but absolute kindness and berets, a spell of and mailed, which means stupid, but it might be dream turned upside down. How could you be a bitch to someone that helpless? Oh! And then we see quick shots of things happening. Uh, Thomas in the kitchen and the Lea walks by and waves at him

through the kitchen window. And just gonna imagine being like, all right, she thinks she's cute, right? She thinks she's cute, waving, okay? You know, if she wants to be a support of girlfriend, she wants bathed me when I'm trying to poach some fucking potatoes for later tonight. Johnny being a baseball player makes me very, very nervous.

I know absolutely nothing about baseball. It's fast-paced, quick and I reckon. These people even know what poaching is. Suvi for our baseball player. I'm going down baseball player, mother. Because Bugsie has, for her table scapes, she got a bunch of referee whistles and He's like do they use whistles in baseball?

I'm just asking because if you don't make the table scape perfect and my food won't look good and mother We just applauded me backside So then down in the mess Alex is talking to Aisha and he's like so would you come from the day? It's like Bali like uh, hi. We were all just in that scene Bolly think uh hi we were all just in that scene Like though don't say Bolly. What kind of question is that where'd you come from? Yeah, and she says oh so you guys are romantically intertwined to rob and Jess oh

Thank you And then she gave us an update on Jack. She and Jack are not still together, shocker, because Jack went back to his ex-girlfriend when Aisha and Jack were still together. And Aisha found out by watching the ex-girlfriend's IG stories. And I was just like, get fucked! And she says, are you guys sharing a campaign? Oh, nice! Coddles! Have a cheeky pound. I got you back! Is it, is it Jack married to his ex girlfriend now? I think that they got married. No, I think so.

I was like, wait, I don't know. Yeah, no idea. So I feel like I can only watch you clean once, it's like I'm not gonna follow the cleaning guy off of the Send me a card at Christmas with your family and your terrible sweaters, okay? Yeah, too many people to keep track of on this damn show Yeah, so then Tom is cooking and Malia comes in and feeds him something while he's cooking He's like doing something with lobsters whatever and she feeds him something I think like compliments something or another or I think she compliments him about like peanuts or something I don't know what it was

but she's like oh you make a really good peanut and he's like I'm not just chopping carrots in here I'm actually a world world-renowned chef I mean I do good work I mean my mother cooked for the Queen mother and you know I do good work and you don't you don't even have an oyster shakao here. You don't even have an oyster shakao in this kitchen. How could you not have an oyster shaka? And one potato, we all have one potato left. One potato left in the demo.

Do you want to be mochi and then fry? Do you want to want to be eaten? Do you want to get some feed on my mouth? I'll try to put some lopsus. Do you think it can be a sport of gof? And you're not, you're not, you're not. It's a mistake. It's a home strike.

So then, bugs and Jess and Aisha have a meeting in the dining room and bugs like so excited to have you tons of experience it's very helpful Now Jess is gone through, come this is your third stew is Nick Jeff and me well I'll just bring lots and lots of sand AHHHHH And Jess is like um I think Aisha fits in great but at the time, why the fuck was an I moved up to second still? Oh! Sorry, a light fell on me.

Well, Justice Charter, you're predominantly in the laundry. Now, nobody's job is more less important than the next job. Everyone is a star, except for the people in the chorus. Congratulations Jess, you are a very important chorus lady today. Now clear the stage! Clear the stage! Jess, even though you'll be only seen for three minutes per day by the guests, I want the best compliment to come from them to say just made a one of a breakfast to escape. It was like thunder That's what I want for you just now get in that laundry room and be motivated There are no small parts only small loads of laundry So then they have a team hand pile and captains like our crew and deck our crewru and deck, Malia, Malia, Port Wing, Malia.

Jesus, that's tight! It's like the first time I learned where poo came from. Ooooooo! So they have to, they basically have to, they have to dock the boat in a very narrow slip, which is funny because that's what also happened with the demons last time, I believe. Um, so, oh my god, I gotta get in this tight slip and people are watching. People are watching and saying, he's like, this fucking thing.

Oh god. Star board, star board, straight, stern, bunk to port, bump to port, bump to port, bump to port, bump to port, bump to port, bump to port. 50 feet of stern, 50 feet of stern, straight, stern, straight to stern, come to port, come to port, come to port. Taking the line, taking the line, keeping the feet from the port, bump to port, oh my god.

Nice work everyone. Always makes work. Alright, we did it. Oh my god! Nice work everyone. Always, Macework. Alright, we did it. We did it. We got it. We got it. Sandy is such a boss bitch. Macework.

So then they're getting dressed and Malia and Tom are in their room getting dressed and he's like nice work on those maneuvers. She's like, killed it. Is that the hardest spot you've got in? She's like, probably. Well, I'm not just dropping carrots down there either. You might have noticed.

Did you get my new window, Malia? Did you get it? Because I was thinking about it for the past five minutes. You like it, no? Could you say something? I mean, I'm not, I don't have all time. Just come up with a new window So if I do come with any when do I do expect a little bit of some feedback from you in Malia come on

What's next you're gonna show me I should go fry the lobster that I just post. I mean Malia This is one humorless couple I'm gonna But as there's been one second of humor with this couple yet So then the captain of course is like Asia Give me another head come on get over here And then we have and then we have Robin Jess and Rob Rob like enters their bunk and he goes I missed you

Mike dude You guys were just outside together. Yeah, you're in the same boat. You're in the same space You guys were just outside together. Yeah, you're in the same boat. You're in the same space So then Thomas deboning a chicken. He's like, I'm taking the caucus out of this and then I will reforming it as a bird I've got to do a baseball god damn it something to do what I'm already reforming a bird. Can I get some respect? This is tribute to my mother because that's what she did She put out all the things that make me special and reform me into a chef And that's what I'm doing to this bird right now. Now what is a baseball? So they line up and Johnny get some weird drums as he walks up to everybody and he's got new crazy hair and

A terrible Florida shirt A very expensive shirt from Florida. Yeah, and I was like, oh God, Alex is gonna have an erection because he's like so Boston and sure off he's like, oh yeah, he was Boston's hero for a bit. Okay, I mean, we fucking hated him can't wait to make it up to you for last time, especially in the food department. All right, especially in the food department. So Bugs take some monitor and Johnny's like, hey, is that what we're going to be wrestling? Yeah.

And then we see clips of ladies wrestling on the ground. I'm like, oh my god, are you going to do callbacks to your season like it's the best episode of below deck average? Shut up, Johnny. Yeah. Please. So yeah, and then yeah, so they're just going all around and everything. to your season like it's the best episode of Blow Deck Ever. Shut up Johnny! Yeah, please. So yeah, and then yeah, so they're just going all around and everything. And Malia's telling the crew, okay, just as a reminder,

Fender's our our priority. Fender, Rob, what are you doing? I'm writing a miss you note to Jessica. I haven't seen her in about five minutes and I feel that our hearts are growing asunder. So now, now I'm docking. Oh my God, it's so tight. So tight, Santa Maria Rob Madison, Santa Maria Starman, Starman, Starman, starman,

crossness, crossness, crossness! Good job. Great job, everyone. Great job. We also have Jess, who's in her, she's in her room and then Rob opens the door and just slams the door and door hatch. Oh! She gets her every single episode.

So Adina is on the boat. We've seen Adina before and she's like, yeah, I hate her. She's doing an Instagram live or something say hey we're on the biggest y'all on the beach the right yeah and then we just see like we're seeing bugs do something around the table and then we just hear like like the most error typical like that's her sort of the sort of scream you don't think people actually scream, but she did it. She's like, Waaaaaa!

And with the camera just turns over, Edina's like, falling like on her face and on top of her shopping glass. Yeah, yeah. Um, and, uh, Malia's like, Oh my god, there's a lot of blood. There is so much blood. There's a bit of a, yeah, in the breeze. Uh, talk to your doctor. Oh gosh, how'd they get cut?

Huh. Is this, is this Hannah's fault? God, is someone on drugs? See, this is why we can't have Hannah on board. Adina would be dead by now. Okay, look at Millia fast with a bear day like that. So, Millia comes over with bandanes. And unfortunately, Adina, we can't give you any Tylenol because we just consulted with our lawyer Mary time a law and she says all drugs

Including Tylenol and chicken soup are Ili go So everybody's kind of laughing at Adina because she's already fallen and then Aisha comes up to Bugs and she's like Some bucks like over there And then Aisha's like she's I talk with Jess and it's like like so do you want to be a chiefs do someday and just like, no, chief is too much pressure. Oh, my finger. My finger. I just got my finger caught in my hair. Oh, he, I'm happy being second.

No, and then we just cut to rob and bed. Texting away. Texting. And then Tom's like, Aisha, what does a baseball pitch look like? Is it called a picture or a field? Or maybe it's called a mullberry bush. Is that what's called mullberry?

Is it the mullberry? What is actually baseball? Is it about a base drum that you roll down a pitch? Is that what it is? What is it? And then we see Michelle outside with Aisha, he's just serving them drinks. And Michelle's like, is that plastic?

Because maybe a D90's plastic now. Like our wedding, Shea Brock took glasses that are wedding. And I was like, wah, wah, batch, I roll this fucking whaling, alright! Ha ha ha ha! She probably did. I feel like that's actually an exact quote from that ceremony.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, so then we see Aisha in the kitchen for Tom and she's like, Oh, lobster tea is fancy, fancy! So you're usually a chef on yacht! She's like, here yes, drawn to concentrate. God damn mother fucking American sports right now, please Would you mind if I threw right this tiny little potato? Would you mind if I put it in the bin? Don't put out you just put it in the bin You put the potato in the bin. Now what am I supposed to do?

It's not to cook a whole other potato now. I've got only 30 minutes left to make a potato. How am I supposed to do that? I'm gonna have to go call on the potato now. I've got 30 minutes left to make a potato. How am I supposed to do that? Hmm, so Tom's like, well, if guests have a shit-previous experience, I can't provide errors. Everything has to be perfect. Yeah, so the guests also down at the table and they're ready for lunch.

And Asha, I mean, while I was in the kitchen, asking about if they recycle glass and everything. And they're like, yeah, she goes, I love what people recycle. It's so good. She's like, I'm excited about everything. Everything. That is so easy. Yeah. So they start delivering lunch. Burrata is first and then the roast baby reforms chicken And everybody loves it and it's just like is that a whole baby chicken? Because the younger they are the more tender Ryan and bugs goes that's what she said

Sometimes they call me Roxy So yeah, so they all are loving the food, which does look pretty amazing. And then Asha is like, she's like, Tom, you might have I grabbed a part of that for God's sake, I just love your sacred for God's sake in my belly. Oh! And Just is like, oh my God, I love people who we thank all. Oh, she's so great. Boom. Oh.

She bangs her head on the dryers. Dryer to work. It's like we're making it up, but we're not. We're not. So funny. We've heard of something times this episode. So Alex is talking to bugs and he's like, what am I in baseball? And she's like, um, Paya? you do say that because I always strike out?

Yeah. I wrote down bugs and Alex flirting. I can't. I know. We just completely ignored the other two times. Like this is the most awkward flirting. Yeah. You both seem like lovely people. Please stop, please stop trying to make this happen. Okay, I don't need to see seriously So then Tom is plating up his dessert, which is it's a bit of a play on the baseball theme I've learned that that it's a it's a white ball and so I'm gonna do a bit jelly and a little crumbling and what I don't I'll try to put a fair and then you know the customary Loop of fire that we all know as a central to our baseball game, so I'm gonna prove that a little bit. That's so cute! So they have to deliver and everybody's like,

wow, they're baseballs! Yeah, it does look pretty cool, although it looked a little bit less like a baseball diamond and more like a cone, like an ice cream cone of crumble, but still it looked very cool. Oh, jelly on jelly or something? That's so British.

It's green, like a mint jelly. We'll put it on a mint jelly. Yeah. So then Rob is in the laundry and he walks away and just just watches him slowly. What are they building up to in this? It's like the weirdest buildup ever. Maybe there'll be a different printout from Orbits tonight.

So then the guests want to slide down the slide. But there's jellyfish. Emily is like, oh, don't worry. I'll put someone down there to protect you. I'm sure it's like, that's terrible. Just gonna throw a poor person there to guard us from the jellyfish. Like, yeah. Now, this is how you do it. You don't have gonna throw a poor person there to guard us from the jellyfish like yeah. Now this is how you do it.

You don't have to throw a poor person. You just swim up to the jellyfish and say, I own this ocean jellyfish. I own it. I own it. I get out of here. You need someone to get stung and not know. Just put fucking Michelle or put me to put a Dina in.

She won't fucking know the difference. Throw her in. So, uh, so yeah, it's like water sports and then Rob and Jess are in bed and Jess is like, you're cute. It's something like that. Oh my gosh. Rob, such a downer.

And he's just lying there on his phone and she's supposed to be like, what's wrong? Oh my God, let's talk about this. You have feelings, but she doesn't. She just goes, good talk. I gotta go back to work. Yeah. It's like, my ex reached out. She's going through a lot. Don't know how to explain it. My dude sort of did. She reached out to you. She's going through something. And you chose to write back and get involved in it. Yeah, quick, quick, quick, quick. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap-ins-c...

Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there.

We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. Oh my God, there's a jellyfish. It's right there.

You're aiming right towards the bed. It's gonna be a jellyfish, about a star, about a star, jellyfish, jellyfish. And then, good chat. Good chat, guys. Good chat. Seriously. Because he goes to commercials, and says, coming up, and we just because he goes to commercials and says,

coming up and we just see bugs, he's dropping a bucket. It's like, oh! I love this show, that like, that's like the, some shows, it's like coming up and there's like a big fight. This show, it's like someone dropped a bucket. Oh, so everything's fine, nobody got stung.

And bug sense is Sean a break. And she's like just just get laundry in a good place And then just tells us you know, I didn't want to admit it, but my job is easier since bugs took over like she has a clear Direction some more fluid Yeah, ow I banged my knee against the wall when I was trying to say the word fluid. Oh, so then Bugs has got a wacky idea for dinner tonight. Everybody's gonna wear a tutu. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's good.

It's gonna be a neon party, which is great. So, so Jess has, they're all putting on tutus and Jess has, hers is great. So, um, so Jess has, they're all putting on two twos and Jess has, hers is orange. She's like, I look like Halloween. Is there another one? I don't want to be Halloween again. You don't, you look like a pumpkin. That's much better. Thanks, bugs. Like do you want to change? No, I don't want to change. A bug says like, That's not the theme is funky in the unparty. And what better way to have the theme than to have the people or a server

you'll be funky in the undo. Ah, the theme is the dream. Like, what could be better? In terms of like, I could think of 50 things. For example, a less stupid American sport for one. Ha ha ha ha. How about cricket? Okay, cricket would be better. Less stupid American sport for one How about cricket okay cricket would be bad So so now Rob is now down the crew mess captain's Andy's just sitting there eating and Rob is being all emo and he is like

I'm just checked out right now and she's like oh you need some sleep you need sleep or hug hug or sleep or an app something like that He. No. I'm rested. I'm just in my head right now. She's like, oh, I've never seen someone not even try to fake it in front of the Captain. Like, who does that? Fucking Rob wants everybody to ask him about his feelings all the fucking time. It's not about your feelings. Nobody cares. Welcome to the real world. Okay. Yeah, don't say that shit from your bosses. God So Malia is talking Malia goes to bitch to Tom about it It's like um, he just told me in captain sanny that he's checked out and I'm like you just told your boss air to captain You're checked out like I'm honestly worried for him to be on tonight Exactly which part of this says I'm helping Tom play the pouch fish because I don't hear anything about

Pouch fish okay I'm fuming I'm fuming right now So the guests get dressed for dinner and bugsy put some green makeup on Johnny and It's wacky and it's just like oh my god. That's taboo. That's awesome And then I noticed that Pandora Vanderpump is on this boat. And it's made her fun. What happened? How did Pandora Vanderpump become so much fun? She took off her shawl.

I've finally been lit out of the house without a patchmine on. Oh. I've told my mother I'm showing the world my show just for once. So Malia is now helping Tom play and everything and then upstairs Michelle is talking to She's like he's getting pregnant tonight and another girl's like So as we said before Tonight's theme is funky neon a beef up party and nothing says funky neon like some scallops and poke belly

don't worry there's also a potato puree funky neon you say and the captain of chorus is stalking the chef you know she's like got her head poking out over the place and she's like you know what I want to know? All I want to know is what Johnny thinks. And he's like, well, it's not super hot. It's more warm. God, sky. Can't with the skull. I mean, ridiculous.

Like that's your big, he doesn't even care. He's just pulling that from the last time he was on, you know? It's also like, how many restaurants have you ever been in where the food comes out, scaldingly hot, scaldingly hot that you have to wait? I think the only examples I can think of are like, what if I've gone to like, if I've gotten like,

tofu at like, like, Korean tofu where it comes into bowl and it's like in a clay pot and it's actively bubbling. Okay, so hot pots, like something like that, maybe a skillet thing, I don't know. I don't know if even a fajita would even be as hot, even though it says like, so him saying this thing is like, oh, it's not even hot.

Like what does he want? You're in like a formal dining. Yeah, go eat the kitchen then you loser. And the captain's like, well, it's going to be hot on the inside But you know what you know what it's okay. I want this to be hot So she takes the plate and runs down to the kitchen and she like it wasn't hot. It was warm We need to figure out how to make it So they they decide they're gonna put a bowl over over Johnny's plate like this

So it's you just close, which is weird. Yeah, they don't have a close. It is weird. But they take this big metal bowl, well maybe it was a close. I don't know, it looked like just a bowl. So they're gonna put it under that, but it doesn't really fit the plate, right?

And then upstairs, Johnny doesn't even care as he bites into it. He's like, oh, it is hot. Like, it's great. Yeah. He is. And then Tom down, so they're bringing up the next course. And Tom's like, if this does, if this comes back warm,

but not hot, I'm going to lose my shit. We're gonna lose my shit. We're gonna lose my shit. Oh god, I'm losing it already, mother. I'm losing my shit, mother. And then crash. Malia drops the closed plate. Oh, it's bugsy.

Oh, it's bugsy. Yeah, bugsy drops it. It's like, bum, bum, bum, bum, because it's like a big tin bowl. It's like, bum, bum, bum, Bugsie. Oh, it's Bugsie. Yeah, Bugsie drops it, like it's like, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, because it's like a big tin bowl. It's like, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, and everyone hears it upstairs. And Jess is like, oh, ba, oh, ba, 11. Oh, ba, 11. Oh, ba, 11.

Sorry, I tried to make her Greek wake, or as thing with bingo, but it didn't work. So, Malia's like, oh my god, Tom's gonna freak out! So she takes it and runs down. And she's like, Tom, I just dropped a plate, which is interesting, because she's like falling in front of the oncoming train to save Bugsie. Yeah, and Tom's like, I'm not gonna stress out. The whole thing's crazy, it looks like I have other ones ready to go, I mean you have to pep pep pep everything, okay, you have

to pep pep pep everything. I'm like Tom, don't act like you are like Mr. Chill here, okay, we all saw you freak out about the potato, now he's acting like he's always been prepared. So the guys, Rob's like, you just made a fresh one in five seconds, but weren't you in your head about it? Not at all. How did that make you feel? And they love it and bugs. It's like, is it hot? It's like, it's hot. And the captain's like, wow, good recovery, Tom. And he said it was hot.

Yeah. So, uh, and then and then Mollia's with Rob. And Rob's like, sorry to stress you out here. I just got sensitive to no reason to only go about something, but it's done. Well, don't say you got sensitive for no reason about something because if it's about something,

it's the fun app for no reason. He just wants her to ask, you know, he wants to be able to open up. So he's like, oh, I was stressed, but now it's done. She's supposed to say, what was stressing you out? But she's like, I'm not. stressed, but now it's done. She's supposed to say what was stressing you out? But she's like, I'm not I'm not gonna do that. So have fun have fun crying cry person So then the guests go to the cigar room and one of the guests says her name is Shauna

Shana and she's like, oh my god Michelle has spanks on and then so Michelle pulls up her dress and starts wagging her butt at them and she's like it's not spanks but it's called a fucking song I don't need spanks but yeah it's annoying bitch. Wow. Oh yeah. I got I love when the guest fight remember there was that girl I think was last season on blowdike med. She was like the one girl I didn't fit in And she's like well she wanted to go sleep early or something like that She wanted to insist that I'm getting her own room and then so the other girl had to sleep like on the couch or something It was on reggaorda deck that was on regular blow deck So that was her too, and then there was the one I think was blow deck med when there was someone

I think we called it like Jess or Suze or something. It was awesome, a disaster. And then there was also the regular Blow Deck before that where there was that girl who had like a bridal party or something. It was like bossing all her friends around. Yeah, oh, I love it.

I love it. I need more guests like that. So Michelle is trying to have this big fight with Shana. And she's like, what hour? And Michelle's shaking her ass everywhere. And she's like, what? A-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa- when you ask someone if they're wearing spanks, it means they're fat and they're coming up to fat. I'm just saying, I'm just saying, they're using the shit comment you said there. So she's staring like, comes back in her PJs

and she's like, what, Michelle, I'm sorry, about what I'm wearing in assholes comment. And I love you. Michelle's like, oh, I love you. So. So then everyone gets into bed and It's the more announced the morning and Tom's making bacon and rob is texting and Jess is like who's that? Oh Sorry, I just banged my head on the ceiling back sitting

Tom's putting bacon in the oven core dumb, dumbass, he's in great, and then Bloop, just in robberin' bed, and she hears the blooper of his phone, and she's like, who is that? And he's like, this might sound strange, but my ex reached out, and I've been communicating with her. Are you mad? I'm like, I'm not okay with that, okay? Like, I don't give a shi- Yeah, but I just wanted to, I don't give a shit, but it's not a personal thing.

Don't disappear on me. Don't disappear on me while I'm commuting with my ex. I'm trusting him, but there's like starting to be red flags, so I shouldn't really, because you started dating him when he had another girlfriend. Yeah. because you started dating him when he had another girlfriend. Yeah, I'm sorry to remind you of that little plot point, but he did have a girlfriend when you started dating. Yeah, you know it's a red flag, oppressive neediness. That's a red flag, so be careful.

So Bugs goes up to check out the table setting, because this is Jess's moment of shines. Impress everyone with the breakfast table settings, and she's like, wow, cool. You see, Jess, you have it in you. It's really pretty. You have it in you. Yeah, you're a real Sandra Bullock.

The table side. So, um, Bugsie, she's like, Norma, it's me, Bugsy calling. I'm just confirming off the IP table for today at 3PM for our guests. Yeah. Um, yeah, so they're gonna be going to the end of season party in Amitah. Who told you about Amitah? Bitch! So, um, uh, the tendress be ready at 2 o'clock,

and, um, Jess is texting Rob from the laundry room because she's pissed and Rob basically is texted Jess back to be like don't make this about yourself You're always making about yourself Rob You make literally everything about yourself. Everything is about how you're feeling and how you're in your own head And how you're just like checked out because there's something happening right now So don't get mad at her because she's pissed that you're texting with your ex. Yeah and Alex is talking to him and Rob is like, bro, this is being blown out of proportion. And he's like, dude, tell her what, you know what, say, what if I never told you, you know, I'd be pissed. Be a born-ass woman about it. He's like, well, I have no choice who texts me.

It is my choice whether I reply or not. She's making me feel like I'm doing something wrong. You are. You are. You don't get bonus points because you were honest about it. You don't. She's like, I just changed my flight from West Palm Beach. Well, I'm like, that's on you.

You guys have known each other for like four weeks. OK, that's on you. And I think that he wants her to find out because you wouldn't keep your texts on. You know, I'm like, that's on you. You guys have known each other for like four weeks, okay, that's on you. And I think that he wants her to find out because you wouldn't keep your texts on. You know what I mean? You would just turn them off or press a do not disturb on her name or something. Like, is this the first time you've cheated, sir?

Do you need some help? Yeah, I almost feel like, if he, like, he should, this is the first time you cheated. He should have said something like, like, oh God, it's my ex, well, she's been hitting me up. She's going through something like, like, oh God, it's my ex. Well, she's been hitting me up, she's going through a thing. Like just be like really upfront about what it is.

Don't be like, it's my ex, she's communicating with me. Just be like upfront. And if Jess is not down with it, then you say to your ex, listen, I'm sorry, I wish I could be there for you, but I'm with someone else now. And this is not an appropriate situation for me to be texting with you about. Well, it's God of making me take a step back and make me think, am I really ready to spend this time in Bali with her?

God. Stop acting everyone like you're doing them a favor by going to Bali for Christ's sake. I know. Like are you really ready to go to a tropical paradise with a woman with like a hot woman? You can have sex with every single day. Yeah, you're a regular fucking saint So just passes the guests and they're like oh, huh? She goes yeah, I don't even get to see that off down Ha and she goes and throws a towel down the Alex and he's like hey, you know what? Seriously don't let things bother you all right like you know what?

I'm seeing like both sides of it, and like, it's his situation, alright? Yeah, and she's like, but it's invading both of our spaces. You have to be more understanding, you have to be more understanding, and she's like, um, no, and she does not have to be more understanding, and she's like, this is your negative shit that I have to deal with. Block the bitch and get rid of her, which is right. Yeah, and then she just curses to the hallway. She's like, God damn it, fuck. Yeah. Yeah.

So then they put some makeup on Johnny, sorry, I had that earlier. And Bugs, he's like, oh, I've got good news for ya, Aisha. Woo. I'm sending you to the, I'm sending you a shore for the close in Tari. Yeah.aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa into another and Jess be here, your helpful captain, James varying bottles. I think you never know when that Jeff's gonna transcend something that hot out.

You gotta stand here at all times, all right? And he's just like, I got shots at my books already. Ooh. So, uh, bugs is now making like a crafting makeup station where the guests can now put on crazy a beefy makeup. And then Robin Dresser now having a strange conversation. How do you feel? She's like, well, I feel like you got all defensive and all of you were asking a few questions.

I can't control people reaching out and I'm not entertaining it's like that. It's almost like, if someone says knock knock and you say who's there. Is that really your fault for asking who's on the other side of the door? I don't think so. What did the chicken cross the road? If I'd never texted her back, I'd never have found out that chicken was in its own head. And he tells her, I told you I caught feelings and I think she's just trying to push and create some drama Well, then if you know that then stop engaging you know, and she's like well, that's not normal and he's like I feel attacked

Yeah, of course She's like well, you know the old me would beat the shit out of her. I mean you know She's like, well, you know, the old me would beat the shit out of her. I mean, you know, every now and then, demon Jess can sub-erge if she's pushed. I'm like, I don't think that's the right use of sub-erge, but I like the idea of demon Jess. Every now and then, demon Jess will just actually dive deeper away from us. So, like, why is that ghost going into the water? Did you guys know that that ghost is also a free diver?

That's amazing. Yeah. Oh, that ghost is a great synchronized swimmer and when she's not murdering people, demon Jess just sometimes has to submerge herself. Yeah. And then she's like, oh yeah, I destroyed one of my ex, I destroyed my ex-boyfriend's old house.

Yeah. So then Tom and Malia, Malia's like, Sheffi, we're gonna leave the water to waste out so we can play. Play? Hmm. I shall be in here concentrating on the vertebrae of this chicken.

Do what you will. Ha, ha, ha, ha. So, uh, so they're all playing, yeah, so that now, like the, uh, I'm sorry, so Justice stomach hurts right now and the guest will be on their makeup. Michelle puts a crazy marijuana plant on a guy's forehead. Wow, marijuana. And then they head over to Abiza and they're at like the beach club and there's like

partying and like crazy floats and all that madness. It's fun. Yeah, and some ladies sits on A-shin, like puts a shot down her throat, so, go, go, go, go, go, go. And then all the crew gets to play on all the water toys and stuff.

Yeah, yeah, it's like go have some fun, huh? And then, so yeah, they put out all the crew's playing and Sandy just standing by the slide, like, you're gonna go down the slide? Come on, mom said it's okay. Go ahead, go ahead. Hugs afterwards. Hey guys, I got some Dixie cups and hugs afterwards

when you don't want the water. And then they just keep cutting from all the fun back to Robin bed. Quickly, quickly. Yeah, of course not. Quickly, quickly. In his head. And then Alex is jet skiing with Bugsy and he's like confessing his heart.

He's like, I'll be honest with you honestly. The last two nights I can't get you out of my fucking mind. I mean like it's like crazy. I wicked hot you are. I mean honestly I'm just so happy that you're on board and I just like your presence and like it's like you and like drawing a day man and like what's next. And then no more gossip. No more's gonna come on board. I mean like what's that?

What's ha- this is crazy. I mean you're the ship bug. You're the ship. That's what I'm trying to say bugs Here you are on a jet ski I'm damn So then Jess is on the swim deck and she's like or the swim platform or whatever and she's like oh my god my heart Oh like out it's Popitating stop and they're like do you need water? You okay? Are you okay? So I can know Emily is like seeing Jess grab for her heart is

terrifying Mary Mary time law Jess is pulling what I like to call the Ben Mandelker. I have every illness all at once So that's what we're gonna find out. Well, hopefully she's okay This is pulling what I like to call the Ben Mandelker. I have every illness all at once. So that's what we're gonna find out. Well, hopefully she's okay, but we'll have to wait a week to find out. I know we're on my way. We're on my way.

Jessica's dead this whole time. I know, it's too much. It's too much truth. Anyway, thank you guys all for listening. Go check us out on Patreon, join our Discord conversation, and check out Crepens on demand in our bonus episode, and we'll be back tomorrow with Selling Sunset!

Bye! Bye! Watch what Crappens would like to think it's premium sponsors! Ain't no thing like Allison King! Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney! She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela! Itchels! Let's rent some errands with Emily Eryans.

Aaron McNickolas, she don't miss no trickle-ess. All the Nagila Weber. Jamie, she has no less Mamie. Zip some scotch with Jessica Trotch. Jess saying, okay, higher than Hyrez, she's Lauren Perez. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the bug. You don't touch the Nicki Morgan lettuce. When day your Rachel's in, the next day you're out.

He makes a squee, Richie Dee. There ain't no problem that Sarah Salvia can't solve ya. Shannon Better Than Kyle Richards. The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium sponsors. Nancy's season to Cisco. Let's rev our pistons for Amanda and Kristen. Better than

tabooly. It's Annie and Julie. Let's give them a kiss. It's Austin and Marissa. Somebody get us 10 C's of Betsy and D. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Erica 500 days of summers. We will. We will. Joanna Rockland. You the incredible edible Matthewsisters.

The Windom beneath our wings, it's Joe Windom. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. Lord is the Lordus of the Rings. No one makes us feel well like Megan Capsiwell. Mina Kuchikuchi! Give him hell, Miss Noel. Shannon out of a cannon Anthony. Let's get Racy with Miss Daisy!

Let's take off with Tamela Plane. She ain't no shrinking Violet Coochar! We love you guys! Hey Prime members, you can listen to WatcherCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts, before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. You can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.